#obviously not everyone has all these symptoms but it’s a good representation of the range
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what people think schizophrenia is: I hear voices and there are people living in my vents! Otherwise I’m good.
what schizophrenia really is: I have insomnia, my hunger cues and texture issues change the type of “safe food” I can eat almost every day so it’s a struggle to feed myself, my hands shake, my clothes suddenly become uncomfortable and I have to strip them off and turn them inside out, I can’t pick out people’s voices from ambient noise, I have no motivation and sometimes lose hours in a fugue state when I try to do something, I sometimes stop caring about things that are necessary to keep me alive, I feel like people are talking about me whenever I go out in public, I come up with fictional scenarios that send me into a panic, I can’t control the thoughts that run through my head, I’m either manic or fatigued during the day, sometimes sounds suddenly become so loud that they hurt my ears, I have trouble functioning in structured environments with authority figures and understanding instructions and diagrams, I have memory issues, I can never be sure if faint noises are real or my imagination. But I appreciate music and fiction a lot and I can riff endlessly on a joke.
#schizophrenia#schizo spectrum#schizoaffective#obviously not everyone has all these symptoms but it’s a good representation of the range
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Hey there! I have a friend who wants to write a character with OCD, but I'm worried that she might not have a fully accurate image of what it is. I don't really know many people with OCD, but if you could could you give some tips to pass on to her? Sorry if this is weird, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. I just thought it would be better to get information from someone who is affected by OCD than skim an article about it. Thanks again (p.s. I really love your comics!!)
This is going to go under a cut cause i wrote more than I really intended. It's very long. I put a video clip of a character who I think is a good representation in media at the end if you decide you dont want to read all of that and just skip down there.
The thing is that OCD varies a lot from person to person. My experiences arent gonna look the same as someone else's who also has it. Some people have very visible symptoms, some people have things that are still obviously ocd symptoms but would only be recognized by someone who knew what to look for, some people only have mental symptoms - you wouldnt be able to tell unless you were a mind reader. And just like any other disorder it has a range of severity.
Also not everyone's triggered by the same things. I know you said you'd rather hear from a person than an article, but I think she should look at articles that detail what typical obsessions are (Though she should go in knowing these thoughts are beyond people's control. They're sometimes extremely upsetting, and theyre of course upsetting to the person who has them. They may be very hard to read if you arent well-versed in this stuff.) In fiction I usually see perfection and contamination, but there are wayyyy more than that. Some triggers come and go even. One day I can be completely fine about something and encountering it a different day it might take me 3 months to stop spiraling about it.
An important thing that IS spread across everyone who has it is that giving into compulsions makes things worse. They are a feeling of momentary relief that can fade incredibly quickly, which is what leads people to do them over and over and over again much to the detriment of the person doing it.
There is not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. And it cannot be logic-ed with. You could be the smartest, most level headed, logical person in the world, but you cannot logic your way out of obsessive thoughts. (This usually creates an obsessive thought spiral even, which is bad and can be dangerous...)
Adding onto that, she should think hard about whether the character would know they have OCD or not. The public perception of OCD is not great. Most people dont understand what it looks like, including people who have it. And the people who do have it often feel like they cannot talk about it. (I was encouraged by a psychiatrist to never! talk about the intrusive thoughts I have to ANYONE. She sucked, but it shows the attitude that surrounds the disorder.) And whether they know or not will make a big difference in how they view themself and their mental health. Personally when I did not know I had it I was doing a lot worse mentally. A lot. Frankly it very nearly drove me to suicide. And then I found out what it was, and it helped. It didnt magically make things disappear of course, but it helped.
She also might be tempted to make the characters symptoms manifest in ways that are comedic or silly. I am not bothered by this necessarily, I think a lot of the things I do are silly and would be perceived as funny by an outsider. But if she is going to do this I ask that she makes sure she shows how frustrating and embarrassing it is for the character. If you want an example, there is a character in the show Scrubs with OCD. (Side note, Scrubs is rated TV-14 so turn back now if youre too young but)
His name is Dr Kevin Casey, though you could probably just find his scenes from looking up Scrubs OCD. He is played off as a jovial man whose disorder makes him quirky, but he is given a scene in which you can really see the toll it takes on him. One line he says "Nobody's supposed to see this" hits especially hard.
So if that was too long and you didnt read most of it the number one important thing I'd personally ask is however inconvenient this characters OCD is going to be to everyone else Id like her to make sure she shows that its a million times more inconvenient to the person who has it.
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thoughts on “growing pains”
yeah, a week late XD but this episode was way too important for me to say nothing.
You can draw a lot of conclusions about why Steven has become so isolated from the gems and Greg, and why the Gems haven’t confronted him about any of his powers going awry, and it’s honestly probably a lot of factors at once…but his conversation with Greg at the beginning of the episode really says just about everything that needs to be said on his end. It’s reflexive at this point. He never wanted to be a burden on the Gems became a habit—he never wants to be a burden or anyone. Even when he should be. Or when he’s being short-sighted about how putting off addressing his issues is just going to make them even harder to deal with down the road.
Still, it’s so heartening that connie makes him go to the hospital. It’s really a solution that’s uniquely hers, something none of his other friends or family would have thought of.
I know very few people care about Steven having a confirmed height (of five foot six), but I care and I am happy. Give me this.
Tbh, hybrid biology is my jam to the point where I didn’t want to get my hopes up for an episode that literally promised to be about examining Steven’s biology. SU has been so obfuscatory about studying Gems that it seemed like this could be bait. But the Gems’ x-rays were so fun, I was on the edge of my seat going into Steven’s x-ray--
And you know, when I said I wanted hybrid biology facts…yeah, that was a monkey’s paw there. I am so fucking impressed with this episode, and how elegantly it found a way to lead into mental trauma from physical trauma. It’s a perfect representation of his problems—wounds that healed too invisibly for anyone to notice, but the strain of the wound was always there. It was just unnoticed. It really gets across everything it’s trying to say in such a simple and easy-to-understand way. Steven always seemed invincible. He just wasn’t.
God, that scene. The way it focused on how even the weird-toned s1a episodes contributed, used that to simultaneously put the events of 1a and later episodes into another light. I’ll admit it—I diagnosed the pink glow wrong. I didn’t know what it was, but I didn’t think it was literal ptsd.
See, I didn’t expect the show to directly blame the overarching pattern of trauma Steven experienced for his actions, because it seemed to be taking it’s time, exploring each aspect of Steven’s problems through different lenses. He’s lost and without purpose after fixing everything, so he falls back on habits of being useful, trying to help people--but for some reason, that’s not working as well as it used to. He keeps hurting people. He keeps messing up. Everyone seems to be moving on, but he can’t. So he’s angry. So he’s confused. So he’s upset. So he feels even more out of control, and reaches to control even more—and inevitably lashes out because of everything he’s bottling up. Again and again, he tries to forge ahead, only to find he’s tripping himself up. It seems to be a spiral, growing from the stress of his mid-life crisis, his numerous issues (Rose just one among them), the way his upbringing has left him without the tools to really transition stages of his life.
I think I was expecting some sort of fantastical metaphor. It wasn’t going to be one thing, it was going to be everything crashing down combined, making him more and more stressed, until he snapped and blew something up (I was never a huge fan of corruption), and the rest of the show would be helping Steven and picking up the pieces. Steven has so many issues, so many problems, and it was very, very distracting to focus on all of those and so very easy to miss the forest for the trees. There seemed to be such a surplus of “whys” that their overwhelming nature was self-evident. How could someone possibly function with so many issues?
So, why is Steven acting this way?
Because X and Y and Z and CYM.
Oh, you mean the pattern of traumatic events he’s been through.
Right.
That have caused CPTSD.
...HOLY SHI--
There are so many stand-out lines in this episode, but: “My body, it’s reacting like it’s the end of the world. I think I’ve seen the world almost end so many times now that everything that goes wrong feels that…extreme.....How do I live life when it always feels like I’m about to die?!”
That hits hard. It’s real. A lot of people struggle with that every day. It’s so brutal and so bleak, and it’s hard to hear.
And it’s even harder to hear it coming from Steven. Steven, a kid who we have been through so much with, and who is still so heartbreakingly young. Even though he’s always been the viewpoint character, Steven’s range of maturity and behavior, depending on the situation, have always kind of made it hard to nail down his exact psyche. I mean, never tells you how much of his early behavior is genuine and how much of it is him trying to make the Gems laugh--you just sort of figure that out at some point, maybe as late as “Familiar”, and go oh.
So to hear that kid who, to some extent, is always gonna be that sweet little boy to us, to have him straight-up say that he feels like he’s always about to die, to know he means it, that that’s what been going, that that’s been buried inside of him for who knows how long--that this was the price all of his victories, the secret fact that he’d ruined his health in every way possible--
--yeah, it hits hard.
“Growing Pains” is really an episode that’s effective not just because, obviously, of all of SU, but all of SUF. For the last dozen episodes, Steven has been fruitlessly asking “why”, over and over. Why is he so angry? Why is he so lost? Why does he feel all of these things?
The answer to this question isn’t a flood of endless problems--It uses the entirety of SU and SUF to balance the weight of it’s precise strike, because rebecca knew exactly what she was doing here. The reason this episode feels like a reveal we always kind of knew was because that…well, diagnosing mental health disorders is about recognizing a pattern of symptoms and behaviors.
So what has SUF been doing? It’s been tracing that pattern.
In other news,iIt does freak me out that corruption theory has actual concrete evidence at this point. I’ve never been a fan, but that glowing happened and I just went…WELP. “I Am My Monster” certainly didn’t help.
I do feel bad for Connie, and I really am glad she hopefully has the maturity to not blame any of this on herself, because she’s done literally everything she could--up to and including getting Steven to go to a hospital and calling Greg well in advance of when she knew he would likely be needed--and none of this is on her. Still, here we go. Here’s the ugly side of emotional repression. It’s gotta go somewhere, and when it comes out—it comes out in ways you’re going to regret later. Obviously, having Steven’s issues just make that way, way worse. Still, they always try to treat each other with care and respect, no matter how bad things get, and that’s something really wonderful.
And one final note, concerning Greg:
A lot of people have been digging into Greg’s reasons for never taking him to a doctor, defending him by saying he was too poor to afford it or calling him out, but tbh, I like fanfoolishness’s take on it the most. He hadn’t thought he could take Steven to a normal doctor without consequences early on, and later—well, his baby was half magic. He probably thought Steven would be fine, and there a lot of other things to worry about. Not great, but it’s understandable, and dude’s not perfect.
Speaking of which: Greg is an A+ dad, I adore him, I love him to death, and he fucked up. He fucked up big time, in the way that every parent is going to, because no parent is perfect--even the ones that do their best, like him, are going to have massive blindspots. Insecurities about his inadequacy and unimportance compared to the Crystal Gems and their mission likely led to him nodding along to what was probably the Gem’s ideas of how to go about training Steven.
He didn’t want to get underfoot. He didn’t want to get in the way. He didn’t want to give bad advice, because he’s not good with Gem stuff, and it honestly makes him pretty uncomfortable these days, with everything that’s happened since Rose. In fact, him having as little to do with Gem stuff as possible is probably what was best for Steven--right?
And he never really thought about how his implicit rejection of an integral part of Steven would affect Steven. He toughed it out, the loneliness, telling himself it was for Steven’s own good...
What I’m getting at is that I’ve been hoping for a Greg character arc for ages, and Future seems like a great time for it. Better late than never. And honestly, I can’t wait to see how Greg’s attempts to parent Steven go.
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hello could you help me, i wanna write a story were onw of the characters is autistic i want a little help is there some sites about it
First of all, I’m very glad you turn to the autistic community. I’m sure you’ve seen this written a bunch of times, but just to be sure: please, please stay away from Autism Speaks. They demonize autism (basically saying autistic people ruin their families and would be better off dead). They promote a “cure” (which means aborting children that test positive for autism genes) and abusive “therapy”. A good post about why ABA is bad is HERE.This is a very good post on what to look out for in research.Tbh, I don’t go on other websites as much, so I’ll put some links of stuff that I know. For a general understanding, you can look into the DSM-V criteria (the offical criteria to diagnose autism). This won’t give you much to write a lively character, but with all the resources, it can be overwhelming. You should also definitely check out the organizations run by autistics, such as the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network and the Autistic Women’s Network.Autism is a spectrum. (See here for an explanation on what that means.) No two autistics are the same, and experience the world the same. An important tip I read was “don’t make autism their only defining trait” (it’s the same with race or sexuality, really). It’s tempting, since autism is literally affect how our brain works, but it’s better to do it in subtle ways e.g.
sensory differences (HERE is an example for sensory issues)
executive dysfunction and how to deal with it
overstimulation (also called sensory overload; common, but not universal)
the empathy thing
Eye contact
Voice stuff
“Atypical” Traits
How do special interests work?
Comorbidities and how the influence our perception of autism
Example: PTSD and Autism
This is a very cute comic that gives an overview over common issues and how to be a good ally.
For inspiration and relatable things, you can definitely check out the #actuallyautistic tag! If you need examples for sensory things: Sensory hell and Sensory heavenIf you look on tumblr, you’ll find tons of examples for stimming. The trick is obviously to write it in a way that doesn’t degrade it (especially happy flapping has become a meme that basically says people who flap are R*tarded or just insane). That goes for all autistic behavior.
Another big topic is ableism. Warning: You will fuck up. We all do. I’m autistic and I still struggle with internalized ableism a lot. That includes automatically thinking autistic behavior looks weird, or not being able to express it, hell I haven’t even told more than four people in real life I’m autistic. Autistic is still used to mean something negative and you don’t shake that easily. Just be critical of your own thinking.Ableism has many facettes, too many for me to line up here. Some include:
Not listening to us: People who talk are “obviously” too high-functioning to speak about autism, people who can’t talk are not assumed to be able to express an opinion.
Everyone has met at least one neurotypical who assumed they knew more about autism than an autistic person.
Medical ableism: Goes both directions. Either autistics are treated as if we could not make decisions, even as adults, or our problems are dismissed, especially other symptoms
Sexism: Women much less likely to receive a diagnosis or to be treated for medical problems both. Resources masterpost on autism in women
An article about lack of diagnosis in autistic women
Abuse: Can range from emotional abuse (e.g. guilt tripping, gaslighting) to physical (e.g. provoking a meltdown / sensory overload on purpose), usually both
Generally just ignoring an autistic person’s boundaries.
“Autistics are only worth something if they have a special talent” (basically Rain Man)-> dehumanization in general, “we’re not human for not having certain traits / abilities”
There’s also this huge debate on self-dx (see this post for example). In many places diagnosis is expensive and can have a lot of disadvantages (e.g. looking for jobs). Self-dx involves a shit ton of research, months and years of it, really. (Just like you are doing now!) My humble opinion: Psychologists fuck up as well, see the ableism section.
Here is a post on how to get diagnosed as an adult. And here is a post on self-dx!Here’s my story of getting diagnosed (maybe less relevant, but take it as a real life example)
Media representation of autistic people is unfortunately complete garbage for the most part:
This post has a lot of notes with people telling what irks them about media representation of disability in general.Here is a post on why The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time )a pretty popular book that we read in school as “education” about autism) is a bad representationA post on ableism in the series “Good Doctor”I couldn’t find a cohesive review of the show “Atypical” and I haven’t seen it myself, nor do I intend to, but if you go in the #atypical tag the autistic community is very clear that it’s bullshit (and also backed by Autism Speaks, so big surprise)Billy from the new power rangers is autistic! And from what I’ve heard he’s actually well-written. (A post about what the writers did right.)
Things to avoid (unless you present it in the context of ableism / being negative):
cure rhethoric
functioning labels / mental age rhetoric (See this post)
The distinction aspergers and autism (I can’t find the post explaining in detail why it’s bullshit but here’s the short version: Aspergers is an outdated concept (in the new DSM-V it doesn’t exist anymore, you’re just autistic) and it has been used to separate the “good” autistics from the “bad” (it’s ableist and a functioning label basically)
Here’s also an explanation on Aspie supremacists
emotionless character
person first language (Here is a post on why PFL is bad)
white little boy with special interest in trains (they do exist, but it’s overdone)
he’s autistic BUT- (insert special ability) Click Here
Here is a post explaining our preference for the autism label above othersHere is another post on writing autistic charactersLastly, I recently found a very good post about the difficulty of calling a character autistic in writing, you can check it out here.
I probably forgot a ton of important things, so if anyone wants to add something, please do so; or shoot me a message, whatever is more comfortable.
#dev answers#actually autistic#info masterpost#writing#asd#autism#this took around two hours to type up but it was fun lol
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Podcast: Male Survivors of Sexual Assault and Abuse
Did you know one in six males are sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday? Unfortunately, many victims are reluctant to come forward due to cultural conditioning. In today’s podcast, Gabe speaks with two psychologists about this very common but somewhat taboo issue. They tackle the prevalent myths surrounding male sexual assault and discuss why so many victims suffer in secrecy.
What can be done? Where can survivors reach out for help? Join us for an in-depth talk on this very important and under-discussed topic.
SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW
Guest information for ‘Male Sexual Assault’ Podcast Episode
Dr. Joan Cook is a clinical psychologist and Associate Professor in the Yale School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. She has over 150 scientific publications in the areas of traumatic stress, geriatric mental health and implementation science fields. Dr. Cook has worked clinically with a range of trauma survivors, including combat veterans and former prisoners of war, men and women who have been physically and sexually assaulted in childhood and adulthood, and survivors of the 2001 terrorist attack on the former World Trade Center. She has served as the principal investigator on seven federally-funded grants, was a member of the American Psychological Association (APA) Guideline Development Panel for the Treatment of PTSD and the 2016 President of APA’s Division of Trauma Psychology. Since October 2015, she has published over 80 op-eds in places like CNN, TIME Ideas, The Washington Post and The Hill.
Dr. Amy Ellis is a licensed clinical psychologist and the Assistant Director of the Trauma Resolution and Integration Program (TRIP) at Nova Southeastern University. TRIP is a university-based community mental health center that provides specialized psychological services to individuals age 18 and above who have been exposed to a traumatic situation and are currently experiencing problems in functioning as a result of the traumatic experience. Dr. Ellis has also developed specific clinical programming focusing on trauma-informed affirmative care for sexual and gender minorities as well as gender-based services focusing on male-identifying individuals at TRIP. Dr. Ellis is involved in a variety of leadership activities within the American Psychological Association (APA), including service as a Consulting Editor for three peer-reviewed journals, Guest Editor for Practice Innovations on a special issue dedicated to the role of evidence-based relationship variables in working with sexual and gender minorities, and she is also the Editor for APA’s Division 29 (Psychotherapy) website.
About The Psych Central Podcast Host
Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.
Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Male Sexual Assault’ Episode
Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.
Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.
Gabe Howard: Welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Dr. Amy Ellis and Dr. Joan Cook. Amy is a licensed clinical psychologist and the assistant director of the Trauma Resolution and Integration Program at Nova Southeastern University, and Joan is a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the Yale School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. Amy and Joan, welcome to the show.
Dr. Joan Cook: Thank you. Happy to be here.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Thank you.
Gabe Howard: Well, I am very glad to have both of you, because we have a really big topic today, we’re going to be discussing male survivors of sexual abuse and assault. And I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit when we first started putting together this episode, I thought to myself, is this a subject that we need to cover? Is it big enough? Aren’t we already discussing it? And the research that I did and the stuff that I learned from both of you, so thank you very much, is that it’s actually sort of under-discussed and underreported.
Dr. Joan Cook: Absolutely. And thank you, Gabe, for admitting to that. I think a lot of health care providers, a lot of the public and many male survivors themselves adhere to a number of male rape myths. We need to talk in this country about how rape and sexual assault of boys and men not only as possible, but actually occurs at high rates. If I could share with you just a snippet of how frequently it occurs.
Gabe Howard: Yeah, please, please. That is my next question. What are the prevalence rates?
Dr. Joan Cook: Ok. So I think a lot of people don’t know this, but at least one in six boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. One in six. And this number rises to one in four men who are sexually abused across their lifespan. That’s too many.
Gabe Howard: Obviously, any number is too many.
Dr. Joan Cook: Absolutely.
Gabe Howard: But that stat blew me away. At the start of my research for this episode, I believed that the number was half a percent, like it was just ridiculously low.
Dr. Joan Cook: Right? And I think that’s because, let’s face it, people don’t report sexual assault. Both men and women don’t tend to report it to law enforcement agencies or to the FBI. We just don’t have good crime statistics on these. Why? Shame, embarrassment, minimization, and people not believing survivors. You know, a lot of the research and the clinical scholarship that we have on sexual abuse, including the development and testing of psychosocial interventions, really focuses on women. And that’s important for sure. Absolutely. But men and boys who experience sexual abuse, they’re out there and they’re largely overlooked. They’re stigmatized or shamed by the public and sometimes by health care professionals. It’s just not acceptable.
Gabe Howard: I also noticed that pop culture covers everything. But this is not a trope in pop culture. We see the sexual assault of women in Law & Order SVU in primetime television week after week and marathons all weekend. But I can’t really think of any pop culture representation of sexual assault, rape, or trauma in pop culture at all. Outside of that one movie from the 70s with the banjo and that’s largely regarded as like a horror movie. And do you think that this plays into the public dismissing sexual assault on men and boys?
Dr. Amy Ellis: Absolutely. So what you’re picking up on is that this really just isn’t represented. We have amazing celebrities that come out like Tyler Perry who disclose sexual abuse. But it’s not often enough and it’s often with a lot of snarky comments that are written, a lot of trolling, a lot of other things. And I think this really speaks to the toxic masculinity that’s prevalent in our society. The idea that men should be able to ward off sexual abuse or they’re quote unquote, not real men. And that’s something that kind of pervades even around more kind of socially correct, politically correct people. It’s still that idea of like grow a set, or just step up, or how could you let this happen? It’s still a lot of victim blaming that I know women face as well. But I think even more so around men, which just signals to us that there’s an issue in terms of how we view masculinity in general as a society.
Gabe Howard: I feel that we should point out that, of course, we’re not contrasting and comparing male to female assault and sexual abuse in any sort of competitive nature. It’s just that we want to make sure that everybody gets the help that we need. And your research has determined that there’s a lot of men that aren’t getting the support that they need. I mean, anybody who is sexually abused or sexually assaulted, raped deserves good care. And the fact that your research has determined that a lot of men are being left out of this conversation is obviously very problematic.
Dr. Joan Cook: I appreciate that very much, Gabe, because sometimes and this is what we’ve heard from male survivors, too. Sometimes when they go to survivor meetings, you know, they are seen as perpetrators instead of survivors of violence themselves. And so they’re not as welcome at the survivor table or some survivor tables. And then even when they go to some providers, providers have said like, you know, it’s not possible that you were assaulted or you must be gay. You must have wanted it. And so all of those myths and stereotypes keep people from getting the help that they need and deserve. And working on their path to healing. And also, like you said, it is not a competition. Everyone deserves this kind of validation and attention and help improving their lives.
Gabe Howard: I could not agree more. Amy and Joan, let’s get into the meat of your research. One of the first questions that I have is what are the differences in prevalence rates and clinical presentations of men and women with sexual assault abuse histories?
Dr. Joan Cook: The rates aren’t vastly different. As I’ve mentioned earlier, it’s one in six men before their 18th birthday and then that number increases to one in four. Women do have higher rates. The CDC estimates that one in three women experience sexual assault or violence in their lifetime. The presentation, the PTSD, the substance abuse, the depression, anxiety, the suicidal ideation seems somewhat similar. Both sets of sexual abuse survivors experience it. It seems to us clinically that there’s some very prominent psychological symptoms that men have that don’t fit neatly into our diagnostic classification system. So oftentimes with men who’ve experienced sexual abuse, we see intense anger and it’s always there and it’s always seething. But it particularly comes out when they’re feeling threatened or betrayed. We see a lot of shame, a lot of feeling damaged and worried about their masculinity. We see quite a bit of sexual dysfunction, including low sex drive, erectile problems. There’s a lot of chronic pain, difficulties with sleeping. And believe it or not, you know, we don’t talk a lot about men who have eating disorders or difficulties, but we see that as well, including some negative body image. One thing also that we don’t talk about and probably, too, because this carries some shame, is that we see higher rates of sexually transmitted infections, increased sexual risk for HIV and higher sexual compulsivity. And so I think when they present to us clinically and if they’re not acknowledging a sexual abuse history and not because of their own shame, though, that could be, it could also be they haven’t been able to acknowledge it or label it accurately themselves and then connect that experience to the symptoms that they’re having, that I think we’re treating them for other difficulties instead of what’s really driving their symptoms. So they’re getting inadequate treatment.
Gabe Howard: What are some of the barriers that men face in disclosing sexual abuse and their sexual assault histories?
Dr. Amy Ellis: Well, I think it goes back to that concept of toxic masculinity. And so there’s a lot of cultural influences. So, you know, men are supposed to be powerful and invulnerable. And there’s this idea that men should always welcome sexual activity. So you’ve kind of got this just societal barrier around people wanting to come forward. And I think also it boils down to the consequences of disclosure. So are people going to regard your sexual orientation, make some sort of assumption that because you were sexually assaulted, or you must have wanted it or it says something about you. It could even just be about the risk factors involved, coming forward and wondering if you’re going to actually face more violence or more discrimination as a result. So there’s a lot of negativity there, a lot to be afraid of in terms of coming forward and that disclosure. Joan had alluded to it earlier as well, if you’re going to your doctor and your doctor also disbelieves in these things, you might be repeatedly getting shot down. And so disclosure just isn’t a safe option. I mean, honestly, it also boils down to a lack of resources or a lack of awareness of certain resources. There’s a few non-profits out there that are dedicated to working with masculine identifying individuals. And you have to know that there is a trauma in order to seek out these resources. A lot of men wouldn’t use the label of I’ve been traumatized. I’ve been sexually abused. They just don’t use that language. So really trying to capture men and their experiences and then having them be aware of what might be out there for them.
Gabe Howard: You spoke a couple of times about some of the myths that people believe about male sexual assault survivors. One of them is their sexual orientation. One of them is whether or not they’re strong. What are some other common myths regarding the sexual assault of boys and men?
Dr. Joan Cook: The first, and one of the largest, is the myth that boys and men can’t be forced to have sex against their will. And the truth is, the fact is, is that any individual can be forced to have sex against their will. If someone doesn’t want to have sex or is not able to give fully informed consent, then they’re being forced into unwanted sexual activity. Another huge one is that men who have an erection when assaulted must have wanted it or they must have enjoyed it. And the truth is that many, if not all the men that we work with have experienced unwanted or unintentional arousal during a sexual assault. Just because a man gets an erection in a painful, traumatic experience does not mean they want it. And that kind of arousal from abuse can be confusing for survivors. But what Amy and I say to the people that we work with, and the people that are participating in our large research study, is that like our heart beat or shallow breathing, physiological reactions occur like erections and they’re outside of our control. And that doesn’t mean that you brought it on. There are others, too. We could go on and on. Sadly, there’s many. One that we were reminded recently talking to one of the male survivors who lead these peer led interventions that we have is that if you are abused by a woman, the myth is that you should welcome that. So, you know, hooray for you. And the truth is, no, you should not welcome that at all. So people believe that if an older woman abuses a younger man, that should be considered a good thing. And it’s certainly not. It can have devastating consequences.
Gabe Howard: And we’ve seen this play out nationally more than once where a teacher will sexually assault a teenager. You know, a 12, 13, 14 year old and an adult woman is sexually taking advantage of that person. And we hear the jokes. They’re very common. And I remember this portrayal on South Park where all of the police officers were saying nice and giving the kid five and
Dr. Amy Ellis: Oh, yes.
Gabe Howard: The kid was traumatized. And to South Park’s credit, which I never thought I’d be saying on the show,
Dr. Joan Cook: [Laughter]
Gabe Howard: They were showing how stupid that is. The young boy was portrayed as traumatized. The teacher was portrayed as an abuser, and nobody wanted to do anything about it except for the young boy’s parents. And how ridiculous that looked. Again, very odd that I would bring up South Park in this space. But I do think that they did a good job showing how ridiculous it is that we’re OK with an adult having sex with a child and we all want to give people high fives.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Yeah. It goes right back to those barriers because if you see that happening around you, then why are you going to step forward and disclose? There is a lot to be fearful of. And to be invalidated about.
Gabe Howard: I completely agree with that. Especially for trauma, because sometimes we don’t know how we feel about traumas. We feel that something is wrong. But if the people that we trust the most are praising us, that can be very confusing, right? If the older adults in our lives are like, yeah, that’s great way to go. And you’re like, I feel badly about this, but that’s not what I’m hearing from the people in my life whom I trust.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Absolutely. And so really, family support, peer support, those are actually protective factors. So even when a child is sexually abused, knowing that they have their parents that they can turn to or peers who will be receptive or even school officials who will hear that and validate those experiences, that actually kind of staves off some of the negative consequences of traumatization. And so it really just speaks to the power of being believed. One of the most staggering statistics to me is that on average, men take 25 years to disclose their sexual abuse. That’s almost a lifetime, that’s a quarter of a lifetime of
Gabe Howard: Wow.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Keeping that locked up and inside. And yet we know disclosure and having social support are key factors in someone’s recovery and healing.
Gabe Howard: Please correct me if I’m wrong, but in this case, it’s not a matter of being believed because the adults and the authorities may believe you. They just don’t care or they don’t think that it’s anything to be worried about. So that’s two problems. Problem number one is will I be believed? And problem number two is will I be taken seriously? And I imagine that this is what leads to the statistic of it taking 25 years for a male to report, because they want to make sure that they have their own arsenal, their own agency, or maybe that’s how long it took to meet somebody whom they trust enough to be by their side. I would say probably stereotypically a spouse or maybe other male survivors.
Dr. Joan Cook: Amy and I conducted a number of focus groups a few years back with a variety of survivors, different ages, different race and ethnicities, different sexual orientations. And one of the key things people told us was that they wish we could get to boys and men and help prevent this. And if we couldn’t help prevent this horrible event and for some people, it’s not a single event. It’s ongoing or it happens to them once and then they get revictimized again by someone else at a later point in their life. They said, if you can’t help us to prevent this, can you please help us get to boys and men who’ve had this experience? Help us get to them sooner and help them heal from this. And know, they’re not alone. And one way to do that, that Amy and I have really tried to catapult and take it to the next level is giving people the validation and the support through other male survivors, through peer support. That’s what our latest grant is focused on.
Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.
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Gabe Howard: We’re back with Dr. Amy Ellis and Dr. Joan Cook discussing male survivors of sexual abuse and assault. Let’s shift gears over to treatment. What are some common treatment themes for male survivors?
Dr. Amy Ellis: First and foremost, when we’re considering treatment, it really starts with defining trauma and traumatization. So as I said, a lot of men do not label their experiences as trauma. That word carries a lot of weight. They seemingly apply it towards combat trauma or an accident and they tend to minimize experiences of unwanted sexual experiences. So just starting with identifying it and then also kind of determining the impact of that on their life, how their trauma has affected their relationships, their work, their symptoms of depression or anxiety, et cetera. As we’re talking about it, it starts to also play into defining and understanding masculinity. So really understanding how someone defines their own masculinity, how they define it in their particular cultural influences and then what their goals are around that. And so debunking these misconceptions or myths about male survivors could be a real focus of treatment. And then honestly, it’s treatment like any other treatment. Working on a lot of the other comorbid symptoms. A lot of men will present with depression and anxiety instead of the typical symptoms that we see in traumatization, post-traumatic stress disorder. And so it just really boils down to focusing on depression, anxiety, how things are playing out in the everyday here and now and tailoring our interventions to make sure that they are considering gender-based principles.
Gabe Howard: I think that people understand post-traumatic stress disorder when it comes to war, because we all acknowledge that war is awful, nobody wants to go to war, we never want to go to war again, it sort of has a good branding message, right? War is bad and it makes you sad. Whereas sexual assault, most people want to have a healthy sex life and they’ve been traumatized sexually. So I imagine that that causes some confusion. I think that it would be very, very difficult to have something that you like hurt you. We are sexual beings. So it’s a desire that most people have. So I can imagine all of those things working together. And then, of course, you take in all of the barriers and misconceptions. I’m starting to get a really good idea of how difficult this can be and how much work that you’ve had to put in to narrow down treatments that work and that men respond to. Is this what you found in your work?
Dr. Amy Ellis: I think you’re hitting it spot on in terms of some of the sexual considerations, you’re nailing down some other treatment themes. A lot of men will come in questioning their sexual orientation or their gender identity because of the experiences that have happened for them. And also exploring how to have a healthy sex life. So sometimes we’ll see sexual compulsivity or hypersexuality. Sometimes we see hyposexuality. So lack of sex drive or difficulties with maintaining an erection, as Joan had said earlier, too. So it is common for male survivors to come in and question and cope with some of these issues on a somewhat regular basis. And part of what helps is having that peer support, knowing, oh, you too. I’m not alone. So I think really the peer based support is what we have found really is aimed at healing.
Gabe Howard: Aside from peer support, which we’ve discussed and going to a therapist, what are some professional and community resources for men with histories of sexual abuse and assault?
Dr. Joan Cook: Well, there are quite a number of professional and community resources. Some of our favorites, there’s a wonderful non-profit organization, been around for at least 25 years. It’s called MaleSurvivor. It’s based out of New York City. It provides online free discussion groups for survivors and family members, chat rooms, a therapist directory. There’s another wonderful organization called MenHealing, which is based out of Utah. And they host weekends of healing, they call them, and they’re sort of retreats where you can go and meet other survivors. And they’re led by professionals. Certainly, within the APA, Amy and I have been very active in Division 56, which is the division of trauma psychology. And on their Web site, we developed free Web based resources for male survivors and for psychologists who are looking to work with male survivors clinically and research wise.
Gabe Howard: To shift gears a little bit along the same lines, what are some resources for family members and friends to help male sexual abuse survivors?
Dr. Joan Cook: On those Web sites, MenHealing and MaleSurvivor, they do have discussion forums and fact sheets that family members can go to and read about and see. I also like the V.A. has what’s called a National Center for PTSD. And on there they have, again, free factsheets, web resources, and they have incredible videos called About Face. And they feature veterans with a range of traumas, combat, military, sexual trauma, etc. And family members talking about the pain that they have experienced and the pathways to their healing. Some of the veterans who have a range of trauma experiences don’t receive the support and care that they deserve and their need. Understandably, their family members don’t understand or if they’re jacked up with their symptoms and they’re angry all the time. Those family members can be traumatized as well. So sometimes it’s not as easy for the veterans to explain themselves to their friends and family members. And it’s not so easy for their family members to come in and talk to a psychologist like me and Amy and receive psycho education and support. So sometimes these videos can be really helpful. So sometimes I will tell the veterans that I work with, ask your family member if they’re willing to sit privately, in the confines of their own home, and watch some of these videos and see some of the family members talk about their experiences. And sometimes it’s a little easier to be more empathetic to someone else than it is to be empathetic to your own loved one.
Gabe Howard: Joan, that is so true, we see that in substance abuse. We see that in mental illness. I am not surprised to hear how powerful peer support is, and I’m not surprised to hear how powerful it is to meet with other people outside of your friends and family to get the support you need, because this is big. This is a big thing. And you, you and Amy, have both taught me so much. Thank you. Thank you for everything. I really, really appreciate it.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Oh, my God thank you. Thank you for giving us this space.
Dr. Joan Cook: Exactly. We are in awe and extremely grateful. Thank you for helping us shed light on this very deserving and marginalized population.
Gabe Howard: Oh, it is my pleasure. Amy, I understand that you and Joan are running a study. Can you give us the details and where to find the study?
Dr. Amy Ellis: Yes, absolutely. We have a large study going on right now where we’re recruiting folks who are male, identifying sexual abuse survivors. And we’re going to be randomizing them to groups of their peers, led by male identifying peers who have gone through like 30 to 40 hours of training. And it’s six one and a half hour sessions that participants can go in to. So check out our Web site. It’s www.PeersForMensHealthStudy.com. We are actively recruiting through 2021 and we will just be constantly running groups over and over and over again as we get more people. And even if you are a professional, there’s our contact information on there, we’re happy to consult, talk, et cetera. If you have people you want to refer to or you just want to check out more about our team and what we’re doing, we’d love to connect with you. Always looking to spread the word and spread education.
Gabe Howard: Thank you so much, Amy. And please share the Web site with anybody you know who may need it. Again, it’s PeersForMensHealthStudy.com. And of course, the show notes will contain the link as well. Thank you all for listening to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counselling anytime, anywhere, simply by visiting to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. Also, wherever you downloaded this podcast, please give us as many stars as you feel comfortable with. Use your words. Tell us why you like it. Share us on social media. If you have any questions about the show, you can hit us up at [email protected]. Tell us what you like, what you don’t, or what topics you would like to see. We’ll see everybody next week.
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Podcast: Male Survivors of Sexual Assault and Abuse syndicated from
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Podcast: Male Survivors of Sexual Assault and Abuse
Did you know one in six males are sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday? Unfortunately, many victims are reluctant to come forward due to cultural conditioning. In today’s podcast, Gabe speaks with two psychologists about this very common but somewhat taboo issue. They tackle the prevalent myths surrounding male sexual assault and discuss why so many victims suffer in secrecy.
What can be done? Where can survivors reach out for help? Join us for an in-depth talk on this very important and under-discussed topic.
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Guest information for ‘Male Sexual Assault’ Podcast Episode
Dr. Joan Cook is a clinical psychologist and Associate Professor in the Yale School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. She has over 150 scientific publications in the areas of traumatic stress, geriatric mental health and implementation science fields. Dr. Cook has worked clinically with a range of trauma survivors, including combat veterans and former prisoners of war, men and women who have been physically and sexually assaulted in childhood and adulthood, and survivors of the 2001 terrorist attack on the former World Trade Center. She has served as the principal investigator on seven federally-funded grants, was a member of the American Psychological Association (APA) Guideline Development Panel for the Treatment of PTSD and the 2016 President of APA’s Division of Trauma Psychology. Since October 2015, she has published over 80 op-eds in places like CNN, TIME Ideas, The Washington Post and The Hill.
Dr. Amy Ellis is a licensed clinical psychologist and the Assistant Director of the Trauma Resolution and Integration Program (TRIP) at Nova Southeastern University. TRIP is a university-based community mental health center that provides specialized psychological services to individuals age 18 and above who have been exposed to a traumatic situation and are currently experiencing problems in functioning as a result of the traumatic experience. Dr. Ellis has also developed specific clinical programming focusing on trauma-informed affirmative care for sexual and gender minorities as well as gender-based services focusing on male-identifying individuals at TRIP. Dr. Ellis is involved in a variety of leadership activities within the American Psychological Association (APA), including service as a Consulting Editor for three peer-reviewed journals, Guest Editor for Practice Innovations on a special issue dedicated to the role of evidence-based relationship variables in working with sexual and gender minorities, and she is also the Editor for APA’s Division 29 (Psychotherapy) website.
About The Psych Central Podcast Host
Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.
Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Male Sexual Assault’ Episode
Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.
Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.
Gabe Howard: Welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Dr. Amy Ellis and Dr. Joan Cook. Amy is a licensed clinical psychologist and the assistant director of the Trauma Resolution and Integration Program at Nova Southeastern University, and Joan is a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the Yale School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. Amy and Joan, welcome to the show.
Dr. Joan Cook: Thank you. Happy to be here.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Thank you.
Gabe Howard: Well, I am very glad to have both of you, because we have a really big topic today, we’re going to be discussing male survivors of sexual abuse and assault. And I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit when we first started putting together this episode, I thought to myself, is this a subject that we need to cover? Is it big enough? Aren’t we already discussing it? And the research that I did and the stuff that I learned from both of you, so thank you very much, is that it’s actually sort of under-discussed and underreported.
Dr. Joan Cook: Absolutely. And thank you, Gabe, for admitting to that. I think a lot of health care providers, a lot of the public and many male survivors themselves adhere to a number of male rape myths. We need to talk in this country about how rape and sexual assault of boys and men not only as possible, but actually occurs at high rates. If I could share with you just a snippet of how frequently it occurs.
Gabe Howard: Yeah, please, please. That is my next question. What are the prevalence rates?
Dr. Joan Cook: Ok. So I think a lot of people don’t know this, but at least one in six boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. One in six. And this number rises to one in four men who are sexually abused across their lifespan. That’s too many.
Gabe Howard: Obviously, any number is too many.
Dr. Joan Cook: Absolutely.
Gabe Howard: But that stat blew me away. At the start of my research for this episode, I believed that the number was half a percent, like it was just ridiculously low.
Dr. Joan Cook: Right? And I think that’s because, let’s face it, people don’t report sexual assault. Both men and women don’t tend to report it to law enforcement agencies or to the FBI. We just don’t have good crime statistics on these. Why? Shame, embarrassment, minimization, and people not believing survivors. You know, a lot of the research and the clinical scholarship that we have on sexual abuse, including the development and testing of psychosocial interventions, really focuses on women. And that’s important for sure. Absolutely. But men and boys who experience sexual abuse, they’re out there and they’re largely overlooked. They’re stigmatized or shamed by the public and sometimes by health care professionals. It’s just not acceptable.
Gabe Howard: I also noticed that pop culture covers everything. But this is not a trope in pop culture. We see the sexual assault of women in Law & Order SVU in primetime television week after week and marathons all weekend. But I can’t really think of any pop culture representation of sexual assault, rape, or trauma in pop culture at all. Outside of that one movie from the 70s with the banjo and that’s largely regarded as like a horror movie. And do you think that this plays into the public dismissing sexual assault on men and boys?
Dr. Amy Ellis: Absolutely. So what you’re picking up on is that this really just isn’t represented. We have amazing celebrities that come out like Tyler Perry who disclose sexual abuse. But it’s not often enough and it’s often with a lot of snarky comments that are written, a lot of trolling, a lot of other things. And I think this really speaks to the toxic masculinity that’s prevalent in our society. The idea that men should be able to ward off sexual abuse or they’re quote unquote, not real men. And that’s something that kind of pervades even around more kind of socially correct, politically correct people. It’s still that idea of like grow a set, or just step up, or how could you let this happen? It’s still a lot of victim blaming that I know women face as well. But I think even more so around men, which just signals to us that there’s an issue in terms of how we view masculinity in general as a society.
Gabe Howard: I feel that we should point out that, of course, we’re not contrasting and comparing male to female assault and sexual abuse in any sort of competitive nature. It’s just that we want to make sure that everybody gets the help that we need. And your research has determined that there’s a lot of men that aren’t getting the support that they need. I mean, anybody who is sexually abused or sexually assaulted, raped deserves good care. And the fact that your research has determined that a lot of men are being left out of this conversation is obviously very problematic.
Dr. Joan Cook: I appreciate that very much, Gabe, because sometimes and this is what we’ve heard from male survivors, too. Sometimes when they go to survivor meetings, you know, they are seen as perpetrators instead of survivors of violence themselves. And so they’re not as welcome at the survivor table or some survivor tables. And then even when they go to some providers, providers have said like, you know, it’s not possible that you were assaulted or you must be gay. You must have wanted it. And so all of those myths and stereotypes keep people from getting the help that they need and deserve. And working on their path to healing. And also, like you said, it is not a competition. Everyone deserves this kind of validation and attention and help improving their lives.
Gabe Howard: I could not agree more. Amy and Joan, let’s get into the meat of your research. One of the first questions that I have is what are the differences in prevalence rates and clinical presentations of men and women with sexual assault abuse histories?
Dr. Joan Cook: The rates aren’t vastly different. As I’ve mentioned earlier, it’s one in six men before their 18th birthday and then that number increases to one in four. Women do have higher rates. The CDC estimates that one in three women experience sexual assault or violence in their lifetime. The presentation, the PTSD, the substance abuse, the depression, anxiety, the suicidal ideation seems somewhat similar. Both sets of sexual abuse survivors experience it. It seems to us clinically that there’s some very prominent psychological symptoms that men have that don’t fit neatly into our diagnostic classification system. So oftentimes with men who’ve experienced sexual abuse, we see intense anger and it’s always there and it’s always seething. But it particularly comes out when they’re feeling threatened or betrayed. We see a lot of shame, a lot of feeling damaged and worried about their masculinity. We see quite a bit of sexual dysfunction, including low sex drive, erectile problems. There’s a lot of chronic pain, difficulties with sleeping. And believe it or not, you know, we don’t talk a lot about men who have eating disorders or difficulties, but we see that as well, including some negative body image. One thing also that we don’t talk about and probably, too, because this carries some shame, is that we see higher rates of sexually transmitted infections, increased sexual risk for HIV and higher sexual compulsivity. And so I think when they present to us clinically and if they’re not acknowledging a sexual abuse history and not because of their own shame, though, that could be, it could also be they haven’t been able to acknowledge it or label it accurately themselves and then connect that experience to the symptoms that they’re having, that I think we’re treating them for other difficulties instead of what’s really driving their symptoms. So they’re getting inadequate treatment.
Gabe Howard: What are some of the barriers that men face in disclosing sexual abuse and their sexual assault histories?
Dr. Amy Ellis: Well, I think it goes back to that concept of toxic masculinity. And so there’s a lot of cultural influences. So, you know, men are supposed to be powerful and invulnerable. And there’s this idea that men should always welcome sexual activity. So you’ve kind of got this just societal barrier around people wanting to come forward. And I think also it boils down to the consequences of disclosure. So are people going to regard your sexual orientation, make some sort of assumption that because you were sexually assaulted, or you must have wanted it or it says something about you. It could even just be about the risk factors involved, coming forward and wondering if you’re going to actually face more violence or more discrimination as a result. So there’s a lot of negativity there, a lot to be afraid of in terms of coming forward and that disclosure. Joan had alluded to it earlier as well, if you’re going to your doctor and your doctor also disbelieves in these things, you might be repeatedly getting shot down. And so disclosure just isn’t a safe option. I mean, honestly, it also boils down to a lack of resources or a lack of awareness of certain resources. There’s a few non-profits out there that are dedicated to working with masculine identifying individuals. And you have to know that there is a trauma in order to seek out these resources. A lot of men wouldn’t use the label of I’ve been traumatized. I’ve been sexually abused. They just don’t use that language. So really trying to capture men and their experiences and then having them be aware of what might be out there for them.
Gabe Howard: You spoke a couple of times about some of the myths that people believe about male sexual assault survivors. One of them is their sexual orientation. One of them is whether or not they’re strong. What are some other common myths regarding the sexual assault of boys and men?
Dr. Joan Cook: The first, and one of the largest, is the myth that boys and men can’t be forced to have sex against their will. And the truth is, the fact is, is that any individual can be forced to have sex against their will. If someone doesn’t want to have sex or is not able to give fully informed consent, then they’re being forced into unwanted sexual activity. Another huge one is that men who have an erection when assaulted must have wanted it or they must have enjoyed it. And the truth is that many, if not all the men that we work with have experienced unwanted or unintentional arousal during a sexual assault. Just because a man gets an erection in a painful, traumatic experience does not mean they want it. And that kind of arousal from abuse can be confusing for survivors. But what Amy and I say to the people that we work with, and the people that are participating in our large research study, is that like our heart beat or shallow breathing, physiological reactions occur like erections and they’re outside of our control. And that doesn’t mean that you brought it on. There are others, too. We could go on and on. Sadly, there’s many. One that we were reminded recently talking to one of the male survivors who lead these peer led interventions that we have is that if you are abused by a woman, the myth is that you should welcome that. So, you know, hooray for you. And the truth is, no, you should not welcome that at all. So people believe that if an older woman abuses a younger man, that should be considered a good thing. And it’s certainly not. It can have devastating consequences.
Gabe Howard: And we’ve seen this play out nationally more than once where a teacher will sexually assault a teenager. You know, a 12, 13, 14 year old and an adult woman is sexually taking advantage of that person. And we hear the jokes. They’re very common. And I remember this portrayal on South Park where all of the police officers were saying nice and giving the kid five and
Dr. Amy Ellis: Oh, yes.
Gabe Howard: The kid was traumatized. And to South Park’s credit, which I never thought I’d be saying on the show,
Dr. Joan Cook: [Laughter]
Gabe Howard: They were showing how stupid that is. The young boy was portrayed as traumatized. The teacher was portrayed as an abuser, and nobody wanted to do anything about it except for the young boy’s parents. And how ridiculous that looked. Again, very odd that I would bring up South Park in this space. But I do think that they did a good job showing how ridiculous it is that we’re OK with an adult having sex with a child and we all want to give people high fives.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Yeah. It goes right back to those barriers because if you see that happening around you, then why are you going to step forward and disclose? There is a lot to be fearful of. And to be invalidated about.
Gabe Howard: I completely agree with that. Especially for trauma, because sometimes we don’t know how we feel about traumas. We feel that something is wrong. But if the people that we trust the most are praising us, that can be very confusing, right? If the older adults in our lives are like, yeah, that’s great way to go. And you’re like, I feel badly about this, but that’s not what I’m hearing from the people in my life whom I trust.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Absolutely. And so really, family support, peer support, those are actually protective factors. So even when a child is sexually abused, knowing that they have their parents that they can turn to or peers who will be receptive or even school officials who will hear that and validate those experiences, that actually kind of staves off some of the negative consequences of traumatization. And so it really just speaks to the power of being believed. One of the most staggering statistics to me is that on average, men take 25 years to disclose their sexual abuse. That’s almost a lifetime, that’s a quarter of a lifetime of
Gabe Howard: Wow.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Keeping that locked up and inside. And yet we know disclosure and having social support are key factors in someone’s recovery and healing.
Gabe Howard: Please correct me if I’m wrong, but in this case, it’s not a matter of being believed because the adults and the authorities may believe you. They just don’t care or they don’t think that it’s anything to be worried about. So that’s two problems. Problem number one is will I be believed? And problem number two is will I be taken seriously? And I imagine that this is what leads to the statistic of it taking 25 years for a male to report, because they want to make sure that they have their own arsenal, their own agency, or maybe that’s how long it took to meet somebody whom they trust enough to be by their side. I would say probably stereotypically a spouse or maybe other male survivors.
Dr. Joan Cook: Amy and I conducted a number of focus groups a few years back with a variety of survivors, different ages, different race and ethnicities, different sexual orientations. And one of the key things people told us was that they wish we could get to boys and men and help prevent this. And if we couldn’t help prevent this horrible event and for some people, it’s not a single event. It’s ongoing or it happens to them once and then they get revictimized again by someone else at a later point in their life. They said, if you can’t help us to prevent this, can you please help us get to boys and men who’ve had this experience? Help us get to them sooner and help them heal from this. And know, they’re not alone. And one way to do that, that Amy and I have really tried to catapult and take it to the next level is giving people the validation and the support through other male survivors, through peer support. That’s what our latest grant is focused on.
Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after these messages.
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Gabe Howard: We’re back with Dr. Amy Ellis and Dr. Joan Cook discussing male survivors of sexual abuse and assault. Let’s shift gears over to treatment. What are some common treatment themes for male survivors?
Dr. Amy Ellis: First and foremost, when we’re considering treatment, it really starts with defining trauma and traumatization. So as I said, a lot of men do not label their experiences as trauma. That word carries a lot of weight. They seemingly apply it towards combat trauma or an accident and they tend to minimize experiences of unwanted sexual experiences. So just starting with identifying it and then also kind of determining the impact of that on their life, how their trauma has affected their relationships, their work, their symptoms of depression or anxiety, et cetera. As we’re talking about it, it starts to also play into defining and understanding masculinity. So really understanding how someone defines their own masculinity, how they define it in their particular cultural influences and then what their goals are around that. And so debunking these misconceptions or myths about male survivors could be a real focus of treatment. And then honestly, it’s treatment like any other treatment. Working on a lot of the other comorbid symptoms. A lot of men will present with depression and anxiety instead of the typical symptoms that we see in traumatization, post-traumatic stress disorder. And so it just really boils down to focusing on depression, anxiety, how things are playing out in the everyday here and now and tailoring our interventions to make sure that they are considering gender-based principles.
Gabe Howard: I think that people understand post-traumatic stress disorder when it comes to war, because we all acknowledge that war is awful, nobody wants to go to war, we never want to go to war again, it sort of has a good branding message, right? War is bad and it makes you sad. Whereas sexual assault, most people want to have a healthy sex life and they’ve been traumatized sexually. So I imagine that that causes some confusion. I think that it would be very, very difficult to have something that you like hurt you. We are sexual beings. So it’s a desire that most people have. So I can imagine all of those things working together. And then, of course, you take in all of the barriers and misconceptions. I’m starting to get a really good idea of how difficult this can be and how much work that you’ve had to put in to narrow down treatments that work and that men respond to. Is this what you found in your work?
Dr. Amy Ellis: I think you’re hitting it spot on in terms of some of the sexual considerations, you’re nailing down some other treatment themes. A lot of men will come in questioning their sexual orientation or their gender identity because of the experiences that have happened for them. And also exploring how to have a healthy sex life. So sometimes we’ll see sexual compulsivity or hypersexuality. Sometimes we see hyposexuality. So lack of sex drive or difficulties with maintaining an erection, as Joan had said earlier, too. So it is common for male survivors to come in and question and cope with some of these issues on a somewhat regular basis. And part of what helps is having that peer support, knowing, oh, you too. I’m not alone. So I think really the peer based support is what we have found really is aimed at healing.
Gabe Howard: Aside from peer support, which we’ve discussed and going to a therapist, what are some professional and community resources for men with histories of sexual abuse and assault?
Dr. Joan Cook: Well, there are quite a number of professional and community resources. Some of our favorites, there’s a wonderful non-profit organization, been around for at least 25 years. It’s called MaleSurvivor. It’s based out of New York City. It provides online free discussion groups for survivors and family members, chat rooms, a therapist directory. There’s another wonderful organization called MenHealing, which is based out of Utah. And they host weekends of healing, they call them, and they’re sort of retreats where you can go and meet other survivors. And they’re led by professionals. Certainly, within the APA, Amy and I have been very active in Division 56, which is the division of trauma psychology. And on their Web site, we developed free Web based resources for male survivors and for psychologists who are looking to work with male survivors clinically and research wise.
Gabe Howard: To shift gears a little bit along the same lines, what are some resources for family members and friends to help male sexual abuse survivors?
Dr. Joan Cook: On those Web sites, MenHealing and MaleSurvivor, they do have discussion forums and fact sheets that family members can go to and read about and see. I also like the V.A. has what’s called a National Center for PTSD. And on there they have, again, free factsheets, web resources, and they have incredible videos called About Face. And they feature veterans with a range of traumas, combat, military, sexual trauma, etc. And family members talking about the pain that they have experienced and the pathways to their healing. Some of the veterans who have a range of trauma experiences don’t receive the support and care that they deserve and their need. Understandably, their family members don’t understand or if they’re jacked up with their symptoms and they’re angry all the time. Those family members can be traumatized as well. So sometimes it’s not as easy for the veterans to explain themselves to their friends and family members. And it’s not so easy for their family members to come in and talk to a psychologist like me and Amy and receive psycho education and support. So sometimes these videos can be really helpful. So sometimes I will tell the veterans that I work with, ask your family member if they’re willing to sit privately, in the confines of their own home, and watch some of these videos and see some of the family members talk about their experiences. And sometimes it’s a little easier to be more empathetic to someone else than it is to be empathetic to your own loved one.
Gabe Howard: Joan, that is so true, we see that in substance abuse. We see that in mental illness. I am not surprised to hear how powerful peer support is, and I’m not surprised to hear how powerful it is to meet with other people outside of your friends and family to get the support you need, because this is big. This is a big thing. And you, you and Amy, have both taught me so much. Thank you. Thank you for everything. I really, really appreciate it.
Dr. Amy Ellis: Oh, my God thank you. Thank you for giving us this space.
Dr. Joan Cook: Exactly. We are in awe and extremely grateful. Thank you for helping us shed light on this very deserving and marginalized population.
Gabe Howard: Oh, it is my pleasure. Amy, I understand that you and Joan are running a study. Can you give us the details and where to find the study?
Dr. Amy Ellis: Yes, absolutely. We have a large study going on right now where we’re recruiting folks who are male, identifying sexual abuse survivors. And we’re going to be randomizing them to groups of their peers, led by male identifying peers who have gone through like 30 to 40 hours of training. And it’s six one and a half hour sessions that participants can go in to. So check out our Web site. It’s www.PeersForMensHealthStudy.com. We are actively recruiting through 2021 and we will just be constantly running groups over and over and over again as we get more people. And even if you are a professional, there’s our contact information on there, we’re happy to consult, talk, et cetera. If you have people you want to refer to or you just want to check out more about our team and what we’re doing, we’d love to connect with you. Always looking to spread the word and spread education.
Gabe Howard: Thank you so much, Amy. And please share the Web site with anybody you know who may need it. Again, it’s PeersForMensHealthStudy.com. And of course, the show notes will contain the link as well. Thank you all for listening to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counselling anytime, anywhere, simply by visiting to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. Also, wherever you downloaded this podcast, please give us as many stars as you feel comfortable with. Use your words. Tell us why you like it. Share us on social media. If you have any questions about the show, you can hit us up at [email protected]. Tell us what you like, what you don’t, or what topics you would like to see. We’ll see everybody next week.
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