#mostly i'm just tired lol

[esaari]

honk

#idk if this fandom is alive anymore but here's burnt toast man #shall i tag this shit.......... sure lets tag this shit #payday 2 #payday #hoxton #was thinkin about how therell be another one of these games and felt the sudden urge to draw the fave again #payday tumblr sure was fun to be part of back in the day #anyways i'm off to bed... been insanely tired today and hopefully i'll get to some of the art on my to do list #tomorrow i meant to say. hope to get to it tomorrow lol #i have some nice ones there. though. mostly ones i won't be able to post here lmfao #maybe throw in oc with pride flag thing on this list so i'll have sth posting worthy. #in a non related note at the end here i just finished playing tlou on the pc and it was so much fun... never did finish it on the console #just watched others play through it #i smell an AU but i'll keep that to myself because whomst cares #honk honk good night

[lovvecherrymotion]

i've had more than one friend harassed over fanfic/shipping now and i'm so fucking done.

i know i don't have a lot of followers and i'd hope most people around here don't do it but if you think this is in any way acceptable, unfollow me. there are real people behind the screen and bullying them and sending them hate is not justifiable at all.

if you don't like something, unfollow/block/ignore. move along.

#joker out #i'm sorry i know we should let the discourse die #i'm just tired of seeing people get hurt over this #and when it involves MY friends??? people i care about??? yeah sorry i can't do this shit #do i personally believe a lot of it comes down to the nature of internet communication which isn't always great for nuanced conversations #which then leads to situations escalating when they didn't have to? #yes i do and i mostly kept discussion about all of this limited to private spaces/convos with people i trust #and also i believe problems/tensions in the fandom had been brewing for a couple of months now lol #but right now it's just fucking impossible to even exist as a fan around here jfc #anyway fuck you if you send anon hate it doesn't matter to who it's pathetic

[mooodyblue]

so sorry for disappearing :( i miss yall lots. i open tumblr every day and think ill finally reply to people and reply to asks but then i just don't do it. i feel bad that i always have to come here and apologize (even though i know i shouldn't have to or feel the need to) and i always feel like im being down 24/7 /:

truthfully i stepped away because my depression has been at it's worst and everything is beginning to feel like a chore and i don't want to bring that energy here at all :(

i miss you guys and i'm going to try and get my shit together soon and reply to everyone. hope everyone is well ❤️

#ive been mostly on twt tbh #but yea #im sorry guys #im just like #not okay #this has been a very bad month #and life is very overwhelming and im overwhelmed and tired and just #im trying so hard #everything fr just crashed all at once tonight and i felt like i should come say smth tonight lol #i really need to come back and write but it's not making me feel better #i've also been busy trying to find online work because i have no money and nobody is taking me #there's just #so much going on #between money issues and me being soooooooo lonely that it's eating away at me i'm just dusbsjsshxjsj #anyway #idk if im gonna post again after this for a hot min i kinda wanna wait till march #we'll see

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!' #(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi... #i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭 #i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh... #uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂 #i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say... #i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media / #without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ???? #i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀 #i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭 #who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

[thornheartless]

The occasional urge to be otherkin on main Vs wanting to keep that on my sideblog so I don't have to explain it

#thorn talks #okay to reblog. if you happen to relate lol #i have been in the alterhuman community since 2014 and have felt like this my entire life #sometimes it just gets tiring having to explain yourself over and over #hence why i generally keep it to a sideblog #because the people who follow that are generally familiar with the community or part of it #so i don't need to explain much unless i want to #with my main though it's like. i post and reblog a lot of different things so i mostly have nonkin following me here #who either have no idea what i'm talking about or only know the misinformation fuelled views #there's an irony to posting this on my main but

[bahoreal]

i want to make my stand for aro/arospec ted. i truly believe the creators and writers did not intend for this (possibly because they didnt know its a thing lol) but:

doesnt date for three years in richmond, is completely happy and satisfied with his platonic friendships and his fatherhood

sleeps with sassy multiple times before asking her out (needs some kind of connection to someone before he can think about a romantic entanglement)

wasnt actually offended or upset about sassy saying no, was more upset about her calling him a mess

canonically is not good at romance and michelle felt overwhelmed by him (doesnt know what people actually like in romance just goes overboard with romantic gestures. this isnt common to all aros but i know i get this lol)

i think we should think a little deeper about arospec ted who mistakes intense platonic feelings for romantic feelings

#im just throwing things out there. thinking thoughts. give me arospec ted feeling romantic feelings for the first time in a long time #and being viscerally uncomfortable with them lol #demiromantic?? #im also very sleep deprived please be nice i dont know if this makes sense #real tho. im making ted demi in my fic but thats mostly by accident and im not really gonna call it out #id love to see a fic with that as the focus but I'm unlikely to write it lol #TEDTRENT. god my mind is broken i added more tags to say id love a tedtrent fic where ted experiences Romance #third edit and i remembered to put names in. im so tired guys #.jtxt

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I mean... I don’t not ship it.

#this is about zerxus and asmodeus #critical role #exandria unlimited #exu calamity #exu spoilers #cr spoilers #exu lb #this is also... mostly... a joke #i'm just tired and being dumb lol my jokes are bad enough when i'm not tired

[sdwolfpup]

I've been thinking a lot lately about why 'Larry Lannister' bothers me so much, and it finally hit me the other day that it's because I genuinely love show Jaime as much as I love book Jaime, and to see an enormous chunk of the JB fandom hating a character I love -- one who is theoretically part of our shared OTP -- is demoralizing.

People in this fandom hate lots of characters I love (Ned Stark, step right up!), and it doesn't bother me, but this one hurts because... listen, I know as well as anyone that the show ending for Jaime was disappointing and upsetting and felt wrong. And it makes me furious! But it doesn't make me furious at Jaime. I'm mad at D&D; I'm upset for Jaime. But I feel like calling him Larry Lannister and writing him off entirely is abandoning him to his canon fate, which is exactly the opposite of what fandom does. I think people are quick to do it because there is also book Jaime, but book Jaime isn't exactly the same as show Jaime, and there are things I like better about show Jaime than book Jaime (and vice versa, since people get touchy about this; I was a book fan long before the show came out).

Of course fans are all going to respond differently to source material; there are book fans who've hated the show and everything it stands for for a while, and show fans who never got into the books and never will, and fans like me who loved the books and the show and hold the two canons in our heads in a sort of amorphous, two-headed blob of a source.

I think having the two canons that are so close to each other but different in some critical ways has been a blessing and a curse for this fandom. The blessing is that it's made the characters more identifiable as concrete archetypes; IMO there are fundamental things about Jaime and Brienne (and Ned and Arya and Tyrion etc.) that carry across both canons that have become my defining characteristics of these characters. And that makes it much easier to write them in all of these many wonderful AUs we get, both canon-based and beyond. But the curse is that there's so much more internal disagreement, and with one canon being closed so disappointingly and the other being open with no idea (or chance of knowing, IMO) of how it's ending, I completely understand people embracing the canon that hasn't actively hurt them.

But I also hate leaving behind characters I love, even if it's for similar characters i also love.

So that's why it bugs me. I don't want to leave show Jaime behind, spitting on his metaphorical grave as I go. I'm not interested in punishing him for choices that were made by writers and showrunners. I want to bring him with us and take care of him and tell him not to worry because he belongs to the fandom now and we're going to give him the story he deserved. He and Brienne earned that.

Idk, I'm not trying to change anyone's mind on the ending of the show, it is what it is and what it was hurt, I don't disagree. And I'm genuinely glad people have book JB to be their happy place! I'm just expressing my feelings on the show characters, in case there are any other show JB fans still hanging on in the fandom, heh. You're not alone! We can wrap show JB in blankets and feed them soup in our little cottage in the woods.

#jaime lannister #i just think it is possible to never forgive d&d for what they did #and to not hate jaime the character #but that's just me #and i am very tired #of the way this fandom shits on show jaime (and brienne but that's a post for another time) #(because when i eventually post that i'm not gonna be as reasonable lol) #anyway. mostly this boils down to: i wish people could love the thing they love without having to be cruel about the thing they hate #\ (ツ) / #i wrote this post MONTHS ago btw #i keep waiting for it to not be relevant #but it never does

[mattodore]

probably the most important tests i've taken for mattodore 🧑‍💻

#theo's on the left and matthias is on the right btw... though i think you can tell that just based on the percentage bars 😭 #matthias fr just likes everything. love my little hedonist <333 #river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #echthroi #oc extras #uh..... #nsft #...??? idk they're words on a screen but just in case #the 41% non-monogamist vs. 81%... lol #idk if i mentioned this before but while mattodore are monogamist they do still have sex with other people together #but bc of how jealous theo is the threesomes they have have a general no-touch rule wrt matthias #like he's entirely off limits to their third. theo is very strict abt this too... he'll be immediately taken out of a scene #if a hand even grazes matthias's skin... which is funny considering they mostly have threesomes with women anyway bc of his jealousy #and yet he still reacts poorly. like theo knows matthias is gay it's just that he's jealous in a completely irrational way #matthias likes it tho <3 it pleases him like nothing else to watch theo snap at someone not to touch him. like he's rock solid every time 🤷 #guy whose jealousy meter is always at zero vs. guy whose jealous meter is always at a hundred... incredible dynamic imo #anyway......... i edited two other screenshots too but they're just for me <3 and i think i'm getting tired now #so i'm going to try to sleep. i'm counting on this jerma stream to keep my brain busy until i pass out. #if that doesn't work then i'll be scooping out my brain w/ a spoon as an alternative

[sysig]

Some further TMPs (Patreon)

#Doodles #Tamagotchi #So unfortunately by this time the first lineage has passed #We managed to raise them to the final(ish) TMP! TMP 4 anyhow #Unfortunately I'm of the belief that they do actually weaken from inbreeding lol - maybe not that sophisticated but like #I'm pretty sure the further you get along the more demanding they are so if you want to raise a ''perfect'' lineage it takes some work! #For the first playthrough we got the cute chonky lads - there named Bay and Bug (nicknamed Lord and Lady for funsies) #And then their babies and then /their/ babies lol #At this point I still only had the Osutchi so I only got to see Bug and Pollina in passing but Bug was soooo cuuuuute #Such adorable little designs <3 I might like the stark mostly-black with white detail designs the most haha #The generations ended with the Mesu first and smol tapped out - fair since I was starting to get tired myself #I still raised them for a bit but I eventually failed at getting the final-final evolution while I was on track #I came back and he had died from sickness :( Poor weak immunity lad </3 #But I've restarted again and am playing solo :) I'm on TMP 2 and about to move to 3! With different evolutions! #I've also set the clocks a bit differently so they're not waking me up early anymore lol - it's just nicer all around :) #And! And!! I got a Gen2 rerelease! :D #Another died to sickness >:0 But at least I got them to adulthood first and Gen2s don't reproduce haha #I'm planning to play through as many of the evolutions as I can - I really want the alien lookin' guy! Love me a good alien haha #It's a fun little game :)

[seekingthestars]

me: man my shoulder/neck have been hurting for weeks, i'm gonna sit with the heat pack on them to see if that helps

my body: oh that's cute, guess what's that gonna get ya? mild heat rash HAVE FUN

me: okay well at least they don't hurt anymore, right?

my body: INCORRECT

me: okayyyy well nothing ELSE hurts at least?

my body: FOOT PAIN

me: _(: 」∠)_

#personal #this all sounds very dramatic and it's not quite as dramatic as it sounds lol #but my shoulder/neck HAVE been hurting for weeks #and i did accidentally give myself what i'm pretty sure is mild heat rash from the heat pack in my attempts to make that feel less awful #so that's annoying #but i also got it to a place rn where it barely hurts (KNOCK ON WOOD PLS DON'T CURSE THIS FOR ME) #so now it's mostly just the prickly/stinging heat rash annoyance #foot did start hurting right as neck started to calm down a bit though but it's not bad just sorta mildly annoying?? #i am simply tired of being in some kind of pain lol #i have also taken to ignoring my to do list and instead just laying around playing video games/watching things when i can #and that's a nice change of pace lol #i can't ignore the list forever but it's getting ignored for a little bit at least jfieowafew

[plushchimera]

I hope your doing well plush, hugs for you 🫂

hugs back to you 🫂 and a boop on top 🐾

#i'm mostly fine #just perpetually tired #the usual lol #thank u friend #i too hope u r doing well

[coridallasmultipass]

Felt cute, might deteriorate later. [He/Him]

#feels like im in hell um #shibuya to belgium #anyway did my eyebrows perfectly but its night and ill prob sleep em off so ugh #im so tired bro i went thru my arm workout THREE times today bc of stress and anxiety #not to mention body dysphoria on top of the health concerns im trying to not think about anything rn so selfie time #OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG #but tbh not enough im still hurting with stress #could fuckin go for another round but i rly gotta try n sleep bc i get to cry abt all this in therapy tmr yaaaaay #fuckin hate that i cant treat endo lmao its like living in a cage w a tiger and not knowing when its gonna attack or give a love bite #anyway not to be a crybaby but yeah im not okay and dont know how im expected to go on lol #thought i looked good in my red light but ended up w a good orange light pic #wish i could show off my arms but its not impressive. mostly just feels nice to be like... solid lol #wish i could afford a gym #so my face will have to do for now hope i dont regret posting selfies at almost midnight lol #me #selfie #Cori.exe #Image.exe #ignore my chapped lips pls my dermatillomania has been rampant for the past like 2 days lmao i never stood a chance #hhhhh idk what to tag beyond this fence sitting whether to post or not so im just gon post and then go sleep hffff

[gurenmonster]

hello hi don't send me asks about anything wedding related, i don't like speculating on how other people feel, that's not my place and i'll share my opinion on things when i want to ^^"

#sorry just don't want to talk about it anymore i'm very tired and feels invasive even if it's public stuff lol #they're all adults. we're all mostly adults we can be mature about this yea? #i'm not even tagging this lol #g chat

[punkindness]

long rambling personal about chronic pain under the cut

on thursday's pt session they were having me work with someone different cause my usual was taking time off. he asked if anywhere hurt more during an exercise and i said my knees and he got all serious and had me do a thumb hypermobility stretch and asked if eds runs in my family, if i experience any other joint pain and for how long. i told him 'uh idk' and 'yes all over' and 'as long as i can remember but it's gotten really bad in recent years and i also have nerve pain' and then we just kinda looked at each other. and then he was like '...alright keep going with the exercise, i'm thinking' and at the end when he said goodbye he seemed like sad or guilty and opened the door for me and i didn't realize why at the time because the session had been harder than any of the others but not like insane but OH MY FUCKING GOD has my pain been bad this weekend. it's times like these that i'm glad i live with my family.

and also. i researched eds in more depth and. it's fucking uncanny. how the hell did this not come up when i was researching before because it is like exact and touches on some symptoms i hadn't even considered to be related to my pain. if it's not heds it's probably hsd i guess?? which is

#i was really weirdly happy at first when everything but the skin stuff was accurate to my symptoms #just cause for so long i've thought my pain was all in my head that i was going crazy #after the lower back xray and the arthritis blood tests came back normal i didn't know what else to think #so suddenly being able to find a community of people who are experiencing the same kind of symptoms and pain #and sharing tips for how to get through it? it's so cool! #but that sort of honeymoon phase in regards to it only lasted a day or so because this flare up is fuckin rough #now i'm mostly trying not to be worried about my abormally high heart rate #and trying not to give in to the allure of screens when i inevitably wake up in pain in the middle of the night #(i obviously broke tonight lol) #personal #vent #also the timing of this was insane because i made a friend with eds a few weeks ago and even did a quick google #afterwards cause we are both so similar that maybe our joint pain also has the same cause? #but i didn't even let myself get past the words “hypermobility” before exiting out because i've never considered myself to be flexible #if i had even kept scrolling for 10 more seconds i would have seen the line up of symptoms that almost completely matches mine lol #sorry for the rambling prolly gonna delete later im just tired and cant stop thinking about it cause yknow #pain