#only friends the series meta

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Only Friends, Boston, and Queer Culture

I wanted to talk a little bit about an observation that I made about Boston and how he acquires sex partners (i.e. who he picks up, how he picks them up, where he picks them up, and where he chooses to have sex). Now, again, we are only two episodes in so I will not presume to make a pattern of anything quite yet, and I am looking forward to seeing how my current observations shift in light of any new information coming out of future episodes. But, it was notable to me that the only times Boston has been seen actively pursuing a second sexual encounter with someone is either in public spaces or after he has had sex with them in public.

Because Boston is very sexual, we actually have a lot of data points on him already, (and will likely get many more, seeing as Boston has been in 5 out of 7 of the heavy makeout/sex scenes in the show so far). What we have seen so far is a one night stand with Drake’s character after Boston is picked up at a bar and brought back to unnamed-Drake-character’s apartment; Boston returning for a second and third sexual encounter with Nick after he and Nick fuck for the first time in the cellphone repair shop; and Boston openly flirting with and trying to tempt Top in to sex in exclusively public spaces.

Cruising 

What is Cruising and Why is it Important? 

Photograph by Steven Barker

I realize that there are many people here who may be unfamiliar with the term/concept of ‘cruising’. As a self-defined “baby gay” there are many terms that came out of the past decades’ queer culture that I was and am personally unfamiliar with. As such, I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page with the terminology. “Cruising” is a code-word/gay slang that refers to an individual or individuals ‘walking or driving around a locality, called a cruising ground, in search of a sex partner, usually of the anonymous, casual, one time variety’ (Wikipedia). 

In her essay Respectable promiscuity: Digital cruising in an era of queer liberalism, Jody Ahlm (then PhD candidate, now Dr.) states the following: “Cruising traditionally occurs in bars, clubs, or public spaces such as parks and public restrooms where men generally signal sexual interest in another man through established non-verbal signals (Be ́rube ́, 1996; Delany, 1999; Humphreys and Rainwater, 1975; Tewksbury, 2002).”

For the sake of simplicity, cruising is a term applied to the action of (usually, but not exclusively) gay men seeking out casual sex in public spaces. 

Cruising is and was an important aspect of queer culture, for a number of different reasons. “Tearooms” or private public spaces that were adapted to accommodate gay sex (public bathrooms, for example). While a benefit of tearooms was instantaneous sex, a much more important and notable aspect of tearooms was who in the queer community was frequenting these cruising locations

Of the bar crowd in gay (homosexual) society, only a small percentage would be found in park restrooms. But this more overt, gay bar clientele constitutes a minor part of those in any American city who follow a predominantly homosexual pattern. The so-called closet queens and other types of covert deviants make up the vast majority of those who engage in homosexual acts- and these are the persons most attracted to tearoom encounters…It may be more surprising for the outside to discover that most of these [tearoom participants] are married. Indeed, 54 percent of my research subjects are married and living with their wives. (Tearoom Trade, Laud Humphreys, 1970)

In short, cruising and cruising locations are important to ensuring that men who have sex with men (MSM) who are closeted, married, or do not frequent bars, have an opportunity to engage in sex with other men. (Tradition of sex cruising at Aquatic Park to end. John Geluardi, 2001)

How Cruising has Changed Over Time 

Overall, cruising is a lot less popular now than it was in the 1960s and 1980s, in part due to the AIDs epidemic and concerns of HIV transmission (Ahlm, 2017). Ahlm’s essay argues that the AIDS epidemic “initiated a trend toward monogamy among gay men” and that apps like Grindr have shifted the landscape of sexual interest and politics towards a “contested cultural space where publicness and privateness co-exist, creating tensions for self-presentation that are structured by contemporary sexual politics.”

Sociologists have identified a shifting in cruising culture from public, in-person spaces to private, online spaces. In her research, Ahlm noted that none of her subjects who used Grinder reported engaging in public or semi-public sex or being asked to engage in public or semi-public sex by another person. So we are seeing the landscape of where and how gay men engage in sex shift ever increasingly towards private spaces. We can ask ourselves why that may be: 

Dalton (black/mixed,5 28) says,”People like to maintain a certain image of themselves, and everybody wants to appear chaste but desirable at the same time, and whatever. People will say ‘‘Oh you’re going on there and you’re trying to do that [find sex], I just talk to people and I never do anything.’’ I’m like ‘‘Sure, right’’ [sarcastic tone].” The multiplicity of intentions on Grindr allows for plausible denial of promiscuity, while the app’s reputation requires constant management of the stigma in order for that denial to be plausible. Like the majority of users, Dalton’s profile says he is on the app for ‘‘Friends, Chat, Networking.’’ However, sexual interaction is the goal of his in-person meetings, and he only chats with people he finds attractive and would potentially like to have sex with. This contradiction between stated intentions and actual use is not unique to Dalton’s Grindr use, it is the rule rather than the exception (Ahlm, 2017)

While privacy can be a valued aspect of people’s personal life experiences, shifting cruising culture to major online spaces designed specifically for gay people, and having sex with people who connect across mobile apps, is contributing to respectability politics: 

Shifting cruising to private spaces—both actual sex acts and the practices associated with finding a sexual partner in a public space, furthers the sanitation of gay physical spaces. Users can meet sexual partners without ever leaving home, and public gay spaces become sites for platonic socializing. Gay men go to the bars with their friends to hang out, not to cruise…The performance of cruising is desexualized by the plausible deniability of using a phone app and the plausible deniability of Grindr itself, as discussed earlier. It is not just public sex that is disappearing, so too is the public pursuit of sex. This is not to say that gay bars have been completely desexualized…However, as Orne (2016) shows in his ethnography of Chicago’s Boystown, they are the cultural markers that make the neighborhood a popular place for bachelorette parties ‘‘on safari’’. They are not the same as a visible collective practice of searching for and choosing a sexual partner for the night, regardless of where the sex occurs later. (Ahlm, 2017)

TL;DR: The act of looking for sex partners and engaging in public or semi-public sex as a result (“cruising”) has been steadily phasing out as a practice in gay culture, heading towards more private sexual encounters with sex partners who meet on mobile apps, ultimately resulting in a sanitized image and partial desexualization of gay spaces/bars.

Boston’s Cruising Habits 

When I was reading that Ahlm piece, I could not help but think about our very first introduction to the characters of Only Friends in Episode 1. The show opens at a gay bar, we go around listening to Mew’s descriptions of what archetypes his friends fit in to, at which point we learn that everyone in attendance at the bar that particular evening are wearing wristbands indicating their availability to be hit on. Which is making me feel like Jojo and co. (Ninew, Den, the rest of the writing crew) are placing their characters in a past gay culture, giving them an opportunity to return to roots of public cruising. Not every character will engage in such activities, but we know for a fact that Boston and Top are cruising in some capacity from the outset of the show (Boston trying to talk his way into a threesome with Bar Stranger #1, Boston getting picked up by Bar Stranger #2 [aka unnamed-Drake-character], Top striking up conversation with Mew after Mew bumps into him), and with the direct references Jojo and co. are making to Queer As Folk (UK) (1999) if the goal of Only Friends is to highlight queer culture, I would not be surprised. 

While we are only two episodes in at the time I am writing this, it was intriguing to me that Boston appears to be one of the few characters engaging in more traditional cruising culture. It is clear that most of the main characters frequent Yo’s bar, though it appears the friend group uses the space more as a place to hang out with one another, rather than a space to cruise. All except for “The Hunter”, Boston, who is seen constantly attempting to pick up, or being picked up by other queer men in a bar setting. We know that Top also frequents the bar, and we have not as of yet seen him with any other friends, so we can presume that Top spends his time at Yo’s bar cruising as well (based on the fact that he has slept with Boston and he did hit on Mew at the bar, but we don’t have any definitive evidence of that yet because we don’t know how Top and Boston met, and Top has only actively been pursuing Mew thus far). 

A trend I saw in the first two episodes when it comes to Boston that I find particularly noteworthy (aka, is a trend I want to track as the show progresses to see if that trend continues), is that Boston is only ever repeating sex with people who engaged in public sex with him in the first place. From flashbacks we see Top and Boston making out in a photobooth, an implication there that Top and Boston then fucked in the photobooth since “once was enough” for Top and Boston. The first time that Boston and Nick fuck, they do so in the aisle of the cellphone repair shop. Nick may turn off the lights, but that does not negate the fact that there is a chance that Boston and Nick may be walked in on and caught by an unassuming customer. When Boston hits on Top, it is in a public space: the bathrooms of Yo’s bar, when Boston attempts to initiate a second sexual encounter with Top, it again is in a public space: the locker room/showers at the wakeboarding place.

Public Sex, Photography, and Brewing Thoughts about Boston 

Image by @nongnaopat

While I was reading up on cruising, I came across a couple articles with quotes and observations that immediately made me think of Boston, and a question started brewing in my mind: 

Is Boston a physical manifestation of the queer hookup cultures 60s-80s? 

Boston’s Personality v. Public Sex

Again, we have only seen two episodes of Only Friends so I am not yet secure in my own interpretations of Boston. However, I was thinking about the conversations that occurred the other day about how Boston must exert control over others (@respectthepetty), and how he is ready and willing to meddle in Mew’s life by trying to seduce Top, but that there is noticeable fear and slight panic at the thought that Mew might catch him and Top together in the shower (@stuffnonsenseandotherthings).

There was something that just spoke to me so strongly about Boston’s character archetypes in relation to the conversations brought up in Chapter 6: Tearoom Trade: Tales of Public Sex of the book Marginal People in Deviant Places: Ethnography, Difference, and the Challenge to Scientific Racism by Janice M. Irvine. 

In this chapter, Irvine discusses the essay Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Public Spaces written by Laud Humphreys. Within this chapter, Irvine states “Humphreys argued that tearoom participants varied in vulnerability to risk of exposure. He noted that married men and men who did not have career autonomy were highly vulnerable to negative consequences if discovered in the tearooms.” (Note: my understanding of “tearooms” from this reading is that they are public restrooms that have been transformed to better support instant sex, i.e. a broken window for a lookout, glory holes, walls removed between stalls, etc.) While an assumption could be made that vulnerable men would not engage in public sex, that assumption does not carry through to reality. Humphreys further claims that highly vulnerable men did still engage in public sex via tearoom visits, but they employed protective strategies to mitigate any suspicion of their queerness, often a hypermoral one. 

I know “hypermoral” is not a term that anyone who has observed Boston for more than twenty seconds would really attribute to his character, but what did speak to me is what Humphreys says about the strategies employed by the highly vulnerable: 

The secret offender may well believe he is more righteous than the next man—hence his shock and outrage, his disbelieving indignation, when he is discovered and discredited…Subjected to harsh social condemnation and legal penalties, the tearoom participant was likely to turn his anger and hatred on himself or others in his group. “Worse yet,” Humphreys argued, “he may justify himself by degrading others, displacing his hostility onto outgroups in the manner of the authoritarian personality.” (Irvine, 2022)

Now which Only Friend character are we thinking of based on the quote above? 

“Hence his shock…when he is discovered…” 

“The tearoom participant was likely to turn his anger and hatred on himself or others in his group” 

“He may justify himself by degrading others”

One thing we do know about Boston is that he currently does not have career autonomy. He wants to be a photographer, but he is studying business because he may have to take over his father’s company (YouTube: Only Friends, Episode 2, Part 2/4, timestamp: 2:27). How much that pressure is really on him and how highly vulnerable Boston may be if caught engaging in gay, public sex remains to be seen, but to me it is worth noting. A research question to be asked: Why does Boston act the way he does? Is he vulnerable in some way and trying to compensate for it, or is just genuinely an asshole? Not sure, but I look forward to finding out. 

An additional similarity that immediately came to mind in my readings and their relation to Boston was a reference to Rechy and his writings about male hustlers: 

Rechy wrote about how male hustlers selling sex navigated the toilets. He cited the norms of the sexual marketplace with sociological precision: “Stand at the urinal long after youre [sic] through pissing. At the slightest indication of interest from someone in one of the cubicles, go up to him quickly before he gets any free ideas and say: ‘I’ll make it with you for twenty.’ (Irvine, 2022)

Boston is not a sex worker, he is not asking to be paid for his time, but the way he approaches Top in the bar bathroom to try to prompt a second sexual encounter does allude to the hustler culture. Top is standing at the urinal when Boston approaches

He strikes up conversation with Top who only really seems to be partially engaged, Top walks away from the urinal to wash his hands, Boston follows, placing his hands around Top’s, trying to proposition sex, appealing to their supposedly similar approaches to sex.

This is not a direct comparison to be sure, but I just wanted to mention it because it felt similar enough to be a reference. This reminded me too of the nod Jojo and Ninew had to gay male sexual culture in The Warp Effect when Alex has his shoulders massaged by a random patron propositioning sex at Jedi’s bar while he is standing at the urinals. Or to the more direct reference to cruising that Jojo and Aof put in to the character of Arm in Gay OK Bangkok, or Army in The Warp Effect (two pieces which I will continue to say are required viewings before [or at this point in conjunction with] Only Friends). 

Boston’s Interest in Photography v. Public Sex Debates

Another aspect of Boston’s character that feels relevant to previous queer culture is his interest in photography itself, because photography has its own ties to tearooms and public sex. 

In 1964, The Florida Legislative Investigative Committee “published a pamphlet that featured an explicit photograph of a man engaged in a sex act in a public restroom. The report, dubbed “the purple pamphlet,” was intended to shock readers and mobilize antigay repression.” (Irvine, 2022). 

As a warning I am about to cite a pretty big chunk of text, but it is important information: 

Photography became one of several technologies police and moral entrepreneurs used to observe and produce evidence of sexual deviance. Yet photographic surveillance could also be subverted. After the tearoom photograph was published in the 1964 Homosexuality and Citizenship brochure, conservatives attacked it as pornographic. The committee quickly removed it from the report, but the photograph was reprinted and vigorously marketed by Guild Press, a publisher of homoerotic materials. Gay pulp publishing was growing by 1964, and Guild Press, established in 1962, was no doubt gleeful to find and market this photograph. The Guild advertisement pointed out that this was the only “action photo” of a glory hole scene that had ever been in print, and as historian Thomas Waugh noted, “the glory hole photo became famous.”23 The “purple pamphlet” and its widespread dissemination was an early case of how social and religious conservatives played a significant role in making visible the sexual representation that they condemned. (Irvine, 2022)

Thinking about Boston and his interest in photography, we can notice another potential link to queer culture. Going in to Boston’s darkroom, we see a number of photographs on his wall of hot men in various stages of undress. With the preceding scene of Boston taking a photo of Nick after they fuck establishing some context, we can make some quick assumptions about who those men are to Boston and what was occurring prior to the photo being taken. 

Even within two episodes of Only Friends the camera has almost served as an additional character, bringing us in to the private-public spaces we aren’t supposed to witness. In a conversation I was having with @waitmyturtles, she made the absolutely brilliant point: “the camera of the show is messing around with what we perceive as privacy”. 

Sure Boston is making sexual advances on Top in the showers of a public locker room, but no one is supposed to know that, at least no one who could be actually, emotionally impacted by catching Top and Boston together. We see it, but we aren’t supposed to. 

But I want to move beyond the show’s actual camera to briefly touch upon the other cameras we have seen alluded to on screen so far. Kudos to whoever it was on tumblr that took the screen shots of the hook up between Neo and Drake and pointed out the web camera that was sitting at the top of the computer monitor. Now, we have absolutely no idea if that is relevant at all to future plot lines, if the web cam was on, or if any part of that sexual encounter will come back to haunt Boston. But I think it is worth mentioning the very real and easy possibility that the web cam could have been recording the room (whether it actually was or not). In this way, Boston is playing with fire around what aspects of himself and his sexuality are captured on a screen. 

When Boston and Nick hook up for the first time in the cellphone repair shop, Boston stops the make out session long enough to look around. No, not around, up. Up to the ceilings as if he is scanning the room for possible cameras. Again, we don’t know for sure if a) there are cameras there, b) if that is relevant at all to future plot lines or c) if that really was what Boston was doing. But either way, Nick catches on to Boston’s scanning of the room, and turns off the light so that they can’t be seen. 

In both of these cases, whether the cameras exist, are on, recording, or saving any information is not fully the point. The point I am trying to make here is that there are constantly opportunities to have gay sex be captured, and whether or not it is comes down sometimes to shit dumb luck.

Conclusion

gif by @maxescheibechlinichacheli

I am so fascinated by Boston’s character, just thinking about the ways he does and does not fit in to the archetypes of a highly vulnerable tearoom participant: in his interest being in photography, capturing the images of queer men post-coitus, in the way he approaches Top at the urinal trying to entice him in to sex, in the ways he engages with and thinks of other people, and I am very much looking forward to seeing if this trend continues or diverges. For instance, will we see a drastically different side of Boston if we see more of how he interacts with professors in school considering that the one time that he was really quiet and reserved was during the presentation in front of the entire class? Will Boston fall in to the “public saint/private sinner” dynamic that would root him firmly in behaviors of a highly vulnerable queer man engaging in public sex? Or will he drift away from that alignment? 

Disclaimer: I want to acknowledge that I am a Westerner and I am engaging and interpreting this show and the gay culture in this show through my own Western lens as well as the Western Gay Culture lens. However, I feel comfortable using these lenses to discuss, analyze, and identify threads of interest to follow throughout the show because: 

In 1984, the ‘Boston Bar Study’ conducted by Men of All Colors Together Boston (MACTB) cited numerous examples of widespread discrimination at gay bars in Boston against black men. Similar types of discrimination have also been cited in Los Angeles and New York (Wat, 2002). Even more troubling is that this type of behavior seems to be international as well*anywhere that gay white men come into contact with gay men of color (Ridge, Hee & Minichiello, 1999). One can only imagine how many others never make it into the new stories. Rather than isolated events attributable to racist owners of single bars, the attempt to patrol the borders of whiteness in gay-owned business establishments seems to be a systematic practice (They Don’t Want to Cruise Your Type: Gay Men of Color and Racial Politics of Exclusion, Chong-suk Han, 2007). 

In short, cruising, and discriminatory cruising practices are seen worldwide, and therefore I argue that gay culture in Thailand, while likely not identical, is similar enough to Western gay culture to apply similar frameworks, especially considering the aspects of gay culture Jojo and his co-creators have placed in their past works. 

Sources 

Ahlm, Jody (2017) Respectable promiscuity: Digital cruising in an era of queer liberalism, Sexualities, DOI: 10.1177/1363460716665783

Chong-suk Han (2007) They Don't Want To Cruise Your Type: Gay

Men of Color and the Racial Politics of Exclusion, Social Identities, 13:1, 51-67, DOI:

10.1080/13504630601163379

Humphreys, Laud (1970) Tearoom Trade. 

Irvine, Janice M. (2022) Tearoom Trade: Tales of Public Sex, Marginal People in Deviant Places, https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.3998/mpub.11519906.11

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank @bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, @so-much-yet-to-learn, @waitmyturtles for their thought partnership, edits, and suggestions!

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #neo trai #jojo tichakorn #ninew pinya #boston #boston x nick #boston x top #neomark #forceneo #wka long post #kicking off the (possible- not guaranteed) WKA Academic Papers on Sex in Only Friends Essay series #only friends meta #only friends analysis #only friends the series meta #only friends the series analysis #ofts meta

[chawarin-panich]

Boston giving Sand the Reality Check he needed Part 1 of 2: Boston's Reasoning

This is my thoughts on Boston and Ray's fallout, how and why it came about and how Sand did really need it - which I start talking about in this meta - even though despite Boston's insistence his purpose was never to help Sand. I didn't mean to make this two parts but I started writing the Boston portion of the meta and it turned into what it did kajsfhsdkjfh and I needed to approach Sand and Ray's portion a little more seriously. Without further ado, here goes:

[SCENE START] Imagine you are Boston, the son of a politician, loaded with money but not a lot of visibility or acceptance (I mean if you watch enough Thai dramas you know what politician is code for - corruption, deception, selfishness, entitlement). You are extremely entitled, extremely guarded and extremely unscrupulous and this is what you've been taught life is, what successful, powerful people are like and you are successful and powerful even though things have not quite been going your way recently. Even though earlier on in the day you had your first human emotion:

(give the boy a break he is starting to figure out why people have boyfriends okay? much less that he also kind of wants one??? the emotional TOLL he is under oh boy)

and on top of all that suddenly you have been called for emotional support??? Mew is supposed to call Ray this is very much not your job!!! Can Mew's virgin ass please get over one stupid kiss already???

So Mew has called you and he is THE LAST person you ever want to help with THE LAST problem you've ever wanted to help him with. But you squeeze down the sting of rejection, the inferiority you feel from it - are you perhaps?? not as successful and powerful as you thought??? - and you try to be a normal, human person for A SECOND TIME in ONE day (!!!!) and be a good friend

And you did such a good job!!! You didn't play into his insecurities or try to ruin it for him - even though you wanted to!!! - because at the end of the day Mew is your friend and you know how important his virginity is to him. And now you are ready for some MUCH NEEDED REST from all that decent human being cosplay that you've been doing. And there is a cute guy who likes you and he has an apartment where you can go and fuck him and even though the day is ruined there is still chance for the night to recover but uh oh!!!! What's that???

A Situation You Do Not Understand!!!!! Involving the man who fucked up being manipulated so badly that you had to do 5 seconds of emotional labor earlier that day. Now, you have a choice as an adult to mind your business and walk away into that promised room of fucking that cute guy you were going to fuck. But you are also The Son of a Politician and if there is one thing you know it's that information is power and the instinct to meddle like a 70 year old auntie is slowly overtaking your senses. And so you ask a seemingly innocent question with auntie-adjacent straightforwardness:

And your hot mess of a best friend comes up with the shadiest, juiciest answer while his partner is looking at him like his soul is leaving his body:

On top of that there is weed????? In the form of a delicious looking cookie?????? At this point you are on a missive FROM GOD to find out What The Fuck is Going On.

And what the fuck IS going on?????

An absolute bonkers situation is unfolding, Ray somehow in the mess of his life and his unrequited feelings for Mew is living some romcom with the cute bar singer! Ray!!! The alcoholic!!!!! the one friend you could always count on to make you feel better about the mess that is your life. The one friend you will always be superior to - THAT RAY???

And to make matters worse!!! The cute guy you're with Knows Everything. You have been so busy squeezing out three drops of human emotions because you want to keep the Cute Guy You Kind Of Sort Of Might Like around that you forgot to get around to the 'so do you know any gossip' portion of the casual fucking programming.

Not only are you fucking up your duties to the Politicians' Son Upbringing but the dormant auntie inside you gets another whiff of that fat, juicy gossip as Ray pulls a second 'We Are Just Friends' after you JUST witnessed Sand feed him an edible WITH HIS MOUTH

And you're not trying to stir shit - promise!!! - you just want to see your alcoholic friend stutter and get awkward, put in his place a little bit because Mew might have you beat but there's no way that this flaming hot mess has you beat.

Except!!! UH OH!!!! Ray is an idiot! He is so in wanting of love and finding himself undeserving of it that he has genuinely Not Noticed that the man next to him is In Love With Him. He is not you!! - acutely aware of how his cute guy is in love with him - he is Discovering That Sand Likes Him and somehow you have been duped into helping????

Sand's soul is back in his body and they are somehow Being Worse than before. But your Help A Friend Quota is OUT! You have spent IT ALL on Mew earlier and You. Are. Done. Only one person is allowed to cosplay a decent human being tonight and BY GOD it will not be Ray! The only thing left to do is To Bring Out The Gasoline.

And So? You Do.

[END SCENE]

#ofts meta #only friends the series meta #ofts boston #only friends the series #ofts #sandray #nani's hot takes #god this is such a silly post #i didn't even mean for it to become this #but boston is such a silly little guy #and i love him so much

[waitmyturtles]

A bunch of us (I'll CC fam below) had some fantastic conversation over the weekend about ephemerality and the fickleness of time in Only Friends (here and here and here), and I had one tiny thought to append to this line of thinking:

I was chewing yesterday on how wonderfully Neo Trai and Khaotung Thanawat play their characters of Boston and Ray with a kind of aloofness. They've been able to convey this sense that Boston and Ray are not quite rooted -- they are like flags being whipped in the wind, if that makes sense.

I can't find this excellent post (man, this is what happens when a show produces reams of meta), but there was an excellent post about how Boston is only engaged in conversation when it's about himself. If Nick starts to talk about Nick -- Boston disengages. It was a brilliant point. (If someone can link me to that post, I'll edit this post and cite it.)

Khao is portraying Ray as someone floating. What business would Ray have to follow Sand at the bar? We know Ray's rich, but -- what's up with Ray not having a sense of.... something, an awareness, that would otherwise keep Ray from loitering around the bar and interrupting Sand's conversation with a woman?

Ray's eyes dart. His head wobbles. More often than not, he's either drunk or hungover. Ray's not rooted in the minute-to-minute reality of the world. He's high in alcohol -- likely high in grief and/or trauma over his mother's passing -- and god knows what else.

There's not too much more to this, because we just don't know enough about the characters yet. But Neo and Khao are doing a HELL of a job de-centering these two characters in their acting, and I LOVE what this aloofness gives to the both of the characters by way of the show's writing. It's totally brilliant, and it gives me the very deep sense that there are a lot of fucks that Boston and Ray just don't give at the moment.

(CC @ranchthoughts @chickenstrangers @lurkingshan @twig-tea @clara-maybe-ontheroad @invisiblegarters @slayerkitty @wen-kexing-apologist if y'all have thoughts on this.)

#only friends #only friends meta #only friends the series #only friends the series meta #neo trai #khaotung thanawat

[thatgirl4815]

Mental Health and Defense Mechanisms (Predictions)

I'm curious how big of a role mental health will have in the series. There were a few snippets in the trailer--pill bottle, "you should save your money for a shrink," hysterical bathtub sobbing--but between the backstabbing/cheating mess, I wonder how much attention this will actually have. (Ideally, a lot.)

As far as I can tell, the mental health/illness trailer bits relate to Top and Ray--predominantly Ray. I predict that being with Sand puts Ray in an uncomfortably self-reflective position, so much so that he attempts to distance himself from Sand by way of yelling at him (see: "What are we to each other?" and "You think my life will be better with you?").

Maybe Ray is just a dick who likes to use people and throw them away. Or, maybe he's adopted a very plausible (yet harmful) defense mechanism. As Khao mentioned in his little character-view, Ray develops strong feelings easily. But if Ray's psychological turmoil really takes up as much of the plot as I think it's going to (gut feeling), then Ray's crush on Mew really isn't about Mew at all, or even Sand. It's about how Ray shapes the people in his life the way he wants to, to fill the void and affirm his own worth. It's rooted in control. To shoutout @bird-inacage’s analysis: Ray needs others to validate him.

Naturally, this means Ray craves the idea of Mew more than who Mew actually is. Mew is who Ray has chosen, and that’s crucial. If Mew expresses romantic feelings for Ray in return, he would be affirming Ray's self-image. Top understandably threatens this careful construction Ray has built (not only Ray's romantic intentions for Mew, but their friendship altogether). Achieving Mew's affection becomes a competition between them, which is its own defense mechanism.

The way it's been portrayed so far, Sand is an outsider. That is to say, he's someone malleable to Ray, especially due to his financial status. Ray can use Sand to get the affirmation he needs, but it isn't enough compared to what Ray thinks he needs from Mew. The integral point is that Sand doesn't seem the type to just roll over and be whatever Ray wants him to be. No, I think Sand's true self, without pretenses, is precisely what Ray needs. That's the ironic bit--Ray has been chasing after something comfortable, something he understands, only to be blindsided by his very real feelings for Sand's true self, not just the idea of Sand that he's constructed.

What I predict then is that Ray's arc will be devoted to his inner reckoning. I'm sure he is someone who is used to having control over his surroundings; his wealth is proof of that. But for all of Ray's financial power, Sand's grip on him could ultimately prove much stronger. Tangible conflict is something Ray understands and can thus manipulate, but raw feelings? People he can’t control?

(Of course, the real kicker would be that Ray is simply a spoiled brat who wants to be at the center of attention all the time for no other reason than that he is a spoiled brat. But I’m willing to bet against this based solely on what Khaotung said: “Deep down, I think he’s someone who needs love.” …was he denied love in another part of his life? Familial affection, perhaps?)

The question becomes then, where do these control issues stem from? That's exactly the kind of heart-wrenching backstory I, myself, need from the series.

...maybe I'm just a sucker for the notion of a control freak finally learning to give up control. I'm theorizing based solely on what little we've been exposed to so far, so I wouldn't be surprised if this goes in a totally different direction. But here's hoping a fraction of this is a correct interpretation of Ray's character.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #only friends the series meta #sandray #raysand #firstkhaotung #firstkhao #raysan #sanray #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #topmew #forcebook #I don't know where my Ray obsession started but it's in full swing now as you can tell

[syrena-del-mar]

Notes of Desire: Sand's Possible Soundtrack

The gears in my brain are turning because I can't stop thinking about Sand and Ray, and the fact that Sand thought of Ray as his 25th hour but realizes that it's not possible and maybe he was never in Ray's clock at all. Sand seems like the type to, generally, work through his emotions with music, whether it be listening or writing his own.

First, the whole concept of the 25 hours derives from the fact that Sand finds comfort that he shares the same 24 hours as his heroes: Freddie Mercury, Paul McCartney, and Alex Turner. That 25th hour was just, essentially, that magical hour where Sand didn't have to worry about paying of debts or taking care of his mom, it was just him and Ray. The time that he spent with Ray were moments where could really enjoy the seconds instead of counting down the minutes for each of his responsibilities.

I was listening to Artic Monkey's AM album today, when I ran across the time concept in the lyrics. Alex Turner, from Artic Monkeys, has a song called "Knee Socks", which is considered one of the best (if not the best) song on their AM album, whose lyrics goes:

You got the lights on in the afternoon An' the nights are drawn out long And you're kissin' to cut through the gloom With a cough drop coloured tongue And you were sittin' in the corner with the coats all piled high And I thought you might be mine In a small world on an exceptionally rainy Tuesday night In the right place and time

You were a stranger in my phonebook I was actin' like I knew 'Cause I had nothin' to lose When the winter's in full swing and Your dreams just aren't comin' true Ain't it funny what you'll do?

When the zeros line up on the 24 hour clock When you know who's callin' even though the number is blocked When you walked around your house wearin' my sky blue Lacoste And your knee socks

The late afternoon, the ghost in your room That you always thought didn't approve Of you knockin' boots Never stopped you lettin' me get hold Of the sweet spot by the scruff of your Knee socks

And this song is definitely up to interpretation, since Alex has never really come out to define any meaning about this song, but personally so much of this lines up with SandRay. Since I can't help myself, there's going to be a short and sweet discussion below.

Knee Socks essentially is a telling of late-night encounters, finding someone, in the crowd, that would be able to take your loneliness away. Kissing through the gloom, finding something light and exciting in the midst of their darkness, much like Ray uses Sand to escape the everbearing sense of loneliness that Ray has.

The zeros that line up on the 24 hour clock, almost as if the connection that was being sought was clandestine, like a secret midnight rendezvous. Even when they were completely on top of each other in front of Boston, they swore that they were nothing but friends. Ray even told Mew that Sand was not even his type. They kept their relationship tightly under wrap, not even truly defining it for each other. Their nights together were their little secrets.

Personally, I'm on the boat that believes that while Mew may care for Ray, he typically treats him condescendingly. So the lyrics "the ghost in your room that you always thought that didn't approve" almost instantly reminded me of how Mew is always in the background of SandRay's relationship, stopping Ray from moving on. Also, "knocking boots" is an allusion to physical intimacy, which Mew likely wouldn't have approved of completely if Ray had wanted anything serious with Mew.

Overall, this specific song definitely gives the vibe of a lover looking back at their previous encounters in an almost dream-like state, and after this week's preview, I couldn't help but attach it to SandRay.

#only friends the series #SandRay #raysand #ofts #only friends meta #ofts meta #only friends the series meta #only friends sand #only friends ray #thai bl #steph rambles #not a well thought out meta #more like unconnected thoughts that I tried to fix up to make sense

[ichigokeks]

I for one am looking forward to seeing Boston getting his heart broken when he realises he is actually in love with Nick but Nick cloned his phone and he is gonna get all that recording/taking pictures of others to ruin their lives right back into his face to see how awful it is. Chaotic evil and sad evil found each other to fuck each other up. Delicious

#only friends the series #i mean this affectionate #i like them #ofts #ofts ep 6 #bostonnick #thai bl #gmm tv #only friends the series meta #ofts meta

[pandasmagorica]

I think when Mew said "I'm not nice" we should have believed him.

#ofts #ofts meta #ofts mew #only friends the series #only friends the series mew #only friends mew #only friends meta #only friends the series meta

[heretherebedork]

I, for one, will forever be grateful to Only Friends for giving us Boston.

Because to take a character the narrative has condemned and make him not only the most loved but also the most sympathetic character while also being the messier and having his own deep struggles is a thing of beauty and talent.

But I especially want to highlight a few things about Boston. Because these are all the ways I came to love him.

He's a born this way gay man who is never shown to question or doubt his sexuality.

2. He is openly promiscuous and not only enjoys sex but enjoys having sex with multiple people. (He's an asshole and his moral code is his own but he sticks to it.)

3. He owns his own filth within said moral code.

4. He is the first person to say you can't turn someone gay.

5. He thinks he knows how to throw a punch but really doesn't tend to despite his own words.

6. Openly distinguishes between sex and romantic love

7. Is the only one of his friends capable of a sincere apology when he was wrong and wronged them and will go out of his way to make a sincere one with them even if they don't deserve it and would never admit to owing him one at all.

In fact, he does it twice.

8. He knows when not to apologize.

And, most importantly of all... he can be a petty bitch.

We stan him and we apologize for him and we love him for all of it.

Boston, the king of the sluts, the character who was condemned by the narrative for his ways but that the fanbase will forever love because he was something so unusual in BL that it made him beautiful.

#only friends #only friends series #ofts #only friends the series #only friends meta #only friends boston #ofts boston #bl drama #thai bl #bl series #thai drama #thai series #asianlgbtqdramas #asian lgbtq dramas #thai bl series #thaibl #thai bl drama #gmmtv series #gmmtv bl #gmmtv #gmmtv boys

[liyazaki]

do you want to be taken care of?

ONLY FRIENDS | EPISODE 11

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #onlyfriendsedit #jennie panhan #tee teeradej #GOD. GOD. *head in hands* #oh no- i feel an entire meta piece from a 3 sentence conversation coming #tusersilence #mjtag #asiandramanet #asiandramasource #asiandramaedit #asianlgbtqdramas #mor gifs only friends

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him' #but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Sand's crushing reality 'It's never about me'

I've noticed a lot of comments wishing Sand could be open about his feelings for Ray. Though that's a fair assessment and would save us a tonne of agony, I've attempted to delve into why this isn't so simple.

The Weight of Dignity & Mutual Respect

Sand comes across as someone who highly values dignity. Everyone deserves to be treated with due respect, and this is seen through how he interacts with others. Sand gets upset when someone questions his integrity, such as when Ray insinuates him to be a thief or questions him for bootlegging alcohol. He gets angry when someone tries to hurt Ray whilst his back is turned. Sand lives his life by an honourable and respectful philosophy, and the least he expects is for others to treat him the same way.

Therefore it's understandable that he hates being treated like a fool (whether that's being taken advantage of, humiliated or subjected to unwarranted judgement).

Ray has consistently maintained that he doesn't see Sand as a boyfriend. Said so himself, repeatedly. (Despite his actions indicating otherwise but that's another post in itself). So if Sand were to reveal his feelings, when he has no definitive confirmation that Ray is taking any of this seriously, he's going to risk feeling incredibly exposed and ridiculous. One of the reasons why rejection is so painful is due to the shame that comes with it. A hit of crippling inadequacy and embarrassment. Being confronted with: 'You're not good enough for me. You don't meet my standards. You're not what I want'.

Sand has probably had to experience a fair amount of falling short. To be lesser than, but largely due to means outside his control. He's been able to rise above those things. However, with Ray, he's not comfortable being in a position where he may be stripped of his dignity.

Boston being the one who dropped the bombshell is what made Sand feel incredibly stupid. For not knowing. For not being told. Which was arguably 100% times worse than hearing it from Ray himself. To be treated with respect is hoping someone will see you as an equal. Regardless of whether they are more than friends - even just between friends, Ray has never alluded to this. (To be fair, he may have been close, but now we'll never know). In that moment, it dawns on Sand how little he knows of Ray.

My belief is that if he were aware of Ray still being in love with Mew, he wouldn't make a move. Because that wouldn't be the honourable or respectful thing to do. So he’s been led to indulge in a fantasy that was never going to materialise. He wasn't in the loop. No one clued him in. He's not been treated equal. He feels like the butt of a bad joke. How could he possibly open up to Ray after that?

The 'Brave Face' of a Caretaker

Sand is a man defined by responsibility. Due to having only one parent in his life, he's learnt to be his mother's rock; resilient and steadfast. The sacrifice of having a caretaker mentality is that your own wellbeing is often an afterthought. How frequently do these types of people in our lives get asked how they feel. How are they doing? They're so busy taking care of everyone else or taking care of 'business', that no one ever thinks to ask. Their cries for help are much quieter, much less obvious and go undetected.

Though Sand is not the best at hiding it, he'll quickly distract others from his own disappointment, upset and hurt for the sake of greater harmony or in consideration of someone else's feelings. 'It's not about me', he seems to remind himself. 'I've got to keep it together. I've got be strong. There's a lot resting on me'.

Caretakers need others to take notice of them. To see past their seemingly infallible façade. They need others to initiate care and concern because they won’t put themselves first. Though Sand's mother evidently adores him, he’s clearly established a dynamic where he takes care of her. So who takes care of Sand? No one. He's on his own. He has no choice but to suck it up when things get tough and move forward as best he can. Life isn't going to stop for him.

Though hugely rattled, Sand immediately diffuses the fight. No questions, no demands that Ray explain himself. He’s still protective of Ray. No matter what happens, he comes second.

The Fault is Yours

Sand really desires someone to see him as 'special', as extraordinary. His life often revolves around others, so if he’s someone else’s priority, that will be a sign. This is why Sand was so affected by Ray passing him up for someone else - he felt expendable.

The gut-wrenching thing about Sand is he doesn't target blame onto others. He doesn't resent his father (who has no idea of his existence). He doesn't resent his mother (who wasn't able to give him a good start in life). He doesn't even resent Ray when he finds out about Mew (because Ray knew Mew first). Instead Sand internalises hardship as a reflection on himself. The reason why Ray can't see him as a boyfriend must be a product of his own shortcomings. Perhaps he's unworthy of someone like Ray to begin with. Boston makes a passing comment that men with Ray's looks and wealth are hard to come by. Sand doesn't need to be reminded that Ray has options. Access to more options besides him.

Things were never handed to Sand on a silver platter, and so he isn't one to assume anything. Don't assume Ray's feelings even if you have a hunch. Don't assume that Ray will fight for you. Don't assume that when push comes to shove, Ray will choose you. Because who are you to assume those things?

It's one thing to be told you can't have something. But it's another to feel like you don't deserve something. As if you never had the right. Never had a chance.

The fault is yours for thinking you did.

Because you're simply not that special.

(Note: So I'm going to need to see a situation where Ray takes care of Sand please. The boy needs it. He needs someone to fight for him for a change. Bear in mind this is just an analysis of what Sand may be feeling. A lot of these assumptions are untrue as Ray does care. But Sand doesn't know what to think anymore.)

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ray x sand #sand x ray #sand #firstkhao #khaofirst #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #protect him please #god sand absolutely broke my heart this episode #he needs a hug #sand really doesn't have anyone to lean on #he carries so much on his own shoulders

[autumnsxxangel]

SandRay are an homage to Wong Kar-Wai's Happy Together and in this essay I will..

...actually explain it because I see people catching his homage's to Western queer media, but not really his shout outs to Eastern queer media.

I assumed there would be allusions to Happy Together when I first saw the trailer, but this last episode centered around Ray really cemented it for me. After all, why would P'Jojo reference all these Western queer shows and not talk about what is probably the most iconic piece of Eastern queer media ever?

Wong Kar-Wai & Happy Together

For some background information, Wong Kar-Wai is a famous and insanely influential Hong Kong filmmaker. If you're a film nerd, you probably know who he is and recognize his style. If you like film and metas, I would recommend watching some of his stuff because afterwards, you'll realize just how much influence he still has on modern media, especially in Asia. Stylistically, he's known for rich color grading; thematic usage of music; an unending sense of nostalgia, heartbreak, and missed opportunities; and dialogue that mean nothing on the surface because everything meaningful is boiling just under, left unsaid (If you've watched Everything Everywhere, All At Once, the entire actress universe sequence was an homage to Wong Kar-Wai). His actors always do a phenomenal job because so much of what they need to portray can't be communicated through words. It makes sense why SandRay, aka FirstKhao, were chosen to represent Happy Together as they are the strongest actors out of the group.

Happy Together, simply summarized, is about two men, Ho Po-Wing and Lai Yiu-Fai, who are in a very tumultuous relationship. They end up in Argentina because they wanted to visit the waterfall that's on a lamp that they own. They get lost, end up using all their money, and have to figure out a way to get back to Hong Kong. While there, they break up, get back together, and break up again.

The movie was released in 1997 and is still ranked as one of the best queer movies of all time. The two main characters are played by Tony Leung and Leslie Cheung. You might recognize Tony Leung as Simu Liu's dad in Shang-Chi. Leslie Cheung was in Farewell, My Concubine, and was famously a bisexual man with a long term male partner. This is significant because it was virtually unheard of to be out and open at that time (he made his relationship public in 1997 though he had mentioned bisexuality in earlier years), especially in Hong Kong which was, and still is, very homophobic. Leslie received a lot of hate for his sexuality and androgyny. (If you're interested in learning more about Leslie as a queer Asian figure, this is a good video essay that goes over his work and his life).

Sand as Lai Yiu-Fai

Fai's, and in turn Sand's, character can be summed up by one line, "One thing I never told Ho Po-Wing was that I didn't want him to recover so fast. Those were our happiest days."

Both Fai and Sand are very static, straightforward characters. They stay above board for the most part and work a variety of jobs to survive. They have their morals about what is right and wrong, which unfortunately is both of their downfalls.

In Happy Together, Wing breaks up with Fai because he is bored with the relationship. He basically says, "I'm bored being with you. Let's break up. If we happen to meet again, we can try again." Then he leaves Fai stranded on the side of a highway.

Later, he reappears in Fai's life. The first encounter is a fight, much like Sand and Ray's first meeting in the bathroom. The second encounter is because Wing gets beaten up. He goes to Fai because he knows Fai will feel obligated to take care of him and he does. It becomes the beginning of their rekindled relationship.

Similarly, Sand has a strong sense of obligation. There are already metas out there about how Sand has a bit of a hero complex. He sees Ray too drunk to drive and he had to step in. He doesn't just take the keys and order a taxi. No, he takes the keys and drives Ray. Sand sees Ray being all sad and pathetic and he can't stop himself from helping. It makes him feel useful. It makes him feel needed.

Both of these men are caretakers. They show affection by providing care. Sand ends up cooking for Ray just as Fai cooks for Wing even when he's sick. As an added bonus, they both make fried rice.

Both Sand and Fai are characters that stand completely still. Ray and Wing always know where to find them. Sand can always be found at YOLO and Fai is at his apartment. Because of this, Ray and Wing come and go as they please. They know that Sand and Fai will take them back...until they finally don't.

Ray as Ho Po-Wing

Starting on a base level, both characters are bratty, needy, promiscuous, spoiled, and selfish. But most importantly, they both share a love of fluffy cardigans.

(I also have a theory they keep putting Ray in wife beaters as an homage to the 90's HK cinema style because otherwise...I just don't understand why, as a rich asshole, he's always in wife beaters. By Thai BL logic, he should be in shirts with too many buttons unbuttoned.)

Wing and Ray are both the ones controlling the pace and direction of the relationship. They come when they need someone to nurture their wounds, both physically and metaphorically. They leave when they're bored or have things they deem more important. They both initiate intimacy and won't take no for an answer.

Wing does this by first trying to join Fai on the couch and then chasing after him to the bed and begging him to let them sleep together.

Ray does it by continuously getting Sand to get in the car with him and then using his puppy dog eyes.

They are both also very, very pouty.

Wing's line is "We could start over". He says it every time he comes back after he's the one that ends the relationship. Fai always fights taking him back, but he always does it anyway.

Ray doesn't really have a line yet (unless you count his "na na naa~"s) but he bats his eyelashes and so far Sand has given into him every time. Sand keeps trying to set boundaries, but the moment Ray begs a little bit, Sand crumbles like a house of cards and lets Ray have whatever he wants.

Relationship Parallels

Wong Kar-Wai is known for making movies about star crossed lovers who are meant for each other, but aren't meant to be together.

Like Wing and Fai, Sand and Ray fill in each other's cracks in a way that complements each other. However, because of the nature of the cracks themselves, them complementing each other is exactly what makes the relationship so toxic. One stays and one goes. One takes and one gives. One is steady and one is flighty.

Most of what I wanted to say about the parallels between their relationships is in the character comparison. What I'm more interested in is the future of SandRay's relationship, especially if they continue to parallel Wing and Fai's in Happy Together.

Obviously, Wing and Fai don't end up together at the end. It wouldn't be a Wong Kar-Wai movie if they did. What is interesting is that Fai's relationship with Wing eventually pushes him into becoming something angry and spiteful. Once Wing heals, Fai knows that he'll become bored and want to leave. In an attempt to get him to stay, he steals and hides Wing's passport which is insane because they are both gay men stuck in a foreign country where they don't speak the language.

Wing, of course, leaves anyway.

There is also a third character, Chang, whom Fai ended up liking. These new feelings are what eventually pushes Fai to leave Argentina and move on from Wing and move on with his life.

The question is, if SandRay follows that same path as Happy Together, what will be the passport that Sand tries to hold over Ray and who will be Sand's Chang?

Stylistic Parallels

Smoking

Making Ray and Sand smoke is definitely an homage to Happy Together with the added bonus of being a metaphor. For the most part, we rarely see characters, especially main characters, smoke in Asian media because smoking is reserved for 'bad' characters.

Cigarettes in Happy Together represent boredom. Fai and Wing smoke at the beginning before they rekindle their relationship because they are just moving through life. Once Fai and Wing get back together, cigarettes stop making an appearance. It isn't until their relationship started deteriorating that we see the men smoking again.

This can also be said about Sand Ray's relationship. They started their 'involvement' with cigarettes. However, the last time we actually see them smoking is in ep 2 right before they hook-up. Since then, we have not seen either of them smoking. This probably means that we'll see one or both of them smoking again when their relationship starts to break down.

(In the preview for ep 5, there is an ashtray in the background on the balcony so let's see if Boston finding out about them is a catalyst for them to start breaking down.)

And of course, there is the added homoeroticism of asking for a light.

Ray's Opening and Closing Scenes

Ray's episode is really what made me go "I see you P'Jojo".

Ray's episode starts with a shot of him isolated and in emotional pain. The camera is claustrophobically close and it keeps moving around. He has a little voiceover opening. It's calm, it's contemplative, it's a little existential, and it is irrevocably sad. If that is not a Wong Kar-Wai staple, then idk what is. Even the song that starts playing gives me 80s, 90s Cantopop vibes.

Ray talks about how Mew being his emergency contact and the one he goes to. Fai talks about how Wing always comes back to him and says "Let's start over".

The movie and the episode ends with both of them once again isolated, alone. They've been through an emotional journey and they've technically moved on. But there's always the idea of not being able to fully let go in Wong Kar-Wai's movie. So just like how Fai has physically removed himself from Wing, but not emotionally, has Ray actually fully removed himself from Mew?

Cinematography

Then there's just a collection of scenes that reminded me very heavily of Happy Together and Wong Kar-Wai's style. I would have added pictures from his other movies for comparison, but Tumblr only lets me put 30 images in a post and I don't want to make a 2nd post.

This scene is specifically from the 1st trailer so I hope they keep it in the show.

This one I call the inevitability of falling. Both Sand and Fai realize they're fully committed to their decision to take care of Ray and Wing here.

The end title card

Actually, all of the end title cards give very Wong Kar-Wai vibes. Look at that saturated, neon color grading. Look at the elongated shots. The intense feeling of isolation.

I'm assuming we'll get all the characters at one point, but so far it looks like the end credit cards indicate who the narrator of each episode is.

Anyway, that's it for me! Sorry it was so long and rambling. I tried to organize my thoughts but as I was thinking, more thoughts would pop up and I'd get distracted. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

#ofts #only friends the series #only friends series #sandray #ofts meta #only friends meta #happy together #i have to post this now because if i dont ill keep writing and ive already spent too much time on this #if anyone has other screenshot comparisons post them #because there are a few more scenes that give me major wong kar-wai vibes #but im too tired to look for them now

[chawarin-panich]

Nick is absolutely the most effective seducer I have seen in my entire life! He sees people for who they are and he cares for them and treats them like people and voila instant loyal puppy for the collection.

He sees a feral cat in Boston and he’s like you know the way you fuck and suck is so cool I like it so much and instantly this man is like if you so much as make an unhappy noise I will fight the world you are my number one my cutie baby pie.

He sees a man who’s just broken up and getting back into the dating scene and self conscious about getting older and he’s like you know what you are you are a daddy the sexiest older queer archetype and you are MY daddy and this man is like please take me on trips I will kiss you I will give you job you are the best

He sees lonely queer boy in Sand and he’s like are you a lonely queer boy??? Holy shit so am I??? let’s kiss about it and then THEY DO and then he gets cuddles. Like if you for a second think that Sand would have picked Ray over Nick that night had Nick not wanted Ray to sleep with them you are kidding yourself. If Nick had expressed even the slightest bit of dissatisfaction with that situation rays ass would be OUT ON THE GRASS.

Like this is King shit. Boston fucks men so good they let him take photos of them all sexy and whatnot. Nick is on a different level. He’s amassing an army like these men will GO TO WAR for him.

#ofts nick #ofts meta #ofts #only friends the series

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 3 ("BINGBONG! MUST BE THAT WIRETAP THAT I ORDERED") EDITION

Before I get started on my episode review, I just want to gather some quick thoughts about my observations of yesterday's internet:

1) Tumblr was a lot more subdued than after the first two episodes of Only Friends. Now that I've seen episode 3, it makes a lot of sense: I've noticed that I've gotten myself prepared unconsciously before watching OF much later after everyone else through the streaming vibes on my dash. I even saw some Laws of Attraction gifs before the Only Friends gifs, ha! But there's a lot going on to dig into with OF, and it makes sense why feelings are starting to get complicated over what's happening.

2) The Ephemerality Squad ( @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan, @slayerkitty, @twig-tea, and honorary shout-out @neuroticbookworm) hit spot-on in analysis yesterday. This was definitely another episode about the fleetingness of just about everything. Let's do this.

@ranchthoughts in their ephemerality analysis yesterday hit on the two big themes of episode 3: the continued fleeting of time, and stronger attempts of control. (@slayerkitty also nailed some excellent observations about voyeurism, which I'll hopefully have time to get into in a bit.) We were left to see how Top, Sand, and Nick, respectively, dealt with the attempts of Mew, Ray, and Boston, the three college friends, to control their environments -- and their people -- around them, all to varying degrees of.... I don't think we can say success.

I wonder if I can try to map this out, this web of attempted control. But before I do this, I want to repeat something that I jotted down in my notes as I watched the episode:

These guys are spending a disproportional amount of time -- especially Boston, Sand, and Ray -- explaining that their dalliances are only fleeting and non-committal. I noted that Sand seemed to be weakening just slightly at that during the car make-out sesh with Ray. (At the same time, I think Sand was also like, this guy's available rn? Well -- awlright, whateves, shrugs, I'm in the mood.)

But more surprisingly, WOW -- is Boston EVER BAD at setting boundaries. (Considering the discussions we on Tumblr were having about Boston's shower scene last week, that is very not surprising.)

My dude. My DUDE. "YOU CAN CALL OUR RELATIONSHIP WHATEVER YOU LIKE?" You call THAT being clear about friends with benefits? Well done, dumbass. Bro, Khai from Theory of Love is waving his damn hands in front of you, being all like, "NAAWWWW, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO THIS, DUDE, NOOOOOOOOOO."

And THEN Nick taps the car, but hold up, let me get back to THAT in a sec.

Anyway: @ranchthoughts did an excellent control outline here, but I'm just going to do a very quick interpersonal web to demonstrate how these guys are actually failing spectacularly at keeping things together for their own selfishness sake:

Boston -->

1) is trying to manage his "relationship" with Nick, quite failingly 2) is trying to convince Top to sleep with him by planting in Top's mind doubts about Mew and Mew's alleged virginity

Mew -->

3) is... doing what, at this point? Top is calling Mew his boyfriend. Why is Mew still holding out on sex? What's the point of the game at this point?

Ray -->

4) is clearly intrigued by Sand, to the point of hanging out at the bar alone, and inviting Sand to perform at the pool party. But, Ray: 5) is still clearly drawn to Mew. Back to Mew:

Mew -->

6) is still very aware that he has a draw on Ray (cc @neuroticbookworm). As @neuroticbookworm noted to me last night: Mew didn't call Cheum or Boston when he lost his key. He called Top first -- of course, he had to, Top is his boyfriend. And THEN, he called Ray. Mew knew Ray was checking out Sand all night. Mew called Ray out on it. MEW ENCOURAGED RAY TO GO FOR IT. And yet, Mew called Ray, knowing likely that he was going to be interrupting something. And in a Pavlovian reaction (credit @neuroticbookworm), Ray stops everything with Sand in the car to run to Mew.

Top -->

7) is trying to control his urges around Boston, and fails quite spectacularly

Sand -->

8) tries to give Ray the ol' "just friends" razzle-dazzle, but listen, when the boi be cute like that and all kissy-kissy, then, Sand, I'm not holding it against you, you had every right to dive on in, my man. And finally:

Nick -->

9) Nick is outta control, ha. I see some corners of sympathy for Nick around this way and that, but a few words here on this.

Boston is a terrifically BAD communicator. I want to say that Boston has had a consistent message for Nick: there's nothing going on here. But that's not quite the case. Boston's ALLLLL over the place with the way he's talking to Nick.

I've been in situations where I desperately wanted a man that I was sleeping with to be my boyfriend. I know the ache of being held at arm's length. It's a horrible feeling to not quite know what your FWB is thinking about you at any given moment.

On the flip side -- oh, that flip side. This kind of reminds me of how I thought about Third in Theory of Love. Boston's inconsistent communication with Nick should, arguably, be a red flag for Nick. If Nick wants, say, a relationship with Boston, welp -- do you really want a relationship with a guy who's holding you at arm's length? I might argue that Boston's inconsistent communication is CLEAR communication that he's not ready for whatever Nick is wanting from him, whether it's a relationship or even an exclusive FWB arrangement.

Again, I know and remember the feeling of being held back, of being pushed away. But as I grew up throughout my 20s (A LONG TIME AGO, DAMN IT), I figured out that the way I could find happiness was by being accountable to myself and any future partner I might have. If a guy was wasting my time, then -- he was wasting my time, and there was no other story to it. I had to learn to move on to find what I really wanted and needed for the betterment of my life.

My man, Nick, on the other hand, taps Boston's car and hears and sees the bang-bang. Boston's up to no good, no doubt, he is messing with EVERYONE. But, Nick -- what do you want from this? Where do you think this is going to go? If I were you -- damn, brother, if I were YOUR MOM -- I'd be like, sashay away. But, no, you tapped his car, and we'll find out what's really going on with that, hopefully, in the next episodes.

Last little bits. Some blue-balling in this episode. Oof. Arguably, Mew's been putting the squeeze on Top over the long haul. But to see Ray do that to Sand in the car -- eeeeyikes. Sand walked away from that with clarity -- I was impressed.

I am not getting enough Jennie Panhan in this show. First off -- FIRST OFF -- she is SLAMMIN'. Did you see those biceps? And her calm demeanor as Yo. As opposed to Cheum, who knows that Ray can get whatever he needs, fiscally, from his father -- Yo encourages Ray to get off his ass and seek out answers to his questions and feelings about Sand himself. (@twig-tea attributes this to Yo knowing that one can't control everything in one's life, an analysis that I love.) Yo encourages a touch of independence from her friends. I wonder if this is a theme from her that will continue to unwind moving forward.

We finally saw Title! And I would like to see more Tee Teeradej, pretty pwease.

Finally, rolling back to @slayerkitty's thoughts on voyeurism: @slayerkitty posited that each episode had a different modality of voyeurism and passive participation in engagement with others, an analysis that I love. (I think that absolutely speaks to the sense of aloofness and disconnect that I continue to get out of Ray and Boston in particular.) @lurkingshan also noted that a lot of the flirtation and sex in the first three episodes have involved cameras, photography, audiences, and so on.

Voyeurism: you're watching something, but you're not necessarily participating IN IT. Your engagement with an event is at arm's length.

I want to think that this, in part, is a continued commentary on the shipped couples acting in this show, and how we're SEEING them continue to break down. We might see a kiss between Khaotung and Book next week. We've seen Neo and Force together now, acting out intimacy. There's something happening between the characters of Sand and Top that will have First and Force interacting. The passive act of expecting the shipped couples to continue to ship -- is that not voyeurism on demand on behalf of the fandom?

I don't want to be passive about this: I actively continue to cheer for the ships to sink. This episode was GREAT, it held a lot, it was complicated and very open-ended, and there's a lot that needs to be explained next week.

(Speaking of next week: I will likely not have OF meta, as I'll be moving. If I do have meta, it'll maybe be stream of consciousness from the depths of my disorganized despair. But I'll be back in action after America's Labor Day -- SUPPORT UNIONS!)

#only friends #only friends the series #only friends meta #only friends the series meta #ofts #ofts meta #forcebook #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #firstkhao #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #neomark #neo trai #mark pakin #jennie panhan #title kirati #lookjun bhasidi #nonnie pitchaporn #only friends the morning after

[thatgirl4815]

Mew treats Ray's alcohol and drug addiction like a scolding parent, which I find fascinating given that he literally held Ray in his arms while he sobbed about how worthless he was and even tried to end his life. Like, Ray clearly has a different relationship with drugs than Top, but Mew seems to equate them.

I keep saying I don't want to rip on Mew, but I feel like Mew is the one character who can say he has seen Ray at rock bottom, and yet I just get this general sense of apathy from him. Which, fair--he doesn't return Ray's feelings. But Ray is one breakdown away from doing something he won't ever come back from--as evidenced this episode--and yet it is Sand who chases Ray into the parking lot. It's Sand who saves him not only from killing others, but potentially killing himself.

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #I'm feeling very bitter about this fsr #sandray #raysand #ray pakorn #san x ray #ray x san #sanray #raysan #sand x ray #ray x sand #only friends episode 6 #only friends meta

[veinsfullofstars]

You can't tell me their first meeting didn't go something like this.

(ID: Kirby series fanart of Dark Meta Knight and Daroach in a recreation of the Princess Mononoke "You're beautiful" meme. Original screenshot below the cut for comparison. Top panel - DMK hovers against a starry sky facing forward, his wings breaching the edges of the panel and spread to make himself look more intimidating. He glares down, one angry glowing eye visible in the visor of his mask, gripping the handle of his sword in both hands as if to stab downward, subtitled "I'll cut your throat! That'll shut you up!" Bottom panel - Daroach lies on his back at a slight angle on a nighttime grassy plain, his body and cape breaching the panel in places, his paws palm-up at his sides, his wand dropped beside him. He looks upward, unperturbed by the several sharp points of DMK's sword hanging over him, eyes half-lidded and brows lifted in interest, mouth drawn open in a smile and blushed at the ends, subtitled "You're beautiful..." Of course, every metal and/or shiny surface is lightly touched with rim light and sparkles. END ID.)

Started 03/26/24, finished 03/29/24.

Original: Princess Mononoke (Hayao Miyazaki, Studio Ghibli, 1997)

#veins art #veins ships #veins fanart #fanart #kirby series #kirby #dark meta knight #daroach #dark meta knight x daroach #darkroach #rarepair #meme redraw #does this count as a high-effort shitpost? it feels like it do #stars why did I try to recreate human-proportion poses with oRB ANd rAt?? #I had to repose them so many times >_< #and don't get me started on that starsdamned rat #seriously even going through my refs didn't help much 'cause the crew at HAL Labs doesn't design him consistently either #(which admittedly does make me feel a li'l better about not always drawing him on-model) #*sigh* the things I do for my rarepair boys #also “enemies to friends-with-benefits” anyone? #I mean who said that #blood tw #<- (but only in the ref screenshot not the piece itself) #veinsfullofstars