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coeurdastronaute · 2 years

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Winter Olympics, Ch. 4

Previously on Winter Olympics

The cheering of the crowd didn’t really come in over the whooshing of the air through her helmet, not until she slowed. The wind was generous at her back so she felt like she was flying even more. The thick, grey clouds felt like they were nearly within her grasp sometimes.

There was a rhythm to half pipe, to her routine, one that she’d memorized to highlight her mastery, one that was so much fun, she couldn’t believe she got to compete with it, one that she did better than anyone else, and with a few surprises thrown in. When she hit the final trick, she pumped her fist and tossed her hands up, happy with the entirety of it, more than she ever thought possible.

Nearly out of breath, Clarke stopped near the fences where her coach and parents waited to congratulate her. She knew before she looked up that it was going to be a good score. She felt it. It was one of the most flawless runs she’d ever had. It was like dancing to her. If she’d been a pianist, she would have hit every note with just the right amount, at just the right time-- a symphony from her board.

When the score was announced, she heard Bellamy above the rest, screaming for her, earning a hug from him quickly before her mother swallowed her and Kane patted her back with a half hug around her.

Grinning madly, Clarke tossed her head back and closed her eyes. 92.8. She’d qualify first. It was tough mark to beat, not that Anya couldn’t. Clarke just had to hope the Canadian was a little less capable today. The Australians went wild as Clarke walked past, allowing them to swallow her as well. Her cheeks were going to break, she was certain as she entered the waiting area after a quick interview.

“You’re an asshole,” Anya punched her shoulder and then hugged her tightly. “That was amazing. Seriously. I’m going to go DQ just so I don’t have to feel bad about myself.”

“Shut up. You’ve already qualified,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

She shoved her helmet and goggles into her bag, making sure her board was stacked before pushing the sweaty tendrils out of her eyes.

“Yeah, well now I have to up my game,” she shrugged. “First Aden gets the first goal. Now Lexa with a hat trick. I swear you’re going to make me look bad in front of my grandparents. Of course they couldn’t be here for my early run.”

“I promise to do worse next time your grandparents are coming.”

Clarke filed the news away about Lexa, outrageously happy to hear that she’d performed well. She assumed a hat trick in hockey was the same as in soccer, and if so, that was impressive as hell. Sexy too.

“Did they win their games?”

“What?”

“Your cousins. You know, the more talented ones in your genetic pool.”

“Aden is heading to a shoot out, so not sure yet. Lex…” Anya picked up her phone, rereading a text. “Lexa won 5-0.”

“Wow, that’s… that’s like the spanking I just put on you.”

“You’re seriously an asshole,” Anya growled, earning a smile. “My grandparents got to see both of them kick ass, and I already qualified.”

“So you’re not going to go put on a show?”

Clarke did her best to tame her hair and prepare for media questions in the press room. She imagined there’d be a few after a run like that.

“Safety run for me, coaches orders.”

“Put a little something on it for them at least,” Clarke shrugged.

Anya debated it before nodding and deciding something right there. It was easy to talk like that, almost like teammates. Even though they were on teams, it was a very lonely sport, one that was sometimes hard to make friends in. Clarke valued being friends with her competitor. They made the other better. Anya was the reason she’d just put on the run she had.

“Didn’t hear from Lexa last night. You found her place okay?”

“Yeah, thanks,” she blushed a bit, preparing to change out of her boots, not looking up. But Anya didn’t press, just stood there and nodded thoughtfully.

“Well, if she’s your lucky charm, I really fucked myself, didn’t I?”

The pair shared a chuckle before the Canadian heard her name called to get up to the start. Clarke held her breath though, hoping that was it. It was a tacit acknowledgement, but it was loud enough, she thought. Lexa was camaraderie and a bit of an escape in the middle of the most stressful two weeks of her life. That was it. It didn’t need to be dissected. Clarke found a bit of reprieve, and she wouldn’t think about it too much. She certainly didn’t want to get a talk from an overprotective family member. Not for a crush, which was all this was.

“Go put on a show, Jansen,” Clarke called. “Tomorrow we’ll start over and fight for gold.”

“Won’t be much of a fight,” Anya tossed over her shoulder as she tugged on her helmet and walked out of the tent.

Left to herself, she heard the crowd roaring for whatever the next competitor was doing. Clarke took the moment though, and basked in her most perfect run ever. It was a feeling that nothing could ruin. She marinated in that moment and smiled as she finally caught her breath.

Maybe it was a lucky charm.

XXXXXXXXXX

Dinner was entirely too nice. Clarke hadn’t expected to feel so good, or to have her parents be so excited for her. Maybe it was the arena, that they could see and hear and understand what it all meant to her. Maybe it was just figuring out that she didn’t have to put all of her hopes and dreams before them for their approval. Maybe it was just a hell of a run, and even they could understand something like that.

“You did so good. It’s still a little terrifying watching, but wow,” her mother grinned as they found the restaurant Kane had googled and added to an itinerary. “You did great. I liked your double alley oop. The announcer said it doesn’t get done ever.”

“Yeah, Bellamy wasn’t sure about adding it, but I thought it looked good in practice. My first score was good enough, but I wanted to really set the bar, and with Anya attempting the 1080...”

“An Olympic finalist,” Kane shook his head and smiled. “If I would have known this was waiting the first time you fell on your butt when I took you down the bunny slope… I just wouldn't have believed it.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as they sat at their table. It felt a little good to make them proud. It felt even better that they made the effort. It felt like a compromise had been reached somehow.

“What are you guys going to get up to tomorrow before the finals? I’ll be able to hang out more after. Big Air isn’t for a week.”

“I got invited to go see an old friend, Dr. Jaha. Do you remember him?” Abby said as she perused the wine list. “He left to take a position out here when you were… Maybe six or so.”

“Vaguely.”

“We’re getting a tour of UBC’s research labs,” Kane explained. “I think it’s a bit of an undercover sales pitch to your mother, but what do I know?”

“They don’t have the budget for both of us,” she shook her head. “And I’m happy at my lab.”

“Would you take it if they did?” Clarke wondered.

Abby looked to Kane who just looked back and offered a small smile and a shrug. Clarke liked their language. She liked that she had a shit father, and a great dad who supported her as best he could. Marcus Kane bought her the first snowboard she ever owned when she turned eight. He also built her mother a house.

In the dim light of the restaurant, Clarke finally let out a breath, that she was happy they were there, and for a moment, she didn’t feel like the fuck up that couldn’t talk to them about life. She felt vaguely like an adult. Her parents might debate it given that she played in the snow for a living, but after the performance she just gave and the fact that she made the finals with a shot at a medal. It proved something.

“Maybe?” Abby shrugged again, something she wasn’t known to do, giggling slightly. “You’re always in Colorado or Idaho anyway training. I might see you more if we lived on the same continent.”

“I still train in the summer back home.”

“Maybe four months,” her mother reminded her. “If you’re not competing.”

“You don’t have to uproot your life for me, seriously.”

“We’re putting the wagon way before the horse,” Abby reminded the pair. “We’re getting a tour and having dinner with a dear old friend. Nothing more.”

“He’s sending a car,” Kane leaned closer with a grin, spilling it all to Clarke. “A folder of information was delivered to the suite about an our ago.”

“Sounds a little less friendly and a little more showboating,” Clarke agreed.

“Yes, can you bring a bottle,” Abby asked the waiter, ignoring them. “Champagne. My daughter just qualified for an Olympic final tomorrow. Yeah, her,” she nodded as the waiter politely smiled at Clarke. “We’re going to celebrate.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and adjusted the napkin in her lap.

“Just one glass. I do have to get up and, you know, compete.”

“We’re celebrating you accomplishing all you have,” Kane shook his head. “And tomorrow, we’ll celebrate your medal.”

“Don’t jinx me.”

“You kicked ass today. You’re going to do the same tomorrow.”

“I know we haven’t always understood, or thought this was a good idea, but you’ve…” her mother smiled warmly at her across the table. “You’ve really done something amazing and important, Clarke. You can still get a degree, but I want you to kick ass tomorrow.”

“I’m going to try, that’s for sure,” Clarke agreed as the bottle was delivered. “But I think we should drink to Mom’s woo-ing and maybe getting a better funded lab.”

“We can drink to it all,” Abby shook her head as Kane poured. “To being at the Olympics, with our daughter, the Olympian.”

Unsure of where the change in their attitudes was coming from, Clarke didn’t question it too much. It felt good, to have their support. It felt good, for them to acknowledge that they saw the hard work she’d put in. So she took her glass and clinked it with theirs.

“To being here,” she echoed before taking a sip. It tingled her throat and she hopped into debating what to get for dinner with her parents, warm and bubbly all over.

XXXXXXXXX

It wasn’t that late, as her parents dropped her off at the Village before returning to their hotel for the night. Clarke checked her watch again and sighed as she stood in the middle of the small, wintery town that had popped up, picturesque and full of athletes and trainers mingling and walking through the brisk cold, puffs of their breath disappearing into the crisp, clear night sky.

With a heavy sigh, she squinted and looked up at her building before shoving her hands in her pockets and checking the time again, though it hadn’t changed since the minute ago when she looked.

It wasn’t that late, only after nine. Her competition wasn’t until six in the evening the following day, despite knowing full well that she’d be preparing in the hours before. And she kind of wanted to know what was going to happen next to Luke and Leia and Han. Mostly the movie, she told herself as she set her jaw and made a hard right, veering toward the other side of the Village.

When she got off of the elevator on Lexa’s floor, Clarke heard the noise and grew a little nervous. Naturally, she’d celebrate with her team. She should have left. She could have backed right into the elevator had she any sense at all. But the doors closed and her back hit the metal and Clarke realized she was there, now.

“Oh my, oh my,” some cheered as Clarke walked through the hall, dodging bodies toasting to their success, all manner of red, white, and blue on display. “We have a visitor!”

Clarke recognized a face or two from when she’d looked through Lexa’s Instagram. She gave the gaggle that sprawled on the floor and bed in one room a small wave and smile. One climbed up and approached the doorway, tape still on her legs, hair in a messy, wet bun.

“Hey, you’re… the snowboarder, right?” she grinned. “From Australia?”

“Yeah, that’s… I’m one of them, at least.”

“The one who had a great run today?”

“It was alright,” she shrugged.

“We watched the video. Pretty sick.”

“Thanks. Felt good. I should congratulate you all. Impressive win. A shut out, if that’s what you call that.”

“All me,” she beamed proudly as the rest of the team hooted and clapped. “I’m Em. Goalie. Thanks for hosting that welcome party the other night. We all had a blast.”

“That was you?” a few called from the floor.

There was music playing quietly, or at least what seemed quietly because they were all feeling quite excited and loud, recounting and celebrating. It was a little disorienting, to see so many women in sports bras and shorts, just walking around with abs and muscles. It was like being trapped on Themyscira. And Clarke didn’t know where to really look, except that Lexa wasn’t there.

“I heard there’s going to be one on the sixth floor tomorrow, celebrating the first round of medals. Some French speed skaters.”

The team got excited again, drowning out any more suggestions, agreeing that they had to go, which made Clarke feel a little accomplished at least. But the goalie was still standing there, eyeing her a little more carefully than the others, less easily distracted.

“You’re here to see our fearless captain then?”

“I, uh,” Clarke furrowed, racking her brain to figure out if Lexa was the captain or not. “If she’s the one who had the hat trick, then yes.”

The goalie nodded and leaned against the door as she crossed her arms. It didn’t really seem right that everyone in the room had biceps. And traps. The traps were…

“She’s at a family dinner still. It was a pretty decent day at work for the Woods clan, despite you kicking Anya’s ass.”

“I wouldn’t call her third place finish in qualifiers a huge loss.”

“You must not know them that well,” she snickered to herself.

“I think it’s a bit different for Anya.”

“Maybe. But still, a lot to celebrate. Do you want to wait? You can hang out with us. We aren’t that scary.”

A loud argument broke out followed by shrieks of laughter.

“I might head back. Try to keep calm tonight and prepare, I guess,” Clarke decided. “If you… could you let her know I stopped by?”

“Have you maybe considered giving her your number?”

“I kind of like keeping it… casual? That’s not the right word. Low-tech.”

“I’ll let her know a beautiful Australian was looking for her. I’m sure it’ll tickle her after the day she’s had. A hat trick in her first Olympic game and a babe making house calls.”

“Aw, you think I’m a babe?” Clarke teased.

“Not my type. Just thinking about what Lex might call you.”

Clarke chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“I appreciate it. Thanks. And congrats again.”

“Yeah, you too,” she called as Clarke made her way back down the hall.

Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe Clarke didn’t need to see a complete stranger, three nights in a row. It was probably safer that way. Less of a risk of getting attached. Clarke pressed the button and left the women to celebrate their victory. She didn’t think about the looks Lexa’s friend had given her. She didn’t think about the tiny prickling disappoint that she didn’t get to see her. Clarke walked back to her own room and watched the highlights of Lexa’s game on her phone as she trudged through the cold.

XXXXXXXXXX

In just over an hour, Clarke did all of the work she could. She’s returned emails, something she was never keen on doing. She checked her schedule her publicist sent over. She posted a few pictures from the events, and commented on others, putting in her activity time. In a very dumb turn of events, she checked Lexa’s social media. Lexa being pummeled by her teammates in the locker room was featured. Followed by the her knocking gloves after a goal, shouting her joy. The last picture was Lexa at a table in a restaurant similar to the one Clarke had just found herself at with her parents, dimly lit and full of amazing food. She smiled and let an older gentleman Clarke assumed was her grandfather put an arm around her, her cousin on the other side. Clarke recognized Aden from the cafeteria and a smaller woman tucked against his side. Coach sat at the head of it while Lexa hugged her grandmother tightly.

It made Clarke smile, to see it.

She liked it, as if by reflex, as if it was normal to like the picture of a girl she’d slept beside twice and kissed and been disappointed in not seeing.

So convinced was she, that when there was a knock on her door, she assumed it was Bellamy who had taken to incessantly bothering her to come hang out with the rest of the team. But it was nearing eleven, and she couldn’t do it.

But then there was Lexa Woods, standing at her door, no longer trapped as just a picture on her phone.

“You,” Clarke murmured, surprised and relieved.

“Me,” Lexa smiled, bigger than ever before. “You.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, just shifted slightly so the hockey player could pass. She closed the door and watched her aimlessly walk around, hands in her back pockets, stupid smile firmly on her lips.

“Anya was singing your praises tonight. Apparently even she can’t do a double alley oop. At least not yet, she reminded me.”

“I might not have shown her that one yet. Thought she’d like the surprise.”

Lexa nodded and toed the ground, her shoulders moving as she took a deep breath.

“You kicked ass today. I couldn’t make it in time to watch, but I was watching with my dad during Aden’s shoot out.”

“Heard you did alright yourself,” Clarke shrugged. The smile got dopier, if it were possible. It was incredibly endearing. Too much. “I was impressed. I only asked for two goals.”

“I’m a bit of an overachiever. It’s been a curse, really,” Lexa shrugged, carefully taking her coat off. The sweater below clung to her broad shoulders as she flexed and folded it over a chair. “I was given a message by secretary slash goalie that, and this is a quote from her, not my words at all: ‘a smoking hot Australian snowboarder showed up to celebrate with me,’ and that I was an idiot for not giving you my number.”

Lexa had taken the few steps that separated them while Clarke remained rooted against the door. They were nearly toe to toe. Clarke thought she could feel the words wafting across her neck.

“I quite like her.”

“Is it true then?”

“That you’re an idiot? Probably,” Clarke grinned. Hands moved to her hips and she jutted them out slightly.

This Lexa… this Lexa was different than the girl from the hallway and the girl who watched Star Wars in bed. This Lexa was not the Lexa that flopped around in the bed, refusing to get out. This Lexa had a smirk to her. This Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hips and dug her fingers in a little more firm than before. This Lexa was brimming with confidence and sureness that was, as Clarke had feared, downright lethal.

“That you wanted to celebrate with me.”

“I’m actually very invested in Leia,” Clarke decided, looping her arms around Lexa’s neck. “I was promised another movie, and I figured you might need to wind down after your day.”

“I could go for that. But what about you? Wound up at all? “

Her lips were hovering right there, but Clarke didn’t lean forward an inch. They danced, around each other slightly, until their noses touched, until Lexa closed the distance.

“A little,” Clarke swallowed roughly.

When Lexa dipped down to kiss her, finally, Clarke sighed against her mouth before tugging her arms tighter. It was not like the first kiss. It wasn’t even like when they were nearly naked in her bed just a day ago. This kiss was… This was the kiss. She didn’t have time to dwell on what the kiss meant, just that it was the kiss. The defining kiss. The important kiss.

Lips moved to her neck as she rooted her hands in Lexa’s hair. Hands held her still, tugging her closer.

“I’m not distracting you, right?” Lexa whispered against her ear. But Clarke was in a fog, and she shook her head, finding lips again and biting.

When Lexa tried to pull herself away to make sure, Clarke didn’t let her.

“No, you’re not, I promise,” she murmured.

“You have finals tomorrow.”

“Yup.”

Clarke tugged at the sweater until Lexa stood a little straight and finally let her go enough to tug it over her head. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were dilated behind those glasses, now slightly askew on her face. Clarke pulled them off of Lexa’s face before carefully folding them and placing them on a counter behind her. She reached back forward and tugged Lexa’s shirt until she was pressed against the door once more, the hockey player’s entire body pinning her there, hands rooted on either side of her head.

“This is okay?” Lexa asked one final time, holding herself just in Clarke’s focus.

She hadn’t lost her confidence, her smirk, as she ran a hand along Clarke’s neck and tapped her thumb along the collarbone there.

“Yes. I promise.” The hockey player searched her face, squinting slightly, wagering if it was. “Call time isn’t until two, and frankly I have a lot of nervous energy after my performance today and expectations and my parents… so yeah. This is very okay. Very needed. Celebrate all over me, if you want.”

With a burst of laughter, Lexa nodded and debated before turning her sights back to the task at hand. They grinned at each other for a moment before Lexa leaned down again, putting her hands back on Clarke’s hips before slipping them around her.

In an instant she was wrapping her legs around Lexa’s waist and clinging to her neck even tighter than before.

“Don’t hurt yourself. I can’t be the reason for the demise of the US National Women’s Hockey Team captain before she’s out of prelims,” Clarke teased.

“Let me show off a little,” Lexa shrugged. “I might have some energy I need to burn off.”

“So you’re going to bench me?”

“Would you like that?”

It was oddly appealing in a way Clarke hadn’t considered before. Before she could put too much mental effort into the image though, Lexa knelt in her bed and slowly lowered her, hovering them there while kissing her neck.

“Please fuck me,” Clarke whispered against Lexa’s lips as she was pressed into the pillow.

Lexa moaned at the polite request and bit her neck as she scratched at her scalp. Clarke filed away the fact that dirty talk and scratching seemed to do the trick.

In a matter of a minute, she’d been stripped down completely as Lexa knelt between her legs and surveyed her. Clarke watched her face, and she saw her chest heaving, as if she were nearly out of breath. Lexa pushed her hair away from her face before deciding on a hair tie from her wrist to hold it back.

“You,” Clarke nudged her chin.

Lexa knew. She tugged off her shirt and bra and Clarke took her turn appreciating. She touched the tiny little maple leaf tattoo on Lexa’s hip, not noticing it before.

“What if I told you that you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen,” Lexa asked, finally holding Clarke’s gaze.

“I think we’re past the chatting up portion. You did good.”

“I still needed you to hear it.”

A hand was pressed against her chest, then slid down her torso before moving back up again. Clarke watched Lexa focus on her hand before adding the other, touching all that she could. It made her back arch up to help.

“Have you decided the answer to my favorite question?”

“What’s that?”

“Whose bed?” Clarke grinned as hands grabbed her hips again and pressed them into the mattress to keep her rooted.

“Is this an invitation?”

“I swear to God, if you don’t--”

Clarke choked on the words as Lexa leaned down and settled between her thighs. They knew which bed.

A really good, very tiny distraction, she chanted to herself as her eyes bolted shut and her head tossed back. She rooted her hands in Lexa’s hair again and gave in.

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ellies-space · 5 months

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answer all the books qs

welp... your wish is my command, anon! I answered a few already in other asks, but I'll answer all the unaddressed ones here...

2) Did you reread anything? What? - I didn't, actually! I reread quite a few books last year (not least Twilight, so I decided to focus on reading new stuff this year!

4) Did you discover any new authors that you love this year? - Yes! Annie Garthwaite is an amazing new historical novelist. I read her debut, Cecily, this year, and it was fantastic. Can't wait for the sequel next year!

6) Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to? - lol, yes... most of my TBR list... I kept buying new stuff and reading that instead which I really need to stop doing!!!!

7) What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate? - it's around 4 stars, which feels accurate. I read a lot of absolute five-star bangers and a lot of 3-star "meh" books, so 4 stars as an average feels fair.

8) Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones? - I'm on track to meet my goal of reading 26 books this year (one every two weeks basically) - if I can get back into reading this month after a mega-slump since August...

9) Did you get into any new genres? - not really any that are 100% new to me, but I did rediscover my love of fantasy novels after a few years' break from them!

10) What was your favorite new release of the year? - I don't know if I actually read any new releases of this year??? I'm still catching up on the ones from previous years, lol

11) What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read? - probably Circe. Loved that book with a passion.

12) Any books that disappointed you? - yes absolutely - The Road Trip by Beth O'Leary comes to mind. I love her other books, and I love a second-chance romance, but this one fell flat for me.

13) What were your least favorite books of the year? - as above, probably The Road Trip.

14) What books do you want to finish before the year is over? - Definitely The Winter of the Witch by Katherine Arden, which I have in progress (very apt for this time of year!). And then... one other book, but I haven't decided which yet!!

15) Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them? - I read Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree, which it turns out was nominated for a Hugo Award - and I loved it! Such a soothing cosy fantasy.

16) What is the most over-hyped book you read this year? - Probably ACOTAR. Like, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But was it a masterpiece? Absolutely not lol

17) Did any books surprise you with how good they were? - Related to the above - ACOMAF! Soooo much better than ACOTAR.

18) How many books did you buy? - Too many lol

19) Did you use your library? - I did, especially at the start of the year! I use it as a way to test whether or not I like a book; and if I do, I'll then buy it.

20) What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations? - as mentioned, I didn't really read any new releases tbh!

21) Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama? - absolutely not lol. who even has the energy

23) What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book? - I read the book Elmet in like two days, mostly because it was for a book club and I left it super late lol

24) Did you DNF anything? Why? - a few books tbh - I'm getting more comfortable with DNFing things if I just don't vibe with them. There are too many books out there for me to persist with ones I'm not enjoying!

#ask games #answers #personal

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annegirl13 · 1 year

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I went back to work yesterday and finished four books! (I’m a fast reader and they were middle grade books and a picture book, so not too hard to get through.) I’m going to put most of this under a cut, as it’s quite long.

In short, I gave Out of the Dust 3 stars, Sisters 5 stars, Matilda 5 stars, and Diary of a Wombat 5 stars.

There’s an example. It’s very interesting, and the story was definitely one that could spark discussion in a class.

The problem—and it’s a problem you run into with a lot of stories about that period—is that it is depressing! It is a very sad story about people struggling, both because of the situation they’re living in and because of their relationships with each other.

Honestly, if I had a choice to teach this book or another, I’d choose another. (If you’re looking for a good one, I suggest Esperanza Rising by Pam Muñoz Ryan.)

—————————————————————

Sisters by Raina Telgemeier is a graphic novel I’ve seen kids reading for years now. It’s autobiographical and is about Raina and her younger sister growing up and going on a road trip with their mom and their little brother. It was really cute, well told, and well drawn. There were a lot of parts that reminded me of myself and my siblings. I understand why it appeals to so many kids. I finished it wondering…is there a sequel? (I’ll have to find out!)

Here’s a couple of examples of pages from the book. It’s so cute! If you’ve ever been a big sister or a little sister, you’ll enjoy it.

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Matilda by Roald Dahl is a reread for me, but it’s been years since I read it. It was fun to read it during class (I picked it up while the kids were having independent reading; got to set a good example, you know) because several of the girls had seen Matilda the Musical on Netflix over winter break. One of them was also reading the book! We had a good time talking about the differences between the book and the movie. I had fun reading the book and seeing how much both the old Matilda movie and the new musical took directly from the book.

The only issue I had (and it was a small and insignificant one) was a small section where Matilda said that “Mister C.S. Lewis and Mister Tolkien didn’t put any funny parts in their books.” I’ll admit, it’s been a few years since I last read Tolkien, but I think there are some funny bits in LOTR and The Hobbit, and in Narnia. I think Matilda was smart enough to read those books but maybe needed somebody to read aloud to her to help her understand. I’m sure Miss Honey read to her once she adopted her, though.

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Diary of a Wombat was a last minute addition to my reading day. I picked it up out of a pile of picture books and read it in about five minutes. It is really cute. It’s about a wombat who gets new human “neighbors” and the chaos that ensues. It would be really fun to read when talking about point of view and I could see using it as part of a “personal narrative” unit. I could also see reading it to younger students when doing a unit on Australia or Australian animals, or just animals in general. You could even pair it with a nonfiction text about wombats and their behavior. The pictures are cute and, well, I admit that some of it made me want to be a wombat. (“Morning: slept. Afternoon: slept . Evening: demanded carrots. Slept.”. What a good life.)

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Have you guys read any of these books? What did you think of them?

Also, I’ve started thinking about this today—do you prefer physical books, audiobooks, or ebooks?

#book review #matilda #sisters #out of the dust #miss anne reads #diary of a wombat

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mosshook · 6 months

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20 questions for fic writers

thank you sm for the tag, @mangatxt / ani!!! <3

to any of my friends who write fic, feel free to do this if you'd like! (@astertiae, @catbandits) this is just for fun :]

the questions are below the cut.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12, currently

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

44.5k

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now, i'm not actively working on anything. but if i get a chance to work on a project over my holiday break in december, it'll probably be for our flag means death or lord of the rings.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

two very old merlin fics, my singular mandalorian fic, and both of my mob psycho fics that are over 1k words.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i usually do, yes! i think it's really cool that people take the time to leave a comment after they're done reading something of mine, be it long or short. it touches me every time, and even if i don't always know what to say in response sometimes, i appreciate them so, so much.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably ouranos. it's canon-compliant with the merlin timeline for season 4, and it follows lancelot from his sacrificial death for merlin, to his limbo existence in underworld, to being resurrected by morgana and eventually being killed in combat with arthur.

on a language level, it's also one of the first fics i wrote that started to lean more into what my style currently is! so it's kind of sweet on the occasion i reread it and can see my roots.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

definitely without a question it's this is a life. no fictional character has ever touched me quite like reigen, and i wanted to finish that specific piece on a note that was less emblematic of an ending and moreso felt like a triumphant beginning. like a promise of a new, better tomorrow.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i did once, and in hindsight it's pretty funny. but basically, i made critical comments about a character on twitter, so someone went into my comments section and told me to NEVER write for this one specific pairing anymore. (for the record, i didn't. but that was because i realized the pairing in question was kind of lame.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i tried my hand at it once. it went horribly, but it was a learning experience. let the record know it was SO MUCH HARDER than i thought it would be.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

not really, no! i mean, i published a self-insert fic as a joke for my friends a few years ago, but that's not quite the same thing.

if we're talking "not published and will never see the light of day" stuff, i did write a little blurb where keanu reeves' jonathan harker meets alex winters' vampire marko from the lost boys.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes. the title was taken, as was the premise, from a popular author in the community.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah!!! nothing serious that ever got published, but me and my friends have collaborated on mini-projects together and have old google docs together. i used to write mini fics with my friends all the time on twitter, but sadly i never archived them.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

probably yuuri and victor from yuri on ice. i can't express enough how much yuri on ice changed my life when it came out, or the sheer euphoria i felt as a kid in the closet watching someone so much like me - yuuri - be out, and happy, and brave. i miss my show so, so much.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

my aquarium fic with serizawa as a education volunteer and reigen as a schoolteacher who takes his kids there on field trips. i have so many little scenes from it and an incredibly specific vision for it as someone who loves the sea, has a lifelong appreciation for marine life, and has always wanted to live by the shore.

16. What are your writing strengths?

oh man. i think that i do a good job of integrating leitmotifs and playing into my semi-poetic voice. i also think that over the years, i've gotten better at creating tangible atmospheres, specifically with the quiet. i love portraying the quiet.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

grammatically, i'm a bit of a nightmare sometimes. dialogue takes a while for me to develop, too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i wouldn't do this unless i knew the other language well (like vietnamese). most likely i don't think i'll end up doing this at all because even with my personal and professional writing, i'm hesitant to write in another language that isn't english.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

merlin. i was 11 and wrote my first fic on my ipad in the pages app...it was a merlin fix-it that was over 15,000 words long, and it was absolutely atrocious. said ipad is at my parent's house locked forever because i forgot the password, and i hope it stays that way. some things should stay lost.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

honestly? i think it's still principles of stellar connectivity. i wrote this for community during lockdown in late 2020, and i conceptualized a lot of it with my friend, @combeferres. (they're credited at the beginning as the person who made the fic's mixtape!) it's got everything i love: rock music, troy and abed being silly, national parks, stargazing, celestial motifs. i wanted to do a serious character study with sitcom characters while still retaining the core of who they are and what makes them so special, and to this day, i think i was pretty successful.

#fic tag #tagged #thank you sm again for tagging me ani this was a lot of fun!!!#i am also procrastinating rn. i do not want to write this poli sci essay

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jayisnotdrawing · 1 year

Note

for the ao3 wrapped: 3, 6, 29 :P

*chuckles nervously* shoot now i gotta do the thing

Also sorry for being so late, number 29 made me have to reread my fics and I kept getting distracted lmao.

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Kind of obvious, but my fic "What Did I Tell You? It's Like Utopia!" It was my first fanfiction in a long time, and was the first fanfiction that I wrote for Back to the Future. This fic got me back into writing, and was my first time actually trying to write out Doc and Marty. This one is probably also the longest I've stuck with a single fanfiction, considering I typically abandon them after maybe a chapter or two. Yet, I still gotta write the next chapter, which I most likely will get the chance to over winter break. 😅

6. Favorite title you used?

"I'll Be Somewhere" purely because I love that song. I named that collection of fanfictions after a song made by my favorite artists (The Happy Fits), so admittedly I'm biased for that one. "What Did I Tell You? It's Like Utopia!" is a close second purely because it's a line from the BTTF musical.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

*Starts digging through fanfictions*

Um, hard decision, but I guess this passage from "A Late Night in 1955" (BTTF fanfiction) has to be my favorite from this year:

Marty’s preexisting frown grew. “Doc, listen. to. me. I couldn’t give a fuck about what happens to the space-time continuum if my friend is feeling like shit!”

Emmett suddenly gave Marty his full attention. He never imagined hearing that level of cursing out of a seemingly innocent teen like Marty. Then again, he only knew him for a few hours. Perhaps Marty always spoke like this? If it wasn’t for the gravity of the situation, Emmett would’ve scolded him for this kind of language.

“What happened the night I went back wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know! It was an accident, and-” Suddenly, Emmett noticed glistening tears on Marty’s face.

What had truly happened that night?

A cold fear gnawed at Emmett as a million different nightmare scenarios unfolded in his mind. One stuck out to him the most, one that tugged at his own mortality. But surely he wouldn’t be so careless, especially with the possibility that it could also mean harm to an innocent teenager?

Thanks for the ask! :)

#back to the future #ao3 wrapped #bttf #fanfiction #marty mcfly #doc brown

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alliluyevas · 1 year

Note

6 & 16!

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

um yeah dfjkhdjasfg...i have a bunch of mormonism books i got from the library at the beginning of term and i do mean to work my way through at least a few more of them over winter break because they're due back at the beginning of spring term (end of january) but they've just been sitting on my coffee table for months (i did read several of the mormonism books i got but i still have several left)

also i was going to read the age of innocence as part of my desire to read more classic lit and i didnt do that...and i didnt reread affc and adwd either and ive been trying to find time to do that since summer 2021

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell which was is supposed to be about the way cults and "cultish groups" like mlms use language to control their members and it was so hyped that i was on the waiting list at the library for about nine months but I thought it was genuinely awful....analysis was shallow and her writing style was really inappropriately chatty and juvenile. it wasn't even dumbed down it just felt like the author was plain dumb im sorry

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alexiososp · 1 year

Text

Alexio’s take on Honestly, Truly, Completely (Love You) by jjokkomi (Sept 2022)

I read this when it came out earlier in the year but I’ve been out of work so rereading time ~

What spurred me to write today is!!! my toddler cousin came over with pigtail braids… my mom saw that and she wanted to do one for me too… when she did that I felt my heart lurch at the feeling because it reminded me of the scene in part 3 where Kyungsoo braids Jisoo’s hair.

For a whole few months before the accident…before everything went downhill, the most important and anticipated thing for Kyungsoo was his baby girl.

The excitement of having a girl, doing the domestic things with his family, having the joy of braiding her hair and … everyone could see how Kyungsoo was looking forward to their very own child. And this is one of the scenes that really breaks my heart for Kyungsoo because the scene with Jisoo was like a glimpse into the what-if past…

What if they had not been in the crash?

What if they were not driving that winter's night?

What if Jongin had stayed and not moved into the city… would they try again? Would they go for counselling together?

All these thoughts are from the reader’s perspective because we are able to sympathise and understand that Kyungsoo is going through so much pain.

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falcqns · 2 years

Note

Fame Dr: like what sort of things do you do, like acting/training for roles (like stunt training and stuff), photo shoots, premieres? How do you deal with the paparazzi? Do you ever get overwhelmed? I’m afraid I’ll find it super scary and not fun, I know I could script that stuff out but idk if I should

when it comes to training for roles, it just depends on the movie! here's my roles and what i did to prepare:

tv shows:

The Witcher S3: i did some sword training, and learned to ride a horse again (i used to be a horseback rider but havent ridden in years so it was nice to brush up on it!). i had a dialect coach as well as i needed a british accent lmao

The Orville New Horizons: no real training required, just read a few books that Seth recommended to me so i could understand what i was saying and met with Neil Degrasse Tyson with Seth as well and he answered any questions i had

Criminal Minds: nothing really, although i did take a refresher psych course, and met with a forensic psychologist and a profiler to interview them and get a taste for the work they had to do on a daily basis

Murdoch Mysteries: nothing! just team bonding really, which i did with all of them!

The Falcon and The Winter Soldier: not my first marvel project but i sustained an injury during The Witcher shoot so i had to rebuild by core muscles a little. i also read the comics about my character.

Movies:

We're The Millers: no prep i literally showed up and did what my mom told me to do lmao

Knives Out 2: team bonding which was scary and i had just come off of The Witcher shoot (literally less than 18 hours after wrapping) and was exhausted but we all went out and partied. other than that, i met with Rian and rewatched the first one

Batman v Superman: oh dear lord. i put myself through literal hell for this role but i dont regret it. i was eating as healthy as i could and working out every day, plus fight training, and taking extra ballet classes to make sure my body was in the best shape it could be (shit was rough) so i could do my own stunts. met with Zack Snyder and read all the comics Kara is in. I only met with Henry once as despite being in the same film, we were only in 2 scenes together, and one of them i didn't talk so we barely connected (he literally forgot that we were in the same movie and thought they'd recasted the original actor for Justice League the big dummy)

Mama Mia Here We Go Again: i took some refresher vocal lessons since i've only ever sang praise songs in church.

Mockinbird: my first marvel project and it literally knocked me on my ass. i thought the training for Batman v Superman was rough, it was nothing compared to this and the sheer amount of time and choreography that goes into a single fight scene oh my gosh. when i wasnt training, i was reading every single marvel comic that had my characters parents in it, and was meeting with illustrators and writers because my character wasn't in the comics, but was actually an original character that took over the internet bc of a fanfiction in 2012, and they decided to add her in lol so that meant making new comics that fit into the mcu timeline and giving my character a back story before the movies. i also met with so many marvel executives, was constantly doing interviews and meeting new people and trying to adjust to script changes practically hourly. i literally couldnt move or speak when i got a break from filming. i loved every second of it though!

Spiderman No Way Home: had just finished filming Man of Steel 2 so no training needed physically, but rewatched my past marvel projects and reread some comics that Kevin told me to to remind myself of the character

Enola Holmes 2: read the Enola Holmes book series and a few Sherlock books. i also watched Sherlock Holmes (the one w rachel mcadams as she played my character before i did) but thats about it. Henry actually remembered who i was and recommended me for the role

Secrets of Dumbledore: wand training! i took a beginners latin course to help with pronunciation at the request of JKR

Multiverse of Madness: no retraining, finished filming NWH and went into preproduction for MoM immediately

Drawing With Light: re read the book, met with the author, and met with my dialect coach again

They Both Die At The End: met with the author and reread the book!

and ngl, i despise photo shoots. i hate them with a passion, but i power through because i know they're important, but other than for promo, i don't do photo shoots which can sound weird considering im working on a makeup line with Sephora but i chose to have my siblings model it instead (with their consent of course).

and premieres can be fun if you make them fun! the red carpet usually lasts for an hour or two before the movie actually starts, and (at least for me) i only ever do between 3 and 5 interviews on the carpet because anything else overwhelms me and i'll shut down. i spend the rest of the time talking to fans and taking photos, and i'll go into the theatre early to give myself a noise and speaking break before the movie starts, and then the movie starts, and its so much different from a regular movie screening. everyone stays until the end credits, every one claps for everyone, and not a single person gets up during the movie (u didn't hear this from me but my mom wears depends for premieres just in case). the director and executives and producers usually talk to the audience and thank them and things, and sometimes it happens before and sometimes i happens after. just depends on the timing and the studio really!

i fucking hate paparazzi. i don't hate the people bc i know they're just doing their job, but i find it a tad ridiculous they have to approach me while shopping for pads and ask me how i feel about Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian dating WHEN WE HAVENT BEEN TOGETHER FOR 3 FUCKIN YEARS. they can take photos of me all they want, i dont care. they can literally blast "ava aniston shops for period products at 3 am in dri fit shorts, puma socks, birkenstocks that are falling apart and a red henley that looks like it belongs to chris evans" all they want but to ask me about an ex's new relationship pisses me off and crosses a line. and dont get me started on the way they were when my grandma passed away because how dare i go get a coffee when i should be at home comforting my grieving mother 🙄

and i absolutely get overwhelmed. my dad has gone viral a few times because he doesnt hesitate to yell at the paparazzi when they cross a line or when he can tell i'm overstimulated. i'm very thankful that i have someone like my chrissy boy who can tell when i've had enough and am going to meltdown/shutdown and removes me from the situation (literally called his mom to come and get me in front of them because they all know not to mess w mama lisa and her babies)!

you can always script these things out, but i didnt, because it gives me a better appreciation for celebrities and the things they go through, and i personally think its a part of the experience. and messing with the press is kind of fun (in the middle of gaslighting them into thinking chris and i are married and we're having tons of fun with it) so just remember that its your dr and you can change whatever you want within reason!!

happy shifting and i hope this helps! <3

#ava's anons #ava's sweet anons #ava's a shifter

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reblogthiscrapkay · 1 year

Text

Review Of My 2022 New Year’s Resolutions/2023 Resolutions

Time for my yearly breakdown. This was, honestly and truly, one of if not the roughest year of my entire life so far. Sure, 2020 sucked for everyone and I remember my 2015 (I think) starting off really bad but ending okay, but this one takes the cake unquestionably. I am still in the grieving and recovery process. That being said, whatever progress I made on my resolutions pales in comparison to the fact that I am still here. *Reduce “Want To Read” list down to 60. Reread a book. Mild Fail. My read list is currently sitting at 77, which is one more book than it was a year ago. That being said, I reread a few short books this year, read everything on my secondary list that I got from the NTCE conference, and finally read The Count of Monte Cristo, the last book from my 50 Books To Read Before You Die bookmark and the longest book on my list. I can only consider this a fail to an extent.

*Watch all the important movies of 2021 and keep that movie list under control. Pass. This one endures as necessary and achievable. *Listen to 20 albums I already own. Pass. I did one better on this: I listened to every single album I had that I had never listened to. My music listening list is empty. I last made a real dent in it in 2020 but this year I was determined to just destroy it. *Play 10 new games. Pass. Speaking of destroying lists, I also completed my entire game list this year after having it become a monster from bundle buying in 2020. I spent basically all of August plowing through itchio games that I got until there was nothing left. It’s an incredibly freeing position to be in. *Run at least three times a week. Preferably four. Fail. I did some walking and actually lost a ton of weight over the summer but it’s slowly creeping back as it does every year and my strength is still nonexistent. *Go to at least two new places within pandemic restrictions. Pass. I went on a road trip around the Midwest and down to see my brother which included five new national parks and a bunch of major cities, my favorites being Charleston and Louisville. Then I took a spontaneous trip to Iceland that was amazing. *Make a new flower crown. Pass. It’s more of a laurel, which I ended up having the kids wear during Julius Caesar, but it’s something. I should have made something more daily usable but eh. *Finish writing something you’re proud of. Pass. I finished a play I had started winter break of 2021 and then also wrote a rather sad short story. Both were essentially therapy but I do think they turned out well. *Be better than last year. Fail. I was objectively worse than last year. I hit rock bottom. And yet, I managed to do a lot. 2023 RESOLUTIONS *Reduce “Want To Read” list down to 60. *Watch all the movies of 2022 that I care about. Watch/Rewatch all the movies on that list I made with Adam. *Get good at bass guitar. *Try game mastering a campaign. *Exercise at least three times a week. (Once the weather gets better. I live in an apartment now, and I can’t really run inside) *Go to at least two new places (This one is very likely already happening as I already have a trip planned for Spring Break to hit up four new and two old national parks and I’m writing a grant to go to Morocco but still) *Go back to doing something with your novel. *Be better than last year.

#resolutions #new years

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tojigasm · 3 years

Text

You're Rich And I'm Wishing You Could Be My Master, Yum

Authors Note: This is the first part of my collab series with @tsundere-cherry-girl I'm sorry this took me so long to get out as I really was excited for this piece and wanted to ensure it was perfect before sharing it with you all! I will now be working on requests! enjoy our dilf king Toji, blessup.

* cw : 18+ minors dni, Daddy kink, age gap, and anxiety attacks

Word count: 14.7k

College wasn't something you enjoyed, in fact you loathed it. There was something about autumn winds and winter snow storms that no longer brought along the warm fuzzy feeling that they would have when you were younger. Now, the snow storm that had passed through overnight only reminded you of how far you were going to have to walk to your next class in the freezing cold.

You pulled your coat closer to your body, the cream corduroy acting as a soft barrier against the freezing air. Boots shuffling through the layered snow as you made your way through the peninsula of covered sidewalk, dead leaves that had fallen to the snow being kicked up; rising to the air quickly before falling onto the ice again.

Despite the fact that throughout your childhood you dreamed of college - a way to escape the bouts of teenage immaturity and transition to adulthood - a couple of years to have to yourself. But you couldn't help but be fucking irritated by the constant parties and think-with-their-dick boys who approached you after class, pawing at you and calling you sweet names with their whiny voices that pricked your ears like an icepick.

Outside of the constant nagging from boys, you did have your friends: friends that would call you in the middle of the night to ask if you wanted to go to the dorm next to yours and go party, friends that slipped you the answers to your History teacher’s exam because Mr. Yaga was a fucker who didn’t care if you passed or failed.

Outside of school ruining your life, you had your friends and your friend group was interesting to say the least: there was Megumi, your best friend, who would approach every situation with the least amount of worry - no matter how unprepared he might be and always end up fine in the end. Then there was Itadori, who was late to every single class, a head full of dishelved hair that would shake in shame as your professor scolded him for the upteenth time that week. And then there was Nobara, who was your roommate but spent more time out with at parties than actually in the dorm. Thankfully, all four of you had become close throughout the first hellish year of college, being there for one another when need be.

It was finals week, your schedule was filled to the brim with studying and back to back classes that would determine your grades for the end of the semester. Long nights in the main library and in your dorm resulted in early coffees and shaking fingers as you worked out the answers to your exams.

You hurried to your last class, holding your textbooks and folders closer to your chest, boots skipping up the steps to the door, black letters on the textured glass read ‘Professor Nanami’.

Once inside, you hurried to your seat next to Megumi who was rereading some of his notes, his head turning to you when you sat down and began to pull out your notes randomly.

“Are you serious?” Megumi asked, deadpanning at your mess of scrambled notes and chicken scratched papers.

You gave him a sheepish smile before pointing a finger at him, “Hey! I made it before Itadori, and that’s saying something!”

Megumi chuckled lightly and went back to his notes, highlighting a few things “So… have you decided whether or not you're gonna stay at my place for winter break?”

Your eyes widened. Shit! you forgot about that!

“Uhm… are you sure you’re okay with me coming, I don’t wanna feel like I’m intruding on your break, let alone your family.” You clicked your pen nervously and bit the plush of your bottom lip.

Megumi gave a fake look of shock “No, you’re all good, I want you to come!” he reassured and then went back to writing.

You thought it over for a second, eyes dashing from the scattered and scribbled papers on the table and back to Megumi “Then I’ll go, it sounds exciting!” You smiled widely and Megumi nodded, opening his mouth to say something when he was interrupted by your professor, clapping loudly from the desk at the bottom of the auditorium.

“Alright, as you all know this is your final for the semester, determining whether or not you’ll pass my class.” he took a moment to shuffle the stack of papers, collecting them together. “Do your best, and once you’re finished, you’re free to go.”

You took a deep breath, calming your nerves.

Your professor walked up and down the carpeted steps, placing blank tests down and continuing down the aisle to the next row of students.

Your palms were clammy and your skin pricked with beads of sweat, your turtleneck began to stick to your soft skin.

The atmosphere of the classroom did nothing to relieve your stress, the humming of the heater causing a persistent ache in your head, pulling at the strings of your mind as you tried to think over all the information you had spent the past week and full 12 hours reviewing. A blank test was placed on your desk and you inhaled deeply, looking over the first question and picking up your pencil before circling ‘A’.

Walking out the door and into the snow, books held to your chest, you turned to Megumi before heading in the direction of your dorm.

“So what time are you planning on leaving?” You asked, jutting your hip out to stand more comfortably, snow crunching under your heavy fur boots.

Megumi always stood so perfectly still, even when talking - when you had first became friends it was off putting, making you think he was uncomfortable in your presence, only when the two of you became closer - basically best friends, did u realize that Megumi did some pretty odd things, that being one of them.

“I was gonna head up around like eightish maybe?” Megumi looked up to the sky as though he were in deep thought,” I can drive us both if you want.” He offered, hand gesturing to you.

You shook your head and placed a mittened hand out to stop him, “No, it’s okay, you can just drop by my dorm once you’re ready and I can follow you.” You smiled.

Megumi nodded and then looked away towards his dorm.

“Alright, well, make sure you pack for at least a week and half’s stay, wouldn’t want you to not have something to wear.” he joked, kicking the ground a bit, dragging his shoes through the snow aimlessly as if he were drawing something.

You shook your head and laughed, “I will,” you sighed deeply and clicked your tongue, your shoulders falling gently, “well, I gotta get going, I’ll see you at eight then?” you began to walk backwards, the snow squealing under your boots.

“On the dot.” Megumi concluded and turned, walking through the deep snow on his way back to his dorm.

The next morning when you woke you felt refreshed, your face felt soft and your muscles were relaxed, little to no cramps as the contrast to how the week of finals had treated your body - the overwhelming stress not giving you a minute to relax.

You took a shower and got dressed, putting on your favorite fur jacket over a hoodie along with a pair of baggy jeans. You took one final look in the mirror before checking your suitcase once more, making sure you had everything packed.

Toothbrush, check. Hairbrush, check. Tampons, check. Phone charger, check…

You continued down the checklist of items, failing to hear Nobara enter the room. She had a coffee and muffin in one hand and her purple-bubble thick cased phone in the other.

“Oh, you’re leaving?” she quirked an eyebrow, clearly wanting you to elaborate on where you were going. Nobara was always like that, she felt like more of an aunt at times than an actual friend.

You turned your head to look at her, “Don’t get too excited now, I’ll be back when school starts up again.” You smiled and turned back to your open bag.

Nobara didn't say anything, opting to take a small bite out of the muffin and a sip from the straw of her drink before swallowing loudly.

“A-are you going to your parents place?” She still stood in the hallway, leaned against the wall, she bent over a tad as she continued to look at you, eyebrow pulled into a tight arch.

You stopped zipping your suitcase up to take a deep breath, voice becoming stuck in your throat and tears building up in your downcast eyes.

“N-no, uhm actually,” You cleared your throat, shaking your head slightly, “I’m actually going out of town to stay with Megumi, he invited me to stay with his family for break.” you grabbed the handle of your suitcase and placed it onto the ground, pulling the handle all the way up.

“Hey, you okay?” Nobara asked, walking up to you and chucking her phone onto her bed, the case causing the phone to bounce in the process.

You nodded and smiled, you knew she was looking out for you, aware of the issues you’d had with your father in the past, but that didn’t make the mere thought of your relationship with your father any easier to think about.

“Yeah, I’m okay, just nervous.” You gave a weak smile and grabbed your phone from your nightstand, slipping it into your coat pocket.

“Awh, you’ll have tons of fun, I’m sure Megumi will do a great job making you feel right at home!” She smiled and her hair shook as her head lifted in excitement.

You nodded again and smiled at her warmly, reaching to grab the handle of your bag, “Alright, well, I’m off - I’ll see you again soon.”

Nobara nodded and followed you out of the doorway. The two of you said your goodbyes and you made your way down the hall, fur boots clumping on the carpeted ground.

“Wait!” Nobara’s voice stopped you, making you turn to look at her, one hand in your coat pocket.

“What’s up?” You asked.

“You got everything? Like, all your girl stuff and everything?” she kept a hand on the door handle, the other on the wall.

You smiled at her and nodded, “Yeah, I've got everything.” You then waved to her and continued to make your way to the elevator.

Once outside you shivered as the wind hit your face, biting your skin as you made your way down the snow covered steps and onto the pavement. Megumi was waiting at the curb, leaning against his black Mercedes, dressed in a Louis Vuitton coat, arms crossed and looking to the side.

You always wondered where he got the money for all of the expensive things he bought: his cars, his shoes - being his best friend, you didn't feel comfortable asking, but now that you were being introduced to his family, you realized that the possibility of his family being just that rich never actually occurred to you.

“Hey Gumi!” You waved, pulling your suitcase through the snow behind you.

“Hey,” He turned to you and smiled, “You need help taking that to your car?” he asked, flipping his keys absentmindedly

“No, I'm all good, you wanna just meet me in the parking lot?” you gestured to the lot at the side of your dorm.

“Yeah sure.”

The ride to the cabin was fairly smooth, most of it being a fast trip on the freeway until you followed Megumi’s black Mercedes down an off ramp and into a new town.

You took the time at each stop light to look around, making note of the winter decorations parading the streets. The clouds covering the sky gave the town’s look a picturesque holiday aura to it.

Music played through your speakers as you followed Megumi throughout the town, the road soon became flat and desolate for a few miles before his car came to the start of a small trail.

The tires of your car grumbled over the gravel, rocking your car side to side as you drove down the pine covered road. The trees created an atmosphere that felt almost - in no other words to describe it - home.

You could see mountains to the left of you, sun glittering against the snow, you could smell the pine wafting through the ventilation of your car, relaxing your nerves and washing over your senses greedily.

The road seemed to go on forever, not that you were complaining, the surrounding forest made you feel as though you were stuck in a perfect place in time, nature in its purest form, no city lights, no roads, no cars, just the soothing smell of pine and the occasional cry from a bird.

Megumi’s car took a right and suddenly the ground became smoother, the rocks becoming a makeshift driveway where a Black Ford F150 was parked next to a tan Rolls Royce in front of cobblestone steps that lead up to the chestnut red door of the prodigious house you assumed was the “cabin” Megumi had told you about. The two of you obviously had different ideas of what a “cabin” was. This was a multi million dollar house at least, you wouldn't be surprised if his parents owned the place...scratch that. They definitely owned it.

Megumi parked his car next to the tan Rolls Royce and stepped out, walking over to your car. You rolled your window down to which he bent over and leaned his crossed arms against it, ducking his head to look at you.

“You can park next to my dad’s truck if you want.” He tilted his head and threw his thumb back to point at the giant F150.

“Okay, thankyou.” you let Megumi step back and rolled up your window before pulling into the parking spot.

You stepped out and went to the backseat of your car, pulling out your bag and your blanket before rounding the car to where Megumi was still removing his bags, two Louis Vuitton duffle bags were sat on the sanded down gravel, dirt already seeping into the leather and fabric.

“Your family knows I'm coming… right?” You chuckled nervously, watching Megumi continue to sift through the many expensive bags in his trunk.

“Of course, I’ve told them all about you. Trust me, they’ll adore you.”

You almost cried at that. What had Megumi told them? what if he was lying and they actually were just allowing you to stay out of pity, what if Megumi had actually told them something terrible about you and you weren’t even there to defend yourself.

You felt bad, knowing Megumi would never talk so horibily about you; The two of you were best friends. You just still couldn't help the metaphorical vomit that filled your brain to it’s brim, threatening to spill from your lips until you convinced Megumi you wanted to go home, spilled over until the words became tears because you couldn’t even fathom the idea of Megumi’s family not liking you.

“Are you ready to go?” Megumi stood with two duffle bags in one hand and another thrown over his shoulder.

Nodding, you let Megumi pass you and followed him up to the front of the red painted door. The wood had been furnished and was well kept, obviously polished regularly.

Megumi raised his fist and knocked on the peppermint red wood, a soft rapping filling your ears.

The door opened to reveal a young woman in red bottom snake heels and a cream sweater, her hair pulled into a loose ponytail.

“Hi ‘Gumi!” She smiled happily, her eyes squeezing shut as her arms crushed him in a tight hug before parting and looking him up and down. “My goodness, you’re so much taller than last time I saw you.” Megumi grumbled and she giggled, petting his shoulder lightly.

Suddenly she turned to you, “Oh hi! You must be y/n, Megumi has told me all about you.” She went to grab your mitten covered hands in her own, “Please come in, you must be freezing.” She stepped to the side and placed a hand on your back to guide you inside.

The three of you walked down the wood paneled hall, the walls were decorated with wreaths and cute accessories for the holidays.

“My name is Tsumiki by the way.” She smiled at you again, leading you into the living room, her heels clicking against the floor.

Once you entered the living room you immediately felt out of place - well, more than you felt already, if even possible; a flat screen TV sat was built into the flat wooden wall, a huge leather couch was placed in the middle of the room, double doors leading to a balcony were opened, the sound of birds and creaking wood echoing throughout the home.

The smell of sugar made you turn your head in the direction of what you assumed was the kitchen, the heaviness of it making you close your eyes and hum.

Tsumiki giggled, “I’m making a pie, it should be done before dinner if you two wanna go get settled down and unpack.”

Megumi nodded and took your arm in his hand, pulling you down the next hallway as you said a quick “Thankyou!” before you were out of range.

Megumi pulled you along to a crème covered carpet staircase, climbing the steps with one hand on the rail and the other still on your arm.

Once you made it upstairs, you came into another hallway; a chandelier illuminating the white thicket walls. Four doors were on either side of the hall leading to two large pearl French doors that sat at the very end.

“My dad’s room is the room at the end, Tsumiki sleeps in the room closest to the bathroom ‘cus she always has to pee, I usually take the room farthest from my dad’s just ‘cus.” Megumi informed you. You nodded at his words before it dawned on you that you would be the one sleeping closest to his dad - someone who you had yet to meet and someone who quite frankly, intimidated you.

“You can take the room I usually sleep in if you want.” Megumi tilted his head to see your nervous expression.

“No!” You cleared your throat, “It’s- it’s just, it doesn’t really matter to me, I’m fine either way.”

“M’kay.” Megumi walked to his door and opened it, standing outside until you entered your own, “I’ll get you when dinner’s ready.”

You nodded and walked into the bedroom, met with a king sized bed and glass panel door that led to a balcony. The walls were a grey color, decorated with simple objects and pictures of the surrounding mountains. The room smelled of lavender and vanilla, painting a clear picture of the woodland surrounding you.

Placing your suitcase onto the bed you began unpack; putting your folded clothes into the auburn dresser and closet, placing your shoes at the bottom of the wardrobe. Deciding to keep your toiletries in your room, you put them on the vanity seat beside the glass sliding door.

Once you had everything put away you grabbed your phone and sent a quick text to Nobara, informing her you’d made it, to which she replied with a ‘Good to hear, can’t wait for you to come back, miss you already! xoxo’

You smiled and put your phone down, getting ready to move some things around when a knock came from your door. You opened the heavy door to come face to face with Megumi who had changed into a navy sweatshirt.

“Dinner’s ready.” he informed you and you smiled, nodding as you followed him down the staircase and back through the hallways into the dining room. The walls were plastered with gold and black trim, decorating the thicket walls; a candled chandelier illuminated the room in a calm light.

“Hi there!” Tsumiki waved as she placed a basket of bread rolls onto the table, “you can sit wherever you’d like.” You took a seat next to Megumi, the cushioned chairs adding a soft touch to your nervousness.

As Tsumiki sat down she opened her mouth to ask a question when the sound of a door shutting made you jump, looking towards the hallway to see a tall raven haired man round the corner, dressed in tightly fit black shirt and baggy jeans, his timbs pounding the polished floors.

“What’s for dinner?” His gruff voice immediately made your legs tense. It screamed authority and discipline - the voice of a parent, a father who was stern but rewarded good behavior. The man took a seat at the end of the table and looked at you, his eyebrow raising.

“Who’s this?” he didn't speak to you, opting to talk to his son.

Megumi took a bite of his food and looked at his father, rolling his eyes, “Her name is y/n, I told you she was coming.”

You felt almost helpless not being able to speak for yourself in front of the man of the house. You couldn't deny Megumi’s father was attractive, a part of you embarrassed that you couldn't even make eye contact with the man, afraid that if you did, he’d surely know you were crushing like a schoolgirl on the father of your best friend.

“Oh yeah, nice to meet you, y/n.” He nodded in acknowledgment and began eating.

Tsumiki made small talk, making sure to involve you in all the conversations: asking about your school work, which major you were studying, your plans for the future.

You answered each honestly, explaining why you were interested in your major, why you chose the same college Megumi attended and how you planned to succeed in the workplace you were working towards being in.

Toji had leaned back in his chair at some point, his arms folded beneath his head as he listened to you ramble on about how important school was and your eagerness to be introduced into an industry such as the one you were interested in. It was cute.

Tsumiki listened attentively, asking questions and nodding her head in agreeance whenever you said something. “That's really cool, y/n, I believe you’d be a good addition to any team that hired you, you’re a smart girl and a hardworking one at that.” Tsumiki interrupted herself to gasp lightly, turning to her father. “Come to think of it, dad, didn’t you do some work in that major?” she swallowed, “I could’ve sworn I remember you talking about it.”

You looked to Toji, only to meet his eyes and immediately look at your lap; he looked almost bored - eyes lidded and plump lips resting against each other, the pinkness of them only becoming a darker color, your eyes traced of the scar that was ingrained in his skin.

Toji laughed at your quick shift of focus, taking a hand out from behind his head to scratch at his chest, the fabric of his shirt sliding over his pecs as he did so. “It’s okay, kid. You can look at me - I don't bite.” you gulped at that, if there was any questioning of your attraction to the man, the way his biceps bulged at his shirt as he spoke assured that you were swooning for the older man.

“But, Yeah, I did.” He said flatley, watching you with squinted eyes. There was a moment of silence before Toji stuck his tongue into his cheek and looked down at his finished plate before moving his hands back down to the table resting his elbows against the cotton of the tablecloth.

“Gojou still working there?” He asked, reaching towards the glass cup of toothpicks and inserting one between his teeth.

You gulped sighly and nodded “Y-yeah, he is.” You felt as though you needed to speak with your head down - a primal dominance encouraging you to not make eye contact out of respect, his blue eyes pierced your own as he brought his tongue out to lick the scar on his lip.

You could’ve sworn you died right there and then; something about the oh-so-innocent yet so aware action he pulled by simply flicking his soft tongue along the line of the dark scar made your knees weak, your thighs squeezing together, your shoes toeing at each other nervously.

“He’s a dick.” Toji stated.

“Yeah-” you laughed a bit. “Yeah, he is.”

Once dinner was finished and you and Tsumiki had cleaned the china plates until your fingers pruned, scrubbing the soft sponge across the glass plates gently. When the plates were all put away, you fled to your room.

You had spent what had been at least thirty minutes with your soft hand between your legs, rubbing furiously at your clit, replaying the image of Toji sliding his tongue over the dark line of his scar - pretending it was your plush legs he was kissing instead.

A part of you wished he could hear you through the smokey colored walls, entertaining the idea that he was just as perverted as you, jacking himself off to your soft moans and imagining that he too wished he was with you too. The thoughts themselves brought you to an orgasm; pushing a satin pillow onto your face, you moaned, deep and shaikly, feeling your stomach tighten.

“Oh fuck, I’m cumming.” You wined, rubbing circles around the small bundle of nerves until your legs tensed and chills ran down your spine when your orgasm washed over you.

You pulled the pillow off your face to inhale deeply, pulling your fingers from between your legs, looking at your soaked fingers, embarrassment flooding your body as you stared at the proof of how long you had been jacking it to your best friend's dad.

A wash of realization hit your brain when you remembered where you were, whose house you were in and who was sleeping in the rooms on either side of you.

Oh god. You slapped your hand to your forehead, immiedialtey praying to god that your wishes for Toji to hear your soft moans and supple sighs hadn’t been answered.

Getting out of the tall bed, your feet hit the cold floor and you shivered, padding your way to the door of your room, you stepped out and made your way into the bathroom across the hall.

Once inside, you washed your hands, lathering a generous amount of foamed soap that read ‘Winter Candy Apple’ and was wrapped in a sparkly red plastic that slid against your fingers as you sat the bottle back down onto the granite countertop.

Toji was laid back against the expensive furs of his queen bed, fisting his cock furiously to the sound of your moans, sweat beading in small drops on his firm chest.

“Gah -fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” he threw his head back, his hair sprawling behind his head and he hissed, cum spurting onto his hand and abdomen.

“Ohhhh shiiit.” he groaned, voice shaky.

Toji pnated in the mess of blankets and crumpled satin sheets, staring up at the cream colored ceiling, chest heaving.

His blue eyes tracing the iron lines of the gray barn liam chandelier, Toji felt dirty, jerking his dick to his son's best friend. He scoffed, “what the hell?” Toji took another shaky breath and ran his hands over his face before sitting up and pulling his boxers up over his waist and walking into his adjoined bathroom.

The fluorescent lights created a flaxen glow against the white walls and black mineral countertop. Grabbing a small towel from beneath the counter he placed it under the sink’s faucet and wiped down his abdomen, sighing as he chucked the soiled towel into the hamper and walking back into his bedroom.

Toji walked to his dresser and pulled out a white tshirt before heading to the door that connected his bedroom to the hallway.

Walking out into the hall Toji scratched the back of his neck, looking down at the carpeted floor, his eyes tired and adjusting to the dark of the hallway when suddenly something - someone bumped into his chest making him reach his hands out to steady the person he hit.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” You whisper yelled and gripped onto his forearms.

Toji squinted to see your features outlined in the dark, “Oh, hey kid, what’re you doin’ up?” He took his hands off your shoulders and yawned dramatically, bringing a hand to cover his mouth.

“Sorry, I just needed to use the restroom.” you told him, eyes meeting his sapphire ones.

He nodded, “You wanna come downstairs? I’m gonna get some coffee.” Toji walked past you.

You listened to the stairs creak as he made his way down the steps, “yes!” you whispered yelled again, being met with a light chuckle from the bottom of the steps.

Following Toji throughout the massive cabin you reached the kitchen where Toji had you sit at the bar. He stood at the opposite side of the island, pouring a pot that had been put out by Tsumiki earlier than night, aware of her father’s habit to wake up and come to the kitchen searching for something to drink and calm his nerves.

Your eyes followed Toji’s movements, his arms flexing as he placed the pot down and pulled out a packet of sugar, ripping the paper and pouring the bag into the cup before grabbing a spoon and mixing the drink together.

“You want something sweetie?” Toji placed the spoon into his mouth and looked up to meet your eyes.

Your face felt warm as you watched him gently suck on the spoon, “u-uhm, no, I’m okay, thank you.” You pull your knees up to your chest, resting your chin and stopping your knees.

Toji offered a slight ‘tch’ and walked towards the sliding glass door, pulling it open and stepping out onto the balcony, letting snow-chilled air fill the room.

You didn't know what to do, too nervous to ask if you could follow but too shy to stay behind and sit awkwardly until Megumi’s father decided to come back into the warmth of the cabin. Stepping off the bar stool you slipped on a pair of slippers you had left at the door and walked out onto the patio, making your way over to where Toji stood.

He was bent over the wooden terrace, leg crossed over another as he looked out at the moonlit forest. You walked up beside him and mimicked his position. He side eyed you and chuckled lightly, noticing the repeated movements of his own. He turned around and leaned his back against the terrace, wondering if you’d follow.

You stayed in Toji’s original position.

“It’s pretty right?” Toji stated, nodding his head towards the pine trees and snow covered ground.

You nodded and began to pick at the wood of the terrace, sniffling as the wind tickled goosebumps up your arms and legs. “It really is.”

Toji huffed in aggreence and turned back to lean on his forearms again, taking a sip of his coffee, the steam from the cup swirling in the air like a growing cloud of fire, eating away at the air in a grey mass.

Toji sensed your nervousness and laughed a bit before scooting closer to you and pointing towards a small tire swing, nearly covered completely by the snow, only a sliver of rusted rubber still visible. “When I was younger, around ten or eleven, I used to swing on that thing everytime my parents drove me up here, and broke my arm on it once too.” He laughed at the memory and took another sip.

You laughed and leaned over the ledge a tad as you tried to imagine Megumi’s father as anything but a father at sometime in his life. Fully believing that he’d been born a father and stayed that way for the past thirty-five years if he had told you that. Maybe he looked like Megumi… possibly Tsumiki, she has his nose-

“Megumi broke his arm on it too, I think it’s cursed.” He joked and you looked at him in question.

“Really? He never told me that.” you sounded disappointed, almost as if Megumi had hid something from you - logically, you knew he hadn’t but in the past thirty minutes, Toji had shared more memories of his own childhood with you than Megumi ever had in your three years of knowing him.

“Are you ready for ice skating tomorrow? There's a lake in the woods that we go down to every year.” he asked

You did remember Megumi mentioning a lake… now that you thought about it, you didn't have any skates.

“I don’t have any skates…”

“You can have a pair of Tsumiki’s, she’s got like six different colors.” He rolled his eyes at his daughter’s adoration for fancy colors and need for fashion.

You giggled at that to which Toji smiled. ‘I don't know how to skate either, haha.” you ran your hands up and down your arms trying to stay warm.

Toji lifted an eyebrow at that, adjusting to lean on his elbow that held the cup of now-cooled-down coffee. “You serious?” He took another sip.

You met his eyes for a split second before looking at the balcony terrace again, “Yeah.”

Toji gave a ‘hmph’ in surprise, tilting his head as he downed the rest of his coffee. “I’ll teach you.” he stated, giving you no room to refuse his offer.

“Okay.” you smiled.

The two of you entered the cabin a few minutes later and Toji sent you up to bed with a hug, following behind you as you made your way back up the stairs and into your room.

“Night, Mr. Fushiguro.” You stood in the doorway of your bedroom.

“Night, brat.” He smirked and waited for you to enter your room and shut the door before retreating to his own room and falling back onto the bed, eyes searching for something to focus on as he forced himself to sleep. His eyes decided on the iron of the chandelier again, tracing the intricate lines and candle holders as he fell asleep, the smell of your shampoo and memory of your moans filling his senses.

As you lay in bed, you stared at the ceiling; thinking of how you’d ask Tsumiki to borrow a pair of skis, what you’d wear, and how you’d have Megumi teach you how to ice skate without embarrassing yourself. Wait no. Toji was going to teach you. Your eyes slowly begin to close, your body sleep deprived and too exhausted from the long drive and late talk with Toji to question why he offered to teach you rather than have his son.

The next morning was far more relaxed than the evening before, you helped Tsumiki make breakfast, whisking eggs as Toji made his way into the kitchen.

“Well aren’t you two cute.” he teased and tousled his hair a bit.

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words, “It’s almost done if you wanna get Megumi.” You said, choosing to watch the basking of the eggs rather than make eye contact with the taller man.

Toji laughed and walking over to the coffee pot you had refilled, pouring himself a cup of it and adding a packet of sugar. He made his way over to the bar and sat on one of the stools, his chin resting in his palms as we watched the two of you work.

He felt like he had a family back. It was a horrible thing, truly, to seek comfort in the young girl who Megumi had introduced as his friend. But Toji wanted you, and whatever Toji wanted, Toji fucking got.

A plate was placed in front of him by a pair of small hands, he looked at you and smiled, placing a hand on your head and scratching your scalp as he tousled your hair “Thanks.”

You nodded and went back to the other pre-made plates. You placed another next to Toji for Megumi.

Toji internally groaned, he wanted you to sit next to him.

“I’ll go get Megumi.” You left the kitchen and Tsumiki siad a quick ‘Okay!’ before turning to her father who was devouring the food you’d cooked.

Toji could feel his daughter’s eyes on him, looking up from his meal to stare blankly “What?”

Tsumiki rolled her eyes and turned back to her own plate of sugar covered pancakes, decorated with strawberries and whip cream. “I see the way you look at her dad. She’s in college and you’ve barely known her for a whole day!” She exclaimed.

Toji simply shrugged his shoulders at her input and continued to eat, taking another bite of eggs, “You’re gonna give her a pair of skates for when we go to the lake today.”

Tsumiki nodded and picked up her plate, walking past him to sit at the table, placing a hand on his shoulder “Dad.” she pleaded

Toji lifted an eyebrow “I’m not gonna do anything.” He put his hands in mock defense to which Tsumiki gave a ‘really?’ look at and sighed, walking over to the table and taking a seat.

Only a minute later you came down with a sleepy Megumi following behind, rubbing his eyes and tripping over his feet. “Morning.” he said groggily, taking the seat next to his dad and digging into his breakfast.

Toji ruffled his pointed hair and laughed as the raven strands bent for half a second and then bounced back up into their original place.

You sat at the table with Tsumiki, watching the quiet scene unfold, smiling warmly at the interaction. The father-son interaction brought you to think of your own father, your thoughts scrambling to find a moment in your life where he was as soft with you as Toji was with his own children.

“You guys excited to go skating later?” Toji turned in his chair, looking at you Tsumiki.

You nodded, mouth full. Wiping your mouth you nodded again, “I am, Mr. Fushiguro. I’m very excited.”

Toji’s heart warmed at your tired voice, feeling a little guilty for keeping you up outside in the cold for as long as he did. He crossed his arms over the back of the stool and watched you eat, “I can take y/n in my truck if you two wanna take the Royce.” Toji stated more than asked.

Megumi shrugged at that, not really caring who he went with but still concerned about how you’d feel being all alone with his father, He was fine with driving with his sister but Megumi knew his dad’s truck had enough seats for all of you. “y/n are you okay with that?” Megumi turned to you.

You felt embarrassed as all eyes were on you, “I’m okay with that.” you smiled at Megumi, slowly turning your head towards Toji, reassuring him with a smile.

He smirked and stepped off the stool, stretching his arms over his shoulders, his shirt riding up past his navel. “Alright, I’m gonna go get dressed.” he made his way through the kitchen and into the hall before turning back and looking at you “y/n, wear something warm ‘mkay?” He said and walked off.

Tsumiki rolled her eyes at his request “Don’t mind him, it’s just his dad shit telling him to be all parental, wear whatever you want.” She said.

You smiled at her before dragging your finger through the leftover whip cream on your plate, bringing your finger to your lips and sucking on it gently. It felt nice to be dotted on, to be worried about, to be worried about by a father. As you made your way to your room and got dressed, pulling on a hooded mink fur jacket, like Toji told you to do; You twirled in your mirror, picking up one foot cutely, watching the strings of your furry moon boots dangle.

A knock came from your door before Megumi entered the room, dressed in a luxury white fur coat, the hem running to his jean clad knees. “You almost ready? Tsumiki put your skis in my dad’s truck already, she guessed your size.” you laughed at that.

“I’m sure they’ll fit.” you picked up your phone and slipped it into your pocket and followed Megumi down the carpet steps. Once outside you stepped onto the gravel and over to Toji’s truck where he stood, resting against the tailgate with his arms crossed; the denim of his jacket stretching over the bulkiness of his arms - drool pooling in your mouth at the sight.

“You ready kid?” Toji stepped out, timbs crunching the gravel beneath him.

You nodded and watched Megumi walk past you and open the door to Royce, “We’ll meet you there right?” he said, hand on the door. Toji gave a thumbs up before walking up to your side of the truck; Tsumiki pulled out beside him as he did so.

“Be careful on the road, dad, she doesn't need to be subjected to your psychopathic driving skills.” She narrowed her eyes only to soften them when she saw you, “Don’t worry, baby, I’m sure he’ll keep you safe - something about Tsumiki’s insignificant promise that her father would protect you made your knees weak - It’s only about a thirty minute drive, we can get lunch after too.” She then left, wheels rumbling over the gravel as the car rounded the corner; Leaving you and Toji alone.

“C’mere baby,” He motioned for you. You walked up to the passenger side, Toji standing with the door open, hand on his hip. “You ready?” you nodded and he placed his hands on your hips, your smaller ones grasping his forearms in shock, placing you in the seat he then squeezed your thigh gently, “Good girl.” he shut the door.

You were gonna die right then and there. Jesus Christ you were going to die and Toji-Fucking-Fushiguro and his deep voice and big hands were going to be the reason Megumi would find you dead in the passanger seat of his father’s car.

The sound of the driver’s side door opening made you turn your head, watching Toji step into the truck with ease and push the start button, the car rumbling as it turned on and warm air ran over your skin. The contrast between the cold air and the heated car made you shiver.

The ride was silent as the truck rocked back and forth over larger rocks in the road, Toji had some music playing at you watched the mountain range, making note of how it must've snowed last night as there was visibily more white frosted trees and the mountain seemed to hide all the dark toothpick looking trees from across the valley.

“When I was younger, my dad took me up here with my friends,” he paused as you turned to him, waiting for him to continue in complex adoreness. Toji felt his hands grip the leather wheel with his left hand, his right folding into a fist on the compartment piece in between the two of you; his mind begging him, demanding him to reach out to you and hold you, hold your thigh, your hands, anything to touch you.

He cleared his throat and continued “I took his pickup out to go get drinks with my friends and slid on black ice, we jumped out in time but the truck went down this lil’ valley, thought I was gonna die.”

You felt your shoulders release - aware that Toji had survived since he was literally driving you down the same road he nearly died on before you were even born. But a part of you made you relieved to know that he hadn’t slipped down the icy mountain and met an evil demise brought to him by the reigns of teenage boy stupidity.

“You were okay though right?” your eyes wide with worry

Toji laughed at your shocked expression, the thought that you asked if he was okay, the thought that you were worried about him made his heart swell. He loved the way you made him feel and simuloutansley hated it. Knowing you’d almost never reciprocate the same feelings he had.

“Yeah honey, I was okay.” He ruffled your hair teasingly before grabbing the back of your hood and pulling it up and over your head, covering your eyes.

“Hey!” You moved the hood from your head and hit his arm, he jumped back and put his hands up in mock defense, laughing heartily.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He laughed and turned back to the road.

You gave a ‘Hmph’, crossing your arms dramatically.

A hand was placed on your thigh gently, squeezing at the plush of your thigh through your pants. Turning your head you met his eyes, the car slowing down, his focus now on you. Toji shifted a small bit, moving closer to you, his grip on your thigh growing tighter.

The air suddenly seemed thinner, your lungs scrambling to find breath in such a quiet and intimate moment. Your best friend's father had his hand holding your thigh, your best friend’s hot, older dad had his giant, rough hand holding your thigh - holding you.

You exhaled shakily, almost embarrassed to meet his eyes.

“Hey” placing the hand that was on your thigh to your cheek, stroking your cheek gently.

“Hi” you whispered, toji smiled at your voice, god he was whipped and he’d only known you for seventeen hours.

Leaning in, he watched your plump lips part, his face was so close you could feel his breath on your skin. “You’re so pretty, baby.” he whispered, thumb coming up to rest on your bottom lip and pulling it downwards.

Heat went straight to your pussy, your thighs clenching together as toji brought his lips to your own. His hand went to the back of your neck, holding you in place as he ran his tongue over your teeth. You moaned into the kiss and brought a hand to his arm, rubbing his skin softly.

Toji groaned, pulling away from you and shifting the gear of the truck into park and reaching over you with both hands, cupping your face to his. Toji inhaled deeply through his nose, pulling apart to see a line of spit attaching your lips together.

“Fuck.” his eyes were lided and his lips were swollen and red “C’mere” he brought you into his lap himself, pushing the seat back so you’d have more room. Looking out the window you could see you were still on the trail, no other cars in sight. Your head was turned by Toji, grabbing your chin and leading you back to his lips.

Your lips met again, Toji’s hands coming to squeeze the flesh of your ass appreciatively. Moaning into the kiss you lowered your pelvis down to his prominent bulge, rutting against it gently. He hissed at the movement, breaking apart from you to look down between the two of you.

“Shiiit,” he sighed and went to run a hand through his hair, “can’t do that to me, I’m gotta fuck you, needa be inside you so bad baby.” placing his hand on the cup of your sex making you shiver.

“Toji please.” you closed your eyes, head tilting downwards slightly.

“Please what? C’mon use your words.” he smirked and ran his hands down the sides of your body, battered and roughed fingers caressing the soft-textured fur of your mink coat.

“Mhmm'' you whimpered, suddenly very aware of where you were and who you were with. Shying away, you backed away from him to rest on your thighs - still straddling Toji’s waist - you brought a finger to your lips, biting your soft skin and looking through the windows as if you were being watched. As if the trees and the birds and the deers and the clouds knew you were about to lose your virginity to your bestfriend’s fucking father.

“Hey, hey, what’s up munchkin?” Toji sat up, bringing you to his chest comfortingly - a parental instinct to protect - “m’ I movin’ too fast?” he asked, petting your head softly as you softly nodded into his chest.

“M’ sorry sweet girl'' Toji rubbed your back gently, letting you snuggle into his hold and hide yourself in the neck of his turtleneck, sniffling quietly. “Shh, no more tears, baby m sorry.” he cooed. The two of you sat in the car for a good while, the soft humming of the engine and Toji’s warm arms wrapped around your small body mixed with his soft words slowly lead you to sleep.

When you finally woke up you were met with a bright light, bringing a hand over your eyes to shield the sun away you saw Toji leaning over you slightly, working to unbuckle our seatbelt. “Hey sunshine.” he smiled.

“Hey…” you rubbed your eyes gently making him chuckle, “are we at the lake already?” you asked, looking from your seat in the truck, noticing you were in a small parking lot surrounded by forest.

“Sure are sweetcheeks, you wanna get out?” he backed away from the door and let you stumble out, knees still wobbly from being asleep. Toji steadied you and pressed a kiss to your forehead to which you hummed at and tilted your head back, puckering your lips for him. Toji chuckled and pressed a small peck to your lips.

He took your hand in his and walked you to the bed of the truck, picking you up and placing you onto the rubber mat of the bed and grabbing your (Tsumiki’s) pink skates.

Toji pulled off your moon boots and helped lace up your skates before putting you down, patting your head gently. Yawning, you watched him go back to the passenger seat of the truck and put your shoes underneath the seat before coming back to you.

“You ready lil lady?” he looked at you once and took your gloved hand in his, leading you to the rink where Megumi was skating backwards and talking to Tsumiki as she twirled lightly. Megumi saw you and waved, making you giggle and wave back with your free hand.

Toji walked you over to the entrance of the rink, stepping in and holding a hand out for you to aid you in walking to the frozen lake bed. You hesitated, watching Megumi and Tsumiki, they made it look so easy - but to someone who had never skated in their life, you were sure this was how you were to meet your end.

“C’mon baby, I’m not gonna letcha’ fall.” Toji urged, stepping a tad closer to you as reassurement.

“You promise?” you looked down at the ice and back to his face and then his hand.

“Yes, honey, I promise.” Toji’s face turned serious, eyebrows furrowing as you took his hand, helping you step down and grabbing your hip when your leg slipped a tad. You held onto him for dear life, the hood of your coat rubbing against his shoulder.

“It’s okay, kid” he laughed a little and stepped backwards, holding his other hand out for you to take, letting you follow him as he took small swerves backwards. “Easy, just like that - ooh, careful! Good girl.” Toji praised, allowing you to grow more confident as he only held one of your hands now, still skating backwards as he watched your footing. Praising you when you made a turn or caught yourself.

Tsumiki had stopped skating and was standing by the edge of the lake, watching her father and you skate together. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that her father was pinning you and that you were returning, said pinning with the intensity of a school girl crush.

Megumi made his way past her and slowed to watch the two of you, turning to her as his chest heaved slightly. “Why are you watching them?”

Tsumiki was taken aback by his question, taking her hands out and gesturing to the two of you - you had slipped and Toji had caught you, bringing you up to his chest to hold you, letting you rest against his body as he continued to skate backwards, allowing you to hold onto him as he did the work for both of you.

“They look like they’ve been dating for four years for christ’s sake!” She exclaimed, her ponytail swaying. Megumi looked between her and the two of you shrugging lightly before preparing himself to continue skating. “How can you just sit here and not be bothered by that?” she laughed airily.

Megumi sighed and tilted his head towards her, “If i’m being honest, i don't really care - she’s still my best friend, and like, yeah” he shrugged again, “It’s weird, but this is the happiest i’ve seen dad in years, not to mention, she seems happy too.” Megumi then looked down at his gloves, restrapping them before taking off to skate again.

Toji held you to his chest, skating slowly as you listened to his heartbeat through his shirt. The rhythmic sway of his movements slowly lulling you into a sleep again. “You still with me baby?” his voice startled you slightly, vibrating through his chest and tickling the side of your cheek making you giggle.

“Yeah,” you slurred and moved to get closer to him, legs still moving in sync with his to help him as the two of you skated around the lake. “You’re warm.” you snuzzled him.

“Oh yeah?” he pulled your face away from his chest to tilt your head upwards, “Well, you’re pretty.” he watched you turn away from him bashfully, earning a deep laugh from him. “Awh c’mere stinker,” he grabbed your face and turned you back to him, slowly stopping the two of you in the middle of the lake. “You really are pretty.” he said and you nodded, leaning up to kiss him.

Megumi watched the two of you holding each other, completely unaware of his presence in staring at the two of you. An odd feeling filled his chest, not one of anger or sadness but one of almost relief, relief he could see his father being happy. Relief for you, someone who always seemed to sell themselves short, someone who put others before themselves. It was interesting to see you and his father somehow grow closer in less than a full day than he had managed in twenty-two years of living in the same home as the gruff man.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Tsumiki grabbing her brother by the arm, dragging him off the lake and onto the snow covered ground. “We’re gonna head into town and get some takeout, you guys wanna come?” She yelled.

Toji pulled away from your gaze to give her a thumbs up, “We’ll probably get something on the way back, don’t wait on us.”

You watched Tsumiki nod and return the thumbs up, walking with Megumi to the Royce and pulling out of the lot, gravel crumbling under the tires.

Toji sighed as he watched them get into the car, “Finally, gotcha’ all to myself.” He tucked his head to nuzzle your neck making you squeal and wiggle around in his arms. The two of you sat in silence for a small while, listening to the soft air and snapping of tree branches, the occasional bird crying. It was heavenly - you and Toji’s own little space among the battered and destroyed world.

Feeling yourself move forward, you open your eyes slowly to see Toji skating backwards gently, moving so quietly that he skates hardly made any noise against the frozen water. “Hey, you ready to go, baby?” there was that pet name again. That damn name that made your knees weak, an insignificant title that made you want to sink to your soft knees and devour his cock.

“Mhm” you hummed, following him as he made his way to the snow covered ground and pulled you up, helping you stand as he watched you sway tiredly - worn out from skating and probably talking the night before did not help any.

Once in the car, Toji had buckled you in and removed your skates, letting you sit cross legged on the heated leather seats. You watched Toji remove his own skates and put on his shoes before stepping into the car and reaching his hand out towards you. Heat rushed to your cheeks when your hands met, it was a simple act of love - one might even say domestic, and for a minute, yeah, you entertained the idea of being domestic with him. Of having a family with him. Of being his.

“You okay?” He asked and rubbed the skin of your knuckle with his thumb gently, putting the car in reverse with his other. Toji held your hand the rest of the drive, squeezing occasionally when you pointed something out.

“Okay, baby,” Toji parked in a shopping center and let you look around at the sea of snow covered cars and neon labeled writing that covered the illuminated buildings, “What’re you feelin’?”

Sitting up a tad straighter you scanned the buildings, looking for any place you could recognize before falling back against the heated seat. “M’ not really sure, I don’t recognize anything here Toji.” you yawned and leaned over the compartment to wrap your arm around his bicep, snuggling into him.

Toji cooed at your tenderness, patting your head and making the decision himself, pulling into a drive through and ordering something for himself and for you, deciding to get you two different things in case you favored the other.

You woke up to the smell of something spicy, rubbing your eyes before letting them focus on the ma sitting in the seat beside you. “Mornin’ to” you yawned, jumping lightly when he laughed through the mouthful of food.

“It’s seven P.M, baby cakes” Toji took another bite of food and then reached into the backseat to grab the separate bag of fruit and hand it to you gently. “I got you two things so you can choose which one you want.” he brought his hand to your head, pulling you towards him and placing a kiss on your temple and then went back to eating.

“Thankyou Toji.” you whispered, leaning against him as you ate and looked up through the windscreen of the car, watching the stars quietly. The soft hum of the engine mixed with the soft song playing on the radio built a warm feeling up in your belly. The feeling of home. Although you had only known Toji for a day, somehow you knew he was everything you needed. The perfect mix of dominance and parental guidance that made you look up at him like he was the only man in the entire world who mattered (scratch that) the only person who’s ever mattered.

“What’s up, baby?” he met your soft gaze. You smiled and leaned up to kiss him. Toji filled the gap between the two of you and pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was gentle, short and sweet, nothing forced and nothing fake. It was reassuring.

The two of you went back to eating when you paused after your third bite, “Toji?” you asked and turned to him. “Yeah, baby?” he leaned back to rest his hands behind his head, watching you lovingly. You had him whipped and he knew it. He knew as soon as he heard your cries and soft meals for him through the thicket walls that he would do anything and everything to ensure you were happy and healthy and his.

“I want you to be my first.” so nonchalauntly said it almost made him blush, you spoke as if you were talking about the weather.

“You sure?” He querched an eyebrow at you to which your submissive nature returned, making you shrink away and lower your head.

“Yeah I’m sure.” you said and played with your food nervously. Toji smiled at you.

“Okay.”

The rest of the ride home was filled with soft comments and the soft sound of your knees bouncing nervously. At one point Toji had reached over to hold your thigh, slowing the rhythmic bouncing. “Calm down” he chuckled and rubbed your leg with his hand, “Don’t stress yourself out, I’m gonna take care of you.” he reassured you. Toji looked between you and the road, your face illuminated with a cherry light from the car lights surrounding you, “Hey, I’d rather have you do it with me than some dipshit who’s gonna fuck you and get you pregnant without caring about you.”

Your head turned to his, a worried expression painted your pretty features. “D-do boys actually do that?”

“Do what, baby?” he squeezed your hand and made a left turn, turning the wheel with his left hand smoothly.

“Try to get girls pregnant and then run away?” your bottom lip jutted out into a pout. Toji would have laughed at your naive nature, so easily bought by scary lines of abandonment. He knew you had abandonment issues; if the small tugs on his arms and adoring looks you gave him were any indication that you had trouble believing people (Toji) weren't going to leave you, stemming from some evil plant that had been rooted by most definitely someone you called a “father”.

“No, not all. But boys are idiots, I don’t want you hanging around any boys when you go back to school. They just wanna get their dicks wet.” Toji said, no room up to argue, as if you were going to.

“I won’t, I promise.” you were serious and Toji could tell. His precious baby, you were all his and he’d do whatever he could to protect you from the terrible monster spewed from the selfishness of teenage boy hormones and immaturity.

“I know baby, you’re my good girl, you’re daddy’s good girl.” the title made your legs quiver immediately, panties becoming soaked and thighs rubbing against each other, desperate for friction to ease the assault on your brain. The truck came to a stop at another intersection and Toji took the opportunity to press a kiss to your soft lips, pulling away and running his thumb across the bottom. He hummed at you and kissed you again, “Mhm, my sweet baby.”

“You’re so pretty” Toji praised, looking at you from between your spread thighs, your legs thrown over his shoulder as he pressed kisses to your panties, sucking on the damp spot of the fabric.

“Mmm, daddy, please.” you whined and reached a hand down to slip beneath your panties, your actions serving as pointless when Toji smacked your hand away.

“Please what?” he bit the inside of your thigh, sucking off your soft skin. You mewled at his touch, small fingers twisting the satin sheets generously. “Please touch me, I need you.”

Toji smiled at your neediness, sitting up a tad to pull your panties off and throw them behind him aimlessly. Bringing his mouth to your cunt he inhaled deeply and groaned, cupping your hips with his rough hands and bringing your body closer to him.

You exhaled shakily as he kissed your clit gently then moved down to lick a wide stripe up your core. You rushed to grab his head to steady yourself, thighs quivering as he groaned again when he inserted a finger.

“Fuuuck, you’re so fucking tight, baby.” he sucked your clit, his finger curling inside of you and stoking your gummy walls. “God, can’t wait to feel your tight little pussy on my cock, Jesus.” he exhaled deeply. “Gonna add another finger, kay, baby, you tell me if it's too much.” you looked up from your cunt, your juices coating his plush lips.

You nodded gently, spreading your legs a tad wider to accommodate toji’s new position. He pulled himself to sit on his knees, resting your cunt over his thighs. “Words for me, use your words for daddy.” he kissed your folds and you shivered.

“Yes daddy-”

“Promise me you’ll tell me if it hurts.” his eyes grew soft at your affectionate gaze.

“I promise, daddy.” you nodded and decided to act boldly, scooting yourself higher into his hold. Toji smirked through a chuckle before leaning down and inserting two fingers into you slowly. Wincing at the stretch Toji caressed your thigh with his hand holding you to him.

“I know, so good for daddy, just a little bit more baby.” he continued to praise you until both fingers were stuffed inside your tight cunt, threatening to split you if he tried to stretch them. “Oh honey, you’re so tight, that hurt?” he looked at you, concerned about his features.

You thought it over for a second, “Mm, a little bit, just a lil’ uncomfortable” hissing when he went to remove a finger, walls clenching emptily after benign stretched lightly.

“M’ sorry baby, daddy’s sorry, jus’ wanna make sure you're okay.” he rubbed the inside of your thigh and reentered his finger, sliding the two of them in and out of you with a squelch of your wet cunt. Toji watched as you squirm slightly, his fingers separating gently to stretch you. “So good for me baby, so good.”

Tears welled in your eyes at the praise, bringing your hand down to wrap around Toji’s wrist, he softened his movements. The two of you met each other's eyes and Toji smirked at your expression, eyes lidded hair stuck to your forehead. The way you looked at him with such trust made his heart swell, your swollen lips and rising chest, and the meteophicral hearts swimming in your vision could bring him to his knees.

He needed you and he fucking needed you now.

Toji grabbed a pillow and placed your hips over it, moving back to lean between your legs and press small kisses to your folds. “M’ you taste so good.” he wrapped his hands around your hips, caging you to the bed. His scarred lip tickling your skin when he sucked on your clit and reached his hand up towards you to hold yours in his own. He could tell you were close. Your legs twitched and he could feel your folds pulse and pump in his mouth.

“You’re okay.” he mumbled as your legs clenched as you came, nails digging into the rough flesh of his knuckle. His gruff voice muffled between your legs. Toji continued to lap at your soft cunt, his tongue flicking over your clit as he brought you closer to the edge.

A tight heat coiled in your belly, you tensed again and pulled your legs closer to your chest, toji following you as you moved, keeping a hand wrapped around your waist. He pulled off of you to smile, the scar on his lip splitting - the sight was almost painful to look at. Toji’s fingers pinched your clit while he watched you moan.

Throwing your head back against the fur pillow and tightening your grip around Toji’s wrist you came. “Oh- oh, please I’m cumming.” your walls pulsed around his digits, pussy soaking his mouth.

“Such a good fuckin’ girl for daddy huh” Toji smirked against your cunt, licking your wet folds before moving away to kiss up the inside of your thighs and up your leg that sat on his shoulder. He sat up onto his knees to kiss your ankle, rubbing your calf as you panted. “So pretty, baby.” he kissed your ankle again then moved to rest his hands on either side of your shoulders.

Toji brought his head down to snuzzle your neck, kissing the junction between your collarbone and neck, pressing short and small kisses all the way up your jaw until he met your parted lips. He pressed his lips to yours, cupping your head with one of his hands while the other moved down to part your folds again.

“Think you’re ready for daddy?” he pecked your lips. You nodded and whined lightly as he moved back to cup the bulge in his sweatpants. You moaned at the sight, you pushed yourself onto your elbows and crawled over to him.

He watched you eye his bulge, his cock twitching as your head tilted upwards, eyes meeting his own. You looked so innocent - so easy to ruin. You looked between him and his bulge, jaw opening and closing like a gaping fish. “C-can I touch..” you whispered, embarrassed at your own insinuation that you most definitely wanted this man’s cock inside of you.

Toji chuckled and leaned down to pet your head, he kissed your forehead and nodded when your expression grew into one of frustration at the lack of answer. “Yeah, baby, you wanna touch daddy’s cock?” he tilted his head to watch you turn bashfully making him laugh, pulling down the hem of his sweatpants through his chuckle.

His cock sprung up to tap his abdomen and drool pooled in your mouth, you moved to take him into your mouth, Toji’s hand coming up to press against your forehead, stopping you in the process. You looked up to him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Daddy’s okay, I’ll teach you how to suck dick another day, kay baby?” he stroked the back of your head. His words were almost condescending, treating you as though you didn’t know any better, as though you were too incapable of doing things on your own. Toji didn't think so though, Toji saw this as his way to own you completely, riot your brain of everything you knew and mold you into a submissive little puppy - mold you into something entirely perfect and special, hidden from the sinful acts of civilization.

“Daddy,” you whined, pawing at his thigh, staring at his cock had begun tortures; memorizing the thin veins that ran up the underside and his pretty pink tip. Daddy’s cock is pretty you thought to yourself.

He hadn't even noticed he’d begun to stare off.

Toji blinked and made a smile at you, holding your jaw in his hand and kissing you roughly, “Daddy’s here.” he pulled off to look behind you at the bed, pushing you back till you were laying on your back, arms reaching up for him.

Positioning himself between your legs, he hiked one thigh over his arm, pressing your knee to your chest. You placed your hands on his biceps, rubbing his skin as a means to comfort yourself as you watched him tug on his cock, precum leaking from the tip.

You made a nervous whimper at the feeling of his tip pressing against your folds. Toji kissed you and stroked the skin of your hip gently. “Shh… kiss daddy’s gonna go slow kay?” he waited for you to nod before slowly pushing his tip in.

You cried out and pushed against his belly, trying to slow him down, “Too much daddy!” tears already fell down your soft cheeks making Toji’s eyes soften. He brought himself down to rest on his forearms, bringing his hands to either side of your face and cupping it as you sobbed.

“Honey, calm down,” he spoke gently, thumbing your tears away “it’s only just the tip, baby”

You closed your mouth and screwed your eyes shut, trying to get used to the stretch only to shake your head when it wasn’t working. “Too big, daddy,” you wailed and brought your hands up to cup his wrists.

“Baby.” he cooed “focus on daddy for me baby” he pulled out a small bit to let you calm down. You slowly opened your eyes, vision blurred with salty tears as you tried to make out his face.

“Daddy you have to go slow.” you cried, bringing a hand up to wipe at your eyes which Toji pulled away, leaning down to kiss your eyelids gently and pulling back to place a peck on your swollen lips.

He cooed again, “I know baby, daddy’s sorry, he was going too fast.” you nodded at his words and he nodded back, smiling when you began to breathe normally again, taking deep inhales through your lips. “That’s my girl, deep breaths, kay?” you continued to breathe until you squirmed a bit underneath him. “Where you goin baby?” Toji asked, head tucked into your neck where he’d been pressing gentle kisses.

“Wanna try again.” you met his eyes when he came back up, “I can do it daddy, just go slow.” you reassured him when his eyebrow quirked.

“Okay, daddy’s gonna so slow, you tell him if it gets to be too much okay?” he kissed both of your cheeks and you nodded, your features filling with excitement in hopes of making your daddy proud. Toji noticed your excitement, of course, and laughed lightly, “Calm down, squirt, we still gotta take it slow. Daddy doesn’t wanna hurt you.”

You nodded enthusiastically and grabbed his biceps again, bracing yourself for the stretch and wincing when he pushed in again. Toji watched your soft expression grow screwed and stopped, “Take a breath, baby.”

You gasped loudly, showing Toji that you were in fact breathing which earned you a smile at your exaggerated breaths. Toji took your moment of distraction to push himself in a bit more, making your smile break into a gasp, nails gripping his skin roughly.

“So good, for me, see almost done” he tucked your head to look between the two of you; the sight of his girth splitting you open making your walls flutter and soak hsi cock, pulling him into you more.

Toji’s jaw dropped at the clench of you walls, you were so fucking tight - and he wasn’t even all the way in - “Oh, fuuuck,” he chuckled breathlessly, readjusting himself to support his weight on one of his hands, “easy, kid, god.”

“M’ sorry” your eyes welled up, thinking you were hurting him you went to move only to be stopped by him keeping you in place.

“No,” he chuckled “No- just- just god, haha” he took a few breaths, bringing a hand down to massage your clit, hoping you’d loosen up because at the rate you were going right now, he was gonna cum right when he was fully inside you. “Jesus, kid, you’re gonna be the death of me.” he said through gritted teeth.

Toji continued to push himself in, your body shivering and leg quivering over his arm as he met your hymen, tapping it lightly with the tip of his cock making you wince. “There she is.” Toji looked down between your bodies, seeing how much more you had to take he gulped and turned his head back up to see your worried expression.

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m still gonna go slow, baby, daddy’s gonna make you feel so good.” the two of you waited for a moment, his cock pulsing inside your tight cunt as you took deep breaths, trying to prepare yourself. Toji took the time to appreciate your features; your furrowed brows as you concentrated on the size of him, your long eyelashes stuck together by tears, your soft skin and plump cheeks that made him want to wrap you up in his arms and snuggle you. “You okay, baby?” you nodded “You want daddy to try moving?” he asked and kissed you.

“Yes daddy, I just- I need help.” you looked to him for guidance and guidance he provided. Toji thought for a second before taking your smaller hand in his large one and pulling it down to his cock, letting you wrap your small hand around the girth that hadn’t entered you yet.

“Good girl,” Toji muttered, watching you feel around his cock, exploring the touch and texture of it, “Now, daddy’s gonna push in and if it gets to be too much for you I want you to press against me.” he informed you and you nodded, heart speeding up at the pulse under the skin of his cock. “You ready?” nodding you moved your arm to his neck, pulling him closer to you and kissing him.

Toji pushed in gently, your hymen splitting, a broken cry muffled by Toji’s mouth, your hand made no move of stopping him but he slowed to a near stop for your sake, stroking your wrist with his hand and pressing kisses over your tears.

“You okay, sweetie?” he pulled back, stroking the back of your head.

“Yeah, m’okay, jus’ hurts a bit.” you sniffled

“I know, kid, you’re being’ so good for me, so good for daddy.” he kisses your nose and lets you relax, running his hands over any part of your body he could reach, slowly kissing you and allowing you to grow accustomed to his size.

“I’m okay now daddy, c-can you move, but be gentle please, like- like slow?” you said softly, taking your hand off his length to hold his forearm.

“Of course, baby.” Toji nodded and pulled out a bit before slowly pushing himself back in. He watched your expression clench up, having difficulty in taking his length; he tried a few more practice thrusts before realizing your body was tense and making it difficult for you to fully let him move without hurting you. “Baby, relax.” he sat up onto his haunches and pulled you closer to him. Your legs were placed over his shoulders as he pressed your body into a mating press, forcing your body to relax in surprise of all of his cock sinking into your tight cunt making him groan.

“Oh jesus, you’re so fucking tight, baby - haha, god, you’re all mine, god you feel so good.” he praised, head coming to tuck into your neck. He pressed small kisses to your skin while he groaned.

“Mm daddy, please,” your legs tensed when his cock twitched slightly. There was hardly any room for him, his cock was pressed against your cervix, your squirming not helping to ease the cramped feeling.

“I gotcha’, kid.” he pulled out and thrusted back in, this time you moaned and threw your head back against the fur pillows. You felt so fucking full. “Fuck, daddy.” you cried, turning your head upwards to watch him to see his focused yet blissed expression.

“Yeah, sweetie?” he chuckled, thrusting deeply inside you, his balls slapped your skin, the sound was damn near pornographic, the weight of his cock made you moan. “Oh, that feels good, does my baby feel good?” he teased at your expression, drool trailing from your mouth.

You nodded enthusiastically and moved to hold him closer, your legs bending against his shoulders to press him further inside you. “Daddy - whine - daddy, please all the way inside.” you pleaded and Toji looked at you worriedly.

“Okay, sweetie, relax for me.” he readjusted your legs higher on his shoulders and sank all the way into you, two of you gasping when his balls met your folds. “Jesus.” Toji shivered and pulled back to thrust into you again.

Toji continued to thrust into you, hitting your cervix and making you moan and clench around him, the heat and tightness of your pussy making him groan. He needed to get you to come. “C’mon sweetie, you’re so pretty for me, so. thrust. damn. Thrust. Good.” he brought a hand down to your clit and began to circle it gently, the rough pad of his finger bringing you closer.

“Oh fuck, daddy!” you moaned, “Daddy, m’ gonna cum, m’ gonna cum.” you cried.

Toji groaned and leaned down to kiss you, “cum for me sweet girl, want daddy to fill you up? Give you a baby?” he smirked at your expression, fucked coompletely stupid.

“Daddy please, please fill me up.” you moaned, the need to be bred was making your head spin. Thoughts of being swollen with his child and carrying his baby for him made your knees weak.

“Okay, kid, daddy’s cummin’ c’mon.” he said through clenched teeth, pressing your legs deeper against your chest causing you to cum. Your jaw dropped and you gasped, pulling yourself closer to Toji as you came.

Toji leaned into your hold, shivering as he bucked his hips into you, your gummy walls pulsed around him, milking his cock as cum painted your walls. He swore you were going to kill him. “God, you’re all mine, kid, all fucking mine. He finished thrusting and pushed himself all the way into the hilt, assuring his seed took before pulling out and falling beside you.

You sat staring at the ceiling, looking for something to ground yourself with as your body shook. Eyes coming to focus on the iron chandelier you felt tears well up in your eyes and pour down your cheeks. Suddenly everything was too much and not enough, you needed more of him, you needed him to tell you everything was okay, to tell you he wasn’t going to leave his multi-million dollar cabin after fucking you ti’ll you were braindead, your mind scrambled to find some logical thought, grasping at the scariest one it could find until you could feel the anxiety rotting in your stomach.

Toji heard you sniffle and turned over to see you covering your face with your hands, chest heaving as tears ran down your cheeks. “Baby, baby, baby, what’s wrong?” he moved to pull you into his arms, spooning you and grounding you with his weight. “Are you hurt, honey, what’s going on?” he kissed the back of your head. Hsi touch made you cry harder, “c’mon, kid, talk to me.” he pleaded and brought his hand over your body to cup your face.

“Please -” you choked, turning over to meet his eyes, “Please don’t leave me, don’t - I can’t, I wan’t-” you were panicking, unable to get the words out as word vomit spilled form your swollen lips aimlessly.

Toji tried to make sense of your rambling, ‘shushing’ you and pulling you against his chest. “M’ not leaving a sweet thing.” he kissed the top of your head. “Remember how I told you I didn’t want you hanging around those boys? Is that what this is about?” he pulled your head back from his chest to look at you, stroking your cheek gently.

You thought for a moment and considered that those scary stories Toji told you about the mean boys and their inability to be mature probably put you on edge. “Maybe” you sniffled.

Toji chuckled lightly, “Baby, I’m not gonna leave you.” he tucked you back against his chest before rolling over and letting you lay against him. “Shh, sweetie, relax.” he cooed as he felt your back heave with heavy sniffles.

Trying to slow your breathing you snuggled against his body, relaxing to the touch of him running his hand up and down your back comfortingly. You turned to him as you felt your eyes get heavy, “Toji?” you sniffled.

“Yeah, kid?” he asked, eyes closed yet his hand continued to run up and down your skin.

“Thankyou.” you said softly.

Toji peaked one eye open, “C’mere.” he brought his arm up to make room for you, letting you lay down next to him before wrapping you in his hold under the heavy fur blanket. “You’re a good kid y/n.” he kissed your forehead.

You hummed to yourself, relaxing into his hold and falling asleep to the sound of his heart.

The next morning Toji sent you to shower, letting you have your own privacy as you scrubbed the blood from between your thighs and watched the clear water that ran over the pearly white tiles turn a pink hue.

Once you were finished and dressed yourself in a pair of pj’s, you made your way downstairs, lured into the kitchen by the smell of bacon and syrup much like the morning before. Toji was sitting at the bar with a coffee cup in his hand and his phone in the other.

Noticing you enter the room he motioned for you to come over to him, letting you stand between his legs as he sat on the stool. “How’d you sleep, baby?” you stroked your head gently.

“Mm, good.” you yawned and rubbed your eyes to which Toji pulled your hand away from your face again.

“How many times I gotta tell you to stop doing’ that shit with your eyes?” You smiled sheepishly before wrapping your arms around him in a hug to which he returned, resting his chin atop your head.

“Forever.” you joked and Toji laughed, you smiled as you felt it vibrate through his body.

“Breakfast is ready.” Tsumiki said through a smile and placed two plates down at the bar, one for you and one for Toji before going back to make her own plate.

“C’mere, sweet thing.” Toji spread his legs and helped you up into his lap. Letting you rest against his chest as he brought your plate over next to his and began to feed you. It was a simple thing, the act of feeding someone you love, but it was a small act of domesticity that warms your heart. It made you and Toji’s relationship seem years old, as he kissed your temple and took a bite of his own food you smiled to yourself.

“What are you thinking about?” Toji teased and flicked your forehead.

“You.” you answered honestly, snuggling into him.

Toji smiled and placed a hand on your head before bringing another fork of food to your mouth, “Yeah, I’m thinkin’ about you too.”

Toji fed you another bite as Megumi made his way into the kitchen. You waved to him and smiled with a mouthful of food, Megumi chuckled at you, his shoulders bouncing.

He made his own plate and went to sit down with Tsumiki. The four of you ate in silence, save for snide comments made here and there by Toji or soft pet names he would whisper to you as you took another bite.

"Are we gonna go to the gondola today?" He pulled the string off his hoodie mindlessly and he munched on a piece of bacon.

Toji looked back at his son before turning to you and stroking the back of your head softly, "How's that sound, baby?"

You nodded your head and brought a hand up to cover your mouth, "sounds fun to me, I wanna see the mountains and play in the snow."

Toji smiled at your excitement and kissed your temple. The rest of the breakfast was filled with far more normalcy rather than tension, son and father making jokes while Tsumiki and you spoke about silly little things.

"You ready to go, kid?" Toji yelled from the bottom of the steps. He wore a black jacket made of PU leather and cotton fabric, snow pants, a pair of leather snow boots.

Bouncing down the steps in your moon boots you squealed happily, "Yes, I'm so excited!"

Toji chuckled and ruffled your hair once you made it to the bottom of the steps, "Careful, baby." He scolded lightly and you shook your head, removing his large hand from your hair.

"I wanna go!" You said gleefully and ran to the door and out into the icy air, Toji following behind, his bag in one hand and truck keys in the other.

You crouched down in the small amount of piled snow that had built up over night, grabbing a stick and poking at it happily as Toji started the F150 and placed his bags in the back.

Suddenly two hand grabbed your waist making you squeal and thrash around, "Toji!'' You giggled and he laughed, kissing your neck playfully. Toji carried you to the passanger seat of the truck and placed you in the seat, helping strap you in and then kissing your nose.

Toji made his way to the driver's seat and sat down, heated up the seats and started the engine before typing in the directions to the gondola. "You ready to go see some mountains, sweet cheeks?" He laid his hand out across the compartment signaling he wanted you to take his hand.

Placing your hand in his, you looped your fingers together and leaned forward to kiss him on his lips. "Yes!" You chirped and grabbed his phone to turn on some music.

Toji smiled at your music choice and rubbed the faux fur of your glove gently as he drove down the trail. He was happy.

#toji fushiguro #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fushiguro #jjk #jjk toji #fushiguro

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idkthisisjustforfanfic · 2 years

Text

too soon to tell, chapter e i g h t

December 2017

Jake had said it simply the other night on facetime, toothbrush in his mouth when Harry complained about his realization.

“She’s nice, I dunno, I just don’t feel a good connection.”

“Why not?” his words were muffled and Harry could tell by the look on his face, Jake thought he was crazy. Ending it with Nina Winters?

“We don’t have good banter,” he shrugged absentmindedly. “Don’t really love spending time with her.”

“You haven’t even slept with her yet--” Jake reminded.

“M’aware,” Harry rolled his eyes. “Sex isn’t everything, y’know.”

“Well then what is it you’re looking for? What’s she missing?”

Harry stared at his laptop screen, another email from his manager, another schedule for the next day in New York. “Someone who I’m comfortable with and who’s smart and funny and gets along with my family. Someone who’s like my best friend. And someone who I’m attracted to, obviously.”

Jake spit into the sink, Harry made a face at the noise.

“Sounds like you want Smalls.”

Brows furrowed, Harry tugged his eyes back to his phone. “Y/N?”

“Yes, Y/N,” Jake rolled his eyes. “As if you disagree.”

He thought on it for a second. Right. Sure. Harry had considered that a million times and unfortunately for him, the more time that passed since December 29th, 2015, the more he thought about her.

Jake took his friend’s silence as an admission of defeat, a smug smile when he bid Harry farewell. “Text her, you’re both in New York--have dinner or something. You know she’ll say yes.”

So now, Harry looked out the window at the snowflakes that littered lower Manhattan. Somewhere on this island she was here. Maybe in a cubicle or on the subway or maybe she was already home in her flat watching the news break about the storm.

Nine letters appeared below his message, delivered, but really, Harry felt exposed. He’d gone out on a limb--a shaky and half rotten limb in the tree of friendship, if he could even call it that.

“Hey, they want to run a soundcheck in a few,” Erica sounded from behind him, distracted by whatever email or text she read on her phone. He turned quickly, found her with a clipboard in hand and a smile on her face when she looked up at him. It faded, she could read the hesitance on his face, or maybe she could tell he was nauseous. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded casually. “M’fine.”

“Okay,” she accepted his answer, turned to walk back out the door of the Spotify green room and leave him alone with his thoughts.

“Remember that girl I was friends with, Y/N? From home?”

Erica stopped in her tracks, apparently he wasn’t okay. “Yeah--why?”

“I asked her to come tonight.”

“Here?”

“She lives here,” he shrugged again, suddenly feeling like his decision was stupid. Did Erica think he sounded desperate? Was it a terrible idea? “She might not come, I don’t know.”

Erica smiled, not too much though, in fear of making him more nervous than he already was. “Sounds good--let me know what she says and I’ll make sure she gets a good seat.”

She disappeared down the hall and Harry paced around for a while, rereading the text he’d sent to be sure it was casual and cool.

He knew things hadn’t really ended well--though he preferred to think they hadn’t ended at all. His relationship with Y/N had always been a little hot and cold. In some seasons of life she seemed to think his jokes were funny and enjoyed spending time with him, even if that was in a group or over a good fry-up at Annie’s.

In other seasons, she seemed to be unimpressed by his fame, his charm--maybe even him altogether.

For a long time she was the girl Harry always kind of liked, as a friend, as more, as someone who was funny and nice and wasn’t as obnoxious as Jessie or as condescending as Bryn. And for a while, Harry wondered if one day he’d gather up the courage to kiss her or ask her on a date just to see what would happen, but by the time that desire grew deep in his chest, Harry was busy selling out arenas and booking photoshoots with famous magazines.

Should have been but never was, Harry decided, always liking her instagram posts or smiling to himself when she said something clever in the group chat with their other mates. Should have been, but never was.

He was more excited than he should have been in 2015 when he learned that she’d broken up with her wanker boyfriend--Billy or Charlie or Henry--something like that. He was excited to see her when he showed up at Kenny Tilley’s house for a Christmas party with their other hometown peers, only to be wrought with regret after too many drinks and too many words and too many emotions.

Which is why his heart nearly fell out of his ass when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket mid sound-check.

Hi, thanks for the invite! Whereabouts is it?

He stared at the screen, mumbled the words to whatever song he was singing as if his brain wasn’t wrapped up in the possible scenario at hand: see Smalls for the first time in two years.

He could tell his band was bothered by his mediocre singing and half-hearted emotion when he thumbed out a response, all the while keeping his lips to the microphone to get through the song.

It’s at Spotify, it’s a live recording thing. No worries if you’re busy, but it’s 8pm.

A separate text:

150 Greenwich St 62nd Floor, New York, NY 10007.

He laughed at his own words: no worries if you’re busy. So nonchalant, so relaxed, as if his pulse wasn’t through the roof when she replied.

See you then!

So he finished up his sound-check and returned to the same behavior from before he took the tiny stage in front of an empty audience: pacing. He tried to stomach some dinner but wasn’t hungry, tried to go over the set list again but decided it was best to just let the anxiety happen.

Maybe she’d show up, maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’d be so angry that she’d ball him out in the green room afterwards or maybe she’d be excited to see him. The possibilities were endless, coated the stage in a thick layer of anticipation when Harry scanned the crowd during the first song, the second, the fifth, the seventh.

Would she blow him off like that? Say she’d be there and then just ghost him? Maybe he deserved it--but she told him to never speak to her again, he’d just been doing what she wanted, right?

The questions swirled round in his head when Erica greeted him backstage, a hushed whisper that had Harry forgetting all about the songs or the fans or the pit in his stomach: she’s in the green room with a friend, roommate, I think.

Thirty-three steps down the hall and then one giant breath in as he pushed the door open. She was there, a jacket wrapped around her frame, her friend with wide eyes on the couch when they both whipped their heads in his direction.

“Hey Smalls,” he said casually, feeling the corner of his mouth pull upwards as he walked towards her. She was frozen, awkward, an uncertain look on her face when Harry wrapped his arms around her.

“Hi,” she finally greeted, eyes meeting his once he let go. Was that awkward? She didn’t even hug him back. Harry cleared his throat and then smiled at her friend.

“I’m Harry. You must be,” he raised his eyebrows at her, reaching forward to make contact as Smalls stood awkwardly between them.

“Alyssa,” she answered quickly, extending her hand and offering a toothy grin in return--much more excited than Smalls, Harry noted.

Another awkward beat when Harry ran a hand through his hair, watched them both for a second and wondered what she’d told Alyssa. I told him I liked him and then threw up?

He looked between the two of them, mouth suddenly dry when he realized that Smalls, despite the time that had passed, looked just as uncomfortable with him as she always had. He was imploding, she seemed to be doing the same, and for a second, Harry wondered if this was a terrible idea and if he should just thank her for coming and get the fuck out of there.

“Good to see you,” she said suddenly, fingers reaching for the zipper on her jacket. “Sounded great out there!”

He smiled at this, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh, thank you. Yeah, m’glad you could make it, thanks for coming.”

More silence. Alyssa shifted on her feet and smoothed her hair.

“How long are you in New York for?” Smalls asked, licked her lips quickly before letting her eyes glance down to the floor.

“Another week, actually. Doing some promo here and there. Heading back for the holidays soon though. Y’gonna be home?”

“Yeah--booked my flight a few days ago actually. Heading to Heathrow on the 20th.”

“Nice,” he nodded, averting his gaze for a minute over to Alyssa. Smalls turned to look back at her, but as soon as they locked eyes, she pulled her phone from her pocket and pretended to be occupied by something much more interesting.

So she definitely knew their history, Harry thought. For some reason, that gave him the confidence he needed, a small smile when he asked: “Have you both eaten dinner?”

Smalls nodded in confirmation but Alyssa shook her head, Harry furrowed his brows and fought the smirk that threatened to take over his features. One of them was going to break eventually.

“She means ‘we had a snack.’ You were just saying how hungry you were, Y/N,” Alyssa prompted, her left brow twitching upwards as if to silently communicate something with her friend.

“Uh, we sort of ate.”

He let out a laugh, hoping to calm the nerves in his gut. “Well, I was gonna go to a really seedy place that has the best Pad Thai in the city--if you want to join.”

Alyssa looked to Smalls and seemed to wait for her response, just like Harry did.

“Uh,” she shrugged her shoulders, about to back out. Harry’d long been used to the noncommittal ways of his childhood pal. Apparently, her roommate was too.

“You two go, I’ve actually got a lot of stuff to do tonight. I’ll just get a cab home.” She made her way towards the door and offered a smile over her shoulder. “Text me when you’re on your way home, yeah?”

He could have sworn he saw Smalls offer a nasty glare to her friend, one that only had his lips twitching in amusement when Alyssa offered him a wave.

“Nice to meet you,” Harry called, shoving a hand into his pocket as the door shut behind her. He turned back around and felt the same butterflies he’d been feeling since he was a kid. “Shall we?”

It wasn’t like Harry had never been alone with her before. There were plenty of car rides to school functions or moments when they’d get left alone by the others, accidentally making his heart rate soar until she made some kind of comment that made it clear: they were friends.

But the words he’d reminded himself of all night seemed to get lodged in his throat when they sat in the backseat of a black SUV, her pointer finger swiped through 5-star reviews on Yelp. Apparently she didn’t trust his taste in Thai.

Small pleasantries, he asked about her family and filled her in on his. They did the whole how have the last few years been, seeing as that was the last time they spoke regularly or had any clue what the other was up to.

December in New York was cold, she shrunk into her jacket in the cold air and Harry held the door, a bell above it chimed and a bowl of mints on the counter greeted them before a woman appeared with dated menus.

Harry slid into a booth and Smalls immediately poured over the laminated pages: spring rolls, tofu, drunken noodles. He let out a hum, chanced a look in her direction. Was she really going to make it this hard?

She was. Short answers to his questions, surface level conversation after they ordered and nervous laughter until their food was brought out.

“So how’re Jessie and Bryn?” He asked, using two chopsticks to pull noodles onto his plate.

She shrugged nonchalantly, her eyes met his for a second but she looked away quickly.

“They’re good. Bryn is working in finance at some company I don’t even know the name of,” she recounted, following his move to pull a serving onto her plate. “Jessie’s looking into PhD programmes. Can’t stand the thought of being uneducated.”

He let out a laugh at her joke, carrying a bite of food towards his mouth.

“And you’re…”

“At The Scoop, you’ve probably never heard of it, but we love to write about you.”

She rolled her eyes at that, always ready to crack a joke about the insane amount of attention he got. For what, she’d ask, shaking your hips on stage and having obnoxious hair?

The right side of his mouth pulled up as he chewed.

“Well, not me, but, like, my coworkers,” she backtracked.

Harry didn’t know how much to divulge, but he knew all of that. He knew about Bryn and Jessie and he knew where she worked.

“I know it, the website,” he nodded. Another bite, words spoken around chunks of chicken. “I’ve read some of your stuff. Didn’t know if you were still there.”

“You’ve read it?” Her eyes were wide, he smirked and rolled up the sleeves of his brown sweater so as to not make contact with the broken pieces of noodles on the table.

“I have. Pretty good, really. People seem to love you.”

He also noticed that she’d never written a single thing about him. Not his name, not his photo, no trace of him appeared on her author page and, he figured, that was on purpose.

“And you like New York,” he nodded, waiting for an answer despite the fact that he’d already made a statement.

“Love New York,” she nodded. “Excited to go back to London though for the holidays.”

“We’ll have to get everyone together. I know I’ve been,” a lift of his right shoulder out of guilt, “pretty shit at keeping in touch.”

“You’re busy,” was all she said.

“Still.”

“S’fine.”

“S’not, but,” he didn’t finish.

There it was, the small and quick lift of her brows that let him know he hit a nerve. Harry knew her too well to think that it didn’t bother her, and now, as he watched her take another bite before she looked up at him, his heart sank.

Maybe they’d never get back what once was. Maybe he didn’t have the words to apologize and maybe she didn’t have the time to hear him out. Maybe asking her to come tonight was stupid and maybe what was left between them was just a hollow shell of the friendship that used to make him excited to come home and visit.

But Harry hoped it wasn’t.

She derailed the conversation before he could go any further, plastered a smile on her face and asked about the tour, about his album, tried to beat him to the check when he slapped a card on the table.

Disappointment settled in Harry’s chest when she tugged on her jacket and a hat, ready to face the snow that fell from the night sky, but he was desperate to turn the night around.

“Want to walk?”

“Huh?”

He stifled a laugh, “Walk, Smalls, just for fun. I don’t always see too much of the city.”

This caught her off guard, a nervous glance around the room that made Harry feel guilty for trying to extend the evening. Couldn’t blame him for trying, though, right?

“I mean, I have to work in the morning, so.”

“Oh,” his face fell. “Yeah, no, s’fine.”

“I guess, we can walk to my apartment, if you really want. It’s not--it’s like fourteen blocks from here.”

Another sheepish smile from him as he pushed on the door and waited for her to walk under his arm. The snowflakes were smaller when they looked up to see them dance in the flood of street lights. Harry went up to the passenger side window of the car that waited for him, knocked twice before the driver rolled it down.

Gonna walk, not far, I don’t need security.

They fell into step together quite seamlessly, Harry shoved his hands in his pockets and wondered if she was leaving just as much unsaid as he was.

“This is where I get my hair cut, actually,” she pointed to a window with empty barber chairs inside, a sly smile tugging at her mouth when he pressed his face up the window.

“Really?”

“No--that’s like--it’s a place for men,” she raised her brows at the stupid look on his face, Harry felt a wave of relief wash over him at the sound of her laugh.

He smiled and turned back to look at her. A pause for a second, she knew exactly where his mind went.

“Don’t say it,” she shook her head quickly, the words tumbling out of his mouth at the same time.

“You’re killing me, Smalls.”

She rolled her eyes but started walking again, picking up her pace to let him know she was annoyed. “I hate that nickname.”

He caught up, an undeniable and unmistakable twitch of his lips that soon became a full-face grin.

“Oh come on, Y/N, s’not that bad,” he reached over to poke her in the shoulder. She shuttered under his touch, shrinking into her scarf when she looked over at him.

“Is too,” she said, biting back a laugh. “You lot are the only ones who ever use that and I’ve never given my actual consent!”

He went quiet, his boots brushing against the powder on the concrete as he tried to hide the smile on his face. Even in silence it felt nice to be with her. Even when she rolled her eyes or had quick comebacks, being around her made Harry feel like he was home. Maybe that’s what he was chasing, maybe that would answer Jake’s question.

The wind blew every once in a while and he’d angle his body slightly to shield her, eyes tracing the skyline as the snowflakes downgraded to specks of dust in the wind.

Harry didn’t mind the way butterflies erupted when he looked at her, didn’t mind how she caught him stealing glances and certainly didn’t mind the way she giggled when he nudged her with his hip as she slowed to a stop in front of her flat.

“Thanks for,” he paused, his lips twitching as he searched for the right label. “Hanging out.”

“Yeah, s’good to see you. I’d uh, invite you up--s’pretty messy, though.”

“I don’t mind,” he said quickly, shaking his head as he looked up to take in the sight of the building. It was shorter than some others, only eight stories on the residential street.

He watched her hopefully, apparently this made her nervous and she stammered.

“Well, I mean, s’late, I know you’re probably busy tomorrow.”

He wasn’t about to let it go that easily. What could have been a trainwreck of a night was only a small collision, awkward in moments but finally more relaxed.

“I have a place a few blocks away. I’ll probably walk home myself, s’a short walk.”

“You have an apartment here?” she asked, her voice smaller than it’d been all night, like sadness had taken some of the volume out when she realized just how close they’d been.

“M’not here often, really,” he said quickly, the emotion on her face made his eyes drop to the snowy sidewalk. He knew just how bad it sounded. “A week or two at a time, few times a year. But, I’d still love to see your place.”

He wouldn’t have fallen out of touch if she hadn’t told him to. He would have seen her more, especially after all of that, but she cried and refused and Harry was left with a heaping of guilt so big he wondered if he’d ever be the same.

She looked up at him now, a sigh before she bit at her lip, nodding slowly. “Uh, yeah, okay.”

She fished for her keys in her pocket, he followed her to the lift and climbed inside, riding in silence until she turned left and stopped atop a welcome mat.

She keyed in quietly, took a few steps inside before turning to face him, pulling the hat off her head. “S’not much, but it’s home,” she looked around. A small couch and armchair in the center of the living room. A modest-sized TV, a small table and two teal chairs by the kitchen in the corner.

Harry took it in, pictured her typing away on her laptop, pen in her mouth and glasses on. Maybe she’d sit cross-legged on the couch, maybe she’d sip wine with Alyssa at the table and laugh about their workdays.

“S’nice,” he smiled, bringing his eyes back to hers. “Feels homey.”

The door to Alyssa’s bedroom creaked, her figure emerging from the light that seeped through the crack. “How’d it--oh, hi!” Her eyes widened when she saw Harry. “How was dinner?”

They spoke at the same time.

“Good,” he said.

“Fine,” was her response.

Aylssa crossed her arms over her chest awkwardly, he looked between them both and offered another smile. Smacking his lips together, he looked around the room once more, his eyes finally landing on Smalls.

“I’ll see you--yeah? I’m here for another week, we could do dinner or something?”

Apparently this caught her off guard, she parted her lips to speak but only nodded. He smiled again, selfishly liking the effect he had.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she watched as he headed for the door he’d just entered through.

“Nice to meet you again, Alyssa.”

“You too,” a dazed look still on her face as she watched him reach for the handle.

“You can find your way down? And your way home?”

He crossed the threshold back into the hallway, his lip curling up. “I’m good, Smalls.”

“Okay.”

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. See you later.”

“Bye,” she said, one last look in his eyes before she shut the door.

Present Day

You didn’t expect your Thursday evening to go like this. You didn’t expect to be throwing a tequila shot back and you certainly didn’t expect to be throwing your ass in a circle to Single Ladies at 9pm.

“S’a bit early for twerking, no?” Katie looked on in horror. Hattie--her trusty London sidekick--watched with less judgment but just as much shock.

“We’re old now, by midnight we’ll all have heartburn,” you reminded her, a roll of your eyes when Bryn reappeared with a new drink.

“It’s got your name on it!” She wiggled it in front of your face, laughed when you reached excitedly and took a gulp.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” Jessie pointed a finger, “but I like it.”

“Alright, well someone make sure she doesn’t throw up, yeah?”

“Oh shut up,” you made a face at Jake. “I’m just letting loose, having fun--isn’t this the type of shit you lot have been wanting me to do?”

“Yeah, responsibly, though.”

Adam scoffed when Jessie punched him in the shoulder. “Oi--why is wanting to drink responsibly a bad thing?”

“It’s not, but when was the last time Y/N wanted to go to a club?”

They all made a face at that, apparently there was enough suspicion about your weeknight request that they’d decided to ignore how strange it was.

Bryn tried to corner you in the loo a half hour prior to ask why on earth are we here and why do you want to get drunk? Katie and Hattie were curious too, Jake and Adam seemed the most into it, and that left Jessie.

“Alright,” she reappeared beside you with another shot. “Someone at the bar bought these for us because they said you have a nice ass.”

“Me?!” You took one of the shot glasses from her with a smile.

“Well you’re the only one throwing it in a circle, so, yes.”

They all laughed at this, you chose to believe it was with you, not at you--that would just be sad.

It had been a shitty two weeks. Two weeks since Harry dropped you off in front of your flat and you realized that pretending you didn’t miss him didn’t actually change the way you were feeling.

You downed the shot that Jessie handed over, Bryn groaned when you didn’t wait for Jessie to take one with you, and that’s when Katie finally had enough.

“Alright--what has gotten into you?”

“Me?”

“No, the other person here who’s suddenly manic and throwing back shots.”

You let your eyes roll to the back of your head, stuck out your tongue at your little sister when Jessie intervened.

“I think Katie’s just asking if you’re alright.”

“I’m great!” You smiled at the six of them. “I’m fantastic, why?!”

“You’re a bit of a hot mess,” Bryn put a hand on your shoulder, her watered down version of the truth stung when Katie took it a step further:

“Is this about Harry?”

“What about him?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Katie shot back. “You miss him, you saw him at that party.”

“You what?” Bryn asked quickly. The middle of the dance floor didn’t seem like a good place for this discussion. “Where’d you see him?”

You let out a dramatic groan over the music. All you wanted to do was throw your hands in the air because you were a single lady!

“You saw Harry?” Jessie’s head was suddenly close to yours.

“Alright, it’s not like he fell off the face of the earth.”

“No,” Bryn agreed, “but he hasn’t come to dinner the last two weeks and Jake said he was weird when he saw him last weekend.”

You peered over your shoulder, “you saw Harry last weekend?”

Jake paused for a second, pulled into your conversation when he looked between you, Bryn, and Jessie. Were you all being honest? Jake couldn’t tell.

“Yes...no?” He grimaced at Bryn. “Yes. I did.”

You nodded, lips in a thin line to show that you didn’t care. What did they talk about? Did he tell them he’d seen you? Did he tell them about Charlie?

“Okay,” you nodded.

“Oh come off it,” Katie gave you a playful shove. “You’re not dying to know what he’s been saying about you?”

“How do you know he’s even been saying things about me?” You challenged.

“Because he has,” Adam said absentmindedly, apparently he’d had just as much to drink as you had.

You all whipped your heads in his direction, he offered a hesitant smile when he realized what he’d said.

Jessie and Bryn watched you closely, waiting for a reaction as you nodded. Calm, cool, collected. Okay. Right. Of course he’d talk about you with them. They were his friends, too.

“Right,” you said, a forced smile at Bryn when she offered you a sympathetic frown. “I’m going to get another drink.”

It was weird and they all knew it, the new attempt to respect privacy and boundaries and not share every tiny morsel of information like you’d previously done for the last decade plus. None of them chased you, they let you wait at the bar in peace for another glass to be slid your way.

The music kept blaring and Katie and Hattie seemed to loosen up as the night went on, less embarrassed by your dancing before the club had even filled out.

By 11pm Bryn was rolling her eyes, ready to go home. We all have to work tomorrow, she reminded. Jessie was keen on staying and Adam headed to the bar to get another round when she disappeared to the bathroom with your sister.

“Y’alright?”

Jake, of course. You turned to see him in the darkness, felt the vibrating of the bass in your chest when he sat next to you in the oversized booth. The room started spinning when the strobe lights turned on, you figured you deserved to sit this one out.

“Yeah--drunk.”

He laughed, “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.”

For a moment he didn’t say anything, broke his gaze from you as you ripped the paper napkin into tiny shreds, like your dignity. Symbolic.

“Okay, ten second pity party, go.”

“What?”

He looked at you, unimpressed. “If you need to feel bad for yourself because you don’t get every piece of information, now’s your chance. I’ll listen and be supportive and play along.”

“Don’t be a dick,” you told him, eyes narrowed.

“M’not,” he said, defensive. “I get it. This is weird. It must be hard.”

You didn’t get a chance to reply, Adam appeared beside you bright-eyed, fingers stretched around three shot glasses. “Hi!”

“Oh god,” you wrinkled your nose at the sight.

“You’re the one who asked for them!” His shoulders rose in innocence.

“I know, I know,” you waved him off, regretting the request you’d made only ten minutes earlier. “Isn’t it clear by now that I make shit decisions?”

“What?” Jake’s forehead wrinkled, he didn’t catch your subtle admission.

“Never mind.”

Adam set the shots down on the table and sat across from Jake, who now let out a sigh. You wiped at your eyes and hoped your makeup wasn’t too smudged from sweating.

You peered over at Jake, pout on your face for three seconds until he figured out what you were up to.

“No, no Smalls, do not look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Adam asked, perking up.

“She wants to know what happened when we saw Harry.”

“Oh come on,” you whined. “I thought we were all being honest?”

“I thought we were butting out,” he corrected you.

“That includes being honest.”

“Does it?” he asked, arms crossed over his chest.

“It does!” You informed them. “Seriously--what could have happened that you wouldn’t tell me about? Did’ya smoke some weed? Watch footy all night? Have a slumber party?”

They both rolled their eyes at your pestering, Jake let out a huff and turned to look at you.

“We talked about you.”

“Me?” It was the answer you’d been hoping for, but the butterflies in your stomach still took flight. “What about me?”

“Nothing,” he offered you a sarcastic grin. “Just how great you are.”

“Adam,” you shifted your mission, new target. “How was it? Did he seem weird? Did he mention seeing me at the party?”

“He mentioned a lot,” Adam said with a nod, eyes on the shots in the center of the table. “Said it’s been hard, obviously.”

“Adam,” Jake warned.

“What’s been hard?” You spoke quickly, scooching closer to Adam.

“Smalls, you know he loves you.”

“Does he?”

“Would he have started talking to ring designers over the summer if he didn’t?”

Almost like a bomb went off, the music faded out and the rest of the club became a blur, flashing lights and fog machines disappeared when Jake let out a groan.

“For fuck’s sake, Adam, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Adam’s eyes widened when he realized what he’d said. They both watched you, frozen, lips parted and heart nearly beating out of your chest. Was this what a heart attack felt like? You pushed Adam out of the booth and grabbed your purse on the table.

Ten steps towards the door, Katie tried to grab your arm when she saw the look on your face and the emotion in your eyes. You shrugged her off, another fifteen until the cold November air was drying the tears on your face.

You rounded the corner, passed the line of girls in skimpy clothes hoping to get inside. No jacket--another shit decision--and tried to catch your breath once you were far enough away from the door.

“Y/N wait,” Jake was behind you now, Adam in tow.

“No,” you said over your shoulder. “It’s fine. I don’t want to know anything.”

“You don’t?” He asked incredulously, a bit mocking when you turned around.

“Of course I do, but what good is it? He obviously doesn’t want to be with me if he didn’t tell me any of that, right? He obviously hates me and obviously this is never going to work out so I should just get over it.”

Adam had the shot glasses in his hand, somehow he’d managed to make it by the bouncer with all three glasses sloshing over the sides as they followed you out in haste.

You let out an awkward laugh when you saw them, he offered an apologetic smile.

“Did you know back then?”

“That he was thinking about proposing?”

You nodded.

“Don’t you think one of us would have stopped you from being an idiot and breaking up with him if we knew?” Jake made a face at you like you were crazy.

Adam stifled a laugh and leaned back against the side of the building. “He didn’t tell us until after you’d already broken up and after that terribly awkward dinner when he got food poisoning.” He rolled his eyes at the stupid excuse.

Your mouth felt dry, the world seemed to keep spinning as you stood, paralyzed by regret and confusion. Jake finally reached for the shot glasses in Adam’s hands.

“Why didn’t he tell me that, though? I told him the day after we ended it that things seemed weird between us and--”

“And then you would have thought he was lying about that just to save his arse,” Adam reasoned. “Using ‘but I was going to propose’ as a way to stop you from dumping him? He’s an idiot but he’s not that stupid.”

You looked away, embarrassed that you were that predictable.

“Look, you didn’t hear this from us, okay?” Jake handed you a shot, you knew the watch around his wrist had been a birthday gift from Harry two years prior. “He’d kill us if he knew we--he,” a finger in Adam’s direction, “told you that.”

Adam happily took his shot glass and clinked it against yours, still buzzed enough to not grasp the gravity of the conversation at hand. You brought the liquid to your lips and grimaced as it burned its way down your throat.

An immediate gag reflex, apparently your body decided you’d been enough of a twat for this lifetime. The contents of your stomach came back up, you turned around and barfed directly onto the pavement beneath your feet.

Adam and Jake both moved away from you instinctively, grimacing when you coughed and then stood up. One of them shoved a napkin in your direction, you wiped at your mouth and stood up.

Sad eyes when you looked at them. The only thing that stung worse than the combo of tequila and vomit was the truth: you fucked up.

“Can I have that ten second pity party now?”

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