#or who think they can call themselves dykes even if they arent a lesbian. and then who refer to all other wlw as dykes

[charmanderxerneas]

God i just got reminded of this while looking something up so here’s a hot take:

You are evil if you don’t support everyone under the lgbt umbrella. And I’m talking about: You are evil if you’re an exclusionist.

If you hate aro/ace people, if you hate he/him lesbians, if you think that pan or bi people are wrong or assume bi people are transphobic, if you hate funky trans people who have weird identities or neoprouns, if you hate people who have reclaimed slurs and call themselves queer or fag or tranny or dyke, if you think queer people who openly engage in kink are gross, if you dislike gender non conforming people, literally just anything: You are a fucking evil fed, and a nasty horrible person.

All you’re doing is creating division in a community. You are actively helping every conservative who wants us dead. They’re going to see that you’re big enough of an idiot to believe that people in your own community are expressing themselves “wrong”, and use that as justification to be like “yeah those queer people are wrong and gross and they should have no rights or deserve to die.” and if they can find a way to come after the “weird” disliked queers, they arent going to stop there. They’re going to come after you too, you moron. Because they think we’re all disgusting.

There’s no right way to be queer. Even if you don’t understand the identity at all, that doesn’t give you any right to dictate how someone else feels about themselves and their body and their sexuality. It’s not “homophobic” or “transphobic” for someone to identify in a way that is different from the preconceived notions you have about queer people. its not fucking lesbophobic for someone to identify as a bi lesbian, they are clearly just trying to find labels they feel fit them and if it doesnt match what you think a lesbian is: so fucking what! They aren’t fucking harming anyone. We are all the same in the sense that we deviate from what cishet people consider “normal”. (Though this can also apply to cishet people who just dont conform to what people think of as cis or het, for example I’ve seen some cis people use differing pronouns even if they identify as cis: pronouns don’t necessarily equate to gender, and they can do what they want! They arent taking anything away from queer people, in fact theyre only helping to normalize when people want to use different pronouns)

Radfems/Terfs are also evil, do not fucking touch this post. Same goes for pedos (i refuse to call you maps or proshippers, you’re just a pedophile and that does not make you queer.)

[heroes-never-discourse]

Thinking about those people on twitter who told me I can't say dyke because I'm not a lesbian again.

It's just so fucking wild to me lmfao, one of them was 18 trying to tell me that 1. ONLY lesbians can reclaim dyke - not bis, not pans, no one but lesbians, and 2. The good old Butch and Femme Are Lesbian Only (and literally telling me that "they shouldnt be using it :///" when I brought up that gay men have been using those terms FOREVER), and they wanted NOTHING to do with me trying to explain that's not how this shit works, historically or now.

Their main argument was "dyke is used to mock lesbians for their lack of attraction to men" (and they kept showing me google definitions that had lesbian in the def as Proof lol), as if that's the only way it's used, as if the primary thought going through a homophobe's head is "ew they're not attracted to men" and not "ew they're attracted to women".

Like, you're literally just playing radfem semantics. The homophobe calling me a dyke for kissing a girl doesn't give a shit that I call myself pan, and the fact that they might be mistaking me for a lesbian doesn't mean they still wouldn't use that word against me if they knew otherwise.

To say that I can't reclaim a slur that is weaponized directly against me for a fundamental part of myself, my attraction to non-men, is fucking bonkers to me.

They got really pressed that I kept saying dyke too, saying shit like how "disturbing" it was that I would so casually type it out in my replies. But like hell am I gonna start saying shit like d-slur in a conversation about me arguing that I have just as much a right to reclaim dyke as any Gold Star Lesbian does. It's mine to reclaim if I so choose, and some rando online who accidentally dipped into the radfem rhetoric punch saying I can't doesn't make it so.

Its so fucking weird and funny that this only seems to happen in wlw spaces, huh - I have YET to see any big push for "only gay men can reclaim the f-slur" (notice i use f-slur here, because this is a slur i do NOT consider myself able to reclaim, nor would i personally want to), and saying that mspec dudes can't reclaim it for themselves. Almost like you're spouting fucking RADFEM RHETORIC.

(They thought it was very funny that I said this, and dismissed me almost entirely after that, because who needs to examine why they're saying the shit they're saying or where they first heard it, right)

Ugh. I hate it here. I know IRL spaces arent as completely obtuse as this, but goddamn I'm so worried for when these baby queers BECOME the community. How much history are they just gonna let the radfems and terfs torch without even realizing it. I like to have faith in future gens as a whole but hhhhhh it scares me sometimes.

#talk discourse to me #long post #slurs tw #also i will say dyke all i goddamn well please #which is not a lot #but still #im wlw #its my slur to reclaim too #saying otherwise is historically and factually wrong #dyke tw #d-slur tw

[howljenky]

I have a few things to say thats been circling in my mind a lot.

The reduction and watering down of the word Femme to mean Feminine woman, not even lesbian as i saw bi ppl use it as well, and straigh women use it as well, as an empowering feminine word that completly disregard the culture of the word, made me ocasionally think to myself "ugh i hate being called a femme" and made me have life crises in which i forget what Femme stands for, because i have no map for it, and noone to cling to, and teach me, and remind me, that i exist in this world to love butches. The loneliness i feel is tearing me apart. More under cut.

Feminine women saw the word femme, and decided femmes are trying to replicate heterosexuality, that femmes are selfish, and close minded, and "exclusuonists", and they took this word for themselves to preach about how good femme4femme relationships are, how ignorant and misogynistic we were for not choosing to date other feminine women, and for replicating heterosexuality, they took it and trampled over us for not being progressive, for choosing to date the ugly mean dykes. And this is it, this is the reason they did it. Their hatered for butches and masculine women.

This hatered is why terms like "soft butch" exists, this is why everyone tells butches they can be feminine if they want to, while pissing and dissing on the butches that reject every form of feminity, calling them links to toxic masculinity, calling them predatory, and mean, and cold hearted, and cheaters, and emotionally closed off, in our own lesbian community no less, which come to bite femmes in the ass as well for choosing to date such "heartless bastards", to the point you take the word femme from us to "save us" or whatever is going through their minds, while also telling everyone a characteristic of being a lesbian is to be soft masculine. They want that "soft androgyny" aesthetic, masculine women to at least have a feminine thing about them, as if butches are still obliged by the police to have 3 women garments on themselves like in our past culture, but not to be too feminine, because then u have to date other feminine lesbians, or fall into this category of lesbians that are being asked "so why dont you just date a man?" Because people just cannot get through their thick skulls that lesbians have NOTHING to do with men. Not too feminine, because feminity is men's.

So alright, they hate the butches, and they "reclaimed" femme from those who stay with the butches. And it is good for them! They can use the word femme as they please, while continuing to compare butches to men and out relationship to a straight one. But what does that mean for the butchfemme culture?

It directly harms out community. We cannot find eachother that easily anymore. I see the word femme and instead of being estatic that i am not alone in this world, I get wary and confused, to the point that I dont even search for femmes like me anymore. Im okay alone as well, as long as i have the attention of butches. The word femme made me so distant of its meaning, that only butches can pull me out of it and remind me just why i exist and what i am fighting for, just by existing in the same space as them. But they have it hard too. On top of all the hate, from straight people and from the lgbt+ community and even from the lesbian comunity, they have a hard time finding femmes to truly understand them, and love them, and be patient with them as well. The rings of this community falls so thight and it always feels like its getting smaller and smaller instead of larger. Consciously or not, the pressure and hatered we get drives us away from ourselves. The pressure of finding femmes like me, the disappointment i get often of not being understood by fellow lesbians drove me away from them. It's just butches i can rely onto. For lesbians and for other members of the lgbt community, this makes me an exclusionist, a demon, a bad person.

The lack of media representation is a problem here as well. No straight person wants to see an old mean dyke on the screen, so they don't put them. They don't put them so that they won't turn to "stereotypical lesbians". They don't put them because they hate them. The lesbian representation is few as it is, but it is all feminine women, or femme4femme as the others with no regard to the butchfem community chose to name it. This mainly is to appeal to the male gaze, so that no man would feel threatened by someone more masculine than them. In this world, not even lesbians, who exclude men, can never separate from them entirely. Butches get compared to men, femmes are put in a box of feminity for the male gaze, and both being called a heterosexual replica, a second hand straight couple, by everyone. No wonder it took so long for me to even know what i was. And who i was. Where could i have seen myself, if there were no femmes on the screen? How would i have known who i love if there arent any butches in media? If it hadnt been for my then-friend and now unapologetical butch girlfriend, i wouldn't have read stone butch blues, and then i wouldnt have read all the other books, and i wouldnt have gotten myself in that thight spot in the small community, and i would have still be lost and lonely. Now i am just lonely, but not lost.

This lack of representation also makes everyone go along with internet trends, and not getting documented on the culture. They go along with what the others say, because theres barely any place to learn about this and to fully capture its essence and meaning. We are silenced, and deemed not worthy to be heard, because of modernised times, and changes in meanings, and being regressive. But my love for butches is an act of revolution against everyone that might call me selfish, or straight, a fake persona, and its not lower than the other non-aligned lesbians.

This is why I am still an unapologetical Femme. I am a femme, because of the feminine women around me invalidating my identity with calling themselves femme. I am femme, because of loving butches. I am femme because i exist to love and cherish and respect butches. I am femme because when everyone hates butches, where else would they go? Where is their home? Where are they fully accepted? Unconditionally? Where are butches allowed to be masculine without getting bashed for it? Who understands how butches love? Who desires them, without sexualising them?

I am femme because i am a home to butches. I am femme because, regardless of what others say, my femininity still isnt for men, and never will be. I am femme because i want change. I am femme because until butches get accepted as they are, unconditionally and without a doubt, i am not accepted either, and i refuse to get accepted without them. I am femme, until the day i see myself on the screen, until i see my lovers on the screen, until i see our love accepted and beyond that. I am a femme because i want to leave a piece of my love for butches on earth. I am femme because i want to teach, and be heard. My femme-ness doesnt sit in my feminity alone. Femme is liberating, and secure, not restaining, and forced.

I have so much else to say, but this is getting ridiculously long, and all over the place, but these were my thoughts. I desire for a day in which i could be understood. Of course, these thoughts are coming from an easter european mindset, as of where there isnt any representation, zero knowledge on the matter, post-comminist country in which lgbt people need to still hide in certain situations. I am angry at the world's view of the word femme, and what it got to mean these days. I am angry at the hatered towards butches. I am angry and i will not shut up about it anymore.

All i am asking is. Educate yourself. Be conscious of words and what they mean. Respect us. Stop making up new words for every single thing. Futch isnt real guys. Thats all.

.

Terfs and transmysoginists and any other fucker that dares to think this post doesn't include trans women fuck off. Trans butches, studs and trans femmes are always loved and welcomed here. Racists fuck off as well, you arent needed.

#butchfemme #femme4butch #butch lesbian #femme lesbian #bee's post #feminine lesbians PLEASE just call urself lipstick lesbians or just lesbians i beg of you. femme doesnt equal to feminine it has a meaning #a meaning that goes throughout decades #its okay to just be a lesbian just respect us and stop stealing from us i beg im so tired #butch4femme #long post #sorry if i was aggresive

[wlw-wombat]

im not sorry but being a femme for me (and lots of other femmes out there) has a lot to do with my unattraction, inability to love and be with a man and not just my gender how that presents and my connection to butches/studs and association with other wlw

like i really dont know anyway other to identify like i dont want to ever have an identity that others can assume im able to be in a relationship with a man, could find a man attractive could ever be happy with a man

its hurtful to see hear and have other lgbt ppl shame and harass u for that, like i dont think bi/pan women are evil or fucking stealing for being misinformed/calling themselves femme/butch but it is just hard when my lesbianism gets constantly erased thru that

so many ppl think im able to be attracted to men when i say im a femme and that hurts, makes me sick

so many ppl dont know what stone/high femme is and some of these "uwu kweer femmes" will shame and get mad at u for being a "pillow princess" but turn around and call themselves a fucking high femme

lets please talk about how hard it is to navigate your identity as a femme as in dyke when you see so many people calling themeslves femmes who have the ability to be attracted to/be with men, not that that is something to be shamed of its just.....not me or lesbianism or part of the experience of being a femme

like when i read shit from bisexual doe's talking about how femme was restricting for them i really started to understand that wlw who arent dykes feel pressured to id this way to flag gay, which isnt something they should go thru!! bi/pan wlw shouldnt be pressured into things that are like lesbian or striaght only! they deserve their experiences to be shared and heared and have terms that fully encompass their relationships!!! which isnt butch or femme!!! because we only have ability to love women, and while bi/pan women and us share a kinship it does a dis service to all of us when were using the same terms

even if you dont agree with me personally i have empathy and compassion for you

i belive there is liberation for all wlw and we are a lot closer than often assumed!! but i think there is use in having lesbian/bi specfic terms so we all can have room for our specfic issues/trauma connected to our identities and have solidarity on things all wlw go thru is very helpful

no im not some evil lesbian sepratist, im a stone femme dyke who thinks both lesbians and bi/pan women deserve our own terms and communities that refect our unique experiences!!! we have a lot of shared experiences and traumas and thats why we need soidarity and communal support!!! but there are experiences that are lesbian or bi specfic and thats ok!!

[transmisogynists dont even try]

#reblog but with care #me #dyke rant #stone femme #stone fem #im wish i could be as well worded when i speak but like #brain power low

[hotshotshitshow]

i guess just because ive been on a roll lately and also oversharing is my lifelong passion i want to verbal diarrhea a lil bit about my own experience of coming to the conclusion that im a lesbian so pls feel free to ignore if u want or whatever i just have Lots Of Thoughts and i just want to get them out. this gets sort of weirdly long winded and shouty and ranty so im sorry. catharsis!

even now i still feel some level of .... idk? shame? regret? i dunno. about the fact that i didnt come to the conclusion that i was a lesbian until i was 25 bc that feels so late to me even though i know for a fact that there are countless other people who came to similar realizations about themselves when they were much older than me.

and ngl there is even a little bit of envy that there are so many kids so much younger than me who seem so sure of their identities (even though i know there are loads of kids who arent sure!!!) and there are moments where i catch myself thinking of myself as “less of a lesbian” because i didnt allow myself to face the fact that i was one until fairly recently ..... and i am still learning so much and trying to cultivate my own identity and just all around see myself as “less experienced” (whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean) than others which undoubtedly is a part of the massive chasm that all my self confidence gets sucked into daily.

but like obviously its not like just BOOM one day i was like “from here on out i am a lesbian now!!!!!!! :)” bc even from a very young age i was always more drawn to women and could not wrap my head around the idea that someday i would have to marry a man and completely idealized my mom’s best friend who was a big burly woman who drove a truck and wore flannels and knew that i wanted to be just like her when i grew up and never ever marry a dude (which in retrospect was sort of weird because my mom usually hates women like that and i grew up with her periodically warning me to “stay away from fucking dykes theyre mean awful ugly women”)

and then the always confusing for everyone period of middle school where i dated a boy for three days before breaking it off because the whole situation gave me more anxiety than i could deal with but i just chalked it up to me being an emotionally immature teen but also being completely obsessed with my best girl friend and wanting to impress her and have her attention all the time and being unable to understand why i was so upset when she started dating some  guy and me just assuming that i was upset because i had a crush on him that id never realized i had before

and then id go home and spend hours online looking up content for my favorite shoujo-ai anime ships and talking with other wlw on the gaiaonline guild forums and asking them questions about how you knew if you were gay or not and if liking almost exclusively girl/girl ships meant you were gay and only being told in response “plenty of heterosexual girls like girl/girl ships!! youre the only one who can tell if youre gay or not!! :)” and just feeling completely confused and alone and having no idea what to think!!!! and then having one day that i remember very specifically where i had a shining moment of clarity for all of half an hour where i thought “i AM a lesbian!!!” and feeling so happy in that moment before my brain took over with the thoughts of “but what if you come across one particular guy sometime...... can’t rule out that possibility” but i knew i really wanted to be a lesbian but just could not allow myself to think i was one

and then fast forwarding up to undergrad where i briefly dated an online guy friend (hi) for like. a month? and then abruptly breaking that off in the worst way possible because i had no fucking clue what i was doing and once again chalked it all up to being emotionally immature and from that moment out identified as aromantic because i figured there was something fucking wrong with me and romance was just not something i could do!!!!! and thinking there was absolutely no fucking way i could be a lesbian and it was completely not even remotely an option because there were certain aesthetic things about men that i appreciated and also never once having had a “proper crush” on anyone or at least not one that i could identify because everyone always talked about love feeling like fireworks and something big and id never felt that for anyone ever so obviously that meant i was incapable of love!!!! so i shoved the whole notion of trying to figure myself out way way way down and didnt look at it for years afterwards 

until i got into graduate school and for some fucking reason my brain decided it was time to dig all that old shit back up and i SUDDENLY COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN SCREAMS. and feeling more attracted to women than ever even though i always knew that i liked women 

and i still couldnt entertain the idea that i might be a lesbian because even though id been in a very happy relationship with beansly for a few years at that point and knew for a fact i was not aromantic there was still that thought of “Ok But What If You Meet One Guy Sometime”

and this sounds dumb as fuck but it wasnt until beansly straight up told me “if i had to label you id think you were a lesbian” that my brain went “what if theyre right” (TO WHICH I IMMEDIATELY WENT NOPE but acknowledged that the fact that they called me that made me feel really really good) (but kept thinking about that and kept bringing it back up to myself and ruminating over and over and over it) and then even more dumb as fuck i couldnt admit it to myself until i saw a fucking tumblr post that had something to the effect of “a common thing for lesbians who dont know theyre lesbians yet is that they really want to be a lesbian. its ok to be a lesbian” AND THEN I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BABY AND HID UNDER MY BLANKIES but the fucking relief and validation my dude but then being presented with a whole new heap of Problems such as “how the fuck do i come out to people. everyone will think i am faking and Not Enough” and just having to deal with the struggle of owning that label and allowing myself to feel good about it and not let my brain convince me that i am somehow unworthy. and i am completely worthy because i love women and not men and thats the one fucking qualification i need to meet so my brain can go fuck itself into oblivion. ive spent so much time worrying over how much of myself i owe to men and holding myself back for a man that does not exist and will never exist and part of why i keep excitedly bringing up the fact that im a huge fucking lesbian is because in my mind its a huge testament to my personal progress and taking ownership over myself and no longer holding myself back over hypotheticals

so yeah anyway at the end of the day i still have so much more growing i need to do and i still see myself as a small shakey little chihuahua with a big mouth but i am a damn stronger person than i was even a year ago!!!! and learning that your attraction and what label you identify with is supposed to make you feel good was one of the best things i ever learned. i just really wish i could have had the self awareness or at least resources that i have now when i was younger and could have figured it out a little sooner. i know it doesnt make me “lesser” and technically i am still a very young person and have my whole life ahead of me but. idk i just wish id had it in me to be more honest with myself sooner. idk how other people can be so sure of themselves when they are so much younger. that just wasnt me i guess

#so i made a post about it

[800-dick-pics]

ngl i hate how like these weird mostly non black discorse lesbophobes will say shit like

"you dont know what its like to be queer!!!! youre just a lesbian and have no idea what queer people go through!! you just are as bad as the straight people who oppress the queers bc you dont think queer is an ok blanket id for everyone in the community!"

and im like 🤔🤔🤔🤔

did like everyone forget like lots of lesbians who ummm like dont like being blanketed as queer or think its not empathetic to blanket everyone in the community with a word that can be triggering can like still call themselves queer and still like reclaim that for us???

like stop seeing lesbians as people lacking 3 dimension!!!! like i have trauma over being called a dyke esp by my mother, but i still reclaim it with pride!!! and i do the same with queer

like i still use it to describe myself, still use it with friends and within spaces where i feel comfortable reclaiming that, its all over my punk jacket and vest

im thankful im black because i been knew that you can reclaim a slur with pride but also not use it around people traumatized by the slur and not go using it as a blanket statement around in situations where you dont know whos around/context

screaming "lets party queers!!!" when its like me and my 2 friends smoking weed is not hurting anybody bc im aware of the comfort levels of my friends with that word

but in situations where u cant be fully aware of others needs maybe dont use it as a blanket statement and thats what a lot of people not just lesbians want to be recognized

like a lot of us are queer too actually!!!! and not trying to take it your ability to reclaim it away, folks want you to understand that words can hurt even if theyre not hurting you and you should have empathy and mindfulness for lgbt people who arent comfortable being blanketed by a slur

#dont rebloop #me #personal #vent #i hate ppl tellin me i dont know what its like to be queer when i ask for us to hold space for traumatized lgbt people #like maybe respecting ppls different life experiences in your community is a good thing #q word #q slur #only time imma tag tho bc reasons #this is a vent more than anything