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#like it still sucks but the shortcuts make it much better when you backtrack
smilesrobotlover · 3 months
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Gosh I LOVE how soft Linebeck gets towards the end he’s so sweet
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foxstens · 1 year
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finished ender lilies. time to talk about it
god damn this game is so fucking beautiful. the atmosphere, the art, the music, the backgrounds, the story of each boss and miniboss you encounter, the cutscenes. it’s all so fucking beautiful. AND SO FUCKING SAD. like i wasn’t paying 100% attention to the story and have yet to watch a video about the Lore but fuck everything about this game is just so sad. what i did get about the story was all very reminiscent of hollow knight just even sadder and bleaker since unlike in hk where despite the world going to shit there’s still people around just doing their thing and, you know, surviving, in this case there’s none of that. even blasphemous still had some people around. ender lilies? no one but you and your spirits. it is so sad
the game kind of suffers because of this, personally i like having characters to get attached to in any media i consume but in this case it’s really only lily and the spirits, and while the spirits do all have their sad-as-fuck stories and they do end up feeling like your friends by the end, it’s just. there wasn’t as much catharsis as there could have been imo. might also be bc of the lack of voice acting, which isn’t a bad thing per se, it was just very noticeable to me.
the game has a really big map, in the beginning it feels very linear like every room is just a rectangle and you’re going in a straight path but pretty much after the first two areas it opens up and you get access to two areas simultaneously, after which you get to choose between three areas. and as you go through those you just randomly find yourself in other areas - which is one of my favourite experiences in these types of games
it’s actually pretty hard to get lost in this game in my experience, because the areas and the in-game rooms all feel very distinct and the unreachable items/paths are pretty memorable but the actual map fucking sucks. like having a minimap that shows your position and incomplete areas and unchecked exits is a great concept, but the map doesn’t actually show you the location of anything and it also doesn’t reflect the layout of the rooms so it is easy to get lost if you’re trying to follow the map. basically the exploration is fun except that upgrades are often hidden and you don’t have map markers or anything so it’s super easy to miss stuff and when you have to use an online map to go from place to place and pick up all the shit you missed or can access now - that’s when it gets a lot less fun. eh that was only about an hour for me at the very end of the game so it’s not horrible but still. a better map would’ve made the exploration so much better
in regards to exploration there’s also the sheer number of enemies. it didn’t bother me while first going through an area but when backtracking or trying to actually explore sometimes there’s just so many of them and they’re hard to avoid... so annoying. i do appreciate the fast travel though, benchwarping is so cool and i never felt like the benches were too far apart even if some rooms and shortcuts did get confusing at times. bosses in particular never had a bench be more than one or two rooms away. 
as for the gameplay, i enjoyed it a lot. the movement felt smooth and responsive, and i got the hang of the dodge really fast, though it felt a lot better when i finally got it upgraded into a real dash. i played on keyboard and had absolutely no issues, everything worked as intended, no complaints there. 
the combat is also fine, it took a while getting used to how little impact there is when you hit something, but it makes sense because it’s basically ghosts fighting ghosts. and different weapons feel different, so that’s nice. the enemies are pretty varied, i liked all of them apart from one particular type of enemy which shows up in the bullshit area of the game and is, of course, complete bullshit. by the way the boss in that area is also bullshit - even if it didn’t take any more tries than the other bosses
i did appreciate the sheer variety of the spirits you get, but most of them felt pretty situational and i only felt the need to get creative with them until the last two bosses. it doesn’t help that you literally can’t max upgrade all of them without grinding for hours, so that was a bit of a wasted opportunity
the relics also felt a bit uninspired, sure all of them were useful but i also barely ever changed them because i had enough slots for what i needed - like with the spirits i only felt the need to get creative during the last boss - or to do the jump puzzles which... why do they even exist in the first place lmao
as for the difficulty... hm. im really bad at gauging that in general but. i wouldn’t call this an easy game, but i also wouldn’t say it’s hard. i think it’s a game you can play and beat casually, but you probably won’t have fun if you don’t put a little effort into learning some stuff. idk if that makes it hard. i actually have no idea what makes a game hard overall
but the bosses i’d say are downright easy apart from the last two. because once you realize what their telegraphs are and you start paying attention to that, you also realize that there is about a thousand year gap between the telegraph and the actual attack. if you have a basic grasp on the dodge ability it’s so easy to whale on them you don’t have to worry until they enter their third phase and go into crazy mode, but even that shouldn’t be too hard bc they only gain a tiny speed boost and like two attacks, and you can just cheese them with the right spirits. or you can just keep doing what you did until then and dodge at the right time and whale on them afterward lmao
the two bosses that this doesn’t apply to are also not actually difficult to figure out, but they are hard to defeat because they have a fuckton of health and they do a shitton of damage. the second to last boss has one particular attack that’s impossible to dodge if you don’t jump dash and land with the right timing, or keep yourself in the air for like 5 seconds. it’s fucking bullshit. and the last boss is conceptually so fucking easy, he only has three actual attacks and you avoid all of them by keeping yourself in the centre of the arena and airborne, but he does spawn adds that do a fuckton of damage and take multiple hits to kill no matter the weapon. the last boss is amazing looks-wise but as a fight it is not fun or engaging at all. def at the bottom of the list of final bosses i’ve fought 
so i guess this post has quite a lot of negatives but i really did enjoy the game, i did pretty much everything the base game had to offer and never felt like quitting for any reason, it’s not the best game ever due to all of the things i mentioned above and it was also shorter than i would’ve expected and liked it to be. i do think it’s a great game, seems pretty underrated as far as i’ve seen even tho it has a lot to offer and tbh i’ll probably end up replaying it pretty soon or just more often than i’d typically consider. 
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silverhandy · 3 years
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I saw the devil (in me) - chapter 2
contains some heavy spoilers for the devil ending
chapter 1 I ao3
If he was expecting a profound sign that V is gone, he found none. Night City was just as Takemura remembered it - crowded, flashy, and devoid of taste, both figuratively and literally. Vendors were outshouting one another, each determined to lure a potential client into an inevitable culinary disappointment. Takemura found himself navigating through the busy market that an unfortunate shortcut led him through. In hindsight, he should have ordered a cab and arrive at the address Viktor provided unscathed and in a much shorter time, but he felt the need to stretch his legs, or at least that’s what he’d been telling himself. He still had plenty of time before the memorial service started and he didn’t want to arrive either too early or too late - the first one would no doubt result in a lot of uncomfortable silence and the latter would make it seem like he didn’t care. Takemura wasn’t too keen on either of these options and that meant a long stroll through the city.
He could never grasp why V seemed to like this place so much. She spoke about it often, cursing corporations, gangs, and ever present exploitation to kingdom come, but she also seemed to fit in like a perfect piece of the puzzle, a small, but necessary cog in a living, breathing machine. She moved through it freely, her loud confidence and necessary caution interchanging in a wild dance that made the entire city spin. Where V shined, Takemura found himself losing rhythm, coming from the strict, organized world of the Arasaka military, and eventually realizing that he’d never learn the dance that made one feel at home in a place like this.
As he approached Vista del Ray, a strong smell of old frying oil and fish gave way to more subtle scents, identical all around the world in places like this, Heywood or Shinjuku, it didn’t matter. Cigarette smoke floating up and chasing the wind, too much cologne on a young, elegantly dressed men that almost bumped into him, too focused on going through his emails to look ahead, a dinner burnt, tenants desperately attempting to air the apartment by opening a window as wide as it would go, which unfortunately for them wasn’t very far. All of that mixing, shifting, evolving into what could only be called a smell of desperation and longing for an opportunity.
Takemura left the main street and turned left into an alley, feeling the intense stares of a group of young men leaning heavily on a graffiti-covered, brick wall. He knew the type, so he just gave them a warning glare, aiding them in measuring the odds. As expected, none of them approached him, having done the math and realizing that they stand no chance. He wasn’t a local, so maybe if they stumbled upon someone else like him they’d go for it, but Takemura had Arasaka written all over his features, suit and tech.
El Coyote Cojo seemed like a bar identical to many others, but the second Takemura walked through the door, he was sure he was in the right place. There was no music playing, the room filled with a murmur of hushed conversations between all the people who came to say their final goodbyes. And there were quite a lot of them. Takemura felt the corners of his lips go up in a sad smile. Of course, V had a lot of people who’d want to be here, the open suite full of them, standing in their small, respective groups, some around the tall tables, others hunched over their drinks at the bar. From where Takemura was standing, he hardly saw any familiar face, but then again, in those short few weeks he got to know V, there wasn’t much opportunity to get to know all the people she was close with. There was no time for that and more importantly, he didn’t feel like it was his place to intrude into her personal life. After all, they were just coworkers, of sorts, helping each other towards a common goal.
That is, until that stakeout on the roof. If Takemura was to pinpoint a moment where he could in full confidence call V a friend, it was those few hours they spent going over the entry points to Arasaka Industrial Park, analyzing the routes of transports going in and out, coming up with yet another idea how to get in without getting shot on the spot.
Then they got pizza and the conversation naturally shifted into something more casual, them reminiscing on their pasts and their futures. How different things were back then. V in what might’ve been her best, determined to get her life back and him doing the same.
It seemed none of them got what they wanted.
Someone passed next to him, whispering something about him getting a move on under their breath, and only then did Takemura realize that he was still standing in the doorway, staring somewhere above the heads of the mourners. Glad that he hadn't caught the attention of everyone in the room, he took a few steps forward and then, finally, he noticed Viktor, waving at him from his seat at the edge of the bar.
When Takemura approached him and took a seat next to the ripperdoc, the first thing he noticed was that Viktor looked noticeably older, dark circles under his eyes only adding to the feeling. Dressed in a classy, black suit that sure has seen better days, Viktor looked out of place, almost like...
"I was already thinkin’ you wouldn't make it." he started, mindlessly rolling the nearly empty glass in his hand. "How was your flight?"
Small talk, then.
"Good enough, thank you." then, after a moment of deliberation, Takemura added. "I usually do not fly commercial."
"Oh? What on earth stopped Arasaka’s golden boy from taking an AV?" Viktor asked, calling a bartender with a wave of his hand.
Takemura hesitated for a moment, but before the looming pressure of every passing second making the situation more awkward had a chance to set in, the bartender, a tall, heavily tattooed Latino man approached them to take his order.
"Just water, please." the bartender’s brow shot up, as if asking Takemura if he was sure, especially considering the occasion, but seeing that his client wouldn’t backtrack, he simply pulled up a glass. When it was full, two cubes of ice clinking inside, Takemura looked back at Viktor, still patiently waiting for his answer.
"My higher ups don’t exactly know that I am here." he finally said, taking a sip from his glass to wash down the ping of anxiety he felt swelling up the moment he mentioned his unauthorized trip across the ocean. Not that it mattered anymore. The sword laid at the bottom of his suitcase, carefully wrapped in silk, just waiting for him to get some closure he apparently longed for so desperately.
This time, Viktor’s brow shot up.
"No leave to mourn a friend?"
"I’m afraid they would not consider it a reason important enough to neglect my duties."
"You clearly did."
"Yes, fully aware of the consequences that await. But I could not miss it, I suppose I needed some…"
"Closure? And they wouldn’t let you have that? No wonder they call it a soul sucking job. Sorry to pry, but why don’t you just quit? Put in a two months notice or somethin'?"
"It does not work like that. Not when you have been there for as long as I have."
Viktor clearly wanted to say something, but just as he opened his mouth, everyone present started walking up to the area on the left from the bar, gathering around a small table covered in freshly lit candles, V’s photo in the middle. She was smiling, little reflections of the candle flames dancing in her eyes. V’s hair was shorter than Takemura remembered, it must’ve been taken well before they met. In a better time.
It was Viktor who stood in front of the crowd to address them. His voice sounded strained at first, unusually high, but he cleared his throat, once, twice and didn’t let his voice break even once. He spoke with confidence, yet calmly, the same reassuring voice Takemura remembered from when he ended up in his clinic alongside V, with multiple gunshot wounds and some more or less minor lacerations.
After Viktor was done, a young woman with colorful hair took his place. Clearly battling with her shaking voice, she told about the time she and V went diving in the ruins of her childhood hometown. How she still had the camera that V fished out for her and how she’s still trying to fix it, but even if she won’t be able to bring such an antique back to life, a braindance they recorded together will keep a piece of V alive forever. After that, people started taking turns, each with their little story of what V meant for them. Takemura couldn’t quite focus, each new face blending with another, a never-ending litany composed of the good deeds of a woman that no longer was among them. When it was his turn to speak, Takemura hesitated.
"I did not know V for as long as most of you, but I am honored to have been able to call her a friend."
And that was it.
                                                              ***
"A lot of people came."
"I’d say a third of them were fixers from every single part of this fuckin’ city. Never took them for a sentimental type."
"Me neither."
"You know...you know what she told me in those last few weeks? “Viktor, if you dare to shed a single tear at my funeral, I swear I’ll rise up from the dead again and kick yer sorry ass”. It was one of the last things she told me, anyway. Couldn't really speak much later on." Viktor took another swing from the bottle, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of an already ruffled suit jacket.
Takemura didn’t ask how V was doing in those last moments. Didn’t need to, when he arrived at the clinic professor Kusama didn’t spare him any of the details. Quite the opposite, she was elaborate, listing all the end-stage symptoms in a cold, clinical tone. Upon hearing them, a thought crossed his mind that if it was about him, he’d beg to be copied and stored into Mikoshi. But not her. V wasn’t a coward like him and faced her death the way he’d never be able to.
"Viktor, I am..so deeply sorry." he just muttered, unable to form anything more concise. What was he supposed to say, anyway? How did his remorse and guilt compare to Viktor’s pain, who got a front row seat seeing all the ways V was withering away, day by day? Who must’ve spent hundreds of hours at her bedside, making sure that she’s comfortable in those last moments while Takemura spent those months bundled away in an office reviewing mountains of meaningless documents, too scared to even call her?
"Nah." Viktor waved his hand, almost knocking over Takemura’s glass. "She wouldn’t want us to mope like this. Imma be okay soon enough. After all, grieving is a process and all that. What about you? Been holdin’ up okay?"
"Yeah." Takemura said, but his voice came out coarse. He cleared his throat. "As much as circumstances allow."
Viktor hummed, clearly not convinced. For a second Takemura was sure the other man would push the matter, but he dropped it. Two shots of tequila seemingly materialized on the counter before them when Takemura wasn’t looking, too focused on Viktor and his own thoughts.
"How ‘bout just this one and we call it a day?" Viktor asked, taking the glass into his hand.
"I suppose it can’t do any harm." Takemura replied, raising his own glass. "To V?"
"To V."
                                                             ***
Paradoxically, only when cigarette smoke filled his lungs he could finally take a deep breath. He excused himself a few minutes after their fourth round of shots. It’s not like he didn’t enjoy Viktor’s company, but the doctor was too perceptive for his own good and with each sip of alcohol chipping away his composure, Takemura felt that steel grip on his throat grow tighter and tighter.
He was alone in an alley right next to the entrance, cold winter air slowly sobering him up. Most guests have already left, only a few hindered behind, talking in the same, lowered voices he heard before. Not like he could hear any of that through the music, an old rock song he couldn't recall. Takemura slowly exhaled, a cloud of smoke dulling the air in front of him. It was time.
"Do you mind?" a woman's voice, right next to him. Takemura cursed under his breath. He was getting careless, much too distracted for his own safety. He turned his head and to his relief, he recognized her. A friend of Viktor’s, this tiny blonde woman, she ran some kind of an esoteric shop in the front. Misty was her name. They chatted a few times during the weeks Takemura would drop by the clinic to check on V.
"Not at all." he replied and moved a little to the side, making room for her to lean on the brightly painted wall. She didn’t take the invitation and remained standing, her big, brown eyes staring at him in a mix of emotions he could only describe as pity. Or maybe it was concern? He couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"You know," Misty started, her voice even softer than Viktor’s during his speech. "your pain is not lesser than his."
Takemura’s hand froze halfway from taking another drag of the cigarette. "Excuse me?"
"I’m just saying you shouldn’t cut yourself off. Viktor does that too, but not like this. The pain will not disappear if you keep running from it. It’ll just chase you up, no matter what you do. It’s better to make peace with it."
He didn’t know what to say. If he was in his right mind, he’d probably make up an excuse and walk away, but her words struck a chord in him that made him freeze, not daring to move even a little.
"I have made peace with it" he finally said, putting out the cigarette on the stone wall. He’ll find a trash can to throw it in later.
"I’m not the one you need to convince, Goro."
"I..I am sorry, but I have to go. My return flight leaves in a few hours."
Misty gave him a sad smile.
"I hope you’ll soon see that you’re exactly in a place you’re supposed to be in."
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beyondmistland · 5 years
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“May your heart be your guiding key” (Full thoughts on Kingdom Hearts III below!)
Graphics:
Ø  The game is bloody gorgeous, which helps mitigate the long and frequent cutscenes
Ø  The lip-syncing rarely fails
Music:
Ø  The new remixes are awesome and the brand-new tracks don't disappoint either
Ø  What does though is the actual audio mixing:
More often than not I struggled to hear the music over the sound effects during gameplay and the voiceovers during cutscenes
Ranking the Worlds:
Ø  #1: Corona: The world is huge, with varied terrain and a kick-ass final boss
Ø  #2 Olympus: The sheer scale and scope of the world took my breath away, plus we (finally!) get to fight all four titans
Ø  #3 The Caribbean: Assassin's Creed IV meets Kingdom Hearts, what's not to like
Ø  #4 Monstropolis: While not as eye-catching as some of the other worlds the way it intersects with the broader KH lore is really neat and the final cutscene was a delight in that it averts the Disney characters being useless when dealing with the original KH villains, on top of which its straightforward design is a nice change of pace, my only complaint is that there are only four types of Unversed
Ø  #5 San Fransokyo: The story is surprisingly short, which means you don't really get the chance to explore the environment, which sucks because the verticality and day/night cycle are awesome, plus there are a number of memorable boss fights
Ø  #6 Twilight Town: If it had been fully recreated based off the KH2 version the world would be much higher on my list but despite how small it is I love the liveliness, not to mention how peaceful it is in comparison to the other worlds, the same can be said for Hundred Acre Wood
Ø  #7 Keyblade Graveyard + Final World + Scala Ad Caelum: Though jaw-dropping in terms of visuals and audio they're not fully realized worlds, the same can be said for Dark World
Ø  #8 Toy Box: I loved the final boss as well as how the story tied into the larger plot of the game and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy exploring Andy's room while "You have a friend in me" played in the background
Why then is Toy Box so far down on my list, world design
Even with endgame stats (LV40-45) the Gigas are tough to take down and as a result they come off as gimmicky in the worst sense of the word, beyond that the fact that the majority of the world is set in Galaxy Toys made me feel constrained and claustrophobic, which could have been partially alleviated if we'd been allowed to make our way through the parking lot outside, finally, the story kind of got repetitive with the backtracking whenever the characters were about to leave because "someone went missing yet again"
Ø  #9 Arrendelle: Though it has one of the best final bosses in the game along with Corona there is so much wrong with this world that I wonder if it's less Square Enix's fault and more Disney placing an insane amount of red tape on their favorite cash-cow:
1) Elsa does not become a party member even after you beat the world
2) You do not get to explore the city or the ice palace despite the latter being fully rendered on the map
3) Larxene, a lightning-based character, randomly traps you in an ice labyrinth when that would have made a lot more sense both logically and thematically if it had been Elsa
4) Speaking of Larxene, she does practically nothing the whole time you're there unlike Marluxia and Luxord, who are at least semi-active
5) You climb a mountain and get knocked off of it so many times that even Sora gets fed up
6) The bloody minigame where you have to find Olaf's body parts
7) Forcing us to watch the entire "Let it go" sequence and then having "Do you want to build a snowman" play over Anna's voice as she's explaining herself to Sora
8) So much of the story is excised that you have little clue as to what's going on to the point Hans appears for all of five minutes, doesn't say any lines, and isn't even named when it would have been cool, not to mention, just plain better, if he had started off as a guest member of your party
9) As a result of #8 Sora, Donald, and Goofy's presence feels like even more of an afterthought than usual in the sense that them not being there wouldn't have changed anything at all apart from Hans' Heartless then having no one to defeat it which can be seen by the fact that when they leave no one tells them goodbye unlike in every other world
10) The visual design was bland and tiresome after a while
11) The world's gimmick was uninspired to say the least
12) Fighting alongside a giant snowman (AKA Marshmallow) was awesome and in terms of pure gameplay the labyrinth was actually quite fun
Story Pros:
Ø  Master Xehanort's new voice actor is good but after hearing Leonard Nimoy's voice for the past couple of games the change is a bit jarring
Ø  The way previous games are referenced and tied together is a nice way of bringing new players into the fold while also setting up the finale's resolutions
Ø  The game has a better sense of humor than previous installments
Ø  Sora is more like his KH2 self than the bland caricature we saw in 3D and quite a few characters display some degree of genre-savviness
Ø  Master Yen Sid gets out of his chair to lend a hand for once
Ø  Donald Duck is the most powerful mage in Square Enix canon (and I am not making that up)
Gameplay Pros:
Ø  Being able to switch between different save points in the same world is a welcome addition
Ø  The secondary ability of all shotlocks to airstep is ingenious
Ø  You can have more than two party members finally!
Ø  The secret ending isn't too hard to unlock
Ø  You can upgrade your Keyblades, which means older ones aren't automatically relegated to redundancy
Ø  Donald and Goofy are useful again after being nerfed into uselessness in KH2
Ø  Towns and cities are actually populated by fully-voiced NPCs!
Ø  Cutscenes in Theater Mode are unlocked after completing each world rather than after beating the game
Ø  I never tried the Classic Kingdom minigames but the cooking one with Remy was a nice break from the normal gameplay (I suck at the egg-cracking one though)
Ø  The camera doesn't get in the way like it infamously did in KH1
Ø  I like the new main menu design (Feel free to disagree though)
Ø  The Gummi Ship is entirely optional outside of a few mandatory boss battles
Ø  Moogle Tickets are a nice way of giving players a second chance during difficult encounters (I do wish they didn’t activate so quickly though) 
Gameplay Cons:
Ø  The game never once tells you that you can switch between Situation Commands using L2
Ø  The game never once tells you that you keep all your lower-tier magic (Fire, Fira for example) and that your shortcuts don't automatically update to include the higher-tier version of whatever magic you have equipped
Ø  There's no real incentive to switch between Keyblades (That being said, my favorites are Wheel of Fate, Nano Arms, and Happy Gear/Ever After)
Ø  Attractions lose their charm quickly and completely ruin the flow of combat
Ø  Summons aren't too big of a deal since I only ever ended up using them once and even then it was by accident
Ø  Donald still heals you at the wrong time more often than not
Ø  Even on Proud Mode the game is way too easy for the most part (Apparently Critical Mode addresses this but I can't confirm that)
Ø  There is a lack of sidequests and post-game content that contributes to the feeling Square & Disney gave us half a game (For example, there is only one secret boss, said secret boss has a generic design, no ties to the story, and can be defeated at LV40 on your first attempt)
Ø  Hollow Bastion, Mysterious Tower, and Destiny Islands are not playable
Ø  The parkour from 3D has been nerfed too much in terms of distance to actually be useful
Story Cons:
Ø  Nomura fridged Kairi and he worfed almost everyone the first time you arrive at the Keyblade Graveyard!
Ø  The wrapping up of plot points and character arcs from prior entries was a little too nice and neat for me
Ø  The out-of-nowhere introduction of Subject X
Ø  Pete and Maleficent do literally nothing the whole damn game
Ø  The pacing is awful:
Almost all of the game's resolution is held back until after you've beaten the last Disney world
Ø  There are two important cutscenes in the Final World that you can accidentally miss because for some reason they are optional
Ø  We don't get to see what happened to Lingering Will, which also means we don't get any more insight into the third aspect of being (AKA the soul)
Ø  There are no Final Fantasy characters in the game, not even Sephiroth!
Ø  What happened to Demyx?
Ø  Master Eraqus has absolutely nothing to do with Terra’s restoration
Changes I’d make:
Ø  Require us to go through the Disney worlds a second time like in KH2
Ø  Have Aqua and Ven be saved halfway through the game instead of at the end, they could then spend the second half of the game resting or join you on one of the Disney worlds to refresh themselves
Ø  Have Lea and Kairi join you on one of the Disney worlds to get practical experience
Ø  Make the Keyblade Graveyard sequence be a series of one/two/three-on one battles so that members of Organization XIII can use their full arsenal of attacks from previous games
Ø  Let us play the second battle between Lingering Will and Terra-Xehanort
Ø  Speaking of Terra-Xehanort, we should have fought him alongside the Guardian Heartless
Ø  Have us explore Scala Ad Caelum while hunting down the individual replicas before then making us fight all of them in a boss battle
DLC
Ø  The presence of it says a lot about the game and not in a good way
Final Score
Ø  7/10-8/10
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stargazerinmoksha · 7 years
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Dear Anonymous: 1. I hope she reacts well to your inclinations. I used to love someone like that too. I hope she loves you back. I hope you’re happy. 2. I just want to love too. I think soulmates work that way because life’s too short to be stuck to one person, but one person can change your whole perspective– one person is all it takes to fuel the rest of your life with passion. It’s always worth the rejection. We were built to break and rebuild. Sometimes heartbreak is the way in, but it’s also the way out. Timing is everything. Timing is everything… if you didn’t meet them when you weren’t ready, you’ll never be ready for someone else when they’re ready for you. 3. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay– love is love, right? Who cares if you’re in love with a she or a he, they’ll break you apart or keep you together. It’s such an odd thing. To die and live in a simple three word sentence. 4. A book? By the end of this year, it’ll happen. 5. I am from the darkest corner of your thoughts, the sun crawling through your curtains– I’m the cup of coffee that needs a fuck ton of sugar. I’m the distance we had to keep, I’m the apologies that made us weep. 6. An apology seems to be my only way to start the day as of lately. I’m sorry too. 7. Love is a coffee shop, we’re just the misplaced books. We’re the sentences, we’re the typos. I’ll be the incorrect emoji for the moment, if you’ll be the text sent to the wrong person. I’ll say I love you if you never say it back. I’ll love you if you don’t love me back. You can be sure about that. You can be sure about that… 8. My mind feels kinda broken, I guess we’re all kinda messed up sometimes. 9. This is not talent, this is hard work. Don’t confuse the two. I was not born with this, I woke up one morning like this. I will die with this, I will ink my whole life into your skin if you let me. 10. You loved them enough to let them go. There’s nothing more beautiful than that one simple realization. I will love you from afar and we’ll both grow. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? I don’t think it would’ve worked out anyway, we need this. This time spent apart, we need this. All of it. 11. “Don’t ever make someone your person when they don’t even know how to be their own.” Realest shit I ever read. Big ups. 12. I will never quit writing. She’s always reading. She’s always reading. 13. I’m sorry, I think we’re all in need of assistance. We can’t do it alone. Go out and make a few new friends. They’ll help. I promise. 14. Shit, I don’t know either. I wake up like that. It sucks, but you’ll figure out the truth eventually. I promise. 15. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. How can I answer you if I don’t even know the answers myself? I’m just human. I’m just like you. Nothing new here, just more human frailties. 16. It’s been a year plus, but I still love her too. We’re all missing someone, we just need an outlet. 17. Love doesn’t like to break even, love doesn’t like to remain still– love should feel like a few broken ribs, love should feel like a few torn heartstrings– but love should also feel delicate, love should also be soft. 18. I don’t know what language you’re speaking in, but I’m pretty sure it’s definition is beautiful. Stay beautiful. 19. I fade away every night. If you want to be nothing, I get it. It’s the easy way out. The shortcut to the end. Who doesn’t want that? But choosing to live, choosing to figure it out. That’s commendable. Always is. Always will be. 20. You need to let go of him because until you do… you’ll always be dependent of him. You’ll never be yourself. There is more oneness in loving yourself first versus oneness in loving someone for the sake of feeling whole. Love is an illusion. 21. If I am the Galaxy, then explain my black holes. How many times must I die before I feel like it’s time to live? 22. People can die from a broken heart, but people also forget that they’re a garden. You are the roses. You are the florist. You are the sun. You are the sun. You are the blossom. You are the growth. You are the bees. You grow into me, like how I’ll grow into you. 23. Thank you doesn’t even start to explain you. 24. Fear is a powerful tool for motivation. Use it wisely. 25. If you don’t want it to end, then write it down. Because some day, he might not be there. Some day, all you’ll have are those words. Nothing lasts forever and that’s just something that we must remember. How can you love yourself if you don’t keep that in mind? 26. I’m sorry. I’m not him. I’m not you. How can I possibly give you some ending? We’re all looking for more poison to fill our veins with. 27. I slept for 24 hours, but I’m still tired. 28. It’s hard to backtrack too. 29. It ends when your heart gives out on you. It ends when your search hits a brick walls it ends when your lights dim just enough for you to read the truth etched into your skin like a story that was never supposed to be told. We were meant to feel the love stories, but we could never keep the last page from ringing true. The truth is I love you too. 30. I’ll let you know right now. I am not your ex. And if in some way, I am… then know that no one is out to get you. The only person that’s doing that is you. Waking up to fear is no way to live. Letting go… it’s an excellent start. 31. My opinion on loving someone that doesn’t love you back anymore is this: if you’re doing it. Stop. Just stop. Save yourself some time. Stop yourself from that mistake. It doesn’t end well for you. It doesn’t end well for your emotions. Start with you. It’s a good place. 32. I’m not Filipino. 33. Hello. 34. Pretty crimson leaves used for a pretty crimson sneeze. 35. We’ll never be the same. Change is the only way to live your life. 36. I’m from the same place that all poets were born into. A Silk Road of heartbreaks and slow songs. 37. We’re all unique. From your first thought of today to your DNA. 38. Maybe kiss him today? Fuck it. Life’s too short. Let the make out sessions begin. 39. My thoughts sink us into tomorrow. 40. They say that the smaller you write, the more you care about others. The bigger you write, the more love you’ve got for yourself. 41. I’m afraid that you’re right. 42. There’s always beauty in loneliness. The way he reads that book from across the street. The way she pulls back her hair to drink her tea. The way they fell in love made yesterday like a today we’ll never share. 43. The question is the answer. 44. I’ll call you some day. 45. I’m looking for myself. Shouldn’t we all? 46. You’re a beautiful creature too. 47. Two strangers? The start of every love story. 48. You can call me K.C. 49. Twice by Madeline Stauffer 50. Nothing is wrong with you. There is only more to love. 51. And that’s exactly why I’m answering all of them in this post. 52. I changed my URL because I wanted it to be less about her and more about me. 53. Take a break and walk around. Artificial lighting can hurt us. The sun’s good too. 54. No comment. 55. I’m a robot. 56. I don’t answer anonymous asks anymore because how can I help others if I can’t even help myself kinda realization. My apologies. 57. Poetry about being viewed for only sex… hmm… you sound like somebody I know. 58. Pick yourself first. Always pick yourself. 59. Don’t die. Do not die. There’s so much more out there. 60. Sticking to yourself is a good start. 61. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s only more to love. 62. I don’t know. I’m still figuring it out myself actually. 63. I’ll draw more once my mind is less exhausted. 64. There’s nothing wrong with reading poetry. 65. Love is something that’s immensely felt and hard to measure. 66. I’m trying to be more than just another broken heart. 67. I feel like a disappointment to myself constantly. We’re too hard on ourselves. It sucks. 68. Maybe they should profess their love to each other? 69. I’m sorry. 70. You should listen to your mother. If she’s your guardian, respect her wishes until you’re of age. 71. Drinking and smoking– there’s nothing wrong with it. Although it is nice to give your body a break here and there. 72. I think you’re right. 73. You need to lean on yourself. Remember that people need space from us. People need room to breathe. You can’t smother them. 74. I love you too. 75. I’m sorry. Maybe you should stay away from him. You’re obviously catching feelings when you shouldn’t. 76. Falling in love with your best friend? That sounds terrific tbh. 77. Are you alive? Suicide isn’t the answer. 78. I’m sorry. You need to give yourself some time to heal. Maybe you’re not ready for love. 79. Sometimes I think I’ll die at an early age too. 80. I love them both. 81. All love stories should hold mysteries. 82. Life is full of regrets– you just need to pick the right ones to live with. 83. You deserve to love yourself first. 84. I’m sorry. Empathy is a bitch, isn’t it? 85. “But it’s the way she smiles, like every bullet missed her…” the only way to smile. 86. I would never give up this part of me. 87. I understand. Give yourself more time. 88. Because people are just as lost as you are. 89. I’m trying to be better. I promise. 90. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. 91. Who hasn’t fucked up? It’s learning to be better… that’s the only thing that fucking matters. You’re still here, right? 92. Hold his hand and call him yours. 93. I’m sorry. I can barely understand myself. How can I explain you for who you are? 94. You say that I’m a little harsh. Life is rough. Why would I sugarcoat the truth?
The truth about you
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Episode 6 “bye bye winning streak” - Karen
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The complete opposite of what usually happens, Aro did my dirty work instead of me doing his! I'm so proud of him but I revealed a lot of stuff about our connection to Mitchell yesterday bc I was certain he wouldn't be able to pull off a change in the vote but I'm really glad he did anyways bc now I still have an unflappable ally in the game and someone who was actively targeting me like two weeks ago is gone instead! :)))
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I can't believe that actually worked. We probably could have gotten out Daisy like planned but we thought she was gonna use her idol last minute so we switched to Monty. But either way, I live to see another day.
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Also! I've outperformed myself in Arabia so that's lit! Day 16 y'all!
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I know I say this in like all of my confessionals, but I'm really worried for this challenge. Like its so simple, but that's what makes it hard? and I mess up really easily too, so I'm a bit nervous.
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Hi I'm zakrazzak and i think im in a good position in this game? i never feel like that in any game ever i always just assume im gonna be voted out should we end up at tribal but this time i feel... completely safe with just about everyone??? weird. i think me, mitch, and dana lowkey made a f3? but like dana hates duos and they both know me and aro are fuckbuddies so im a little concerned. they both kinda really want to get karen out because she and lexi are pretty much a duo and we all know it, no ones heard anything about the idol yet and im assuming someone has it to be honest so that could make things messy. I'm pretty much just assuming we're going to tribal at this point and, for me, the choice would be down to either Karen or Allie - Karen and Lexi are way too dangerous and were targeting me week one, Allie pretty much just doesnt talk. im kinda really worried about voting out another vet so soon seeing as Linus and Monty the traitor just left back to back but I'm hopeful a little i guess
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Man, I gotta tell you... ok i just noticed the top of the confessional page is a gif??? Wtf!! Okay so where was I.......... during the challenge, I thought that Aromal needed to win it to be safe. He basically confirmed what we'd suspected - that he'd flipped to Linus and Monty, and then Monty had flipped on Linus, leaving him on the outs. Aromal seems like a great guy and a potential ally, so it definitely sucked sending him off to Tribal Council. It even got to the point where I saw if I could give him my Idol - the people who would survive on that tribe probably don't have my interests at heart, but Aromal might. I couldn't, and was resigned to the fact that Aromal, a good potential ally, would be going. But then Aromal survived and Monty got axed!!! I was absolutely FLOORED to see that. FLOORED. I liked Monty and think in another world we could've worked together, but it's about damn time the Karen/Lexi/Monty clique got taken out, and it's even better that I didn't have to do anything but stay immune for four consecutive rounds in order to make it happen. Aromal survives, a potential ally but admittedly a member of a threatening obvious trio went home, and I lived to see another day. And on another note... I hope that I don't start to get seen as a challenge threat. Admittedly, I did win the last two immunity challenges for my tribe by myself, but speed typing and Jeopardy! are like the only two challenges I'm good at. That's not necessarily true, as I proved in Malaysia that I'm a bit of a force in challenges from Snake to Touchy Subjects, but in a tribal setting, the two challenges I won are ones that I'm dominant in and can't hide if I want to protect my tribe. I'm hoping that I've created strong enough bonds so that people aren't seeing me as a challenge threat - they're seeing me as my ally Mitchell who's been doing good for our tribe. But it's going to come down to some point where I can't deny my challenge abilities, and I'm working to prepare myself for when that happens.
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I FUCKED UP THAT CHALLENGE. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I just feel awful, even though I was the last one left, I just feel like Makira immunity was all on me, and I let everyone down. I know we haven't officially lost yet but it sorta feels like we have since we all fucked up early. I was looking at another number and got distracted, so I really have no excuse, and god I just feel awful about it idk. On another really terrible note, I think someone else has the idol. Because Allie looked in the plane wreck, and there was nothing there. Also when Karen sent us the spreadsheet that the vets made someone had looked in the plane wreckage, so that means one of the vets has the idol :////. I could be completely wrong about this but I don't think its Karen or Mitchell that have the idol because Karen sent the spreadsheet before she looked for the idol that round, and Mitchell made some joke about expired Walmart coupons, which was on Karen's spreadsheet for where the idol wasn't. So that must mean that either Dana or Zakriah have the idol. Also on the vets spreadsheet it has it as the idol is not in the plane wreckage, so whoever found the idol must be lying about it to the other vets. But I also could be completely wrong about this, so yeah.
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Recently the game has been going pretty well for me. After losing Lily, two vets have gone home, which has put the numbers in our favor. I high-key hope that LA and Daisy lose that challenge for their tribe, and take out Aro for flipping on Lily, and it also seems like Daisy and LA left Aro out of the loop on the last vote, so getting rid of him would be like getting rid of a vet. Jacob made me aware that he fucked up on the immunity challenge, and I know my score was about average, so at this point, we're falling on Luca to do really well, and we're also falling on another tribe to fuck up, so I'm hardcore hoping at this point. I thought we were going to swap this past round, but we're still here, and if this tribe heads to tribal council, I don't entirely know what my plan is, BUT I do know that I was offered a f4 deal with the vets, which I might play up, but I'm not entirely too sure about it. I might cohesively vote out Luca, with the vets and Jacob, and hope that that's a good long term move on my part, with keeping Ryan, Matt and Lex trusting me, but I'm not entirely too sure how it'll all play out, but at this point, I am expecting to go to tribal council and have a crazy round of tribal ahead of us.
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I think I just orchestrated a master plan, and I made this because I'm extra careful, and really covering all my bases, but if this works, I'm going to come out of this tribal with a strong alliance of four, consisting of two veterans, and letting all three rookies from this tribe stay in it, leaving me, and my closest ally, Jacob, in the power position in this game. First I need to backtrack. I spoke to Matt a few rounds ago, and he was badgering me about a final four alliance with the vets.... mkay dude. That's definitely going to happen *shakes head furiously behind his back.* However, apparently he had been having conversations with Luca, and Luca was insistent to Matt that Lexi needed to go home, and that it'd be easy since she was inactive, but that's not the path I'm looking to take here. Lexi is the veteran in the game I'm probably the closest to, and I would almost prefer Luca the rookie go home over Lex, because she's proven to be a great ally, and an incredible asset to my game. My plan was to approach Lexi, and go back to the relationship deal we made the night we swapped, go up to her, and make an approach of letting her decide whether she'd prefer Ryan or Matt to go home. Once she said she would prefer to vote for Matt, I knew that I could use a lot of what Matt said to Luca, against Matt. I told Lex that Matt said if enough votes were there to take out Lex, she would do it, which made Lex be more willing to take Matt out of the game, and I set the ball in motion to make it happen. I went to Jacob and Luca to explain the plan of Lex flipping to us, to vote out Matt, and that Luca needs to get the thought out of his head of taking Lex out of the game, mainly because she is one of my closest allies. As of right now: Lex is with me, and she is voting out Matt with Jacob, Luca and I, and hopefully, unless Matt has an idol, Matt is going to go home. HOWEVER, Matt thinks that I have a f4 deal with Lex, Matt and Ryan, and that we're all voting for Luca. Matt wants to vote for Luca because Luca is apparently threatening, for outright targeting Lex, and being too strategic, so that works out fine for me. Luca and Matt should be the only two targeted. My plan heading into this tribal, assuming we even lose the challenge, is for Lex to be the one to approach Ryan, and she is going to propose a four person alliance between Jacob, Ryan, Lex and I, and this way, we can make a chat, and rope Ryan in into voting for Matt, and letting him know that the four of us need to make sure that all of the votes, regardless of who goes home, the votes are on Luca and Matt. I don't see Lex, or Ryan for that matter, lying about their vote, because I don't get the vibe that they're super cutthroat, like I am, so hopefully we're going to be good. Five of us voting for Matt, and Matt thinking that the vets and me are voting for Luca. Time to pray that we don't lose immunity, but if we lose, I'm all planned out, in a very discrete manner as well To enable screen reader support, press shortcut Ctrl+Alt+Z. To learn about keyboard shortcuts, press shortcut Ctrl+slash.
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Today was very interesting. It's been the first time in ages since we knew we did poorly in an immunity, and the swapped Temoana might be going to tribal council for the very first time. We're not allowed to share our scores but we know we did poorly. And something interesting, game-related finally happened. I was talking to Johnny and Jacob today in our three, and Matt apparently approached Johnny for an F4 because he wants the Vets and him to vote me out if we lose - he's saying I'm playing hard. I brought Lexi up to him before, and quite honestly that was because she wasn't online much. But now that she's back on, I think I'm gonna need to try and work with her. Matt is a snake and he's playing the game very hard right now. I trust Johnny/Jacob enough to tie it. Lexi promised me she wouldn't vote me, so I think I'm safe today. Hopefully. No idea on what Ryan is doing right now.
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https://youtu.be/7gezFtMRsFc
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Well this challenge has been really interesting, basically I was kind of already resigned to losing the challenge because I was under the impression we were gonna show some like single digit scores, but I guess we won. I'm happy about winning because we have six pretty good people on this tribe and if we swap I have this nuTemoana alliance and the old Vets who I could potentially align with, but who knows what's going to happen? Basically tho, I think I am in a good spot on this tribe because I pretty much orchestrated a blindside of Luca that we aren't actually going to be playing out but oh well... I'm kind of eager to play this game just so I can really get my finger on the pulse of this strategic game, but if I have to sit back and play from the shadows and just observe then so be it, call me the Shadow King, because I will be so god damn sneaky no one will see me coming until i slit their throats. Slice slice.
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YO FOR REAL I'M ACTUALLY SO MOTHERFUCKING PISSED THAT OUR TRIBE LOST THIS CHALLENGE! I'M GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND THAT *ME* DOING WELL IN A CHALLENGE IS GOING TO BE THE DOWNFALL FOR MY GAME. I am 99% sure that Matt would've gone home, and that would've taken a vet out of the game, and now Willow or Allie is going to probably going home, unless they pull a horse shoe out of their ass, and those are two of my closest long term allies in this game, and all of a sudden, they're at risk, and my team is going to fucking be safe, when I had convinced Lex to make such a BIG move, and now, we can't even make the move, all because I fucking did too well in the challenge. I'm actually losing my mind how badly I fucked this up for my game, and I didn't MEAN to do well, it just fucking happened. I hate being good at shit! FUCKKKKKKKKKKK
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FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE SWAP ULAWA IS NOT GOING TO TRIBAL AND ITS ALL THANKS TO ME. I DON'T CARE HOW COCKY OR BRAGGY THAT SOUNDS BECAUSE MY SCORE ALONE BEAT THE OTHERS TRIBES TOTALS. And Aro fucking threw the thing, he told me he wanted to in order to make daisy use her idol but that was the stupidest fucking idea and I told him no, that we need to win for once and then he throws it anyways. Daisy's score wasn't the greatest either, IT MUST BE SO NICE HAVING AN IDOL CAUSE APPARENTLY IT MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY. CAN YOU TELL HOW BITTER I AM?! Honestly though, maybe its because I game a lot, but I'm used to having teammates who actually help and put effort in. We might make jokes about one person carrying the team but its all in good fun and the rest of us do help, BUT NOT ON ULAWA. (still a little bitter over here) I'm worried this will put a bigger target on my back, if Daisy already considers me to be a challenge threat, this does no help my case at all and others might share that concern now too. At this point I'm just hoping the alliances I made before the swap are still there and I can move forward with them. I am happy we, I, won though. It might not seem like it but I am so relieved for once I don't have to stress about tribal.
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Who're the three best challenge performers on NuMakira?? Me, Dana, and Karen. But all three of us were busy!! So Allie, Willow, and Zak came up to the plate. It's an easy challenge. It's... counting. It's literally fucking counting. I've won four immunity challenges in a row and all that stands between me and #5 is counting. All they gotta do is count. ...that's it. Now I've never done this challenge before, but I assume it shouldn't be that difficult to count, right?? WRONG WDFEWDFSDCEWDSAHONFWD within like 2 hours all three of them were out, so we had an entire extra day to prepare for Tribal Council. The results came in and our lowest scorer did better than both of Ulawa's lowest - AROMAL GOT A FUCKING 1 - but we STILL got obliterated, with LA and Johnny putting Ulawa and Temoana respectively into the thousands themselves. We got beat by a bunch of numbers. This sucks - going to Tribal Council is never a good thing. That being said... I've been on cruise control for a while, and now I get to actually play. I've harbored thoughts of making a move against Karen for some time, and now that we're actually going to Tribal - particularly as I suspect there is going to be a swap next - I'm excited that I've had the chance to shore up some trust. Willow and I have been good, but I had a very good and lengthy conversation with the ICON Allie last night. I really like Allie's energy and her vibe, but last night was our first real extended conversation, and it went really well. We talked a lot of game, she gave me a lot of insight into the rookies' tribe, and I feel... good about it. Allie and Willow have both said that this is, if not their first, ONE of their first ORGs ever. Now, they could be lying, and using this information to mislead my opinions of them, but I'm choosing to trust them. What benefit do they have in making up an entire backstory both for themselves and for the OG veterans' tribe? I like them, and so I believe them, and if Karen goes home 5-1, I will trust them without doubts. Moving into a swap, I'm piecing together who I can draft into a majority merge alliance - if everything goes smoothly at this Tribal Council, I'd say that the five remaining NuMakira plus Aromal would be my ideal. Relationships with Matt and Ryan will hopefully still be in tact and exploitable for the early merge. I truly think that, from the information I have - which is a lot, if it's all true - I'm sitting in a rather enviable position with Dana. We seem to be on the same wavelength on our own opinions and in the ways others feel to us. I hope that Dana doesn't try to bite the apple and oust me eventually for this reason; I like her a lot and I'd like to work with her for as long as possible. However, I can't help but have doubts about how good this partnership can truly be, and will remain vigilant to hopefully catch whenever this betrayal should arise, if ever. I will be shoring up my relationships with Allie and Willow for as long as we have left on this tribe, and will make sure Dana and Zak are okay with booting Karen. Then we dancin. Things are going so well I expect to get fucked up real good any day now.
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It looks like it'll be Karen tonight but I trust not a single bitch until after tribal council results are read and I'm still in the game.
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I'm honestly so worried about this vote, like it could go so many different ways fuck. I'm especially worried because I did so terrible in the challenge yesterday, and sorta all of the challenges in general. There are so many ways this vote could go right now and I'm not really sure what to do. Because its probably going to be me or Karen going home tonight. Okay so the first scenario is that Karen flips on a revote. She said she was trying to convince the other vets to split the vote in case we might have an idol (which we don't lmao). Then Karen said it would be 2-2-2 in which case it would go to a revote, and she would flip and it would be 3-2-1, or it would be tied. If me and Allie sided with Karen then it maybe wouldn't be me going home idk. Also I'm pretty sure we could trust Karen, at least for this vote. The other scenario would be going with Dana and Mitchell and Zakriah(?) to vote out Karen. So I'm hoping its a unanimous vote to get Karen out, or else I'm screwed lol. 
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ANYWAY! bye bye winning streak......me when i thot we could go thruout for this whole tribe swap without going to tribal but ! here ! we! are! ugh ok so as far as i know, zak and mitchell were gonna vote for me the first tribal so i dont see a reason not to snatch them this round, u kno show them not to mess w me. ok so basically ive made fairly strong bonds with both willow and allie, and as far as i can tell we are a solid 3 and tbqh im not here for picking the rookies off one by one and obviously i gotta be friendly w everyone bc u never kno what circumstances youll end up in. so i have an all vet alliance and a rookie alliance, they both have docs with idol info on it and basically this is the best position for me bc i can find the clue faster, which! i did and i shared it with the rookies so that they can help me look. but the thing is tho the clue clearly says that it has something to do with the plane wreckage but its already been checked? so i think i may have to do it in order which is ok it guess but hopefully i stay on this tribe long enough to figure the rest out. so all day i was thinking of a way that me and rookies can get our way this tribal, and im talking to the vets about idols and such and basically scare them into thinking that one of them having it bc weve been flopping when it comes to looking for them so, i propose a 2-2-2 vote as an easy way to flush any idol and even if it ties, we'd have majority on revote but! jokes on them bc im flipping to the rookies to make it 3-2-1 for zak. this plan is one of my better simpler ones, but it relies on no idols actually being played and the vets being naive enough to think that we'd all be sticking together.
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