#like who hasn't cheated on their homework a little

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

My thoughts on The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie

I don’t know if I liked it as much as the original films (maybe Mockingjay 1 & 2 as they are pretty emotionally draining), but I still enjoyed it.

I think where it fell a little flat for me is 1. The beginning was a bit slow (tbh I only really started getting interested when Lucy Gray stuck that snake down that girl’s dress & even then I enjoyed the story more when the setting changed from the Capitol to the district) 2. I knew Snow would survive 3. I’d already been spoiled online for a lot of stuff that happens & 4. while I know the director did his best to make Snow as “likeable” as he could for as long as possible, even before he started getting “a little too comfortable” with killing & snitching I didn’t find him as sympathetic as Katniss or Peeta (but that is probably again down to the fact that I know what he goes onto do & there’s no real way around that), this made engaging with him difficult for me.

The world is fascinating. Getting to see all the new locations we never had access to before as well as old locations now in a totally different light (for example district 12 which, while still clearly suffering, seemed like such a bustling industrial town compared to how it is in Katniss’s time). It might have a much more retro aesthetic but there's also just a more vibrant, natural, wild & lawless atmosphere to this movie compared to the others in the franchise. The whole scope of the film just felt more cinematic then I remember the others being yet also weirdly intimate. Maybe because it was one contained story & we knew the main character’s fate from the start. I also loved the title cards signifying the start of each section of the story like from the books & wished they'd done something similar for the other films. It just added a certain flair to the whole thing. Almost gave it the vibe of a tragic play.

The costuming was great. The bright red of the academy uniforms.  Flickerman’s snazzy suits. Snow’s dapper black & white outfit. Both peace keeper uniforms (despite one of them giving very ‘1930’s Germany’ vibes) looked great. Grandma might have been a bigot, but at least she was well dressed. Everything Dr Gaul wore (except the top that looked like a used tampon, lol) was exquisite. The main ladies of fashion, Tigris & Lucy Gray slayed. Our Future Capitol stylist looked like some regal yet exotic bird & Miss Survivor was giving Bohemian, country girl realness the entire time she was on screen. Even the extras were serving (like that random couple Snow walked past on his way to the reaping ceremony).

The music was amazing. Every song that played was fantastic (shout out to Olivia for her end credit contribution). The lyrics & instrumentation were beautiful & my god does Rachel Zegler have pipes! Anyone who says the singing scenes are cringy is just stupid like I’m sorry you can’t appreciate art. Also, the words ‘ballad’ & ‘songbirds’ are literally in the title. Plus, Lucy Gray is from the poorest district, so what exactly do those people want her to do in her free time? She can’t exactly hop on an X-box for a few hours. Not too mention that (as the offspring of someone who’s musically inclined) I can tell you, it’s completely realistic for a musician to use their craft to help them deal with trauma & Lucy Gray clearly had more than her fair share of that.

The Grandma'am helped to paint a sadly very realistic background for Snow. As who among us hasn’t met at least one delusional old person who thinks that their/their group’s suffering (regardless of the severity of it or the reason behind their former/newer status in society) means that no one else are deserving of even the tiniest shred of humanity & there are some people who are unlucky enough to not only be related to these people but be raised by them.

Hunter schafer as Tigris is clearly the superior Snow when it comes to things like empathy & overall mental stability but I do kind of wish they’d been more for her to do. Credit where credit is due though her & Tom did actually look like they could be related & I did buy their familial bond (which makes her appearance in Mockingjay so much sadder in hindsight).

Peter Dinklage as Casca Highbottom was a bit of a mix for me just due to his purpose as a character & the limit of film as a form of media. Like sure the audience know that Snow’s going to become an irredeemable monster in the end but without a window into his mind it really does just seem like the Dean is just out to get him & even when we find out why it seems kind of unfair. Like sure his dad sucked but haven’t the Games shown that blaming children for violence caused by others is unjust (& like ok he hates Coriolanus & probably the grandma but Tigris hadn’t done anything to deserve living in poverty, as she can’t control who she’s related to)? Plus, it felt like he could have at least tried taking Snow under his wing at some point to try to hinder Dr Gual’s influence. Saying all of that, though, Peter Dinklage is great at playing an addict with depression & the idea that some drunken rambling could lead to such long-lasting suffering is terrifying. Also its pretty realistic that living with that kind of guilt & in such a cruel environment for that long would make most people jaded & bitter, even if they did have good intentions.

Omg we finally get a Mayor family on screen & they’re assholes! Madge would be so disappointed 😭. It was interesting to see how harsh & overall “boot licky” the mayor & his family seemed compared to decades later, which makes sense as the war wasn’t that long ago for them so the dad probably felt more incentive to align himself with the Capitol as well as not feeling very connected to the district people as 12’s decline probably didn’t fully set in until they really started running low on coal & Snow became president (oh I just know he wanted to blow that district off the map 😆). I also wouldn’t put it past Billy to come up with some sob story of how he really does love Mayfair but wicked Lucy Gray is somehow preventing them from being together. Still no excuse to try to send her to her death twice in one week, though. Definitely not a girl’s girl.

Ok, so a liar. Cheat. Drunk & someone who hits women. Is there anything good about Billy Taupe? Also, trying to get your ex back, while your current girlfriend is literally standing right next to you? Dude, have some god damn back bone! You made a choice, now stick to it. Also, fumbling Lucy Gray, for a girl like that? What’s it like having no brains or taste? Well, too bad, coz you’re stuck with her forever now, lol.

Viola Davies, the actress that you are. What else is there to say? Dr Gaul is almost comic book levels of insane. Like she is how the Right see women in STEM, on crack! I don’t know what she did to get into character, but whatever it was, it worked.

Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman is a very interesting addition to the story despite playing such a small & seemingly insignificant role. He is strange in how unthreatening he is while also extremely blasé about the abhorrent violence he witnesses that it’s as funny as it is disturbing. Making him come across as  more human yet harsher than his son, who at least pretends to care about the tributes (in a very Capitol way, obviously but still). There’s also a polish & confidence to Tucci’s performance that I think Schwartzman did a great job of avoiding copying (despite knowing what audiences were probably expecting) because not only are their characters in entirely different stages of their careers but the whole ethos of the Hunger Games is different in Snow’s youth than it is in Katniss’s. Caesar is a well established presenter & during his time, the games have always been a success (minus the year with the tundra) that the entire Capitol is invested in & seemingly in support of. On the other hand Lucretius had the unique task of not only coming into a job like this with zero experience (I mean imagine going from announcing the weather to presenting the fucking hunger games) but also there were no vibes to try to emulate let alone guidelines to follow because he truly was the first person to do this. On top of that, the "event" his presenting has been panned for years as both boring & unethical. Schwartzman brought a slightly awkward, experimental, yet try hard vibe (like a comedian who's desperate to get a laugh) that I think worked wonderfully for the character.

Tom Blyth's performance was great & he was visually perfect for a young Snow (the power of a good wig! Who knew lol). Even having the cool, analytical stare of Donald Sutherland, down pat. While his appearance was very Eminem during his peacekeeping days, his realisation in the cabin and subsequent breakdown in the woods were crazy. There was so much tension between him & Rachel in that scene that for a second, it literally felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I could almost hear the record scratch for both of them, & all that building paranoia finally coming to a sudden crescendo in the way that it did? Pure cinema!

Josh Rivera, as Sejanus, was honestly a mix for me. Obviously, I agree with his morals, but his way of going about it did seem a little dumb. However I do think it’s pretty realistic that a teenager, especially a rich one, would be rather naive. Also I’ve heard that he’s smarter in the book & I think at times my frustration with him is more just down to the fact that I’m seeing him from Snow’s point of view. Meaning scenes that would be portrayed as noble in any other film instead come across as almost painfully inconvenient because the focus is always on how they affect Snow rather than the actual victims of the situation. Lastly, sorry, Snowjanus shippers, I just don’t see it (especially on Snow’s end), but whatever floats your boat.

Rachel Zegler played Lucy Gray with the perfect mix of natural charm & emotional vulnerability with clear pride in her culture & a refusal to let the world around her change who she is. Yet there was also an air of mystery & a subtle resilience to her that makes her potentially surviving out in the woods for years without being detected actually believable (though I don’t buy the theory that she went on to become president Coin). Definitely the highlight of the movie for me.

PS. I'd love to know what you think of my review in the comments/tags & am open to criticism (as long as it's respectful) just remember that I'm only talking about the movie so please don't reference anything spersific to the book.

#some other things i wanted to mention but didn’t seem significant to put in the review (+ it was getting rather long) are: #Clemensia you were so pretty & did not desserve to die #like who hasn't cheated on their homework a little #may my hair look as good as your's if i ever get bit by a snake #dill & wovey rest in peace my darlings #Lysistrata it wasn't your fault #Arachane you got what you deserved tbh #reaper you have my respect forever king #lumina really said kill um with kindness #no but sersiously i love you girl & your 1950's farm girl aesthetic #marcus you did not desserve that & sejanus is sorry & in my heart you guys meet up & become boyfriends in the afterlife #treech you didn't leave much of an impression but at least your hat was cool #bobbin my little germin looking boy #at least you gave Snow a good scare before your demise #coral looks gay like that's a lesbian right there #thg #the hunger games #the hunger games the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the ballad of songbirds and snakes review #thg tbosas #thg tbosbas #tbosas #tbosbas #tbosas review #tbosbas review #thg tbosas review #thg tbosbas review #the hunger games the ballad of songbirds and snakes review #southern gothic is my new fravriote genre #review

[nerdydaydreamer]

Hold Me In Your Arms - Part One

Word count: 2613

Description: After a not so pleasant run in with your abusive ex-boyfriend, Klaus checks up on you and heals the damage. The next day, feelings are exposed.

Masterlist

Part Two

~~~~~

Part One

"Thanks, Matt," I say after paying the bill.

It's been a long day, what with school, homework, and tidying up the house. After all, my absentee father isn't there to help out. My mom died a few years ago from lung cancer and my father might as well have died too. I barely ever see him anymore, he just sends me money and pays the bills. He doesn't even live in the same house, wanting to be closer to Duke University where he works as a Professor.

I just wanted to come to the Grill to eat a late dinner and relax a bit. I should have known I wouldn't get my wish. Just after paying for my food, I saw Darren, my ex-boyfriend, walk in with a group of his friends. 'Oh shit,' I thought, 'I don't want to deal with him right now.'

I try to sneak out through the back door, hoping that Darren wouldn't notice me. Unfortunately, he did. He turned to his buddies and said he'll be back in a few minutes. He followed Y/N out through the same door with a cruel look in his eyes.

No one noticed Kol sitting in a dark corner of the bar observing what was happening. He quirked his eyebrow watching the man follow Y/N out of the Grill. He took his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Klaus about what he saw, knowing his brother has a soft spot for the girl.

~o~

I take quick steps to my car, hoping the slight panic I'm feeling doesn't show. I just reached the car door when I hear the sound of heavy footsteps on the pavement behind me. The next thing I know, my left arm is grabbed and I'm roughly turned and slammed against the side of my car. I feel both my arms locked to my side in a crushing grip and a body pressed into mine, holding me firm. I have nowhere to go.

"Well well well. I haven't seen you in a while, Y/N. It's almost like you're avoiding me. You wouldn't happen to be avoiding me, now would you Y/N?" Darren asks in a taunting voice.

I turn my head to the side, trying to get away from his hot breath in my face. I can smell the traces of beer around him, on his clothes, and more strongly when he speaks. 'It seems like he hasn't changed a bit. Not that surprising really,' I think.

"Let me go, Darren," I say with more strength than I feel.

"I don't think so. See, you and I are gonna have a little chat," Darren says. "I heard from my friends that you have been getting around quite a bit. You're getting friendly with a lot of people, huh?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" The confusion was evident in my voice.

"What? You break it off with me just to go slutting it around with everyone who would even look your way!? I didn't know you were such a whore." His hands tighten painfully around my upper arms, and I know I will have bruises there later.

'This asshole!' I think. "I don't know what your friends have been telling you, but I haven't been sleeping around with anybody! And what do you care? You're the one who cheated on me in the first place!?"

Rage overtakes his face and suddenly my head is whipped to the right. After the initial shock wears off, a deep burn overtakes my left cheek and I can taste iron. 'That bastard just slapped me!' I slowly turn my head to face him again. His face is flushed with anger and his breathing hard. 'Yup, he definitely hasn't changed a bit.'

Feeling daring and knowing that I'll probably regret it later, I spit in his face. It hits his cheek and is slightly pink with blood from my split lip. He wipes it off, then runs his hand over his jean-clad thigh in disgust. "You shouldn't have done that," he whispers.

His right hand clenches into a fist and swings wide, hitting my left cheek. The force knocks me to the ground and my vision blacks out for a second. Then the air gets blasted from my lungs as he kicks my ribs. I don't notice him leave, or the faint music from inside the Grill as he opens the door to rejoin his buddies. All I can think about is trying to breathe. After what feels like hours, although probably only a few minutes, I can feel the air entering my lungs at a steady but shallow pace. 'Shit! I hope nothing is broken.'

With slow movements, I roll off my side and onto my hands and knees. Using the car door handle, I stand up, then lean against the car for support. Taking another few deep breaths, or as deep as I can take, I unlock my car and get inside. I don't dare look at my face in the rear-view mirror. I just start the ignition and drive home.

~o~

I walk in through my front door and turn on the hall light, avoiding the mirror that hangs on the wall to my right. After relocking the door, I kick off my shoes and slowly take off my jacket, throwing it over the back of the couch as I make my way to the stairs. Once in my bedroom, I turn on the bedside lamp, giving the room a soft glow. I pick out some pajamas, place my probably dead phone on top of my dresser, and enter my ensuite bathroom. Turning on the light, I wince slightly at how bright it is. I turn the shower knob and let the water heat up as I undress, throwing the dirty clothes into the hamper. I step under the spray and let the hot water slowly relax my muscles. After a couple of minutes, I wash my hair and body, being careful of my side.

Stepping out of the shower, I gently wrap a towel around me and use another one for my long hair. I brush my teeth and change into the soft black pajama pants and black tank top I brought in with me. I take my hair out of the towel and run a brush through it to get rid of any tangles. Once it is flowing down my back, slightly damp and tangle-free, I look into the mirror.

"Fuck."

My left cheekbone is deeply bruised, my bottom lip is split and swollen, and two distinct handprints are visible on my arms. Gingerly, I lift my tank top on the right side until I can see the skin just underneath my breast. "Shit!" I say aloud. The entire right side of my ribs is spotted in multiple shades of purple and green. I gently touch the area of my ribs and while it hurts, there are no sharp pains. 'Okay, nothing's broken.'

I lower my shirt and turn off the light and walk back into my bedroom. I jump slightly when I see Klaus sitting on the end of my bed, waiting for me with his head down, looking at the phone in his hands.

"Klaus," I whisper, then walk over to the dresser, adjusting my hair so it covers my face. "What are you doing here?"

"You haven't been answering my calls. Call me worried," Klaus says.

I check my phone that I left on my dresser. The screen stayed black. "Sorry, my phone was dead."

I didn't hear him move but I felt the heat of his body on my back. "I got a text from Kol earlier when he was at the Grill. He said you ran out pretty quick. What happened?"

"Nothing you should be worried about Klaus," I say softly, keeping my head down.

Klaus replies gently, "Then why won't you look at me?"

I sigh internally. 'No way to hide it now.' I turn around until I am facing him but I don't lift my head. I knew it wouldn't work, but I wanted to hide the shame for as long as I could. I feel his fingers underneath my chin before he tilts my head upwards. Even in the low light of the room, Klaus would be able to clearly see the bruises that Darren gave me. He turns my head slightly to the right to inspect my cheek.

"Who did this?" Klaus growls out.

"Darren," I say softly, "My ex."

Klaus turns my head so that I am facing him. He looks me in the eye and asks, "Is this the first time he's hit you?"

I don't answer, I just lower my eyes, but that was enough of an answer for him. Klaus growls low in his chest and grips the edge of the dresser behind me, one hand on each side, caging me in. Unfortunately, as I move my chest back to put at least some space between us, I brush my right side against his arm and flinch. It was small, but no doubt Klaus saw it with how close he was.

"Y/N," Klaus begins in a low voice, "Did he do anything else?"

Then, in the same manner as I did in the bathroom, I lift my tank top to show him the bruises. Klaus takes half a step back so that he could see, and once he did he turns around abruptly, walks away from me, and clenches his fists. His shoulders rise and lower like he is taking several deep breaths to calm himself. I can hear a deep rumbling noise and realize that it's Klaus, he's growling in anger.

I let my shirt fall and cross my arms lightly over my stomach, an all too familiar way of trying to hide. "It's fine Klaus, it'll heal," I mumble.

Hearing those words, Klaus is shocked out of whatever torture his imagination was cooking up for Darren, for hurting someone so sweet and kind as Y/N. "Yes, they will." Klaus closes the distance between us and lifts his wrist to his mouth. He bites it and turns it to me and says, "Drink."

I stare at him for a couple of seconds, not believing that Klaus is actually offering his blood to someone. "It'll heal you," he adds on in a soft voice.

I gently take ahold of his wrist with both of my hands and bring it to my mouth. Sealing my lips around the bite mark, I take a tentative sip of his blood. I expected it to taste like normal blood, metallic and coppery. But Klaus' blood tasted like cherries, dark chocolate, and spice. It was heady. I start to take long pulls, enjoying the flavours on my tongue, not noticing that I was letting out several low moans of appreciation. I feel the ache in my side disappearing, along with the pain I felt in my lip. I swallow one last time and let go of Klaus's wrist.

I touch my bottom lip with my finger and I feel no pain, and the swelling is gone. With a sudden burst of happiness, I wrap my arms around Klaus' neck and hug him tightly. I bury my head into his neck and whisper, "Thank you."

Klaus tenses up for a second, then slowly wraps his arms around my waist and squeezes gently. "You're welcome, Y/N."

I hug him for several long moments, just breathing in the scent that is Klaus. I can smell the forest after it rains, bourbon, musk, and the same spice I could taste in his blood. Then a curious thought pops into my head. I lean back a little keeping my hands behind his neck. "Can I see your hybrid face?" I ask in a low voice. "Please?"

Klaus stills for a moment and then I can see the changes on his face. The sclera turns black, the gold in his iris' glow brightly and the black veins protrude beneath his eyes. It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen. I move both of my hands to the sides of his face and gently run my fingers over the veins. "You're so beautiful," I say so quietly that if it wasn't for his sensitive hearing, he wouldn't have heard me.

I tilt my head to the left. "Here," I say quietly. "You must be hungry."

Klaus looks at me in confusion. "You don't have to-"

"I want to," I say.

Klaus took a long look into my eyes as if to assure himself, then gave me a small nod. He kept his left hand around my waist but moved his right up behind my neck and into my hair. He grips lightly and tips my head farther to the left. He lowers his head until I can feel his breath just below my ear. He takes a deep breath in and I swear I hear a deep rumble between a growl and a purr. The feel of his lips sends shivers down my spine, as he trails along until he gets to the junction where my neck meets my shoulder. He kisses the spot gently and I relax against him fully.

I gasped when I felt him bite into my skin. But after the initial pinch, there was no pain, and as Klaus continued to drink, the more amazing it felt. My hands found purchase on his waist and I felt myself grip his shirt. Klaus held me almost impossibly close with his left arm now wrapped around the small of my back. His right hand now firmly gripping my hair and sending shocks of pleasure through my body.

'I can't believe how good this feels. This can't be how it normally feels when a vampire drinks your blood. It must be Klaus. But why does it feel so incredible with him?' With all these thoughts swirling around my head, I didn't realize that I let out several long moans of pleasure, but Klaus did. He heard every single one and was enjoying how he made you feel. He wanted you to feel good, 'that's what you deserve,' he thought.

Having no idea of how much time has passed, Klaus let go of my neck. I could feel him gently licking the wounds, lapping up whatever blood escaped as they healed, thanks to Klaus' blood still running through my system. He placed another kiss on the area before he leaned back and looked at me. I gave him a soft smile before I placed my forehead on his chest. I loosened my grip on his shirt and almost sank into him.

Klaus smiles down at me, "You okay sweetheart?"

"Mmhmm," I mumble.

His smile becomes more affectionate. "Tired?" He asks.

All I can do is nod against him, too drowsy and in a bliss-like state to do anything else.

Klaus holds you away from him before reaching down and picking you up bridal style. He walks over to your bed and places you down with a tenderness he didn't know he had. He places the covers over you and he hears your heartbeat has slowed and your breathing is shallow and steady, showing you are already asleep. He places a kiss on your temple and as he rises, he sees a small smile on your lips.

'If only she knew,' he thought as he turned off the light and quietly left her house.

~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading!

#klaus #klaus mikaelson #tvd klaus #tvd #the vampire diaries #klaus x reader #klaus mikealson x reader #abuse #physicalabuse #healing #blood #vampire #angst

[impressiverunaway]

I'm on a roll (Part 1 of ?)

And I am proud of myself. My life is becoming more organized and I can actually see my goals being met in the future. I'm motivated. Finances are being managed and logged. I've already done my taxes. I created a second bank account, investment account and a 401k. I have plans set to return to school this fall. Already know what I am going for. Dates and deadlines I'll be getting ready for. I am a little worried about that, now that I think about it. I know school is something for me, that I can accomplish, I just know in the past I didn't apply myself. It was a lot of just doing what it took to get the grades I needed to graduate as well as keep my father off my back. In fact, I recall school being the only thing that would snap me out of my suicidal thoughts. The friends I had there, teachers, even just the fact that I felt so much better having somewhere to go as an escape. I slept though most of my classes. Often copied homework from others right before the period started or in another class. I often cheated on tests with cheat sheets, passing notes, getting the answers from those who took the test in an earlier period, even writing the answers on the desks. I would slack off in the first half, creating progress reports to get by my dad and do the work to pass in the second half. I remember my dad made a deal with me, because at the time...and still, I had a big interest in classic muscle cars. My senior year, we made a deal that if I got straight A's the rest of the school year (3 quarters left) that he would buy me the car of my dreams. It was probably something like a 67 Camero. First semester, straight A's ONE B+. Like I know I can do it, I just chose not to. I didn't see the point. Even in college. I always had this feeling within myself that I just did not feel right. I also often felt like I just wanted to die. I thought the feeling would go away once I was out of the house, but it never did. I had minimal motivation to do much of anything. I mean hell, for the first time in my life I've gone through my entire room, every nook and cranny. Cleared everything out that was not needed or things I was holding onto and set my room up exactly as I'd like. I had been bonding with my father a lot recently. Putting puzzle pieces together about my childhood and with my mother. Or so I thought. Considering he is still the same man he was when I was a child, I'm not so sure. He's allowed his issues with his wife to get between us, and I'm not having any part of it. He isn't listening to me, and I doubt he will seek professional help like I have recommended. I haven't talked to him in days, when we used to speak every day. He hasn't attempted to contact me, and last we spoke I told him this is the exact thing that I do not need in my life.

I've just gotten over the biggest mental break of my life. Between getting bullied by a man I had dated at work, that I was no longer with. Like I'm not even kidding, it was always something with him. We were never together, on his behalf, but he was always the one to treat it like it was a relationship. Every time I tried to distance myself, he wouldn't respect it. In fact, early on he broke my trust and lied to myself and another woman about each other. I caught him. And told him I wanted nothing to do with him. I'd tell him no, time and time again. Unfortunately, he came to me with crocodile tears, and I let him back in. It was very much on and off. And well the last off time, he got with another woman we worked with. I think he also failed to get away with things with her. He's not that slick. I think he blamed me for his problems although I had nothing to do with it. Every day was a struggle and I had zero trust in him. I asked my manager for a transfer several times, only to be talked out of it or denied. They wanted me to come to them every time there was an issue. I even spoke to a therapist that recommended I report to HR, in which I did. But, everything was "hearsay". I was stuck there, unable to find another job. Nothing changed. I looked like a snitch and a baby running to a manager over every little thing. I had no problem standing my ground, I just didn't want to be left without a job. I regret not just walking away and figuring it out because everything I lost was not worth it. The amount of stress I had endured over months, finally accepting that I was there to stay, the last time I went off on him. We both were supposedly transferred to separate stores. Who knows where he has gone, if anywhere or how anything went. I was very moody, and it caused a lot of issues with others. Especially his new girl and her bestie. I was just angry, all of the time and all it took was hearing their names to put me in a mood. It didn't help that none of my concerns were met by management about anything, for a year. It didn't help that I was in the serving industry where people in general are naturally fucking shitty and I had to rely on them to make money. Didn't matter, just a luck of the draw type situation. And god forbid something went wrong that was out of my control. I'd have to hear about it or be worried that it was taken out of my tip. Just an extremely toxic environment with my own personal hell. I impulsively came onto my best friend, someone I had been friends with for half my life, even went as far as sending a nude, while he was going through a rough patch with his wife, and said awful, awful things about her. I can't even explain why I did it other than desperation, extreme loneliness and hatred for her for causing my friend so much heartache. Of course, I realize that nothing is always what it seems, and this was in fact a man that I had been talking to. A few months prior, I had expressed concerns to another friend in the group that I was getting weird vibes from him. To the point where I was uncomfortable and no longer wish to speak to him. I think that was a mistake, because she suggested he may be depressed, and I should speak with his wife in case it was a serious concern. I think that opened a door that should have never been touched. I feel as if I meddled into their personal life. I feel like I wanted out of this friend group for a while. Because I often had thoughts and feelings of not fitting in, unaware it was a false feeling. Ultimately, I was destructive. And somehow, I am okay with it. Had it not happened, it would have never snowballed, and I would be living life unknowing of the underlying issue within myself. No, I am not justifying my behaviors, just understanding them. I'm at peace with them. I am just happy to have an explanation for myself. I do believe I blamed a lot of others for the way I was feeling inside. Just like I had with a lot of friends in the past. I've lost so many friendships because of this disorder.

#personal #journal #bpd

[ystrike1]

Koi to Shinzou - By Chitose Kaido (8.5/10)

Manipulative yanderes have always been popular. They tend to get more attention than other breeds of yandere. This particular series is long. Even if you're not into yanderes it's a decent mystery. None of the villains are overly stupid and our heroine is actually smart. She's just not smart enough to outfox her loving stalker. Beware! The romance is extremely slow burn. Nobody kisses until chapter forty. If that's your thing open up this one.

Yoh is a troublesome girl. She has a strong sense of justice that gets her in trouble all the time. She's loud, brash, rude and pretty. All the boys want her to calm down so they can flirt with her. All of the girls around her are jealous of her. Her mother is a rich businesswoman as well, so that makes the jealousy around her surge up higher. Yoh is extremely popular despite her "bad attitude" (cough...cough self respect cough) so lots of people hate her. Shallow people love to follow her around and talk shit about her. She avoids them until they intentionally cause drama to get her attention. Then she slaps the bullies down.

Her life is a little chaotic.

Yoh attracts crazy people like a magnet. Most of her stalkers aren't in love with her. They hate her. They're jealous of her. They want the men who are in love with her. Their motives are always insanely selfish and delusional. Everybody wants to be like Yoh, because she's a nice person, and being kind isn't easy. She stands out everywhere she goes because she's generous and beautiful. Her daily life is stressful, but she has two close friends that treat her like a normal person.

These are Yoh's only true allies, but they both have secrets. Touya is in love with her. He's a sweet guy, but I don't think he'll be able to beat the yandere. Sawako is a "fake airhead". She pretends to be sweet and childish, but she's actually sharp. Sharp, bitter, and also in love with Touya. Sawako is nice though. She doesn't hate Touya or Yoh. She doesn't think Touya will ever return her feelings, but she still wants to be his friend. She genuinely loves Yoh too. Sawako is kind of the final boss the yandere has to break through to have Yoh.

This is Haruma. He is Yoh's childhood friend. She doesn't remember him, but he's her new roommate. Yoh's mother, Ryou, sent him over personally. The author hasn't revealed why Yoh's mother willingly gave her daughter to a yandere yet. Haruma remembers Yoh. He knows everything about Yoh. He has loved her for most of his life. He wants her, but he's patient.

He is a maximum level manipulator. Be afraid. He's very good at covering his tracks. Haruma cleverly uses all the villains around Yoh. After he successfully saves her from all of them he gains her trust. Then her love.

The first villainess is a girl named Tamaki. Her boyfriend, Noguchi, broke up with her to date Yoh. Yoh broke up with him after Tamaki seduced that boyfriend again. Noguchi is a cheating scumbag. Tamaki is a violent asshole with confidence issues. They were a perfect match.

Tamaki blames Yoh for Noguchi's awful behavior, because bad people like to blame Yoh for their problems in this story.

Haruma saves Yoh from her. Touya and Sawako show up to assist. Then Yoh promptly cuts ties with Noguchi and his stalker.

The second villain is Kunie. He's a member of the student council. He's rich. He's handsome and he acts like he's got a crush on Yoh until he snaps. Kunie hates Yoh. She called him out back in junior high. He was a delinquent back then. He smoked in school because he knew the teachers were too scared to piss off his rich parents. Yoh isn't scared of rich parents. She has one. So, she told Kunie he was going to end up alone if he didn't change his attitude.

Kunie did change. He adopted a fake nice personality to make everyone love him. He's been blackmailing people. The other members of the council do all of his homework. His "friends" fear him and everybody else admires his fake self. He is a deeply messed up man, and he isn't redeemable. He torments Yoh until she cracks and asks for Haruma's help.

Then Haruma kisses her, and the cops drag Kunie away. All of that cheating destroyed his future. Kunie did end up alone, just like Yoh predicted. All of his "friends" hated him bitterly. When Haruma put out bait the rest of the student council exposed him. They recorded Kunie when he bullied Yoh, which led to his demise. Then, conveniently, a battered Yoh landed in Haruma's arms.

He's a real snake, but he does love Yoh. I know he's toxic and manipulative...um...but he wants Yoh to be happy. He just isn't willing to be nice to all the annoying flies around his popular girlfriend.

The last(?) villain is Wakana. She's another fake ditzy girl, but her act isn't very good. Sawako saw through it right away. Wakana thinks Yoh is a slut that leads handsome men on. In reality Yoh is just a normal person that has male friends. Wakana is a total creep. She thinks all men are pigs that can be fooled by cuteness. She's wrong. Her pathetic cries for help always attract the wrong kind of man. Wakana is surrounded by shallow assholes because she doesn't think of men as people. No man worth anything would date someone like her. She hates everyone and everything. All of her internal thoughts are disgusting.

Haruma destroys her. He finds some of her ex boyfriends, and they confront her. She dated two of Yoh's boyfriends on purpose. Then she dated more for money and attention. All of these men didn't get an explanation when she broke up with them. She simply ghosted them.

When Haruma gives them an address they come and expose her. Her army of ex boyfriends warns everyone in Yoh's school. They tell everyone that Wakana is an abusive liar who likes to steal men from her friends.

Yoh is blissfully unaware of this particular conflict.

Haruma captures her sweetly and he brings her to a ferris wheel. Then they both confess and kiss. Their relationship solidifies and they start dating for real before the wheel stops. He kisses Yoh until her legs give out, and then he pats her head.

Haruma is a great roomate.

Yoh's mother approves of him.

Yoh feels safe around him.

(I think Haruma is devoted to Yoh because she saved his life. It is heavily implied that he tried to commit suicide after his mother slit her wrists. Yoh climbed in through a window before he could hang himself. The past is unclear though. Haruma is mostly a mystery.)

Yoh is in love with him.

They're going to live happily ever after.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #shoujo #Koi to Shinzou

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Four [PT.1]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of substance abuse

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NIKKI 

"My wife doesn't tell me she's having an important surgery done, no, no, she just tells her girl friend Sharise who tells Vinnie and I'm the last one to fucking know about it." I tell Amber. 

"I didn't wanna stress him out." Vivian insists, raising her brows. 

"No, you just don't wanna keep me in the know just to piss me off." I argue. 

"Nikki, go to hell." She tells me. 

"You're not talking to him like that in here," Amber scolds her. "Just like he's not talking to you like that. We aren't doing that anymore. That was the issue last week. I didn't stop you two from talking trashy to each other and it got you where you are right now." She states. "Vivian, why didn't you tell Nikki about your procedure?" 

"I didn't even tell the father of my kid I was having it done--I'm just a private person." She tells her. 

"Duff doesn't even know?" 

"No, he doesn't, and he's not going to." She looks at me. 

Note to self: call Duff when she leaves. 

"Why haven't you him?" Amber asks her next. 

"Because I was freaking out over it enough as it was. I didn't need more people freaking out over it." She says. "So I just told Sharise because she was the one driving me home from it."

Amber just raises her brows and thinks for a second, her lips pursed. 

"You see what I have to deal with?" I ask as I motion to Viv. 

"Nikki, please." Vivian rolls her eyes. 

"And she wonders why I won't fuck her. She doesn't deserve it at the moment." I add. 

"Your dick isn't made of gold, Nikki, it's some trophy I should have to earn--especially when you clearly have no qualms tossing it around like a hot potato from one pussy to the next." 

"That's not how you were acting last week." I argue. "

"But you won't fuck me because I'm not Vanity." She says back. 

"I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl." I admit. 

"You'll go down on me while I'm on the rag but me being eleven weeks pregnant--barely showing--is where you draw the line?" 

"Right, sorry, 'I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl when she's pregnant with a baby she cheated on me to conceive,' there, that's better." I correct myself. 

"At least I know the lovechild I have, exists. Do I even wanna think about the girls you've probably knocked up across the globe the last several years?" She accuses me. 

"Unlike you, dear, I know how to fucking use condoms." I cut back at her.

"Gee, can't imagine where I learned to hate condoms in the first place." She sarcastically adds. 

"Fuck if I know, you were telling me to take the damn thing off the first time we even had sex, little miss, 'I'm a virgin', 'this is my first time,' which looking back now is so obviously bullshit." I scoff. 

"I was until you fucking corrupted me." 

"My apologies, I didn't realize I was creating a cum monster whose main ambition was to procreate." 

"And I didn't realize I was creating a codependent junkie." She doesn't hesitate to throw back at me and we're both silent just enough for Amber to cut in. 

"I am going to give you two homework." She says, sighing, glancing at the clock. 

We're out of time. 

"I want you two to write each other a letter, one that doesn't involve putting one another down, and I want you to pick a time--any experience or memory with on another--that you consider the happiest you've been with each other, and I want you to mail them to each other, and next visit you'll read each other's letters back to one another to remind that person what they wrote. Sound easy?"

We just look at each other, not saying a word. 

I didn't want to waste my time writing something for her that she'd just rip up without reading, and I knew she would, and I could see she didn't want to do that, either.

I'm great at song writing...but love letters? 

I think back to the last love letter I wrote for Viv...the one in the back of her Bible I gave to her. 

It kind of hurts that one of the last physical confessions of love I gave to her was practically a suicide note. 

I close my eyes and groan, rubbing my forehead. 

Fuck.

I try to think back to my happiest time with her over the last years. 

Like flicking through the index of my mind--as best as I can, at least…

I let out a heavy sigh as I flip from channel to channel, chewing my gum, getting frustrated when I can't find anything interesting to watch. 

"Are you gonna find a channel and stick to it or are you gonna keep flipping through the same channels and expect programming to change in a matter of seconds?" Vivian asks in a borderline snap, getting aggravated with me. 

I just roll my jaw and turn the T.V. off, tossing the remote onto the coffee table. 

"I didn't say turn it off, Nikki, you can watch T.V., just pick a channel and stick to it." She sighs, her Bible still in hand, the pad she's using to take notes in, in her lap. 

"No. You just read your shit in peace and quiet. Sorry for the interruption." I reply, passively. 

"Nikki, turn the T.V. back on and watch it." 

"I'm good." I state. 

"Ugh, you are such a whiney baby." She mumbles and I raise my brows, looking at her. 

"I'm a what?" I ask, and she looks at me. 

"A whiney baby." 

"A whiney baby?" 

"Yeah." She says it surely. 

I'm grabbing her socked foot that's in my lap, making her squeal, her Bible and notepad falling in the floor when she kicks at me as I start tickling her foot. 

"Nikki, stop!" She laughs out, sitting up and trying to fight me off of her. 

"No, I'm a whiney baby remember?" I remind her, letting her foot go, getting on top of her, my hands moving to her waist, making her laugh again, trying to push me off of her. 

I lean down and kiss her exposed neck, and stop tickling her, instead wrapping my arm under her, pulling her against me, settling between her legs. 

She sighs and kisses me when I lean down to her. 

Once we pull away for air, I run my thumb over her lip and she blinks up at me, slowly. 

I can tell she's thinking, "what the hell is this? What are we doing? We aren't dating, we're not just friends, though, so what are we, Sixx?" 

I don't know, either. 

I'd tell her that but I don't want to freak her out or something. 

I like her, a lot...more than a lot…

"What is it?" She asks me, and I realize I've just been staring at her. 

"I, uh...I'm not really seeing anyone else anymore, you know?" I say, hoping she gets the hint, and she raises her brows a little. 

"Oh." She replies.

"Not that it's a big deal or anything." I add. 

"I wasn't thinking it was." She shakes her head a little...but I can practically see her doing little mental cartwheels and screaming out with joy. 

I just smile at her, kissing her again.

I wrinkle my nose at the memory, not quite sure if that's when I was at my happiest with her. 

I just decide to keep digging through more of my memory--what's left of it, that is--until I'm grabbing my pen, and writing away at the paper. 

"Shhh, shh, you're gonna wake her up!" Vivian whisper yells at me as she holds a sleeping Skylar, the little baby wrapped up in a thick blanket, pacifier in mouth, knocked out cold.

"It's nearly 5:00a.m., what the hell are you doing up?" I ask her, trying to talk straight after a night of booze and blow. 

"She hasn't slept since midnight. I've been trying everything but she just dozes for a few minutes and then wakes back up and whines." She explains.

She looks tired...exhausted, really. 

"You want me to hold her and you go to bed?"

"She doesn't like you, the second she gets the feelings you're holding her, she'll wake you screaming." She reminds me. 

"She likes me." I argue. 

"Nikki, she purposely pees on you anytime you change her diaper, she gets antsy when you hold her--not to mention the amount of times you weren't paying attention and put her clothes on backwards or inside out and she pitches a fit." 

"Hey, trying to dress a squirmy kid is military-grade patience training. If you try to perfect whatever it is she's wearing, she gets irritated and just wants down and starts moving around more and making it more difficult to get some clothes on her." She just chuckles a little and gets quiet in the light of the little reading lamp, her eyes closing slowly. 

"Viv," 

"Hmm?"

"Go put the baby in the little crib thing Sharise brought over and go lay down." I tell her, quietly. 

"I'm fine where I'm at." She insists, but I know she's not. 

I take the chance and gently pick Skylar up, causing Vivian to say, "Nikki, don't wake her up," and I carefully make sure not to wake her as I carry her to the guest bedroom and put her in her playpen on her back like Sharise drilled into mine and Viv's heads to be sure of. 

She doesn't wake up, and when I get back to the living room, Vivian's asleep in her chair, cuddled under the blanket she had Skylar under. 

"Alright," I nudge her awake and she hums, furrowing her brows. "C'mon," I say to her, and she reaches her hands out. "What is it?" I ask her. 

"Can you carry me?" She asks and I sigh out. 

"Yeah, baby," I don't tell her, 'no,' despite not knowing whether or not we'll get to the bedroom because I'm tired and I know she obviously is, too, and she's not light as a feather--which will just make me more tired by the time I head to the bedroom. 

I scoop her up and make it to the bed, only nearly dropping her once due to losing my footing--which that's not her fault. That's just the evidence of my night out. 

When I lay her on the bed and pull my clothes off, crawling in beside her, she's snuggling up to me under the covers.

"You smell good." She mumbles to me. 

"I don't know how. I smell like cologne, sweat, and booze." I mumble back, my eyes closed. 

"You smell good." She repeats it. 

"You do, too." I reply. 

"I showered. You should try it some time." She says. 

"Okay, Sixx, don't make me whoop your ass at five in the morning." I tell her, keeping my eyes closed, and she giggles, pressing her lips to my cheek, and my jaw, her nails trailing down my chest to my abdomen, deliberately running over the trail of hair leading down to my…

"It's five in the morning." I groan out, biting back a moan when her hand wraps around me, another kiss being pressed to my cheek. 

"We can be done in a couple minutes." She tells me. 

"I thought you were tired." I reply, trying to wake myself back up being that a certain part of me is up and alert. I rake my hands down my face as she straddles me, before looking up at her. "You're like those spiders that wait for the males to be vulnerable then they fuck 'em and kill 'em." I add, despite my hands running up her thighs to her waist…

"You always complain about early morning sex but then by seven o'clock you're the one not letting me tap out." She reminds me. 

I just grab her hips and push her off of me before getting on her, making her laugh before my mouth catches hers, my teeth bitting at her lip before my tongue smoothes over it, making her moan softly. 

By the time we're finished and satisfied, I'm getting off of her with deep breaths, the both of us gasping for air, covered in sweat--even our hair. 

We don't hear Skylar down the hall which is a good sign that she's still asleep. 

It's weird having a baby in the house. I know it's temporary, until Vince and Sharise get back from their little Florida getaway, but it's odd taking care of someone else aside from Vivian.

I wonder what it would be like if Viv would've actually been pregnant when we got married like she thought she was. 

We'd have a two year old by now. 

How fucking bizarre would that be raising a kid in this life at the moment. 

Sure, Vince is doing it, but that's because Sharise is solid as a fucking rock. 

I'd take a bullet for Vivian--fucking die for her--but she's not solid like that, not right now, at least. She used to be. 

I mean she's still sober as shit but sobriety doesn't help much when you're wired even though you don't have a drop of anything in your system.

Look at me, like I'm one to be talking about dependability.

I look over at her, she's passed out, damp red hair across her pillow, covers pulled over her shoulder…

I reach over and run my fingertips across her cheek, the palm of my hand moving up to smooth over her hair as rays of sun start to filter through the small parting in the blackout curtains.

I'd love to have a kid in a couple years--maybe even within the next year--it just depends on the band, whether we're where we need to be by then or not...whether me and Viv are where we need to be or not, too. 

Which as of right now, we're great. 

We're more than great. 

We haven't argued in two weeks. 

Two fucking weeks. 

Who the hell goes that long without arguing? Certainly not us, but here we are. 

We weren't fighting as much because we were having sex like bunnies. I'm talking at least twice a day--Twice. A. Day. For two and a half weeks. 

Looking back, I know it's because she was in the wake of a miscarriage, I was in the wake of Vince and Razzle's tragedy, we were both craving a quick fix and I guess sex is how we were illusioned into believing we were healing. 

In reality we obviously weren't solving anything, just brushing it under the rug, but it was honestly the happiest I had been with her for our marriage. 

It was peaceful. We weren't at each other's throats. We weren't at war. We looked forward to seeing each other and spending time with each other, and it was the closest we got to being how we were when we were just dating...so that, for me at that time, was the happiest I remember us being.

The next day I'm taking my enveloped and stamped letter down to the mailbox in the hall near the recreation room, passing by Amber on my way, seeing her nod at me in acknowledgment before I'm halting myself and coming back to see her. 

"Hey, Doc, I need a word." I tell her. 

"Can it wait, Mr. Sixx, I'm running late for a meeting?" 

"I wanna know why having sex with my wife is a bad thing?" I ask, and she stops and looks at me. 

"It's not. Nobody said it was." She tells me. 

"You told me it might jeopardize our progress if we move too fast." 

"Because it very well could. You both have co-dependence intertwined in your sex lives." She explains.

"Well, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the last couple sessions but my wife has needs right now. And not having sex with her right now is jeopardizing our progress because she thinks something's wrong with her." 

"But you've told me, and her, you don't desire her because she's currently carrying another man's child."

"I've been thinking about it and I told her I'd work this out with her and how I've acted towards her is kinda contradictory to that." I admit. "And I can't go home and screw her into next week because you've got me paranoid about messing things up, now." 

"Have you told her my opinion on sex in your relationship as of now?" 

"No."

"Well, then, tell her about it and I'll take the blame for it." 

"I don't want you to take the blame for anything, I want you to 'ok' me banging my wife." 

"If you want to, 'bang,' your wife, then you can do that. There's not a law in the universe barring you from getting intimate with her."

"Sure as shit feels like it." I argue. 

"Tell you what, you talk to her about it--tell her my opinion--and we'll touch on it in the next session." She suggests. 

"Pun intended?" I ask and she furrows her brows, looking unamused. 

"...Okay, nevermind." I mumble. 

"I'll see you Friday for your session with the boys, have a good day." She tells me, giving me a nod before walking away. 

I just shake my head a little, irritated, and drop my letter in the mail box, heading to the payphone to try to call Vivian. 

"Hello?" She answers on the second ring and I clear my throat. 

"H-Hey, it's me," I say, and she's quiet for a moment. 

"Hey," she finally answers and I let out a breath of relief. 

"Do you wanna visit tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something." I tell her. 

"Is this where you tell me you're filing for a divorce afterall?" She asks and I rub my lips together. 

"No, Viv, it's not. It's about our sex thing." I struggle trying to define it. 

"Can we even have a sex thing if we aren't even having sex?" 

"Ha. Ha. Smartass." I state. "Seriously, you wanna come?" 

"More than you know." She replies and I can't help but laugh. 

"Pun not intended." She adds. "I'll be there around nine o'clock, if that's okay? I have another appointment to check on the baby since the surgery and then I'm gonna try to go shopping for some decently healthy things because I'm gaining too much weight at the moment." 

"You're pregnant--that's your excuse to eat whatever the fuck you want, when you want it, isn't? Like a chick liberation thing or something." 

"I'm eating too much junk, I don't want to pop out a fifteen pound baby. My pussy will rip to my ass." She says and I get a horrifying image. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Nikki, I gotta go." 

"Alright, see you then. Bye, baby." 

"Bye." She replies softly before hanging up.

I pick at the inside of my lip with my teeth, another thought coming to mind...and my eyes shift to my pinky ring on my right hand...the same one I'd proposed to Vivian with back in '83.

#gateway drug #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction

[thebisexualdogdad]

Trials and tribulations chapter 1

Based off of my OC's

Kane, are you satisfied with your life? 

What if I told you there's a home for people like you? 

A school where you'd be surrounded by your peers to master the deadly arts. 

Welcome to King's Dominion. 

Nearly a year now Kane Saito had been at King's and six months since he and Billy Bennett had begun dating. 

Everything seemed to be going fine until Billy found out Kane had been keeping a secret from him. 

"When were you going to tell me that not only are you apart of the Kuroki Syndicate but also Saya's brother!" Billy shouted storming into Kane's dorm room, slamming the door shut behind him.  

"Half brother Billy. Same dad, different mom," Kane said calmly, turning around in his desk chair where he was doing his homework. 

"She's still your sister Kane! You've been here a year and neither of you bothered to mention this to anyone," he said crossing his arms. 

"Saya was raised to be apart of the Kuroki I'm only here because I have no other choice," he retorted. 

"What are you talking about?"

"I had a normal life Billy, I was supposed to go to Juliard and instead I'm here... as if Juliard is going to accept an application from a school for assassins that doesn't exist to the public. I want nothing to do with this place or the Kuroki's," Kane stated.  

"But if you never came here we wouldn't have met," Billy replied. 

"You are the only good thing about this damn school Billy, even if I am counting down the days till graduation." 

Billy was beginning to calm down, taking a seat on Kane's bed. 

"So do you and Saya like… hate each other or something?" Billy asked. 

"I mean Saya's okay, but we haven't exactly tried to have an actual relationship," Kane shrugged. 

"Did you know about Saya before?" He questioned on. 

"I didn't find out about Saya until my mother told me on her death bed that my father cheated on his wife with her and had a bastard child who was well, me. She told me all about the Kuroki which was his family lineage and now that i was 16 i had to come here and bare my birthright in the group or they would consider me a traitor and kill me," Kane explained. 

"Why didn't you ever tell me," Billy said softly. 

"Because I'm still trying to process it all myself… and it feels like my mom betrayed me and i hate her for it."

"Oh."

"While Saya and I are related, I'm a bastard legacy and I consider myself a Rat," Kane shrugged. 

"So this is why Yukio hates you so much," Billy sighed. 

"He thinks I want to take Saya's place as head of the Kuroki and if anyone were to replace Saya he wants it to be him." 

"Well it is your birthright," Billy stated, "and wouldn't it be kinda cool to be in charge? No one would fuck with us then."

"It's not what i want Billy," Kane said sternly noticing his boyfriend getting hyped over the idea, "so please..  Just drop it." 

"Okay, okay," Billy said playfully raising his hands in the air and stepping in front of Kane, "you want to fool around until potions class?" 

Kane grinned and pulled Billy into his lap, "why don't we just skip class today?"

"I like the way you think," Billy said before kissing him hard. 

-

"What's up with that new kid, Marcus?" Kane asked looking at him down the hallway of lockers. 

"Rumor says he burned down an entire orphanage," Lex told him. 

"He looks like a little prick, no way he has the balls to do that kind of shit," Kane huffed.

"I don't know, he looks like he has an edge to him. What do you think Billy?" Petra added. 

"I think he looks like a fun time," Billy said innocently. 

"I think he looks like he's been tweaked out and there's more to the story," Kane said under his breath not liking the way Marcus was looking at Saya. 

Kane and Saya might not have the best relationship but there was no lying he cared about his sister, even if she didn't want him to. 

"Looks like the new kid wants to shag your sister mate," Lex laughed. 

"Shut it Miller," he grunted, "just because you all know Saya's my sister now doesn't change anything." 

Saya noticed Kane staring at her and Marcus so she rolled her eyes and walked away leaving Marcus confused in the middle of his sentence. 

Kane had a bad feeling about Marcus, he couldn't put his finger on it but there was something off about him. 

-

"So the new kid," Luca said with a gravelly voice. 

"You really want to talk about Marcus now?" Maria said lifting her head from where it had been between Luca's legs. 

"I'm just saying, he was checking you out when you guys brought him in," Luca muttered as Maria gripped him particularly hard with her hand. 

"Well it's not his dick in my mouth now is it?" Maria retorted. 

"Forget i said anything," Luca replied throwing his head back in pleasure. 

Maria was about to return to her previous activities but there was a knocking on her dorm room door. 

"Shit," they both grunted, Luca scrambling to get his pants back up and hide in the closet. 

"Maria, it's lunch and you stood me up," Chico said entering the room with two of his boys. 

"I'm sorry Chico I'm not feeling so well," Maria lied. 

"Oh baby what's wrong?" Chico said faux worried. 

"It's just that time of the month, cramps are killing me," Maria told him. 

"Say no more," Chico replied, Maria could always get him to stop asking questions when she used that one, "you rest, I'll have Alvaro bring lunch to you." 

"Thank you baby," Maria said kissing his cheek. 

"You know I always take care of my girl," Chico said smugly. 

Luca however rolled his eyes from inside the closet. 

"I will see you later mi amor," Chico said exiting Maria's room. 

When they were gone Maria opened the closet door for Luca. 

"He's so full of shit," Luca grumbled. 

"He's Chico, he owns me and there's nothing I can do," Maria sighed sitting on her bed. 

"I promise you Maria Salazar," Luca said taking her head in his hands, "one day you and I will be together, far far away from this place and Chico, nobody owns you." 

"I can't wait for that day," Maria smiled before kissing him.

-

"So you're fooling around with Luca Giordano," Saya said approaching Maria at the sink in the girl's bathroom. 

"Shh," Maria said looking around making sure no one else was in there with them. 

"Don't worry I already checked, no one's here," Saya assured her. 

"How did you figure it out?" Maria questioned. 

"I saw him leaving your room earlier," Saya told her. 

"You're not gonna tell Chico are you?" 

"Of course not Maria, Chico is a flaming piece of shit," Saya said shaking her head, "just tell me Luca treats you right." 

"Luca is incredible… I love him," Maria says leaning against the sink. 

"Then you're secrets safe with me," Saya smiles. 

"So are things getting any better with your brother?" 

"I don't know, Kane was practically giving Marcus the death glare when he saw me talking to him," Saya sighs. 

"You and Marcus huh?" Maria teases. 

"I mean he's kind of cute," she said blushing. 

"Kane's just being the typical overprotective brother," Maria assures her.

"We've only known each other for a year he hasn't earned that right yet." 

"Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt." 

"Maybe he should try harder if he wants to be my family," Saya retorts. 

"It's a two way street Saya, you're not gonna get anywhere if both if you don't try harder." 

"Are you going to Siobhan's party Friday night?" Saya said effectively changing the subject. 

#deadly class imagine #deadly class oc #maria salazar imagine #maria salazar x oc #billy bennett imagine #billy bennett x oc #saya kuroki imagine #saya kuroki x oc #kane saito #luca giordano #oc fic