#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

is it normal for people when they fall in love that they get totally obsessed over their crush and all this shit with not being able to imagine a live without them anymore etc or is this a mental illness thing and not normal?

i'm currently curious bc it's not the healthiest way to love when you become addicted but i just cannot imagine to love someone without this obsession and without these extreme feelings.

#rins.txt #love questions #mentall illness #curious #lol

[just-me-rin]

ahh i love it when they are active on a social media and don't reply to me on text messenger :D

#rins.txt #it hurts #am i that unimportant? #and they are my partner #...

[just-me-rin]

they deserve the best. and i want to give them the best. but i ain't the best. i'll try to get better, but i don't think i'll ever will be good enough or as good as they deserve.

#rins.txt #im not enough

[just-me-rin]

i post more on tumblr again

means: it's getting bad again

#rins.txt #i hate everything #depressing shit #tw selfhate

[just-me-rin]

can somebody pls just kill me

i can't do this anymore

#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

wanna sleep the whole day bc i just can't bear with myself anymore

#rins.txt #i hate myself #i'm tired #tired of everything

[just-me-rin]

would you guys talk to your partner about "forever"? like when i wish it would be forever but i'm not sure if they want this too and i'm afraid it could be too clingy or naive to actually talk about a forever with them?

#rins.txt #help?

[just-me-rin]

can my for you page stop showing me vids of couple and realtionship shit? i'm really not in the mood for this rn

#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

i'm so close to stealing a razor blade from my partner bc they are just laying open in their bathroom and i never had a "real" razor blade and it's so tempting ahh

#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

i relapsed. i was doing so good with staying clean recently.

and i'm going to see my partner tomorrow and i'm afraif they'll see it.

#rins.txt #relapse #i'm sorry

[just-me-rin]

i recognize how i'm losing myself again

#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

it's so hard and exausting when you constantly have to fight against yourself because there are two sides inside you: one rationally thinking that it's okay how you are and the other emotionally hating yourself with everything you have

#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

if he would ever leave i don't think i would make it. fnk everything reminds me of him: his home region, trains, busses, my way to the centre of my city, my way to the train station, my hobby, gaming, my favourite music, my favourite memories, the sport he's doing.

he brought so much calm and positive stuff into my life.

he literally took me to a festival and i didn't know any of his friends which were coming with us. and i spent 5 day with people i didn't know, only him. and that was so much out of my comfort zone. i never thought i would do something like that but he took me with him and i was feeling so comfortable though it was so overwhelming and so much new stuff.

i cannot imagine being happy without him. and that is so wrong, so metally ill xd it shouln't be like this. i should be able to be happy and comfortable on my own.

and i'm afraid that i will damage him just with the way i am, with the mentally ill side of me. he is so innocent and wholesome and doesn't have these struggles like me and i don't want to share it with him.

#rins.txt #rin.rants #this was getting personal way too fast #lol #way too personal #but i wanted to let it out

[just-me-rin]

i'm so afraid. i'm going to meet an online friend for the first time and i kinda catched feelings for them. but i'm so afraid that they wont like my cringe and ugly real me, bc online i'm more open and can speak at least normal and i can put filters on pictures so they don't look as bad as in reality. but irl i'm fucking ugly, my skin is awful, i'm way too shy to speak like a normal person and i'm just so awkward in general! like they're gonna hate me and get embarrassed bc they feel so uncomfortable around me and they'll never want to see me again ahh!!

fuck i just hate myself. i should never have said yes to meeting them.

#rins.txt #i hate myself so freaking much #ahhhh #it'll be a catastrophy

[just-me-rin]

pov: writing a text to somebody and suddenly deleting some lines bc they're *too mentally ill*

#rins.txt

[just-me-rin]

the line between "i want to become a better version of myself" (without any negative attitude) and "i cannot stand this current version of myself" (with a lot of self hate and not a single positive thought) is so thin

#rins.txt #self improvement #vs #self hate