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nthnstrky007 · 3 years

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Unit Alias #1: “The Flow of Water Breaks the Dame!”

As the bullets whizzed passed my head, only one thought stood out from all the noise and panic around me: I know I should have eaten toast instead of that bagel this morning. It’s just, I get so tired of the same old whole wheat toast and almond butter; it’s not my fault the fabric of reality starts to fold in on itself everytime I choose something new for breakfast. After another twenty seconds of some mindless brutes trying to turn my apartment into a modern artist’s tribute to swiss cheese, a voice of remote reason finally speaks up:

“Leonardo Crews, please step away from the bean bag chair”.

I can’t help but roll my eyes. It’s her: Sharon Winstead. The woman who would surely be my handler if the US government had their way and I became a secret agent or lab rat or whatever the heck they’d want me to do with these powers. I stand up and make a couple steps to the right as I put my hands on my head. At least the government sent a nice pair of legs to yell at me.

One of the armed boneheads she brought with her speaks up, ‘Why would you hide behind a froggy bean bag chair?”

“Cause who the hell would ever shoot a froggy bean bag chair?” I challenge him and the two other armored doofuses.

They all mumble and meet eyes until one of them sheepishly says: “he’s right…”

Sharon, the not so love-able stick in the mud that she is, won’t let me have fun for too long. “Your work here is done unit Alias. Go downstairs and do the usual routine with the landlord; come back, as I planned, when you’re done”.

A couple ‘yes ma’ams’ and military mumbo jumbo is thrown around as they leave. I can’t help but feel sorry for guys who would willingly join an organization that has the loyalty of a teenage boy after a positive pregnancy test.

“Real smart fellas you have there.”

Sharon looks at me, I guess with a hint of disappointment. “You know as well as I that if they were going for the kill, you’d be dead”.

“Along with a couple billion realtites and, knowing how much the universe seems to adore me, time itself. And what’s up with ‘your plan’ anyway? The military never came in guns blazing before. Don’t you geniuses know how important I am?”

“Are you threatening us now Leonardo?”

I relax my arms at my side as I walk into the pantry. The universe is on my team, as always, when I see one of the only undamaged things is what I’m looking for. I walk out in a sufficiently better mood with my packet of poptarts. “I’m just asking questions that pertain to the continuation of existence itself”.

Sharon scoffs and continues on: “Do you understand the magnitude of such threats, Leonardo?”

I wave her off with my free hand after opening my second breakfast. “ What threats? And please, it’s Leo; I’m not an award winning actor, just a potential destroyer of the timestream” I see the red emerge in her face and can’t help but chuckle. It's a mystery to me how she was able to secure one of the most secretive and ‘important’ jobs in the world with such a short fuse. Despite the fact that she is totally unlikable, the babe has grown on me over the years so I give her restless mind a break: “Y’know I’m not gonna go awol, especially when you pay for all my streaming service. And, uh, time wouldn’t be destroyed, just altered in some terrible heinous way. Such as your occupation being changed to stripper.”

She gives me one more uneasy look before moving on. “You have a place I can sit?”

“You mean a place you geniuses haven’t shot up yet? Don’t make me say it.”

“The frog chair?” She groans.

“I do believe it's pronounced froggy bean bag chair.”

She gives her eyes another roll as she sits down in the thing. “Can you sit with me?”

Sharon likes to remind me that in some ways I’m still a normal human. An example of

this being a woman with a face and a body like hers asking me to sit down with a voice like hers using a tone like that, regardless of if she is a facist pig or not, I’m probably gonna sit with her.

“What’s the prob Bob?” I sit criss-cross applesauce a yard or so across from her.

To my disappointment, not exactly my surprise, she grows serious as soon as I sit down.

“We can’t keep doing this dance Leonardo.”

“Doing what dance?” I let out the question with a bit of playful innocence.

“That.” She takes a moment to think before she begins her spill. “The U.W.O is not going to remain patient. The fate of existence potentially depends on what you have for lunch and you refuse to follow the guidelines that we give you. You probably can’t count how many times you’ve been told this, but you’re an anomaly. The only thing we have to go off of is my father’s theories: the regular flow of time is completely dependent on you. Every decision you make can drastically change our world’s past and half the time we can’t even detect those changes. Not to mention, if certain parts of that theory are true, the effects you can be having on our future. Leo, history is a book that you can rip up on an unknowing whim and the future is more uncertain that it has any right to be”.

“And yet we keep dancing…”

“Excuse me?”

I look at her for a second thinking that she for sures knows where I’m going, but it becomes clear to me she doesn’t. “You’re coming here to warn me. The U.W.O knows that you’re the only person I can stand getting yelled at by so they send you here every time I decide to live my life so you can flutter your eyes and tell me not to. How many times have you been here this month? I admit the whole shoot-em-up bit is new, but other than that this is the same old routine we’ve done for the past year. The only difference is I’ve been doing it my whole goddamn life and you’ve been doing it for a fraction of yours”.

The woman actually cracks a smile as she comprehends what I’m saying. I don’t know if it’s mocking or understanding me, but, seeing as I have nothing else to do, I let her spill. “You call this living Leo? I don’t know what you do to mess up the timestream, but, judging by the hours of footage that features you exclusively watching ‘He-man’ reruns, I sure as hell know it’s not living. What, you played a new video game? Flushed the toilet too fast? You’re not living; the life you’re leading is not worth risking history for”. The sarcasm and aggression starts to leave her eyes as she looks at my face. I begin to open my mouth in defense when she shushes me with a new, almost maternal, attitude. “But I didn’t come here to play our twisted game of house. I’ve been in contact with my father”.

The news strikes a rare chord of hope in me. Sharon’s father was the closest thing I had to a dad when I grew up in the compound. He was also the one who convinced the board of directors to let me out when I turned eighteen. “Let out” is an odd way of saying letting me live in a heavily guarded cell that just happens to be in an apartment building. He ended up deciding he didn’t want to be a mindless puppet and left the U.W.O along with all his research. Last I heard, which was a very long time ago, he was up to a more scholarly pursuit. “How is he?”

She smiles as she thinks of her father. “He’s getting philosophical in his old age. After he left, he started living like a hermit in some remote island in the Atlantic. A place they’d have trouble finding if they ever were to look; he’s getting into some rebellious stuff there Leo. He wants you to leave and come see him. He wants to end this dance.”

“By ‘rebellious’, do you mean some dooms-day shit?” the words come out as the hope comes out of me. “We don’t know what the reaction will be if I get in a boat or plane. We barely know what’s gonna happen if I leave this building again. Make fun of me all you want, but, you basically said it yourself, 80s tv is the only life I can safely lead”.

“He told me to trust him. If he’s wrong, the situation will be no worse than it was before”. I could easily read the doubt in her face. “Or at least to him.”

“So what? The world ending is the same as the world not ending? Existence is all a lie and it doesn’t matter anyway? Don’t tell me he’s become some quasi-intellectual pothead who posts on psychedelic-themed online forums.”

She rolls her eyes in response to my joke. “He’s disillusioned with our current world authority. He lived his whole thinking a plantery world order would be a good thing, so much so he helped to achieve it. Apparently after all those years and work, he thinks their practices are going to end us all. The way he sees it, the world may just end tomorrow; it’s any day now to him. In a certain manner of words, he’s desperate.”

“And you?”

She gives me another genuine look. “I trust my father as a leader and I care about you. He believes it's the right thing to do and you can’t keep up like this. Some of the things I’ve had to do this past year is enough for me to give up on doing the right thing through the government. Your problem is a problem that we might be able to fix on our own and trying is a lot better than you just rotting here waiting to die. Any ‘director’ who doesn’t like that can screw off.”

I let my eyes widen. “No one’s in on this? Why’d you bring the unit with you? Surely the bigwigs wire you up before you take their dogs for a walk?”

“Watch your words; dogs we are no more, unit Alias, at least, is on this. No wires or strings attached. The general consensus is the current plan of keeping the world safe from you is eventually going to collapse without change; I can’t say they have the personal stake that my father has with the way he views us as siblings”.

“Can’t really blame them for being worried or not particularly liking me, but they’re not here because of what happened because of my bagel?”

“What?”

“You came here to break me out, not to punish me for eating a bagel instead of toast?”

Sharon pulls a phone out of her pocket and scrolls through. “Oh…”

“What?”

“The ephilfel tower was built in Germany”.

#comedy #superhero #hero #comic books #action #adventure #ya #young adult #smart

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26th May 2019 (Tyler the Creator, Halsey, DJ Khaled)

Top 10

“I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber sits at the top spot for a second week, and it seems pretty stable, even if the song itself is pretty lazy.

Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus is also steady at the runner-up spot.

At number-three, Lewis Capaldi trumps Stormzy up one space with “Someone You Loved” thanks to the release of Capaldi’s probably dreadful album.

This of course means “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy has flailed down one spot to number-four.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi gets a short album release boost up three positions to number-five.

Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” is still at number-six since last week.

MEDUZA’s “Piece of Your Heart” with Goodboys suffers thanks to Capaldi, down two spaces to number-seven.

As does the late Avicii’s posthumous release “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc, down a spot to number-eight.

Also thanks to Lewis Capaldi’s album release, we have number-nine, which is up 19 spaces from last week after squandering in the top 40 for a while. It’s “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi, peaking this week and becoming his third top 10 hit in the UK. Great. I’m not all that upset though because this means we won’t be seeing any new Capaldi this week, since all three singles were the most popular songs and UK chart rules prevent any other songs from appearing on the chart if they’re not the big three.

Also entering the top 10 for the first time is the mediocre house track “All Day and Night” by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig – presenting EUROPA – featuring Madison Beer, up oe space to #10, becoming both EUROPA as a group act and Beer’s first ever Top 10, as well as Jax Jones’ fifth and Solveig’s second, his first since 2015.

Climbers

There’s not much at all here to talk about, neither will there be many fallers, however there are a handful. First of all, we have an unexpected and unwelcome rebound for “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man up five spaces to #24. Also, thanks to some more exposure that was inspired by a Hardy Caprio cosign on “Guten Tag” (that also just entered the Top 20 this week, which is pretty epic), Digga D’s “No Diet” is up eight spots to #25. “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li is also up six positions to #33 off of the debut.

Fallers

Going in reverse order, at #38, we have “Homicide” by Logic featuring Eminem absolutely collapsing down 12 spaces to #38. Oof. Speaking of collapses thanks to a lack of streaming after its first two weeks, “Greaze Mode” by Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz couldn’t even have that second week down 13 to #35, but it’ll rebound due to the album release in a few weeks’ time. “Just You and I” by Tom Walker might have had a streaming cut down 15 spaces to #29, but I think a lot of that is genuinely wavering popularity.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Out of the top 75 completely is “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan from #37, mostly due to streaming cuts and dumb UK chart rules, which have also affected “Don’t Feel Like Crying” by Sigrid out from #30. Otherwise, “Falling like the Stars” by James Arthur thankfully falters after people realised the song is absolute trite without the video, and it’s out from #34 off of the debut. Sadly, “Boasty” by Wiley featuring Sean Paul, Stefflon Don and Idris Elba has also had streaming cuts and is out from #17, because it’s a hip-hop song, and they are effectively streaming-exclusive. Also out are two not premature losses, in fact, these are very expected, as they’ve been in the last half of the top 40 for a while, and today was a big week, so, I feel like we can safely say “Good riddance” to “Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel out from #36, and “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine out from #40; Mabel might rebound though. There are no returning entries this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “3 Nights” – Dominic Fike

Produced by Capi – Peaked at #3 in Australia

Now for the first time in a while, maybe since MEDUZA, I’m intrigued by this new artist’s debut on the charts, but I’ve seen his name buzzing up for a while... he only has six songs yet thanks to this massive worldwide smash, has 10 million monthly listeners, yet he’s completely passed me by. His Spotify bio is a yellow heart emoji, which is the worst heart emoji. I’m disgusted. Of course, I’m kidding, but I have heard him pop up on Kevin Abstract’s recent solo record ARIZONA BABY and he’s been an indie pop star for a while now, I imagine, I just haven’t cared enough to check his EP out, I suppose. Nevertheless, this is his first ever Top 40 hit in the UK, and I love it. It starts pretty abruptly with a bouncy clap beat and some stringy guitar that you can hear in a lot of vaguely indie pop nowadays, except unlike a LAUV, Dominic Fike has a soulful albeit somewhat reminiscent of pop-punk voice that backs up the acoustics (which may be a bit too much in the front of the mix than I’d like), as the bassline’s fun, energetic groove just kicks and kicks, Fike keeps going on with a fine-tuned, double-tracked vocal performance until he breaks down on the second verse, where he starts yell-rapping and I honestly start to think there was an uncredited Trippie Redd guest verse that made this blow up. Like I said, though, Fike is much more refined than a Trippie Redd, who just kind of belts relentlessly without any care for how it works musically. The falsetto backing vocals are cute, and the plucking guitar becomes a real driving force for the rhythm, especially when the first verse is mostly bare. Whilst most artists in this lane of indie-pop/singer-songwriter guy who’s actually pretty manufactured and generic would let the instrumental breathe in an airy, cloudy mess of synth, Fike is all over it, not letting the instrumental get a second of breathing room before he explodes on the track. The content matter is interesting, as well, as it paints imagery of street lights that have been such a familiar sight for Fike over the months of having a relationship, those three nights representing three stages, from not caring to being absolutely smitten in love, before they just drift apart and there’s nothing to do about it, and Fike is frustrated that he can’t repair this shattered relationship. Oh, yeah, and:

And she sent me naked pictures from her neck down to her waist

I feel this downplays the romance and emotion here a bit, though. I’ve personally always found it more compelling when it’s the man admitting he sent naked pictures, as that’s more rough and emotionally revealing than the inverse.

She found pictures in her e-mail / I sent this bitch a picture of my d*** - Kanye West, “Runaway”

I still absolutely love this song though. I’d say check it out, but everyone has. I’m late to the party.

#37 – “Jealous” – DJ Khaled featuring Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and Big Sean

Produced by Tay Keith and Nova Wav – Peaked at #57 in the US

I feel I’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick here with these album cuts. With Tyler, the Creator instead of the fun introduction “IGOR’S THEME”, which is at #41, I get the much worse “I THINK” at #30. With DJ Khaled, instead of the beautiful Nipsey Hussle tribute “Higher” with John Legend at #43, I get Chris Brown. Thanks, I hate it. I don’t have to do any research, you know who these guys are, and I’m sure you don’t care, I’ll get through this quickly after turning on Private Session because my last.fm having Chris Brown scrobbles is a nightmare. Might as well list the insane amount of Top 40 hits these dudes have, DJ Khaled surprisingly having the least with five, with who I expected to have the least, Big Sean, racking up... also five, mostly because those sell-out features really pay off, Lil Wayne on the other hand having twenty-freaking-four, and Chris Brown trumping them all with about 38. What a delightful thought that is. Uh, so what’s happening here? DJ Khaled is pointless once again, as I doubt he had any element of involvement in this Tay Keith beat, who doesn’t even get to have his full producer tag play in the intro, which is insanely cluttered. His dated synth patterns and tones are still there with the rattling hi-hats, though, and there’s way too many Chris Brown on this song, because he sounds muddy and awful, with Auto-Tune that’d make a metalhead want to shoot a frog’s brains out. I like Lil Wayne’s verse, mostly because he actually has some well-constructed bars, but he drowns out into the chaotic pre-chorus and DJ Khaled ad-libs... and his flow is lacklustre, cut short by Chris Brown. Big Sean is fun and discusses Jhené Aiko, whilst interpolating the “In My Feelings” flow of all flows, but he also is cut short by Chris Brown. Please listen to CHVRCHES and stop collaborating with this pathetic abusive excuse for a human being. Seriously, why so much of that Chris Brown hook? Honestly, Big Sean can barely get a “Straight up” ad-lib in there. I hate this, actually, that hook has a falsetto Lil Wayne harmonising for some reason, and the bridge is multi-tracked with awful, low-fidelity chipmunk vocals, and yeah, this is awful, why did I consider this passable? I never want to hear this again, the instrumental’s so cluttered and over-polished so you can barely hear the vocalists except Chris Brown who is all over the place. DJ Khaled sounds like Quavo sometimes here, what is happening? I’m confused, who has played themselves? Why is Khaled just shouting over the outro? He’s supposed to only do this on the video skits, what the—

#36 – “Summer Days” – Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy

Produced by Martin Garrix – Peaked at #4 in Belgium

And the Cactus Award for What the Ever-loving Frick Did I Just Read? goes to... Martin Garrix, Patrick Stump and Macklemore on the same song. This is the whitest thing I think has ever been produced and released, but besides that, we should be questioning why these guys thought it was okay to collaborate, and that this was going to go unnoticed. Should I care? Isn’t this just a pop singer-rapper collaboration and the connection to Fall Out Boy is what’s making me overreact? I mean, Fall Out Boy is a shill now too, especially with that disgusting Lil Peep collaboration. It’s weird to see Macklemore out of his natural habitat of being only barely existent but good to know he’s hopped out of his shell to collaborate with some EDM doofus and I’m sure who was his favourite emo singer as a teen. This is Garrix’s tenth UK Top 40 hit, Macklemore’s eighth and third without Ryan Lewis and Patrick Stump’s fourth as a solo act, his first since 2007. Is it good? Well, no. It isn’t, really. Patrick Stump essentially whispers through the first verse, but his oddly nasal tone at least in the first verse doesn’t fit EDM production, and he’s yet to realise this, as while he’s more soulful and bassy afterwards, he immediately goes to a falsetto... and it gets better. A lot better – in fact, the distant acoustic guitar strumming (that may be too front in the mix once again for my liking) and cute fake finger-snaps make a pretty good foundation for a beat that both Stump and Macklemore perform pretty well on, especially since that rough electric guitar comes in for Macklemore to spit about his fascination and close bond with this woman but who cares, that drop is epic. That drop is insanely good, and the electric guitar build-up within Macklemore’s verse is subtle but excellent. This is actually more of a rock song than EDM, when I think about it, and the drop perfectly crafts the acoustic guitar strumming and cloudy synths with the guitar line, chopping up Stump’s vocals and leaving him recognisable, whilst still sounding warm and summery, mostly because of how slick the guitar is and the finger-snaps do allow for some kind of bounce and groove. The touches of strings in the second build-up is a nice additional touch, and I love when Stump cracks out of his falsetto briefly to signify that the drop is coming, and it is crashing hard. A better music critic would call this a trainwreck, a disaster on all fronts, but I like it for what it is. God, I’m so dumb.

#30 – “I THINK” – Tyler, the Creator featuring uncredited vocals from Solange

Produced by Tyler, the Creator – Peaked at #51 in the US

I knew Tyler’s hype was growing immensely but I didn’t expect an album bomb from Tyler on the Hot 100, and this sudden boost of popularity seems to come out of nowhere, especially since the last time he was this big he was having threesomes with a triceratops and stabbing Bruno Mars in his goddamn oesophagus. Nevertheless, Tyler’s back in the UK as Theresa May leaves, as are his songs, as he has a second but we won’t be talking about it for reasons explained later. This is “I THINK” from his most recent effort IGOR and while I’ve been a pretty long-term and semi-diehard Tyler, the Creator fan for a while, I’d argue IGOR may be one of his worst efforts yet, not because it’s bad but I’m incredibly indifferent on a lot of the songs, mostly because of a lack of substance from both the lyrics and the aimless instrumentals. This in particular is one of my least favourite songs, next to “GONE, GONE / THANK YOU” and “RUNNING OUT OF TIME” as pretty boring, dull listens, however it does differentiate itself from songs like that by being largely a hip house track, which is a genre you don’t see on charts anymore. This is Tyler’s first ever Top 40 hit in the UK and Solange’s second as a solo act as well, her first since 2008, and I don’t feel it that much as other tracks from the album. The groove is there, and the tribal house beat is fun, but Tyler’s Kanye-like droning delivery, with a bassline ripped from “Stronger” and fancy synths that cover Tyler’s nonexistent upper register that pitch-shifting can’t really fix or mask. Solange sounds beautiful here as well, but she’s relatively underused I feel, only having a chorus and refrain, but she’s very oddly mixed, as she’s much louder than Tyler for the most part, despite being a guest on the album, as the others are mostly quieter than Tyler due to the personal aspects of the album and how it wants to focus on Tyler, meaning it’s kind of inconsistent. The wonky 80s synths in the back-end of the track are very typical of Tyler and do add to the track in making it pretty fun, but it does get a bit too messy and cluttered in the final chorus, which is insanely catchy, may I add, and I do love the piano that ends the track, but overall, this feels very half-hearted. The aimless nature of the song is intentional, I’m sure, as it’s all about feeling that first spark of love and having no idea what’s going to come of it, but the pacing is dodgy here as it comes right after deeply saddened break-up song “EARFQUAKE”. Maybe I’m missing the point, but I’m not a fan of this one. Sorry.

#26 – “Nightmare” – Halsey

Produced by benny blanco, Cashmere Cat and Happy Perez – Peaked at #15 in the US and... #7 in Slovakia. Huh.

And now to ruin any potential credit given to me as a music critic, reviewer and enthusiast, especially right after that Tyler, the Creator review. Now, there’s a lot to hate about Halsey’s seventh UK Top 40 hit, trust me, I know that. The pointless prayer at the beginning that doesn’t add anything to the song or its content and is completely irrelevant, the abrupt drop into the belting chorus, the Billie Eilish rip-off in the first verse with the minimal, multi-tracked sing-rapping over a trap beat that she can’t flow over at all, especially in the second verse where she is sloppy as hell, the janky pre-chorus and the chorus as a whole being kind of pathetic and really short, the line “I’m no sweet dream, but a hell of a night” not working within the context of the song. However, let me give you this as a rebuttal. Those floaty, gliding guitars in the intro are absolutely beautiful and the prayer, whilst probably making more sense when the album comes out, is about giving the Lord her soul, essentially having to give men their all and get nothing back, which is implied by how it drops immediately to the rock-infused chorus, which attempts at being empowering at least but it is catchy as hell, especially with Halsey’s memorably raspy delivery. The sing-rapping works on the first verse, and is mostly about self-harm, actually, which is influenced by how men have lied to her, but it goes on a bit of a tangent that isn’t relevant to how the song is about empowering women, and that women don’t have to always smile for the camera, as mentioned in the pre-chorus. The main lyric as mentioned before makes sense now because like in the second verse, the media and/or G-Eazy is being dominant over her and she won’t stand for it, she won’t be patronised and the last line in the second verse exemplifies that with a line I really like:

I’m tired and angry, but somebody should be

Somebody SHOULD always be speaking out about society’s BS, and—wait, how the hell does this makes sense if it’s also about G-Eazy and/or break-ups in general? With this and “Bad at Love”, I’m actually really confused about Halsey’s songwriting. That song also had an obnoxious hook, huh. Hell, “Without Me” had all these problems as well... as did “Closer”, actually, and that’s not even her song. I stick by this being pretty okay though, especially by Halsey standards, even if it feels very mish-mash, and the distorted electric guitar being back in the mix does dampen the effectiveness of the chorus, which is still anthemic – or at least tries to be. Oh, yeah, and Halsey’s really attra—

#17 – “EARFQUAKE” – Tyler, the Creator featuring uncredited vocals from Playboi Carti, Charlie Wilson and Jessy Wilson

Produced by Tyler, the Creator – Peaked at #13 in the US

I love this song to death, it’s by far my favourite off of IGOR. As you can see by its US peak, however, this will probably be eligible for my best list by the end of the year and I’m planning in advance, it’s probably going to be very high on that list. I know this means I only give Tyler a negative write-up this episode, which saddens me too, but don’t worry, I’ll make up for it when December/January rolls around and it’s time for list season. This is Tyler’s second UK Top 40 hit, Carti’s first ever charting song in the UK (It surprised me too), as well as Jessy Wilson’s, and Charlie Wilson has a few but his discography page is messy as hell so I won’t try and count them, they’re all uncredited as well so that makes it harder. Imagine having more than three UK Top 40 hits as a solo act and you don’t get credit for any of them. Anyway, even though I can’t cover it...

Conclusion

Tyler, the Creator gets Best of the Week for “EARFQUAKE”, no contest. In fact, I’m hesitant to give “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike the Honourable Mention, just because “EARFQUAKE” is THAT good. Dishonourable Mention goes to Tyler, the Creator as well (Unfortunately), for the pretty dull “I THINK”, whilst Worst of the Week goes to DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne, Big Sean and Bowser Jr. for “Jealous”, what a trainwreck. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and Jonas Brothers content because that’s the Tweet they decided to push, and I’ll see you next week!

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radwolf76 · 5 years

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FLASHBack: Week 16 [First Class FLASHBack] - FF7: About Random Battles

FF7 - Chocolate, a callback to an Easter Egg hidden in an earlier Legendary Frog Flash about the Legend of Zelda, The Return of Ganondorf. Return of Ganondorf was uploaded on 20 June 2003, and in later years, when Blanchette was archiving his content to YouTube, he produced a Creators' Commentary video version of it, featuring Luke de Ayora, who voiced Link and had contributions to other Legendary Frog flashes as well.

FF7 - Tifa's Goods, an innuendo-based bait & switch.

FF7 - Aeris and Cloud's Date, A nice bit of dark slapstick comedy that riffs off of the fact that the soundtrack that plays behind Final Fantasy 7's infamous multi-path dating scene, in which Cloud can go on a date with either Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie, or Barret, determined by a hidden variable that is affected by the choices the player made in the game up to that point, is titled Interrupted by Fireworks.

FF7 - Yuffie Joins the Party, which reminds everyone of Yuffie's defining character moment. (So notorious, they named a TV Trope after it: Wutai Theft. Not that I'm recommending anyone go to TV Tropes, it will eat your soul. But if you do, note that the page quote on the page explaining one of their most used sub-pages "Fridge Logic" originates from another one of Legendary Frog's Flashes.)

FF7 - Cait Sith in the Casino, a short gag based on Cait Sith's Limit Break.

Blanchette's collaboration with the Super Flash Bros was not the first time he would partner with other Flash creators, nor would it be the last. Many of his Flash successes sprung from his ability to bring together Newgrounds' best and brightest together onto a large project that would simply blow away the audience. Next week, we'll look at another creator who started out working solo, but then brought in other talent, giving his creative partners the springboard needed to become household names in their own right (at least in the households of video game and animation enthusiasts). Please note however that next week, FLASHBack will not be happening on Thursday, but will instead be delayed until Saturday, 4/13.

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davedimartino · 7 years

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NEW THIS WEEK 12.01.08

Now that Black Friday has come and gone, the year's supply of hot releases is dwindling!

Moments ago I found myself on page 18 of Amazon's list of this week's bestsellers--not a good sign in itself--wondering if it was worth my while, and indeed yours, to announce that Music Elettronica Viva's new 4-CD compilation MEV 40 (1967-2007) was now available to those willing to part with $71.99!

But then, predictably, I noticed the new album by alt-rock legend Burl Ives was out! Done deal!

And then I could stand it no more: I called Britney.

Now find out how you can too!

Britney Spears: Circus (Jive) Ever since I interviewed Britney Spears 10 years ago, I knew she found me alluring! But I kept her, and my own dark urges, at bay! This week, however, as she celebrates her 27th birthday with Circus, I could stand it no longer! Her constant taunts on the radio--"you're a womanizer," she'd chant, hoping to wear me down--were now stepped up a notch, first via her pleas on this album's masterwork, "Mmm Papi," of "let's make out," and then, even more slyly, with the "clever" pun of "If You Seek Amy"! How she remembered our conversation of a decade ago--when I told her we had a mutual Girl Scout friend named Kamie--I'll never know! But the final blow came when I noticed someone had etched on Circus's cover sticker: "Call Britney on The B Line: 310-341-4438." I called--and when she picked up and said, "Hi, this is Britney," I quickly hung up and hoped she didn't have caller ID! It's a great record and all--I mean, I really like it--but I'm thinking she should maybe get on with her life and focus on what other people must think! I've got my own life to live, babe!

Akon: Freedom (Konvict Muzik/Universal Motown) A new album by Akon! He's quite popular--and if his new album cover is any indication, he can finally walk on water! With guest appearances by a stunning array of newcomers--T-Pain, Lil Wayne, Wyclef Jean and Young Jeezy--Freedom is one of the best albums bearing that name ever! There's dance grooves, African sounds, untouchable R&B and so much more that it may well stand head and shoulders above his other albums! Why, you ask? According to Akon himself, "I'm a lot more conscious than on my first few albums!" Hey, that certainly explains something!

Original Soundtrack: Cadillac Records (Columbia) Like most of us, when I hear Beyonce sing, I think of two things! And Etta James is one of them! The story of Chess Records finally put to film, sort of, may be one of the year's biggest hits--and with 2 CDs' worth of laudable music covered by the likes of Mos Def, Raphael Saadiq, Jeffrey Wright and Nas and his dad Olu Dara, not to mention Beyonce and her sister Solange, this may inspire a whole new generation to also pick up this music in its original pristine form! Years from now, with pride, let's recall the week the biggest-selling blues record of all time was released!

Various Artists: The Best Of Chess: Original Versions Of The Songs in the film Cadillac Records (Chess/Universal) In a perfect world, today's best and brightest will say, "Hey, I liked the music in that new Cadillac Records movie! Let's go to a record store and find a record that contains many of those same tracks sung by the original artists for the Chess Records label back in the old days! I'd like to find out more about Howlin' Wolf, Etta James, Willie Dixon, Chuck Berry, Little Walter and will.i.am!" However, in today's less than perfect world, they will walk for several blocks until finally remembering that all the record stores closed a few years ago! Maybe they'll buy some new shoes instead!

Panic At The Disco: Live In Chicago (CD/DVD) Now closing in on the tail-end of their career--after two whole albums, a few deluxe boxed sets of those albums, and a celebrated String Quartet Tribute to their vast catalog--why shouldn't Panic At The Disco go out in style? And in what better way, these weeks before Christmas, than a deluxe live CD/DVD package capturing the guys in live performance? I’m inclined to spring for this, but I may wait until next year when it's part of a triple CD commemorative gift box or something! Frankly, I started losing interest when they ditched the exclamation mark!

Neil Young: Sugar Mountain: Live At Canterbury House 1968 (CD/DVD) I've always felt sort of sappy maintaining that my very favorite Neil Young album ever was the first one he released--I mean, the dude's released 342 albums, and that implies things started going downhill by the time he released Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere a few months later! So it's no wonder I'm pleased as punch--as was the parlance back then--to see this session finally being officially released, and you should be too! An acoustic live set featuring many of his classics from that first album, as well as those he wrote for Buffalo Springfield ("On The Way Home," "Mr. Soul," and "Expecting To Fly" among them), this record might have changed rock history had it been released back in 1968! Especially if someone threw it really hard at David Crosby!

Scarface: Emeritus (Asylum) After all these years of gaudy rap album covers featuring jewels, money, fancy cars, and scantily-dressed women, what a pleasure it is to see the jacket of this tasteful set! With its coat of arms bearing fancy versions of the letters S and F, as well as a smoking cigar and, I don't know, some lines or something, you just know this is going to be good! Plus, its title is in Latin! Heck, with an awesome array of talent including Lil Wayne, Bun B, Slim Thug, J Prince, and the wonderful Wacko of UTP, Emeritus probably sounds great! In the words of this album's product description, "Scarface is every true hip hop lovers' favorite artist!" I think we'd all agree with that!

Burton Cummings: Above The Ground (Sony/BMG Canada) In some ways like Scarface--they've both been around awhile--Burton Cummings has aged better than most rockers, largely because Canada's cold winters preserve humans in a state quite similar to suspended animation! Formerly the singer with the wonderful Guess Who--who were deemed cool or uncool during various stages of their career by music writers now sadly deceased--Burton sounds great here with this collection of all-original material. Backed by the Carpet Frogs and, as the album cover indicates, now able to levitate at will per his deal with the C'thulu, who knows where Cummings is going?

Momus: Joemus (American Patchwork) This was actually was released two weeks ago, but I just got it so let's pretend it's new this week too! A collaboration between the very bright, very musically adept, always surprising singer-songwriter Nick Currie and young Scottish musician Joe Howe--who's worked with the pleasantly named Gay Against You and Germlin--the disc has been described as "Nintendo Glam Rock" that sounds like "the hits of '70s glam rock sensations the Bay City Rollers played on '80s amusement arcade equipment." It's also been described as being out for two weeks but just obtained by me! It's sweet, it's abrasive, it's intimate, it features tracks called "Widow Twanky" and "Strewf!," and you should purchase it because it is, as always, quite good!

Burl Ives: Favorites For Children (Shout Factory) One of Sub Pop's more sinister signings during their hallowed "grunge"era of the early '90s, Ives has created a collection of tracks--including "The Very Scary Witch" and "The Witch At The Well"--that should satisfy longtime fans of both the Screaming Trees and Green River! Yeah, completely!

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