#only one person knows the full extent of this

[holly-fixation]

I'm gonna be honest, Glenn and his team, they're cruel to Rosen.

Rosen's entire life has been training to be and actually being the Eye of Rhadore. His sole duty is protecting his people by warning them to get off the islands during a mana torrent (basically exactly what happens to Mideel in the original game). He spends his time alone. He only has a dog. He doesn't cause any trouble, he just wants to help his people.

Both the P0s and Rosen didn't know the full extent of Shinra's mission until Sephiroth arrived. Rosen didn't know they were going to exterminate his people, and he's the reason they made it to his people's island in the first place.

So Glenn and crew, feeling guilty as hell, defy orders and attempt to save Rosen before the entire archipelago sinks. They think they're doing the right thing by saving his life, but what does he have to live for anymore?

Everyone he knows and loves is gone. Everyone he willingly chose to protect is gone. By the very hands of the soldiers trying to save him before the end.

Sephiroth is completely right. Their kindness would've killed them that day. You cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped. Rosen has no place in their world.

In that moment, it doesn't matter if they could one day find a purpose for him because they stole his purpose from him.

And then they had the audacity to say "come with us"? Glenn, Matt, and Lucia were too buried in their guilt to realize the cruelty of what they were asking. Sephiroth was the only one to actually listen to the very person his team wanted to save, even if by doing so they would never forgive him.

#ffvii #final fantasy vii #ff7 #sephiroth #final fantasy 7 #ff7ec #ff7 ever crisis #glenn lodbrok #lucia lin #matt winsord

[canonizzyhours]

i don't think i'm the first person to say this but the big takeaway i'm taking from the canyon breakdown is that you should never try to make all your fans happy.

like it's pretty clear at this point what the deal with izzy was: in s1 he existed primarily to be the same kind of antagonist for ed the badmintons were for stede - a figure in ed's life who could externalize and reinforce his self-destructive beliefs. to the extent the writers had any plans for him after that, they involved the planned reveal we now know about that he was in the siete gallos, and i doubt they had nailed down anything very firm about how they meant to handle that. and, crucially, it's pretty clear at this point that izzy's sexual attraction to ed was never meant to be his central motivation. it's THERE, for sure, but it's there to be sort of an ironic twist on his explicit textual motivations of ambition and homophobia and toxic masculinity, a little spice added into the mix, not a climactic reveal of what he's really all about.

now this doesn't mean the writers had a firm plan that izzy COULDN'T become more important, or have a redemption, or what have you. the siete gallos reveal likely would have meant at least a season where izzy was a full villain, but even if they went that way, after that a redemption could have been on the table (although so would an unrepentant villain's death). they were open to taking him in lots of different potential directions in s2.

so say you're one of the writers. after s1 you find that not only did the show overall get a stronger response than you ever dreamed, this antagonist you wrote as a basically unsympathetic villain in s1 is an unexpected fan favorite and people are clamoring for a redemption arc for him. that's great! as a writer you love to hear that. you always want your characters to get strong reactions from the fanbase. and it's not like you specifically planned NOT to redeem izzy, it was always on the list of options. so you agree to throw out anything you'd still be considering about the siete gallos plot, since that would entail more villainy, and instead focus on redeeming izzy into a good guy over the course of s2.

now there's a small problem with that: if you do it, you're obviously going to have to kill him once the redemption arc is complete. that's clear, because in s1 he was written to have zero sympathetic character traits - even his "loyalty" isn't a positive kind - so in order to redeem him you're going to have to basically get rid of every personality trait that makes him interesting. at the end of the redemption arc he'll be a character who makes no sense to keep around. but, hey, that makes sense - you already meant for ed and stede to be comfortably in a relationship by the end of the season, so killing the character who exists to symbolize the internal issues that hold ed back from committing to the relationship completely works!

you know the fans are invested in the sexual aspect of izzy's feelings for ed, and that some of them ship them together. unfortunately, this is pretty incompatible with a redemption arc, since izzy's stalkery obsession pretty much exists to motivate him to do evil things and treat ed like his property, so you'll have to get him over those feelings. but you're careful with this: you make sure to write some dialogue into the first few episodes that alludes to that relationship and is ambiguous enough to interpret in multiple ways - "i have...love for you," "loved you best i could" - to throw a bone to the blackhands shippers before firmly closing the door on that arc and writing izzy as having gotten over those feelings.

it's going to be hard to redeem izzy in one season. you know his actions near the end of s1 were damn near unforgivable, because you wrote them that way. so you carefully break down what he needs to do to be truly redeemed. you make sure he suffers a lot near the beginning of the season, enough that it's indisputable he's been punished for what he did (and it takes a LOT of suffering to be sure it's an adequate punishment, considering). you arrange for him to be touched by the undeserved mercy he receives from stede and stede's crew. you devote a full episode of izzy time to showing he's over his homophobia and willing to openly do some gay shit now. you have him symbolically reverse every horrible thing he did in s1. all so it can culminate in a true redemption where this character who originally existed to force ed to stay blackbeard dies giving him permission to just be ed.

basically what i'm saying is at every turn the writers were trying to give the canyon as much slack as they possibly could while preserving the core of izzy's actual narrative role. they were never going to portray izzy as having been a good guy in season 1, or portray izzy's love for ed as being in any way redemptive instead of being a creepy selfish obsession, or treat him as a character who did not exist ultimately to symbolize ed's issues. they couldn't do any of that without it being a profound narrative betrayal of the izzy they set up in season 1. but within those bounds, they worked so, so hard to give the canyon as much as they could.

and the result is that the canyon's now much angrier than they would have been if the writers had just stuck with siete gallos izzy. at least then they'd have known early in the season they weren't getting what they wanted, instead of spending the whole month thinking they were being proven right only to have the rug yanked out from under them right at the end.

#393.

#ofmd #izzy hands #canonizzyhours

[memory-lane-and-back-again]

A Thought About Wei Wuxian's Death

Spoilers for... I don't remember which book it is (Book 3 I think)

When WWX is captured by the Wens and tossed into the burial mounds he is so full of rage and anger that it is a terrifying possibility that he will come back as a fierce corpse full of resentful energy. (Arguable he does, but that's a point to make for after exams when I can actually have fun and analyse the heck out of these)

I find it an interesting parallel that when he actually does die he is an incredibly 'well behaved ghost.' as in, he's well... if not moved on, at least not inclined to try and act and in some state of peace: not happy but at least tolerating how things have ended. WWX's character is permeated by a deep, inextricable sadness and I think, though it is not ever blatantly acknowledge, this is foregrounded right at the beginning with the story: he doesn't know why he's been brought back, does not understand and is incredibly fixed on the fact that it was not his choice. To infer... he didn't really want to come back.

I found his present mellowness, that contrasts so brutally with his fury and anger and ability to feel such intensity before he died, to be a bit strange---not unbelievable but strange. That kind of anger burns incredibly brightly and is incredibly hard to tamper down and yes, he grows and matures but it feels a bit strange to me that this comes on from spending ten years without a body. I think it is more an extension of his grief and guilt: after Wen Qing and Wen Ning go to die on his behalf is when he gets truly angry... his anger gets out of control and Jiang Yanli is hurt and then dies for him. Jiang Cheng takes his anger out on him. As far as WWX can remember even LWJ is disgusted by him... is it so hard to believe that he too is disgusted with himself. Present day, he cringes at his past arrogance---the illusion of omnipotence and control he thought he had.

I am of the opinion he's the sort of person with the mindset that if he can make the world a better place, fix one problem, even if it is at the expense of his own, he'd do it. He is raised to protect JC, doesn't even bat an eye at losing his core because if it can help JC it is good; he doesn't fear dying if he can come back as a fierce corpse to still help destroy the Wens; he doesn't care to humiliate himself to try and give Wen Ning a chance at archery; his public image does not matter if he is helping people. This carries forward where he is willing to sacrifice discovery to protect Jin Ling; he turns himself into a spirit attraction flag for people who hate him; the moment LWJ freaks out about sleeping with him, WWX first priority is to take all the blame for everything and then leave and go do the stupid mission all by himself because he doesn't want to force LWJ to put up with him, even though it leaves WWX himself incredibly wrought. And then of course, he doesn't even bat an eye at luring Nie Minguie away by himself.

My point is he's a willing martyr, happy to get himself into trouble and deep water for pretty much anyone (mianmian, LWJ, JC, the Wens) so it must feel like hell when his efforts only succeed in getting everyone killed, when he's kind of forced to confront that he is loved and had people willing to stand by him that he did not consider when he made his plans and that they are dead because of to an extent his actions. I truly believe him trying to destroy the Yin Tiger Tally is his last attempt to try and rectify things and he is a bit like Xiao Xingchen in that regard, trying so hard to follow his principles and failing abysmally. At that point his jiejie is dead, who is like the very symbol of innocence and unconditional love in his life at that point and he knows they are coming to kill him. His big character difference I think has a lot to do with the three months after the nightless city and before his death because he feels the world is better off with him dead.

A lot of people compare Xue Yang and WWX and whilst I think that is valid, I think a lot of people forget his inherent connection to XXC through his mother. I think it is important to acknowledge that they share a very similar mindset: naively wanting to change the world with their beliefs alone as if people will see altruism and kindness as the best path whilst most people are out searching very selfishly for their own greatness and success---something neither WWX adn XXC need to think about because A) the are already powerful and successful and B) they were never raised to think themselves as needing to be supremely powerful to be successful and Good.

Anyways, it does make me wonder how much of WWX's characterisation present day is put on. He slaps himself in the face when no one is around to see it after he finds out who Jin Ling is, he lets Jin Ling stab him and feels he deserves it---that by proxy is when he's most open with LWJ: 'you don't need to come with me, your reputation will be ruined.' It so, so clearly speaks of self-loathing that he is so so good at hiding.

I think actually when LWJ and WWX first sleep together the physical undressing is also a metaphor for an emotional undressing on WWX's part because he strips himself of his insincerity and arrogance and allows himself to be vulnerable. The only other times we see his vulnerability is when he's passed out unconscious and when he realises to stop hurting LWJ he needs to kind of bare his soul to him in book 5 after LXC reveals the truth about nightless city.

Gosh, I love these characters so much.

#mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #xiao xingchen #xue yang #tw death #tw self loathing

[amelikos]

Sango being outspoken about the fact that she finds the monitoring part of the mission boring and that she'd rather do anything else is funny but also really interesting to me because she doesn't seem to care about the mission to an extent? Or at least, she doesn't seem to view it as a high priority? (She isn't even trying to hide herself in this scene, she is in full view, while Onyx at least tries to remain hidden) Especially in contrast to the other admins who seem adamant on fulfilling Gibeon's wishes (Onyx wants to be serious and he wanted to keep monitoring the group, Amethio is invested in the mission, Spinel seemingly has his own agenda and it's in his own interest to help Gibeon but he is still meticulous about gathering info about the RVTs and researched things with Agate to create the resonance generator to lure Rayquaza). So, Sango being the only one so far who goes "this is a drag, I'd rather have food right now" is really intriguing to me, because why is she there then.

The way she keeps bringing up food really stands out to me too because she is the only one in the Explorers who actually has a "hobby" for herself. It's been brought up multiple times now (she went to specific places for cakes in HZ043 and HZ047). Like, her going to these different places for food is actually something she does for herself! She has things she wants to enjoy outside the Explorers setting, and she is the only admin who does (Spinel has a personal interest in Friede and in the mystery surrounding Liko's connection to the pendant, but I'm not sure I would call that a "hobby", and the others are still shrouded in mystery so we don't know much about their likes). And she decided to go eat churros in the episode instead of continuing to monitor the group (so she prioritized what she wanted to do over the mission).

#sango just wants to live her best life (and tbh good for her) #she is just so intriguing to me. #(also zir isn't an admin but he has a hobby too since he watches gurumin's videos) #(but i think part of it is because he wants to support amethio better and stand by his side so it's a bit related to the mission still) #pokemon horizons #pokemon sango #sango #onyx #hz050 #character notes #episode notes

[book-girl4eva]

Hehe so... I wrote something

Running - Bea

Word count: 1500+

Genre: au, fluffy I think?

Run, go, don’t look back.

That's what Arudhanti Shah had learned. The last thing she had been taught. The rules all thieves should follow, if you had asked her. Take what you came for, leave, don’t look back. And if they came after you? You should know how to sprint, or hide, or throw a punch.

Or - Aru’s personal favourite - lie. It was one of her strongest skills, even if she did say so herself. She could convince a man that he was secretly a prince, or a woman that she was secretly cursed. She had once convinced someone that she hadn’t taken their gold - how could a 9 year old child, a girl nonetheless, do something like that? - and then walked away with enough coins to feed her for a fortnight.

To be fair to them, Aru wasn't your average 9-year-old. For one thing, most 9-year-olds had homes. Friends. Families. The extent of Aru's family was a chicken she'd kidnapped and named Vajra. Most 9-year-olds had full bellies and bed-time stories and shoes that didn't leave their heels dangling out. Aru told herself stories, if that counted? Most 9-year-olds had a mother or father to watch over them. The closest thing Aru had to that was a bracelet that used to belong to her mother. Most 9-year-olds were loved.

 Most…

Did Aru feel regret for stealing? For lying? For taking things that didn’t belong to her? No. She’d done what she’d had to do to survive. She lived one misstep away from starving for the past five years. So what if someone missed their fur coat? Aru would have missed being alive a lot more. All the pompous brats who were her usual targets had basically been begging her to take their stuff, leaving around so openly; most deserved it, the way they acted like they were above everyone. In fact, it was a chance to put those morons in their place, to show them a fraction of what Aru had felt. Plus, once she’d taken whatever she’d set her sights on, it was hers! Problem solved. 

So Aru had never regretted thieving. Not until him.

The boy had looked about her age, maybe slightly older, but he had clearly never been in her position. His clothes fitted him for one thing, and his thick, dark hair, while not neat, was clean and tidy enough. He looked well fed, his warm golden skin clean and glowing in the sunlight. When compared with her loose, thin trousers, her threadbare dress, her tangled hair and her tawny skin covered in dust, he may as well have been a prince! But his eyes were… different. They were dark, flecked with gold and seemed to hold a deep, weary sadness. But that wasn’t what caught Aru’s attention.

It was the paint set next to him.

Aru wasn’t an artist. She’d never done anything artistic as far as she could remember. But what she did know was that stuff like that was expensive. And if it was expensive, it could and would be stolen.

She hesitated for a moment, looking at the boy. He looked so lonely, it almost reminded her of herself…

Aru shook herself. Now was not a good time to get nostalgic. So, with a quick breath, she darted out, snatched up the art set and ran.

It only took the boy a second to realise what had happened. “What was- Hey get back here!” she heard him call after her. Aru ignored him and carried on sprinting. 

Run, go, don’t look back. 

Aru knew most of the backstreets quite well - she’d spent the majority of her life in them. Her city may have been bright on its face, with its drapes of cobalt blue and stunning silver, its market packed with fruits of every colour, scent, and size, its charming houses almost sparkling in the sun. But behind the curtain, it was a dark, riddled mess that dulled all colours to a greyish brown. A mess anyone could get lost in, even a girl who knew it better than anyone. And of course today was the day she took a wrong turn.

The boy, in an attempt to get his art set back, had followed her down the streets, and right into a dead end. It was only then Aru realised just how much taller, stronger, and healthier he was than her. She muttered something she’d heard a merchant say when their stool collapsed. 

For some reason, the boy looked more anxious than she did. He kept shifting his feet, straightening out his already ironed shirt and looking over his shoulder, as if he was about to get jumped by bandits. Definitely not used to this part of the city, Aru noted. Maybe she could use it.

“Hi,” he started, with a slight tremor in his voice, “Can I have my paints back?” 

“No.” Aru fixed him with a stony gaze. 

“Why not?”

Aru didn’t reply and instead continued to glare at him. Hesitantly, he tried to grab the kit from her hand. She jumped away.

“Take a step closer and… I’ll punch you. Hard. On the nose.” Aru warned. 

Lie. And a boring one at that. Aru couldn’t punch anyone - she’d burnt her knuckles on a pan the other day and it hadn’t recovered yet - and punching wasn’t an interesting attack anyway. 

It was enough to make the boy retreat though. “Please can I have it back?” He smiled sadly at her, probably to try and gain her trust. As pretty as his face was, it wasn’t enough to persuade her or her empty stomach.

“No.” Aru told him, adding a “sorry,” under her breath. 

“Please? My dad’s gone on a trip - he does trips a lot - but this time he’s taking forever to get back and that’s the last thing he gave me before he left us, so I still need it, at least until he finishes whatever he’s doing. And I’m getting really good, at painting i mean, and,” he took a deep, shaky breath. “I just can't go home without it, please?” He looked at Aru with so much hope it almost broke her.

“I-I can’t. I need this,” she continued speaking so as not to look at him, “I need to feed myself. And Vajra.”

His voice shook worse than before “Oh. In that case,” he turned, rubbing his face briskly.

And then it hit her. The guilt. Aru never had it usually, but suddenly it felt as if she was swimming in a coat lined with stones.

Run, go, don’t look back

 But Aru couldn’t run from guilt, not like she did everything else. No, guilt was the sort of thing that only got stronger with the chase. She had to live with it. Face it.

And she really didn’t want to.

“Hey! Um, kid!” Aru yelled after the boy as he walked away.

“Kid? I’m about the same age as you!” His tearstained face shifted to a frown.

“Well, what should I call you then?”

“My name.”

���Which is?”

“Aiden,” he looked at Aru, meeting her eyes. “Aiden Acharya,”

Aru was the first to break eye contact. She took a deep breath, and spoke before she could reconsider. “Well Aiden Acharya, you can have your paints back.”

“Really?” Aiden Acharya’s eyes lit up. 

“Yeah,” Aru said, trying not to sigh. She would have to skip a couple of meals, but at least she wouldn't have to carry all the guilt around with her.

“I… Thank you!” He eagerly took the set from her, pressing something in her palm and embracing the art set to his chest, before smiling shyly at her. “What’s your name?”

Aru looked at the boy in front of her. Aiden Acharya. Maybe they could be friends. Maybe they could understand each other. Maybe…

Run, go, don’t look back.

Aru ran past Aiden, faster this time so he couldn’t follow. She ignored his shouts, his questions. She kept on sprinting until she was sure she'd gone far enough, before checking what he’d placed in her hand.

 A… watch, apparently. It had a pretty basic face, with sea green symbols and hands and a faded engraving on the back. Aru could make out a few letters (-ce–ak-s, it looked like) but it looked pretty rubbed. It looked like it had been intricate once, but time had worn away any finery. Still, it was pretty. Aru was about to slip it into her pocket before noticing the chain that was connected to it. Her eyes widened. The chain was platinum. Actual real platinum, she could tell by the markings. Aru let out a breathy laugh. Platinum was worth at least double the paint's value! She could get 2 weeks worth of food, maybe even some sweets… her mouth watered at the idea.

She darted out of the shadows, in the direction of the market. As she slipped the watch off the chain and pocketed it, she let a single thought cross her mind before sprinting away.

Thanks, Aiden Acharya, she said to herself, before vanishing into the crowds.

Sooo i might continue it into a proper thing... Should I?

#bea updates #bea writes #tpq #aru shah #writer

[mipexch]

#theyre keeping my art drive goin rn #only one person knows the full extent of this #hi clover!

[max-nolastname]

I’m watching avatar the last airbender with a 10 year old and what a joy it is to watch them fall in love with it. It reminds me of what atla is really and truly about: laughing at sokka’s struggles and happily yelling, “Appa!!” whenever he appears on screen

#Just finished the storm #they were like ‘why did zukos dad banish him’ and I said smth like ‘because he didn’t think he was a good son” #And then they asked ‘why didn’t zuko fight back’ and I said ‘because he loves his dad. Would you fight ur dad’ #and they were like “no :(“ #atla #atla rewatch #every time sokka is on the screen my kid laughs #ah sokka….doomed by the narrative….narratively obligated to have a life full of pain and anguish to make some unseen audience laugh #I keep asking them hey what bender would you be if you could choose and they keep saying ‘uh duh the avatar’ #‘you can only pick on—‘ ‘the avatar 🙄’ #so refreshing to watch this with a kid like idk why I’m shocked this is a Kids Show made For Kids #But seeing what they pick up on what they laugh at what they like #It’s like watching the show for the first time #Anyways….the extent to which zuko is damian al ghul wayne coded…….effervescent #blue spirit next this kid doesn’t know what’s coming #after jet and iroh the kid asked a very confused ‘wait who are the bad guys I thought the fire nation were the bad guys’ #and I said ‘no one nation is full of just bad or good guys just like how no one person is filled with all bad and good.’ #and then I was like ohhhhh I see…..I see the point of this show now

[clannfearrunt]

hold boyfriend gentle like plush animal

#heartshipping #Yugi Muto #Ryou Bakura #was gonna caption as hold boyfriend gentle like the clown but i think only one person who knows me has the context that makes #that mean god damn anything #only fae knows the full extent of The Clown lore... #Conarts #Con goes to the shadow realm

[notmoreflippingelves]

Obsessed with the dynamic (not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing--both and yet neither) between two characters who knew and cared about each deeply years ago when they were both younger and life was much less complicated.

But then, tragic, transformative circumstances separated them. Assuming that this separation was certainly permanent, because how could it not be?

And yet, somehow finding each other again years later, and sometimes they aren't sure whether the reunion that they once longed for with every fiber of their beings is a blessing, a curse, a joke, or a punishment.

Because they've both changed in the intervening years--largely because of the hellish circumstances that caused their separation. They've both changed completely and irrevocably, even if one of them has changed much more noticeably and dramatically than the other to the point of seeming a complete stranger. It is about leaning to see and appreciate all the things that have changed about the other and all the things that have not changed. It's about learning to reconcile beloved, often rose-tinted memories with the complex, yet-equally-compelling reality of the person those memories are about.

#it's the very particular sensation of loving someone who is both recognizably your beloved childhood partner-in-mischief #while also being someone so different (physically; mentally; and/or emotionally) that you can scarcely see their past self in them #and knowing the feeling is mutual #and also knowing that the only person who can truly understand the full extent of the change in you is each other #because their transformation is linked to your own #forged in and through the unique experiences that you shared and the way you were separated #it's the idealized adoration of youthful playmates/pseudo-siblings #transforming into a very different but no less powerful connection in adulthood #that's what really gets me #it's just #*chefs kiss* #estabalena #nahyupollo #jaydick #anyway this post is specifically about estabalena and jaydick #and to a lesser extent apollo/nahyuta #but it doesn't really matter if people tag and respond with other ships #even the narumitsus provided they recognize that not every post was made for them #it goes double for jaydick and estabalena tho since they each have two (2) shared formative and transformative experiences #that few (if any) others can possibly understand #for estabalena; it's the 41 years of suffering in the dark times and the crystal well magic flowing through ones veins #for jaydick; it's the experience of being "Robin' and feeling that the role and all it means was ripped from you too soon #and then it's the experience of dying and your family failing to welcome you back with open arms #because you didn't come back 'right' or quick enough #and that you 'chose' to stay away rather than circumstances forcing the issue #apollo/nahyuta also has the jaydick parallels in terms of bruce and dhurke #it's recognizing that your very human shared father figure failed you in many ways #even as he simultaneously saved you in others #he made you both the best version of yourself while also creating or enabling all of your worst tendencies #just

[fairyblue-alchemist]

congratulations to 'can't help myself' by sun yuan and peng yu for emotionally punching me in the throat again after not looking at this thing for 2 years. said piece under the cut (tw blood-like imagery)

like look at this thing. its job is to use the shovel to keep the liquid in. but no matter how hard it tries and no matter what it does, the liquid's going to escape and it's stuck doing the same things over and over again. and it just hurts, seeing it trapped in a sysiphean loop.

and it hurts because i feel the same way, just a little robot trying to do its job and never escaping. no matter how perfectly done it is, i feel like i'm stuck in place and making a mess of myself the entire time.

#i talk about art again #shut up mari #<- using this because it got personal at the end. whoops! #only one person knows the full extent of the breakdown i had when i first saw this. i don't think they even remember it

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so ive been in contact w a clinic for a specific treatment plan&ive been getting paperwork together for this shit for like 3wks+ #&i just got a call about it-- a call ive been waiting for since last week-- only for them to tell me that #ill probably need to be hospitalized for the full extent of the treatment. lmao. #as if this in&of itself was not enough to send me full-on spiraling they let know that this will be totally out of pocket #(which i guess im more or less used to hearing at this point in my life lmao) #&also that i POPPED FOR AMPHETAMINES? #so i immediately start fucking freaking out&the person im talking to is trying to calm me down like #'its okay! youre not in trouble!' #&honest to god if i had been in person i wouldve smacked someone lmao. #i dont give a fuck what you fucking ppl think of me. ive been fighting for solid communication for this entire process #there isnt any reason i should feel inclined to respect any of you bitches enough to give a fuck about your opinion. #even if i didnt have my personal history or occupational hazard list IT WOULD BE CONCERNING TO FIND OUT I HAVE RANDOM DRUGS #IN MY SYSTEM THAT I WAS UNAWARE OF. &frankly that SHOULD be fucking obvious if i am panicking at all. #seeing as a did several different drug tests i dont see how any of it would come as a fucking surprise. #... then she realized that my blood test was negative&my piss test was 'presumptively positive' #&was like that bc of one of my other medications. #im not. THRILLED. that this was overlooked for a large variety of reasons lmao #but the fact that the med evals only last two weeks tops the list bc if i need to retest bc of this shit-- something that wont even #give them a different test result as i am still taking the same medication fucking daily as i have been for over a year now-- #i will need to do EVERYTHING again. for no reason. DEFINITELY for no reason caused by me. #all so they can tell me that they lied to me initially&they wont treat me unless i let them hospitalize me lmao. #im going to go fucking rabid. i Do Not want to be hospitalized. lmao.

[azeami]

god okay i’ve been thinking abt this for a While but i read a fic recently that bothered me so much i just have to yell into the void for a bit. I’m struggling with articulating my thoughts so this is gonna be Very rambly.

so in so many modern day AUs, characters that are non-human but still FULLY SENTIENT often get turned into like. pets and stuff. a robot buddy becomes a cat, an alien becomes a dog, a talking animal becomes just a normal version of whatever animal they were. and it’s like. those are PEOPLE. that’s a fully sentient goddamn person. like, I get it, it’s cute, and a lot of the fanart, fanfic etc I see of this stuff is genuinely super well made and interesting and I don’t wanna like, cast aspersions on anyone who does this. but it bothers me. this invisible threshold of “human looking” you have to pass to be considered a person. you wouldn’t write a modern AU where spock is kirks normal non-sentient pet cat, not without it being a weird crack-fic, but I’ve seen so much art and fic of Chewbacca being Han Solos dog like he’s not a full guy. the man is forklift certified goddamnit. but he looks inhuman and speaks a different language and so he can’t pass the Threshold. and the same thing goes doubly for droids/robots of different kinds. the more inhuman a robot looks, the more likely they become a pet in a modern au, regardless of level of sentience. and especially if a character is a talking animal, they get the “animal treatment” in AUs and idk. it feels. Bad. especially bc so much fanfic is about a ragtag team of outcasts coming together to find home and family in each other. but I guess their robot friend struggling against the dehumanizing treatment they get from the society around them doesn’t count haha. like, here’s these sad outcasts becoming family, and also their fucking??? dog?? who I guess isn’t a person anymore and never was bc they’re just a pet to be owned now. and GOD I just want to cry I guess bc especially when you relate a lot to non-human characters and their struggles with being seen as a person, which is often a serious and core part of their character arc, seeing them then get fully erased from the narrative and turned into just a cute lil kitty hurts. and idk, I just think there’s a lot to be examined here abt fandoms treatment of non-human characters in general and the idea of personhood and I think it’s something that should be talked about I guess. idk

#sorry i know no one’s gonna see this but I simply have to Yell #i have a lot of feelings regarding fandom treatment of nonhuman characters #and not just in the ‘dehumanization’ sense but also in the infantilization and general othering of them #like idk the way people treated nott/veth from cr2 pre-reveal was very hmmmm strange to say the least #she was a fully adult woman and had said as such multiple times and yet both the fandom and to some extent the party as well treated her #like a kid #she was so often just. excluded from polynein fic for no reason #like here’s everyone else in a relationship and also nott is there. i guess. #and that’s a whole Thing with nonhuman characters and romance. they just don’t get considered for it! #like im all for that aroace and enby rep w nonhumans hell yes give it to me but also. its very obvious and uncomy when its Only the #nonhumans this happens to #anyway this whole thing is bc i read a neveraftr fic in which pib was a regular cat and it Bothered me #bc it was genuinely really well written and very good and raw and fascinating #but it had this whole ‘ragtag outcast found family personal growth’ vibe going but then one of the main PCs was just. the local stray cat. #and it was so GOOD though but ughhhhh #like the 6ft frog and the werewolf and the puppet get to be humans. the talking cat? nah #and ive seen this in other ‘modern human’ nevraftrr fanarts as well and blehhh idk idk i cant articulate it but like. thats a full person #rambles #long post

[griffsursparker]

the desire to share my poetry with my friends vs the fact that the gc I'd normally share this with because I feel comfortable sharing something so personal with these people is full of people who know the person this one is about lmao

#and at least one of them would probably realize that #so I just. cannot in good conscience share this with them but #damn this is way too personal and also way too dark and fucked up to share with anyone else lmao #I'm just rambling because if I ramble there they'd tell me to share it anyways #and the person it's ABOUT follows my twt so extra can't say anything there #and idk I just think what I really need to do is talk about. what happened with this person #but it's this weird dynamic of like. no one who doesn't know the person would Get It fully #but only one person who DOES know the person knows the full extent of why it's fucking me up #except it was way fucking worse on them #so it doesn't feel right venting to them because like objectively it impacted them way more #I was just sorta on the sidelines #anyways this was a long ramble but in short whoops I think the problem is not actually wanting to share the poem #and is more just christ I need to talk about this thing #but it's so fucking heavy welp #I need therapy lmaooo

[entropyunending]

god i've been saying i haven't been well since march but now that i think about it i honestly don't think i've been well since january, possibly even longer. i haven't been very well for most of this year. i think i've had more days where i've felt like shit than i've had days where i felt even just okay.

#🔪 #i do still think it started getting progressively worse around march though. #i think that's the turning point where i just started doing worse and worse and having breakdowns more frequently #it's when i started to feel even more fragile than i was before #i don't even know what to do #it's all so hopeless #i don't think i've been this bad since my freshman year of high school #actually i think that's a lie. i dropped really low in late 2020 when i lost my second cat of the year and completely spiraled down #to the point where i barely ate anything and my mom told me that if it kept it up she'd have to consider taking me to a psychiatric hospita #but it didn't last as long as this has #it wasn't even a full month. just a few weeks #and this time almost no one even knows. #this time i'm hiding it away as much as i can #i don't tell my family. i fake being fine. i make sure everything seems normal so everyone in my life doesn't suspect a thing #the only person that knows that i haven't been doing well is my one online friend. my best friend. #and even they don't know the extent of it #they don't know that i've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts #they don't know just how bad it really is and i'm too afraid to tell them. #i know i need to talk to my therapist about it i just. i don't know how. #it doesn't seem worth it. nothing does. i can't find the point in anything.

[nebulainatree]

My superpower is that I get so obsessed with something that I cannot stop thinking about it long enough to sleep. It's also not a superpower and actually is a curse

#This rp server I spectate in has irreversibly changed my brain. And my sleep schedule. I need mental help #Nebbie posts #Nebbie text posting #Send fucking post #it is four thirty am here and I have to bike to school tomorrow. I'm gonna be sick #Wanna hear my ideas? My fucking Ideas? I've got Ideas wanna fucking hear? #First my oc VK who I've talked about once and never made a ref sheet for has a full name now. She's not just initials anymore #Did you know? In a post apocalyptic setting VK would grab a fucking musical instrument and learn to play it and start singing to cope #Little buddy is there for moral support and is also the only other thing that keeps her going aside from badly singing Turquoise October #One and Disc are. Actively becoming the worst power couple in the world. Awful awful people who would kill you for sport #At least One has trans swag though. He's still obsessed with makeup and fashion and turf wars even when the world ends #No ideas for the inkling guy who's unnamed or any other minor splat ocs I've got. Woo #Driving me actively insane. This rp server is driving me crazy insane in a positive way. If only I had the guts to actually tell anyone #I need to scream somewhere about it. Praying no one from that server looks at my blog ever. Or just specifically this post #I told them I read every single rp message in the server (5k+) and like. That I really liked it but #How do you tell someone that something they do has like. Chemically changed you to an extreme extent. How can I ever say that #They're like STRANGERS I've said like FIVE words to them. It's like I walked in on a FAMOUS person #The parasocial is. I want to actually be friends with these people they're so cool but I've put myself into a parasocial thing #They've already got an established friend group and like. I've never been able to join an established friend group #I did it ONCE in middle school by fucking LUCK and it's never happened again. Spect 7 was my magnum opus #I tried to join a friend group one time in the Hollow Knight community and then it just crashed and burned so. #I guess I've just got a doomsday sort of view of interacting with people now. I've never had it work out before #God damn. Earlier I was thinking that past 3am is my poor decision making time and it's so true. Fuck. God damn #Whatever. I need a 3am emotional rambling tag. #It's 4am but whatever #To clarify ig. You can reblog this because the actual post is funny (to midnight me at least) just pretend these tags don't exist lol

[celeryb1tch]

innocent!reader x experienced!pervert!abby is rotting my brain tonight!!!

18+!! this is lesbian smut!

you sit at a table in the mess hall, abby’s arm wrapped around your shoulders and her friends all enjoying their dinner. casual conversation is thrown around the table, until manny’s new fling is brought up.

“-and i mean, SOAKED the sheets. i couldn’t believe my eyes,” he recounts proudly.

everyone is laughing along or rolling their eyes, but abby notices your hesitance. she leans down toward you with a concerned look. “something wrong?”

you shake your head lightly, looking up at her. “jus’ don’t get it,” you reply.

abby feels her stomach twist. she had known there wasn’t great sex ed on the WLF base, but she and her friends had grown up around doctors like her dad and she realizes she hadn’t know the full extent of just how ignorant you were. and admittedly, it made her excited.

“she squirted when she came,” she tries to explain gently. but you still look utterly confused, even as she goes on.

“…come? and she didn’t pee?” you seem so utterly lost. abby wonders if it makes her a bad person to expose you to these ideas, but you’re both already adults. still, that knot is twisting inside her deriving a sick pleasure from all of this. you had always looked up to abby, and she wondered how wrong it would be to corrupt that relationship with talk of sex- or even a demonstration?

that night, you’re laying in bed thinking about what abby said earlier. with all the training and violence you’d grown up around, you hardly had time to pay attention to the ache between your legs, or how it would usually occur when abby was around. but as you recount that conversation in your mind, it appears once more. you think of her arm wrapping around you, pressing you into her hard front. how she was still warm and sweaty from the gym, and how her flyaways stuck to the sides of her forehead because of that. something inside of you is saying you should be embarrassed, and you don’t know exactly why- but a louder, much louder, part is telling you to confide in your best friend. she would never judge you, right?

you shuffle down a few hallways in your fluffy socks until you reach one of the bigger accommodations: abby’s room. and with a bit of hesitance in your knock, you step back as the door opens immediately.

abby is clearly groggy, and must have also been getting ready for bed. she’s wearing nothing but boxer shorts and the usual black sports bra she has on during patrols and workouts. her hair is tied in her signature braid, with more wispy pieces that have come out throughout the day. “hey, you. everything okay?”

you nod and push past abby inside as was usual. she joins you on her bed, your bare thighs touching as you both sit. her eyes are on you and you can feel it again- that heat. you pull away slightly, squeezing your legs together as it’s the only thing you know eases the feeling.

abby pretends not to notice, just like she does any other time you blatantly stare at her muscles or blush when she touches your waist. she doesn’t want to scare you off, especially when she thinks she can tell what you’re going to ask about.

“you remember earlier at dinner?” you say, biting your lip slightly as unease turns in your tummy. and abby just nods, still looking right at you. “how manny said he made a girl, uh…”

“squirt?” abby offers. she says it so nonchalantly, like it’s nothing. like she’s never in a million years thought about fucking you until you do. like she wasn’t hoping this would happen every second after dinner.

“yeah, well, i realized there’s probably a lot of sex stuff i don’t know, and since you… y’know…”

poor baby, she thinks. how will she ever work up the courage. and abby thinks of all the times she’s teased you about all the women she’s fucked. called you jealous that you had to split quality time with her one night stands. seen you pout about her missing games night because someone asked her on a date in front of you. surely you were going to ask for her expertise- for her to help you out, to show you?

“since your dad was a doctor.”

oh. that was it? you wanted a little anatomy lesson. then what was all the embarrassment for? were you that ashamed of asking for a little bit of guidance?

abby gives you a soft smile and an assurance that she can help. and your body floods with relief. this is normal. you can tell her what you’re feeling and she won’t act weird. she can help you.

you stand up and strip off your pyjama bottoms and big shirt you had likely stolen from abby so long ago you don’t remember whose it was in the first place. and she just watches, small smile still on her face as she looks you over.

“okay, so right here? boobs, obviously.” she points to your chest, and you roll your eyes.

“i know that, stupid. show me the more advanced stuff.”

“you’ll have to take your underwear off then.” so you do.

abby instinctively reaches for it, stroking her fingers between your puffy, wet lips. her eyes are shining with admiration and her cheeks are hot.

you pull away slightly at the bolt of pleasure that spikes through you at her touch. “is it… supposed to look like this? i think there’s something wrong.”

she shakes her head fervently, eyes never leaving your pussy. “you’re just wet, that’s all. did something turn you on?” and at your confusion at the term- “get you excited? when girls see something attractive, they get wet.”

oh no. you can feel dread flooding your senses as you try to scramble for an explanation. that it just happens sometimes. that’s normal, right?

after a pause, and a look at your face, abby knows exactly what happened. “oh. you got wet from me, huh?”

you want to run away and disappear. you swallow a sob, but strangely, you feel that pulsing sensation again. all of this attention from abby isn’t working in your favour.

but she isn’t grimacing in disgust, or even asking you to leave. in fact, abby has a shit-eating grin on her face as she watches you cower in front of her.

“you’re not… mad?” you ask sheepishly.

abby reaches out to you, pulling you onto her lap. “no, baby, of course not. it’s cute.”

relief washes over you, but before you can really relax you feel abby’s hand once again on your folds.

“so wet for me, baby. how long has this been happening?”

a finger skims against a particularly sensitive spot, and you choke on your words, succumbing to the blissful feeling. “s-so long, abs. like forever.”

“poor girl. so pent up, so needy. and too embarrassed to tell me.”

“yeah…” you whine. you’re clinging to abby like a lifeline, overwhelmed by the building tension. it’s unlike anything you’ve experienced before. so intense, so all-consuming.

abby’s fingers are expertly caressing your pussy, steadily adding more pressure so as not to overstimulate you. “this is the clit,” she murmurs, and you feel that electric spark again as she glides over one specific spot at the top.

“it’s too much,” you cry out, wriggling under her grasp.

“that means you’re cumming soon,” she explains with a chuckle. “feels so good, trust me. just ride it out.”

and you trust abby with every ounce of your being, so you try to relax your muscles as much as possible while you feel that climbing feeling come to a boil. and she was so right. you’re huffing tiny sobs into her chest as you come down, her strokes easing as you’re finally able to catch your breath again.

abby cradles you into her, clean hand running through your hair. you can feel the puddle between your thighs dripping down her own and onto the sheets, and you’re so exhausted.

“that was so hot, baby. did such a good job for me.”

“abs, that was… wow.”

she’s smiling down at you, admiring your sweat- wicked face. “bet you wish you’d asked me sooner, huh?”

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson smut #molly’s abby recs! #molly’s!