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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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Will You Survive a Relationship Breakdown?

Relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and who will get shattered? Let us discuss.

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The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. It is very simple equation. But let us remember that life is not made of equations and emotions do not behave mathematically. So it all boils down to personality. There are some who expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma.

On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. This is the vulnerable class. If by bad fate, they are ditched by the partner, they will suffer very bad trauma. They will never believe that this could ever happen and all their life they will spend wondering how it happened. Their faith in their partner is absolute. They trust their partners most and for them the shock of the broken trust is unbearable. They need psychiatric help. Hopefully with professional help they may recover. But at times the trauma is uncontrollable. They lose their faith in life and everyone else. The betrayal kills their inner core and the will to carry on. If you are one such type, please go into any relationship with the awareness that your partner may not be as honest as he/she looks.

Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. Sometime I feel that the world is for people who are practical and never allow their heart to rule over their mind.

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mitibase-technologies · 2 years

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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Women! Get More Love By Giving Less.

Any woman can attract a better quality man or inspire the man she has to give her more love, affection and romance, by learning the truth about Overnurturing.

What is Overnurturing? It’s doing too much in a relationship. Giving too much. It’s the reverse of how a relationship works best for a woman.Giving is what men are supposed to do. Women are supposed to receive the love, affection and gifts that men give, and then give love and affection back to them. Though many of us have caught onto this, it’s challenging to stop doing what we’ve always done, what we’ve been told is the way to do things, and to fly in the face of the fallout we fear. So I’m going to tackle one little issue — Nurturing.

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Nurturing is masculine. If you want to get what he wants to give, stop nurturing your man.

Radical as this sounds, try it. Stop doing. Stop giving. Stop massaging your husband’s feelings. Stop helping your date do the relationship thing and let him flounder until he figures it out. He will.

This whole concept of nurturing is a dilemma for most of us. We think of mothering, nurturing, caring for our young as a feminine aspect of ourselves.

It isn’t.

Nurturing and caring for others may be a female trait — Motherhood is female — but it’s still about action! Nurturing is about doing. Giving. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a masculine energy place.

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We are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we get confused. We think being loving to our men is nurturing them. Massaging their bodies, minds and spirits. There is nothing wrong with the idea of nurturing — it’s the form our nurturing takes that causes so much difficulty. We are all composed of masculine and feminine (yin and yang) energies. We move through them fluidly at our best, and are stuck in one or the other at our worst.

But most of us are stuck at one extreme or the other. We either give too much all the time and then find ourselves resentful all the time, or we go the other way and make ourselves emotionally unavailable to our dates, our husbands, our boyfriends, and every man we meet.

Too often, our nurturing energies are perceived by men as mothering. Our actions seem intrusive. We seem to be judging them and finding them coming up short — otherwise why would they need taking care of? On the other hand, they love attention. Don’t we all?

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To strike some sort of balance when we are all so mightily out of balance, I’m asking you to pull back to zero. To at least imagine pulling back to zero. The baby steps you actually take may seem huge. When you stop doing for your man what he doesn’t need you to do, yet has grown accustomed to your doing, may resent your not doing, and will certainly find himself relieved that you’ve stopped doing, things may get messy before they get better. But they will get better.

This is all about Overfunctioning.

What does Overfunctioning and Overnurturing look like?

You come to the door the moment he gets home and ask him how his day went. You offer to massage his neck, his feet, his back because he looks so tired (even though you’re just as tired.) Or you give your date directions to your house before he asks. And you invite him in and offer him something to eat or drink without even knowing what he has in mind for the evening. You offer to cook him a meal when he’s barely taken you out to a decent restaurant. You offer sex to your husband, without being asked, and even if you’re not in the mood, because you figure you should. You ask him how he feels, and demonstrate concern for his feelings and moods.

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This sounds nurturing, but it’s not. It’s mothering. Nurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you don’t want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if it’s damaging to you or his relationship with you — this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.

And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when it’s happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy. Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy — on his end of it.

This is feminine energy — the expression of honest-to-goodness feelings. All the caretaking and fixing and doing and massaging and concern is masculine energy in action, and it will get you nowhere near what you want.

Try it the feminine way. Stop nurturing a grown-up man, and start expressing your feelings moment by moment. The first time is scary — but then, you’ll see — you’ll wonder how you ever loved any other way.

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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Yes, You Can Have a Romantic Valentine’s Day, On A Budget

While we would all like to whisk our partner away to celebrate St Valentine’s Day at an exotic five star resort, I know I can’t afford it, just yet!

Here are some ideas for Valentine’s Day luxuries on a budget that will amaze your partner. And if you do it just right, with a little creativity, you can have the ultra-romantic day that will convince your loved one of how much you love him or her. Again.

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Getting out into the open air, just the two of you, is a great way to spend Valentines. Head for the hills or the state park. There are walks to suit all — whether its an easy walk or a more demanding hike. Remember, it’s February, so its likely that the place will be deserted and you will have all that natural beauty to yourself. And outdoor privacy is so romantic!

Take along a special picnic when you go out. In a small picnic basket collect a tablecloth, a vase with a realistic rose in it, 2 taper candles with holders (don’t forget a lighter) and a lovely meal for two. When you reach the picnic area you can surprise your partner by setting the table for a romantic meal. Sit down and enjoy!

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You could take the picnic with you on a romantic drive, or for a day out kite flying or bicycling. Remember that it’s being together that is important.

The outdoors idea even works for couples that have children. There’s always plenty for the kids to do if there is a safe and empty playground close by. What better way to celebrate your love than by keeping one eye on the children and reminding yourself why you love them, and their other parent, so much.

Don’t fancy the great, romantic, outdoors? Cooking your romantic Valentine’s meal together is a great way to share the day. Male sure that your dinner choice is something you will both enjoy, even better if its a special treat you don’t often have. Go over the top in decorating the dining room and go to town on the place settings. Make sure you both dress up in your best clothes, as if it was your first date, with your best jewelry and scent.

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The main thing to remember is that if you are together you will have as romantic a time as you would have at a posh resort or an exclusive restaurant. It’s the thought that counts, not how much money you spend.

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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You Can Be Romantic!

Why is it that so many people believe that they don’t have time or take the initiative to be romantic? Maybe most people don’t believe that they are creative enough to be romantic. Everyone is creative! The definition of being creative is having the ability or power to create. The word create offers a much broader definition than most people accept when it comes to the process of being able to come up with something original or simply well thought out.

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Gifts that are considered to be traditionally romantic like candy and flowers are wonderful, but sometimes you need something that goes one step further. If your spouse enjoys flowers, you don’t have to settle for roses because they can sometimes become unexciting after a while! Present him or her with something completely original such as a daisy or another flower where petals can be counted. Ask him or her to play the childhood game of ‘they love me, they love me not’ and watch them pluck the petals as they go. However, don’t allow for the possibility of him or her arriving at the ‘they love me not’. Count the petals before you present the flower to your spouse and trim it so that there is an odd number of petals for the right outcome!

Arts and crafts used to be a fun break from the monotony of the school day, but believe it or not, it will come in handy when it comes to creative romantic gestures. Instead of promising that you will love him or her forever, show them. Take a piece of paper, ribbon or other material you choose and write “I love you” on both sides from end to end. Twist the paper 180 degrees and connect both ends of the paper until you have mad what looks like the figure eight. Tape or glue to ends together. You can present your love with a symbol that shows them your love for them is an endless love.

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Creativity comes in many different forms! Being creative can mean creating an atmosphere. If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply don’t want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (it’s up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You won’t have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.

Maybe romance is on your mind, but he or she is going out of town. Did you know that people on airplanes are typically hopeless romantics? Any flight attendant would be more than happy to make sure that your spouse receives a special present after the flight has left the ground. Simply approach a crewmember after he or she boards the plane and they are usually more than happy to oblige a hopeless romantic like you! (You might want to make sure that the gift is unwrapped or keep it to a single rose due to heightened security.)

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Creativity doesn’t have to come in the form of gifts every single time. Gestures like getting up and dancing with your spouse when a special song comes on the radio is quite creative and incredibly romantic! Whenever the mood strikes you, allow your creative juices to flow!

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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You Can Improve Your Relatonships

Is there magic to what makes some relationships last longer than others? Maybe. Do some people just sit back and sulk, while others seem to let life go by right over their heads and problems? It sure seems so. Or maybe it’s just that some people learn secrets of success from their grandparents or other relatives or friends. And since the latter is probably more accurate, here are some tried and true tips from people who have enjoyed long, happy relationships.

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1. REFRESH — Take time to look back, refresh your memories and share what brought you together. Especially when times are difficult, lean back and rely on these old memories as your foundation and glue yourselves back together with them (not literally, of course!)

2. DATES — Keep dating each other. Even if life seems too busy, meet at the end of the evening for something light and easy, like viewing your favorite sitcom (record it if necessary) together or playing a game of Euchre.

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3. FUN — Couple tend to have fun on dates, then get married and too serious. Lighten up. Head to Yahoo Games (off Yahoo.com main site) and join in any number of card or other games. Or head to a local rental shop and rent an Xbox or other game player and some games.

4. FORGET — No need to “always” remember the bad things that happened during an argument. Actively “forget” sometimes. Be the first to apologize and make up. Go for it!

5. SPACE — Give each other some space. Either you trust or you don’t. Get on with life, though. People need time alone and time with their mates and other friends. Be sure to give and take your fair share of space.

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6. DISAGREE — Agree that it’s okay to disagree on some issues, and leave it at that. No need to create a new religion or political movement just to appease both of you. You don’t HAVE to agree on everything. And you won’t. And that’s okay.

7. MEMORIES — Make some together. Enjoy special moments, special anniversary dates and events. No need to be elaborate. For example, maybe you enjoyed watching a hot air balloon race one spring day. The next year, you might schedule time to watch it again. Make it an annual event. Collect postcards with balloons on the, playing cards, toss pillows…over time it becomes a theme.

So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.

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Improving relationships require knowing what to do and how to do it. If you follow some tried and true tips, it is possible you can also improve your relationships.

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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You Love Them Because They’re Funny!

For years I heard woman after woman say after obviously falling in love, “He’s so funny! I just love that about him.”

Often after someone has lost a family member, they’ll say “I’ll always remember her smile, the way she laughed, the little jokes she would tell to lighten the mood.”

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Could it be we love people who have a great sense of humor? I’ve always thought so. And now we have scientific proof of what many of us long suspected. Humor is one of the things we enjoy most about life and, frequently, the people we love are the ones who make us smile.

Fortunately for those of us who probably aren’t that funny, humor is most often in the eye of the beholder. The guys at work may not laugh at your wise cracks, but if SHE laughs, well that’s all that matters.

For a long time, nobody in the scientific world knew much about humor. But during the past 20 years, more and more research has been done. We know what parts of our brains deal with humor. We also know when a baby starts to develop a sense of humor.

The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship.

So don’t hesitate. Let your funny bone show through!

* When you think something is funny, don’t be afraid to let it out. Just think first if your remark might be taken the wrong way by those in earshot. Humor is great — foot-in-mouth is less great.

* Use humor to ease uncomfortable situations. When the mood starts to get tense, an appropriate chuckle and humorous side remark can get everyone back on track.

* If you’re not naturally funny, read cartoons, joke books, the laugh lines at the back of Reader’s Digest, and pay attention to how script writers set up funny situations on TV. You CAN learn to be more humorous than you are. Pay attention to humor and your sense of humor will develop.

Above all else, be someone who APPRECIATES humor. Try not to make someone feel bad when you don’t find their attempt at humor to be all that funny. As long as the humor isn’t in grossly poor taste, give your humorist a smile. And be one who isn’t afraid to chortle and guffaw when someone really pushes your funny button. A good laugh can be the best medicine you’ve had all day.

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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Young Love?

Here in the western world we are obsessed with youth. Our media is saturated with images of the young, beautiful and happy selling us products on the back of the promise that we will become like them if we should only buy this face cream or that car or this insurance policy. The fantastic and circular equation this fallacy is based on seems to be that youth=beauty=success=desirability=love=happiness=youth etc. One only has to look at our icons of romance to see the indelible link between youth and romance. In fact, two of our most famous romantic icons, Juliet and Pocahontas (as lauded by Peggy Lee in the classic love song ‘Fever’) were so young at the time of embarking on their turbulent romances that they would not, today, be considered of legal age. In amongst all this, ne could easily be left with the impression that beyond the age of thirty, all hope for romance is lost.

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Happily this is not so! Our senior citizens are getting involved in the dating game in their droves. Actually in all probability they have been doing it for years but the older generation, certainly in Britain, are renowned for their discretion almost to the point of coyness. Luckily for social analysts and writers like myself, a convergence of recent phenomena makes it possible to now gain a much fuller impression of just what our seniors are getting up to!

Recent years have seen an explosion in the number of ‘silver surfers’, that is to say people of retirement age or above who are web literate to a greater or lesser extent and are making regular use of the Internet. The same period has seen a rapid growth in the online dating industry. The result of these two phenomena is that we can see quite plainly, looking at the figures, that it’s definitely not just the young folks who are looking for love online. A recent study carried out by my company revealed over 14,000 active dating site users over the age of 65 compared to an average age group membership of just over 25,000. With numbers like this it’s understandable that seniors are regarded as an important demographic by us in the online dating industry and hardly surprising that classes in Internet dating are springing up at places like the Pleasant Hill Senior Centre in Contra Costa, California.

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With a population that is increasingly ageing as the baby boom generation reach their 60s and take a greater knowledge and awareness of current and developing technologies into their later years, it can only be expected that this phenomenon will increase. And so it should be! Why should the spring chickens get a monopoly on the joys of spring?

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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What You Say, What People Hear

Communication between partners often gets confusing, and there is a very good reason for this. Most of the time, the words we use have far less impact than the energy behind the words. Therefore, what you say is often not what the other person hears.

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The energy behind a communication is determined by our INTENTION. In much of the communication between partners, there are two different intentions that can motivate any given communication: we are often either intent upon controlling the other person, or intent upon learning about ourselves and our partner. The difference in energy between these two intentions is what frequently creates the confusion in communication.

For example, in one of my phone counseling sessions with Joshua, he complained about the fact that his wife, Joan, often gets upset with him over seemingly minor issues. A recent conflict had occurred over a book she was reading. He had asked her why she was reading that particular book, and she had responded to him with irritation.

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“Joshua,” I asked, “why were you asking her about the book?”

“I was just curious.”

“Go deeper,” I said. “Was there anything about the book that was threatening to you?”

“Well….yeah. It was a book about women and codependency.”

“And what was threatening to you?”

“I’m afraid of Joan pulling away from me.”

“So, which intent do you think was operating at that moment — the intent to control her or the intent to learn about yourself and her?”

“I guess to be honest, I have to say that I was wanting to control. When I think back on it, I think my tone of voice may have been blaming. Joan always tells me that she hates how much I try to control her, and I always think she is wrong about that. But I think I was trying to control her.”

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“And she responded to your intent to control with irritation, which is what is happening frequently in your relationship, right?”

“Right. So what would I have said if I was open to learning?”

“It’s not so much the words as it is the energy behind the words. The energy behind the words, ‘Why are you reading that book?” is totally different when the intent is to control than when the intent is to learn. The same words can be said with a blaming, shaming edge, or with real caring and curiosity. It is your intent that determines the energy behind the words. Joan was not responding to the words themselves, but to the blaming and shaming behind the words. This is what is causing the confusion for you regarding your communication with her. The exact same words can communicate two totally different things, depending upon the intent. And the chances are that if you had not felt threatened by the book, you might not have even questioned her about why she was reading it.”

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“Yes, I can see where that is probably true. Okay, I got it. I’ve been trying to control her and that is what she is responding to, not to the words I’ve been using.”

Joshua started to notice his intent. Every time Joan got irritated or distant from him, he noticed that his intent was to control. It was a big challenge to shift out of trying to control her, since he had been doing this most of his life in all his relationships, but Joshua was very motivated to change. He knew that if he didn’t, he ran the risk of losing his marriage. He started to focus on taking loving care of himself and his own feelings instead of trying to change Joan.

As Joshua became more aware of his intent, he was able to consciously shift his intent from controlling to learning about taking care of himself. As his intent shifted, the energy of his communications with Joan shifted, and their relationship greatly improved. Joshua was thrilled with the deeper understanding and intimacy that was growing between them.

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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Relationship Help: Solution For A Healthier And Rewarding Relationship

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. All couples go through rough times and experience difficulties in maintaining a healthy relationship. However, there are some who do not take these as a challenge and so they easily let go and end the relationship for good.

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Ending the relationship is not always a best solution when conflicts arise. Conflicts are normal part of the relationship and these even make the relationship stronger and test your love for each other. If you end the relationship sooner, it only goes to show that you have a weak foundation and your feelings for each other are not that intense. So, when you encounter problems in the relationship, the best thing that you can do is to seek relationship help.

Relationship help is very much available on the Internet nowadays. More and more relationship counselors have taken advantage of the power of the Internet to reach a wider market that is in need for relationship help. But since there are lots of options available, you have to make sure that you choose a reliable adviser for you, one who really has the experience and the commitment to serve other people who long for a rewarding love life and great relationship.

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There are several ways where relationship help can be provided. These can be through significant tools for positive change, personal coaching, and retreat for couples. Because of the Internet, these are very much available for easier access and more convenience. You need not to leave the comfort of your home or office just to inquire and avail of all these. By simply browsing through sites, you can now seek relationship help in minutes.

Nowadays, there are lots of books about relationships that can be purchased in local stores and online. These books include articles about improving relationships, different advice from marriage and relationship counselors, and success stories of couples who overcome very difficult times in their relationship. These books can help you a lot in assessing your relationship problems as well as yourself in order to figure out the best solution to undertake. Aside from that, these books can also help you stay on a positive track and are essential if you want a truly rewarding partnership.

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Personal coaching can also play a significant role in providing relationship help. You can check online for a site that offers a coaching session for couples. This session can help you have a healthy, joyful, and rewarding relationship. After the session, you will sure gain clear insights about resolving relationship issues and you will learn new strategies to make positive changes even if you are in very rough times.

If a personal coaching session is not the thing for you, then you can always opt for a retreat. By spending a week with your chosen relationship counselors, you can really seek relationship help. A retreat for couples is often held in an intensive and supportive place to achieve profound results. A concentrated weekend program is included to really transform your relationship. When you get home, you will really feel that your relationship is renewed and the romance is rekindled.

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All these ways can really provide you with effective relationship help that gives positive results. You should keep in mind to seek relationship help as soon as you see a first sign of trouble. This will help you resolve the problem sooner and avoid much bigger conflicts in the future.

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relationshipinfo · 9 months

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Relationship Deal-breakers

In the 37 years that I have been counseling couples, I have discovered that there are only a few issues that are true relationship deal-breakers. Many of the issues that tear relationships apart are not actual deal-breakers. Rather, most divorces and breakups are the result of one or both partner’s unwillingness to learn from the conflicts that exist in all primary relationships. But some conflicts and differences are actual deal-breakers.

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HAVING CHILDREN

Early in my career as a psychotherapist, I worked with Mary and Cal. Mary and Cal met when Mary was 38 and Cal was 47. Cal had been married before and had two adult children, while Mary had never been married. Cal made it very clear to Mary that he did not, under any circumstances, want more children. Mary seemed to accept this, but secretly hoped to change Cal’s mind once they were married.

A year after they were married, Mary brought up the issue of having children. Cal was appalled. He felt angry, trapped and betrayed by Mary’s secret hope, as well as by her dishonesty. Mary begged and pleaded, hoping Cal’s love for her would soften his position. But he stayed committed to his decision not to have any more children.

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This situation has a very sad ending. Mary was devastated. She loved Cal, but having children was actually extremely important to her. She didn’t want to leave him and she couldn’t let go of wanting a child. The stress of the situation eventually eroded her immune system and she died of ovarian cancer of few years after bringing up the baby issue.

I learned a lot from Mary and Cal’s experience. I learned that the baby issue is a deal-breaker. It is not healthy for someone who really wants a baby to give that up, and it is not healthy for someone who does not want a baby to go along with having one. This deep and basic issue needs to be dealt with head-on, early in a relationship, before people move ahead with commitment and marriage.

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WORK

Rhonda and Fred fell in love in their late 30’s. Each had jobs that they loved and that were very important to them. Fred was the vice-president of a large company, while Rhonda had a flourishing practice as a pediatrician. They both lived in Los Angeles. All seemed fine until an incredible opportunity opened up for Fred — one that he had always dreamed of. The problem was that it meant moving to New York. Fred’s work became a deal-breaker.

Some people can commute and maintain a relationship, but this was not realistic for Rhonda and Fred, since they both wanted to have children. They realized that if either of them gave up the work they loved, they would feel very resentful. They had no choice but to end the relationship. Even though they loved each other, they recognized that their relationship would soon erode if one of them gave themselves up.

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BETRAYAL

Dishonesty and infidelity can often be deal-breakers, depending upon the situation. Some people can learn from and grow through these difficult situations, while for others the wound is too deep to repair.

Mandy and Hal were in their 50’s when they met and fell in love. Both were in unhappy long-term marriages, which they decided to leave to be with each other.

However, Hal had married when he was very young. He had spent his life working hard to support his wife and children. He had never had an opportunity to do some of the things he really wanted to do — like travel on his own or explore relationships with other women. He loved Mandy but he felt trapped. He wanted his freedom.

As a result he started to pull away from Mandy, which was very painful for her. They received counseling to try to reconcile the situation. Mandy was willing for Hal to leave and travel for six months, but Hal was reluctant to leave Mandy. Mandy had not expected a man in his 50’s to need to sow wild oats.

Then Mandy found out that Hal had slept with another woman. His pulling away was bad enough, but his infidelity was a deal-breaker. Mandy ended their relationship the day she discovered the affair. She told Hal that she still loved him but could not continue this way. She left the door open by telling him that if he ever got his wanderlust out of his system, she would consider trying again.

Dishonesty about money can also be a deal-breaker, such as finding out that your mate is earning money by selling drugs or through some other illegal operation.

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Most conflicts — conflicts that are really about communication and control issues — can be resolved when both people are willing to learn. But some conflicts are true deal-breakers.

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