#mumbo my beloved what ????

[littlefoxwithbighat]

Grian: OK mumbo for the love of god be really careful resist the impulsive thoughts do NOT get on that strider. Do not do it. You cannot control it and you will get stranded and possibly drown when you dismount. I want you to be safe so do NOT get on the str-

Mumbo: *who got on the strider as soon as he realised it was a possible option* Grian this is your fault.

#secret life #secret life spoilers #trafficblr #life smp #life series #grian #mumbo jumbo #mumbo my beloved what ???? #Rare occassion where not only did Gri have the shared braincell he had borrowed Mumbos usual one as well #absolutely no thought great job lmao #also poor Grian he tried so hard to save him he was kept going over his inventory to make sure theres nothing else he would have done #Grian allies curse strikes again!

[rat-rosemary]

Okay so have you'll considered that the reason Grumbot isn't clingy towards Grian in the way he is to Mumbo is because no Grumbot ever existed in a world were Grian is not nearby?

Every single time, Grian is always the first person Grumbot sees when he gets online, so he has never missed him, because he's always there. There was never a moment in any of Grumbots' lives where he could not call out to one of his dads

#Grian #mumbo jumbo #grumbot #hermitcraft #i mean emperor grumbot could probably hear grian calling out to him on his final moments #he knew that his dad didn't abandon him #that he came back for him #that he tried to save him #also #grumbot misses mumbo we all know that #he wants his other dad back #but can you imagine what would happen if something happened to grian? #if the person who was always always there suddenly wasn't #THEN grumbot would go completely off the rails to get him back #grumbot my beloved

[logosbot-tm-fics]

Okay okay, I know that I probably shouldn't be sharing bookmarks, but I love to read through comments and bookmarks, they make me so happy and give me motivation to keep working on my fics (positive reinforcement ya know?)

And like-

I just have to share this bc:

LOOK!!!

LOOOOOOOOK!!!

!!!!!!!

THIS IS SO SWEET!!! Thank you so much???

I'm??? :D!!!

I mean, yeah, there will be smut in the future (in separate fics, tho, so ppl can easily skip it. If the smut has an impact on the main story, it is mentioned rather than a whole scene since I tend to find it jarring, and it sometimes loses the plot. (So I'm mostly doing for myself so I don't loose focus lol💀))

And yes, it was originally supposed to be a one-shot friends-to lovers, but the story got its own life, and I began writing angst, and uh yeah, now it's like this lmao-

Can't help writing stories, it's v fun!!! :D

The next chapter will pick up where the last chapter ended :P

Anyway, again thank you whoever you are :)))

Also!!! Shout out to my co-writer, they made the story so so good, and I enjoy reading through it as well. It flows so much better now and everything has a lot more emotion and feeling, and shit just feels like real, proper issues & feelings and it makes the entire thing hit the way it should. (I try my best but Jesus, they have a talent for developing scenes???)

So yeah!!! Glad you enjoyed :>>>

#bookmarks and comments my beloved #i try to respond to every comment bc I really really value them and makes writing fics a lot more fun #seeing that ppl enjoy what you write enough to comment means the world to me :) #grian #mumbo jumbo #grumbo #hermitblr #ariana griande #fanfic #tmtwf

[optical-eyes]

Silly little guy for a silly little new AU revolved around him being deeply involved with a deity

In all honesty this AU game from em needed to make an AU with Trans mumbo, and this ended up working so much I have so many ideas for lore omfg someone stop me please or ill never stop

#mumbo jumbo #grumbo #trafficshipping #hermitcraft mumbo #hermitcraft #hermitshipping #transmasc #gacha life 2 #gacha games #gacha club #gacha community #hc mumbo #mumbo kills a lot jumbo #mumbo my beloved #mumbojumbo #waffle duo #i love mumbo jumbo #mumbo could never do wrong idc what anyone every thinks #mumbo jumbo is literally amazing

[scribbling-dragon]

This is not SL specific, but- I needed to get this out into the world. I’ve got way more where this came from if you want more rambles from me!

Let’s start with my hybrid Mumbo head cannon: I think he’s a fairy-cat, like some character made by a 6 year old. I just love the idea of this lanky anxious man having these delicate little fairy wings. I also like the idea that people mistake him for being a vampire because of his fangs and use of magic. He hides his hybrid features for the most part because of some bad past experiences. So- people think he’s a vampire. And Mumbo is okay to let them believe that (even if he’s actually quite squeamish and he hurts at the fact that people tend to be scared of him). So just like all the other hermits, he subverts expectations.

My follow up to that: Is that because of Mumbo’s bad experiences, he’s actually quite ashamed of his hybrid nature. Naturally, Xisuma knew because Hermitcraft is hybrids only. So when Mumbo first joins, and he’s got his features hidden, X is surprised. He doesn’t say anything in front of the other’s, but he does pull Mumbo aside. He asks if anything was wrong and Mumbo just says he doesn’t like for people to know exactly what he is until he get’s to know them. He’s more than comfortable by the end of his first season (though he still hides away when new players join). Fast forward to the very start of season 6, where Mumbo isn’t hiding anything, and the group is more than a little confused. What’s even more shocking, is that the small parrot avian no one was familiar with, marched right up to Mumbo with a happy chirp and pulled the man into a hug. One that Mumbo started purring into. No one had heard Mumbo purr before. At least not on purpose. So the moment was very sweet.

(If you add the fact that this would be the first time Grian had initiated affectionate touch since his escape from the Watcher’s, it becomes all the more adorable. Though no one would find out about all of that until much later)

In the present day, Mumbo still doesn’t purr often. So it absolutely elates Grian when he does. Scar also get’s pretty excited, because it shows just how comfortable Mumbo is when it’s just the three of them.

I can’t believe I put that much thought into this 😅

(This is your fault by the way “let’s be insane together” they said “it’ll be fun” they said. I hope it was! ♥️)

i'd never even considered the thought of any character with "character made by a six-year-old" traits, but it's fantastic hjdshjsk

key question from me: would the wings be proportionately sized, or would they be ridiculously tiny, and look as though they wouldn't be able to hold any weight? like. this six-foot something man wearing a suit approaches you, and he's got this tiny pair of wings hjdshjsk

these rambles are most certainly welcome! i love seeing stuff like this in my inbox <3 especially if it gives me more opportunity to talk about headcanons hjkshjk (i have put FAR too much thought into biological adaptations of tango/netherborn creatures)

#i don't really have anything else to add to this because it's all fantastic hdsjhsjk #i feel like adding anything would just be repeating what has already been said! #grian and mumbo's friendship my beloved. so incredibly glad he's back for another life series <33 #(let's see how quickly grian can kill him this time hdsjhsjk) #asks #briar-rose-cosplays

[coffit0]

How to draw this loser

#I've come here to share my pains and sorrows (cant draw shadow the hedgehog. current blorbo) #how do i achieve the power to draw sonic characters gawd #anyway *cof cof* may I officially share my most beloved scrunkle (I've been going insane about him in the last three weeks. help) #if you follow my alt blog. well first of all im so sorry. second of all IM SO FOND TO HIM AHHHHH #also. unrelated. his color pallette and mumbo jumbos collor pallette are similar (red and black) #so. what can we do with this information #this is kinda weird bc I usually never talk this much on the art blog 😳 awooga anyway this is my weakest moment.

[duckmumbo]

tell us about plant powers mumbo if you have any specific thoughts!! -mnd

I have so many thoughts you don’t even know

- I think Mumbo spent more time in the s8 world than the actual irl break was. There’s the almost 3 months that the actual break took place, but in my au I think Mumbo tried for the first month or so to contact them through his communicator, but he couldn’t reach them (bc void interference) so after a while he gave up and either lost it or broke it in a fit of rage. He spends the next two months trying to figure out a way off of the server, but he can’t leave because a part of him is still so reluctant to leave since as far as he knows, he’s the only hermit still alive, and he doesn’t want to know if that’s true or not, so the plants don’t let him leave.

Meanwhile, on the s9 server, boatem has arrived and they’re frantically trying to convince the hermits with admin powers to let them go back to the s8 world to see if mumbo’s still there, but they don’t let them go for at least another month because plot and safety concerns. Eventually, they get to go, and they bring Mumbo back and they all live mostly happily ever after <3

- When the moon crashed into s8 with Mumbo still on it, he panic grew a giant canopy of trees to protect him (think that scene in guardians of the galaxy when Groot sacrifices himself to save everyone else). It works, but he can’t figure out how to get them to go back, so this means he spends the next 3 months living with no lighting other than the torches and lanterns left behind by the hermits and some giant glowberry vines that he grew

This also means that when he gets to s9, he’s not at all used to the sun anymore, and he ends up taking refuge in Scar’s tree because it’s darker in there and he can’t relax if he’s not surrounded on all sides by the humming of plant life

- His vault. His main regret after s8 is spending so much time on the Mooners that he never thought to prepare for the worst, to have a safe place for his family friends to go if worse came to worst. So he builds a vault. He hides behind jokes of being the richest hermit, behind saying that nobody is allowed to enter the vault and it’s for his eyes only, but really he’s preparing a huge underground bunker for them to ride out anything he can possibly think of. It starts out as just for the members of boatem with his starter base, but then as he settles in more and spends more time with the other hermits he starts to draw up plans for a bigger one, one that all the hermits could fit in comfortably with room to spare

- I’ve been seeing a lot of aus recently where people invade hermitcraft and attack them (shoutout to test tube Zedaph au it’s a major source of brainrot right now), so I think Mumbo would also worry about that alongside the rest of his doomsday preparations. He sets up an elaborate network of modified plant seeds underground, including stuff like buffed wither roses, Venus fly traps, and other dangerous plants (shoutout to the Stepping Stones series on ao3 and how they wrote Tubbo with plant powers for the inspo for this) that are just lying dormant, waiting for him to activate it and let them grow in case of people coming to hermitcraft to hurt them.

- I’ve just realized there’s a bit of a plot hole with Bdubs and some other hermits canonically still being on the s8 world when the moon hit so I’m just gonna say the other hermits weren’t going to let this happen so they forced them to leave with everyone else. No hermit left behind (except mumbo but that’s not his fault) <3

#me making that last post: yeah I wanna talk about it but idk what I feel like I need a jumping off point or something #me getting this ask and it unlocking my brain somehow: haha words go brr #thanks for the ask hope this was what you wanted gksbkfbdjf #roy talks #peace love and even more plants au #answered #mnd my beloved #I’ve just decided you get a tag #mumbo #hermitcraft

[nightshadeowl]

Mumbo Jumbo my beloved

#HE'S JUST #his personality is a ferret. he's not a ferret but the way he speaks is. y'know what i mean? #passenger status #mumbo jumbo my beloved...

[good-chimes]

THE DIVORCE OF THE CENTURY

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS BETWEEN GRIAN AND GOODTIMESWITHSCAR, DAY 1:

His Hon. Judge BdoubleO100: Silence in the court!

[Court is not silent]

His Hon. Judge Bdubs: Silence in the COURT! I can have you all HANGED!

[The court falls as silent as is possible with a dozen Hermits present]

Judge Bdubs: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today—

Cleo: Ahem.

Judge Bdubs: WHAT?

Cleo: That’s for weddings, Bdubs. We’re not doing a wedding. In fact, if you think about it, this is about as far away from a wedding as you can get.

Judge Bdubs: Fine fine FINE. Dearly beloathed, we have all been dragged here today because SOME PEOPLE can’t get ALONG. Grian, step forward!

Grian: Do I— is this the podium for witnesses? Who built this and why did they make it out of nothing but trapdoors? So. Okay. I’m filing for divorce.

Scar: Wait, I thought I was filing for divorce.

Judge Bdubs: LET THE DEFENDANT SPEAK.

Ren: Bdubs, my man, that’s the petitioner. The court hasn’t accused Grian of any crimes.

Cleo: [darkly] Yet.

Grian: I haven’t done any crimes! I’m filing for divorce from Scar, obviously. As my lawyer will tell you—

Judge Bdubs: Do you have a lawyer?

Grian: Yes, your Honor. This is my defense lawyer Mumbo Jumbo Esq. [Waggles a hand behind his back and hisses] Mumbo!

Judge Bdubs: Mumbo’s your defense lawyer? Aren’t you supposed to have a divorce lawyer?

Mumbo: [steps forward and bows nervously] Well, I’ve never divorced anyone, but I have got a lot of experience in defending, er, mainly myself, come to think of it, and also my valuables. From Grian, as a matter of fact. So I think I’ll stick with ‘defense lawyer’ if that’s alright with the court, thank you. 

Judge Bdubs: [leans aside to confer with Cleo] Is that alright with the court? Ask Joe.

[Court Scribe JoeHills confirms this is probably alright with the court]

Judge Bdubs: Good, good, next! Scar, do you have a lawyer?

Scar: Oh, absolutely. My lawyer is this cat I found outside.

Judge Bdubs: Not Jellie?

Scar: Jellie doesn’t believe we’re really divorcing and wouldn’t come.

Judge Bdubs: Is this cat a qualified divorce lawyer?

Scar: She’s a—let me look at those markings—she’s clearly a personal injury attorney.

Cleo: Have you been personally injured, Scar?

Scar: Why, thank you for asking, I have. My feelings have been very hurt!

Ren: Uh, Bdubs, maybe the court should establish some facts. Why they’re divorcing, what the court can do for them, that sort of thing.

Judge Bdubs: YES. Let’s start with the facts. Now, we all know why you and Scar got married in the first place. Don’t stand there and make that innocent face at me, Grian, I know all the secrets. You got married because Etho and I had the WEDDING OF THE CENTURY last month and you were JEALOUS—no, don’t talk, THE JUDGE IS TALKING—you were jealous of us. [aside] Bdubs and Etho had the wedding of the century, Joe, are you writing this down?

Court Scribe JoeHills: Yep, your Honor, I’ve written that down.

Grian: It wasn’t that good.

Judge Bdubs: YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

Grian: Etho had his bouquet wrapped in a Kleenex box.

Scar: [sentimentally] Don’t you listen to him, Bdubs, I thought the flower arch was lovely.

Judge Bdubs: Thank you, Scar! I—

Cleo: You can’t find in favor of Scar because he said something nice about your own wedding decorations.

Judge Bdubs: [with dignity] —was NOT going to do that. Ahem. So, you and Scar got married because you were jealous—

Grian: We didn’t! It wasn’t like that!

Judge Bdubs: —and now you want to get divorced. Why?

[At this point Petitioner Grian and Petitioner Scar, who have been studiously avoiding each other’s gazes, appear to lock eyes by accident. They both jerk away like they’ve touched a blaze rod. Grian immediately swivels to face the bench, and this scribe has to note that at normal times Grian’s stare is disconcertingly like two soulless voids looking back at you, so it’s even worse when he’s attempting a poker face. Scar becomes very interested in his cat defense lawyer and doesn’t look at Grian at all.]

Grian: The thing is, you see, this marriage was a scam from the start.

*

EVIDENCE #1

[Dramatization by Court Scribe from participant testimony]

One month previously, a note landed in Scar’s bedroom attached to a firework rocket with a red bow and rose. This was very romantic, or at least it would have been romantic if the rocket hadn’t lodged in the rafters and set itself and a chunk of the surrounding wall on fire, but in any case it was clearly Grian making an effort, so Scar deciphered the coordinates scribbled on the charred note and set off to find out what was going on.

They pointed to a spot in the middle of nowhere. In Scar’s long experience of Grian, this meant an equal chance that they were going to make out or he was going to get inventively murdered, but this was always a gamble worth the odds.

But when he arrived, on a green hill in a quiet spot of the server, it was neither. The top of the hill had been leveled off and covered with birch wood, on which Grian was industriously spelling out something with white wool, though Scar couldn’t make out the words from his low angle of approach. Grian stopped when he spotted Scar and launched up to meet him. His wings beat so fast they were nearly vibrating.

“Scar,” Grian said, “Scar.” His grin was one of a cat who had stolen not only the cream, but the milk, the cow, and everyone else’s cows for good measure. “Scar, I’ve had an idea.”

This was clearly a planning-a-prank type of meeting, which probably meant no making out, but Grian’s pranks were not to be missed. “I’m in,” Scar said. “Do we get fancy costumes? I want a fancy costume.”

“No, Scar, that’s not the point—wait, yes, actually.” Grian angled his wings to carve tight spirals around Scar’s coasting flight, always a sign of excitement, and nudged the angle of their joint descent to land on top of the white wool scrawls. “Yes, fancy costumes are a big part of it, but that’s not—listen, this is my big gesture. Just look down.”

Scar looked down. The wool said, WILL YOU MARR.

“I ran out of wool,” Grian said. He flapped a hand. “Just because it’s a big gesture doesn’t mean it has to be finished.”

“What was it supposed to say?” Scar said innocently.

“Scar!” Grian shifted from foot to foot when he got agitated, which was always funny. “Fine! Okay! Stand there.”

The hidden trapdoor beneath their feet gave way as Grian pressed a switch. Scar yelped for form’s sake, but nothing exploded, and the only thing at the bottom of their tumbled slide was an underground bunker.

It had a table, and two chairs, and a huge corkboard on the otherwise blank walls. Grian had always had a thing for bunkers.

“This,” Grian said, with a flourish, “is the Wedding War Room.”

Scar looked around the bunker and asked the important question. “Are you going to decorate it?”

“Am I going to—no, listen, that’s not the point either. You can decorate it, if you want. The point is, you know how Bdubs and Etho got married?”

“It was beautiful,” Scar agreed immediately. “That wedding chapel? Incredible, honestly, Bdubs is a true artist. Oh! Remember the part where Etho put a river of lava through the chapel roof and glitched it into a heart?”

“Okay, but, you know what Bdubs and Etho got?

“Eternal happiness?”

“Scar.”

“No, what?”

“Bdubs and Etho got royal diamonds,” Grian said impressively. “From the vault.”

“Are they still royal diamonds if Ren’s not king anymore?” Scar said. “I thought we blew up the vault, anyway. You blew it up. I was there.”

“Do you pay any attention to anything that’s not Scarland?” Grian said. “Mumbo didn’t know what to do with the diamonds so he and Iskall built a new vault. I think Mumbo and Iskall and Impulse are the only ones who really know how to get into it. Anyway, everyone got so warm and fuzzy about Bdubs and Etho’s wedding that they all decided to open the vault up and just gave them diamonds.”

“Free diamonds?” Scar said thoughtfully.

“Free diamonds!” Grian’s eyes glittered. “Think of that vault. Stacks on stacks on stacks of diamonds. Thousands of diamonds! We could have some of those, for nothing, just by saying some words. And that’s not even mentioning the wedding presents! We’re out here spending days and days grinding resources and stocking our shops when we could be swimming in it! That could be us, Scar.” Scar had entirely forgotten the lack of interior decorations; he always did, when Grian got on a roll as mesmerizing as this.“And so,” Grian took a deep breath and held out his hand, “Scar, will you marry me?”

Scar took his hand with an enormous wave of affection. “Grian,” he said sincerely, “I have never, in my whole life, wanted to marry anyone more.”

*

EVIDENCE #2

Mumbo took the news more earnestly than Grian had expected.

“Oh,” said Mumbo. “Oh, haha, wow—seriously? Scar said something and I thought it was just a joke, but you guys actually… Wow!” He cleared his throat. “Grian, mate, it’s been a long time coming. I’m so happy for you.”

“Don’t get sappy,” Grian said. “It’s just a wedding. I mean,” he clarified, “it’s a very important wedding, obviously, because it’s my wedding, but I don’t need you to get sappy about it. I don’t even need you to talk about it. I just need you to bring diamonds.”

“I didn’t even know you were going to ask him,” Mumbo said, ignoring the very clear instructions Grian had just given him. “Or did he ask you, or—mate, that’s just brilliant. This is brilliant. Is it because Bdubs and Etho had that wedding? That was really beautiful, I don’t mind saying, I got a little bit teary.”

“This has nothing to do with any weddings anyone else had,” Grian said with dignity. “Our wedding will be better, but that’s unrelated. I didn’t come here to talk about that. I came here to ask you something.” He took hold of Mumbo’s hand in the most meaningful grip he could muster. “Mumbo, we’ve been friends for years, right?”

“Of course,” Mumbo said nervously.

Grian gave it a second’s pause for the sake of drama. “Mumbo Jumbo, will you be my best man?”

“Ah,” Mumbo said, which was not what Grian had expected. “Ah. Er. Might be a problem there.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Well, you see, five minutes ago, Scar…”

*

EVIDENCE #3

<Grian> scar

<Grian> scar

<Grian> scar

<GoodTimeWithScar> yES?

<Grian> my base.

<Grian> now.

<GoodTimeWithScar> On my way

GoodTimeWithScar hit the ground too hard

<GoodTimeWithScar> oNE MINUTE

<Grian> come in the back door

GoodTimeWithScar hit the ground too hard

<GoodTimeWithScar> Was that a trap??

<Grian> mumbo is mine

<GoodTimeWithScar> No he isn’t, Mister!

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

Grian was shot by GoodTimeWithScar using [HoTgUy]

<Grian> MUMBO IS MINE

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Vindicator

GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Ravager

Grian was shot by GoodTimeWithScar using [HoTgUy]

<Renthedog>: :o

GoodTimeWithScar burned to death

<Renthedog> Everything okay there, gentlemen?

<Grian> best man debate

GoodTimeWithScar was poked to death by a sweet berry bush

<Grian> all settled now

<Renthedog> wait

<EthosLab> Wait

<BdoubleO100> WAIT

<TangoTek> are you two…?

<Grian> invitations dropping tomorrow. wedding gift mandatory.

<GoodTimeWithScar> Come one, Come all!

<Grian> only diamonds will be considered real presents

<PearlescentMoon> huh

<impulseSV> omg finally! So happy for you guys!

<PearlescentMoon> be honest Grian, is this because Bdubs and Etho got married and you had to one-up them?

<Grian> NO IT IS NOT

*

EVIDENCE #4

The bachelor party negotiations were even more hard-fought than the best man.

They held the impromptu negotiations in the Wedding War Room, which was now covered with loving maps and hundreds of bits of paper that neither of them had read since putting them up there. They looked good, though, so Scar kept adding more.

There was a pile of paper strips on the table in front of them. Scar and Grian sat facing off like two negotiators at a ceasefire.

“Mumbo’s my best man,” Grian said, picking the first name off the pile without breaking eye contact and moving it to his side of the table, “so he comes to my party.” Scar gave in with a modicum of grace. The possibility of having bachelor parties at different times had been wordlessly considered and then summarily dismissed by both combatants.

Scar escalated it to a blood sport as he picked up the next bit of paper. “Pearl’s coming to my party.”

Grian yelped and grabbed Scar’s wrist. “She is not. I knew her first!”

“I know her better,” Scar countered. “Or at least,” he added, “I know her building style better.”

“You can’t just steal my friend because you like her building! That’s not how that works!”

“I think she’d enjoy it,” Scar said meditatively. “I’m going to have champagne. Glitter. Razzmatazz.”

“I will have more champagne,” Grian said mutinously. He hadn’t taken his hand off Scar’s wrist. “And more razzmatazz. You can’t have Pearl.”

“Oh, all right then,” Scar said, since Pearl was one of Grian’s oldest friends and he’d never had a chance of getting her anyway. Grian plucked the piece of paper out of his hand and put it on top of Mumbo’s paper. “I get Bdubs, though.”

That was a given. Grian didn’t seriously dispute it, though he opened his mouth to try. “I—yes, fine. You can have Bdubs.” Scar swept the piece of paper to his own side of the table.

“And that means,” Scar proceeded, with the grand momentum of a train starting to roll, “that I get Etho, as well.” He shuffled through the bits of paper and displayed Etho’s name like a magic trick.

He watched Grian calculate his chances of getting Etho if Bdubs was going to Scar’s party. “…okay, yeah, you get Etho.”

“Also that means I get Cleo,” Scar said. “She’ll come if Bdubs does. We don’t want to split up friends.” He drew Cleo’s name towards him, sliding another couple of slips underneath it at the same time. “Oh, and Joe as well, if Cleo’s coming.”

“What’s that other one?” Grian said suspiciously. He trapped Scar’s hand and pried out the third name. “What—no, you can’t have Ren.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Scar said in his most reasonable voice. “Hear me out. I have Cub, right?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well, I have Cub, and Bdubs, and Cleo, and Joe, so, by royal decree…”

“You can’t have Ren just because the five of you were in a royal murder cult with him!”

“Excuse me, mister, that wasn’t a cult. That was the royal court!”

“It was too a cult,” said Grian, a man who had once persuaded Ren into living in camper vans in the woods with him for weeks in order to break into a military base and steal a magic box.

Ren’s name was already safely on Scar’s side of the table. “And if I have Ren, then I have to have Doc—”

“Look, Scar, if you get all of Bdubs’ current and former exes—”

“—what’s a ‘current ex’—”

“—Etho and don’t interrupt me, if you get everyone Bdubs has ever had a relationship plus their plus ones you get ninety percent of our friends.”

“Is it my fault I throw good parties?” Scar protested. “Look, you can have—”

“I’m having Impulse,” Grian interrupted, pulling his name out. “I need more redstoners.”

“What for?”

Grian waved a hand. “You just need them around.” Scar nodded, unable to find a flaw in the logic. “Also I get Joel. And Martyn. And Timmy.”

“I built Jimmy a train,” Scar objected. He put his fingertips on the other end of Jimmy’s name while Grian attempted to steal it.

“All right, this is the ‘disputed’ pile,” Grian said, pushing it to the side. “Who else?”

Now they had a disputed pile, it started filling up. “If I have Cleo,” Scar said, “then technically I should have Scott—”

“You can’t keep using that trick!” 

“Then how are we going to fix it, Grian?” Scar’s tone was eminently reasonable. “I think we should just let people be friends.”

“They are friends,” Grian said. “They’re friends with me.”

“They could be friends with me.”

“Tell you what,” Grian said, a warlike gleam coming into his eyes. “We’ll ask them.”

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Bdubs: So that’s how the split started?

Cleo: You weren’t even married at that point.

Grian: Right! Exactly! We weren’t even married and Scar used underhand methods to steal my friends!

Scar: Excuse me. You went around the server threatening everyone who you didn’t think was coming to your party. Talk about underhand methods! I just offered them a good time.

Grian: Your bribed them! You bribed them to come to your bachelor party! [stabs a finger at Judge Bdubs] You even bribed him, so I don’t know why we put him in charge of this divorce.

Judge Bdubs: Nobody is allowed to question the integrity of the judge! I am as PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW.

Scar: That’s a good point. I gave you netherite, Bdubs, you should be ruling in my favor.

Judge Bdubs: You gave me ONE netherite ingot, I’m not giving you a ruling for that.

Scar: Grian, I think this judge is biased.

Judge Bdubs: HOW DARE YOU.

Grian: Scar is right, this judge is corrupt! I can’t believe we were forced into this farce of a trial and the judge is corrupt! Joe, I demand a new judge.

[Court Scribe JoeHills indicates that he is pretty sure this whole divorce trial was Grian’s idea in the first place, and also that judges cannot usually be replaced just like that, and the Court Scribe personally does not have a reserve list]

Judge Bdubs: I refuse to SIT HERE and be SLANDERED! You’re both guilty! [slams gavel] TAKE THEM TO THE DUNGEONS.

[Court Scribe JoeHills confirms that the petitioners have not actually been accused of anything—despite obviously having committed many crimes, Cleo would like to me to record—so cannot be found guilty, and in any case we don’t have any dungeons]

Judge Bdubs: Fine! I give up! CLEO, YOU’RE THE JUDGE NOW.

Judge Cleo: Wait, am I?

[Judge Bdubs forcibly transfers the judicial wig to Cleo, upon which the snakes in her hair make a spirited attempt to eat it.]

Scar: Can we get on with it?

Judge Cleo: Yes, you can shut up. You can all shut up! Thank you. That’s better. Are you sure you two can’t just settle it out of court so we can all go home?

Grian: No, we can’t. Me and Scar have [checks his notes] undergone an irreparable breakdown.

Scar: Sure, we might have had an eruptable breakdown, but you can’t say it was my fault. I tried to make it work. I built us a honeymoon island! It had palm trees and deckchairs and everything. I’m coming here in good faith and I deserve to be the innocent party.

Grian: I want all the diamonds Scar has.

Judge Cleo: Joe, is he allowed to ask for that?

[Court Scribe diligently references the law summary he found on the internet, suggests that at this stage the judge can grant temporary financial orders on petitioner request]

Grian: Fine, I want half of Scar’s diamonds.

Scar: I need all my diamonds for Scarland materials!

Grian: They’re not your diamonds! They’re my diamonds!

Scar: Then I get half of all your dark prismarine, thank you very much, that will be amazingly useful.

Grian: You’re not touching my dark prismarine! I’ll sell it all if you try!

Judge Cleo: Nobody is touching anyone else’s anything! Ren, stop laughing, this is a serious courtroom. Grian, you’re not allowed to sell your dark prismarine. Scar, you’re not allowed to hide any of your diamonds. Everyone is going to keep things exactly as they are until this trial is done.

Grian: Do you trust him? Look at him, look at his face, would you trust that man? Of course you wouldn’t! All the diamonds should stay in my base while we’re having the trial.

Scar: This is outrageous! This is an outrageous demand! You can’t just question a man’s honor like that!

Judge Cleo: Well, put them somewhere safe. Joe can keep them.

Grian: [grudgingly] I suppose we could put them in the Royal Vault.

Judge Cleo: You want to put your valuables in escrow?

Scar: I don’t see what birds have to do with it.

[Short pause while the concept of ‘escrow’ is explained to both petitioners]

Scar: Well, I’ll do it, but I think Grian should put all his resources in nestcrow. Seeing as it’s all his fault.

Grian: I did everything right! I was the perfect groom!

Judge Cleo: You know, Grian, somehow I have my doubts. Go back to your marriage testimony. What happened next?

*

EVIDENCE #5

“Ahem,” said Mumbo. “Ahem.”

Grian rolled his eyes, jumped up on a table, decided that wasn’t good enough, flew up and perched on the light fitting, and yelled, “Everyone! It’s happening! The best man is speaking!”

Silence fell.

“I was actually going to announce you,” Mumbo said. He cleared his throat. “All right! So! This… is a bachelor party!”

The bachelor party–all three of them–looked at each other.

“Woohoo!” said Iskall.

“Party time!” tried Pearl gamely.

“I was promised champagne,” said Scott, who had been lured through the portal with one bribe only.

“There will be champagne,” said Mumbo. “As best man, it is my job to plan the bachelor party, and to plan a party that is… appropriate, and thoughtful, and informed by my long friendship with Grian, so,” he coughed, “if everyone could check the boxes under their chairs for supplies, we do have an event. Sort of thing. Kind of a party game.”

“Er,” said Pearl, checking under her chair. “This is… quite a lot of...”

Iskall started to giggle.

“Seriously, I was promised champagne,” said Scott.

“Yes, yes, we’ll get to that,” Mumbo said. “First, we’re going to sneak into the other party and blow them all up.”

“...so many ender crystals…” whispered Pearl.

“Look how they sparkle!” said Iskall.

“What about the—”

“And! When they’re all dead,” said Mumbo, “we can take their champagne.”

Grian flew down from the light fitting and landed in front of Mumbo. His eyes were shining. He took Mumbo’s hands in his. “Mumbo,” he breathed. “I’ve changed my mind. Can I marry you instead?”

“Er,” said Mumbo. “No?”

“Did you even order any refreshments?” said Scott.

“Listen,” Mumbo said, “it’s Grian’s party, we were going to end up doing this anyway, and it’ll be fun.”

“Dibs on blowing up Scar!” said Grian.

“We understand, Grian,” said Pearl.

“I suppose that’s sort of romantic?” said Scott in an undertone. “You’d think he’d have more trauma about it, after all the–”

“This is going to be so funny,” Grian said, scooping up handfuls of ender crystals. “Best–best man–ever.”

*

EVIDENCE #6

The actual wedding was a subdued affair.

The wedding venue had just about survived, by virtue of being several hundred blocks away from either bachelor party, though the smoking craters were visible in the background. From the front, the building was a charming mansion with flowers in every window. From every other angle it might be a gray shell, but Grian was a very busy person who was getting married and he couldn’t be expected to get to everything.

On the morning of the wedding, when Grian finally pieced himself together and dragged himself back from respawn he was met by the two Best Man candidates: Mumbo, who was sitting on the step of the venue dismally trying to piece his scorched suit back together, and Cub, who was completely unruffled and appeared to be doing a crossword.

“Oh, Grian, you made it.” Mumbo abandoned his scorched hems in relief. “Some people haven’t even respawned yet. We really do need Scar, though—”

“I’m here! I’m here!” Scar, impeccably dressed in a blue morning suit, swooped in from above, trailing flowers and losing his top hat in the process. “Gosh. Nobody else made it, huh?”

“I don’t believe this,” Grian said. “None of them?”

“Weren’t you supposed to open the portal again for the Empires people?”

“I forgot,” Grian said. “But we can’t focus on that. We have to focus on the fact that at least twenty Hermits promised to come, and now they aren’t here.”

“I, um,” Mumbo said. “I take full responsibility for the original idea, but I think the seventh time you blew up Bdubs and Ren and Doc and Zedaph you did blow up all their stuff as well. And I think some people got hit so hard they won’t respawn for a week.”

“That was their fault,” Grian said. “For being in the way of my ender crystals.”

“Seven times?” Cub said.

“Oh, as if you’ve never blown up someone and all their stuff seven times and pushed their respawn into next week.”

“So, what?” Scar said. “Do we just…not have a wedding?”

Mumbo coughed. “I think you should still get married.”

“What?”

“I just think,” Mumbo gestured vaguely. “You know, your whole thing. And Jevin made you the suits and everything. It would be a shame. You could have an intimate wedding without any guests, you know. I’m just saying.”

Grian attempted to trade a skeptical look with Scar. This didn’t work, as Scar had gone faintly red and wasn’t looking at him. “An intimate wedding, you mean, right here?” Scar said. “Now? Oh, yes, of course, but you know, now I come to think about it, I don’t know I can get married.”

This smelled like weakness. “What’s wrong with marrying me?” Grian demanded. “Are you backing out?”

“No, I—I need my top hat! I can't get married without my top hat!”

“Are you scared, Scar?”

“Of course I'm not scared!” Scar said indignantly. “We’ll do it right now! Who’s marrying us? Oh—Joe’s still respawning, isn’t he? Cub, you can do it, can’t you? Cub’s an ordained priest, you know.”

“That’s right,” Cub said agreeably.

“Is he?” Grian said suspiciously. “Which religion?”

Cub’s faint smile didn’t change at all. “Don’t worry about that.”

“You don’t want to think too hard about it,” Scar said breezily. “But he’s very official! Very well-respected in the community.”

In all their planning, Grian had given no thought at all to the actual wedding. He was nearly certain that the chanting from the officiant was supposed to be pleasant and inoffensive, about, well, love and stuff, and he was also fairly sure the officiant’s eyes were not supposed to turn black as a flaming rift appeared behind him spewing an unknowable sense of dread, but at that point Scar kissed Grian thoroughly, and that lasted so long that Mumbo had to break it up after a few minutes with a polite cough, and by that time Cub had finished chanting and gone back to his crossword.

“That was very touching,” Mumbo said, apparently relieved they weren’t still kissing right in front of him. “Shame about the guests, but you can’t have everything.”

“Shocking,” Scar agreed. “Do they still have to give us presents? Maybe if we waited a week and did it again? I have to say, I could use a little more time to get the trees right on Honeymoon Island.”

“We’re not having a honeymoon, Scar, I told you,” Grian said. “This wedding is just business, and we don’t have any business without the presents.”

Mumbo was wearing the expression that Grian had always vaguely compared to an accountant breaking the bad news about something unspeakable going on in the stockmarket. “To be honest with you,” Mumbo said, “I don’t think many of them were in a present-giving mood. I think, um, you might have to write off the presents.”

“Are you telling me,” Grian said, “that this whole scheme has been a complete failure?”

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Cleo: So, let me get this straight, the plan was to scam all of us—

Scar: Scam is a strong word. More like a trade, if you think about it! A trade where we get presents and you get a warm sense of fuzziness and wellbeing.

Judge Cleo: —exactly, to scam us, and it all went wrong, and you realized the marriage was a mistake? That was weeks ago, though. What happened between that and the divorce?

*

EVIDENCE #7

LIST OF POST-WEDDING WRONGDOING COMMITTED BY GRIAN AND SCAR, VARIOUS (condensed from two hours of court arguments)

i. “Well, then I took some deepslate from Grian because I needed it for Scarland, which is just borrowing, if you think about it.”

ii. “Scar really owed me diamonds because it was his fault the scam didn’t work.”

iii. Lengthy descriptions of the damage from ensuing weeks-long prank war.

iv. “He should honestly have expected me to put chickens in his storage system.”

v. Evidence received from Xisuma that this lagged out the entire server.

vi. Evidence received from Grian that Scarland lags out the entire server anyway and this is probably a crime so why can’t the court do something about that.

vii. Strong representations from both sides that the other one snores and hogs the covers and this probably ought to be a crime.

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Cleo: [face down on judicial bench] Have they stopped talking yet?

Court Scribe JoeHills: No, they’re still going.

*

EVIDENCE #8

FURTHER LIST OF WRONGDOINGS COMMITTED BY GRIAN AND SCAR

viii. “Yes I did blow him up after that, but it’s not illegal if it’s funny.”

ix. Complicated debate about whether ensuing sabotage was funny enough not to be illegal.

x. Representations from Grian that everything is Scar’s fault with absolutely no legal backing at all.

xi. Representations from Scar, ditto, with the addition of fake law he says his cat defense attorney told him.

xii. At this point, Court Scribe JoeHills has given up attempting to make sense of the petitioners’ ongoing argument.

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 1 (CONTINUED):

Judge Cleo: Enough! ENOUGH! No! Shut up! If I have to listen to one more attempt at utterly specious reasoning from either of you I am going to pick up this gavel and I am going to drive its handle through my own skull. This is definitely both your fault, you are terrible people, and I hope you get divorced harder than anyone has ever got divorced in history.

[Mildly stunned silence in the court]

Judge Cleo: Right. Good. I am about to quit. But before I quit, because Joe asked me nicely to come here today, I am going to order one of you to serve the other with divorce papers before tomorrow. That’s the next thing on the list: one of you has to formally divorce the other. No, I am not going to hear any more arguments, I’m done with this whole thing, you can find a new judge. Yes, Scar?

Scar: [lowers his tentatively raised hand] How do we know which one divorces the other one?

Judge Cleo: [looks blank] Well… I suppose it’s who serves their papers first?

*

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: SCAR

Body of complaint: Grian wont accept divorce papers and keeps avoiding me.

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: GRIAN

Body of complaint: scar didn’t take a single copy of the papers despite the fact i filled his bedroom with them

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: SCAR

Body of complaint: Grian paid impulse to make a divorce paper printing redstone machine. It feels like this, should be Illegal!

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: GRIAN

Body of complaint: scar employed my best man to make him a rival printing machine. this is sabotage.

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: ZEDAPH

Body of complaint: Er, I know you’re doing a whole trial thingummy, but I would really like to be able to move around my base without swimming through mountains of divorce papers. Does it look like this is going to be possible any time in the near future?

COMPLAINT TO COURT:

Submitter of complaint: DOCM77

Body of complaint: WHY HAVE SEVENTY THOUSAND BADLY-PRINTED COPIES OF DIVORCE PAPERS BEEN SHOVELED INTO THE PERIMETER! I AM HOLDING ALL OF YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE! I WILL RAIN DOWN FIRE AND BLOOD!

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 2:

Judge Mumbo: Right, so, apparently I’m supposed to be ruling on who served who with papers.

Scar: Excuse me! Objection! This new judge is clearly biased.

Grian: No, he’s not. This is all completely fine. Mumbo can be the judge now, and he can just wear a different hat when he’s being my lawyer.

Judge Mumbo: I am a bit biased, I have to admit.

Grian: No you’re not, Mumbo.

Scar: Admit it, there can’t be a fair trial for Grian under these circumstances!

Judge Mumbo: Uh—

Scar: Because I know Mumbo, and he can’t resist these…HoTgUy abs!

[Minor chaos as the court attempts to enforce a dress code]

Judge Mumbo: [removes his wig] Sorry, Grian, he’s right. Scar’s papers are accepted.

Grian: TRAITOR.

Mumbo: Scar, can I have another calendar?

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 3:

Judge Ren: Court is called to order! Where’s—oh, there you are. Scar, you’re late.

Scar: Sorry! I was working on our honeymoon island.

Grian: What do you mean, our honeymoon island? Scar, we’re divorcing.

Scar: That doesn't mean you can just abandon a build, Grian. Some of us don't leave our backsides unfinished.

Cleo: Someone please get Ren a glass of water, I think he’s going to choke.

Judge Ren: Ahem. Now, gentlemen, I understand Scar is filing for divorce from Grian on the grounds of [checks his notes] desertion, abandonment, and unreasonable behavior.

Grian: Excuse me, what! If I’ve been unreasonable, what about him?

Scar: I have been a model of rationality and recti— rectic— ridiclitude.

Judge Ren: Indeed. I have heard Scar always finishes his backsides.

Grian: I’ll give you unreasonable behavior! This whole thing is your fault! If your bachelor party hadn’t been so badly defended I wouldn’t have been able to blow you all up.

Scar: Well, mister, if you hadn’t overthrown Ren in the first place he might have shown up to our wedding in spite of it!

Grian: If you’d been better at your job I wouldn’t have been ABLE to overthrow him!

Scar: You—you—oooh, I oughta—

Grian: [tauntingly] Ought to what?

Judge Ren: Scar, no, not in court…!

Scar: HOTGUY! [Retrieves bow from improbably small pocket and summarily murders his co-petitioner on the witness. Chaos ensues. Trial name hastily changed.]

TRANSCRIPT OF TRIAL PROCEEDINGS FOR THIRD-DEGREE MURDER, DAY 1:

Judge Ren: Listen, Scar, did you, or did you not, kill another petitioner right in front of me?

Scar: What? Oh, yeah, I just shot Grian.

Judge Ren: You can’t just—My dude, this might have been a crime of passion, but you understand this is a court and that was murder, right?

Cleo: Objection.

Judge Ren: Yes?

Cleo: We can’t start prosecuting for murder now.

[Pause as the court considers the comprehensive history of all Hermits present.]

TRANSCRIPT OF TRIAL PROCEEDINGS FOR THIRD-DEGREE MURDER, DAY 1

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 3:

Judge Ren: [once Grian has returned from spawn] You’re going to have to come to some sort of agreement, gentlemen. It’s been days.

Grian: I think we should fight.

Judge Ren: This court does not do trial by combat. I refuse to be witness to such barbarity.

Cleo: I mean…if you think about it, it would stop them arguing.

Judge Ren: …

Judge Ren: I think I could stand to watch someone else compromise their morals. From a distance. Who wants this wig?

Judge Pearl: [settling in at the bench] Right! I think you two should fight. To the death.

Grian: LET’S FIGHT.

Judge Pearl: Riding ravagers.

Scar: What?

Judge Pearl: It would be funny.

Scar: Ravagers, though—

Grian: Don’t listen to Scar, he just murdered me. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Scar: Alright! Alright, we can fight, but I’m only doing it if it’s somewhere dramatic.

Grian: …What do you mean, dramatic?

*

TRANSCRIPT OF DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS, DAY 3 (CONTINUED):

[The court has moved proceedings from its custom-built courthouse to a location considered ‘acceptably dramatic’ by Petitioner Scar. We are now in the dim, cavernous monolith of the Royal Vault, where the walls are sheer deepslate lit only by flickering lanterns, and mountains of diamonds and chests gleam softly in the shadowed gloom. The court is gathered here to watch the petitioners fight symbolically over their own escrowed valuables, which are piled in the middle of a stone platform built by Grian and Pearl, and see a final conclusion to this bitterly-fought split. At either end of the platform are pens with two enraged ravagers donated by Tango, salivating at the buffet of violence and blood about to—]

Judge Pearl: [leans over the edge of her observation chair] Joe! What are you doing down there scribbling?

Court Scribe JoeHills: Oh, I’m just adding narrative color.

Judge Pearl: Well, stop doing that and pay attention to the fight! We’re about to start!

Bdubs: FIGHT!

Cub: Let’s go!

Mumbo: Grian, mate, you’ve got this.

Bdubs: RUN HIM THROUGH, SCAR. TEACH HIM TO MAKE FUN OF MY WEDDING DECORATIONS.

Doc: What happens if they both die? I would like them both to die.

Judge Pearl: Contestants! Mount your steeds!

Grian: [has succeeded in landing on his ravager’s back, something Scar has not yet managed] I want you to know, Scar, that whatever happens—

Judge Pearl: Scar! You can’t just stand there, you have to TRY to ride it.

Grian: —I think we can count this as a—

Bdubs: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Scar: [his head comes up to look at Grian] —a double victory?

[As if this is a code word, Grian and Scar’s gazes meet. The Court Scribe feels obliged to note that when Grian and Scar smile at the same time, history suggests something terrible is about to happen.]

Scar: Well, hello there, Mister Ravager! Would you like to get out of that pen?

Bdubs: Wait, what’s he—Scar, you ain’t supposed to break the wall that lets them at us! SABOTAGE!

Judge Pearl: GRIAN!

Grian: [shrieking as his ravager swerves into the crowd of spectators] Scar! The switch!

[Your trusty Court Scribe hurriedly dives out of the way as Scar flings himself into the pile of his and Grian’s valuables, where the tell-tale glint of redstone has been hidden under the piles of chests.]

Ren: Why do both of them have all those empty shulkers?

Cleo: Wait, wait, did we just give Grian and Scar unfettered access to all the diamonds in the vault?

Judge Pearl: WATCH OUT, THEY’VE HIDDEN TNT UNDER THE—

[Scar slams a switch. The world explodes. The Judge and most spectators are instantly blown up. The only survivors are your Court Scribe, who managed to get behind an obsidian pillar, and Cub, rising above the chaos on pre-equipped elytra wings with the philosophical serenity of someone who saw this coming.]

*

POSTSCRIPT

It’s a beautiful day, the sky is a clear and serene blue, and Grian and Scar have gotten away with everything.

Grian coasts joyfully ahead of Scar on outstretched wings, loaded down with boxes and boxes of ill-gotten diamonds, looping head-over-heels only when he can’t contain the energy bubbling through him. “We are the greatest, Scar. We are geniuses. We are the greatest geniuses who ever lived.”

“Oh, we are,” Scar agrees instantly. A lesser person might have pointed out their first plan failed spectacularly and their hasty second one only succeeded by luck, but this is why Grian married Scar specifically. Only he’s not married to Scar any more, is he? For one shining moment Grian had forgotten that.

The crater of the Royal Vault is far below and receding, the debris scattered like little jeweled toys. Grian is recalled to the present gleeful moment in which they are geniuses who have pulled the whole thing off and are richer than every other hermit put together. “Where are we going?”

“I was following you,” Scar says.

“I didn’t think this far ahead! I only planned up to the part where we stole everyone’s diamonds!”

“Oh, well, that’s easy,” Scar says confidently. “Change course to Honeymoon Island!”

Grian doesn’t have a good argument against that, and anyway, he’s too happy and diamond-dazzled to argue. Scar strikes out to the azure ocean and Grian dips into his wake and soars behind.

Scar has outdone himself, as usual. Honeymoon Island is just one long crescent-shaped beach with crystal seas, golden sands, palm trees, deck chairs, and—somehow—little iced coconut drinks that keep reappearing and each have a little paper umbrella. Naturally, Scar hasn’t thought of including a safe room for all their new valuables, so Grian has to dig out a makeshift bunker for all their ill-gotten gains, but when all that excitement is done, Grian throws himself onto a deckchair with a coconut drink and closes his eyes.

“So?” Scar says, in the expectant tone of someone who has spent three weeks fiddling with the palm trees that are currently casting an exquisitely-latticed shade over Grian’s eyelids, despite the fact they were technically divorcing all that time. “What do you think?”

“It is very pretty,” Grian admits grudgingly. “We can’t use it for a honeymoon, though. We’re divorced.”

“Are we divorced?” Scar is thoughtfully making origami out of his paper umbrella. “We did ditch them all before the trial officially finished.”

“Oh, we’re absolutely divorced. Super divorced.”

“I suppose you’re right. No honeymoon for us, then?”

An idyllic silence falls over the palm-fringed beach. The sea laps at the shining sands, creating a soft music from the shells and pebbles. The leaves rustle. This coconut drink in Grian’s hand is surprisingly good.

“Scar—”

“Hey, Grian—”

There is a pause.

“Go on,” Grian says impatiently.

“No, no, I think you should ask.”

“I asked last time!” This is ridiculous. It’s a shame Grian has been enchanted by the ridiculous for years now. “We’re probably not even talking about the same—”

Scar interrupts, which is rude, but unfortunately he’s picked his most golden and unfair voice, like the sea caressing the sand, and Grian is momentarily helpless. “Will you, Grian,” Scar says, “do me the great honor of marrying me? Again?”

Grian throws a paper umbrella at him. “Scar,” he says, “I thought you’d never ask.”

#fic #long post #grian #goodtimeswithscar #scarian #hermitshipping #bdoubleo100 #zombiecleo #joehills

[moltengoldveins]

ok but I have Thoughts about the way Minecraft usernames translate to actual names, both irl and in fanfic. They’re definitely ‘obsessed with structure and grumpy at inconsistency flavor autism’ thoughts but still. I find it weird how we cut and paste the media we’re given to fit what we view as functional worldbuilding, and how that gets screwy when translating online names.

like, you’re working with several categories here. The person’s actual real name, their irl nickname, their gamer tag, a name possibly contained by or possibly the entirety of that gamer tag, and any extra pieces or symbols in the gamer tag. And you have the weird situation where those categories might not easily translate to a ‘First Name Last Name’ structure. For an example, we’ve got Phil Watson, who’s gamer tag is ‘Ph1LzA,’ and is called Philza Minecraft or Philza. The ‘Minecraft last name’ is a…. Bit? A joke? A reference to a bit of lore? It’s unclear. The ‘Za’ bit was put there for flair and is now an integral part of his name. Sometimes it’s his last name. Sometimes his real last name is chucked in there. the 1 in his actual username is literally never referenced in nicknames or fic it’s like it’s not even there. But that’s a simple one. What about Tubbo_? because we call him Tubbo Underscore. Like. We say the ‘_’ aloud. Why do we do that. What has possessed us to make that decision? What about FitMC? I’ve usually heard it said ‘Fit Emsee.’ Why say that, and not say ‘Minecraft? That’s not even really a last name, it’s just like…. His full first name. Fit is used more like a shortened nickname. BadBoyHalo. Like. ‘Bad boy’ is a slang term, not a name. It would make the most sense to call him Halo, that’s the distinct noun in the name, the term the ‘bad boy’ bit is referring to. Like ‘GoodTimesWithScar’ but noooo. Bad. Halo is usually a last name, if it’s there at all. Skeppy on the other hand is… just his name. No last name ever. Technoblade is also weird. Technoblade is his full name. We call him that. We ALSO call him ‘Techno,’ and use Blade as a last name. We also use Blade as a title. What the heck. GeminiTay. We call her Gem. We use Tay as a last name sometimes. Her name is a Zodiac constellation. Literally nowhere I’m have I seen that affect her naming conventions. IJevin. We just… remove the I. For everything. This wouldn’t bother me except we don’t do it with everyone and I’m starting to get annoyed by the inconsistency. GoodTimesWithScar. Ok. This one also bugs me. Like, most fics call him Scar Goodtimes when they need a name. I’m not gonna dig into it but that’s…. Why? Why that? Grian never gets a last name. Ranboo sometimes gets chopped into Ran and Boo but usually he’s an Underscore or he’s last nameless. Wilbur Soot functions wonderfully (until the get involved shhhh) but it’s too close to his real name it gets very confusing.

anyway, all of this sucks, I hate it all, we’re a terrible fandom /hj

all that nonsense aside, yknow who has a functional Firstname Lastname username? It’s even got a space, and proper capitals: Mumbo Jumbo. That’s who. Look at that. It’s perfect. Everyone should be more like Mumbo Jumbo. Thank you and good night.

.

Edit: I know about Ranboo Beloved and Grian Dreamslayer and the various other characters whose names I didn’t mention perfectly in this post. This was no piece of journalism, this was an old man shouts at cloud meme personified. I was very overstimulated and this was what happened to catch my autistic ire. I’m not upset, just figured I’d clarify, a lot of people seem distressed at my not mentioning Beloved. Hope y’all are having a lovely day 💜

#molten rambles #mcyt #Dsmp #qsmp #hermitcraft #mumbo jumbolio #Weird rant

[raticalshoez]

a secret life session five compilation of my favorite silly moments (ft. my poor phone quality camera)

Transcript below cut (did it for fun; this is the first time I've done one):

[Jimmy]: No?

[Martyn]: Wait- so wait. You're not the ghost horse?

[Martyn]: I thought you were ghost rider! Who's ghost rider?

[Jimmy]: ...Who is that?

[Martyn]: I mean we could always punch them and find out.

[Jimmy]: Yeah.

(Immediately sword crits Lizzie)

[Martyn]: AH...

[Jimmy]: OH MY GO-

(Long Pause)

[Jimmy]: NO! NO. NO.

[Martyn, overlapping]: What did you do?!

~~~

[Mumbo]: Who wants to have a competition with me? How many times can yoou jump over this campfire?

[Martyn]: Uhh, sure?

[Mumbo]: 'Kay.

(Mumbo takes damage while jumping over the campfire)

[Martyn]: Oh, jeez.

[Pearl, exasperated]: Mumbo...

[Cleo, fairly amused] Mumbo...

[Pearl]: Zero, appearantly.

[Mumbo]: So, I- I've set the score at zero.

(Martyn tries and succeeds)

[Mumbo]: Ooo, okay.

[Martyn]: There you go.

[Mumbo]: You already got one.

[Pearl]: Mumbo...what are you doing..?

(Mumbo jumps again and takes damage again)

[Mumbo]: Okay...

[Cleo, laughing]: Mumbo..!

(Martyn tries it again and jumos over it flawlessly, again)

[Mumbo]: Zero again for me.

[Pearl, overlapping]: Mumbo, stop-

~~~

[Tango]: You got spleefed by an enderman. I love it.

[Etho, doing a poor imitation of Bdubs]: Sheesh! I'm late! Judas Priest! Let me park my horse. I'm coming up!

(Heart Foundation's laughs + Grian's hysterical laughter overlapping with his talking)

[Grian]: Hi, "Bdubs."

[Skizz]: This thing's not ready because-

[Etho, still doing that impression]: What is this?--

~~~

[Lizzie]: I'm going.

[Tango]: Lizzie, we missed your party!

[Lizzie]: Oh, did you?

[Skizz]: We're so sorry.

[Lizzie]: Oh, I didn't notice because I was having so much fun with the one person that turned up! Goodbye, everybody!

(Heart Foundation all "aww"-ing out of sympathy)

~~~

[Cleo]: If you go to- If you go and do levels in the end you can like-- like I got seven, so.

[Gem]: Wowww.

[Cleo]: Hi, biggest, bravest, boy!

[Bdubs]: Thank you! I am!

(Cleo wheeze)

~~~

[Bdubs]: Okay. Yes?

[Etho, overlapping]: Look at this guy.

[Grian, very monotone]: Bdubs, my beloved. You've returned.

[Bdubs]: Wait- both of you? I'm gonna puke--

~~~

[Joel]: What is Pearl building???

[Gem, hidden beneath Mumbo's laughter]: You should just...admit defeat, if I'm being honest.

[Joel, overlapping]: Pearl...

[Joel again, deeply distressed]: WH- WHY HAVE YOU GONE FOR THIS COLOR SCHEME, PEARL??? WHY THIS SHAPE AND THIS COLOR SCHEME, PEARL????

#trafficblr #ethoslab #smallishbeans #solidaritygaming #pearlescentmoon #grian #tangotek #ldshadowlady #bigbst4tz2 #inthelittlewood #skizzleman #bdoubleo100 #zombiecleo #geminitay #secret life smp #idk if i really needed to tag ALL of them but they're all there #god i just realized how many clips i had from this episode just because i send so many silly moments to my friends #so i used my limited editing skills to make this #if there's something wrong about the way i've done the transcripts please let me know!

[leoities]

My favorite secret life quotes so far

Gem

“ I consider you a friend, I heard it’s not reciprocated” “ it’s not”

“ context . IM MISSING CONTEXT”

Joel

“ let me just pound ‘er”

“ what are you saying etho?”

Lizzie

“ are you a horse girl mumbo!”

“ Inside the camel ?”

“ it’s so serious right now”

“ I thought the safest thing would be invisible watching my husband. But I guess not “

“you weren’t even the first person who did it, that’s what crazy “

Jimmy

“ I wanna hear about your hole”

“ please fall in my hole”

“ I’m gojng to go brag to Joel that I killed his wife- JOEL IM SO SORRY”

His hyperventilating when running

Etho

“ I didn’t tell you but this is a foursome”

“ you are incorrect-aha!”

“ we hardly see each other anymore 😭”

“Sheesh I’m late. Judas Priest”

Grian

“Bdubs !! My Beloved!!”

“ IM IN SO MUCH TROUBLE CLEO HELP ME “

Bdubs

“ me I’m dragon-slayer”

And Bdubs- I am Bdubs” “ at the break you fail. That’s half way through.”

“ oh is that bad? That’s bad . I’m sorry”

“ never freaking mind “

“ wait both of you im going to puke”

Cleo

“ bdubs where’s your boyfriend” “ etho is ….”

Pearls screams every time with the book

Add a little b to your p

Impulse

“ did that make you jump?”

#slsmp #traffic smp #pearlescentmoon #secret life #trafficblr #inthelittlewood #slsmp spoilers #geminitay #gemini tay #smallishbeans #jimmy solidarity #ethoslab #grian #impulsesv #zombiecleo #lizzie ldshadowlady #ldshadowlady

[majickth]

Hermit's Hollow Masterpost

What is Hermit's Hollow?

Hermit's Hollow is a mysterious small town AU centered around the titular town of Hermit's Hollow. It's is heavily inspired by works such as Twin Peaks, Welcome to Nightvale, TAZ: Amnesty, Gravity Falls, and other similar media. The story, while not always in chronological order, is told through transcripts, recovered photographs, journal entries, and -- occasionally -- strange puzzles strewn about. Basically, there's weird things in the trees, the town may be almost be literally alive, and the weirdest thing at the local tourist trap is its owner.

What's the story?

Grian is a former journalist with a tarnished reputation. With nothing else left to lose, he accepts an invitation from his sister to start anew in the sleepy mountainside town of Hermit's Hollow. What appears to be a peaceful escape quickly reveals itself to be far more, however, as soon Grian is embroiled in the mystery of a missing scientist, a charming tourist trap owner, and a town that's far more than it seems. Now, armed with only a Polaroid camera and his intuition, he's determined to uncover the town's secrets -- for better or for worse.

Find the AU here: #hermits hollow au.

Official Playlist

Got some art/writing/anything you wanna share? @ me and be sure to tag it! I love seeing all the cool stuff people make :D

Art:

Grian + Pearl (Official Character Sheets)

Scar + Cub (Official Character Sheets)

Grian and Pearl Reunion (Comic)

Dead is Better - Ex and Cleo (Comic)

First Time at the the Diner

Strange Things Happen For No Reason

Take a Picture

Scar (Doodles)

Etho (Doodles)

Gem (Doodles)

Scarland [by @fadedandromeda]

Doc [by @rainoftime3]

Cleo [by @rainoftime3]

Welcome to Hermit's Hollow [by @suffer-my-beloved-mutuals]

Etho at the Pass N Gas (Comic) [by @domithekingoffools]

Fics:

Not Very Ideal, Is It? (Tumblr) [by @roxie-roo]

Day 2 (Tumblr) [by @roxie-roo]

Inbetween - Etho (Tumblr) [by @eagle-warri]

A Hollow Mystery (AO3) [by @myths-gay-and-random-bullshit]

Cosplay:

Grian [by @myst3ry-pl4nt]

Info:

General Character Overview

The Hollow is Weird

The Lunar Express

The Diner, The Facility, and The Past

Doc

Joe Hills

Impulse

Bdubs

Keralis

xB

Xisuma/Ex

Mumbo

Etho

Tango

Zedaph

False

Wels

Hermit's Hollow Recap (KHHR)

NOTE: this masterpost is incomplete. If I am missing anything, lmk and I will add it as soon as I am able.

#hermits hollow au #hermits hollow au masterpost #hermits hollow masterpost #this is long overdue #but tadah! #will update this as time goes on

[mcytblrsexymen]

Highlights from the Data Crunch Group Chat pt 2.

[ID: Screenshot reading Ethoslab but on a catgirl gf sort of way]

[ID: screenshot reading Can i say GoodTimesWithScar again (he was my bisexual awakening i wish I was joking)]

[ID: Screenshot reading xbcrafted. if not sexy then why giggle 🤨]

[ID: screenshot reading Dl pearl my beloved pearl, idk bdubs i guess]

[ID: screenshot reading tangotek yayayay bald hussy]

[ID: screenshot reading who are we to deny the carnal appeal of joe hills from nashville tennessee]

[ID: Screenshot reading please for the love of god cyberknife]

[ID: screenshot reading Love me some men in steampunk getup, what can I say.]

[ID: Screenshot reading If you put xisuma on the list i will literally punch you through a screen shit man is BITCHLESS!!!!!!!]

[ID: screenshot reading Zedaph as a rock, Zedaph as a cow]

[ID: Screenshot reading Groan hermitcraft]

[ID: screenshot reading Damp Wilbur Soot]

[ID: Screenshot reading Wilbur soot but in those events he put on where he plays god]

[ID: screenshot reading Hermitcraft S7 Xisuma - specifically StriderSuma]

[ID: Screenshot reading Hermitcraft (Life series)]

[ID: screenshot reading parkour tag (mcc) (misspelled it as fag by accident oh god thank goodness for autocorrect however it would have been a little funny]

[ID: screenshot reading Mayor FalseSymmetry of Cogsmeade. Wel love  girl covered in blood]

[ID: screenshot reading Surprise! its ZombeCleo again! but the s8 hydra8 outfit version when she commmitted to the bit of training keralis and suggested cheating as a valid method]

[ID: screenshot reading Goodtimeswithscar. this is the gtws sexy website, Im obliged]

[ID: screenshot reading Pilriffs. cant stop thinking about the ‘please guys youre drawing me too sexy’]

[ID: screenshot reading Hermitcraft S9 bdubs (i know that moss cloak is hiding those abs)]

[ID: screenshot reading S9 mumbo (we have a movie that didn’t exist, a sexyman with no body, now a sexyman who barely exists)]

[ID: screenshot reading Grain (Grian)]

[ID: screenshot reading bdubs when he is putting someone corrupt into power (hc 7 or 9)]

[ID: screenshot reading Eddie Empires SMP pretty please that’s all]

#Data Crunch Group Chat

[kiwinatorwaffles]

I found This is About a Stuffed Bird bc of you and its one of my favorite fics ever. Do you by chance have more suggestions?

hermitcraft/mcyt fic recs? :0 let's go!!

i get a lot of my fic recs from other friends since i don't really go out and search on my own all too much for this fandom. but there are lots of great works out here! i will be listing out some of my favorites :3 mostly hc but a couple general mcyt ones that i think are an excellent read no matter what. all of the fics i'm listing will be genfic without ships!

also i just realized a lot of my bookmarks are grian-centric which is funny i guess because i am admittedly quite picky about content of my other favorites and grian just tends to have the most content in the fanbase. hope that'll be alright

(i hope some of my friends and mutuals don't mind me tagging them for their works)

hermitcraft longfics:

the last days of the free angel of carrows by @theminecraftbee - loved stuffed bird? here's another great longfic by second! this one is about joe and cleo in an urban fantasy mystery setting. again, second writes our beloved hermits into an captivating au!

leaping and hopping on a moonshadow by @lunarblazes - a fantasy au by luna my beloved! pearl suddenly gains magical powers and goes on a quest to find her long-lost friend grian who might know what's happening to her. she meets a lot of familiar faces along the way!

Recall by @redwinterroses - hey, i was the artist for this one! :D mumbo goes missing, so grian and scar search for him. they find that grumbot has been up to some... things along the way. the fic isn't finished but i think the chapters red put out is worth a read if you don't mind leaving off on a cliffhanger because it really is super interesting

dramaturgy by wormcity - a universe where gem and pearl join in a season 7 that was never finished. mumbo became the mayor, but the turf war went so very wrong afterwards. admittedly i have not finished reading this yet because ummm short on time xD but it's super interesting with a lot of layers of drama(turgy hahaha)!

hermitcraft short fics/oneshots:

for trying. by @autistic-evil-xisuma - a stuffed bird universe oneshot of x and xisuma during their lab days. great if you want to be sad over the doomed brothers again :D

the wheels on the bus by sparxwrites - a hilarious post-s8 oneshot about grian being a little shit towards the watchers. one of the first fics i've read from this fandom and i still love it

a body is an object by ruffboi - grian is a mimic, and pearl's arrival in s8 shakes him up. she hasn't seen him in a while and is quite upset to learn that the grian she knew died a long time ago. a great read for familial connections and conflict of friendships!

Goatman and the Rift by TheDepressedCanary - doc's eldritch powers start acting up when the rift appears. what shenanigans will ensue?

other mcyt fics/crossovers:

late at night, when the stars don't look quite right by @lunarblazes - an excellent empires s1 and hermitcraft crossover longfic, where grian lands into the server and is discovered by pearl! very great worldbuilding and relationships, i especially love the dynamic between gri and pearl and pearl and gem :D

every new discovery is just a reminder by amaranthinecanicular - grian begins pulling alternate versions of the hermits from the life series into the server. he does save a lot of them, but at what cost? it does end on a cliffhanger but this is genuinely one of the most captivating oneshots i've ever read... argghhh

The Fair and the Brave and the Good by @slashmagpie - an afterlife smp longfic centered around the shelby, scott, and sausage. i have never watched afterlife smp before in my LIFE and this is still one of my favorite pieces of literature ever. the characters and worldbuilding is impeccable and perfect if you like something dark with themes of hope and renewal.

Two Can Keep a Secret (If One of Them is Red) by anonymous secretmcblog - a 3L oneshot! ren suspects grian has stockholm syndrome with his pact to stay with scar, but his expectations are wrong. a truly excellent read and one of them first fics i've read! i still go back to reread it from time to time

dog at the door by fluffy_papaya & iamsolarflare - a longfic where doc and ren take a trip on a van on their way to s8. ren, however, is not quite himself, and doc has to learn to befriend the red king.

devil town is colder in the summertime by @bananasofthorns - a oneshot from a 100hsmp/life series d&d au! team BEST ventures into a cursed evil fucked up forest. uh oh.

Interview with the Aftermath by @ranchersrevenge (wanderlasts) - the last life contestants are invited for an interview. the responses vary greatly.

stars, smoke, and stolen car keys by wormcity - a 100hsmp modern au oneshot where grian, scar, and joel go on a hike. it doesn't go quite as they expected.

the beehive state by amaranthinecanicular - a dsmp oneshot after wilbur moves to utah. tommy visits him, and the two reconnect. i have to say i stopped following dsmp a long time ago but this fic made me BAWL. i don't even think you need to know any of the characters that well to really enjoy just how amazing the writing itself is

Can't Go Back (This Time) by @duckmumbo (musicaltvbooks) - soup group goes end raiding and accientally finds themselves in afterlife smp. nothing goes wrong, surely! also admittedly i havent finished reading this either but roy i swear i will. this is a great read nevertheless and the soup group dynamic is impeccable!

TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death by eneliii - on the train of dsmp fics, this is the superhero au longfic that inspired my own hc superhero au, vdhau. it's a lot of funny shenanigans with tommy and his friends. the fic does take a dark turn at the end, but that can be skipped entirely (as said by eneli herself) if you just want the wholesome aspects.

if you don't mind a little self promo, here are some of my fics!

it takes two to play (the game of mutual secrecy) - the aforementioned hermitcraft hero au. this installment is centered around xisuma and evil x as brothers resolving their issues through hero work and solving the mystery of welsknight's disappearance :D there are other works that are set in the same universe if you're interested for more!

how to form the ultimate besties dynamic: an unreliable tutorial by hypnotizd - a oneshot! hypno is a warlock who goes treasure hunting under the sea. he meets a guardian who later becomes his unlikely friend.

smoke and mirrors, the hunt perseveres - grian's arrival in empires s2 unwittingly brings the watchers' suspicions with him. cue jimmy freaking out and a lot of shenanigans.

ballad of etho’s lab - my newest installment! a oneshot about etho's storied life as the redstone god.

i'm also currently working on the sequel to the game of mutual secrecy and a new (well not exactly new since i made concept art for it) au called private detective gem tasey! these will likely be released sometime late january or february. have fun with these fic recs! i haven't been reading as much lately but i hope ill be able to find more if anyone else asks in the future. cheers!

edit: the fics are out! here they are!

hiding in plain sight (the meaning of trust) - sequel to the hermitcraft hero au! it follows an escaped lab rat trying to acquaint themselves with human society while avoiding suspicion and making friends with familiar faces from tgms ;D

private detective gem tasey: a rotten mystery in london - a hermitcraft detective au where gem gets hired for a case that spirals completely into drama and politics!

#birdhouse inquiries #why am i hereagain tag #writing #hermitcraft #mcyt

[mcyt-enthusiast]

MCYT incorrect quotes my beloved:

Tango: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!

Tango: I'M GOING TO K-

Zedaph: I did?

Tango: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Zedaph.

*walking away*

Zedaph:

Zedaph: He's gone Impulse.

Impulse, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth: Twankh uh!

Jimmy: I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Joey's phone number just by choosing random numbers.

Lizzie: Joel likes to win. When he was 8, a little Club Scout friend of his bragged that they could sell the most cookies.

Lizzie: Damned if Joel didn't walk the neighborhood till he got blisters on his feet, and won by 10 boxes.

Lizzie: Best part is, Joel wasn't even a Club Scout.

BDubs: What's the straightest thing you've ever done?

Etho: *sighs*

Etho: I killed a man.

Doc: You either buckle down and do your work or you'll end up at McDonalds.

BDubs: We're going to McDonalds if I don't do my work?

Doc: NO-

Doc: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?

Grian: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Scar, deer!"

Doc: ...And what did Scar do?

Grian: ...He said "Yes, Honey?"

Scott: I don't want to fight you!

Jimmy: I wouldn't want you to fight me either!

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Scar: Oh no, that's terrible!

Grian: Did they win?

Shelby: So, are you two friends?

Joey: Yes.

Katherine: No.

Jimmy: I'm in love with you.

Scott: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Jimmy: I know.

Scott: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Oli: Can I offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

Shelby: Ooh, somebody has a crush

Jimmy: Pfft, I don't have a crush on Scott I just think he's cool, it's not like I stay up at night thinking about him.

*Later that night*

Jimmy, very much awake: Uh oh.

Jimmy: Where is Tango?

Etho: I'll do you one better, who is Tango??

Scott: Here's a better question, why is Tango?

Xisuma: Y'know, maybe things aren't so bad. I'm here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts.

Grian: Hey, Xisuma.

Xisuma: GODDAMNIT!

Mumbo: Did it hurt when you fell-

Grian: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-

Mumbo: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Grian: ...

Mumbo: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Tango: What's your biggest fear?

Mumbo: That I'll never be good enough for anyone.

Scar: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Grian: Zombies.

Mumbo: ...

Scar: ...

Grian: BUT they can open doors.

BDubs, rushing into the room: It's terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!

Impulse: BDubs, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Etho, would you get BDubs some water?

Etho: What is he gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, "Thank God, the water's here!"?

Tango: Jimmy likes to say 'you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,' but I happen to believe you can be both.

Ren: Where are you going?

Etho: Hell, eventually.

Lizzie: *Talking to Joel* Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Welcome to my abode. I'm glad you could join me.

FWhip: But this is my abode.

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: Welcome to my abode, I'm so happy to have you, guest.

Impulse: I think we can all agree I'm the ten amongst these threes.

Jimmy, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Scott: *half asleep* Jimmy, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it's for *gestures vaguely to himself* queens.

BigB: Hey Cleo, can you give me the opposite of these words?

BigB: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

Cleo: Never, Going, To, Give, You-

Cleo: The satisfaction.

Martyn: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

Martyn: Hey, do you know the password to Cleo's computer?

Scott: Screw you, Martyn.

Martyn: Hey!!

Scott: No, you misunderstood, the password is "screwyouMartyn".

Martyn: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Pearl: Real life should have a search function, or something.

Pearl: I need my socks.

FWhip: So you like cats?

Sausage: Yeah.

FWhip: *tries to impress him by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

FWhip: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Scott: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Jimmy: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Oli: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

Doc, about Etho: He's speaking some kind of French.

Ren: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

Impulse: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?

Tango: Making four accounts.

Impulse, tearing up: Really...?

Jimmy: *yawns*

Scott: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Jimmy: Then you must be exhuasted.

Joey: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

Scar, to Mumbo: If BDubs doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.

BDubs, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Lizzie: Joel annoyed me today so I told him that I can't wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Gem: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Lizzie: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.

#ldshadowlady #geminitay #BDubs #bdoubleo100 #MumboJumbo #goodtimeswithscar #smajor1995 #dangthatsalongname #solidaritygaming #impulsesv #TangoTek #rendog #EthosLab #Docm77 #theorionsound #oli orionsound #FWhip #MythicalSausage #pearlescentmoon #InTheLittleWood #ZombieCleo #bigbst4tz2 #Grian #Xisuma #xisumavoid #ShubbleYT #Shelby Shubble #joel smallishbeans #SmallishBeans #Zedaph