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chancontrarian · 9 months

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Getting Through a Bad Day the Villain Way

Welcome. If you’re here, there’s a good chance you’re having a bad day. I’m sorry. Whether a trusted co-conspirator just betrayed you, or you’re dealing with your arch-nemesis, PMDD, some days you feel so full of sour rage that you could set the world on fire just by breathing. But just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean you have to be a goody-two-shoes about it. In fact, sometimes the best way to get through a bad day is to embrace your inner villain. While we don’t condone carrying out your meticulously plotted revenge, sometimes it takes an evil mastermind to overcome the doldrums of a rotten mood.

The obvious stuff. You’ve heard it all… write in your journal. Go for a walk. Take a shower. Talk to a friend. Sure, go ahead. There’s nothing wrong with those things, and they can even be helpful. But don’t expect them to be a cure; think of it more as 1) a distraction 2) you deserve it. Sometimes when I’m having a bad (depression) day, I can barely get out of bed to shower. That’s not very villainous of me. At the very least, I deserve to be clean and aired out. Plot your perfect revenge in your journal. (If you want to be productive, make a list of things that are bothering you to take to your next therapy appointment.) Check with your friend that they have “space” for you to vent, and let them know if you want advice or just support. Setting expectations for the conversation will help you get what you need and also not overwhelm your friend.

Swear a lot. There's something about swearing that just feels good, especially when you're feeling angry or frustrated. So go ahead and let loose with all the curse words you know. No one's judging you. I grew up in conservative Evangelical Christianity, where it was expected that good little girls did everything “with a cheerful spirit.” Phooey on that! If you have a mountain of dirty dishes piling up, and washing dishes is your least favorite chore in the world… fuck those dishes. Fuck them to hell and back and all the way to the cupboard (or at least the drying rack).

Put on your vampiest makeup. Sometimes, the best way to feel powerful is to look powerful. So put on your darkest eyeliner, your brightest lipstick, and your most dramatic eyeshadow. You'll be surprised at how much better you feel when you look like a total badass. (If you can manage it, take some selfies. This is a good excuse to go outside.)

Go to the driving range or batting cage. Take out your aggression on some inanimate objects. Go to the driving range and smash some golf balls, or go to the batting cage and take some swings at some baseballs. Give them names. Destroy your enemies.

Post on social media for validation. This one requires a bit of planning ahead — unless your badass makeup has inspired you to take some selfies (which I recommend!) Don’t be a whiny drama queen, but a smoking hot selfie and a sassy caption can provide some welcome dopamine-spiking likes. You’re not attention seeking, you’re gracing the world with your fabulousness!

Make a Triumphs List. No, not a smarmy gratitude list. I want you to write down all of your petty victories and gloat over them. The time you corrected a teacher. The time you were able to send a forward with “per my previous email.” The fact that she (you know who) can’t do any better than your leftovers.

Listen to angry music, or a captivating story. Now is the time to break out that heavy metal playlist your ex boyfriend made for you. Or better yet, borrow an audiobook from your local library or find a podcast with drama and violence. You’ll get so drawn into the high stakes and machinations that you’ll forget about your own foul mood. (Walking while listening to metal and scowling is a great way to scare your neighbors.)

Do sudoku or a crossword puzzle. The trick isn’t to do mindless busywork, like knitting or jumping jacks, the trick is to occupy your mind.

Kill them with kindness. You have to deal with customers all day at work? Make it a game — you are undercover as a mild-mannered office worker and have to fool them all with your charm. If someone dares to be rude to you, shame them with the scintillating brilliance of your smile. You are an actor, and this is your stage.

You deserve a treat. Steer clear of self-medication with hard substances (believe me, I know the appeal, but it won’t help), but now is the time to get that super sugary iced coffee. Go out for ice cream. Get takeout instead of cooking dinner. Buy that pretty book you already own five editions of. Masturbate (that could be a whole point itself; get that buzz! (pun intended)).

Do it to prove them wrong. I know — you’re a strong, independent villain and you don’t need any external validation. But sometimes the only thing that can rescue you from the jaws of defeat is the threat of defeat itself. Remember when I said to plot your revenge in your journal? Identify what is putting you in a bad mood and write down steps you can take to address the problem. Stinging over a breakup? Honey, you are absolutely allowed to work on a revenge body. Coworkers bullying you? Fantasize about your dream job, then look for it! Polish up your resume! Take steps to remedy or at least make yourself feel better about sucky things.

Count the small victories. A shower or walk may or may not make you feel better. But you can say you tried, and that counts for a lot! Do five pushups or squats, you can say you exercised. Can’t shower? Wash your face and put on deodorant. Can’t go for a walk? Stand in the sun for a few minutes.

So there you have it: a few non-conventional tips on how to get through a bad day like a villain. Remember, bad days are only temporary. So embrace your inner villain, have some fun, and get through it.

#PMDD #bad day #bad mood #depression #self help #advice column #the contrarian #the villainess #nonconventional advice #advice

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rainforestdawn · 7 years

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Thoughts on Suicide

I begin each year by looking up books that will be released on film. It helps pass the time when the snow is on the ground.

I read 13 Reasons Why last year. And I recently watched the Netflix series with my son.

As a person with suicidal ideation, depression, PTSD,a penchant for self harm, and PMDD, I gotta say...I liked it.

I’ve seen a few posts on the subject on my Facebook feed about how terrible it is.

How it promotes revenge suicide, and self harm, and how it triggers a lot of things.

I’ve been raped. I’ve been ignored when I asked for help. I’ve been called a drama queen, a person who enjoys being a victim, and many other things. I’ve been that sad little thing looking anywhere for a hand, to pull me from the landslide of trauma.

And I’m still here.

I cut. Not because I need to release. Because sometimes, the emotions I have are so overpowering I can’t tolerate being in my own head. And I need a way to control them. To temper them. When I’m in pain, this is an automatic response. When I’m in pain, I can automatically compartmentalize all emotion until I can process and cope with it properly. It triggers a survival mechanism I developed as a child.

I drink because sometimes I’m so fucking angry at the injustice that I live frequently, that I just want to relax and let it go.

I did drugs so I wouldn’t feel.

On any given day, I see myself in the mirror and think “God. I don’t deserve to breathe the oxygen I consume”. I struggle to quiet that voice. I pick a task to complete and move my day along, doing my best to ignore it. I struggle to give myself the credit I deserve for surviving my life this long. To forgive myself.

Not once was I concerned about the subject matter watching the show with my son. In fact, it started a discussion.

And that’s important to me. In case you didn’t already notice.

I spent years and years in my second marriage, to the kids’ father, hiding everything that wasn’t socially acceptable. Not discussing anything. I no longer possess that ability. I’m an open book. Awkwardly so.

In 2012, my father-in-law committed suicide.

I need to talk. About it. About all of it.

Ever have a thought you couldn’t stop from coming back? I recently watched Passengers (the space movie), and saw Chris Pratt struggle, and fail to ignore, a thought. He woke up another passenger, and hated himself for it.

That’s what suicide is for me.

I was a child. That’s when that thought first came to me.

I can’t fathom, any child thinking that. I’m in the field of child care. And I see the kids in my care, who are carefree and innocent. I was never that. The thought comes that I need to do everything in my power to ensure no child I know feels that way. Ever.

Suicide isn’t something you can just ignore and not acknowledge, and know that it won’t touch your life. That’s not how it works. The more you know, the more you can make good choices. And it’s my life’s mission to ensure no child i know, or ever will know, what that thought will do to them over a lifetime.

I’ve made plans, I’ve written notes, letters. I’ve tried a few times. Each time, something has saved me. And it’s what solidified my faith. I’m not a church going type of person. But I believe in a deity. I don’t name it, or give it righteousness. I don’t shout it from the rooftops, or feel the need to convert everyone. I keep it close. It’s personal. And my conviction is unshakable. This is what gives me strength to go on when I want to give up.

Once, I called everyone I had a phone number for, and only one person answered. That’s all it takes. One person.

One person can make a difference. This belief will never be shaken. I’m living proof. Because one person made a difference to me.

Because once, someone answered the phone when I really needed help. And I got it. Because they answered the phone. Despite being in a different time zone, in a different country, and in the middle of funeral arrangements, they answered. Because one person made a difference to me, I always answer the phone, at any time. And I always offer help, when I see it’s needed, whether I’m asked or not.

Sometimes, things need to be discussed. And, if the series, book, or otherwise, gets a discussion going, good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeAg15IyVFI

#13 reasons why #suicide #suicide prevention #passengers #christ pratt

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lacangri21 · 2 years

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in case i ever have to look up one of my posts

moid logic, itsamoidsworld, things men say, mankind or yes all men, male violence, vaw, abuse, rpe culture, p*rn culture, piv-critical resources, medical misogyny, pmdd revenge posts, fetishism, children can’t consent, traffickers, men possessing women, marriage & nuclear family, dating, men lie, feminism, woman hating, periods/pregnancy/reproductive rights, handmaidenry, socialization, beauty culture, the military, puercos, hollywood, disregarding sexism, men of color are still men, lgbphobia, shinzo abe, smug fedora tipper, inceloid, racism, male inferiority, hotep white woman tears, moidlet, prison, prison reformers, women’s prisons...

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...

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