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spookyc · 3 years

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i'm kind of interesting in your cryptid au - what type of monster is each character?

Glad you asked and I'll be happy to answer! I'll also try to explain why I chose each cryptid for each character.

Alright let's start with our protagonist, Hajime, this one is pretty simple, he is a shapeshifter. This is one is pretty self explanatory, as it's meant to represent Izuru possessing every talent where as here Izuru has the ability to possess the forms of his fellow freakshows. He is one of the most anticipated acts in the freakshow, but constantly transforming his body everyday for the audience does a number on his psyche, eventually bringing Izuru out.

Nagito: As I revealed in an earlier post, was a vampire. I chose this due to his general appearance and also his condition of being sickly. I also chose it to form an interesting dynamic for Nagito. See, as a vampire, Nagito needs to drink blood but a vampire's powers increase when they are hungry, so hope's peak intentionally starves him for his shows. So, nagito grows more unhinged from starvation, and starts thinking of feeding off the freakshows. But he still has his hope complex and worships the freakshows. So he's caught in a struggle of his body and his will.

Chiaki: Now she isn't exactly a cryptid but I like what I decided for her. So she's a TV head, which I chose due to her gaming fixation but also because she was an AI, which is sort of the same here, albeit more of a kiibo situation where she is an AI in a physical body. Her shows aren't as elaborate as the others, mostly consisting of her showing emotions through the swapping of channels and playing videos games in her mind which is portrayed on her TV screen. She doesn't have as severe issues as some of the others but she faces her own problems as an AI among humans.

Ultimate Imposter: Simple enough, he's a doppelganger. This is of course referring to him being the ultimate imposter, the only real change being that his true form is that of a gray amorphous blob. His shows consist of him copying the other freakshows, though it differs from Hajime tho, as UI can only morph into people and is restricted to morphing into those he knows whereas Hajime can shapeshift into anything, even things he has not seen.

Teruteru: So, quite an odd choice, but one I'm quite pleased with. So Teruteru is a basan, or a japanese fire-breathing chicken. As for a human form, he doesn't have one, he's just a fire-breathing chicken who's a great cook, the jokes make themselves. He's still a perve but less so simply due to most of the forms the freakshows take, only really having his eye on Peko and Sonia who are both very capable of killing him with a single strike so he keeps his cards to his chest as it were. His acts of course consist of feats of fire breathing and dual acts with akane.

Peko, my beloved: So Peko is a gorgon, in the sense that she has the bottom half of a snake. I chose this because Peko reminds of a snake in the best way possible. She's fierce and mysterious with piercing eyes that cut through your soul. As for abilities, she does possess the stone vision of gorgons, but she can control when she uses it, and she doesn't like having to use it. Just because she doesn't use her stone vision doesn't mean she should be underestimated tho, she still is a pro swordswoman and is arguably more adept than she would have been with legs. She has a dual act with Fuyuhiko, more specifically an arena type duel. Of course they don't fight to the death but any injury they sustain is fair game. Peko of course always objects to this but pushing hope's peaks buttons risks detainment for a freakshow, ultimately, she doesn't have a choice.

Mahiru: Okay so, she was really hard but I decided on making her a nymph. This is because I imagined that being able to blend with nature would be able to help capture people in their most natural state, in regards to her photography of course. Her acts are also not the most eventful, just her blending with different natural surroundings. That's honestly about it, wish I had more but Mahiru has always been a blank slate for me.

Ibuki: Ibuki! So, ibuki is a Siren, this is pretty obvious, as I chose this due to her being the ultimate musician. However, I do have an interesting dynamic with her and her ability. So, since sirens usually have melodious voices and show their victims what they desire most, I wanted to flip that on its head. So, since Ibuki doesn't exactly have a melodious voice, (a great voice, yes but not melodious nonetheless) her power doesn't show those what they desire but instead their deepest fears. This causes Ibuki to hide her singing, excluding her acts, and to grow self-conscious of her aspiration for music. Her acts consist mostly of water tricks and of course her singing, which audience members say they get a thrill and a since of comfort being able to face their deepest fear. Ibuki thinks differently, wanting her music to encourage and inspire people rather than send fear through them. And that is her central conflict throughout this au, which I'll end off here for sake of brevity.

Hiyoko: Pretty pleased with what I decided for her. So Hiyoko is a kitsune, I chose this because of her noble lineage and I think the kitsune is a pretty noble animal, despite having some cursed elements. She was still forced into the whole dancing thing, which she mixes between her human and fox form. But, her mischievous nature fits that of the kitsune as she's still her normal abrasive self. She tries staying out of her fox form as much as possible as it reminds her of her lineage that she hates but she of course has to transform into it for her acts. These consist of fire tricks as well as a showcase of mastery swapping between forms.

Mikan: Alright so Mikan's is kinda wild but stay with me. So Mikan is a lich and here's why. So I chose this for her because I know I wanted her to be undead, because she would constantly have to patch herself up. Decided on a lich to give an air to her that something isn't quite right, that she holds more power that she let's on and simply doesn't express it. Also I have some extremely dark reasons as to how she became a lich but I won't get into that here for brevity's sake.

Nekomaru: So Nekomaru's pretty fun, he's a minotaur mainly just because I think it fits him, and he definitely gives off jovial bull vibes. Despite his appearance he still has his joyful personality and still takes pride in his talent of team leader. His acts consist of feats of strength primarily, nothing much besides that.

Gundham: So Gundman is an imp, because he definitely deserves to be a demon but he's gonna be the lowest demon there is. Cause I still want to emphasize his whole "overlord complex" despite him just being an imp. He does still have his hamsters and he takes very good care of them, the four dark devas live a fulfilling life even if their master doesn't. Gundham can perform some lesser demon abilities like changing his appearance, in terms of pigment, small fire control, and flight. Of which he showcases in his acts. Even tho he's just an mere imp he is the Supreme Overlord of Ice and he will not accept any other titles.

Fuyuhiko: Finally! We have arrived at the boy, Fuyuhiko. So, Fuyuhiko is a werewolf, because he's an angsty boy and because I like werewolves. The story plays out much the same way as before, though Peko was assigned not just to protect Fuyuhiko but also to protect him from himself. His acts consist of arena battles with Peko, of which he always intentionally loses. He's able to transform each day to a drug they inject in him before every match that forces a transformation. These drugs make him agitated and irritable, more so than usual and also causes him extreme mood swings. Even if sometimes he wishes he could be detained, he stays for Peko. He knows she wouldn't forgive herself if he was taken away, regardless of her involvement, so he stays in this condition. It isn't all bad tho, spending time with Peko outside of the area isn't so bad. He also is often found hanging out with Kazuichi, who Fuyuhiko refers to as a "fucking moron" and yet still hangs out with him most days. They've formed an unlikely friendship that the two cherish even if Fuyuhiko won't admit it. He also has a pretty good relationship with Ibuki, her being Peko's girlfriend and all.

Kazuichi: Okay, Kazuichi, so Kazuichi is a gargoyle and man how I got there is a story. So I wanted Kazuichi to be something constructed, something manmade in a way so that he could rebuild himself as well as other things. So orginally he was a golem but I just couldn't vibe with that so I ended up settling with a gargoyle. I do think it fits him in a way, not sure how, but it suits him imo. So he's got the standard gargoyle abilities, he's got wings and can fly and can also change into his stone form at will. He prefers to sleep in this form, and he often turns into this form when scared which is often. His acts consist flying around the stage and testing the endurance of his stone skin. He also has a close relationship with Fuyuhiko and of course Sonia, though he doesn't see her as often as he would like.

Sonia: So, Sonia's is very different but I really like it. So she is a basilisk, not the serpent one but the more giant chicken with a serpent tail. Her cryptid form is one that affects her in and out of her form, and both are just as deadly. So since she's a basilisk, she has lethal vision and this is active in and out of her form. So she walks around with a blindfold on, and she has yet to see any of the her fellow freakshow's faces. She also is kept within her enclosure at almost all times, she's only let out about twice a day and these outings don't last long. In her basilisk form she easily stands 20-feet tall, with a wingspan of 25 feet, her feets are huge and equipped with deadly talons. From her beak she leaks venom that is capable of causing a limb to be amputated with a single drop. Not as lethal as her vision, but enough would easily be able to cause death. She doesn't perform, merely has visitors come and visit her in her basilisk form. She's very lonely, wishing with every part of her that she wasn't cursed with her form, but she does appreciate the visitors she gets. Chiaki and Akane often come to visit her, Kazuichi also comes by often, Fuyuhiko having to drag him off when he's overstayed his welcome. She holds on to her friendships, as it's all she really has.

Lastly we have Akane, so I decided on making Akane a dragon. For one dragons are known to have a voracious appetite, and two, Nekomaru in the main story talks about Akane having untapped potential, which I think would fit her as a dragon. Yeah, so contrary to Hiyoko, Akane primarily stays in her dragon form, even when just walking around the freakshow traveling caravan. She's not a huge dragon as she still isn't fully grown, so she's only slightly bigger than the average person. This is partially her just preferring her dragon form, (doesn't have to wear clothes, can fly, can eat more), but it's also because if she's a dragon no one can objectify her. She doesn't have to deal with the male gaze if she's a dragon and she quite likes it that way. Her acts consist of typical dragon shit, flying, feats of strength and a dual act with teruteru for fire breathing, (she can't breathe fire herself so she places teruteru in her mouth like a mama croc does with her babies and he does all the work. Before you say anything, teruteru actually doesn't get any perseve enjoyment out of this, or at least he doesn't anymore, just gets an excuse to take a bath).

And that's about it! Had a lot of fun coming up with these guys and I do have a story in mind for them if you'd like to hear. I also will answer that ask about the talentswap, I know it's been a while and I apologize for that but I have an excuse to work on it now so I'll get to that. Thanks for the ask!

#danganronpa #super danganronpa goodbye despair #cryptid au #hajime hinata #nagito komaeda #chiaki nanami #ultimate imposter #teruteru hanamura #peko pekoyama #mahiru koizumi #ibuki mioda #hiyoko saionji #mikan tsumiki #nekomaru nidai #gundham tanaka #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #kazuichi soda #sonia nevermind #akane owari

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padfooot · 5 years

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ENOUGH BULLYING

i haven't made an actual post on this website in years, but i am FED UP tonight. for a bit of backstory, since such details seem to be wholly relevant to this discourse: i am a gay cis man. i ship and indulge in wolfstar, obviously.

i have nothing to gain, nor anything to lose, by making this post. i just want people, namely a few accounts which i have no problem naming if asked, to stop fucking bullying others based off disagreements of portrayals.

a certain group within this fandom has become one of extremely toxic mean-girl figures, publicly accusing that certain headcanons - mainly those differing from their own, which can't even be denied and i'll get back to it - are rooted in homophobia/sexism/you name it... and they post such accusations under the authority of themselves being gay men, or being friends with said gay men. this group has been coming after innocent writers during their mob-mentality-driven attacks, which is harming some talented fucking human beings here.

granted i could understand some of their perspectives if they spoke up separately for themselves, not if they tried to speak for the entire gay community. they are not in the right to do so. there's a difference between posting positive contributions about how one interprets characters/relationships, and viciously going after people for disguised reasons... it’s also quite ridiculous how they get praised for their domineering tendencies, but this often is exclusive to members of the group.

here's the thing:

if you personally dislike a headcanon, regarding sirius' characterisations/preferences (since that seems to be the hot topic here), that does not make it an inherently problematic one. just because you are a gay man, like myself, does not mean that you are allowed to dictate how people write and interpret characters based off canon-information and personal headcanons... its baffling to me how the words "homophobic," and "sexist," and many others are being thrown around when it is not justified - especially since none of the fucking writers or readers are homophobic at all.

if you are offended by a gay character's portrayal, keep in mind that said portrayal is not meant to be a representation for ALL GAY MEN. it is for that character alone, just them... even something as simple as sirius preferring the bottom role in his sex-life with remus, which has been previously criticised by this group: in no fucking WAY does that mean the writers are subconsciously turning him into the "female partner" because “he has long hair.” in fact, the assumptions that this is what's happening is what's truly homophobic. sexual roles are not personality traits, nor are they tied to ‘masculinity/femininity.’

what's also destructive about this group is that their demonisation of PERFECTLY FINE headcanons, and their false-accusations that go along with them, are purposefully scaring writers into NOT producing the content/characterisations said writers envision or want to create. because this is kinda what the group wants: for writers to fear being seen as problematic, since two gay men have (wrongfully) deemed a collection of things “offensive to all MLM relationships” based off their own biases... so all in all, the group get the content THEY what in the end. what's incredibly telling of their motives is how hypocritical they act - condemning several headcanons, calling them homophobic for instance, but then advocating for the exact same headcanons just altered to their liking/interpretations. what a dandy coincidence.

its almost a misuse of the “authority” that us gay men can offer to people interested in writing our relationships. you don’t need to be a murderer to write a killer - you don’t need to be a gay man to write a MLM relationship.

now i'm about to be a bit hypocritical and call somebody out, but frankly it's earned at this point. the ring-leader in all this has a sense of superiority over everyone in this fandom outside his little group. how he writes particular characters, which i have no problem with and have even read before, are loosely based off aspects of himself. that's what writers do, they often put themselves in the character's place - he's even made claims which pretty much confirm that this is a facet to his literature. and you know what? THAT'S 100% FINE. what's not fine, however, is vocalising your disapproval towards anything that contradicts your writing because it doesn't allign with your beliefs... and the fact that his friends are blindly following/cheering on his negative behaviour - wrongfully attacking writers ON YOUR SIDE, causing them to either delete their accounts or take breaks... who are the real fucking bullies here?

it is beyond childish... you - meaning the adult man that i am calling out - often attribute any & all criticisms of your problematic behaviour as being "based off the age-difference” between yourself and the other individual. guess what? we’re the same fucking age, dude. grow up - its not ~cool~ to be a twat. i'm tired of you bullying and insulting others in order to get your way, snivellus head-ass... but "write whatever you want," right? that's what you always say at the end of your posts, even though you're actively opposing such a mindset.

anyways, to all the writers out there - using the same “i’m gay so i can dictate how you write gay people” ploy that this toxic group does: LITERALLY WRITE CHARACTERS HOWEVER YOU INTERPRET THEM, HOWEVER YOU IMAGINE THEIR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS AND/OR PERSONALITIES!

effeminate sirius or effeminate remus? go ahead, nothing wrong with either!! top sirius with bottom remus? hell yeah - do it, i can’t wait to read it!! top remus with bottom sirius? hell yeah - do it, i can’t wait to read it!!

if you don’t like something, you are never forced to read it - don’t insult the people that do enjoy such content, nor the content itself. thank you!

let’s all just cherish the beautiful relationship that is between remus and sirius.

#lol i'm fed up #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #hp

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chipper9906 · 4 years

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The Best Laid Plans- Chapter 4: An Uncertain Reunion

Link To Chapter 1

Pairings: Kylo Ren/Rey, Ben Solo/Rey

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 7,940

Chapter Preview:

Roughly ten minutes later, Rey finds herself settled down on her old cot with a scratchy thin blanket draped over her, peering into the darkness of her AT-AT in disbelief at the fact that Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, is currently laying on the floor, pressed up against the wall with an even older, more tattered blanket than her own, that of which barely covered him.

In the small sliver of moonlight that peeks in through the cracks of the AT-AT, Kylo catches sight of some glinting scuff marks reflecting back at him. Peering closer, he realizes that these marks are in fact tally marks, scratched into the wall roughly over time, spreading up and up the wall he is laid next to.

“Rey?” Kylo whispers into the silence of the night, not worrying about waking Rey, seeing as he could see her eyes reflecting at him in the darkness. “What are these marks for?”

“The tally?” Rey asks for confirmation, even though she knows it’s the only thing he can be referring to. “They count the number of days I was here.”

The room falls back into silence, this one much more unpleasant than the one before. After a few seconds more of this, Kylo dares to speak again.

“Rey… How long were you here for?”

“Roughly fourteen years, give or take,” Rey answers, her eyes scanning across the tally’s she meticulously added to every day.

“How…old are you, Rey?”

“Nineteen, I think. Probably closer to twenty now. I don’t know my actual birthday.”

“You were left here by yourself when you were only… what, five? Six?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Rey rolled over onto her back, staring up at the cracked, peeling metal of her ceiling. “Kinda weird how long we’ve known each other and never knew our ages.”

Kylo hummed in agreement, lifting a hand to softly run his fingers across the jagged tally marks in the wall.

“That was my attempt at asking you for your age, if you didn’t sense that.”

“Oh.”

Link To Fic

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Chapter 4: An Uncertain Reunion

It had been a tremendously, idiotically, irresponsible decision to make. Rey knew it now, and she had known it the second she had agreed to meet with him on Jakku. You would think that if she knew it even then, she wouldn’t have agreed. And yet, here she was, climbing aboard the Falcon with a few canteens of collected water and some homemade rations, ready to fly to a planet she once called home, to meet with the Supreme Leader of the First Order, a man she once thought redeemable.

‘This could so easily be a trap.’ Rey thinks to herself as she flings her bag down beside the seats in the cockpit, flopping down into the pilot’s seat with a huff. ‘It would be the perfect plan; Lure me to him with the promise of something I can’t refuse, take me to a place I know to lure me into a false sense of security, then kill me just when I’m finally starting to feel safe around him.’ She continues to think as she runs through the Falcons pre-flights checks, flipping various switches and pushing down many different buttons as the Falcons engines roar to life.

She wanted to trust him. She really, really did. It would make things so much easier. Then again, she would be lying if she said she mistrusted him completely. For a good long while now, there had been something that kept her drawn to him, growing steadily stronger every time the Force had connected them. It had been strong enough that she truly believed that just by going to him, she would be able to turn him. It had been wishful thinking, yes, and she had felt like she was so close to achieving that. Which is probably why it hurt as much as it did when he began spouting nonsense about leading a new First Order like it was words from a textbook; something he had been thinking of for a while, perhaps. Had that really been his goal? To one day murder his Master, and for them to rise as leaders of a new power within the Galaxy? And for how long? When she had come to him on the Supremacy? When they had touched hands over the Force? When he had first seen her?

Such thoughts were whirling through her mind as she increased the Falcons thrust, feeling the lurch from the ship as it lifted from the ground. A few startled Porgs hurriedly flew past the Falcon, their squawks of complaints barely heard over the Falcons powerful engines. Rey let her hand linger on the lever for the thrusters for a few moments as she contemplated whether it was too late to just switch everything off and back out of this deal, but before she knew it, she had pushed the lever forward and the Falcon was rising higher and higher into the sky.

Any more thoughts of Kylo Ren were pushed into the back of her mind as her pilot mode took over, pushing the nose of the ship up and fully activating the thrusters. Rey winced slightly when her head slammed into the headrest as the Falcon burst through Ahch-To’s atmosphere and into the deep, dark depths of space. She allowed herself a few seconds to take in the beauty of the countless stars that surrounded her, reveling in the sense of freedom she felt whenever she flew, something she yearned for every day she spent sweating and exerting herself on the very planet she was headed for right now. With a few more taps on the Falcons console (and a few groans of protest from the ship itself), Rey enters the coordinates of Jakku and puts the ship into Hyperspeed.

Now, with the Galaxies stars whirring past too fast for her to fully see, Rey finds the thought of Kylo Ren once again sneaking back to the forefront of her mind. It was frustrating, to say the least. She can’t remember the last time her mind had let her go even a day without reminding her of him. Sometimes the thoughts would come from nowhere, something so simple as a flash of an image of him: Of the time he was dressed fully in black, mask still in place as he circled her frozen form like a predator that already knows it’s won. Or of the time she awoke chained to what she could only describe as a standing table to see that horrid mask staring back at her. In that moment, when her jabs had finally got him to remove his helmet, she had thought she might actually prefer him with the mask. Because now, she had a face to match the name. Now, she could see he was human just as she was, a young man with eyes so dark and blank that she could tell he had seen too many countless horrors that no one ever should. Perhaps, nearly the worst is a more recent memory, of when he had held out his hand to her, offering her what he thought would be all that she wanted. She can see his pleading face just as clearly as if she was in that red encompassed room once again.

‘I wanted you to take my hand!’

He did. He genuinely did. It hadn’t struck her just how much he had wanted for her to join him until he had snapped at her atop that cliffside, letting his inner mask slip away for her to see the painful frown etched into his face at his own words, showing her just how much he truly meant them. She may not have wanted to rule the galaxy with Kylo Ren, but Kylo Ren certainly wanted to rule it with her.

It wasn’t the worst though.

No, the worst thing to pop into her head wasn’t a memory of him, nor even the times when he actually appears.

It’s of that damn vision.

The one thing that brings her back to him every time, the one piece of hope she desperately clings to, the only thing she has left to convince herself that somewhere hidden deep down within that monster is who the Force had shown to her; a man dressed in light-colored slacks and an airy shirt, adorned with a coarse black vest (of course, there was no way she could convince him not to wear any black). A man with a huge, goofy grin on his face, wide enough to proudly display the gleaming toothy smile he had inherited from his father, his joyful smile directed at her with an arm slung around her shoulders, pulling her into his side with a burst of giddy laughter so contagious, she couldn’t help but join him.

He was happy. And, stood by his side, so she was she.

That vision, that promise of what was meant to be, had been the reason why she had felt her hand twitching by her side at the throne room, a part of her so eager to throw caution to the wind and just grab his hand. Because what if this was how it came to be? What if she was meant to take his hand, to go down this path and be by his side? Perhaps then, being as close to him as he had obviously hoped they would become, she would find a way to turn him. Hopefully, before he could do the same to her.

But she couldn’t. Because to go down that path, she would have had to stand back and watch as the Resistance finally met its end. She would have to do nothing but watch as the only friends she has in this galaxy are blown apart on the commands of the man she was meant to lead beside, and how could she possibly do that? Her friends had sent her on this task, to find one of the last known Jedi to help find a way to end this war, to bring down the Final Order and restore peace. How could she possibly live with herself if she betrayed their trust, betrayed what it meant to be a Jedi, and instead be not only a bystander but an active participant in their deaths?

Kriff, she wanted for that vision to come true. But if that’s what it took for it to happen? She would rather have the vision of who Kylo Ren could be haunting her than the deaths of so many innocents.

Except… Except what if that’s not true? Kylo Ren had already massacred millions of innocent people under the command of his master, but now? Now, as Supreme Leader, she feared her rejection may have turned him resentful towards her, may have burnt out the last remaining bit of Light he had within him and pushed him fully into the Dark. What if, by saving the lives of a few, she may have doomed the lives of millions more?

Rey groaned in frustration, ignoring the stab of pain she felt in her head as she slammed it down on the console of the Falcon, the ache only slightly soothed by its cool surface. With an exasperated grunt, Rey turned her head to the side, catching sight of the empty and somewhat dirty co-pilot’s seat beside her.

She wondered what Chewie would say if he was here right now. She imagined a lot of Wookiee curses at her stupidity for willingly flying to a planet already full of murderous people to meet with an even worse murderer. Back on the Resistance base, she had worked up enough courage one night to ask the Wookiee what Ben used to be like. He was one of the only person left alive she knew besides Leia who could tell her about him, and bringing him up to the General seemed like a very bad idea, especially when she was trying to keep her connection between her son and herself as much as a secret as possible. Chewie had been rather reluctant to talk about him, and the small bits of information she could pry from him obviously pained the Wookiee to speak about; she imagined any memory of Ben brought up even more memories about Han, and considering how much his death pains her with how little time she had to know him, she couldn’t even imagine the pain Chewie must feel at his death, by the hands of his own son.

He had told her some tidbits of information; like how the mess of black hair he had was similar to the one he had as a child, only slightly more tamed and managed. Through that mop of hair (that he apparently fought his mother tooth and nail not to have cut) stood out a pair of ears that his mother hoped he would grow into, and got him into a lot of trouble when he would overhear important conversations his mother had (and, on occasion, one too many fights between herself and Han). Chewie told her of the times Ben would be aboard the Falcon, of teaching him all the tips and tricks he knew on the Falcons old and kind of glitchy Holochess table, of watching the small young boy sat upon his fathers lap in the cockpit, giggling in delight at his father's half-assed reprimands as Ben happily pushed at all the colorful buttons that lit up the Falcons console. Or, of the times where the young toddler would cling to him instead, pulling and yanking at his fur in his fun, to which the only way the Wookiee could get him to stop was by holding him close (and making a sound that Chewie would tell you was certainly NOT a form of purring.)

But, Chewie had also told her that perhaps the reason most of his memories had been of Ben as a happy child was, perhaps, because of how little he truly saw of him. Han had never been one to settle down for too long, and the life he led was not one he could easily give up cold turkey. He had tried, the Wookiee had insisted, as hard as could to settle down somewhat after receiving the news that he would be expecting his first child. But, instead of leading a life of a baby-sitter as Chewie had expected himself to be condemned to, he had been back in the co-pilot's seat before he knew it, Han besides him as he always was.

Han loved Ben. She knew that, but if she were to look at things from Ben's perspective, of living the life that he had… She hated to admit it, but she could start to see how Ben had ended up this way.

Rey groaned once more, letting her head fall into her hands and rubbing at her tired eyes until the bright spots of light behind her eyelids began to fade away. Perhaps the fact that she was beginning to sympathize with Kylo Ren was another sign that all of this was a bad idea…

* * *

The Falcon gave a small shake as the ship exited hyperspace, the stream of stars above her head returning to their usual dotted selves amongst the infinite spread of darkness. Right in front of her was the gigantic pale orb that was Jakku, taking up most of her view from the Falcons cockpit windshield.

“Home Sweet Home…” Rey murmured to herself as she steered the Falcon towards the direction of Niima Outpost.

The Falcon broke through the atmosphere easily, barely a shake as it pushed through Jakkus minimal layers of cloud. As soon as the outpost came into sight, she pulled the Falcon out of its descent, not wanting to get too close for anyone to spot the ship. She had no doubt Plutt was still enraged by the theft of the ship, and she didn’t want to know what he would do if he found out she was the one responsible. Not to mention the fact she was sure some would attempt to shoot it down for the chance to scavenge what survives the inevitable crash…

The fallen Star Destroyers were the first things she saw, a never moving landmark amongst the never-ending dunes of sand. Those ships had been there long before she had even been born, and she was sure they would exist for many more decades. In fact, they would probably lie in their graves for the rest of the systems life, simply too immense to ever be picked clean by even the most determined of scrap collectors.

The AT-AT she once used to take shelter in was nothing but a small silver dot amongst the endless stretch of sand in front of her, easily missed if she wasn’t as familiar with the area as she was. Even after all this time spent away, it was still ingrained in her mind. Perhaps a part of her refused to believe she would ever truly leave this place, that she would have to remember every single detail of how she survived these past years for when she inevitably returns to the life of a scavenger…

The Falcon lands smoothly as it always does thanks to her constant tinkering, setting the ship down on the flattest bit of land she could find (and she knew for certain wouldn’t be a sinking pit…Those were always a nasty surprise). The unrelenting, dry heat of the planet hits her as the Falcons landing door creaks open, the scorching wind blowing irritating grains of sand straight into her face.

“Maybe Kylo had the right idea with the mask.” She complains under her breath as she secures her bag to her waist and tightens her grip on her staff. Rey steps onto the familiar sinking sand, it’s almost unbearable warmth wrapping around her feet as they sink further down with each step.

It was surprising how quickly she had acclimatized to Ahch-To’s colder climate, considering she had spent most of her life in this burning heat. Right now, she would rather face the cold chills of Ahch-To’s wind than the scorching temperatures of Jakku’s sun as it beat down on her from above. Then again, there were many times on Ahch-To as she struggled to see, let alone walk through the freezing rain that pelted her, wishing for the warmth of Jakku.

Rey stopped monetarily when the AT-AT came into view, much bigger than a silver speck now she was walking down on the ground. She spins around, taking in as much as the horizon as she can, not seeing any sign of any visitors, both unwelcome and… Well, she supposed ‘welcome’, considering she technically invited him here.

(Except he was the one that suggested this damn planet…)

It wasn’t all that surprising that he wasn’t here yet. Considering she had no idea where exactly he was traveling from, it may take him longer to get here than it did for her. She was actually kind of thankful for it. If she was being honest, she wasn’t entirely ready to face him quite yet. Speaking together through the Force was one thing, but to stand face to face… It didn’t seem that different, but there’s something about it… That pull that’s always trying to bring her closer to him, it magnifies in ways she can’t even begin to explain. It’s a feeling she knows he experiences too, or at least thinks he does, considering the fact that he’s constantly entering her personal space. Knowing him, he probably isn’t even aware he’s doing it…

After a quick perimeter sweep of the area, Rey finds she can no longer bear to walk any longer on the burning sand, even if the temperature was starting to drop as night approached. The interior of the AT-AT brings with it a welcome shade, and she can’t help but let out a pleased sigh at escaping the sweltering heat that seemed intent on draining every bit of energy she had. Rey plops herself down on a chair of sorts, made of metal and other sturdy materials she was able to scavenge from various ships, only made bearable by the miraculously luxury fabric she had procured from what must have been once a very wealthy (but now obviously quite unlucky) individual.

The dry scratchiness in her throat became too much to ignore, hurriedly ripping open the top of her bag and searching through its contents before pulling out a canteen of water she had brought with her. It was far from cold, but right now, she couldn’t care less. Even lukewarm, it was one of the most satisfying drinks she had ever had in her life.

It’s just as she goes to take another sip gulp of water that she hears the screeching sound of a ship’s engine zipping past. The canteen remains frozen by her lips as she listens out for it, hearing the deafening sounds gradually become quieter and quieter, until she can no longer hear it. Whatever had flown by had flown low to the ground. No pilot flies that low when they have a set destination in mind; rather only when they’re looking for something.

Either someone was looking for her, or she was going to have to face Kylo earlier than she thought.

She wasn’t sure which one she preferred it to be.

With one last deep gulp of water, Rey tightens the cap of her canteen and stores it back in her bag, which she then promptly stored in a hidden corner of her makeshift shelter where it would hopefully stay somewhat cool. Quickening her pace, Rey makes her way out of the only shelter that was ever her own, wincing at the blinding light of the setting sun that threatened to burn her retinas. Rey lifts her hand to shield the worst of the sun's rays from her eyes, peering out in the direction she thought she heard the ship head towards.

Any moisture she had regained seemed to disappear from her throat the second she caught sight of his familiar silhouette against the backdrop of Jakku’s sunset, his flowing cloak floating behind him as it gets caught in the currents of the wind. In the distance, she could just about make out the intimidating shape of his shuttle, its shadowy pointed wings standing tall and proud like a beacon in the sky. Even from here, she could tell he was wearing his mask, something that oddly disappointed her. Although this time he had decided to forgo the hood on top, something she found gave him a much less menacing appearance.

Rey didn’t know what she was supposed to do right now. Was she supposed to walk over to him? Meet him halfway? Or just stand here and wait for him to arrive? The latter she decides is the best course of action, and as she comes to this decision, Kylo comes to a standstill. There they stand, two Force users having a standoff in the middle of a desert, with miles and miles of nothingness surrounding them and no one else in sight. A bout of uneasiness flares up at his frozen form, bringing her staff in front of her in the hopes he gets the message that she’s armed and ready to defend herself if need be. Her eyes remain glued to his side, where she knows for a fact his saber rests, waiting for the inevitable moment his hand goes to grab it.

But it never comes.

Instead, after an agonizing few seconds that felt much longer than that, Kylo continues to walk towards her. It was sort of strange, when she thought about it, that watching someone standstill was more terrifying than someone advancing towards you. That was just what it was like with Kylo, though. When he was stood still like that, she knew he was calculating something in his head, and no matter what you could possibly anticipate him doing, you would never be able to fully counter him. When he’s advancing towards you, it’s because, in his mind, he’s already won the upcoming battle, and that’s one of his greatest weaknesses. She knows that the best opportunity she has to outthink him is when he displays the cockiness and overconfidence of his father.

And Kriff, does she fear the day he stops doing that.

It wasn’t exactly like he was charging at her, but then again, in their previous chases, Kylo always seemed to… Stalk towards her. Perhaps another sign of his cockiness, that belief that he’s going to catch her no matter what, so he doesn’t need to hurry in his pace. Although, she wouldn’t say he was stalking her right now. On top of that, she’s not exactly running away from him this time, so really its more like he’s strolling towards her, casually, as if to say ‘Hi’ to an old friend while you’re out on a walk, not like you’re meeting face to face with the person you were once ordered to kill.

It takes him only a few minutes to reach her, coming to a stop just a few steps away from her. From here she can just about hear his somewhat labored breath emitting from his mask, most likely caught off guard by the exertion of trudging through deep sand. The sounds of his breathing are oddly mechanical sounding, no doubt due to being manipulated from whatever voice modifier he has built into his helmet. Kylo spends a good couple of seconds simply looking at her before glancing off to his right, scanning the area for a moment before he speaks.

“I assume you’ve performed a perimeter check?”

“As I did every night I spent here in the past.” Rey answers him, her fingers twitching against the heated metal handle of her staff, an unusually tense feeling sweeping over her, more so than usual when she spoke to him in the past. “Didn’t see much either when flying over- which I imagine you’ve done as well. Not a soul in sight, from what I could see.”

“Good,” Kylo states, turning his head back to face her before reaching his hands up to unlatch his helmet, yanking his helmet off his head to reveal black locks that were matted to his head with sweat.

“This is just a security measure- Less people see my face, the better,” Kylo tells her, letting the helmet hang by his side as he raises his other leather-clad hand to wipe his drenched hair out of his eyes. “Kriff, I forgot how much I hate sand. Stuff gets everywhere…”

And as she watches this six-foot man covered head to toe in thick black clothing, in the middle of a desert, with what can only be described as a pout on his face as he makes a miserable attempt to shake the sand out from his comically oversized boots, she starts to feel just a little bit better about accepting his offer.

* * *

“This… Was your home?” Kylo asks in disbelief as he ducks through the entrance of the AT-AT, glancing around at the space she’d made for herself. “There’s not much room.”

“I don’t need much room. I spent most of my time in cramped sections of ships looking for parts anyway, so this was more space than I’m used to,” Rey answers with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders, resting her staff against a make-shift table before sitting back down where she was before going outside. “This was just a place for me to eat and rest before heading out again. You don’t need much for that; just a roof and four walls to shelter you from the elements and other scavengers.”

“Just enough to survive,” Kylo notes sadly, gazing around at the dark and cramped room they were in. “Doesn’t matter, this should be the last time you have to see this place, nothing more than a meeting place.”

“Yeah… What’s one more night, right?”

“Wait, what?” Kylo asks, his head snapping to face her. “What do you mean ‘one more night?’ We’re leaving now, aren’t we?”

“Um, I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent the last fifteen hours flying to get here, on top of busting my ass for the past few days making sure I was even ready for this trip of ours, and I’m exhausted. I’m not risking the Falcon flying tired like that.”

“We’re not talking that ship,” Kylo told her with a tone of finality.

“What?! Why not? What is it with you and this damn grudge with this ship?”

“It’s not about a…grudge.” Kylo practically spat the last word, not helping his argument in the slightest. “That ship is a very well-known ship. Do you think it’s a good idea to show up at a First Order inhabited planet in a ship that’s associated with both a Hero Rebel and the Resistance? We’d be shot down before I could even identify myself. Not the best plan for ‘sneaking in’.”

“Alright,” Rey said miserably, unable to counter his points. “But I still need sleep, and unless you’re ready to admit you’re actually a droid, you need sleep too.”

“I’ll be fine.” Kylo waved her off, already heading toward the exit of the AT-AT. “If you’re so insistent on needing rest, I’m sure you’ll find my co-pilot's seats are comfortable enough to sleep in.”

“Sure, I’ll do that- If you answer two questions for me.”

“What?”

“When did you last sleep, and was it more than two hours?”

The long stretch of silence she gets in response is all the answer she needs.

“If you want to risk your life piloting a complex space-faring ship with barely any sleep, you go ahead, but I’m not gonna fly with you in that state. Besides, you really think I’d feel comfortable sleeping while you were flying? You could fly me anywhere while I’m out and I’d have no idea until we were there.”

“Fine,” Kylo growled in defeat, reminded once again of her unbeatable stubbornness. Kylo stepped away from the exit with an agitated huff, glancing around dejectedly at the cramped room once more before his eyes settle at her feet.

“You…Wouldn’t happen to have a spare blanket, would you?” Kylo asks in the most defeated tone she’s ever heard from him, raising an eyebrow at the fact he was struggling to meet her gaze.

“Rey?” Kylo whispers into the silence of the night, not worrying about waking Rey, seeing as he could see her eyes reflecting at him in the darkness. “What are these marks for?”

“The tally?” Rey asks for confirmation, even though she knows it’s the only thing he can be referring to. “They count the number of days I was here.”

The room falls back into silence, this one much more unpleasant than the one before. After a few seconds more of this, Kylo dares to speak again.

“Rey… How long were you here for?”

“Roughly fourteen years, give or take,” Rey answers, her eyes scanning across the tally’s she meticulously added to every day.

“How…old are you, Rey?”

“Nineteen, I think. Probably closer to twenty now. I don’t know my actual birthday.”

“You were left here by yourself when you were only… what, five? Six?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Rey rolled over onto her back, staring up at the cracked, peeling metal of her ceiling. “Kinda weird how long we’ve known each other and never knew our ages.”

Kylo hummed in agreement, lifting a hand to softly run his fingers across the jagged tally marks in the wall.

“That was my attempt at asking you for your age, if you didn’t sense that.”

“Oh.” Kylo blurts as the realization hits him. “About twenty-nine, closer to thirty.”

“Huh. Ten years older… You look younger than that.”

“I assume that’s a compliment?”

“Depends what look you’re going for, I suppose,” Rey responds, shrugging her shoulders even though Kylo couldn’t see. “I’m just saying if I had to guess your age, I wouldn’t have said thirty.”

“Never really put too much thought into what I look like, but thank you anyway.”

Enough time had passed without a word between them that Rey made the assumption that Kylo had finally fallen asleep. Craning her head to the side, her thoughts are all but confirmed when, with what little light the moon gives, she’s able to catch sight of him laid ram-rod straight on his back, eyes closed and breaths deep and steady. He looked very…Peaceful, even younger than he usually looks, the calm state bringing out the boyish features of his face. She was quite surprised that he asked to sleep here really, considering he had his own ship to sleep in. Well, saying that, she assumed it didn’t have a cot for him to sleep in, considering he didn’t mention one when he offered a place for her to sleep on board, but still, a seat would be better than the floor of an AT-AT in the middle of a desert, right?

“Are you going to stare at me all night, or are you going to sleep like you insisted you needed to?”

Rey felt her cheeks burn hot in the cold night's air, shamed to have been caught watching him sleep. How the Force could he tell with his eyes closed?

“Sorry, it's just… Weird, for me.” Rey apologizes as his eyes flutter back open, staring up at the ceiling while his vision adjusted before looking over to her. “I’m used to sleeping alone.”

“I can find somewhere else if you’re that uncomfortable.” Kylo offered.

“No, no it's fine.” Rey insisted quickly, shaking her head. “It’s… It’s kind of nice, actually. Weird, sure, but… It’s nice to have company.”

“Even when it’s me?” Kylo asked light-heartedly with just a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

“Even when it’s you.”

Evidently, this was not the answer Kylo was expecting. Any retort he had ready on his tongue for the snarky comment he was expecting died off, swallowing deeply as he let her words sink in.

“It’s not really something I’m used to, either,” Kylo admitted to her. “It’s been… A good long while since I’ve trusted someone else to sleep in the same room as myself.”

“When was the last time?” Rey pushed further, an unexpected warmth blooming in her chest at the implication that he trusted her, at least enough to sleep near her.

“When I was a young boy with my mother, most likely,” Kylo replied. “Leia…My mom, she wasn’t around that much, neither was Han. When he deemed I was old enough to be left on my own, he was back to his old ‘job’, if you can call it that. Mom was busy most of the time- we moved around a lot. It was during that time the nightmares started, and shortly after that, I started hearing voices. They terrified me. Mom, she’d… When she was there, she would race into my room as soon as she heard me start to stress. She’d try her best to comfort me, and it partly worked, I suppose, but… They never went away.”

Rey was listening intently, taken aback by how much he was speaking of his past to her, and how much he was opening up. Even though she could tell he was holding some parts of himself back as he spoke, it was more than she expected from him.

“I think they started to get to Leia-my mom-after a while too. One night, when Han decided he’d come back and visit us, I overheard them arguing. He said that I was getting too old for all of this and that she shouldn’t be ‘coddling’ me over it. Mom insisted it was more than just nightmares, but Han didn’t want to hear about it. Han didn’t want to accept the fact that I was Force Sensitive, and he seemed to think the best way to go about it was to ignore it, pretend like it isn’t happening. The argument they had when Mom suggested sending me to Luke… That one was impossible not to overhear. But, eventually, even Han had to accept who I was. The voices were getting stronger, I was getting… More agitated. Restless. They sent me away, and, well, you know the rest.”

“They were just trying to do what’s best for you.” Rey offered meekly. “Ignoring it probably wasn’t a great idea… But sending you to Master Skywalker was.”

“You know they never actually asked me if I wanted to go?” Kylo retorted dryly. “What I wanted was never part of the equation. I got too much for them, so they shipped me off to my Uncle, hoping he could fix the problem.”

“You needed to learn; About the Force, about how to control it- “

“How to restrict it. How to repress my emotions. Skywalker wanted to sway me from the Dark, but his biggest mistake was pushing me away from it. It only made me more curious, made me start listening to the voices in my head- that they might be right.”

“Your parents just wanted to keep you safe, Ben.”

“Thirteen years, Rey. Thirteen years I studied under my Uncle, and do you think I got to see them in that time? Of course not. A Jedi isn’t supposed to have connections, not supposed to have emotional attachments. They sent me away when I was ten, and they knew full well what they were doing. Maybe I had some good memories of them once, but that was washed away under all I had to learn. Any I have of my Uncle, well- Strangely enough, the memory of him holding his lightsaber over my head while I slept tends to override them.”

“He regrets that, you know.”

“He confessed to it?”

“Only after I confronted him about it. ‘A moment of weakness’, he called it. A fleeting moment where he feared the dark within you, but that was it all it took. You know, he- He sensed it in me too.”

This got Kylo’s attention, the sounds of his blanket rustling filling the room as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

“He was very reluctant to teach me. I didn’t know why at first- Of course now I know he was afraid to teach after what happened to you. When he finally gave in, and I reached out for the first time, I…”

“You went to the dark.” Kylo finished for her.

“I didn’t realize I was doing it.” Rey is quick to defend herself. “I didn’t know what anything was, I just felt it calling to me and I went to it. I got pulled out from it and… Master Skywalker was terrified. Of me. He…He…”

“He what?” Kylo inquired. “He- He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Wha- No! No, of course not.” Rey answered quickly, horrified that Kylo thought Luke would ever do such a thing. He seemed to sense the truth in her words, for Kylo’s anger promptly simmered away. “He ran away. He said that the power he felt from me was something he had only ever felt once before which was, well… You.”

“I assume he stopped teaching you after that?”

“No,” Rey replied with a shake of her head. “We had agreed to three lessons, but I only got one more after that.”

“What happened to the third?”

“He saw you and me in the hut- after you told me what he tried to do. I confronted him after that, and when he told me what he tried to, I left. I fled to find you.”

“And these…Lessons… Were they of any use?”

“They weren’t what I was expecting,” Rey confesses. “Master Skywalker, he… I think he lost hope after what happened.”

“Lost hope in what?”

“The Jedi Order. The first lesson was about how just because we have this connection to the light, it doesn’t make us Jedi - that the Force is simply too immense to belong to any religion.”

“It works both ways, you know,” Kylo tells her. “You can tap into the powers of the Dark too without being a Sith. Yes, my abilities in the Force may be focused towards the Dark, but that’s by my choice. I surround myself with the Dark, but I am no Sith. I was not taught in the way of the Sith Religion. You may surround yourself with the Light, or try anyway, but that doesn’t make you a Jedi.”

“Then…Then what are we?”

“Force Users. If you want to keep it simple, anyway. Never thought I’d see the day I agree with one of my Uncles lessons…” Kylo muttered the last part mostly to himself as he slid back down onto his back.

“In that case, I’m sure you would have loved his second lesson,” Rey told him with a huff. “Master Skywalker believed the Legacy of the Jedi is only of failure. That for every good thing the Jedi did, it was overshadowed by them allowing the Dark to overtake the Galaxy- That the Jedi has only done more harm that it had done to help the Galaxy and its people. Luke didn’t want to teach me the ways of the Jedi, because he didn’t want to have to pass that fate onto me. He thought it would be best to let the Jedi die with him.”

“Doesn’t sound like him in the slightest,” Kylo mumbled, furrowing his brow up at the dark ceiling above him as he thought. “He seemed to change his mind in the end. Seems you gave him his hope back, Rey. He believes the Jedi will live on with you.”

“And what about you?” Rey asked him. “Do you think that as well?”

“That’s not for me to say,” Kylo replied honestly. “Do I think it’s the right path for you to go down? No, not in the slightest, but I can’t tell you what to do. I can only guide you where I can. It’s up to you to decide what you do with your powers, Rey. You, and only you.”

“You say that like it should be an easy decision.”

“It’s not. Not in the slightest. Why do you think it took me until I was twenty-four to finally pick a side?”

Rey mulled over his words for a moment in the pause of conversation. There was something…Something about his words that sparked something within her, something she felt like she needed to talk to him about. Yet, telling him about it also seemed wrong. Like she was betraying someone, betraying herself if she even thought about it for too long, let alone say it out loud, and to him of all people. Except, in this moment of odd peace between the two of them, laying close to one another in the dark of the night, she finds the words slipping from her mouth without her permission.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course. It’s what I’m here for, after all.”

“I… I’m not really asking for guidance with this, I suppose. It’s… I don’t know. Something I need to tell you.”

Kylo sat back up from his makeshift bed on the floor, sensing the worry in her tone. It felt like his body had automatically responded the second he could feel her distress, a part of him he tried to keep buried down subconsciously trying to push him closer to her, filling him with this unusual, overwhelming instinct to help, to comfort in whatever way he can.

It was… an uncomfortable feeling to have returned to him.

“Well… If you feel like you need to say it, you can say it.”

“The truth is… I don’t know what’s right anymore. Before, it all seemed so simple; The Light was good, and the Dark was bad. But… Then I met you, I got to know you better and everything became so confusing. I…I can feel it within me, this pull to the Dark, and I know I shouldn’t be feeling it, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was there. And it… It feels like there’s something wrong with me. I know that people want me to focus only on the Light, to carry on the Jedi religion but… I’m scared. Scared that I’m not good enough, that this calling to the Dark, it’s- It's tainted me. It feels like-“

“Like it's tearing you apart,” Kylo finished her sentence before she could. “An equal pull to both sides. People are telling you that you belong to one side, but you can feel it's not as simple as that. We’re one the same, Rey. Same coin, just the other side. Sometimes it feels like you’re physically being pulled around, each side tugging you to the other. Some will say you belong to the Light, others will say you belong to the Dark. All my life, I tried so hard to do what others told me. I tried to push myself into being content with the Light, with my parents, with my Uncle. Then, when Snoke revealed himself to me, when he started telling me things others wouldn’t… I finally gave in, I turned to the Dark. I thought that would be the end of it, and then-“

Kylo cut himself off with a frustrated grunt, shaking his head as if he could physically push his thoughts out of his head.

“Then I could feel the Light calling me back. I did everything Snoke told me to, I was sure that as long as I followed him, obeyed his orders, he would fix me. I killed my own father in my search to settle myself, and it… It didn’t work. But… But then there was you,”

Rey’s body tensed up at the mention of herself, her mind already racing over what part she had to play in this.

“The scavenger girl from Jakku with a droid that held the map to Skywalker. I thought you wouldn’t be anything special. Just something between me and finally cutting the last tie to my past. And now- here we are- Rey from Jakku; Back where your story started, me here with you, telling you all of this. Should I be? No. If the First Order heard of this, I would be killed for treason -even as the Supreme Leader,”

That was… Something Rey had never thought of. It was obvious really, of course, The First Order couldn’t know that he was helping her. As far as they’re aware, she is the last remaining hope of the Jedi Order, for the religion to continue. At this point, she could very well be their priority target, even over the Resistance. So, if Kylo, their leader, was caught helping her? Kylo may be powerful, she’s seen first-hand of that, but against the entire First Order? By himself? She couldn’t imagine the outcome would be good for him.

“I shouldn’t be here, but I am, and I’m telling you- You are not alone in this. I feel the call to the Light, just as you feel the call to the Dark. Both of us are trying our hardest to resist it, sticking to what we think is the side we should be. I’ve come to terms with who I am, Rey. I’m not letting others tell me who I should be anymore. You have people telling you who should you be too, but here’s the important question, Rey; Who do you think you should be? Where do you belong?”

“I… I don’t feel like I belong to either. I mean- Less than a year ago I didn’t think the Force even existed. I feel so out of place in all of this, and I… I don’t know. I don’t know, Ben.”

“You will,” Kylo assures her, his tone one of certainty. “Maybe not today, but one day- One day, you’ll know.”

Even though he wouldn’t admit it, Kylo could feel his body beginning to succumb to its exhaustion. He slid back down until he was lying down on his back, letting his eyelids flutter shut and sink into the comfortable darkness that enveloped him, despite the itchiness of the sand under his back from the few irritating grains that had been swept inside.

“Until that day comes, I’ll do what I can to help you.”

This time, Rey made sure enough time had passed since he last spoke, confident that this time he had finally given in to sleep before she spoke to him once more.

“That’s what scares me the most,” Her voice was barely a whisper, so quiet that she could scarcely hear herself. “Because every second I spend with you, I feel myself being pulled closer. To you, and to the Dark. And I’m terrified that one day, I won’t be able to stop myself from giving in.”

Link To Chapter 5

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fanfiction #kylo ren/rey #ben solo/rey

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girlmeetsliv3 · 5 years

Text

Paradiso: Ten

Trigger Warning: This story depicts an abusive & toxic relationship, as well as psychological, emotional, and physical abuse. This story is pure fiction and is not based on a person or event. None of the actions taken by the character represent the individual member or bangtan.

Hope you enjoy!

Truth be told you were never blessed with the momentary haziness that comes from waking up from a deep sleep. Sure, you took a second to absorb things, but it was never like you forgot the circumstances you were in or didn’t recall what had occurred the previous night. Even your dreams you could perfectly remember almost as if you were still actively dreaming. Most may consider this a blessing, but to you: it was just another way in which the universe sought to torture you. How you hoped that momentary ignorance would take place when you woke up from your haunting dreams. To forget even if just for a second would have given your body the break it so desperately required… not a chance. For when you woke up it was drenched in sweat and the twisted smile of two little boys etched into your brain; along with all the trauma you had gone through the previous night.

Human conscious, and subconscious for that matter, are very powerful things which have led to the evolution from chimps to the modern man; and occasionally the devolution of moral high ground we pride ourselves in owning. That which separates us from beasts. It is in the phrase mind over matter that all this rings true for the human brain is capable of anything. In it lies the key to the creation of the most beautiful, intricate, and wonderful aspects of life – as well as the opposite. Due to this one might assume that its power is unparalleled, and it is invincible - wrong. There must always be a balance…

A slight tune could be heard coming from beyond the door, the little of the music you could hear was quite pleasing: a funky dance-pop sort of song. It was one meant to inspire happiness and a sort of carpe diem behavior; all you could feel was dread and vomit beginning to crawl its way up your esophagus. Despite how horrible the feeling and taste was you swallowed it back down and began to take deep breaths, that was preferable to the reaction Hoseok might have if his sheets were ruined. Eventually, you would have to leave the bed and the room, but the fact that there was something separating the two of you, even if it was something as miscellaneous as a door meant everything. So long as he was out there, and you were in here, then you were safe.

To say you were terrified of him would be an understatement, but the fear had changed. Whilst in the basement he had simply been a beast: a horrid creature that acted out on instinct will little remorse for his actions. That had instilled physical fear in you. You feared his reactions, his anger, the ways in which he could hurt you or possibly kill you. A game of cat and mouse, in a sense. However, after his bedtime story, you feared him: his eyes, his thoughts, his words, everything thing that was left unsaid. Before he could only physically hurt you, but now he was inside your head. You could almost sense him in there; waiting and observing for the perfect moment. Instead of simply killing you, he would break you; something a million physical deaths could not compare to. Now you were the fly entrapped in a spider’s web as it slowly inched closer to you – almost tauntingly – the outcome was certain.

“Jagi~” Hoseok stood right in front of you with concern reflecting in the way his eyebrows were furrowed and there was a slight pout in his lips, which could also be heard through his voice. It snapped you out of the breakdown you were about to have and once your attention focused entirely on him that gorgeous smile appeared. “You had me worried there for a second. Thought I lost you.” Ha, you wish. You smiled sheepishly and cast your eyes down in an attempt not to meet his. He grabbed your forearm lightly and tugged you out from under the covers leading you to the kitchen.

Breakfast had been served and it looked like something out of a magazine or one of those cooking shows. You couldn’t even speak as he pulled open the chair to the left of his and pushed you into the seat cushion. The gesture seemed chivalrous until he pushed the chair into the point where it was crashing against your ribs – making it difficult to move properly. He then sat comfortably in his chair and began to serve both of you breakfast, though your arms were working well he insisted on feeding you – almost like a child.

“How’d you sleep last night?”

“Good.”

“You were moving a lot I noticed.”

“I’m a restless sleeper.”

He laughed, “No, you sleep like the dead. Did you have a bad dream?”

“Kinda.”

“What was it about?”

“Nothing too special; I was just outside playing in the garden.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad dream to me, what happened next?”

“I was just walking around when I noticed something…”

Hoseok met your eyes as he chewed the meat, it was a silent encouragement to continue.

“A bush full of flowers.” Your tone was satirically happy now and it did not go unnoticed.

“What kind of flowers, Jagi?” A warning.

You did not heed it. “Oh, you know a bunch of them: snapdragons, marigolds, orange mocks, the likes…”

“What a peculiar assortment of flowers –“

“Yes, I thought so too.” You nodded.

“Is that all you dreamt of?!” His tone was calm, but you could sense his anger threatening to spill at any moment.

“Honestly, I don’t remember the rest.”

There was a pause, a silence, desperately waiting to be filled. Both of you knew what was going to happen next, only who would take the first step.

“I had a dream too, Jagi.”

“What about?”

“Comparisons.”

“Comparisons?”

“Yeah, you know, our constant need as humans to compare ourselves to others: other people, other things, other beings. To men, women, beasts; anything really.”

“I don’t get it…”

“It's simple really. Everyone wants to be the superior being, the only way to do that is to assess our strengths and weaknesses. But no one is ever honest with themselves, so we simply look towards other people for guidance; on what to do and what to not do. Sure it can be mundane things, but where it gets interesting is when we begin to compare ideologies and beliefs.”

“Hobi –”

“For example, one might look to compare the beliefs of a human with that of a beast. Constantly we tell ourselves how much better and more advanced we are than them – I think it’s the opposite. They can’t help what they are it's all they know, but us, we’re the worst thing that ever happened. We know better – but we don’t give a flying fuck. Isn’t that crazy?”

What did I do?

Hoseok stood up from the chair, the screeching of the wooden chair on the marble floor ringing loudly in your head. You watched him the way a cornered prey watches the predator: anticipating the strike. He walked towards one of the kitchen drawers and opened it, extracting a manila folder from inside. “What I find weird though isn’t those kinds of comparisons, it’s the lies we feed to ourselves whenever we go through a bump in the road: someone out there has it worse. I used to ridicule people who thought like that, but now I guess it makes sense. Someone does always have it worse.”

The manila folder was thrown in front of you and though you hesitated to look inside, you knew he wasn’t going to stop until you did. This is the moment previously mentioned: where the power of the mind comes into question. For despite all the modifications it had faced throughout all of known and unknown human history, despite being able to access the realm of the possibility – it can be destroyed by the contents in a cheap manila folder.

#bts #yandere #yanderebts #dark #bts fanfic #btsau #bts jhope #jeon hoseok #bts x reader #jhope #jhope x reader #kpop #fancfiction

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khymer-vulture · 7 years

Text

Hunter’s Moon Headcanons

I’m still kinda hesitant to post em, but screw it, I’mma gonna do it.

There’s still more to eventually list, I’m still kinda brainstorming. Also a shoutout to @linkedsoulwrites for some headcanons and tons of encouragement ;w;

Click the Keep reading button to check em out. (It all takes place after the story, so spoilers if you haven’t finished).

During their travel

They often stay at inns or any type of place that offers a room.

In the era they live in, the keepers do not hesitate to give them separate rooms. An unmarried couple in the same room together is kinda frowned upon.

Zack HATES it a lot, and HATES being lectured about it more.

Either Zack or Ray will sneak into each other’s room anyway. Damn the consequences!

Zack is aware he has bounty hunters after him, but doesn’t hesitate to take them all out. None of them can last very long against him and Ray.

To make ends meet, the two either loot what the bounty hunters have, they sell it off or they themselves take up odd jobs or even bounties while staying in a town.

Zack eventually figures out a way to get the bounty hunters off his back, and gives one of them his old false leg as “proof” for them to claim the money. Zack and Rachel live their life with no problems, everyone wins.

Zack normally gets Ray to read things for him, he only knows very little when it comes to reading.

There are days where they’re perfectly fine on funds and Zack lets Rachel explore to her heart’s content.

Zack secretly likes that glimmer in Ray’s eyes when she learns new things about each place they go to.

They don’t like to go into cities very much, aside from it being so crowded, they both feel wary since they grew up in shady cities themselves.

Rachel loves to learn about other cultures, ranging from how the people live to their religions.

Zack learns a little something too, but mostly shrugs it off.

He likes to poke fun about it too, her reactions are so amusing to him.

They both enjoy that sense of freedom from the places they once lived in. They are free to do what they want and go where they want to go.

There are rare nights of Ray having nightmares, it’s worse when she’s in a different room than Zack. She’ll either crawl into his room or he’ll rush to her aid. Fuck getting an earful from anyone else.

Zack sometimes gets nightmares as well, but mostly of the battle he had with Danny. Something about it left a nasty impact on him. Ray’s there to help remind him that Danny’s gone and never coming back to antagonize the both of them.

Zack’s Nightmare mostly consists of twisted forms of either Catherine and Danny, and even confronting the beast within himself.

When they don’t find a town to sleep in, Zack offers himself for Ray to sleep on. He’ll keep her warm while he keeps watch during the night.

The night after and they do find a town, Ray lets Zack sleep the hours he missed.

Zack will spend time with her and wander around town to make up for it.

When taking a job

Jobs can vary between simple labor to a dangerous bounty hunt.

Zack tries to take on the more dangerous jobs himself, but Ray won’t let him (especially since he has physical limits now).

They both have to remind each other to not take a job without being prepared first, either tends to forget...mostly Zack.

Ray is much more cautious during the more dangerous jobs, but notices the people there don’t fight with as much ferocity like Danny did. She refuses to lower her guard though.

Dangerous jobs are what keeps Zack’s bloodthirsty nature in check, it lets him kill people legally…and he’s totally okay with that.

Zack gets furious when Ray does get hurt, and also the other way around.

The more dangerous jobs mean bigger rewards so they can travel longer, even though Zack is reluctant to Ray tag along with them. Then again, he did teach her how to fight…and is pretty damn proud of it.

Though Ray is a very capable fighter, she still prefers to use a pistol. She becomes sharper each time she uses it.

There are rare moments where Zack could just knock a guy out and the job is done.

Some casual work Zack doesn’t mind too much, easy money.

They still have this dread of running into beasts again, or worse.

Around other people

They’re not new to receiving strange looks, because of the clothes they wear to the weapons they openly carry.

People think of them as quite the odd couple, Zack is a blunt man of little words to the people while Ray’s demeanor is kinder.

Of course, people tend to gossip when they see an unmarried couple together. It makes Zack pretty pissed, but Ray’s there to calm him down. He’ll even flaunt his affection for Ray to spite the gabbers.

Ray does most of the talking for the two, since Zack will either say very little, swear with every sentence, or plain argue.

Smiling people used to piss Zack off, but he has Ray, so fuck it.

Zack always keeps his face covered, be it with a face-mask to even wrappings.

Zack doesn’t care if people look at him strange, but won’t hesitate in giving others the death stare if they look at Ray the wrong way.

When they finally have a home

Zack and Ray are both glad they both have a place to call their own.

Plus, no worries about having to go into separate rooms, they can sleep in the same room to their heart’s content.

They do have neighbors, but their homes aren’t very close by…which is good for Zack…for…reasons.

They live in a small town, there is a city only a carriage ride away, so it is well stocked in trade.

Ray is quick in adjusting to the new life, though it took Zack a little longer.

With his bounty gone, no one knows of Zack’s past crimes, which is hard for him to get used to…but he can’t really complain…probably.

Zack does the heavy work, Ray helps cook and clean, though she does try to teach Zack, but he refuses to go anywhere near fire, even if it’s small.

Zack feels weird dressing in regular civilian clothing when outings with Ray ask for it.

Likes when Ray does it though.

Zack worries about people finding out about this other side of him, or even of Ray’s former life.

Rachel does help quell his uncertainties. She’s here to make sure his inner instincts don’t get the better of him, and reminds him that they both swore to keep their secret forever.

The town does hold their own festivals, Ray is always excited to go, Zack is pretty meh about it because that means being around large crowds of people. He relents anyway, they do have some pretty damn good food.

There have been moments people asked for Zack’s “help” since he’s crazy strong. He does hate being told what to do, but if the job involves smashing things, then sign him the fuck up. Sometimes watching the people’s stunned reactions is entertaining to him.

·After a busy day, the two enjoy relaxing in their home together, be it on a couch or a bed.

Zack’s Bestial Side

Zack has a very hard time controlling it, Ray is around to help his human side keep it in check.

It emerges most commonly when he either picks up the scent of blood, or when his most primal instincts are most active, such as rage, hunger, or even lust.

He really hates when it shows and does his absolute damndest to ignore it. It doesn’t feel right to him.

It causes him great pain when it does show, the body isn’t meant to change into something else so quickly.

He has nearly gone full beast once, and only once. His physical body completely changed, but his mind was still there. Zack worries the next time, he won’t come back.

Zack can barely make a sentence when he’s mostly beast. It’s a body he’s not adapted to and can’t understand it.

His body wants to act mostly on instinct, so it’s hard for him to act using sense of self.

Signs of his bestial side showing is most commonly a glow in his gold eye, claws, and sharp teeth…sometimes growling.

He has increased strength and speed as well, it did show once during a bounty hunt, poor guy immediately surrendered – taking him in alive increased the reward…so…yay?

There is a time his beast side craves blood, and he winds up biting himself out of frustration.

Zack reluctantly asked for Ray to put him down if he does lose his sense of self, because he won’t be able to live with himself if he harms or kills her.

There are some humorous moments, he does tend to act a bit doggish, like chewing whatever he got his hands on when he’s bored.

Ray does notice this and teases him a little, sometimes calling him a puppy.

He does not like that, and doesn’t know why he lets her get away with it.

Parts of Zack’s past (will work on Ray’s later)

Zack did have people he made a sort of silent truce with. A band of gypsies nursed him back to health when he was knocking on death’s door in his teen years. It was a short period of time where he and them did good turns for one another.

Zack killed or knocked out anyone who gave the gypsies a hard time, and they gave him cover to hide from authorities, and sometimes their share of food.

Eventually the city rounded them up for false crimes and wasted no time in execution.

That’s when Zack escalated his killings.

Zack has had sex before, but HATED IT (mostly himself). He did it as a desperate survival necessity. He never did it again, until he met Ray, and for all the right reasons.

There are times where his human side did kick in and would give up his steal of food to a kid starving on the street. A semi-hopeful attempt to keep them from becoming like him.

Even he had dreams of escaping the hellhole he lived in, but they are just dreams.

Zack learns about places to avoid, the ones with the foulest stench meant it was riddled with disease, and he stays the fuck away.

Those with red lamps are where the lowest of the low go, he can pick off city victims easily there…but the residents creep him the hell out.

Sometimes he’d sneak into the main city, besides for looking for victims, but also better scores of shit to steal for his next meal.

He learns that his victims give him a better reaction when he wants to give chase.

Zack is used to living in poor conditions, rotting in jail was nothing to him, hence why the court of judges pushed for execution (or tried, mwahaha).

Love Life (NSFW)

They are not secretive about being a couple.

If Zack wants to kiss her, then he god damn will. So will Ray.

Zack will fight until the ends of the Earth when it comes to having a single room. He only stops when Ray doesn’t want too much trouble.

Zack is pretty damn affectionate towards Ray, when he tries to say it, he feels like his tongue is in knots. Actions are easier to convey. Ray learns to read his body language rather quickly.

Ray eventually made the first move of becoming intimate. (NSFW starts here)

Zack was unsure at first, he did want her, and was surprised with how bold she was. He did not hesitate to take the hint.

Zack does like to get Rachel riled up, it makes her desire him more.

Rachel learns to do the same, and she can see it in his eyes. (His gold eye glows much brighter)

Zack has a damn hard time controlling himself though, there are times he’d bite or lightly claw her, and he’d quickly apologize after.

Sometimes his moans are replaced with growls.

They both prefer a position where they can see each other, their love and lust filled expressions are one of many turn ons for one another.

Zack does cave into his instincts a lot when he’s intimate, almost like a hungry wolf. He gets very explorative with his mouth.

When Ray does the same, she finds out he’s a lot more sensitive than she thought, Zack almost tore the mattress to shreds while preventing himself from pouncing on her.

They both know people will talk, but screw them…they love each other. They’ll officially tie the knot sooner or later. They’re spiritually married.

Ever since becoming intimate with Ray, another instinct woke up inside of Zack. It shows itself maybe once or twice a year, but he does go into a sort of heat for a few days.

Zack was so confused and internally embarrassed. Complained a lot about the house being too hot, which left Ray puzzled (it wasn’t hot at all).

As soon as he so much glanced at Ray, his head filled with tooooonnsss of thoughts and urges. Fuck, it almost left him drooling.

He locked himself in their room, thinking he might hurt her if he lost control of himself.

Ray got worried and figured out how to pick the lock (or Zack did a shit job at locking it)

Zack tried to get away or hide, it only made her more concerned.

Poor Ray got herself into a pretty big predicament as soon as she laid a hand on Zack.

She did get the idea that he wanted to make love, but damn, she didn’t expect HOW BADLY, Zack literally ripped his own clothes off with ease. (She had to buy new ones)

Ray couldn’t even think straight when the deed was being done, he touched every inch of her body. He did bite an absolute lot. The mattress and wooden bed frame didn’t even survive, RIP.

Ray couldn’t walk the next day, she does figure out what Zack’s “problem” was. Sort of never lets him hear the end of it. Zack is so damn embarrassed…but slightly refreshed. Apologizes a thousand times.

Next day, Zack sleeps on the sofa (Ray kinda earned it for putting up with him). The following night, Ray allows him into her arms…after they replaced the bed, of course.

Ray eventually figures out when his “problems” surface and notes it on a calendar…one she has to tuck away from any visitors.

Zack doesn’t know if he should be worried with how precautionary Ray gets around that time.

She doesn’t fucking joke about being precautionary. She makes lists of do’s and don’ts along with buying extras of everything.

Ray doesn’t mind when Zack gets a little too passionate, but sometimes she will tell Zack that he does need to cool it. Claws can be a little much when he can barely control himself.

In an attempt to cease his need to scratch, Zack wound up breaking the head board.

Both Zack and Ray are really fucking glad their neighbors aren’t close.

They do keep their bedroom secrets to themselves, though it’s hard for Ray to explain bite marks. Sometimes she stays at home until they’ve faded enough to not be noticeable.

When they aren’t exhausted (can’t say for the certain days though), they do like to whisper to one another.

Ray has a habit of drawing shapes on Zack’s body when they’re relaxing after a passionate session.

When days are normal, there will be days where just cuddling and sweet kisses will suffice, but if either do get in the mood, they both can read each other’s body language rather well.

Sometimes Zack nuzzles without thinking.

Rachel finds it both adorable and endearing.

Rachel likes it when Zack isn’t hiding his real self, she calls him handsome every day to remind him of that and not his scars.

Zack is internally ecstatic when she says it.

They’re both everything to one another, the two have changed their lives for the better and are glad they’ve met.

Zack has never known what love is like, but he knows for damn sure he feels it when he’s with Rachel.

Rachel knows that Zack hates formalities, but she’s noticed that he reacts differently when only she says his first name. He doesn’t get agitated anymore, but instead, he really likes it.

His beasty behavior does make showing affection a little awkward, when he does want to give Ray a simple kiss on the cheek, he might lick on accident.

Even though he hates dressing in civilian clothing, he still enjoys going on outings with Ray.

The two will tell each other often how grateful they are in their life.

They both enjoy the roles of husband and wife.

Home Life

There are times where Zack has troubles getting up because of his leg, Ray is there to help him.

Some days Zack will take the false leg off when it becomes too uncomfortable to keep on. Ray got him a walking cane just for those days.

Sometimes he still walks with it with the leg on, mostly on regular outings. Cobblestone streets are hard for him to keep balance. Regular brick streets are much easier.

Ray thinks he looks fancy when he does walk with it.

When they’re not out to work on a hunting job, the two do like to spend time together, either at home or out in town.

Ray enjoys in taking the task in fixing up Zack’s wrappings, Zack secretly admits to himself that she does a better job at it than he does.

Zack does learn how to actually fix stuff than just outright smashing everything, he wants to help too if they’re living together for the rest of their lives.

Future Plans

After a few months of settling into their new home, Zack proposes to Ray. She accepts without hesitation.

Zack enjoys the thought of Ray being a mother, he wouldn’t mind starting a family with her, but there’s a bit of a problem with that idea

The two tend to travel a lot when they go out to do bounty hunting jobs.

They still have Old Blood coursing through their veins, and they worry about passing it on to any future children.

They still can’t shake the thought about what Danny tried to do with her, and fear that such a result may still happen.

They do consider the thought of settling for good and possibly adoption.

When the pair go to a nearby city to pick up some things like new clothes (Zack has a tendency to tear em up), or something for the house, they come across a kid being chased down for stealing bread. Zack’s all too familiar with that situation, Ray stops the vendor from hurting the kid and pays for the bread. Ray sees that nostalgic look on Zack’s face, and asks if he’s thinking of taking the young kid in. Of course, he shyly nods.

The kid distrusts them at first, but Zack is the one that talks to him because he knows of it’s like. The kid doesn’t feel alone when it comes to struggling on the streets, and is actually glad he’s being given a home.

Takes all of them a while to adjust to a new addition to the home, but eventually start behaving like a normal family.

When they settled, Arty seems to fit in to the family rather well. They’re all a bunch of misfits, and it couldn’t be more perfect.

Their adopted child is named Arthur, but prefers being called Arty. He thinks his full name is dorky.

Arty’s father was a military man, he never returned home when sent to be on duty. His mother passed away from illness and no other family members wanted to take him in.

The couple do plan on what to do next, they can’t go out to do regular hunting jobs and Ray doesn’t trust in leaving Zack alone to do them without her keeping his humanity in check.

Apparently hunting and trapping is just as good, Zack gets to kill something while the pair stay in the area. Who knew pelts could sell for a good amount? Even if his methods weird people out.

Their kid asks about stories of their travels a lot, and enjoys hearing every word, though Ray has to dumb down the violence.

Though Zack and Ray are both caring parents, they are diverse in their own way. Ray is the nurturing parent, while Zack is the dad you’ll take with you if someone threatens to beat you up.

Zack was worried about their adopted son being scared of his scars, but he doesn’t mind them at all. He thinks his scars prove his dad is tough. Zack is amused by it and plays along.

Both Zack and Ray feel touched when they’re addressed as Mom and Dad.

Zack is hesitant to tell their adopted son how he lost his leg, but he keeps the summary very simple. He lost it in a fight to save Ray, and that is that.

Since Arty knows his new dad used to be a street rat like him, they both tend to share stories of tricks they used to pull when stealing or evading the authorities, sometimes they learn something new.

One day, Ray becomes very ill, Zack is panicked and their adopted son fetches a house doctor. Her illness is due to pregnancy, Zack nearly faints. They are all surprised, both Zack and Ray are a little nervous though because of those inner fears. They do want the child more than anything though.

They assure Arty that they want him to stay in their life too, he’s their child also.

The child is a normal human baby, with no evidence of old blood.

They have a son, named Reese.

Both Arthur and Reese get along very well, though they are little trouble makers.

Zack will teach his sons how to fight and hunt when they’re older.

Ray teaches all of her boys how to read (even Zack).

#satsuriku no tenshi #au related stuff #some headcanons for them #hunter's moon AU

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aiikko · 7 years

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Him

He loved using the Chatly app because as he himself admits, he’s too shy to meet girls in real life. The anonymous interactions that the app provided excited him even more than the possibility that somewhere in the world there is the right girl waiting for him. It was not an addiction he insists, but more of a basic human need for communication. “Then why don’t you ever go outside the house?” his mother frequently asks him and always, the replies are variations of how they live in a small town that boasts no excitement whatsoever. “Plus the girls in this town are either taken or ugly- and I’m not about to settle for personality!” he’ll say. The principle of the app is simple, you sign up, type in facts about yourself (gender, etc), and it automatically pairs you for chatting with someone whom the algorithms of the app determines as your perfect match. Whether or not it works for the both of you is outside the app’s control; it’s up to the people involved if they decide they liked each other enough to stick around. Otherwise, you can simply opt out by ending the chat.

He’s had instances when the girl on the other end would abruptly end the conversation without saying goodbye. He hates to confess it, but when they do that it stings on the inside as all rejections do, even anonymously. It was during the nth time playing around with the app that fate brought him to a girl named Jen. “I love Dystopian fiction.” This for some reason was Jen’s introduction. “1984?” he immediately typed in and Jen replied with “Totally!” It was love at first chat. The conversation went from books to the personal, spanning topics from favorite ice cream flavor to their shared Atheism. “There is no substantial evidence to prove that there exists a God. Man created the concept of a god as an excuse for his imperfections.” This was according to Jen and in his mind, this was a sign that he found a potential friend. Jen is a self-confessed introvert like him; she says she prefers staying at home as she’s “allergic to other people’s bullshit.”. And this information was the go signal for him to move to the next step.

“So, Jen, are you seeing anybody at the moment?” He typed on his phone, hoping that it didn’t sound too obvious his intentions. “Hmm…I’ve had some from the past, but at the moment? No.” Jen replied. He almost gave himself a high-five. Now having more confidence, he uploaded on the screen the best picture he could find in his photo album. He captioned: “This is a fairly recent pic of me. See, I’m not some pervert living in his mom’s basement, I’m just a regular guy albeit on the skinny side.” Again, he hoped that by uploading his picture Jen would be encouraged to do the same. “You kinda resemble David Foster Wallace when he had short hair, glasses and all…cute!” Then a pause. After a few awkward seconds Jen told him that she needed to run errands for her mom and that she had to end the chat. “Goodbye for now. You’re a cool dude to talk to. We’ll chat again. Bye!” Disappointed, he typed in his goodbye. However, there was no doubt in his mind that they will talk again through the app the next day.

When tomorrow came, he waited all day for Jen’s online status to light up. He ceased from his normal daily activity of sitting on his bed reading books just so when Jen does appear online, they’ll be able to chat. He waited all afternoon until his mother called him for dinner. At the table, his mom noticed that he won’t stop checking his phone instead of eating. “Mind your manners young man!” She told him in a sing-song voice. She only took her eyes off him when he tucked his phone in his shirt pocket. “By the way, your Grandma Janis and Uncle Ted will visit us tomorrow.” His mother informed him as she mushed her potatoes with a fork. He gave her a slight nod but it was obvious he wasn’t interested in any of that. Later on, lying on his bed at midnight, he patiently waited for Jen on the app. It was about an hour later when the screen showed him that Jen is finally online. Immediately, he tapped her name and typed in “Hey!”. Several moments passed before the word “SEEN” was displayed underneath his message but no reply came. He tried another approach: “I hope you’re not having any trouble with whatever. Even if you have, I’m here to listen.” Again, the word “SEEN” and nothing. He sighed. Did he come off as too upfront about his intentions? Perhaps the glasses made him come off as too nerdy? But she loves reading books and staying at home, surely she won’t mind hanging out with a nerd? Such are the questions that whirled inside his mind. In the end, he gave up. She was probably one of those girls who pretended they did the same things as smart people do so boys would take them seriously. And by boys, he meant the good-looking ones. He took it as a slight against his person but his defence mechanism retorted that by not uploading a picture, it was obvious that Jen was ugly. “And possibly fat.” He thought to himself, nursing his inner hurt by thinking the worst of the girl who hurt him. In the end, he got over it and slept in the wee hours of the morning.

He dreamt about a girl named Jen. In his dream, Jen was a pretty brunette with big breasts and a small waist. They stayed on his bed all day reading books and mocking religion with the occasional sex here and there. As he pounded her from behind in his dream sex scene, he kneaded her butt cheeks and slapped them hard until they turned red. In the dream, Jen stopped gyrating on his penis to turn her head to look at him; without warning, she transformed into a giant burrito. The dream ended here. He woke up to his mother’s voice and an aching erection.

His relatives visited them that day. Grandma Janis was lively for her age and as usual, uncle Ted was weird. He can’t help but imagine his uncle eating glue at a young age, uncle Ted certainly looked like someone who’d do that. With his uncle obese, balding, and smelling like moist fart, he had every evidence to assume so. Uncle Ted ignored him for the most part. While eating, uncle Ted made porcine sounds as he gorged on the meal prepared especially for their visit. After their lunch the four of them went to the front porch to have tea. Grandma Janis reminded his mother that she accidentally left a scarf on their house on a prior visit. The two women got up to go inside the house to look for it. Which leaves him alone outside with his uncle Ted. A bunglesome silence passed between them for neither would break the ice. More silence passed until the air suddenly smelled like rotten eggs; he looked sharply at Uncle Ted who shot him a glance before clearing his throat and looking up at the sky. He was about to cuss about uncle Ted’s unethical farting when his Grandma called from inside the house: “Ted! We’re leaving, say goodbye to your nephew and sister!” But uncle Ted did nothing of this. When uncle Ted got up from his chair, his nephew saw that he had left a phone behind. Still pissed off, he decided not to tell his uncle about it.

Later, when the visitors left, he got curious about his uncle’s phone. There was no passcode in it (he sort of expected it that a buffoon like his uncle would not think twice about security) and he could freely navigate all of its contents. Suddenly a familiar blue logo caught his eye. It was the Chatly app. He gave it a tap and inside were the details of his chatting history. He scanned the names until he saw HIS.

We all have our quirks. Some put the milk first before the cereal, and some like cats more than humans. If you think about, it’s pretty normal to be unique. But even if you are self-proclaimed nonconformist, there are simply standards we have to maintain when dealing with society such as not breaking the law for example. While it is not wrong to have that bit of weirdness in you, too much of something is never a good thing. Especially if you’re a fifty-eight year old obese, balding, smelly, virgin pretending to be a young woman half your age to lure unsuspecting boys on the internet.

Uncle Ted’s chat history showed that he is pretending to be a girl named Jen and that he has engaged in what they call nowadays as “sexting” with several young men. It suggested that he started the chats off with bold statements about himself to gain the attention of his victims. On one of these chats he introduces himself as a redhead with Irish heritage- “Kiss me I’m Irish!” uncle Ted says. He felt his stomach turn upon reading the threads wherein some of the young men uploaded pictures of their private parts for uncle Ted’s predatory eyes to claim. Some of these boys are not even older than fourteen according to what he has read.

He recalled the dream. The brunette. The burrito. The balding oaf who still lived with his mother. HIS uncle Ted.

Then he thought about himself. Rarely going outside the house. Living with his mom. No friends. Lurking the interwebs for potential sex-partners.

He put two and two together: what if I become like HIM? He lost it and went to the bathroom to throw up.

The very next day, he applied for a job that had the most possibility of human contact with it. Not that all the introverted and awkward are like uncle Ted, but still.

With anonymity being a key feature in most online experiences, one can never tell who is who these days. He needs to log off now, and likewise, the hour is nigh for a proper introduction of himself— this time to the real world.

#first draft

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