#maybe ill never be able to talk about it

[jaxlightstairs]

Trying to live again after reading "A little life". It's one of the best books I've ever read.

#i cannot talk much about it rn #maybe ill never be able to talk about it #jude you will be always in my thoughts #jude and willem is one of the best relationships I've ever seen #its so real #harold i love you forever #andy thank you for being my emotional support #JB and malcolm you're so realistic characters #a little life

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

[theygender]

Apparently the scene you get with Shadowheart if you get her approval all the way up and then tell her you want to get to spend time with her is the same one you're supposed to get at the tiefling party, which means if you trigger it early you may not get any scene with her at the party at all. This made things pretty confusing when I showed up expecting to advance my romance with her and instead she just gave me some generic "lol wine is good huh" dialogue meanwhile every other companion* BUT her was actively trying to jump my bones... Literally just had to beat everyone else off of my Tav with a stick and then go to bed alone 😔

*Except Lae'zel, who instead went on an unprompted rant about how she knew I wanted to fuck her sooo bad but I had Pissed Her Off by making her be Nice to People so now she would NEVER allow me the pleasure of having crazy hot githyanki sex with her. (She propositioned me a few days later anyways)

#i seem to have accidentally started a romance with lae'zel astarion AND gale in addition to shadowheart 😭 #like the next day i had a notice to talk with astarion and it was the scene where hes talking about not being able to see his reflection #and it was literally like dodging fucking bullets trying to pick an option that wasnt flirting #i ended up having to pick some mean dialogue that was like 'maybe its for the best youre not exactly aging gracefully' #bc the ONLY other two options were like 'tell him you think hes beautiful' and 'gaze lovingly into his eyes' or some shit #and i was like '...okay im picking the mean one but i mean it as a joke. maybe it can be a joke' and i picked it an he was all horrified #but then the next dialogue gave me an option to say 'lol im just kidding' and i was like PHEW #but then he just went back to being fucking flirty again and was like 'really~ well then tell me what you like about me the most' or smth #and i was like FUCK. NO #but then the next dialogue tree in addition to having the normal flirty options had three additional options #that were like 'youre fine. but lae'zel/gale/shadowheart? now theres real beauty' #and i was like. fuckin. OKAY #ill wonder wtf those other two are doing there later but for now ill pick the one where i tell him in interested in shadowheart #so i picked that option and this bitch fucking APPROVED. told me he was going to have to work harder to keep up with his competition #like SIR. what do you MEAN competition. i let you bite me ONE time bc you said you were dying of thirst and i wanted to help a bro out #and then the next morning i immediately told you i didnt like it and i never wanted it to happen again #what do you mean competition dude you arent even on my radar 😭 im a DYKE #and why were lae'zel and gale there as options too?? #the next night i got gales weave scene where he shows my character how to use magic #(my tav was pretty unimpressed as a fellow mage tbh but hes my friend and i was being polite) #and when i clicked the option to clearly say at the end that i was not interested in having an intimate moment with gale #he got all misty eyed and was like 'oh how quickly these moments fade away...' #like bro the moment didnt fade away i politely shut it down on purpose bc im not interested. what are you talking about #and THEN i got lae'zel trying to fuck me and when i turned her down she gave me the exact same dialogue #about how i would miss out on having hot githyanki sex with her. AGAIN #yall im JUST trying to romance shadowheart 😭 leave me alone #if anyone else is gonna try to trap me into flirting with them then at least let it be karlach next time please 😭🙏 #(ill come back for lae'zel on another playthrough bc being between her and shadowheart sounds like a safety hazard tbh) #rambling

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is #all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much #because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions #mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect #and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it #it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter #but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but #mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read #cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about #how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron #separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward #the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not #allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i #talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand #so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday #and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having #a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself #sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like #reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for. #the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it #doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of #ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put #myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing #unrelated

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists. #so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨ #like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly. #ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol' #like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back. #i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too. #I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

You have Immpecable taste tbh. Kaito is great!!! For me, I think Kaede is my favorite & Tsumugi is my second favorite. I don't know about everyone else though, I think Kokichi is pretty high but it's harder to say because I have Complicated feelings on him. I also really love Himiko, Tenko, and Angie tbh! And Maki as well!!! Kaede is definitely number one and Tsumugi is definitely number two but I'd be very hard pressed to order everyone else tbh. Kirumi is definitely last place though, she got under my skin at the trial, though I definitely see her appeal too! It's hard for me to place Korekiyo bc I hate what they did to him in canon, but I think that's less his fault and more how the narrative treats him (he's a victim of his implied to be much older sister, and yet he's treated like a freak at best). So I... don't really know where to put him?? Because I see his potential but my God did canon do him awful. Kaito is great though! If you want a good Kaito fic I'd recommend Still a Hero by elyvorg, it's the first fanfic I think of when I think "Kaito"!

Interesting, thanks for the fic rec!!

I definitely could not do a proper sequential ranking of all the v3 characters beyond my top few, but I see the appeal in all of them. Even ones I have more complicated feelings on ghdsjkfsd

Kaede is an excellent choice though, she's definitely up there for me as well. I'm so excited to get to v3 with my friend and see kaede again...

#pluto answers #Thank you.. I love my favs so dearly #I hope people at least feel neutral about the birthday bashes I do for my favs ghdsjkfsd #unsure how I will source 50 gonta posts I've never seen before on gonta's birthday next year. Literally might not be able to do that #Although.. considering how many people responded to me talking about wanting to run a gonta week #maybe Ill just do something else next year

[ezpegs]

trying to figure out who I want to be and what I want to look like ig

trans men and trans masc folks are so cool and strong and good and sometimes t looks really good but I could not do a second puberty. some o yall are fuckin brave as fuck

#nsft #nsft art #cw top surgery scars #cw trans talk #idk just letting people know but tags are after #continuing in the tags itd be nice if i could just shape shift #anyways sex has really helped me explore my gender and thats been so odd to me bc for a long time they were separate #my partner is pansexual and weve had a lot of talks about it and thats helped #but... im still not fully settled in who i am and who i want tonbe #when it comes to physicality #and maybe ill never be THERE #wherever that is #but i can get closer i think #also lbr #me with a strap? #so much power. domination supreme #i take so much pride in being able to satisfy my partners i would be too fucking strong #also shoutout to wetforher.com #who sells some of what i drew #mostly the jockstrap harness #i love u lesbians thank u lesbians #everyone say thank you dykes and butches and faggots <3 #genuinely there site made me go *oh fuck yes* so many times dhdksksk #trans art #hmmm thats it #ive never really posted something like this before #well. Gababooby exists #but idk we'll see where it goes. not like i have any followers besides people i actually know so if you see this #thats your choice homie #my art

[puppyeared]

weird that the shape of love is two beating hearts glued together and not two hands holding each other

#well technically it comes from the shape of two hearts sewn together but i dont know how that translates to romance.. literally its kinda #disturbing but symbolically i guess it is kind of sweet #my friend and i were talking and she said something about someone saying a lover cant just be a friend you can kiss but i think i disagree #i kind of think the point of a lover IS a friend you can kiss because like it must get exhausting having to convince yourself you can only #feel romantic things towards your lover right? i mean i dont know if my feelings are shaped like anyone else's so maybe its more of a case #by case basis. for me id like someone whose hand i can hold and i can make pancakes for them and maybe kiss but like not strictly romantic #and not strictly platonic. and my feelings are all over the place because one day ill be really into someone i like and another day ill be #really chill about it. so its hard to say what i feel for someone if its always changing #maybe thats why i think lovers should be friends you can kiss because its coming from my way of feeling? hmmm #like i want to be able to say i love you and mean it romantically one day and then say love you in a platonic way the next day and itd be #ok?? does that make sense??? like i know its the same phrase but its like the feeling i put with it is different each time. idk #its why i find dating someone hard because its constantly going up and down and its never balanced. itd probably really confusing unless i #were to date someone whose feelings works the same way. just some food for thought i guess but then again every relationship needs work #im not sure if that fits into the category of work though.. i cant tell myself what im going to feel #it just happens and theres not much i can really do about it except tell that person what im feeling. hnnnnnhhgh #maybe its better if i just stick to watching fictional couples work it out lmao #yapping #txt

[prestonmonterey]

ughhhh someone kill me i think i might like stay on the third floor today i actually cant deal with her today

#marble musings #vent #shes the only person in my 'friend' group who has the same free block as me #and shes actually a nightmare to be around #im always worried shes gonna take my stuff #(she likes taking my wolf from my hands and my cat ears off my head #and laughs it off as a joke even after i tell her not to??) #and i cant even escape her bc the new friend group that im kind of maybe a part of #she just shows up sometimes #and its awful bc ive seen her make some of my friends uncomfortable and is entirely unapologetic about it #and shes really loud and makes everything about herself and makes conversations impossible #and its annoying bc she kept complaining about not being able to talk to me during free block bc i have headphones on #to listen to music and/or do work #and i was like #'ok you can talk to me if you want idc' #and now she talks to me nonstop during free block regardless of if i tell her i need to get work done #and her existence just kinda stresses me out #but ive never found the right time to tell her to stop #and i cant sit inside where all the tables are bc we usually sit there #and i cant sit outside bc its prolly wet and also she'll find me #and idk if im even allowed to sit upstairs but i kinda have to bc i really dont want to deal with her today #i need like a proper excuse for why im wearing headphones #she doesnt care that i listen to podcasts #and i don have anything to edit #ummmm #i don actually have any hw other than like studying for my math test #fuck ok i guess ill do that #idk what class shes in #umm #if shes also in honors ill cry

[chrismcshell]

due to Circumstances, there is a greater-than-zero chance that my sister and i will have a dog soon

#ray speaks #yeah so i mentioned this yesterday but our uncle has suddenly fallen ill. as of today he is responding well to treatment but-- #--he will be in the hospital for a while and will never fully recover. #he and his wife have 2 dogs; a dachshund and a jack russell. wife finds it hard to care for both dogs by herself. #when my uncle came to visit us he brought his dachshund with him so that his wife would only have to worry about her jack russell #now uncle will probably no longer be able to care for the dogs like he used to... and all this might be too much for his wife.... #and my sister and i live fairly close to them; and they don't really have other family or friends nearby...... #so. my sister and i talked about it briefly today & we decided we are willing to take one of the dogs if it comes to that. #really it would be my sister taking the dog but we live together so. we would have a dog. in our home #it's only a Maybe right now; just a Possibility #but..... it really is a possibility. it really is #we might end up with a funny lil wirehaired dachshund in our house. a fuzzy lil guy #or we could theoretically end up with the jack russell but really the dachshund is uncle's dog & the jack russell is his wife's #so *if* we take one of the dogs it would *most likely* be the dachshund #regardless. really crazy developments happening in our lives right now

[bogos-bint3d]

Oooooooo you wanna find me great incredible Undyne centric content that I haven't seen before and will be consumed by ooooooooooo

#i say this because you genuinely cannot understand just how insane over her i am that i have legitimately seen almost all the interesting- #-content about her #i am not fucking kidding #if its on like the first 3 pages of anywhere ive searched for her ever. i have seen it. tumblr youtube ao3 google i HAVE SEEN!!!!!!! #ok well not as much with ao3. simply because im always searching for something specific on there. so like. there probably will be some- #-really good things on there i havent seen yet #but still. i have very high standards if there is anything I don't like ill spontaneously combust #and im legitimately like 94% i know literally every single thing about her mentioned in the game. so you wont be able to surprise me with- #-anything there either. but also you never really know so #i mean yeah just feel free to talk to me about her at any time. I wont be able to start the conversation. because like i just cant #but if you mention something interesting enough in the first sentence ill probably be able to keep the conversation going for a good while #sorry i probably sound really rude and snobbish rn cause im all like ''ugh i already know everything im so smart'“ #''whatever show me will be beneath me'' BUT I SWEAR THAT IS NOT HOW IM TRYING TO COME OFF #IM REALLY REALLY SORRY I JUST GENUINELY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GET ACROSS HOW I N E E D IT TO BE SOMETHING NEW AND SOMETHING THAT ILL REALLY- #REALLY WANT TO SEE #IM SO SO SORRY I HATE THAT I SOUND SO RUDE HERE I JUST. like guys i just really want to see something new‚ something thatll make me happy. #sigh #okokok. #all good guys #uhm. yeah. maybe if you find something maybe tell me but also idk because what if i already know about it then dont know what to say. i just #i j . i dont even know man #ok im done #undyne

[moonstandardtime]

love my digital art class but god it is filling me with rage and hatred for adobe.

#my post #i hope im able to use my tablet in classes when i transfer #bc good lord. this shit is impossible #i would be done with this project already .. but im not even halfway through. #its due on friday too and i cant get adobe illustrator on my laptop and work on it outside class bc adobe wont fucking COOPERATE WITH ME. #its trying to make me pay. girl the school is already paying for it for me what the hell are you talking about. let me in #i should talk to the professor..oogh but theres so much other stuff i havent done for either of the classes i have with this professor #bc of that unnecessarily long quarantine i had to do right at the beginning of the semester putting me behind #and i would feel bad abt asking for an extension for whats basically the only assignment ive actually done for both of their classes #i would feel less bad i think if i had accommodations for this kinda stuff. but i never actually went to get any and now it wouldnt be worth #it bc im not gonna be at this school next semester. and i only have these two classes that i have anything to do for #oh right this post is abt adobe #.. i dont think id be able to fully finish this assignment on time even with an extension #bc adobe illustator. like i said. is filling me with rage #it is so tedious and finicky and unnecessarily complicated and doesnt have the tools i like and i cant find a fill tool or how to make the #eraser smaller and im using a fucking. mouse. a mouse that i cant right click with btw bc we're using apple computers and the mice are lite #rally just one button. #i love this professor and i enjoy the projects but good GOD. i hate the tools so much #maybe ill ask them for an extension and if i could do it. not on adobe

[mkscatgirl]

Got 103% on my first assignment of the semester 😎

#me last night: maybe i suck at everything and ill never be able to have a satisfying level of knowledge in any course cause maybe im stupi #stupider than i think and maybe im not physically capable of putting in the work to do well and maybe im stuck being mediocre or bad #at everything i do ever #me today: i literally got a perfect grade im so cool and smart 😎 😌 #i mean the assignment was veryyyyy easy but i was expecting like 90% for some technicality in presentation #but instead i got full marks and a bonus mark for my presentation being so good :) #im taking this as a sign from the universe to NOT give up #also in talking with my bf last night i was talking about how his belief in me began to feel like a negative pressure but then i was remind #reminded about how it orginally gave me motivation (permission) to believe in myself again and try harder which like brought me back to that #that feeling rather than what my mind had twisted it to which was just what if im stuck with sucking and i actually wont be able to achieve #this potential that me AND my bf who i respect and look up to academically both believe is there #which when combined with the fact that i generally worry that i suck at things felt like ASSSSSSSSSSSS #but now im like no. i will do my best. and if that sucks then it sucks. but chances are. i dont actually suck.

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#its been rough these last couple days. all this stuff with dream strangely just makes me miss techno alot #plus the techno tribute during minecraft live. people talking about his passing during phils stream. i just keep being reminded #and its hard. its really fucking hard because any time i think too hard about it im just reminded that hes gone and i miss him so much #i just want him back. i just wanna listen to his laugh and voice and his little jokes that always me laugh and made me happy #i want to see him go live so he can be his charming. awkward self as he hangs out with his friends #i wish he was on stage and not fucking dream cause i miss and love him so much and it hurts alot and i donf knkw what to do #i know i have no option but to keep going. but god i miss him so nuch. i reallt wanted to meet him one day #and give him a hug if he was comfortable with it. i just wanted to exist with him for a little while longer. just for a bit #sometimes i still wish that ill go to sleeo one day and ill wake up and everything will be normal and he'll be back and everything is okay #its just that the grief has been aggressive lately. i love him and i never want to forget him. it just hurts alot sometimes #at least i have my techno plushies. i hope he knows that hes loved. and maybe just smile wherever he is #i love you techno. maybe in another life it'll be kinder and ill be able to tell you that

[dragqueenpentheus]

not to be like. A Freak in the tags but

#sometimes things cross over from like. passion i love and NEED to create about #to like. SO COMPLEX AND BEAUTIFUL WITH SO MANY LAYERS THAT IT BECOMES HOLY AND I JUST. CANT MAKE ABOUT IT ANYMORE. #and that happened w ruehob WEEKS ago but god tonight hit it home SOOOO HARD #like. i'll need to marinate with this ship. consume the entire canon. dissect it later by layer. #and then maybe be able to make things #other ships that fall into this category are and have been. valvert. fitzier. jupeter. #like we are talking heavy hitters that i've tried to name myself after levels here #obiwan and anakin too....... #i wanna make but it's SOOOOOO #THEY ARE SOOOOOOOO #like. rue doesn't care and doesn't THINK about the consiquences of their actions. meanwhile hob is so completely fixated on his consequences #that he doesn't let himself be a PERSON #like. he needs orders so the consiquences are other peoples and the pain and horror he sees himself enacting has that degree of separation #and then RUE OUT HERE LIKE. HM. MY PRIORITY IS LOVE. BECAUSE I NEVER TASTED IT. BUT I KNOW ITS REAL. ILL DO MY VERY BEST TO MAKE LOVE HAPPEN #AT ALL TIMES #AND I WILL NOT AT ALL CONSIDER THE IMPLICATIONS OF MY ACTIONS THANK YOU 💖 #like god rue is sO. i think they are the one i really have to sit with and mull and consider like. there is so MUCH in that lil freak. #like. ough baby rue is so complicated and brash and impulsive and hob sees that so completely as brave and i'm SOOO #i love them both so much i can't even say like #rue has so much shit goin on in that brain i need to piece it together. lads we have a GRAY CHARACTER and i'm thriving #the LYING baby the LYINGGGGG #i had a fic i was pretty deep in on that i abandoned after the hedge maze/tailor shop episodes bc i was like #mmmm nope these lads have too much percolating in em i don't have this umami right yet #and i was correct. the layers on them. #ANYWAY MONOLOUGE ASIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! #these kids are stickin around even post series this is one of the long term ones i can tell