#oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier coming out of the dentist office sobbing hysterically. Two nurses are helping him walk to geralt.

Jaskiers eyes are glassy from the nitrous oxide and his breath still reeks of it. The bard is still under the drugs effects and he is not fully coherent. But he is so distressed it makes geralts heart ache

Geralt storming up to them in rage and anger. "WHATS WRONG? What happened!?"

his eyes are stormy and he's ready to kill anyone who hurt his bard. This was supposed to be a simple procedure!

Jaskier grasping his arms desperately and sobbing "they said I can't suck dick anymore!"

One of the nurses rolls his eyes. "Just until the filling for the cavity is set. Just 24 hours"

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #lil fics #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

We all agree that jaskier would be a MENACE and chaos incarnate when he gets to kaer morhen.

He has no fear of witchers and their muscles and scowling faces. So they have no idea how to get him to behave.

Once Lambert threatened to spank him if he didn't shape up. (cause he heard that kids hate that.) It did not have the effect on jaskier he was hoping for.

Even papa vesemir gets worn out from trying to wrangle both him and Lambert. So one of the most common phrases geralt hears In winter is " GERALT! come deal with your bard!"

Geralt wants to think he is very strict. But in reality, he's as lenient as the police on national free balloon day.

Geralt drags his bard over to the corner for a TIME OUT. It lasts less than 15 seconds. Even when he accidentally blew up the west tower.

They are both very dramatic when geralt calls the punishment off. Lots of sobbing and kissing and geralt carrying jaskier around for the rest of the evening.

***

The entire time jaskier shoots the other witchers the most obnoxious smug expressions over geralt shoulder as he carries him around whispering apologies for his "punishment"

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #another day in kaer morhen #kaer morons #my writing #lil fics #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier and geralt end up needing to help a woman through labor, a monster attacked her family and the incident caused her to go into labor. The husband is injured and can't help, and they can't get her to a healer in time. So it's up to jaskier and geralt to get her through this.

Jaskier is holding her hand, wiping her brow and telling her to breath. He's doing great until the baby actually pops out. Then he squeals in a manly way, and blurts out, "GROSS, come out of an egg next time!"

After dry heaving several times, he manages to wipe off the slippery infant and give it to the mother.

Geralt fainted the instant her water broke. Every time he wakes, he looks over at her and down he goes again like a sack of grain.

It was funny the first dozen times, but now its annoying

The baby is healthy, the mother did well, and the father heals from his Injuries

And jaskier gets a new song from the experience! "The wolf with the spirit of a fainting goat"

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #lil fics #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Geralt finally opens up to jaskier about the mutagens he was subjected to, and how they have given him physical, mental, and instinctive qualities found in wolves.

He stands back, facing jaskier, but not able to meet his eyes. He clenches his fists, waiting for the bard to leave him, it's finally too much. Geralts too strange, too different, not human enough.

Jaskier thinks for a moment, and takes a step forward.

"I like your human side."

Another step. He brushes geralts hair behind his ear in a gentle caress.

"I like your Wolf side"

Another step. He's close enough they are sharing breath. Golden eyes meet blue.

"But most of all. I like your back side." Jaskier says as he finally gives into temptation and squeezes the ass he's been staring at all these years.

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #oddelleths fics #mutagens #cutagens #cute mutagens

[0dde11eth]

Can you imagine how lovely the night Is for witchers with their enhanced eyes?

The swirling galaxies, the depth of the milky ways, the dancing colors of the northern lights?

The infinite number of stars being double of what a human could observe?

Staring across a meadow with the cool moonlight dancing across the sleeping flowers?

A witchers life is a tragedy, but there are these small moments of peace and beauty that ordinary humans will never experience

#my nonsense #cute mutagens #mutagens #mutagen #oddelleths fics #the inherent tragedy of witchers

[0dde11eth]

5  times Geralt had to save Jaskier from a cult. And one time he had to save a cult from Jaskier

1. Jaskier joins a special choir! No its people worshiping sirens. The final test of faith is they get fed to said sirens.

2. Group of astronomers. They think that Melitele is going to take them on a flying boat and take them on a trip amongst the stars. No they are tripping on herbs and mushrooms in the middle of the woods at night. 

3. Living lightly: “honestly Geralt i thought youd support this one, you always insist i have too much stuff. No the leader is just robbing his followers, and geralt has to intimidate him into giving back the elven lute.

4. pyramid schemes... oh sweet Melitele so many damn pyramid schemes. 

5. a new fitness regime. Normally geralt loves the idea of jaskier working on his health. however this particular one is extremely unhealthy, has no real science to it, and a hungry jaskier is a scary jaskier. 

+ 1. the order of the white flame is taken down by jaskier burning down its entire settlement, and destroying their entire belief system by writing an entire song cycle ripping it apart. No racism on jaskiers watch thank you very much.

 (geralt has to prevent his feral little bard from becoming blood thirsty, its one thing to burn down a settlement, its another to attempt to beat their hate filled leader to death with nothing more than his fists and pure rage).

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #feral jaskier #feral bard #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Geralt got super Injured once. Which meant he had to stay at one of the temples of melite to heal

Jaskier took care of roach at his families estate, in the meantime.

Once geralt is healthy enough to travel he goes to pick up jaskier and roach.

He takes two steps into the barn and SCREAMS

Jaskier spoiled roach incessantly without geralt there to interfere. And she wasnt hauling around a heavy witcher and all his armor and stuff. So as a result she... gained a little weight

(The horns are an aesthetic choice geralt, jaskier thinks they are rather fetching.)

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #roach the horse #jaskier vs roach #horse girl geralt #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier is always so elaborate and detailed with date night planning. The amount of planning and details he puts into the average date night is unparalleled.

Geealt tries but he's not as creative, so he feels guilty because he's afraid jaskier doesn't realize the depths of his affection.

So for their anniversary he goes all out. He plans for 6 months, and asks everyone he knows, (and even strangers) for advice and help in setting it up. He dips into his savings account to splurge on every one of jaskiers favorite things.

Geralt covers jaskiers eyes to reveal the surprise. To his dismay jaskier bursts into tears. Poor geralt is terrified he did it wrong and upset jaskier.

Finally when he is composed enough to speak jaskier manages to give geralt a watery smile, "these are tears of happiness dear heart"

#oddelleths fics #my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #geraskier fluff

[0dde11eth]

So according go google:

The feeling of anxiety is physiologically almost the same as the feeling of excitement. Both feelings produce an elevated heart rate and a feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Both might make you sweat.

Imagine, geralts going in for a kiss. But then he senses jaskiers increased heart rate, he smells the adrenaline spike, he can see jaskiers hands trembling.

Oh.

Of course.

Of Course this sweet bard, with eyes shining brightly with life would be afraid of geralt. He's a mutant, a butcher, a monster.

Thank melitele that geralt saw the signs of jaskiers fear before he pushed jaskier into something he didn't want.

***

Meanwhile jaskier saw geralt lean in, ready to kiss him. But suddenly hesitating and pulling away with a shake of his head.

Oh

Of course.

Of Course geralt doesn't want to be with a pathetic human. He's been with beautiful and powerful people. He is beautiful, powerful, and destined for greatness. Why would he settle for a humble bard?

Thank melitele it didnt go any further, after all, he's shoveled enough shit onto geralt already, without adding his unrequited feelings to the list.

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #geraskier angst #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

He'd never say it out loud. But one of papa vesemirs favorite things is looking at the footprints in the snow from his pups.

They are evidence of the mischief they get into. They tell the story of their lives if you look closely and know how to read them.

Sometimes the strides are long because they are determined to get their chores over with and back into the warm keep as quickly as possible.

Sometimes the path is wobbly cause they have been drinking.

Other times it's obvious one has pushed the other over into the snow. And then was retaliated against.

There's the scuffs on the stones from where an impromptu wrestling match occurred.

There's occasionally hoof prints dancing around the foot prints when lil bleater gets out and they have to chase her down before she can cause any problems.

Every year there is also the inevitable full body print of when she headbutts Lambert when he is least expecting it and he ends up falling over.

There are white splotches everywhere from sudden and fierce Snowball fights where they fight for nothing more than simple bragging rights and the joy of carousing with your brothers.

He silently mourns the loss of these footprints as he watches them melt away each spring. He knows that the warm months will be lonely, especially without these little reminders of his pack

#my nonsense #my writing #papa vesemir #kaer morons #jaskier #geralt #another day in kaer morhen #lambert #aiden #eskel #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Vesemir is the Grumpiest kitten

Vesemir was having the strangest year of his long life. His pup geralt had not only managed to bind himself to a sorceress AND a Cintran princess, but also a member of the fairy Court.

The crashing of rocks in the background tell him that the sorceress and her pupil are hard at work, using their magic to help rebuild the northern tower. Echos of laughter drift down to vesemir. His pups are hard at work, helping put plaster in the cracks. Or at least they pretend to work hard when he's in eye sight. They still think that if they can't see him then he clearly can't tell what kind of mischief they are getting into.

Speaking of the little runaway viscount. "Hello bard."

"Good morning sir vesemir! And how are you this fine day? Ooh what are we harvesting today?"

"Watermelons, Lamberts cat brought me some seeds from his caravan last year, and I wanted to see how well they'd grow at this altitude."

Blue eyes peek over vesemirs shoulder, "I haven't seen a Watermelon in decades!" The young fae practically shouts in his excitement. "I can hardly wait, I swear between the treasures of your garden and cooking I've gained ten pounds, this last week alone!"

Vesemir chuckled at the bard, who was dressed in a shockingly bright green outfit, "true, you're beginning look like one of my watermelons"

A loud, dramatic gasp and a swat at his shoulder makes vesemir laugh even louder. "Nice try, but you're a kitten without any claws. All hissing and yowling and fluffing up trying to look scary"

"Rude!" Jaskier does indeed appear to fluff himself up as he draws in a deep breath to lecture the older wolf.

Before he can speak vesemir pats jaskiers head condescendingly. "I jest bard, a little kitten like you couldn't possibly eat an entire Watermelon. So we better save them all for the wolves. Help keep that figure trim."

Jaskier draws himself up glaring at the wolf. The teasing about his weight he can handle. Calling him a kitten? That's fine! But the audacity to not share the deliciousness of Watermelon?? This shall not stand!

"Let's see who's the kitten around here." Blue eyes become even bluer, glowing brightly as he gently taps the older Witcher on the nose with his forefinger.

"Bard what the hell are you doing!?" Vesemir roars in anger. Or at least he tries to. All that comes out is a series of tiny squeaks.

Long fingers come into view and vesemir swats them away, hissing furiously. The bards tinkling laughter fills the air and vesemir can feel himself being lifted by his scruff. Much to his annoyance, vesemir can't help how his body goes limp in response.

Jaskiers face appears in front of vesemirs own. "Oh you are the cutest thing! Yet you still look so grumpy, even as a kitten."

The bard brings vesemir closer and kisses his forehead, crooning under his breath. Vesemir growls at the affection, which just makes jaskier laugh more.

After a moment jaskier rearranges his grip, and as soon as he releases vesemirs scruff, vesemir takes advantage and attacks! With a wild yowl he scratches jaskiers cheek. A single drop of blood appears.

The fae heals it immediately, and huffs at at vesemir. "So rude! Well if you're not going to be good company, then I'll leave you be!

With that, jaskier places the cranky kitten on the ground, and decides to push his luck even further. "I look like a Watermelon do I? Well fine! A Watermelon I shall be!"

Another poof of magic fills the air, and in jaskiers place, a Watermelon sits. Rage fills vesemir at the faes antics and he scrambles around the plants and begins lecturing the fruit. bard. Whatever! He smacks the Watermelon without much success, considering how tiny his paws are. He can feel his fur fluffing up as his temper grows.

He's still yelling (mewing) at the bard to change them back, when the hungry pups wander into the garden, wanting to collect the pair for lunch.

To their surprise they see a cranky grey kitten, furiously growling and squeaking at a strange glowing Watermelon.

Lambert snorts. "Is that your bard?"

Eskels eyes widen, "is that... VESEMIR?"

Geralt simply sighs, and pinches the bridge of his nose. Vesemir will be making him run the walls nonstop for months because he brought his ridiculous bard to kaer morhen.

#my nonsense #oddelleths fics #jaskier #papa vesemir #vesemir #fae!jaskier #another day in kaer morhen #bard in kaer morhen

[0dde11eth]

Lambert has several secret habits that nobody knows about.

He always whispers "Thank you sweet Melitele" when a hunt goes well, not because he has any faith. If any Gods ever existed they have damned and abandoned him long ago.

No he whispers it because thats what his mother would say each night before he went to sleep, thanking her Goddess for taking care of her son, who she always regarded as a gift from above.

He always picks dandelions, and blows on them, watching the seeds float gently on the breeze.

He picks the first red leaf of fall and keeps it safe until spring, to make sure that they will have a safe, and warm winter

She was the lightest, softest part of his life, and he desperately holds onto any bit of her that he can.

#my nonsense #lambert #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

One year Lambert goes to oxenfurt and kills a monster that's been attacking people who work at the theater.

Instead of being paid in coin he requests the costume department create a realistic monster mask for him.

One random evening that winter, papa vesemir is very rudely woken up from his usual post supper nap.

He panics and swings his fist; solidly connecting with Lamberts temple.

The pup is bedridden for three weeks due to a severe concussion. He claims it's worth every second to have heard the high pitched squeal that papa vesemir made when he saw Lambert looming over him.

#my nonsense #lambert #papa vesemir #kaer morons #another day in kaer morhen #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

All of the witchers have gotten their tongue stuck to their swords in the winter.

It's basically a right of passage at this point. Passed on from one generation of recruits to the next.

*****

This doesn't really apply to cat witchers. Their caravan stays south for the winter months so they barely ever encounter a light powder of snow. let alone be given the opportunity to experiment with the effects of a wet appendage when in contact with frozen metal.

The first time Lambert brings Aiden to kaer morhen Aiden doesn't believe that's a thing. He's convinced Lambert is just trying to trick him into licking his sword just to make aiden look gullible. (Also ick, Aiden has seen the stuff his sword touches. No thank you.)

He mostly forgets about the entire thing until one day he's alone in the courtyard, doing some early morning training. He's taking a short break, mildy amused at the way his breath is turning into frozen clouds as he pants. Looks like I'm a dragon, he cant help but think to himself with a chuckle.

He hates the cold, but he still finds novelty in a real winter experience. How lovely snow looks when it falls in big soft flakes. The way everything glitters in the morning light. The pretty patterns the frost makes on the windows.

He looks at the steel sword in his hand, there's no way that your toungue would stick to it...right? Lambert was just telling another one of his not funny jokes.

Still...

Aiden quickly looks around. The courtyard is still empty. The rest of the wolves must still be having breakfast.

Feeling foolish he hesitantly brings his blade up to his face. Before he can change his mind he quickly flicks out his tounge. He tries to pull it back but he finds himself stuck.

Son of a bitch, puppy was right!

He panics and tries to wiggle free but just ends up even more stuck. He's so focused on trying to not peel off a layer of flesh from his toungue he doesn't hear the footsteps coming up behind him.

"Stuck?"

Aiden turns on his heel to see the bard standing a few feet away with an amused expression.

"The same thing happened to me in my first winter here. I didn't believe geralt when he said my tounge could get stuck to my lute strings. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh so hard" the bard chuckles softly at the memory. "Come on, Papa Vesimir knows how to get you unstuck easily"

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #kaer morons #another day in kaer morhen #lambert #aiden #lamden #papa vesemir #kaer morhen #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Geralt leading jaskier into a field of flowers. It's beautiful and seclude; the air is warm and sweet. Geralt smiles at jaskiers excitement. Geralt tells him that he hasn't seen the best part yet.

Very gently geralt casts aard across the meadow, ruffling the Blossoms. Waves of butterflies, each as bright as a jewel flutter into the air.

Jaskier gasps in delight as he sees the kaleidoscope of colors surrounding them. He turns to geralt to say something but the words die in his throat.

Geralt is on one knee, a silver ring held out before him.

"Marry me?"

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #geraskier fluff #oddelleths fics

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier is a very tactile person, especially when he's asleep. The first time he and geralt share a bed he ends up completely sprawled across geralts chest.

Jaskier wakes up in a pool of his own drool, and his face mashed against geralts chest. He shoots up in a panic and apologizes profusely, "i am so sorry I drooled on you while sleeping! Ugh there's so much too"

Geralt looks up at the sleepy addled bard with fond amusement, " I'm a Witcher, I've suffered worse fluids."

The smile turns into and outright laughter when jaskier starts sputtering at him.

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #geraskier fluff #oddelleths fics