#not to mention I see myself as like...someone that switches presentation often but still ids as a man under it all

[twistedblud]

I have this image in my head of breaking up with Dom and talking to his family after the break up and of course I came to you. thank you!!❤

Summary: Self explanatory from the submission. Y/N and Dom go through a break up and she finally sits down to talk to his mom.

Warning(s): Angst, mentions of cheating, and mentions of anxiety.

A/N: Also, a tad bit long. But, i’m a sucker for detail. Enjoy :)

Y/N wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing, legs still entangled within the silk sheets. She reached over to the nightstand, lazily answering the phone, not bothering to check the caller ID. Rubbing her right eye, Y/N mumbled into the phone. “Hello?” Y/N made out while still half asleep. Whoever was calling surely had a good reason. Hopefully.

“Y/N! hello. It’s wonderful to hear your voice dear.” Y/N shot up in the bed, quickly recognizing who the cheery voice belonged to. It belonged to Sam Harrison, Dominic’s mother. Surely she had heard about the break up, assuming Dom was able to tell her.

Sam exhaled slowly, giving Y/N time to process the sudden phone call. “Listen dear, I know this may be too much to ask. Given the circumstances of course. But I’d love to talk with you later on” Sam presented the idea to Y/N. Y/N wasn’t sure how she’d react if Dom was there. She wasn’t able to face him, especially right now.

Rubbing the side of her head, Y/N propped herself up and leaned back into the headboard. “Um..will Dom-Dominic be around? I’d rather not-”

“No dear, he’s not here. The last I had heard from him, he was in the states with someone. I’ll give you some time to consider Y/N. Send a message if you’re up to call. Speak soon, love” and with that, Sam hung up. She absolutely adored Y/N and wanted to see her, but still respected whatever decision she made.

Y/N tossed her phone back on the nightstand and let out a cry of frustration. She never wanted Sam to be in the middle of this. Sam was like a second mother to Y/N. Ever since Dom and Y/N had began their relationship, Y/N looked forward to visiting for the holidays.

Beginning to make the bed, she frowned at the sight of the comforter. It reminded her too much of him. The late nights he’d spend engulfed in the sheets with her, comforting her during anxiety attacks that overcame her during the darkest times in her life, or just simply there.

With Y/N.

She remembered the previous night scrolling through her mentions on Twitter and her tags on Instagram, greeted with the same picture of her now ex-boyfriend with her. He sat on a couch posing closely with a girl Y/N knew all too well about. Mariah. Mariah was one of Dom’s closest friends, meeting him during a show in LA. Y/N knew Dom didn’t like the states as much as being back home, so she believed him. Every single time.

“Taking a flight home back to my mum, Y/N. I should be back by Monday.”

“Getting a bit homesick, love. Might go check on my mum back home for a bit.”

Eventually, Y/N put all the clues together. Dom never took her along unless it was for a special occasion or the holidays. Dom would rarely see his mum. Instead, he snuck his friend, Mariah, to numerous parties which often led to a late-night rendezvous. In other words, Dom cheated. Numerous times on Y/N.

She tried to forgive Dom. She tried, but simply couldn’t. She moved the tiny bit of her stuff out of him semi-used apartment in LA and left. Without closure.

Maybe Sam can be her closure. After their conversation she can move on with her career, and just life. Y/N took a seat on the bed, carefully thinking before grabbing her phone and heading to the Messages app, typing out a text.

Y/N🌺: I’d love to talk to you Sam.

Y/N🌺: Can we shoot for 1pm, my time?

Dom’s Mum😇: I’m so happy to hear that love

Dom’s Mum😇: We can shoot for 1pm. Take all the time you need! xx

-

12:58pm. Y/N had tried to prepareherself from earlier in the morning on what she would say. But the truth was, Y/N was nervous. All the time she had had and still didn’t know how she could face speaking to Dom’s mom. Her phone rang, snapping her out of her thoughts as she hesitantly answered it.

“Y/N, my dear. I hope I’m not too early” Dom’s mom chuckled on the phone, causing Y/N to let out a small laugh. She loved how concerned yet warm-hearted Sam was. Calling to check on her and making sure to give Y/N time.

Y/N began pacing in the living room and fidgeting with numerous magazines. “Um- nope! Never too early. If it were up to me, I’d be late” Y/N let out an almost forced laugh, which she hoped Sam wouldn’t pick up on.

“Ah, no worries Y/N. I told you to take how ever much time you needed. How are you dear? Truthfully?” Sam switched into her more worried-some tone, urging Y/N to finally take a seat on the couch. Here it goes.

Taking a silent breath, Y/N made out a few coherent sentences..“I-I’m okay? Just...busy. With working and my classes, it’s been stressful. But I’ve managed so far. How are you, Sam?” Y/N held her breath and prayed to God that she could be cuddled up in her bed.

“Y/N, dear. This call isn’t about me. I appreciate you asking how I am, but I’d love to make sure you and only you are okay” Sam continued. “I heard almost everything about with Dom, love. I cannot excuse my son’s actions but what I can do is let you know that you are loved and appreciated. I just want you to listen and take everything in.” Y/N shifted in her spot, feeling tears threatening to pool out of her eyes.

“Although you and Dom may not be together anymore, I still care for you. I cannot imagine the hurt he has put you through. Dom has always been the sweetest. I’ve wondered every day how my boy could do such harm.” Sam stopped, allowing Y/N to finally speak.

“I appreciate you so much Sam. It has been a rough few weeks but I’ve been hanging in. You’ve done a great at raising Dominic. He’s an amazing person. But I just can’t be with him. I wonder myself where he went wrong. But you have nothing to be sorry or regretful about. This is out of your hands.” Y/N sniffled, reassuring the older woman on the other line.

She started back up again. “I-I appreciate you reaching out. I-It means the world to me. I’m sorry I’m just- this is so much and I-”

Sam smiled to herself, happy to hear Y/N’s previous statement. “Don’t worry yourself Y/N. Take care. Don’t be afraid to reach out for anything. There’s still love for you in this household.”

Y/N smiled to herself, before letting the phone line disconnect, allowing any stray tears to make their way down.

#yungblud #dominic harrison #dominic harrison imagine #thissucksimsosorry #it’s12amsoimayhavemadeerrors #hopeuenjoyanon❤️

[passionandpurposeblog-blog]

Sexuality: No More to say and so over it

A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?” 

“LMFAO” 

‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’ 

Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it. 

I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.  

What is it with the labels?  

It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.  

Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here* 

“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!   

I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?  

But! And there is a But!  

Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.  

I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.  

Awwwww did someone emasculate you? 

I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.  

I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid.  About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie.  So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’. 

One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.  

I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow. 

As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person.  I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to. 

 I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’  

The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.  

I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine. 

I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)  

Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!  

Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me. 

I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped speaking about it  back in my twenties. 

Yawn.  

No one owns me and no one dictates.

I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed. 

Keep your own truth

#sexulaity #bisexuality fragility homophobia lgbt straight labels b52s #sexuality #cockhungry

[herestheteaig]

What should I do??

Hi, I don’t really know if anyone will see this but I'm gonna try, just incase. If you do choose to respond, you can be as brutally honest & unbiased as you’d like, I’m not easily offended.

I am f19, and have been in a relationship with m18 for almost 6 years. For the sake of his privacy lets call him Joe.

lets call me Mina.

Backstory:

- Joe & I have been together since we were 13, we went to the same secondary school & college (for Americans, same middle school & high school)

- we had been close friends since we were like 11, very visibly super close friends in school.

- when we started dating at the end of our second year, we spent the entire summer together.

- when we got back he just... pretended I didn't exist????

- like tf?

- anyway, we were still hanging out outside of school, but my school separate the year based on grades in third year, so I was placed in X and he was placed in Y, therefore we had 0 classes together

- though, in the corridors, at lunch, at break, etc, he’d pretend I didn't exist???

- he also told me not to tell anyone we were dating???

- this lasted maybe 2 years? until I got really mad and he started acknowledging me in our final year of secondary school & people knew we were dating.

- his mum ended up convincing me to apply to the same college as him, we did different courses so rarely saw each other, but occasionally took the train together on one of our mutual starting times.

- now, I go to university about 2 hours away from our hometown and live there, he doesn’t go to university at all.

the catfish:

- of course the initial: “don’t tell anyone we’re dating”

- when I was still 13, I did something SUPER childish, though no regrets and made a fake iMessage account so he’d think someone was texting him.

- I used Loren Gray’s picture because this boy had NO social medias, he was SO anti it.

- anyway, pretended I had gotten his number on Facebook, and that I had seen him at athletics (he’s an athlete) and I thought he was attractive and asked if he had a girlfriend

- then we went through this long “no I don't” “jk I do” back and forth bullshit. 

- oh he also didn't tell me about her until I said she had messaged me, but whatever idc but that's the first piece of info. 

Sabrina:

- next, I must've been 15?? idk exactly how old I am

- I do not and have NEVER cared who my boyfriend talks to, girl, boy, non-binary, whatever, I don't give a shit. 

- so I'm on his phone, taking snapchats to save to his memories and I kept seeing this girls name pop up. 

- let’s call her Sabrina.

- I had noticed he talks to her a LOT, but he never had mentioned her, but eh its whatever... probably just one of his friends, right?

- I used to just message his friends on his phone so I went onto her chat intending to be like “heyyyy bro, nice to meet you my name is Mina, do you wanna be friends?”

- but I'm seeing messages talking about: “what age would you have sex?”

- side note: he and I both lost our virginities when we were 15, later this year but at this point we had both been “handsy” down there??? 

- anyway she says “18″, he says “you know its legal at 16 tho right?

- “yeah, but still 18″

- “why not 16″

- whatever I don't remember the entire convo.

- so I was like hmm this is a bit sus and scrolled up to see their messages. 

- “do you have a girlfriend” “no” “actually yes” “im joking, no.”

- so im like wait what???

- anyway, I don't mention it for like 7 months? he denies it before saying what he said was innocent and he was just curious in a friendly way. 

- I let it go.

Kendall:

- I was probably 16 or almost 17 at this point 

- again, for privacy, we’ll call this girl Kendall.

- Kendall and I have a mutual friend, we’ll call her Tiana.

- Tiana and I were best friends.

- One day, Tiana messaged me and said hey, my friend Kendall was speaking to  Joe & realised wait isn't that Mina’s boyfriend and sent me these screenshots as soon as she realised.

- I had probably seen her name in his recent chats but didn't care enough to ask about it.

- anyway, the screenshots were just him being super flirty with emojis? like sounds childish but you know what I mean.

- and he was joking about “go to bed its past your bed time” and she was like “no why are you chatting, you’re up too”

- then. THEN. THIS BOI HAS THE AUDACITY.

- “shush and listen to your daddy”

- wHAT.

- I immediately confront him and he denies knowing anyone of that name at first, before saying oh I didn't mean it like that, it was like a mum/ dad joke we have

- so again, I let it go

Adrien:

- back in school, my maths teacher sent myself and this boy to the study area which is an open space in the school, visible from all levels.

- lets call him Adrien.

- note: adrien and I were both quite smart and in top set for most classes, our surnames are next to eachother on the register so were often seated beside each other. 

- we were very very close FRIENDS

- so we’re doing work, chatting a bit- whatever

- at some point, he jokingly pushes my head away, idk what I said, I do not remember. 

- note: the entire school is IN CLASS.

- a few seconds later, I feel my phone vibrate, sneak it out of my pocket to see a text from Joe: “why is Adrien touching your face?”

- I look around and no ones there, anyway he still gets mad about it now.

Other stuff:

- he used to threaten to kill himself if i broke up with him

- or if we were arguing he’d say he can do this anymore, imply suicide, the leave his phone for ages and get super mad if I contacted his sister or mum to find out if he was safe.

- sometimes i’d see him joking around on his sisters snapchat story when I'm panicking because he said he’d kill himself.

- I'm not materialistic, but the fact that he rarely would get me bday/xmas presents was kinda upsetting. (he has a lot of money, my family is broke but I make the BIGGEST deal out of xmas and his bday and everything)

- would work extra hours so he’d feel so so spoiled on xmas and his bday. 

- once he got me just a xmas themed toilet roll on Christmas, last year he gave me a small jar of vegan candies.

- I think he acknowledged valentines day twice in our relationship? 

- which was sad because pre-relationship, valentines was my fave day of the year & I'd hand out heart shaped chocolates to everyone at school.

- often blames his mental health on me.

- will cut me off and then act like I'm the one not listening to HIS problems. 

- if another guy has a crush on ME, then he gets mad at me?

- every boy in my college class admitted to having a crush on me at some point, awkward but my course was reliant on group projects so I couldn't just block them??? they all knew I had a bf

Extra:

- I have never orgasmed ONCE in my entire life... rip

- when I say he is ACTUALLY jealous, I mean like ACTUALLY jealous of me having a crush on like... cartoon characters?? (& also anime characters)

- has said sexist and transphobic things, that I DRAGGED him for.

- I think he's very manipulative and also immature. 

- hates that I'm smart

- HATES that my love language is acts of service. like HATES it.

- there's more but I won't bore you.

mini story:

- we went to Paris for my 18th birthday. 

- he tried to break up with me right before because “he feels like shit compared to other guys”

- I was crying down the phone (I never ever cry) begging him to reconsider

- we went to Paris, it was nice. 

- note: we also had sex there

- and then we get back and he says: “I hated you the entire time” and other stuff but I don't remember

this is according to him:

- I think I'm right all the time and think im little miss perfect

- I put in no effort

- I do not listen

- I just need to realise that all my male friends are only my friends because they want to fuck me.

- I do not care about anything

- I assume things 

- I compare him to other guys????

- I make him feel like shit 

(his words, though I disagree)

- we have been in a relationship for almost 6 years

- he’s my friend

- I love his family so much, I've watched his nephew grow up and I text his sister and I just love them.

- though he isn’t my type on paper, I do find him attractive 

- we have somewhat similar kinks

- my family seem to like him

- not gonna lie, we’d make cute babies.

- we both enjoy sports and also he sometimes plays video games with me (I'm an avid gamer, I twitch stream and play PC, PS4 & Switch, he sometimes will play fortnite or Mario kart with me)

- we have this cute cheerleader/ athlete thing which I like

- oh, right, pls don't judge this but its important to me to raise my children plant-based until they're old enough to decide for themselves- he isn't plant-based but is 100% onboard which is very important to me.

- has done cute things for me before like turn up at my house with my fave candy or buy an extra pack of gum/ drink for me.

- this sounds irrelevant, but I DO love to party/rave but I do not drink alcohol, I actually have a weird phobia of it, though I would 100% get high

- Joe and I both do not drink and although that's not something id look for in a s/o, it made me feel like I wasn't the only one lmao. 

- my first & only relationship

ANWYAY, we’ve been arguing for months, if you see this what do you think I should do? would it be overreacting to break up? I would still wanna be his friend because I care but I dunno what to do

#advice #i need help #relationship #toxic #toxic relationship #please help #relationship advice #help #send help

[crispturquoisewater]

Another day, another battle...

I constantly find myself astounded at the gaslighting that goes on from the doctors at my surgery. It’s absolutely shocking, and has recently brought to my mind the podcast ‘Dr Death’. When listening to this podcast, as a naive listener, you think ‘how could this guy possibly get away with this for so long?!’ But it’s simple really, doctors stick together and belittle patients. So, any complaint that is raised is dissolved or made to be the patient’s ‘mosunderstanding’ and is flung carelessly into the ether.

Yesterday, I called the surgery and spoke to one of the new doctors. I had to request repeat blood test (which were already requested on the letter from hospital for the surgery to carry out but of course that doesn’t happen without having to make an appointment). I mentioned that at the weekend, whilst bleeding profusely and in agonising pain in my kidneys, I didn’t know what to do. I received no answer or advice. I said that I’m waiting for a referral for nephrology, but that doctor X had refused to make the referral because he said that it wasn’t his job and that he wanted to make a point that the hospital could not “workload shift”. Immediately, this new doctor jumped in and “explained” (like I’m fucking incompetent) what doctor X meant by his comments, and that actually he was saying that it was quicker for the referral to be done in-house and that it would be easier for me if it was done this way (queue internal scream of utter fucking frustration!).

Firstly, do not patronise me. I am a grown women who, despite everything I am going through, is perfectly competent and reasonable - unlike like the doctors at my practice. Secondly, how unfathomable that a doctor that was not a part of the conversation thinks she has any right to tell me what was actually said(?! Arghhhh!!).

As much as I was infuriated by her blatant attempt to manipulate and dismiss what doctor X had so clearly said (I still find it astonishing that a doctor would try and tell someone else what happened in a conversation that they were not present in - she didn’t even say, ‘I think what he meant was’... just flat out gaslighted me. Nope, no denying it, he called the hospital lazy, was furious that they hadn’t done their job, and was perfectly happy to see his patient suffer in pain, rather than make the referral, in order to prove a point, because they “had to learn”. Narcissism at its finest), I still kept my cool and was polite and explained that he was clear in what he so emphatically and angrily stated. What I wanted to say was, how the hell do you think you know what was said or meant? But I didn’t. She then went on to try and patronise me further by explaining how the system works. I’m very clear on how the system works. For a period of time - not so long ago - I worked in an area of the NHS. I know perfectly well how the system works, but it incredibly concerning that they do not. However, brilliant to know that they are ignoring patients’ requests, and filling their responses with a load of infantile lies.

It may seem like nothing important, but this constant belittling is having a massive affect on my self-worth and self-belief. I try not to let their gaslighting affect me, but it does. Massively. As I am sure is the point. After all, if you continue to feel worthless or lacking in self-confidence, you will stop pushing for the treatment you deserve.

After we’d moved on from that, I asked to be referred to physiotherapy. I’ve got osteoarthritis, and due to severe bone pain and joint swelling, I can barely walk anymore - even around my apartment - and I desperately need someone to look at me, and help me. For a normal surgery, this should be simple. You have a physical problem including joint pain and muscle weakness, you get referred to physio. The fact that I cannot walk properly, and barely at all anymore due to the pain in my feet being so severe, is not normal. I have been reporting worsening bone pain and swollen joints for six months.

At the end of December I insisted on actually being seen in practice because the pain in my lower back and legs was so severe (they still weren’t seeing anyone due to covid). The doctor openly mocked me, asked me no questions about how long id had the pain (even though I’d reported it multiple times), told me that she “does yoga”, like I was lazy and not helping myself (I’d actually started physio of my own from watching videos to try and help myself), and told me that MRIs were SOLELY used if a patient was considering neurosurgery and not for any other reason (🥴 I’d asked for an MRI because the pain in my spine and hips were so bad and had been progressing for four months. I was at the point of not being able to sleep or stand for long properly). Actually (as well as arthritis), what that SEVERE pain turned out to be, was adrenal crisis. My cortisol levels was so low that it was (as the A&E doctor put it), barely existent. And all the symptoms I was reporting were clearly it.

I don’t mind a doctor not knowing something - they clearly are not trained in everything - but please do not mock me or make me out to be a hypochondriac without even looking into it or trying to find out. I came away from that appointment distraught at being belittled, again. Oddly, when I found out that I had adrenal insufficiency, I actually felt vindicated, because I think their attitude towards actually made had started to make me doubt myself.

I truly feel for people who present with traumatic symptoms of mental illness. My symptoms are physical. My bloods are showing issues. Im pissing blood. I’m unable to walk properly or without pain, and yet I am STILL being treated as though I am making the seriousness of this up. I can only imagine how harrowing it must be when there is nothing physical to show. And my heart goes out to you. I’ve spoken to friends who have been mocked or belittled by doctors over their mental health. Im so sorry they do this to you, and us. They are definitely in the wrong profession. The one they must switch to is the Narcissistic House of Disbelief.

Anyhoo, I digress.

So, what should have been a simple request for referral, turned into another battle. The doctor will not refer me until she gets my latest bloods back. And then she will decide if she deems it worthy of me to see a physio. I am in so much pain I can’t describe. How is it that our health is at the mercy of these people?

So, now, almost totally unable to walk because any pressure on my feet is so agonising, and my knees are ankles are so swollen (I’m vegan and eat a healthy diet, this is not excess salt or fats), I am left, yet again, in pain and without a referral.

It’s utterly exasperating. Totally and utterly exasperating, and draining, and mentally, emotionally and physically horrendous, which counteracts my ability to get better, because I end up facing a constant stress from the people that are supposed to help. And stress makes the symptoms worse.

Yesterday, after this agonising call with the doctor, after which I thanked her for her time (despite feeling despair inside - no need for me to be rude, even though the anxiety of each call with that surgery knaws like a ball inside my gut), I had to call the hospital to see if the referral had been made their end (it hasn’t - they simply sent the same letter back to surgery), had to call a different part of the hospital to see if the bloods had been put on the system and then call the blood department to make the booking. That was aside from five other phone calls chasing things. Being ill is a full-time job. And not made easier by doctors with inflated egos who believe they are untouchable.

If you haven’t listened to Dr Death, listen to it. It’s very easy in this situation to believe that this is only happening to you. But it isn’t. My surgery has a 2 star rating. That is testament to the fact that this is not just happening to me. But who will change it? No one, likely. Because complaints are buried. Patients are ignored. And you’re made out to be a complete crazy who somehow, and for reason, wants to be sick.

And why don’t I change? Because my illness is complex, and I don’t have the strength to start again. Also, I don’t believe that any other surgery will be any better. If it’s anything more than a cough and cold, they don’t want to know. Actual doctoring rarely goes on.

I want to finish this blog with a praise to doctors in A&E. because my surgery refuse to look at issues or pay attention to serious problems, it forces patients to go to A&E - because they’re not overstretched and exhausted enough already. Due to having a reaction to my new medication, I ended up there two weeks ago. And the doctors and team were fantastic. I was there seven hours, but I never, ever moan about the wait. These people are inundated with cases. And the reason it took so long is because I had to wait to see a specialist medical team once my bloods had come back. But, throughout, I was treated with respect and dignity, and left feeling assured that I was okay.

Respect and dignity should be a given, however, unfortunately, so often it is not. I do believe some doctors that have been practising for a long time believe themselves to be untouchable, and that is a dangerous precedent to set. But unfortunately, I believe it is one that rings true far often than anyone would like to admit.

Maybe if I was a man, and spoke to them with rage, I would receive a different result. It’s amazing how respect is expected one way, and not the other.

Is the NHS sexist? I think so...

[jewelwriter]

Beyond Level 1 Presents: Pokémon Part 7 (Sun & Moon)

In this new age of Pokémon, it’s time to say Alola to the world of… a messed up family line.  And a painfully long mess we get to play though in a way.

 Yea… this review isn’t as clean cut as the others and I have had time to play it since Christmas (to evade being on a hype railroad and to try to understand the game where I see it) and I’m glad that I did just that, waited.  My review might not be what everyone wants but then again I’m asking a lot of people to listen to me on this for the count of a few things.  First, sure this is a game of beauty but visuals are objective and I’ll cover this more in flow but when some basics are lost at the expense of others, I worry.  Second, I’m doing another play though to see if having someone different helps but I will say that I’ll never go for the “FIGHTING” type that we got.  AND I WILL DEFEND THIS TO THE END THAT LITTEN’S FINAL EVOLUTION IS A FIGHTING TYPE!  Pardon there. I kind of still don’t see how come people are willing to ignore what the context is on that Pokémon.  And third I will be warning of spoilers where it is due, likely in story and bosses.  Thanks in advance and I’ll let rip my review that goes beyond level 1 of the game Pokémon Sun!

 Control – (Silver)

This is kind of new and yet comfy at the same time. The controls for the over world are ALL linked to the stick to give you a free spot with the D-pad to link up with HM heroes.  That’s what I’m calling them.  Throughout this generation I might as well call them that.  You got running speed fright from the start and can even have a bit of fun. In battle either works which is a bleeping joy and touch helps speed up who needs a change or patch up.  OF course a bigger problem that doesn’t come to mind is how easy it is to miss the bottom screen.  Say high to the thing that ate up all the swift tap buttons to try and save time going to menus and hello to the X button which will house more than 6 but 12 options.  The first is the usual stuff like your Pokedex, your Pokémon, your luggage, your Save, your options, and lastly the Passport which is your trainer ID.  Then the new stuff comes up featuring Pokémon Refresh (the simplified and gutted Pokémon Amie), Pokémon Pelago (your Pokémon Daycare for those who are boxed up with nothing to do.), Festival Plaza (your interaction hub), QR scan (allowing you to SEE all Pokémon in the digital dictionary), Quick Link for local play, and Battle video…which I haven’t gotten anything yet but would go for it if I get some video recordings.  I clearly enjoy how there’s a lot to take in but yet feel it stepped backwards.  So sorry the Silver rating is needed for this section.

Story – (Silver/Gold)

Spoiler Warning take effect here!

A normal game of Pokémon has a story that is stolen by a crazy FAMILY!  Let’s see… the first you met stolen a legendary to be and yet it was also a caring gal that would likely not to be a trainer that we’d see.  And get such a taste of the new challenges of the story where we see a gang wanting to jack things up and an organization that wants to care for those that were hurt...which flipped into a rescue mission and finding out that in the saviors is a really TWISTED b!tc# and she’s the reason her son and daughter ran from the place.  By the GODS what a way to push story into the spotlight!  Also with how she insults the player char in a way kind of hurts for those that are dedicated to a team.  It felt like she was aiming to the competitive players which I would get a laugh about so I feel it’s silly.  And the final battle with the evil President is a bit annoying since her team is “BUFFED” thanks to her ultra-beast infusion though I did use a bit of a smart rear tactic of having a defense jumper up front to make it harder to fight and slow them down with Bulldozer which helps to make a strong combo when it is clear they are unable to get their first move in.  And also a moment about the Gang Leader Gozma (I’ll take him down, take him down and never let up all bout town!) with the stupid wrapping of him and his crew could have did more but gods at least they were more entertaining until I found out that HE was in on the stupid plan of “perfection” and on that I am feeling like the island challenge was a roadblock to try to get to the end of the story and also reach the goal of the Pokémon league.  Though the big surprise to the end is that who is the big battle is a great mix up for the final battle of the story as it can change it up... by going against more than just one obvious char.  The professor, the electric trial captain, Gozma’s Poisonous gal, even a Kahuna and a KID FROM ROUTE 1 WANT YOUR CHAMPION BELT!  That earned this gold barely but I’m also giving silver due to the story to get to that point.

Spoiler Warning ends at this point!

Content – (Bronze)(Metal)

As we know, things might not make it back in a new gen and this is one of them, a favorite of mine: Rotation Battles. Though this in and of itself doesn’t mean it’s at all bad.  It has given us a Pokémon Pelago to allow us grind levels and raise mon how you want (I so far am happy using the egg hatching and be able to Raise happiness for Mon which really require it.  I have only level 2 for the training and spa so I’m trying to earn…. 200+ Beans x2 for the last bits I got all the island updates as of Febuary.) in which is handy for those that play calmly and want to have help while playing the game.  THAT being said, the mini games are entirely… nonexistent here that it makes me sad because there’s mostly NOTHING to really enjoy and Your only means of coinage gain is either by having your Pokémon explore their cave in the Pokémon Pelago or take down trainers and the daily Pukumuku flinging.  It makes for a bad feeling for those that want to play something more to connect to the Pokémon world.  SURE it is stream lined but it will leave someone empty.  This category has BARELY escaped being classified as metal instead of Bronze but it could have EASILY been that for a veteran Pokémon gamer  I’ve rethought this and went with giving this Metal instead for even a veteran trainer would get bored of all the none events in game once you did them all.

Flow – (Silver)

For once I have to talk about the graphics since they kind of bog the game down in a way.  With trainers now kept on screen during battle you are likely slowing the game down and makes one groan at how some battles can take a long time and could even make you feel trouble arriving in the worst of ways: by costing someone more time to play by tournament standings.  For the casual player or someone who is going into doubles/Multi/Battle Royale, it will be a nightmare.  Especially when waiting likely two minutes for the turn to end. Have fun with some of that and how often the story might interrupt your exploration if you need to do an island challenge.  Speaking of, I find them silly in a sense but they do mostly involve battling.  Trial 1: Battle 3 locals and their totem, Trial 2: Take down a fish 3 times with the last one being a Totem fight, Trial 3: Answer and battle 3 answers with the last one being the totem, Trial 4: Find the items and defend yourself be ready for the totem Pokémon, Trial 5:  Audio quizzing and fight 4 Pokémon to turn the lights on when you see the totem Pokémon, Trial 6: Photography with ghost Pokémon and you end up finding how unhealthy the Totem Pokémon is obsessed with Pikachu.  And Trial 7 is actually a remix of the trial you did in the DEMO of the game. The only familiar feel of former gameplay I obtained came from the four Grand Trials, they felt like real gym leaders to me and I got to enjoy those battles.  Especially when it is not an SOS Pokémon come in.  With certain gamers then it’ll be a pain but for others it is a required wait to get though the game in certain manners.

Bosses – (Bronze/Silver)

Spoiler Warning take effect here!

Is it odd that I feel like the totem Pokémon, the very thing Game Freak and the Pokémon Company highlighted in the game’s advertisement were not the real boss characters?  Yea, they aren’t.  IF I added them they would be a brought the game down to a bronze here.  The saving grace were the Grand trials, Team Skull and the large twist before you get to the last island (Poni island and no friendship isn’t magic there) and after you gotten though all the trials of Poni Island. The favorite for this gamer was the final battle of the first Elite Four.  To me it felt like the REAL rival was hidden in the back and trying to be sure you reach the top to see where you stand with you and your Pokémon.  And for once it will not happen often as you’ll have to defend your belt from as mentioned before your true rival who you only would fight here, various chars that you took on like Lille’s Brother, Hau, and even the former Team Skull babysitter and as said before, a current Kahuna.  If one were to add those together and not the totems, you’d earn the rank of Silver solidly at the least.  Well that and spanking the President’s behind while she had her team jacked up.

Spoiler Warning ends at this point!

Overall – (Bronze/Silver)

On the personal side I’d go give this a Bronze since it means that Pokémon has started to slip and in no way can I sugar it to myself.  For a competitive scene I’d keep with Gen six for a while longer though happy times trying to fight in the new gen without having a big issue and I’ll be the stick in the mud to say Pokémon isn’t going onto the Switch as a mainline game but if a new handheld is revealed one can hope but it is for sure isn’t the Switch as I am using the logic that I got from watching for ages to get a good guess.

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I almost can’t wait for this generation to be corrected.

#pokemon #Review #BeyondLv1 #Pokemon Gen 7 #Bl1