you give me feelings that I adore
This is my entry for the 2022 Tumblr Sibuna Secret Santa, written for @dykelittlemy. Hope you like it! And huge shout out to @house-of-secrets for organizing this <3
This will have (at least) 2 chapters but they’re not completely done yet, so here’s part 1. It is canon-divergent from the end of season 2 onward:
Fabina does not get back together at the end of s2, nor does amfie
Nina and amber have A Moment (aka they both realize they Have Feelings and proceed to Do Nothing About It) at the end of the summer when nina goes to see amber’s fashion school graduation showcase
Nina’s in s3 and amber happily decides to stay at school for her final year
No s3 mystery (so, sadly, no KT)
Joy and patricia don't currently have men in their lives and have thus decided to make themselves as useful (read: annoying) as possible to our two girls
Mara’s sending out surprise party invites and therefore not really involved in this, although she’s there in spirit <3
The boys are off doing whatever the boys get up to when sibuna’s not a thing idk
Hopefully the only ooc thing about this is amber’s birthday outfit haha
Chapter 1: they start in my toes, make me crinkle my nose
read on ao3
___
September 2012
Nina slams her copy of The Complete History of the World closed and stares at the portrait of the small woman sporting a pink knitted cap and a slightly-terrified expression on the back. “Harriet Denby, I hope you’re a much better teacher than you are a writer,” she says to it, mentally cursing herself for not finishing her summer reading after returning from her New York trip like she had planned.
But then again, even if she had sat down to do her homework, there was no way she would have retained any of the information, what with everything else taking over her braincells.
Right on cue, the Everything Else in question throws open the door and waltzes in. “Neens, I really, really, really need your help,” Amber whines, grabbing Nina’s hand and pulling her out of her chair before she has a chance to breathe. “What do you think about this birthday ’fit?”
“Huh? Oh.” Nina quickly takes a step back to examine the emerald green pantsuit Amber’s sporting, smiling softly at the small AM embroidered near her hip. “Amber, you look gorgeous,” she says honestly. “Yo—it’s incredible.”
Amber practically glows. “It is, isn’t it? This may be my favorite thing I’ve ever—”
Suddenly, the door bursts open again, the sound of playful squabbling bursting the bubble around the two girls.
“I don’t know why this is even an argument, the green looks miles—”
“It’s her decision—Nina, have you seen Am—oh.”
Amber whips around so quickly that some of her hair tickles Nina’s cheek and wafts the sweet scent of strawberries over her. It’s only when Nina feels a sharp tug on her wrist that she realizes that Amber had only just let go of it.
Get it together, she thinks, but her blood vessels apparently refuse to get the memo, proceeding to tint her entire face in what she’s sure is an embarrassing shade of magenta.
“Nina loved this one!” Amber chirps, doing a little spin to show off the pantsuit again. “I think this is it, guys.”
“Duh, that’s what we’d been telling you for the past hour,” Patricia says, rolling her eyes.
Joy, meanwhile, meets Nina’s eyes and simply raises an eyebrow coyly.
Nina’s blush deepens. She didn’t realize she was being so obvious. “Yeah, I think it’s great. I mean, I thought the blue one was pretty too, you know, the one you showed at your showcase over the summer, but I like this one too, and I think you should wear it, unless you’d prefer—”
“Okay, I think she gets the point,” Joy says, thankfully interrupting the word-vomit.“Patty, I think that necklace Piper got you will match perfectly.”
“What, the one that says ‘Sisters Forever’ on it?” Patricia asks, confused.
“Yes, exactly! Now go, try it on,” Joy says, shooing her and Amber out the room. “I’ll stay here and makes sure Nina gets her homework done. She clearly needs help with it.”
Nina blushes. As soon as the door closes, she heads back to her desk, pointedly ignoring Joy staring at her.
“Nina Martin.”
Nina sighs. “You can go. I’m almost done with this.”
Joy, being Joy, pays her no attention and simply sits at the foot of Nina’s bed. “I don’t care, actually.”
“So why, exactly, are you here?” Nina asks, finally turning around to glare at the other girl.
“You know why,” Joy says cheekily. “C’mon, you can tell me.”
“Um.”
“Listen, I know we’ve had our differences, but I give really good advice on matters of the heart, you know.”
Nina raises an eyebrow but stays silent, partially because she doesn’t trust herself to not spill her guts right then and there, and partially because she has no idea what Joy is going on about.
“I’m serious! How the hell do you think Patricia and Eddie finally got together last term? They’d both still be sad and lonely if it weren’t for me.”
“You mean like they are now,” Nina says sarcastically.
Joy raises her hands in protest. “I blame America for that. There’s something different in the air over there, I’m telling you.”
“Hey!”
“I mean, you and Amber left as best friends and come back as, you know,” Joy teases, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
“Stop, there’s nothing going on,” Nina protests, but her emotions betray her and she finds herself smiling against her will.
“Uh-huh.” Joy grins. “Right, so you don’t have an itty-bitty crush on your gorgeous roommate.”
“I—” Nina starts to protest, but suddenly stops herself. In order to lie about it, she has to be clear on the truth: she has a crush on her roommate.
On Amber, her best friend.
A girl.
She’d never really admitted that to herself before, not really. But now that the words are at the tip of her tongue, everything seems so much more real.
“I, um,” Nina tries again, but her heartbeat makes its way up to her throat and chokes the breath out of her. Her ears are ringing. Why are her ears ringing?
“Oh, Nina,” Joy whispers. “Hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Nina says hurriedly, shaking her head. The ringing stops. That’s better. “How did you, you know—” she gestures to the necklace hanging around Joy’s neck.
“That I liked girls?”
“Yeah, but like, how did you get the confidence to, like, say it?”
“I don’t know,” Joy murmurs, gently rubbing the pendant.
“How helpful, thanks.”
Joy laughs. “No, it was—” Suddenly, she smiles, a mischievous glint in her eye. “It was Amber, actually. You know she was the first out of us to come out, right?”
Nina nods. She wasn’t here when it happened, but it was one of the first things she’d learned about her.
“Well, until then, it wasn’t something I’d considered for myself, but once I did, it just made sense.” Joy shrugs. “She was so self-assured about just being herself, it made me too.”
“Hmm.” Nina sighs. “That makes sense, I guess.”
“For what it’s worth, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” Joy says seriously. “But you’re the odd one out among us girls—”
“Besides Mara.”
Joy waves her off. “All I’m saying is that we’re all here for you, but also…those feelings of yours? She feels the same way, I’m certain.”
Nina stares at her. “Now you’re just saying things.”
“Are you joking? Amber spent all afternoon complaining that you weren’t there and how you have better fashion taste than either of us. It was a bit rude if I’m being honest.��
“Uh-huh, and I’m supposed to believe you because…?”
“So we’re ignoring the fact that you were clearly holding hands for like, five entire minutes before we came in.”
Nina flushes. “Whatever.”
Joy smirks. “We’ll work on that confession later. For now, we’ve got work to do.”
“Work? What?” Nina asks. Joy ignores her and reaches into her sweater pocket, pulls out a mini-notebook and glitter-pen, and stares at her expectantly.
“So, Miss Future-Girlfriend, any gift ideas?”
“I’m regretting this entire conversation.”
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Jako, że Gorzkie Żale miały być wczoraj (acz z przyczyn technicznych, o których napiszę żale owe się nie pojawiły), czas na wieczorny wysryw:
Jak wszyscy wiedzą, dokształcam się z najlepszym ziomeczkiem w miejscowości, do której muszę dojechać pociągiem. Wczoraj jechałem bez niego - pociągiem po 6stej udał się sam. Jako, że bywam skończonym idiotą, zapomniałem, że budzik na 4:20 należy ustawić też w niedzielę (mam nowy telefon, nie ustawiłem wszystkiego) wobec czego przepięknie zgarowałem i nawet rodzicom mnie było ciężko obudzić. Boru liściastemu dzięki, że kolejny pociąg miałem przed ósmą (spóźnienie zostało mi wybaczone xD), więc o tej szóstej zdążyłem sobie wypić kapuczynę, wziąć prysznic i ogarnąć ryj (gorzki żal namber tu - w trakcie rozjebał mi się kabel od maszynki i trzeba było dokończyć jednorazówką co zajmuje wieki 🙃), a nawet ubrać się tak żeby nie wyglądać jak menel.
Podczas samych zajęć gorzki żal namber tri - kolega, który niechcący wziął mój zeszyt się pochorował (sytuację, że zeszytu nie zobaczę przewidziałem i wziąłem zastępczy) i moich skrupulatnie tworzonych notatek nie zobaczę do przyszłego tygodnia, bo osobiście po zeszyt jadę.
Wkurw namber for - Powrót do chaty. Pociąg był tak ZAJEBIŚCIE zapchany, że pierwszy raz poczułem to co czuje osoba z fobią społeczną, mimo, że jestem ekstrawertykiem. Obok mnie - facet żre makrelę ze słoika - zapach nie do podrobienia, obok cztery baby wracają z sanatorium i pierdolą na pół wagonu. Przede mną dzieciak ogląda jakąś animację Świadków Jehowy (dobra, to było akurat śmieszne). Nawet nie miałem z kim tego komentować, bo D też ledwo znalazł miejscówkę żeby usadzić dupę.
Wkurw namber fajf - najprawdopodobniej zaraziłem się jakimś wirusem (nie, to nie jest koronka xD) od dziadka, który złapał coś w domu dziennej opieki (i twierdzi, że jest zdrowy. Rodzice złapali dokładnie to samo, cały dom smarka) i przeczuwam, że w tym tygodniu będzie eleganckie El Czterro
Więcej wkurwów nie pamiętam, za każdy serdecznie dziękuję
P.S w tym tygodniu miałem mieć kontrolę u urologa z powodu lewego jajka (niektórzy o lewym jajku wiedzą, bo parę miesięcy temu prawie zszedłem ze strachu. Nie, nie mam raka, acz radosny worek do kontroli co pół roku), ale z powodu jakże cudownej grypy najprawdopodobniej nie będę się nadawać na badanie, bo nie daj zarażę gości w kolejce i samego lekarza (a dodatkowo nie nadaję się do tego żeby wyjść gdziekolwiek). Wkurw namber siks prawdopodobnie
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