#no no because thats what i love about yume nikki and then liked about the fangames | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

windmills123 · 1 year

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intrigued by what u love most abt yume nikki

like what made u go "oh damn this game is SUCH A GAME"

if u kno what i mean?

im glad you asked. well... holy fuck, i could talk about yume nikki for hours!! but... if i had to summarize it down, heere are some points:

its yume nikki!!! such a unique and different game from anything ive seen, even with its fangames. well if you look back at the gaming scene in 2004, then something like an rpg maker game thats NOT an rpg and actually a weird surrealism thingy was kind of crazy. it does seem to be inspired by the mother series, which has a lot of weird artsy stuff and also lsd dream emulator, also a game where you walk in dreams, which is self explanatory. also it utilizes rpgmaker mechanics in SUCH mindblowing ways, it doesnt even feel like it was made with it. it flows VERY well for a 2004 indie game.

the atmosphere and theming is so awesome. the NPCs who are completely indifferent to you, the worlds all connectin g together, etc. also, the art and music is really charming in kind of a nostalgic way, the aztec inspirations for the npcs, all the different sights and how desolate and lonely it feels, yet kind of still comforting. you know?? like the dreamworld is an escapism for madotsuki, but she still cant escape the horrors of reality..............

3. every part of it is very mysterious. a whole intigue of the game for many people has been what the dreams are really about!! of course there is also the developer kikiyama, who theres practically 0 info on. even though obviously people should respect their privacy, people still wonder what happened or why the game never got finished. i hope they're well....

4. the fanbase of yume nikki is one of the most cool ones ive seen. its one of those old fandoms from back in the 2000s that never stopped going, like touhou.. you can find a lot of old short little animations of yume nikki. theres the big viewed ones, but also ive found really obscure ones with under a 1000 viws, which shows how much people cared about it. even though the game was seen as dark, they were often really wholesome. theres also yume nikki fansites from back then, and a lot of cool fanart. even though the fandom was fairly small, its kind of like a window to how different the internet used to be. now its even more popular with internet horror stuff being more noticed recently.

its just really kind of heartwarming that so many people connected with a short game about isolation and anxiety posted on some forum site back in 2004 by an unknown person, i think.

5. the fangames!!!!!!!! there are so many fangames for this game, all because people liked the idea so much, hundreds of them wanted to try making one. ynfgs are always really charming to play, however none of them compare to yume 2kki ( the big one). its the closest ive ever felt to going to another world in a video game, even more than yume nikki itself.

because so many people have worked on it, 2kki has an endless seeming amount of content which is pretty awesome. some people think its incoherent because of how big the game is, but it always made it feel more like a dream to me. especially like one you would have as a child, falling asleep while being driven home from a birthday party or something like htat. fun fact: 2kki got started in 2007, before the final yume nikki update, which means there is a chance kikiyama might have even played it, which is pretty crazy...

well, thats my rambling about my favorite things about yume niki! lol i think thats too much text, oops. well, high five if you actually read that................. <:,-]

#yume nikki #yume 2kki #ynfg #asks #this is my favorite game ever. in case you couldnt tell.#0_0 #sorry 4 long answer i simply had a lot to say

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twipsai · 2 years

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so i finally played Yume Nikki

opening thoughts: it's really cool to see where a lot of newer rpgs got inspired from (omori, utdr, etc), and it was also NOTHING what i thought it would be like

(spoilers for the. entire game lmao)

im really glad that i had a few friends (rpg3 server ehehehe) help me out who are both more experienced in rpgs and more experienced in yume nikki, otherwise i think i would have shattered my computer screen. i generally enjoy walking-simulator type games, which is why i didnt completely give up, but oh my god. this game is like if you put a normal game with like. objectives. and then put it in a blender. i dont think there was a single time where i didnt feel lost, which was great when i accidentally deleted my save file (which was my own mistake but still). i think the fact that im not being distracted by constant dialogue or battles is good though, it felt like a complete experience. the Yume Nikki wiki,,,, helped, sort of. it gave some sort of guidance, sure, but i really wish that it was a bit clearer on where to go. it did feel really satisfying collecting effects, though, and made every deadend i faced worth it. there are some things that i absolutely hate about this game (the fact that most areas are looping, making it really hard to find specific points in a landmark-less void), but i dont think any of the actual gameplay stuff was the point of the game.

artistically, i love Yume Nikki, and it may be one of the best experiences ive ever had with video games. everything felt distorted and off (correctly so), and i absolutely adore every character design. doing weird things to just make a sprite change, going off path to just see a fucked up, uninteractable creature, fumbling around in a shifting, unnerving void-area-- stuff like that, while i am biased to, is something that i think is missing from a lot of modern rpgs. its really refreshing to see something from a time when people werent chasing that game theory video or putting weird things in their game for the sake of getting people talking. Yume Nikki is the result of, what i think is, genuine passion and want to create. i love how much the game doesnt explain, simply because the player has too many questions. personally, every question i have about the game is overshadowed by the question "whats behind the door in Madotsuki's room?"

however, i dont think i ever really need to know, nor do i want a "canon" answer. the game is self-contained and says all that it needs to.

i already knew the ending, which i guess made it a little underwhelming, but i think that it really wraps it up nicely. no questions are answered, and this girl that we barely know anything about jumps off her balcony. the credits are nice, too. the weird jellyfish thing thats in the deep forest being at the blood splatter felt poetic, though i dont know how.

closing thoughts: Yume Nikki is a great game if you dont mind being frustratingly lost for a majority of the time, and is an even greater game if you enjoy shit thats just straight up weird. to me, it tells a whatever story the player needs to hear.

#falls flat on my face and dies #suicide mention #yume nikki spoilers #i think the game really benifits from not having jumpscares btw #amazing horror game tbh #ask to tag

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maniacalmagician · 3 years

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EVERHOOD: Pinocchio in Psychedelic Purgatory: the Rock Opera Adventure. OR: I walked backwards into hell, and felt euphoria as I became privvy to the Divine Truths

Hello tumblr people. I’ve been Away. I played a game recently and I wanted to talk about it. damnit i really wanted to put pictures into this mini essay. ive been away from this garbage site for too long, i dont know how to do it lol. ok anyway First, I want to say to the developers and anyone else that this has quickly become one of my all time favorite games. Currently writing I have personally never felt a greater emotional attachment to an experience with a piece of software. Perhaps it is the extreme idiosyncratic nature of it, perhaps it is the deeply intriguing storyline, mostly however it is a combination of those in addition to some of the most outstanding psychedelic visuals I have ever seen, particularly in the finale sequence, and a killer soundtrack that combines many genres but focuses mostly to being as bangers as possible. I will be upfront and say this game comes with a boatload of trigger warnings, and thus the aforementioned idiosyncratic nature of it may not appeal to everyone, however I feel it necessary to indicate potential content warnings here as I would hate for people to be triggered: epilepsy is the big one, I myself have mild stutter based epilepsy and it didn't cause health problems or anything but my case is not universal. Anyway. That is a hard warning on epilepsy. I do it because The Incredibles 2 did not, lmao (that's an example of the kind of visuals that trigger me personally. An aside ) Other things include (spoilers): arachnophobia, misophonia (screeches, unsettling sounds), themes of death, immortality, suicide. Some game mechanics are not immediately intuitive and puzzles require some pretty clever but sometimes obtuse solutions. Direction is not always super clear either. People have complained of performance issues but I am leaving this review after playing the switch port, which played smoothly other than some awkwardly long loading times here and there. What I have played of PC so far runs smooth but as of writing, performance for me was fine (my pc is a lowend budget build). There is a difficulty to it. Even playing on easier modes, it can be quite unforgiving. If you're a fan of hard games (I am but I suck at them) and rhythm games (this is, uh, Not? That? Almost functions as half walking sim, half rhythm Game, dodgy shoot em up kinda feels. Truly unique gameplay I think. Constantly switches things up, too. But yes I also adore rhythm games, and yes i also do suck at those too.), half of it is that. The devs troll you with puzzles. It's truly a wild experience as it advertises, one of a kind. And yet, however.... This game wears, much like its heart,, its references, on its sleeve. If you are not into that kind of thing, you will probably be annoyed by this game. It also loves to delv into meta, as many puzzles and interactions are references to the UI of the game itself. Personally, I'm not wild about meta but I appreciate the ernestness here, so I'm willing to roll with whatever this game throws at me because every turn feels unexpected, fresh, funky, somber, and wildly intelligent, with boldly sincere ludonarrative choices, script and art direction. If you like Geno from super Mario Brothers, which, guess what, narrator here LOVES Geno from Super Mario Brothers, this is functionally the game you've always wanted that Nintendo could never make because Square has held Geno hostage in some kind of underground torture facility since 1995. Turns out they were rather right to do so, because when that puppet is out serving a higher authroity, he can be quite dangerous. Narrarively it borrows much from its sources but I would argue there's proof the writers have spent time thinking about the implications of their source materials worlds, and that reflection casts itself back to create this, experience that is wholly unique even if we know Red is Geno and "Gaster" (who was based on Uboa from Yume Nikki or princess mononokes forest spirits), and some kind of disco Marceline character who changes their identity frequently, skeleton brothers- well undead brothers, really - We have to remember in the creation and consumption of media sometimes, influences and archetypes are ever present and Everhood almost itself is a realm that would indulge in the idea of self referential material. It makes for this very Jungian experience of friendly archetypes we're familiar with, which works well with this setting of an immortal realm. Thats not to say the personalities we do meet aren't expounded upon - they are, heavily, and become uniquely their own. (Spoiler) if my theory is to be believed this world is a purgatory where people have made their own artificial vessels and as time has made them bored (though some seem to be having a good time) while typical strains of the Pinocchio myth are thrown in about questions of identity and death - and probably even more so towards Timothy Learys concept of the Ego Death, or the return to the collective soup of unconcious being. Undertale will probably always be a reccomendation even by its own reference to it so comparisons to it will be littered through here. It feels like the developers were emboldened by Toby Foxs spirit in game development (his creative energy is rather infectious) and shared many similar ideas, but this feels far more aimed towards a maturer audience (references to the things I mentioned in the trigger warning list) and focused on achieving this feeling that its predecesors have as well. Yume nikki. Lisa. Earthbound. Toby's games. super Mario rpg in its humor, Cat Soup in its psychedellic depressive vibes, all this cool indie cult classicy kinda mash up soup. bizarre antics and then these characters who have surprising depth the further you go. It has been 6 years since Undertale came out, and the developers for Everhood have called a lot of the "what ifs" that fans of that game ask, an answer in their own game. (What if No Mercy was forced, for example? What if going against destiny is the wrong thing to do? Why is Death such a Bad Thing? etc!) And the further along you progress, the smarter the story gets, the more complex the narrative threads and characters. This game knows how to write compelling literature and that wasn't an element I expecting but god am I so glad for it. Literally my pea brain saw Red's design flipping around some frets on a streamers videocapture (shoutout to based fellow tampa native Charles White, thank you for being witty and having good taste and your Floridian comisery.) one night and went "oh i like." But the experience I got in exchange was, so, so much more than that (but the tetris effect won't let that image disappear from my eyelids quite yet haha.) I hear there are multiple endings and one requires a 3 hour long trek. I'm not done with the game at the time of reviewing. You bet your sweet ass I am going to find out the Ultimate Truth. I found a way to deal with some of the bullshit in other games, I may not be great at games but I want to see whatever imagery these guys put on screen so it compels me to seek out all the alternative routes. I am going to be following these developers projects very closely. If this is their debut, their next project will be ... ... I would hate to force expectations, like if you just made a magnum opus like this it'd be perfectly alright to retire, but I just once again want to say thank you to the developers for putting your heart on display for the world to see. I see it. I have dealt with struggles similar to the ones in the stories this game articulates about anxiety and depression, existentialism and dread, dissociation and all the heavy themes that were risky to include narratively - I'm certaintly glad you took the risks you did. May update this review as I get further along the story but yeah. Tl;dr: haha pinocchio myth done well make brain go brrr. 9.99999999999998/10. I am taking an infitisimal fraction of a point off because of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ spider in the monster maze. that thing was abhorrent, but I won't let it deter anyone else who wants to play.

#everhood #audnalysis

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theropoda · 3 years

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3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29: Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

#asks #stommevrouw #THANK U EVIE THIS WAS SO FUNNNNNNN #WOOF haha this made me tired #im probably hitting the bed now! thank u!!

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64-bitsims · 5 years

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Here are eight female sims for download inspired by @gloomfish’s Songs as Sims challenge. I have always loved the song God Bless America- And All of the Beautiful Women in it by Lana Del Rey because it really feels like a feel good girls anthem about how we all need to stick together and lift each other up which I strive to do.

For these sims I really tried to do many different body types-- Nikki is very much a pear shape whereas Noelle and Naomi have more of a slender build, for example-- and have many different races and ethnicities, too. Noelle was originally going to have more Hispanic inspired elements in her features, but in the end I think she looks more Native American. I really did try and make them all have their own personalities and stuff like that, so I hope they shine through.

For the nitty gritty details:

the tray files are separate for each girl on sfs

each girl will have their own cc lists under the cut (as i decided to upload these i tried cutting back on cc but the ones from the beginning when i was just going to do an edit have more than the others fsafdsaf)

feel free to use them in any way, and please do show me what you do with my babies by tagging me!

unfortunately i can only mention so many cc makers bc tumblr limits mentions so if I don’t tag everyone, thats why! i’ll still mention them but it wont link-- however you’ll still be able to use the direct post link in the (x).

CC lists and download [sfs, no adfly ever] under the cut!

CC used for all sims: Smoothish II skin, TIT-E, Yume Eyes v2, No EA Lashes mod

Alexis Chance- Download

Chief of Mischief aspiration; Bro, Kleptomaniac, Vegetarian

CC Needed: @toffeetip‘s Girls Girls Girls Blush (x), @cherrypiesims‘ Sunshine Blush (x), @prxnce‘s Mami Eyeliner (x), @weepingsimmer‘s Apricot Blush (x), @pictureamoebae‘s Real Lips revisited (x), @simlaughlove‘s Love Me Knot top (x), @solarlemonade‘s Simple Eyeshadow 1 (x), @blogsimplesimmer‘s Rachel Hair (x), @tukete’s MH Button Tank recolor (x), @hollowsprings’ Leah Shorts (x), @nolan-sims‘s Witchy Dress (x), @trillyke’s Puzzle Pants (x), @rusty-sims’s Nightwear Top (x), @sagittariahx‘s Giulianna Lipstick (x), @aristavyr‘s Pure Gloss Lips (x), @wildspit‘s Angelic Hair v2 (x), @pickypikachu‘s Sabrina Pumps (x), @grimcookies‘ Catty Eyeliner (x), @mysteriousdane‘s Too Faced Natural Eyeshadow (x), @heihu‘s Overlay Collection [forehead] (x), @bustedpixels‘ Kylie Lipstick (x), @renorasims‘ Greta Shoes Recolor (x)

Packs used: Get to Work, Spa Day, Bowling Night, Get Together, Parenthood, City Living, Luxury Party, Seasons, Movie Hangout

Blair Mead- Download

Master Mixologist aspiration; Insider, Perfectionist, Goofball

CC Needed: @ratboysims‘ Roxie Blush (x), @trillyke Latata Shorts AND Bra with straps (x), @femmeonamissionsims Timothy Glasses and Sunglasses [you need both] (x), @sagittariahx‘s Dolly Eyeliner (x) Norvina Eyeshadow (x) Sultry Eyeshadow (x) and It’s Cold Outside Baby Blush (x), @bookwormsims‘ Roxanne Eyeliner (x), @weepingsimmer‘s Sephora Lip Stains (x), @wondercarlotta‘s Leila (x), @heihu‘s overlay collections [mouth crease] (x), @mortimergth‘s Cindy Heels (x), @simtone‘s Sharp Heels (x), @deetron-sims‘ Spring Dress from Spring Fling Stuff (x), @cabsim‘s nose freckles (x), @joliebean‘s Pumpkin Latte Coat [the one with the same colored sleeves] (x), @foursims‘ Madeline Top (x), @renorasims‘ Pearl Hoops (x), @shespeakssimlish‘s Carli Hair (x) and Okurrrt Hair (x), LunarLake’s little hoops found at @losts4cc‘s blog (x), @forgiveusoursims‘ 300 Follower Gift Lipstick (x), @cakenoodles‘ Thorne Top (x), @blogsimplesimmer‘s Leaf Earrings [both] (x), @stephanine-sims‘ Alexia Jeans [ripped] (x), @simlaughlove‘s Funky Sneakers (x), @sim-sa’s Kick It To Me Eyeliner [deactivated; I’ve included the file within the Zip download for this sim; if you are Sim-sa and wish for it to be removed please just ask!], @lehgaming‘s DA:I Brows [i think its #1] (x), @wildpixel‘s and @aharris00britney‘s Phoebe Dress (x), @leeleesims1‘s Up and Out [short] (x)

Packs used: City Living, Jungle Adventure, Outdoor Retreat, Spa Day

Carly Hawk- Download

Friend of the Animals aspiration; Non-Committal, Dog Person, Creative

CC Needed: @madlensims Vera Boots (x), @sagittariahx Berry Stain Lipstick (x), @nords-sims AH00B Choker Recolor [black] (x), @heihu‘s overlay collections [mouth crease] (x), @dkirko-n-wuciwuger Blush 1 & 2 (x), @squidinkbook’s [deactivated] Rough Stone Earrings (x), @crypticsim‘s Goddess Collection [you need both items] (x), and Passionfruit Liner [I have the merged version] (x) @cabsim’s Younzoey Beanie Recolor [there IS a working link to the needed mesh on the post] (x), @lightdeficient‘s Natural Eyelid Tint [I think it’s been taken down as its nowhere to be found on google or the blog itself; I’ve included it in Carly’s Zip folder-- @lightdeficient if you would like me to remove it and give a working link I will be happy to update this list and the file!], @leeleesims1‘s Takes Me Back Swimsuit [Full Body] (x), @sentate‘s Sassy Pumps (x), @blogsimplesimmer‘s Leaf Earrings [both] (x), @solarlemonade‘s Angelic Blush (x), @sondescent‘s Sim Stretch Leggings (x), @kotcatmeow‘s Eyeliner (x), @stephanine-sims‘ Phi Outfit (x), @pictureamoebae‘s Real Lips revisited (x), @alf-si‘s Eyeliner 4 (x)

Packs used: Get to Work, Spa Day, Get Together, Luxury Party, City Living, Fitness Stuff, Seasons

Miranda Holt- Download

Super Parent aspiration; Jealous, Music Lover, Clumsy

CC Needed: @crazycupcakefr‘s Shades of Red Lipstick (x), @aharris00britney‘s Em Hair (x), @leeleesims1‘s City Living Jean Recolors (x), @wyattssims‘ Athletic Jacket + Sweater from Winter Wear Stuff (x), @prismaticsimmer‘s Very Berry Eyeshadow (x), @imvikai Marion Hair (x), @heihu‘s Overlay Collection [forehead] (x), @cakenoodles‘ Daisy Jeans (x), @dogsill‘s Millie Hair (x), @pinkzombiecupcakes’ Madlen Cosette Recolors (x), @colorfulplumbobs Classy and Chic Shirt (x)

Packs used: Get Together, Jungle Adventure, Vintage Glamour, Movie Hangout, Spa Day, Backyard

Monique Dupree- Download

Leader of the Pack aspiration; Insider, Dance Machine, Gloomy

CC Needed: @its-adrienpastel‘s Rosie Blush (x), @crypticsim‘s Blue Honey Eyeshadow (x), @lightdeficient‘s Natural Faded Blush [I think it’s been taken down as its nowhere to be found on google or the blog itself; I’ve included it in Monique’s Zip folder-- @lightdeficient if you would like me to remove it and give a working link I will be happy to update this list and the file!], @mysteriousdane‘s Nude Tude Eyeshadow (x), @storylegacysims‘ Famous Skinnies (x), @theweebsimmer‘s Hey Cupid Jeans (x), @voidboredom‘s Simple Liner (x), @alf-si‘s Eyeliner 3 (x), @blushchat‘s Begonia Jacket (x), @crazycupcakefr Eyebrow Mega Set [5] (x), @deetron-sims Sample Pants from PTS Happy Apple Day (x), @elisaisms‘ Sunset Lipstick (x), @forgiveusoursims‘ 300 Follower Gift Blush (x), @grimcookies‘ Lipstick 1 (x), @hazelios Taylor Top (x), @heihu‘s Overlay Collection [forehead] (x), @leeleesims1‘s Folding Under Pressure (x), @renorasims‘ Greta Shoes Recolor (x), @sagittariahx‘s Superstar Lipgloss (x), @blogsimplesimmer Camilla Hair v2 (x), Aurora-sims4 Vitiligo [potentially lost? unable to find a link; this has been included in Monique’s Zip folder. If you are Aurora-sims4 and would like this to be removed from the file and provide a working link, I will be happy to remove it!] @wondercarlotta‘s Lola hair (x) and Sonia hair (x)

Packs used: Get to Work, Outdoor Retreat, Laundry Day, Get Together, Spa Day, City Living, Vintage Glamour, Seasons, Fitness Stuff

Naomi Vo- Download

Computer Whiz aspiration; Art Lover, Ambitious, Romantic

CC Needed: Dachssims’ Lemonleaf Blush converted to S4 (x), @blogsimplesimmer Accessory Shirts and Jackets [Sleeveless cardigan] (x), @nords-sims‘ Tenderpuff Lipstick (x), @mangosimcc‘s Seesaw Blush (x), @bookwormsims‘ Roxanne Eyeliner (x), @bustedpixels Spa Day Bikini (x) and Kylie Lipstick (x), @storylegacysims‘ Famous Skinnies (x), @trillyke‘s Latata bikini bottom (x), @misskweell‘s Petrose Leggings (x), @mysteriousdane‘s Color Pop Pressed Shadows (x), @grimcookies‘ Nina Dress (x), @heihu‘s Overlay Collection [forehead] (x), @hypergnomesimblr‘s No Nyans shoes (x), @forgiveusoursims‘ 300 Follower Gift Blush (x), @sulestial‘s Bella lip (x), @sagittariahx‘s Lilith Lacquor Lipstick (x), Warmy Jeans (x), Pink Lip Stains (x), Planet Pastel Goth Eyeliner (x), and Honeycomb Lipstick (x), @cabsim‘s Moles (x), @teanmoon/PTS’ Sarahtacular Bowstrap Shoes (x), @amygdelights‘ Glossy Lipgloss (x), @saurussims’ Lucian Shoes (x), @kotcatmeow‘s Eyeliner (x), @leeleesims1‘s Bean There Done That Beanie (x), @isjao‘s Maple Hair (x), Mol Top (x), Molly Dress (x)

Packs used: Get to Work, Outdoor Retreat, Get Together, Spa Day, City Living, Seasons, Movie Hangout

Nikki Zavala- Download

Friend of the World aspiration; Outgoing, Genius, Childish

CC Needed: Dachssims’ Lemonleaf Blush converted to S4 (x), @shinasims’ [unable to tag?] Oh So Sweet Dimples (x), PTS Cottage Garden Stuff Movie Hangout Boots Recolor (x), @joliebean‘s Robin Top (x), @nolan-sims‘ Freckle Overlay (x), @simandy‘s Lomri Eyeliner (x), Niranin’s Duality Eyeshadow (x), @purrsephonesims‘ GTW Shorts Recolor (x), @crazycupcakefr‘s Huda Inspired Lipstick (x), @wyattssims‘ Loose Jacket and Turtle Neck from Winter Wear Stuff (x), @sagittariahx‘s Geometric Shorts (x), Burnt Wood Lipstick (x), It’s Cold Outside Baby Blush (x) Planet Pastel Goth Eyeliner (x), @mangosimcc‘s Seesaw Blush (x), @streneesims‘ Stiletto Straps (x), @onceabluemoonsim‘s Ellie Eyeliner (x) and Autumn Blush v2 (x), @bustedpixels‘ Jefree Star Lipstick (x), and Mesh Top Recolor (x) @krispycandymoon‘s Mafer hair (x), @pinkzombiecupcakes’ Madlen Cosette Recolors (x), @greenllamas‘ 90s Crop from Pool Party Stuff (x), @pixelunivairse‘s Sunny Swimsuit (x) and Axe Leggings [a must have tbh] (x), @weepingsimmer‘s Julianos Eyeshadow (x), @bramblefinch‘s Lace Layers (x), @lightdeficient Low Maintenance brow [I think its #2 but I have the merged package so I dont know for sure] (x), @magicallyspicedsugar‘s Peekaboo top (x), @flafullsims’ Basic Liner (x), MissParaply’s Luna Top (x)

Packs used: Get Together, City Living, Season, Spooky Stuff

Noelle Craven- Download

Archeology Scholar aspiration; Loves the Outdoors, Active, Cheerful

CC Needed: @bookwormsims‘ Roxanne Eyeliner (x), @simtone‘s Daughter Jeans Shorts (x), @dogsill‘s AnnaSophia hair (x), @wyattssims‘ Multi-Bracelets from the Menswear Pack (x), @ridgeport‘s Monstera Top (x), @squidinkbook’s [deactivated] Rough Stone Earrings (x), One-Shoulder Dress Get Famous Recolor [solids] (x), @nolan-sims‘ Pros and Cons Top (x), @voidboredom‘s Smokey Eyeshadow (x), @heihu‘s Overlay Collection [forehead] (x), @sagittariahx‘s Warmy Jeans (x), @saurussims’ Lucian Shoes (x)

Packs used: Spa Day, Get Together, Parenthood, Seasons, Vintage Glamour, Outdoor Retreat

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jamieharrow · 6 years

Text

Yume Nikki Dream Diary

SPOILERS AHEAD!

So Yume Nikki Dream Diary has launched. Sadly I have finished the game. Still getting a few pieces of concept but otherwise done. Both endings achieved, a tone of random events. As well I intend to do multiple more playthroughs to really soak in the game. All In all I’d say its a good game. Do I think it holds up to Yume Nikki Original that I will refer to from now on as OG YN? No. I also don’t think it needs to.

Quick recap of why it seems to be getting so much hate. Side scrolling sections, a stealth section, platforming, less exploration, the fact we could as of writing this rename the game Yume Glitch, Bug Diary and it would be accurate. More emphasis on horror and less on surreal imagery. Uboa is a jump scare.

I think that pretty much covers it.

Sooo onto why I think its a good game, YNDD pretty much abandons the old format. The way it does it though makes it feel almost like a prequel to me. Though thats a fan theory i’ll write about later. OG YN took a ton of inspiration from LSD, and Earthbound. Things clear in its imagery and gameplay. Where YNDD took another direction. To be frank I’m really glad we didn’t just reskin OG YN in 3D, that being said anyone want to make a fan project of that, I’d love to see it.(not counting the current YN3D) I think one of the things DD did right was that prologue. Coming out of the store seeing the bloodstain and waking up as it both answers in someways depending on your theory what is going and raises more questions. To my eyes that is 100% in the spirit of OG YN. So game inspirations that I see when starting the game immediately though is The Longest Journey. The way the room feels, the way your character moves just screams dreamfall to me. I could be wrong though. But then we are met with Super Nasu, which feels like one of the many games made in the style of original Nasu that you see in every fan game. I like to be honest. But then we reach the Nexus a point where I and many are a bit let down. There are not many doors we realize there are not many effects, and the worlds are only interconnected a little bit. Barracks seems to connect to the most places. I want to start with the Docks first. I see this as a new area because while there were docks with the fisherman in OG YN, not at all like this and nowhere near as aesthetically pleasing. Immediately upon seeing the first crazed toriningen we see the major inspiration prevalent in the entire game. Oddworld. Where OG YN had Earthbound. DD has Oddworld.This whole game feels massively inspired by Oddworld and as a fan of that series I appreciate that. I like the shift to puzzle solving not as it disrespects the original but more that it just outright differs. Shows that DD isn’t trying to be the original. Next is escalator land. The Mall. Walls are a suggestion here, and this was the first area to get on my nerves. The Mannequin weeping angel gimmick I thought was unbecomming of this game. Not of OG, but of DD. It didn’t fit with the themes given. Most of the game has an constant feel of dread. This area feel cheesy and a bit played out until we reach the final room of it. To which the mannequin jumpscare I would say is actually a successful one. and brings meaning in distrust. Speaking of jumpscares. There are a ton of complaints about uboa being a jumpscare. Did you all forget that OG Uboa is a jump scare. A more effective one yes. But still a jumpscare. Barracks area I thought was cool I really liked the gimmick with the monster and the glyphs. All I can really say about it. The School felt like they were running out of ideas though. it felt like someone said “ummmm what do we put at the end of this dream...lets do a highly simplistic block puzzle.” But aethetically it looks great. So onto my gripe but not gripe. Every door is a level, it has a beginning and an end. Whilst I enjoy the side scrolling sections, and even the combination into the more explorative sections. I find myself irritated that at the send of each segment is a forced wakeup That being said. In my personal headcanon this makes sense. doesnt mean I like it in gameplay. and so with all levels completed the chains unlock on the final door. make sure you’ve been collecting your squids lol. But the area at the end.....I was underwhelmed. It was a not bossfight. You run away from the thing. then, the end. It felt rushed and underdeveloped. Only to have one of two ending which feel....off.

Onto our endings. The first you get to your bedroom and wake up...and leave. The second ending you dream, and meet the greatest character in YN(imo) and the screen fades. These ending are where I can see why people are questioning if Kikiyama actually supervised this, and gave their blessing. The ending feel distinctly not Kikiyama. They are conclusive. They are both arguably “Good” endings. There seems to be a lack of enigma in YNDD which is one of the most known things about Kikiyama and OG YN.......is that we don’t know.

All in all it feels a lot like a fangame. A good one thats not trying to be the original. But a fangame. It also in many ways feel like a prequel. there is a ton I left out in this. But in the end I think its a great game and worth the playthrough. I have no regrets on the purchase. I’d actually like to see more content in the future involving it. I think Yume Nikki Original is a much better game than Yume Nikki Dream Diary. But they both have their strengths and weaknesses. I think the current nature of upset people at the new games comes from expecting basically the original.

Anywho theres my two cents. I like the game though. Especially that there are Ao Oni references.

#Yume Nikki #yume nikki dream diary #Pixel Horror #kikiyama #dream diary #SPOILERS

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wallkickswillwork · 7 years

Text

signal jamming

incoherency is comforting because of the narrative weve been fed our whole entire lives that in order to be palatable media must in some way be complete and have beveled, well-defined edges rather than being a mess of finger paints, bright colors, strange dialogues and verbiage, build trees of moods.

thoughts on: -futuristic anime, 90s anime and the unique sense of mood in toonami shows. they are a very good series of shows for people who are coming of age and who must slowly be forced to reckon with the industrialization and mercenary nature of adult life, as it is increasingly held captive by capitalism. there is also something essentially spiritual about it, especially shows like precure and dbz, where an interior or exterior-made-interior force is responsible for the protagonists' success in the face of an oppressive world-system. under capitalism, it frequently is the case that the entire world or entirety-of-world is against us. heroes must overcome overwhelming odds to leave their mark on a gauntlet of greats. -cowboy bebop, final fantasy 7, metroid as meditations on loss, urbanization, dating back to blade runner. this is a type of meditation that is present in much of cyberpunk, but its also not exclusively cyberpunk, and can extend in nature to non-cyberpunk works.

thinking about necrobarista and how its attempting to "resuscitate" anime, while this approach doesnt really examine what contemporary anime like jojos, precure, and slightly more dated anime like hidaske and nichijou do well. if we get all this tunnel vision for gurren lagann and flcl we can never look forward. i think a lot of the visual work that needs to be done is probably in movies. i think maybe there could be work done to marry cinema proper with its animated counterpart. steven universe seems like it gets it, and there are some anime that really seemed like they got it. i dont think were beyond salvation.

-listening to the whos "tommy" and thinking about how trauma and the humanity of that trauma is experienced and lived-through by the main character in socratic fashion. these stories are discussed by people whose actual, authentic experience of trauma irl is doubtful at best. they are great successes on stage who dont struggle in the sense that an actual victim would struggle. calls to mind how a lot of freuds patients would fabricate csa in order to fulfill the expectations of the therapist. but in other cases, actual patients with csa would repress their experiences or not feel comfortable discussing. so thats how i feel about gurus like meher baba or i guess alan watts. less trustworthy and more like scam artists. i do believe in what they teach, however. i think that a guru can teach the truth even if that guru is a liar. maybe its the truth, but the guru doesnt know it to be true, or else, the way the guru teaches it is untrue.

-for a while i imagined my own autism to be the result of childhood trauma that was repressed, but later emerged that those memories were fabricated, to my knowledge, and was left wondering.

-learning to regard the world with a sense of wonder from media like cowboy bebop and ff7. these worlds are jaded and decaying realities but there is a sense of awe at the vast, uncompromising reality. truly vast, sprawling and yawning cities and vast starry skies up above. beholding these things and beholding the starry skies and huge cities of our own planet surely stirs something in me.

-fantasy anime tends to go the joke route like slayers or else the route of "we are all kids, bro, stuck in an mmo" and i think this is mostly due to the admittedly antiquated setting of high fantasy in european trochets and history which to japanese people probably feel like white person set dressing and as they should, i mean. there are more high fantasy themes in something like inuyasha and japans history can be feudal, edo, the meiji restoration, primordial like princess mononoke, etc, so theres more wiggle room for historical works there. slayers et al is usually reduced to "characters moving around the forest" which is almost like this grand slice of the collective anime consciousness as it stands overlapping with, say, pokemon, to the extent where its one of the cliche anime things everyone thinks about, alongside high school, robots, nurses, etc.

-another thing to which we could probably ascribe the success of something like slayers to is wizardry and by proxy dragon quest. small graph paper monster garden games. the appeal is entirely mathematical so there are only a few directions that anime directors tend to run with it (goofy gag comedy if youre making a show or cut and dried authentic dungeon crawlers with moe characters instead of the usual dbz ones). going off what you definitely learn in japanese history class if youre a japanese student, for starters, there are thousands of years of chinese history, so you have romance of 3 kingdoms type stuff. or you have high school romances accounting for the various fire emblems where the appeal becomes game of thronesy "which of my characters in dragon quest land can i make kiss each other and myself", very good ground to cover as we start asking the important questions. theres samurai stuff as we already know, drawing on years of samurai media, kurosawas films and zen spirituality, art of the blade type stuff, jeet kune do in some instances and reaching so far afield as to probably raise some interesting and important questions about pan-asiatic cultural identity which this author (white) is ill-advised to answer. but reeling it back in, the question mostly being of history, and how a lot of fantasy media draws more from History proper as a codified cultural body than histories being individuated familial experiences. its true that when a work does something unique with history (earthbounds hippy dippy approach to the 1960s, undertales handling of furry culture, yume nikkis south american murals) its tended to be seen as that works "thing" as if because hulk hogan was an all american wrestler that precluded john cena from being same, or at least, embodying a similar if slightly modified niche. nobody can make a hippy dippy rpg now or something because itd just be called an earthbound ripoff rather than a loving homage. and i think thats wrong headed and how genres become stillborn rather than invented and developed upon. we have this vast morass of stuff from the 20th century and we could be developing various 60s, 70s, 80s fantasies. hindsight is 20/20 i guess. who knows, we could see bluff city become something in 50 years time.

i feel this is because of extreme stringent expectations of intellectual property laws and their dissemination into everyday discourse online. i dont really like or agree with monolithic cultural expectations like intellectual property or *shudder* advertising, but only to the extent where i can acknowledge that whether or not i agree with them is irrelevant to their all-consuming scope and the need for marxists to actively combat them. its one thing to say "x is bad" and another to clamor for urgency of fighting x, which is, if you believe what we read every day about global warming, too late, so its not important. nevertheless there are a multiplicity of settings that could be developed into genres and identities and ideologues that rarely are if only because it would be seen as "oh yeah like that other thing". people are fickle and develop dwarflike strange moods when it comes to defining what constitutes original versus hackneyed and derivative. i think its mostly dictated by star signs and the weather.

so lately if you follow me on twitter youve probably noticed im doing sort of a tweet concrete kind of thing where i post plaintext quotes from various media taken out of context. i decided to do this for a while, maybe a few weeks, because aesthetic blogs and the aesthetic style of blogging allow me to pool and channel my energies towards larger and more ambitious styles of writing. i usually get loaded on caffeine during this process and frequently watch large amounts of anime and meditate some. its definitely a process and its geared toward something hazily, vaguely spiritual but with pretentions toward being authentically publishable as theory. the idea also being i would like to make some money to support my livelihood, and i like to write, and am somewhat skilled at it, or at least experienced in kind of a ramshackle homespun sort of way. so if my social media presence is pretty boring and kind of weirdly nostalgic or else contrariwise if you feel it has improved lately thats the reason why that happened.

ive been getting very hazy and foggy mentally lately. i feel like it has to do with caffeination and lack of sleep. its important to get everything flowing properly, and sometimes depression and anxiety make that difficult to do. theres anxiety over unemployment, something im trying to remedy, and theres anxiety over theory and where to proceed next via theory. for years i was a devout buddhist in some ways, and meditated a lot, almost every day. i prayed to the bodhisattvas and copped to buddhist metaphysics, something which, based around personal life experience, i had every reason to believe was true. lately and in my own, strange way, ive begun to question this ideology and interpret it as part of a patchwork of ideologies, each one which attempts to describe a totality, a totality which is rarely if ever described properly by any ideology. grasping at straws in a structural sense, and feeling nonplussed but with no ground to run to, and im back on the boss level in super mario 64 where bowser smashes the ground to make it fall away. attempts at restructuring as this dissolution transpires only serve to create new protocols equal in scope to pre-existing paradigms. and there are plenty of people who dont struggle this much with religion and probably still go to heaven, or think theyre going to heaven, or something. hows marge and the kids. did jerry get that new promotion. mom just got back from vacation in cancun. smalltalk style concerns arising in every day transitionary speech feel distinct and very distant from these kind of hazy, pie in the sky questions. plato never wrote about the kind of stuff you see in a cheers episode. there are philosophy books that try to merge the two, but they usually get shelved in the comedy section.

so its mostly a matter of trying to absorb and contain new information, which abides in abundance, and trying to corral it into sort of a pointing arrow to direct me where to go, in my hewing, a feat not easily done. probably the endgame is in the crafting and solution of art, but what kind of art, and whether i have the tools at my disposal to even create it, is less easily answered. so for now, i guess, im absorbing, waiting, asking questions, and who knows, and who can say.

earliest memories of religion are of the greco roman religion and not knowing about the mystery religious rites but knowing about an abstract concept of wisdom and the ocean and extrapolating the existence of athena and poseidon in that way. later i have memories of exposure to christianity and buddhism and bahai but none of these things feel particularly useful to me at this time in my life. i can more readily receive a picture, a kind of enlarged image, of a broad religious landscape and some of the questions it attempts to provide answers for, or at least, a way of thinking about. the greco roman religion, for instance, is a presentation of a deleuzian multiplicity, and the monotheistic religions are a monad, but i also dont think either of these things can say the other is inherently undesireable. tolerance seems to be the best method, but also, and likewise, not dwelling specifically in any of them. acknowledging they all exist, but not being any of them. enjoying in surfeit the tension between multiplicity and monad. that there can be many things and one thing. like the album cover of dark side of the moon.

#txt #text #religion #philosophy #dead ends?#thoughts

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