#know how to fix it! someone help her!!!

[deer-with-a-stick]

I love how all of the companions' stories revolve around autonomy and I love how some of the romances show the whole "I love you for who you are"

Don't love how so many people are misinterpreting them though

#i think the romances thing really applies to wyll astarion and gale #wyll romance means you see beyond mizora and the half devil thing later #astarion romance means you see beyond the sexy facade and you prove to him that he doesnt need to perform for you to love him #gale romance is him getting over and understanding that mystra was never going to care about him like that #and that he doesnt need divinity to be loved #he's lovable as he is #anyway i feel my 'fuck mystra' feelings coming up again #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate three #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #baldur's gate three spoilers #bg3 spoilers #i dont know if lae'zels romance works for this but i know that she figures out kindness along the way #i really hope they fix karlach's quest we're allowed to save everyone else #i saw someone compare her and gale and yeah sure it works #i tend to compare her and astarion more though #and its a little upsetting that karlach doesn't get the freedom she wants so hopefully larian patches that #astarion might not get the freedom to walk in the sun on the 'good ending' but he's free of cazador and he can finally choose for himself #and seeing as he's not dead and how he's been a vampire for around 196 years (not over 200 yet) there are still ways to help him #harder for karlach because either she dies and ashes are all thats left she goes back to avernus or shes a mind flayer #also its arguable easier to live in the shadows/underdark than it is in literal Hell #easier to reach him too

[quietwingsinthesky]

i think river and amy try to do some sort of mother-daughter bonding exercise or trip or something exactly one time, and it goes horribly. it's the most uncomfortable thing they've both ever done, and that's saying a lot. they never try to do it again.

#river song #amy pond #doctor who #river has next level mommy issues. and amy has. amy is inventing something new honestly. #what do you even call it when your daughter is older than you and knows more about you and has never needed you in the entire time #that you've known her. hell you needed her more than she needed you. #but you both also know that there was a time she needed you desperately. and there's nothing either of you can do to fix that. #amy tried to shoot river in the face once to save the doctor. while she was pregnant with river. and river was a child being dragged around #in a spacesuit against her will. #and its just like. i think river remembers that. i think she does and i think she always will. her first real memory of her mother. #is amy trying to kill her while river is begging for someone to help. i think that stays with her forever. how could it not.

[chipistrate]

What if Cassie gets back and stays with 3 star fam for a bit after the Scooper ending, but she's already infected with the Vanni virus, so everyone watches as she slowly loses control of her own body and keeps trying to hurt the others when she doesn't want to and the Mimic tries to communicate with her and tell her to go back to the Pizzaplex, all while Cassie is trying so hard to keep it all down and ignore it in a futile attempt at keeping control over herself

#Chip Chatter #worst part is that 3 star fam don't know how to help her- #the ways they were freed were weird and unique to both of them #there isn't any one fixed way of freeing someone from the virus #so they just have to watch and try to help Cassie whenever she loses control without them being able to actually *do* anything about it #and I'm so sure they *try*- they try *so* hard to tell- they spend days and nights trying to figure out how they could free her #but it all leads to dead ends and more stress as they desperately try to save their friend from the same fate they were subjected to for #3 long years.

[aparticularbandit]

One of Mikan's character notes is that she hates clothes that are too big and thus consistently buys things that are actually too small so that she doesn't have to deal with them being potentially too big.

But Mikan. Bestie.

Your beloved is the Ultimate Fashionista.

Junko's just over here making Mikan clothes that fit because Mikan has probably never had anything that fit right once in her entire life. Mikan, this is what clothes that fit feel like. Isn't that nice. Don't you want more of those.

Followed immediately by Mikan bought her own Ultimate Despair nurse's outfit that is absolutely too small.

#musings #junkan #danganronpa #dr2 #mikan tsumiki #junko enoshima #'wait wouldn't it be more despair-inducing for mikan to know junko could tailor her clothes and just didn't' #no because mikan will wear what junko likes because junko likes it #'wait wouldn't it be more despair-inducing for junko to constantly make mikan's clothes too big' #by nature of tailoring you actually want to buy clothes that fit your biggest spot and then tailor the too big spots down #mikan's clothes would have already needed to be too big #what junko is doing by tailoring mikan's clothes is two-fold #it causes despair in a mikan who'd gotten used to her clothes problems because it could have been fixed ages ago #if someone just sat her down and talked it through with her #it's another layer of despair over her situation #BUT ALSO #it increases mikan's attachment to and love of junko for doing the thing no one else would #and not only doing that but going above and beyond by actually tailoring mikan's clothes for her #ryoko wants to give her gf clothes that fit; junko wants to point out how horrible the world is for not helping mikan earlier

[jahiera]

sorry I'm gonna cringepost again.

there's something I need to expel from my brain in terms of how astarion grapples and feels resentment/disgust/derision toward the concepts of heroics and ""good"" people and the way that emrys craves deeply to be good but will ultimately always fall short of the mark (in her own mind, at least) because she's too angry + too violent + too impulsive + too outraged (toward injustice, cruelty, in the world), the paladin ideal will never be met. and how when they're put together in the same room they line up to smack each other RIGHT in the thing theyre sensitive about. astarion lays out clearly the failures of the very foundations of her belief systems, makes her grapple with the things that are too extreme, whats long since become burdens to her, and she forces him to endure the fact that there are at least a few people in the world that are willing to fight with him and for others. and they're both? scrappy people, really. and go hard in the opposite directions but on the same wavelength of... interaction; both snarky, stubborn, toe to toe on everything, admirable of resilience. sort of forced together by circumstance, but completely filling in the gaps the other's got going on. it's just where he's got the lying and the charades and the bullshit and she is so Brusque and bludgeoning through at all times that the charade is moot. completely antithetical to everything he's been doing for the last 200 yrs, which is as irritating as it can maybe be refreshing. and he makes her laugh. WHICH IS NICE.

#not really into the protectiveness thing or the 'I can fix him'--if he grows beside her that's up to him but regardless in all of that #there's security and dependability to her; in turn there's a freedom to being with him #a sort of. relinquishing of burdens. learning a bit of quality selfishness. #like I don't see astarion necessarily /directly/ thinking about how he helps her; I don't think that's really something he Comprehends on a #level where it can be put rationally into words. #(at least; not yet) #she's very much someone who's too ...... repressed really. for lots of serious contemplation on what you give the other person #but for the sake of ME comprehending. ugh what a rush it is to be around someone who is so totally delighting in the freedom of the world #ignoring the murder comments. (which also make her chortle a bit not that she would admit it. because it's so ridiculous.) there's a lot of #little awe and ridiculousness and delight he's got going on that sort of strikes a cord for what she's both #taken for granted and what she herself /lacks/ #something something he's just now free and she's still chained up to the weight of her own oaths & expectations #which is a very DIFFERENT kind of binding to what he had going on but there's enough there to strike a cord with her #and on the inverse. again. she's such a /solid/ grounding presence. which starts out unfathomably irritating but is undeniably secure #if she surprises him it's only in the small interpersonal because she's /so/ constant. nothing weathervane about her. #except for when she can be Encouraged toward something mildly chaotic or ridiculous (which she can) #I dont know I just ... find his endless fluidity next to her stalwart-to-a-fault to be. COMPELLING. #how do you move and flit and con around someone so unyieldingly real. #easily. but also extremely difficult when she doesn't buy into the bullshit either. #she's not trusting enough and most definitely not naive enough to believe in the goodness of others. demands it anyway. and such and such. #oc. emrys

[licorishh]

Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.

They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.

Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.

#i know i ramble sometimes and i'm extremely grateful that my best friend puts up with it :') #but see then in return i do the same for her because it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to act like a wall for me to talk a #or when i wanna show her something and i can tell she's being polite and it doesn't personally strike her fancy I MOVE ON #and she does the same for me and we have way frickin better communication and we have a frickin rad friendship #it's give and take #and also can we bring back the idea of being able to work through some things on your own? #like i am ALL FOR having a support system that can encourage you when things go wrong but some things can be solved on your own #i shouldn't be bearing the burden of figuring out your life for you you know? #i'm absolutely willing to help but if you're just going to spend all your time complaining to me and never ever take my advice #then there comes a point at which i'm literally just acting as your therapist and that's not how friendships are supposed to work #i've become kind of the designated therapist in a lot of friendships throughout my life #and it is exhausting constantly being complained at (sometimes over very minor things) #only to have that person or people COMPLETELY ignore your advice every single time you try to give it #that's not friendship my dude that's using me because you just want someone to complain to #like i said. support system good. treating your friend like an emotional punching bag to let out your problems 24/7 very very bad. #like when i was feeling completely unlike myself and irritated and frustrated for three dang years straight #i didn't really talk about it much because i knew it wasn't the kind of thing advice was going to fix #so i wasn't in the discord servers every two seconds “MAN I REALLY JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD :///” #because when other people do this to me there comes a point at which i'm like “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT” #like i've given you all the advice i have and you have taken absolutely none of it nor have you taken any action on your own #so now i'm just here to make you feel better about yourself and that's really not my job #emotional support is necessary. patting you on the head when you refuse to do anything to better your situation is not. #tl;dr people who refuse to do anything to better their situation other than complain to ME about it 24/7 drive me nuts #and it drives other people nuts so please don't do it to anyone #don't bottle up your emotions but also don't let them come crashing down and drown everyone you know #just because you can't be bothered to put ANY effort forth to contain them #emotional regulation is attractive~~~ #society today has built such a culture of “it's not YOUR fault and if you cry about it hard enough someone will fix it for you” like no sir #sometimes it IS your fault and sometimes you DO need to take responsibility #and if it is your fault then absolutely no one but you is obligated to fix it

[theygender]

This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder

#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me #rambling #like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that #and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them #and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it #what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone #and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns #and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn #and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow #but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain #and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years) #then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain #funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism) #about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes #its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism #i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness #bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions #in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either #there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too

[pyrrhiccomedy]

Bellefleur - The Stargazer

When Bellefleur was new, she was shade-born in winter, a daughter of La Delenda, that dreaded house of murderous faerie doppelgangers whose every pleasure lies in the destruction of their Other.

Like every faerie since the Division of the Sun, she was damned to never see the Glory.

She is a scholar, now. She put her sword aside. She studies the idiot, sadistic stars that keep her kind imprisoned, and dreams of both brighter and darker histories long past, when she would have been free to save or damn herself like mortals do. 

In a brighter history, she would have been an angel.

In a darker history, she would have been a storm.

In this - this broken and miscarried world - her kind are so reduced that she will need a mortal man, some ape, to reach her ends. But she will not be thwarted. No murderer of La Delenda has ever planned a death so vast. She will find a mortal with a seed of promise. She will be the gardener of his soul. She will coax him to the full flower of grandeur, and then - once he has grown so tall he towers above the reach of heaven - she will extract the poison from his petals and kill this wretched history.

She will guide his hand to the high clear sword that will shatter the chain of being, and he will be the sword in hers.

(What an unexpected pleasure, to fall in love him.)

#I think it's really important to understanding Bellefleur's character to understand what kind of faerie she is #there is another house - La Menage Verglas - that serves the Stranger: one of the special gods of the Wood #by the Stranger's tricksome will every time a faerie is born into La Menage Verglas another faerie is also created #their perfect double - like them in every way - into La Delenda #and their double's absolute obsession from the moment they are born is to kill their Other and take their place #from the Stranger's POV this is great: all of her servants are either constantly preparing for a confrontation to the death #with someone as smart as fast and as talented as them #or they have WON such a confrontation #from Bellefleur's POV it was like being born with a heroin addiction #and laboring towards the destruction of this person exactly like her was the only way to get her fix #she's still white-knuckling through it every day - she's never managed to go three days together without thinking about her Other - #but for La Delenda there's nothing more punk than going 'you know what actually fuck this' and becoming a pacifist #she put all of that murderous drive into getting her phds #she's one of the Wood's foremost scholars now - especially when it comes to the Division of the Sun or the Antelucan world #and now she's managed to escape out into Mundus where she can finally put all that study into action #and WHAT A SURPRISE to be so pleased with the mortal man who is the linchpin of her plans! #she means him no harm - her feelings are no impediment #she means to help him succeed beyond his wildest ambitions #his ascension to godhood is just a part of her plans #how fortunate to find in him a genuine lover and partner #he's feral and she thinks that's just so great #heretic #dice matters

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys #i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will- #like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!! #i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my #head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!! #also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it #may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc) #anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it #dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify. #i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt #equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there #like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he #doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be #like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in #ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things) #like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get #herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you #like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his #actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior #idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there. #like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be #i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other. #which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around #blah #sui sq

[apotelesmaa]

Objectively yes five pebbles deserves most of the blame for every problem in rain world but I think seven red suns does not get near enough flack for knowing five pebbles wanted nothing more than to end it all, knowing he shared resources with moon, knowing 5P trusted and looked up to him and STILL choosing to send him the information on the very risky plan to die that requires constantly utilizing every drop of water at your disposal and requires complete perfection in execution to avoid giving yourself super turbo mega cancer. & then going Omg I can’t believe five pebbles has done this :( why is he so mad at me now :( my iterator in Christ you literally gave him step by step instructions on how to ruin his life and accidentally kill his sister what did you think was going to happen.

#rain world #moon deserves none of the blame btw I stand by this. her forcing the message was a last ditch attempt to get 5P to stop literally killing #her. how was she supposed to know what he was up to. #i also stand by the fact that 5P is an incredibly tragic and complex character who shouldn’t be exclusively viewed as bad. i could write an #essay on that but I don’t want to do that and you don’t want me to do that #i think more people agree with the 5P thing but accept him trying to blame moon as fact #rather than intense denial that he put himself and her in this situation and can’t fix it #& I think people also view 5P as he is during the events of the game as his entire personality #instead of watching someone at rock bottom grab a shovel go ‘I can fix this’ and keep digging #because I think up until rivulet he’s in such deep denial that he can’t help himself or reverse what he did to moon with a simple solution #i can’t remember who said it but I think one of the devs said ‘do u think moon would still care so much about 5P if he was always like this’ #sighs. he is unfortunately just like me. self recognition through video game character that ruined everything. #rain world spoilers #i guess?

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

#the results finally came: i have hepatitis. Is not longer just simple sickness and liver malfunction. Now i have chronic illness #and i am back into my place. after being far away for some weeks feeling like a victim of the narrative #how foolish and stupid i was #i tried not to think about it. to not give it importance as she said it was not that serious #but now that i am alone in here again i realize that everything it was my fault #“is our mistake” i can hear her say. but it is my fault: i was the sober one. the one in control. the one that did not let her go #“she was teasing you. was somerhing she wanted” some people reply. but that is no excuse for my behaviour #i was supposed to protect her. to let her be free with herself. and in the end i only gave her pain and regret. i destroyed my last chance #perhaps being denied to fix what i did. to prove myself better. is my punishment and i should accept it #not able to know about her life. if she is okay. if her heart is recovering. if her mind is not killing her. is part of the punishment too #sure. the guilt is destroying me. but i deserve it. in fact. i deserve all the problems i am having. i deserve to be out of her life #my chairs are screaming. my bed is punching. the blankets are a burden. the walls compress me. the juice is sour. #i can no longer make that dish. not that snack. and just thinking about the strawberrys dessert makes me nauseous and want to puke #i am totally sure that event damaged her more than she wanted to admit. if is this devastating to me. should be x10 worse for her. #but i will never know and that is part of the suffering i deserve #i hope she manage to heal. to forget about me. to find someone better that can truly help her #i hope she never wanted to came back. it will only bring her pain. see me will only make her remember the trauma #i am not free of sin. i betrayed myself that day. i betrayer her too. i do not deserve forgiveness from both #the walls are not the culprit. yet my anger keep me punching them. i could damage myself but my liver is already doing that #perhaps this illness will set me free. but until that happens. i still need to try going forward. #mostly becasue is not fair i just give up and end my suffering that easy. i must face my punishment #yet i hope she is not being tormented by my mistake. i doubt it. but she deserve better #hopefully she will never read this and therefore never try to contact me to debate the mistake if she still think was her fault #hopefully she will heal and grow. happy and independent. free with lots of friends. loving herself and someone special for her #i tried to be a saviour but at the end i only destroyed who i wanted to save. along myself in the process #better to stay alone that to hurt someone and myself again #i wish life to let me be in the void where i belong. feeling desires is gross and awful. better to not feel anything like i was before #tried to distract myself with funny stuff and healing posts. heck even some sad and broken stuff to feel understood #but nothing of that was really helpful as i was only neglecting the reality and severity of my actions. i must leave #so goodbye. i should come back when the illness and the guilt stop killing me (if it does not succeed)

[theoretical-tactician]

I’ve done it. I’ve accidentally deleted the british child from existence.

#fe engage #theo plays engage #i know tiki is useful and all #but i don’t feel like replaying 7 hours to get her back #and there’s no way i know of to fix this #unless someone knows how to help me edit saves #so i guess i’ll play my armored only run without her assistance #no starsphere for me

[themoonking]

sorry not sorry but if you were ever a prequel hater i'm gatekeeping you from being a prequel lover now that it's popular to do so. you don't get to shit on the prequels for no reason only to turn around and be a prequel stannie (ESPECIALLY a hayden christensen stannie) now that kenobi is the hot new star wars thing. obikins don’t touch my post, i am also gatekeeping you <3

#the prequels had shitty dialogue? that's subjective but either way its the same exact quality of dialogue as the original trilogy #so if you constantly make fun of the pt for its dialogue you HAVE to constantly make fun of the ot for ITS dialogue #or else we both know that thats not the actual reason its just an excuse #the prequels had shitty cgi? they were all made in the late nineties/early aughts i wont say this this was the most cutting edge shit around #but it was pretty standard quality special effects for the time #you can't hate on a film because it's cgi aged poorly its unfair because this was quality shit at the time #the story was dumb? i have nothing to say to that because i can't help you if you don't have taste #ewan mcgregor was the only actor from the prequels that the 'fanbase' was even a little bit kind to #hayden christensen never got a moment's peace about his (fucking GOOD) performance and yet somehow despite that #maintains nothing but love for the films and excitement and joy at his return which makes absolutely no sense #because given the amount of shit he got he should be going through a (completely justified) fucking joker arc fr #natalie portman was treated horribly for daring to be a woman in a star wars film and then even more after the films were made #for daring to talk about star wars #despite the fact that she was In The Movies #like that one tumblr post where someone sends an ask about who does she think she is wearing a star wars shirt when she probably #hasnt seen the movies #(same ask might have also called her a bitch idk) #where the person who received the ask has to be like 'that's natalie portman and she was IN THE MOVIES' #jake lloyd's life was basically ruined and he was a fucking child when he was in the phantom menace (never forgiving y'all for that one) #and even alleged prequel lovers act like they needed to be 'fixed' like the way some 'pt lovers' talk about tcw and how it 'fixed' the pt #as if they arent just spouting the same shit that pt haters say fr #but that's a topic for another day another post i wont get into that now #i speak #star wars #kenobi #i've been a prequel stannie basically from birth i wont allow former pt haters to jump on the bandwagon #you know how people who hated the amazing spider man films started being andrew garfield stans after nwh came out? #and ppl who were constantly shitting on rpatz for the cardinal sin of playing batman before a TRAILER was even released #suddenly became stannies once the film was released and was best batman film ever made? #and how ppl who were stannies from the beginning were like 'absolutely fucking not'?

[loisroo]

ohhhhhh min woo is a little bitch. i’m gonna say something that many people are gonna dislike but i don’t care.

if you feel ‘attacked’ and upset that you have to adjust your own worldview/environment so people can receive equal treatment or when people start to receive equal treatment in general —then that’s a you problem.

even before this episode (seven) where min woo feels like he has evidence that young woo is getting special treatment, min woo had been stuck on young woo receiving special treatment. he’s jealous, confused and frustrated because he already has an idea in his head of what autism is and doesn’t think there is any way young woo could make it on her own. even after she is constantly helping and winning cases, even once she proves that she has a right to be there. he just ignores her growth and he can’t just admit — young woo is a good attorney.

for me the fact that young woo’s father said he would be a bad dad if it meant she could keep the opportunity that was given to her no matter what, no matter why, because she wouldn’t get another. that right there should be enough for someone to understand that young woo hasn’t received special treatment ever. the law firm correcting its mistake about discriminating against young woo (no matter the ceo’s secret reason) is the right thing to do. and if anything min woo highlighting the hiring practice mistake should show this fact more then prove him right.

#extraordinary attorney woo #like your feelings are valid bro #even soo yeon when she was talking about the whales and wanting to slap young woo #maybe a little dramatic but also valid #but that’s your feelings and your own nonsense #go to therapy #talk about it #but lashing out and talking about getting someone fired #that’s a whole person that already has everything stacked against her and you say IM MAD IM NOT AS COOL SO ITS SPECIAL TREATMENT #if closing blinds to make someone more comfortable bother you then ask why #if asking clarifying questions and not being comfortable being wrong bother you then think about why #if communicating with a person diagnosed with autism is hard for you then figure out why and how you can fix it #like jesus i hate when we decide that having to accommodate anyone makes them less then #i know a lot of its historical/societal and a global consumer economy mixed with a lack of knowledge #but this idea that if someone doesn’t fit this very specific mold they aren’t as valuable makes me angry #nuerodivergence and disabilities and mental health do not make a person weak or different or less human #like this girl always got first but who was her actual friend? did professors talk with her and help her the same way? #how hard was it to do presentations? group projects? mock trials? #did she still get hit and taken advantage of after high school? did the im sorry game continue? #if someone giving her a seat in a car feels like special treatment and that’s all you can think of then the problem is you #or at least reflect on yourself #oh man I got on a ranting soapbox again

[anaalnathrakhs]

.

#i have this friend who's like really into s*uth p*rk #and she's the ''too depressed to care about politics type'' #and like i've been there i get that #and it sucks so much i have no idea how to help her out of that #she keeps making those weird ''jokes'' and i try to be firm and tell her they're not funny and why and to please stop making them #but she keeps saying the same things! #and i mean even if i had the power to i don't think it'd be useful to just stop her from talking abt s*uth p*rk completely #like i think it's mostly a mindset about caring #the whole ''s*uth p*rk says caring about things is cringe'' thing #and you can't really care when you're hurting and empty inside and tired of everything #so i think you gotta fix other stuff before then #and i can't fix it for her obviously #but man i wish she would understand!! #why it's not funny to say the name of a marginalized identity and laugh at it like it was a joke #and like. okay. i've been there. i get that it's the desperate call for help of someone who wants to be funny and connect with people #and i don't know how to offer her connection and all without validating the shit she spews sometimes #broadcasting my misery #vent

[alcorian]

crawls into a hole and cries

things have been very hectic for me lately and have kind of triggered my "cant do anything; too anxious" mode

and because of that im HELLA behind on schoolwork, i have a whole unit in ASL to get caught up on, and i have a paper that was due like last week that i just havent done, and im STILL not mobilizing to like. go into a work frenzy and get it all done. im still anxious and tired and my higher functions are shutting down and i feel scared of everything including silly stupid things and oegh

feels bad

i just dont know how to kick myself out of this

i might just have to wait for my schedule to go back to normal and hope thats enough to get my footing

#like i was ALREADY having a hectic time #MULTIPLE medical issues; a fight with my mom featuring my FIRST EVER deliberate real lie to her thta i can remember; an employement issue #and now my entire campus is protesting & classes have been canceled for a week and #its a GOOD thing and i support the protests and have been part of some of them #but the disruption of my schedule combined with the uncertainty of the future of the college combined with the anxiety already brewing in m #has just made me SHUT DOWN #i cant. i dont know how to fix this #someone please help me #vent #ok to rb #why is my mental state so fragile? i hate having an anxiety disorder #alv posts