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pooklet · 1 year

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Hey pooklet!!! How did you discover you're non-binary? Did your friends go well with it?

Hey anon!

Short answer: "Girl" never felt right to me, heard about nonbinary as a concept in my 20s on a random livejournal, exactly one of my close friends was cool about it and she's now my wife, lol.

Much, much longer answer under the cut.

I know it's a trope to say "I always felt wrong in my assigned gender" but in my case it's true. For me it was very confusing because I do like a lot of the femme stuff that kind of gets pushed at you when you're AFAB. Pink and dolls and dresses and long hair, stuff like that. But the idea that those things made me a "girl" just never sat right. I remember being like 13 and asking my first boyfriend "would you still like me if I wasn't a girl" and he was like "ew no" and it made me feel so deeply sad for reasons I couldn't quite explain. There were a lot of little instances like that, but that one really sticks out in my mind.

I first ran across the concept of being nonbinary on a livejournal community that I don't think had anything to do with gender? I don't remember where, it was some fandom or hobby thing. Like, I don't think it was this exactly, but it was something as silly as someone posting pictures of their BJD and being like "I decided this doll is nonbinary!" Something like that. And I was like wtf and immediately went down the rabbit hole. Which was much shorter like 12-13 years ago than it is today, but what I found made me go "oh shit, this is the thing, huh?"

Around that time, I was also starting to make more of an effort to get involved with Native American communities and studying the history of my specific nation (Oneida). I was raised by the white half of my family so it wasn't something I really got to experience growing up. And in doing so I learned about being Two-Spirit, and even though that's not how I identify per se (there's a lot of debate around exactly how you define being Two-Spirit and who has access to the label, etc.) it felt sort of like, idk, permission? Like, "this is part of my cultural heritage, it predates the gender binary, I'm allowed to not be a girl."

But it wasn't an all-at-once coming out sort of thing. I kinda floated it at the people closest to me, like "how would you feel if I wasn't a girl lol wouldn't that be crazy lol."

One of my two best friends at the time was very resistant to me not being a girl, us not being best girl friends, who had the sort of romantic-Victorian platonic-but-intense girl friendship. So we ended up having no friendship at all.

The person that I was dating at the time was outright hostile to the idea. Abusively hostile. And the thing about it was he (pronouns at the time, don't know if he's changed them, not going to look him up to find out) had also just come out as trans. He/him agender. And when I repeated that same question that I asked my 13-year-old boyfriend "would you still love me if I wasn't a girl?" His response was something to the tune of "I guess it's fine as long as you still have a girl's body." Which was a wild thing to hear from someone who was also AFAB. Weren't too long after that we broke up.

My other best friend @skulldilocks, maybe you've heard of her, she was my oasis. She never judged, she was curious and interested and so kind about it. The second I told her "I don't think I'm a girl" she was like "yeah, okay, you would know best" and that was it. She was one of maybe three people in my life (the other two being my cousins) that didn't tell me I was wrong or pushed back at all. She called me by my chosen name, used they/them pronouns, corrected herself when she got it wrong, and that was it. It was just, idk, easy. And it made me feel like maybe this wasn't some forbidden, shameful thing that I knew was true about myself, but I still couldn't tell anyone.

So I started to assert my gender and pronouns in online spaces. I was really clumsy about it at first, and my terrible experiences with the people that I had been closest to had me feeling very defensive, expecting a lot of pushback. Aaaand, I got it!

Some of it was definitely my own doing, like, getting upset with people who misgendered me out of confusion rather than active hostility, but there was a big faction that went right to work on the trolling. Most of it was contained on simsecret at first, with lots of secrets as well as huge threads of people saying that I was lying, calling me slurs, discussing my genitals, claiming to know me personally IRL and to have insider knowledge that I really was a girl and I was just doing all of this for attention.

And then it spilled over from simsecret to GoS, to my livejournal, to every part of the community that I engaged with. I went into lockdown mode. Deleted my livejournal, changed my email, turned off commenting or messaging where possible. I left the community completely for about a year and a half. I still played the game, still shared pics with @skulldilocks but I had no intention of returning.

But then stuff just kinda changed. It didn't have anything to do with me, it was just that more people were starting to identify outside the gender binary, so it stopped being so stigmatized in the community. Forums started cracking down on people being shitty about gender. And some very kind people sent messages to me through @skulldilocks saying that they hoped I came back some day. So I did. I still get the occasional hateful anon message but at this point there's literally nothing left that they can say to me that I haven't already heard a decade ago.

And there is definitely more kindness and love, now. Turns out if someone treats you like shit, you can just leave! Tell her to give you back your Sailor Moon manga and to never call you again! Kick him out of your house and take custody of the cats! Excise the assholes, curate your online space, don't get involved in bad faith "discussions" about parts of yourself that you know to be true. Who you are just ain't up for debate.

Also, if you find someone who is your oasis, who never presumes to know you better than you know yourself, who can answer the question “would you still love me if I wasn’t a girl” with an emphatic “fuck yes,” get your shit together, tell her you love her, and marry her. 10/10, highly recommend.

#anonymous #pooklet replies #nonsims #pooklet irl #pazooka #gif tag #long post

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hemanuely · 4 months

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Fabergechick 4t2 Deskblock Hacked Computer Pazooka Sticker Recolors (Eletrônicos Para The Sims 2)

Você Pode Encontrar Esse Compilado Aqui:

Maxis Match CC World - S4CC Finds Daily, FREE downloads for The Sims 4 (tumblr.com)

#the sims 2 download #electronics ts2

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ooklet · 2 years

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I saw your post about "real life Pazooka" struggles. Just wanted to say I hope things will turn around. I know that doesn't help but I just wanted to express the sentiment anyway. 😘

thank you anon. <3 it really does mean a lot to know that there are people who are wishing us the best. it's easy for me to fall into despair and think that no one gives a shit what happens to you when you're disabled and poor and not an asset to end stage capitalism and like. that's definitely true of the politicians actively lobbying to keep us in poverty, and the ones just not doing anything to stop them. i got that cockroach determination not to let them kill me, but that doesn't allow for a lot of vulnerability. so when i am vulnerable and someone responds with kindness, it matters. it matters a lot.

#anonymous #(i privated the other post cuz i was bumming myself out)#(there's literally nothing we can do right now until we find out what's going on with the appeals process)#(my caseworker is on the warpath and i just gotta let her handle it)#(my therapist found a service that does temporary emergency pet fostering for people experiencing homelessness)#(and it's not a guarantee or anything but knowing that's an option has helped me calm down a little)#(i'm scared as shit but if i dwell i will spiral)#(so instead i'm just gonna make dumb skyrim memes and play the sims)

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panfishonthefly · 3 years

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Fly Tying Friday - The Panfish Pazooka

I often get inspiration from other fly tiers. There are so many remarkable fly tiers in the world that the inspiration I speak of seems endless. I particularly enjoy adapting flies designed for other fish species for use in targeting panfish.

Recently I was inspired by fellow Semperfli Pro Tier Deb Paskall. Deb is a fly tier that hails from north of the border in British Columbia. This talented fly tier recently posted a YouTube video on a fly pattern called the Knouff Lake Special. Knouff Lake is located in British Columbia, and the fly that bears the lake's name was designed to imitate the Traveling Sedge. This particular insect is a giant caddis fly. While most of my panfish waters are devoid of large caddisflies, the color scheme of this specific pattern checked a lot of boxes for me as an effective sunfish pattern.

The Knouff Lake Special has an interesting history worth looking into, especially if you are a still water trout angler. The fly seemed to evolve from a pattern called the Pazooka, which was developed in the 1920s. Unfortunately, by the 1930s, the fly was largely forgotten. However, the fly re-emerged as the Knouff Lake Special in recent times. When I learned of the fly’s original name the Panfish Pazooka had to become a reality.

Traditionally the fly is tied quite large, as large as a size six in some cases. While I often fish large flies for big panfish, I wanted to try it in smaller sizes. Deb Tied the pattern on a size 10 Firehole 839, which would work well for larger panfish. Firehole hooks have extra-wide hook gaps, and that size 10 Firestick looked a little large for smaller mouthed panfish but would undoubtedly work for larger specimens. I had a pack of size 10 Allen 402BL lying on the desk, so I went to work with them. I have since tied them on the Firehole 839 in sizes 8-14 and plan on adding a few of them to my trout wet fly and streamer boxes. I tied up a few in size six as well to throw in with my smallmouth flies. The Firehole 839 is a heavy hook that will help get the fly down a little deeper.

After tying the pattern on the streamer hooks, I decided to tie some up on a traditional wet fly hook using the Firehole 633 in size 12. In addition to changing up hook styles, I made a few other minor tweaks to the pattern. The original design called for a natural pheasant rump feather. Instead, I used a rump feather from a melanistic pheasant to keep the black and orange color scheme going. However, the fly looked great using natural pheasant rump feathers as well. I used a slightly smaller feather and added an extra wrap or two to create more of a collar instead of the appearance of long legs as on the original pattern.

I am a fan of hot spots on my panfish wet flies, so I added a little fluorescent orange Straggle String forward of the yarn body on the flies tied on the longer streamer hooks. On the wet fly hooks, I used a bit of bright orange dubbing.

Both versions of the fly performed remarkably well despite being smack in the middle of the dog days of summer. Lately, I have only had time to fish mid-day, which is the worse time to fish this time of year. Fished deep along the edges of weed beds, it produced plenty of chunky bluegills along with a few crappies and smaller largemouth bass.

I am particularly interested in fishing the streamer version of the fly for crappie in the spring when they invade the shallows after wintering in deeper waters. It should be a crappie killer. The shorter shank wet fly version of the pattern also worked well when fished on a dropper beneath a big foam bug or popper.

Pattern Recipe:

Hook: Firehole 839 (streamer) or Firehole 633 (wet fly) sizes 6-14

Thread: Black Semperfli 8/0 Classic Waxed

Tail: Golden Pheasant Tippet

Rib: Semperfli Pure Silk (Vintage Orange) or Semperfli Floss (Hot or Fl. Orange)

Body: Dirty Bug Yarn (Olive Caddis or other olive/green color of choice as there are a few that will work well)

Hot Spot: Semperfli Straggle String or dubbing

Wing: Golden Pheasant Tippet

Hackle: Pheasant rump feather

Note: If you want instructions to tie this pattern please check out the videos shown above.

#Panfish Pazooka #fly fishing #fly tying #Fly Tying Friday #wet fly

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