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siribear · 3 years

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the brotherhood, apparently, doesn’t have the resources to pick them up. even when the new trio makes it back to greentop nursery, they’re told to make most of the journey back to the airport, and they’ll be picked up once they get closer. danse is understanding, as is brandis; whisper feels like they’d have been picked up as far out as the bunker if she wasn’t part of the group.

we don’t abandon our own. whisper runs her hands through her hair with a sigh. just a few more days, then. if elder maxson wants to be petty, so be it.

danse and whisper take turns watching over brandis even in the safety of the nursery. the older paladin stirs and talks in his sleep. sometimes he wakes in a panic, and it’s then that they have to calm him. their progress is slower on their way toward the city, but brandis does his best to keep up. halfway back, danse has to change out his fusion core when his gait slows to a crawl and his armor stalls in the middle of a field. whisper changes it out for him, struggling with the removal until brandis lends a hand. with a grunt, he turns the latch handle, warped from their skirmish at the satellite array, and together they remove the fusion core.

‘thanks,’ she says, standing on her toes to insert the new fusion core.

brandis hums in acknowledgement. ‘astlin was about your height,’ he muses, a smile twisting his beard. ‘she had trouble with this too.’

the fusion core clicks into place, power humming through the suit once more. ‘i’m sorry it took so long to find any of you.’ maybe if she had followed the distress signal when she found it, if she hadn’t held onto it for leverage -

brandis holds up the collection of holotags. ‘but you found me. and them. and as long as i live, i will not forget them.’

whisper twists her wedding ring, sighing as her thoughts go to its partner tucked away in her bag. and her partner tucked away in the depths of vault 111. ‘i know how you feel.’

‘we’ll be at the airport soon if we keep up our pace,’ danse says, slowly. ‘thank you for the assistance, alice. we should get moving.’

there is no welcoming party for them at the airport, just the familiar noise of soldiers moving supplies and working machinery. a few of the idling knights recognize them as they walk across the ruined tarmac. danse signals to one, who radios up to the prydwen, and they don’t have to wait long for a vertibird to descend from the airship. danse and brandis stand at attention as elder maxson steps down to approach them. whisper crosses her arms.

‘the brotherhood is glad to have you back, paladin brandis. paladin danse,’ he greets the two members. ‘general,’ he adds.

‘elder.’ she looks over his shoulder, into the vertibird. no power armor. she holds back a sigh. a waste.

‘paladin danse, if you’ll escort paladin brandis up to knight captain cade for a full evaluation. he’s expecting you. also, you’ll find the general’s... reward,’ - there’s a notable, if questionable, pause - ‘has been set aside. bring it down once you’re done.’ maxson stands aside. ‘i’d like to talk to you,’ he says, to her, ‘in the meantime.’

brandis shakes her hand and departs with a sincere, ‘thank you.’

‘now,’ maxson says, after the two have left. ‘follow me.’ she does, to a more secluded area of the airport, away from lingering soldiers. ‘i apologize for being curt with you, but i admit i had my doubts, even now. but one moment after another, you’ve proven yourself, alice.’

‘thank you,’ she says, carefully. he’s leading up to something. wants something. ‘didn’t want your subordinates to hear you praising a minuteman?’

he bows his head, his eyes harder when he looks back to her. ‘no. but that is what i wanted to talk to you about: your being a minuteman. their general.’

‘and what of it?’

‘how much have you been able to do with them?’ he interrupts her before she can respond. ‘not for them. what have the minutemen been able to do for you, alice? remember, you had to come to us for help.’

she scoffs. ‘and i had to help you, so get to the point.’

‘fine. join the brotherhood. paladin danse told me you turned us down before, but i’m offering again. leave the minutemen and join us. together, we can find your son and take down the institute, much quicker than you can with the minutemen.’

whisper frowns. ‘those are my people, elder maxson. i can’t leave them any more than you could leave the brotherhood.’

‘i see. then we’ll leave our truce as it is, though my offer stands.’ the sound of a vertibird draws their attention: danse in a different suit of power armor. ‘paladin danse will have your armor, as you asked. good luck, general.’

whisper removes the fusion core from the brotherhood power armor. the moment she entered the armor, an alert appeared on the display inside her helmet: a warning for the fuel level in the fusion core. ‘did i get someone’s old, used fusion core?’

danse winces. ‘it’ll last until you return to the castle.’ there’s an unspoken, understood maybe.

she bites back a growl. the fusion core back in sanctuary might get her out to the glowing sea, but back? ‘the quartermaster - ’

‘isn’t allowed to sell one to anyone outside the brotherhood.’

well, shit. maxson’s slight for not joining them. or maybe it’s her punishment for working with them at all. the railroad - she’ll go to the railroad, instead. tinker tom has to have a spare fusion core lying around -

danse’s hand on her arm stops her before she can climb back into the armor. ‘here. i noticed the alert, so i bought a few replacements. these should last you through the glowing sea.’ he pulls a pair of fusion cores from a bag on the ground and passes them to her.

‘i - won’t elder maxson be upset? obviously he didn’t want to give me any more supplies than he had to.’

danse shrugs, surprisingly cavalier about going against the elder. ‘it’s in our best interest that you make it to the glowing sea, isn’t it? this shouldn’t be an issue.’

the fusion cores fit into her bag, tucked in next to her other supplies and random salvage. ‘thank you.’ whisper places a hand on his cheek. with a soft kiss to his other cheek, she says, ‘you’re a good man, danse. if only you were a minuteman.’

whisper listens to the radio, hooked up to the internal speakers of the power armor from her pipboy, as travis reports on her past week’s exploits. with his own twist, of course, praising the her for continuing to expand the minutemen in the same breath he worries about her working for the brotherhood. and worrying, of course, that they’re all going to die before quickly switching to the wanderer.

in another life, she caught nate singing along to the song on the radio in the late morning. in another life, he kissed her and made her dance with him until the end. the kitchen had smelled like burnt eggs the rest of that morning. whisper hums along.

the old, familiar songs carry her back to the road before the castle, until the fuel warnings blaring in her ears drown out the music. though she mutes the alarm, bright red text still flashes in the corner of her vision. a few of the minutemen clearing debris from the neighborhood pause to look at her, some even following behind. another runs ahead of her, ducking through the castle’s repaired doors.

one if by land - a brotherhood soldier approaches the castle.

preston emerges, flanked by two other minutemen. whisper doesn’t halt her approach, instead removing her helmet as she gets closer. ‘running on fumes,’ she explains. the two minutemen part the way for her. preston falls into step beside her. ‘i want to park this thing inside.’

preston nods. ‘let sturges know,’ he says to one of the minutemen. ‘welcome home, general.’

home. ‘thank you, pres-’ the armor refuses to take another step, just in front of radio freedom. she sighs and wonders again if maxson planned this all out. ‘thank you.’

‘still not used to that armor, huh, boss?’ sturges teases as she wobbles, stepping down from the armor. ‘how’re you gonna make it across the sea like that?’

she huffs. ‘just have to learn how to swim. i have another project for you, though.’

‘anything you need.’

she raps a knuckle against a metal arm. ‘how good are you at painting?’

sturges smiles, lopsided and pleased. ‘preston told us we might be needing some. managed to find some cans in garages down the road.’ whisper tells him to start in the morning, and he dismisses himself with a lazy salute.

‘you’re sure this is a good idea?’ preston asks. he steps around the armor to stand in front of her.

‘it’s only a new coat of paint, preston.’

‘i don’t mean that, though i can’t say i like having anything with the brotherhood insignia here. i mean going to the glowing sea. nothing survives out there.’

the sun begins to set on the water, turning it bright orange. ‘an institute scientist did.’

he groans. ‘let me come with you, then. i can’t let you go out there alone.’

'hey,’ she begins, softly, exhaustion beginning to set in. she wants to sleep. to rest somewhere she knows is safe. maybe that’s home. ‘you don’t have to mother hen me, preston. i can take care of myself.’

he sighs, his shoulders sagging in defeat. ‘i know. but if there’s anything i can do...’

‘keep this place from blowing up for a few hours so i can sleep?’ she offers.

when he laughs, it’s genuine. ‘i think i can manage that. good night, general.’

if deacon has planned his arrival correctly, whisper should have returned to the castle just the day before. and he has planned it correctly. his contacts have been keeping him appraised of any new changes in the commonwealth in the past few weeks, and two things have stuck out: minutemen territory has expanded further east, and a mismatched squad of brotherhood soldiers was seen returning to the airport. basically, his partner has been busy. and if the lone power armor tracks heading up through the castle’s neighborhood tell him anything, it’s that she was successful.

not that he’s surprised. he follows her for a reason, and it’s because she’s efficient. that’s all.

or so he would have told himself before. even if whatever happened between them in goodneighbor was a fluke, he can’t say he doesn’t enjoy traveling with her just to travel with her. he believes in her, in what she’s doing. what she wants to do.

he sighs to himself. getting old, deacon. lost in his own thoughts, he finds he’s wandered halfway down the newly built up neighborhood. little shops and homes have started popping up. skeletons of pre-war buildings housing whisper’s future. it’s a testament to her that he even feels safe enough to walk openly down this road without fear of being ambushed.

one minuteman makes to approach him, gun at the ready, before another stops him. the other deacon recognizes as one of the minutemen that helped them take the castle. guess he does take breaks from manning the radio. he catches the tail end of ‘- he’s with the general‘ before he completely passes them. he absolutely doesn’t puff out his chest in response.

nah.

inside the castle, there’s some bustle. an older woman he doesn’t recognize orders around a group of minutemen, each one looking more green than the woman’s army fatigues. ah, fresh recruits. it’s almost adorable how hard they try not to poke each other’s eyes out with their laser rifles. just opposite them, a guy in dirty overalls surrounds himself with scrap metal as he works on a gun bigger than he is tall. deacon looks up the walls of the castle, to another minuteman standing in front of another huge gun, this one operational. goddamn. no one mentioned the minutemen managed to arm themselves with artillery.

he’d be worried if across the courtyard wasn’t his favorite person, overseeing a project of her own. she leans in close to garvey, points across the way and gestures; preston moves closer to listen over the din and nods at whatever she’s saying. deacon might have been delirious with fever at the time, but he remembers what he inadvertently interrupted in the rain. thankfully, everyone’s too preoccupied to notice deacon walk faster.

‘i told you,’ deacon hears her say. ‘that shade of blue looks so much better. we need to make that part of our uniform. create some unity here instead of...’

‘old colonial jackets and army uniforms?’ preston finishes for her.

‘exactly. maybe even just a patch so we can recognize each other.’

‘i’ll do what i can.’

she beams at him in a way only a wife who’s gotten her way can. deacon steps up next to her, puts an arm on her shoulder and leans. whisper shifts immediately to take his weight.

‘howdy, partner.’ he tips the brim of her new, overly sized hat. he definitely doesn’t remember her having that before. ‘preston.’ preston nods in acknowledgement before turning his attention away.

‘deacon,’ she returns, still smiling. ‘welcome back.’

‘and yourself. congratulations on surviving the brotherhood.’ he stands up straight, removing his weight from her shoulder, but still finds himself leaning into her. ‘how’d you manage to swing that?’ he asks, gesturing toward the power armor currently getting a minuteman makeover.

‘i asked nicely, of course.’

deacon raises an eyebrow. ‘asking nicely took you two weeks across the commonwealth?’

there’s that grin, wicked and knowing. because he shouldn’t know that she went so far, but he does. ‘preston, if you’ll excuse us,’ is all she says before half-dragging deacon back into the secluded corridors of the castle. ‘what happened to not going back to your stalking days, hm?’

‘can i help it if travis makes it easy to follow you? anyone paying attention can read between the lines.’

she exhales heavily. ‘i see. and - what are you wearing?’

took her long enough to notice. maybe two weeks without him put her out of practice. ‘this old thing? tom had it just laying around.’ he picks at the sleeve of his hazmat suit, dug out of, indeed, tom’s stash. the genius was almost unwilling to part with it - ‘it blocks radiation in the air and the institute’s brain control waves!’ - until deacon mentioned he needed it to assist whisper. and once desdemona heard that? it was as good as his.

‘oh,’ she says quietly. ‘so you are coming with me?’ said soft enough to break his heart.

‘like i said,’ he half-turns, looking out into the courtyard, because even behind his sunglasses he’s afraid he might give too much away. ‘i’m with you.’

#siri drabbles #series: we will all go together when we go #oc: alice ward #listen i'm done sitting on this i'm ready to be done with the brotherhood #i just keep telling myself: rough draft rough draft rough draft #i miss deacon a lot i need to play fo4 again without it CRASHING #anyway time to disappear again goodbye

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mr-entj · 5 years

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Thanks for your super helpful career advice, Mr. ENTJ! My question to you is how should a college student who is interning at a company excel in this position and leave their mark? Thank you again!

Combined with the following asks:

Hey Mr Entj! I’m starting an internship soon at a very well known international institution (in their PR department). Do you have any advice on how to impress?

In your experience, what are the characteristics of a good entry-level associate consultant? How would you stand out from the crowd?

Hi! ENFP here I will be interning at a unicorn 🦄 in SF and I read that you are currently working at a unicorn as well so would you have any tips on how to make a positive impression and make the most of my time there?

Hi Mr. ENTJ can you write about how I I can shine in a marketing internship that I’ll be starting in the upcoming months. How to stand out and really get the most from it?

Internship advice to be great at it? Want to be in your position one day :)

Related answers:

Resume and Cover Letter Guide

Job Interview Tips

Networking tips

Networking for introverts

How did you choose your career?

Congratulations on all your offers.

How to impress in an internship

1. Focus on making the lives of those around you easier. One of the best ways to make an immediate and lasting impact in an internship is to volunteer for the tough and undesirable pain-in-the-ass tasks that no one wants to do. It makes your presence valued and your absence felt. If there’s a spreadsheet that’s tedious that no one wants to maintain, offer to take it on as a side task. If there’s a project that requires extra hands to get to the finish line, step up and donate some of your time. The more urgent the deadline and/or the more disastrous the problem equals greater impact and more gratitude for your contributions.

Keep in mind I’m not saying to volunteer for 1,000 awful and soul-crushing tasks that will make your life a living hell– just a few here or there that are important to your manager and your team. Your manager and your team are your priority. Network with other people in the company but don’t neglect the main person who extended this opportunity because your salary is paid out of their budget.

2. Be consistent when you arrive and leave the office. An internship isn’t a job but the window of opportunity is small because it’s a short amount of time where you’re thrown into a new environment to quickly make an impact and leave a positive impression. Don’t be flaky and wishy washy about your hours, treat the opportunity seriously, because there’s nothing worse than an intern I have to chase like a rare and elusive Pokemon. Come into the office and leave at a predictable time which will make it easier for your colleagues to learn your schedule and anticipate when and where you’ll be so they can engage you with opportunities. FOMO especially applies in internships because if I have something awesome to give you but you’re not here to receive it– I’m giving it to one of the other interns.

3. Take initiative when it comes to managing the relationship with your manager. People are busy and we have full-time jobs in addition to managing our summer interns, you’re a priority but you’re definitely not my only priority. Make it easy for your manager to manage you: communicate your internship goals and interests clearly, schedule standing weekly meetings with them for regular check-ins, and ask for regular feedback on how you’re doing and what you can do better. Remember that internships are mutually beneficial relationships between you and the organization, don’t be afraid to ask for more opportunities in your areas of interest and pursue mentoring with your manager or colleagues.

4. Come with ideas and solutions, not just more questions. When it comes to getting actual work done, great interns ask the right questions to get the information required to get the job done, then make an attempt at it. Bad interns are the ones who ask a million clarifying questions without trying anything. Don’t be that intern. People are busy and asking a million questions is time-consuming and annoying. The best way to get clarity is to produce a first draft, no matter how rough and ugly it is, then get feedback and refine it until it’s perfect. Ask: “Is this what you’re looking for and am I on the right track?” Iterate, iterate, iterate.

Pro tip: Ask for templates or previous examples to work from. This can save a ton of time and grief because it prevents you from having to reinvent the wheel.

5. Own something from start to finish. Some internships are filled with bullshit and busy work, don’t let this happen to you. Focus on projects and work streams, not tasks, to maximize the benefits of your internship and to get impressive experience for your resume. Note the difference below:

This is a task: “Filed papers. Entered data. Took meeting minutes.” This is bad because it doesn’t quantify impact or show any meaningful outcomes. You’ll obviously have to do tasks but your entire time there shouldn’t be without contributing to something bigger to the organization’s goals.

This is a project or work stream: “Led an analysis of user data to identify process gaps and create recommendations to increase user engagement by 10%.” This is good because it shows what you did, how you did it, and the impact it made on the company. You successfully owned a responsibility from start to finish.

6. Meet as many people as possible. The people you meet at an internship are members of your future professional network– but you have to talk to them first. This isn’t the time to be shy and introverted. On this topic, a wise CEO once told me: “Never have lunch alone.” Schedule lunches with other people (or groups of people) because everyone’s got to eat so why not with you? It’s an easy way to engage them and build relationships in a relaxed environment.

Pro tip: The key to networking at work is to not always talk about work. Take a break from the daily grind and talk about other things: hobbies, cinema, travel, and any other interests. No one wants to spend 4 hours buried in spreadsheets only to take a break and have lunch with an intern who wants to chatter away the entire hour about more spreadsheets. Change the subject, switch it up, learn something from your colleagues and peers, and socialize.

7. Stick the landing. When it’s time to leave the internship, end it properly, and don’t overlook this part of the process. Finish as strongly as you started.

2 weeks before the end of the internship, meet with your manager and discuss outstanding projects and open action items. Ask him/her what they’d ideally want done in the limited time you have left. This shows initiative and foresight from a young intern who cares about their work and its status even after they’re gone.

1 week before the end of the internship, meet with your manager and discuss final performance feedback from the internship and potential opportunities for a full-time offer after graduation.

Pro tip: An amazing intern would make a slide deck or report that summarizes the work they did during the internship, the new owners of that work, the transition plan, the transition date, and the transition status.

1 week before the end of the internship, have a big goodbye lunch (or many mini lunches) with your cohort and colleagues. In-person interactions are far more meaningful than emails because they create more memories of your time there.

The last day of your internship, send a thank you and farewell email to the team.

Pro Tip: Instead of the cliche “thanks for a great learning experience, keep in touch!” line, try something new and specify your favorite parts of the internship such as projects, key learnings, and achievements. This does three things: 1) it highlights all the great work you’ve done in a modest and non-obnoxious way 2) it makes the others look good because they contributed something meaningful to your internship 3) it leaves everyone with a positive feeling of your departure

Before you leave the office, meet with your manager and express gratitude for the opportunity to be here. You should not leave an internship without this final parting interaction with the person who hired you.

After you leave the office, add colleagues to your LinkedIn as a way to keep in touch without being creepy.

#college #university #internship #intern #internships #school #work #job #career #education #experience #work experience #faq

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years

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Pluralistic: 11 Mar 2020 (Saturated fat and obesity, which foods produce satiety, spying VPNs, Twitter's research-friendly terms of service)

Today's links

Obesity and unsaturated fats: Blaming unsaturated fats for obesity is very plausible, but likely wrong, alas.

The satiety index: Which foods cause or satisfy cravings?

Sensor Tower's VPNs and adblockers spied on users: Like sneaking laxative into Immodium.

Twitter's new Terms of Service help academics: Good bots welcome.

Italy's "I Stay in the House" law: The comprehensive quarantine plan.

Scam-buster hacks into a scam-factory: He gets their CCTVs, recordings of their calls, transaction data, Whatsapp chats, and more. Delicious.

Postmortem: the catastrophic EU Copyright Directive. Testimony from yesterday's Senate hearing.

Podcast: A Lever Without a Fulcrum Is Just a Stick: My latest Locus column, on how copyright failed artists and enriched corporations.

This day in history: 2010, 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

Obesity and unsaturated fats (permalink)

Scott Alexander does a very deep dive into the literature on diet, weight, and saturated vs unsaturated fats.

https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/03/10/for-then-against-high-saturated-fat-diets/

The most important elements for me were first, the validation that something really has changed: average US adult men's weight went from 155lbs to 195lbs from the 1800s to today. The 90th percentile 1800s man weighed 185lbs, today, it's 320lbs. US obesity rates in the 1800s were 1%. Today, they're 25%.

But the usual culprits can't explain the change: they ate more bread and potatoes in the 1800s, for one thing.

In China, obesity rates were very low even with a diet dominated by white rice.

1970s France had 1800s US obesity rates, on a diet of "baguettes, pastries, cheese, meat. Lots of sugar, white flour, and fat."

It's true that some tactics (intermittent fasting, low-carbing) work for some people, but they're not what worked in 1970s France or 1800s USA. So if those things work, they're "hacks" – not an indictment of carbs or eating three meals a day.

There's a widespread theory that the change is driven by the switch from saturated to unsaturated fats, which was driven by spiking heart disease in the 1950s. It's likely this heart disease epidemic can be attributed to the vast increase in smoking a couple decades earlier, but the tobacco industry's denial machine meant that the blame fell on diet, and the US (and then global) diet's fat composition shifted dramatically.

We ate a lot fewer animal-derived fats and a lot more plant-derived fats. These fats had lots more Omega 6s and (to a lesser extent) 3s, and the ratio of these Omegas also changed dramatically, both in our diet and in our bodily composition. Intriguingly, these play a significant role in metabolism. There's a plausible ring to this whole business – particularly as a way of crisping up what we mean when we say "avoid processed foods." What is "processing?" Maybe it's doing something that requires vegetable fats.

Unfortunately, neither the literature nor the lived experience of experimenters support the theory. Studies don't support it. Meta analyses don't support it. Reddit forums skew heavily to people saying it didn't work for them (dotted with people for whom it did).

Which makes weight gain a mystery. It can't be (just) exercise: we're exercising more now than we did 40 years ago, and we're heavier now. Studies about causes are inconclusive overall, but clear that weight gain is more explained by diet than exercise. What's more, we're seeing weight gain in lab rats, pets and feral animals, so exercise seems an unlikely culprit here.

Alexander ponders other possible causes: plastics or other contaminants in our diet, or that it's a "ratchet" (once your weight set point changes, it doesn't change back.). Both have little evidence to support them.

He concludes that he's "more confused than when I started it," but will avoid unsaturated fats where possible, with the exceptions of Omega-3 rich oils (fish/olive oil).

I am likewise confused, but also better-informed than I was before I read his post.

The satiety index (permalink)

I lost ~100lbs in 2002/3 with a low-carb diet. The thing I immediately noticed when I started eating (lots) more fat and (lots) less carbs was that I was always satiated, with none of the food cravings that had plagued me all my life.

No other diet since has had that effect. I really struggle with cravings (and have put 50lbs back on through my 40s, though some of that is muscle from a much higher level of exercise). For me, satiety is the barrier to sticking to any diet. I don't just get ravenous, I get these all-consuming cravings that I can't put out of my mind, even if I resist them (and the longer I resist, the more likely it is that I'll really blow it out when I give in at last).

So I was really interested in this 1995 open access study, "A Satiety Index of common foods," which offers a league table of the foods that made subjects feel full.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/15701207_A_Satiety_Index_of_common_foods

The meaty (heh) parts are in these charts on pp682-3.

Sensor Tower's VPNs and adblockers spied on users (permalink)

Sensor Tower, a company that made apps billed as privacy-protecting, installed man-in-the-middle certificates on your devices that let them spy on everything you did online.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/craigsilverman/vpn-and-ad-blocking-apps-sensor-tower

They made 20+ VPN apps for Android and Ios, but didn't disclose that all those apps were owned by analytics company, Sensor Tower. The apps had names like "Free and Unlimited VPN, Luna VPN, Mobile Data, and Adblock Focus."

The apps installed a "root certificate" in users' devices. With this cert, the company could insert itself in all the device's otherwise secure, encrypted sessions – web browsing, email, etc. Sensor Tower admits that they collected data using this cert, but insists that it was "anonymized," which is something most computer scientists agree is likely impossible for this kind of data. Re-identification of anonymized data is devilishly hard to avoid.

The claim is made even less credible when you listen to the company's other claims about its practices, such as the idea that they hid the authorship of their apps "for competitive reasons."

Or this howler: that "the vast majority of these apps listed are now defunct (inactive) and a few are in the process of sunsetting." Well, yes, they were removed for violating their users' privacy. It's not like the company had a change of heart or anything.

And then there's this: "Apple and Google restrict root certificate privileges due to the security risk to users. Sensor Tower's apps bypass the restrictions by prompting users to install a certificate through an external website after an app is downloaded."

Twitter's new Terms of Service help academics(permalink)

Twitter just published a new, and much-improved developer policy, one that permits academics to field bots for research and auditing purposes.

https://blog.twitter.com/developer/en_us/topics/community/2020/twitter_developer_policy_update.html

"Researchers will be able to share an unlimited number of Tweet IDs and/or User IDs, if they're doing so on behalf of an academic institution and for the sole purpose of non-commercial research, such as peer review."

https://techcrunch.com/2020/03/10/twitter-rewrites-developer-policy-to-better-support-academic-research-and-use-of-good-bots/

Twitter's also creating a bot registry that must include contact info for the botmaster, so that "it's easier for everyone on Twitter to know what's a bot – and what's not."

https://developer.twitter.com/en/developer-terms/policy#4-b

Italy's "I Stay in the House" law (permalink)

The FAQ for the Italian government's "I Stay In the House" decree is a fascinating document:

http://www.governo.it/it/articolo/decreto-iorestoacasa-domande-frequenti-sulle-misure-adottate-dal-governo/14278

Most notably, Italy has kicked out its tourists. As Bruce Sterling writes, "It's a tourist-ectomy. An Italy devoid of all tourists. It's fantastic, unheard-of. Surely this hasn't happened in at least 700 years."

https://www.wired.com/beyond-the-beyond/2020/03/stay-house-decree/

People are allowed to go to work, to shop, and to run errands, provided it is for an "essential purpose," which you must prove "by means of a self-declaration which can be made on pre-printed forms already supplied to the state and local police forces. The veracity of the self-declarations will be subject to subsequent checks and the non-veracity constitutes a crime."

Business travelers are permitted to enter and leave the country, cab, delivery and freight drivers are allowed to do their jobs, and "outdoor motor activity is allowed as long as not in a group."

Public offices are open. Training activities are suspended. Government offices need to provide hand santizer, but if they run out, they have to stay open ("disinfectant is a precautionary measure but itstemporary unavailability does not justify the closure of the office").

Bars, pubs and restaurants may open from 6AM to 6PM, but have to cancel live music, games and screening events. Theaters, cinemas and museums are closed.

Schools are closed. Universities are closed. Exams and graduations will be conducted by video-link. Med schools are not closed. Research institutions are not closed.

Masses and funerals are canceled. Islamic Friday prayers are canceled.

Farms are open.

Scam-buster hacks into a scam-factory (permalink)

Jim Browning is a talented and prolific scambaiter. He calls the numbers listed in pop-up tech support scams and has the scammers log into a specially prepared system that lets him trace them.

In his latest adventure, Browning thoroughly turns the tables on http://Faremart.com , a Delhi travel agency that was the front for a sprawling network of tech-support scammers taking in millions every year through fraud.

Browning not only traces the scammers: he breaks into their unsecured CCTV network so he can watch them work. He compromises their phone system and listens to the recordings of all their scam-sessions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le71yVPh4uk

He gets hold of their ledgers, which list how much money each scam nets for the gang. He doxes the scammers and learns their real names. He gets a confederate to fly a drone over their HQ and maps out their comings and going.

In part II, Browning treats us to a delightful scambaiting session in which he mercilessly trolls a scammer who claims to be in San Jose, CA, tripping him up in a series of ever-more-desperate lies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV-qa9M-o4E

It's part of a growing genre of journalists who explore and document the operations of overseas scam operations. See, for example, Reply All's excellent podcasts on this:

https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/6nh3wk https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/76h5gl

There are two more parts to come in Browning's series (you can watch them now on his Patreon, apparently):

https://www.patreon.com/JimBrowning

He also turned his footage over to the BBC's flagship investigative programme, Panorama, which has produced its own doc based on it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rmvhwwiQAY

Postmortem: the catastrophic EU Copyright Directive (postmortem)

Yesterday, the Senate Subcommittee on Intellectual Property held hearings on "Copyright Law in Foreign Jurisdictions," at which two key copyright experts testified on last year's catastrophic EU Copyright Directive.

First up was Pam Samuelson, one of America's leading copyright experts, who explained in eye-watering detail how the compromises made to pass the Copyright Directive produced an incoherent mess that no one can figure out how to implement in law.

https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/Samuelson%20Testimony.pdf

Next was Julia Reda, who served in the EU Parliament during the passage of the directive and helped spearhead the opposition to it.

Her testimony really shows you where the bodies were buried: how the EU knew it was making a pig's ear out of things.

https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/Reda%20Testimony.pdf

Both are essential reading for anyone striving to understand Article 17 (formerly Article 13) – it is such a tangle of garbage lawmaking that these kinds of guides are indispensable.

Podcast: A Lever Without a Fulcrum Is Just a Stick (permalink)

I've just posted my latest podcast: a reading of my new Locus Magazine column, "A Lever Without a Fulcrum Is Just a Stick," on how copyright failed artists and enriched corporations and what we can do about it.

https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/11/a-lever-without-a-fulcrum-is-just-a-stick-2/

Tldr: Giving monopolies to artists doesn't help them gain leverage over the super-concentrated entertainment industry, because the corporations control access to audiences and force artists to sign away those monopolies to get past their gatekeeping.

The more monopolies we give artists, the more monopolies are transfered to corporations, and the more they dominate the market and thus the more they can retain from the earnings generated by the artists' works.

Fights like the EU Copyright Directive are a distraction, a fight over shifting some points from Big Tech's balance sheet to Big Content's – but without any mechanism to move more of that revenue to creators.

Enriching creators means thinking beyond more "monopoly"-style copyright: instead, we have to think about inalienable rights that can be taken away through one-sided contracts (like the "reversion right" that lets US artists take back copyrights after 35 years).

And we have to think beyond copyright itself, by beefing up competition laws to break up entertainment cartels, and by beefing up labor laws to let artists form unions.

There is a role for copyright, but in things like extended collective licensing that would allow all online platforms to access the same catalog and pay for it based on the number of users they have, so a new platform pays pennies while Youtube pays hundreds of millions.

These blanket licenses have been key to keeping other forums for artistic revenues open: think of what the world would be like if one club or radio station could buy the exclusive rights to play the hits of the day, and then use their ensuring dominance to squeeze artists.

If you prefer the written work, you can read the column here for yourself, of course:

https://locusmag.com/2020/03/cory-doctorow-a-lever-without-a-fulcrum-is-just-a-stick/

Here's a direct link to the MP3 of the reading (thanks as always to Internet Archive for hosting – they'll host you too, for free!):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330_-_A_Lever_Without_a_Fulcrum_Is_Just_a_Stick.mp3

And here's the RSS for my podcast:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

Now in its 14th year (Thanks to Mark Pesce for convincing me to start it)!

This day in history (permalink)

#10yrsago London Olympics: police powers to force spectators to remove non-sponsor items, enter houses, take posters http://uk.news.yahoo.com/22/20100303/tts-uk-olympics-london-ca02f96.html

#10yrsago Leaked documents: UK record industry wrote web-censorship amendment https://www.openrightsgroup.org/blog/2010/bpi-drafted-web-blocking

#5yrsago Piketty on the pointless cruelty of European austerity https://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/thomas-piketty-interview-about-the-european-financial-crisis-a-1022629.html

#5yrsago Rightscorp loses big on extortion racket https://torrentfreak.com/rightscorp-hemorrhages-cash-profit-from-piracy-remains-elusive-150311/

#5yrsago UK foreign secretary: stop talking about Snowden, let spies get on with it https://web.archive.org/web/20150315031642/http://www.theinquirer.net/inquirer/news/2399082/government-minister-is-bored-with-snowden-and-wants-to-get-on-with-surveillance

#1yrago Defect in car security system aids carjackers, thieves https://www.pentestpartners.com/security-blog/gone-in-six-seconds-exploiting-car-alarms/

#1yrago Former Archbishop of Canterbury cheers on students who are walking out to demand action on climate change https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2019/mar/10/rowan-williams-school-pupil-climate-protests

#1yrago Leaked Chinese database of 1.8 million women includes a field indicating whether they are "BreedReady" https://twitter.com/0xDUDE/status/1104482014202351616

#1yrago Why #Article13 inevitably requires filters https://www.communia-association.org/2019/03/05/final-x-ray-article-13-dangerous-legislative-wishful-thinking/

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Slate Star Codex (https://slatestarcodex.com/), Slashdot (https://slashdot.org), Fipi Lele, Matthew Rimmer (https://twitter.com/DrRimmer).

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Museums and the Web: March 31-April 4 2020, Los Angeles. https://mw20.museweb.net/

Currently writing: I'm rewriting a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm also working on "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel afterwards.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: A Lever Without a Fulcrum Is Just a Stick https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330_-_A_Lever_Without_a_Fulcrum_Is_Just_a_Stick.mp3

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.

#pluralistic

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mwolf0epsilon · 5 years

Note

Could I ask for some fallout 4 companion + favorite NPCs headcanons you might have?

I did my top 5 favorite companions in alphabetical order + my top favorite NPC, hope you don't mind! The post would be a bit too long otherwise ^^'

---

[[MORE]]

--Codsworth--

Codsworth is (besides Curie, Edna and Whitechapel Charlie) the most self aware Mr.Handy in the Commonwealth. As a result he tends to be underestimated by people in general (since most Mr.Handies and Mr.Gutsies are stuck in their programming to such a degree that they're not really aware of their surroundings concerning a timeline). This causes Codsworth mild anxiety as he thinks he might be broken or perhaps even dangerous to the Sole Survivor if he "glitches any further". A loose cannon can't be trusted right?

The robot workbench, while useful for repairs and upgrades, gives Codsworth the "willies". He doesn't like the idea of being altered beyond what he was made to be. He has the same sort of dread when asked if he'd ever like to acquire a synth body like Curie. He was "born" a Mr Handy he'll remain one until the day he passes.

Codsworth regularly has tea with Sturges and Mama Murphy. Sometimes he manages to get the Sole Survivor, Preston and Curie to join him, but otherwise not many people give him the time of day to kick back and indulge in old pre-war habits. Unless he bakes some of his famous tarberry cobbler, then everyone flocks around him for a taste.

--Deacon--

Every single lie Deacon tells is based on truths. He has a way of weaving words that is impressive because he only really needs to sell something believable to his audience. What's more believable than a story with a few facts switched around? Deacon lies about lying.

Deacon has a terrible temper. One he couldn't exactly control when he was younger but that he'd learned to get a hold of as he grew older and tried to better himself. Barbara's death was the last time he lost control, and since then no one's really seen the extent of Deacon's fury. That person who let his anger get the better of him was scum and caused nothing but pain and death. He wants to help, not destroy.

Deacon has alluded to having lived a good part of his life underground (being quite fond of caves and feeling safe in them) before moving to University Point. While no one knows where exactly he came from, Maccready has suggested Capital Wastelands since he first met him there and he has helped concoct theories on Deacon's origins that vary from cave settlements, to Little Lamplight and even to a Vault. Whichever one it is, this is the cause for his attachment to his sunglasses. His eyes are incredibly sensitive to bright lights (They're also very convinient for his spy work so it's win win in any case!).

--Nick Valentine--

While he's not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship he does seem to be incredibly fascinated by romance novels. He doesn't admit this to anyone however and won't read anything out in public that isn't part of his mystery novel collection. He has a hidden stash of romance novels in a hidden compartment in his desk.

He watched Hancock growing up with his brother and always thought Guy to be a little too aggressive in his stance about the world around them. He hoped the boy would grow out of it but was quickly proven wrong when Mcdonough became Diamond City's mayor. He considered leaving with John and the ghouls before deciding he needed to stay to keep an eye out for the city. God only knew DC would need all the help it could get from then on out...

He has a missing persons case file for Preston which he keeps a secret. Preston's mother approached him after travelling all the way to DC to ask if he'd find her son who was 17 when he ran away. Ever since the Sole Survivor came along and introduced him to her odd group of misfits he's had to keep himself from telling Preston that his mother is worried sick about him. He hopes that when things settle down a bit and that the Minutemen are back into proper shape that he'll be able to tell the lieutenant and bring him to see his mother.

--Preston Garvey--

He was raised by his biological mother (a brahmin farmer) and the woman she later fell in love with and married (a nurse). He never met his father and his moms insisted he was killed by a raider. He later learned that while his mother was pregnant with him, she and his biological father were kidnapped by a group of raiders and that his father was then tortured mercilessly until his mind broke and he joined them. His mother escaped with her life only by pure luck and chance.

Preston's idolization of the Minutemen was always a consern for Mama Garvey, who was deathly afraid of losing her baby boy. When Preston turned 17 he ran away from home to join the militia against his mom's wishes. He hadn't exactly hit his growth spurt yet so his mothers were pretty scared that he might have died alone in the Wastes. After the Minutemen fell apart Mama Garvey went to Nick Valentine to ask for help searching for any signs that her son might still be alive.

He has a passion for learning new things, new skills, any tidbit of useful knowledge he can get his hands on. He's a bit like a Swiss army knife with all the things he's learned from traveling with the Minutemen and Sole Survivor, be it cook a mean brahmin steak, or mend ripped clothes, or even apply first aid when there aren't any stimpacks available, or even origami (although the latter is just for fun).

--X6-88--

After the Institute is destroyed X6 feels mildly conflicted but chooses to stick by his original instructions to follow the Sole Survivor's orders. This of course was an issue at first because he'd shadow Sole like a lost, albeit mildly terrifying, puppy. He's taken up guard duty after he was asked to stop acting like a bodyguard, since he didn't really know what to do with his time. Some of the braver/nicer companions (Nick, Preston, Curie and Codsworth) have tried to give him pointers, but it's actually some of the settlers who have helped him figure out how to somewhat "enjoy" his freedom (mainly Mama Murphy and Sturges who can tolerate his cynicism and disdain for the Commonwealth and it's people).

He's embarrassed by his Fancy Lads snack cakes cravings. As a synth courser he should be a top of the line model with zero attachment to material possessions and no need for indulging in the disgusting Commonwealth foods, be they pre-war or post-war. However since he's a Gen3 synth this is just a quirk he can't really shake off and he'd probably die of embarrassment if anyone found out his stash in his room.

He has a bit of a synth sense. He's not really aware of it, but he gets a strange feeling sort of like deja vu whenever he meets a runaway synth. The Railroad did a fantastic job with facial reconstructions and new identities, but X6 still has this weird feeling that he's seen them before. This feeling is a lot stronger around Sturges and he can't help feel a little put off by him. Not that anyone notices anyway...

--Sturges--

These two [x] [x] headcanons are pretty much my go to for Sturges's origins, but I'll elaborate further!

The original Sturges was born and raised in the Mojave and briefly moved to the Capital Wasteland with his father (after his mom passed away from an unknown illness). After Sturges Senior retired from the NCR the two moved to the Commonwealth to get away from all the chaos in the Capital Wastes. As a result of moving around a lot, Sturges Junior had a lot of contact with experienced mechanics and scientists. Already a bit of a genius himself, Sturges's knowledge was both a gift and a curse, as the Institute took an interest in him and abducted him as soon as they found a chance to do so. The synth copy that currently resides with Sanctuary's people is a bit of an oddity however... He was a prototype meant to spy on Sturges Senior and the settlement they lived in when they moved to the Commonwealth, but there were a few issues with his programming and Sturges actually forgot he was a synth and that he needed to report to a courser that would be sent to meet with him every month under the guise of trading for scrap. Sturges Senior caught on pretty quickly and dispatched the courser, but realized the synth copy was harmless and that if the Institute took his real son then he was already good as dead, so he feigned ignorance and kept Sturges unaware as well.

Sturges left to make a life of his own a few months after his replacement. He learned how to shoot thanks to his dad, but nothing could really prepare him for how ruthless the Wastes could really be. After he settled he swore off fighting as much as possible since he's not too fond of it. He'd still beat up anyone that threatened his friends, even if he had to do it with his bare fists. Those muscles aren't just for show and Sturges can give a mean punch.

Zeke, the leader of the Atom Cats, is Sturges's cousin from his father's side of the family. The two weren't very close when they were younger because Zeke tended to bully him a bit, but eventually the two grew out of their almost sibling-like rivalry and hung out a lot when Sturges moved to the Commonwealth. When the Atom Cats were formed, Sturges was the main mechanic before he decided to lend his services to Quincy. He liked the town so much that he decided to settle there, much to Zeke's displeasure. The two are in good terms and there's really no bad blood between them.

Sturges is as stubborn as a brahmin. This has proven to be both a great asset to Sanctuary and a terrible burden, as when ever Sturges gets it in his head that he can do something, he won't stop until he does it. Preston has had to drag him away from fruitless projects many times so that Sturges could eat, drink and sleep. Others have been less tactful, like Marcy spilling a bucket of purified water over his head because he had forgotten to bathe in a while, or Jun guilt-tripping him so he'd rest for once in his life, or even one time where the Sole Survivor "hired" Tinker Tom to help around the workshop so Sturges wouldn't have to worry too much about repairs progressing in Sanctuary Hills (Tinker Tom spouted conspiracy theories all day and Sturges now wonders if every mirror he sees isn't a two-way mirror somehow connected to the Institute).

Extra angsty headcanon:

The original Sturges ended up as one of the super mutant behemoths that the Sole Survivor can encounter in the Commonwealth. They wouldn't ever be able to tell considering the beast is nothing like the kind and amicable handyman they know.

#Fallout #Fallout 4 #Codsworth #Deacon #Nick Valentine #Preston Garvey #X6-88 #X6 #Sturges #Headcanons #Anon Friend

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bestplacestoretireabroad-blog · 4 years

Text

Shifting Focus For The Decade Ahead - Huatulco Real Estate

Change is brewing industry wide and saying “we have always done it this way” simply doesn’t cut it anymore. It is imperative to be adaptable and find the best way moving forward.

The last 18 months have been one of the more static times that I have seen in my career. I don’t mean this in a bad way, simply that I note many real estate businesses are following through on business plans that have previously served them well. Trends reports tend to produce confidence that a business should not try to start from scratch each year. If you are well managed and thoughtful with your resources, then you should have some staying power.

However, trends are by nature dynamic, running towards the future, leaving some conditions behind us and bringing new conditions closer to realization. The changes happen subtly, often so much so that they are easy to miss. Trends are by the way just one form of change. The world, the economy and real estate businesses are subject to other kinds of influence as well the changing trends.

The main forms of change in the real estate industry are Trends, Cycles, Maturation and Technology. While cycles are the most prominent feature of the real estate industry, trends typically persist longer than cycles. In this letter I would like to discuss some of the key trends for the coming decade.

1. Huatulco Real Estate firms have a lot of optimism about the resiliency of commercial real estate. We have been in one of the longest economic cycles in history, and the level of confidence in the real estate industry has been palpable. Property veterans see the internal conditions in the business as solid and developers continue to see opportunities. It is encouraging to note that the biggest and most sophisticated developers are still active. However, recessions strike economies at their points of excess and we have been expanding at moderate pace for a long time. My advice is that caution is advisable during the short run.

2. A lot of money has been made from cap rate compression some of the Huatulco Real Estate is trading well above replacement cost and I would suggest that pricing is ahead of where it should be at this point in the cycle. The consensus forecast, however, suggests that real estate can maintain a relative edge over stocks and bonds at least for the near term.

3. Granular data is becoming increasingly available and many, investors, developers and real estate service professionals are informing themselves about new markets. This is shining a light on opportunities in secondary markets that may have been overlooked in the past.

4. Housing is a mess; we are building 90 percent of our housing stock for 10% of households. Whether we want to look at it or not, housing is a mess and it’s getting worse over time. Innovation and diversity of stock is needed and fast.

5. We are about to see a shift of generational propositions toward a more gemeinschaft array of real estate demands, induced ironically by technology. Overcoming isolation is a major imperative, as seen in such trends as coworking and co-living.

6. Cities and suburbs are evolving, and people overwhelmingly prefer the live/work/play lifestyle of the 24 hour city. These preferences have been validated by superior investment returns.

7. Fresh thinking and imagination is needed to determine how to best serve the increasing population of baby boomers. The boomers are living longer than ever and have not only more but better years to live work and play. Leaders in real estate should be having productive dialogues with experts in the life sciences about a future that is already coming and likely under served at least in terms of real property.

8. Environmental, social and governance principles are the future in real estate. ESG awareness is high and is skewed generationally; driven forward by Millennials with a majority of them stating that ESG policies play an important role in their investment decision making. One wall street firm places ESG performance premiums between 10 and 40 percent in the private real estate sector.

9. Tech is changing everything – but we need to be conscientious about the dangers of the Internet of Things, there are many IoT back doors that need to be secured. Technology implementation as well as the cyber security risks and the erosion of privacy is going to amplify exponentially with the implementation of 5G which will have form a part of the infrastructure backbone for new development moving forward. Consumers want the conveniences that it allows for, but the technology could require 400 times as much cell tower density.

Looking to the decade ahead, it is advisable to remain agile and open to exploring new opportunities, fresh ideas and novel concepts in real estate and technology. The trends are showing an overwhelming desire for people to have social interaction, ease of use and to switch between living, working and playing without barriers. We believe the future of Huatulco real estate will be more service driven than space and investments will need more active management than ever before to be successful.

This is an opinion piece by Matthew Moradian a principal of the Mirabeau Group and it was written with content sourced from the Urban Land Institute. We thank them for consistently providing high quality research reports and a knowledge base to its membership base

The Mirabeau Group provides a full range of project consulting and real estate related services to investors and landowners in the Pacific Northwest. We hope you enjoyed this opinion piece and would love an opportunity to discuss how we could be of service to you for your next project.

Visit us online at www.mirabeau.ca

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neshabeingchildish · 5 years

Link

This is the longest chapter of the fic, I think! We have some Jasper history and his dad and such. Idk if I’ll leave the reasons at that, or if y’all would have wanted the entire story of what happened between Jasper’s parents. At any rate - let me know what you think! It’s a long chapter, so no rush. But, I’d love to know how and if I pulled this off...

The Perfect Ring

Jasper had a committee meeting for his activism group Athlivists right after his last class of the day, so he knew that he wouldn’t see Charlotte again until he got off from work in the middle of the night and by then, she’d be asleep. Which was sometimes nice, because he’d just get to wash up and cuddle up to her and fall right to sleep in her hair. She had satin covers so she wouldn’t need bonnets, so he got to be draped in the softness of that and draped around the softness of her. It was amazing. He slept like he was in an angel’s bosom every night that he was with her, which was now every night, now that her apartment was so close by and of course he had a key.

Both of their schedules were filling up fast and he wanted to see more of her, but he also considered it a sacrifice right now for them to be able to have better chances later. People called his name whenever he was moving around on campus and he’d usually be sure to acknowledge them, even when he didn’t know who they were. Sometimes, people just came up to him and started talking, either about their interest in alternative sports or their interest in activism, or his vlog, the radio show… “I’m so sorry, I have an Athlivists meeting, but my email is on my website, where I post the videos…” He had to eventually tell this woman who he couldn’t figure out what she wanted him to know, at the moment.

Jasper began Athlivists with some of his brothers who were stars on their sports teams. They started out just him getting his friends to do him a solid… Charlotte was the project manager for one of her business courses, which she turned into a project for an environmental sciences purpose, but underestimated how much her peers cared about the environment. She was organizing meetings to move forward with her initiative to create community gardens in or near food deserts. Jasper didn’t know what a food desert was, but she seemed very passionate about stopping them and she was very stressed out that not too many people were even interested. Her big event was coming up and she didn’t even get a quarter of the people to sign her petition that she needed to help with the proposal. Jasper wasn’t sure why she hadn’t just asked him, if all she needed was people. When she called him to vent and cry a little before she had to put on her game face and push through the turnout, he got his sports friends to get their sports friends. Whenever she was about to move forward with what she feared was going to have to be a failing grade and also a let down to Mother Earth, he came to the signup event before with four times the people to show interest than she had initially been seeking. They were listening to the proposal, too, and some of them knew some of the business people invited, through their parents or whatever and in addition to it being a huge success for her, a lot of them were networking too. And more importantly a lot of them got information about the environment that they hadn’t really been paying a huge amount of attention to. Like, they knew a lot of this stuff and heard about a lot - who doesn’t know about climate change? - But, they also didn’t know the degree of trouble that their world was in, or ways that they might help. They now wanted to know more and do more.

Jasper decided maybe they should start a group to focus on that type of thing, and other issues that they might come across, along the way. He was already in the Athletes Union and President of the Alternative Sports Sector. He’d already gotten funding for alternative sports whenever there is a big following and a fully functional team on campus. He had shown up to various rallies and protests about campus policy, laws, and social justice over the past year or so. So, starting a group of his own was in his ballpark, and he thought it was good to show the rest of them that the academics weren’t the only ones who cared about relevant things.

They mostly focused on the environment, animal rights and sexual education. Jasper had other causes outside of the group that he was involved with for other stuff. But, Athlivists’ claim to fame on campus (in the entire institution, actually, as it spread through the college and its affiliates) was what they called “Jock Block.” Jasper will tell you in a heartbeat that although he was doing most of the leg work and liaison dealing, Charlotte inspired the idea. What is Jock Block, you ask? Resources and assistance for athletes via STD testing and treatment, birth control, protection, prevention and education.

Jasper was a championship wrestler, and headed up just about every alternative sport, as well as backed up some of the track and field events and having just one girlfriend had been paying for condoms that kept getting stolen by his frat brothers, up until he just asked Charlotte if she was interested in getting on birth control and offered to pay for it. He didn’t want to use them anymore anyway. He enjoyed the feel better without them and loved the finish.

For a while, Jasper PREPAID for her birth control, just because he was that serious about making sure that he took care of her while getting what he wanted and she honestly felt like the school should provide that kind of thing. He just began to talk about it at first and found that a lot of the athletes felt like it would be super helpful if the school DID try to at least help a little.

What happens if you can’t get the protection right away and decide to just go for it, then BOOM - you’ve spread crabs in the locker room… (Which happened before, but fortunately, Jasper had not been affected) BUT, of those who were affected, they didn’t feel like they should have had to pay for treatment. They were exposed and didn’t realize this was an issue. Some of them had never even thought about crabs before that happened. They thought that you had to have unprotected sex with someone infected to get them. Jasper figured that was a huge and terrifying problem, and began discussing what might be done to avoid things like that in the future and help some of their hardworking students to have access to more resources. Sometimes, they were going to be irresponsible, as was a part of life. So, they could put their bodies on the line and their physical wellbeing and sometimes mental, because sports and academics and other things altogether was stressful and sexual health was a beneficial release. An oopsie here and there shouldn’t put them on the line like it sometimes did.

Jock Block was born to help with sexual education and health, but most of the athletes and beneficiaries thought of it as the “birth control plan.” It's how they got their free condoms, their testing, treatment, and in cases like Jasper and Charlotte’s reimbursed for birth control when the relationship was ongoing and the students were in good academic standing and athletic standing. Basically, Char was able to get free birth control because her boyfriend was a jock with good grades. (She got it free anyway, because he’d always paid for condoms, the morning after pill, and her birth control), but now he didn’t have to anymore. There were other programs for assistance on campus, but those didn’t have much to do with them. Jock Block also was helpful a time or two with remedial assistance, which was their fancy words for supplying Plan B. The athletes were encouraged to behave responsibly, but in certain situations, Jock Block would still bail them out, as long as it wasn’t an ongoing practice. Jasper was a hero for helping it get established, among all of his familiars. The quarterback, who was extremely paranoid that women were trying to “trap” him, called Jasper “a god.” Charlotte pulled Jasper away, and shook her head, “Please, don’t ever say that.” Jasper’s head was big enough.

“I’m adding “god” to my list of accomplishments,” he said.

Charlotte’s circles gave her some crap about it sometimes. “You think it’s good for the school to pay for the jocks to stick their penises wherever they want to?” That was a gross misrepresentation of what the program did and instead of explaining it from start to finish to every critic, she began handing out literature about it when someone had something slick to say. She was Jasper’s #1 supporter and protector. Nobody was about to come to her with some mess just because they couldn’t get close enough to him to bitch and moan.

Whenever they came back from visiting his dad, something shifted in him. She didn’t know what, but he suddenly seemed more serious than before. She loved that. A serious Jasper was hot and that was the person that initially drew her in deeper than friendship, but also, it seemed like a switch had been flipped and she was uncertain what to make of it. She really worried whenever she came into the frat house and he was sitting at his desk in his room, staring at his computer while Lady and Tramp were barking at him. Jasper never ignored them, so she figured that he was in a daze. She took the dogs out to go potty, then came back and he was still there. “Heyyy, Jasper…”

He blinked and turned to look at her with a tired smile, “I didn’t hear you come in,” he said.

“I took the dogs for a walk,” she closed the door and released them. “You okay?” she wondered, heading to wash her hands.

“Just thinking,” he said and got up to greet her.

“About?” He leaned near the sink and was quiet again. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said.

“No, I...I am.” He looked up at her in the mirror, then got closer and wrapped his arms around her, smiling. “I love seeing us in a mirror.”

“Oh yeah?” She asked, looking up at the two of them and she thought that did look good together.

“I get to look at you all the time, and I certainly do every chance that I get, but in the mirror, I get to see myself with you. I get to see this person who I used to think was pretty damned broken, but he’s complete, and he’s complete because he’s got this goddess in his life that makes him better, smarter, stronger… I don’t know that I ever would have been this kind of me without your support.”

“You definitely would have, because I don’t support half of your shenanigans,” she joked.

He kissed her neck, sighed, and shrugged his shoulders, “I got an offer for an internship at a brokerage firm.” He folded his arms and said, “That is within my scope and could possibly be a pretty good job if I get put on afterwards, There’s not a lot of undergrads being considered for it, so to turn it down might be taken the wrong way, but to accept it might affect some of the stuff that I’m doing right now. I like right now, but I’ve got a woman and two dogs and I’m a grown man…” He went back to his seat and asked, “How was your day?” then started typing his reply.

Her eyes were wide. She dried her hands and came up behind him to wrap him in a hug and kiss him on his hair. She read as she did. He was replying. He was accepting. “My day was good, but… Are you sure that you want to do this, Jasper? You function and flourish when you’re happy and something tells me that this might not make you happy. You’ll be unhappy and unpaid.”

“I did that apprenticeship for a year with no pay. The internship will be similar to that, except boring, but whenever you become an adult, things get boring, don’t they?”

She didn’t know if that was true or not. She’d always been seen as kinda boring. The sciences that she was currently working on in the lab was her “fun,” and a lot of her peers told her that was sad. “I don’t think so,” she answered and stroked his hair. “Just… Make sure that you want it. It’ll be hard to get yourself out of a career path once you start heading down one.”

But, Jasper sent the message, anyway and turned in his chair with a smile. She knew that smile. It was one that he put on when he was done focusing on the negatives of something. He’d made his decision and that was that for him. “Who knows? Maybe I’m multi talented and can make a bunch of stuff work at once, like you Miss STEAM Extraordinaire!” She blushed and tried to walk away but he pulled her closer and said, “Uh uh… I haven’t gotten kisses yet and I get to kiss an… what was it Academic Superstar?”

“That story was lip service, and you know it!” She said.

“Blasphemy! I grew up with Charlotte Page and the story ran on her in a NATIONAL publication about her intelligence and accomplishments was 100% truth!” She smiled and gave him the kisses he was trying to earn.

But, she got up quickly too. “It puts a lot of stress on me, though. Now, I have to see a National STEAM Today’s Scientists to Follow tacked on to my name everywhere, and I keep getting calls for interviews that I can’t turn down because not only could it affect what people think of me, but it could affect what they think of every Black woman fortunate enough to be involved and recognized.” He looked confused and she explained, “Since Black people, Black women especially, are so stereotyped and misrepresented, under-represented, unappreciated, etc, whenever one of us does get the attention that we deserve, we sort of have to take on this role of model minority and be the change that our people want to see in the world. We have the task of breaking stereotypes and showing the world that WE can do this too, see this example, but we also have to still go into work spaces and battle the stereotypes from the others, who often don’t think we deserve the recognition that we got or want us to perform and prove ourselves in ways that less marginalized people would never be expected to.”

He frowned and clenched his fist, “Is somebody giving you shit at work?”

She laughed and rubbed his fists, making him release them, “Uh, no more than usual and if I want to try to keep it that way, I’ve gotta play my politics. I have to show that I can do everything that was said of me and more, and still look cute while I do it, because if I have even one hair out of place, at least a thousand people will focus in on it and ask, “Is THIS the chick that thinks we’re gonna get drug therapy from her when she can’t even manage to get her hair treatment right?” He was seething now and she laughed it off, “Jasper. I’m used to it. It’s just annoying.”

“It sounds infuriating and I don’t understand why you have to take it!”

“I have to take it because I don’t have the power or position to change the world. I just have to do my best with my fraction of society.” She sighed. It was exhausting, but she knew since she was little that she’d have to do twice the work to get half the credit and work twice as long to get a quarter of a break. That was why casual racism triggered her far more than blatant hatred did. Because it was so subtle and ominous that people could get away with it, even while it was hurting her little by little. The brash, bold types, anybody with reason, would disagree with and take her side. She needed backup whenever it was lowkey microaggressions that affected her on a daily basis and kept the strong institution of racism flowing smoothly. “I appreciate that you’re upset by it, though.” Upset by it? Jasper wanted to punch someone in the face for it.

Since the whole thing with Casper, he’d become hypersensitive to casual racism. It was to the point where people kept telling him that it was hard to be around him because he always “found something racist.” He would in turn let them know that it was hard for him to be around stuff that he found racist and that’s why they were having a conversation in the first place.

Mid junior year, he was under review for a fight that he “escalated” whenever he heard one of the frat brothers describe him as a (N word in disguise) to tell someone not to say anything that seems even remotely racist around him. He didn’t care that somebody was saying that about him. He liked that people wanted to watch their mouths around him and wished that they kept that energy around anybody, because if it was just around him, then that meant that’s who they were inside, but they just didn’t want any smoke from him. It was the fact that the person used the N word, which is NEVER acceptable. Charlotte told him that. NEVER and he was now adamant about that.

So, whenever he confronted them about the matter and not saying that word in any capacity, even if it was in a song, an argument broke out and Charlotte’s existence was invoked, but referred to in a way that Jasper didn’t appreciate. “Just because you stick your ---- in the Help-” Jasper expressed that with his fist. He was under investigation because he “hit him first,” but whenever he told his version of the story, he couldn’t even bring himself to repeat what was said. Instead, he wrote it down and just showed the camera during his storytime. He got a lot of support and love and fans wrote the school about it and emailed them and flooded their social media with their support for him and their call for action to be taken with that “racist bitch in the frat.” The guy wound up transferring and no action was taken against Jasper, but the dean had a talk with him about how he couldn’t just punch people because he disagreed with them and that next time there might be consequences. There wasn’t. He’d punched another guy for groping her a few weeks later.

Even if he had gotten consequences, he didn’t care. He knew so many guys who were just as defensive of their women and just as active and aggressive to protect him. None of them got the same pushback that he did whenever he was defending Charlotte. Sometimes, even the Black dudes that were around didn’t seem to have his back when he’d be speaking up for her in some example or another.

He’d gotten a little bit of opposition for making some statements on the radio show that he wished that people were as supportive of Black women whenever things happened as they were to the Black men. A lot of people didn’t like that. Charlotte explained to him that while she agreed, it wasn’t his place to say that in a space created by and for Black people. “Say that kind of stuff to YOUR people,” she’d told him. “They really need to hear things from people like them.” But, it grew his Black women demographic. A few Black owned companies sent him free shirts with messages like “Support Black Women” and “Love Black Women,” and he wore TF out of them. He wasn’t even really a huge advocate. He didn’t do a bunch of rallies for them and stuff, even with all of the rallies that he did. But, they saw that he had a Black girlfriend and heard that he was vocal about appreciating Black women and they were on board. She even finally appeared in one of his videos. He was showing people how he helped her with her hair care. Not really a tutorial, but just a demonstration, with him talking about how relaxing it was for him to know that she trusted him in her hair, and to be so intimate with someone that you know how to take care of them the way that they would take care of them.

Charlotte had to admit that version of him was the hottest yet. It was refreshing to change from being surrounded by people and hear what would have once been a dog whistle for her and having to evaluate whether she would call them out and look like an irrational Black bitch or suffer in silence, to having a bulky, hot, popular dude ask them, “I’m sorry, what did you say?” with an expression on his face that let a bitch know that they better think of a way to paraphrase real quick if this was gonna be a smooth conversation. She always had to try to fight the urge to smirk at the person. Sometimes, she just went ahead and did it.

She also explained to Jasper that this too was part of his privilege, because Black men could be just as defensive of their Black woman and be met with aggression and fear that could get police involved, which could turn out horribly. “The fact that you get to straighten these people out and they apologize is something that my dad didn’t often get whenever he had to do the same thing,” she’d told him. He’d never sleep on that power again.

When they were out in public, he'd always wrapped his arm around her and kept her close to his side because she was small and he was protective. However, knowing how hostile the world could be towards her for no good reason, he not only kept her close whenever possible, but if they got separated or split to mingle, he tried to keep an eye on her and/or send her check in texts. "You good, Babe?" He'd ask, then watch her smile to herself and look around for him to make eye contact that she was. It was… something to get used to for her, but she supposed that was much better than being ignored. She sometimes gave him space because she knew that he was likely doing all of this for her benefit, because of how she felt before, so she saw that effort and attempted to reward it with some breathing room. Honestly, he was probably more relaxed whenever she didn’t make it to parties and gatherings, which was fine for her.

She much preferred to be laying in bed, in a fuzzy blanket with the doggies warming her feet or in her lap while she attempted to watch joint replacement videos and tell them how she would have done it differently, like they knew what she was talking about. She’d rather light some frankincense candles, put a sheet mask on, pour a glass of wine and read a stack of books, for fun for a change, not for class or work. In fact,” she checked the time on her phone. It was right around Midnight and she was on a “Cinderella Schedule” this semester. She left places at Midnight, regardless of where she was or what was going on. She wasn’t staying past Midnight, because she usually had 12-14 hour school/work days and that 4-6 hours of sleep that she got nightly was imperative for her brain to continue functioning.

On her way to the door, texting Jasper the golden carriage icon that she had saved to her phone for when it was time for her to dip out and they weren’t next to each other, she accidentally bumped into someone. “Excuse me,” she said politely and looked up to see Casper. She hadn’t seen that woman in months. She forced a smile and moved around, but Casper followed her.

“Hey, can I please talk to you for a moment?”

“I gotta go home, Girl. It’s past my curfew,” Charlotte said, continuing to walk.

“Well, I’ll walk with you to your vehicle. It’s not safe out here by yourself, anyway,” she said.

Charlotte’s nostrils flared, and she texted Jasper about it, but she shrugged her shoulders, “I can’t tell you where to walk.”

“I just wanted to apologize to you for everything. I genuinely apologize. Like, I honestly didn’t realize that I was as much of a trash person as I was. People told me that these are the years that we do all this figuring ourselves out stuff and I guess I thought I was someone else. I’m realizing my own flaws and I hate how things were left off between us. Jasper was my best friend, and I always loved you! We talked about you all the time and I never would have wanted to hurt you or him or make either of you mad. I just wanted you to know that. From my heart.”

She seemed genuine. Charlotte had to admit that she didn’t radiate the same vibes as before. There was no reason to be mad at her or hate her when she didn’t really affect Charlotte’s life. But, there was no reason to make room for her either. “Casper, I…”

“Dohn,” Casper corrected.

“Dawn…”

“No, not Dawn, Dohn. Like John, but with a “D.” D.O.H.N.”

Charlotte stared at her for a moment with furrowed eyebrows that seemed to say Girl, I don’t care, but she didn’t bring the phrase to her lips. “Dohn.” She corrected herself. “I’m not worried about what happened between us, nor do I care. It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize or anything else. It’s forgotten. Don’t worry about it. Goodnight.”

“Is it okay if I call you?” Casper… Dohn asked.

“For what purpose?” Charlotte wondered.

“You just always seemed like a really cool person, but you often seemed lonely. I didn’t know if you could use a friend, but I sure could..”

“I don’t know about that…”

“Okay. I’m sorry. Well, thank you for hearing me out. Have a beautiful night.” Dohn hugged her, which was on brand for her. She used to hug Charlotte all the time, and every time, it caught her off guard, even though she knew the girl was a hugger. She had a firm hug that seemed like she read about a hug in a book, but never mastered it and it always hit Charlotte’s little body like an attack. But, this one was softer. She was gentler. She touched Charlotte’s hair and smiled down at her, and Charlotte shrank back, confused and a little bit bothered.

“You too,” she said and Jasper suddenly appeared out of nowhere and got up into Dohn’s face asking, “Why are you all up on her?”

Charlotte and Dohn both looked shocked and tried to explain to him that they were just talking and it was fine. Charlotte hated that look in Jasper. It was his “pre-violence” look. “Heyyy, everything’s cool, My Dude. Why are you getting all up in her face like this?” She hated that he was making her intercede for Casper. “Something that I need to know?”

“Unfortunately, Jasper isn’t as forgiving as you. He thinks the worst of me. Good night to you both,” she said and left.

“F Sized, you okay?” He nodded his head. She raised her eyebrows. He drew her into his side and started walking towards her apartment. “I really want you to explain to me what just happened there. I know she’s taller than you and tough or whatever, but you were really on her like she was some dude at a bar starting crap. What was that about?”

“You said that she was following you.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect THAT to be your reaction.”

“She’s a foot taller and 100 more pounds of muscle than you. She shouldn’t be following you.”

“So, that was it? Just the text that I sent. ‘Ya girl Casper is out here following me tryin’ to talk’ made you want to get in her face like that?” He sighed. “I know you’re holding back something from me and if I’m at risk of being hurt, I should know. I just told that woman that I basically forgive her and let her hug me!”

“She had a thing for you!” He said and shook his head. “Whenever we first met, she was all friendly to us and inviting us to the kite disc events and stuff, she was trying to get closer to you, not me. That’s something that she eventually admitted when we became friends, but I thought that because she was seeing someone at the time that she admitted that, it was no big deal and she was over it or whatever.” Charlotte’s eyes were just hella confused, tbh. “But, I did start to notice that she was kinda too friendly with you, and realized that she had always been. She was always hugging you and rubbing your back and stuff like that and whenever I asked her about it, she said that was just how she was. Which… I didn’t recall her being that way before, but then she was all over me like that, so I thought that maybe I just hadn’t noticed it before. This is all stuff that I thought about after the fact, by the way. I’m kinda… slow at times, you know?”

“I don’t think that you’re slow. I think that you’re just such a nice and well-meaning person that you aren’t suspicious about things, or you’re naive about people’s motives because you don’t have a manipulative bone in your body. Because, she totally did start being way more affectionate towards you after a while and I presumed it was because she had developed a crush on you from hanging out so much.”

“Yeah, well, whenever we fell out, someone “leaked” this video of her and her friend… I swear, if I didn’t know every inch of you, it’d be frightening.”

“Her girlfriend looked like me?”

“That’s the thing. This wasn’t her girlfriend. It was someone she was seeing and after this video leaked, and people were asking her about this person, she told them that she didn’t want to out her, because she was involved with someone and she didn’t want to damage her reputation.”

“So, it looks like her girlfriend IS me???”

“A lot of our mutuals certainly thought so!”

“When was this???”

“Months ago. I just kept assuring people that it wasn’t you, but with her being vague and with everyone knowing that she and I weren’t friends anymore, I mean, come on.”

“Ugh. What did she say to you about that?”

“She said that she didn’t want people to think it was you either but she didn’t want to grant them the power of process of elimination when there are so few people to fit that description in the area.”

Charlotte winced, “That’s… considerate of her friend…”

“Uhhh, at best her friend is involved with someone who she has an open relationship with but they don’t want people to know that she’s been with girls. At worst, she’s cheating on whoever she’s involved with and Dohn’s willing to sacrifice your reputation to protect hers. But, I don’t think it was an accident at all. I think she leaked it herself to make people think that about you because whenever I thought back to our relationship, she was always way more interested in you than she should be and I have a very bad habit of talking about you passionately for hours, if someone will let me!”

“Well, this is all surprising, troubling, mildly flattering, because I didn’t even know that there were girls who like me. But, I do feel a way that you think she’s capable of what you just accused her of.”

“What are you on? More girls like you than dudes, from what I hear.”

“What?”

“Multiple times, I’ve heard that people think I’m your beard.”

“Awwww,” she said, touched.

“But, that could also be because of her!” He fussed.

“Don’t ruin my lesbian sex symbol status headcanon. Big Dog.”

“I’m gonna ruin you,” he joked. “Why are you so into this?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I feel WAY more comfortable with the thought of women wanting me than I do with the thought of them wanting YOU. Because, THAT’S when Crazy Charlotte shows up!”

And it was, and Jasper loved it. He did his best to try not to make her jealous, but sometimes, like she said, he really wasn’t suspicious enough to peep flirting. Charlotte would come over and observe the woman very closely, right in her face and her space until she was acknowledged, then apologize and introduce herself as Jasper’s girlfriend. Jasper would always bite his lip and look her over, when she finally had run off whatever flirting girl was in his space and she made eye contact at her, he’d wink or blow her a kiss and she’d realize that she probably had just showed out.

Henry liked the photo of Jasper’s The Fool tattoo on his right shoulder blade. It had been being worked on whenever Adanna did his reading for him because it had been drawn in the future position. She explained something like, it meant, like new beginnings and was good in the future position because it could mean that like, something good was gonna happen with a new life thing or something? Henry was bad at remembering, because she’d said so much, but it was apparently enough for Jasper to get that permanently put on his body. Henry couldn’t help but wonder if he was gonna regret these decisions one day. Like… Everybody doesn’t know the meaning of The Fool or whatever. She explained it and Henry was still confused. Now, this dude had a The Fool on his damn body… “THIS JUST HAPPENED!!!” He saw the caption of a video with his handle tagged to it and went to watch it.

Charlotte was near Jasper while his friend was finishing up his The Fool Tarot Card tattoo, and talking about possible tattoos that she might consider, tiny ones of course and Jasper asked her what she thought of his new one, so she went to look at it (she doesn’t seem to notice the camera) and she said, “Yeah, Babe. It looks awesome. It’s beautiful. That’s a good way to celebrate your good future stuff or whatever,” she told him. Now, she had thought that maybe Adanna’s reading was in reference to his internship, because she’d mention that it could be a new move or new job etc, but then (in the tattoo shop, Jasper told her).

“I thought a lot about how to do this or say this, or whatever.” Charlotte looked confused as he got out of the seat, still shirtless. “I know that you don’t like huge surprises and stuff, so I didn’t want to do that, but I wanted to do something significant, too.”

“For what?” she asked, laughing nervously.

“The Fool in romance can mean that your existing relationship can take a turn for the better. So, I wanted to ask you, since I have the confidence that my future and my fortune is with you…” He got on his goddamned knee and grabbed a ring box from underneath the tattoo seat he’d just gotten his tat finished in… She screamed and dropped the tattoo book that she’d been holding to rush to him and hug and kiss him.

Henry was in tears! He wanted to be a part of this! But… Jasper also had been trying to see when he could make it into town and he’d said, “If all else fails, just tag me first when you announce the news.” And, Jasper did. Henry was tagged, then his mom, then Charlotte’s parents, Uncle Roscoe, Adanna, his dad, Aunt Cohort, Piper, Ray, Schwoz, the fraternity page, his sports teams…

Jasper told her, “I was actually gonna hide the ring in the tattoo book and be like, “What do you think of this one,” but that seemed awkward and like I’d have to explain too much…”

She looked at the ring and shook her head, “It’s SO pretty! I love it! It’s perfect!!”

Whenever Jasper’s dad popped the question to his mom, she was just about visibly pregnant, embarrassed about it and desperate to do this the right way. Jack Leigh was desperate to “fix his mistakes” and “make an honest woman out of her.” Oh, and also drunk. So drunk, that he didn’t know if he was coming or going. He needed the liquid courage to go back to her after she’d told him that if she had to do this on her own, she would. She didn’t have to do it on her own! At least, he didn’t want her to. He couldn’t figure out where he’d get a ring at this time of night, but came across one of those Bilsky brothers. The whole family was a bag of rotten apples. One of them had to know a guy… Hell, one of them WAS the guy. “A ring? Yeah, I got rings. What’s your budget?” Jack Leigh emptied his pockets and had maybe a few hundred bucks, and a punch card. He shook his head and called, “Jeff! Get Daddy that box of rings! The cheap ones!” A teenage boy rushed to… of all places… the BBQ pit and lifted the lid and grabbed a box. Daddy Bilsky gave it to his old buddy and said, “I’ll letcha grab two of ‘em. I hear you gotta get two. My old lady and I got hitched on the run, so we never even got one of them, but I’ve collected her plenty over the years. She don’t notice when the cheap ones go missing.” Jack Leigh didn’t even shift through the box. He grabbed a couple, waved to them and went on his way.

Jeff came back to his father and asked, “Dad, how mad would you be if I think I gave you the good stuff?” Jack Leigh heard Daddy Bilsky fussing at his kid, but he was too out of it to hear what he was saying.

Whenever Pansy left, Jack Leigh got one of those rings back. She threw the wedding ring right at his head and slammed the door as hard as she could with a baby on her waist. He was too drunk to care about whatever she’d said, too. He was often that way, but he did come across that ring again when he was clearing out of that little place. He tossed it in his pocket, in case he ever wanted to pawn it. Might be cheap, but he could probably get a few beers for it. It stayed in his wallet most of the time, though. He couldn’t see Jasper back then… legal stuff that he totally understood at the time, but whenever he would look at the ring and think about hocking it, he’d think about his baby boy, out there… The one that he’d even bought the stupid thing for. He couldn't seem to part with it. Not because he missed his wife, but because he took a wife because he was going to be a father, and nobody but him messed that up. It was a reminder that he needed to get clean and needed to straighten up. Maybe some day, he could see Jasper again. Maybe someday, he'd give him this stupid ring. He got it appraised, just to see if it was worth anything. Because he was curious if the sentimental value of it would even mean anything to the kid… this was maybe 3 years later. The damn thing was worth more than his crummy life. He could literally sell it and probably wind up getting himself out of his debt! But… looking at the thing, listening to the guy talk to him, very suspicious that this shady character probably stole this from some place, and was likely gonna put out an alert about it… Jack Leigh thanked him for his time and put it back into his wallet. He hadn’t gotten completely clean, but that was sobering. He knew he had to keep it together, carrying something worth that much with him, especially considering that it was worth even more in sentimental value.

He met Jasper when he was four. Adorable chubby kid with dimples and curly hair. He was excited to meet him and told him everything that he could possibly tell him. Jack Leigh came to a realization whenever Pansy told him that he could come to see him… He’d messed up. He should have had a room FULL of gifts and cards and money that he never got a chance to deliver over the past four years. He should have had candy and cookies and really… fanfare. All he had was that ring and he certainly couldn’t hand him that at age 4. He stopped at one of those weird gas station gift shops and said, “Anything for like a 4 year old kid… I don’t even know what he likes!”

“We got grab buckets,” she said and pointed towards a display. It was like a grab bag, but in a bucket. All kinds of little toys and stuff that would most likely break and stuff if it wasn’t a choke hazard. Hopefully, Pansy wouldn’t kill him. He went over there with a bucket of junk and threw in a hundred dollar bill that he got back after this purchase. Pansy was judging him from the moment that he handed that garbage to her son. But, the kid was excited, “WOW! A BUCKET!”

“Uhhh… there’s stuff in it. Toys and stuff,” Jack Leigh said. Jasper got onto his tiptoes, but Jack kneeled in front of him, seeing his features for the first time since he was an infant. Seeing how much like his own childhood photos he looked. Pansy must’ve seen it too. There was something about the way that she looked at the kid. Jack Leigh didn’t like it, but who was he to judge? He hadn’t even been around.

“Jasper, I don’t think that any of that stuff is safe to play with!” She said and snatched the bucket from his little hands. He jumped, frightened and Jack Leigh noticed and reached for his hand, to try to give him some comfort. He was about to cry. She was taking away the only thing his daddy had given him…

“Well, can’t he at least have the bucket?” Jack Leigh asked.

She looked at him like he was an idiot. “He’s four. Why would he want this ugly big bucket?”

“I do want the bucket, Mom! I love it. It’s a nice bucket, Daddy.” She looked bothered. She dumped the toys in the garbage and handed him the bucket back, then went to sit down, and glare at them. Jasper didn’t really look in her direction during the visit, but Jack Leigh wondered if he couldn’t feel the same… whatever it was that she had radiating for him that he felt from her. He was allowed a few more visits, until he showed up with Adanna one day. Pansy stepped outside and interrogated her, then said that Jasper wouldn’t be coming for any more of these “disappointing little visits,” and sprinkled on at the end, “And I WILL be contacting you about child support!” That was that.

Adanna convinced him to fight for custody, at least shared. He had gotten his life together and he shouldn’t have to be punished forever. There were disputes, but after a while, he ran out of money for that fight and her husband didn’t. So, not only could he still not see Jasper, and had legal fees, but… child support. He couldn’t do it. He’d already gotten so low, that he went back to some of his old ways. He was lucky to have Adanna around. Eventually thought about giving her the ring, but explained to her why he didn’t think that he could. “Can I at least see it?” she wondered.

He pulled it out and she was already uneasy. He handed it to her and she cried, “I’m glad that you don’t want to give this to me, because it’s full of negative energy. Guilt, despair, regret, heartache… This isn’t something that you give to someone that you care about.”

“Should I get rid of it? Sell it? I’m probably never going to see my son again…”

“Even if you see him, he can’t have this, Jack Leigh. It’s got a signature on it.”

“Is there a way to fix it?”

She cleansed the ring and once she was done, she smiled at it and said, “This ring has new hope. It wants to find someone to love, but it feels like it belongs to someone.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know, but I sense that this ring wouldn’t be at home with me.” She reached out to give it to him, but he shook his head.

“If you hand it to me, it’ll just absorb my negative energy again. You hold on to it for me. If I don’t give it to Jasper, I guess it’ll find its way to whoever. I want it to find them in peace.”

Jasper, Charlotte, and Henry were sitting on the floor, talking about their readings. Henry was shaken up by his, but Jasper kept staring at the Fool. Adanna said, “Jasper, can I show you something?” He got up and followed her through some crystal beaded curtains to a cute little room, where she climbed up a step ladder and got a ring box off of her bookshelf. “Jack Leigh told you about this, right? When you two talked?” She stepped down and opened the box to show him a ring and his heart leaped in his chest.

“Is this my mom’s wedding ring that she threw at his head? I’ve heard about it from her! She’d say, if I’d been more smart than mad, I’d have pawned that for the child support! Can I touch it?” She handed it to him and told him the story, because obviously, Jack Leigh had been more focused on the drinking, the fighting and the accident. Jasper gasped and said, “You think that this ring belongs with me?”

“I think that it belongs with her,” she said and glanced at Charlotte through the beads. Charlotte was laughing a melodious laugh at a story that Uncle Roscoe was telling on speaker phone, while catching up with Jack Leigh. “I think that she’ll love it, when you’re ready.” She cupped his chin and lovingly said, “Fool.”

“I had a feeling that you would love it. It was my dad’s…”

She held her heart and shook her head, “I love it even more!”

They kissed, a lot, and he held her close and began to tell his friends that they were going to head out to go celebrate, but Charlotte said, “I need to get a tattoo!” He stared at her. “You got one on the date that we get engaged, so I want one too!”

“What do you want. You’ve literally been thinking about this for years and can never decide a place or a tattoo!” He teased.

She pointed right behind her ear and said, “Here.” He knew that spot well. He was always kissing her there. He loved it and she loved it. But, he was thinking about how she was about to make him have to get into the habit of not kissing her there until it healed.

He took her to his chair and nodded, “Okay, and what do you want there Chef’s Kiss?” he wondered.

“The word “Yes.” She looked into the mirror at him and the smile on his face, she hoped he smiled at her like that for the rest of their lives..

#A Chasper Fic #chasper #henry danger #hd fanfic #Nesha HD Fics

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henryjsanders-blog · 4 years

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soveryanon · 5 years

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Reviewing time for MAG127 /o/ (with rambling/pondering/speculating/ etc.)

- Albrecht Von Closen’s letter from MAG023 had been referenced twice in the series so far, and reminding myself of both gave me different kind of heartbreak. First… Tim mentioned it at the beginning of MAG033:

(MAG033) ARCHIVIST: […] Was there anything else? TIM: Oh yeah, just one. ARCHIVIST: Good lord. TIM: So, in case 8163103… it isn’t clear if Albrecht’s wife is called “Clara” or “Carla”, ‘cause you keep switching back and forth… ARCHIVIST: Well, I’m sorry if I found it hard to read a two-hundred-year-old letter, written in cursive by a native German speaker. Who complained about that one? TIM: Oh, it’s, it’s not a complaint. Hum, I just noticed actually!

94 episodes later… Tim finally got his answer ;_; It was distinctively “Carla” in MAG127. Second thing: Martin came very close to destroying Albrecht’s statement in MAG118! It was actually the statement he was about to burn when Elias finally managed to unlock the door.

(MAG0118) MARTIN: Hello. ELIAS: What. Are you. Doing. MARTIN: That one… that one was Benjamin Hatendi. You weren’t fast enough for the key! ELIAS: What. Are. You. Doing. […] MARTIN: Oh sorry! Sorry, I’m not keeping you from the show, am I? Well, well you head back, I’ll keep myself busy here. Albrecht von Closen is next, I think. It’s quite an old one! Should go up very quickly.

I really doubt that Martin meaning harm to Albrecht’s statement made Elias try to go faster to stop him or anything – he was already seething and had already left to get the key, it was really a matter of Martin burning statements which, overall, made him unable to fully focus on the group’s expedition and why he snapped hard at Martin (all going according to Martin’s keikaku). I’m more curious as to whether or not Martin… picking up this one was a total coincidence, or something partially spooky (Beholding-related intuition or Web drawing Martin towards it), since we now have confirmation that this letter was one chapter in a bigger story intrinsically tied to the creation of the Institute, and that Jon was spookily redirected towards another chapter in MAG127.

- That episode was very packed in… almost all aspects? Characters-wise, we learned about Melanie’s current state, a bit more about Martin’s state of mind when he began working with Peter, and about Jon’s own situation; we also got to hear ~*Elias*~ which gives some more food to speculate about what the eff is happening… and the statement, hoooooly Mew, the statement. Offering us a follow-up on MAG023, giving us another peek at Jonah Magnus, giving us a reminder that HI? NO, NOP, BEHOLDING IS NOT A HARMLESS ENTITY. IT’S JUST AS TERRIFYING AS THE OTHERS., and giving soooo many bits to speculate here and there…

- Jonathan Fanshawe immediately secured a place amongst the (very restricted) club of statement-givers with self-preservation skills.

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) Jonah, I must first and foremost decline your generous offer of a medical position servicing Millbank Penitentiary. While the terms you’ve laid out are no doubt more than adequate, I have, over these last months, come to the unfortunate conclusion that our intimacy and friendship must cease immediately. […] In the light of what I have so recently witnessed, I can no longer in good conscience associate with any of your endeavours. Nor will I continue to collect or provide all those accounts of the esoteric and otherworldly, that you and your… Institute so eagerly require. Consider this the severing of our acquaintance. […] … Do I need to tell you what I found, Jonah? Do I need to detail what covered his organs? His bones? The inside of his skin? What clustered together in their dozens, and all turned as to focus on me as I opened his chest? Their pupils constricting in the light, with irises of every hue and colour. Because whatever it was that did this to him, I know in my heart that it is your fault. I’ve had the body burned. Please, do not write to me again. Your obedient servant, Doctor Jonathan Fanshawe.

He sounded so, so cold and rigid and deadpan and dry and accusatory, hhh… That was an excellent tone. Very satisfying. We tend to hear fear, despair, vulnerability; here, it was… covered up with a veil of unimpressed anger and resentment?

- Regarding Jonah Magnus: Jon had described in MAG041 how Robert Smirke took over the Millbank prison project in 1815 and finished it in 1821. Jon had already theorized that the tunnels under the Institute couldn’t be remnants from the old prison, but probably tunnels constructed below it (MAG041: “when it was finally closed in 1890, it was demolished. Flattened. Which meant that what I was in now couldn’t be the old prison itself. It had to be something built below it.”); we know that the Institute was founded in 1818, and though I think it’s still not confirmed whether Smirke was behind the building or not (I assumed he was but can’t find any mention about it anymore?), Leitner referred to its tunnels as part of Smirke’s work (MAG080: “Over the years I have found that it interacts with Smirke’s architecture, and those tunnels specifically, in a more predictable way.”). The whole… concept behind the Millbank prison already reeked of Beholding (MAG041, Jon: “First proposed and designed in 1799 by Jeremy Bentham, a philosopher who wished to test his theories of the panopticon prison, where cells would be arranged in a circle around a single, central guard tower, so all cells were observable at once. It was to have six such areas, arranged in hexagons, giving it from the air the shape of a vast, angular flower.”); with Jonathan Fanshawe mentioning Jonah’s offer of a job in the prison (MAG127: “I must first and foremost decline your generous offer of a medical position servicing Millbank Penitentiary. […] I do not know what interest you have in the poor condemned souls within those walls, nor do I care to guess.”), it sounds more and more likely that Jonah and Robert Smirke did actually collaborate? How did Jonah Magnus come to have such an influence in Millbank, and what was his aim, indeed?

- Chronologically, the few things we know about Jonah Magnus:

*Jonah was already known for his interest in the supernatural:

(MAG023, Albrecht von Closen) […] I recall that during your visit last spring you mentioned your… fascination with the macabre and strange, and pressed upon me as to whether there were any such lore or legends that I myself were familiar with. Wolfgang writes me that you are acquiring quite the collection, and I feel that I now have something that belongs with it, far more than any of the fairy stories or old maids’ tales that I told you before.

*On March 31st 1816, Albrecht von Closen sent Jonah a letter, describing his adventure and a book he had retrieved, promising Jonah to show it to him:

(MAG023, Albrecht von Closen) a book, perhaps fallen from the shelves long ago. It was in far better condition than the others, perhaps due to where it had lain, and I was able to very carefully open it. I was disappointed to see that was not written in German, or even French or Latin, but appeared to be in Arabic. It seemed to be an illuminated manuscript of sorts, produced by hand and utterly beautiful, though I could not for the life of me have told you what it concerned. […] The book, though beautiful, stubbornly refused to offer up any clues to its contents. With your permission, I’ll bring it over for your expert eyes next time I have the pleasure of your company. […] Still, I look forward to showing you the book I have acquired, and the revelations you will no doubt glean from it.

*Sometime in 1818, Jonah Magnus founded the Magnus Institute.

*On April 9th 1824, Barnabas Bennett, prisoner in Mordechai Lukas’s dimension, pleaded Jonah for his help by leaving his letter in the Institute. Jonah, according to Elias, only witnessed his demise and collected his bones. (MAG092)

[*One year prior to April 1831, Albrecht von Closen, who had previously acquired the books from the Black Forest’s mausoleum at some point, had them rebound. Jonah Magnus apparently exchanged them with fakes at this time.]

*On November 21st 1831, Jonathan Fanshawe sent a letter to Jonah about the illness and death of Albrecht von Closen, after they returned the (fake) books to the mausoleum. Albrecht’s body was filled with eyes; his wife was already dead, and he had sons at the time of his passing. What happened to the sons afterwards is unclear. (MAG127)

*On June 12th 1841, Sampson Kempthorne sent Jonah a letter about the workhouse architecture of George Gilbert Scott (Robert Smirke’s disciple’s disciple, who was a bit dangerous according to Smirke). Sampson mentioned Jonah’s state:

(MAG050, Sampson Kempthorne) Dear Jonah, It is my fondest wish that this message should find you in good health, as I have heard more than one mutual acquaintance remark on your current state of overwork. While I earnestly hope it is merely idle gossip, my knowledge of your character leads me to entreat that you allow yourself some respite, or at the very least take some further secretarial staff into your employ. Certain uncharitable quarters would have it that your life consists of little but rattling around in Edinburgh Townhouse, surrounded by piles of ghostly accounts and lunatic documentation. Piles, I am afraid to say, to which I am about to make an addition.

I’m not sure if Jon making his mind about Jonah Magnus is a Certainty (inspired by spooky Beholding magic) or an assumption:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] “Jonah Magnus”. I’ve never really given much thought to him. Not nearly as much as I should have. I suppose I had always hoped there was a chance he was… innocent, in all this. I know, I know! But I had… [EXHALE] I had just… hoped that maybe the founding of the Institute was in earnest. And not simply the foundation stone for all the terrible things that have happened here. … But no. Whatever is happening now… has its origins two hundred years ago. In the work of an evil man.

But if it’s the latter… I’m not sure that Jon is making a good decision by shutting down other possibilities: he’s absolutely following Jonathan Fanshawe’s opinion here, but there might have been other interpretations for what Jonah did and why? After all, he could have stolen the books in an attempt to protect Albrecht from their influence (while he had probably been heavily contaminated by them already)? I’m mostly surprised at the fact that Jon just went ahead and labelled Jonah Magnus an “evil man” and assumed that the Institute was founded for bad reasons, as if suddenly this statement was proving a point, when… it was the opinion of one person, who felt betrayed, hurt (and partially worried for) a(n ex)friend. And time had passed since the founding: maybe the Institute had originally been founded with better intentions, and maybe Jonah got worse and worse… just like Jon could. Maybe there would be more to learn about Jonah’s life, if it was a gradual descent into Beholding – maybe knowing a bit more about it could help Jon find counter-measures. But maybe it’s also an easier story for Jon to swallow, right now: to think that people don’t change, can’t become corrupted, can’t start out good and gradually lose their ability to want to protect the people they care about.

- And now, this statement put the damn books back at the forefront: indeed… where do they come from? … technically, Jonah Magnus here didn’t remind me so much of Elias or of an Archivist, but more of… Jurgen Leitner? (That’s mean, I know!)

(MAG080) LEITNER: I… thought that I could control them. That I alone had the knowledge to contain them. Back then, I believed they were simply books. Horrifying, powerful, yes; but with rules, limits that could be charted. … I was a fool. I had no idea what forces lay behind them, or that they had other servants that might come searching. I was ruthless, I will admit that. I don’t know how many assistants I sacrificed to learn the secrets of the volumes I collected. Dozens, at least. Only a few escaped with their life and mind intact, and even then they were deeply marked. But I was relentless. I saw myself as a guardian, a reverse Pandora, gathering the evils of the world and locking them away.

Accumulating statements (and books) like Leitner was accumulating books, in his own personal building constructed through Smirke’s principles? Leitner was even known for getting his books custom-(re)bound!

(MAG004, Dominic Swain) The last seller I went to did recognise the name Jurgen Leitner, though. She told me Leitner had been a big name in the literary scene during the 1990s; some rich Scandinavian recluse paying absurd amounts of money for whatever books took his fancy. It was said he’d often have books custom-bound after providing a manuscript, or even commission authors to produce works to his brief – although she didn’t actually know any writers who had worked with Leitner.

Jon had been suspicious of the amount of books in circulation, even before discovering that Leitner had only applied his seal on some but not all of them (and that he had absolutely no involvement in their creation):

(MAG070) ARCHIVIST: […] It seems to support the theory that, whatever these books are, Leitner is not entirely responsible for them. […] Books. Again and again it always seems to come back to those books. There are other artefacts that hold sinister power, certainly, but none of them seem to be quite so prevalent or… insidious as those damn books. But why? I had always assumed that Leitner had created them somehow, leasing parts of his own damned soul to give them power, or… some similar nonsense. But no. I’ve heard enough now to be sure that these books existed long before he managed to hunt them down. Not all of them, though, it would seem.

And it’s true that we only had questions in that regard. We know that the books can be anachronistic:

(MAG080) LEITNER: An unexpurgated copy of Ruskin’s The Seven Lamps of Architecture, published in 1845. Of course, Ruskin didn’t even begin writing the book until 1846, and the text of this one varies markedly from the version that was distributed.

We know that some of the books are old, written in different languages, and that a few of them must have appeared fairly recently (A Guest For Mr. Spider, and the one from MAG125 which looked like a paperback). We know that a few can write themselves (the unnamed Book of the Dead) or have new content added to it (Mary Keay’s book in human skin). We know that they can bind monsters (Ex Altiora). We’d already had one mention of a book that just tagged along or perhaps showed up out of nowhere and tried to read its reader (MAG091, Mike Crew: “I spent some time with a small grey volume, I think it was in Cyrillic, that decided it was at home amongst my bookshelves. I couldn’t read it, of course, but… when it tried to read me back, I buried it on a lonely stretch of moorland.”). Leitner mentioned that in rare cases, they can host multiple powers (such as The Key of Solomon) – in most cases, they seem to be tied to only one. Some of them can apparently be destroyed (Gertrude and Leitner managed it in the tunnels), though some could just shift or resist (MAG080, Leitner: “Many of them wouldn’t have burned, and some even liked the flames. And those that did, I now believe, would have been released to take a different form.”), but Jon discovered recently that some can apparently lose their powers:

(MAG125, Terrance Simpson) All I could see for certain… was that she held a book in her hands. It was a paperback, old and unloved, with obvious signs of wear long before it found itself in this chaos. The cover and title were unrecognizable, now far too soaked in blood, but it was clear that at some point the woman holding it had torn it, clean in two down the spine, and now held half in each of what was left of her hands. Ross told me later that she’d gotten a good look at the pages, and that every single one of them was blank.

(MAG125) ARCHIVIST: […] Another Leitner, obviously. Not one I can readily identify, though it sounds like it would now be… inert, anyway. Given the blank pages, I do wonder whether its destruction was a last-ditch effort to stop its effects, or the exact thing that released its power in such an… extreme way.

So where do they come from and/or how are they produced? Are they just… emanations, like the monsters? Are they purposefully created by avatars? Leitner told Jon that he had gathered 978 of those when his library was attacked; it’s… not that much – the Black Forest’s mausoleum could have contained more than that, and we even know that new books have appeared since then. … However, I do wonder if the books in the mausoleum weren’t rather a precursor/equivalent of… statements? I had already wondered whether “Johann von Württemberg” might be an ancient Archivist (especially after MAG053), and now that we’ve been told about the contents of the books…

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe ) […] [Albrecht] took the seat opposite me, and started to tell me… a story. And then another. And another. A stream of… strange tales began to pour out of him, and I just sat there, transfixed, [STATIC–], desperately wishing I had the strength of will to leave, but all I could do was listen. He told me of a seamstress, who laced her body with fine black thread; and when she pulled it all out in a single swift motion, her skin dropped away like a loose shift. He told me of a man so scared to die he spent a year weaving a rope blindfolded, so that he would not know the length, and could not foresee the moment it would tighten around his neck when he finally threw himself into the void. He told me of a fire that burns so hot and fierce, that to even know about it is enough to burn a man’s tongue from his head. He told me so many terrible things. [/STATIC] And at the end of it all, the only thing I could think to ask him was where he read them. My eyes darted to the books that surrounded us, but Albrecht laughed at this, and placed his hands across a spine that was simply labelled A Warning. For a moment, he looked as though he were about to wrench it from its place and hurl it into the fire. But it passed. He turned back to me. [STATIC–] “You do not understand,” he said to me in German. “I do not read the books. They read me.” [/STATIC]

… they were all stories. Like Jon himself is receiving stories through the statements… Could the Beholding folks be responsible for the books, binding a bit of other powers in them to spread them, ensuring a never-ending self-sustaining cycle of stories – people finding the books, getting terrorized by them, and the survivors having new stories to tell? What happened to the books that Jonah Magnus stole? Are they still somewhere in the Institute, did he destroy them, did he release them into circulation…?

- Even before that: when did Albrecht get his hands on the books? Had he stolen them back in 1816, and concealed that fact to Jonah in his letter? Or did he go back later? With or without Jonah? It is now… striking, that in MAG023, Albrecht was insisting on the fact that he missed his own library (MAG023: “And so began what was to be a lengthy sojourn near Schramberg, and truly have I never wished more keenly that I had been able to bring my library with me. I had but a few books with me and Wilhelm, despite his not-inconsiderable intelligence, had even fewer.”) when, oops, he got his hands on another’s in the end. The only thing he said was that he had them rebound one year prior to April 1831, and he had already been able to tell in 1816 that they were in a terrible state:

(MAG023, Albrecht von Closen) I walked cautiously closer, until my lantern illuminated it clearly. The walls were covered with bookshelves. Packed in with such a density that it was impossible to tell if there was a real wall behind them or if the books themselves formed the only bulwark against the soil. They were, unfortunately, terribly rotten. The centuries had not been kind to them, and as I tried to move one of them, I realised that the damp had, over time, caused them to merge into a single mass of paper and bookcloth. Predictable as this may have been, I still felt the most acute pang of loss. To see such a volume of knowledge, possibly unique in all the world, utterly destroyed, was incredibly painful to me. The actual shelves were formed of the same marble as the two blocks, and seemed to have fared better. As I looked at them, I noticed a small engraving, carved at regular intervals along the edge of each one. It was a small eye, open and staring. For some reason, it was only at that moment that I began to feel afraid. Of what, I couldn’t tell you, but those small eyes filled me with a dread that I have trouble describing to you now.

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) As he walked the shelves, stroking the spines of each book in turn, I started to ask him about his health, and explained why I was there, but he showed not the slightest sign that he was listening. “I had them rebound last year,” he said. “Damp can do terrible things to a book.”

- There were so many “WHAM” moments in that statement… the fact that it was another letter to Jonah! That it was once again about Albrecht von Closen! The fact that the uncanny atmosphere began even before Jonathan reached Albrecht’s house (because people were burning the tree)! The very casual mention that Carla had died and that there were now sons in the family, although they were explicitly childless and Jon hadn’t been able to trace the family line down back in MAG023! The fact that the spooky house gave me a Lonely/Beholding vibe somehow (rather than Beholding only), even before Albrecht showed up? And then, the… fact that nothing physical happened to Jonathan: but that he witnessed, had to hear and couldn’t really understand, though he was trying to work a way out. The resignation, in the fact that he was forced to hear Albrecht’s stories, and that Albrecht couldn’t stop them nor harm the books? All the mysteries as to what happened and why Jonah had apparently been involved? What was inside Albrecht’s corpse? (HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THANKS JONNY…) The attempt at returning the books, Albrecht’s sudden death, the reveal that Jonah had actually stolen the real books when they were rebound?

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) I do not know how he died. I saw nothing and no one with him, and his body seemed whole and undamaged. But I do have some idea as to why it happened. For as I filled those dead shelves with freshly bound volumes, I could not help but notice that every page was blank. I have since checked with Payne’s, who I believe to be your preferred bookbinders. And I know that the books poor Albrecht was returning to the grave were not the books that were taken. I hope they bring you much wisdom, Jonah, for the cost was dear enough.

(Roger Payne was a famous bookbinder from the 18th, already dead by then, so it was probably his shop. Still, another historical figure /o/) There were so many little things changing perspective, and it raised so many questions, aaaaah!! It was definitely a very strong episode…

I don’t know what to think of what happened to Albrecht; was he a failed Archivist? The fact that he almost threw one of the books to the fire but couldn’t, that he needed help to manage top ut them back, that stories were pouring out of him… Is that another red flag about what could ultimately happen to Jon? Or was it just a Beholding curse/influence, since he had been in close contact to the books? Or was it something that Albrecht had brought down on himself since the first time he had entered the mausoleum?

(Aza confirmed me that:

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) It was the face of Albrecht von Closen. In the light, his eyes met mine, and his mouth began to work furiously, repeating the same phrase [STATIC–] over and over, increasing in volume until he was screaming it into my face: “Leg sie alle zurück. Leg sie alle zurück.” [/STATIC] Put them back. Put them back.

=> can’t be about the children, because “sie alle” means “them all” and wouldn't be used for just two things, and the verb used conveys the sense of putting things lying down and wouldn't be used for people. That's assuming that Jonny knows that much German, though.)

Big Questions, too, about… the tree. What was the deal with that one?

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) […] as we got closer, I could see that it was… a single tree that was burning: a gnarled and ancient elm, that sat removed from the rest of the forest. A small crowd surrounded the spectacle. One man, who I took to be a groundskeeper, stood closer than the others, with a lit torch in his hand. […] I asked the man why they were burning the tree when the rain was coming down so heavily. Surely it could have waited for drier weather. The man simply shrugged. […] all that I could get from him was a sense of resignation, and the insistence that his master, who I took to be Albrecht, wanted the tree dead. I’m sure that he used that word, though. Not “burned”, not “removed”, or “destroyed”. Dead. I resolved to ask Albrecht about it when I saw him.

The only “main” tree we’ve got before was at Hill Top Road: is it the same kind of thing…? What did it do, here…? (Where spiders involved in the shadows, again.)

- I remember how quick Aza had been to jump on me after I had listened to MAG023, a few months ago, because there was a Big Fandom Joke about the easter egg of the “Schwarzwald statement” directly following Martin Blackwood’s, AND NOW IT HAS COME BACK TO HAUNT US since!! Surprise surprise!! Fifteen years after his letter to Jonah from MAG023 (March 31st 1816), Albrecht, who had mentioned never managing to have children with his wife… suddenly had sons as of November 21st, 1831:

(MAG023, Albrecht von Closen) myself and Clara [sic] have since made every effort to provide [our nephew Wilhelm] with guidance and such affection as he may have lost. This felt especially keen as we have ourselves been unable to conceive a child, and so we felt it our duty to teach Wilhelm what we would have impressed upon a son of our own.

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) As I’m sure you’re aware, Albrecht’s wife Carla was taken by a fever some years ago, and his sons were away at school; so it was the housekeeper who greeted me when I arrived.

Back in MAG023, Jon had managed to track down Wilhelm’s genealogy, to discover that some of his descendants might have been Mary and Gerry Keay (which Gerry confirmed in MAG111), but he had found nothing about Albrecht:

(MAG023) ARCHIVIST: […] I did try to find out what happened to Albrecht von Closen and his book, but I can find no mention of him in any volume of history nor anywhere online. Perhaps I might find out more if I spent months sifting through the historical statements in the Archives’ back rooms, but I simply don’t have time to indulge my own curiosity like that.

(ISN’T IT CUTE HOW BEHOLDING IS SHOWING UP TWO YEARS LATE WITH ANOTHER VON CLOSEN STATEMENT WHEN JON FINALLY HAS TIME TO INDULGE HIS OWN CURIOSITY.......) So, Albrecht managed to get descendants of his own, after his adventure in the Black Forest. We know nothing about them, just that they happened, so there might be another branch of the Von Closen somewhere, with perhaps a change of name at some point. As @justasmalltownai highlighted, there is an old (historical and literary) tradition of naming abandoned/magic children after the place they were found, which would be “Schwartzwald” for them… Which…………………. indeed……………. puts Martin Blackwood to mind………… … On a meta level, Jonny Sims not above giving reasons to yell at him with random things, either. Remember how, in MAG017, Jon was reading about how someone should have had trouble with the police when he was interrupted by Elias “I Have Killed And Will Kill Again And Will Be Sent To Prison For This” Bouchard of all people?

(MAG017) ARCHIVIST: […] He was always very careful to stop before he did anything that might get the police involved, and I guess there was enough leftover affection from a childhood spent together that I never really thought about reporting him. It wa– [DOOR OPENING] ARCHIVIST: Oh, erm, hello Elias. ELIAS: Do you have a moment?

(Yes, that one is a very “jONNY” scene in retrospect. And trousersless!Martin interrupted Albrecht’s statement in the same fashion, when Albrecht was getting ready to enter the crypt.)

On the one hand, Gerry asserted that blood ties don’t matter for the Entities – and, indeed, it sounds… more in synch with the series to think that choices and personality are the things that determine you(r fate). But on the other hand: it’s still so curious that Gerry was so deeply rooted into Beholding powers, when Wilhelm von Closen had been so close to the Beholding mausoleum?

(MAG012, Lesere Saraki) […] watching [Gerard], standing and walking despite the burns covering eighty percent of his body, despite the sheer quantity of painkillers we had given him… he just made me very afraid. […] I followed him, asked what he was doing. I got no answer, but he seemed to know the code to the door immediately and strode right in, scanning the shelves for something. He saw what he was after and picked up a small object wrapped in paper and plastic. I recognised it immediately as a sterile scalpel.

(Gerry even technically demonstrated powers that were… very close to Jon’s? His body was still able to function when it shouldn’t have been able to; he just knew things; he was able to tell that MAG048’s statement-giver had been “marked” just by staring at her…)

So. While we were all focusing on the potential of Martin Lukas, was it actually Martin von Closen (/whatever Albrecht’s sons were: monsters stolen from the crypt? Emanations from the books? Non-spooky babies who got contaminated by the books? The Beholding equivalent of whatever Agnès was for the Desolation?) all along, or The Unholy Encounter Of The Two.

(Or as usual: is Martin still… absolutely normal, without any spooky roots nor anything.)

- Biggest initial shock was to hear Jon… revealing that he was Genre Savvy.

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: [SHARP INHALE, FAST] Statement of doctor Jonathan Fanshawe, regarding the months leading up to the death and autopsy of Albrecht Von Closen. […] Disconcerting to find my namesake in a statement. Especially one connected so directly to the Institute. […] Whatever is happening now… has its origins two hundred years ago. In the work of an evil man. … Exactly two hundred years, in fact. Don’t think that little detail has evaded me.

(Jon, stop staring at the camera/tape recorder, I feel called out.) He spotted the name (though there have been a lot of variations around “John” in all the names involved in all the statements), he revealed that he’s aware that is the 200th anniversary, and that something bad is likely coming. That’s a lot from him!

- Amazingly, we’ve already learned where Jon was hurt and what with!

(MAG127) BASIRA: But she did want me to… apologise. ARCHIVIST: Oh. BASIRA: From her. For… the shoulder. ARCHIVIST: Oh. It, it’s fine; scalpel wounds… they heal quickly. BASIRA: Hm. ARCHIVIST: Too quickly, really. BASIRA: Already? ARCHIVIST: Just another scar for the collection! BASIRA: Hm.

Jon’s self-deprecative dry humour makes me laugh and cry at the same time, and ha, in the list of things he’s savvy about: the fact that he’s collecting them indeed. (Now, to know whether that serves a grand purpose…)

- I LOVE THAT OVERALL, JON IS TRYING…………..

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] I’m sorry Basira, I–I will try to keep anything I learn about you to myself. My priorities haven’t changed; I hope you can believe that. [SIGHS] I’m still on your side. You can trust me.

And I perfectly understand that Basira might want to stay cautious: of course, a liar would lie about that, too ;; And Jon, after all, is trying a new approach – laying it all down in the open, instead of hiding himself. It’s good, but it can understandably raise suspicions for Basira ;;

- The trend of Jon sounding So Thirsty about getting anything about Martin, any news about Martin, is still going strong:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] I’m still on your side. You can trust me. BASIRA: [EXHALES] … Yeah. People keep saying that. ARCHIVIST: Do they? … W–w–who else– Did Martin say something?

I KNOW THAT HE HAS LEGITIMATE REASONS TO BE WORRIED… but w o w Jon, you’re sounding more and more desperate. (I do understand!! Last original assistant alive, Martin being in a bad place since he’s working with Peter and all… But the sheer contrast with season 1 is just astounding, and I’m still not getting used to it. I’m used to Martin gratuitously thinking about Jon; not to Jon… spontaneously thinking about Martin, as one of his concerns.)

- Jon’s life sounds like a succession of… doors? It’s definitely his biggest recurring motif. Mr. Spider’s door, that he never knocked on. “Michael”-then-“Helen”’s door: the one through which Helen disappeared right in front of him (MAG047), the one he used to flee from Not!Sasha (MAG079), the one he should have opened to die and the one that ultimately saved him from Nikola (MAG101), the one that had been haunting his dreams:

(MAG120) ELIAS: […] There is a door in front of him. A yellow door. He knows the dream it used to lead to; he knows it well. But that’s not where it leads anymore. He does not know what is behind it anymore, and he is deathly afraid of finding out. The Archivist turns away.

And now, the image of the “door” he used to describe the power that has been the most prevalent since he woke up:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: I’m not “snooping”, I’m not looking. That’s not… how this works. BASIRA: Explain it, then. ARCHIVIST: I, I’m not sure I can. BASIRA: Humour me. ARCHIVIST: [SIGHS] It’s… hard. It’s like there’s a–a–a door, in my mind. And behind it, is… i–is the entire ocean. Before, I didn’t notice it, but now, I know it’s there, and I can’t forget it, and I can feel the pressure of the water on it. I, I, I can keep it closed… but sometimes, when I’m around p–people, or–or places, or… ideas, a drop or two will push through the cracks, at the edges of the door. And I’ll… know something. BASIRA: … What happens, if you open the door? [PAUSE] ARCHIVIST: I drown.

Jon ;; (That mental picture… was really striking, and now, we know what could ultimately happen, what will probably happen…)

- Same as last episode: Jon’s powers, when they direct him towards statements… make him dig into the past? Is it a way to keep him detached from the present, as time continues to pass and as Jon knows that something is coming?

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] Whatever is happening now… has its origins two hundred years ago. In the work of an evil man. … Exactly two hundred years, in fact. Don’t think that little detail has evaded me. I don’t know the precise date the Institute was founded, but I do know that it was in 1818. … Something’s coming. I know it is. … But I just don’t know what I need to do. […] BASIRA: And what was that you were doing yesterday? ARCHIVIST: … When…? BASIRA: You were sat on the floor for like four hours. ARCHIVIST: … Oh! Er, n–n–no, I was, er, I was… listening. Y’know, it’s, trying to see if any of the statements… called to me. BASIRA: And? ARCHIVIST: [FLIPS PAPER] BASIRA: Brilliant.

(yfhudscjnfed I love getting something about how Jon is perceived from the outside, but at the same time? At the same time, isn’t it a fairly standard thing to sit or lay on the floor while you’re waiting for something or inspiration to strike, Basira, why do you depict it as odd.) (Does it mean that Basira regularly went to take a peak during these four hours, though.)

Or is Beholding trying to give Jon a clue to assert the situation, to get the bigger picture and to understand what he could do (whether it’s to… contribute to The Watcher’s Crown or to sabotage it)? Jon once again acknowledged that he is lacking direction:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] Something’s coming. I know it is. … But I just don’t know what I need to do. […] [SIGHS] So what do we do now…? BASIRA: You tell me. Just don’t expect much on trust these days. ARCHIVIST: … Yes, I… I suppose that’s fair. [CLICK.]

And ;; I guess that either he’s still waiting for spooky insights directing him towards some statements, either he’ll have to wait for something else (the tapes Elias mentioned? Getting a hold on Martin again? Waiting for Peter Lukas to reveal himself? Waiting to get a visitor?), either he’ll have to get a bit more creative (leaving the Institute again to try to talk with other avatars? Tracking Adelard down, since Jon knows that he knew Gertrude and worked with her a bit, having even moved out the explosives for her?).

- I’m sad but also relieved for Melanie… Even though we’re not hearing her, it seems like she’s getting back some of her feelings, some of her individuality; she’s not a ball of nerves and instinct anymore? It sounds like she’s having a rough time but… also like she’s recovering a bit? ;;

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: How’s Melanie? BASIRA: How do you think? ARCHIVIST: I, er, I should probably… talk to h– BASIRA: You should probably stay as far away as possible. She doesn’t want to see you. ARCHIVIST: No. No, o–o–of course. Er, she has… […] Do–do you think it worked? Is she… BASIRA: I don’t know. She seems more… coherent, I guess. And you did get an apology. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. BASIRA: She said she can cry now, which is, hum… ARCHIVIST: Oh… BASIRA: Progress, I think? ARCHIVIST: Uh… BASIRA: She’s still angry but, she hasn’t attacked anyone. Not even sure she has it in her anymore. ARCHIVIST: Well that’s, that’s good! BASIRA: Hm.

(It’s also good that Jon quickly accepted that if Melanie doesn’t want to see him, it means he won’t try to see her? He’s trying so hard to fix things, but also to manoeuvre without hurting others, and gosh ;;) (… Now that Melanie is out of her downwards spiral, maybe Jon will switch his focus to getting Martin back?)

- I’m a bit torn about Martin’s mother: on the one hand, I’m obviously “AOUCH???” and almost offended because??? Can we give Martin a break p l e a s e??? He had learned about Sasha’s death in April 2017 (and also that, surprise! He was bound forever to the Archives.), Tim died and Jon fell into a coma in August, his mom died around October, that’s a rough six months??? On the other hand, that’s still textbook fridging, and it felt a bit dry to me (even for the series!) given that… we only knew about her through indirect mentions and violations of privacy: Jon digging through Martin’s stuff to discover the letter to his mother, and Elias using his powers on Martin in MAG118. The only time Martin himself mentioned her was to contextualize why he had lied on his application:

(MAG042) ARCHIVIST: […] there is an unfinished letter, addressed to his mother in Devon, in which he mentions that he is worried about “the others finding out I’ve been lying”. It may be nothing, some… inconsequential deception or other – after all, it is ostensibly written to his mother – but if it was actually to be sent to someone else… I will keep my eye on Martin.

(MAG056) MARTIN: I don’t have a Master’s in parapsychology, I don’t even have a degree. When I was 17, my mom, she… had… she had some problems, and I ended up dropping out of school, t– trying to support us.

The fact that he had to take care of his mother shaped Martin’s whole life; it contributed to leading him to the Institute, it probably prevented him from socializing much, it’s probably why he doesn’t live very well (Stockwell isn’t the fanciest of neighbourhoods), since he had to pay for her care and then carehome. Yet, even with Elias, Martin avoided to mention his relationship with her and, obviously, we never heard her (we don’t even know what illness she was afflicted with!). She was distant in all senses (geographically, communication-wise, information-wise). The thing I mostly hope for (and which would feel a bit better for me?) would be to finally get Martin… talking about his relationship with her?, instead of having people doing that in his stead. It was obviously a sore spot already; after MAG118, it… was probably worse (Elias wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t supposed to hurt on the long run and keep Martin in check.) I don’t know if we’ll have the time for characters to even consider that they can afford to take care of themselves and treat themselves a bit by trying to unpack their issues, though. But I’d really love to finally hear Martin talk about his mother, and not other characters describing their relationship from the outside? (I want to think she died of natural causes, since she was sick for a long time, but obviously, can’t help but wonder if Lonely fuckedupness didn’t contribute somehow, since Peter wanted Martin. Though I doubt it for meta-reasons, since killing/hurting someone just to get a reaction out of one of the main characters, without hearing the victim’s own feelings about it, wouldn’t feel like the series, I think?)

- What happened to Martin’s mother… also explains why Basira was a bit defensive of him back in MAG123:

(MAG123) BASIRA: Yeah, he comes and goes. He’s busy. Well, he seems it. ARCHIVIST: Working for Peter Lukas. BASIRA: Don’t be too hard on him, Jon. Your, er… “situation”, it hit him. Hard. ARCHIVIST: [LONG EXHALES] Yes. Well, I’m sure there are better ways to deal with it than getting cosy with Elias’s successor. Who I’ve yet to meet, by the way.

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] W–w–who else– Did Martin say something? BASIRA: … It was a few months back. After the attack. He’d started spending time with Lukas. At least, he said he was. And I wanted answers. He kept telling me to trust him, to hear the guy out even though he still wouldn’t actually show his face. I told him he could… drop me an email or vanish me. ARCHIVIST: … Right. BASIRA: Honestly, I kind of regret not just… grabbing Martin and shaking an explanation out of him. But I didn’t want to push it. He was in a… bad place, what with the attack and his mom and everything, so I didn’t press it. Now, I try and bring it up, he just… disappears. Nothing to be done. ARCHIVIST: So–sorry, you said… What happened with his mother? BASIRA: Oh, yeah. She died. About two months– ARCHIVIST: Oh… BASIRA: –after you, er… … Martin was… … He tried to stay strong. Keep it together but, that sort of thing… ARCHIVIST: [SIGHS] BASIRA: [SIGHS] Then those Flesh things busted in, and well, here we are! ARCHIVIST: … God. BASIRA: He didn’t tell you? ARCHIVIST: No… BASIRA: Hm. Guess you don’t know everything, then. ARCHIVIST: No, I, I–I guess not.

(I wonder if Basira’s mention that Martin “just… disappears” is literal, or if she means that he just leaves? We heard him walk away, back in MAG125 with Jon, but… Peter just appears Like That, so…)

;; Slowly, we’re also filling in the gap between MAG120 and MAG121 a bit – at the same time as Jon does. Tim died, Jon went into his “coma”; Elias was arrested, Peter became Head of the Institute; two months after, Martin’s mother died; two months after, The Flesh attacked (Basira told Jon it happened “About two months ago” in MAG123); two months after, Jon woke up. We’re still not sure when the season 4 trailer happened exactly – was it before or after The Flesh? (Martin sounded at his end, back then, so I’d like to think right after but the other option is not impossible either…).

- GODS, I LOVE BASIRA… She’s Judging and assessing, not talking a lot with Jon (so many non-committal “Hm.”), but also frankly expressing her disapproval or that she thinks Jon is crossing lines; not closing communication but also highlighting the limits… And what a LEGEND, honestly. The fact that she didn’t even threaten to leave but just started to leave as soon as Elias began to Act All Elias. Not taking any of his bullshit (SHE GOT HIS POSH MOUTH TO SAY “BULLSHIT” =D) redjrefdujire,d. I’m love her. And I’m also so worried for her because Elias talking to you means Problems in general.

- Squinting at how Elias “I Can Complain About How ‘Oh, good lord, don’t be so dramatic, Jon!’ Because I’m An S-Class Dramatist Myself Have You Heard MAG092 And MAG120 And My Perfect Sense Of Timing” Bouchard greeted Basira with that… “Detective”?

(MAG127) ELIAS: … Good evening. Detective. [STEPS COMING CLOSER] BASIRA: I’m not a detective. ELIAS: Of course.

Elias rarely says seemingly gratuitous things if it’s not actually meant to hurt (even a few months later), or to mock, or to manipulate, so what’s the deal there. It could be a nod to Daisy (since she was the detective), or… a kind of ~I know what you’ve been doing~, if Basira has been researching on some delicate matters (that she still wouldn’t have shared with Jon)? I also wonder if it’s not… once again, Elias just quoting what other people said when he wasn’t there and shouldn’t have known, since Georgie had also called Basira a “detective” in MAG122 (right before they discovered that Jon had woken up), and Basira hadn’t reacted back then:

(MAG122) BASIRA: Alright. And you don’t know why this guy would have left a tape recorder? GEORGIE: You’re the detective. BASIRA: And you’re sure it was him who left it?

Reminder: Elias Does That and has a sucky sense of humour. He was already doing it back in season 1 (MAG039, Jon: “I can’t really stand up yet. I need you to describe what’s going on. For the record.” / Elias, in another place, right after: “You [Sasha] did bring a tape recorder. I just thought Jon would appreciate as many supplementary recordings as possible. For the record.”). We know that Basira wasn’t against presenting herself as an “investigator” for fun:

(MAG106) BASIRA: I should probably go check in with Martin. Y’know, if he’s in for drinks. MELANIE: So you can double-check your gossip~? BASIRA: I don’t gossip! I have the mind of an investigator.

… but that’s not the term that Elias used. Sooo… why the “Detective”, indeed. It doesn’t sound like a Beholding title (a bit too police-oriented) compared to “Watcher” or “Archivist” (Leitner had also called Jon “the observer”)…

- Elias is having it rough in prison, it’s a treat to hear <333 Kudos to Ben for the… raspier, tighter, incommodious? voice that deeeefinitely conveyed that Elias is not sitting on his throne anymore. … Actually, some of it reminded me a bit of Jon going through statements-withdrawal in MAG107, so I wonder if Elias isn’t having a personal form of withdrawal somehow, too, by being far from the Institute for such an extended period of time?

I’m… a bit lost as to why he even tried to pretend that he wasn’t spying on Basira&co in the first place, only to admit that he knew things when Basira told him off?

(MAG127) ELIAS: Er, I’ve found one of these in my cell? It, it wasn’t recording, but… I assume this means he’s awake. BASIRA: … ELIAS: … Basira? BASIRA: Can we cut the bullshit? ELIAS: What “bullshit” might that be? BASIRA: The part where you pretend you don’t spend your whole time watching us. ELIAS: … Sometimes I’m eating. BASIRA: You know he’s back. You’ve seen him. ELIAS: Fine! Yes.

Why even bother? He had implied to Martin that the distance wouldn’t prevent him from spying on them (MAG120: “Best of luck, Martin. Ah, let the others know I shall be thinking of them. […] G–goodbye, Martin. Be seeing you.”) and his comments to Basira about “trust” are a clear reference to her discussion with Jon earlier in the episode:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: […] I’m still on your side. You can trust me. BASIRA: [EXHALES] … Yeah. People keep saying that. […] Just don’t expect much on trust these days. ARCHIVIST: … Yes, I… I suppose that’s fair.

(MAG127) BASIRA: Right. So, what? You figured you’d record us for him? Sow some distrust from afar? ELIAS: Our… arrangement with the Inspector notwithstanding, I… rather feel that right now all the distrust is very much your own.

So nop, he’s still a pesky misery-sucking voyeuristic mosquito even from further distance and even though Peter/the Lonely has taken over the Institute – he’s still able to spy on them.

One thing I wondered was whether he wasn’t having trouble watching Jon, with his new status and all, hence the pretending that he had guessed that Jon was awake through deduction and not just… sheer observation; but he did admit that he knew and had indeed seen him when Basira pushed it. So!! That actually clears something up for me: Elias might be using the “I assume(d)” expression as a loophole when he’s lying-without-personally-feeling-that-he’s-lying (MAG040, Elias: “so, I assumed [Gertrude] was dead and left the investigation to the police, for all that good it did me.”). That counts as lying for me, but maybe not for him, apparently :w

Plus, Elias’s reasoning about the tape recorders seem to follow Jon’s, a bit in the same fashion (possibly overheard him, and is using his arguments?):

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: […] There was a tape recorder waiting for me when I sat down. […] I’ve decided to let the tapes run. They’ve… proved useful before, so…

(MAG127) ELIAS: […] And as to whether he will ever hear this, maybe he’ll get the tapes. Maybe he won’t. But the recordings have helped so far, so…

Not the exact same phrasing for once, but roughly the same intention, except for one thing: “THE RECORDINGS HAVE HELPED” WHOM/WHAT, ELIAS. (I’m really not sure he meant “they helped Jon in the past” here.)

- In the same fashion: I wonder whether he can see what Martin is currently doing, or if Peter’s influence prevents him from accessing him, since they’re working closely together? What does Elias think of Martin working directly under Peter, and “isolating” himself? You’d think that even if Elias only felt mostly disgust towards Martin, cheating on Beholding would be a big enough offender for him to snap about that…?

FUN THING: Elias… still has NEVER EVER. MENTIONED. EVEN. ONCE. “PETER LUKAS”.

He never acknowledged that Peter had taken over the Institute. He didn’t even mention that Peter might be supposed to protect the Archives team? If Peter is not great with computers and with administration work with “too many variables” (from a sea captain??? Really??), nor is he supposed to protect the Archives, nor does he share Elias’s priority of setting off the Watcher's Crown (as Peter is focusing on Adelard’s investigations instead)… why was Peter chosen as an interim director? What was he supposed to do, in Elias’s mind? I’m going back to this, once again: does Elias even know that Peter has taken over the Institute? And/or does “Peter” truly exist as a person/avatar/monster? Jon had immediately thought about the possibility that he wasn’t “real”:

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: Sorry, you haven’t– BASIRA: Nop. Never seen him. As far as I can tell, Martin’s the only one who has. ARCHIVIST: … right. A–and you’re sure he’s… real? BASIRA: We get emails from him. Memos. […] ARCHIVIST: But i–if you’ve never…seen him, I mean…

And it’s true that Peter wasn’t exactly interacting with his surroundings in past appearances: he was isolated when drinking his coffee in MAG033 and then… didn’t actually command The Tundra (Carlita only spotted him when they left the boat at night). In-series, he only appeared to people when they were alone (MAG100 for Bryan; MAG108, MAG120, MAG126 for Martin). The only cases in which there were multiple people involved around him were in MAG066, when he and Salesa freed Vincent Yang from the box (… and Peter was implied to have betted on Vincent having died in said box), and in MAG101, when Michael recounted that Michael Shelley and Gertrude had met with Peter to get transportation to the Great Twisting. MAG126 implied that Martin might have been the one writing Peter’s emails (since Peter ~can’t stand computers~): is that because Peter can barely interact with the world around him / is only perceptible to people who have been marked by the Lonely? Or is that part of the plan to isolate Martin further – by making everyone think that Martin is actually “Peter Lukas” and deceiving everyone?

Alternatively: Elias is not mentioning Peter on purpose, knows in excruciating detail what is happening around Peter, and, whatever is currently happening, they’re in on it together, and it really doesn’t bode well for Martin even if the New Threat is actually a thing. ;;

- Biggest plot-twist, for me, was to learn that Elias doesn’t want Jon to see him and has taken extra measures to ensure that they wouldn’t meet. Basira had already mentioned that Elias had made a deal with the police (MAG122: “A bunch of Section’d officers took him in. He made some sort of deal, I think. But… he’s not getting out anytime soon.”) and we still don’t know the details of that one, though Elias just mentioned his “cooperation” (is it just behaving without making people’s lives hell in the prison? Or is it actively helping Section 31’d officers? I’m guessing that… selective omniscient powers might be relevant to their interests?)

Elias not wanting Jon to see him leads me to wonder about two things: what is Elias waiting for – he described Jon as being in transition, so when and how is Jon supposed to reach the next stage (AND HOW CAN HE AVOID IT)? And why does Elias want to avoid being in Jon’s presence? Because Jon would punch him in the face? (Definitely, but there is a long queue :w) Because Jon would most definitely do the exact contrary of what Elias seems to be aiming for? (Nothing new in that regard :w) Orrr… because Elias thinks that Jon has reached a stage where Jon’s compulsion might work on him?

Anyway: there is something definitely funny in the way that… for both Martin and Elias, Jon is a ~*HIM*~-who-doesn’t-need-to-be-named:

(MAG126) MARTIN: […] It’s because he’s back, isn’t it. [SIGHS] He’s back, so now you’re going to be… around, again. Listening in. Mff. You missed him, didn’t you. … Yeah. … [VERY SHARP SQUEAL OF DISTORTION] Yeah, me too. […] PETER: You talked to him. MARTIN: I… I, I tried not to, I–I, I didn’t mean to… PETER: You talked to him. And that’s understandable, Martin, of course it is! Please don’t think I’m upset, it’s just… not ideal. Shows how much work we still have ahead of us. MARTIN: If I keep avoiding him, people will get suspicious. […] You said he’d probably never wake up. […] When all this is over, I’m telling him everything, with or without your permission.

(MAG127) ELIAS: […] It, it wasn’t recording, but… I assume this means he’s awake. […] BASIRA: You know he’s back. You’ve seen him. […] You figured you’d record us for him? […] Fine. So you won’t see him, but you’re happy for him to hear our conversations. ELIAS: He can listen all he wants, but he’s at a very delicate stage right now, and I… fear my presence would be a… a distraction. I’ve made it clear my cooperation’s contingent on his not seeing me, and my terms have been accepted thus far.

(Only moment Elias said Jon’s name was to diss him: “Then again: you are beset by enemies on all sides, Basira. And unless you expect Jon to record them into submission […]”. So Jon only has a name when it’s about trashing him and the fact he’s a nerd who can’t win in a fight. Elias, please.)

- By the way! The many shackle sounds gave us an indication: Elias must have the habit of using a loooot of hand gestures for emphasis, since it was clicking all the time when he was talking!

- Not the first time that Elias has acknowledged the tape recorders (MAG098: Melanie: “… Did…? Did you turn that on?” / Elias: “Hmm? Oh. You get used to it.”) or used them as a means of communication between him and Jon (he addressed Jon directly when recording in MAG092 and MAG120), but first time that he’s been directly asked about what he knows about them!

(MAG127) ELIAS: […] And as to whether he will ever hear this, maybe he’ll get the tapes. Maybe he won’t. But the recordings have helped so far, so… BASIRA: … Do you know what they are? ELIAS: What a question.

WHICH TECHNICALLY MEANS SHIT, THANK YOU E-LIE-AS. Could mean that He Knows Exactly What They Are And How They Operate; could mean that he has a vague idea; could mean that he has absolutely no idea and is bullshitting his way out of the question. Eff you, grinning man. (Sidenote: Ben’s delivery on that last line was so satisfying somehow??)

- “Sometimes I’m eating.” … Yyyyyeah but, Elias. Do you sleep? Jury’s out on the question. Relatedly: I wonder if Jon is wishing he didn’t need to sleep, but at the same time… he hasn’t mentioned sleeping since season 4 started, and we still don’t know if he’s still having The Dreams. When Basira listed off the overview of Jon’s powers, it would have been the perfect moment to try to sort out what’s up with those:

(MAG127) BASIRA: … So. You can’t be killed by a collapsing building. Major injuries scar up fast. You can force the truth out of people and knowledge pops into your head whenever you need it. ARCHIVIST: Yes. I, I think that about, that about covers it.

But Jon didn’t add anything. I have no inkling of what is going on in Jon’s head: was he actually less aware of the true nature of his dreams than we had accounted for at the end of season 3 (MAG113: “I’m not too concerned, to be honest, my dreams are, uh… Well, let’s just say I don’t think they’re going to be letting anyone else in… any time soon.”)? Was he made to forget about the content of his dreams when he woke up from his coma, in the same way that he forgot the end of the Unknowing? Is he hiding that information from Basira because he’s trying to make her trust him again, and feels like it could be a deal-breaker? (He’s making efforts to be transparent with her, though… but is he exhaustive in that transparency? He, of all people, should know that hiding things has proven to be a wrong course of action, and so far in season 4 he has been precisely sharing and trying to talk to people, though…).

I guess that we’ll need to wait for a push in order to find out what Jon knows/remembers about his dreams: whether an old statement-giver coming back, whether a new person coming to give a live statement (what will Jon do in such a situation?), whether… MAG120’s tape resurfacing, which could be soon.

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: […] There was a tape recorder waiting for me when I sat down. They’re not even hiding it anymore. There weren’t any tapes from when I was… away – I checked. Whatever they are, they are here for me.

(MAG127) ELIAS: Er, I’ve found one of these in my cell? It, it wasn’t recording, but… I assume this means he’s awake. […] And as to whether he will ever hear this, maybe he’ll get the tapes. Maybe he won’t. But the recordings have helped so far, so…

^He’s probably referring to the time he was comatose but, technically, Jon went “away” at the end of MAG117, so that could include the tapes of MAG118 and MAG120. Both involving Elias. Elias clearly said “the tapes”, plural, in MAG127, so maybe getting that tape recorder will unlock the missing ones, which could just… reappear? No idea.

- Oh My Gods, Elias:

(MAG127) BASIRA: … So why am I here? What do you want that’s so important you needed to tell me to my face? ELIAS: I believe you’ve recently lost Melanie. BASIRA: … We saved Melanie. ELIAS: As a person, yes, but as a defender…

Melanie, from off-screen: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD. (That was so mean and gratuitous and savage, ELIAS???)

There is something absolutely disgusting in the way Elias managed to turn one of the only good things that have happened recently (they managed to remove the bullet from Melanie! She’s a bit more of herself again! She’s getting emotions back!) into… a loss. Was it because she was infected by The Slaughter that Elias wanted to hire her in MAG084? We know from MAG106 that the fact that she didn’t have many people around her helped:

(MAG106) MELANIE: Threaten then. I’ve got nothing. ELIAS: That’s… almost true. Your life is indeed shockingly absent of any meaningful connections. That’s actually one of the reasons I chose you for this job. [PAUSE] Your father was your last real anchor, wasn’t he? [STATIC BEGINS.]

But it was “one of the reasons” (potential others being: Melanie listing how she’s reached the end of her options in MAG084); did Elias already know about the Slaughter-infected wound?

… ;; I REALLY don’t like that Elias is ~offering his help~ for the Archives now that this part is getting better. What is the trick. How is he planning to get some power back through the option he’s ~generously~ mentioning to Basira.

(MAG127) ELIAS: As a person, yes, but as a defender… I would have thought you would want all the help you could get, or… have you forgotten what happened last time you lay your guard down? BASIRA: … We’ll work it out. ELIAS: Possibly. Then again: you are beset by enemies on all sides, Basira. And unless you expect Jon to record them into submission, it would seem you’re in rather dire need of another option. BASIRA: … And you just happen to have one. ELIAS: I might have an idea, yes. BASIRA: And what does it cost? ELIAS: Just some of your time, Basira. Just your time. BASIRA: … [SIGHS] Okay. Let’s hear it.

(Gods!!! I hate it!! I love how he’s good at what he’s doing!! Hitting where it hurts – that “last time you lay your guard down” might be about The Flesh attack? And as usual, he sounds totally rational, getting you when you’re in a weak spot, when you’d need help!! There are obvious parallels with the way Peter handled Martin in the meantime: both playing on the way Basira&Martin feel responsible for the others’ safety, both being ~logical~ and insisting that their deal is mostly in your interest…)

What is the triiiiiiiiiick, WHAT IS THAT INSISTENCE ABOUT “TIME”………..

1°) I really hope that whatever he told Basira, Basira won’t play along with his game. The tape recorder cut at this point; Jon won’t know about Elias’s offer if Basira doesn’t tell him. I really hope that she’s not planning dissimulation – Martin is already doing that and it… doesn’t sound good already. If they scatter, if they hide and keep things from each other, they can be sure that Elias will get some power back this way……………

2°) Regarding the ~cliffhanger~ of Elias having a suggestion to make regarding the Archives team’s new “Defender”, there are many options and, even amongst characters we have already met, they’re all interesting.

Daisy? Sounds the most logical, since we can assume (from a narrative standpoint) that she’s not totally dead + Elias mistakenly called Basira “detective” and called her in – she would be the one who would agree to do anything to get Daisy back. (Though… anyway, Elias couldn’t have called anyone else: Melanie would have skinned him anyway, Martin is off, and Elias doesn’t want Jon to see him.) Is the mention that Basira would only have to give “time” because she would be supposed to take her place inside of the coffin…? (Past victims seem to just disappear inside of it, though.)

Simon Fairchild? Jon said that he didn’t want to meet him a few episodes ago (MAG124: “Fairchild seems to travel far and wide for his victims, with no motivation other than… variety. I do not think I ever wish to meet him.”), would be Very Elias to just throw the old man at Jon as a result.

The Section’d officer who arrested Elias / the Legend who punched Elias? He sounded like an awful guy but HEY!!! He punched Elias. Melanie would love to hear about how it felt, and she needs some cheering up. And I wouldn’t put it past Elias to rec the guy who punched him.

JUDE PERRY? Would be amazingly awful for Jon and also worst choice ever, which is why Elias could go for that one.

Julia&Trevor, having managed to come back from the US? Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t dream of Trevor hunting in the Archives. (Okay, maybe I just want to hear Julia again because nnggg. Maybe.) (Also!! They burned down Ivy Meadows (and Melanie’s father), so if anyone should get to meet them, it’s Melanie.)

Spider-people and/or Annabelle? Can’t say for sure, but I feel like whatever the spiders are doing, they’re enjoying their lurking in the shadows for now (and given that they sent Oliver to wake up Jon, they seem to avoid direct interactions with him).

Mikaele Salesa? He had contacts with the Institute, knew Gertrude a bit, and we only know that he disappeared(status is unknown, “he hasn’t been seen for almost two years now” in MAG045, which took place in September 2016). Plus, Salesa knew Peter Lukas…

Breekon or Hope, depending on which of them survived Daisy’s wrath? I really don’t think so (if anything… the surviving one might be a threat for the Archives), but their fake accent would drive Jon CRAZY so fast, probably, and I’d be here for this.

Sadly, if Jon’s dreams from MAG120 are any indication, he’s presumably dead, but I can’t help but think about Mike Crew for the Hilarity. I mean! He wrecked Jon (a bit) and:

(MAG091) MIKE: You’re sure I can’t get you a cup of tea? ARCHIVIST: Uh, it–it’s fine, really. MIKE: Okay. You just seem a bit… jumpy, is all. […] ARCHIVIST: You… There was, there was a book? Er, two of them, at least. Er… Ex Altiora, The Boneturner’s Tale. You, uh… I think you threw a guy off a skyscraper in Paris. MIKE: Hmm. Last chance for that cup of tea. ARCHIVIST: I… [STATIC] Where did you get that scar? MIKE: [LONG SIGH AS THE SOUND OF RUSHING AIR RISES] And I was trying so hard to be polite. […] We have a lot in common, really. After all, what, what good’s the height, the terrifying draw of gravity, unless you, unless you really know the scale of what you’re facing?

He said they Vast and Beholding had “lot in common”! He makes tea!! (Wrong person, but still. He likes to make and offer tea. A spot was left… vacant, for that role.)

tl:dr BEHOLDING-STATEMENT YIIISSS, and I’m so glad and mad to have heard Elias again, already =DD

We already have MAG128’s title soooo… personal speculation would be about Breekon &/or Hope, maybe the coffin already? And/or a Buried statement? Regarding the title’s double-meaning (/if taken literally): Sounds Like A Big Lie anyway :|

#at least we got ONE jonathan with self-preservation skills?#the magnus archives #tma liveblog #mag127 #tma season 4 #tma spoilers/

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yumas3lo · 6 years

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Donovan Carrillo: "I need to worry more about skating and less about money"

New Interview by Proceso, published on August 19, 2018.

Presenting a program with the music by Juan Gabriel in an international skating competition was a double-edged sword for Donovan Carrillo: he became famous, but he was also attacked for it. Under the culture of effort, "always willing to suffer", this 18-year-old is the only opportunity that Mexico has to qualify to the 2022 Olympic Games in Beijing. However, the lack of support puts his goal at risk. While the Mexican sports authorities turn their backs (they didn't pay attention to him when he asked for a uniform) a Chinese company already has their eyes on him.

Donovan Carrillo was born with rhythm. As a child he could dance to any kind of music. Juan Gabriel and the Backstreet Boys inspired him to move his body. He could imitate the steps of any choreography. He would dance as well as he could do in gymnastics and diving, disciplines that he practiced from three years until the figure skating crossed his path.

On the ice rink in Guadalajara, a girl captivated him. In order to know her, he asked his parents to enroll him. The girl inspired him. Sliding on solid water made him fall in love forever.

It's been 26 years since the last time a Mexican skater qualified for the Winter Olympics Games. Ricardo Olavarrieta was in Albertville 1992 and in Calgary 1988. Carrillo is the only opportunity that Mexico has to have a representative in Beijing 2022. With 18 years old, the Jalisco skater finished in 22nd place in his first Senior World Championship that took place in Italy and in 2017 he finished in 7th place in the Australian Junior Grand Prix.

Carrillo's Olympic project is a familiar goal. His parents, a couple of P.E. teachers who work from dawn to dusk in public schools, carry debts that will soon be unpayable. His coach, Gregorio Núñez, with whom the skater has worked for almost 11 years, does not charge him for the training hours, which can cost between 150 and 450 MX pesos half an hour. He invests his time and money in the dream of someone who already looks like his own son.

"He is the breakthrough of Mexican figure skating. He is the best nationally speaking. He has achieved very important results, such as being the first Mexican to qualify for a World Championships based on points, which has lots of merit. If he didn't had the shortcomings that he lived, he would have achieved more. The Olympic Games will be the culmination of all the effort he has made", says Gregorio Núñez.

In Mexico there are only two ice rinks of 30m x 60m, which are the official measures of the International Skating Union (ISU): in Monterrey and in CDMX. Donovan Carrillo lives since he was 13 in León, Guanajuato, where Núñez moved when he was hired as a coach on the the Ice Sports Center's rink, which measures are 23m x 50m.

He trains there with a grant, without paying for the use of the facilities, but every time he goes out to an international competition he must adapt his programs to a bigger rink, which complicates his performance. There is no way to consider about training outside of Mexico and without Gregorio Núñez. The investment would be around 5,000 dollars a month.

Carrillo works helping to coach Núñez's group. Collecting every coin to pay for his preparation. At this stage it is vital for him to participate in the largest number of international competitions as possible.

"Every time we see things darker so we can't go out and compete. We organize raffles or breakfasts to pay everything. I started selling diaries with training tips. From there we could pay the flight for Worlds, otherwise I wouldn't have been there. I need support from other people to reach my goals. I have raised my level, but I know can give more. I am willing to work very hard. Not having the institutional support does not mean that I'm going to give up", explains Carrillo. Donovan Carrillo was seven years old the first time he had contact with figure skating. At the end of his gymnastics and diving training, he accompanied his parents to pick up his older sister, who was skating with Gregorio Núñez in a rink from Guadalajara.

He discovered that it was a perfect sport for his personality: it involves jumps with turns of high difficulty, like the ones he already did. It includes dance and corporal expression. He left gymnastics and for a year and he tried diving and skating. By that time, he was studying in the facilities of the Sports Institute of Jalisco.

When he decided to train skating on a full-time basis, he had to switch to a conventional school that was not as generous as the one where athletes study. Since his parents weren't enough to pay for training on ice, he also trained roller speed skating.

Núñez detected in Donovan the talent for this sport. Thin and with short stature, light but agile and very strong, with a natural charisma that allows him to perform with ease in crowded public spaces. He had and an extraordinary rhythm for dancing, which he polished over the years with ballet and jazz classes.

The first day on the ice rink Donovan faced the challenge of maintaining balance on the blades of his skates, which measure is less than half a centimeter wide. He learned the difficult task of standing up correctly with unsteady feet, then he started walking and then marching. He never was afraid to fall. He wasn't measuring the danger, he was encouraged to jump and spin. The many times he fell were when he got up smiling.

"The day I skated for the first time I felt that I found the place where I belong, where I can express myself and feel free", he recalls. In a matter of a month he learned all the basics: pushing, slide back and forth and make simple jumps. The spins in different positions were his biggest headache. At first he was dizzy. He would get lost in space, and although he felt he was spinning a lot, he actually would make less than two turns. With hours of training and perseverance he managed to master them. Later he began to learn the jumps that amaze the spectators: Salchow, Toe Loop, Loop, Flip, Lutz and Axel, three of them baptized in honor of the first skaters who executed them. Each jump can be done with two to four turns. He knew how enter the jumps with the blades, to break the rotation and then slide the whole sole of the foot at the exact moment to avoid falls. A jump in the air lasts less than half a second. There's no time to think. They are pure sensations.

"It's very easy to say. But you have to learn the jump to add another turn. To learn a jump, I can fall 200 or 300 times. But I thought that just as I learned to walk by falling, then I can learn to skate. I learned that it's okay to fall down several times to make it perfect. I stopped and kept going, always willing to go through the pain."

For almost four years, Donovan Carrillo used the skates his sister Dafne inherited to him. The first four pairs he had were white. His mom took them with a shoemaker so that, at least, he could paint them black. At home there was no place to buy his own pair of skates. They were so big that his foot could move inside the boot, which is based on layers of a hard skin, which could hurt him. The feet of the skaters themselves are not pretty. They tend to have calluses and fingers deformed by the narrowness of the skate. They are used to training and competing, involving pain. Donovan does not hide a "second ankle" that he has in the instep of both feet. It's the callus that was formed because his feet were in constant movement, because the skates were not his size. At first it hurt a lot.

His first skates were bought when his sister's skates were stolen. He was preparing for a national championship, so his parents had no choice but to disburse thousands of pesos on them. They are black and by the Canadian brand Jackson, and the blades were a Paramount. He keeps them as the most precious treasure he has ever had.

In April 2013 the Ice Land rink closed. Donovan was training with Gregorio Núñez for six years by that time, then Gregorio went to León, where he was offered a job as a coach.

"When I was 13 years old, I went to live with him. My parents supported me and let me go. My coach opened the doors of his house and I formed a father-son bond. He never charged me for the classes. He does it for the love of sports. I was lucky to meet someone who is willing to sacrifice his personal life to help me fulfill my dream", he says.

Coach Nunez not only loses his salary when he accompanies Carrillo to competitions, he has to leave his students in charge with someone else. In the 14 years that he has been a coach, the updating courses that he has to take each year in United States or Canada run on his own. He learns the best techniques there, and also the judging system, because this is a sport of appreciation.

With 9 years old, Donovan competed in a National Championship that was held in Metepec. There he made himself known in the Mexican figure skating community. The attendees came to congratulate him on the program he presented. In Mexico it is very complicated for skaters to stay competing for many years. As they arrive, they’d disappear.

Then he jumped into the category where skaters of all ages compete, from 12 y/o to veteran skaters. He faced his lack of experience. The world fell apart in his first international event in the Cuautitlán Izcalli rink (which also closed). At the ISU Junior Grand Prix, for the first time he saw Russians, Americans and Canadians, the biggest countries. Out of 18 participants he ended 13th.

"It was shocking. I was not used to it or mentally prepared to see quadruple or triple jumps. I just worked with doubles and tried some triples. I was in shock. My coach helped me get out of the mental block. I discovered that my path was still very long. I was already important in Mexico, but I was very far from the world level. I started to travel abroad to compete, to try out, and I have been reaching the affordable goals I set for myself."

The lack of money lacks as a problem in front of the bullying that Donovan Carrillo has faced. He is well aware about the harassment all the children who dared to practice a sport considered exclusive for women has experienced. Dozens of them who trained, competed in the nationals later disappeared from the sport.

"At school, some people, or our neighbors would ask me 'why figure skating? that's for girls'. My mom was asked if she wasn't afraid that I would become gay for skating. These the prejudices that people have towards men who practice an artistic discipline, such as ballet or gymnastics. Society prevents us from growing and developing in the environments where we truly like to be in. They will say we have stop. There are many who left because they could not stand with the harassment. Sometimes the parents themselves say: 'No. My son will turn out gay', and then they take them to practice football instead."

— Did it affected you enough, to the level of wanting to drop skating? My parents helped me to overcome it. Yes, it came to affect me. They told me: "As long as you like it and you are clear about who you are, it should not affect you. If you are gay, we support you. You don't have to feel different." And I'd tell told them: "Believe me, I'm not gay. I like skating and I like girls". In Europe, skaters do not suffer this, people assume that it is a sport that has nothing to do with sexual preferences. It is very Latin American, in general, to associate it with being gay.

"I suffered a lot at school. They said to me: 'Here comes the [girly] skater'. Nobody can change it, it depends on the education and in the formation of the values of the house of said person, about respect towards others. At first I tried to explain and make them think about it, but people are so cruel. They say it to hurt you. It's useless. You can't save yourself from the comments or doubts. There is a lot of talent and there could be more skaters representing Mexico."

In 2016, when Donovan Carrillo reach fame because he presented a program with music by Juan Gabriel, the harassment escalated to social networks. "You see, he's gay", "They're going to make him gay", they wrote. The athlete was outraged that they used the word homosexual to insult him and as a way to offend his work. He gave himself time to defend himself, but the disqualifications kept going.

The costumes he uses moves away those who wants to offend. Although it is a pair of trousers and a shirt, they wear decorations with Swarovski crystals or sequins and embroidered beads. They are very expensive costumes, between 10,000 and 15,000 MX pesos. You have to choose the best costumes, those that weigh less so that you feel light when you execute the jumps and turnstiles. The brand from Queretaro called Artistic has sponsored him. His mother spent hours embroidering and gluing crystals to lower the cost when his costumes were designed in Guadalajara. The new black & pink suit with that he'll use in his next competitions must be paid by his family, since his sponsor is not in a position to give the money to pay it.

The sportswear firm Li-Ning recently gave him 15 train clothes. He will shortly sign a contract for this Chinese brand to give him whatever he needs. When he asked for a uniform of Mexico to use it in a competition [Kiss&Cry], he never received a response from the sports authorities of our country. With whom he makes his costumes, he ordered to design jackets with the colors of Mexico, for him and his coach.

Between August 22-25, Carrillo will participate in the ISU Junior Grand Prix that will take place in Bratislava, Slovakia. There is another date for him at the end of the month in Linz, Austria, but he will not attend due to the lack of money. The most important competitions for 2019 are the Four Continents Championships and both the Junior and Senior World Championships. He is not sure how many of them he'll be able to participate in, because of the lacking of funds.

"My most important goal is to qualify for the Olympic Games and end in a good place, not just attend there, it's to make all the investment worthy. I'm at a point where it's important to attend as many international competitions as I can to generate a good ranking position and so the classification will be easier to reach, as well as improve my level. I'm very proud because my coach and I have fulfilled all the goals we have set for ourselves thanks to the effort, work and sacrifice we made. I need to stop worrying about my career expenses and just focus on skating."

#donovan carrillo #fstranslations #i still don't want to make a donovan fanblog #translation #other teams #boi #he really suffers a lot #mexico wyd

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