#ramblings about my ship

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

[vellichorsdesire]

catching your f/o(s) looking at you so fondly while you’re talking or doing a task… maybe they’re not aware of so and when you bring it up they get a little embarrassed or try to deny it. it makes you wonder about all the other times they’ve stared at you this way, when did it start? but in the end their gaze just says everything, really, about how they feel about you and how much special they hold you in your heart

#kicking my legs giggling thinking about f/o right now so i’m letting some drafts free #❥ vels ramblings #self ship #self shipping #self ship imagine #f/o imagines

[selfrinsert]

imagine referring to your f/o as “my [f/o name]” okay now imagine your f/o referring to you as “my [your name]” now subsequently imagine both of you getting flustered as hell over it

#rambles #I haven’t done an imagine post in so long can you tell I’m rusty sgjdkg #I’ve just been thinking about this soooo much lately #I accidentally said “my Jessie” the other day and IMMEDIATELY blushed so hard I burst into flames #then I imagined Jessie doing the same thing for me and obviously exploded #imagine your f/o #self ship #selfship imagines #self shipping

[neverevan]

just saw someone say that Buck is still on the hamster wheel regardless of Tommy being a man because this relationship also just 'happened to him without knowing how he got there' and like... did we watch the same episode? because 7x05 was very literally about Buck making the decision to pursue this relationship even though he thought Tommy had dumped him for good.

he thought it through, he decided that he's interested and then went after Tommy himself. he apologised for his behaviour, he told Tommy 'this is where I'm at, this is what I can offer and I'd like to give this a go' if anything, aside from the initial kiss, this relationship is 'happening' to Tommy, not Buck.

#you ain't gotta like tommy or bucktommy but making up stuff to justify it is just getting tiresome #and yes the reason i'm not directly rbing these posts when i refer to them is bc 1) i'm not giving notes to that #and 2) i'm not looking to get into drama about ships in the year of our lord 2024 #evan buckley #bucktommy #911 #911 abc #ramblings #my stuff

[bbaycon]

Gramps are catching up after 3600 yearish

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanart #neuvillette #neuvillette genshin #zhongli #zhongli genshin impact #ehem… #so I cant draw anything else for now #they intoxicated my brain #okay remember when i said zhongli was a happy summer child? #lets say that this trait come out sometimes #because #screw the stoic face #i legually cannot do stoic faced chara #i could ramble about my whole life in those tags #zhongvillette #oh gosh this ship appeared out of the void and i love it #im super exited for wrio wriothel weasley cryo heizou tbh #but if they have no chemistry and uno reverse the fandom’s ship #im going to cry #im scared for the next version cause im poor #therefore i will draw to cope #that babygirl will prolly not come home #aigts ill stop here its getting too long

[comradekatara]

I’m curious if you have any thoughts about Ty Lee and Mai re: their reasons for and willingness to follow Azula during the course of the show? Their introductions — with Ty Lee initially reluctant and joining out of fear, whereas Mai was all in the moment she showed up in Omashu — contrasted with their endings — Mai growing resentful and eventually betraying Azula, and Ty Lee staying close to her right up to the moment she spots an opening — are so fascinating and emblemic of their characters

yes, exactly. ty lee has to be coerced whereas mai doesn't need to be told twice. more specifically, ty lee had the initiative to run away at some point (it's also far easier to leave your home when you have six identical sisters) and has settled in an environment that she actually enjoys, whereas mai is trapped with her family and takes up azula's offer specifically as a means of escape. that doesn't mean she particularly enjoys the prospect of hunting down the boy she used to like, but she gets to see the world and use her knife skills and hang out with her besties. it's not perfect, but it's still a far better deal than being stuck under the thumb of her controlling mother and scheming father in a foreign city that is essentially a ghost town (now that its entire native population is literally living underground). mai doesn't like being bossed around by azula – or being bossed around by anyone, for that matter – but she knows better than to question the commands of her princess, so she sticks to side-eyeing her as she complies, and only ever denying her requests when azula is too far away to notice ("she can shoot all the lightning at me she wants, i am not going in that wall sludge juice." "just take the bear." etc etc).

ty lee, however, doesn't just comply with azula's commands, she comports herself into the very image of obedience, she forces herself to embody exactly what it is azula wants in a loyal servant, but also in a best friend, and in a beautiful girl. because, like, the thing about mai is that she is really very normal. she uses apathy and sarcasm to mask her true emotions, whether they be fear, rage, or a combination thereof, but she's also quite sincere and blunt and kind. mai adapts to her environment in the sense that she knows to comply with the demands of her family and azula, she knows how to play the part of fire nation noblewoman, but she's not closed off from her feelings, she just presents that way. ty lee, however, is a complete and utter chameleon, to the point that she's somehow the one who seems more sincere out of the pair, even though nary an honest word comes out of her mouth throughout the entire show.

mai expresses her disagreements with azula when she knows that the moment allows for it, and she expresses her irritation, her vulnerability (to an extent), and her emotions when she can. but even when ty lee could choose to be honest, it's like she doesn't actually know how. the most honest ty lee ever actually gets before her betrayal is when she insults mai's makeup, and she's still putting mai down in azula's presence as to establish a hierarchy of affection. even when she's lovingly teasing mai by demonstrating how their friendship is genuine enough that she can insult her instead of vapidly praising her like she does with all those shallow, stupid boys and a certain princess, she's still strategically positioning herself in azula's favor. she operates in a coded language, simultaneously communicating to mai the sincerity of her affection and communicating to azula that they are in fact a pair, teaming up to put down and bully mai as they have been doing since they were children. in the beautiful words of shiv roy, ty lee has never eaten a grapefruit without an agenda.

even though ty lee does seem more loyal to azula despite having to be coerced into joining her, whereas mai seemingly agrees immediately, ty lee is an acrobat and a circus performer; contorting herself to suit the needs of others and appear a certain way to certain people is literally her wheelhouse. whereas mai is a thoughtful yet impulsive, apathetic yet sincere teenage girl. and the cracks in mai's agreeability begin to show as early as in her introductory episode, when azula decides to sacrifice tom-tom to keep bumi, and mai has no choice but to comply with her princess despite obviously wanting to save her baby brother.

mai's loyalty was always on a razor's edge; it was never an ideal situation for her, she just never found a better option. mai lived her whole life in an extremely stifling gilded cage, and she craves enrichment in her enclosure. but then she sees potential beyond the bars, as demonstrated by zuko, and she takes a stand for something she believes in. ty lee doesn't do that, because ty lee does not truly have beliefs beyond her own immediate survival. you can say she values entertainment, laughter, violence that doesn't kill, but i think she'd become anything the world demanded of her without a moment's hesitation. and in this moment, the world demands that she choose. choose between the girl she loved to put down and ostracize within their little trio so as to better curry azula's favor, or the girl who threatened to burn her alive if she did not comply with her every demand. and it should be so obvious, shouldn't it? of course ty lee would choose mai over azula, it's so clear in hindsight. but it shocks azula, and it shocks mai, and it even sort of shocks ty lee herself. because she has done such a good job of hiding her personhood so far beneath her facade that even mai, the one person she cares about more than her own survival, doesn't actually know it.

"anything to get me out of this place," is mai's response to azula's offer. mai was always looking for a better situation, striving for the best possible scenario within a very limited array of options. but ty lee knows what she wants, and she knows she cannot have it, and so she denies herself. denies her own agency, her affections, her desires, her personality, her intelligence, her values. she would do anything to survive, even if it means killing every single true part of herself. mai's betrayal against azula is decidedly a declaration of love, not only for zuko, but also for herself. but ty lee's betrayal is the greatest declaration of love there is. her willingness to throw away her so deliberately, carefully cultivated, precarious security and safety for the sake of someone who doesn't even know that ty lee loves her is such a resounding confession that it actually shocks mai into perfect stillness. mai, who is always so quick to act and react, frozen to the floor by the cosmic weight of this revelation, this paradigm shift. mai had always assumed that she was the discarded, neglected, bullied friend of the trio, the one who would always be second best to azula (and keep in mind ty lee never actually says that azula had to coerce her into joining, she simply says "azula called a little louder," because she is always making mai read between the lines). but here, ty lee proves that there is one she values over her own life and everything she has done to keep it, and it is mai.

"why?" asks azula. "why would you do it? you knew the consequences." i think that mai would gladly throw her worthless life away if it meant dying for something real, something true within a world of masks and lies and manipulations. she knows the consequences, but they no longer matter, now that she has sight of something that she truly, actually cares about. but ty lee is different. ty lee excels in the world of masks, lies, and manipulations, thrives in it to the point that azula, so-called "people person," doesn't even realize that the girl she loves is nothing more than a carefully cultivated phantasm. ty lee truly cares, far more than mai, about the consequences. and yet, when it comes down to it, when she weighs all her options, she not only hurts azula to save mai, but she stays by mai's side through it all. the girl who could effortlessly subdue every guard holding her in place and jump up onto the gondola cord and run across its length to the other side of the volcano within minutes stays next to mai with no resistance, merely sheds her mask to finally glare at azula with her true face. so it is not entirely accurate to say that ty lee's values are conditional and fabricated. there is, in fact, one thing ty lee values above all else, but only when it is true.

#flashhwing #asks #mai #ty lee #maixtylee #azula #analysis #azula&tylee #azula&mai #ohhhh you got me talking abt the atla ship i have been obsessed with since i was a baby who simply liked their contrasting aesthetics #you got me RAMBLING ABOUT MAI AND TY LEE 😭😭 #i love them so much...... #mai my babygirl my everything. ty lee my insanegirl also my everything #ppl who dont like the boiling rock are so crazy. dyke drama truly does not get better than this!!!!!!!!

[blorboselfshipping]

This one goes out to the self shippers who try their best to make gush posts but they think about their f/o for a single millisecond and go

Instead and forget to make the post

#shout out to my inarticulate tism fellows #trust me i want to ramble about them #but i physical CANNOT get words out #self ship community #self shipping problems

[cupiidzbow]

we’re autism4autism have i ever mentioned that

#YOU BET MY ASS I WILL SIT AND LISTEN HIM TALK ABOUT THE AERODYNAMIC DIFFERENCES IN PLANES #YOU BET MY ASS I WILL SIT THERE AND LISTEN TO HIM TALK WHILE HE WORKS ON HIS BIKE #literally my favorite thing to do is listen to people talk abt their special interest #I have learned more things in life by hearing people talk then I have ever learned in school #my sister is the reason I am so knowledgeable about w.we i know these all of these wrestlers just by listening to her and I love it ☝🏽 #funky hanging on to every word I say as I talk about the regional differences and variants of my tamagotchis #‘have I ever told you about the one where you can send your tama.gotchi to go get a job. you have to give them a resume. they can reject you #‘I am madly in love with you.’ #sorry I’m crazy i love this hc so much #THE REASON HE WEARS THE GLASSES ALL THE TIME EVERYWHERE ?? LIGHT SENSITIVITY ISSUES!!!! #THE REASON HE SEEMS SO ECCENTRIC AND ODD AMONG HIS PEERS SOMETIMES? MISSING SOCIAL CUES BABY!!!!!!! #I think it’s fun to think the coolest mf on the island is autistic LIKE I KNOW THATS RIGHTT 🔥🔥🔥🔥 #ok sorry for rambling I love talking about this #doodles #self ship #self shipping #bipoc self ship #🦍🏄‍♂️🌊

[hrokkall]

I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron's point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God.

#Sorry for sad robot ramble. Here's my apology #Ultrakill #Gabriel Ultrakill #Ferryman Ultrakill #Ref: L'Estasi di Santa Teresa by Gian Lorenzo Bernini #This isn't ship art btw but I can't stop you from tagging it as such. Just about blind idolatry for saints whose holiness doesn't = goodnes #Cw: #Gore #<- Do I need to tag that for the Teresa of Avila caption? Doubt it. But just in case #Hrokkall Art

[limitbreaker23]

It’s my Sunshot Campaign fic’s anniversary, Before the Sun Sets, so I’m suffering with feelings trapped on the battlefield that I need to ramble about. This beautiful Chengzhan Sunshot Campaign piece I commissioned from @rounove is too big for this site, but please look at a cropped version.

The full image in all its low-res beauty and me gushing about things below:

I always enjoy taking the opportunity to gush about all the details in artworks. Like, obviously I’m forever in love with my otp’s expressions here. Jiang Cheng’s cheek was cut in battle, narrow escape situation for our beloathed companions, and after they found the illusion of shelter, they can take care of any injuries. Lan Wangji is focused on this, completely, diligently, and wipes the blood away so carefully, leaning close. Jiang Cheng, sitting on this tree, sore and in pain, stares up at this unscathed, seemingly radiating face and appears to feel a different kind of ache. His expression murders me every time, he’s fighting a battle he’ll lose here, reaching up to cup Lan Wangji’s face with his bloodstained hand. AH! And what does Lan Wangji see and feel, with his eyes trapped on Jiang Cheng’s mouth, with his lips already parting, when he should take care of the wound? AH!

Jiang Cheng’s hand with Zidian on it already found a resting place on Lan Wangji’s thigh, a trail of blood left where it ran up from his knee. Steadying Lan Wangji as he leant in to look at the injury? Pulling, perhaps? All the white, so pristine robes draping over Jiang Cheng’s purple robes makes me feel all the things. Lan Wangji is a protective cloud brighter than anything in this moment. AH!

Their swords resting next to them, a mirror of their positions. Sometimes I just love to stare at the swords, all the details, the small, delicate patterns on the sheaths, the ruffled, soft looking tassels. Bichen would slip to the forest ground if Sandu weren’t steadily holding it up. And Sandu is safely shielded by Bichen. AH!

And the background! The rainy darkness that followed them to this spot to haunt or shield them, down a river that looks like spilled ink rippling the reflection of the trees. And this ancient, magnificent tree that keeps them dry from the rain with those thick leaves. AH!

I just love falling into this picture and thinking of how they ended up here. The pain, the suffering, the brushes of skin and fleeting touches that lead to them literally falling into each other’s warmth here. Now kiss!

#chengzhan #zhancheng #cql #the untamed #mdzs #jiang cheng #lan wangji #twin lotus of yunmeng #zhancheng museum #sunshot campaign feelings #when I start to ramble about my ship and never stop and ramble a little more cause I love them so much and am a very rambly person #bless keep reading for saving people's eyes #there was only one river #please just kiss already

[findafight]

Smh y'all keep forgetting Robin and Steve are weirdos who have minimal boundaries about sharing with each other

#steve harrington #robin buckley #stobin #steddie #i ship it but sometimes yall get on my nerves about forgetting steve would tell robin about things before eddie #stop!!! forgetting robin!!! #stranger things #finda's rambles #tbh its mostly when its like. steve and eddie are dating and he doesn't tell robin right away like what are you talking about #he would have told her the moment he got a date. he might not tell her WHO to not out him but hed tell her he was dating someone

[secondbeatsongs]

when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts

but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!

and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?

welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast

anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.

#sbs rambles #fandom #fandom stuff #ao3 #basically. I hung out in superwholock for so long back in the day #but then I got weird and cool and moved on to smaller and older and stranger fandoms #and decided to throw a party and have fun and enjoy all of the small and weird in those fandoms #and now rewatching media for a big fandom I'm like. huh. sucks to be everyone else I guess. they're missing out on some wild dynamics here #because I'm havin a blast #and like. when I mean small fandoms I mean SMALL #my one fic I wrote for one tv show makes up 25% of that entire fandom on ao3 #(double checks) #oh!!!! new fic in the fandom!!!! #my one fic only makes up 20% of that entire fandom on ao3!!! #time to throw a fuckin party! 🎉🎈🎊🥳 #anyway it's really funny because based on this some folks are going to assume what ship I'm into in a Big Fandom now #but buds. you can laugh at me #I'm thinkin about sam and cas #what's up with those guys? #fucked up actually. they should hold hands about how much they love dean #:') #but also supernatural is way more fun if you watch it out of order #that's what I've realized #now if only the RNG would give me something in season 1 or 2 T_T #also if you're at the point of reading fic on livejournal or wattpad in the year 202X you've reached ''small fandom'' status #that's the rules

[plulp]

heres yalls science teacher. have fun go crazy

#my art #dol #sirris the science teacher #sydney the faithful #i hope i drew him okay im a little weemp womp about the design but maybe its just my brain. playing tricks on me #but its so cute how sweet sirris is to sydney. so funny to me #i love to read FACTS on the wiki #oh also not intended to be ship esque but if youre into that feel free to interpret it that way i dont mind #anyways now that we have that out of the way the rest of the tags im just rambling as always #GOD its so hard to design. guys you dont understand im not a character designer #soon while we all watch me descend into the 'characters who dont actually have specific outfits' #youre going to see how bad my fashion sense is. legitimately horrible. i wear the same clothing formula every day #shirt. pants. done. #once we arrive in the They Can Wear Whatever They Want section of the characters #youre all going to be like hey. what the hell is that guy wearing #but its fine. its whatever. hopefully thisll all make me better at drawing. eventually.

[shepscapades]

*rotates dbhc!Xisuma and Doc in my head*

I'm sorry but I absolutely lose my mind over them ( I have literally no one who I could ramble about this to and I need to get it out). I want to analyse stuff, so let me just:

*breathes in*

It's visible that they are good friends and have been since the time when Doc deviated, research partners doing... research? Or whatever researchers do *shrugs*.

But there's one thing to it, X created Doc and most of other androids. He understands what is deviation because Doc explained it to him but his friend is still an android after all. We also know that X always calls Doc "Docm" but in previous comic he calls him "Doc" and it is stated that it's the first time he ever called him that. In which moment he calls him that? In the moment when he realises that Doc is more human than android now, I may be delusional about this all but I just feel like: the moment when he sees Etho overpower Doc, shove him and break him and stuff, Xisuma sees that Doc isn't a fearless machine but a someone, a human, he got overpowered by Etho and suffered consequences, he felt fear like a human not a machine. Also he lost his arm because he was trying to stop Etho from hurting X as we see in the second part of the comic, which only adds to that. So, this is the moment where X fully realises that he means something to Doc, not as a creator, but as a friend, and that's why for the rest of the comic he constantly makes sure if his partner is alright by talking to him, glancing at him. You know stuff. He grew closer and closer to Doc as time passed and I think this was the climax - the moment he called Docm77 "Doc".

While Doc is doing the most stoic stuff ever and trying not to self destruct and stuff, he cares about X too, very much even, he's protective towards him and shows it by jumping into danger he could have avoided [ Etho attacked X because he's an admin and probably knows where's Grian - Etho wants to hunt down this pesky bird for killing Bdubs] just so his partner won't get hurt how sweet <3 RIP arm you will be remembered...

Anyways I feel like they should talk about stuff and maybe cuddle and maybe I don't know LIVE?? NOT DIE??

Yeah, I think that I don't even need to explain for how long they've been spinning in my head.

Also wanted to thank you so much for so many kind words on my fanart !! I'm glad I can make someone happy with my cheap, old drawing tablet and some self taught skills lol sorry for flooding your ask-box again so so sorry but those comics make me go AWOOGA holy shift, and also DOC AND X CONTENT !! They are so underrated that you almost can't find anything good relating to them as a duo! [personally I think they're great, just two dudes that do things together and care for eachother <3]

So, yep. Prepare yourself for things like that after every new part comes out I WILL make memes and I WILL analyse block men.... sorry not sorry :)

[how to get me into an AU- tutorial: Xisumavoid must be in it- the end]

WE ARE ROTATING THEM. WE ARE WATCHING THEM ROTATE!!!!! you freaking GET me

(THERE ARE SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS HAPPENING HERE!!!! None of which I’ll confirm but Eye Emoji :3 I love love love these theories they make me so happy ehehehehehe)

(ALSO YOU’RE SO WELCOME!!! That art made my day fr LMAO I love and appreciate it so much!!! <3)

#totally agreed. doc and xisuma are underrated #not even as a ship #just as friends I love their duo soooo much #I have a feeling xisuma and doc are gonna do smthn in season 10 together. I just have a feeling #then you’ll all be sorry /idk what this means #dbhc ask #dbhc xisuma #dbhc doc #art escapades #1-marigold-1 #the shepherd #my sona #LISTEN YALL GET ME TOO ON THE XISUMA THING #I THOUGHT ABOUT XISUMA FOR TWO SECONDS. WATCHED 5 MINUTES OF HIS VIDEOS. AND WENT. oh okay so I’m making him important in this au. #Xisuma is SUCH an underrated creator I love him SOOOO much Hes so funny and silly and charming #anyway sorry for rambling I’m just RGHRGHRGHR about him #I’m also crazy about doc #so naturally. gestures #dbhc theories

[luck-of-the-drawings]

POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #cw gore #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi suckening #jrwi gabriel #jrwi gabriel montez #LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY #IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags #U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!! #ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down #would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch... #BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made #its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD #perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year #back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker. #like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO #not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine. #i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE #I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony #at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast. #OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE #WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS? #WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U #OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY #TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH. #WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR #UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ #HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS #WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?

[lnkedmyheart]

This one is in response to @fizzytastic asking

"I would LOVE to know what you mean regarding the light novels."

Dazai in the light novels has been down BAD since the day he met Chuuya.

I know the whole "must be because I love you" can be viewed as a joke but my man actually "whispered with a look of regret" at being shot down.

He also proceeded to cheat during the game by tampering with the machine to ensure Chuuya would lose the bet and become his dog. He was also stated as being in awe of Chuuya's fighting ability, repeatedly refering to him as "incredible". Dazai also flat out admits to wanting to try out living because "Chuuya convinced" him.

He is even described as having forgotten how to breathe watching Chuuya fight.

Moving on to the events of Stormbringer, Dazai spends too long exposing his obsession with Chuuya, telling the big bad that he spends all his "days and nights thinking about ways to annoy Chuuya".

He further proceeds to insist that Chuuya is human because of how strongly he hates Chuuya and due to a specific word it can be viewed as him saying Chuuya would hate him less if he wasnt human as was stated in the stage play of the same.

Furthermore at the end of Stormbringer he offers to come up with a new plan to give Chuuya an out if he needs one when he has to use corruption as a last resort. And he fully intends on coming up with a new plan within 2 minutes.

In general Dazai does a lot of staring at Chuuya throughout the light novels. On a lighter note Dazai jokes about wanting Chuuya as his personal maid at one point and demands that Chuuya let Dazai look inside his head and know everything there is to know about him.

But then we move onto the dragon head conflict as mentioned in Dead Apple where after making light of an executive's death and getting punched in the face by Chuuya, Dazai is so shaken up by Chuuya implying he's inhuman, he actually pulls strings to try and bring the conflict to an end. He also stops corruption by touching his cheek and pulls Chuuya's head into his lap while he is unconscious after his fight with Shibusawa. The following is from the manga.

Now everyone knows about the whole Snow White and Prince reference but in the light novel its clarified that Chuuya's ability was not affected by the fog and Dazai knew this but he still forces his head down. Even more telling is that Dazai cradles Chuuya's face for no real reason because Corruption had already been nullified when Chuuya made skin to skin contact when punching him in the face.

And of course that was how their expressions are drawn in the manga panel

Then we move to the present day and you have Dazai saying this to Sigma about Chuuya

But then his comment about Gide has him claim the exact same behaviour is romantic in his messed up troll brain

Basically Dazai has a history of staring at Chuuya in awe since 15, "jokingly" confessed at 15 and then got somewhat upset about the rejection, cheated to be able to keep Chuuya as his, repeatedly makes remarks that imply he is vaguely obsessed with him at 16, tends to let Chuuya rest his head in his lap post corruption, has nullified him twice that we have seen by touching his cheek (as per the movie and once as per the ln). Is actively affected by how Chuuya views him (which was shocking to me).

Aside from that he has also talked about Chuuya to the ADA off screen because Yosano knew about Chuuya and his ability (though this could just be a random update about the membera of the mafia to watch out for during meetings) and I heard he talked about Chuuya to Oda in The Day I Picked Up Dazai ln.

This is not counting any of the seriously insane amount of wan content because I dont view it as canon or atleast entirely canon but there Dazai admits to keeping 27 journals detailing things about Chuuya and its an exaggeration of the canon fact that Dazai prides himself in being a Chuuya Nakahara Encyclopedia. It also plays with how close they both actually are with several character refering to them as besties, Chuuya being forced to admit he doesnt actually hate Dazai.

(Oh and this is not even considering just how much Dazai touches Chuuya, like in the manga there is a part where Dazai keeps tugging at Chuuya's hair and refusing to let go while complaining about how much he doesnt want to touch him. Just let go dude...)

So yea, I would not be surprised if Dazai has his vows prepared by the time the last pre defection ln drops. Ofcourse this is mostly a lighthearted joke about Dazai being down bad but in all seriousness, Dazai genuinely cared about and still cares about Chuuya and its made extremely obvious throughout the novels. Its actually worth noting that it was actually Chuuya who seemed to be more vitriolic towards him until the end of Stormbringer where Dazai actually gives Chuuya a choice and shows open concern for Chuuya's needs. Hell Dazai was also the one insisting on Chuuya's autonomy, while he keeps insisting Chuuya is his dog, he hates the idea of people using him like a tool, its why he always gives Chuuya a choice. Chuuya always actively chooses to go rescue Dazai in Dazai's plans of getting kidnapped. Chuuya can always go, "nah, I dont wanna use corruption" but he doesnt because he knows since the events of stormbringer that Dazai will always give him a choice even if corruption seems like a last resort.

Chuuya has good reason for trusting Dazai. Its cause Dazai has in fact proven to him that he can trust him. Its why he went in to fight a dragon despite being told Dazai was possibly already dead.

(And yea I know the current arc would have people go "lol he tried to drown Chuuya, he clearly doesnt care" and you know what? That's so dumb. Dazai tried to drown Chuuya, yes. But we dont actually know what is happening with this arc rn and what he is doing or if Chuuya is in any way involved in whatever he is doing. Dazai said all those things and there was no need for him to say that but the fact that he even remembered several moments they shared, yea no, he was clearly affected by it. Maybe I am wrong and Asagiri decided to yeet out all of Dazai's characterization we saw with his behaviour towards Chuuya in 2 entire novels of his past but IDK I think I'm gonna wait till this arc ends and everything unfolds before making a conclusion about how Dazai is such an asshole he tried to drown his partner.)

Seriously, vows are like the least they could do at this point.

#soukoku #ah my ramblings #i just really really love the light novels #i am mostly joking about the romance of it all #mostly #but Dazai cares about Chuuya and idk I think this is such an important aspect of Dazai's character #like even if you dont lile the ship its really not fair to ignore how much Dazai genuinely cared for Chuuya #not because it supports the ship but because it shows that Dazai despite his claims of being a monster was ridiculously human #he saw this boy he was fasicnated by and he said- I need to keep him as my friend #and proceeded to do it in the most unsocialized troll brained clown way #i love this boy so much #someone hug him please #dont get me wrong I dont think dazai and chuuya's relationship was super healthy but it wasnt as toxic as people make it seem either #yes Dazai desperately needed Oda and Ango but Chuuya was also and is still an important part of his life #long post #i am not going back to chexk for writing errors. I'm sleepy.