Time of death, 10:55
This word has been used much more than love, in TRIAGE
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Ultimate Selfie: Acheived
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Friday Neo, Saturday Neo...
OG Neo
(Saw a request like this from @luthienmpl reblogged by @placetneplacet and figured I could do something before work... I can try to make a better version this afternoon, especially if anyone wants to give me specific episode parts in VV)
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The three times Tol tried to kiss Tin and failed...
And Tin remembering a very different kiss.
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I'm not mad at you. Then why don't you talk to me these days? Because you're uncomfortable when I'm around. I get it. You don't like people to judge you like they judge me. Thua. Whatever problem you have, you can always talk to me.
Thua is so aware of what's going on in his life and in his friend's lives, he knows why Kan keeps his distance and he understands, he doesn't hold it against him but it does mean that the distance between them in growing. But Kan doesn't want that. He wants to be at his side, to be safe at his side, to have Thua know he's safe and to come to him, to trust him again, to be closest to him again.
Kan is struggling with himself and his feelings while Thua is steady and calm in his won. Kan is a storm and Thua a lighthouse keeper but nothing is safe from a hard enough storm and no light can stay on forever, no one can care for the guiding light by themself.
They meet on a beach, on freedom, both ditching school and both finding solace in old patterns and sweet treats and gentle laughter, rediscovering an old bond that they cannot always share.
Thus is a safe place for Kan. Kan knows that Thua accepts him as he is and does not judge him. He trusts him with a side of himself he wouldn't show anyone else. But he is struggling to give back to Thua the same thing, that same safe place, because his fear of judgement overwhelms him.
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This episode really hit hard with the families this time and especially with mothers. We had three of the main characters speak to or react to mentions of their mothers and parents and each one had a distinctly different feeling to how they handled it and how they felt and how it's shaped them and is still shaping them.
Ayan has the conversation with his mother about the rebellion at the school and she tells him to stop. To give up. To not cause trouble. And he shuts her down instantly, hangs up without hesitation, doesn't even bother to explain anything. Ayan loves his mother but he is not going to do anything for her or for her comfort. And this leads into why he pushes so hard for Thua to speak to his mother about his discomfort as well. He wants to see other people accepted and loved and supported despite his own situation. Ayan does not hold his problems with his mother against anyone else or even her. He loves her and he wants to be able to turn to her even if he's realizing he can't.
Thua was pushed by Akk to finally be honest with his mother and was met with nothing but support. His mother loves him and wants him to be open, wants him to stop hiding, wants to know about him. Thua has been given that acceptance that Akk (and Kan) both want to seek but don't know how to get. His mother has been worried and she wants to know him, she tells him she loves him no matter what, she even offers her own worries up so he knows he isn't alone. Thua loves his mother and his mother is very clear that she loves him in return.
And Kan. Kan. Akk mentions how his parents spoil him and indulge him and Kan's face falls. He doesn't laugh, he doesn't smile, he doesn't joke about it. He just falls silent. His parents gave him a car, they pay for extra schooling, they obviously care about him. But Kan doesn't feel safe with them. He knows he can't come out to them and that secret, the repression and fear, are eating away at him and his friendships and his growing crush and care for Thua. Kan might be loved in some ways but the love he has for his parents does not come with trust or with the knowledge that it's unconditional. Kan knows that he must be what they want him to be.
A mother's love is so powerful in this show and we can see how much his mother's love changed Thua from stiff and blank and afraid to the real smile he showed but also how it took Akk and Kan from happy to stiff and uncomfortable in a heartbeat.
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