#like... why is that a punishment i dont understand

[lilsisdolly]

yandere nearing the breaking point, a wild babble of degradation and worship co-existing in the same person - directed towards you. a little bit of smut but not much. dubcon elements, not going all the way.

He looked at you with wild and psychotic eyes, a dry laugh escaping his throat as he looked at your terrified form writhing right in front of him. "Youre scared of me, really?" His voice cracked. "After everything ive done for you! Ive done this for you! I took care of you! Ive did everything, everything, everything for you! And thats the thanks I get?" As he continued to talk his words got angrier and angrier, but he still had enough self-control to tame his voice enough that neighbours would not hear. He had cornered you in your own flat, instantly pushed you inside when you opened him and shut the door behind him.

"Why did I even bother to hold back? Why did I cherish you so damn much? I practically... worshipped you! And thats what I get?!" The look in his eyes started to really freak you out, so you turned around and started to run away - into another room, which had been a huge mistake, and only seeked to provocate him worse. And best of all he had caught up to you in about three seconds. "Youre everything to me.." He whispered as he held you in his tight grip. "But I dont have to treat you that way.. If thats the thanks I get. I can betray my feelings for you." He pushed you to the ground. Towering above you now. The pain the fall had caused was dulled by you recognising just how trapped you were in this situation.

He pushed his foot to your chest as you sat up and forced you into a lying position. Then he took the foot from you, and simply looked down at you. "I want to hurt you so badly right now, you have no idea.. my dear. I want to make you feel what youve just done to me. How your behaviour has truly and deeply hurt me.. I want to treat you like a dirt cheap whore.. but my dear.. youre still so special to me, youre everything, everything, everything. So ill give you a chance to make this easier for you, okay?" He now knelt down next to you, gently stroking your cheek and giving you a soft kiss to your forehead. "If you show me youre scared of me.. ill start to punish you.. and if you can atleast.. hide.. it from me.. do your best to play along.. ill make what comes next feel good to you. How about that?"

He looked at you with a feigned smile, trying to give you a taste of what him behaving would possibly look like. As you did not answer him, he sighed "Answer, my darling." "N-no im not okay with this.." He looked at you like you were truly stupid. "Fine have it your way." He then climbed on top of you, your blood freezing in your veins - his teeth sinking into your neck instantly and without warning - so hard you could feel the drops of blood form where he was biting down. Tears in the corner of your eyes. "Im.. Im sorry." You whispered. "Can we try again..?" He took a second, then he stopped biting you and pulled back, looking at you with a cold gaze. "Sure we can. Theres always another chance, my dear. Just like you will always surely give me another chance. As everything ive done, ive done for you." You slowly nodded, feigning understanding just how he asked. You stirred up all the tenderness you could find for him inside of you, its true he had scared you. Terrified you even. But you could acknowledge that in a sick, twisted way he truly believed he was doing all of this for you. Was there any merit in that at all? From that angle he looked like a kicked puppy. A insane, kicked puppy. You eyed his body, that body you so often had fantasized about. That face you so often had considered so beautiful and handsome. How lucky had you thought yourself to be for someone like him to be interested in you? If something seems to perfect.. well.. that usually is because it is, was your newfound conclusion. But you could find some sense of estranged empathy for him. For the person you used to think he was. You slowly extended your hands to cup his face gently, looking at him with what you hoped was a tender stare. He stared at you with repressed anger, but you could also feel him seemingly calming down a little bit. "Youre nothing but a whore, do you know that? Youre nothing. Youll never be anything. Thats how you made me feel. You deserve to feel it so badly..." His voice was shaking, but his eyes showed how torn he was feeling, clearly moved by even that small gesture of yours. "Youre just a lowly.. lowly.. whore." He whispered once more. You started to gently caress his face, continiung to look at him, ignoring all of the insults.

"Youre everything. Youre everything that matters. Youre all that matters in the end. Youre above me. So much above me. So high above me.. that sometimes you dont even notice it when you step on me.." His voice sounded softer now.

He looked down at your face, still sitting on top of you.. his eyes circling your lips like crazy. Then knowing you would not reject him, he bowed down to kiss you - it was a gentle kiss. Then like a wave of hatred went through him he suddenly started to bite down on your lip - but only for a few seconds, then he eased back into that former gentle kiss. It was like he was fighting with himself, struggling to form a coherent path of action.

His hand started to cup your breast.. gently. Then he flinched away without you saying or doing anything. "This would be to much, I get that. Not like this." Then he pulled away and got off from you. He grabbed you by your hand and pulled you up too, then dragged you behind him to the couch. "Lets just cuddle." He ordered. But he was slowly calming down, you did not feel safe yet again, not at all, but he seemed to move away from escalation. You found yourself smothered in his arms and he pressed so tight to you. After a time you found he had fallen asleep. You watched him for a while, then got up and slowly sneaked out of your own apartment and quickly went to a friends place. That tender empathy you had felt for him still stirred up inside of you. But you knew you had to get out. But he never would let you, would he? Despair started to set in.

#yandere nsft #yandere x reader #yandere boyfriend #yandere smut #yandere x you #yandere lemon

[snobgoblin]

loveee when your parents threaten you with sending you to your room. bitch that is the safest place for me. it's away from you. and it's where all my stuff is. woo I'm so scared

#vent #parents using the thing youve used to hide from them for 20 years against you like it means anything: #like... why is that a punishment i dont understand #sometimes growing up id do shit to get sent to my room on purpose #because when id just go when i wanted to my mom would accuse me of hiding shit

[spacedlexi]

the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭

#twdg #i love the way s4 connects back to lees whole 'murderer' thing back in s1 😭 guilt...atonement.....systems of punishment #i love thinking about s1>s4 themes and crying #anyway this is partially why i hate when i see the ericson cast reduced down to 'just some teens' its so much more than that #them being abandoned in a boarding school for troubled kids is SO IMPORTANT its not 'just some school' #anyway its also probably why theyre my favorite cast #theyre literally one of if not the most mature group of the series even while being a bunch of kids who make choices i dont agree with #because they actually love and care about each other. even when theyre mad. because theyre all they have left #i do think the vote was a fair way to handle it even tho i still ultimately find it cruel. they couldve talked it out #but this is still a story that needs conflict to resolve so is what it is #they would rather they leave than have to face their confused feelings. the most immature thing they do. but understandable #they did such a good job crafting that cast for clem GOD an entire ensemble built around her and aj....delicious #zombie/post apoc media about love and community my beloved 😭 #sorry but get tf out of here with that 'humans are evil and everyone dies' lame ass bullshit we are nothing without community #the amount of love pouring out of s4 is like getting my ass kicked but then they give me a big hug and kiss after and send me on my way #s4 my absolute beloved i really love it more and more every time. so much to appreciate even with it the way it is #the themes bro the themes........ the connections between seasons 1 and 4 you are everything to me #it speaks

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

i have a lot of thoughts on minos in relation to pasiphae and the minotaur (both greek mythological and in ultrakill) but i dont really want to make a lot of posts abt it considering. the topic is generally hard to talk about.

#like i dont wanna go around claiming that the myth went 1:1 in ultrakills lore #because for example sisyphus was more based off a book rather than his mythology (thank god) #so minos might be only loosely based on his mythological counter part as well #but like. the fact that with the introduction of the minotaur enemy we KNOW the minotaur thing actually happened? jesus fuck #like we KNOW ultrakill minos thinks that the people of lust are only punished for loving eachother.... #while his real life mythological counterpart got mad at his wife for essentially being raped by proxy and she had to defend herself saying #why would she want that. she was cursed/forced to do that because minos didnt sacrifice that bull to poseidon #like i KNOW why that was never really brought up in ultrakill that would be. a weird topic to bring up in a funny robot shooter #and i dont think you could accurately handle the themes of rape through lore books you find in levels of the game #but theres just. something about minos willfully thinking his wife did that of her own accord and him refusing to think about how lust #carries more than people who had sex a lot in ultrakill. #again the myth MAY be different in ultrakill. maybe he never even accused his wife of that. maybe he was more understanding #but theres a non zero chance he did #he could be willfully ignorant and think his wife willingly cheated on him. he thinks everyone in lust is innocent/only had consensual sex #because the alternatives are too gross/immoral for him to think about #it might be because i sympathize a lot with greek mythology women but finding out that the thing with pasiphae happened in ultrakill #DID happen made me lose respect for minos. #... also towards a lot of the fandom for joking abt it. #rape tw

[timeisacephalopod]

The pushback to the term "cultural Christianity" from atheists is real odd to me because, as someone who has been an atheist since 13, only ever went to church a handful of times never with my own family (made a note never to sleep over at that friends house on a Saturday again bc I HATED church it smelled like shit, was boring, pews are uncomfortable as fuck, and the religious people I knew were all wildly misogynistic and I've never been here for being told I was less of a person for being Born Like This), and generally had no actual connection to Christianity in a meaningful way but still only knows Christian mythology, has been steeped in Christian values I had to untangle, and my religious understandings are still deeply Christian.

Like Ive never paid attention to the bible, church, Jesus, Christian teachings, or whatever but if you asked me about any religion the one I'll reliably know the most about is Christianity. I don't know why atheists are offended by being called culturally Christian because they have bad blood with the religion because like sorry bruh that doesn't mean you're less indoctrinated by Christian values if the culture you grew up in is predominantly Christian. In fact I'd say that religion being this ubiquitous in the culture regardless of anyone's consent to exactly ONE religion being shoved down our throats is reason to team up with other religious folks who ALSO don't like being constantly evangelized to by the culture at large, not a reason to throw a fit because you don't like being tied to a religion that is so ingrained into the culture that shit like "oh my god" and "Jesus Christ" are common expressions of surprise regardless of how atheist you are. Like surely I'm not the only atheist to notice the shocking amount of cultural religious shit that works it's way into my life and speech despite having not set foot in a church since I was like 10, and I can't remember the last time I was in one before that.

Idk man cultural Christianity seems like a pretty damn useful term to describe my relationship with a religion I never fully bought into and then actively rejected as a child yet still hold weird connections to and knowledge of just because Christianity is so baked into the culture I grew up in like it or not. If you want to be mad, be mad at the Christians who stole your freedom from religion from you, not usually religious minorities who discuss cultural Christianity and how it damages them too.

#winters ramblings #like breh i HATE how much christian bullshit ive had to detangle from my life. like the idea of sin and punishment for example #id say a LOOOOOT of discussion regardless of religion leans towards a Christian understanding of the pridon system #prison is basically a recreation of hell on earth where youre supposed to go to burn off your sins in your 10x10 cell #now i gotta say not all Christians buy inti the styke of punishment and sin i know normal well adjusted Christians #but for the most part a HUGE portion of shit comes with a helping of cultural Christianity. but prison is probably the best example #hell any discussion of punishment relies on a distinctly christian flavor of 'atone for your sin or be doomed forever" #repubs bitch about so called cancel culture but thats just how Christians act towards sin lmao they do it too #except they choose shit you didnt ACTIVITY make a choice about like being gay to condem you to hell. #cant be mad that twitter cancels people for small shit like a crap joke if you actively subscribe to the same belief system #and are only mad bc that logic is applied to YOU now. anyway i could do without this logic in activist spaces #or ANY spaces being doomed forever over sin is only one way to do Christianity. like damn can the ones who like #rehabilitation and justice and helping the poor at least be the ones in charge?? #regardless ive never been a Christian and barely have a meaningful connection to the religion. whuch is why i find it rather salient #that i still have this deep connection and knowledge of something i ACTIVELY REJECTED at 13 #do you know HOW MUCH i had to have been indoctrinated into this shit with as LITTLE of a connection to organized religion as i do?? #the fact i have ANY connection at all is kind if fucked honestly it shows you really REALLY do not get to choose #your religious leanings unless youre actively ANOTHER RELIGION BESIDES CHRISTIAN otherwise tough tiddy #you get to be Christian By Default and i don't like it either. but when i see jewish people talking about it #i know EXACTLY what they mean because i dont like my connection to a religion i never believed in and rejected at 13 either #i don't like that my choice to reject Christianity was stolen from me by such a ubiquitously christian culture #im not mad at jews for pointing this out im mad at christians for stealing my freedom of choice

[sp00ky-scary]

not a burnt out gifted kid or a regular student but a secret third thing (really fucking stupid)

#i got at least 1 A on every single report since grade 5 #so thats what 14 reports #i averaged like Bs for most stuff #so obviously thats like good #however in retrospect i did not and still dont understand the majority of things we got taught i winged everything #ngl i think its just because of how much school stuff is more based on memory #so you cram study something pass the test or whatever #and then immediately forget it #also ngl my not understanding anything is probably why i almost failed maths last year because it was built on stuff from past years #i dont think the reading fanfics through most lessons and occasionally showing up a bit high helped though #i passed everything this year though and now i never have to do anything again #jk im doing uni next year #hopefully a fine arts degree though #correction i meant grade 3 #also in retrospect wild that literal children are being graded like that #especially since parents (mine included) would/will punish like actual children for getting just a pass and being where they should be

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the #colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and #yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its #absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the #provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing #seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp #their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid! #also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl #ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat #and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way' #this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural #conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his #ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more #complex than that by this point aaaaaugh #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #siren says #I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em) #ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I #like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona #experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably #upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people

[misspickman]

good morning! give me your opinions on ... okay this is hard i'm trying to come up with something that a) is a decent question that's not just "do you like honeydew milk tea" or something and also b) i genuinely don't know your take on for real. and the problem is that we yell about our takes at each other like daily. um.

okay how's this. open ended. in your opinion, what's the best vibe for tim's hero identity in the future? (not like rebirth future but like. the general postcrisis sandbox where we prefer to live.) any thoughts on names, costumes, etc?

...but also now that i'm thinking about it. in your opinion whats the best cold bevvy?

Hii<3 its good u specified not rebirth actually bc for rebirth i have no idea theyve made him so boring i cant think of anything that could be fun, but in a pre flashpoint future.. Im trying to think of something that would be thematically appropriate/something i can see tim coming up with but im so stumped bc both robin and red robin have been someone elses first and tim feels so tied to being a legacy guy, which isnt bad but. U know. I will take anything but robin at this point. Ive seen cardinal and rook around and i think you mentioned red heron once? Which are all great i enjoy them and i would love to see them. Britta and i also talked a lot about rosefinch but thats for a specific au... The thing is all these feel very random? I like them but i dont think tim would google a list of birds and just pick one he wants to be now (which is what i do. When trying to come up with a new tim identity) like i would like it to be something thats meaningful, like nightwing got offered to dick with a fitting story and robin is already a symbol, but i cant think of anything for tim rn.. It doesnt even have to be a bird tbf as much as i love a good bird. So im open to ideas i would love to hear what takes people have on this

Design wise i think ive been pretty loud about how much i love red robin in my ideal (and laziest) world i would simply keep that suit but thats not how it works.. I would definitely keep the cowl thats my one strong stance of the costume. Like aside from the fact that its sick in a freak way it is actually a good mask that conceals the face which. I know comics dont tend to care about but i do and i like it so<3 I also like this second design i think something like that could be fun it would never happen in rebirth but a girl can dream basically predictably enough my ideal costume would just be a modified red robin costume

Best cold drink imo.. Pineapple juice. Mango juice. Those multivitamin juices. I love a good cocktail a lot also a friend has unfortunately got me into hell (energy drink) and the cherry flavored one especially rules

#Ty rimi<3 #Idk i understand why people dont like red robin as an identity but i do. I think its fun #Yea yea it was a punishment and he picked it as a temporary thing but sometimes things change and u grow into it. He could make it his #Thats my argument for red robin in general but i know thats not what anyone wants to hear #I definitely agree that red robin as a name isnt great bc its just 3 letters away from robin and u cant really change the name and keep the #Costume thats not really efficient #But these are my two cents for red robin. I think it doesnt have to be that black and white #I tend to fall back on red robin in my fics mostly bc i dont like making up completely new identities for reasons above #I dont think its bad to be clear. It just never feels right to me personally. Maybe i just need to be convinced of one #Like for kon supernova simply works! It fits perfectly #Also i like red as a nickname which is also why i like red heron. Its cute #Ask #There is just no drawbacks of red robin costume to me. Unnecessarily long cape? Perfect. Cowl? Yes. The boots? Beautiful #Useless bandoliers? Truly what more can u ask for #Also remember how thats the suit he had in convergence batgirl where theyre all clearly adults? A small win for me

[nyazai-osameow]

btw the take of “Dazai is very remorseful of those he’s killed and his history in the PM (which is why he’s a good person, actually)” is a take that literally spits in his, as well as the whole of BSD’s, face. in this essay i will

its a bad idea to try to make this post right now because MAN disorganized thinking and speech is kicking my ass currently. so heres your warning. but i must speak. the truth deserves to be spoken

first i want to make it clear that the take itself is not inherently wrong or ““problematic”“ (please bear with me accurate and precise words are not in my vocab rn). because i mean... who fucking knows with Dazai and his feelings. he COULD be remorseful of all that. or he could not. i mean more evidence points to the lack of remorse than feeling remorseful, but this post is not about that.

what then makes this take so Bad is when its argued for the SOLE purpose of trying to defend him and convince people that he’s a good person actually and deserves to be where he is.

whether or not Dazai feels remorse for everything he’s done literally doesn’t matter. and trying to put so much importance on this also flies over the point of so much of BSD and its characters. its not a prominent point brought up ever BECAUSE it does not matter. its not supposed to matter. and the watcher/reader must recognize that this is deliberate to help you come to the point that is trying to be made with so many characters.

the message that is trying to be broadcasted is: "it's not about who you are, but about what you choose to do". its about your actions in the present moment. what you are choosing to do NOW is what matters.

and hes choosing to work for the good side and help people. “but that’s only because Oda told him to--” NOPE DOESN’T MATTER! the reasoning does not matter. the motivations for the actions are not supposed to matter. its the actions themselves.

Oda himself’s whole deal was this. the one person that Dazai at that time saw as unarguably a good person. he was choosing not to ever murder people again. not because he felt bad or any remorse for having taken those lives, but because he literally just wanted to become an author. that’s it. that was his sole reasoning. that seems like an absurd motivation to anyone not him, and that’s what makes him such a good character and good guy. he was not trying to atone for his past. he just wanted to be able to write a book.

did this reasoning make Oda’s choice of refraining from killing any less sincere? no, it didn’t! it was still 100% authentic and everyone could see that.

the first major arc of BSD as a whole was about this message. Kyouka, who had been working as an assassin for the PM and had so far killed 35 people, decided “hey, i don’t want to kill anyone anymore actually”, and with the help of Atsushi made the decision that she’d help people from then on and would try not to resort to violence and hurt people again.

then again in season 2 after Dazai encouraged her to not let her past define her, she made the decision to use the last bit of freedom she thought she would ever have to save Yokohama from being destroyed by the Moby Dick.

the antagonists in BSD are the antagonists because they are continually choosing to cause harm in the present moment. even if they were good or neutral in the past. they are doing harm NOW which makes them a problem.

STORMBRINGER SPOILERS

in Stormbringer Chuuya makes the choice to give up what he and everyone else thought was his last hope of finding out for sure whether or not he’s truly human, because it doesn’t really matter as long as he’s continuing to live as himself. he’s Chuuya because he can strap Dazai to a lamppost and spin him until he gets sick. he’s Chuuya because he gets to have tea with Kouyou. he’s Chuuya because he visits The Flags’ graves every so often.

STORMBRINGER SPOILERS END

ok im tired but i think you get the point.

change da world my final message. Goodb ye

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #oda sakunosuke #chuuya nakahara #analysis #mine #next person who tries to argue about the ''''''inherent'''''' morality of a bsd character is getting punted #u know what as someone who has struggled with the issue this is trying to tackle #feeling evil and like a monster because you cant seem to feel what youre supposed to feel #because youre supposed to never want to hurt others and if you do and then dont feel bad about it youre inhuman #but then still choosing to do your best in being a 'good' person even if its just because the idea of punishment is unappealing #i think i finally understand why BSD has connected with me so deeply and why im so insane over it #if u read all this ur a real one #posting this at 3am so its gonna get buried but #IDC!!! this is mostly for myself

[strwbrymlkshake]

ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid

#mine #🎸 #why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck #me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once #crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!! #i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either. #bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating #me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know #ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions #why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why #im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate #me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we #be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou #maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and #my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant #we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts #my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know #i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good #the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!! #my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post #is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably #this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while #it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them

[rosymorns]

nothing will remind you how many people should not be parents like the comment section of a video of a four year old being upset over something.

#i dont get the videos themselves on my fyp i get responses to or discussions about them but its still so. like wow!! please dont have kids! #a few weeks ago it was some little girl who kept trying to open presents under the tree and her dad just kept yelling at her #and all the comments were talking about like. how they think her dad should beat her??????? #she was like 3 or 4. explain why we cant open presents and redirect her to another activity. what the absolute fuck is wrong with you. #and then the one that was going around monday/tues with the parents who got their kids a trip to disney for Christmas #but what the kids unwrapped was a suitcase full of clothes with a shirt at the bottom that said they were taking a trip #it was like a7-8 year old and a 3-4 year old and the little kid was disappointed! bc she didnt understand what it was! #and all the comments are talking about punishing her! when its the parents fault! shes a little kid! she cant manage her own disappointment #help her understand what the suitcase means and get her excited dont just film her fucking crying to post online #i understand the eugenics inherent in 'you should have to pass a class to be allowed to have kids' so i dont seriously advocate for it #instead you should have to sit down with me for an hour long interview and i tell you whether youre allowed to have kids. #carly.txt

[zarovich]

even tho i am covered in so much scar tissue, it never feels like it's enough

#personal #gonna talk about self harm in tags. not in graphic detail obv but heed the warning #i often wish i lived alone so i could self destruct fully but i cant do that. cant afford it plus i wouldnt be allowed to #i know in the eyes of others my scars are already bad.ppl often tell me so. but im not satisfied with them they need to be worse imo #idk. i dont hate myself for being like this or anything but i know its not normal to want to completely destroy yourself. im not normal #and it sucks cuz no one gets it. i cant talk about it or i will get punished. i will get locked away and become a project to fix again #there have been times recently ive needed stitches but i dont get them cuz i know what will happen if i do #i get why ppl get concerned sure but that doesnt change that i enjoy it. i enjoy having control destroying myself #idk how many ppl understand this cuz most ppl i know sh for various other reasons but at times i feel as if im alone in this #right anyways. sorry about that i prefer to just yell shit out into nothing cuz ill feel like an ass venting directly to someone #always feel like im being manipulative or trauma dumping etc. im being melodramatic i know

[reikunrei]

there’s people that have and still absolutely scrutinize jonathan to this extent, while never scrutinizing s1 steve on the same level—from the moment he looked through nancy’s window without her knowing to his active participating in her slutshaming. every single time, without fail, each regurgitation of s1 jonathan vs s1 steve discourse by stans based on the pics/slutshaming comes off so hypocritical and stale

like either both are unforgivable or both are recognized as capable of change, and maybe we can finally move on, but this petty ass fandom probably won’t ahhhh

you're right and you should say it!! tbh i hadn't even thought of the comparison to steve, but yeah, like if steve is allowed to actively slutshame nancy and then spit the word queer at jonathan like a slur and be an absolute dick about his family, and still be viewed as capable of change? then jonathan is also allowed some grace lol

i feel like a lot of modern day fandom arguments could be avoided if people stopped looking at characters as people and started looking at them as pieces of the narrative. sure, they're there for us, the viewer, to relate to and whatnot, and it's fine to humanize fictional characters, but they fundamentally cannot be held to the same standards as a real person. at least not entirely, imo

like, jonathan taking those pictures is integral to his character and to the plot. they're a way to show us that he's a loner, that nobody hangs out with him bc he's a bit of a weirdo, and they display that he has this intense yearning to belong, to have friends. it's also important to the plot bc he takes those pictures of barb, which ends up bringing him and nancy together to solve the mystery of her disappearance. like, he HAD to take those pictures. it was important for many, many reasons

and sure, you can still say it was a bad thing to do, but you cannot claim that it shouldn't have happened at all when it is so deeply integral to the story. besides, as i said in my earlier post, he was punished for it in canon! you don't have to keep punishing him for it! he knew it was bad from the start, and then he was reprimanded, and he apologized for it! idk what else you need!

#i just dont think i'll ever understand holding a fictional character accountable for their actions #like. at least from a fandom perspective #like. they're little pieces of a greater piece of art #theyre not supposed to be perfect little examples of goodness and purity #(unless that's the point of the character but it's not in this case so !) #like. especially in this show the characters are meant to be reflections and commentary on real life #and real life is messy and imperfect and we do weird things that we regret later like #and especially if theyre punished for it in canon like. why keep holding it over their head #all humans are capable of change! and jonathan is not a bad guy! #he's a good guy at heart who just did something dumb! #ask #stranger things // #jonathan byers

[antinausea]

diabetes tech is so annoying sometimes like dont get me wrong i love my dexcom & my tslim and im very very thankful that i have them and i understand its a privilege to have access to advanced medical technology

but a lot of the built-in “safeguards” are really annoying and frankly unnecessary for most adults. why is my ability to make my own medical decisions being infringed upon by the manufacturers of the devices that are supposed to be assisting us in our care? why can’t i override or change certain settings if i acknowledge the risk associated with that choice?

#why does dexcom put banners i have to swipe away on top of my maps while i drive even though i have it set to temporary banners only? #why does my tslim have an alarm i can’t turn off that overrides my vibrate setting that goes off every 5 minutes at an extremely loud volume #when my cartridge is empty? #im an adult if i determine it is not urgent to refill my cartridge i shouldnt be punished with alerts i cannot snooze for more than 5 mins. #all of my alerts are set to vibrate only. this one is apparently not affected by that setting. it goes off every 5 minutes. #my blood sugar has been low enough for the past hour that my basal would be automatically set to 0 if there was insulin in my pump 🙄🙄🙄 #also its wasteful for me to change my cartridge before its empty? its expensive given the cost of insulin and pump supplies? #like i understand it’s probably to protect the company from liability and litigation if someone doesnt refill their cartridge and goes into #DKA and/or dies but as an adult i should at least have the option to snooze it for more than 5 minutes or have it set to vibrate only when #im not asleep or something????? #what if i have a work meeting and ran out of time to change it beforehand??? is my only option to turn off my pump completely until i can #refill it? #what if i was in an earthquake and my cell phone died and my reservoir was empty but i still wanted to use my pump as a dexcom reciever? #do i and everyone around me during an emergency just have to suffer? #what about school shootings. or any situation where someone needs to hide from a dangerous person? #its just inconsiderate of the REALITY of the fact that people with diabetes live real lives that dont 1000000% revolve exclusively around #their diabetes every minute of every day until we die #its condescending and paternalistic and frankly doesnt prevent harm from befalling us.

[luciusspriggss]

not to toot my own horn

but i have figured out massive twists in many movies, shows, and books.

and i mean i figured it out immediately

people hate watching murder, she wrote with me, because a character will be introduced, and after they talk for like a minute, i KNOW they are the killer. and i. am. ALWAYS. right!!!!! i just KNOW

if something surprises me i either think, holy fucking shit that is amazing, i need to rewatch and re analyze so i can prepare for future twists!

OR what the fuck was that?

and i get a headache, rewatching, re analyzing, reading other peoples analysis to get different perspectives (i LOVE seeing how people think and connect things because i then admittedly try to steal that technique to use for future media readings. i mean when i analyze shit, i go first with my gut, THEN i start reading different interpretations and try to understand how they were made in the first place. it is FUN) and i usually am able to figure out various readings and why a piece of media must have done what they did

this finale has truly stumped me

i am at a stalemate for the first time while consuming a piece of media

which tells me i am missing something i haven't even considered yet

#i am both disappointed and EXCITED to try to figure out #what the FUCK that ending was #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #i figured out the god damn lost finale #i can figure this out #admittedly the lost one was considerably easier to figure out #when you know what the writers were going through you realize why they may have done what they did #which isnt what i figured out. the whole being in purgatory thi g where they all are existing #until they find one another again and accept their lives and ultimate deaths #and how each of them were so interconnected that they couldnt move on without one another #ben stays because he never got to resolve things or play things out the way he wanted #and he will move on when he is ready #it was a whole fucking good vs evil thing where you realize the smoke monster was made by jacob #and his punishment is to keep living and protecting the world from the horrors he committed #and trying to find people who understand that perspective so they can take on the handle #yall dont get how deeply i analyze shit #the last time i watched lost was like 9 years ago #but i figured everything i mentioned the very first time i watched the finale #so i guess maybe you can understand why i am so confused by the ted lasso finale