#my cousin said he imagines that will draws mike all the time over the years

[mochiiparadise]

what a random assumption Jonathan

#my cousin said he imagines that will draws mike all the time over the years #i rlly liked that idea😭😭 #here’s my contribution #art #byler #byler fanart #stranger things #stranger things fanart #will byers #mike wheeler #jonathan byers #mike and will #will and mike #mike x will #will x mike #stranger things s4 #st vol 2

[staygoldwriting]

(I totally forgot to do this before the New Year!!! How I wish I could start CB again 😪)

I posted 441 times in 2022

That's 441 more posts than 2021!

171 posts created (39%)

270 posts reblogged (61%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@toomanybandstocare

@galaxy-siren

@mad-elia

@beep-beep-sherlock

@babyghouly

I tagged 175 of my posts in 2022

#staygoldwriting - 113 posts

#eddie munson fluff - 75 posts

#eddie munson - 67 posts

#eddie munson imagine - 64 posts

#eddie munson x reader - 63 posts

#stranger things - 51 posts

#eddiemunson - 46 posts

#stranger things eddie - 45 posts

#eddie munson x female reader - 44 posts

#steve harrington fluff - 34 posts

Longest Tag: 41 characters

#we would listen to it together in the car

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

First Love, Part II

Summary: Y/N is a senior prep, Nancy Wheeler’s best friend, and quite possibly Eddie’s first love ❤️

Read Part I here!

Word count: 756

Warnings: Fluff upon fluff, Dustin continuing to be the best wingman 

A/N: This is part 2 of First Love! I hope you all enjoy it 🤗 

“That’s how the game is played, my friends!” Eddie yelled as the party reached their victory. As they all laughed, high-fived, and rejoiced, Eddie savored the moment along with them, then caught a glimpse of his watch.

“Hey!” he called above them. “It’s almost ten, scram before your parents hate me more!”

After everyone helped pack up, they left to the parking lot. Mike scanned the lot for Nancy’s car, but couldn’t see it anywhere. He began gathering courage to ask Eddie for a ride when you popped out of the car, waving wildly. 

“Hey! Mike! I’m filling in!” you yelled, and he and the other boys ran to you.

“Where’s Nancy?” Mike asked as he gave you a quick hug.

“Johnathan surprised her, so I volunteered to get you guys so they could spend some time together,” you explained, then hugged the rest of the boys.

“Hey, what’s are you?” Eddie said, shyly approaching you. “Wait, no, hey, what’s up, how are you? Gosh, Munson,” he scolded himself.

“Hi, Eddie,” you said warmly. “Johnathan’s visiting, so I’m picking up the boys for Nancy. I promise you I’m not stalking you or anything,” you blushed. Eddie smiled back at you, blushing too. 

“No worries. It, uh, it was a good campaign,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “Lots of… battles and stuff. And the cookies! The cookies were delicious,” he grinned. “You’re really sweet, I mean the cookies were sweet, but you’re sweet too, um.”

“You’re sweet too, Eddie,” you said touching his arm. He jumped a bit.

“I’m so sorry,” you said, drawing your arm away. 

“No, no, it’s fine, I just… nevermind. Thanks, for calling me sweet.”

“Of course, and I’m glad you liked the cookies,” you replied kindly. “Did you have a favorite?”

“Well, I loved the lemon ones, but Wheeler did hog them after all,” Eddie shrugged, smiling crookedly. “I only had one.”

“Oh, well next time I bake some, I’ll bring you some just for you,” you proposed.

“Thanks,” Eddie said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Or maybe you can teach me how to make them.” He looked down, not meeting your eyes.

“You wanna come over tomorrow?”

“Wait, what?”

“I have time tomorrow if you wanna come over,” you smiled. “Only if you want to.”

“I-ha-I would love to,” Eddie blushed, now meeting your eyes. 

“Does 2:30 work?”

“Definitely,” Eddie laughed in disbelief. “I can’t wait.”

“Me either,” you blushed. “Well, I guess I’ll seeya later, Eddie. Can I give you a hug?”

“Fire away,” Eddie chuckled, opening his arms. 

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731 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#4

Cousin Buckley: Part 3

Summary: You’re Robin’s cousin, and you’ve stolen the hearts of Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson 🖤💜

Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: none, just fluff!

Word count: 1201

A/N: I am having so much fun writing these, you guys! Thank you so much for all of the love, support, comments, reblogs, notes, follows, everything! It means so much, and I can’t wait to continue on with this series 🤗 I’m currently navigating the taglist, so I apologize for any problems!

“Welcome to Family Video!”

Robin opened the doors dramatically as you three stepped in. The previous workers wordlessly exited, thankful their shifts were over. 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Buckley,” said one worker, a tall thin boy with a zombie-like look, “we had like, two customers all day.”

“I know, Martin, I know,” she said energetically. “But I always make it work, don’t I?”

“You do,” Martin replied flatly. “That’s why I never do my shifts with you. I need to spend my misery in peace.”

“Alright, Martin, that’s enough for today,” Steve smiled, ushering him out then turning to you. “Want a tour?”

You nodded excitedly as he placed his arm gently around your shoulder.

“So, we’ve got the main desk here, as you can see,” he gestured with his other arm. “To the left are kids movies, romances, comedies, then adventure and fantasy stuff. To the right is the more intense stuff, like horror and thrillers and big action movies, like the Terminator.” 

“Smart divisions,” you said. “Was that your idea?”

“He wishes,” Robin snorted from the counter, then looked at Steve, panicking a bit. “He did organize the snacks though!” She quickly pointed at the display of snacks below the counter and you smiled. 

“You guys need Nerds,” you remarked. 

“I’ll make a note of it,” Steve smiled. “Okay, I’ll leave you to browse. Robin and I thought it would be fun to have a movie marathon night, so you’ve got your pick! Choose like three or four, but my only request is that one of them is Real Genius. I’ve been wanting to watch it for a while, but I haven’t had the time.”

“Same here!” you replied, smiling brightly. “I’ll grab that one for sure, and I also want to look for The Last Starfighter. I hear it’s really good.”

“Grab Sixteen Candles! Or Nightmare on Elm Street!” Robin called out.

“That’s quite the range,” you chuckled. “I’ll grab both.”

“Everything except Elm Street should be to your left,” Steve said. “Call out if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay, thanks Steve,” you smiled. 

He moved his arm away and jumped over the counter, joining Robin. As you started your browsing, you looked back at the counter to see Steve glancing up at you. As you caught his eye, he blushed, looking down and smiling widely. Robin smirked a bit, then shook her head. 

After looking around for a while, you found all of the movies and brought them up to the counter. Martin was right; not many people had stopped in to pick up a video, but you guessed it made sense for a Tuesday afternoon. 

“Okay, I found everything we need for tonight,” you told Steve, handing him the movies. “How much is it?”

“Oh, you’re not paying,” Steve said with a chuckle.

“I have to, I’m a customer!” you gasped, then leaned closer, making Steve lean too. “I can’t steal.”

“I know,” Steve mimicked your tone. “What I mean is that I will rent them.”

“Oh,” you said. “Are you sure?” you looked at him hesitantly.

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852 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

#3

Eddie is the type of boyfriend to stutter and freeze when you so much as hold his hand. Poor boy is touched starved and just loves being near you. He can’t think straight when you’re around.

If you surprise him with a flower that you picked on the way to meet him “just because it reminded me of you” his face warms with a light blush. He presses every flower you give him in a lil songbook he has dedicated to you.

It is time for soft, first relationship Eddie 😌

🌹Now a series!! Part II is here🌹

Is this... my call to action??? To write the fluffiest thing I've ever done so far (maybe except for Bunny Garden)??? 😍

✨First Love✨

(in which y/n is a senior prep and best friends with Nancy, and Eddie is head-over-heels in love with her) 785 words

“Hey, Eddie, hi everyone!” you said cheerily as you approached the Hellfire table at lunch. 

Eddie looked up from his lunch to see you standing in front of him, a wide, sincere smile on your face. He blushed as you two met eyes, and as he went to smile, a little bit of chocolate milk came out of his mouth, causing him to hide his face in embarrassment. 

“Hey, Y/N, what’s up?” Mike asked, trying to draw attention away from a flustered Eddie.

“Well, I was up late baking cookies last night, and I called Nancy, and she said you all have a club meeting tonight? Hellfire, right?” you asked, pointing at their shirts.

“Yeah, why? You wanna join?” Gareth asked, snickering. Eddie, now recovered, kicked him in the leg.

“Well,” you said, looking from Gareth to Eddie, “I thought maybe you’d like some cookies for your meeting tonight,” you held out a tupperware. “I made some chocolate chip, some oatmeal cookies, and some lemon ones. If you’d like, I’d be really happy to share them with your club. And Mike can bring the tupperware home, I’m sleeping over with Nancy tomorrow anyway,” you smiled, bouncing on your heels. 

“Um, sure, yeah, thank you, Y/N,” Eddie said, holding a shaky hand out to receive the cookies. His hand brushed yours slightly, making his blush return. 

“I like your rings,” you said sweetly.

“Oh, um, thanks.” Eddie was completely red at this point. 

“Well, have fun, and let me know what everyone thinks of the cookies! Mike, don’t hog all the lemon ones! Oh, and good luck with ‘The Cult of Vecna’,” you said in a scary voice. 

Eddie’s heart soared when he heard you talk about Hellfire, as if Nancy Wheeler’s best friend would ever be interested in something like that. He knew you were always nice, but he convinced himself that you were just cordial for the sake of Mike. He secretly dreamt that he was the reason you were so nice, that maybe you wanted to be friends… or even more. 

“Ha, nice memory, Y/N!” Dustin cheered, snapping Eddie out of his trance.

“You can come by if you want,” Eddie said quickly, then instantly regretted it. He felt his ears get hot and his hands start to shake again, this time along with his breath. You looked at him with wide eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“I-I mean, you could, but I know you probably have better things to do--”

“No, I don’t!” you exclaimed. “I just didn’t think I could go to Hellfire! Isn’t it exclusive? I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything like that, D&D seems so special and precious to you guys, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that, and gosh, now I’m rambling, but yes, I would love to stop by if you all would be willing to have me.”

“Eddie might, but I’m not,” Jeff spat. “It is exclusive. A prep like you can’t just waltz in and--”

“Hey, come on, she’s cool!” Mike argued. 

“Yeah, and besides, you’re not the leader, Eddie is! He invited her so she can come,” Lucas added.

“It’s okay, I don’t want to cause any trouble,” you said sadly. “I’ll just ask you guys how it went on Monday. Thank you for the invitation though, Eddie.” 

As you left to turn around, Eddie glared at Jeff angrily. He was still blushing intensely, but it could easily be disguised as fury. You looked back, wringing your hands, then went to your table to grab something. As you walked back to the boys, the same look of shock reappeared on their faces. You stood there, shuffling your feet as you let out a breathy giggle.

“I don’t know if I can wait until Monday,” you chuckled, then nervously held out a piece of paper. “This is my number, Eddie. Maybe you can call me after and tell me the details?”

Eddie’s mouth hung open as he stared at you in disbelief. Frozen, Eddie tried to speak, but nothing worked. Dustin sighed loudly, took your number, then placed it in Eddie’s hand. As Eddie closed it, a goofy smile broke across his face. You blushed and smiled brightly as you saw his happy face.

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1,765 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

#2

Cousin Buckley: Part 2

Summary: You’re Robin’s cousin, and you’ve stolen the hearts of Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson <3

In case you missed it: Part 1!

Warnings: none, just fluff :)

Word count: 1059

A/N: THANK YOU!!! I’m SO happy you guys enjoyed part 1! You make my heart so happy :’) <3 Here is part 2--please enjoy and send it some love, and if you want to join the taglist, please don’t hesitate to ask! 

“I can’t believe you finally have your license, Rob.”

“Oh, I don’t,” she frowned at you. “I’ve got a permit though! And this is also Steve’s car,” she continued, looking down at the BMW.

“So, I guess you should be up front then, huh Harrington?” Eddie smiled. “You know, to guide Robin--”

“Oh, she’ll be fine with Y/N in front--”

“Make sure she doesn’t wreck your baby?”

“It would actually be helpful, Steve,” Robin said, half-serious and half playing around for the fun of it. “I haven’t driven without you yet.”

Steve’s jaw tensed up. You saw him glance over at you, and you gave him a weak smile, which he returned with a sigh.

“Fine.”

Eddie opened the car door for you as you scooted in behind Robin’s seat. As Robin muttered to herself about mirror positions and if it was 10-and-2 or 11-and-3, Eddie asked you some small questions about your flight. Steve got in and looked back at you, giving you a more confident smile, but was then jolted by Robin peeling out of the parking lot.

“Robin!” he yelled, seizing the handle above the window.

“Sorry, sorry!” she apologized, “that was an accident.”

“It was sort of a rush,” Eddie shrugged, making you giggle. Steve looked back at him incredulously, smoothing his hair.

“Yeah, sure, cuz it’s not your car!” he gasped. “How would you feel if Robin played your guitar with sandpaper?”

“It was not that bad!” Robin argued, cheeks reddening. You patted her shoulder consolingly. 

“It wasn’t, and like you said, it was an accident, I’m sorry for freaking,” Steve said, collecting his calm. 

“Thanks Steve, but I’m still sorry. For the record, Eddie, this is exactly why I’ve never touched your guitar.”

“I appreciate that,” Eddie smiled.

“That’s cool that you play guitar,” you said, turning to him.

“Oh, thanks! I’m actually in a band, Corroded Coffin.”

“No way! Metal?”

“You know it,” he smirked. “We’re playing this weekend, wanna come?”

“Absolutely!” You smiled brightly. “Steve, do you wanna come too?”

Eddie’s face went pale as Steve turned around, beaming.

“I would love to, Y/N! Thank you so much for inviting me. What night are you playing, Eddie?”

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2,048 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Cousin Buckley

Summary: You’re Robin’s cousin, and two very eager boys join her at the airport to pick you up.

Warnings: none, just fluff :)

Word count: 837

Part 2!

“For the record, I think you two being here is super weird.”

Upon hearing that Robin had a beautiful cousin--you--Steve and Eddie decided to accompany her to the airport to pick you up. She was standing at the baggage claim, Steve on her right and Eddie on her left, both fidgeting excitedly.

“You’re not gonna think it’s weird when she falls in love with me,” Steve argued. 

“Or me,” Eddie added. “You can’t win every battle, Harrington. That movie star smile’s got to be a dud on some women. I just hope one of them is Y/N.” He said your name dreamily.

“You guys don’t even know anything about her,” Robin snorted, crossing her arms.

“That’s what the ride back to Hawkins is for,” Eddie said. “We get in the car, we offer to let her choose the music--”

“We let her choose who to sit by in the car--” Steve continued.

“She’s sitting in the front with me. You losers are in the back.”

“Aw, come on--”

“Robin!”

You were waving wildly to your cousin as she spied you and ran to you, hugging you tightly. You laughed a bit as you swayed back and forth. Robin was always your favorite cousin; she was the only one remotely near your age. You decided to visit her at the start of your summer break, then you’d get home… eventually.

“Gosh, it’s so great to see you, Rob!” you exclaimed, breaking the hug. “You look amazing, I love what you’ve done with your hair!”

“She likes hair, you hear that, Munson?” Steve whispered, nudging Eddie’s side.

“You really think your hair is better than mine?” Eddie whispered back.

“It’s great to see you too!” Robin replied, speaking loudly to mask her friends’ banter. “How was your flight?”

“It was okay, a little cramped, so I’m glad to be off it! How long is the car ride home?”

“Less than an hour, but it’s going to feel longer,” Robin groaned. “You can thank the two weirdos behind me for that.”

You peered behind Robin to see the two boys suddenly stop fidgeting and smile goofily at you.

“Steve Harrington,” he extended his hand. “It’s Y/N, right?”

“Yep,” you said, shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you Steve, I’ve heard lots about you from Robin.”

“So you have,” Steve smirked, looking back at Eddie, who scoffed. “I’m hoping it’s all been good.”

“Oh sure, but you’re much better-looking in person.”

Steve blushed madly, laughing a bit.

“Robin told me you’re a fan of flattery,” you smiled, making Steve a little nervous. “Don’t worry, I meant what I said! And I also want to say thanks for taking care of my little Rob. She needs it!”

“Anytime.” Steve met your eyes and smiled, making you blush a bit. 

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2,879 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #staygoldwriting

[kaypeace21]

Byler hints in the background of s1-3

Honestly, this should just be called- ‘my autistic brain casually (and without even trying) notices shit in the background, but never mentioned it- because I thought it sounded too crazy to talk about’ XD. But the symbolism and Easter eggs give my byler-shipping heart so much life. So I thought, since you guys prob. didn’t notice it- I’ll mention it anyways.  So here goes.

Drawings/rainbows

There has been a theme in s3 about how Mike equates ‘falling for girls’ as a part of growing up, and his feelings for Will as something childish that he has to has to grow out of. 

- confessing to El : “A feeling … yeah, like, something… like OLD PEOPLE say it sometimes”.

- “And Will too. I was thinking we could all have new presents to play with and *scoffs* Sorry, that made me sound like a 7 year old... (apologizing to El)

- Mike getting in a fight with Will (after d&d), and saying they can’t be close anymore: 

Mike says, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”, and then he tries to ½ apologize only to say, “I’m not trying to be a jerk. Ok? But We’re not kids anymore.” Explaining, this is just the way things are-boys fall in love with girls, get girlfriends, and this is just a part of growing up (heteronormativity).  He tells Will “I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?” And poor Will who is probably more aware of his feelings just responds. “Yeah, I guess I did. I really did.” And of course Mike immediately apologizes for being an “ asshole”, after this.

But here’s the thing! Mike actually does wish he didn’t have to grow up and that he could play games with Will (without girlfriends) for the rest of their lives. His room, in s3, SCREAMS that he’s trying to grow up/act straight... but he can’t let go of his feelings for Will. 

He literally takes down his old childhood poster from s1-2 for a more mature/adult poster. But on the same wall (where the old poster used to be) he hasn’t removed a single d&d drawing Will has given him. He’s pretending that he’s grown out of d&d when Lucas is around- because he’s emulating how (the straight) Lucas acted, all season. But Mike has it BAD (and is seriously pinning) for Will! Like, I love Will but his art at 11 years old isn’t so great to justify it still be on Mike’s wall at age 14.  He’s just that whipped (and literally can’t part with a single drawing Will has ever given him) XD

Like... it’s cannon that Mike caresses Will’s drawings 

He’s that ‘ dumbass blinded by love’ who thinks anything Will’s draws is a perfect- masterpiece. Mike could literally see Will draw scribbles and think it’s amazing! Like in s2 he just guides his hands through the scribbles he drew on the wall- no joke! XD

However, what’s interesting though is the one other things he took down from his wall. In S1 Mike (before he even met El)  has a heart sign, with a red heart being propelled by a rainbow. Yet in s3 , the season where he’s ‘obsessing’ about El- it mysteriously disappears. However, in the first ep of s3 when Mike is making-out with El we see a emergence of the heart being propelled by a rainbow (in El’s room) as a drawing. Probably signifying Mike participating in compulsory-heterosexuality and that no matter how hard he tries- he’s not straight!

So given the fact he can’t part with any of the pictures on the wall...you better believe Mike still has that giant binder filled with every drawing Will has given him . And he’s probably hidden it away , with the rainbow heart sign (because he knows it would look suspicious to have laying around). 

-Also, Mike literally has more rainbow symbolism than Will (and has had it through every season) XD

-the s2 ref being the most on the nose) Forbidden fruit + rainbow = queer forbidden romance. And during the 80s, that rainbow-apple poster in the AV Club was suspected to be in reference to Alan Turning (the gay ‘father of computers’).

Animal easter eggs that relate to byler and the upside down/supernatural-plot .

tigers- Mike keeps a tiger poster (which was right next to that rainbow-heart sign) in his basement through s1-3. In s1 we see Will also has a tiger drawing, which is later put on the wall (like a poster) in s2.  Sara Hopper (like Will ) had her death faked by the government (and had a tiger plushie in s1)- and Kali probably had something to do with it since in the prequel novel ‘suspicious minds’ had Kali talk non stop about her fav animal , tigers.  Theory  here. But again, Jancy is also connected to tigers as a romantic symbol (just like byler).

sharks- The Duffer brothers themselves said they based the s1 demorgorgan off of sharks, which Nancy even references in s1. Mike and Will have shark iconography in their room/basement. Will has a jaws poster shown in s1-2, and Mike has shark toys visible in s2. The shark (and bear) symbolism hint at the fact that Will created the upside down/demorgorgans/mind-flayer using his powers- theory here.

bears- Will since s1 has had bear symbolism around him. Bears symbolically represent  “wisdom” like ‘Will the wise’ and were associated with the demorgorgan/upside down in s1 and 2 as well . Max and Nancy compared demogorgans to bears- and Nancy and Jonathan used a bear-trap to capture a demorgorgan in s1 . 

But s3 made bears a romantic symbol- Mike was going to buy a golden teddy bear for El as a romantic gesture. The golden bear had a bowtie (it’s male). And the gray bear that Mike gives to her, was originally Will’s (as shown in s1 &2). This gray bear is coming right in between Mike and El (at the end of s3). They even kiss , while El presses the bear right in between them.  In conclusion these romantic bears represent Will. * I mean that whole awkward kiss (where Mike’s eyes are open and he doesn’t kiss back- happens in Will’s room, in front of Will’s open closet,  with Will’s bear smushed between them (pretty blatant foreshadowing).

dinosaurs- This one is probably a stretch but we see this boy has tons of dinosaurs (at least 6). He starts to info-dump on El about how much he loves them. But, she has no interest. And if the wtf look didn’t make this obvious.

She even gets up and walks away, ignoring his tangent about dinosaurs. 

She literally couldn’t care less about his interest in them. 

But in spite of this, we see Mike gave her Rory in s3 (since it’s in her bedroom). And in s2 we see him sadly look at Rory, with 2 other dinosaurs in frame. This, along with s1 implies he has a huge collection of various dinosaurs .But his collection is missing one of the most popular dinosaur species... the brachiosaurus (the long necked dinosaur).

And right after this scene in s2 scene, we go to Will’s room. And he has a huge brachiosaurus! This boy couldn’t even afford a halloween costume and had to have his hand-made by his mom... but he could afford this huge -fancy dinosaur replica? I bet Mike bragged about his dinosaur collection to Will (like he did with El). But Will being a nerd, was actually impressed. So Mike actually gave him his best/fav toy in his collection- kind of like what he did with Rory.

frogs- This is the most hilarious thing to me. I laughed for like 20 minutes on my rewatch. In s1 Will has a GIANT stuffed plushie of a frog next to his jaws poster and teddy bear. I’m dead! Will doesn’t even disagree with the “frog face“ insult. 

He’s just like ‘well, he’s my frog face’ . Time to snuggle with this frog that looks just like Mike . Will is so in love but also low key savage dragging Mike like that. I can only imagine Dustin and Lucas saying “nah, you don’t look like a frog”. And poor baby-Mike asking Will what he thinks, and Will not being able to lie, just saying “ Well... some people like frogs.”  XD

We also see that in s2 the frog is missing but the Jaws-poster, coin jar, and the bear (we later see El holding in s3) remain .Probably to indicate this is when Will started to subconsciously suppress his feelings for Mike. Although @theclericwill pointed out -that , instead, Mike may have used the frog-plushie as a pillow... for his frog-face XD

Throwing shade at Mileven/mileven shippers in s2 

In the Montauk pitch (later named Stranger things) they describe the Mike and El dynamic by saying “ If Mike is the Eliot of our show,Eleven is our Et.” (AKA they’re from different planets)

-In s2 , Erica  is forcing He-man and barbie to make out. Lucas angrily separates the two. And then this discussion happens.

Erica: “Hey , They’re in love!”

Lucas (livid- and standing right next to a rainbow): “No, actually,  they’re not. They don’t even exist on the same planet.”

Not to mention I doubt it was a coincident they had a (bratty) pre-pubescent girl be the proxy for most mileven shippers.Like not all mileven shippers are bad, but almost all the toxic ones (that the Duffers have to deal with) are tween girls. And to the Duffers, only a child could think 2 people are ‘in love’ after a week of knowing each other. Or that El could understand such things like romance- given the fact that her and Mike are from different planets (given how El has no experience with the outside world).Mike even says in s2,  he can’t hate Max because he ‘doesn’t know’ her (despite knowing her as long as he knew El). Meaning he doesn’t love El since he doesn’t know her. 

Plus, El told Mike, he treats her like ‘garbage’ and ‘a pet’ . And Finn after s1, said that the Duffers told him Mike thought of El as a puppy, and she is even compared to Dart (a demo-dog in s2). Mike asking Dustin, angrily “What, You have a bond? Just cause he likes nougat (eggos)?” Being a  blatant dig at people obsessing over this shallow aspect of their relationship.

Mileven was also compared to that  of family members. In s1, right before they kissed, she asks “will you be like my brother?” (while wearing Nancy’s dress). And Mike also referred to her as his ‘cousin’ . Not to mention, El loved ted’s laz-eboy chair (and Nancy said Karen and Ted “never loved each other” ). And right before Karen is about to cheat on Ted - she looks at him sleeping in the chair (and the lyrics are ‘I should have walked away’). 

It’s pretty hilarious, since so many people try to ‘no-homo’ byler by saying Mike thinks of Will as a brother/or family- yet, their relationship has never been directly compared to a sibling (unlike mileven).

People also seem to not realize Mike lied in s2 (just like he did in s3). He thought El was dead in s2. He told Max it “got her like it did bob” and then he made a spectacle in front of everyone saying “I never gave up on you”. Which was a blatant lie (since he just told Max a few minutes earlier, she was dead -_-). Mike simply blamed himself for her death (he said they needed her to save Will and even referred to her as a “weapon”). So when she died he felt the most responsible- and was hoping she was alive (and would answer his call) to alleviate his own guilt. Not because he loved her (that was an act). When he saw Will’s dead body, but heard his voice, he went on a rescue mission to save Will (from another dimension). But, Mike didn’t even bother going into the woods after seeing El outside his window (something he did for Will in ep 1, during a storm). And then in s3 Mike couldn’t even bother to call El and apologize- but ran to apologize to Will in the woods during a storm (bringing that whole parallel -full circle).

Plus, El told Mike, he treats her like ‘garbage’ and ‘a pet’ . And Finn after s1, said that the Duffers told him Mike thought of El as a puppy, and she is even compared to Dart (a demo-dog in s2). Mike asking Dustin, angrily “What, You have a bond? Just cause he likes nougat (eggos)?” A blatant dig at people obsessing over this shallow aspect of their relationship.

Bob and Mike parallels- the Rubik cube

Both are unathletic, smart, love comics, the only 2 to not treat Will ‘different’- and would do anything to protect their loved ones. And they also had crushes on Byers in childhood, and tried to give their Byers normalcy (despite them not being a ‘normal family’). They purposely display, and have Will -mirror Joyce- and Mike -mirror Bob- in multiple shots, throughout s2.

And both Mike and Bob are AV club leaders. Bob mentioned in one of the  earlier episodes  that he founded the Hawkins Middle AV club . And Mike later grabs Bob’s Rubik cube, and mentions this after his death (to solidify the connection- even if subconscious in our minds. He even proclaims after this “we can’t let him die in vain” . And this is when Mike makes the plan to help Will (before El shows up). 

gif credit: cath-avery, dailystrangerthings

#byler #byeler

[purplesurveys]

474

Tumblr makes the spacing kinda weird by the end, idk why but I hope it gets better for everyone else who wants to take this haha.

ONE - HI THERE! It’s an intro!

What do most people call you? Robyn. In what month is your birthday? April. What country were you born in? The beautiful but politically miserable Philippines. Do you have siblings? How many, if you do? I do; I have two. I’m the eldest, but they aren’t that far off from me. Who do you live with? I’m still studying so I’m living with family for now – mom and dad, a sister and a brother, and a dog. I really want to move out in the next couple of years though.

Are you in a relationship? Yes. Do you go to school? As I said, yes. I’m in university but I’m supposed to graduate next year. What mood are you in right now? Well, I wrapped up my internship last week and my entire weekend was booked with stuff I did, so now I’m just super glad to be home and bum around after all that hectic-ness. I just had 8 hours of sleep and am feeling pretty well-rested right now. What does your shirt look like? I’m wearing a big-ass gray Knicks sweater that’s like 3 sizes bigger for me. What’s your zodiac sign? Taurus.

TWO - Your Appearance

If you could have plastic surgery on any one body part, what would it be?Boobs. They’re so abnormally small that I’m tired of having to waste what would have been completely bomb outfits just because of my chest.

Are you satisfied with your hair? It could have less baby hair, honestly. But I’m fine with it for the most part.

Do you have a hitchhikers or a straight thumb? It’s a straight thumb. My left pinky is quite crooked though.

What colour are your eyes? Dark brown.

Do you have any tan lines? No, I haven’t gone to the beach in a while.

How old do people usually think you are? I just asked this question to Gabie last week and she said that I look 15.

What about your appearance do you get complimented on the most? Face and my overall figure.

Are you comfortable with your weight? Sure, but it’s always worrisome when I get to the lower 90s.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Where? Yeah, just the basic earlobes piercings that my parents got for me when I was a couple of months old.

How tall are you? I am 5′1″ and a half. I’m shorter than 5′2″, that’s for sure.

THREE - True or False

I love winter. Neither true or false as I have never experienced snow. I think I’d love it though.

I have eaten meat in the past five days. True. Filipinos eat meat a lot.

I have painted a room in a house. False. My mom is so controlling over adult things like that so she hired people to do it to all our rooms.

I can whistle. True. I learned pretty early.

My keyboard is black. True-ish? The buttons are black, but the spaces between them are silver.

I have never bought something off an infomercial. True. My mom would be so furious because it would be her money anyway.

I own a snuggie / would like to own a snuggie. False.

I bite my pens / pencils. False. I do bite my straws though.

I wear glasses / contacts. True.

My nails are painted right now. False.

FOUR - Childhood Memories!

What was your all time favourite movie as a kid? THE GAME PLAN, without a shadow of a doubt. Watched that shit everyday through third and fourth grade. My runner-up would be High School Musical.

Do you still have your first pair of shoes somewhere? Doubt it. My mom isn’t big on memories like me.

Did you have anything you always dragged around the house, like a blanket?Nope. I did use my parents’ blanket as a cape some days, and other days it would be a gown train and I’d pretend I was the Queen, but I wouldn’t drag it because it would get dirty.

What toy did you play with the most? I was always into grownup stuff so I always got kitchen appliances, dollhouses, etc. I once had toys that mimicked a pizza restaurant and it had a pizza roller and it was super fun for me haha. Once I got a pretend cash register though it was game over for all these bitches.

Did you ever bring your favourite toys in the bathtub? We didn’t have a bathtub, but yeah we would bring in our toys when we would shower.

Did you used to take baths with siblings/cousins? ^ Ooh, barely missed it. Yes, we did.

Are you still friends with your best friends from long ago? A handful are still my best friends. I keep in touch with most of my batchmates from my high school because we’re all close and we’re family and there was generally very little drama – and if there was, it was easy to let go.

Do your parents ever tell you stories about how cute/silly you were? They have several stories, but I was mostly a quiet kid who didn’t like getting in trouble.

Did you go to the park often? What was a typical outfit for the 5-year-old you?Blouses with a girly pattern, denim jeans, and Nike rubber shoes. The top always has to be tucked in.

FIVE - FAVOURITES

Actor/Actress: Kate Winslet

Singer/Band/Both: Beyonce / Paramore

Chocolate: Reese’s

Toothpaste: ??? Whatever we have at home I guess?

Picture of yourself: Nah man, not doing that here.

Pair of sunglasses: I don’t have a favorite.

Vegetable: Broccoli!

Sandwich: Monte Cristo

Aspect of nature: Waterfalls

Word to say: “Literally”

SIX - Love Life ;)

Who was the first person to ever ask you out? No one’s ever asked me out before. Although I think that dude from one of my classes in sophomore year intended to…but I dunno. We were paired up together for this class and he wanted to spend time with me in a coffee shop after our work was done; I didn’t feel comfortable just being by myself so I told him in advance that I was gonna be bringing Gabie…never heard from him ever again :/

What does your ideal date consist of? Dinner somewhere nice (Italian or Japanese) should be enough for me.

What’s one thing your partner must be able to accept about you? I get sad and I’ll need loooooooong stretches of time alone some days.

Does your ideal person have any special talents? She can paint and draw. She doesn’t really share these with other people but she does with me.

Do your parents like the person you’re with? (Or the last person) My parents liked Mike and were convinced something was happening between us lmao. They don’t know about my relationship with Gabie yet.

Do you like pet names? Yes when it’s just the two of us. Publicly, I control myself, cos I know it annoys me when other people are too showy/vocal. Like I don’t call Gab pet names when we’re out with friends; and when we’re out at the mall or whatever, I’m not very physical other than holding her hand.

What is your age range? Same age. I can’t imagine dating someone younger or older, but then again this is because I haven’t had any other experience.

What is one attribute that your ideal partner must have? Sincerity.

When was the last time someone seriously said “I love you.” to you? This morning.

Have you ever been in more than one relationship at a time? No.

SEVEN - The wonderful world of the Internet!

What is your most used website? Probably Twitter. It’s the first thing I check everyday.

Do you play any online games? Other than playing on Y8 when I was younger, no.

Which chat program do you use most often? Messenger.

Facebook vs Myspace- which is better? I haven’t used Myspace in a hot minute, so I’ll go with Facebook.

Is there someone you met online that you’d like to meet in person? Yes, I’m still waiting to meet Aliyah. Girl is in BGC every single day but I can’t seem to grab lunch or dinner with her!

Have you ever sold something on Ebay or Craigslist? No.

Have you ever gone on Chatroulette? Or Omegle video? Yeah, when I was like 12 and curious about the Internet haha.

Are there any videos of yourself on Youtube? I don’t think so.

Mac or PC? Mac.

Have you ever Googled your name? I’ve Googled my username before, but not my name.

EIGHT - This or That?

Twilight or Harry Potter?

French fries or potato wedges?

Liquid ortape white out?

Digital or film camera?

Nail clippersor nail scissors?

Rock, paper, or scissors?

Beard or mustache?

Knee high or ankle socks?

Hockey or basketball?

Mr Clean or sponge and ‘the other leading cleaning product’?

NINE - Be cool, stay in school!

What subject are/were you best at? It’s always history, or social studies in general.

How old will you be when you graduate high school / how old were you? I was 18 when I graduated.

Isn’t there that point in the year when you stop caring so much? Yep, it’s usually when you’re a senior.

Do/did you have any really cool teachers? In UP? Absolutely. There’s a lot of shitty profs, but the cool ones are way too hardcore.

Who is/was your most strict teacher? Sir Ruel in my old school. Old man was and is such a fucking loser. Once had a comment about my breasts and I never forgot about it. Also kicked me and a bunch of other kids out of his class in fifth grade because we didn’t have crayons. He actually got booted by the school for a year because a parent complained about him, but he came back after.

Where do/did you sit at lunch? In high school, the cafeteria was too crowded so my friend group would hang out in our classroom, since most of us were classmates. Right now, lunch just depends on my schedule and where I happen to be by noon.

What do/did you do at recess? Catch up on homework I skipped the night before.

There’s always that one kid who no one really knows, right? LOL, yes.

Is/was your cafeterias food actually any good? It used to be good. Then they kind of hired this company to start making the meals starting junior year and the food was never as good again.

Do/did you have a stereotypical school, with all those cliques and such? You can say that. We had popular party kids, smart but still cool kids, soccer players, the basketball players who all turned out gay, kids who kinda just hovered in the middle, and those who were kinda brushed to the side were the theatre and anime kids.

TEN - Randomly Platypus.

Do you like your toothbrush really wet when you’re brushing your teeth? Not really wet. I just make sure I’ve put it under the running water before applying the toothpaste.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Not into anything at the moment.

What was the stupidest dare you’ve ever done? I hate dares, so I don’t do them haha.

Do you enjoy playing with tape? No?

What’s one word/phrase you say too much? LITERALLY. Which is a problem because most of the time, the things I associate the word with aren’t literal.

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating? 2017.

What did you last use a knife for? Haha, my orgmates were cooking up lunch and I volunteered to chop up the onions. Fun fact: First time to use a knife, ever.

When you open a pack of gum, why is everyone your best friend? Because gum is always a good idea.

What has been on your mind way too much? Completing my requirements for internship so I can submit them as early as possible.

Did you actually enjoy my survey? Sure. Categories are always fun.

#survey #surveys

[dios-pants]

very weird Heroes dream

Okay so the night before last (I’m booting this to the top of my queue so that intro is true) I had a dream that someone posted about trans!Peter. And at one in the morning last night, I said to someone “here’s hoping for more peter dreams” or something like that. And you know what I got? Another Peter dream

I don’t even remember half of what happened in all honesty, but here goes nothing

Let’s start from what I remember from my side of things: So my family (me, my sibling, my mom, and my grandma, I have no idea where my dad was at this time nor why my grandma was with us) was going on this road trip to some kind of game or something. I don’t know but we ended up at a place with bleachers. But we’re not there yet. We stopped by this pizza place that looked abandoned but apparently it was still running (I remember being able to see people in there as my grandma passed by to use the bathroom). My mom asked me what kind of pizza I wanted, and the options were pepperoni and sausage, cheese, and customizable (which is a real word spell check fight me). I’m pretty sure there was at least one other but I don’t remember what it was. And me being me, I chose customizable because I want me some pepperoni and bacon pizza. And I was ecstatic when she returned with this box of things I could choose from. I could choose four smaller boxes. There were books, clothes, and accessories. I picked three books because I love reading, and I think I was torn between ties and flannels or something as my fourth option. I don’t know but the last box was so much bigger than the other three and it was weird (the fourth one was also blue with a black lid and the lid had stripes)

Aside from that, we got to the place with the bleachers. My grandma, dad, and sibling were already there somehow, along with someone else that I wouldn’t be surprised if happened to be my dad’s mom (whom I’ve never met). We didn’t see them and just walked on up past them and to my aunt and cousin. We also passed someone who looked a lot like Mike Colter. And apparently I was on the cast of Defenders or somehow knew him because I was looking at him like I wanted him to recognize me so I could tell him that Daredevil season 3 was Sad (I haven’t even watched the new season yet). Either he wasn’t Mike Colter or he didn’t see me. But anyway, we got to my aunt and cousin, and they looked so different?? My aunt looked like ten or fifteen years older (she’s?? my mom’s??? twin??????) and my cousin just. Did not look like himself. But I didn’t question it. So we (my mom and I) sat down on the row behind them, and I remember someone in the other group looking back at us with a mock insulted expression (I have a feeling it was my dad or grandma but I don’t remember). There was also some part about another of my cousins but I don’t want to get into that

Then all of a sudden it was Heroes. The only transition was this blur of lapsed memory on my part. I don’t remember most of this but here goes nothing (also I’m trying to remember this in order but I might fail)

FIRST OF ALL I think this was post-Wall because Peter had that long-ish hair of Redemption (v5/s4) (not as long as Genesis [v1/s1], but like the length he had halfway through Genesis?) and other reasons that I’ll list in the notable mentions (in case someone who hasn’t seen the show is reading this [*cough* Leo *cough*]). I think?? it was like right after the carnival. But it wasn’t the carnival they were at, it was some place that I think I should know, but I’m drawing a blank on where they actually were

A few notable mentions (Leo if you’re reading this skip over this):

Reasons to think it was post-Wall:

Peter and Sylar were buddies

Peter could only have one power at a time

Other notable mentions:

Nathan was alive

I don’t think Angela hated Sylar’s guts??

Peter had Jess’ haircut throughout the last part of the Heroes portion of the dream

The only part of that that is important is the first one of the other notable mentions but if you think about it that’s a spoiler

Anyway welcome back peeps

Another notable mention is that Rene had some sort of healing power. I don’t even know. The reason I’m stating this here is because it’s not a spoiler and it’s important to part of this

So at the beginning Peter and Sylar were digging up something. I don’t know but they were away from the carnival (that wasn’t even the carnival) (with it still in the background) and they had shovels and they were like waist-deep in the dirt and there were mounds of dirt around them

And every part of this is brief because I have a horrible memory and the dream is slowly fading as I write this

I don’t know what was going on but Peter was /somewhere/, and Angela was there, too. No idea where Sylar was at this point. Peter might’ve had short hair at this point. I’m not sure

And well Peter left wherever he was and Angela ‘sneakily’ followed. You know those parking garages that like sometimes has this ‘hallway’ area where it’s just a narrower path for people to walk? I might be making this up but anyway Peter was walking on said narrower path (okay but like in parking garages there’s those pillars to keep the next floor up or something I don’t know and I think there’s this narrower part where someone can walk so they don’t get run over but I might be imagining that I haven’t been in one of those in a while)

Anyway Peter was walking in (on? through?) one of those and well Angela was following him like she didn’t want to be seen (she was like,, a foot behind him,, to the right of him,,,,). So the path Peter was walking (*insert reference*) was more or less dark (it was dimly lit but apparently I didn’t want to say that in the first place) and well it led to this brighter area where Nathan was chained to the floor. I want to say that he was in a chair, but I’m actually positive that he was standing. It looked like he could’ve easily gotten out of the chains but who am I to question my dreams (she says, questioning it anyway)

So it looked like Nathan was trying to escape or something. But he couldn’t for whatever reason. And somehow this part is eerily clear to me and maybe it’s just the first part that’s gonna be brief but anyway. I just wanna say now that I have no idea what Peter was wearing, but I know he was wearing a shirt. Nathan might’ve been shirtless. And he might’ve had that overgrown hair from season two. At this point I don’t know. But anyway Peter was suddenly behind Nathan and I think Peter was shirtless all of a sudden. And he was hugging Nathan like he didn’t want Nathan to leave. It looked sad tbh but also dark and creepy. If you think about it you could probably think of the reason why it looked sad but. ya know. spoilers for some people

And Angela was watching on all the while

I have nO idEA WHaT HaPPENS NExT (that was a reference sorry)

But suddenly we’re in a hospital room (continuation to the reference that I didn’t even mean to happen). And Angela, Peter, Nathan, and Rene were all there. Sylar might’ve been there but I don’t know. This is the part with the Jess haircut

Okay so there were like five hospital beds in what I saw of the room. And let me tell you there was no room for five hospital beds but oh well. Nathan was lying on one of them, and he had this light blue dress shirt that was unbuttoned and he wasn’t wearing a tank top or t-shirt or anything under it so his whole stomach and chest was exposed

Peter was also on a bed but he was behind a curtain so I couldn’t see him at that current moment. Actually on second thought I don’t think Rene was in the room at this point

But anyway Peter was wearing some type of formal-casual clothing and he looked pale and sweaty and he said something like “Nathan, I don’t feel good” (which I think could be a reference but I don’t know the exact wording because I haven’t watched that movie yet. I know I know I’m behind on shows and movies) and he looked. so sick. Like, about ready to die sick. The kind of sick he looked in Fallout I think it was. But he had Jess’ haircut and his shirt wasn’t bloody

Then Rene appeared out of nowhere and wrapped his arms around Peter’s arms and chest from behind him and pulled him behind the curtain, pushing the bed Peter was on away. When they came back out from behind the curtain, Peter’s skin was like. Pulsating with light or something I have no idea. And there were these tubes or wires or something going in and out of his arms and possibly chest. Rene said something about how it’ll heal him possibly or something like that and pushed him into a bed that was where that first bed Peter was originally in should’ve been, but it was there all along so I have no idea how that happened

And then I woke up and remembered that 1) I needed to ask someone something, 2) I had this idea for a fic that I didn’t want to forget, and 3) another thing that I can’t remember for the life of me

And then I woke up for real

The end

#primatech #dream #i have no idea what happened throughout all of this #i was so confused oh my gosh #peter petrelli #nathan petrelli #those were the two main people so those are the only ones i want to mention idk #personal

[blankdblank]

Scotland Pt 13

Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3 - Pt 4 - Pt 5 - Pt 6 – Pt 7 - Pt 8 - Pt 9 - Pt 10 - Pt 11 - Pt 12 

This one’s gonna hurt. There’s fluff, but it’s going to hurt. Also added Jake Owen’s - Life of the Party - yet another random song insert but it works.

Tags - 

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @sweeticedtea, @ggbbhehe4455, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @abiwim​, @deepestfirefun, @evyiione,

@andiyholly you said you liked this series

…

Shifting his eyes over the group of actors around him, Aiden drew in a shaky breath at the remainder of the Dwarf cast that couldn’t make it to your celebration along with Ian Mckellen, Evangeline and Luke looking on at him curiously in the circle around him after his sharing the pictures he’d taken. Exhaling slowly he rubbed his forehead and steadily replied, “I’ve got a dinner thing tonight, but I’ll be on the first flight after, Love. Just hang tight and I’ll make sure you have the best trip imaginable.”

With a weak giggle you replied, “You really don’t have to do that.”

Furrowing his brows you could sense his playful glare forming through his deepening dimples over the phone as he replied, “Hey, nobody abandons my Sugar Muffin. So we’re just going to have a ball and make sure he regrets it!” Through your giggle his eyes shifted to the approaching woman bearing a clipboard as she spoke softly into her headset causing him to say, “Got to go on now Love, but I’ll let you know when I’m on my way. You’re still at Lee’s?”

“No, I’m at Colin’s family home. Plenty of room for you too, Steve’s on his way out as well.”

Aiden, “Good. Get some rest, I got some big plans already.”

After hanging up the group eyed him curiously as Luke asked, “Lee? Lee Pace, Lee?”

With a sigh Aiden mumbled, “Ya, that one. Really has a lot to learn about keeping his guests properly tended to.”

Evangaline, “So your girlfriend is staying with him?”

Inhaling quickly his words halted as they were being waved to head onto the stage, meeting her gaze again he replied, “She’s not my girlfriend, but if he won’t fix this soon, she won’t be his either.”

Raising her brows she followed with Luke right at her side and whispered, “I didn’t know he was seeing anyone.”

Luke leaned in to reply, “If he really abandoned her they won’t be together for long after this.” Gaining an agreeing nod from her as they rounded the corner and passed through the curtains onto the stage with growing smiles.

…

Curling your legs on the dining room chair under you your fingers inched the full plate of food closer to you as Corey, Colin’s Cousin smiled at you as he eyed your phone once you’d set it down asking, “Not Lee I take it?”

Shaking your head you replied, “Aiden Turner, he’s flying out after a dinner thing. He’s not too pleased with Lee either.”

Corey chuckled, “At least he’ll have more than just you to face when he gets back.”

Holding back your creeping tears you bit back the word ‘if’, and replied, “Seems the whole cast will be after him if he doesn’t.”

Corey sighed eyeing your downcast expression and said, “It’ll all be all right Deary.”

Through your creeping grin your eyes turned to the screen along the wall as it flicked on landing immediately on a news report about the Hobbit cast soon shifting into a story claiming confirmation of a relationship between you and Richard. Starting with old pictures from the year prior at the few events you had joined him in, including one of your first kiss drawing an audible gasp from you before it flashed to the pictures and video footage captured of you during your wedding preparation trip to London. 

The anchor sat with a creeping grin commenting on how adorable you seemed together as the woman beside her bore a slightly jealous flash in her eyes through her small smile while she wished you both well as the image of him resting at your side two days prior after your flight had landed. Through a soft whisper you drew Corey’s eye as you said, “Oh blast it all.”

Snorting at your head shaking he replied, “Lee should love that.”

Stabbing another piece of your breakfast you glanced back at the screen as they delved into your history and status before a flurry of more pictures of you that had been captured of the group through the celebration cropped from the larger groups to just you two including several of you both dancing with huge grins as countless message from online were brought up from his fans stating how perfect they thought the pair of you were together. 

Overall the messages bore a pleased tone as they all commented that he truly seemed happier than he seemed before he’d first been seen with you, a statement agreed to by all the actors that had met you at the few events you’d attended, including a small clip of cameras catching Lee’s Brother William walking Lee’s dogs and gave a very cheerful account of the night you spent with Richard including a confirmation of your spending the night in each other’s arms.

With a trembling lip you forced another bite of your meal into your mouth then mumbled through packed cheeks, “Well this can only go well.”

Snorting again Corey replied after a sip of his drink, “Lee’s going to have a very hard time getting through this one.”

Glancing at your pinging phone you unlocked it and watched as the notifications on your normally inactive social media pages racked up, opening each you skimmed through a few before setting it down again ignoring the constant pings. Clearing the table once your meal was through you sighed and stretched before Corey bumped your shoulder and said, “Have you tried paddle boarding?”

Shaking your head he smiled and said, “Go change and I’ll take you out.”

Softly giggling you returned to your usual room and changed into your swimsuit, a small black two piece with a pair of shorts over the bottoms as Corey changed into a fresh set of trunks, waiting by the back door for you to lead you out to the section of private beach you shared with the two other lavish mansions on either side of theirs. With a soft smile you accepted his hand as he led you onto the beach and out to the waters edge with the board and paddle in hand as your head turned at the group of people with cameras pointed at you both in the distance. Following your gaze he chuckled as you said, “Guess they found me.”

With another helping hand Corey eased you into place on the board and got on after you, taking you out far enough to be well out of sight from them and rested for a break as a car with flashing lights arrived, obviously the security coming to shoo the media away. Leaning back against his chest your eyes closed as your body relaxed in the warm sunlight for a short while until he spun you around and said, “Your turn to paddle.”

Giggling softly you stood and eased the paddle through the water as his hands helped keep you steady behind him until you both headed back to the shore. Tucking the board under his arm he chuckled at your bump into his side as you said, “Thank you.”

Resting his free arm across your shoulders he chuckled again, “Any time Deary.”

.

Back in your room again you took a short shower, dried and pulled on a loose tank top cut from an old shirt over your bra and short shorts, grabbing your phone checking for any messages only to find one from Graham, Adam and Dean, all finding the news burst hilarious and agreeing it should get Lee to react once he sees the news. 

Biting your lip you walked through the house to lounge on the hammock on the back porch, grabbing a glass tall neck of Mike’s Hard Lemonade only at the intriguing magenta shade and disinterest at the Corona Corey enjoyed so much. Stretching out your left leg curled under you as your right propped up as a soft breeze blew you into a gentle sway. Claiming a sip of your drink your fingers danced across the screen of your phone in a brief message to Richard only to smile again as your Twitter page pinged again with a tweet from Richard.

Biting your lip you opened the app and smiled as you read his words, “Breathtaking as always Darling. Enjoy your time at the beach, wish I could be there.” Trailing it with a winking emoji and a picture of him on the couch with a mug of cocoa in front of a rain coated window followed by, “If you get tired of the sun it’s cuddling weather here.”

Giggling again you bit your lip and drew in a steady breath before snapping a picture of you smiling, resting your drink on your stomach with a clear view of the beach beside you as a warm breeze blew your curls tighter around your face. Biting your lip again you added his account name and wrote back, “Tempting. Aiden promised to show me around for a bit, then I might drop by after. Can’t spend too long in the sun, rain keeps calling me back home.” Sending it off you switched back after spotting the little heart symbol pop up marking his response before your phone rang and his picture popped up again.

“Aiden called.” Exhaling lowly your skin coated with small bumps at his low grumble.

“Ya, I take it you caught the news as well, Handsome.”

Chuckling lowly Richard grinned widely as he replied in a cheeky tone urging you to picture his huge smirk, “Couldn’t help myself when I saw it. Might be a low blow but I couldn’t believe he didn’t make sure his schedule was clear before we left, I could have had you stay out here till after so you wouldn’t be alone.”

Settling back against the hammock you felt a small smile ease onto your face, “Steve’ll be out here by morning, Aiden’s flying out after his dinner thing, and I’m sure some of Steve’s friends at school out here will be along as well. They always make sure to drop in when we’re all in town.”

Sighing into the phone he settled deeper into his seat skimming through the pictures of the pair of you together on his open laptop on the couch beside his extended legs, “Any word on how long it’ll be?”

“Lee said a week, possibly two.” Lowering his mug he could almost sense your downcast gaze and dropping mood as you continued, “But his Brother said he barely spends a week at a time around home lately.”

“He does seem to hop around quite a bit.” In a cautious tone he asked, “Are you alright with that?”

Closing your eyes you inhaled shallowly feeling a tear rolling down your cheek from the deep sting in your chest, “I’m not really certain about it right now. I mean, you’re the first actor I’ve known really well, and your schedule’s a lot different than Lee’s so I’m not really certain of a middle ground on it yet, if that makes sense.”

Chuckling again he rumbled back, “I understand perfectly. There’s a lot of travel and distance involved depending on the part, and the managers as well. We all get it, so if you need to talk about it you’ve got a long list to draw from.” Through another chuckle he added, “Aiden replied to your message.”

“Really? What did he say?”

Chuckling again he replied, “Well he’s shirtless, and doing this modely pouting glare thing in some really short trunks with the message saying he’s picking out his best trunks for you, his Sugar Muffin. And he added some winks to the end of it.”

With a soft giggle you replied, “Oh this is going to be an interesting week.”

Chuckling again he added, “Just don’t forget to break out a few of your dresses as well. I mentioned to Aiden he should take you out dancing at least once.”

“Are all of you going to be like this? Flaunting me around to press it in deeper to Lee?”

“You weren’t there, but they all did the same with me after our arrangement broke.”

Giggling again you eyed the waves at your side and replied, “You should be in bed.”

“I’m relaxing on the couch, couldn’t sleep after I heard.”

“Get some sleep Rich. You need your rest.”

Sighing again he rose and carried his laptop back to his room setting it on his desk and plugged it in before shutting it off and put his empty mug in the sink and turned out the lights on his way to lie down, “Alright, let me know how it all goes.”

“I will keep you posted, Handsome.” Through his deepening grin at your using his nickname once again as you said your good nights and hung up. While once more he checked on your pictures together one last time before closing his eyes. Hanging up you switched to your Twitter again, allowing you to check on Aiden’s picture earning a laugh from you at the ridiculously exaggerated pout he had paired with an equally as ridiculous pose in those skimpy black trunks. Followed by Luke adding a few images of him in his tight trunks asking if he could tag along as well while the rest of the cast liking your pictures and sending some of their own about the weather they were having as well, all taking in the blaring absence of any word from Lee on any of his pages or messages.

Closing the app you rose from the hammock after the sun had set to cook yourself and Corey another meal before both heading to bed.

…

Morning came soon enough bringing a familiar weight across your back from Steve bringing a smile to your face as you woke and he shifted to hold you closer as you turned to snuggle against his chest stroking your hair as he repeated, “I’m right here.”

“Your flight go alright?”

“Very pleasant. Bit quiet on the jet, but got tons of rest, called the guys, they’ve settled on taking us to shopping, games and bowling today, up for it?”

Nodding your head you smiled and said, “Sounds like fun.”

In his thick arms you rested for a few more minutes before climbing out of bed and pulled on a tighter tank top and a pair of jeans over your heels, that Steve suggested you wear. Smirking back at him you packed your converse in your purse and slid your phone in your pocket after your smile dimmed slightly at the still unanswered message you’d sent to Lee asking about his flight before smiling again from the message Aiden had sent about his arrival that night and added a note that Luke was wishing to tag along though his week in town as well along with another from Richard on his way to work wishing you a great day. In a quick message back you replied asking for word if they needed a ride from the airport.

Reaching up you pulled your hair back into a ponytail and joined him outside to climb into the waiting set of jeeps with the guys all happily greeting you as Corey locked up and climbed in behind you as the tall blonde in the front seat moved to the back freeing the passenger seat for you with a laugh as you giggled at their group hug of a greeting before the blonde stated, “So, Derek’s at it again?”

Glancing at him you replied, “No, lucky me found a new Derek apparently.”

Blonde chuckled saying, “So, what’s with this Richard guy?”

“Good friends.”

His Brother started the car saying through a wide smirk and a thick Cockney accent, “Don’t know, looked pretty cozy.”

“We used to date, long distance wasn’t working then.”

Blonde, “You still living apart?”

“Six hour train ride to London, but it’s better than having to cross the pond to see him.”

His Brother said, “You should just date him then. World seems pleased with the pairing.”

Giggling softly you watched the scenery ignoring the appeal of the idea through the drive as more of their friends joined in in a small group of motorcycles. Grouping around the jeeps for the short drive that ended in the parking lot of a Main Event that was mostly abandoned at the early hour. Climbing out your hands lowered to adjust the top of your shirt over your cleavage from the seat belt as you watched the cars pulling in behind you packed with cameramen all exiting and capturing your brief wave before you locked your purse in the trunk and got drawn in the middle of the group flashing cheeky waves and grins of their own before turning to lead you inside. 

Trailing after you, they claimed their admission and chose a spot not far from your lanes snapping away as you enjoyed your few rounds of bowling before you joined the guys in a round of laser tag and then moved into the boardwalk section that filled with laughter and semi raucous jokes from you all in your mild competition to see who could win the most games before claiming the empty tables for some pizza as more people started pouring in. 

.

Standing up you all cleaned up your mess and eased the chairs back under the table to pass through the crowds back to your cars before they drove you straight over to a small set of shops you roamed through, each claiming your own set of clothes, shoes, hats and books from the second hand book shop next door.

Walking through the joint parking lot you led the men towards a frozen yogurt shop. Each of you filled your own cups and filled the tables outside leaving the tables inside open for the smaller groups of customers after you as your same joking conversation grew again. 

Glancing up as you rose to clean up once again you eyed the set of Harleys pulling up to the diner next door. Each of them removed their helmets as the car behind them let out a group of men with cameras while they searched for the person that had brought the large group of cameras already there. Settled on you they each looked you over wondering where they knew you from, with a glance of your own followed by a large smile they recognized you right away as you eyed them fresh from their long night shift of filming for Sons of Anarchy. They all removed their helmets and moved to cross your path as one of the guys in your group approached the blonde leading them and nodded his head at you, with a creeping smile crossing the distance towards you.

In a struggle against your blush you giggled under your breath and stopped before the tall smiling figure of Charlie Hunnam as he nearly purred out lowly in his natural British accent, “I hear you’re a fan.”

Nodding you replied trying your hardest to ignore his deepening dimples and practically glowing blue eyes as the others gathered behind him, out of habit at the stranger your accent pulled back as you answered. “Yes, one of my favorite shows.”

Deepening his smile he replied, “If you want you can pull out your phone and we can snap a picture. We could even sign something if you like.”

Through your chuckle you reached in your purse as you said, “I don’t do digital pictures for meeting my favorites.” Causing his brow to raise until he chuckled at your Polaroid camera you pulled out, “Bit old fashioned.”

Through his widening smile Charlie shifted as Steve claimed the camera and nudged you closer to the middle of their group as Ron Perlman eased his arm across your shoulders while Charlie’s looped across your lower back as Ron stated, “I knew there was something about you I’d like.”

Giggling softly you felt them all group around you tighter through the brief flash as the camera men stole pictures of their own. When you pulled apart and Charlie claimed the picture from you to sign the small blank journal with the scraped cover you’d bought from the second hand shop, that got passed around through the group then returned to you again. With another grin he asked, “Busy day?”

“We’re off to the house for a cookout.”

Corey bumped his elbow to yours saying, “You’re welcome to join if you like, right off the beach, tons to share.”

His eyes scanned over you as Tomy Flanagen rested his arm on Charlie’s shoulder and said in his thick accent, “No kidding. Live far?”

Shaking your head you replied, “Bout twenty minutes from here.”

After a glance over the group they all nodded and Ron said, “We’ll follow you then.”

Another nudge later you headed back to your vehicles and watched as the actors climbed on their bikes again and followed after you once they’d sent off messages to the female cast members that were going to meet them at the diner to tag along. A long line of cars and bikes filled the long curved driveway and the crowds followed after as you put your purchases away in your room and joined in on the preparations as the cast members looked around the main room and settled on the couches sipping on the drinks you offered as they snacked on the chips the guys poured out. 

Another closing of the front door the second jeep arrived with more supplies and earned pleased nods and smiles from the men as the women that had just arrived filed in claiming the empty spots. With a smile of your own you locked eyes with Katey Segal as she sat between Charlie and Ron giving you a shielded point as she quietly asked, “Isn’t she from the news?”

They both nodded and Ron replied, “Ran into her at the diner. Seems nice.”

Katey, “Don’t see the boyfriend though.” Scanning around the room as she spoke then turned to look at Charlie as he said, “He’s filming in London. Sounded like a good flim. Besides, he’s got a bunch of Hobbit appearances I bet.”

Katey, “Hobbit?”

Charlie nodded, “Plays Thorin, lead dwarf.”

Resting her head against her hand as her arm sat on the back of the couch she shifted to face him saying “You his fan or something?”

Charlie smirked back flashing her the screen of her phone with a link about you and Richard, “Seen him in a few things. Didn’t realize it was him in the Hobbit though.”

Ron leaned over seeing a cropped picture of Richard as Thorin only to give an approving hum as he said, “Hmm, he’d make a nice biker with that look.”

Turning their heads through their chuckles they spotted the first of the burgers being brought inside drawing all of them to the tables to claim the plates set out by your friends. The food brought out pleased hums from the guests as your groups mingled and you ended up across from Charlie, Ron Katey and her husband Kurt. With an upward glance after you finished your burger you tucked in your lower lip claiming the sauce still on it as Katey asked, “Your boyfriend out of town often?”

Through a smirk you sucked the sauce from your thumb and lowered your plate to your lap replying, “If you mean Richard, he’s actually my ex. Seeing someone else, we just got here from his visit to my home in Scotland, he invited me to his. But he got called away for work, so the guys are taking me out to keep me company.”

Charlie raised his brows asking, “He flew you out and then took off?”

You nodded and claimed a fry from your plate to nibble on as Katey said, “I’d have been so pissed.”

Kurt, “How long are you in town for?”

“Supposed to be for the month, but if his work runs long Richard offered me his spare room for a visit till I have to get back home.”

Ron, “Your guy’s alright with you hanging with your ex?”

“We’re friends, if he doesn’t trust me then I’m not the right person for him to be with.”

Charlie smirked at you as Kim Coates walked over and changed the subject allowing you to slip away for one of the mixed alcoholic lemonades and to put together another burger. Glancing up in the empty kitchen you flashed a smile at Charlie as he set his plate beside you and leaned on the counter flashing you a kind smile as he asked, “We didn’t upset you did we?”

Shaking your head you held your smile saying, “Nothing to be upset about.”

Nodding he replied, “Mhmm. I’d be pissed if I got abandoned somewhere, I know my lady would probably kill me if that happened with us. He call you yet at least?”

With a sigh you replied, “No. Not so much as an email.”

“Damn. No wonder you haven’t fought against the stories about you and your ex. You do seem cozy.” Flashing you the snuggling picture from the other day at the airport on his phone.

Chuckling softly you replied, “We, it was a long distance thing, so whenever we were in town together he took me to events. It wasn’t till after I moved back home from New York once we’d split up that we got to know each other better.”

Nodding, he reached in his pocket after forming his burger and asked, “Mind if I smoke, or is an outdoors thing?”

“It’d have to be outdoors.”

With a smile he led you outside with your food and drinks to sit in the outer courtyard, easing into the seat on your right at the tile coated table before you. Moments later a cigarette was fixed between his lips and lit as he raised a fry to say, “Take it your ex still cares for you or he wouldn’t be flirting online.”

Chuckling softly behind the hand covering your mouth as you swallowed and licked your lips you spied the other cast members that smoked coming outside to join you claiming the seats on the benches around you as you said, “They give each other a hard time.”

Looking to your left you glanced at the pack being offered to you and shook your head, taking another sip of your drink as the conversation shifted again through Charlie eyeing you curiously. 

.

Looking over again as the plates and cups were added to the sink you smiled at Maggie as she looked at the beach saying, “It’s so beautiful. Anybody else for a swim?”

Looking over the guys around you all glancing at you as Theo Rossi asked, “Mind if we leave our clothes up here?”

Nodding your head you replied, “Not a problem, I think we have enough spare trunks and shirts if you want them.”

A smirking line followed you into the large walk in closet attached to the laundry, one by one they stripped around you as the women claimed the ones you had as well or chose to strip to their underwear as you went upstairs to change and joined your group that once again mingled with them. 

A few hours after the pick up game of soccer your group started and the laps and soaking in the ocean they all trickled out returning home after leaving the used suits in the laundry room sink at your request after changing and giving you kind hugs after making sure to send you the pictures to your twitter account that they had taken of all of you through the visit between a few of them swapping numbers with you. 

Moving into the kitchen you adjusted your loose tank top over your shorts as your still slightly damp hair hung in a tightening braid down your back. Turning the corner you spotted Charlie finishing the last of his glass of water before adding his glass to the sink and drew out his phone asking with a kind smile, “I was wondering if I could get your number. We’ve got a group dinner thing in a couple days, and if you wanted to join in it’d be easier with your number.”

Chuckling weakly you punched it in and passed him his phone back and smiled as he moved to your side and snapped a picture of you both then sent it to you. With another smile as he took a step back he said, “You know, if you wanted to talk about it you have my number now.”

“I really am fine.”

Meeting your eyes with a disbelieving smile he replied, “I’ve watched you all night, you’ve got a nice mask but I can tell he hurt you.”

Exhaling softly you replied, “He wasn’t the first. More of a sting from that. Just another in a long line of bad choices. Thank you though.”

Sighing as he leaned on the counter again his eyes scanned over his face, “We’ll have a couple seats open for you if you want to bring some friends to the dinner. Tons of cameras there, and my girlfriend’s out of town so I’ll have a seat open at my side. Easy enough for a few pictures and the papers to forget about my girlfriend yet again. Nothing major mind, just a few arm across the back, kiss on the cheek maybe, smiles here and there, possibly a dance or two, press’ll eat it up.”

Rolling your eyes through another chuckle you led him back to the door saying, “What is it with you Brits and your competing jabs?”

Chuckling loudly he pulled on his jacket and flipped back his collar saying, “You’re more than worth the fight Dear.” Extending his arms with a chuckle as he caught your slight blush before he drew you in for a brief hug leaving a kiss on the top of your forehead, “Been a pleasure meeting you. Thank you for today. Look forward to seeing you at dinner, can’t wait to see the dress you pick for it to get at him.”

Resting your hand on the side of the door as he passed through he turned to shoot you a wink after you said, “Ride safe.”

“Ta, Dear. I’ll send you the details.” With a sigh you watched him mount his bike, pulling on his shades and helmet before starting it up and sending you a brief wave as he drove off.

Turning around your eyes dropped to your phone as you watched the hearts and comments rack up on Twitter from their fans liking the pictures they’d sent to you stirring up another round of messages from the Hobbit cast.

…

Finally at the last round of dishes you put away from the dishwasher you smiled at the guys returning from their restocking trip for your kitchens as Steve finished putting away the last round of swimsuits in the dryer as your phone chimed with an alert on your phone signaling your move to pull on shoes for the drive to the airport in the warm night air. With Steve behind the wheel you made great time and parked, waiting for Aiden after dropping off Corey at his gate, who finally came into view with a growing smile as he curled you in a tight hug, “Sugar Muffin!”

Giggling again you pecked him on the cheek and led him back to the car Corey had left you the keys for, “Come on smooth talker.”

With a chuckle of his own he trailed you and claimed the passenger seat as you climbed into the back, spending nearly the whole ride turned around to get the details of your trip so far before saying, “Alright, so I think a short nap when we get back then, I’m taking you to Disneyland.”

Through a giggle you replied, “Oh really?”

Nodding he smirked wider at you, “Yes. Disneyland tomorrow, then a dinner the following night. I’m going to show you the best platonic dates you could ever dream of.”

“Platonic dates?”

“Yes. You deserve to be shown around properly, and I’m going to dote on you the whole time, just as a date should. But respectfully though, no kisses past the cheek or forehead.”

Through your playfully narrowing eyes and matching smirk you asked, “Are you friendzoning me?”

With a quick nod he chuckled again, “Yes I am.”

Sighing through an eye roll you placed your hand on your chest causing his smile to grow, “Ouch.”

Chuckling again he added, “Besides, I have a suspicion if I didn’t, I’d fall madly for you, and I really don’t think Rich could handle another of us aiming for your heart.”

“Oh it’s terribly easy for people to fall for me, though it’s mostly as I walk away from them.”

Meeting your eyes he caught the flash of pain there as he gently patted your knee, “Not me. You’ll always have a place in my heart and I won’t be like the others you’ve dated. Only the best from me.”

Leaning forward you gently kissed his cheek again causing his smile to grow, “Finally, a champion for my heart.” Chuckling again his chin rested on the seat back as your conversation shifted once again for the remainder of the ride back.

…

With an open mouth he entered the mansion and giddily followed you for the brief tour and he and Steve settled at your sides in your room as you switched on the tv there. Relaxing back through the show playing you glanced at your phone pinging with new reports on stories about you under the arm of more than a few members of the cast playing it up that you were making friends on your vacation apart from Richard. 

All keeping your mind from the apparent heartbreak they assumed you to be feeling at the separation, along with a new breaking story of you being named as Aiden’s Sugar Muffin and locked in his tight embrace through your peck on his cheek. Resting against Steve’s shoulder as you drifted off Aiden’s body instinctively curled around your back in his own sleep as Steve took full advantage of the space on your bed he’d been granted.

Happily you woke snuggled in your warm pile that split for them to shower and change as you sat checking your phone and turned, uncurling your legs to swing and settle on the ground for your tear filled walk to your closet after yet another non responsive day from Lee. Wiping your cheeks you reminded yourself that Lee did mention he was out of service sometimes for work, but the unanswered email from you only added to the sting. 

Swiping once again you read through your other messages from the Hobbit cast and replied to Richard’s early morning message, late night for him, before he went off to bed, wishing you what he hoped to be another happy day for you now that he knew that Aiden was at your side to distract you.

.

Arm in arm securely in a fresh pair of jeans, your converse and another tank top you snuggled between Steve and Aiden through your day at Disneyland before heading off to the beach at your house once more. 

Waking early the following day to the siren from the security cars taking the cameramen snapping pictures of you curled against Aiden’s side, still in your swimsuits, with his hand planted firmly on your bare thigh laying across his lap and the other dangling from the swaying hammock you’d fallen asleep in waiting for the sunrise. Inhaling deeply you shared sleepy smiles and slipped inside to shower and change before forming another snuggling pile in your room dozing through the shows you let play on the big screen as Steve caught up with his friends allowing you both to rest and relax privately.

A chime from your phone drew you from your place as Aiden’s pillow to the message from Charlie, smirking again, you both went through your bags after primping. He buttoned and tucked in his dress shirt into his dark pants over his dress shoes and brushed his hair back after trimming his beard then headed out into the hall and froze at the tight black sleeveless tight dress reaching your knees with a slit up to your mid thigh and tall black and red heels with a few metal studded accents across the straps secured with a tight red ribbon. Meeting your eyes he chuckled awkwardly as he looked over your sleek eye makeup that made your eyes pop and the bright red lip stain covering your already tempting lips under your sleek smoothed back and loosely curled hair shifted from your springing curls now more towards a sleek 40’s style pinup appearance.

With a nervous look over your outfit you asked, “Too much?”

Shaking his head he let out another awkward chuckle saying , “Not at all. Just enough to knock him over.”

Through your creeping smile and faint blush your arm looped under his as he offered his arm with a proud smile of his own leading you to the car Steve pulled out from the driveway identical to the town cars that would be delivering the other guests. One by one heads turned as Aiden drew excited shrieks from a group of women gathered outside the club as the rest of the SoA cast turned curious at who he was until they spotted a familiar pair of legs flash into sight in the doorway drawing a flurry of flashes as you crossed them partially to cover yourself and rose to your feet accepting Aiden’s hand. 

Through the blinding wall you both stood for a group of pictures with large smiles before moving towards the club. Now at your side Charlie eased his hand gently across your upper back and nearly purred into your ear, “I don’t know what the fuck your Boyfriend was thinking, but after tonight and that outfit, he’s going to regret it.” Firing a wink at you and claiming you for a set of pictures as well, beaming brightly as his hand respectfully eased it’s way a bit lower on your hip after his hushed warning through the last few before raising it again and leading you and Aiden inside.

Squeezed into the booth you both spied the cameras milling through the room drawing Charlie and Aiden to take turns curling their arms around you as you sipped on your single bottle of water in the oddly glowing green glass against the lit candle nearby through the night. Trading turns the cast each claimed a dance with you making sure to lean in just a tad bit closer, catching on to the game Charlie and Aiden were playing with the cameramen, whenever they spoke to you. All through the night you were the main focus of their questions past the show, with all of them asking how you had made it into the party for the new series coming out soon only being answered vaguely with all the men commenting on how wonderful you were and that whoever you were seeing should count themselves impossibly lucky.

.

Exiting the club you smiled as Steve and his friend on his Harley were waiting there, having agreed to go for ice cream after with you. Once again Charlie took advantage of not having any other plans and tagged along on his own Harley. Following after and enjoying the dinner and dessert at your side that Steve’s friend enjoyed a couple beers after sliding you his keys. Through the meal you laughed and joked ignoring the cameras outside peering through the windows that grouped around you. And filmed the guys smiling as you eased off your heels and tied on your converse you pulled from your purse and eased a pair of jeans you drew out and wiggled into. 

Pulling them over your skirt before adding the extra flannel shirt Steve’s friend offered you after Steve grabbed your bag and followed you to the waiting Harley that you mounted as you pulled your hair into a low bun before adding the helmet and palmed the keys Steve’s friend passed you earlier. With a chuckle Aiden climbed on behind you enjoying the cushy back seat on the large bike with a grin whispering into your ear, “Never been on the back before, but I’ll ride bitch for you any time Love.” Pressing a kiss to your cheek.

You giggled through your fingers securing the helmet in place as Steve and his friend climbed into the car as Charlie called out, “You ride often?”

You nodded, “Got one just like this at home.” Causing his smile to grow watching as you kick started it after straightening it off the stand and led the way back to your house once again with Charlie and the car shortly behind you with the cameras not far behind them.

.

With the sunrise you found yourself back looking out over the water once again propped up at the edge of the steps on the back patio between Aiden and Charlie locked in a competition to see who could catch the most chocolate chips in your mouths left over from your large batch of chocolate chip pancakes you had made for breakfast. 

With large smiles you lounged feeling the sun coating you all until you headed inside to claim a nap, each in your own beds and Charlie snuggly in a set of sweats you loaned him along with your spare bed until you met up again at lunch. Which you shared before he curled you in yet another tight hug, pecking your cheek and left with yet another wave as you returned beck to your bed as Aiden followed and plopped down across your back once again through your next set of naps.

…

Days passed and more and more pictures were claimed of you being shown around town from parks to different clubs and restaurants mingling with your new friends, that soon included Luke who filled in for Aiden at a night out at a club for an event for a movie he was in that would be coming out soon. Happily learning more about you and avoiding the obvious question of what the hell Lee was thinking leaving a gorgeous woman like you alone at all as he took yet another glance at the large amount of men eyeing you in the figure hugging shimmering silver dress you’d chosen at its matching his grey suit.

Most of the night he nearly missed the creeping ache from his cheeks at the massive smile you drew from him and the rest of his table as you tried your damnest to ignore the pain of yet another day without direct word from Lee while press about him and his costars, including the jaw dropping Mike, were out nightly dining and partying together. 

Nights that he returned to his hotel and drunkenly spilled all the details to the obviously budding romance to you without a single word or question of how you were or felt. Staying under Luke’s careful watch until he slipped away to relieve himself making sure to leave you under the watchful eye of one of his female costars until he could return and curl his arm around your back once again to keep the other men away.

..

Once again tucked safely in the car with Steve being driven back to the house you watched the city pass by as once again one of your favorite songs, that seemed to be on loop on the radio all week, played once more.

Swore I was gonna tell em the truth

That was til everybody started asking 'bout you

And I didn’t know what to say

 Came up with some lame excuse

Why you were gone

Said you were gonna come later on

Planted a smile on my face

Like everything was okay

 I was hanging around, walk in the crowd

Everybody singing along to my songs

Taking my shots, throwing them back

Acting like you ain’t gone

 But I don’t want em to know I’m all alone

And I ain’t got nobody

I don’t want em to see I'm dying inside

So I guess I’ll be the life

Life of the party

 And then one of your friends

Came up and gave me a hug and asked me how we’ve been

I smiled and said we’re better than we’ve ever been

Well I don’t know why I had to lie

Guess I didn’t wanna tell her that you said goodbye

I couldn’t even look her in the eye

 So I kept on…

Hanging around, walk in the crowd

Everybody singing along to my songs

Taking my shots, throwing them back

Acting like you ain’t gone

 But I don’t want em to know I’m all alone

And I ain’t got nobody

I don’t want em to see I'm dying inside

So I guess I’ll be the life

Life of the party

 Everybody thinkin I’m feelin good

Everybody thinkin I’m havin a real good time

Don’t know the truth about you and I

So I’m hanging around, walk in the crowd

Everybody singing along to my songs

Taking my shots, throwing them back

Acting like you ain’t gone

 But I don’t want em to know I’m all alone

And I ain’t got nobody

I don’t want em to see I'm dying inside

 So I guess I’ll be the life

Life of the party

Life of the party

Life of the party

 So I guess I’ll be the life

Life of the party

 Swear I was gonna tell em the truth

But I didn’t know what to say

…

As you tears rolled down your cheeks after scrubbing off yet another night’s worth of makeup and curled up in bed you missed the phone echoing through Lee’s empty house leading to a short message bearing the voice of the caller. A sigh was all that was left on the message before the hang up causing the actor drunkenly draped across his bed after yet another night of flirting with the brunette he’d been locked nearly arm in arm with since their meeting up upon arrival. 

A full seven day week had gone by and edged into the start of the tenth before he snapped out of his love struck daze as his tipsy costar flashed him his phone in the club they were at and brought the slideshow of pictures of you out with your new friends leading to his return alone to his hotel room for a nights attempt at getting you to answer his calls.

Somewhere between midnight and sunrise he woke up with a pained groan, hung over in more ways than one, slowly forcing his body, that fought to collapse again to the bed, onto his knees. Twisting slowly he grabbed his ipad and linked with the wifi, hoping that the pictures were just something of a terrible nightmare.

Tapping slowly on the keys the words formed and brought up a flurry of pictures of your eventful vacation so far under the grip of countless men causing his heart to pound furiously. Turning again he claimed his phone only to se the email and text alerts, opening the texts first he mumbled, “What the fuck did I do?”

Each text message, that stopped on the ninth day, and his lack of a signal forcing his body to start to tremble as he read through the numerous links about you and Richard’s so called whirlwind nearly two year long romance as he spotted himself being cropped out of each picture. Opening his emails he spotted the first message on the first day and felt tears rolling down his cheeks at the vast difference between your first message and your last that simply read,

“Perhaps we weren’t exactly thinking the same thing two months ago. Had you mentioned a desire for something casual this could have gone much differently. I wish you and Mike the best in your future together. Your friend, Always, Jaqi.”

A catch in his throat formed as he fought a dry heave as his stomach lurched at the clear breakup note as his brows furrowed at the number on outgoing emails, something he never used his phone for except with you. Unable to hold his stomach any more he raced to the toilet shoving his head inside and staying there until he felt emptier than he had upon having to leave you alone in his home. 

Resting his back against the side of his tub his head rolled back as he let out a quiet sob through his body shaking from his flooding tears before instinctively curling forward resting his pounding forehead against his knees feeling his heart completely tearing in half as the latest in a long string of emails he had sent to you flooded about Mike ran back through his mind and sat open on the slowly dimming screen of his phone laying back on the hotel bed that was surrounded by empty beer and liquor bottles from his long stay. A habit he’d forced himself into, drowning back the urge to race back to the woman he was going to share the news of having so shamelessly fallen for so quickly on his trip back home only to have forced her so impossibly away from him.

Rinsed off and stripping from his alcohol and sweat stained suit from the night before he raced back to his bed trying just one more time to get you on his home phone after the same error message of your phone number not being able to be reached from his phone. A soft click perked up the slumped over giant into a panicked yet hopeful stance as he rapidly fired out, “Jaqi?!”

Through a wry chuckle Lee’s brows furrowed curiously until his Brother’s voice rang out, “No, it’s William, just grabbing your mail. Were you the one leaving all those hang up calls last night?”

Rubbing his throbbing head he eased to his side and said, “William, I need you to get Jaqi on the phone, I know she’s probably avoiding my calls-.”

“Um, What’s her number? I obviously don’t have it. Is there a text or something you want me to send her?”

Exhaling sharply Lee nearly growled out, “William, just put her on the phone, or have her call me when she gets back from her walk or whatever she’s doing!”

Furrowing his brows William fired back, “Lee, I think you got your wires crossed man, she left the day you did. Said she was going to stay with friends.”

His eyes shot open as his empty stomach lurched again through his panicked state, trying to remain calm he fought to keep his grip on the phone now shaking against his ear as he shakily asked, “Did she leave a number, address, anything?”

“Nope, just left. How much was the car you sent, I didn’t even think that new model of Bentley had come out yet.”

Inhaling again Lee rubbed his free hand over his eyes knowing who you’d called for the car, “I didn’t send it, her relatives did most likely. I gotta go, just, if she calls the house or you see her tell her to email me and that the service has been out on my phone since I got here.”

“Sure thing, are you alright?”

“Just, tired, I have to go.” Hanging up quickly he scrolled through his cell phone and dialed your home number mumbling, “Please, anybody, somebody pick up.”

Halfway through the chores and breaking to collect a spare bit of bucket missed earlier that one of the horses had broken earlier after Felienne had sent it flying after yet another day of being trapped inside due to the torrential downpour. Your Cousin tending the animals today walked to your house and slipped inside, making sure to remove his boots before entering before answering the phone. In a clear Scottish accent Lee’s heart picked up at the familiar voice answering, “Pear Residence, Larne speaking.”

Inhaling sharply Lee quickly said, “Larne, thank you for answering, You have Jaqi’s cell phone number correct?”

With a fumble in his pocket he drew out his phone and flipped it open saying, “Yes, just a moment and I’ll give it to you.”

“No, no Larne, my cell phone’s not in service where I’m staying and I hoped you might be able to pass on a message for me.”

With a nod Larne slid the pad and pen always rested beside the phone over before him and replied, “Alright, pad and pen ready.”

Through an anxious smile he passed on a message he hoped would be vague enough for Larne to transfer on without knowing the reason for it, claiming about the service and requesting that you please just meet him for a meal at his house and that he was going to be on the first flight out that day and he would call you when he landed. With another nod Larne promised to pass on the message and hung up after Lee’s fevered thanks before hanging up and showering. 

.

Shoving everything in his bag again he picked up as best as he could manage between his furiously brushing his teeth and gargling after yet another race to the toilet once his body somehow managed to find something to throw up. Packed and headed down for the lobby after a lengthy near shouting match with Richard that soon grew into a shouting conference call adding in Aiden as well leaving Lee with the final word that they would not be passing on any message after he’d been able to email you this whole time. 

Nearly growling he furiously pounded out a heartfelt plea to you describing everything that had happened from the three small bottles of whiskey he’d had on the flight over that grew into his foolish nearly constant flood of alcohol to numb his struggle of having to leave you and hoped you would read the email he sent once he gained a signal just outside his door to his room.

Raising his head as he flinched away from the hand that landed on his shoulder Lee’s eyes met Mike’s. The man with whom he’d spent many a night during the filming together with, sharing drinks and slipping through what he thought to be harmless flirting in the worst case until he had read his seemingly love stricken drunken thoughts he had so foolishly sent to you. Biting back his sneer and growl he plainly stated, “Not now Mike.”

Attempting to turn he let out a low grumble as Mike shifted to block his way, “Leaving so soon, what happened to our boat trip to Cabo we talked about last night?”

“I have to go. My Girlfriend’s waiting for me.”

Rolling his eyes Mike’s fingers rose to straighten Lee’s collar spiking an urge to shove the temptress of a man away from him, “And I’ve got a fiancé waiting for me. But doesn’t mean we can’t have a little harmless trip off on our own.”

Through a stern glare Mike’s eyes widened at the shift in the giant before him, “You have a fiancé? You never-, you have a fiancé and you still flirted with me?!”

Stepping back Mike said, “It’s not like you weren’t open to it. I mean you weren’t just on the receiving end of the little brushes and touches between smirks and stolen winks.”

Inhaling sharply Lee looked away then looked back with a fiery glare as he lowly replied, “From the minute I stepped off that Airplane I had a drink in my hand. I’ve been drowning myself because I had to leave her behind, and even before that, each night we spent through movies and parties never once was I sober, and never once did you mention any fiancé!” In a reach to stop Lee, Mike’s hand was brushed away as he sharply growled, “Don’t! Ever again!” Leaving the open mouthed man alone in the empty hallway to return to his room once the shock had left him with the closing of the elevator doors.

Finally in the gate waiting for his flight bars finally popped up and he eagerly dialed your number.

…

Alone on the beach just past sunset your eyes lowered to the phone in your hand after having spent the hour prior reading and rereading Lee’s email. Smiles from the photo curled in Lee’s arms drew another row of tears down your cheeks even against the numb feeling filling you as your finger tapped the green icon and raised the phone to your ear, blankly stating “Hey.”

In an eager tone Lee answered, “Jaqi! You got my messages?”

“Larne called, and I got all of your emails.”

“Jaqi I-..”

Cutting him off you continued in your same blank tone, “My battery’s nearly dead, when are you landing?”

“4 am back in LAX gate _.”

“I’ll see you then.”

“Jaqi, I..”

“You’re sorry, I know.” With another tear into his heart your sinking tone and wavering response nearly brought him to tears through his still raging hangover, “I’ll see you then. Bye.”

Before he could say anything you’d hung up he quietly whispered to his blackened screen, “I love you.” Pocketing the device he rubbed his face through another groan as he mumbled, “I am such a damned idiot…” 

Looking around and stood as his section called to be boarded, with another glance at his phone he promptly shut it off, ignoring the growing number of messages about the dinner party his manager was wishing for him to throw in his hotel suite he had just checked out of as soon as he confirmed that everything contractually required of him for appearances for his role were completed. 

Now he simply had to get back to you, just you and only you to fill the next two weeks he hoped to use to win back your trust and quite impossibly your heart. Under his breath he repeated, “Two weeks, I can do this.” 

Handing over his ticket and boarding the plane as you rose to your feet pocketing your fully charged phone and returning back to curl under Aiden, still on your bed where you had slipped out and left him. Clinging to the hope that his message was true and he’d simply missed you due to technical failures and his own drunken stupor had been the cause of your breaking heart.

Pt 14

#Lee Pace x Reader OC #Richard Armitage x Reader OC

[willelbyers]

My Hand in Yours

Summary: Five times Will held Mike’s hand and one time he really knew what it meant.

Pairings: Will/Mike, mentions of past/implied Mike/El

Notes: It’s a 5+1 fic, about 4,500 words, most characters are involved. There is a scene with the bullies and you can kind of imagine what they say, so fair warning

Hey, look at that, a byeler fanfic I already posted on Ao3 ages ago but didn’t on this lovely site! It’s linked here as well as written out under the cut. Hope you enjoy!

I.

“Will!”

His friends spilled in the doorway to his hospital room, and he felt his face light up despite the pain in his chest and stomach, the strong and overwhelming smell of antiseptic, and the tubes snaking around him. Dustin and Lucas looked rumpled and vaguely tired, like they’d been sleeping while waiting to be able to visit. Mike, on the other hand, looked like he hadn’t slept in days. But Mike, smiling one of his biggest smiles of all time, barreled right into his arms and buried his head into Will’s chest. Will felt the air leave his lungs, and it did hurt a little, but he didn’t care because he was home and this was Mike.

“Byers!” Mike laughed brightly, Lucas tumbling after him. Dustin pulled the other two boys off of Will so he could hug him himself. Jonathan chided them as he and Nancy walked in, telling them to go easy on him, but he saw him beaming and knew he wasn’t really mad, even if he did launch into a coughing fit as they told him about his funeral, Jennifer, and Troy.

“You okay?” Mike asked, nudging him cautiously as he regained his breath. Will stared up at him, slightly breathless, as he tried to figure out how to respond.

“It got me,” he said finally. “The Demogorgon.” He didn’t know how else to explain himself—the seven, he rolled a seven, and then the monster got him.

But Mike understood, because all he said was, “We know.” He grinned weakly, a dark curtain dropping down behind his eyes, Will’s own gaze tracking his face. “But it’s okay. It’s dead. We made a new friend. She stopped it. She saved us. But she’s gone now.” He stopped, biting his cheek.

Dustin took over. “Her name’s Eleven.”

Will frowned. “Like the number?” Because that was weird, but it also rang a bell.

“Well, we call her ‘El’ for short,” Lucas said fondly.

“She’s basically a wizard,” Dustin continued, eyes wide for dramatic effect.

Lucas grinned. “She has superpowers.”

“More like a Yoda,” Mike corrected Dustin.

“She flipped a van with her mind and these agents were trying to shoot us—”

“Yeah, it flipped over us—!”

“Then she squeezed the brains out and blood was pouring out of their faces…”

Will took it all in as they continued regaling him with stories of Eleven, eventually sorting themselves out into a proper storyline. To be honest, it was crazy, but not any more crazy than his past week. And when their parents came to collect them, they all fought to stay, saying they had more to tell him and that they couldn’t leave because Mom, it’s Will!

The argument only worked on Karen, and that was mostly because of Mike’s slight guilt-tripping and Nancy’s promise to stay there with Jonathan.

“It’ll be fine, Mom,” Will heard her tell Mrs. Wheeler after the Hendersons and Sinclairs had left. “I’ll be with Mike the whole time. Besides, you know that… thing… is gone.”

“I know Michael will be okay,” Mrs. Wheeler replied, and next to him, Mike started into full awareness and consciousness when he heard his full name. “It’s you, Nancy. With Barbara and everything—”

Nancy’s voice adopted a sharp edge. “I’m fine, Mom. Seriously, it’s fine. I’ll call you in the morning. Go make sure Holly and Dad are okay.”

“What happened to Nancy?” he asked Mike as Mrs. Wheeler’s voice faded.

Mike looked down at him, brow furrowed. “The Demogorgon got Barb, too. But unlike you, she’s not okay.”

Will knew Barb. She was sometimes over at the Wheeler’s house while Mike was holding campaigns, and she had always been nice to them. “Oh,” was all he could say.

Mike sent him a forced smile. “Yeah.” He hesitated for a moment. “Do you want me to finish the story?”

“Of course,” he replied. “You’re the best storyteller I know.”

Mike grinned, wrapping up the story with a few interjections from Jonathan and Nancy. He explained how they built the sensory deprivation tank to help El find him. He talked about Eleven killing the soldiers who were going to kill them, and how the Dr. Brenner guy from the labs had been attacked by the monster. He choked up as he described El pushing him back and vanishing. Dying.

When Nancy fell asleep in her chair, head on Jonathan’s shoulder, they brought their conversation down to a whisper—Will asking about Eleven and Mike supplying answers. Sometimes those answers came easy, but more often, they didn’t.

Jonathan crashed next, his own head lolling onto his chest as his breathing slowed. Will expected Mike to settle down to sleep, but he didn’t.

Just as he was about to tell Mike that it was okay to rest, Mike turned it around on him. “Are you not tired?”

Will wanted to avoid the question, but he knew he couldn’t, especially since he had Mike’s undivided attention. “Of course I am. But I can’t sleep. What about you?”

Mike gave him a look. “Says the boy who came back to life. No, really, I’m okay. It’s been rough the past week, I can handle one more day.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Will had to ask. “I had a funeral?”

“Yeah,” Mike said sullenly. “Your plot is still there. Jennifer Hayes came.”

“That’s… nice, I guess,” Will shrugged. “Good to know that people cared enough to come.”

“Well, you’re not dead, and I don’t plan on attending your funeral again,” Mike snapped suddenly.

“Whoa, Mikey,” Will said defensively, reverting to Mike’s childhood nickname in hopes of calming him. “I’m not planning on dying again anytime soon. I promise.”

Mike visibly relaxed. “Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” he assured. “Just… startled.”

“I’m sorry,” Mike repeated, insistent. “I just… when they pulled your ‘body’ out of the lake, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to do. And Troy…” he grit his teeth. “Troy said some nasty things about you at the assembly for you. He… he called you all these horrible things.” Will didn’t need to ask to know what words he meant; he’d heard it all before. “And he said he was glad you were dead.”

“Mike,” Will said softly, shifting so he could look Mike in the eyes, grabbing one of Mike’s hands with the hand free of tubes. “I’m still here. Nothing can change that. And I’m alive thanks to you.”

Mike stared down at their hands, and Will suddenly flushed, going to pull away. Then Mike wove their fingers together and said, “It really wasn’t me.”

And Will knew what he meant: he wanted to say, We’ll find her, but he didn’t want to tell a lie so he just squeezed Mike’s hand a little harder.

II.

Will Byers had always felt weak.

Three days after Christmas, 1983, he still felt that way, but when Lucas said, “Guys, my cousin sent me the perfect movie to watch tonight!” and produced a copy of Psycho, he made his decision.

Will Byers would not be weak ever again. Even if the only way he would prove it right now was by watching horror movies and not flinching. Unfortunately, his ordeal had made it impossible to get through even a half hour of Star Wars before the roaring of aliens overtook him. So a horror movie? No, the screaming itself did him in.

This time, however, he was determined. So thirty minutes later, he found himself bundled up in a sleeping bag in Mike’s basement trying not to tremble as the other three boys stared at the screen, glued to the inevitable jumpscare.

At one point, he let out the tiniest squeak—Dustin and Lucas didn't react, so Will was sure they didn’t hear. But Mike, sitting next to him, gave him a concerned look.

I’m fine, he mouthed, forcing himself to stay calm. Mike looked at him suspiciously for a moment longer before turning back to the screen.

Not ten minutes later, Will was suffocating in his sleeping bag, it suddenly feeling as stringy and sticky as the goo of the Upside Down. He clamped his mouth shut to shut in his terrified noises, but he shook against Mike’s side.

“Will,” Mike said quietly, head dipping down toward Will’s ear so his words didn’t go unheard. “You’re not okay.” But he didn’t say anything to Lucas and Dustin, because he seemed to understand that Will wanted to do this.

Instead, Mike’s hand found the zipper of his sleeping bag and pulled, loosening the grip on Will and freeing his hands.

“Thanks,” he muttered, suddenly clamming up again when someone screamed on-screen.

Mike shot him a concerned look and grabbed his hand, reeling him in closer to the bundle the other three boys had inadvertently formed. He didn’t release his hold on Will’s hand.

Will suddenly found it simultaneously easier and harder to breathe.

III.

He came to on the ground, staring up at the sky. Squinting against the sun, he was relieved when a figure stood above him and blocked the light. Then his heart plummeted when he realized who it was.

“Come look at the undead freak!” Troy shouted, kicking him in the side and drawing people’s attention. In moments, a small crowd surrounded them. “Look at the stupid queer, who fainted! For no reason whatsoever, too. That’s pathetic.”

Oh no, he realized. Oh no oh no nonononono…

Troy kicked him again, but Will couldn’t even curl up against the brutality because his muscles still felt like lead, heavy and weighted down. Several people looked like they wanted to step forward—his family had garnered a fair amount of sympathy in the last year. No one actually helped, though, because everyone knew how Troy’s fury had escalated since Mike (and El) had embarrassed him at the assembly. “Stop,” Will croaked out. “Stop.”

He knew what was about to happen—for the last three months, every time he had blacked out, once he woke back up the same thing happened. But it had never happened at school before. Once in front of his mom and his friends, but never in front of everyone.

“Troy, stop, please,” he insisted, regaining feeling in his hands.

“And the Boy Who Came Back To Life has been reduced to begging!” Troy laughed, nudging him with a toe. “How does that feel? Not so immortal now, huh? No weirdo girl to protect you or the other freaks, either.”

“Will!” someone shouted, face out of his line of vision. Whoever it was made Troy smirk. “Get away from him, you bastard! Get out of here! Let me through!”

Will knew the voice.

“Look at that, Byers,” Troy laughed. “Your boyfriend is here to protect you—if he can get through the crowd, anyway. Don’t worry, though. I’m going to kill you first.”

Will felt a smile involuntarily spread across his face. “I was about to say the same thing.”

The world exploded, and Will’s vision turned red. Seconds—or was it hours?—later, his senses returned, sight dim and ears ringing as he hunched forward on his knees.

“Will!” he heard someone vaguely shout. Mike. “Will!” Mike finally broke through the crowd, which had been thrown into chaos by whatever Will had done. As the people dispersed, Mike appeared into his line of vision, heading right to him. Max appeared as well, but she stayed back, shooing people away.

Will expected Mike to hesitate, or to step back before touching him, especially considering he had been there when it had happened before and had seen how that turned out. But Mike didn’t do that. He dropped to his knees beside Will and grabbed his hands, wrapping around them and holding tight.

Looking up at Mike, Will saw all sorts of things in his eyes: shock, hope, concern. No fear. No hate.

“Will, are you okay?” Mike let go of his hands for a moment to grab his shoulders, looking him over for injuries.

“I—yeah, I…” he trailed off. “Why aren’t you afraid?”

“Of you?” Mike grinned slightly, hands sliding down Will’s arms back to his hands. “Please. You’re my best friend, and no matter what you did to Troy, I know he deserved it.”

He shook his head. “I can’t control it, Mike. I can’t. I don’t know how she does it, I don’t know how I haven’t died yet, I can’t.”

Something alighted in Mike’s eyes at she, but he didn’t move away. If anything, he pressed even closer, pushing into Will’s personal space. “You can, Will. I know you can.”

A bubble of emotion was trapped in his chest—he couldn’t be sure which one, but it didn’t feel bad or wrong. So all he said was, “I’m trying, Mike. But I’m losing.” The bubble popped, leaving his chest empty and pressured. He wanted to win so badly. He wanted to live, to just be normal for once in his goddamn life. He could never be normal. His voice shook. “I’m losing.”

Mike shook his head adamantly. “I’m not losing you again, Will Byers. You promised me, remember?”

He stared up at him, pained. “I don’t know if I can keep that promise, Mike. I don’t know what’s happening, and I can’t stop it.”

“I broke a promise to El,” Mike said, squeezing his fingers. “You’re not breaking a promise to me. We’re going to figure this out. I promise.”

IV.

He woke up in a hospital.

“Hey, hey, bud,” Jonathan’s voice came from his right. “Easy. Do you remember what happened?”

“No,” he said.

“What do you last remember?” Jonathan pressed. When Will made an annoyed grumble, he tried, “This is important, Will. We have to make sure you don’t have brain damage.”

“I hate hospitals,” he muttered, shifting slightly. “Um. And I called you and Nancy and Steve because… because… I was with Mike and Lucas and Dustin and Max and…” His head suddenly snapped up, causing him to wince, but he shook it off. “El!”

The telekinetic girl was lying in a bed just a few feet to his right, Mike asleep in a chair between them. Her hair had grown out from her buzz cut enough to splay across her pillow. Her face was peaceful for once—no fear or confusion etched into her features. She looked pale, but otherwise okay.

“It’s been three days, and she hasn’t woken up yet,” Jonathan said quietly. “When you called me, we drove as fast as we could, but by the time we got there, the monster—”

“Thesselhydra.”

“—the Thesselhydra was gone and you two were passed out. Lucas tried CPR, because he apparently knows how to do that, while Dustin was his assistant, Max came to lead us to you, and Mike just freaked out,” Jonathan explained quietly. “Nancy was able to do a little more once we got there, but you, uh… you died twice on the way to the hospital.”

“Ouch,” Will said rubbing the space between his heart and his collarbone. “Feels like it, to be honest. But what about El?”

Jonathan took a breath. “She’s fine—”

“Well she’s obviously not!” Will whisper-yelled, causing Mike to stir a little but not wake.

“Seriously, she’s totally fine. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong. She’s just not waking up. We think her powers have something to do with it, but we can’t exactly tell them that!” Jonathan exclaimed, and Mike stirred again.

They were quiet for a moment before Jonathan said, “Everyone else is outside: Lucas, Dustin, Max, Nancy, Steve. Our parents have been taking shifts watching us. I sent Mom home a few hours ago to get some sleep. There are only two or three visitors at a time, depending on the hours, but Mike has been here whenever he could.” He sighed. “He hasn’t been home since this happened—his mom tried to drag him out, literally, but he wouldn’t go. I think he feels a little responsible, though for what exactly, Dustin and Lucas haven’t been able to tell me.”

“I… I need to think,” Will said, voice faltering. “Jonathan… can I get a few minutes alone, maybe?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jonathan nodded. “I can wake Mike, if you want, and get him out—”

“No, it’s fine,” Will replied. “From what you just said, he needs his sleep.” Jonathan nodded, frowning slightly before leaving. Then Will did exactly what he had told Jonathan not to do, leaning over to Mike and shaking his shoulder. “Mike! Mike, wake up!”

Mike almost fell out of his chair, but steadied himself at the last moment. Then he met Will’s gaze and jumped up. “You’re awake!” His hands shot out but stopped at the last minute, like he was afraid to move the various tubes on Will’s hands.

“No, no, help me up,” he insisted, pulling all the tubes he could out.

Mike stepped back, eyes wide at his actions. “Whoa, Will, I seriously wouldn’t—”

“I have to help El,” he said. “I can fix her, I know I can.”

“Will, wait,” Mike stopped him. “Will this hurt you? If it will, I can’t let you up.”

Will fell silent, staring at Eleven. She looked so frail, nothing like what he had gotten used to in recent days.

He had to fix this.

“No, I’ll be fine. Please, Mike.”

Mike grabbed his hands and pulled him onto his feet, brushing away the wires tangling around Will. A rush of dizziness washed over him, but Mike’s voice pulled him back. “Do your thing.”

Sending out a mental probe, he reached out to her… and he got feedback, like there was too much empty space. He jolted. “Okay, I know what’s wrong. Mike,” he said, glancing back at him. “Did Eleven do anything weird while we were fighting the monster?”

“Other than throwing the thing around with her mind?” Mike laughed humorlessly. “No.” He hesitated for a moment. “Well, actually… right at the end, she kind of pointed at you. Right after that, you disintegrated it and you both collapsed.”

“That’s why, then,” he said to himself. Seeing Mike’s confused look, he continued, “she must have transferred some of her powers to me, and she’s too drained.”

“But then why don’t you have… I dunno, extra power?” Mike asked. “You were out for three days.”

“Because I used the power to kill the monster,” Will realized. He reached out a hand, pushing Mike’s shoulder and urging him back. “And I also died twice. It’s fine. I can do this.”

“Will, I don’t—”

Blocking out Mike’s voice, Will closed his eyes, drawing energy from within. Holding out his hand, he let it hover over El’s motionless figure for a minute before pushing his hand down, an invisible force stopping his palm about an inch above her. The lights flickered, and Will bit his lip. Then the lights turned out, and the connection broke. The lights flickered back on as he stumbled back, crashing into Mike’s arms.

“Will!” Mike yelped, supporting him as he suddenly went limp.

“I think I did it,” Will remarked drowsily, struggling to stand up on his own again.

Mike rolled his eyes. “Then why isn’t she awake—ah!”

On cue, Eleven bolted upright, startling Mike. “Will,” she gasped, eyes frantic.

“I’m fine, El,” Will said sluggishly, regaining his footing as Mike grabbed his hand. “You did a really brave, really stupid thing, giving me your power.” He grinned. “Thank you.”

“He did give it back, though,” Mike said, regaining his composure and smiling at her.

“Mike,” she beamed back. “I’m happy you’re alive.”

Mike shook his head, and Will could see tears welling up in his eyes. “Likewise. I didn’t want to lose you again. Either of you.”

Then he squeezed Will’s hand, and Will felt like everything could be okay.

V.

“Goodnight, El,” Will called as he watched his sister (of two years, now!) walk inside. Lucas and Dustin left about an hour ago, wishing Will one last happy birthday before their parents drove them off. Max took off not long after, grabbing her skateboard and disappearing up the road.

“Yeah, night, El!” Mike added. The girl waved before closing the door, and then Mike turned to Will with an excited grin.

“I’m suddenly scared,” Will said jokingly. “You’ve got that look again.”

“I don’t have a look,” Mike protested, still smiling.

“Yes, you do,” Will insisted. “You get all smile-y and giggly and your eyebrow does this thing.” He poked Mike’s left eyebrow lightly. “You, Wheeler, have a look.”

“Fine,” Mike threw his hands up. “I have a look. But I also have a surprise. Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Will asked as Mike walked toward Castle Byers. “Not my own backyard, right? Because that’s not much of a surprise.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Mike rolled his eyes. “I’m just grabbing my bike.”

“Oh, should I get mine?”

“No, that’ll take too long. You can ride on the back of mine,” Mike suggested.

“Mike, we’re not twelve anymore,” Will said nervously, eyeing the bike as Mike lifted it. “I don’t know if we’ll fit.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t the same bike I had when I was twelve, either.”

“Oh, how could I forget?” Will laughed. “This is only the super amazing bike that your parents got you for your sixteenth birthday and you talked about it for weeks.”

“Hilarious, Byers,” Mike rolled his eyes again. “Get on.”

Complying, Will gripped Mike’s shoulders as the taller boy pedaled away from the Byers house, away from the road.

“You sure you know where you’re going?” Will said loudly over the wind.

“Yes, William,” Mike insisted. “And if I don’t, and we get lost, I brought my Supercom and we can just call Lucas or something.”

“Fine, Michael,” Will relented, lapsing into silence.

They rode on for a few minutes longer, then Mike abruptly swerved to a stop. “Sorry,” he apologized before Will could even say anything. “I wasn’t sure if this was it, but it is.”

Will hopped off the bike, Mike grabbing his hand to steady him. “So, what was the surprise?” he asked, fighting to keep his voice steady and ignore Mike’s hand in his.

Mike didn’t reply, just tugged at Will’s hand and pulled him forward. “Wait,” he said suddenly. “Close your eyes.”

“Mike,” Will sighed fondly, doing as he was told. Mike pulled him forward, then stopped. He hummed under his breath for a moment, sounding considerate, then let out a satisfied huff.

“Okay, Will, you can open your eyes now,” he said.

Will did so and his eyes widened. “Mike…” There was a clearing in the forest in front of them, grassy instead of bedraggled and gross, starlight beaming down.

“I found it last week,” Mike said softly, voice sounding a little shy. “I know it doesn’t really compare to the paints I got you, or Max’s skateboard, or Lucas’s pencils, or even Dustin’s book, but. I, uh, thought you’d like it.”

Will just gaped, trying to comprehend this. Mike Wheeler was doing all this for him. For him, Will Byers, the screw up, freak, whatever. Mike was doing this for him.

“So,” Mike said stutteringly, uncharacteristically nervous, “what do you think?”

“I think it’s beautiful,” Will said honestly, looking up at him, the starlight reflecting in his eyes and, god, he’s waxing the poetic or whatever Lucas calls it. So are you. “Thank you so much, Mike.”

Suddenly, Mike’s arms were wrapped around him and Will’s head was tucked comfortably in the crook of his neck. “Happy sixteenth, Will.” He pulled away and grabbed Will’s hand again, pulling him forward, and that’s when the pieces began to click in Will’s mind.

+1

“I missed you,” Mike mumbled into Will’s hair, curling into the smaller boy as Will struggled to sit up on his bed.

“It was one week, Mike,” Will laughed. “I was gone for one week to go work at a camp.”

“But it was a long, boring week for me,” Mike complained, sounding like his eight-year-old self for a moment.

El snickered from the doorway. “Wow, Mike, eighteen years old and can’t even go seven days without your boyfriend.”

“Shut up,” Mike blushed, grabbing one of Will’s pillows and burying his face in it, still trapping the Byers boy within an embrace.

El just shrugged. “Hey, I think it’s cute.”

“I also think it’s cute,” Will agreed, trying to free his arms, “and I definitely think you’re cute”

Mike grinned into the pillow while El groaned. “You’re so sappy,” she told them. “It is cute, but also gross. You’re so domestic.” She grinned wickedly as she emphasized the last word.

“We’re not domestic!” both boys exclaimed at the same time, as they did every time.

“Yes, you are,” Joyce called from the living room, and laughs—hers, Hopper’s, and Jonathan’s—subsequently rang out.

“Thanks, Mom!” Will shouted back.

Eleven laughed. “I’ll leave you guys to your reunion now. Jonathan and I are making dinner, and I invited Dustin, Lucas, and Max. Nancy said she and Steve might drop by, too. You’ve got maybe an hour.”

“Thanks, El,” Will smiled softly at his sister as she walked back down the hall, waving his hand to shut the door.

Mike shifted to make himself more comfortable, closing his eyes and burrowing into the blankets despite the hot summer weather and pulling Will down with him.

“Hey, Mr. Clingy, is there maybe another reason you’re hugging me so much?” Will asked, teasing but also genuinely concerned. Mike wasn’t usually this touchy.

“No reason,” Mike insisted, discarding the pillow. “I just really missed you.”

“Well, I missed you,” Will replied easily, and Mike shifted again, wrapping his arms around Will’s torso and making a contented noise. Will leaned back against the headboard, feeling Mike’s breathing start to slow, deep and even. He ran his fingers through Mike’s dark hair, smoothing out the tangles in the wavy mess. Mike mumbled something and reached up, gently taking hold of Will’s other hand.

“I can stop,” Will offered, but Mike shook his head and turned slightly, meeting Will’s gaze. Something in his eyes had shifted from the playfulness of before, and were instead open and soft.

“I love you,” Mike told him quietly, face so honest and vulnerable that Will was suddenly on the verge of tears. He’d heard the words before, but it hit him hard every time.

He swallowed the bubble of joy that threatened to pop in his throat and spill over in the form of happy tears. “I love you, too,” he said, smiling down at this beautiful boy who had chosen him above everyone else against all odds.

As if sensing his sentiment, Mike tilted his chin up, and Will complied with the silent signal with no complaints. Pulling Mike up into a sitting position, he drew their mouths together, one hand still in the other boy’s unruly hair, the other hand clasped between Mike’s.

Will closed his eyes as Mike pressed forward, crowding him against the headboard. “I love you,” he said again, and Mike repeated the words against his mouth. Will felt Mike’s hands squeeze his, and it had taken so long but this time, he knew what it meant.

And then they lived happily ever after! But seriously. They all deserve happiness.

the timeline:

i. basically an extension of the hospital scene (november 1983)

ii. three days after christmas, 1983

iii. first half of season 2, not long after the scene from the trailer where will has some vision as his friends and mom watch. late october/early november, 1984

iv. second half of season 2, after the defeat of the monster. november, 1984

v. will's sixteenth birthday, 1987

+1. summer of 1989. they're happy and safe, I insist!

comments are, as always, appreciated.

To be clear: this was written a while ago, before a lot of the trailers dropped, so it’s not really canon-compliant anymore. But still, I hope you enjoyed, check out more of my stuff on my Ao3!

~Logan

#stranger things #stranger things season 2 #byeler #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #eleven #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #jonathan byers #fanfic #nancy wheeler #fanfiction #long post #agh jeez i'm so nervous posting this here #idk tell me if you guys liked it because who knows!!! #logan writes stranger things stuff

[cosmosogler]

hawaii part 3

hmm yes it does appear that i left writing the journal off until 11:30. that was a mistake. i got distracted. it’s easier to not think about things than to think about things. it’s... easier to think about other things too.

reading my post yesterday in order to get my bearings i realized how much i dislike the way i “sound.” no wonder everyone treats me like a man baby.

the public beach was fine. i didn’t want to stand around at the hotel and play pokemon all day so i went to a beach with bigger waves with my brother, austin, thomas, dad, and uncle mike. the neighbors came too, later. everyone except me and uncle mike was out in the waves so i just sat in the shade in the soft dirt-sand and talked to mike about cook’s pines, which we had spotted at the very north end of the island. you could see out that far from this part of the beach. we also talked about pigeons since there were a lot of them. we talked a little bit about eve and how, when pounds want to get their animals adopted, they describe the animal using the most exotic breed in the mix. wiley is a “finnish spitz mix.” (look them up they’re super cute actually.) eve is a “greyhound mix,” even though mike said she acts way more like a black lab. he said they’re always skittish like she is. 

i couldn’t really argue with that. it is more exciting to say you have a half-greyhound than a half-black lab. and eve never shuts up when mike is around. she just howls and howls and runs away and howls from the other room even a little while after he’s gone. she’s done that since she was 3. i thought she would get used to him after a year or two, but i guess once she realized he was also her vet she kept a grudge. 

wiley likes him though.

i eventually stumbled out into the waves knee-deep to laugh at the boys and their boogie boards. i probably stood out in the sun for just a little too long. i had been upset that i’d forgotten the sun hat gramma bought for me... i dunno it’s just nice to stand with your feet in the ocean even if you’re not swimming. 

i didn’t stay out for too long though. i mostly had gotten up because my legs were falling asleep sitting in the dirt, and also because i had sat down less than a foot away from an anthill and dropped my shoes on top of it. i went back in the shade and talked to sierra a little bit and played some pokemon.

i don’t remember what we did for dinner after that. it’s kind of frustrating to go to dinners with my family. gramma and sharon heavily favor restaurants we are familiar with over restaurants that are good/are easier for 25% of us to eat at. ryan has the fatal peanut oil allergy, i’m vegetarian, my sister’s got a lot of dietary restrictions and is generally picky, austin’s not allowed to touch nuts since his brother’s so allergic. gramma can’t eat red meat but we go to steak houses all the time. thomas won’t eat anything but hot dogs and sometimes pizza.

the next day was the last day on maui. my sister, claudia, uncle dave, and i broke off from the group to go to the aquarium. i didn’t realize that my family wasn’t joining everyone else for lunch so i didn’t think to say goodbye to anyone when we left the hotel. that kind of sucked. the aquarium was nice though. i sent a lot of pictures with one-liners and snarky comments to asher. i also took a ton of videos, which i forgot to show him when we hung out today.

after that (and some shopping) my sister and i had to wait in the shopping center after dave took claudia back to the hotel. we waited for like 40 minutes for our family to pick us up. we had some ice cream. the car ride over to ihop sucked. it was just the worst. my parents would yell at each other, and then demand unreasonable things from my sister (who had siri open), and then when my sister would get irritated she would get yelled at for raising her voice. my mom and dad acted like she was SO unreasonable for being frustrated with them. “i’m just such-and-such,” they would say, like “just” doing something excuses you from being a dick. “i’m just sayin.”

i hate “i’m just sayin.” it’s dad’s trump card for when he wants to “win” an argument. because if you get mad when someone is “just sayin” words, because “just” saying is so different from “actually” saying, then you are unreasonable and you lose!!!

at ihop i was too sick to eat and my sister was too sick to eat. then about halfway through the meal my brother cried out and put his hands over his eye. i was worried he had gotten hot sauce in it (i noticed the bottle next to his elbow) and suggested washing it out in the bathroom. he and dad didn’t come back for a long time. after we finished eating we dug out my sister’s eye drops and mom basically shot his eye with a jet of saline. also a guy who may or may not have been a tourist was there. he gave me conflicting stories over the span of our conversation. i wanted to focus on my brother but there wasn’t really anything i could do and the guy was very interested in talking to my family.

so then we went to the airport, and i played pokemon while waiting for the plane, which was about 40 minutes late. then we got on the plane and i watched the sun go down and listened to less than a full elo album before we landed on oahu. when we collected our bags and got the rental car my brother complained that his eye still felt like someone was jamming a needle into it and it had been seven hours.

so mom decided it was a good idea to give him one of her oxycodone pills. 

i have some feelings about this. mostly confusion, because i don’t understand why mother would have those pills in the first place. she’s always so harsh when she judges dad’s mom because she’s “addicted to pain killers” and “stole grandpa’s medication before he died” and “complains to the doctor too much so he’ll keep refilling her prescriptions.”

but you know what? 

mom stole my pain killers, my vicodin, when i had my wisdom teeth out. i had to go like five days with just tylenol when my jaw still wasn’t healed enough for me to even eat solids. when i talked to dad about it one time, years ago now i think, he seemed to imply that that was just something she does. 

i’ve met people who are addicted to oxycodone. it’s not a fun time. where the hell is mom getting such a powerful drug? who the hell is giving it to her? she has migraines. but i looked it up just now and oxy is a TERRIBLE  choice for treating migraines. and also it’s super addictive. 

and also i’m a stickler for rules i guess and i was super irritated that mom broke the rules and gave a prescribed medicine to someone who it had not been prescribed to. a powerful one! and she said this might mean she couldn’t take him to the emergency room!

at 11 after we had gotten settled into our new hotel room mom and dad took him to the emergency room anyway. i hope she got in trouble. my brother was super stoned. on the way to the hotel he was asking me stuff like what my major was and where i was going to school. he also made sammie-level bad jokes and laughed at them.

mom complained that we shouldn’t have pushed her to give him one. even though no one had told her to... even my brother was like “i don’t care just do something” at the time. 

so that night i didn’t fall asleep until 1, after my brother got back from the er. he had debris stuck in his eye and it had scratched his cornea. 

i had a dream that the monster didn’t want to kill me. it was after some equipment i had. a while into the dream i realized that not only could i teleport myself (sometimes i can do that), i could send other things away too. actually it was easier to Send Things Away than to teleport myself, which required a lot of brute-forcing my imagination into believing i had taken a huge step forward, sometimes up a wall or through one, instead of just a normal walking step.

it’s literally the best way i’ve dealt with a monster in my dreams basically ever. anyone around me it wanted to hurt, maybe as punishment? send them away. after the machine i had? send it away. “sorry dude, better luck next time.”

there was a lot more to it but it’s hard to explain in words that make sense when put in a sentence together. i wish i dreamed less in fluid images or impressions and more in solid ones.

well, even the solid images don’t always make a lot of sense... they make sense to me, in a weird way, but i can’t figure out how to make it make sense for everyone else. and drawing them is like looking into an infinite fractal. i can never put as much detail on the paper as i saw in my head and then it looks bland and strange and not what i wanted to communicate.

the next day i woke up at like 10:30, which is the latest i ever woke up during the trip. i even turned my alarm off. i felt sick all day. my family left to get lunch and i just stayed in the room because it hurt. in the evening we went to my mom’s cousin’s anniversary house gathering party. this is the cousin my mom doesn’t even like very much, due to gay. 

i didn’t have much food. i mostly talked to my mom’s other cousin and her family, and caught up with some people i didn’t know. the meal was jewish chinese hawaiian. i liked the pasta salad.

by 9 i was too exhausted to talk to anyone any more. i found myself blinking even more owlishly at the host’s collection of mugs painted with the faces of what appeared to be american presidents. there were like 40 of them. i had laughed when i saw them the first time and said “it’s good to have a hobby.” i guess as i got more tired i wanted to say more, but had less to say. so i just looked at them a lot.

i don’t know what i did with all that time. i don’t know what i spent my evening doing. my family was watching a different movie on each tv in the hotel room. we had the two-room setup again, but my brother and i had separate beds this time. it was frustrating because my feet and ankles would get caught in the blanket tucked under the bed. it was too hard to kick the blankets loose so i felt pressed down and restricted and that made it really hard to fall asleep. i have enough trouble getting my arms and legs into comfortable positions while i’m up and about during the day. i spend all night fidgeting and adjusting my weight and yanking my pajama pants around trying to get them to sit right. this happens every night. i’m uncomfortable all the time. my legs just won’t sit right and it feels like if i just kicked or flexed them i could maybe jimmy them into better positions but it never happens. so when i sit i kick my feet around all the time. and when i sit with my hands or arms against a surface i knead at it trying to get my hands! into! the Correct! position!!!

the correct position probably doesn’t exist. i’ve never gotten there before. all i can do is try to loosen up my muscles a little bit so i stop feeling so strained and uncomfortable.

the last full day i spent laying around mostly. i went and looked at the baby seal and took pictures and sent them to asher. i found anny and sarah on the beach but my legs fell asleep while i was sitting under the umbrella with them so i got up and left. i was also getting sunburnt again. i found mom at the hotel restaurant so i got lunch with her even though i didn’t want to. i got a fancy drink with dragonfruit and mango and stuff. i told mom i wasn’t hungry at all but she talked me into a sandwich that was way too big for me to reasonably eat and also like 20 dollars. i barely managed half of it. i gave the other half to dad when he showed up.

then we went to the actual anniversary party at a fancy restaurant. i was too tired to interact with anyone so i sat with my brother and sister and tried to track down a glass of water. my brother ended up with three, mostly as a joke on my part.

this is the story as i understand it. my aunts have been together for 20 years. marriage was legalized between 3 and 4 years ago, and they got officially married a few weeks after the law passed. we were here to celebrate their “anniversary,” though it may have just been the best time of year for everyone to travel. there were a lot of cute and touching speeches. i always enjoy uncle len’s terrible, terrible poetry. it’s actually better than mine at least.

hmm, well, maybe they’re about the same quality now that i’m thinking about it.

the food was very interesting. i was told the chef said he would have something “interesting” for me since i think i was the only vegetarian. i got some kind of briny rice with like a creamy green sauce. it was topped with asparagus and some little tomato cubes. and also really spongy looking mushrooms. and a cracker made out of cheese. i think it was asiago.

it was ok. i was tolerating it pretty well until i picked up a big mushroom stump and tried to eat that. the effect was immediate. i near gagged on how spongy and salty it was. it tasted like the ocean. the last time i accidentally swallowed ocean (a few days previously) i had thrown up immediately. as had my brother. we’re cool like that.

after that i wasn’t interested in eating any more. i had some of the dessert but didn’t really enjoy it that much. i think if i was feeling better i would have liked it more.

don’t tell no one, but we had assigned seats. when i got over to the table with my brother and sister i saw that i was assigned next to dad. i swapped my name card with my second cousin’s so i could sit next to my brother instead.

there were three performing sisters supplying the party with music. they were pretty good! when they came over to our table and asked for requests i said “please god anything but over the rainbow” and they laughed. they played some songs that their mother wrote. but at the end they made us all hold hands and sway together and sing aloha oe. i was bummed about that, mostly because i didn’t want to be standing, partly because i didn’t know the words, and partly because i really didn’t want to hold hands with anyone.

i had a lot of trouble falling asleep at a reasonable hour that night. i had more dreams, and i was thinking about them the next day, but i don’t remember what they were any more. the ride to the airport was stressful. i was crammed in the back with all the suitcases and every time we made a sharp turn i’d get squashed or knocked in the face by the suitcase’s wheels. i ended up getting something like chocolate chalk on my fingers trying to buckle my seat belt and i was upset about that the whole ride.

i texted with asher for a while. i don’t think he was doing so hot but he heard me out which was nice of him. i was looking at a billboard while we were stopped at a gas station and i texted “it’s kind of surprising how little matters in life when you think about it.”

i’d been thinking about that for over a week at that point. so few things actually matter. i was trying to make a list and i could only really think of one thing. being able to see the sky matters.

i also said it was really a relief to look at something and say “screw it, i don’t care about this any more, i’m going to stop putting any effort into it.” because, like, it saves so much energy to not put effort into things you don’t care about! why waste your time on crap that doesn’t matter? 

i mean, sure, if you care about something, be tenacious as hell. but if it doesn’t matter? why am i still trying? why not try at something that does matter?

what i’m getting at here is that i don’t care about being friendly with dad any more. he never apologized or mentioned it or did anything. he barely looks at me. if being embarrassed or being the authority or whatever is more important to him than i am, then screw it! i don’t care! i don’t HAVE to care.

so that’s the hawaii lesson. you don’t have to care. you can choose to care, but you don’t have to.

on the flight back i did nothing but fish for bottle caps for basically six hours. i got up to use the restroom and i did doze for about 20 minutes at the start of the flight. 

it wasn’t really just fishing for bottle caps. i never just fish. that’s boring. i was listening to music and fishing for bottle caps on the side to keep my hands busy. i was barely even paying attention. i spent a lot of time thinking about random stuff. like animorphs, or doing a mental review of one of the comics i’m reading, or wondering about recent developments in another. i also spent actually more time than i should have wondering what the guy next to me was thinking. i mean i was playing what was clearly pokemon, but all i was doing was running back and forth and fishing up pokemon that i ran away from. 

i got nine bottle caps.

we landed around 10:30. baggage claim was normal amounts of crowded and stressful. dad missed the terminal’s curb when he drove over to pick us up and had to spent 10 minutes going all the way back around the airport to try again. it was over 100 degrees even though it was the middle of the night. the car was crammed the whole hour back. we decided to stop at carl’s jr for dinner at 11:30 and i got really sick from the grease. we got home at 12. i putzed around on the internet until 1:30, and then i took a really long time getting ready for bed because i felt disgusting and i wanted to wash off more than usual, and then i couldn’t fall asleep because my brother was screaming at the computer and stuff.

in the morning i went downstairs to go to my doctor’s appointment after sleeping for 5 and a half to 6 hours. after waiting for 10 minutes for dad to get ready to leave, i finally asked when we were heading out because i had no idea where this office was or how to get there. he leaned in real close to me and growled “i NEVER said i would take you ANYWHERE.”

the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#tw drugs #sammie gives up #im not the one with the drugs #dont worry about that

[thor4whore-blog]

“I’m Gay.”

“I’m Gay.”

It's August 2017. 

“I’m Gay”

I say this over and over in the mirror, until I can finally accept it as the truth. I’m doing the classic “ugly cry.” I’ve heard it said that the first person you actually have to come out to is yourself.  So now I’m ready to accept it. Or at least say it to myself. I say it over and over again. 10 minutes pass and its the only phrase I can say. Over and over. It’s the only thing I can think. I won’t take it back this time. Again and again. This changes everything.

“I’m Gay.”

I can’t remember the last time I woke up and was necessarily happy to actually wake up and be alive.  Not that I think there aren’t plenty of things I believe that I can offer the world. People are constantly telling me how happy I am and that my smile has made their day.  I like that. The idea that someone was having a bad day and I offered something as small as a smile and their day changed. It’s so easy. But there is so much pain and sadness hidden behind this smile.  I want to be happy too. But how can I be happy, truly happy, when there is something about me I’m ashamed of. Something I wish I wasn’t, but also knowing it’s what would make me happy. I want people to know, but I also don’t. It makes no sense. I just want to be normal.

“I’m Gay.”

This is not a world I imagined for myself.  It’s not a person I want to be. Hell, growing up I never thought I’d meet a gay person, let alone be one.  I want to be normal.  That’s what I’ve told myself behind these thoughts of other women in the past.  That’s not how you get the white picket fence.  I want the big wedding with all eyes on me.  I want the father daughter dance that I’ve been trying to perfectly pick since I was 10.  It’s not what people expect or want for you.  They want you to be normal. So for years, I do just that. I feel small, but I act normal.

“I’m Gay.”

I think about my family - my friends. This will change everything, but hopefully nothing at all.  But I know no matter how much they try - and the will definitely try because one thing I’ve always known is that I am loved. But things will change if they know. I’ll be the daughter/cousin/niece that no one is particularly happy to bring up. I’m now the “gay cousin” or “thats your gay niece right?”  As if that’s all I am.  My only describter. I’m more than that, but now I’m going to be the low-key awkward conversation at family parties. “Is Caitlin still with that girl? - no? - think she’s over that? - maybe find a boy?” I’ll be a topic of discussion.  Something I hate. My main descriptor - Gay.  

“I’m Gay.”

I think about that time in high school when all my friends were into RENT.  To this point I’d never had much of a draw to musicals, but they loved it so I rent it from Blockbuster on family movie night. My dad continues to say how he hated it. He hates musicals, and it was “so gay (cue vomit noise).” I agree with him and say, “yea it was so gay.” We laugh. I loved it though. I couldn’t understand how women kissed induced vomit.  To me it sounded nice. It seemed right. But it isn’t normal.  What I always long to be.

“I’m Gay.”

My friends and I have always been close.  We have a very unique friendship.  We’ve known each other so long - they think they know me.  I don’t want change, I hate change, but I’m sick of the secrets, lying to people I care about, just being sad all the time. Talking about dating and kissing guys, because that’s not what I want to do, but I do it regardless. I don’t want our “modelesque” backroom before we go out to change. I don’t want drunk conversations where we talk about our undying love for each other to change.  I hope they don’t. But they will. Or they won’t. I guess we’ll see.

“I’m Gay.”

I think about when I was in first grade and I told my mom I wanted to be a boy.  Not that I truly wanted to be a boy, but all I knew was boys liked girls and girls liked boys.  I liked girls. I wanted them to like me. I would often think to myself “If you do this or do that girls will like you because thats what girls like.” I wanted girls to like me the way they liked boys.  My mom cried and asked me to never say that again. I was her little girl. I never said it again. To be fair, I was confused. I did not want to actually be a boy.

“I’m Gay.”

I think back to my childhood and all they times I convinced myself I loved boys and couldn’t possibly be gay. I had a crush on Johnny in Pre K and Mike in kindergarten.  I can’t be gay? A natural attraction at a young age when you can’t control much, but can control your feelings. That was my only argument for not being gay. It wasn’t a good argument...

“I’m Gay.”

I think about when my best friend in third grade asked me to hold hands with her when we walked to class and how happy I felt, the feelings of a real first crush.  But girls don’t like girls. A confusing time.  She's just my best friend... Then in fourth grade when she was moving away and on her last day I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I felt those childish butterflies. Everyone thought is was cute. She laughed.  I did it a couple more times to “please the crowd,” but it was really for me.  So I could chase those butterflies.

“I’m Gay.” 

I think about when I’m in sixth grade and puberty is taking my class by storm. I decide I want to grow my hair longer because “boys like girls with long hair.”  All the girls wanted the the boys to like them.  I just wanted to fit in with the rest of the girls. Normal.

“I’m Gay.”

Eighth grade comes. I have my first kiss. My second. My third. Praying for the right boy to just kiss me and make all these confusing feelings go away.  The “oh you weren’t confused you just didn’t have the right boy” sort of feeling. None of those boys gave me the third grade butterflies. No boy ever has.

“I’m Gay.”

High school starts.  I’m at a new school with none of my friends.  It takes me a long time to make some.  The ones I make are awesome.  They make me laugh, we talk about boys, they stand up for me.  But, they also make homophobic comments. So so do I.  One of my friends makes a gay joke about me.  I say, “I’m not gay!” She says I know, “You're probably the straightest person here!” lol.

“I’m Gay.”

Sophomore year comes. A lot of the girls I play basketball with have actually come out. I honestly never thought I’d know a gay person in my life. Until high school.  That’s when these feelings kept creeping up. Is it normal? But at a catholic school, it was always frowned upon. I never say anything.  One day a boys asks me if I’m gay.  I say no, why would you say that.  He tells me because I hang out with all those gay girls. Do I look gay? I ask. Because at that time I only saw gay as the stereotype. He said no. I assure him I’m not.

“I’m Gay.”

Junior year. We’re waiting for our bus to take us to our softball game after school.  I look across my sea of teammates to a friend of mine.  She’s talking to someone and laughing.  I think about how pretty she is and I love her smile. My heart starts to race. I look away and listen to music, but the thoughts don’t escape me. To this day I can still picture her face and that smile in that exact moment.  

“I’m Gay.”

Sophomore year of college I start to fall for a girl I know.  No one knows about me. I’m meeting more gay people, but even the most “popular” ones still are a topic of conversation. I don’t want that. I won’t admit my feelings to myself either.  I write a poem of sorts about the girl and post it on a private tumblr. I need to put my feelings somewhere. I get a message from a random account essentially yelling at me about my feelings and life choices. I delete the account and throw the feelings deeper and deeper into the pit of my stomach.

“I’m Gay.”

I continue to suppress these feelings for the next couple years.  Senior year of college, I fall into a depression. All my close friends are away at school.  I’m living at home.  No one is ever home. I’m stuck in my head with thoughts I don’t want. A life I never imagined for myself.  I cry myself to sleep nightly.  Then one night, a different kind of night. It all came crashing down on me so hard.  I didn’t want to live anymore. I start to loudly cry in my bed. My mom comes in at 1:30 to see what was wrong. I tell her about my depression, but not my other feelings. Hiding who I am is a prime source to the sadness. But no one can know.  They’ll hate me. She cries she holds me. Not that I ever think I could possibly harm myself, but that night was the closest I have ever made that a reality. My mom saved me from myself that night.

“I’m Gay.”

My friends all come home for the summer, I have to do an extra semester. Being with them and the stressful last semester of school keeps my mind incredibly occupied. I don’t have time to even contemplate a love life, so I just don’t think about it. My friends, I believe, see me as a strong person, I don’t want that to fade. No one knows about that dreadful night except for me and my mom. Honestly, she’s probably forgotten since it seems so long ago.  One friend in particular, 100% saved me from that depression. She doesn’t know it.  I’ve never told her and probably never will, but after that night with my mom I didn’t know how much more energy I had left to give this world. I felt exhausted behind the lies and trying to be everything I’m not to please the ones around me. She is my best friend and unknowingly gave me a safe haven. I’ll always be in debt to her for that.

“I’m Gay.”

I’m at a Halloween party in 2013. My sister texted me a couple months ago that she’s pansexual. I had to look it up. I have a few drinks in me and tell my sister I’m bi, because being bi still gives my family a small glimmer of hope that I’ll end up with a man. On the car ride home she asks me questions on it that I never really thought about. So I take it back. I say maybe I was just confused about appreciating the female form. She tells me I’m straight. It’s never talked about again.

“I’m Gay.”

It’s Christmas time. I’d just graduated from school and my family from all over the country is coming to stay at my house for the holidays.  All things that normally excite me - give me a natural high. I find a youtube channel about a lesbian couple.  They regularly post videos and I watch every one. It helps me, but also brings me back to those feelings of depression.  I just want someone to know. I want to scream it - scream all the pain away. But if I do then people will know.  I’ll have “ruined” Christmas - the kind of Christmas we only get once every few years. I continue to watch their videos, seeing them happy, acting normal, wishing to be them. I cry a lot. I almost come clean to my sister. Instead I swallow the pain.  I never bring it up again, and in time the depression fades.

“I’m Gay.”

I’m now a post grad working 40+ hours/weeks at a minimum wage job. In my second year there, a new bartender is hired. I’m drawn to her.  I like talking to her, she's cool, confident, she gives me butterflies.  She has a boyfriend.  I still day dream about her, thinking maybe her boyfriend is a phase.  How ironic. Whenever she comes into work, I get shy and a huge dorky smile.  I real crush. An adult crush. I think constantly about dating her. But still won’t admit, even to myself of what I am. Because that’s not who I want to be. 

“I’m Gay.” 

I have a new job. There’s one coworker who makes the new job a little less stressful. I develop feelings for her.  I drive around in silence trying to decipher these feelings. I tell myself out loud for the first time, “I’m Gay.” Then I take it back. Again. 

“I’m Gay.”

Summer 2017 is beginning. All my friends are into the dating apps, tinder, bumble, coffee meets bagel, etc.  They tell me to make one, so I do.  About a week into it I change the options from men to be seen by both men and women, but whenever I’m going to go out with my friends I change it back to men. Like the default setting of my life. Just in case one of them opens the app and sees a female.  Creating questions I don’t want to answer.

“I’m Gay.”

There are a few girls that catch my attention, but I’m to afraid to swipe right because then it all becomes real.  What if we match? What if they want to meet? What if they’ve been out for years? What if they're only on their for hook ups? I’m not ready for that. Its scary. Whenever one would pop up, instead of swiping, because saying no was equally scary, I restarted the app. One night in a drunken motion, I open Bumble and a girl who I’ve seen many times, but restarted the app for, pops up.  I say fuck it.  And swipe right. It’s a match, I throw my phone.  It all just became real.  I decide I was going to ignore it. But she messages me in the morning and time is ticking for a response.

“I’m Gay.”

I get home from work and ask my sister if I could talk to her.  We go to my room and talk about stupid stuff for a minute.  Then she asks, “What did you want to talk to me about?” I want to puke, but I trust my sister and she will never treat me different. So with a smile I say, “I have a crush on someone and... (the longest pause of my life) it’s not a boy...”  She smiles, I begin to  cry.  It’s the first time I truly said it out loud and knew I meant it.  I like women. We talk a lot. I cry immensely. She cries. And then to get down to business I tell her about the girl from work and this new girl from Bumble that I want to message but I am scared. She tells me to just do it. And I do.  It took me over 20 minutes to perfectly word to her how I take my coffee. “Almost always iced with a little skim milk. How about you?” seriously. 20 minutes working on that gem. But now its all beginning.

“I’m Gay.”

We talk for like a week and she wants to meet up.  I overthink, get anxious, probably have a panic attack and decide somehow to never answer her again.  I think about it for the last 6 weeks.  She seemed so cool and I blew it. Because even though I’m out to myself (and my sister) I’m scared to come out.  Everything will change. I think I’m ready for the change, but the actions to get there paralyze me. So this is for anyone that I’m coming out to. I want you to know me - the real me, the paths I’ve taken, the internal struggles I’ve faced, and a secret world of fear inside my mind.

“I’m Gay.”

And I hope you love me all the same.