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#like who can i hire to come take care of these two spiders. anybody. mutuals can you just let me know if youre in the area?
ikyw-t · 1 year
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well well well in tonight's incredibly boring life update, i saw a spider moving very quickly in the downstairs bathroom whilst watching tv and by the time I got back with an appropriate weapon it had run to the corner so obviously my only recourse was to go upstairs and take an early shower but now i want to get a snack and also watch a movie and i can watch upstairs if i need to but it is so upsetting to me that it is still there. like bro this is a major disadvantage of being home alone it is so extremely uncool. literally will not be able to use that bathroom until it is killed. i have never known peace a day in my life
#at the top of list of things i am very paranoid and afraid is spiders. i dont love bugs in general#but it is smth that i cannot help thinking about constantly especially now that I've been home alone for weeks#i have been dreading this day. i killed a spider that was on the kitchen curtains which was actually 10x worse and uglier#and now i have simply been avoiding that corner of the kitchen. im not rly going that far out of my way. i doused it in bug killer#but it is so ugly i simply have not been able to muster the nerve to actually look at it again to vacuum it#also if i vaccum it then ill eventually have to clean the vaccum cleaner too. god i just hate it all i cannot.#like who can i hire to come take care of these two spiders. anybody. mutuals can you just let me know if youre in the area?#... yeah ik i have problems. yes ik. every day is a struggle man this is just the tip of the iceberg#but anyway when im no longer sick and my friends come over in like a week maybe ill ask them to take care of the one in the kitchen#on a scale of 1 to 10 is that super duper extremely weird? maybe like a 15. yeah. ok and?#i have some strengths but this is simply not one of them. they care about me they know me theyll help me out#anyway. like i said extremely boring life update. this has all been a way to delay going downstairs obviously. if you cant tell#i think im just gonna go douse the entire downstairs bathroom in bug spray. and then try to watch tv downstairs. yeah... ok. good talk#thanks for listening everyone. cheers. wish me luck
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hongyueg · 3 years
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When an Orc Teaches a Math Class
What happens when Bolg's father gets accepted as his high school's new math teacher? https://archiveofourown.org/works/31756993 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Bolg heard the news his father had been accepted as The Middle-earth Academy for Cooperation and Mutual Success’ new math teacher, two things popped into his mind. The first being that he would allow no one to learn the new math teacher was his father and the second being he was going to avoid the math department as much as possible when he arrived at The Middle-earth Academy for Cooperation and Mutual Success (or MACMutS as everybody called it) in the Fall for his second year of high school.
“I can’t believe it!” Azog, Bolg’s father, exclaimed in Orkish as he pointed at his computer screen (and, yes, Orcs did have internet) for the seventeenth time.
Bolg, who sat at the kitchen table, nodded. He stared through the entrance of their home at the mountains in the distance. The ridges’ dark colors were comforting like the soup his father made during the Winter months. All the Orcs in their commune always jostled over to their dwelling as soon as they smelled the aroma of Azog’s signature dish seeping out of the little hut. With his dad now working at MACMutS full-time, Bolg wondered how their comrades would fare without him.
“This is wonderful,” Azog babbled on. “I’m finally going to meet new people, make connections, and see the world!”
~~~
A month and eleven days later, Azog and Bolg were off to see the world, or rather off to travel by train for eight hours and seven minutes to get to Gondor from Gundabad. After a little hassle at the train station to get a taxi to Minas Tirith (the problem was that Orcs didn’t have a system based on currency, so it was a bit hard to convince a Human driver to take them for free. Azog eventually just gave the Human his phone number and promised to do car maintenance for no charge at any time. Bolg was a bit skeptical how this could happen since Azog didn’t own any equipment to do car repairs, but the driver accepted the deal, so Bolg stayed silent), they arrived just outside the school’s main gates.
“How did you get here last time?” Azog huffed as he pulled the last of the luggage out of the taxi and waved the driver goodbye. Azog had brought an extra luggage bag just for his cooking ingredients to his son’s disapproval.
Bolg scratched his pale bald head. He didn’t want to admit he had relied on a Dwarvish prince he had met on the train to pay for his fare. “Uh, I just gave the driver the rest of the snacks you had packed me.”
“This will need to change,” Azog declared. “I will speak to the administration and make sure they give Orc students a pass to get free taxi rides. This school is supposed to be the symbol of acceptance and how can it live up to that ideal when it’s a financial struggle for some of their students to even get here.”
Bolg had stopped listening to his father as he noticed a few other students, non-Orcs who were probably First Years, gaping in their direction. He could somewhat understand their astonishment. Orcs only left their secluded communities for political or educational reasons and it had been over three hundred years since any major force of Orcs had participated in the continent’s wars. Still, Orcs weren’t that rare. If anything, they were much more numerous than Elves. Maybe they come from rural communities. Wait, why am I making excuses for them? They shouldn’t be staring . He glared at them and they hastily turned their gazes away.
“Well, Bolg, I’ll let you go to your dorm room. It’s a shame that you aren’t in any of my classes, but I will certainly see you around!”
As he trudged away from his father, Bolg prayed they would never cross paths inside the school.
~~~
“Bolg, what do you think of the new math teacher?” Rosie Cotton, a Hobbit in his year and one of his new dorm hallmates, asked as they headed off to the cafeteria together. The height difference was considerable between the two of them and Bolg had to bend down to hear her. The good thing was Rosie usually just chattered on without waiting for Bolg to reply, so if he missed a few words here and there, it was rarely an issue.
Bolg squinted his eyes against the late Summer sun, which was still bright despite the fact it was nearly evening. Orc eyes aren’t meant for this much luminosity. A pang of homesickness shot through him as he missed the cool, dark mountains around Gundabad. “Yeah, I think it’s great the school is hiring an Orc to be on their faculty.” He felt appreciative that Orcs didn’t have last names. No one had to know that Azog was his father and he preferred not to answer questions about how Orcs were birthed.
“Me, too! The school has been pretty good about having a diverse set of teachers and administrators, so it’s about time they hired an Orc. Ooh, I heard from Fredegar Bolger…” And Rosie rambled on until they arrived at the dining commons and went their separate ways.
After Bolg had picked up a steaming bowl of rabbit soup, he found his way over to his friends. It had been a couple months since he had spoken to any of them. While he did have internet back home, the connection wasn’t strong enough for video chatting.
“Bolg,” Gothmog cried, slapping his fat peach-colored hand against Bolg’s back as Bolg slid down on the bench beside the Mordorian Orc. “Good to see you. I was worried that you were never going to show up.”
“What, Gothmog? I was just finishing unpacking.” Bolg glanced at the other people at the table. There was Yazneg, an Orc from Moria, Shagrat, a Black Uruk from Cirith Ungol, and three dwarves from the Lonely Mountain who were all related and named Bifur, Bofur, and Bumbur. Off at the edge of the table was their year’s loner, a Human named Aragorn. Rumor had it that Aragorn had been raised by Elves, but had been kicked out for undisclosed reasons. He currently lived as a nomad among the Rangers of the North. The theories for why the Elves supposedly shunned Aragorn were vast and Bolg, despite having sat at the same dining table as the boy everyday of the last school year, still had no knowledge of Aragorn’s true history.
Bolg only half-listened to his friends as he slurped his stew. Shagrat complained about the creepy giant spider that lived next to his commune’s settlement. The dwarfs discussed how the mining expenditures in the East were progressing. Not like the Orcs really cared as money meant little to them.
“Y’know that new math teacher?” Yazneg’s voice jolted through his ears. Bolg spit his stew back into his bowl.
The others, even Aragorn, stared at Bolg.
“You okay, buddy?” Bofur asked, his dark brown eyes brimming with worry.
Bolg took a steady breath and placed his bowl back down onto the table with a soft clink. “Y-yes. Um, what were you saying about the new math teacher, Yazneg?”
Yazneg frowned, but carried on. “I was just gonna say that when I mentioned his name to my commune, they said that he was originally from Moria, but moved to Gundabad when he was young. I just found it kinda strange. For you non-Orcs, it’s rare that one of us leaves the place where we’re from. Bolg, you’re from Gundabad. Do you know anything about Azog?”
Once again, all eyes were on him. Bolg chewed his lip. “Uh, I don’t think so.”
Everyone continued to peer at him until Gothmog broke the silence by bragging about a difficult wrestling tournament he had won over the Summer.
Bolg’s secret was safe.
~~~
At least that’s what he had thought. They had all finished eating and saying their goodbyes. Bolg had been heading over to catch up with Rosie who was exiting the dining hall by herself when he felt a firm hand grasp his wrist.
Tense, he twisted around to see Aragorn looking up at him with narrowed eyes. Bolg trembled and had to remind himself that he was a Gundabad Orc and Gundabad Orcs weren’t scared of anything. “Why didn’t you tell them that Azog is your father?” Aragorn asked in a low voice.
Bolg glanced around him to make sure there were no onlookers. Fortunately, most other students were too occupied catching up with their friends and eating to notice Bolg and Aragorn. “I-I...How did you know?”
Aragorn shrugged. “I’ve heard about your father before. As Yazneg says, it’s rare for an Orc to leave their commune.”
“You Rangers spy on us?”
“You’re not answering my question.” Aragorn released Bolg’s wrist.
Bolg rubbed it. Aragorn had been gripping his wrist tight. “Do I have to? You never tell anyone your history, so why should I tell you mine?”
The Human sighed. “Fair point. Okay, keep your secrets to yourself, but don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone else.” With that, Aragorn strode away.
~~~
Why did Bolg want to keep his father’s identity a secret? Aragorn’s question rattled Bolg’s brain for the rest of the night. Luckily, if his roommate Faramir noticed, he didn’t say anything as they both prepared for bed.
Bolg lay on his mattress, staring at the darkness glittering around him. He had chosen the bed farthest from the window because light and Orcs didn’t exactly mix, but the usual comfort gloom gave him wasn’t there.
He turned onto his side again, the frame creaking underneath him as he moved.
“Hey, Bolg, are you alright?” On the other side of the room, the lamp flicked on, spreading glaring light across the open space.
Bolg sat up and twisted around to see Faramir peering at him. The young Human’s long dark hair was a bit tussled from lying down and his gray eyes appeared concerned. Bolg didn’t know much about his roommate beyond the fact he was the Gondorian steward’s son. He had thought it was a bit strange that Faramir had chosen to stay on campus when he lived not too far away in a palace, but decided he wasn’t in a place to question a noble’s decision.
“Yeah, I-I’m fine,” Bolg stammered.
“Just wanted to make sure since you’ve moved around at least five times now.”
Nine, Bolg thought to himself. “Yeah, everything’s good. I’m just stressing about something stupid. Not something anybody would care to listen to.”
“Try me. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.” The Human gave a little smile.
Bolg had never talked to anybody about his feelings before. It wasn’t something accepted in Orkish culture. If you had an issue, you just complained about the person closest in proximity to you and then wrestled with them until you felt better. Bolg didn’t feel like wrestling with Faramir. “Um, well, it’s about a certain someone. I don’t want anyone knowing about my, uh, connection to them because it’s just so embarrassing and he’s just so embarrassing and he doesn’t exactly fit certain standards and I think everybody would think I’m weird for being connected to him and then it...I would be a mess…”
Bolg stared at the ground. He was so glad that Orcs didn’t blush or he would be bright red right now.
“You have a crush on someone?” Faramir asked, his eyebrows raised. “It’s fine if you do. Feeling embarrassed about crushes is normal and you never know, maybe he likes you back. If you want help reaching out to him, whoever he is, I can help out-”
“No,” Bolg interjected. Another wave of gratefulness for Orcs’ inability to blush sparked through him. “It’s not a crush. It’s my...father.” Getting that last word out felt like trying to push Mount Gundabad over a few inches.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Bolg turned his attention to a tiny moth fluttering by Faramir’s lamp. “He’s the new math teacher.”
“Azog? Oh, I have him.”
“I mean, he’s energetic and strong and cares a lot about education, but he’s a bit bizarre in terms of Orkish culture. He wants to explore the world and meet new people and...he has a kid.”
“Is having a kid a bad thing? Sorry, I don’t know much about Orkish culture.” Faramir gazed at the floor.
“Orcs don’t really have families. We’re kind of born the size of adults and just integrated into our communes immediately. I mean, we still mature over time like other species do, but we don’t have parents. The fact my dad decided to raise me on his own is strange and we keep it a secret in our commune to avoid being shamed by other Orcs.”
“Born the size of adults,” Faramir murmured.
“Don’t think about it too much.” Bolg rubbed his head. “Sorry to bother you with this. I should have kept it to myself.”
The Human glanced up at Bolg. “No, no. It’s alright. How can I support you?”
Bolg blinked at Faramir. “Do you think I should tell my friends?”
Faramir sighed. “It’s up to you to do what you think is best, but if they’re good friends, then I’m sure they’ll support you.”
~~~
Bolg prayed Faramir was right as he sat down at the dining table the next morning. He had arrived at the cafeteria on the earlier side, hoping that the quieter atmosphere would calm his nerves before he spoke to his friends.
“Bolg, you’re early!” A voice cried out behind him in heavily accented Orkish.
Bolg twisted around to see Gothmog striding toward him. They rarely spoke Orkish to one another since the Gundabad and Mordorian dialects were, for the most, mutually unintelligible.
“Yeah,” Bolg replied in Common Speech. He fiddled with the fork he was using to eat his breakfast patties.
Gothmog took a seat beside him. “The cooks are trying out this new soup. Apparently they got the recipe from the new math teacher. He even donated his ingredients to them. It’s a Winter soup, but technically can be made year-round.”
Sure enough, the distinct aroma of his father’s signature dish swarmed Bolg’s senses.
“Is that a tear? Orcs don’t cry, silly.”
Bolg turned away from his friend. More tears wracked though his body and hiccups escaped through his mouth. His stomach burned inside of him and he craved to crawl into a nice, dark hole.
Gothmog began slapping his back. “Uh, Bolg? You okay? Are you allergic to the soup? Do you want to wrestle?”
A chorus of footsteps sounded behind Bolg.  “What’s going on?” Came Bofur’s excited voice. Even more tears gushed from Bolg’s eyelids.
“Dunno,” He heard Yaznag say.
“I’ve never seen an Orc act like that,” blurted Shagrat. “Maybe he needs a good chokehold.”
“I don’t think that will help him,” Aragorn muttered.
Bolg shoved his platter of food away and pushed his face against the table's hard surface. Gothmog continued to clobber his back.
“Hey, Bolg, what’s going on? Are you alright?” Rosie’s breath tickled his arm. He hadn’t even heard her step by.
“Should we get a teacher?” Bumbur asked.
“Mister Azog, over here!” Bofur shouted. Bolg could hear what was most likely Bifur, Bofur’s mute cousin, jumping up and down to wave over the educator.
Heavy footsteps clomped in Bolg’s direction. “Hey, son, what’s going on?” Azog asked in Orkish.
“Wait, Mister Azog is your father?” Yazneg asked in Common Speech.
“Orcs don’t have fathers, silly,” Gothmog said in between wacks.
Strength surged through Bolg’s body and he sat up. Taking a deep breath, he wiped away his tears. With a single hand, he knocked Gothmog over onto the ground. Rosie, Bofur, and Bumbur all gasped. “It’s true,” Bolg said. He peered at his father who stood by the other side of the table. “The new math teacher is my father.”
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bi-apps · 4 years
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Accepted - James Potter
niceonejxmes
submitted:James Potter app
OOC Information:
Name/Age/Timezone- Becky / 26 / GMT
Activity Level- Please let us know from 1-10 how active you think you will be- 7/8. I work full time, but can be around most evenings and sometimes at the weekend.
Ships/Anti-Ships- These are not a guarantee- James / Lily is a big ship for me, but anything with chemistry and that keeps in line with canon will go. I don’t really have any anti-ships.
Did you read the rules?- Yes
IC Information:
Character Name- James Potter
Age/Birthdate- 18 / 27th March 1960
Faceclaim- Check taken and please include at least 3 options in order of preference- Grant Gustin, Bob Morley, Penn Badgley
Occupation- If left up to player. Click (here) if you need some ideas!- Despite the fact James had always said he wanted to play Quidditch for the professional leagues, and certainly had the talent, he couldn’t bring himself to do that with everything that was going on around them. So instead he applied for the Auror training programme once he finished school in June, and is currently going through it.
Blood Status- Pureblood
Traits- Include at least 3 positive and 3 negative-
Positive:
·         Loyal
·         Passionate
·         Brave
·         Protective
·         Quick witted
Negative:
·         Reckless
·         Hot-headed
·         Stubborn
·         Cocky
Patronus- Click (here) if you need some help!- Stag
Boggart- When James had been younger and they had studied Boggart’s during Defence against the Dark Arts, his boggart had been a spider. Looking back now he feels silly, because whilst he still doesn’t like them, them being his worst and most horrific fear had been childish and immature when there were so many more horrors in their world. It’s been a while since he’s had to face a Boggart, but now he is fairly certain it would come in the form of his friends’ betrayal and losing those that are closest to him.
Key Points- Must include at least 3-
James Potter was born an only child to elderly couple Euphemia and Fleamont. His parents had tried for years to conceive a child, and it was only once they had given up hope of widening their family that they discovered Euphemia was pregnant. Both delighted by the news, they doted on James from the moment he was born, and thus he grew up to be pampered and spoiled, not wanting for a single thing—except for maybe a sibling, which unfortunately was the one thing Euphemia and Fleamont weren’t able to give him.
There was never a moment of doubt in anyone’s mind when it came to James’ magical ability, he had started showing signs from as early an age as two years old. When he was five his father went out and bought him his first broom to get him going with flying—they found that flying often improved his moods and helped him to burn off some of his excess energy, which was something he carried with him into his teenage years.
Both Euphemia and Fleamont were sad to say goodbye to James on 1st September 1971, but James couldn’t  have been more excited—most of his childhood had been spent with predominantly his parents for company, due to their age when they had James none of their friends had children a similar age to their son, and whilst he was very close with both his mum and dad and he loved them to bits, he was looking forward to making some proper friends. He was barely thirty seconds into the train journey before he met Sirius Black, and the two hit it off right away. Bonding over their mutual love of mischief and a proclivity for ridiculousness is what brought them so close, and by the time October of his first year rolled around he couldn’t imagine life at school without his best friend. Eventually they befriended the two other boys they shared a dorm with—Peter Pettigrew, who always seemed quite in awe of James and Sirius, and Remus Lupin, a much quieter boy who’s shell was a little harder to crack. Before long the four of them were inseparable, and James felt like he finally had the brothers he had always wanted when he was growing up.
James was fourteen when Remus had first accused him of fancying Lily Evans; his sandy haired friend had found the whole thing all too amusing as James hastily and insistently denied it, telling Remus he was completely off his rocker and that the only thing he felt for Evans was irritation. Of course he thought she was pretty, with hair so red it seemed impossible, and she could be funny, when she wasn’t hanging around with ol’ Sniv. It wasn’t until he was fifteen that he realised perhaps Remus had been onto something after all, but of course this only served to complicate things as it meant James no longer knew how to act around her. Before, he had enjoyed teasing her—he still enjoyed teasing her, enjoyed seeing her react to his teasing, he liked the constant back and forth they seemed to have, but the trouble was now he seemed to over analyse things, worrying if he was coming across as flirty or weird.
After their Defence exam in fifth year was when it all seemed to come to a head, and the confrontation down by the lake had resulted in James asking Lily out in such a public manner—he hadn’t meant to, but it had slipped out, and almost instantly he had wished that he could take it back. He knew he had embarrassed her and he hadn’t been at all surprised when she had got angry. And despite the fact he tried to appear unbothered by it all, her words had hit him harder than he liked to admit.
A lot happened over the summer between his fifth year and his sixth year, the main thing being Sirius officially moving in with him and his parents; seeing the state Sirius had been in when he had turned up on James’ doorstep that night had shattered James, he didn’t understand how a parent—someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally—could treat their own child in such a manner, he didn’t understand how anybody could treat another human being in that manner, full stop. His parents had taken Sirius in without warning, and from that moment James was fiercely insistent that Sirius was his brother, and he was fiercely protective of him.
Over the course of James’ sixth year, a lot of people seemed to notice a change in his behaviour—sure, he still enjoyed mucking about with his mates and he still had a big love for mischief, but there was much less hexing others for his own amusement and less skiving off from classes, even those he deemed unnecessary like History of Magic. Despite the changes he made, it still came as a shock when he received his Head Boy badge shortly before commencing his final year at Hogwarts.
The thought of returning for his final year was a daunting one, he struggled to come to terms with the fact that in 9 short months he would be walking out of the Hogwarts gates for the last time as a student and thrown into the middle of a full blown war. He knew what side he was fighting on and he knew that he would be fighting alongside his friends, and whilst he was excited to begin really, truly contributing to the war efforts, he was terrified. He feared for the safety of his friends, his family, and of course, Lily Evans, his now-girlfriend and the absolute love of his life. He had no idea what the future held for him, but he knew that whatever was thrown at them he could face it with her by his side.
Changes/Extra Info- Connection changes have to be approved by current players. All changes are up to admin approval- Nope!
Para Sample- Show us your best work and don’t be afraid to ask for some prompts if you need help
“I love you.”
The words had slipped from his mouth so easily, so effortlessly, and it hadn’t at all been how he had planned to do it. Sometimes he thought he would tell her one night whilst they were stargazing up in the Astronomy Tower, he thought he would hire a band to play her favourite song in the moments leading up to the big reveal—was it a big reveal, though?—or maybe he would have planned a perfect date and taken her for a moonlit walk at the end of it where he would get down on bended knee and recite the million and one things he really, truly loved about her. That sounded like something pulled straight out of one of the romance novels he knew his Lily enjoyed reading.
He had never imagined he would tell her like this, one rainy Sunday afternoon when they were both sat up in James’ dorm, James’ nose red raw from all the times he had blown it in the last twenty four hours. He had come down with a horrid cold after a rather treacherous Quidditch practice in the horrid January rain a few days prior, and Lily had fairly quickly taken on the role of his personal Healer and she had vowed to nurse him back to health.
The words were still hanging in the air as the silence ticked on following his confession, and James felt daft; he saw the surprise on her face, knew that she hadn’t expected that one when they had only officially been together for a little over 6 weeks, but James supposed those words had been true for quite a while—for him, at least—and he wouldn’t take them back, he didn’t want to take them back, because he wanted this fantastic woman to know just how strongly he felt about her, and just how much she meant to him.
The seconds continued to pass—five, ten, fifteen—but eventually Lily smiled. It was a brilliant smile, his favourite in fact, it was the kind of smile that met her eyes and really lit up her face, and James felt like if that was the last thing he saw then he would die a happy man.
“I love you too.” And with that she leaned in, attempting to close the distance between the pair of them, which was made all the more difficult as James leaned back and away from her. Her brows knitted together in confusion and James mentioned something about not wanting to make her poorly, to which she shook her head and responded with an amused, “I don’t care, you idiot,” before she leaned in once more, and this time he stayed put.
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