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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Kan is absolutely going to break my heart in this show, isn't he? The way they've created him. He's so obviously in the closet and aching with the knowledge that he is and trying to avoid it, trying so hard to not be who he is. You can see that first response, that want and then the way he shuts himself down, pulls away, tenses up... And then when he looks at the more effeminate students and there is longing but also fear and it quickly turns to a brush off, to a dismissal, to talking about the girls he's gonna see and the date he has. But the longing in his look, the way he watches, the way he stares. Oh, Kan. You are gonna hurt.

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vpsbf · 2 years

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ayan threatening to kiss akk every ep.

akk internally every episode: P-Please do!

akk in reality: Ew gross! I'm a prefect! I have zero feelings for you! and you annoy me!

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schweizerhauspuechauhorizonte · 5 years

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Sag Mal

Folge 4

Diesmal hat unser Team Janina aus dem Kanthaus in Wurzen interviewt.

#KanthausWurzen #Foodsharing #RepairCafe

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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The most painful part of Kan and Thua is that they both want the exact same thing. They want to hold hands, they want to smile, they want to laugh, they want a chance to be be themselves together. But Kan is terrified of the judgement he sees cast and Thua would rather disappear then face people alone. They both ache and they both hide and the silence when Thua lets go of Kan's hand because Kan has frozen in the moment shakes the rest of the episode.

Because that is the moment of realization for both of them, a moment when Kan knows he is a coward and Thua knows he isn't going to fight and they both have to admit to themselves who they are and who the other is. That Kan must see that he is not the knight he wants to be and Thua knows he is fighting alone.

Kan is so happy to grab Thua's hand, to guide him to safety, to protect him from the threats he perceives... but the threats he sees are not the real danger. The real danger is his fear, the real danger is him.

Thua wants, needs, someone beside him. He needs to be supported, he needs to know he's not alone and while he wants Kan to support him... Kan can't. Kan is a coward, Kan freezes, Kan cannot stand alongside Thua. He can stand behind, he can punch someone in a bathroom, he can stand on a beach and promise to listen.

But he is not strong enough to face them head on, to face the judgement that Thua faces every day.

Kan hates himself for being queer, Thua hates himself for being silent.

A coward and a bystander fall in love and they disappoint themselves again and again, hurt themselves again and again, stare at each other with longing and pain but knowing that they are not good enough for what they want, hating themselves and cursing themselves, Thua wanting to disappear and Kan wanting to do so much he can't.

Their relationship is going to hurt so much because they're both struggling so much just within themselves. Thua has closed himself off and Kan protects himself with anger and jokes and when they're alone together is when they're most honest about who they are but that just isn't viable for either of them.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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So we evolved from buying pink milk to pink candy?

Not complaining though, only because Kan/Thua are total, oblivious dorks-in-love, who are in dire need of some pink magic!

The worst part, anon, is that they're not oblivious.

I did like the touch of pink candy.

But just look at how they look at each other.

Just Kan offering that candy... that is not the look of someone just looking a friend.

That is not how you look at someone you don't love.

The most heartbreaking thing about these two is that they both know they're in love.

Thua knows that Kan cares about him. He knows that Kan defended him, he accepted the candy from Kan, he waits until he has plausible deniability to speak to him about what he did.

Thua knows.

And Kan knows. Kan knows he's gay. Kan knows he wants more with Thua.

But Kan is unable to move past his internalized homophobia, past his own internal fears, past the hundred year old rules and laws that rule Suppalo and to recognize and appreciate his own desire.

I wish they were oblivious, anon. That would hurt so much less.

But no.

They know.

The worst is that Thua knows and he accepts but Kan knows and he can only deny himself and yearn.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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It's all about the way Kan looks at Thua... but also the way Kan looks when he's defending Thua.

But also... the way Thua looks at, and after, Kan.

#the eclipse series #the eclipse #the eclipse the series #bl drama #thai drama #thaibl #thai series #bl series #asianlgbtqdramas #thai bl #asian lgbtq dramas #asianlgbtqdrama gif #gmmtv #asian lqbtq dramas gif #asianlgbtqdramagifs #kanthau #kan x thau #thua x kan #thuakan

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Thua has tried to be good enough, to be the Good Queer One, the quiet one, the one that no one has a reason to object to and never offends anyone, accepts the insults and the words thrown against him to prove he's better. He's tried so hard and all it ever does is hurt and when Ayan tells him his voice matters, when Ayan tells him that he matters... you can see him break a little, see how his eyes change. He wants that to be true but he also has a legacy to uphold, his father's history with the school holding him back despite the new thoughts swirling in his head and when he tells Kan he didn't ask him to study because he always fell asleep you can see Kan's desperation. He just wants to be near Thua, to have his attention, to know he's still there near him and he just can't handle the thought of losing that last little bit while Thua has to lose this, has to accept himself and stand up for himself and find himself as he is and where he is.

They must be lost to be found and broken to be fixed and a scar over a festering wound must be reopened to begin the healing.

#the eclipse #the eclipse series #the eclipse the series #thai bl #thaibl #thai drama #bl series #thai series #bl drama #gmmtv #kanlong x thuapha #thuakhan #thua x kan #thuakan #kan x thua #kanthau #kan x thau

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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The deep homophobia and automatic avoidance by all the Suppalo prefects when presented with affection or flirting or close proximity versus Aye's comfort with himself and Thau's confusion is truly beautiful because it's already illustrating how their rules following is hurting them, is forcing them into boxes they don't fit in, and how the people who are comfortable with their sexuality and themselves can end up so easily hurt by those who put rules about people.

#the eclipse the series #the eclipse #bl drama #thai bl #thai drama #thai series #thaibl #bl series #akkayan #akkaye #akk x aye #kanthau #kan x thau #thaukan #thau x kan

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Kan and Thua share so much with each other that they express in such different ways but that they still see it in each other.

They are both self-hating young men who are queer, know they are, but don't know how to safely or healthily express it. They're both trapped by expectations and family and society and they're both in agony with it.

But Kan is big. Kan takes up space with his fear and his insecurities and he overcompensates and he laughs and he pushes his friends and he hides himself behind the bigger parts of himself. He makes himself seen as he wants to be seen, to be viewed as he wants to be viewed and he accepts nothing else.

Thua is small. He makes himself small. He tries to take up no space, to not be seen, to be invisible. He hates that he is not braver, that he is not more powerful, that he cannot stand alongside other people. He wants to disappear. He wants to be nothing. To be seen is terrifying because to be seen is to be in danger.

Kan is ashamed of his queerness but Thua is ashamed that is not braver about his queerness.

Thua must be the one to let go because Kan wants to be a hero and he must see that he has to change to be a hero. Thua is not the one who needs to change because Thua is the one who needs to be supported and Kan is the one who wants to do that.

Bruce Wayne, instead of Batman. The secret identity instead of the hero. This about the reveal, the secrets behind the face. Bruce Wayne is someone who took pain and who took tragedy and who turned it into an identity not his own for his own protection and the protection of others. Bruce Wayne is the wealth behind Batman, the face that no one suspects, the person no one knows. Bruce Wayne is a secret. Bruce Wayne is a scared boy watching his parents die. Bruce Wayne is not the hero but he can be.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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The growing, wistful and painful contact between Kan and Thua as they both try to grow as people and find themselves struggling with their own views of themselves, the way the world sees them and the way the schools forces them to hide themselves. Kan struggling with the way the world will see him if he's authentically himself and Thua facing a world that doesn't accept him with no one at his side to support him.

Thua initiated the first touch and then never did again until Kan initiated the touch on the beach and now Thua was the one to break their last contact, leaving them both alone. Because Thua is not going to be the one to take that dangerous step if Kan isn't there with him, if Kan isn't ready to be at his side.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Thua not asking Kan to study because he keeps falling asleep but Kan wants him desperately to ask because it means a chance to be with him when that's all he wants... and then the preview of Kan asking why they don't spent time together and Thua confirming it's because he knows that Thua is uncomfortable with the concept of him being gay even though it's really about how much Kan likes Thua and can't handle it... the heartbreak of it all.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Honestly, the fact that Kan punched someone for calling Thua a fag and Thua told him it was okay brings so much more pain to the preview scene where Thua tries to stop Kan from hitting someone.

Because now it's likely that Kan was trying to defend Thua against the pain he himself experiences every time he heard that word, that idea, he's trying to protect the person he cares about but also can't care about at the same time.

No wonder he's going to lash it at Thua. Pain always has to go somewhere.

#the eclipse series #the eclipse themes #the eclipse #the eclipse the series #bl drama #thai bl #thai drama #thaibl #thai series #bl series #gmmtv #kan x thau #kanthau #kanthua #thua x khan #khanthau #khan x thau #kanlong x thuapha #this show is my everything

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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I am greatly looking forward to being broken into tiny pieces by Kan and Thua over the course of the next several months, taken apart into the tiniest parts that can be made watching them.

Because Kan is all this anger and pain and hurt and yearning in contrast to the softness and acceptance and patience and love that makes up Thua.

Thua accepts when Kan cannot and Kan fights what Thua cannot.

To fight and to accept but both to be hurt in the end.

Because Kan cannot accept and Thua doesn't want to fight but they both love and yearn and want.

I want them to touch and to touch deliberately and to see the heartbreak on both of their faces when they realize that they cannot keep that moment forever.

I want a brush of knees, a whisper touch of hands, a momentary curl of fingers, a catch of an elbow, a graze of shoulders, a bump of hips, anything that they could do and pause and catch themselves before Kan pulls away, before Kan can fight himself, before Thua can accept his own loneliness.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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I hope that before the end we get Kan returning to the Cafe For All happily, not scared or tense or worried or fearful, but shy and soft with Thua at his side, ready to face the world as himself rather than as who he feels like he has to be and that he can sit at a table with his boyfriend and hold his head high and hold his hand in a place that he was so afraid of and that was he can smile at the workers and order a drink and just openly be himself.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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I want to disappear.

They're both caught up in so much fear and so much self-hatred and neither of them knows how to do anything about it. Thua because he's caught between the school and home and has nowhere to turn and Kan because he's terrified of judgement of other students, the curse and possibly his parents, we can't be sure yet and may never know.

But they're both trapped and caught and Kan wants to be Thua's hero but he doesn't know how to be, he doesn't have that bravery on his side. He is hesitant to step outside the person that Suppalo is trying to make him be even as he desperately wants to be that anyone besides that person.

Thua just wants to not be alone. He wants to be seen and to be cared for and to be protected. He want so know there is someone on his side and someone who won't back down to the people who keep hurting him the way his mother begs his stepfather, the way Kan lets go of his hand. He just wants to know that there is someone beside him.

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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I wake up every morning now thinking about Kan and Thua.

It's about how both of them know there could be more if they'd just allow it, how they can both see that in each other and understand it and yet there is still a barrier between them that cannot be scaled.

It's how Thua quietly accepts mistreatment, insults, the way other people speak about him, because he's simply accepted that he will not be accepted as he is but will not stop being who he is.

It's the way Kan cannot accept that and fights for him but also cannot allow his own identity to be his own and denies himself even a taste of what could be.

It's the way Kan protects Thua but also Thua protects Kan in return, Kan with fists and Thua with words.

It's how Thua is filled with a gentle acceptance of who he is and who Kan is while Kan nearly trembles with yearning and self-hatred and desire for what he cannot have that comes out as anger.

It's about the contrast of the boy who aches with what he wants but denies himself and the boy who holds sadness in a gentle embrace and accepts himself for who he shall be.

It's how they're supposed to be studying but Kan piles the books up and lies his head down, ready to sleep, wanting to rest besides Thua, to take that calm and that energy, to be there with him even though he can have no more.

It's the anticipation. It's what will happen. Will Kan find the courage to act on his feelings, even in secret? Will Thua try to talk to him more? When will this equilibrium of secrets and pain they've found fall apart? How much will Thua hurt and how hard will Kan break? What will the aching and yearning between them become with time?

Will Kan break in Thua's arms or will he be the one to hold Thua after he has hurt him?

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