#like they literally humiliated and bullied me constantly and over minor things like reading OLD YELLER????????? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

savnofilter · 3 years

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TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

#discourse #tw discourse #tw: discourse #sav talks

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forduary · 4 years

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Glass Flames

No one knows which of them bends fire first. Their mother laughs that they’re twins, of course they must have done it together, and Ford takes her words literally - bending in unison comes easily to them both, easier at first than bending alone, so of course their first bending must have been shared. (Much later, after years of his father spitting poison in his ears, Stanford will convince himself that he didn’t need Stanley for it, that Stanley somehow leached away Stanford’s first flames to make it look as though they were shared.) (It is not the worst falsehood that Ford will convince himself of.) Ford hunts for books describing firebending - they should have living teachers, but none of their family are benders (none that they know and speak to, at least, though their mother teaches them both candleflame meditation, and surely she must have learned it from someone?), and their father will not pay out good money for them to learn something that he sneers is supposed to come naturally. (Ford reads that the first benders were taught by elemental spirits, but he will never find any signs that such beings are real, despite spending half his life seeking them.) Lee has no patience for reading when he could be doing, but they work together well enough with Ford reading out descriptions of the moves and Lee attempting them. Once Lee achieves something cool or interesting he drags Ford away from his book and makes him copy it till they both know the move, and then Ford will return to his book and they will start again. Lee favours punches, fists raised in poses that owe more to boxing matches seen on television than images copied from ancient scrolls. Ford is equally (un)willing to kick or punch, taking the old saying that firebending comes from the breath more seriously than Lee thinks it deserves. Watching them separately, a person might not believe they learned together - but seen side by side, their very different styles are obviously two halves of a whole. * Ford sits in determined focus, feeling for his sense of his own chi and attempting to move it without moving his arms or legs or so much as a finger. His chi flows, and separates, and - “COOL!” Lee shouts, scrambling closer as they both stare in shock at the sparks-that-are-*not*-flames as they wink out. Ford turns his stare to Lee, eyes wide with shock that is only delighted instead of overwhelmed because his twin is here believing so very clearly that this is a good thing. “I think that was lightning,” he whispers, and Lee is even more impressed with him. (Much later, Ford will be around other firebenders, who mutter amongst themselves that lightningbending is a sign of being cold, being heartless - but none of the whispers will ever go deep enough to drown out that awed shout of “COOL!”) * Lee never learns lightningbending. Stanford tells himself, later, that it’s because Stanley is too undisciplined. * Lee’s flames are a bright turquoise, and Ford is as fascinated by them as Lee is by Ford’s lightning. He reaches over, prods them curiously, and laughs as they tickle slightly, sun-warm and welcoming. “They’re amazing,” he breathes, and Lee blushes, looks away, tries to hide how much it means that Ford is impressed. (Ford doesn’t let himself remember this, afterwards; he tells himself that Stanley was laughing at how easily fooled he was, because somehow that hurts less than truly remembering his brother being shy and hopeful that he had achieved something worth praising.) Lee makes shapes with his flames, moving illustrations for the tall tales he invents whenever Ford needs to hear them. Lee’s flames mean comfort and safety to Ford, even more than Ford’s own do, because Lee’s flames are companionship and acceptance and everything he needs that no one else in this town will give him. They’re so comforting that Ford keeps reaching to touch them, never fearing he might be burned because how could he be burned by his twin’s flames when they always firebend together? Ford couldn’t say when he first suspects that Lee’s flames are more than comforting. He makes careful notes in a little book, written in code so their father won’t scold them for the experiments he’s recording (the potential recklessness means nothing, but their father would be infuriated by the caring implied, the willingness to - the desire to - look after each other which their father will never see as anything but weakness). His records prove his theory correct: Lee’s flames are healing flames. Bruises, scrapes, cuts, every injury that comes from being an active boy with easy access to a beach (and being a frequent victim of bullies who are enabled, if not actively encouraged, by the adults around them) heals faster and easier under his brother’s blue flames. It makes perfect sense to him, when they are young: Lee wants more than anything to protect and care for Ford, so of course these flames made purely of his chi heal Ford. (Later, he will feel humiliated (feel sick) to have been so wrong.) (Later still, he will feel worse that he never thought to question the discrepancies between what he read and what he experienced - never measured what he was told against what he knew, never saw how the two were too different to be anything but two separate things.) * When Ford is eleven, he finds a book that describes his ability to create seed-lightning. (It will only be decades later that he will understand that his brother’s abilities - those healing flames, coloured a blue that’s almost green - were never mentioned in that book.) The book tells Ford that he is special, is amazing, and so Ford believes it wholeheartedly. (It is a pattern of thought that comes close to ruining him, before the end. In other worlds, it does.) He seeks out what the book has to say about Lee’s flames eagerly, looking to make his brother feel as special as he does. What he finds (Blue flames are a mark of dangerous sociopathy) destroys them, instead. * Sociopaths are dangerous, are cruel, are evil. Ford watches Stanley, tries to see the signs that he must have missed for all their lives, and grows more and more afraid the longer he goes without seeing them - how can Lee fake caring so easily, so constantly? (If he can’t, if the book is wrong, what does that mean for what it says about Ford’s own lightningbending?) His bruises and scratches and all his minor injuries keep healing faster than he thought was natural. “Are you using that fire on me?” he asks, and Stanley says “No!” If Stanley is lying then everything becomes tangled, because lying is a sign of sociopathy but there is no reason for Stanley to heal him and not claim responsibility unless he truly cares, and if he’s a sociopath then he can’t care, but if he isn’t why would he lie so much, and… And if Stanley is telling the truth, just this once, then Ford was mistaken and Stanley’s flames have nothing to do with healing. (Ford decides, under his conscious thoughts, on a level of his mind that he is completely oblivious to, that he could accept being wrong about Stanley’s flames being healing if it means that the book telling him he is so special (instead of just being a freak) is right.) (It may not be fair to his twin, but having someone other than his family tell him he is special, is different in a good way, is too rare to lose; even if the person telling him so (through words written in a book) died long before he was born.) * It’s their last science fair before graduation, and Ford feels half-crazy from trying to see his brother for what his flames prove him to be, and Stanley clings and prods and pokes until Ford finds himself shouting accusations that seem half-nonsense even to himself - and then Stanley’s fists flare blue, and Ford backs away in fear because has he pushed too far? Is Stanley finally going to prove himself a dangerous sociopath just because Ford found something more important than paying attention to him? He didn’t realise their parents were there. He didn’t realise what they’d make of what they saw. Stanford stands in his room, alone, staring at all the things in it that are not his, and tries to understand what has just happened. * “I don’t understand,” his mother says, and neither does Stanford. “You looked so scared, baby,” she says, and of course he was because everything about that scene was wrong and he can’t understand why. “Did - did he ever… use those flames on you?” and Stanford doesn’t understand what she’s asked him, doesn’t understand what he’s saying when he nods yes with the memory of warmth and healing spreading through his veins. Stanford doesn’t understand. (Neither does she.) * Ford goes to the beach they both practised on. (He has no idea what he’s looking for.) Seeing the little glass sculpture of waves around fulgerite (Ford’s fulgerite) feels like an electric shock, and Ford has no idea why. He doesn’t know why he snatches it up, holds it close as if it’s precious (as if someone might try to take it from him). …The glass flames feel comforting, warm like sunlight. Ford keeps those flames in reach - in hidden pockets, in his hands, always where he can touch them, always where he knows they’re safe - for years. * Over the next few weeks (months, years) Stanford tries to make sense of what’s happened. Slowly, he pieces things together. If Stanley was a parasite, was using Stanford, smothering him, then their father being willing to throw Stanley out makes sense. If Stanley was dangerous, if there were some warning signs that Stanford had missed but their mother had seen and tried to overlook, then her immediately assuming that Stanley would hurt Ford with his flames makes sense. If those blue flames really were such a bad sign, then the book saying they mark Stanley as a sociopath makes sense. (Ford clings to the glass flames, feeling the frozen echoes of his twin’s chi. If these flames feel so comforting, then maybe (his brother isn’t a sociopath), maybe (the healing and caring weren’t false, weren’t lies), maybe there’s a reason for it (he misses Stanley, he misses Stanley)

…maybe it doesn’t make sense.) * Ford’s bruises don’t heal so easily, without his brother’s presence (without his brother’s flames). No one else notices. * The last Ford hears about his brother before he leaves New Jersey to go to the only college that would take his late application (late because he almost didn’t think to apply at all, because no one mentioned scholarships until so late into his school year) is a rumour that he’s killed someone. “He burned them to death!” “I heard he was laughing while he did it!” Ford is grateful to go to Backupsmore, even though the best it boasts of is ‘mostly bug-free dorms’. Away from the rumours, away from the sneers. (Away from the stupid urge to defend his brother when he’s the one who found out Stanley is a sociopath in the first place, away from the nightmares of his twin’s body lying unclaimed in a morgue because his father refused to acknowledge him even in death.) There are fewer people there than he hoped who see more to him than his six fingers and lightningbending, but more than he feared. One of those people is his roommate, Fiddleford, with eyes of waterbender blue but no bending skill at all. He appreciates that Ford doesn’t look down on him for not being a bender, Ford appreciates that he doesn’t look down on Ford for his six fingers, and they each appreciate the other’s intelligence. (It doesn’t occur to Ford that they could become friends, and Fiddleford is too polite to push his company on someone who seems uninterested.) Ford learns of a game called Dungeons and Dungeons and More Dungeons, and finds people to play it with. It’s the most socialising he does during his time at Backupsmore, a few hours each week spent feeling like he’s part of a group. (He doesn’t understand how standoffish he seems outside those games, doesn’t realise that the group he plays with want him to sometimes be the one to invite them to sit nearby or offer snacks instead of his expecting them to always make any and all effort.) (How would he? His only socialisation before this was Stanley, who would make any effort if it would make his twin more inclined to spend time with him.) He fills the rest of his time with studying, driven to earn his place, earn the scholarship he was given, and if he gives less than his all then he doesn’t deserve it, does he? Every time he feels too alone, he clings to the glass flames. Every time he remembers who left them for him, he pretends he isn’t missing Stanley. …The growing disconnect from his own emotions does nothing to help him build friendships, but it helps him pretend he doesn’t need them, and he tells himself that’s almost as good. In time, he convinces himself it’s better. (But despite what he tells himself, he never stops clinging to the reminder of his twin.) * Ford has multiple PhDs. Ford has a grant. Ford has evidence telling him that the small town of Gravity Falls is an epicentre for the anomalies he’s so eager to study. (Ford has no contact with his almost-friends from Backupsmore, no intention of making friends in this town that he has come to live in, and no idea that he wants any of these things. He would have no contact with his family, but his mother puts in the effort that he still doesn’t recognise he should, telephone calls and occasional letters and frequent suggestions of visits that never happen. And then his mother is ill and the calls stop happening, the letters stop coming, and Ford never quite notices that he’s lost contact with his family.) (He clings to the glass flames so often and for so long their shape becomes imprinted on his hand.) (He never notices either fact, let alone connects them.) * Ford knows there’s an answer here (there has to be an answer) but he can’t find it, and if he can’t find the answer he isn’t good enough, isn’t clever enough, he doesn’t deserve - doesn’t deserve - (anything, everything, he has no idea what it is he needs to earn, he only knows that if his mind isn’t enough to answer this riddle he’s found then he hasn’t earned it, might never, and that thought, that fear, drives him further than anyone should go.) The cave painting feels like a beacon in the dark. (Later, he’ll decide it’s a will-o-the-wisp, leading him astray from firm land to drown in the swamp for its own amusement.) He summons Bill, he talks to Bill, and the loneliness he never recognised fades. (The glass flames sting his palm every time he talks to Bill. He tells himself - Bill tells him - that it’s coincidence, but something in him takes it as a warning, is warier of Bill than he realises.) “You should build an interdimensional portal!” Bill (orders) suggests, and Ford finds the idea fascinating, exciting. “You’ll need my help, of course!” Bill says (threatens?), and Ford has an incongruous memory of working with Stanley to learn firebending (but would Ford be the one holding the book, or the one struggling to make sense of the instructions read out?). (Ford doesn’t want Bill’s help. But he never admits it close enough to the surface of his mind for Bill to challenge him on it.) “Let’s make a deal!” Bill says (demands), and he offers a hand full of blue flames (blue, not turquoise, not -), and Ford throws himself back so violently he throws himself out of the mindscape. Blue flames are the sign of a sociopath, and oh, what if they were never talking about human flames at all? (What if Ford destroyed Stanley’s life for no reason at all?) * Blil threatens and postures, but Ford is stubborn and knows better (he sacrificed his brotherhood with his own twin on a pyre of fear and paranoia, does Bill really think a few months of companionship will be held higher?). It’s not so difficult to find wards to block Bill’s entrance to his house, not when he never quite made those changes Bill suggested, not when he never gave Bill the access he wanted. (Not when he never made a deal.) Ford clutches Stanley’s glass flames to his chest, and breathes in the pattern of the candlelight meditation their mother taught them, and tells himself that he’s safe. (He stlil doesn’t recognise the loneliness he feels.) But not all the things Bill told him were lies, and when Bll listed the people he had 'inspired’ Ford didn’t pay attention to how many different countries they were from, didn’t see the warning for what it was. (Gravity Falls is not the only place where instructions on how to summon Bill can be found.) Ford is dragged from his home on the instructions of an earthbender he has never seen before, who wraps a collar of stone around his throat. “So! And do you have the pretty flamas marina of your brother?” the earthbender asks mockingly. Ford never learned Spanish, but he can tell 'marina’ is 'sea’ or 'ocean’. 'Ocean flames’? His mind goes to Stanley’s bright turquoise flames, Stanley’s healing flames, and even with the number of air healers there are healing has always been associated with waterbending and waterbending always associated with the ocean… (Those glass flames around his fulgerite could almost be glass waves, couldn’t they?) There’s a black hole forming inside Ford, too much pressure applied to the mass of all those memories that prove Stanley was never a sociopath, was never a threat, was never someone who should have been cast out of their home and their family (and oh, for a firebender hadn’t Stanley always been so strangely devoted to his family instead of his honour?). The earthbender’s eyes gleam yellow. “Come along, little firebender,” he taunts, as his pattern of speech changes to one Ford is horrified to recognise. “There’s a family reunion to get to! Wouldn’t wanna be late!” The black hole compresses further, as Ford stares at this human-who-is-somehow-Bill and knows who the reunion will be with, knows he has somehow condemned his brother to an even worse fate (surely, surely there’s a limit to how far he can ruin his twin’s life without meaning to?). The collar drags him forwards. The human-who-is-Bill grins. Ford is terrified. * Ford doesn’t know how he expected Stanley to look. But he didn’t expect the deep, sickening terror in his eyes when he sees the human-who-is-Bill (Ford hasn’t heard a name, hasn’t been listening for one - whoever used to own that body is irrelevant, now that Bill has settled in Ford is sure that the original owner will never be able to reclaim it). Even after all this time, Ford’s subconscious tells him that Stanley is fire, is comfort, is family and healing. Stanley should never be so afraid. “Heeeey, knucklehead!” Don’t you dare, how dare you, that nickname isn’t yours to use “Do you want to show me those pretty sea-flames of yours now?” Why would Bill care - is that the terms of whatever deal he made with this man - “I think I’ve finally got hold of someone you’ll want to use them on!” Stanley tries to charm and sweet-talk, stalling for time so blatantly even Ford can see it, and Bill laughs and pretends to humour him as he blames Stanley for Ford being here and Stanley believes him - and then there’s a blade of stone impaling Ford’s leg, and Stanley is screaming, begging to be allowed to do what the earthbender wants, and Bill’s laughing so loud - and the black hole in Ford’s chest swallows all his fear and doubt and self-recrimination so there’s nothing in him but pain and the sight of his twin’s desperation to give up everything for his sake - (his chi flows, and separates, and) Bill’s laughter cuts off with a sharp crack. The stone collar crumbles away from Ford’s throat. (The stalagmite through his leg doesn’t crumble.) Stanley pulls Ford away from the stone through his leg, away from the body lying on the floor, and pours his blue flames (turquoise flames, ocean flames) into the wound on Ford’s leg. Ford is trembling, is shocked, is clinging to his brother almost as tightly as Stanley is clinging onto him. “…What just happened?” Ford asks weakly. Bill can’t have been stopped so easily. Stanley can’t still care about him so much he’d give up everything for a chance to protect him. (Nothing makes sense.) Stanley tenses, muscles solider than the stone of the collar had been. “Hey, I had to find some use for those old lessons about redirecting electricity someday, right?” Ford blinks slowly. Redirecting…? His eyes land on the body of his captor. He realises, with a slow creeping horror, that he is looking at the corpse of a human - more, of a man who has died of electrocution. Stanley never did learn how to lightningbend. “The human body doesn’t produce that much electricity, Stanley,” he whispers. He can feel Stanley cringe. “Do you think the cops are gonna know that?” he asks, and it’s a genuine question, his twin brother who he hasn’t seen in ten years, whose life he destroyed, is asking if he can successfully frame himself for - (“I heard he killed someone!” “I heard he was smiling when he did it!”) (Was Ford smiling when he killed Bill? Was he smiling when he killed this person who Bill was using?) “I’m a murderer,” Ford whispers, and the black hole in his chest implodes and takes his consciousness with it. “Sixer? Sixer, stay with me!” calls a worried voice, and Ford knows as he sinks that he’ll follow it out of the darkness. Eventually.

((Firebender AU - Quill))

#submission #long post #bill cipher #Stanley Pines #Fic #au #extra prompt: au

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dear-wormwoods · 7 years

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okay can we talk south park meta? bc i was reading some of your kyle meta and i'm super glad to have found someone who sees his character the same way as i do. have you noticed that somewhere along the way people (both in show and rl) have stopped giving kyle the importance that used to be given to him? like a great example would be his speeches. back then people actually used to listen and agree, now it's more like- shut up kyle no one cares. and the weird thing is that even people like (1/2)

(2/2) even people like stan are telling him to shut up with the speeches? idk but i feel like somewhere along the last few seasons people just stopped caring about what kyle has to say, or what he does, or what he goes through (humancentipad was so fucked up and no one cared??). the stuff gerald was saying to him in s20 kind of felt like trey was using him as a mouthpiece to say that stuff about kyle. kyle’s dynamic with basically everyone in the show has changed? why are the writers doing this?

Hey anon, I love getting Kyle-related messages! And I agree with this, for the most part. I feel like in recent seasons the boys in general (with the glaring exception of Cartman) have had their roles reduced, which I suppose is why I really enjoyed last season when a lot of people hated it… I was just so glad Kyle had such a prominent role, I could look past everything else. But I have a few thoughts on some of the specific things you mentioned:

Kyle’s thoughts and opinions have never held a ton of weight in the show. He has always been sort of the voice of reason that no one listens to, and that’s kind of the trope they most often used with him. I think the major shift between past seasons and recent ones is that, like… in the old days, even if no one actively listened to Kyle’s speeches, in the end he was always proven right, or justice was served, so we as the audience knew that the show was on his side and it was simply the townspeople’s and/or Cartman’s stupidity that caused him to be initially ignored. More recently, it seems like there hasn’t been any real karma in the show? Like, Kyle is ignored like always, but instead of things going wrong because no one listened to him, things just go fine for the people in the wrong and there is no real comeuppance. Like Cartman gets away with A LOT nowadays, as does Randy, or Gerald, or anyone else really. And that really bothers me, because like Kyle I’m a fan of cosmic justice, and it’s disheartening when it seems like the wrong side is prevailing disproportionately. It seems like they might be trying to turn this trend around though, by giving him a voice toward the end of last season and in this season (if this week’s episode is enough to go on, at least).

Re Humancentipad: I’m ALMOST glad that it was never addressed again, for a couple of reasons. First, that episode ruined my life when it came out and I hate thinking about it because it physically hurts me to do so. Secondly, I don’t think that Matt & Trey are really capable of dealing with that sort of trauma long term in a meaningful, effective way. I think if Humancentipad was in a more recent season and they attempted to weave the thread of what happened throughout a season for serialization purposes, it would NOT have gone well. They just don’t have the tools at their disposal to be sensitive about handling a character (a MINOR) who was kidnapped, mutilated, humiliated, horribly violated, told that he deserved it, and then given to his mortal enemy (who has a history of humiliating & abusing him as well) as a literal gift.

I do think that Kyle has shown very SUBTLE reactions to the long term abuse he’s gotten from various sources throughout the show. For instance, he constantly feels guilty for things that aren’t his fault and feels a sort of… responsibility, almost, to subject himself to additional humiliation and abuse because he feels it’s deserved, or that something good will eventually come out of it - not for him, but for his loved ones, or for the world. The most recent example of this is probably Ginger Cow, which is another episode that is uncomfortable to watch but is very important in Kyle’s character arc, I think. It definitely gives off the vibe that his spirit has sort of been broken down too much, to the point where he almost seems to SEEK OUT humiliation, perhaps in an effort to just get ahead of it? Like he knows it will happen anyway, he’s resigned himself to that fate, so he’s now trying to create the scenario himself so he at least feels like he has some control over it? It’s telling that Ginger Cow comes after Humancentipad, an episode where he was totally blindsided by the traumatic event and was helpless to do anything about it. So in that sense, I think Matt & Trey are, maybe subconsciously, weaving in the impact of trauma on him without explicitly talking about past events like Humancentipad. They sort of do the same thing with Butters, who is another character who suffers a LOT for no real reason, and Kenny, who is very clearly using Mysterion as an outlet for his darker reactions to his curse. I’m just not sure how much thought they’re putting into this. Maybe it’s purely coincidental.

Re Gerald: his reactions to Kyle last season did not surprise me at all. Gerald has a history of being a jerk. He’s always been a narcissist and always had problems with addiction and self-control, like many other adults in the show. He got away with it for a long time because sometimes it was fairly innocuous and when it wasn’t, it still wasn’t outright abusive. I think his issues went to an extreme last season, but it seemed like a natural progression to me, because I have spent too much time analyzing the Broflovski family dynamic, haha. It makes sense to me that he would react negatively to Kyle and project his own attitudes onto Ike, even though Ike isn’t interested in his shit either. Gerald is someone who feels like he lacks control in his life because he married someone who is very opinionated and has a strong sense of right and wrong. Sheila has always been the dominant personality in their relationship, and Kyle is A LOT like her. He has inherited her moral compass and her self righteousness. He isn’t afraid to call people out for being shitty, and this rubs people the wrong way because no one likes being told they’re shitty. He sees them both as total wet blankets, as does basically the entire town. The difference between Gerald’s relationship with Sheila and his relationship with Kyle is that he has authority over Kyle and can get away with bullying him. I’m not sure how much of what he said was about KYLE specifically and how much was him projecting what he wishes he could say to SHEILA onto Kyle, but either way, it was disgusting and abusive, and I don’t think their relationship will ever be the same.

Regarding Trey using Gerald as a mouthpiece… I’ve definitely gotten that feeling before, in recent seasons, whether it’s Gerald or Cartman or Stan or whoever else happens to be totally disregarding or outright shitting on Kyle for no reason. I think that there had to have been some turbulence in Matt and Trey’s friendship at some point that caused some resentment to build up on Trey’s end, because he’s the main writer/creative force and I do agree that his treatment of Kyle has been suspiciously bad lately (but again, it seems better this season so far). This resentment has manifested both in the unnecessarily frequent silencing and abuse of Kyle and in the constant, inexplicable friction between Kyle and Stan. I have a lot of thoughts on Trey’s sort of split personality situation regarding Stan and Cartman, and how it feels, lately, as if he relates far more to Cartman and is therefore (again, maybe subconsciously) trying to drive a wedge between Kyle and Stan to pull Kyle more toward Cartman. But I’ve already talked too much to open THAT can of worms in this post.

ANYWAY, I hope this is what you were looking for! I could talk about Kyle all day, haha. I have hope that he won’t be as sidelined in the future if their goal is to return to their roots, but we shall see.

#asks #kyle broflovski #south park #meta #rambling about kyle #anonymous #sp meta #my meta #contributions

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