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incorrectcreepypastafam · 4 months

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Creepypasta As Markiplier And Friends Playing Uno

Jeff: what was I supposed to do? Suck some dick for better cards?

*Toby, Lyra, & Liu have two cards*

Jeff: Look at you with your two card powwow over there

*Liu starts drawing a bunch of cards*

Liu: So Jeff suddenly I’m on your team

Ben: keep it yellow, I can screw Jeff over

Liu: no *makes it red*

Sally: *constantly draws cards*

Sally: *finally gets a card*

Ben: *plays a reverse*

Sally: *starting to draw again* Here we go again

Lyra: *reverses it*

Liu: no thanks *reverses it*

Jeff: *saying fuck you everytime he pulls a card*

Tim: fuck all of you

Jeff: you don’t know that

Tim: What?

Jeff: I know what I said

Jeff: thank you, fuck you, I can’t decide which one

Liu: we’re all having a fun time. We’re thanking each other, we’re fucking each other. It’s all good

Ben: why is your hand so big, Jeff?

Jeff: you know, some people are just genetically gifted with bigger hands

Brian: I didn’t mean to fuck you, it just happened

Tim: can you stop accidentally fucking me?

Toby: can we start intentionally fucking Jeff?

Brian: what have you got against Jeff? Jeff’s done nothing

Toby: Jeff’s done everything

Brian: do you have any nice things to say about Tim, Jeff?

Jeff: I’ve seen shorter people

*everyone laughs*

Jeff: compliments are hard

Toby: taste this, fuckers

Jeff: okay that’s a little rude

Lyra: that’s aggressive

Toby: well now I have to draw cause yellow’s a dick pee color

Lyra: dick pee?

Jeff: what other kind of pee is there?

Brian: guys I have to pee again

Jeff: do you have fucking prostate cancer or something?

Ben, playing a +4: think about what you’ve done

Jeff: I will not

Jeff, playing a +5: eat this, dickhole

Liu, stacking it with another +5: eat this, dickhole

Toby: Ben, how could you do this to me

Ben: easily. It’s that color

Sally, skipping Ben: go away

Jeff, to Ben: the thing is I don’t like you, I like Toby

Jeff, drawing cards: you should’ve remembered. you should’ve remembered. you should’ve membered. you should’ve membered. you should’ve membered. you should’ve membered. You member? Do you member?

Liu: you just drew eighteen cards

Jeff: youuuuuuu should’ve membered

Jeff: you didn’t member hard enough

Tim, through his teeth: good luck changing the color you a-holes. This one’s mine

Jeff, after getting +15ed: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes a breath* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lyra: oh my Jesus

Jeff: Jesus left long ago

Toby: *coughing*

Jeff: you dead yet?

Toby: you know one day I’ll be dead and you guys will be like “you know his jokes weren’t actually that bad”

Lyra: Jeff, im so sorry

Jeff: why shut up stop go away

Jeff: you berate me like I murdered your family

Brian: when? Did you murder my family? You asshole

Ben: seven plus seven is fourteen. Fourteen divided by three is not a whole number. *starts drawing* uhhhh I lost my train of thought. I’ll just draw I guess

Brian: betrayal is in my blood

Liu: what are you? Some kind of liar?

Ben: yes

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lexwritess · 3 years

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incorrect quotes anon, i have a super angsty idea that i think you’ll LOVE. so basically michael x reader but she died at on of the outpost, and were basically the only good part about michael and him not caring about anything anymore (even more than usual lmao). and it’s just grief and sadness and anger. it’s fine if not, if you do i’d love to make incorrect quote for it also! have a great day/night!!!! ❤️❤️

broken promises [m.l.]

pairing: michael langdon x fem!reader

warnings: angst, death, swearing, blood, i don’t think this is accurate i tried to research on lilith but it was difficult but i liked the idea so this version of lilith is mostly based off the one from caos

a/n: i got a little carried away lmao

words: 1.6k

slightly au! i’m going to pretend michael can’t bring dead people back ✌️

y/n is a witch. but she’s a different kind of witch. she was born for a very specific purpose, one that she didn’t even understand yet. she knew she was different though.

she really knew she was different when her supreme, cordilia, tried to kill her.

she ran away from her sisters that night. she didn’t need cordilia to kill her. she already felt dead. defeated. the only real family she’s had wanted her dead.

that’s when she met michael.

michael despised all witches, but there was something about y/n that dragged him to her. the two of them were like magnets and they both felt it. the world always pulling them towards each other.

she met michael when he was at a loss. y/n wasn’t the only one cordilia hurt that day.

y/n found michael in the woods, he looked ill and lost.

y/n brought him to a dark church she saw a couple days prior. they found a woman there that was eager to help them back on their feet and get them well and nourished.

that was a big step for michael. after that visit michael finally got sense of himself. unfortunately, y/n still didn’t understand her purpose.

“i want to help michael, i really do but i don’t know what i’m suppose to do. you’re the antichrist! i’m just a rejected witch.” y/n tells michael gloomily.

tomorrow was a big day for him, he was getting back his ms. mead. of course y/n was happy for him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he wouldn’t need her anymore.

“you are so much more than that. you are more powerful than you think and you are a big help to me. and even if you don’t serve a purpose for the apocalypse i care about you and want you by my side.” michael looks into your eyes and grabs your hands.

that’s where y/n and michael shared their first kiss.

“can you help him or not.” you interrupt the two idiotic coke heads.

“oh. who’s this?” mutt said cockily.

“she’s a witch on my side. her coven tried to kill her. don’t get any ideas though she’s mine.” michael said protectively.

you can’t help but smirk to yourself.

“alright, sorry. please don’t light me on fire.” mutt says defensively.

this is the second time michaels been here. this time he decided to bring you along so maybe you could get an idea what to do next if jeff and mutt didn’t.

“do you have some special marking on you, or have demonic fire powers?” jeff asks you while mutt looks for something to help michael.

y/n shows him the upside down triangle that appeared on her wrist about a month ago.

“not going to lie, that’s kinda lame.” jeff says disappointed.

y/n gives the man a glare and with the wave of her hand the glass bowl of cocaine was now broken across the floor.

“WHAT THE FU-.” jeff yelled before mutt stepped in.

“we can worry about it later. look at the book of revelations. have you read it?” mutt asks.

michael looks at them before opening the book with his magic.

y/n flips through the book when michael is done looking for anything else.

“who is lilith?” y/n ask monotone.

“lilith is technically a witch. she was the wife of adam but refused to sleep with him. eventually she went and sided with the devil. the devil turned on her. lots of variations and stories of her. no ones quite totally sure.” jeff explains.

y/n looks at michael with a skeptical look on her face and he gives one back.

“holy shit, you’re totally lilith! but for the new world!” mutt exclaims.

y/n stands up and look down upon the two.

“how would you know?” y/n raised her eyebrows at them.

“you’re coven tried to kill you, you just so happen to be with the antichrist, the triangle on your arm...makes sense.” jeff says.

y/n stays still staring at them. they gulp under her gaze before she walks out of the room.

michael hurries after the girl, needing to know what’s on her mind.

“y/n, what is the matter dear?” michael asks, linking his pinky with hers.

“i do not want to be lilith.” y/n says strongly.

“if being lilith means i will lose you in the end i don’t want it!” she lets go of michaels pinky and storms off to the car.

“darling you will never lose me! i may have to follow my fathers plans to end this world, but i’m still in charge!” michael yells to y/n.

“promise me!” y/n yells back, finally walking towards micheal.

“promise me.” y/n repeats, this time her tone barley above a whisper.

“i promise.”

2 years later

present time

the apocalypse is here. the world is gone. hell is on earth.

and you’ve been by michaels side the whole time.

he kept his promise

and now you were standing in front of your ex-coven.

they were back to kill you, again.

“come back to finish the job?” you bitterly ask cordilia.

“i had no choice! you were made for evil, i was never going to be able to peel you away from him and you would always choose him over your sisters!” cordilia yells.

“well michael never tried to kill me like you did! you were the only family i had!” you yell back, tears brimming your eyes.

you furrow your brows trying to hear what cordilia was mumbling but before you realized it’s too late.

“ms mead!” michael cried.

cordilia had killed his ms mead again.

“fuck you!” you say angerly stepping closer to cordilia.

as you walk closer cordilia is pushed back by your magic, a trail of fire leading behind you.

“how are you doing that?” madison asks in shock.

“because i’m the new supreme.” you smirk.

cordilia laughs bitterly and you look back at her.

“you can never be the supreme. you are a demoness! you are and never will be a real witch!” cordilias words burn in your brain as the realization hits you.

“mallory.” you whisper to yourself.

“precisely.” cordilia smiles.

while michael was having his last moments with ms mead, in the corner of your eye you saw madison grab the machine gun and go to point it at michael.

“repellendum malum minitar, ut nobis!” you quickly shout the protection spell.

you repeat the spell and step closer to michael.

“tutela eorum vinculum!” cordilia starts chanting against your spell.

you repeat the spell but as she gets closer the sheild starts breaking.

“et defendat mea!” you shout louder. the shield starts breaking as the other witches join in on cordilias chants.

“amans vitae meae praesidium.” you say quietly before the shield breaks.

bullets shoot throughout the room before your bloody body slumps against the wall. you feel awful, they shot you enough to make you weak so you can’t heal, but strong enough to let you bleed out.

“y/n?” michael says quietly, before he is shot as well.

myrtle cuts a piece of michaels hair and walks back to mallory.

“hurry mallory, before he heals.” cordilia rushes, and the witches leave the room.

michael wakes and looks over to see y/n’s bloody body.

“y/n! no, no, no!” michael lifts you up so he can hold you.

“michael you have to listen to me.” you cough, as the metallic taste fills your mouth.

“i can save you, i know father can. just stay with me a little longer.” michael pleads.

you smile at him and shake your head.

“listen, don’t kill cordilia. i’m not the supreme it’s mallory. she will go back and kill you in a past timeline, so none of this will never happen.”

“i have to! look what they did to you!” tears fall from his face.

“michael baby, i’ll be okay. i’ll be okay, but you got to make sure you don’t kill cordilia. it’ll bring mallory’s powers to full strength.” you assure him.

michael shakes his head as more tears fall from his crystal blue eyes.

“i love you, i love you so much. i’ll be with you soon.” michael squeezes your hand.

“i love you too michael, so much.” you let out a shaky sigh and squeeze his hand back.

“goodbye michael.” you smile as your eyes start to close.

“no, don’t say goodbye! baby please open your eyes again.” michael weeps.

“fuck! i wasn’t suppose to lose you. i wasn’t suppose to leave you, i fucking promised!” michael screams, while his sobs continue.

“it’s too late langdon.” cordilias chill voice fills michaels ears.

michaels sadness quickly turns to anger as he turns around to see the bitches smug face.

“you killed the love of my life!” michael shrieks.

cordilia hums and stares back at michael before waving the knife out of his hand into hers.

before michael can do or say anything cordilia rams the knife into her chest.

michael is at a loss for words.

he have lost

“no!” he screamed as cordilia fell to her death.

“no.” he repeated while falling to his knees.

he puts his face in his hands and starts sobbing.

he has lost everyone and now he lost the war.

he lost everything because of a job he never asked to have.

“poor michael.” myrtal said quietly while walking over to him.

“please! please just kill me.” michael says defeated.

“you’re the antichrist at his full form. i’m afraid killing you is impossible. you’ll have to live knowing you’ll never have her again.” myrtal says while waking away.

michaels cries continue.

he’ll never see you again.

you’ll never see him again.

in the new timeline he doesn’t exist to you and never will.

that’s what truly killed him.

#michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #ahs #ahs apocalypse #apocalypse #cody fern #cody fern x reader #micheal langdon #micheal langdon x reader #fanfic #angst #ahs angst #michael langdon smut #michael langdon angst

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spookybreadstick · 3 years

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Body Types of the Pastas

I will not be including Sally on this list, she is a child!! She has the body of a child, and that’s all you need to know. I will also not be including Slender on this list because we all know what kind of body he has (he’s a skinny legend!!) it’s literally a part of his name. Also, I might add, these are my versions of the characters and their body types do not reflect on the body types of any actors who may have portrayed them. These are just how I imagine them.

TW TW TW: Body Image Issues

Please do not read if you are struggling and believe you will be triggered by mentions of weight and different body types. This is largely positive (in my opinion), but I don’t want to trigger anybody, since there is mentions of negative relationships with food and poor body image. This is not meant to be “body-checking” or harmful for readers. It’s just a little post (I think it may even help some to be kinder with their own bodies and self-image), but just read at your own discretion, I suppose.

IMPORTANT NOTE: We do not body shame on this blog!! This is written entirely with love and appreciation for all bodies!

Also, mild NSFW warning I guess? (Nothing major, just a little, if you can call it that). For future reference, this: 💛 is the emoji that marks anything a lil spicy, but not what I would call true NSFW.

💛🤎💛🤎💛🤎

Skinny Legends (I couldn’t think of an appropriate adjective to go with it lmao)

Bloody Painter

Perfectly Petite

BEN

Lusciously Lean

Toby

Liu

Majestically Mid-Sized

Nina

Puppeteer

Jane

Marvelously Muscular

Clockwork

Jeff

Beautifully Buff

Hoodie

Pleasantly Plus-Sized

Masky

🍬 LJ is just built like that. He’s long, lanky, and skinny. No matter how many sweets he eats, his stomach remains flat. Don’t make fun of him for it (since he was sort of modeled after a doll in Isaac’s mind, LJ sometimes thinks that he’s missing some stuffing and there is something wrong with him because of that).

🎨 Helen is naturally thin, but there’s also other factors to blame. When he was growing up, his parents pushed on him the idea that being ‘skinny’ was everything for a girl (remember, they raised him as a girl until he was a young teen). They also would withhold food as a punishment for any ‘misbehaving’ that they saw. Nowadays, Helen doesn’t have much of an appetite, probably as a result of not eating enough in childhood. Helen will also forget to eat since he is so wrapped up in his art. He doesn’t mind being called skinny, that’s his body type after all, but please don’t point out his eating habits. He’ll get annoyed very easily. A much better way to go about it would be, if you see he’s too busy to eat, fix him a sandwich or something and bring it to him. You have to phrase it carefully, like, “I was hungry and made some sandwiches, so here’s one for you, too. Fuel for the artist, right?” And he’ll be more likely to accept and eat it.

🎮 BEN is, as much as he denies it, petite. He’s short and he has a small frame. There’s a little bit of squish to his tummy (it’s absolutely adorable 🥰) but he hides it (it wasn’t there originally, and it’s an accumulation of him eating all sorts of junk food in his afterlife. It doesn’t really affect him usually, but after he’s been doing it for years...) Please don’t point it out, he tries to forget that it exists and it bothers him.

🪓 Toby is lean cuisine. He’s kind of short for a guy, and that adds to his leanness. He has trouble remembering to eat and has trouble taking proper care of his body, so he is malnourished. He gets insecure about his body, so don’t say anything about it. Toby would love it if somebody cared enough to make sure that he’s eating regularly and getting proper nutrition. He is just a boy in need of some nourishing food and good lovin’! 🥰

🧣 Liu is also lean. Whenever he’s nervous or stressed, he forgets to eat. Whenever he wants to “punish” himself for whatever reason, he withholds food. He’s been doing better with this, but it was a habit he’s had since he was young, so that contributed to his smaller build. He doesn’t mind at all if you say he’s lean (he’d actually take it as quite the compliment). What he needs though, is somebody who cares enough to help him break the negative habits.

💄 Nina’s body type is hard to place, since she’s on the slim side but also not quite lean? She’s honestly really in between the lean and mid-size categories. Nina’s had some body image issues in the past, but she tries hard to keep it wholesome and positive with her self image though. She’s really got a great figure though! She’s got a small waist, probably about B-cup breasts, nice hips, and a nearly flat stomach (but not quite! She has that lil pooch thing that’s supposed to be where your uterus is?) Nina’s so pretty, honestly 😍

🧵 Puppeteer’s body type is the epitome of “average.” It’s smack dab in the middle of body types. There’s nothing particular special about it, and he’s on the slimmer side but not skinny skinny. He’s got depth and he’s also the taller side.

🖤 Jane’s got an amazing figure! She goes through periods of time where she’s a bit insecure but she’s got no reason to be! She looks great! She’s curvy (doesn’t have a flat tummy!) and it looks amazing on her. She’s got a killer ass (we love a thicc queen) and her breasts are def C cup (maybe even D cup). Jane’s got those curves in all the right places, and she looks like a goth Aphrodite when she’s in her element 🤩

⏰ Clockwork is a baddie! She has a toned stomach and not much of a chest, to be honest. She is quite muscular-looking for a girl, and she’s proud of that. And, it looks great on her!

🔪 Jeff is pretty muscular. He’s got that height going for him, and he enjoys a good workout so there’s some good muscles as well. He has a toned stomach and a bit of visible biceps when he flexes. This body type is something he had to work for though, his natural body type is a slim mid-size.

❓Hoodie is a buff king! He’s tall as well, with a toned stomach and abs. His natural body type is actually just slightly muscular, but he built himself up to be B U F F.

🤍 EJ is a big, buff boi. Before the transformation, he was actually lean. But now? He’s part demon, of course he’s going to be large and strong. He has abs now, and visible muscles hiding underneath his clothes. He has a habit of shrinking into himself though. He’s never liked his body much, and he’s insecure in his new form. Help him see that he is handsome and great just the way he is!

🎭 Masky is, admittedly, a bit chunky. He’s hella strong though, and could def beat your ass easily in any kind of competition. He gets very defensive if anyone brings it up in a negative light, or when there’s lots of people around, due to the fact that he was very insecure as a teen. If it’s brought up when it’s a one-on-one convo or if it’s gently mentioned, he’ll probably say “yeah, I’ve got kind of a dad bod thing going on, I guess,” and try to quickly change the subject. Poor boy eats when he’s stressed and then is guilty about it afterwards. He needs somebody to tell him that his body is beautiful, and then help him take care of it. He could use some love, and some reassurance of his beauty (chubby boys are so cute and wonderful and just 🥵). Please be gentle with his heart and help him raise his self-esteem <3

I thought of the song S.L.U.T. by Bea Miller when I wrote this. You should listen to it, it’s good for self-esteem!! :)

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just-a-creep-babe · 4 years

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Hiya! May I have a matchup with some NSFW? I'm a 5'2 bisexual female but I mostly lean towards males. My style consists of slouchy beanies, hoodies, skinny jeans, and combat boots. I'm extremely shy with new people but am quite a bit of an asshole with people I know and I'm very sarcastic. I love The Legend of Zelda and I've been playing it since I was 8. I also suffer from epilepsy and insomnia and live on memes and pepsi.

~Requests are closed but kinktober prompts are open~

Masterlist: x

I match you with: Jeff the Killer

The fact that you love LoZ so much immediately means you n BEN have ~a bond~

He also really digs your style & relates to you a lot, so y’all become gamer bros like,, overnight

Jeff, being one of BEN’s best buds, gets to know the sarcastic, unabashed version of you beneath that initial shyness

Jfc there are two of them

And as he gets to know you, he realizes that he actually,, kinda has a weird soft spot for you??

He’d usually be pissed at someone for giving him feelings

But you’re kinda just so chill and cool and somehow perfectly his type he?? he’s not even mad??

Once you start dating, he sometimes gets jealous of the time you spend with BEN

So expect him to pull you away in the middle of a gaming match to remind you who you belong to ;)~

He’s familiar with memes and even has his preferred niches

But he doesn’t know them like you do tbh

So if you send him some real obscure ones that aren’t part of his niche, ya might have to explain them to him, which kinda ruins the joke ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Honestly, he gives you a lot of shit for drinking so much Pepsi lmao

But only because he cares for you in his own way & he wants you to stay healthy—he just doesn’t know how to go about positive reinforcement

Y’all end up bickering a lot, but it never escalates into anything too serious

If you stand your ground, he’ll just huff and brush the whole thing off

For the insomnia thing, his solution is to force you to get a lot of exercise in to tire you out

Whine and argue with him all you want, he’s not gonna let you skip training

Will physically carry you to the sparring room if he has to

He also uses it as an excuse to teach you some self defence because he knows he can’t always be there to protect you

Like I said, he’s sweet and caring in his own way :”)

He’ll try to avoid anything that might trigger your epilepsy but he’s not really familiar with the disorder

So you’re gonna have to walk him through it just so he’s not completely clueless tbh

NSFW

Jeff is one horny boi™️

Any excuse is a good excuse to screw when you’re as pent up as he is

You’re spending too much time with BEN? Best believe he’ll be c o v e r i n g you in hickeys & marks so your “gamer bro” gets the hint

You really aren’t in the mood to train? Fine, he’ll just have to tire you out by fucking you hard & deep into the mattress instead

Hell, even if you do train with him, it’ll most likely end up in some rough, sweaty sex halfway through

And then he could always use a good round 2 in the showers to clean up~

Sometimes when you’re in a heated argument, he’ll just fuck his emotions out

He doesn’t really know how to deal with them otherwise ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

He isn’t the most gentle of lovers, but for you, if it’s what you want, he’ll try to take things slow every now and then

Key word being try sksndjsksksklsl

The whole height difference thing btw?

He lives for it

Not only is he *that* asshole that uses you as an arm rest, but the fact that you’re so short also means he can pick you up and manhandle you just that easily

Would love to try fucking you standing, where he’s just holding you up and bouncing you on his dick 👀👌💦

You’re just so small and cute and perfect to ravage~

Keeping up with this burnt nugget of a man is no small feat, but he’ll tone himself down for you if t’s too much sometimes uwu

#creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #jeff the killer #creepypasta matchup #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer x reader smut #matchup

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twelvegrimmyplace · 7 years

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initial track-by-track first listen impression of Harry’s album below:

Initial thoughts: struck by how NOT pop this album is. It’s barely there. SOTT is the def standout option as a single for sure.

I mostly avoided the leaked lyrics/hot takes from the listening parties, but I did see some and there’s so much more texture and playfulness here than I was expecting based on that stuff. Aside from one song which you will see below im soooooo so into this album. It ticks so many boxes of things I’m into sonically. I’m surprised how much I like it already!

Meet Me in the Hallway – fucking love this what a way to open. “I gotta get better, I gotta get better” oh man. Has an underlying hint of the Gary Jules version of Mad World. Vocals sit nicely with some of my fave mid to late 2000s indie tracks. This is riiiiiiight up my alley. 9.5

Sign of the Times – old news. Love it still. 10

Carolina – love the vocals on here. Love the slight distortion and it sounds a little less show boat-y than the live performance bc of it. 8

Two Ghosts – the chorus lyrically reminds me of a 21 Adele track; not into the verses at all. Reminds me a little of like a Ryan Adams track or something. Didn’t love this one if I’m honest! It also sounds out of place on the album imo. Not surprised this was written so long ago. Idk the word to describe how it sounds to me – maybe a little immature or half baked? It just sits there and does nothing for me. Like it’s fine but def the weak spot on the album for me. 4

Sweet Creature – this song has grown on me since I first heard it (not that I ever disliked it). In contrast to the track before it, and a lead in to the back half of the album, its sweetness is so effective. Like a refreshing palate cleanser. Bumping up to 7 or 7.5.

Only Angel – oh hey now we know where the piano from his commercial came from. Looooooove the production on this (well done Jeff Bhasker). Gorgeous lush intro. His vocals are killer on this. Dumbass lyrics tbh. A very fun song. This will be great live. 7

Kiwi – what is this 90s grunge x arctic monkeys realness??? FUCK IT ALL THE WAY UP yes!!!!!!!! “but im into it, I think I’m into it” SAME This is going to be an amazing driving song I can already tell. HOW FUN. 9

Ever Since New York – lovely and soft; the drums at the 3 min mark are fucking GREAT. Pairs so nicely with Meet Me in the Hallway I think – both feel v indie rock to me. Kind of missing the higher ‘tell me something’s’ in the recorded version tho; brings it down a little. 7.5 maybe an 8? undecided. Probably closer to an 8.

Woman – lmao at that intro. omg. Pink Floyd influence here for sure, but also: this is going to sound crazy but this is kind of like an alternate universe version of a track off Solange’s A Seat at the Table? It’s probably the piano that makes me think of it and chords in the background and vocal intonations. I love this. 10 From the Dining Table – you can FEEL this on and in your ears. Fucking gorgeous vocals and emotional tone. Stunning really I absolutely love it. I can see why Nick loves it <3 10

#hs spoilers #sorry idk what you guys are using for tags to avoid spoilers #harry #hs album

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markyishanthonymartinez · 7 years

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2/23/17

it’s 1:36:03 am. i’m sick. i’m tired. but at least i’m warm.

i’m done studying but i don't really want to sleep. i wanna listen to sad songs.

i’m really happy with how our story is going. today was the bhm special and the speakers we brought in were phenomenal. i couldn't be happier with how it all went down. hella stoked. actually smiling ear to ear just thinking about it. yayayayayay.

hold on state champs isn't sad enough, changing song.

i’m literally getting a punch of upbeat happy songs, c’mon gimme the ones that make me wanna ball up in my closet and die.

okay at least gimme something angry. anger is like tough-guy sadness.

i’m trying to think of anything eventful today. thursday’s are just full of lame stuff. class on class on class on lab.

i dont hate lab being off-campus as much as i thought i would. it’s aight i guess. we ran into aimee, jeff knows her from something about a friend who does drugs lol.

anyways, lab was okay whatever i guess. i’m forever grateful alex is my partner cause we work together like two good-together-workers. (please don't ask much of me in terms of , it’s late.)

also fuck yeah, real friends - i’ve given up on you, came on this is like as sad as it gets, this is what i’m talmbout (that is shortened “talking about”)

i came home. felt like assssssssss.

not nice ass, bad ass.

but not badass in the good way, bad ass in the bad way.

i literally decided to nap, set an alarm, crawled into bed (fully clothed, jacket, glasses, hoodie, shoes, etc.) and slept for an hour and a half. it was much needed. i felt hellcka (gonna say this now) better after. i was stoked.

got dressed up hellcka fast (still looked fly affffffffff tho)

our story went amazingly, i’ll retweet and share stuff from it tomorrow or the day after or something idk.

came home, ate pizza, studied, heard a ghost (was actually alex), listened to music, typed this blog, gonna sleep soon.

yeah

das my day.

new thing: gonna make myself post on 2nd ig account on the daily so follow that ish, promise it won't get weird. well weird yes but not like depression weird. well unless i become depressed i guess? idk nvm lol but yeah gonna do that.

new vlog this weekend.

final thoughts: never ever ever ever ever ever ever come to me if you’re upset and someone to coddle you and tell you the world’s unfair and you’re right and everyone’s wrong. nope. never. sorry. i literally can't be asked. i don't care if you’re my mom, my sister, my girlfriend, my child, my best friend, an acquaintance, idc fam. it’s not even about “tough love,” it’s just regular love i guess? like i’m not gonna tell you, “oh darn wow yeah that’s all someone else’s fault, you did nothing wrong to end up in this bad situation” no cause odds are you did. i’m not a dickhead. i’ll calm the person down, and help them assess the situation, but if our goal in life is to grow and become the best version of ourselves that we possibly can be then i would be doing a disservice to friends and family who come to me for advice if i eased their minds and sent them on their happy way. sorry ya fucked up, don't do it again?

my blogs are so bad lmao what am i even doing. i’d like to personally apologize to lori and angelique. sry. nerds. ily tho.

catch me on bee tinder sliding in the dms like:

buzzzzzzzzz

dofunthings//staybeautiful

-mark beethony martinez

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garbageivereleasedintothevoid · 4 years

Text

01-29-20

I used to have dreams from 2014 to at the latest 2017. And in the dreams, I was homeless for the first time again. But I retained all the knowledge of what happened irl. So I was basically just doing the same shit but slightly different. Idk how to explain it. And I'm sure it was just my brain trying to process it all. But lately I've had dreams where I move to a new apartment and fuck it up somehow.

Anyway, in the dreams about homelessness, I am usually walking around. And I sometimes still have dreams that are similar but the layout of Evansville is different. It's pretty similar but it's ever so slightly off. Like the bus station is on the other side of the Lloyd from Willard library kinda in the dreams. And there are like these perfect, cookie cutter identical blocks next to it and the library is at the end of those blocks. And a McDonald's right next to it.

And once during one of those dreams, I was on a bike and went across the Kentucky bridge. Which was my route to indy for whatever reason. And the bridge had like a huge gap. And you were supposed to build speed and jump it. Which I have those dreams often enough. They've been a thing ever since I first played GTA 3: Liberty City (not liberty city stories, the one for the PS2.) And enabled the hover in cars cheat. I'd use it to get past bridges I technically wasn't supposed to and just screw around. So the use was limited though so you had to like fall a little and glide and repeat that until you got to the other end of the bridge. And had to use a specific car. And this was in GTA early days where you just instantly died if you touched water at all. So it was a weird thing to do. And kinda risky.

So ever since then I've had dreams like that. But usually I was with someone in a car or driving myself. And this time I was on a bike. And like... Every single time that bridge is fucking terrifying. But that one with the bike scared the piss outta me. I was so sure I wouldn't make it. But they had lanes and once you got in, it was physically impossible to get out. So I was up next and my god I was terrified. I tried. And actually made it somehow. But just barely. And like... Continued on to indy. Where for some reason, I was just there for like the next four hours and then went back home?? Idk how I biked to indy and back in one day lmao. But I did but decided to just go across the river on the way back instead of using the bridge.

Also there's this one bit of a dream where I was in Tunica, MS with someone. And it kept changing who I was with. Eren, Kirt, Jeff, grover. And at one point Sara for whatever reason. But that was very brief and I remember thinking it was weird in the dream since I've never been in a car with her ever. And there's this turnoff into I think a cheap hotel. And we(whoever it is at that point) go there to get a room and the dream either ends (this dream has also happened more than once.) But then we have to leave almost immediately and I don't know why.

I'm remembering a bunch of dreams rn forgive me.

One where I'm in Jasper and there's a weirdly huge shopping center that all my dad's family understands how it works but I don't. That one happened in 2009ish.

There was one from when I was in high school that has happened several times since high school. I go to the mall. Somehow getting there on my own because the dream is always me in high school. And I get pulled into some shenanigans. Once it was fall fest instead of the mall.

In one version, I just shopped at a bunch of places like Spencer's and hot topic.

In another version, I got pulled into this... Like... Carnival ride? Except they were literally trying to kill you. But I only did it because you could get into this weird underage nightclub for free if you survived.

In another version, the fall fest one, I met a celebrity down there. But it wasn't a celebrity I gave a fuck about. And I don't even know why it was in the dream. I was just like "Um, okay?" And walked away.

Around the time my granny passed away, I had a dream that myself, my mom's family, my mom and my dad were all inside a... Like... Thrift mall? I think that's the word. Like a shoddy second hand shop that has way too much stuff and a fuck ton of space. And idk what we're looking for but we're having trouble finding it and we're in this section with a bunch of rolled up carpets and huge vases nobody in their right mind would buy.

There's infinite dreams of me shopping with my mother. Grocery shopping, clothes shopping, target, you name it, I've dreamt it, probably more than once.

I just have these weird and varied dreams with recurring themes and I just... I feel like... In some way, that describes me as a person. Like one person through several different filters.

Dreams are so weird... My dreams.. are more vivid than real life. And idk how to explain that any differently. The colors POP more. I can notice every single detail at once. And there is excessive detail. And idk how to explain it. That doesn't make sense to me even as I type it but I know that's what is happening. It's like... there's more substance to my dreams than there is to real life. Nothing is quite as focused as real life is. There are just endless details that I take in all at once. Like I instantly perceive everything in a room. I don't need to analyze everything individually, the information is just automatically absorbed. And I think that's like... Because I've forced my brain to slow down. When I was a kid, I perceived things pretty similarly to how I do in dreams. And maybe that's just because I'm aware of more that needs my attention now than I was as a kid but I can't help but feel it's... Not quite right. That something is off. Something I can't quite recognize. Like I should be able to do what I used to do. But the truth is I stopped doing that for a reason. It wasn't a conscious decision but my need to observe things outside myself consistently fell away. My situation was hopeless. I couldn't escape. I was powerless. I was trapped. Nothing that I could see or hear or feel was gonna make any of it any better for me. So I just stopped noticing. I didn't pay attention. I stopped caring. I gave up. Because what in my entire childhood had led me to believe I had a chance? I felt there was no escape. And I was mostly right. If I had continued that way and never met Jessi, I probably would not have gotten out. I... Jessi was... She wasn't perfect and she had some very real flaws. She had a savior complex like real bad. But I am very grateful that I met her. Because otherwise, I'd be dead or still being a toxic mess in an abusive situation. I probably would have still been on TSA's board in 2018. I would have gone down with that ship. And that... That's the scariest thought to me. And it's only scary in a "Oh god wtf. What if that had happened?" Kinda way, but like... Idk. It's a tiny bit scary to think about. I was so wrapped up in trying to avoid being near my parents that I just... Nothing else seemed to matter. Then again, would things have gone down the way they had if I hadn't been there? I know other people gave a shit but... I know I was more of a driving force than people wanted to admit. I mean look at queer space right now. Practically completely inactive. I am much more integral to the process than people realize. But I think that's a mark of skill. I motivated people without them even realizing I had done much at all. I rallied the troops so to speak and I got people connected. I'm really good at that. And it just blows my mind that Sam and Max and Kit can think I had so little to do with that process.

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