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bentosandbox · 1 year

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better late than never amirite

i think i haven't posted july (cause I thought global would have released TBC by now...) or october (commission) on here/twitter hopefully i remember to sometime this year

bonus chen edition because well i guess she is my cringefail girlboss blorbo

bonus chenswire edition

bonus bonus extremely boring stuff

films i watched in 2022 (tragedy of macbeth out of picture because it was on the next row)

top 10 (in watched order not a 1-10 ranking)

Marketa Lazarova (1967) Friend was streaming it, liked the script so much I asked my friend for the srt file after Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) Rocks Petite Maman (2021) Personal Attack Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000) :) My Life as a Zucchini (2016) Celine Sciamma truly don't miss Saturday Fiction (2019) It's not a 5/5 movie but...the soul... the period noir... Nope (2022) The Spectacle dot jpg Hands Over The City (1963) yes i watched this just before il siracusano Decision To Leave (2022) yuriyaoi straight romance can't elaborate Puss In Boots (2022) i'm so glad i didn't watch this as a kid i would have nightmares, but as an adult i got to see my traumas on the big screen yippee!!!

missed a local screening of My Broken Mariko because it only happened for ONE DAY fucking insane (I recommend reading the original manga it's so good)

Speaking of books hmm

Swordspoint yuriyaoi... Invisible Ink reread. and I think I need to reread again Fire & Blood read it after watching hotd ep 1 pretty good series btw dare i say even ...the best on-screen yaoiyuri of the year... Eagle Shooting/Condor Heroes Book 1 Not bad Water Margin Didn't I write a angry rant on this. rite of passage i guess...... How to Keep House While Drowning its funny because i WILL do chores......still good though What My Bones Know - insane how trauma can be so isolating yet universal lol A Wizard of Earthsea if only i read this instead of harry potter back then lmao wow

you can now basically psychoanalyse my issues from the last three books I think

Uhhhhhhh what else am I missing - oh yeah I did 3 gamejams this year (Art/Design and a liiiiiitle bit of trying to do the UI in Unity myself instead of giving the pngs to my friends)

my abysmal steam stats told me i only played 5 games this year so I need to get back my gamer license, backlog is like 75% VNs though what's up with that (there's only 4 games but. well)

had a really long blogpost (basically a 'look at all the things you did this year you didnt waste it' thing thus the above lists) but i think i'll just keep it to my notion notes lest this post becomes a traumadumping ground ecks dee tl;dr failed a Very Important (to me) Thing early 2022 that kind of shattered any crumb of self-esteem i had and made me question everything i did onwards (especially in regards to doujin stuff) and then basically physical health issues affecting mental health and vice versa which is fun but fuck it we ball.....(try)

don't really have any solid 'resolutions' (that i would remember to do) other than to 'live' more than just 'survive' as edgy as that sounds 🥴oh wait oc zine yea yea and go into illustration full time h-haha........... should really get around to making a patreon/fanbox but i really hate the idea of paywalling

also signed up for a AK doujin event in Nagoya in March so I now have a very heavy motivation to finish the second half of my LGD doujin and hopefully I get to table at AX too dot dot dot

#bentotexto

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watmels · 1 year

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Shiratorizawa’s Spy (Reflection)

I made the first panels of my comic Shiratorizawa’s Spy in January 2022 on a whim, based on doodle requests from my Instagram Story. I didn’t think it would turn into a big project that would take over a year, but I’m glad it did! To finally wrap this all up, I wanted to organize my thoughts about my experience making the series.

🌞 Highlights ━━━━

Shiratorizawa’s Spy-noff + Shiratorizawa’s Spy-noff 2

It was incredible to see art and writing that others created based on the series. I was especially wowed at how several writers were able to capture what I wanted to convey. To see it written out... it’s unreal!

Comic style

I’m really thankful that I drew/colored the initial panels roughly, because this style let me work quickly. If it was full color / rendered... I probably would have burnt out.

Crowd-sourcing ideas

Many plot points and even the character Goshiki Toshiki came from my followers 🙌🏻

Reading comments

This was sooo motivating. Knowing that I made people laugh, or that people felt conflicted because of Oikawa... It made me happy that my work could touch people like that! 🥺

🌚 Lowlights ━━━━

Lack of Seijoh bonding

I totally understand how readers would feel that Oikawa should have stayed at Shiratorizawa in the end, because most of the comic illustrated his relationships there... I should have drawn more interactions between Oikawa and the Seijoh team to build a stronger sense of belonging. I really wish I had introduced Matsukawa and Hanamaki in the beginning. And I probably could have expanded on the Seijoh captain, but I was reluctant to make decisions about that guy...

Losing track of the timeline

I had a bit of a meltdown when I realized InterHigh was quickly approaching in the storyline.

Discovering again that Oikawa has an Android phone in canon

I forgot about this and gave him an iPhone. When I found out again, I was unwilling to change it midway... I don’t stress about this that much though haha

📝 Lessons about making comics ━━━━

Plan ahead

It’s fun to make spontaneous filler episodes, but it’s important to remember the timeline! After my meltdown, I carefully planned the rest of the story. I’m glad I had an outline of each part towards the end.

Comic boxes

I initially drew a new box for each panel. Later, I changed to duplicating & rotating the same box for most panels. This saved a lot of time.

Procreate stuff

My process for making the comic was to duplicate a previous file, keep a few things (series title, some boxes, my signature) and create the new part.

I wish I knew earlier to TURN OFF THE PROCESS RECORDING! As time went on, my files loaded so slowly... eventually I realized it’s because every file was bigger than the last, with ever-increasing video info 💀 thankfully you can purge the time-lapse recordings.

Text

I came to this conclusion before SS, but still wanted to mention it. I much prefer typing text over handwriting it when creating a comic. It saves time, it’s easier to edit, and it’s more legible for readers!

And... that’s it! Shiratorizawa’s Spy is my magnum opus...

✈️ Now some personal updates ━━━━

This year I’ve been making some life changes and want to make even bigger ones. So it works out well that I was able to end Shiratorizawa’s Spy at this time. Next week, I’ll be moving into a friend’s apartment for a few months.

After that, I really hope to move internationally to South Korea for... an unknown amount of time. I am thinking about quitting my job. I’m grateful for my opportunities and experiences thus far, but I feel lost as an adult... I don’t know what I want to do except that I want to try living in another country. I had an amazing vacation in Korea last year, so I think I’ll start there. I’m really anxious because I don’t speak the language though.

I have so much to learn about personal finance, fitness, beauty, growing as a person, etc. I still want to draw and post occasionally, because art is my first love and passion 💖 but not sure about the frequency.

👋🏻 Anyway ━━━━

Was reading Shiratorizawa’s Spy fun? Like, about as fun as buying a coffee from a shop or seeing a movie in a theatre? If so, I would really appreciate a tip on Ko-Fi. How else could a comic artist make money — maybe mostly drawing through Patreon...? 🤔

Thank you for following me through all this. I hope it was interesting!

#shiratorizawa's spy #reflection #personal

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robbiedaymonds · 7 months

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I was tagged by @slowtides to talk about what I've been reading lately! Here's a couple things I've read this year so far. I was a little slow with reading the first 4 or 5 months since I was finishing grad school, but I've read all of the above in the last five or so months. I can talk a little about each of them!

The Eye of the World - I finally started on The Wheel of Time series this year. A friend of mine in college about ten years ago told me to read this and with the show, I decided to give it a try. I really thoroughly enjoyed this first book. I found Rand and Mat's storylines a little less exciting than Perrin and Egwyane but otherwise I really loved this and I'm already reading book two! I really want to read the whole series.

Elantris - my very first Sanderson novel. I'm so glad I started with this one as it was his first (written and published) novel so now I can see how his writing has evolved. This was such an interesting concept and really fueled my imagination and made me want to write again. It was surprisingly easy to read (for some reason I was expecting his writing to be denser and harder to get through but now I realize why he's so popular!) and I flew through it. I really want to get my own copy and annotate it while rereading it.

Bloom Into You - A manga series recommended to me by a person irl for reasons. I haven't read manga in a long time and I've never read a non-magical manga before. It was super cute!

Where the Nightmares Go - was throughly enjoyable. The first and last stories in particular were WOW. The second one (I think it was the second, maybe the third) was so terrifying that I literally could not allow myself to picture it in my head as I was reading or I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for like a week. Highly recommend if you like horror and uncanny fiction.

The Ex-Girlfriend of my Girlfriend.... - It was good! Very lesbian centric (I was feeling a little bi-erasure) but as I'm trying to explore my queerness, I was happy to read through these situations. The latter parts of the book definitely felt a bit more bi-positive and openly queer (umbrella term) so I think it was worthwhile to read. The bright colors and illustrations were also very fun.

Nettle and Bone - After graduating I read a lot of novellas because it was easier than full novels. This was my first T. Kingfisher and will not be my last. The topic was women and breaking cycles and dealing with family and finding independence and also about hot-silver-fox-fighters and demonic chickens. Cannot go wrong.

High Times In the Low Parliament - Another novella. Totally bizarre and amazing. Fae/faeries, government, sapphics, lots of drugs. It was super enjoyable and I think maybe the first novella I read after graduating??? So it's gonna stick with me. I might even purchase a copy.

Off With Her Head - What promised to be a historical breakdown of misogyny unfortunately turned into a repeated argument for 75% of the book, with the only actually engaging chapters being the ones with historical research. It will definitely make you angry if you are a women or are anti-patriarchy, but after a while the anger will get tiring until you get to The One Juicy Historical chapter. I don't usually read nonfiction so this was maybe not the best thing for me to read.

White Cat, Black Dog - I can't say much about this except that Kelly Link is my favorite short story author and I got this practically brand new book for $10 at a used book store. One or two stories were a little meh for me, but nothing downright awful. I love the way this is retellings of other fairytales but feels sooooo different you'd never know it until you read the acknowledgements or notice that the original tales titles are written at the beginning under the titles. I particularly loved the retelling of Tam Lin.

This is for anyone who wants to write a bit about what they've been reading or what's been engaging for them lately! If you want to share, please do! Also tagging a few people: @twoheartsoneclara @antoine-triplett @actuallylorelaigilmore @spellmansabrina @thyla

#tagged in #ashlee talks

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gellavonhamster · 10 months

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monthly media recap: june 2023

read:

Blood of Tyrants, League of Dragons, and Golden Age and Other Stories by Naomi Novik - books 8-9 in the amazing Temeraire series (the beginning of which I wrote about last month) and a collection of short stories and drabbles (yep, using precisely this terminology) set in the same universe and based on fanart, including even a Pride and Prejudice retelling in which Elizabeth Bennet is a dragon captain. You can really tell the author is one of us <3

The Romance of Tristan and Iseult by Joseph Bédier - love finishing a book and then finding out that was an abridged edition :))) well, whatever, I didn't like this one enough to look for a full one. But the illustrations in this one were lovely

La Tavola Ritonda - now this kind of Tristania (i.e. where everyone is a bit of a dick) is more to my liking. A very chaotic but entertaining text saturated with pranks and violence. Touches upon some other Arthurian plots too, such as the quest for the Holy Grail. I wrote about it here - 1, 2, 3, 4

The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy - a beautiful rural tragedy that kept me very invested in the lives of these people. Greatly enjoyed the writing style and the old traditions seeping into the 19th century life. Eustacia Vye you will always be famous

De ortu Waluuanii - a Medieval Latin romance about Gawain's childhood, very unlike most of the Arthurian texts I've read. Also contains a most insane recipe for making Greek fire? And Guinevere is a prophetess? Fascinating

+ currently reading the second book in the Angélique series - accidentally started it last year by finding the first book at a bookcrossing stand, and now I gotta finish or at least read until it becomes too cringe if it ever does. This will be my Bridgerton, idc

watched:

Sirens (1994) - shy wife of a progressive priest goes with her husband to visit the scandalous painter Norman Lindsay, befriends his models, experiences kind of a bisexual awakening. A simultaneously horny and strangely sweet movie with weird Australian fauna as a bonus

Jawbreaker (1999) - dark teen comedy in the same vein as Heathers. Lots of fun, cool soundtrack, enjoyed it

A Field in England (2013) - very strange. Kind of feels dragged out as you watch it, but then makes you think and think about it when you're done. Not quite my cup of tea, but definitely good

The Return of the Native (1994) - not as good as the novel but still pretty good, and young Catherine Zeta Jones is perfect as Eustacia

The Three Musketeers (2011) - this place has everything: clockpunk, airships, d'Artagnan's cringe horse, flamboyant villain Buckingham, Mads Mikkelsen with an eyepatch, PLANCHET. Wish the dialogue and Constance were more interesting; still, very silly and entertaining

The Phantom of the Opera (1989) - the slasher horror one with reincarnation, wow. Valid in my eyes if only for doing what Coppola's Dracula should've done (i.e., making the reincarnated lover trope creepy). Also, final girl Christine Daaé just feels right

The Phantom of the Opera (Rosen & Schierhorn) - turns out there's more than one POTO musical, and at least one of them is a comedy. It felt like too much comedy to me at times, but overall it's pretty enjoyable plot- and dialogue-wise. Totally forgettable music, though. I watched it because the Persian is there and having the Persian as your favourite POTO character is even worse than having Quincey Morris as your favourite Dracula character, dude is literally nowhere ever.

#my health sucks (no i won't elaborate; sorry) which is why there's a lot of escapism going on #also decided to forego read more on these from now one. they're not even as long as most of mu vulgate liveblogging posts. sorry again #talk talk talk #monthly media recap

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researching-anomalies · 1 year

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Wow it's been forever since I touched my tumblr blog, nearly a full year. I'm not sure how many people will follow me over from Twitter (I will still be active there for at least awhile longer), but I'd rather come back to Tumblr than learn yet another website or app.

For those of you from Twitter, hi, good to see you! I am sincerely hoping tumblr OC ask blogs come back in popularity, as those were so much fun. The next like. I don't know. 20 or so posts are all going to be old art you've seen before, but I have a lot of catching up to do haha.

For those of you who are old followers, hi, a lot has changed personally for me since I was last here. I'm planning to post mostly personal art works with a focus on D&D and the supernatural, with the occasional SCP or WL fanart. So nothing too new lol on the content posting side.

And for those of you who are new - hi! I'm Elnur, otherwise known as UncertaintyCrossing. I'm an administrator for the SCP Wiki and Wanderer's Library, two creative writing websites. I'm also a digital artist/Illustrator, writer, and currently about to finish my degree for graphic and interactive media. I've worked in the game industry, graphic design industry, and as a general freelance artist. I'm always happy to answer questions about anything!

All in all, happy to be back and to interact with the tumblr community again!

#intro post #mod post #info post #information post

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arizonaconservativegal · 1 year

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For Christmas this year I gave my siblings bookmarks. Each bookmark had a custom illustration on one side. I made full-size artworks (9x12), scanned them, and then photoshopped them onto the front side of the bookmark. The back side also had some kind of text or pattern to go with the theme. One of my brothers has a black cat. I drew a picture of the cat in prismacolor, and on the back I made a pawprint pattern. Then I printed the covers for each bookmark, I glued them to a piece of thin cardboard, and then laminated them. Finally I made tassels for each bookmark out of embroidery floss. I did most of the work yesterday afternoon and it was very last minute, but the results were stunning. The siblings are delighted. :) Merry Christmas!

Wow! Those sound beautiful

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snow-in-the-desert · 1 year

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I posted 3,179 times in 2022

That's 1,547 more posts than 2021!

59 posts created (2%)

3,120 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@panalegs27

@senlinyu

@headfullofnargles

@valancyjane

@starcats1219

I tagged 759 of my posts in 2022

#queue - 67 posts

#hotd spoilers - 18 posts

#reylo - 17 posts

#house of the dragon - 13 posts

#procreate - 9 posts

#illustration - 9 posts

#love between fairy and devil - 8 posts

#taylor swift - 8 posts

#andor - 8 posts

#ben solo - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#my therapist tells me you have to have achievable goals but is it really asking too much to live in my little mouse home and bake all day?

My Top Posts in 2022:

Happy Holidays to all the Reylos 🎄❄️🎁

Here's something I made for fun & I'm quite pleased with the results

Twitter

184 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

Taylor: 🎵It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero🎵

Me: babe you have no idea 😭😭😭😭😭

See the full post

565 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

genuinely curious how much longer politicians and journalists can get away with saying that all these natural disasters are "once in a lifetime events" and "unprecedented" when they're now happening with such regularity and intensity it's not a question of if they'll occur, but when. where. for how long.

Every summer is "the hottest on record". Every fire season and flash flooding event is the worst we've ever seen. It's almost like... the climate is changing.. weird, huh? Someone should start looking into that...

883 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

Tumblr needs a Memories feature where it provides a highlight reel or analytics of your engagement with specific fandoms... I mean, just imagine logging on to the hell site one fine sunny morning and getting a direct message from staff saying, "A year ago on this day you liked 709 posts about the Ever Given knotting the Suez Canal!" or "Wow time flies! It's been 365 days since you last reblogged nothing but destiel shitposts for a month on end..." Nothing would make me reevaluate my life and the time I spend on here as quickly as getting one of those notifications on my dash. Truly disturbing.

I need it.

1,522 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

absolutely sickening that on the one year anniversary of our beloved Ever Given blocking the Suez Canal I have not seen one post in commemoration.. christ I have to do everything round here, don't I?

My hero... My conqueror... My captain...

3,832 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#Spotify didn't make me a Spotify wrapped so I'm doing the Tumblr version instead #if your on a computer press j to quickly scroll past this long arse post I'm so sorry #I'm embarrassed about a lot of this tbh 😭#I need to stop using this site so much #also I need to remember to tag things properly because this list does not feel accurate to what I actually post on here good lord #tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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ruinergamedev · 2 years

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Character Goodies: Cain

One of the older characters that wasn’t made for RUINER at first, this silly little clown almost didn’t end up becoming a party member at first - More on that later though. Cain’s (any pronouns) first design was.. something alright.

Cain was first designed on October 19th, 2020, way before RUINER was even a concept. I want to recoil and throw up looking at them. Luckily for us all though, this era of strange-faced Cain wouldn’t last very long:

Very quickly on I “baby-fied” Cain - this design would stick around for another two years. When I was coming up with RUINER for the first time, I was struggling to think of characters to make to add into it, only to remember I had an unused clown true, Cain being apart of it. This brings us to uncomfortably cartoony Cain:

As I’m writing this, I’m only now realizing that I completely forgot that they had blue shoes. Wow. This was ALMOST going to be the design I kept out of sheer laziness, until I started thinking about making Cain a possible party member and realized they desperately needed a touch up. This led to:

..An almost entirely different clown. It was love at first sight, let me tell you, when I finished this bust shot. I knew exactly what direction I was going to take their design it, leading to what they look like now:

One of my favorite designs so far I think. What’s better than a pink clown?

Bonus illustrations of older Cain design:

Went full ‘angry weirdcore’ there, huh? so hashtag emo sad .............

This though leaves us with one more party member left to introduce and talk about (design-wise of course.......I don’t know when I plan to talk about these guys and their personalities/lore), probably the most important one there besides Emi. Until then though THANKS 4 READING ABT MY CREATURES

#character development #character design #rpg maker #rpgmaker #rpgmaker mv #rpg maker mv #rpg horror #rpgmaker horror #gamedev #game dev #indie game #ruiner game #ruiner (game)#cain ruiner #cain (ruiner)

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yhwhrulz · 6 months

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Today's Daily Encounter Friday, October 20, 2023

Getting Back to Grace

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it."1

Charles Stanley wrote the following article that illustrates the concept of grace so well.

"One of my more memorable seminary professors had a practical way of illustrating to his students the concept of grace. At the end of his evangelism course, he would distribute the exam with the caution to read it all the way through before beginning to answer it. This caution was written on the exam as well. As we read the test, it became unquestionably clear to each of us that we had not studied nearly enough.

The further we read, the worse it became. About halfway through, audible groans could be heard throughout the lecture hall. On the last page, however, was a note that read, "You have a choice. You can either complete the exam as given or sign your name at the bottom and in so doing receive an A for this assignment."

Wow? We sat there stunned. "Was he serious? Just sign it and get an A?" Slowly, the point dawned on us, and one by one we turned in our tests and silently filed out of the room.

When I talked with the professor about it afterward, he shared some of the reactions he had received through the years. Some students began to take the exam without reading it all the way through, and they would sweat it out for the entire two hours of class time before reaching the last page.

Others read the first two pages, became angry, turned the test in blank, and stormed out of the room without signing it. They never realized what was available, and as a result, they lost out totally.

One fellow, however, read the entire test, including the note at the end, but decided to take the exam anyway. He did not want any gifts; he wanted to earn his grade. And he did. He made a C+, but he could easily have had an A.

This story illustrates many people's reaction to God's solution to sin. Some people look at God's standard--moral and ethical perfection--and throw their hands up in surrender. Why even try? they tell themselves. I could never live up to all that stuff.

Others are like the student who read the test through and was aware of the professor's offer but took the test anyway. Unwilling to simply receive God's gift of forgiveness, they set about to rack up enough points with God to earn it.

But God's grace truly is like the professor's offer. It may seem unbelievable, but if we accept it, then, like the stunned students who accepted the professor's offer, we, too, will discover that, yes, God's grace truly is free. All we must do is accept it."

Many times, it is just as hard to give grace, as it is to receive it. What we often forget, is that we did nothing to earn God's grace. It is a gift he chose to give us even though we would never be able to repay it. But we can only receive this grace when we choose to lay our pride aside and accept it. Have you accepted God's grace in your life?

Suggested prayer: Dear God, I haven't done anything to deserve your great grace, yet you offer it to me freely. I will never be able to thank you enough, but I choose to lay aside my pride and accept your grace and ask that you would help me be quick to offer grace to others as well. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.1. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT).

Today's Encounter was written by: Crystal B.

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

Daily Encounter is published at no charge by ACTS International, a non-profit organization, and made possible through the donations of interested friends. Donations can be sent at: http://www.actscom.com

ACTS International P.O. Box 73545 San Clemente, California 92673-0119 U.S.A.

Phone: 949-940-9050 http://www.actsweb.org

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tomreview · 10 months

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lisacatara-actress · 1 year

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Almost Lisa: Pt 12, “Almost bit the Apple”

*I retain all rights to my photography and story, story details, biographical information, fashion designs, art work, and anything and everything I have posted which is my own creation*)

“If I can make it There, I’ll make it Anywhere!”

It was suggested to me online that I revisit my journey in New York City leading up to my early career in music. NY has always been such a vibrant, exciting city, full of energy and so much culture. Understandably, it's enticing to hear about. I've been giving that a lot of thought because it's unhealthy to dwell in some of the events surrounding 9/11 and what ultimately ended my singing and Broadway aspirations. But I've also remembered countless individual experiences and conversations leading up to and during that time in my life which have been interesting to revisit.

To get to New York State initially was quite the undertaking and began my senior year of high school. Dr. Jim Bane, director of Band at Cleveland Heights High School, was a strong positive influence in my pursuing my music ambitions. Jim was incredibly supportive and encouraging of my musical pursuits. When I was accepted into Eastman, Jim allowed me to spend my lunch time, every day, in his office, dialing for scholarship applications and grants so that I could attend. Without his help, I surely would have gone to Baldwin Wallace in Ohio, which offered me a full ride (boy, was that a conversation with my parents, lol). It was also Jim Bane who introduced me to the Cleveland Youth Wind Symphony where I served as principal flutist for the three years. The CYWS was the symphony I later sang with, post 9-11, in Severance Hall. The last performance of my career before ultimately losing my voice.

In 1997 (whoa...!) I graduated from the distinguished Eastman School Of Music with a BM in Voice and began driving every week from Rochester to Manhattan for one hour lessons with the incredibly revered and talented John Mace and Richard Dorr. How I survived this year-plus, exhausting pilgrimage is beyond me. I suppose youthful determination was the key. But what wasn’t happening was my ability to find a permanent place to live in NYC. Here I was, with opportunity in front of me, but no where to live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I was marching all over Manhattan- on foot- looking for work with my self-manifested modeling portfolio and fashion designs (the ones I was penning during rehearsals) in hand. At some point, I briefly befriended a restaurant owner who was good friends with the then uber-popular fashion designer Elie Tahari. He got me a meeting with the designer. Wow!

I’ll never forget, after waiting nearly an hour for our meeting, the sight while sitting in Elie Tahari’s offices, when the elevator doors finally opened to Ellie with three of his staff flanking him, all on phones and scribbling things down, sweeping through the foyer and into a nearby room, filled with fabric bolts. I was called to go in and meet him, ready to show my fashion designs. Elie motioned for me to sit next to him as a fit model in a nice pair of denim jeans paced back and forth in front of us. I knew he was squeezing me in and I was happy for it. Then he asked for my book and leafed through my designs, still conducting business with his team. A few “mm hmms” later, he handed me back my book and stated “you’re an illustrator”. Now, granted my designs were more intricate than the modern, streamlined brand he was famous for, but I did fancy myself capable of designing what I penned. Elie asked me to stand and turn around for him. Said maybe he could use me as a fit model. But- fit as I was- I was only 5′5″. Oh well. A few years later, I’d begun framing and selling my fashion illustrations to private collectors and fashion enthusiasts. Thank you Elie! But I’d still love to do something with the thousands of original designs I’ve created which- currently- live in volumes, in boxes.

Through the restaurateur, I was also introduced to a statuesque and shapely transwoman named Octavia. She was sassy, very New York, and a hoot to behold. She invited me to what would have been my first drag show (don’t worry, I enjoyed many once I got to Hollywood), but I stopped spending time with them after the owner did a line of coke behind my back with his buddy. Not my scene.

Also in New York, I was interviewed at FHM Magazine as an emerging talent. I did my face and hair nice, put on a cute outfit and marched up to the building just as the door opened and an entourage of 13 or so poured out, surrounding another up and comer, Jennifer Lopez. When I got into the room, the interviewer was already making decisions to print her interview. He sat in front of me, half paying attention. The wall behind him displayed photos of The Spice Girls, tacked on it in a row. They would be printed in the next months publication. I was clearly “no one”. This is one of those memories which make me angry over missed time. I got a late start on my dreams. Had I broken free of that despicable, controlling boss years earlier, who knows if I would have been walking out of a major magazine interview, with an entourage, launching my own singing career/ empire.

I just found a note to myself entitled “the German” and giggled remembering this next part of my New York experience. While subletting a room in a railway apartment on the upper West Side, my “roommate”- a fun, quirky voice over talent also named Lisa- and I shared a few interesting moments together wherever the third roommate subletted her room out to subsidize her portion of rent. On one occasion, the subleasee was a German man (maybe early 30′s) who was in the States on a grant to research Death. Some institution had bestowed financial resources upon this already odd and terse man so that he could sit bedside and watch people pass away, and involve himself in things which brought him closer to understanding Death and the Human condition as it deals with it’s own demise. Needless to say, I avoided conversations with the guy (as did Lisa 2.0). Sometimes, they were unavoidable, and there we're no witnesses.

One night, German dude caught me solo in the apartment and began to discuss his research. He told me of an art exhibit he’d attended where the entrance way was flanked by two naked people (a man and a woman). You couldn't enter without turning your body to the side. He enjoyed (too much) speculating about which way I might turn to enter, sizing me up and down to see how I might react to his inquiry. Then he mentioned another, earlier, exhibit by a controversial performance artist who publicized a disclaimer that whatever happened to her during the performance was her will. Upon a long table in the room were various items attendees could “use” to interact with her: scissors, rope, paint, a boa, various knives, tape, a loaded gun... The German declared he would enjoy using the knife on this artist, and explained his fascination with her Work, while moving uncomfortably closer to me and making slashing gestures at my torso with an imaginary knife. I did not move a single muscle. It was at this moment that Lisa 2.0 came home and walked into our living room- eyes wide- and asked “how’s it going?”. Both Lisa’s were thrilled the next night when The German called to say he wouldn’t be coming home because he was arrested for jumping a subway turnstile. Guess that’s legal in Europe.

(For the record, that Artist he adored was the infamous Marina Abramović. The work was “Rhythm 0″ which - I recall- ended with a loaded gun pointed at the artists head.)

Ahhhhhhh... I Love New York.

(To be continued...)

(PS If you like what you're reading, I welcome contributions to the efforts via Venmo @LTarantinoDesigns)

#Hollywood #actress #Lisa Catara #entertainment #writing #blog #memoirs #filmmaking #celebrities #tea #artits #arts #movies

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yutke · 1 year

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12:34am,

now that is all out, I want to talk about love, specifically community love and self love.

today, I know that I am loved because of several incidents. one: my friends give me time and space to be as passionate and truthful as I want and need to, that they are attuned in our relationship and when they vocally pay attention when I’m subdued from stressors, I feel emotionally safe with them. two: unprompted, my mentor directly says he respects me and see my efforts as well as my diligence, reminding me that there are established folks rooting for me and understand my choices as opportunities, not recklessness. three: my colleagues and I play to each other’s strengths, highlighting the power of teamwork and interdependence when experiencing adversity from problematic management and extreme weather conditions affecting everyone’s safety, wellbeing, and various capacities. four: HUGS! so many and different kinds of hugs! V gives wrestling hugs, B with side hugs, M and tickly hugs, L sweater hugs, G soft warm teddy-bear hugs! five: when I have courage to ask for help, people from all sorts of corners unexpectedly show up with abundance, sharing comforts and affections and pieces of their lives in solidarity.

rereading what I just written, I realize all of them fit the five love languages exactly, unintentionally, wow. heehee.

as for self-love, I feel loved when I save the best bite for last whether it be food, books, shows, etc. I give myself a rounded, delicious, patient closure every time when I do that. I feel like myself the most when I lean into passion, what engages my brain and body into flow. artmaking is very intuitive for me. I once told my best friend that it’s my favourite kind of play and problem solving. I release a lot of pain and pent-up stuff by singing out loud and moving my body this morning so even though it had been embarrassing to be caught by strangers in the acts, I accept that to live a full and satisfying life, sacrificing shame is necessary. in a current profession and society full of urgency, scarcity, and reactivity, it means a lot for me to re-wire myself back to my personal pace, interests, and care. I’m very pleased about my body and I love that is reflected back to me in visuals, curations, and wisdoms. I gain a lot of emotional strength from my culture and spirituality. it shows up in my writing. I appreciate my style of writing with regards to places, dialogues, moments of introspection, fleshing out the scenes. I believe that I can achieve many of my creative ambitions soon. I’ve proven myself this year, artistically. I’m going to keep going! I’m rooting myself on!

this month, if I am to choose a word to summarize it, is belonging. I finally feel that I belong to myself, to my people, and this strange time-place in the universe.

I’m reading this cute illustrative book about interdependent care. I’m already doing a number of practices in it, which is relieving; it’s also cool to try new things from book because it stirs up curiosity and provides better balance for bridging sustainable support with others and within myself. I enjoy feeling that I am actively involved with my life. discrimination and apathy tries to make me passive in my life when it’s not about those aspects. I am about treating ourselves honourably, creativity, the blessings of practice.

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chainofclovers · 3 years

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Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #ted lasso 2x11 #meta by me #ALL THE FEELINGS!!!!#a lesbian watches ted lasso

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choices-binglebonkus · 3 years

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After playing a few chapters from different books in Romance Club, I think I see the problem with Choices that I somehow didn’t see before. I think I knew already, but Romance Club got me to realize it. Full on record-scratch moment.

Choices doesn’t take risks anymore. Like, none whatsoever. They stick to the “safe” and easy stories. Take Endless Summer for instance. That series was a HUGE fucking gamble. It was crazy and wild and everything was completely unexpected. It was rich with lore and at times you had no clue what was even going on. It even had its own special art style made specifically for the series. Yet it ended up being one of the most popular series in Choices.

And yes, I know it’s not getting a sequel, but look at Hero. Just like Endless Summer, it had its own unique art style (yes, ES and Hero have different art styles), and it had frequent and fully-illustrated cutscenes which was pretty revolutionary at the time because there weren’t many of those yet. Hero wasn’t nearly as popular as Endless Summer, but a lot of people wanted it to come back because of how unique and different it felt in comparison to other stories. Hence the outcry when PB announced they were never going to make a sequel.

Nowadays, most of the stories aren’t very adventurous and aren’t very experimental/risky like old stories were. Rising Tides pushed a tired and overdone environmental narrative and was bland and forgettable the minute it ended. The Nanny Affair didn’t bring anything special to the table. Truth be told those are the only two stories I can think of off the top of my head that released within the past year other than Laws of Attraction, and as good as it is, even that isn’t wowing anyone. Everything is just…so forgettable nowadays.

Or even worse, Pixelberry recycles plots. They’ve been doing this for a while. D&D book 2, TRR book 2, and RoE (you guessed it, book 2!) all had a central storyline about the main character (or Liam in TRR’s case) being stuck in a loathsome engagement they must find a way out of. Disclaimer, I haven’t played it yet, but I’ve been told by numerous people that The Unexpected Heiress is basically a recycled version of TRM, TRR, and D&D. And let’s not forget the most recent atrocity…TRF has almost the exact same premise as TC&TF book 3! Powerful society offers royalty/nobility peace, prosperity, and stability in exchange for control and even more power. Play chapter one of both TRF and TC&TF3 one after the other and it is painfully lazy how similar the plot is.

Today, I played a couple chapters of three different Romance Club books. First I played Shadows of Saintfour, which I chose because it gave me some It Lives vibes. And oh wow, it captured my interest faster than any modern Choices book. Within a minute of starting the book, I found myself wondering “what the fuck is going on?!” I was completely hooked and spent all my tea on the next two chapters.

The next book’s chapter I played was Dracula: A Love Story. I…was not interested in this at all just glancing at the cover, but I gave it a try anyway because it had high ratings and was an Editor’s Choice. The only way I can describe it…vampire + time travel + Wizard of Oz vibes + Ottoman Empire alternate universe. The first chapter alone left my head spinning in the best way. And after a description like the one I just gave, how could it not?

Heaven’s Secret was the last book I tried (it’s 5am and I’m tired) and again, I wasn’t interested, but gave it a try anyway because of the high ratings. This one was a little blander than the other two, but it still got its hooks in me. For one thing, the main character starts the story DEAD and has to navigate her new life(?) at an academy where she’s training to become either an angel or a demon. It’s so cliche, but somehow, the first chapter has me watching the timer for my next tea so I can play the next one.

But Choices…let’s see. We have Laws of Attraction on Wednesday which is quite good, but it’s definitely nothing special. Non-VIPs also now have AVSP, which feels a lot like D&D since we’re a lowly commoner navigating life among English nobles. TRF, as I said earlier, is already shaping up to be a less-interesting plot recycle of TC&TF3. And of course, TNA, where our MC’s life now centers around her toxic relationship with her controlling former boss.

Truly, how far has the app fallen?

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