#n e ways rant over

[ra1ny-daze]

.. ……goddammit i want to look like him so bad..

sorry im having a gender dysphoria/envy moment right now hhghhghgnnmmmmm…

im SO fucking tired of being perceived as a girl,, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BE FEMME,, AND PEOPLE TO PERCEIVE ME AS Boy In Makeup OR Boy In Skirt GRHGRHGHDHDJ,,,, ALSO I WANT TO BE PERCEIVED AS A BOY WHEN IM MASC OR ANDROGYNOUS!!! NOT AS A “tOMbOy” OR WHATEVER THE FUCK!!

#gender dysphoria #down pounding my head Against the Kitchen Floor because i probably wont be able to medically transition any time soon #the place where i live hates trans ppl #it’s lovely /s #screaming into the void #just transmasc things #☹️ #sorry this feels like too much whoops #n e ways rant over #i get gender envy from will wood #ikik so original #/sarcastic #he’s just so neat idk #will wood #transmasc #trans #transgender #personal stuff #dysphoria #tw gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #vent #tw vent #cw vent

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

tonight i realized how much I hate the fifty shades of grey franchise

#LISTEN #ik I've written kinky and possessive stuff before I won't lie #but christian is so mf toxic like #miss anastasia girl wtf are you doing with him #n e ways rant over #it's almost midnight #goodnight #personal🤐

[straawberries]

im so sorry to see people are saying such awful things to you and your boyfriend!!! its really inexcusable. and im sorry if this is out of line but i want to confess ive seen his art on my dash before and liked without reblogging bc there wasnt a caption on the post. idk whenever i see art posts without captions i get the vibe that theyre a repost or stolen art because if the actual artist was posting theyd have something to say? i know its not the case with ur bfs art now but thats how my mind works instinctively;; hope the hate lets up and he gets the support he deserves <3

i think its only a few people doing it, i just get a few anons at a choreographed time every day (seems about the time school would get off in america, wonder if thats a coincidence?) but me n my bf are doing fine and like.. the whole fiasco was set off bc people were assuming my bf was just Like That all the time and not just frustrated bc he spent hours making art only to get like, no replies on it or anything. people are saying "well art is for creating! he should just be making it without caring about reblogs!" and it is about creating! but it was stuff he was (and is) proud of and hoped people would appreciate. ironically enough, the people being positive (eg the guy asking abt his ocs and whatnot) have made a lot bigger of an impact than the annoying cunts telling us to off ourselves, so its not a net negative

#wooh #long post #ty anon<3<3 #mostly just deleting them now #some anon was telling me that we needed to be “put down like dogs” and i just.. #do you think thats a normal thing to say on the internet? #a few people on the post that made this happen were like “he deserves this and itll teach him a lesson about the REAL WORLD” but.. #do you think people in the real world are going to be telling artists to eat glass because theyre trying to get recognition or make money? #and also people saying “you shouldnt be on tumblr for this” tumblr used to be a fuckin hub for art! you shouldnt be proud of the fact that #it isnt anymore! jfc #n e ways rant over

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨ #and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah. #thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help— #so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control… #b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato) #so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date… #at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration… #…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig. #oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far… #i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience. #help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m. #anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

[rubberbandballqueen]

since i just rb'd a poll abt high school grades now's probably a good time to drop one of my many million-dollar ideas for how to run a high school classroom, which is that i think that at the start of a quarter/semester kids should be asked if they want hw to count towards their grades or not bc i was So Fucking Bad at submitting hw in high school, but my test scores were really good, so i'd rather have not had hw count towards my grades. but obviously there are a good number of kids who are either bad at taking tests or anxious abt their grades dropping and are diligent abt turning in hw, so letting hw count towards their grades would give them some padding in that situation.

#i really Do need to just maintain a doc of all my ideas for how to run a classroom #bc i've been storing some of these in my brain since i was like 12. that's a fucking decade by this point What the hell #the worm speaks #unfortunately it's probably unfeasible to Not have tests n the like count towards a grade at all #like personally as a student i do not hate testing!! as someone who enjoys gathering data / information i'm kind of obsessed w/it!!! #but i also have very strong opinions on TEST DESIGN as well as curriculum design n stuff #like tests CAN be a useful tool for measuring knowledge! if you design it right. and even then it's like. not perfect #one of my other million dollar ideas is that rather than giving out a final i'd give kids the choice to either do like #a freeform project to demonstrate their knowledge in literally Any Way They Want (foster creativity n stuff) #or! they could also just take a paper exam if they want. idk if anyone would take that option but idk. #mostly i'm just fond of the idea of giving high school students a sense of autonomy over their grades n education #like another reason why i think the 'do you want hw to count to your grades?' question should be re-asked at the start of quarters or w/e #is bc sometimes we also make mistakes! and evaluate consequences wrong. or situations change!! so they should be allowed to change things #how much would hw count for if they made it worth anything is honestly not smth i'm sure abt rn tbh #but i also know that i like. would also not even grade their hw on correctness just on completion anyway #a number of my high school teachers did that; bc the point was that we were responsible for ensuring its correctness #they all knew that kids would copy off each other and if that's how you learn. go for it!! my ap calc teacher openly acknowledged this!!! #anyway good lord i really do have limitless rants n tedtalks abt education in me lmao i need to sleebies now #so i can study for my calc quiz tmrw morning ( •̀ ω •́ )y

[enteragoodnamehere]

(voice of guy who likes to project onto its favorite fictional characters) idk man i wish tma had gone into more detail with nikola orsinov and her relationship with gregor it would’ve been interesting

#cicada screams #nikola posting #ok but fr. why didn’t they #the answer’s probably Time Constraints or whatever but like. it was the perfect opportunity #with all the stranger’s connections to family (the not!them taking that one statement givers mother + danny and tim + etc.) she was perfect #for Having Daddy Issues y’know? plus it would have given her some humanity and motive which she doesn’t have in the og #(because she got fucked over by the story and the authors. who said that) #n e ways rant over sorry this is a subject I have strong feelings abt due to my own Complicated Relationship with my dad

[goldenn-moments]

don't you love when there's tension between some of your closest friends so you feel like you can't talk to either of them that much any more so you're relying on the other one to talk to about literally everything which is okay bc she was the first one you were friends w anyways but you're afraid you'll become too much (again) and so now you're here shouting into the void

#isnt it just so fun🫠 #n e ways #i needed at least the void to hear me bc i sure as hell am not ranting to my story where i vaguely know all those people #so #aksbxjsbxjd #feeling like a child of divorce (again) over here #not fandom

[orgrimmar-archive]

#hi the autism won tonight #devilman #eyestrain #i love you symmetry tool . you make me turn my brain off completely #when i dont have to emulate a style and i just use my own its kind of fun but tbh i feel like my style is a little uglee sometimes. #n e way i really like how akira's wings came out here and ryo's colors :thumbsup: #im decently ok with these #my pokemon art academy stuff is definitely peak but that's because my little hand is being held. constantly. #on my own im like. where am i. #and then the art comes out. #n e way rant over. #look at them now.

[thekidkelly]

to the people out there who like. comment such nice things on my fics and send me messages and asks filled with such kind and thoughtful words about them like. i hope you all know how much that means to me. i oftentimes forget that me posting a work of mine is actually visible to the rest of the world, and to me its kind of an afterthought - i write my little stories with my silly words and i put it out there for people to read, theoretically, and yet it still chokes me up a bit knowing that people actually do read them and enjoy them, which frankly is even more baffling than people just reading them, and form such connections to them. that is mind-blowing to me. people tell me all the time that they think about works of mine constantly or that my work leaves an impact on them and that is so...idk. jarring to me. i don't know the right words. but it blows me away in the best possible way every single time and i just want to say thank you to those people. like y'all really do make it worthwhile. thank you so much for entertaining the little worlds in my head. thank you so much for being so kind. so much love to you guys.

#this is so sappy and emotional but im sappy and emotional rn so everyone has to know #i get comments sometimes or messages sometimes that literally make me want to cry. u have no idea #ugh n e ways. thank u sm. sappy rant over

[truthundressing]

the longer ive had to stew on it the more i am actually worried abt harry's fanbase

#like online i guess i obly see the odd terrible take bow and then but beibg in a room full of homophobes watching a queer film made me feel #so so so alone #and not at all what my expereince going to see a queer film should have been #like there was a bunch of girls sitting in front of me that LAUGHED during the scene where patrick got beat up #when that happened i literally felt sick to my stomach and honestly considered leaving bc i felt so unsafe #but im glad i stuck it out bc the movie was beautiful #i just guess i really didnt realise how homophobic some of his fanbase is #bc i dont see loads online and that i do see i always think 'oh yeah but im sure they wouldbt act this way irl' #and seeing peopke actually act that way in public makes me really really sad #honestly was the worst movie going expereince ive ever had i literally bolted as soon as the credits rolled bc i had my 'pits and perverts #lgsm' shirt on and just felt so so unsafe staying in that theatre any longer #and they laughed through the gay sex scenes and absoloute silence during the striaght ones like really felt very fetishiser #like idk almost like they enjoyed seeing the little gay ppl in the movie go through turmoil and shit idk #dude im not in the mind of a homophobe so idk gow they think but yh :/ #i really hope these are just teens that will grow and change but idk man i came out of that theatre not thinking abt the movie but abt how #fucked society is if ppl like that are still around and the majority :// #n e wayyyyy rant over #not gonna be around the rest of this weekend bc 1 i have family stuff going on but 2 i just need a little distance i think #bc of my own feelings and how im still a little shook up from it not anything directly due to h <3 #to delete #mp spoilers

[metropoliseaten]

Whenever ppl do anything like. ‘quirky’ or ‘random’ in either a funny or scary way and the first response is to be like omg what drugs are you on or like jesus you’re acting like a tweaker like. Get a different joke? It’s past midnight so this isn’t well thought out and I’m sure other ppl already said it better but like jeez drugs do not exist just for comedy or shock value and addicts r real people? Get a grip. And don’t reblog this plz

#not mad at anyone here i know better than to vague where people can see it #and also i hope this doesn’t come across as ‘guy with a straight edge tumblr icon talking about how drugs are bad’ i prommy that’s not my #intent. harm reduction all the way pro legalization all the way. this is about ppl who don’t use drugs making bad jokes #it’s also about me being pissed off that my outward whatevers of mental illness are being interpreted like that but that’s smth i’m too #tired to unpack right now; it’s about the reduction shit i’m mad at #and putting this in the tags on a single post is even less useful than a dni but i don’t want followers who make shitty jokes about addicts/ #drug use like hello? get ahold of yourself lol #rant over i don’t like making my own posts on like stances i have n stuff mostly cuz i don’t feel the need to put in the effort to ‘’’educat #e’’’ my <100 followers on topics they probably already agree with in this little leftist bubble but also i want to give the appropriate care #n ig like. seriousness/nuance to topics i think deserve it. but i’m not doing that tonite im just complaining <3

[deus-ex-mona]

it’s ✨okay✨, right~?

#s o rry rant incoming im just. re a l l y crabby after working for 8.5 consecutive hours with no proper break okie~? </3 #ayEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE ADMINS AT MY WORKPLACE CAN GO K I C K R O C K S #their time management is somehow worse than mine and i suck balls at it?????? SJCFJFFHDHHD I THOUGHT Y’ALL WERE BETTER AT YOUR JOBS MANSSSSS #the!!!!! admins!!!!!! sent in over a hundred samples without any info sheets and stuff so the morning shift literally couldn’t get started!! #doing the morning shift’s part of the job was. annoying. to say the least. especially when said work could’ve actually been done (ʘ‿ʘ) #dammit workplace admins you had one job </3 #and n o it’s not to send in the sample info sheet things at the same time as the pm shift’s reporting time </3 #and as if that weren’t enough.. the!!!! admin!!!! refused to go home in the evening?????? and sent in like 80 samples at like 8.30pm?????? #and that’s not counting the samples that were yeeted in at 5pm </3 truly sadge #and o f c o u r s e we haaaaaaaad to be short-staffed today lmfao. the two workstations life compels me to lay down on the floor and c r y . #but bc i’m just ✨too great✨ at my job you see (lies) i finished my stuff way too early and had to do other extra tests too s o b s #and that included a test that i don’t fully know how to do (sadge) #well. at least that test involved the use of a microscope. thank you past me for attaining magic skills with microscope zooming and stuff #seriously. thank you past me. i can almost forgive you for choosing to enter the f r e a k i n g ✨s c i e n c e✨ industry of all things #but hmmmmmmm im amazed that i actually managed to finish everything across those two stations. am i too good at my job or ✨w h a t✨ (lies) #but man. m a n. none of this even gets into my secret beef with the data entry admin. #she can’t spell for her life. it s e r i o u s l y grinds my gears whenever i see her spell the word ‘content’ as ‘contant’. #but no. her spelling got on a w h o l e new level of questionable when she spelled the word ‘crackle’ as… ‘cracker’. like??? how???????? #and she told me to ask the senior analysts if it was possible to retrieve the results for a test that we’d write the results for ✨by hand✨ #from some kind of system????? like i was just so!!!!! baffled!!!! that she couldn’t understand that there was no system to check???? #though. hm. i guess saying that i have ✨secret✨ beef with that admin would be an understatement. i think none of the others like her either #but! i do have secret beef with the janitor bc he alwayyys magically appears behind me whenever i’m doing something important/holding acids #well! at least we don’t cross paths when i’m working the pm shift. the janitor dude was spared from my presence for the week lmao #hfhfhfhhfhfhfhffffffff well. m. i’m sorry if you read all that. i’ll be more normal tomorrow i swear!!!! (blatant lies) #i feel like tling something ✨t o x i c✨ to match how im feeling thoughhh… hm. maybe the p a r a s ite chapter from the d*27m annequin anth…? #been thinking about that song lately ngl.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. #oh wellssssss at least i can try to enjoy what’s left of my long weekend lmaooo goodnighttttt #inedible blubbering

[the-adas]

just an absolutely atrocious fumble really

#the adas speak #another one to add to the collection #always the same kind of fumble too. in that we don't speak to them #or in this case speak to them once and then chicken out #(and also like. have a lot going on and a bunch of shit on our plate #but also there were times when we could've talked and didn't) #i'll get over it eventually. but temporarily screaming crying throwing up #walking in circles ranting to myself about it instead of going to sleep at a reasonable hour #n e ways. i need to do the alloace equivalent of get laid. develop a meaningful romantic relationship ig #but that's way harder than just getting laid. just tragic really #ok bedtime now

[yuunfi]

you think you’re over it but then you hear the two songs you played on repeat all throughout that one detached-from-reality-summer where u saw him day and night, and everything becomes a little blurry. you’re over it until you pass the bench by the sidewalk, the two people in love only a few feet away from you but in a world completely of their own, and you remember how you sobbed under the streetlights, pretending your pain was just brought about by something or the other. 

you’re fine until you pass by that one corner in the library. you remember how you woke up from a nap that felt like death, the table leaving imprints on your tired face. you remember seeing someone else in a haze, and feeling exhausted and alone, away from home. you remember doing a double take, seeing his face, his voice low the way he’d talk to someone in need of tender care and affection. “did you think we’d just leave you alone like that? im right here, yeah?”

 you tell yourself you’re over him and that you’re fine. you honestly are, really. until you’re playing with your mother’s hair, and you catch a scene from her soap drama. its a girl on the phone with her friend, her closest, with pain laced so deeply in her voice its a miracle no one hears it. “hey, its alright. he was yours to begin with. all that? just one-sided delusions. wishful thinking. i give you my blessing, so make sure you’re happy enough for the both of us. its no one’s fault, is it? love can’t be earned if you’re pitiful enough, if you wish for someone enough. it just happens.” you don’t notice what you’re remembering, which hazy memory, but you know your eyes burn and your throat is holding back a tight, lead-like lump. you know there are burning, red-hot tears streaming down your face on an uneventful summer afternoon.

 you know you’re never going to find someone like that again. you know that even if you do, by some twisted curse of fate, they won’t be yours. you know because you knew this before, before he happened, before you met him. you knew what your person would be like, and you knew it wouldn’t happen for you.

 you’re sitting in a crowded campus bus, golden light spilling in. you’re next to your best friend, and you tell her “you know? i know for sure i won’t find someone like him. i’ll get married, i’ll settle, but it’ll never be like that.” 

she tells you she knows, in the depths of her heart and soul, that you’ll find love. you’ll find someone who fits with you even better than him. you let her have it. you let yourself pretend for a few minutes, but you know, in the depths of your heart.

 you know you have such good luck with everything else, you know you can get out of the worst situations unscathed, you know the corner store always has a stock of your favorites, you know you’re blessed with a little mundane magic because the universe knows you’re never going to get the form of love you’ve always wondered about, always craved.

you’re fine until you remember, and then you force yourself to be fine once again.

#im going to pretend i can write on here #and rant about the saddest things that have happened 2 me #and it'll then be the problem of exactly. 2 people who are going to come accross this aha ha #context is #i met a boy. we became friends. i loved him from the start. #which is cool and all but even before that he'd met a girl #a literalt fukinf angel so i cant even feel sorry for myself in peace #n e ways i told him. knew fully it wouldnt work out. just wanted it to be out there #i told him a week after i thot i was over him tho bc i thot it'd be chill #things got awkward and then they got fine #we're still friends. i dont like him anymore but i remember the version of me that Did so its a bit. yea

[suzuki-violin-school]

Realizing why writing is my coping mechanism apparently ??? Lots of thoughts coming together that never had before and I feel like my own therapist figuring out why I do stuff

#the realization is that I can take control of real situations in my life that suck absolute balls #and if I write about those situations then I have control over what happens next and who reacts how #as opposed to real life where I panic because I'm afraid of confrontation #like coming up with a perfect rebuttal in an argument that happened two weeks ago except I can actually say it #N E WAY #lots going on #and as you can probably guess some shit went down irl and I'm writing a fic about it #xineohp's nonsense #xineohp rant

[green-ghost6]

am i really about to skip this class for the third time in a row

#unbelievable #i say as if i am not in charge of my own actions #i just #its suuuuch a borung class #and it goes till 9 #and my one friend(? i think were friends idk how to tell) is probably not gonna be there too #and #i can just take notes on the slides #idk idk idk #like yes i am already on my way home from campus when i shouldve just stayed #but also i probably have time to get back in time for class #but also i do not like my prof and he makes us talk in class and i will probably get more out of just going over the slides on my own anywa #idk i like cant handle being on campus for a long time anymore or like long days of classes #its #too much #too many people too much noise to much bright too much trying to be normal #idk why i always end up with these giant rants in tags lol #n e ways #1 like and i go to class #letsgo