#listen I know this is probably gonna be a jon sweep but I believe that eric delano has a chance. blinded himself & got murdered for it

[murderandcoffee]

#listen I know this is probably gonna be a jon sweep but I believe that eric delano has a chance. blinded himself & got murdered for it #I like making polls just to see people's arguments/reasoning for their answer LMAO #tma #the magnus archives #magpod #tma polls #jon sims #eric delano #michael shelley #martin blackwood #elias bouchard #jan kilbride #jordan kennedy #jack barnabas #god. lots of j names. #bs.txt

[sailorshadzter]

yup so this is going to be me talking about all the jonsa moments.

because i can. 

so yeah 

enjoy! <3 under the cut because LONG. 

so i’m going to start with their reunion. i’m going to try to keep this in chronological order but if i mix things up, sorry! im really excited to talk about a few of all of these moments!! anyways... yes. the reunion scene. 

i love this first shot so much. 

we get both of their faces as they see each other for the first time. jon is so surprised he lets go of the railing and takes a step back. look at his expression, its like he’s seen a ghost. he can’t believe that sansa is actually standing there in his own courtyard. hundreds of thoughts must be running through his mind at that point but im sure they all go back to just her name, over and over again. 

sansa is still taking in her surroundings but as her eyes fall on jon, you can see her face change (below gif) and you can see how relieved she is. im sure she didn’t dare believe to find him here, even though he was (at least, to her knowledge still) the lord commander. why wouldn’t he have been there? 

what i love about this first shot of sansa is you can see her catch her breath. her shoulders come up as she inhales and you can hear her exhale a moment later. her eyes are on him as he sees her standing there. she’s so relieved to see him there. at this point, she isnt sure she has anyone else left to her. arya is probably dead and yeah, theon said bran and rickon were alive, but who knows now?  she’s been used and abused for SO FUCKING LONG at this point and all she wants is someone who’s going to take care of her and remind her that there’s still some good left in the world. at this point, i dont even think she’s thought about what comes next. there’s no thought of fighting ramsay or taking back winterfell. all she’s thinking about is the fact that he’s standing right there in front of her now. he’s the same jon she remembered from childhood.

and i wonder too how nervous is she, or not at all? she makes him accept her apology later on and i wonder if she’s afraid he doesnt even want to see her. or maybe such a thought doesnt cross her mind because this is jon and she already knows thats the last thing he’s going to be thinking about. 

this is jon after he’s seen her for the first time. she’s slipped off her horse and it cuts to the first gif of her staring back at him. i cant even begin to imagine what jon must be thinking right in this moment. he’s seeing her for the first time in how long? how many years has it been since they last saw each other? and wow, this isnt the sister he knew from childhood.

she’s pale and shivering, she looks so frightened. her clothes are messy and the sansa he knew never had a hair out of place, let alone dirty, messed up clothes. but he cant get past the fear in her eyes or the dirt (bruises?) on her face. she’s not the same girl he once knew. and at once he’s guilt ridden. what’s happened to her? im sure he’s asking himself this over and over again as he comes closer, im sure he’s afraid to allow himself to wonder. he might even be afraid to think its really her. how could it be? and why is she even here? 

and my god, he’s only just come back to life. he’s just been betrayed by those he called brother, comrade. he’s ready to run away from all of this. he says he’s going to go south and get warm because what was left for him here?  everyone he’s ever loved is dead or tried to kill him. 

or so he thought. 

and watching him walk towards her is just incredible.

he’s got such a look of disbelief on his face. i cant even handle it.  and you can hear sansa’s breathing as he stands in front of her, little inhales of breath as she tries not to cry. it’s literally too much for me. 

what i love about that is how sansa just opens her arms and runs for him. and jon takes maybe, two or three steps forward to meet her. he takes hold of her so fast it takes my breath away every single time i see it.  sansa lets out this little breath, almost like a muffled sob, its so quiet but its heartbreaking. she’s throwing herself at him then, already knowing he’s opening his arms to her. 

AND LOOK AT BRIENNE IN THE BACKGROUND. she literally looks away. you can see it even clearer in the gif below, but she looks down like she knows this is a private moment and she shouldnt be watching. 

what i love about this is look at sansa’s face. she’s almost distraught, but you can see the relief washing over her as jon takes her into his arms. his embrace literally sweeps her off her feet. her breathing catches there at the end and you can see her tighten her grip on him, as if he’s anchoring her to the world. his arms are around her waist, he’s LITERALLY picked her up off the ground and is holding her close. he can feel how cold she is and can feel her shaking. i know its not portrayed this way in the show, but i always imagine her having thinned out quite a bit with ramsay and i imagine him thinking why is she so small? why can i lift her this way? why is she so cold? 

at this point, jon knows nothing. he doesnt know what happened to her with ramsay. he doesnt know about king’s landing. he cant even begin to IMAGINE what she’s gone through. all he knows is he’s so happy she’s there. he’s so happy to be holding her in his arms. 

were they ever close as children?

no.

but this scene alone solidifies their close knit relationship as adults. 

i mean just look at him. 

he’s closed his eyes as she sinks into him. he exhales softly at the end too. jon has gone through a lot too and you know he misses his family dearly, even sansa. they had a rocky past but thats just it... it’s the past. he must be thinking about her right here and vowing to himself he’s going to protect her from whatever will come. he’s not been there to protect her from whatever she’s already been through, but he’s here now and he already knows he’s never gonna let anyone hurt her again. 

in the opening scene, he had nothing left to live for. his brother’s killed him, his family is gone, what else is there? but then... she shows up just hours after his rebirth and in the span of less than a minute, he’s got something new to live for. something new to protect. 

yeah, so thats how everyone’s brother looks at them, right?

also, she’s wearing his furs. i didnt even know how much i needed that until i saw this scene for like the tenth time. 

i love how as soon as she realized he was looking at her she turned and he gave her the smallest smile ever. like literally, it was barely a twitch of his lips. but it was for her. and it got her smiling as well, got her talking. good soup, she says before asking him about something from their childhood. its very light hearted conversation at this point and it makes you wonder all that they’ve talked about so far. 

clearly some time has passed because sansa is clean and changed (and jon i know, she looks beautiful, id be staring too). but what have they talked about so far? has she told him about kings landing... about ramsay? has she opened up about their father’s execution and cried when she told him she still blames herself? does she talk about what ramsay did to her? to theon? we know jon has told her what happened to him already because he mentions it in a moment, but how much as she told him yet? a lot of what happened with ramsay is “private” or things that’s not at all easy to talk about, but i feel like with jon she would find herself talking and talking until all of a sudden she realizes she hasn’t stopped for hours. finally, someone is listening to her. 

do you forgive me?

there’s nothing to forgive.

forgive me! 

alright, i forgive you.

this little exchange is broken up with smiles and little laughs, but i can tell you that sansa needed it. and honestly, he probably did too. sansa spent all her time in captivity (because yes, thats what it was, both times) thinking about what she’d lost in her family. she’d been awful to jon back then and now he was all she had left. im sure there were many times where she told herself these bad things were happening to her because of how terrible she was to jon. and to arya too. 

once they were all gone from her and she was alone in king’s landing, im sure she cried thinking of how she and arya spent their last bits of time together. arguing and fighting over what, a stupid boy prince that ended up abusing the hell out of her? yeah, not her best moments. but, she was a kid, none of us know shit as kids. thats one of the reasons i hate when people cite season 1-2 stuff as reasons they dislike sansa. she was a child, she was scared, and she was only doing what she was told or taught to do. and then she learned that the only way she was going to survive was by giving in. how can you blame her for that?

anyways, thats a whole other post for another day haha 

i love this because it shows how easy it is for jon to laugh with sansa. his smile is so pure, so easy going here. its REAL. when was the last time either of them smiled, let alone laughed? but here, together, even just for a moment they can laugh at each other over how much of an asshole sansa was to him or how the night’s watch still make shitty ale. 

and then we get one of my favorite sets of dialogue ever. 

where will you go? sansa looks scared when she asks this, as if all along she’s been preparing herself for jon to leave her. that maybe he’ll take her somewhere and then he’s gonna go off on his own. part of her doesnt blame him, she wants to run away too. 

where will we go? jon says looking almost surprised by her question. if i dont watch over you, father’s ghost will come back and murder me. sansa almost smiles then, as if she’s realizing it then, jon wasnt ever going to abandon her. she never had to worry that he would leave her side. 

where will we go, she says back, still with that half sort of smile. by now, the wheels are turning in her mind. jon says they cant stay there and thats when sansa says it. there’s only one place we can go, home. it’s jon’s turn to look at her with disbelief, like he’s surprised to hear her say such a thing. this is where we begin to see how their relationship is going to work. jon is going to be the doubter, the one who says “well....” but sansa is the fighter, the pusher. she’s the one who says they’ll take back winterfell. when jon says he cant make the wildlings fight, sansa doesnt care. she tells him if he wont help her, she’ll do it on her own. i want you to help me, but if you won’t... ill do it myself. 

and jon knows she’s telling the truth. she’s always been an awful liar. jon knows she’s telling the absolute truth when she says that. he knows she’ll find a way, one way or the other, to take back winterfell. but he cant (and wont) let her do that alone. of course he’s going to help her. she does that to him. he just said he was tired of fighting, that he’d lost... but as he’s staring into her eyes, he knows there’s no turning back. there’s no way he’d ever let her walk away from him to fight a battle or negotiate with anyone. he’s gonna stand by her side forever. 

id also like to mention how i didnt even think about them as a ship the first time i watched this scene. i wont lie, i probably rewatched it twice right then and i made a lot of hmmmMMMMmmsss 

like this was literally me the whole time

🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔

anyways LETS MOVE ON. 

the next scene i want to talk about is when ramsay sends jon the letter. 

there’s a lot to unpack here, honestly.

(id also like to point out that brienne makes the best faces ever, her face as the men are all eating kills me every single time i see this scene.)

so jon gets a letter & of course we all know who its from. 

To the traitor and bastard Jon Snow,

You allowed thousands of wildlings past the Wall. You have betrayed your own kind and you have betrayed the North. Winterfell is mine, bastard, come and see.

Your brother Rickon is in my dungeon. His direwolf's skin is on my floor, come and see.

after the bit about rickon, jon stops reading and he looks at sansa. she’s horrified and you can see it on his face that he’s worried too. he couldnt even finish the word dungeon. 

i feel for sansa in this moment though because she alone knows what ramsay is capable of. she knows what he did to theon and what he did to her. she knows firsthand what kind of violence he’s capable of and to think her baby brother is in his hands? no. it’s unthinkable. at this moment, im sure she’s thinking to herself its over, rickon is dead. but she cant and wont give up that easily.

jon continues to read the letter out loud & it pans to sansa’s face. it’s like regret washing over her. she’s the cause of this mess, of all this violence that will happen if jon doesnt give in. but this is what she asked for, isnt it? to fight for their home and their family? sansa isnt a soldier, she doesnt know what war is like. sure, she’s suffered, but not on a battlefield. she doesnt know or understand what happens in war out there on the front lines. this is her first glimpse. and again, she KNOWS ramsay, so she knows he isnt lying about what he’ll do to the wildlings. jon’s reading is strong but he fumbles and stops entirely when ramsay mentions sansa. she tells him to keep going but when he doesnt, she snatches the letter and reads it out loud herself

she’s close to tears, you can hear it in her voice. she’s probably thinking about everything ramsay did to her previously and how it would be so much worse if he ever got his hands on her again. 

jon’s first words are lord of winterfell and warden of the north. sansa tells him that his father is dead & that ramsay was the one to kill him. it cuts back to her and thats when you can see her eyes are wet, she’s trying to hold it together here. she says that he has rickon and jon says they dont know that. but she knows he does. yes we do. thats when jon knows it too. he turns to tormund & they talk about the army numbers. jon looks back at sansa and you can see he’s torn. he wants to do this for her, he wants to do it for himself and for rickon. but he is a soldier and he knows there’s not enough men to fight ramsay’s army. not nearly enough.

he’s on the edge then, he knows it’ll never be enough. and what happens when he loses? what happens to sansa? he cant risk leaving her alone, without any form of protection. he doesnt want to disappoint her but he knows it can’t be done. all her pretty words about being the son of ned stark and northern loyalty cant change his mind. 

except... well sansa. 

a monster has taken our home and our brother. we have to go back to winterfell and save them both.

she’s right and he knows it. jon snow is too good a man to walk away from his family when they need him most. and even know he knows the odds are against them... even if the northern houses pledge to him and their cause, the odds are against them. but he looks into her eyes and he cant look away. she’s silently pleading with him to help her take back whats rightfully theirs. she’s asking him to help her save their little brother, maybe the only other family they have left. 

and man he was so close. he had one foot out the door and now she’s trapped him with those beautiful blue eyes. he cant look away and its like, looking into her eyes makes him see the truth. they can win and they will. he’s not going to let anyone take her away from him. and he’s not going to let her abuser sit in their family home. he’s not going to let him kill rickon. he’s not going to let him have winterfell. 

he’s going to take it back. 

so he nods. thats all it takes, just a nod.

OKAY MOVING ON TO WHAT HAS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST JONSA MOMENTS only because its so light hearted and so fucking obvious. like jon here kills me

(gif credit @stark)

what i love is jon is the one to ask about the new dress. like seriously, its the FIRST thing he says. there’s no “hello” no “good morning” no “are you ready to leave?” nope. its just OH HEY NEW DRESS I SEE. 

i mean, its what every brother asks a sister, right? its the first thing they notice, those highly attentative brothers! mine always noticed when i got new clothes. its normal, right? 

anyways she tells him she’s made it herself and asks if he likes it.. mind you, jon hasnt taken his eyes off of her ONCE at this point. and he never does.  id also like to point out that sansa literally POSES for him, like “no really tell me if you like it. are you looking? LOOK AT MY NEW DRESS JON.” and he stammers over his answer (which is adorable) his eyes arent on her face anymore but right at her chest (yes we see you jon) and her “wolf bits” which im sure he’s internally screaming at himself for saying.

she gives him the cloak then and its cute because you can tell she worked really hard to make it for him. its a copy of the one “their father” used to wear and i love that. she knows jon struggles with his identity and this is her way of reminding him who he is. and you can tell he’s touched by it. for the first time in this scene his mind changes from “wow my ~sister~ is hot” to “wow my wonderful sister that happens to be quite attractive just made me this thing like our father used to wear- right, our father. right.” 

but on a serious note about this moment

really, i love it because it IS sansa reminding jon who he is and where he comes from. sansa is always the one reminding him he’s a stark despite what he thinks or what people say. its always her reaffirming it for him. this was the first time we get a glimpse of it and its really touching. 

and when sansa walks away from him, jon smiles to himself and honestly its cute as fuck.

like look at this man. this is the face of a man who knows he’s falling in love. we all know this feeling he has right here- that giddy moment where the person you love has given you something or done something cute or just you know... exists. this is a man who is without a doubt in love. and he knows it. he knows what’s happening here, he knows what these feelings are. 

now lets move on to some bad ass stuff. 

you dont have to be here. yes i do. 

this is a defining moment for me- and not just because of the jonsa stuff. for me, this is proof of sansa’s strength. everything that happened to her with ramsay is still fresh- im sure she still has injuries that havent fully healed, but here she is ready to face him. she’s going to look her abuser in the eye and make sure he knows he isnt going to win this fight. 

and she knows what to expect. she knows he’ll say some nasty things, he’ll try to screw with her (and jon’s head) but she isnt going to let him get under her skin. he cant hurt her anymore, not only because jon wont let him but because SHE wont let him. she’s taken control back in her life and she’s going to rise above what he’s done to her. 

but i also love the way jon glances over to her- he’s worried about her being there. he doesnt want this to send her backwards in her healing process or just totally break down. i think this is the moment jon also realizes just how strong sansa has become. i dont think she’s ever told him EVERYTHING ramsay ever did to her, but im sure he can imagine it and he knows it must be awful. im sure he’s seen her bruises in the beginning, has caught sight of her cuts and burns and whatever else he did to her before she escaped. jon wants only to protect her but seeing her now, with her determined face he knows she needs this. she needs to face him one last time. and how proud he must be of her!!! 

this shot is amazing here, they look like such an amazing power couple. i fucking love it. it screams King and Queen in the North, doesnt it? 

ah yes okay

the tent scene

the sexual tension in this scene is fucking FIRE and any other couple would have 100% had sex after it. no doubt. they’re both panting, literally out of breath just from arguing (and ~staring~ at each other). they both got so heated in this moment, as they seem to do when they disagree. 

and yeah, this stuff is great, but its what comes after that i cant handle. 

sansa says before leaving that she wont go back to ramsay alive. do you understand me? she’s literally telling him that if he loses, that if ramsay wins, she will kill herself. jon’s kind of struck by her words and he again tells her that he wont ever let ramsay touch her again. and then sansa says some real sad shit that just.. hurts. you cant protect me. no one can protect anyone.

those are the words of a girl who’s been let down all her life. she knows deep down that rickon is gone at this point. she’s forced herself to believe it now so it hurts less when it comes true. those words are spoken from her heart. over and over again, sansa tells jon that he cant protect her and its a defense mechanism for herself. she cant be let down again, she wont be let down again. so she constantly thinks the worse so when it happens to her, she’s not surprised, she’s not hurt. this is a girl who has been used, abused, and thrown away like trash over and over again. this is a girl who truly believes there’s no safety in the world. even from jon. at this point, she hasn’t come to realize what jon will do for her (even though hello, honey he’s going to war for you) and she doesnt realize the depths of his feelings. 

and neither do we as the audience. not yet, at least. the next scene jon goes to see melisandre and he literally tells her that if he falls on the battlefield, he doesnt want her to bring him back. its because of sansa. he knows that a) he’s failed her and b) she wont remain alive long. he cant stand the thought of living in a world without her, nor can he stand the guilt of living if she were to take her own life. 

i remember on my first watch through of season 6, i wasn’t shipping them quite yet. i had a lot of thoughts and feelings about their relationship, but man this was the moment where i went “yup, he’s in love.” there’s nothing more dramatic than the “i cant live without you” trope and i live for it. jon cant live without sansa and he cant live with himself if the battle is lost. he’d never forgive himself for losing sansa to ramsay or to herself. he’d rather be dead than fight the fucking night king or anything else. nothing else matters if she’s not there at his side. 

this next moment isnt so much of a jonsa moment but i enjoyed it all the same. jon was so worried, he knew they couldnt & wouldnt last much longer. but then came sansa and the knights of the vale. he’s so SHOCKED and i think this is when he realized what she meant when she kept insisting he listen to her. that she wouldnt go back to ramsay alive.

it wasn’t because she didn’t trust jon but it was self preservation. she wasn’t going back to ramsay without a fight and she isnt stupid. she knows they dont have the men for this fight- jon told her that himself- and jon wouldnt listen to her. so fuck it, she did it herself. 

we stan a badass queen. 

next up on the list is the infamous scene of jon beating the living shit out of ramsay bolton. 

all of jon’s rage comes out full force here.

he takes on an onslaught of arrows, blocking all of them with a spare shield he picked up. he gets closer and closer to ramsay with fire in his eyes. every ounce of hatred that he has for this monster comes out the moment he knocks him onto the ground. 

jon punches him and punches him and punches him some more.

this scene is so incredibly satisfying because as an audience, we fucking hate ramsay (or love to hate him? he’s an incredibly awful character, isnt he?). he deserves everything he’s going to get from jon. watching him get beat to a bloody pulp was one of the best scenes of the whole show, imo. 

i thought jon really was going to kill ramsay, too. his punches just never stopped. he had so much anger inside of him- for all he’d done to sansa, for taking winterfell, for killing rickon. i think jon WOULD have killed him too, had sansa not shown up.

she’s the only thing that could have stopped jon from beating ramsay to death. he almost didn’t look up either, but he did and then he stopped- he actually stopped midswing all because he couldn’t look away from her. and in that moment he knew it was not his kill to make. it was sansa’s. this was HER abuser, HER tormenter, she deserved to take his life if that’s what she wanted. if she told him to go ahead, he would have. but he knew she needed to face him on her own. and that i love. despite how caught up he was in the moment, he stopped full force as soon as he saw her. 

now, moving on to the forehead kiss. 

there’s a lot to unpack with this moment for me so i want to start with their conversation leading up to this moment. sansa joins him on the battlements and he tells her he’s had the lord’s chambers prepared for her, which is really touching. she tries to tell him they should be his but jon says no, they were only standing there because of her so they should be hers. that she was the lady of winterfell. 

and then he says it im not a stark. you are to me. 

that does a lot for me, honestly. all jon has ever wanted was to be a stark, to be anything but the bastard of winterfell. and all his life he’s been told how much he looks like ned & the stark’s, but he’s never told he is one. sansa is the one to tell him he is a stark, even if it’s just to her. and thats honestly all he needs right then. its the reaffirmation that she thinks he’s her family and part of them. 

jon then comes closer to her and there’s a lot of ~longing stares~ happening, especially on his part. he mentions that they have a lot of enemies and they have to trust each other. sansa looks SO sorry in this scene, like she knows she should have told him the truth about LF and the KotV. but jon understands, he doesnt blame her. 

first of all im a HUGE fan of this in general (anyone who reads my fanfics knows this, haha) jon reaches out and puts his hand against her face, with his fingers wrapped around to the back of her head. they’re staring back at one another, though jon’s gaze definitely is on her lips here

he draws her in to kiss her forehead and its really sweet, a really honestly touching moment. but wow. his kiss lasts a LONG time. jon closes his eyes as he presses his lips to her skin and the moment feels very intimate. 

when jon does pull back from her, there’s still some more stares. thats something i love about all of jon & sansa’s scenes together... they convey so much emotion with such little words. you can see how jon feels just by the way he looks at sansa. i know its kind of a running joke about how different it is when he looks at daenerys than her, but thats because its TRUE. all of these scenes are supercharged with emotions and it all starts with the way jon looks. his features get soft, especially his mouth and his eyes, when he’s looking at sansa. gone are his harsh lines, his brooding stare, replaced with a soft, tender gaze that i just fucking live for. 

i also want to talk about the meaning of forehead kisses. 

“A kiss on the forehead is a gentle expression of admiration. Usually it is a kiss of friendship or a starter kiss for something for romantic later.” 

“ Depending on how it is planted, it can also be used as a means of showing deep affection to a loved one. Most people use use it as a starter kiss when they meet someone new, to express that they like them.”

“ Brushing your lips gently against someone's forehead is a sign of trust and comfort. The forehead kiss is a nice way to show affection, whether in you're in a new relationship or celebrating your tenth anniversary.” 

while they can reflect friendship or a close bond or even protectiveness, typically speaking a forehead kiss is quite intimate. there’s a reason its one of the most common engagement photo poses. 

lets really just take a moment to enjoy our King and Queen. note that sansa is  to his left, much how a queen would sit to the king (or vice versa). 

& that wraps up season 6 moments. i think? i hope. 

now lets talk about season 7. 

the first moment is when sansa & jon are walking together, they arent quite arguing but rather having a bit of a heated discussion. jon is a little miffed about her calling him out in front of the lords (lol) and sansa reminds him that joffrey never let anyone question his authority either.

this really offends jon & thats a testament to his character. you think im like joffrey? he asks her, quite shocked. sansa’s features soften a moment after she looks away, knowing she said something she didn’t mean. you’re as far from joffrey as anyone ive ever met. of course he is. no one is like joffrey. 

they continue walking & talking and then the arm grab happens. 

i honestly love this gif, lol

anyways. 

what i absolutely LOVE about this moment is jon looks down at her hand, clearly showing she doesnt let go of him. she grabs his arm to make him turn around and face her, to listen to her. jon has a bad habit of not listening to her and she’s fucking tired of it. she lost a lot of people she loved because of stupid mistakes they made, she cant lose jon too. she’s just trying to get him to understand that. 

there they go again with those longing stares, eh?

we’re almost there guys, seriously if you’re still reading... thanks!

the next scene is when jon says he’s going to go to dragonstone.

i want to point out sansa’s face as she listens to jon speak

she’s genuinely worrying about him in these 2 panels. 

her face changes as she listens to him talk- she’s thinking about what happened to their grandfather when he went south, she even says it to him. she’s thinking about how he cant go, he cant leave her there alone. its not about jon leaving the north, its about jon leaving her. 

she says to him youre abandoning your people, you’re abandoning the north- and you can hear those unspoken words, the ones she cant say in front of everyone there. you’re abandoning me. 

in jon she finds safety. as much as she’ll try to say no one can protect her, she knows jon does. being with jon has helped her to heal. he’s protected her from ramsay and reclaimed winterfell. he’s her armor, her shield. and he’s all she has left. how can he just leave her? how can he walk away into a dangerous situation and potentially never come back? 

of course she plays it off as saying he’s abandoning the north, but read between the lines and you know what really has her upset. 

then, jon gives her winterfell to rule over while he’s away.

i think he knows the truth of her heart (and i 1000% believe there’s an offscreen conversation about it) & knows she’s more upset about him leaving her than she is him leaving the north. he knows that he’s all she has left and same for him, she’s all he’s got. but thats why he’s doing this. he’s doing this to protect her and the home they’ve only just got back. 

if he doesnt defeat the night king, there wont be any winterfell or life. he would do anything in his power to protect what he has now, even sailing into a potential life threatening trap. if its for sansa, it’s worth it.

next is one of my favorite jon moments. 

jon and littlefinger are down in the crypts 

they talk about ned and jon tells him he doesnt belong down there.

when jon walks away, littlefinger continues to talk, causing jon to pause. you can literally watch his face turn from annoyance to pure hatred. look at him here. he turns his head slightly, scowling, his eyes narrowing just slightly. just hearing him say sansa’s name sets him off, its what makes his lip curl with that scowl. but as soon as he says he loved her like he loved her mother, jon whirls around and lunges for him.

look at all that emotion in his face. 

there’s so much anger and disgust. talk to my sister and i’ll kill you myself. 

he cant stand the thought of lf making a move on her while he’s away. he cant stand the idea of this man looking at her wrong or saying one damn word to her. jon doesnt trust lf & he knows that sansa doesnt either... but that doesnt stop him from worrying. he’s not going to be around to protect her for a while so he has to make sure she’s safe somehow.

hence the ghost scene that got cut and im NEVER NOT GOING TO BE UPSET ABOUT THAT. 

anyways

next we get this little moment when jon’s leaving: 

he raises his hand a moment before this and it cuts to sansa watching him go, looking forlorn. jon looks sad too. you know they’re going to miss each other a lot while he’s away. 

but what’s so telling is how jon looks back. he turns to go, but looks back at her and offers her a quick smile. as if to tell her everything was going to be okay. remember who he doesnt look back at when he’s rushing off to what could possibly kill him? yeah, you do. 

last but not least... jon seeing theon again. 

what you did for her is the only reason im not killing you.

here’s another moment of jon resorting to physical threats because of sansa. much like little finger, the moment theon mentions sansa’s name, jon lunges at him. he yanks him close and you can see the anger on his face, you can see it in his eyes. he’s not lying either. theon caused a lot of problems for the stark family and his only redeeming quality is what he did for sansa. im sure sansa told jon about escaping winterfell and how it was thanks to theon. that’s enough to keep him alive in jon’s eyes. 

(gif found via google on gfycat) 

im including this shot because right here you can tell Davos knows whats up. he knows this isnt a typical reaction of a protective brother. he knows jon pretty well at this point and i think he’s sort of known all along how he felt about sansa. this is the moment he’s positive, like zero doubts. i also think thats why he somewhat pushes the thing with dany later (i see you staring at her good heart” or whatever) because he knows jon can’t be in love with his half sister. he just cant be. there’s a perfectly good woman right in front of him (lol) and davos thinks pushing him towards her will make jon forget sansa. fat chance, my friend. 

i love seeing jon react to men mentioning sansa. he gives tyrion quite the glare earlier on, when he mentions their marriage. its clear how jon feels about her at this point. he loves her. there’s no going back, there’s no changing it. jon loves sansa and there’s nothing he can do but keep going. from here on out, everything he does is going to be for her. 

okay guys

well i think this is it! 

thanks for reading and i hope you’ve enjoyed my ranting and raving about these two lovebirds. <3 

#jonsa #jon snow #sansa stark #anti jonerys

[vanogla]

haha okay-

i may have thrown together a lil oneshot while i was out having dinner with my family xD

Rated T for swearing Word count: 1793 Pairing: Daithi de Vanoss 

It’s pretty mild but here are the warnings: * anxiety (at the start) * daithi-de-h2o/vanoss-shipper

i wanted to write something from Evan’s side for once- so here’s some high school shenanigans hahah 

Wattpad | AO3

To put it simply, Evan is panicking.

He's drumming his fingers on his desk and sitting upright in his seat- which never happens- and his eyes are darting back and forth between the teacher and the first page of his brand new notebook.

He knew he forgot something- he had been sweeping all corners of his room this morning to make sure that he had brought everything he'd need, to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything-

And right now, he is sitting in the first period of the new semester without a fucking pencil.

This can't be happening. He's always been at the top of his class because of his notes- and it's the first fucking day of school, they're learning something completely new and he can't absorb any of it because he's panicking.

No matter how much he tells himself to relax, he can't. The teacher is going to notice, maybe ask him a question he can't answer, maybe look at his notebook- which is still empty.

Blank, white lined paper, with not even the title written down because he has nothing to write with- and he's listening to the teacher's lesson without taking anything down, without taking anything in- so he sits there, fidgeting.

Thud.

He accidentally knocks his knees on the bottom of the table, fuck.

Some people glance in his direction, but the teacher doesn't notice. He ducks his head down and pretends to read something written on his blank page.

To his dismay, no words magically appear before his eyes.

A whisper from the seat to his right startles him. "Psst."

Evan exhales shakily, keeping his gaze adamantly fixed on the page.

"Psst, Evan."

He flips to the next blank page.

"Evan, yer book is empty."

Evan rolls his eyes. Yeah, I fucking see that. Now leave me alone, David.

Out of nowhere- something taps him on the shoulder. He nearly jumps out of his seat.

"What?!" He hisses, turning his head slightly to the right to show he's listening.

"Jeez, why're you all pissy? Yer actin' like a teenage girl on her period, man."

"Shut the fuck up." He turns back to face the front.

"Hey."

He says nothing.

"Evan."

"What?!" He hisses again. He's more annoyed than terrified now, but it doesn't make him any less agitated.

"I'll give you my pencil in exchange for a dare."

The pencil taps him on the shoulder again. He wants to take it so badly- but the logical side of his brain is demanding to know what the catch is.

He makes no move to take the pencil. "What dare?"

He watches a pale hand reach over to place the pencil on his desk. It's one of those shitty pencils you win from a school-hosted colouring competition, scratchy on paper and difficult to erase- but the most important thing is that it works.

He stares at it.

"I dare you to... confess to yer crush."

Evan immediately puts the pencil back on David's desk. "No."

He hears David curse quietly, before: "C'mon man, I've been rooting for you and Jon since day one. The straight-A smart guy with the crazy class clown? It's the greatest trope ever!"

Evan glares daggers into his book, silently fuming. If this is what it takes- he's not even interested in taking notes anymore. "That's such a stupid excuse. I'm not doing it."

David slides the pencil right into his line of vision.

He resists the urge to snap the pencil in two. Instead, he takes a deep breath and puts his hands neatly on his lap.

David doesn't say anything more for a minute.

He tunes into the lesson, ignoring the pencil and pretending it isn't right in front of him and within his reach.

His pride won't allow it. It's a pencil for a stupidass dare, fuck that.

"Now, the aim is to explain the science of rockets in layman's term and introduce people to the key maths and physics used in-"

Evan starts to panic again.

He- he doesn't know any of this shit- and he definitely won't remember it later if he doesn't write it down-

He's going to fail this class because he doesn't understand anything-

"Evan, I see ya goin' crazy in yer seat. Just take the pencil-"

Evan quickly snatches it up and starts scribbling notes furiously.

"-if you answer a question in return-"

He finishes his sentence and puts the pencil down.

"-Oi, that's cheating-"

"Fuck off, David."

"Man, you can keep the pencil for the whole day, just answer a simple question- I'll ask you it after school ends, alright?"

The whole day.

He'll get to keep it for the whole day, holy shit.

"Fuck. Fine, as long as it's not a stupid question."

David laughs under his breath as Evan picks up the pencil again and continues to write.

To his relief, David doesn't try to talk to him for the rest of the lesson.

To his horror, he's probably just agreed to something he can't get out of.

David really wasn't fooling around.

Evan shuts his locker door to see David standing behind it with a huge smile on his face.

It's almost comical- he would've laughed if it weren't for the horror of impending doom.

"Question time!"

Evan swiftly turns and walks away before he realises, belatedly, that he's going in the wrong direction. He nearly laughs out loud- he might as well walk an entire loop around campus just to get to the exit since David is not going to let up anytime soon.

Just as he thought, David jogs to catch up to him. He huffs, deciding to resign himself to his fate. He still has the pencil, after all.

"Question, Evan! Who're you crushing on? I bet Brock twenty bucks it's Jon!"

He scoffs. "The fuck? What was Brock's guess?"

"No one important!"

"Who? Tell me." Let me guess: he bet you, didn't he, Evan mentally sighs.

Brock found out about his crush on David last year when he caught him staring. Evan's more mindful of how much he stares now, of how he treats David in public- just to throw Brock off- but by the looks of it, it didn't quite work out and Brock's about to earn himself a twenty.

"Er- don't laugh- but he said me because I'm always following ye around like a lost puppy, especially during freshman year when I first came here- but you've been friends with Jon since pre-school so that makes more sense!"

"By Brock's logic, shouldn't you be the one crushing on me? You creepy weirdo."

David's smile falters. "Oh. I mean, yeah."

Evan stops in his tracks, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What do you mean, yeah? You're- you're not denying it?"

"No! No, I am. I don't have a crush on you, that'd just be... weird. I meant yeah like yeah- he's probably got it the wrong way around."

Evan continues walking, chuckling lightly. "You sure he wasn't trying to tell you something? You sound pretty defensive about it-"

"I'm not being defensive!" David exclaims defensively. "He's just fuckin' with me, das all. And you're in on it."

"I'm not in on anything," Evan raises his hands in mock surrender. "You're the one making bets behind my back."

David frowns. "Fuck you, Evan! Yer just tryin' ta dodge the question!"

"What question?" he asks.

"Who. Do you have a crush on."

"Oh, right," Evan grins. "Nobody."

"That's impossible. Everyone's got the hots for someone nowadays."

"Is that your way of telling me you like me?"

"Yer dodging the question again!"

"No, David. You're dodging the question."

"Okay, my head hurts now," David groans.

Evan smirks. "So you do 'have the hots' for me."

David sighs. "I don't."

"You do."

"Alright, fine, I do."

"You do?"

"I don't!"

Evan makes a turn. He can see the gate to the exit a couple of feet away now, and he starts to make his way toward it.

"Alright, I believe you," he tells David.

"Now you're just being sarcastic."

Evan thinks it's too bad he's enjoying the conversation. He doesn't know how or when the conversation got to this point but he grins all the same. "Do you think I think you like me?"

David's brows furrow. "I think I like you."

Evan's grin grows wider. "That's not what I asked."

"Awh, fuck. Fuck it. Just pretend I never said anything," David mumbles, stopping at the school gate.

Evan thinks freedom at last.

However, there's still something he feels like he should mention before he leaves-

"Hey, David."

"Mhm?"

"Um... you want your pencil back?"

"Nah, just keep it."

"'Kay, thanks."

"No problem."

Evan moves to leave, but stops and turns back again. "What about the question?"

"What question?"

"Exactly. See you tomorrow!" He quickly turns to leave.

"Wait wha- oh, come on! Evan, just- just humour me a little."

He stops and turns back again.

"Give me some clues, at least!"

Evan laughs, tracing back his steps to David. "Fine, just don't get jealous."

David's face twists. "I won't! Go on, now."

"Okay- so first of all," he holds up one finger, "It's a guy."

"No surprise there. I'm straighter than ye are."

"If you're gonna be a dick about it, I'm leaving."

"No, no. Continue."

"Alright, second of all, he's a pretty funny guy."

"Oh, Jon is a pretty funny guy-"

"Okay, see you tomorrow, David-"

"Sorry! Sorry, I'll stop!"

Evan laughs, turning back.

"Thirdly, he also likes to play video games."

"That doesn't narrow it down a lot but alright."

"He knows how to play guitar..."

"Half the fuckin' school knows how to play guitar- you and me included- but alright."

"He has black hair..."

"Black hair... black hair..."

"And... he's standing here right now."

At that, David looks around. The gate is mostly empty- save for the security guard and some middle schoolers.

David blinks at Evan. "Wha- are you talking about me?"

"No, I'm talking about myself, of course."

"Oh. That makes sense."

"No it doesn't, you fucking idiot. I was being sarcastic."

"I'm confused."

"I. Have a crush. On you."

"Oh. Okay."

"Alright, so now you have your answer. See you tomorrow, David."

"Wait-"

Evan huffs, turning back around again. "What?"

"Do we kiss now?"

"What?! Why?"

"W-wha'cha mean why? Because we like each other!"

"So you do admit you like me."

David flushes red. "Yes! Yes- I do have a fucking crush on you, Evan!"

"Yeah, alright, we can kiss," Evan grins, "Tomorrow."

"Fuck you, Evan!" David yells, watching him leave.

Evan bursts out laughing at the middle schoolers that immediately chant "fuck, fuck, fuck" - and the security guard's resulting look of disapproval. He walks home with a spring in his step.

#daithi de vanoss #daithidevanoss #vanogla #vannogla #bbs nova #viotxt #words #these damn dorks #xDDDD #h2ovanossship

[desolationofzara]

three’s a crowd, but four’s a party part 1

Characters: Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Jon Kent, Connor Kent

Pairing: DamiJon, TimKon

Summary: Just two bats on a double date with their super boyfriends

A/N: My lovely mutual @unavenged-robin wanted a fic where Tim, Kon, Damian, and Jon all double dated. So here’s part one! I didn’t originally plan for this to be a multipart fic, but it’s been too much fun writing the boys interactions, especially Tim and Damians. This is my first time writing for the couples so please be nice! 

I aged up Damian to 17, and Jon to 15. I dont know the age gap between Tim and Damian but im gonna say that Tim is around 22. 

It was a relatively quiet night for Gotham city. Just a few muggings, a convenience store robbery, and a car heist. Normally, Damian would've been antsy all night. Waiting, practically begging for some villain to come along to spice things up. But tonight, there wasn't a peep out of Robin. This made Batman very suspicious.

Batman headed back to the cave. Robin said that he wanted to do one last sweep of the city before deeming it safe for the night. Bruce knew better than anyone that there was something about swinging in the cold Gotham night air, thousands of miles from the ground, listening to the sounds of the city, made you think clearer. And if that's what Damian needed right now, so be it. He'd come to Bruce with his worries when he needed to. And with that, Bruce got started on his report for the night.

It wasn't much later that Damian flipped into the cave.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, even as I did one last sweep down, it seems that there was no crime to report for tonight." Damian answered, taking off his mask.

"I didn't mean with the city, Damian, I mean with you." Bruce chuckled, looking at his youngest. That seemed to freeze Damian mid step.

"I'm fine." Damian said quickly. Too quickly. Bruce gave him a skeptical look. Damian swallowed thickly and approached his father. "There is a State Fair that will begin on Friday in Metropolis, I had the intention of taking Jon."

Damian wanted to take Jon to a fair? All the way in Metropolis? They could wait another week or two and there would be a state fair here in Gotham. Granted, the one in Metropolis probably had less psychopaths try to ruin it.

"As in a date, Father."

Bruce's brain short circuited. The words 'date' and 'Jon' were the only things that he could focus on.

"Take your brother with you." Bruce finally said, turning back to the Batcomputer.

Damian scrunched his nose, "I hardly think that we need to be chaperoned-"

"Take your brother with you, or you wont be going." This thought made Bruce very happy.

"But Grayson is on a mission overseas! He'll never get back here by Friday!" Damian whined.

"Last time I checked, you had more brothers than just Dick." Bruce smirked.

He could feel Damian weighing his options behind him. It was either Jason "Guns blazing for the entire public to see" Todd, or ask Tim for a favor.

"Isn't Master Tim still dating Mr. Connor? Perhaps you could ask him." Alfred supplied helpfully.

“As in double date?” Damian scrunched his nose up.

“I believe it’s either this, or you could wait for the Gotham State Fair and Master Bruce would happily chaperone your date. Unless you would rather prefer Master Jason.” Alfred said

Bruce grinned at Alfred statement, and it only widened when he saw Damians head snap toward him.

“I will call Drake in the morning.” Damian grumbled as he sulked out of the cave. When Alfred and Bruce heard the entrance to manor close, they silently high fived.

Tims phone started to buzz as soon as he got out of his first class. D E M O N S P A W N displayed across his phone. Tim sighed as he glided his thumb across the screen to answer.

“Damian”

“Drake”

“Everything alright?” Tim asked, sipping his coffee he just bought.

“Peachy. Why wouldn’t it be.”

“The fact that you’re calling me. So Im asking again, everything okay?”

“I have a mission for you. On friday. You don’t have any friends so im going to assume that you’re free.”

“I dunno, Damian. I could have a date that day.” Tim smirked. Oh, he was going to have fun with this.

“Is a date really more important than a mission?” Damian asked. It sounded like he was ready to head to his campus any minute and strangle him.

“It could be. Especially if that mission is having to chaperone your little brothers date.”

“How did you-?!”

“B called me last night and asked if I could chaperone your date.”

“Let me guess. You leaped at the offer.” Damian drawled.

“You know, contrary to your popular belief the soul purpose of my life isn’t to bring misery into your own.” Tim snapped. He didnt mean to, it was just something about Damians know-it-all attitude about him that got under his skin. “Look,” Tim started again, “My first date with Kon was a movie date, and do you know who followed us around everywhere?”

“Batman?” Damian snorted

“Bingo. You can only imagine how awkward my first kiss was.” Tim could hear Damians chuckling on the other end of the phone.

“Grayson caught my first kiss with Jon.” Damian admitted quietly.

“And somehow, I feel like that’s worse than Batman spying on all my dates.”

There was a few beats of silence between the two. Both struggling with what to say next, or just let the conversation die there. In the end, it was Tim who spoke first.

“Listen Damian, my class is about to start pretty soon.”

“Of course, then I will see you friday.”

“A word of caution,” Tim started. Damian felt his ears perk up. “Kon is... an acquired taste. But he’s very close with his brother. If you want to date Jon long term,”

“I do.” Damian interjected quickly.

“Then you should, no, NEED to made a good impression with Kon.”

“Isn’t the fact that he’s dating you make any difference?” Damian sighed.

“I wouldn’t push my luck if I were you. But how about you let me do the talking on friday?”

“By all means, Tim.”

“Sounds like a plan, see you then. Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

Tim pulled up to the manor Friday afternoon. Alfred, as always, was ready to greet him at the door. “Good afternoon, Master Timothy.” Alfred smiled.

“Hey Alfred. Where’s our growing boy?”

“I believe Master Damian is in his room,” Alfred said with a smirk on his face. “He’s been trying on clothes for the past hour or so.”

“No way.” Tim snorted. The kid took “make a good impression” way too seriously.

“If you don’t believe me, inspect for yourself. I do believe you know where his room is.”

Tim fought the urge to run to Damians room, with his phone in hand. Tim couldn’t wait to send a video to Jason and Dick about the ‘baby getting ready for his first date’.

“Oh, Master Timothy,” Alfred called and Tim turned around to face him. “Do keep the teasing to a minimum. I’ve just got the blood stains out of the carpet from your last argument.”

“I’ll try my best, Alfred.” Tim smiled, pocketing his phone.

Tim knocked on Damians door. Damian opened his door wearing an Armani suit. Tim didnt know whether to break down laughing, or be exasperated.

He chose the latter.

“Really?” Tim deadpanned.

The tips of Damians ears turned red, “Perhaps I got carried away with-”

“Playing dress up?”

“My options.” Damian hissed, narrowing his eyes into slits.

“Well have you decided on what you want to wear? Because we should probably leave soon if we want to pick the guys up on time.” Tim stated looking at his watch. He saw Damians feet shuffle from the corner of his eye. Tim pushed himself into the younger boys room. Surprisingly, there was no protest from Damian. 

Tim bit back a laugh when he saw the state of Damians room. It was a mess. The younger boys whole closet was probably on the floor or his bed. “I feel bad for Alfred.” Tim chuckled as he got to work on a pile of clothes.

“I will clean my room myself when I return.” Damian sighed, flopping down on his bed. Tim quickly extracted khaki pants and a plain black button down. He threw them on top of Damian and exited the room.

Damian walked out as stiff as a board. “This does not seem appropriate.”

“But an Armani suit was?”

“Michael Kors.”

“What?”

“The suit was Michael Kors. Not Armani.”

“Oh, so the casual look. I get it.”

“Shut up, Drake.”

“Stop stressing out. Everything will be fine.” Tim said, taking Damians arm to roll up his sleeve.

“Im not stressing out-” Damian scoffed.

“The state of your room says otherwise.” Tim smirked. He could practically hear Damians teeth grinding together. 

“The Kents appreciate simplicity.” Tim tried to sooth, moving to Damians other arm.

“Obviously. They lived on a farm.” Damian smirked.

“Very ‘actions speak louder than words’ people.” Tim continued, placing a watch around the teens wrist. “So if you really mean that you’re going to be with Jon for the long run, they’ll see it. Our family is the one with the trust issues.”

This elicited a snort from Damian. “And don’t we know it.” He said quietly.

Tim smiled down at Damian. “Yeah. Now go put on some deodorant and cologne. You smell like mothballs.”

#timkon #batman #damijon #jondami #supersons #fic #damijon fic

[jijijisun]

i’m trying to figure out why i’m so sad about a guy i only kind of dated/hooked up with for like 4 months, maybe 3. maybe a better term is friends with benefits. it doesn’t make any sense, but i’m going to try and figure it out. no matter how embarrassing an examination it might be.

maybe i am a desperate hoe for racist dick, just like isaiah thinks (just the desperation part, not the racist part - he’s not a racist, sorry to disappoint), but not gonna lie i doooooooon’t think that’s it. but yeah, there is something sad and irrational about it, i’ll give him that. 

part of it is losing the honeymoon phase of a mutual crush, where someone i was attracted to was attracted to me, and he made me feel so wanted. he gave me the attention i craved, the acknowledgement i felt i was missing and should’ve been getting from my relationship. you could argue that that should be an easy thing to accomplish - maybe i am just “desperate” for attention, and would take it from anyone - but honestly, i don’t think so. i don’t think it’s that easy to sweep me off my feet, and make me feel that special. because isaiah tried, and failed. if it was really that easy, then anyone could do it. there was an element of chemistry, of some mutual spark, even if it fizzled out fast.  

i have to look in the mirror and wonder if that’s all i’m really sad about, losing a consistent dick appointment and the feeling of being wanted. is it because i had such deep, strong feelings? was i really THAT into him? even my therapist is like “girl, no” - i wasn’t. there were things about him that i knew would be incompatibilities, things i knew wouldn’t work. like the fact that i knew early on he wasn’t emotionally available/in tune with his own feelings, that he hated talking about feelings, that he was just an immature dude focused on his own shit and i think i knew i was never gonna be able to hold his *romantic* interest for long. i never wanted him to be my boyfriend, so why am i upset he doesn’t want me? why am i so sad, and why do i take it so personally? 

i'm trying to figure out why he and i had so much drama, and so many arguments. he’s right, it was ridiculous for him and i to fight so much when we weren’t even in a relationship. i definitely am no stranger to relationship drama in general, but still, even for me it was a lot. 

i wonder if part of me is addicted to the break up and make up dynamic, and that might be true as a general problem i have lol but i don’t think that’s it with this specific situation. i think in this situation....when i really reflect on it....what i’m saddest about is losing the person i thought was my closest friend at LEK. 

that’s almost pathetic when you think about how much i hated LEK. but maybe at the same time, it’s not. he was the reason i was excited to go to work, and yes maybe i thought he was cute but - this is impt - it was because for the first time in like 9 months, i thought i had a friend. a friend who i could vent to, who was on some stupid projects with me, who made me laugh and who always smiled at me. the best feeling was thinking that i could make someone else laugh. 

i feel like part of the reason we had those vicious cycles of drama and fighting is because i kept wanting to hear him say that he still cared about me, not just “as a human being” but as his close friend... the kind of friends i remembered us to be. as his friend who he loved to talk to, joke with, laugh with, who asked me how i was doing everyday. i wanted confirmation that it wasn’t just a one sided friendship even though it’s become clear that that’s exactly what it was.

here’s the truth: he had a crush on me, but i was in a relationship and - even though i thought he was cute - i was not thinking about him in a romantic way. i thought we were becoming better and better friends, but he just wanted to talk because he was flirting. i thought we would always be great friends, but now he doesn’t even really wanna talk. now i need to be like everyone else, even though what i loved so much before was the fact that i was special. 

i thought he was one of my closest friends, or was going to be, but to him i was just the girl he had a crush on/a good work friend/someone he sat next to. i thought we had so much in common, and that he liked talking to me as much as i liked talking to him. and maybe that was true for a time, but it’s clear our motives were different. 

this is not a shocking concept. it’s perfectly human. and i don’t know if he could’ve done anything differently. i’m sure that in the moment, he did enjoy those conversations, and he did care about me in a “special” way. but i guess the difference is that i valued that friendship, and those conversations, for what they were and not what they might get me. to be “just a crush”...crushes me, a little. i don’t even know if that’s fair, but it’s how i feel. 

i’m hurt. hurt that i felt so close to someone who now just shrugs me off as a “work friend turned crush turned hook up turned regular friend.” maybe i’m a huge idiot. 

i think each time i told him this - and i’ve told him this story over, and over - he would just say, “i was always honest with you. i never fucked you over, i’ve always been completely transparent about my feelings.” and he was. romantically, i don’t think he fucked me over. but as my friend..............

i’m hurt. that’s it, that’s how i feel. i’m hurt that what i saw as an emotionally intimate, mutually enjoyed/valued, increasingly close friendship was, on his end, not that important. i wanted him to tell me we had a connection, one that could transcend the presence OR lack of physical/romantic intimacy, something that was just - a great friendship. that he loved to talk to me because i’m hilarious. that he cared about how i was doing, and wanted to hear about it, even when he was busy, even when he was being crushed by cases. that i was a source of laughter and fun and good vibes even in times of stress, like he was for me. 

but of course that wasn’t true. or it was true for a time, but only because of certain contingencies which are no longer in place. and i’m a super naive dumb ass because, honestly, what guy wants to talk to a girl everyday he’s not interested in/wants to fuck? i’m stupid. i really believed he liked talking to me for the sake of talking to me. and that feeling made me feel....incredible.

i felt so heard. so seen and understood. so listened to. for that very very brief moment in time.

it’s kind of how jon used to make me feel. how isaiah never made me feel. 

and to lose that was devastating. in a way i wasn’t prepared to face. 

i don’t think he will ever understand how losing that friendship is so hard for me. i don’t think he will ever apologize, because i know he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. and maybe he didn’t. maybe you can hurt someone even if you do everything right. but you still hurt someone. 

and i’m not mad at him. i’m truly not. because i don’t think it could’ve ended up a different way. i don’t think we were meant to date, or be together, and i don’t think even if we had that that would’ve fixed anything. i’m sure that would’ve caused a slew of other problems. 

but i’m sad. because i lost a friend. someone i was excited to talk to everyday. i miss the feeling of being enjoyed. of someone being so happy to talk to me, engage with me, and who i made feel good by just being myself. and who made me feel so good. 

but i guess the key difference is that, that wasn’t really him. that was like, the crush filtered version of him, the version that liked to text me everyday even though he hates texting. the version of him that was ultra sweet because he thought i was cute, and maybe laughed at my jokes a little extra hard because he was bored and wanted to flirt a little. and i totally fell for it. 

i guess i’ll have to get to know this new version of him, this person who is giving me an entirely different version of friendship. and i’m sure it will be fine, even though it’s not what i wanted. this is all probably a good lesson in learning to not trust boys who laugh at all your jokes and claim to be just friends. 

knowing all this doesn’t make me feel any less sad. it doesn’t change anything. and sometimes i can’t help but wish, and daydream about going back to the times when we sat next to each other everyday and never hung out 1:1 outside of work, never hooked up, but texted each other about stupid shit every night and would burst out laughing during work all the time. it’s so stupid because i know there’s no universe in which that possibly could have lasted. 

but sometimes i fantasize about it anyway. 

#personal

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 1997, part two

the songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 between 3.15.1997 and 5.10.1997. 2/3 of the way there! i’ma try to get weeks 19-27 done by monday so we can cover weeks 28 and 29 of all three of 97/07/17 on wednesday, then resume posting as usual from there. i’m excited!

3.15.1997

9) "For You I Will," by Monica

this was ok, i guess. it's a stirring pitch to the boy, but i can also understand why the boy would still give brandy consideration after hearing this. the boy probably thinks monica doth insist too much. like, she promises to be the sun. she can't do that! monica's a star, but not a REAL star, just a famous person! the boy has reason to be dubious of monica's claims. no reason to be dubious of the key change, tho. hey remember key changes? remember when we used to like songs that were dynamic and didn't just bleep and bloop for three minutes? good times.

22) "Step by Step," by Whitney Houston

The YouTube recommendation bar just pulled up a bunch of Whitney Houston songs, and I'm not gonna lie, I'd much rather dip into that than find out what Zhane is. This is probably a second-tier Whitney song, insofar as I have any grasp of the ins-and-outs of the Whitney catalogue, but second-tier Whitney is still amazing. Like, you know how "Lose My Breath" is definitely one of the five-best songs from the expanded Beyonce universe, even though no one ever thinks about it? This is Whitney's "Lose My Breath" for me. I just wanna put this and "Return of the Mack" on repeat for a thousand years and die happy.

35) "Head Over Heels," by Allure ft./Nas

It's weird to hear Nas on a pop song. Like, Nas operated in the same space where someone like Vince Staples or Killer Mike currently operates, I always thought; clearly elite, but elite in a way not friendly with the mainstream. Illmatic didn't sound like something that'd get a dude on a pop song. Not that I'm angry Nas got that paper, it's just weird, like it'd be weird if Killer Mike suddenly collaborated with Calvin Harris. Also, girl group hype. This is a song that was playing while I was thinking about other things and I think I would've enjoyed it if I wasn't ignoring it, but at the same time, I don't believe in second impressions.

51) "Request Line," by Zhane

...Zhane, that was unfair, that thing I said about you two paragraphs ago. I am so glad to have found out about you. This song only has a peak of 39. I am comfortable declaring this the forgotten classic of 1997 so far. It references calling people over a phone line, which is so delightfuly antiquated, it references a 555 number which is a classic, and it implies that at one point you had to call a radio station to request a song rather than being able to access every song all at once on demand. All wonderful 1997 things, backed with a solid groove. This song is dope. I'm going to call into my local radio station RIGHT NOW and request that they play this!

76) "Too Late, Too Soon," by Jon Secada

imagine turning the radio on in 1997 and hearing this and keeping this song on because trying to tune the dial to a new station just to avoid this song wouldn't be worth the effort. i thought i wouldn't get michael bolton? i thought his whole thing was just an early-'90s thing, something akward between the grunge and the rap? i feel cheated, honestly. i shouldn't have had to listen to clay aiken in 1997.

79) "I Belong to You (Every Time I See Your Face)," by Rome

This dude's ad-libs are basically Young Thug mouthnoises. I'm into it. It's generic, but dude goes hard trying to sell this song, and I respect that hustle.

81) "Hip-Hopera," by Bounty Killa ft./The Fugees

LAURYN HILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even care that the rest of this song is just Bounty Killa saying things with a heavy accent that never actually justifies being called "Hip-Hopera" aside from some falsetto in the hook. Like, you wanna be a hip-hopera? Bring the drama. Can't just have the fat lady sing, you need to emote like your life depended on it, PROJECT, make something more over the top than this, but legit Lauryn Hill on the mic for even half a minute is a good thing, and this song at least had the good sense to put her at the top of this song so that, if you want to hear her verse again, you don't have to sift through a bunch of nothing.

91) "Weekend Thang," by Alfonzo Hunter

This is the second R&B slow jam about infidelity this week, and while it's superior, I wonder if people got as tired of dudes singing R&B in 1997 as I am of bro country in 2017? Like, the thing R&B dudes have over country dudes is, I can easily distinct Alfonzo Hunter from Rome. Rome was making all sorts of noises in his song, and Alfonzo Hunter is smoother, more confident. I can't tell you any meaningful difference between Chase Pickens and Ricky Graves, and you probably didn't realize those were fake names, because country dudes are interchangable. Listen, 1997 has been wonderfully bereft of country dudes, but the only thing I know how to do is complain about country dudes, SO I HAD TO SHOEHORN THIS IN SOMEWHERE, point is, R&B slow jamz all at least have some variety, and I'm not tired of them yet.

3.22.1997

22) "Ghetto Love," by Da Brat ft./T-Boz

"You laid pipe unlike any other plumber/Took me shoppin' all day and at night you kept me cummin'/Made dinner, collard greens, candied yams, and steak/Taught me how to measure grams, cook rocks, and chop weights" This song is incredible. Like, I grew up in a family adjacent to white trash; if anyone in the family smokes meth, it might not be surprising?, but it would definitely be news to me. So I don't know what it's like to settle in for a nice steak dinner, then sit down with my lover and learn how to manufacture and distribute crack cocaine. My girl and I would just play Mario Kart. This is a love unlike anything I could ever know, and I am glad to have heard tell of it. Also, "you laid pipe unlike any other plumber." That is a lyric!

34) "I Shot the Sheriff," by Warren G

...I want to applaud the social commentary? But at the same time, no, don't touch this song. This song was already very good, it didn't need you trying to muck it all up with your signature, just let it be. You can allude to this song in a better song about fighting back against the police, but don't just like do the song, it's not pleasant to listen to this song when it's not this song.

71) "Silent All These Years," by Tori Amos

One of the auto-complete results when I searched "silent all" was "silent all these years karaoke" and I want to meet the absolute fucking maniac who would ruin a karaoke night with this song and give them a stern lecture about the utility of fun. This is not a karaoke song. Even if this WERE a karaoke song, there's no way you have the verses memorized. There's too many words. You are going to stumble all over the verses and it’s going to suck for everyone in the bar to hear. You’re going to ruin five minutes of everyone’s lives, be responsible with your fucking choices. Like karaoke is not about communicating the deep inner pain with which Tori Amos helped you get in touch, what kind of horrible narcissist is singing Tori Amos songs at karaoke. I DID NOT FORCE MYSELF TO LOG OFF TUMBLR, PUT ON PANTS, AND TAKE A BUS TO THE BAR JUST TO HEAR TUMBLR: THE MUSICAL. ...Tori Amos is a quality songwriter and this song is incredibly sad and I am scared of feeling things which is why those other sentences exist.

84) "If Tomorrow Never Comes," by Joose

I found this R&B slow jam lacking because it tried to have A Moment, took some time to try to be a sweeping, epic slow jam, and while I applaud the ambition, it kinda just sounded like a worse version of the pop version of "A Whole New World."

97) "Under the Water," by Merril Bainbridge

this song is just heckin' beautiful. look at that, i'm even usin' "heck" instead of bad words because i don't want to profane this space right now. it's so soft and gentle and i don't want to do anything to ruin this moment i'm having. this i -- OH. OH, HELLO,  MAN. alright well fuck all this then where the fuck did this dude come from? this was a pleasant, lovely song, and then goddamn the dude from crash test dummies or w/e shows up and goes "UNDER THE WATER" and it's so jarring. i can't even enjoy this harmonica solo, i feel so betrayed! ...okay, i'm enjoying the harmonica a little bit. the harmonica was as nice a surprise as the dude was a rude one.

3.29.1997

7) "All by Myself," by Celine Dion

These charts are based off single sales and radio plays. It's so weird to consider that people would go out of their way to listen to a Celine Dion ballad in a pre-"My Heart Will Go On" world. Like, "Let it Go" was a top 20(?) hit if I recall correctly, but that was the signature song of a movie loved by teens. What is this. This is just a diva singing dramatically over a piano. People went to stores and either specifically bought this single or said, "Oh! My favorite recording artist, Salon Dijon! I need this like I need these other staples of every day life I have come to Target to purchase!" 1997 has had two Broadway-ish songs on the chart, 2007 had one Broadway-ish song, and 2017 has had zero, if anyone needed quantifiable proof the world was getting worse. (Shout out to Pete Holmes.)

13) "Everyday Is a Winding Road," by Sheryl Crow

Because my first exposure to Sheryl Crow was "Soak Up the Sun," an over-the-top cheery song about beaches that triggers an allergic reaction in my horrible soul, I never really fucked with Sheryl Crow. This is a jam, though. There's more of an edge here than there is in her later stuff. The key is "I get a little bit closer to feeling fine." This isn't a song about someone who is happy and taking life as it comes, this is about someone who's going through shit and hopes to be happy one day. It's like a prototype of "Hard Times," '90s alt-rock chick instead of '80s throwback. This is dope.

33) "One More Time," by Real McCoy

House music! It's been a while. Oh, good, you're rapping. I was hoping to hear someone rap in their second language. God damn you. YouTube Comments Under Shitty Dance Music, Vol. II "I might have one of the largest collections of Real McCoy CD's in the world. :-)" Real McCoy released four albums. Congratulations on having bought four items. That's not a collection, unless Real McCoy has been making other horrible music over the last 20 years.

42) "Your Woman," by White Town

/someone in 1997 hears this song /they franticaly scramble to their kitchen and dial numbers on a corded phone /someone answers Twenty-One! Twenty-One, it's your cousin Marvin! Marvin Pilots! You know that incomprehensible fake-hip-hop sound you've been looking for? WELL, LISTEN TO THIS! /Marvin Pilots holds the phone as near to his bedroom as he can No but seriously this is a goddamned Twenty-One Pilots song, this is amazing, this must be what it felt like when anthropologists or whatever discovered that da Vinci invented airplanes. Like, look! This always existed! This song is more interesting than this dumb joke, but it's also important to point out the similarities. Also: this dude released an album called Don't Mention the War. I like this dude. He seems like good people.

52) "You Don't Have to Hurt No More," by Mint Condition

"This house is not a home." This song is the most unbelievable thing I've heard so far because it is set in a world where single people own houses.

56) "I Don't Want To," by Toni Braxton

Look, you probably already knew this about me, but I find it hard to believe any dramatic tension that gets built by dangling a preposition. Like, I know you're gonna finish that sentence, it would be rude to just leave that "to" hanging in the middle. Clickbait titles could be so simplistic in 1997, though, because we hadn't been inured to all the tricks. We may think we know better than this song title, but back in 1997, people were screaming at the album cover, "don't want to what? DON'T WANT TO WHAT?" People who didn't have access to the single held weekly meetings to share their fan theories about what Toni Braxton didn't want to, one of the earliest online fan forums was built by people wringing their hands over what Toni Braxton didn't want to. People need to work to rook us in 2017, but in 1997, all it took was a sentence left unfinished. (The official YAS verdict on this song is that it is boring and I was bored by it.)

65) "Sho Nuff," by Tela ft./Eightball & MJG

This strip club anthem has maybe the most evocative storytelling any strip club anthem has ever had. It's about a young man who comes back to his hometown after spending time wherever it was he spent time, and discovering girls he used to know became strippers. "I remember this ho, she used to do nails for Rochelle's" is such a delightful detail, the way he specifies not just what she used to do but where she did it being something straight out of a country song. Is it followed by "You heard me! Push these thirty dicks inside your clit?" Well, not immediately, but yes, those words do occupy the same space, but when it isn't exceedingly gross, there's a lot of homey charm in this song.

80) "For You," by Kenny Lattimore

The description for this song claims this is "the only song you should get married to." The first line of this song is "For you, I'd give a lifetime of stability." Oh, yeah, baby girl, if you're looking for a man who'll settle for an office job if this music thing doesn't work out, I'm that guy. When you're ready to accept Wednesday nights spent bickering over what to watch on Netflix while we wait for the Chinese food to get here, you have my number. I'm that man who can drive a Camry and won't talk about his fantasy football team... because he knows it bores you. I'm waiting for you to decide to want this. "For you, I'd make a promise of fidelity." It worries me you waited until your wedding day to make this promise, Ken. That should have just gone without saying! Why would you bring that up now?

92) "Bill," by Peggy Scott-Adams

OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS. I. I was expecting a lot from 1997. I don't think I could have ever expected this song to exist in the way it exists. It's a dynamo vocal performance of a deeply silly and probably slightly offensive song. I don't want to say too much because this is a song which could legitimately be spoiled, but like listen to it. You probably won't be disappointed.

94) "Insomnia," by Faithless

this song is at once the class of 1997's dark dance music, and it also features a vocal performance that's way too low-energy to be rap but is too high energy to be spoken word so i guess i have to call it rapping? but like if you're rapping, and i can reasonably state that Egoraptor is a better rapper than you, are you really rapping? anyway heck europe.

4.5.1997

67) "Precious Declaration," by Collective Soul

Sometimes in 2017, Imagine Dragons will break through the trap and release a song that charts, and I'll react to it with baffled indifference; I don't care, but at the same time, I don't get why people who ostensibly enjoy rock music would listen to Imagine Dragons. I get the same sense listening to this Collective Soul song. Like, it didn't ruin my day, but is this really the best you could do? If you like alternative rock, why on earth are you listening to Collective Soul? The Verve Pipe has other songs! They're not as good as "The Freshmen" but better than this!

81) "A Little Bit of Ecstacy," by Jocelyn Enriquez

"Tee hee! The casual observer will think I am singing about feeling happy, when I actually am singing about doing drugs and having sex! What a trickster I am!" Dance music is bad and everyone who listened to it has the wrong idea about everything. We're not even out of the third month. There is more to come, and I already blew the “this entire genre is garbage” shot. Oh, dear.

94) "One Night at a Time," by George Strait

Our first country dude of 1997! And it's not just some random country dude, it's The Possum, singing an OK song about how nice being in love is and how much effort maintaining a healthy relationship requires! Nothing special, but pleasant, especially since it's not surrounded by fifty other songs by dudes in the same hat with the same voice. This constitutes a break from the onslaught of R&B dudes, is not part of its own separate slog. I appreciate the commitment to diversity, 1997. (Diversity in genre if not in gender, I guess. Not as bad as 2017, I don't think, but, hey, we all could be doing better.)

95) "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)," by KRS-One

"I'm not saying I'm number one -- I'm sorry, I lied/I'm number one, two, three, four, and five" That's fucking incredible. Like, one'd be hard-pressed to disagree with KRS-One on that claim after hearing this song. KRS-One occupies the same space as The Roots did from part one, where I understood they were important but hadn't actually made the effort to check them out, and now I see I've been missing out. This dude's incredible. "I'm not run of the mill, 'cuz for the mill I don't run." This is like if Chance the Rapper was good.

98) "That's Right," by DJ Taz ft./Raheem the Dream

remember when the atl wasn't the epicenter of homogeneity and the city housed artists that sounded great without sounding like anything else. what happened. i mean, this song probably isn't the one we want to point to when complaining about the current state of atlanta, not when we got outkast comin' in a couple of songs, but like something this light and breezy and fun isn't the sort of thing atlanta traffics in anymore, and the world is worse for losing this spirt.

4.12.1997

17) "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole

One of the best tweets of all time theorizes that "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "The Boys Are Back in Town" are two different perspectives on the same event, and this Paula Cole fan theory will be a part of me until the world burns down. It's a good song, but also it's absolutely ruined for me.

59) "Jazzy Belle," by OutKast

ATLiens is the best OutKast album and the first five tracks ("Two Dope Boys," "ATLiens," "Wheelz of Steel," "Elevators," "Jazzy Belle") might be the best five-track stretch in the whole of hip-hop history and even if I'm not into the remix they released to radio I'm so incredibly into the original that I'm fine with a Xerox. I'm fanboying, and you didn't come here for that, but gosh I do love this song.

75) "Come On," by Billy Lawrence ft./MC Lyte

This song was acceptable. You ever hit a point where you've been listening to songs for two hours and trying to think about them and then you come across two songs you already know your thoughts on so you go "Oh, cool, I can do other things while still listening to these songs so I can say I listened to them" and then you get to a song you're not familiar with but you're still in "doing other things while listening to music" mode? That's what happened. This is a feeling which I am sure is incredibly relatable, as all of us have series where we listen to every pop song ever and post our thoughts about them. I'm sure this song is better than I treated it, and I could just listen to it again but oh no what happened my fingers just typed the next song into the bar and now the music is gone from youtube forever it doesn't exist anymore i can't go back oh no oh nooooooooo

4.19.1997

24) "My Baby Daddy," by B-Rock & The Bizz

...I came into this refreshed. I watched some other videos -- this is the least embarrassing Punk Goes Pop compilation yet! -- took a shower, had some breakfast, I was ready to accept this song into my life. I mean, "My Baby's Mama" had a ridiculous title, but that was more or less acceptable, and I thought this was a response song. That's a lost art, the response song. I don't think we've had a true response song since Frankie's unforgettable classic "Fuck You Right Back," though I haven't listened to "Bodak Yellow" yet. This was... Certainly, an experience I won't forget, but not for lack of trying.

73) "Until I Find You Again," by Richard Marx

In a position where I can see the future, I see "Hypnotize" and "Bitch" dropping next week, and I can kind of understand that 1997 is in the calm before the storm. It's disappointing to endure, for sure, no one ever intends on listening to soft rock, but I'm ten minutes away from thinking about "Hypnotize." I appreciate 1997 for giving me this time to clear my mind and accept "Hypnotize" into my life.

87) "Sweet Sexy Thing," by Nu Flavor ft./Roger Troutman

It wasn't that long ago that we were letting dudes feature on boy band songs despite the fact they were calling themselves Roger Troutman. We can quibble about how good a rap name KYLE is, but at least it's not a pirate fish monster.

93) "Just the Way You Like It," by Tasha Holiday ft/Mase

This is Tasha Holiday's only song that charted on the Hot 100, and it appeared to have only spent one week on the chart, as it never got higher than 93. That has to be weird for an artist. You make a song that's popular enough that it can make the chart and people will upload it to YouTube 20 years later, but at the same time, your song wasn't popular at all and your song has significantly fewer views than "My Babby Dad," which is a song no one put effort into making. You had two celebrated songwriters on the track, and they made a song that someone who listened to an average amount of Top 40 radio might have heard once on "New Tunes Tuesday." Per Wikipedia, she was last seen doing feature spots on Soundcloud tracks, so it's at least good to hear she didn't stop believing.

97) "Don't Keep Wasting My Time," by Teddy Pendergrass

i am not going to argue against teddy pendergrass. i understand that, of all the '90s r&b slow jamz specialists, he's the one that got a shout out on "slow jamz," so i'm digging this song while assuming this is not his most iconic work. this is dope, and it's nice to hear a voice with rasp. '90s r&b isn't very husky, y'know? great voices without a lot of depth. this dude knows how to use his voice to most effectively communicate his pain, and it's dope as hell. this is the worst positive thing anyone's ever written about teddy pendergrass, like y'all know he's great and i'm late to the party.

4.26.1997

2) "Hypnotize," by The Notorious B.I.G.

i wonder if the people who made "rise" knew that they would be playing an integral role in one of the greatest songs of all time, if they knew that the song they were making wasn't the song they would be remembered for. that intro, those three guitar blasts (music term) and biggie going "oh," is this miracle, and i wonder if anyone who made "rise" knew their song was going to be used to bring a miracle into this world. "we got so close!" the bassist might have cried upon hearing biggie's tone over the track he laid down. "if we had replaced the trumpet with talking..."

30) "Staring at the Sun," by U2

Like, even if it weren't one of the last songs Biggie ever released, we'd still remember "Hypnotize" as fondly as we do, because it's just this incredible perfect thing. Biggie just has this phenomenal, laid-back flow. You're not blown away by any lyrical twist or vocal trick, Biggie just lumbers along in time, and it's just fun to hear someone rap like that, and this track is the perfect complement to his voice, this groovy thing he can really sink into and flow with. P. Diddy isn't the greatest musician, but he has a great ear for what other people can do. He and Biggie could have made more songs like this. That song, man.

57) "Bitch," by Meredith Brooks

It remains to be seen if the music of 1997 is better than the music of 2007 or 2017 -- even in a week with "Hypnotize" and "Bitch," 1997 is going to lose the weekly competition because "Umbrella" is as good as "Hypnotize" and "Thnks fr th Mmrs" is better than "Bitch" and 1997 won't have anything better than "The Story" -- but we can definitively state that "Blank Space" was better in 1997. I was struck by how similar this song was to "Blank Space," mostly because I forgot "Bitch" had verses. The thematic concepts in "Bitch" and "Blank Space" are similar, both songs stating "You should have known I was complicated, and now I am presenting these complications and you will not enjoy it," but while Tay Tay's is rooted in the personal mythos of Tay Tay, one needing to understand Tay Tay's relationship with her #brand to fully understand the song, Meredith Brooks' is accessible to all, more generalized and less personal, not needing to make some grand statement about who Meredith Brooks is as a person and what being in a relationship with her is like. There's less baggage to "Bitch," so to answer the question HOT ON EVERYONE'S MIND, "Bitch" is a better version of "Blank Space" than "Blank Space."

88) "Full of Smoke," by Christion

This song has the singular misfortune of being the R&B slow jamz to follow Teddy Pendergrass. It is the victim of higher expectations and will not benefit from the expectational adjustment being performed as a result of hearing a dude sing exclusively in falsetto. I'm sure, out of the context of this deeply silly project, this would be a much more fun song to hear, but like no thank you. Now that I know what else slow jamz can do, I need more than overdramatic sings and this dude squeaking.

89) "Stop the Gunfight," by Trapp ft./2pac & Notorious B.I.G.

Fun fact! If you listen to this song, you will have done significantly more to prevent gun violence in the United States than every Senator COMBINED! Congratulations on doing more than nothing! Thoughts and prayers for EVERYONE!

5.3.1997

16) "MMMBop," by Hanson

Hanson makes legitimately wonderful music. Even when they were children with hair like the kid from Room, they were making songs that were exceptionally well-crafted, even if they were about some nonsense. You can kind of tell, on this song, that Hanson was trying to make a point about aging and losing touch with people and friendship that they couldn't make because they were legitimately 14, not music 14 where they're 14 and singing songs written by 40-year-olds but actual immature 14. The song is honestly far better than it has any right to be, and every day I remember Hanson weathered the storm and became normal people who make insanely good pop music is a good day.

45) "Don't Wanna Be a Player," by Joe

...JOE?! Hold up. So many R&B slow jammers didn't make it all the way to 2007. Hell, significantly fewer artists made it from 1997 to 2007 than made it from 2007 to 2017, and one of them was this random dude named Joe, this dude with one of the five most generic names as a stage name who has no defining personality traits. This dude? This dude's who y'all took with ya? I'm not even going to pretend to try to get this. Like all he's swearing to a girl is that he won't cheat on her. He's not pledging eternal love, he's not swearing he will climb a mountain, he will not defend her against the armies of every nation, he's just saying, "I will finally stop fucking other people." That's a really shitty promise. Like, way to spend four minutes promising a girl the bare minimum.

85) "Feelin' It," by Jay-Z

hey. hey, guys. jay-z? this jay-z cat? he's pretty amazing at rapping. be sure to give him a follow and show him some love in the comments.

94) "6 Underground," by Sneaker Pimps

this song sounds like the episode of buffy where seth green goes through an entire season of plot in one episode and then leaves the show forever. what i am trying to say is, this song sounds like two werewolves feeling a deep desire for one another but one of the werewolves a sweet lesbian witch girlfriend he doesn't want to abandon but he can't stop himself from abandoning her when he's in werewolf form so he runs to the mountains. that's what this song reminds me of, is that feeling when that. i'm that. i don't know what i came into this paragraph to do but i know i have the "wild at heart" wikipedia page open and Marti Noxon says of the episode "The whole issue of sexuality between men and women is kind of fraught because of the beast" and boy that is just a quote right there, innit. this song's over! huzzah. electronic music is still mostly bad, turns out.

96) "Can U Feel It," by 3rd Party

YouTube Comments Under Shitty Dance Music, Vol. III "ive been listening to this since i was a kid and since release lol. i had this on a cassette tape when there was no CD's" Buddy, what the heck kind of dystopia were you living in that didn't have CDs in 1997? OK but real quick I don't understand the nostalgia for cassette tapes. Cassette tapes sounded like garbage and sucked to carry around. I get owning one as a fun novelty, "Haha this band I like was selling them at a concert and I had to, and I mean it's nice to support the things I love!" But if you're defending the audio quality of cassette tapes, you have taken irony too far and are no longer a hipster, and you need to have a serious talk with yourself about what you hope to achieve in this life.

5.10.1997 28) "G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T.," by Changing Faces

The chorus of the song features the two women harmonizing over the words, "I can do bad all by myself," and 1997 just keeps on surprising us, this time revealing the origins of a Tyler Perry movie title. I did some research. The only other results for "I can do bad all by myself" are all related to the Tyler Perry film. That kind of speaks to the quality of the lyric, y'know? Like, if a director of some repute (haven't seen any of his movies, they are not for me but assuredly competently helmed) carried this lyric with him long enough to name his movie-musical after it, surely, there's some value. Great work, Changing Faces. I hope more people than just me figured out the title was a reference to something.

42) "Blood on the Dance Floor," by Michael Jackson

Shortly before the voting results for the starting line-ups of the MLB All-Stars were announced, certain among the baseball internet argued that, as they were future Hall of Famers, players like Miguel Cabrera should be given extra consideration for a spot, since you aren't going to remember Justin Smoak in thirty years, but you might tell your grandchildren about Miguel Cabrera. And there is merit; Miguel Cabrera is more deserving of the All-Star designation than a Justin Smoak, since Miguel Cabrera is an actual star baseball player and Justin Smoak happened to hit 20 of his ~100? career home runs in three well-timed months. But if you're such a profoundly boring grandparent that you would tell your grandchildren about baseball players you watched on TV, and you tell them about Miguel Cabrera, are you going to tell them about the time he hit a grounder to second in the second inning of the 2017 MLB All-Star Game? Your grandchildren will ask you why you weren't watching a cooler sport. This song is okay, but if you introduced your grandchildren to Michael Jackson with this song, and your grandchildren discovered Michael Jackson years later, your grandchildren would emancipate themselves from their parents just to not be related to you anymore. Also, it would be worth noting to your grandchildren that Michael Jackson was probably a pedophile.

44) "Thinking of You," by Tony! Toni! Tone!

A more appropriate name for this band would have been Tony. Toni. Tone. (I'm sorry, Tone, but if I'm not gonna remember how to make the accented e for Beyonce, you are just incredibly out of luck.) This is chill. Maybe you can justify one exclamation point, but determining who gets the exclmation point probably would have caused intra-group strife, and I think it would've been more appropriate if the band's name reflected how chill they were. When Panic! At the Disco were going through their Beatles phase, they switched to Panic at the Disco. You should have been looking ahead through time and taking notes from them.

76) "I Wanna Be There," by Blessid Union of Souls

This song sounds like the song that kicks off the slow dances at the junior high school dance. It'll stop the kids from getting so rowdy that they start grinding, but isn't so romantic that they'll start making out on the dance floor. A safe ballad to keep the hands above the waist and prevent glances from being too meaningful. It simultaneously sets and kills the mood. It's a hard trick to pull off, but my stars, it does it!

83) "ESPN Presents: The Jock Jam," by Various Artists

/slow clap The YouTube description states, "FOR ENTERTAINMENT USE ONLY," and I want to meet the person who intended on using this for educational purposes.

90) "Call Me," by Too $hort ft./Lil' Kim

Imagine the thinkpieces if any of today's female rappers put the line "I slip myself a mickey, now that's the proper set off" in their song. Boy, this song sure exists! I don't think I've ever heard a song end with the two credited artists fucking. That's kind of amazing. What a song this is. This is off the soundtrack for the film Booty Call, and however much the music supervisor paid to have Too $hort and Lil' Kim make a song for their movie, they got their money's worth and more. Unless Booty Call is actually porn, there is no way it lives up to this song.

92) "The Old Apartment," by Barenaked Ladies

This seems like as good a point as any to stop the post, as I am not in the business of critiquing BNL. BARENAKED LADIES ARE TRIPLE PLATINUM. ARE YOU?!

The Top 20 for 1997 so far! 20) "MMMBop," by Hanson (5.3) 19) "Everyday Is a Winding Road," by Sheryl Crow (3.29) 18) "It's All About U," by SWV (1.18) 17) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill (1.11) 16) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid (3.1) 15) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy (2.8) 14) "Don't Keep Wasting My Time," by Teddy Pendergrass (4.19) 13) "Feelin' It," by Jay-Z (5.3) 12) "Step by Step," by Whitney Houston (3.15) 11) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 10) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 9) "Silent All These Years," by Tori Amos (3.22) 8) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 7) "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)," by KRS-One (4.5) 6) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 5) "Bill," by Peggy Scott-Adams (3.29) 4) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 3) "Bitch," by Meredith Brooks (4.26) 2) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 1) "Hypnotize," by The Notorious B.I.G. (4.26) What a solid list. And it’s only gonna get more solid, what with the Third Eye Blind and Backstreet Boys and Robyn coming our way. It’s not gonna be as strong as this section was, I don’t think, but it at least has the capacity to surprise. Tune in Monday, I hope!