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dukereviewstv · 2 years

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Duke Reviews TV: The Orville 1x09 Cupid's Dagger

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews TV Where...I'm Scared Out Of My Freaking Mind....Mainly Because I Saw This Episode!...

I Consider Myself A Very Brave Man That Stands Up For Movies Other People Tend To Hate, But This Episode Has Rocked Me So Much That I Have Nightmares Just Thinking About A Scene In This Episode...

I'll Tell You What, If You Guys Weren't Coming With Me On This, I Probably Would Skip This Episode, But Since You Are, Let's Look At Episode 9 Of Season One Of The Orville, Cupid's Dagger...

This Episode Sees The Orville dispatched to mediate talks between the Navarians and the Bruidians, two alien species at a centuries-old stalemate over which race lays proper claim over the planet Lapovius. Also assigned to the matter is Darulio (Played By Rob Lowe), the Retepsian whose affair with Grayson a year prior ended her marriage to Mercer.....

Who Is There To scan an ancient artifact from the planet for DNA to reveal which species was the original inhabitant. Unbeknownst to the crew, Darulio secretes a powerful Phermone during his mating cycle which affects Members Of the crew In Certain Ways...

And By That I Mean...

So With That Said, Let's Dive Into The Horror That Is Cupid's Dagger...

We Start The Episode In The Ship's Mess Hall Where It's Kareoke Night As Kelly Sings Journey's Any Way You Want It And Bortus Attempts To Sing Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On Only To Interrupted By A Crewman Who Tells Ed And Kelly They're Recieving A High Priority Message From Admiral Halsey...

Taking The Call In His Office, He Tells Them That An Ancient Artifact Has Been Discovered On The Planet Lopovius, Where 2 Factions The Navarians And The Bruidians Are Fighting Over The Planet With Both Factions Claiming That They Colonized It First...

And If They Go To War It'll Affect Union Space As They'll Drag Their Allies Into The Conflict, But This Artifact Might Solve The Problem

So, With The Navarians And Bruidians Permission, They've Asked For A Neutral Union Archeologist To Scan The Artifact For DNA And Whatever Species DNA Is On The Tablet Can Lay Claim To The Planet...

Traveling To Lopodius To Rendezvous With The U.S.S Olympia, They Take On-Board The Archeologist Who Turns Out To Be Darulio The Retepsian Who Slept With Kelly And Ending Her Marriage With Ed, Alara Tries To Hold The Shuttle To Prevent Awkwardness But...

Anyway, Despite Darulio Saying That If He Had Known That Kelly And Ed Were Involved In The Assignment Ahead Of Time He Would Have Recused Himself, He Says He's Not There To Cause More Tension Between The Two, He's Just Here To Do His Job....

Oh, He Says That Now But Actions Speak Louder Than Words In This Story....

But Either Way It Does Cause Tension Between Kelly And Ed And Why Wouldn't It? Either Way, She Cheated On Him With The Guy So, Yeah, Ed's Entitled To Be Pissed...

As Alara Takes Darulio To His Quarters, He Accidentally Runs Into Lt. Yaphit (Voiced By The Late Norm McDonald) And Accidentally Gets A Piece Of Yaphit On His Pants (He Puts It Back, Of Course)

Before Yaphit Goes To Claire's Office To Seduce Her And Attempt To Ask Her Out On A Date For The Umpteenth Time, Tired Of This, Of Course, Claire Says No And If He Does It Again, She'll Submit A Formal Complaint...

Hey, That's What I'd Do If Norm McDonald Was Trying To Seduce Me..

Oh, What? What? Just Because The Guy's Dead Doesn't Mean I'm Gonna Stop Making Fun Of Him At Times...

Anyway, Kelly Visits Darulio In His Lab To Check On His Status With The Artifact And To Make It Clear That What Happened Between Them Was A Mistake And It's Never Gonna Happen Again...

But....Next....Scene...

They're About To Recieve The Ambassadors For The Navarians And The Bruidians And Kelly Is Not There To Meet Them Cause Guess Where She Is?

Just Guess...

Oh, There's No Need To Guess Cause You All Know So Let's Say It Together...

She's In Bed With Darulio!!!!

And Ed Catches Them...

You Know, If There's A Point In This Episode Where We Crossed Into The Ninth Circle Of Hell, This Is It...

And Believe Me When I Say We're Going To Cross Into The 10th Circle Later...

So, Yeah, Ed's Furious And He Has A Right To Be, I'd Be Pissed Off Too If I Were Him, But Either Way, They Still Meet The Navarians And Bruidians And The Meeting Goes Well With The 2 Ambassadors Saying They're Willing To Meet With Ed Tomorrow To Talk About The Possibility Of Sharing The Planet Together...

Meeting With Alara, Kelly Tells Her That She Has No Clue What Happened, She Went To Tell Darulio That There Was Nothing Between Them Anymore But She Looked Into His Eyes One Thing Led To Another And Badda Bing Badda Boom...

But Here's The Thing, She Wants To Stay With Darulio Because She Feels She May Have Missed Out On Something Good Because Of All The Guilt She Felt About How Badly She Messed Up Her Relationship With Ed...

And Newsflash, You Should Feel Bad! In Fact It Was You Feeling Bad About What You Did That Got Ed To Where He Is Today!

Talking To Gordon About How F-ed Up This Is And It Is, He Thinks That They Should Focus On The Peace Talks But Instead He Decides To Fire Darulio And He Says He Has Complete Right To Be Angry And He Has No Excuse Except For The Fact That His Species Consider It Rude To Turn Down Sex...

Seriously? You Have To Bring Racism Into This?

But Before He Packs Up, He Shows Ed Some Ancient DNA That's Over 30,000 Years Old Saying That The Artifact Is A Birthing Bucket And In Order To Find Out What Species It Is More Tests Will Have To Be Done...

Well, That's The Next Guy's Problem, Bye!...

Ok, Despite Me Wanting That To Happen, Darulio Says That Said Tests Should Be Complete Within 36 Hours So Ed Grants Him The 36 Hours Neccessary To Complete The Tests And Get Answers On Which Species It Is...

But Then Ed Asks Darulio Out For A Drink, Meaning That The Dumbness Virus That's Infected Kelly Has Infected Ed As Well...

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It Gets Worse From Here, Folks As Claire Visits Yaphit In His Quarters In A Somewhat Hot Dress And Asks To Come In, Thus Starting...This Scary Subplot/Somewhat Relationship...

Now, I Bet You're All Lining Up In The Comments As You Think I'm Being Ageist, But I'm Not, I Have No Problem With Claire Being In A Relationship Whether It's With Issac Or Someone Else...

But This "Relationship" With Yaphit, Scares The Hell Out Of Me, Why? Well, You'll Find Out Later In The Episode All I Can Say Is That The Crossing Into The 10th Circle Of Hell Has Begun....Ew.....

As Ed Has Drinks With Not Only Darulio But Kelly Who Figures Out That He's Coming Onto Darulio, The Navarians And The Bruidians Both Want To Know When The Tests Will Be Completed And Want To Speak To Ed...

With Alara, Gordon Marcus And Ty, Noticing How Weird Ed, Kelly And Claire Are Acting, Alara Goes To Check On Claire Leading To...The Scene...

Now, Be Warned, People, This Scene Has Been Known To Have People Not Only Lose Their Mind But Also Crap Their Pants Endlessly...

I Probably Shouldn't Be Watching This, But I Like You Guys To The Point, I'm Willing To Risk My Sanity Watching This Scene So, Here We Go...

Alara Goes To Check On Claire In The Med Bay Only To Find...

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(Start At 0:21, End At 0:35)

My God, I Never Thought I'd Say This But MacFarlane, You Are Now The Champion Of Scary Special Effects...

I Mean, If People Honestly Think That The Schwarzenegger Baby From Junior And Special Effects From Son Of The Mask Are Scary, Then They Don't Know What They're Talking About Cause This...

I Honestly Don't What To Say About This Because My Pants Are So Full Of Crap Because Of How Scary This Scene Is...

And It Looks Like Alara Is Just As Confused As I Am As She Has The Same Question That I Have:

What The Hell Did I Just Walk In On?!

Are They Having Sex Or Is Yaphit Assimilating Claire Into His Hive Mind?

Cause If They're Having Sex...

That Need Answering Now!.

Anyway, With Claire Saying The Exact Same Thing Ed And Kelly Are Saying About Darulio, She Tells Claire To Stay Where She Is And For Yaphit, To Go Back To His Room And Not To Answer The Door For Answer The Door For Anyone Including Claire..

But Before Alara Leaves The Med Bay, Bortus Contacts Alara To Tell Her The Bad News, That The Bruidians And The Navarians Are Threatening To Withdraw From The Agreement And Settle Their Conflict In Battle...

Visiting Darulio (After Shooing Away Ed And Kelly Who Continually Hit On Him) Alara Finally Gets Some Answers Out Of Him About What's Going On With Ed, Kelly And Claire...

Turns Out Once A Year His Species Gets In Heat, Unleashing A Pheromone Through Skin Contact To Help Them Attract Mates, He Didn't Mean To Infect Ed And Kelly But It Happened When They Shook Hands In The Cargo Bay...

And When He Tripped Over Yaphit He Absorbed The Pheromones Because Of His Gelatinous Form And Somehow Transferred Them To Claire...

But He States Either Way It'll Pass In A Few Days, But With Time Not Exactly On Their Side, Alara Takes Him To The Med Bay As Ed And Kelly Meet With The Navarians And The Bruidians Who Are Kind Of Pissed Off That They've Been Avoiding Them And Are Running Out Of Patience...

And Ed Talking About Darulio Only Makes Things Worse, Causing Them To Believe That The Mediation Is A Sham Leading Both Fleets To Go To War, Way To Go, Dummy!

But It Gets Worse As After Examining Darulio, Isaac And Alara Discover That Darulio's Pheromone Has No Antidote So Alara Confines Him To His Quarters As The Bruidian And Navarian Fleets Arrive, Preparing To Fire On Each Other...

With Bortus Raising Deflectors, He Tries To Contact Ed And Kelly Only For Us To Discover That Kelly Is In Her Quarters Eating Ho-Hos, Listening To Carole King And Crying As Ed Has Just Had Sex With Darulio...

But The Question I Have Is Why Is Kelly Crying, Eating Ho-Hos And Listening To Carole King?

She No Reason To Do That Unless She Caught Ed And Darulio Having Sex, Was There A Deleted Scene Where She Caught Them? Because It Feels Like There's A Big Time Gap Of What Should Happen...

Talking With The Ambassadors For The Navarians And The Bruidians, Bortus Tells Them To Contact Their Fleets And Tell Them To Stand Down But Refusing (Because The Union Has Been No Help In This Matter), Bortus Tells Alara To Take Their Communication Devices And To Confine Them To Their Quarters...

This Leads Isaac To Come Up With A Plan To Reconfigure And Extend The Deflectors So Much That It Creates A Partial Barrier Between The 2 Fleets...

Contacting Engineering, Cheif Newton Says He Can Do It But Not Without Yaphit Who's Unfortunately Having Problems Of His Own Right Now As Claire Holds Him At Gunpoint As She Wants To Know Why He Hasn't Called Her...

Well, I Wanted Answers And With This It's Obvious...Claire Has Been So Assimilated Into The Hive Of Norm McDonald That She's Willing To Go All Jack Torrance On Him...

However, Feeling Bad For The Trouble He's Caused, Darulio Visits The Bridge And Says There's A Way That He May Be Able To Settle This...

And By Settle It, He Means Temporarily Settle It, So What Does He Do? He Infects The Bruidian And Navarian Ambassadors Causing Them To Like I Said, Temporarily Fall In Love With Each Other...

So With The Bruidian And Navarian Fleets Disembarking And Ed, Kelly And Claire Returning To Normal, They Pretty Much Want To Put What Happened To All Of Them Behind Them...

And It's For The Best Especially After Seeing....(Shudders) God, It's Still In My Head!

Anyway, With Ed And Kelly Wondering What'll Happen When Darulio's Pheromone Wears Off Of The Ambassadors, Darulio Enters And Assures Them Most Likely Nothing Will Happen...

As He Finished His Analysis On The Artifact And Discovered That Both Parties DNA Is On The Artifact, Meaning They'll Have To Share The Planet...

But Before Darulio Leaves For The Olympia, Kelly Asks Him If He Was In Heat When They Met And He Says Maybe, Leaving The Door Open For Ed And Kelly To Reconcile Only For Them To Slam That Door Shut At The End Of The Season...

This Episode Is Awful!!!!

It At Times Has The Main 2 Characters Acting Like Complete And Total Buffoons And The Scariest Scene I've Ever Seen In My Entire Life, But I Will Give Them Credit For Opening The Door For Ed And Kelly To Get Back Together, Despite Like I Said, Slamming That Door Shut At The End Of Season One...

If You Like This Episode Fine, I Mean It's Not Hopeless, It Just Could Have Better Story Writing And Be Less...Nightmare Inducing...

So, I'm Sorry But I Say Skip It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

#the orville #seth macfarlane #adrienne palicki #penny johnson jerald #scott grimes #rob lowe #norm mcdonald #disney +#Spotify #SoundCloud #Youtube

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