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this-is-a-podcast-fanblog · 4 years

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Happy Birthday @rudzik-art!

As many of you know, Robin (@rudzik-art) is turning 20 today. As a surprise gift for them, I took an AU we talked about and turned it into a fic! (So, today is not only a celebration of Robin’s birthday, it’s officially my return from fic hiatus.)

But that’s not enough to mark an occasion as important as a 20th birthday, so I got some of our favorite artists involved as well! Read it on AO3 to see it with the art.

Fic Summary: Juno Steel, pirate of the ship Carte Blanche, did not expect to net a mermaid today.

I give you: Juno Steel and the Brine of Deception

The day seemed ordinary when Juno woke up. He lay in his hammock, watching the square of light on the floor waver as the Carte Blanche rocked in the waves. Or maybe just because he was still really hungover. The crew had stayed up late making toasts and singing shanties last night, and that had involved quite a lot of rum.

“Ughh.” Juno sat up and began to unwrap his hair.

"Mornin', Mate Steel!" His roommatey, the exceptionally clever Rita, beamed at him from her hammock. "How are ya feeling?"

"Sick," Juno grumbled. He climbed out of his hammock and padded over to the washstand. "I've got to get off this rum."

"Yeah, Mate Steel, I told ya that swill Ms. Vespa brewed ain't good for ya."

"I know." He glanced at her in their broken mirror as he lit a candle, which hung from the ceiling in a glass bottle. "Did Buddy say if we're docking today?"

"Nah, she said last night that we’re just doin’ chores again." Rita watched Juno adjust his eyepatch in the mirror and rocked forward in her hammock. "Why? Did you wanna go ashore?"

"Eh, not especially." Juno tied his eyepatch on and started towards the door. "It's not like I mind being on this stinking ship where my legs feel like jelly and…." He sighed. "You know what, Rita, let's talk about this later. I've got a busy day to start on."

“See ya, Mate Steel.”

Juno stepped out into the hallway of the ship. He stuck his head into the galley to grab an orange from a bowl on the counter and plucked away the curling peel with his rough, uneven nails as he creaked into the hall. Down the hardwood floors and the few puddles from leaks, he bounded towards the staircase that led from the ship's quarters to the main dock.

“Captain’s waiting for you,” snarled Vespa as soon as Juno’s head appeared above decks.

“Morning to you too, Vespa.”

Vespa frowned and went back to twisting a knife around in her teeth. A briny sea breeze rustled the bandana tied around her forehead. “Good morning,” she muttered, like it was a concession. Then abruptly she crossed her tattooed arms and cleared her throat. “Now get a move on. The captain doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“Duly noted.” Juno ducked past the first mate’s glare and strode down the deck. He tossed his orange peel overboard, but a breeze caught it, and spun it back onto the deck, where it was pinned abruptly under a heeled leather boot.

Captain Aurinko’s dark eye studied Juno from under her hat. In her broad-shouldered coat, criss-crossed with belts that dangled swords and pistols, she was intimidating with a streak of devilish intrigue, and she smirked as she lifted the orange peel from the deck. “You ought to clean up your trash, Juno.”

“Captain A.” Juno rubbed the back of his neck and sheepishly plucked the peel back from the captain. “Sorry about that.”

“Not to worry, darling. Shall we sit down?” Captain Aurinko neatly unfolded a scroll from her belt and spread it over one of the barrels nearby. She and Juno perched on surrounding barrels. “Our schedule is fairly lowkey today.” Her leather-gloved fingers traced Juno’s name, written in ink on a list. “I want you to check the nets and get some fishing done. Don’t complain,” she added, as Juno rolled his eye. “You’re the best at it, darling. After that, go over the stores with Jet, and then I’m sure Rita would appreciate it if you tied up your shared room a bit.”

“Seems like a slow day,” Juno observed. “What happened to ‘high adventure’ and all that?”

“That’s taking a back seat at the moment.” Captain Aurinko pursed her lips. “To be honest, darling, I worry that our current crew isn’t… properly equipped to handle missions of the capacity I have planned.” She rolled the map shut. “But that’s no concern of yours. On your way, darling. Come find me if you need anything.” The captain stood, dusted off her coat, and glided away to take her place at the ship’s wheel.

This job is somehow way more than I expected and not what I expected at all. Juno sloshed through the inch of water in the cargo hold. The nets lay all tangled together, and it took a few long minutes of blistering his fingers on their ropes to untangle them. Hell, I probably should have just stayed on the Mars continent.

And yet the Mars continent had never been home to him, not really. Not since the constables and the law had seen to condemn him over a few childhood tavern brawls and turn him into a wanted lady. As a child, Juno had always promised his brother (may his soul rest in peace) that he’d leave and be an explorer one day. That just ended up looking different than he imagined.

Still, Juno reflected as he dragged a net up the stairs. It felt like something was missing from his life. Some final adventure he needed to conquer, or maybe some event that would set a grand adventure in order. Right now he just existed, drinking rum in the mornings and evenings and sloshing about on the sea with all the rats and the treasures and people he didn’t know if he could trust. Rita aside, of course.

The net rigged into the pulleys, Juno cast it over into the ocean. Within a few seconds, it vanished beneath the rolling blue waves. Juno rested his arms on the railing and sighed. What he needed, once he finished his tasks today, was a good long nap, and maybe a cup of coffee instead of rum, assuming they still had coffee in the stores. Then he should mend the patch in his work breeches, and afterwards -

The weight in the net shifted abruptly. Juno frowned and stood up from his slouch. Sure enough, when he tested the rope, there was an uncommon weight to it that hadn’t been there a moment ago. A large school of fish? A small whale? Maybe an octopus. They’d caught an octopus last week, and Captain Aurinko still wrote with the ink they’d extracted from it. Whale oil could be useful too, plus good for trade too. Juno eagerly tightened the opening of the net and began to pull it up. It was heavy, but Juno was a strong lady. He ground his feet firmly to the deck and pulled again, harder, heave-to heave-to against the struggling of his catch. Finally, a splash confirmed that the net had risen above the surface of the water. With a few more final pulls, Juno hefted the net alongside the ship. He quickly tied the rope around a wooden post nearby, to secure it taut, and ran over to see what he’d netted; and there, lying in a tangle of rope of seaweed, was the most supremely beautiful man Juno had ever seen.

No, not a man, or at least, not a human one. Because, Juno realized upon closer inspection, humans didn’t have a silver-blue tail where legs should be, or gently pulsing slits along their throats, or webbed ears, and they certainly didn’t have nails as long and sharp as knives. The mermaid turned his head. His ink-black hair sat plastered to his face with dripping seawater, and when he opened his eyes, Juno saw that they were the same ink color all the way through. Blue scales glimmered along his cheekbones. His face and body sparkled with droplets of seawater, like small diamonds, and here and there wet strands of seaweed clung to his bare chest and arms. He was utterly terrifying, and yet, Juno had never seen anything so exquisite.

“Well?” hissed the mermaid.

Juno blinked. “Well, what?”

“Oh, honestly.” It was hard to tell with no irises, but Juno thought the mermaid might be rolling his eyes. “You pulled me out, you quite clearly wanted me for something. I suppose you’re one of those humans that eats mermaids, aren’t you?”

“Huh? What the hell, of course not.”

“Hmmm.” The mermaid plucked a lock of seaweed from his neck and flicked it back into the sea. “Now you’ll say you’ve grabbed me by accident.”

“Obviously.”

“Obviously.” He imitated Juno’s tone and smirked, slightly. His teeth were just as sharp as his nails. “You’ve never seen a mer before, have you?”

“‘Course I have,” Juno scoffed, suddenly on the defensive. “In… storybooks and stuff.” The mermaid lifted his eyebrows. “Listen, I’m new to this whole pirate thing, okay? I just wanted to grab some fish for my crew’s larder. You weren’t exactly part of the plan.”

“Ah.” The mermaid shuffled forwards and wrapped his hands around the ropes above his head. “So you’re not going to eat me.”

“I’ll chuck you back in, if you want.”

The mermaid giggled. He leaned forward and reached one of his hands through the net to grab Juno’s chin. Juno jolted and, with instinct, brought up his knife and pressed it to the mer’s sternum. “So defensive,” the mermaid purred. His thumb swiped over Juno’s jawline. “You have a shaving nick right there.” The very tip of his nail pressed into Juno’s skin for a minute, and then he retreated. “Well,” he said. “I’m afraid you can’t chuck me back in, love. You see, in your eagerness to haul me up onto this rowboat of yours, you tightened your net quite fiercely. Now my poor tail is injured. I can’t possibly swim.”

“What?”

“So you may as well cut me down. It looks like you’ll be stuck with me for a while.”

Juno narrowed his eyes. “How do I know you’re not lying?”

“Oh yes, because I would lie so I could spend several days hanging around with a crew of pirates? You’re not that cute, love.” He reached out his hand again. “But, if you’re so determined, I’ll tell you my name. You may call me Glass.”

“Glass. Hi, I’m Juno Steel.” Juno sighed heavily. The Captain’s gonna love this. He pulled the net over the railing and lowered it carefully to the deck. Glass smiled up at him as Juno freed him. Juno stepped back and rubbed his forehead. “Great,” he sighed. “What the hell am I supposed to do with you now?”

“That depends, how adventurous are you?”

“God damn it.” Juno tossed the net aside. “It’s too early in the morning for me to have a mermaid hitting on me. You just - stay there while I go get the Captain.”

“I don’t have much of a choice,” Glass called after him, but Juno pretended not to hear.

II.

“So,” said Buddy delicately. “This is quite a predicament.”

“I’ll say,” Vespa snarled, smacking her fist into her palm. “We have a crowded crew already, and then Steel goes and lands us with an injured fish to take care of.”

“Hey, don’t drag me into this.” Juno raised his hands innocently as Vespa shot a glare in his direction. “Listen, I’m not the one responsible for this. It was this guy who swam right into my net.”

“Oh sure, the fish is to blame for your stupidity.”

“The fish can hear you,” Glass trilled.

The crew stood in their spare hold, positioned awkwardly around a basin of seawater. Glass lay primping in the water, finger-curling his hair and watching the five pirates from under his long lashes. Juno couldn’t help but notice that the mermaid’s gaze seemed mostly to be fixed on him. Rita, who watched countless plays about mermaids, hung star-struck at Juno’s elbow, clutching her face in her hands.

“Ain’t he so preeeeeetty, Mate Steel?” she whispered into Juno’s ear as the captain and the first mate deliberated amongst themselves. “He’s just like one of them old paintings, or like, like something right out of a play, ya know? He’s kinda scary too, though, but in a really nifty way, don’tcha think! It just - just -” She scrunched her forehead as if searching for the words.

Frannie, the parrot perched on Rita’s shoulder, squawked, “Shiver me timbers!”

“Yeah, exactly!” Rita beamed. “It shivers me timbers! Shivers ‘em real good, don’t you think he’s pretty, Mate Steel?”

Glass lolled in his basin, running his sharp nails over the fine webbing at the end of his tail. He winked at Juno. Somehow, the lady got the sense that Glass could hear everything Rita was saying; but more than that, it was as if he could hear everything Juno was thinking. Like those solid black eyes could see things normal eyes couldn’t.

“He’s something, alright,” Juno murmured.

“What I do not understand is how he came to be injured.” The quartermaster, Jet, stood by Rita’s other side with his arms crossed. Jet always wore the same thing - baggy brown breeches, a ragged white shirt, and a brown jacket so enormous that it could probably serve as a backup sail if the Carte Blanche ever needed one. He wore his long silver hair tied up in a ponytail. Despite their difference in personality, pirating ability, and three feet of height, Jet and Rita were close friends, second only to Rita’s bond with Juno. “I do not believe our simple fishing net would be strong enough to damage a mermaid’s tail.”

“Well, you’d have to ask him about it.”

“There is no need to be defensive, Juno.”

“Whatever, you’re all on my case, and I’m getting pretty tired of it, big guy.”

Across the room, Vespa and Buddy drew away from each other and turned to face the rest of the group. “Alright, darlings,” said the captain. “We’ve thought this over -”

“More like we’ve argued it,” Vespa muttered.

“Peace, love.” The captain laid her hand on Vespa’s arm. “After some deliberation, Vespa and I have decided that we cannot abandon the mermaid back to the sea with an injury. We may be pirates, but we are not monsters. He will stay here until he recovers from his injuries.”

Glass giggled and slid his tail back into the water. “So generous of you.”

“You’re welcome, darling.” Captain Aurinko smoothed back a stray lock of her hair. “Additionally, since Juno was the one that injured him, Juno can be the one to attend to him.”

“What.”

“You heard me, dear. You’ll bring him his food, refill the water in his basin, and see to any medical needs he may have before he’s recovered. Any questions?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got a question, how come I’ve got to -”

“Then if there are no questions, the meeting is dismissed.” Buddy smiled and took Vespa’s

arm. “We’ll see you all later. First we have some things to... attend to.” Vespa shot one last glare in the others’ direction before following the captain away to their cabin.

“Well,” said Jet. “If that is all, I will return to my repairs of the Ruby 7 lifeboat.”

“Hang on, you can’t all just -”

“I’ll go with ya!” Rita said, ignoring Juno’s protests. “Bye-bye, Mate Steel and Mistah Mermaid!” And she skipped after Jet, Frannie flapping behind them both.

Juno sighed heavily and turned back to Glass. The mermaid had his arms folded on the rim of the basin, and his head cocked at an inquisitive and seductive angle. He smiled. “Well,” he said. “It seems that it’s just you and me.”

“Don’t get too used to it, I’ve got lots of chores to do.”

“Oh, but the Captain said you needed to look after me,” Glass beamed. “Doesn’t that mean I’m at the top of your chores list?”

Juno glared down at the mermaid. “Fine. Tell me what you want and make it quick.”

“Oh, it’s quite simple. I just want someone to talk to.”

The pirate blinked. “Are you kidding? You want me to hang around here and talk to you?”

For a moment, the mermaid’s flirtatious smile vanished. His inky eyes narrowed, and he glanced away from Juno before speaking again. “I’m not trying to force you if you don’t wish, Juno, I simply… hoped to get to know you better.” He glanced back at Juno quickly, and Juno started.

He’s not… no. He can’t be. Not me.

So he shrugged and grabbed a nearby stool. “Sure,” he said. “Great.” He leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I’d like to hear more about you, of course.” Glass lifted his eyebrows. “Juno Steel. Juno. A goddess on the high seas. Although - pardon me - you don’t seem entirely suited to this profession.”

“Yeah.” Juno fiddled with a spare thread on his blouse. “Didn’t plan to be a pirate, originally. I wanted to go into law, but then I found myself on the other side of it. With my brother.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “We’d always planned to leave the Mars continent together, but then...” The pirate sighed deeply. “He… he’s not around anymore.”

Glass watched Juno quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Juno cleared his throat. “Anyway, Rita and I have been friends for decades. Business partners. She’s a locksmith, and I’m an informant, so sometimes we worked together.”

“I see.” Glass leaned forward on his elbows, and his smile sharpened a degree. “Not such an upright lady, are you?”

“Hey, careful. I still have my morals.” Juno crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back. “Anyway, she did a job for Captain Aurinko and put two and two together that she’d been hired by a pirate. Suggested that I could give the Captain any information she needed, and together Rita and I got her out of a tricky spot. So, the Cap offered us spots on her crew.”

To Juno’s surprise, as he narrated to the mermaid, he found himself enjoying the conversation. Glass was a good listener, and seemed interested in Juno’s life in a way that few people had been for a long time. Every lady needed to feel special every now and then, and Juno was no exception.

“So,” he said eventually. “Mermaid. What’s your life story?”

The mermaid still smiled, but something about his demeanor had changed. “Oh, Juno,” he said. “I don’t have a story, and even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t tell it to anyone.”

“Huh.”

Glass sighed and leaned back in the water, lounging with his arms on either side of the basin. “I’ll leave you be,” he said theatrically. “Thank you for keeping me company.”

“Yeah.” Juno got up, feeling strangely regretful. “No problem.”

Juno finished up his chores and took a nap to sleep off what remained of his hangover. Afterwards, it was time for dinner, and for the first time since joining the crew, he didn’t eat with everyone else. Instead, he brought two plates to Glass’s room and they ate together, chatting about things they’d seen on the sea.

“I swear, it looked like an underwater city. Whole thing, made of coral.”

“Oh, I’ve been there. It’s not a very long swim from here.”

“Really?”

“Mmm. Pretty place.”

And Juno kept thinking about the mermaid that night, as he lay in his hammock. The ship’s rocking and Rita’s snoring usually lulled him to sleep, but tonight felt different. Every time he tried to doze off, he was struck by the thought that Glass lay just down the hall, with his dark eyes and his sharp smile. Maybe the mermaid was lonely. Maybe he was having trouble sleeping, too, and would want company.

Finally Juno’s curiousity overpowered him, and he got out of bed. Rita and Frannie were both deep asleep, but he put on his slippers to be extra quiet, then lit a candle. He was about to slip out the door when he heard a loud thud. But not from the direction of Glass’s room. It sounded like it came from the ship’s treasury.

What the hell?

He snatched his pistol and slipped out of the door. Juno crept along the hall, keeping close to the wall with his candle outstretched before him and his pistol at his side. He moved along the right-hand side, so that nothing could creep into his blind spot, but still the creaking of the ship and the uneven sway of it unnerved him. Again, the clinking noise sounded from the treasury. He could see the doorway. Juno took a deep breath, counted to five, and whipped around the corner.

Glass looked up from the chest he was elbow-deep reaching into and frowned. “Ah,” he said. “Well, hello.”

It was Glass, but… human. As far as Juno could tell. He had legs, normal ears; his eyes were regular eyes, with gorgeous dark brown irises. He wore a short white dress belted with a corset, as well as a knife strapped to one of his distractingly gorgeous thighs.

The pistol trembled in Juno’s hands. “What,” he breathed, “the hell.”

“Careful, now, there’s no need to wave that thing around.” Glass raised his hands, both of which clutched long ropes of pearls. His teeth were less prominent, but still looked thrillingly sharp. “I can explain everything.”

“Yeah?” Juno stepped closer and pointed his gun at the mer’s - the human’s - heart. “Start talking.”

“I understand this is confusing, Juno. In some ways, I’m glad you’re the one who caught me. It means we get to have a secret.” Glass stepped closer to the pirate. “Just for the two of us.”

“You were a mer,” Juno sputtered. “You were injured.”

“Looks can be deceiving.” Glass covered the quivering barrel of Juno’s pistol and pointed it away from himself. “Juno, listen to me. Whatever you think I am, you’re wrong. But I can tell you. I will tell you. I’ll tell you everything, if you want to know, but you must promise me you won’t alert your captain.”

“Why not?” Juno snapped. “You’re robbing us. You lied your way onto our ship and - and just so you could get our shit while we slept?”

“Well, it’s not really yours, now is it?” He was so close now. Juno could feel Glass’s warm breath on his cheek, followed a few seconds later by his knuckles. A shiver ran through him involuntarily. Glass chuckled. “I trust you, Juno, and I can’t have you giving me away now. Please.” He leaned down and whispered in Juno's ear, “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

The words drifted into the pirate’s mind and melted over his senses like slow honey. He shivered in the brine-aired night, and in the warmth radiating from Glass’s presence. It was a sensation so strong, so all-encompassing, that for a second Juno didn’t even notice that warmth had retreated. He snapped to his senses just in time to watch Glass disappear out the door.

“Hey - HEY!” he shouted. “Get back here!” Juno sprinted after Glass as the long-limbed thief bounded up the stairs towards the deck, and into the open air. The deck’s rocking motions were more obvious here, swaying Juno back and forth on his own feet as he fired a warning shot into the night air. “Glass, you bastard -! get back here!”

Glass paid him no heed. Dripping pearls and laughing, he crossed the deck in a burst of speed. Juno stumbled after him. He can’t get away, the pirate thought, he has nowhere to go - and as soon as the thought entered his mind, Glass leapt over the edge of the railing and out into the open night.

“NO!” Juno shouted. His momentum carried him the rest of the way, and he ran right into the banister, wrapping his arms around it. Below, he saw a flash of silver scales as Glass disappeared beneath the rolling waves. Juno stared, dumbfounded. He had no time to process, or to call for the captain, before suddenly the ship lurched again beneath his feet and sent him tumbling headfirst into the waves.

III.

The water crashed into him. Juno gasped as the cold ensnared him, but the gasp let in a rush of frigid water into his lungs, making him sputter. His arms struggled weakly. His fists clutched handfuls of seawater as the weight of his clothes and the tossing of the waves dragged him under. For a singular moment his head parted the surface of the waves, but before he could even taste oxygen, the water closed over him again. Juno couldn’t breathe. His lungs burned. All he could feel was that burning and the numbing coldness. And then, suddenly, he felt something wrap around his waist.

Juno looked down and gave a garbled yelp of surprise. Glass was at his side, holding him close. He wore the strings of pearls around his neck, and he wrapped one of them gently around Juno, holding them together in the tumult of the water. Juno fell still. Black dots swam before his vision, and the cold seemed to sting his bones, but the mer’s arms were warm, and Juno instinctively drew closer to him.

“Juno?” Glass murmured. His voice sounded distant. “Juno, stay awake. I can help you breathe, but you have to stay awake -” His hands clutched Juno’s shoulders, but the detective could barely feel them. Glass’s face moved closer to his. “No, stay awake - I can only help you if I breathe for you, and I can’t do that if you’re not awake to say so - no no no, keep your eyes open for me! Please, Juno -” His grip tightened in almost frenzy. The black dots blurred the edges of Juno’s vision. His entire body felt made up of this pain intensifying in his lungs. “Juno, I can save you, just give me a yes, please don’t black out, please don’t -”

Juno could barely feel, but with what little strength he had left he tried to nod. His forehead tipped against the mer’s shoulder. Glass drew back and cradled Juno’s face in his hands, and then, strongly, he pressed his warm lips onto Juno’s mouth. Oxygen entered his body slowly, like warmth dripping slowly down his throat. Juno felt something like life beating in his chest, and he almost tasted sea salt, but before he could reflect on anything he was feeling, the black dots swelled to cover his vision, and everything faded away.

When Juno came to, he found himself lying on a cool stone. The world above him slowly came into vision: a cool, dark cave, striped with damp vines that dangled from the ceiling. He felt cold water lapping at his ankles, and heard soft singing in the air in a haunting language he didn’t recognize. Weakly, he lifted his heavy head and looked around to get his bearings. Through the mouth of the cave, Juno could see the sun rising on the horizon, and the golden glow bled into the cave as if it were paint spilled across the water’s surface. Glass lounged on another rock, drawing ripples in the water with his fingertips, still in his mer form and glistening with pearls. After a few seconds all of Juno’s senses fell into place, and he realized the mermaid was the source of the music.

“Glass?” he called weakly.

Glass stopped singing and looked over. His shining face lit into a smile. “You’re awake.” He rolled off of the rock and vanished with a faint splash into the water, and then a moment later emerged dripping wet by Juno’s side. The hand shifted and a moment later Glass’s face appeared above him.

“Juno,” he sighed. “Here, let me help you sit up. How are you feeling?”

“Unghh.” Juno rubbed his head as the mer helped him into a sitting position. “What the hell happened?”

“You blacked out.” Glass shifted back a few inches to give Juno breathing room. “Are you feeling alright now?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Juno sat up higher on the rock. Glass leaned on the side, with his arms folded and his head tipped to one side. His scales shimmered. “You saved my life,” Juno said. “Didn’t you?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you die, Juno.”

“You kissed me.”

Glass stirred his fingertips through the foam brushing up against the rock.

“You kissed me. You stole from my crew, and then you saved my life. Why the hell would you do that?” The water lapped quietly at the edges of the cave.

The air misted before Glass’s lips while he breathed, and his gills pulsed. A drop of water slid down the slope of his forehead.. “I had a very straightforward plan,” he murmured eventually. “I’d been tracking your ship for a while now, you see. I saw that big fellow rowing above me one morning, so I swam to the surface to see what was going on. When I noticed that chest he was loading onto your ship, I decided to track you all. I knew you must have some kind of treasure, and I wanted it. I hid under your prow, or swam near you. Then one morning, a net dropped, so I seized my chance and swam into it, and then….” He turned his head and fixed his black eyes on Juno. “Well, then you messed up my whole plan.”

Juno started to speak, but Glass talked right over him.

“You, all fascinating and charming, with your fed-up attitude and your adorable pout.” He smiled. “I don’t meet people very often. I’m usually on the move, either on land or in the water, and I never have time to… to chat with someone I find attractive. And then,” he chuckled, “I decided to forget you and go through with my plan anyway - and you came to stop me! Leaving me to save you, in the end.” He shrugged delicately. “What can I say, darling? You are beautiful. I want to know everything about you.”

Glass closed his eyes and rested his head on his folded arms. Juno watched him, with his heart drum beating in his chest. Around them the water was turning golden. Juno watched him, and thought, He thinks I’m beautiful.

“What are you, exactly?”

The mermaid lifted his head. “Hmm?”

“I mean, you’re a mermaid, right? But then when I saw you in the night, you had legs, your eyes were normal -”

“Ah. Weren’t you listening?” Glass smirked. “Shapeshifter, love. I can be a mer or a human as it suits me, but I’m never just one for very long.”

“Huh.” Juno thought about that for a moment. He could feel his pulse in his throat. “And you’re a thief, apparently.”

“You can have your pearls back if it bothers you that badly.”

“Honestly?” Juno took Glass’s hand in his. “Right now I kind of just want to pay you back for saving me.”

Glass looked up. He met Juno’s eyes and let the pirate draw him up onto the rock, and as the golden light spilled far enough across the water to light them up, they kissed.

It was like oxygen-giving, but better. Glass’s lips were soft and sweet, and he tasted like the ocean. Juno felt the sunlight falling across their shoulders, and both of Glass’s hands twisted gently in the front of Juno’s shirt. He dragged him closer and their kiss grew deeper, with Glass’s tongue slipping into Juno’s open mouth, and Juno wrapped his legs around the mer’s waist. They didn’t break apart until it was physically hard to breathe, and even then, only far enough for the mermaid to press his forehead to the pirate’s.

“Glass isn’t my real name,” he said, breathless.

“Yeah, no shit,” Juno gasped. “Christ, you’re a good kisser. Okay. What is your real name?”

“It’s in Mer. You won’t be able to pronounce it.”

“Oh yeah? Try me.”

“Nąuhréyęvhve.”

“What the fuck kind of name is that.”

The mermaid with the unpronounceable name laughed and dropped a quick kiss onto Juno’s cheek. “It means dancer.”

“Yeah, I still can’t pronounce it. I’m just gonna say Nureyev.”

“Nureyev.” The mermaid tried it, head tipped to the side. “Nureyev” He turned to face Juno again and smiled. “Hmm. That does have a nice ring to it.”

And they kissed again while the sunlight grew around them.

IV.

Captain Aurinko liked to think of herself as a level-headed person, but right now, Juno Steel had her worried. “It’s no big deal,” Vespa had told her. “He vanishes at the same time as the mermaid, so what? The mermaid guy probably talked his ear off, and Steel just got annoyed and chucked him overboard.”

“Then where is Juno?”

“It is possible we overlooked some part of the ship when we checked,” Jet suggested.

Vespa smirked. “Or he’s screwing the mermaid somewhere.”

“How would that -” Rita had begun, but Buddy decided that Rita should go check the stores, and Vespa should go check the crow’s nest, before they could have that conversation.

Now, she stood on the deck by the ship’s wheel and watched the horizon through her telescope. All she saw were the unchanging waves. Buddy sighed and lowered the telescope from her eye. “Come on, Juno,” she murmured. “This crew won’t work without you.”

Behind her, the deck creaked under footsteps. “We checked the crow’s nest,” said Vespa. “Didn’t see anything.”

“Us, either,” called Rita as she and Jet emerged from the lower stairs. “Mate Steel just ain’t here at all.”

“Rraw! Mate Steel ain’t here!” squaked Frannie.

Jet furrowed his brows. “I think,” he began heavily, “that perhaps we must consider -”

“No,” said Buddy. “We’re not giving up yet.”

“Buddy.” Vespa laid a hand on her arm. “Listen, we don’t know what this mer guy might have done, okay? We should start makin’ the assumption - Rita? Are you okay?”

Rita had begun to cry, holding the end of Buddy’s long coat and using it to dab her eyes. “I-I’m sorry, matey,” she sniffled. “It’s just, I’m rememberin’ that in plays mermaids eat people sometimes, and I don’t want Mate Steel to get e-eaten, ya know? An’ that mer-guy had such really sharp teeth an’ I don’t wan Mate Steel to di-i-i-ieeeee.” She sobbed loudly and blew her nose on Buddy’s lace trim.

At that moment, a loud splash sounded from the ocean. The four turned around in time to watch the Juno and the mermaid course up on a jet of seawater and collapse onto the deck, where they lay sputtering in a puddle. Juno’s clothes clung to him, soaking wet, and the mer wore a tattered white dress. “Hey, guys,” Juno coughed.

“What the hell?!” exclaimed Vespa.

“MATE STEEL!” Rita ran across the deck and threw her arms around Juno’s shoulders. “You’re alive! Oh, Mate Steel, we was so WORRIED, I thought somethin’ terrible’d happened to ya, where’ve you BEEN Mate Steel? Did he kidnap ya? Did he hurtcha?” She glared at the mermaid and fumbled for her little dagger. “I swear, if you hurt one curl on my Mate Steel’s head, I’m gonna -”

“I’m fine, Rita.” Juno sat up and helped the mermaid to his feet. Buddy blinked, sure she was seeing something wrong - perhaps the rum had gone to her head. The mermaid had legs now. “Guys,” said Juno. “Nureyev’s here to return some stuff he took.”

“Oh.” The mermaid laughed nervously. “I thought I was just dropping you off.”

“Nureyev.”

“Fine, fine.” He reached into his pockets and pulled out all the strings of pearls that should have been in the Carte Blanche’s treasure stores. Buddy raised an eyebrow as the mer-turned-human - Nureyev - held them out to her. She took them from his hands and eyed him.

“I was under the impression that mer usually only have tails,” she said lightly.

“I’m a shapeshifter.”

Vespa and Jet said, “a what?”

“A SHAPESHIFTER?!” Rita exclaimed. “Wow!!! That’s so COOL, Mistah Nureyev! Like, like in that really great play that came out last month, Squares and Triangles and Also Sirens? Wow, that play is so GOOD! Can you turn into anythin’ you want, or just a mer and a human?”

“More importantly,” said Buddy, “how long were you planning to use your abilities to rob us?”

Rita fell silent. Nureyev smirked. “Quite a while,” he admitted. “Juno simply… altered my initial plan when he spotted me last night.”

“Ah. So that’s where you’ve been.” Buddy smiled as Juno blushed and ducked his head. “Well, it seems there’s simply one way to resolve this whole mix-up.”

“Yeah!” Vespa drew her scimitar and pointed it at Nureyev. “I say we tie him up and make him walk the plank!”

“Rraw! Walk the plank!” agreed Frannie.

“That is impractical,” said Jet. “If he walks the plank, he will simply transform underwater and swim away. I propose that we throw him in the brig until we reach port. We can decide from there.”

“Hey, c’mon, none of this is making sense,” snapped Juno. “He gave all the pearls back.”

“You’ve certainly had a change of attitude.”

“Yeah, well you could use one, Vespa, and here’s another thing -”

“Enough, darlings!” Buddy held up her hands. “That’s enough. I have an alternative proposition.” She marched across the deck and stopped before Nureyev. “You possess interesting skills, Nureyev. Skills that I think our team would find very useful. And, since I’m sure Juno will vouch for your character, judging from the fact that he’s wearing your lipstick -”

“Hey-”

“- you have an in.” She held out her hand. “If you want it, darling, there’s a place for you here aboard the Carte Blanche.”

Nureyev glanced over at Juno, who stood watching him with hopeful eyes. A smile grew across his face. “Well,” he said. “I must say, it’s nice to finally be appreciated.” And he shook Buddy’s hand.

~~~~

“...aaaand that’s my idea for a stream about us!” Rita set down her stack of papers and beamed around at the rest of the crew. “Whaddaya think? It’s good, ain’t it?”

“It is exceptional,” said Jet in a grave tone. “I am moved to tears.”

“I dunno, I think it’s a little unrealistic in a few parts.” Juno gestured to the portion marked as chapter five. “I don’t really see why I’d let a mermaid kiss me while I’m drowning.”

“You totally would, Mistah Steel!” Rita clutched her story defensively. “You’re just horny for death!”

“I’m what?”

“In my case,” said Nureyev, over the laughter of the rest of the crew, “I don’t see why I’ve been characterized as a mermaid.”

“Every pirate stream has to have a mermaid, Mistah Nureyev? Ain’t you ever seen High Seas of Saturn? The Ghost Ship that Also Has Zombies? Pirates of the Carribean 207: Oh My

God When Will This Franchise End?”

“Hmm. Doesn’t ring a bell, I’m afraid.” Nureyev shifted Juno’s position on his lap and rubbed the lady’s thigh. “My introduction scene was on point, though. After all, Juno does love me in fishnets.”

“Shut up,” Juno mumbled, blushing. Nureyev chuckled and kissed his neck.

Buddy took another sip of her tea. “You’ve created quite an interesting story, darling. I’m glad it’s kept you entertained. I know our long periods between heists can get tedious, but I’d say this has been fun for all of us.”

“Oh yeah, this part.” Vespa waved a section of Rita’s script. She’d been writing notes on Rita’s finished pages throughout the reading process. “Where it says my arms are covered in tattoos. I’ve only got twenty tattoos and only six of them are on my arms, so I thought that was kind of unrealistic, kid.”

“I’m taking artistic license, Miz Vespa!”

Vespa narrowed her eyes and grabbed her knife. “Are you saying my tattoos aren’t already artistic?”

“N-no! Fine, I’ll change it!” Rita snatched the page back and began to doodle furiously on it. Jet leaned close.

“Do not listen to the haters,” he whispered. “You have created a masterpiece of television.”

“Thanks, Mistah Big Guy.”

“You are welcome.”

“Well, this has been entertaining.” Nureyev tapped his fingertips on Juno’s knee. “If there’s nothing else that you require, the two of us will probably go to bed…”

“No, you can’t go to bed!” Rita frowned. “Whaddaya mean? We’re just gettin’ started!”

“Rita, you’ve read us your entire story,” said Juno. “What else is there.”

“I’ve read you the pilot episode.” Rita reached behind her and grabbed an enormous stack of blank notepads. “But now, you’ve all got to help me plot the rest of the first season!”

The rest of the crew looked at each other. Juno sighed and got up from Nureyev’s lap.

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll get some coffee started. Looks like we’re gonna be here a while.”

The End

Big thanks to @in-consist, @awalkingparadox11, @scintillart, @hemaris, and @acadieum for all the incredible work they did!

#happy birthday @rudzik-art!#love you #the penumbra podcast #juno steel #peter nureyev #rita penumbra #jet siquliak #buddy aurinko #mermaid AU #the art in this is incredible #do yourself a favor and go see it on AO3 #or see if the artists have posted it here on their personal blogs

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