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#put a lot of these under the cut lol

bropunzeling · 4 months

Note

If you're up for some random-ass questions, here are some questions for the new year!

what fic were you proudest of this year?

what fic are you most surprised you wrote?

favorite old (to you) ship this year

favorite new (to you) ship this year

favorite old (to you) ship you picked up again this year

favorite old man (old man being a state of mind not gender) ship (maybe you ship a younger version of them but they're Old Men now)

ships/characters you're excited about in 2024

fics/plot bunnies you're excited about working on in 2024

give a random prediction of any kind - about your own writing, about your fandom's fic trends, about canonical developments in your fandom

share a random thought about fics you've written, characters you're thinking about, writing in general, etc

Feel free to pass on if you'd like, or not! Happy new year!

thank you anon! what a great excuse to ignore the work computer. also consider this a blanket "steal these prompts" from me for whoever is so moved bc i don't want to tag everyone

what fic were you proudest of this year? i might have to say only fools rush in aka marriage bets! it certainly is the longest one i've written and had the longest gestational period. plus i wrote a lot of it while incredibly busy (tho maybe that helped?). im still happy i managed to hit the balance between ridiculous premise and genuine feeling that i was aiming for, and that i managed to figure out and feel comfortable in a new pov.

what fic are you most surprised you wrote? linger. if you told me a year ago i was gonna write 65k of omegaverse i simply would not have believed you! it wasn't a trope i ever thought i would write! and yet here we are. lmao.

favorite old (to you) ship this year? i mean. viva la ratfiction. someday we may run out of steam but not this year by golly!

favorite new (to you) ship this year? the amount brady/quinn clawed its way into my brain this year cannot be overstated. maybe i was exploring last year but this year is when it really got me in a fucking chokehold. the pining! the friends to lovers of it all!!!!! exquisite. honorable mention to matthew/sasha. those two ARE in love.

favorite old (to you) ship you picked up again this year? earlier this fall i started a rewatch of miss fisher's murder mysteries and god. jack and phryne. they are EVERYTHING. someday i really will write fic for them.

favorite old man (state of mind) ship? gotta be honest first thing that came to mind was band of brothers winters/nixon. we'll go to chicago. i'll take you there.

ships/characters you're excited about in 2024? hmm brady/quinn, obvi. the general state of brady tkachuk and how i'd like to give him a midlife crisis and by midlife i mean when he's 29. jamie and trevor are BACK baby, and i wanna make trevor sad and making poor choices for 50k before he finally gets to get kissed. has someone written timmy stu and mo seider as summer boyfriends yet? bc i still like that.

fics/plot bunnies you're excited about working on in 2024? i think i have tentatively figured out my next long matthew/leon project (which i can't start until the new year) but i don't want to say quite yet in case i scare it off but! that. it WILL be a true slow burn which will be fun. also ballet quinn i WOULD like to put more than 2k in your gdoc. hopefully at some point soon inspiration will hit again/i'll feel less dull and burnt out

give a random prediction of any kind - about your own writing, about fandom trends, about canonical developments in your fandom: the kraken will sign yamo to a longer contract. i will start a project thinking it will be nice and short and then watch it double, like bread dough rising.

share a random thought about fics you've written, characters you're thinking about, writing in general: did you know the more you write the better you get? even though there’s plenty of areas where i want to improve and become a stronger, more thoughtful developer of sentences/plots/et cetera, i can really see my growth from month to month or year to year and that's neat!!! i'm slowly getting better!!!

#aak #put a lot of these under the cut lol #ok back to work rip

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vargaslovinghours · 10 months

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Fandom: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (But really Vargas lol) Rating: Teen and up Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

What, exactly, did Scriabin take from Edgar when they separated?

My first multichapter fic for Vargas! :D Yay!

(Pls read Ch. 1 first - Ch. 2 is also recommended, but as long as you're caught up on the first, you're good to go!)

-----

Side B

What the fuck.

"It's, it's possible that if, maybe whatever happened earlier, whatever caused all that blood and for us to be knocked unconscious-"

What the fuck.

"-and if I suffered a head injury, then maybe-"

No. That's enough.

Scriabin pushed away from the closet door he'd defensively pressed himself up against and put his hands on Edgar's shoulders, which quieted him. He looked at him expectantly, with eyes that Scriabin somehow only just now realized were casually guarded, curious, uncertain in a way that denoted inexperience. That was so messed up, that was completely wrong. Edgar should've been on guard, absolutely, but only because he knew exactly what Scriabin was capable of. He really didn't want to look at him right now if this was what he was going to be seeing instead.

He spun him quickly and pushed him out the door before he could protest. He got one last look at those wide, confused eyes before he slammed the door behind him, bracing it shut with both hands for good measure.

What. The fuck. His head came forward, making a dull thud as his forehead connected with the door. He doesn't remember me? His fingers curled on the door. What does he mean he doesn't remember me?! How could he not know me?! One hand pushed through his hair; his scalp tingled and that was so weird, he felt it and it was so weird- We literally just- He literally just-! As if pulling him screaming into life wasn't bad enough, now he had decided to play some sick prank!

This can't be true. It's just like him to try and make jokes at the worst possible time, he has no tact.

There was a timid knock on the other side of the door. Scriabin jumped as it resonated through his skull, his elbow, pressed to the door with his hand buried in his hair, set his jaw. Then silence.

If he was really trying to get back in, clear things up, say he was only kidding, he'd actually try.

Nothing.

Scriabin's blood was ice as he went over it again. The way he'd said his name. The vacant look in his eyes as he said it, like his mouth knew its shape but none of the meaning. No fear, no realization, nothing that really felt like Edgar, just sound, just noise.

Maybe he really had-

Oh god. His knees gave out, and his arms had no practice at holding him upright, not yet. His hand slid down the door, his other hand guarding his head as his hair fluffed against the grain.

How could he do this

This is all his fault

Stupid, idiotic

He can't do this to me

I can't believe him

I can't believe this

How dare he leave me alone like this

Thoughts spiralling, and all he could do was hold himself down, press his fingers into the back of his neck, force his chest to his knees and maybe he wouldn't immolate under it all. He was shaking, from tension or fear he couldn't tell, his mind too hazardous and loud to cut through it all. He was shaking, dizzy, and if he moved, letting go would surely kill him.

He can't do this to me.

He breathed. And breathed. And swallowed. Eyes closed, heart pounding, sure. Confusion and dismay, whatever. Pain. Fine. So be it.

This isn't like me. A hand untethered from his vice grip in his hair, and he stayed attached to the floor. It connected with the carpet below him and became a new lifeline. He pushed up and away into a limp sit, arms already burning slightly from holding himself up after all that. He shook his head mildly. This isn't who I'm going to be in life. His body, this fear response be damned, he was in control now.

Regroup. Let's- a mental pause, barely a quarter of a second long as he turned the word in his head. Let's pretend it's all true- what does that mean?

He flopped over, leaned upright with his back against the door, heels of his fists pushed down into the carpet to scootch closer. Moving was so awkward still, very unfitting.

He was acting normal. Well, Edgar's baseline for "normal" had changed considerably, so maybe put an asterisk on that. Not that he was ever normal to begin with, but normal-for-Edgar, -ish. That means he has to have some memory.

Scriabin held out a hand, arm slung over his knee, one finger held out. He had recognized his glasses. One. The apartment. Two. Which key to use. Three. He had said Todd's name. Four.

His stuff can be discounted, he's had all that for a while. Back down to one. The kid is a new fixture. Which means he remembers the last couple months at least. He shook his head and brought his hand up to comb through his hair. Well...it's fuzzy for me, so it probably is for him, too. Scriabin remembered everything in as much clarity as the last couple months allowed, there was no way Edgar would know more even if he had all his memories.

Speaking of which, Scriabin could remember everything. He flipped through; the last two months and bringing Todd in, Edgar's parting words to Johnny, his and Devi's conversation - he grit his teeth - and further back, everything along the way, all the way back. False dreams, shared childhoods, everything that was once Edgar's alone, he still remembered it. Nothing was out of place which made it all the more strange!

This is so fucking weird, if I remember everything, then why would he-

He stopped short. His purported purpose had been to replace Edgar. Take him over completely. If he bought into the conceit for a moment, just to play in the space... He was alive now. That was not as intended; it shouldn't even have been possible.

Did he...give me his memories? Like, all the way? Not just to borrow, to shape him, give him legitimacy - he was alive now. His own person. Separate, embodied, and whole. Was this the price of life?

That's stupid. But possible, he couldn't discount. If this - he brought his hands up and looked down at them, watched himself touch his own chest and felt it beneath his coat, shirt, the nerves firing as his slid his fingers up himself - if this was possible, then...

He continued for a moment, curious and reverant, all of him new and privately exciting, to exist and to touch, to feel, smell, see, all of it clear and fresh and penetrated deeply into his mind, as if a layer of film had been lifted from his senses. The moment passed as the memories, unbidden but important, cluttered in around him again.

There were still a lot of questions, and most of them couldn't be answered without Edgar, ugh. If getting anything out of him before had been like pulling teeth, he was very sobered to think about how it might be now. Depending on how much Edgar remembered, maybe he could start piecing things together.

Did he do it on purpose? Did he know this would happen? There's no way he would have been willing to if he had- But he couldn't ask him things like that. Even if he did remember, admitting something like that...

He was just spinning his wheels at this point. Better to gather what he could from the man himself. He looked up, preparing to stand.

Ah-

The room was still in something of a state.

Edgar would be annoying, or at least distracted by trying to pick up the clothes and uncarefully unpacked items strewn about the floor from Scriabin's very successful excavation of his old glasses. The clutter would have to go if he wanted his full attention.

He grumbled as he pushed off the door to pick up the first few things. First day of life and I'm already his maid. Figures. He's always needed me to clean up after him.

Silence.

Somehow it only just hit him. Thinking alone in the late hours, planning things behind Edgar's back, it was nothing new. But a barb unsunk into his mental flesh was left out in the wide emptiness, poised to stab whoever happened upon it next, and he was the only one here.

He felt very small all of a sudden, and he didn't like it at all.

His eyes blankly scanned the room, looking for nothing, until they settled on the toy at Edgar's bedside. His toy.

He dropped the items he'd bundled into his arms and made his way over. He picked up the small simulacrum, turned it over in his hands once, and stared at it.

He wouldn't know this. Not really. He brushed a thumb up and over the little mouth, the contours of its small face. Retroactively, I've never been this at all.

I'm no one to him.

Does this mean we can start over? The thought struck him like lightning, freezing his heart in his chest. He was fixed solid, staring down at the small figure in his hands.

Before he could even think, he'd already thrown it through the open closet door, landing noisily in the box he'd dug through with a clatter. He grabbed up the fallen clothes and items and stuffed them back in the box, burying the toy in mundane detritus, then closed the cardboard flaps and slammed the door of the closet for good measure.

His breath was laboured and he glared, like wishing it gone would make the closet itself disappear.

Answers. He needed answers, more than anything.

He ripped the door open, and there was Edgar who looked up, staring dumbly back at him and carrying the clothes he'd shed earlier over his arm. Something in his mind clicked over, and he didn't think about it.

"Alright," he caught his breath for half a second, "what do you remember?"

Edgar just kept on staring, mouth open, eyes unconfident behind weak glasses. Scriabin huffed irritably, I don't have time for this, and moved towards him, arm outstretched.

"Come on." Edgar gave a small startled sound behind him as he grabbed his collar and dragged him through the doorway. He threw him across the room, not bothering to watch his arc as he closed the door behind him. The bed was that way, he'd be fine.

When he turned back, Edgar had managed to catch himself, though already halfway on the bed. Scriabin stood with his back to the door, feet planted and he crossed his arms. No more speculating around impossibilities, tangible and present as they might be, it was time for a proper interrogation. It was at least preferable to-

Edgar made a face at him and scooted back, offering a seat next to him on the bed. Equal footing briefly flashed through his mind and while he wouldn't consider it ideal, nothing today was really going his way. He sighed, then made his way over and sat across from Edgar, who was eyeing him with a certain degree of caution. At least the feeling was mutual.

"Spill." He re-crossed his arms and leaned towards Edgar. "What do you know?"

Edgar hesitated, apparently thinking, his hands laced and fingers agitatedly if quietly rubbing the backs of his hands.

"I want to verify some things first."

Scriabin snorted dismissively. Where had Edgar's overly-trusting nature gone? A serial killer, well he's an honoured guest, but Scriabin? He didn't even distrust him for the right reasons.

He gestured with an open hand, Go ahead, then tucked his arm back in.

"Todd's last name?"

Pfsh. At least it was proof enough that anything Edgar knew, Scriabin did as well. As expected.

"Casil. His stupid bear's called Shmee in case you forgot that too." Edgar shook his head. No he hadn't? If only he could just check!

"Do you know our phone number?" Obviously he did, so he rattled it off quickly, Edgar nodding in turn. He flipped his hair in time with the last digit, careful to keep his eyes covered. It was a bit of a timid attempt, being the first in this body, which was a minor blessing he supposed.

Edgar mulled over what he'd given him for a moment, then a moment longer, then a moment even longer. His eyes searched absently, gazing down into his own hand, his other on his chin, lightly thumbing his goatee. He was focused on names and numbers, but those were child's play compared to everything, everything Scriabin still wanted to know. It was frustrating on a visceral level, watching him struggle with such simple innocuous nothings while the most important person in his life was sitting right in front of him.

He was supposed to be the most important.

It was frustrating.

"You really don't remember anything, do you?" He didn't hide the sneer as it shaped his voice - odd the way his body just did that now, did things without him actively thinking them into being. Even things like the little waver that made its way in that he pushed back down and under. He was frustrated, angry, tired - any emotionality could be attributed to those, nothing else.

Edgar didn't answer, just kept his gaze locked to his face. That was almost worse. Watching him fumble through things, it wasn't fun, but at least he wasn't trying to pry. He could see him try to look past his bangs, and the fact that he didn't know better...

Scriabin looked away for a moment, then thought better of it. Best defense is a good offense.

He reached for Edgar's face, for those damn scars, ever-present reminders. Edgar shied away, not wanting to be touched suddenly by someone he didn't know. As if Scriabin had ever cared about that.

Well, things were different now. Maybe he didn't really want to touch him anyway. Not yet.

"Do you remember these...?" Instead he framed his face with his hands less than an inch from his skin, and even there he could feel the heat coming off him. Edgar reached for his face, looking away from Scriabin as he touched the angry red marks. He winced minutely, then glanced back at Scriabin, searching him, his expression guarded again. Scriabin could hear his own pulse in his ears.

"...Johnny?"

"Fuck." Fuck! "Of course you'd remember him but not me." God damn it! It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, just because Johnny came first by a hair's breadth, just because he wasn't in Edgar's head, with Edgar's fucked up little obsession with the murderous stick figure- It limited what he could get away with too, if he remembered that far back. Absolutely nothing was going in his favour.

"I'm sorry..." He sounded genuinely remorseful, and it stuck in his throat. Disgusting. "So you know Johnny, too."

"Unfortunately." Scriabin tucked his chin to his chest, arms crossed again in close proximity. This sucks. Edgar just kept rambling, unaware as ever. His excuses held this time at least, one point in his favour, no points for bringing his annoying habits with him despite everything.

"I don't think I've seen him for a couple months now? Everything's awfully..." He gave a vague gesture and Scriabin uncurled slightly. He was giving him room to contribute. He shook his head.

"You haven't."

"Have you?"

He returned to his tight coil of sulking. Not like he was keen to meet up and chat, but he couldn't explain why he hadn't had the opportunity to either.

"I remember he called, too."

"Ugh," barely above breath. Enough about Johnny! Again, Edgar continued obliviously.

"Although I don't really recall what we talked about, not for a while..."

Of course not. I took over for half of those.

He perked a bit, and Edgar focused more on him, patiently setting his hands in his lap.

"You know."

He could play this to his advantage. Give Johnny some well-deserved karmic justice for fucking him over so many times. It was almost better that Edgar didn't know - Scriabin had been trying to get him away from Johnny all this time, and if he really had forgotten everything, not just the moments when Scriabin took over but every moment they had shared, then that meant it coincided almost perfectly with his first meeting with Johnny. Blank spot after blank spot after blank spot, all lined up immediately after getting his face slashed.

He could work with that.

"It's probably trauma." Edgar startled and his hand shot to his temple, lightly touching his hair.

"Like, head trauma?" Scriabing almost laughed. Yeah, probably that too. But that wouldn't help his case.

"No." He leaned in, taking a more intimate, secretive tone. "Think about it. When did things start getting fuzzy?" If he was right on this - which of course he was, but not being able to verify, not being able to see that he was right, it was disconcerting - but if he was, Edgar's memories of Scriabin should start with that first fateful encounter, give or take. A bit of reframing here, a touch of implication there... It probably wasn't even an outright lie; if Edgar's memory were perfect after experiencing everything Johnny had put them through, that would be some kind of twisted miracle.

His only real concern was their "childhood" - how much had Scriabin pulled with him? Would that throw off his story? But that was so far back, there was no way Scriabin or Johnny could be implicated in that. As long as Edgar didn't bring it up before he thought his way around it...

Edgar stayed quiet for a long while. His eyes raced behind closed eyelids, searching, scanning, retracing - Scriabin could almost see the moments where he hesitated, stopped and went back, then starting recollecting again. He wished he could see it for real, watch him unfold himself, touch those memories again, hold up his own in contrast. Even just hear Edgar's thoughts as they went by, feel the emotions he felt. But he couldn't, so he just stared as unblinkingly as this new body would allow, just watched as Edgar went over everything on his own.

He finally opened his eyes, staring back into Scriabin's though he was sure they were still hidden. He felt naked and awkward and Edgar still hadn't said anything. If he could just see like he was supposed to, or if Edgar would just tell him, he wouldn't have to ask. I have to do everything around here.

"It was after you met him, wasn't it?"

"You think it's...mental trauma?" An unspoken 'yes.' Relief flooded him, and he pushed ahead.

"Edgar. He stabbed you." Edgar gripped his shoulder, his eyes closing again and he looked to be in pain. That was a very effective reminder at least. "Do you even know why?" He shook his head and spoke throught half-grit teeth.

"I must have made him mad, but I don't remember-" Of course not, I did that.

"Your mind is trying to protect you." Not. But one of us has to with your inexhaustable deathwish. Scriabin reached out to touch him properly, but Edgar pulled away. He didn't follow, still not yet. Play up the pity. "He messed you up so bad," with a curl in his tone, an I told you so that barely made it to words even privately; how long had he been holding that in? "Surely you must've felt like you wanted, you needed to get away from him, that he wasn't good for you, that you-" He'd told him so many times, some it must have stuck, some of it had to have-

"Then-!" Edgar's eyes shot open, wide and desperate with an edge of disbelief. A strangled gasp escaped him, half-choking him as he tried to speak. "Then why can't I remember you?!"

He almost began rolling off the cuff, but really, he still didn't know for sure. And it definitely wasn't like he could tell the truth even if he wanted to; who, who hadn't lived it, would believe him? Edgar certainly wouldn't, not with his lack of imagination. He had to dress this up, weave a narrative that was plausible, had the perfect mix of truth and falsehood to stand up to scrutiny.

Huh. Ironic.

"I..." No. Some of this was Edgar's fault too. "We...argued."

"Argued?"

"I... Mng." He wanted to aim for some kind of levity, but his throat had tightened on him. He just wanted to tell this stupid inside joke and not have it affect him, not have it mean anything, and here he was getting emotional? He'd say it and fucking mean it. "It's not like I'm in your head, so-" spat out in a rush, there, he'd said it. Haha, isn't that so funny. He swallowed harshly, pushing down everything he felt into his stomach acid. He was in control. He was fine. This didn't shake him. "I can't know for sure," another humourless laugh inside, "but I was against your relationship with Johnny. Maybe you shut me out so you could keep seeing him with no pushback."

It certainly wasn't outside the realm of possibilities of what Edgar would do to avoid taking Scriabin's extremely basic advice about fraternizing with serial killers. How many times had he been ignored up to this point, only to culminate in the ultimate 'I don't know what you're talking about.' Pfeh. I bet he wishes he'd thought of this sooner. It did nothing for his painfully stuttered pulse.

"You know, I've been trying to convince you to stop going back to him for a while, but, well..." He waved his hand at Edgar's hand still death gripped into his shoulder, and Edgar averted his eyes guiltily. At least he showed some remorse. Better than his nigh constant apologia.

He stayed quiet a moment longer, and just before Scriabin made to fill the silence again, Edgar struck him with an intense look.

"What are you to me?" Ugh. Of course. There was not a single good answer for that. Even if he told him everything- no, especially if he told him everything, there was no way Edgar would believe him. But coming up with a convincing lie on the spot, when they were so clearly something to each other - even he needed time to come up with something workable. How could he have ever prepared for a situation like this? It was never meant to happen, so many things were never meant to happen!

He continued at Scriabin's silence. "You know Nny," Ugh! Even his awful nickname. "And Todd. And...me." He couldn't refute it, so he nodded tightly. "Do you live here?"

Technically he had, and technically he hadn't. Still, going forward, it would be easier to let Edgar assume that he did. It wasn't like he had anywhere else to go at the moment anyway.

"Yes."

"Are we..." He searched him, looked him over as much as he could and he wasn't subtle about it. If only Scriabin had his proper glasses, he'd let him look as much he wanted, behold his spectacle! As it was, he just felt self-conscious and it was very unbefitting. "...family?"

The baggage on that. He did not feel like opening that particular can of worms in either of their current states. He turned his head and flipped through any number of halfway decent ways to phrase it until he hit on something Edgar would remember. Better not to contradict for now.

"You told Johnny you have no family when you met."

"That's true..." Edgar blinked, processing. "Wait, did I tell you that?" Scriabin startled. Even after he'd accounted for his memory! Of course he had to pick his story apart now, he never knew when to leave well enough alone.

"When you-" No, he had to be involved. "When we bandaged your face."

Edgar mulled on that for a few seconds, taking on a thoughtful pose. "I only remember being alone."

"You don't remember me at all. What do you want from me?" He huffed.

"No, sorry, you're right."

"Thank you." He was right!

Where had Edgar expected him to be? There was something weird about how he'd said it. He filed the thought away for later.

"So, if you've been living here, where..." Edgar looked around the room, then back to Scriabin. "Where have you been sleeping? Todd's already on the couch..."

Scriabin couldn't help as a smile sprung to his face. If he was going to present him with such a perfect opportunity, well, he'd better take it. He even had the decency to look nervous in response! This was too good.

"Would you believe me if I said right here, in bed?" He again tucked his chin, playfully this time, his hair falling further in his eyes. Even through the dark tangles he could make out Edgar's face immediately bristling with heat.

Ooh. That's such a fetching shade on you, my dear.

"But-! I, I haven't been sleeping on the floor!" He was visibly sweating!

"Correct." His smile grew. This was too easy, and he needed an easy win right about now.

"W-" He leaned forward on his legs, though refused to get any closer. When he spoke it was a harsh whisper. "Why...?"

Scriabin shrugged easily, not bothering to reign in his smile in the least. "I mean, where else, right?" He leaned in since Edgar refused to, and oh. He was blushing all the way up to his scalp. Hilarious. "You certainly didn't seem to mind." He couldn't hold back the slightly musical tone or his eyebrows inclination to move on their own. His body knew what he was getting at, and he could see it only increased Edgar's fluster. All the better.

"Well I do now!" Edgar darted up and away, stumbling in his hasty retreat. "If you'll excuse me!" though he was already practically in the hallway by the time he said it. What a display, and Scriabin's laugh was loud and natural.

Finally, something positive. He'd managed to fumble his way through, not his best work in lying or manipulation, but he'd set some important groundwork. He'd gotten some answers, and he could start to shape some more believable stories around them.

The biggest hurdles were Johnny and Devi. As long as Edgar didn't meet with them too soon - or well, at all would be preferable, but he doubted he could just keep him locked up, as much as the idea appealed to him. There were so many things that were possible now, things that he had the ability to do, given the right circumstances... All of that in due time. For now he had a yarn to spin.

He listened as Edgar fumbled in the hall, the sheer sound of cloth being pulled and folded over an arm barely perceptable. Was he really going to try to sleep on what little was left over? Maybe he'd give up once he realized the pickings were thin and beg Scriabin to let him sleep with him. Hah.

While he was out, Scriabin made his way over to the pajamas drawer. They were all old and soft, even just to his hand. They'd do for now, until he could get his own. It wasn't like he hadn't worn all this before anyway.

By the time he'd finished dressing, his clothes discarded on the opposite side of the bed to where Edgar had set up his little nest, Edgar had finally gotten himself a set of pajamas. He wondered for a moment if he'd dress with Scriabin in the room again, though maybe his intense stare drove him off. Who could say. He patted the bed with a wide grin when he returned and was dutifully ignored. He settled down to the side, and Scriabin laid on his arms to look down at him.

"Ugh, lame."

"I don't-"

"Yeah, whatever." He'd heard it all before. At least he could literally look down on him like this. He folded his hands and leaned just a bit further, looking him over. A desire he hadn't realized he had surfaced in the dark and quiet. "Give me your hand."

"Sorry?" Scriabin held out his hand expectantly.

"I used to hear your heart beat every day." Edgar looked at him incredulously, but Scriabin was unperturbed. "Let me hear it again."

He hesitated but eventually slowly offered his arm. "...Okay."

He pulled his arm up and placed his thumb against his wrist. He felt a strange mismatch - where he'd been expecting one heartbeat, there were two. He covered his surprise, near shock at the realization that of course he had his own body now, by pulling harder on Edgar's arm, directing him up to his ear.

"Wh-"

"Shh." Quietly. He had wanted this, wanted this body, this separation, this freedom for so long, and now... He spoke quietly, his voice betraying nothing. "I'm listening."

Edgar's pulse was erratic, but he hardly paid attention to it. His own fingers on Edgar's skin, warm and pliant, and Edgar's fingers twitching in his hair, he could feel it, he was trying not to touch him- This hesitation was killing him, every jerky movement away not from fear of what Scriabin could do to him, just uncertainty, like he was still a stranger- He pressed him harder to his head, and he could feel goosebumps under his fingers. He wanted to just hold him there until all the memories they'd shared poured back through him, into his blood, into his breath.

Where are you?

But he replied in that same uncertain, guarded tone that indicated he didn't know, not really.

"C...can I have my arm back now?"

He pushed him away. "Fine." Edgar curled his hand protectively against his chest, and he noticed he rubbed it slightly, he probably hadn't even realized.

He mumbled out a harried "Good night," and it was almost enough to make Scriabin smile. Almost. He could still affect him but this wasn't enough, it wasn't right.

He laid his head on the pillow, not bothering to pull his arm up over the side of the bed. If he twitched in the night and touched Edgar, well, that could mean anything. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he did it on purpose. Plausible deniability was one of his greatest assets.

As it was, he was just tired. Maybe he didn't pull it back because he hated the thought of sleeping alone, pushed out and forgotten, and hated it more that he was even thinking something like that. How pathetic. He didn't need anyone, especially not Edgar.

But he was tired. Not in his right mind.

Does this mean we can start over...?

The thought echoed and died, and he slept.

#💟#Fanfiction #Blank Slate AU #Edgar #Scriabin #Todd #Shmee #He's technically in there but once again no speaking lines :P Yet anyway lol #It's fanfic time again! I fell into yet another writing fugue and finished Chapters 1 and 2 in like four days lol #If you'll notice tho ♪ Neither of those chapters are featured under the cut :3c Pls do read Ch. 1 at least to get caught up before diving in #This one took a bit longer but that'd be because it's Almost as big as both previous chapters combined lol #I'll update it to the chapter list in a few days! Y'all get a preview here :D It'll be the same there with slightly different formatting #Decided to try something new since tumblr doesn't normally allow underlines but it's very important to Scriabin's syntax #I promise they're all just links to the first chapter lol - you're welcome to check but I promise I didn't put a sneaky link anywhere lol #My one gripe is that it doesn't look as good on-blog :/ Fine on the dash! But I'm not willing to sacrifice the dark colouration on the links #Italics were chosen as the only light feature for a reason ♪#I mean at least it's not Bolded lol I'll take it #These were a lot of fun to write so far ahhh <3 I've been wanting to dig a little deeper for a long while now!#I mentioned this idea offhandedly in the tags of Incoming Outgoing but ahhh it's very rewarding to put to words :D #Fun Fun Fun

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sysig · 6 months

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It always seems like such a good idea in the moment (Patreon)

The first four are in reference to a great idea I had of - since I’ve finished my lower-limit page number testing for making books; shorter fics take up less page space, and just increasing the font size isn’t as handsome! - simply making a mini book! All it would take would be to halve the pages again, right? Just cut them right down the middle! Easy peasy!

As I’m sure you can tell by the second, no. Not easy peasy. Difficult painful un-fun >:(

Obviously I still did it tho! What do you take me for, someone who could have the idea of an even tinier book and then not do something about it?? No It’s also the only one so far to have a paper bookmark rather than a ribbon!

All told it’s a bit smaller than your average manga (I love the monochrome covers on these under their dust jackets haha <3) - you can see even with effectively doubling up the pages by halving their size, it was still very small-spined!

A quick shot while it was still being made hehe ♪ It’s Out! Paired here - and the earlier one, just without its dust jacket haha - with my Zarla SC2 collection (ft. Family, Negotiations are Going...Well, and With No Obligation) - I absolutely kicked myself after the fact for not including Out as the run-up to everything, I was really trying to make a full collection in probably-chronological order! Out would’ve been a perfect start! And it only would’ve taken like four pages!!

Ah well, it was still quite a learning experience - I probably wouldn’t make another standalone of under 4k-ish just for formatting reasons but I did get some good ideas of how to do so if I wanted to! Although, my next project is going to be even more of a formatting nightmare........I’ll get there when I get there! Lol

#Doodles #The impulsive thoughts are always the funnest! But then it's all a matter of actually putting them into reality...#Ahh well like I said under the cut it was a learning experience! And I really wanted a physical copy of Out haha ♪#I don't think I've ever mentioned it - not even in my pre-fic notes :0 - but Out was another one of my inspirations for Drinking Game #I mean - the drinking lol obviously but I hadn't considered what VUX drinking would be like before reading it :)#I wanted to pair it with both physical copies hehe ♫ I'm happy I attempted it! And I have a better foundation to build on in the future!#I ended up using the scrap leftover from making such a small cover as the bookmark haha - and I picked the covers so they'd almost-match :)#They go together! But not quite! Just enough!#The sting of creation has worn off - it's actually been a while since I've made a quick book! - so the itch is starting to come back haha #Well - almost lol - the formatting is still........but I do want to do it! Especially now that I've got a hand-in-hand hobby to go with it #All that later ♪ For now snakes!#And also spiders I am also the same when spiders #I've been escorting a lot of spiders outside lately and pretty much all of them fall under the moniker of ''darling'' to me lol #Still no luck on finding a jumping spider :( But I also haven't got an enclosure set up yet either #There's this one booth that always has such adorable and pretty jumping spider enclosures ahhh I might have to break and get one someday #Same place where I got to hold the snake in fact! :D She was a love <3 Beautiful full-grown female cornsnake if memory serves #She was rather wiggly - she was tired and fussy and didn't feel like being handled by a stranger but she was so polite about it #A real delight to handle <3 And I got to see her babies! So cute and tiny!#The rest is more SCII fic stuff haha ♪ Rereading the Pirate fic was a lot of fun :) Intentionally avoiding Vargas fic(s) does make me a bit #Well I really like Vargas still lol it is candy to my brain so any gesture even remotely in that direction is very exciting haha #I'm perfectly happy with the rest for now tho! I have plenty of things to read and make! >:3c #Heck there's still a SCII fic I haven't read yet that I want to!! I just have to get all my previous SCII thoughts out of my head first haha #I will tho >:3c Always always ♪♫#SCII

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fandomfloozy · 18 days

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random ask: what is your absolute most favorite food ever? the one that you wish you could summon at will with no prep required and also need everyone around you to try and also love (but not so much that there's none left for you)?

Chilaquiles!!!!!!!!!!! Love em. Ugh. In every shape and form. 🩷

With the green sauce

With the red sauce

With a bunch of meat

For breakfast with eggie on top

HNFNWK XMAH UAGH they're so versatile and delicious and I love being Mexican so much cuz our dishes are a shit ton of iterations of tortilla(chip), egg, meat, salsa

I'm a simple girl who loves tortilla, egg, meat, salsa 🤤🤤

#lots of pics of food under the cut lol #ty for this ask void!#i love food so much #it's ome of the spices of life to me #and a big love language of mine #im definitely a live to eat >>>> eat to live kind of person #id rather live my nice lil comfy life with good food than 100 years restricting myself #happiness is what you put into your life #and i choose to put good food in mine :)))#cw food #tw food

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crescentfool · 1 year

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some scribs based on things i saw at kawaiikon 2023 last week, i had a lot of fun! (in which i use minato + my squidkid as stand-ins for myself)

bonus comic + some thoughts about the con under the cut!

gotta love when u think it’d be cool to cosplay but then completely forget to get anything for the cosplay (i forgot to go to look for yellow fabric for a ryoji scarf)!! so u just go as just some guy (my wardrobe has a few items that remind me of my faves).

ANYWAYS for the con itself, i had a lot of fun! something about it was very humanizing, just knowing that there were other people in hawaii who also like persona (and the other things that i am into). i got to pull out my beloved minato nui/plushie and share him with other people which was. fun!!

the cosplayers were super cool too! the femc cosplayer was super sweet and they had!! a p3 protag itabag and it was so ?? heartwarming and cool for me to see that?? and the akechi + kokichi cosplayers being in the same proximity was also very cool to me (idk i feel like they’re just both interesting characters).

and of course the artists were very lovely... i was very surprised 2 see so much persona 3 (thank you p3p for being put on modern consoles) there, haha. i paid the minato tax™ aka that’s what happens when your favorite character is like. the protag. i have so much beautiful minato art in my home now. i am so happy and normal about this. my heart is sold to him. he has such incomprehensible boy swag that transcends the universe. but anyway.

this is very rambly but um idk im just! grateful and appreciative! that other people are out there that enjoy media that i like especially since they were so scarce and far between (other fandoms showed up more frequently). would i go again? dunno, depends on what im into by the time next year rolls around. but i’m glad that i went this year, for sure 💙

#persona 3 #minato arisato #makoto yuki #hamuko arisato #minako arisato #mariko kusumi #how do i tag marie p4g when splatoon marie exists. help girlie #goro akechi #kokichi ouma #splatoon #splatoon oc #minatoast #lizzy does art #put the con reflections under the cut bc it was too long for tags for my liking but!! tl;dr i had fun i love knowing that other ppl-#have been captivated and touched by the same media that i have been affected by (yes i know i say this a lot but i just feel very strongly)#also working on this has reminded me of how much i love to draw minato. so hopefully i can draw more of him soon bc he sparks joy for me!!#had 2 get these kkon related arts out of my system b4 working on some other stuff! some of these are scuffed but it's w/e #sometimes i like to draw just so that i have an excuse to talk in the tags / keep reading. LMAO. but dont tell anyone i said that... lol/s

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semperama · 1 year

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F1 Kink Meme Fic Recs

I'm probably late, and for all I know many of these have already been recced to heck and back, but since I was off tumblr and missed whatever conversations were happening, I just wanted to share my favorite kink meme fics with you all! Please feel free to reblog this to boost it, if you want, and if you read any of these and like them, please leave comments for their lovely authors!!

the price you pay for a loss of control by @kritischetheologie (George/Alex)

This one is angsty, so be warned, but it has immediately become one of my favorite fics I've read in this fandom just for how well-written and meticulously well-characterized it is. The George voice is so good it's out of this world.

what happens in vegas stays online forever by finedae (George/Alex)

An instant classic married-in-Vegas fic. Funny and sweet by turns. The characterization is amazing.

find my way by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

I love it when writers manage to transfer characters to such a wildly different universe (Star Wars in this case!) and still remain so true to the characters, and this does that. It pulled me in so completely in so few words.

sweet relief by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

I did not know it was possible to pack so much love and care and great writing and amazing characterization into a watersports fic, but this genius author did just that.

regrets, i've had a few by anonymous (Daniel/Cyril)

I would read a hundred Daniel/Cyril fics like this one, lol. So dirty and angsty and perfect. This is a version of Daniel we don't often see, but it feels so true and real.

a night, a scene, a town by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

Just some well-written, desperate, club bathroom sex. Very satisfying and INCREDIBLY hot.

overflow by anonymous (Seb/Lewis)

I'm a sucker for a non-linear narrative, and this is so, so incredibly well done. The writing is phenomenal and packed with so much depth, and it's also HOT and KINKY. It has everything!

my temple will be beautiful,too by @notthehardtyres (George/Daniel)

I'm sure you all have read this by now, but if you haven't, RUN, don't walk. Absolutely beautiful, moving, healing, sexy, perfect, will make you feel the entire spectrum of human emotion and probably cry.

come over and kill some time by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

I tend to be kind of hit-or-miss on always-a-girl!fic, but this is easily some of the hottest sex I've ever read. I need to fan myself just thinking about it.

Take What's Yours by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

The premise of this is crazy creative, and it's so well done. Everything is so well-described, and the tension is insane. I gasped out loud multiple times.

let the bells ring by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

This is so sweet it will rot your teeth, but in the best way. I had such a huge smile on my face by the end.

edge of desire by anonymous (Pierre/Charles)

Amazing, perfect, 10/10 sex pollen fic. I could read a million "sex pollen is what finally gets them together" fics, and this is a wonderful example of that trope.

riches and wonders by anonymous (Daniel/Max)

ADORE everything about this! The world-building! The outsider POV! The way the characters are developed so well without even being in their heads! This has become another instant fav for me. I've already reread it several times.

Not like any other love by anonymous (George/Alex)

The George/Alex angst writers really brought it during this kink meme. This fic hurt me deeply in the most satisfying way. The ending is so fucked up, and I mean that as the HIGHEST possible compliment.

#f1 #fic rec #i am not tagging every pairing #nor am i putting it under a cut because i want you all to be forced to look at it :)#read the fics and leave comments please!!#hopefully all these links work #that was a lot of links to copy/paste lol

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shoheiakagi · 8 months

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i have a lot of AUs that i dont post about here (since theyre mostly y/n centric), but i just thought of one with rockstar!shouhei who keeps making the wrong decisions and rising model!y/n who just happens to be lucky:

in which hmr is a globally famous japanese rock band, breaking new records everyday and always making headlines. after nonstop touring and back to back album releases, the band decides to take a temporary break, each member opting to take it slow and work on their solo music to stand out as individual artists.

lead vocalist akagi shouhei starts of his solo adventures by attending his first high fashion event in paris, bringing in a lot of attention as he is the first member of hmr to attend a fashion event. fans are going crazy as they all crowd outside of the event, shrieking when he steps out of the car, decked in designer from head to toe as he heads into the gala.

shouhei is seated on the first row, where he’s vibing along with the indie rock music playing in the background and talking to other celebrities, enjoying the change in environment from the usual concerts, team meetings, and studio visits with the rest of the band. the show finally starts and he’s admiring the models strutting the ramp in the latest haute couture when he finally sees her.

she’s a vision in the dusky pink dress accentuating her small waist and showing off her slim legs. her long hair is pulled up in a french bun, lone strands loosely framing the delicate features of her face. he briefly wonders if she was a ballerina, suddenly remembering the jewelry box his mom owned when he was a kid. the one that played ballet music whenever he would sneakily open the box, the tiny ballerina figurine slowly twirling around in a dance, before she is locked away in the box.

all eyes are on shouhei as he watches the models walk the ramp, but he just can’t seem to tear his gaze away from a certain model that caught his eye.

#put more under the cut just so i dont spam others’ dash #but yeah i just thought of this au this morning and wanted to share it here lol #but i wonder if anyone will be able to guess which group im basing this au from lol #also if i were to write this au it would have a lot of sex tbh 🫡#but like ask me questions about this au or any other aus/characters lol #also writing this out made me realize that i need to get back to reading and work on my writing #cause why tf did this plain ass text take me forever to write??#mine

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bblookyyy · 2 years

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i’ve decided to come out as fucking delusional. i dont care if a certain character is ooc if the character is my blorbo and them doing ooc shit makes me happy!! but like, ooc in a good way. not like, completely misinterpreting a character ooc, and rather more… actually, i might expand on that bc im not sure about why i enjoy certain kinds of ooc and not others.

like. ooc-ness that ticks me off would be people making bakugo a tsundere. no dude, he was a bully and that damage he did will not be undone. he IS getting better and you making bakugo actually did care about deku and didnt mean all that bullying is undermining all the progress he made from hating on deku because of his own insecurity issues to accepting deku’s power and status as his equal, possibly even more.

ooc-ness that i DO like would be like. um. giving tropes to characters + circumstances that would explain their canon behaviour. like vigilante deku AUs where deku is dead inside but puts on a front that would explain his canon perosnality but also matches his motivations. or traitor kaminari AU where his volt limit is fake and everything about him is to make people underestimate him. or like, making aph italy a fucking badass??? bruh it’s the gap moe. his boundless positivity has to mean a strong mind and his whole whiny crying thing would serve most beautifully to doing a 180 and surprising people with an ooc ruthless attitude.

though in the case of eridan it might be more like… shinichi from meitantei conan is canonically fucking arrogant and all ego yeah?? and yet in dcmk fanfiction he’s quiet and shy because of his time spent as conan and trying to blend into the background to avoid being killed by the BO, which makes for a lovely kaishin dynamic. kaito is the loud one and shinichi is the cute blushy one. wait YEAH!! it’s the trope where usually stoic people blush?? or express emotions they usually don’t. WAIT THAT’S IT

GAP MOE IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING

OOC IS ONLY ACCEPTABLE IF IT’S GAP MOE

anyways. eridan would rock korean fashion. but only unintentionally - if he knew he did, he’d 100% try to pull some kdrama male lead moves on anyone who looks slightly in his direction with anything that’s not murderous intent. and then proceed to immediately shatter the image they had of him.

here’s an alternate version that I think I like more

#my art #homestuck #eridan ampora #rei just talking #both on the post and here in the tags haha #another shitty comic lol #idk if any of you are willing to read through this post lol #a lot of my followers are probably dave/ davekat enjoyers #and well. most of my headcannons are of eridan and not dave #to be fair eridan died early on and dave had a lot more character growth #but also. eridan </3 #another post i dont expect notes on #i was gonna reorganize this post #put my random tangent about what kinds of oocness is acceptable under a cut #but then i went. nah. it’s 4am #probably only 2 people will read it in total #it’s dumb shit anyways #not even about homestuck #sorry my other blorbos are kaminari and aph italy and karamatsu #i will make references to them as often as i want im afraid #i like my characters pathetic im sure you can tell #i either make their pathetic-ness fake and turn them into badasses #or i make them even more pathetic then cry about it #if you’ve been following me im sure you can tell i love going on tangents and rants #about unimportant stuff #usually hidden in the confines of fhe tags #a small part of my horrible detestable habit of talking too much is exposed in the main post #but oh well #eridan posts aren’t very popular anyways #a maximum of 50 people will see this lol

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ziptiesnfries · 8 months

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infodumping about lynx's backstory bc they've been stuck in my brain lately

so! they grew up in a training facility for synthetics (genetically altered "humans"). they picked the name lynx for themself, but that was mostly a secret between them and some of the other trainees they liked; they were mainly known by their designation number, G104. they were designated as a box bastard (i.e., punching bag pet) when they were 16, and spent two years training for that specifically before they turned 18 and were sold.

their first owner (seen here) kept them chained up in a crate in his yard for a summer. he only really interacted with them to feed them or beat them. he never gave them a name. eventually, he surrendered them to a shelter with extensive injuries, and they were kept in the infirmary for over a month before they were ready to be adopted out again. of course, box bastards aren't in very high demand, so it took a while before anyone picked them up.

lynx's second owner was a woman named linda (i haven't written anything involving her yet). she mostly kept them chained to a radiator in the corner of her living room and put out her cigarettes on them. they watched a lot of trashy TV in this era of their life. she took better care of them than their previous owner did (taking them on walks, feeding them regularly) but, you know, still treated them like a punching bag. they tried to escape too many times, and she finally decided that she didn't want to deal with them anymore. they were surrendered to another shelter.

lynx's third and current owner is kennedy adams. he's a well-to-do businessman with a big house and plenty of free time to play with his pet :) he named them spike, and he's gotten to know them a lot better than their previous owners have. he loves making them squirm and pushing their limits, and he's so glad that he got a box bastard. he is lynx's least favorite owner.

and i do have some future plans for them, but i'll keep those to myself for now :)

#i'm always open to questions!#or writing requests 👀#i realized that a lot of this has just been floating around in my head lol #ziptalks #pet whump #box bastards #abuse tw #lmk if this should be tagged w/ anything else #i tried to put most of it under the cut

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