#just kidding i'm better than nothing

[hippo-pot]

can't believe i ignored my homework for all of spring break until yesterday and then finished it today. like obviously it was easier than expected but i did work pretty hard yesterday watching the videos i needed. but now what am i supposed to do? taxes? hah

#putting off my taxes is my #i've got some books i'm gonna read #didn't put away my yoga mat earlier so i'mma hit that as well #........ phrasing #anyway as i was saying. i'm going to do some yoga. because of all the free time i suddenly have #ah fuck i also owe both pen pals a letterrrrrrrrr #that will happen when it happens. because? i am trash #just kidding i'm better than nothing #^^ this is what counts for gassing myself up right now #genuinely felt better after typing those words

[4esthetic-dissonance]

I'm working on a fic and was like 'how in the hell do you make LINGUANG JUN the least bit redeemable?'. I mean, /Linguang jun/ who tossed a developmentally four year old Mobei Jun to a pack of humans? The kid could have died. And then I saw a translation of the extras. It describes lgj as mbj's 'young uncle', says that he 'wasn't that much older than him (mbj)'. And I just- its a hell of a lot different, a Scar type tossing his nephew to the proverbial wolves than it is for a maybe dumb, maybe petty, maybe developmentally five or six year old to shove their annoying technically-nephew-who-in-age-and-context-is-more-like-a-brother-than-lgj's-actual-brother into a situation that the text implies was more frightening than actually /dangerous/. And that- well I can work with that.

#Yeah yeah yeah I know in text he doesn't have anything going for him #And maybe the translation i found is not perfect #But its what I'm going with #And I think its more compelling than 'I hate your dad and so I hate you' #And what the fuck is svsss about if not deepening the complexity of easily-written-off characters anyway? #Svsss #Mobei Jun #Linguang jun #Scum villain #Scum villains self saving system #Honestly I even like my version better than the 'mbj senior stole lgj's wife' story #Which I think is fanon anyway #But then I have five siblings and we spent most of our childhoods trying not trying to kill each other #And yeah uhuh a nice thoughtful person would feel bad for endangering their sort of little brother #But a person from the world and not from a morality tale (especially a little kid) would more likely grow resentful #And dig in their heels that they'd done nothing wrong and why was little bro such a crybaby anyway he doesn't even deserve to be king #It just makes sense to me in a way that other versions of it that I've read don't #Don't bug me if you don't like the translation #I'm working on fanfiction not on getting canon reprinted

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

fire and the thud came on my spotify shuffle while me and my sister were listening to music this afternoon, and at the end of it she turns to me and goes “who was that? the lyrics sound like the kind of thing you’d write” and honestly i think it’s one of my favourite unintentional compliments i’ve ever received

#the fact that she’s been reading my writing since we were both kids and knows that side of me better than anyone too #idk it just made it really hit with that bit more weight #also something about it was weirdly validating #because like that whole album has such a special place in my heart #i have never heard anything that connects me so fundamentally with my creativity in the way humbug does #and so to have someone who knows nothing about am go ‘hey these lyrics remind me of the way your mind works’ #when hearing those songs for the first time sometimes felt like someone had reached into my brain #was just #yeah #i don't even know actually #i'm not trying to claim i can write like alex btw #i'm not delusional lol #but i do hear echoes of myself and the way i connect with creativity so often in his writing #which is i think why i connect with it so much #even if i express that creativity differently #(and with less skill) #sorry i'm just rambling at this point #i feel like i'm not explaining this well at all but my brain is so foggy rn #so i'm going to shut up now and go back to my book #thanks/apologies to anyone who's read their way though this whole ramble #humbug #lulu posts

[vvitchy-succubus]

.

#I'm so tired but i can't sleep #there's no sleep anymore #no relaxing #im either completely empty #or im crying #from anger or sadness #or both #every blue Ford i see #i think it's him for a spilt second #when my phone rings i hope it's going to be him #when i do sleep i dream about him #i didn't know missing someone could feel like this #it's missing but worse than that #like a hole in the center of my chest #and nothing makes it better #sometimes i can just ignore it for a while #he should be here #i will never understand why it was him #someone so good and loving and sweet #who was intentionally kind to strangers #who held me every time i needed him #i hate this universe #i really really do #i want to wake up in another universe #one where he never got in that truck #where he called into work that day #so that i can call him and tell him all the things i already have to tell him #i fucking miss you kid #it's actually killing me

[alexcabotgf]

this isn't a hot take by any means but a lot of you would be so much happier if you stopped having parasocial relationships with celebrities oh my god

#like stop obsessively keeping up w celebrities' lives stop following them on social media stop watching their every move or care about what #they say or do outside of their jobs #most of them don't have education other than a hs diploma so do yourself a favor and go enjoy their silly little shows/songs/etc in peace #this isn't directed at anyone in patricular just the general discourse bc i can't believe there are people in their 20s 30s 40s on here #who have nothing better to do than be up in arms about what some celebrity from a show they used to watch as kids said about something just #get some friends focus on yourself if you do accidentally come across something someone did or said that rubs you the wrong way #make a decision whether or not you still want to ''support'' them by watching/listening to their stuff legally #if you even do that in the first place in 2 seconds and then move on forever it's so easy #~85% of the information i learned about every celebrity i started liking within the last 3 or so years has been against my will but #sure sometimes i'm like i wonder what so and so named their kid and i look it up and go oh jaden? that's cute and then close the tab like #learn to pick your battles #tbd

[maddy-ferguson]

"Quick test tho, replace girlfriend with boyfriend and see if ur still bothered by it." me when i'm 7 and have yet to realize that men and women have a very different place in the social hierarchy because we live in a society

#joke 7-year-olds have already realized this because they're smarter than the person i'm quoting #and because they're boys and girls themselves and are treated differently based on that from the moment they're born lmao #i was reading a book the other day (last month) where boys were already doing the weaponized incompetence thing and girls already cleaned #up after them automatically without being asked BEFORE THE AGE OF 5 like it's bad for us (it was like a sociological study) #and literally the weaponized incompetence thing makes sense it's normal/smart to try to get out of doing something you don't wanna do like #chores and stuff but it's the fact that girls internalize that they have to be the ones who stop doing what they're doing to clean up after #boys/men AS CHILDREN and then keep doing that for the rest of their lives. i'll kill myself #i was raised with just my sister and my mom and my sister is the man of the house in the sense that i'll ask her to do things a certain #way a thousand times because it's better for everyone and she'll always be like yeah you're right and then never do it. and i'm always like #if i actually had to go through that with a partner...and with male partners statistically i probably would #when women make posts like oh look what my boyfriend/husband bought vs what i asked for haha he's so silly...KILL HIM #anyway. my point was you internalize it early enough to realize some of it is off as a kid. so why would you say there's nothing wrong with #saying something about women if the same thing being said about men doesn't offend you #like are you stupid #and like i say: brf slt

[raytorosaurus]

who the fuck is ode2 I can't find their blog????

lol honestly don't wanna give them any more attention than they used to get so i'm not gonna link their blog but they were an extremely extremely disrespectful and invasive tinhatter who would openly speculate about things including but not limited to gerard's struggles with addiction, parenting style, marital relationship etc, based on evidence of absolutely nothing (besides their ~special connection~ with frank) to push the narrative that gerard has been stringing frank along in some kind of sick abusive sexual relationship for years and years while lynz is also abusing gerard and controlling his every move and sapping his personality and also cyberbullying frank on instagram stories LMAO. seems like they got their entire worldview shattered when mcr returned and confirmed that, shock horror, they are in fact friends who enjoy spending time with each other, because they've stopped posting theories so much on their blog and wrote a pinned message that includes the point "YES grown adults act like teenage girls on social media," said entirely seriously and unironically. they're kind of like the example of that one breed of frerardie who claims to love frank but seems to ignore his actual personality in favour of treating him like a poor uwu abused baby who's never stood up for anything once in his life and treats gerard like an idol rather than a friend, but magnified by a million and even more disconnected from reality. genuinely a really sad blog filled with a lot of hate and im glad they've stepped back from spending every day posting about their theories

#i do hope they're seeking therapy tbh #sorry if this sounds extremely mean i just woke up from the world's worst nap #but im not kidding when i say this blog was disgustingly invasive disgustingly misogynistic #and above all disgusting in the way they openly discussed a stranger's mental health and experiences with addiction #it was based on absolutely nothing too but even if it was it would have been gross #also this isn't as serious but it IS funny: #they used to claim that frank was a better guitar player than ray and that ray would take credit for frank's parts KSJDGKLJSDLGSD #which if nothing else highlights their impressive immaturity and ability to ignore everything about how the band works #and refusal to listen to anything any of them actually said except maybe frank #anyway i'm gonna take my own advice and stop talking about them now we can all just pretend they never existed #idek what prompted this i didn't think i'd talked about them in a while sdjkflsjds #dash vibes are already bad. send post. #answered

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[anaalnathrakhs]

...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.

#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame #in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear #because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better? #but also i can't help but think #why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework #and was incredibly inconsistent across topics #like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math. #like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math #like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me #and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution #or like #apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me #either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that #but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk. #they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it. #god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid. #always either with a parent or family or a nanny. #and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked #i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something #and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER #MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR #and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise #of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw) #i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary #and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age. #i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on #because i read until my eyes gave out #and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte #and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep #it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist

[haneys]

transgenerational trauma getting to me tonight

#vent #how did we live like that #i feel so ashamed of myself I have everyhring I cpuod ask for I have so much more than my mom had #i didnt have to work in the fields since I was 4 like my mom did. I have more to eat than bread butter and boiled cabbage a day #I have more than three shirts. I HAVE SHOES. I HAVE A ROOM FOR MYSELF #and i still amount to nothing I'm just pathetically weak I csnt do anyhting #I didn't go to work today because I was feeling 'bad' meanwhile my mom would get whipped or hit with brooms for that #she spent her whole life to make sure my life would be better and I do nothing with it #I hate myself for feeling bad for myself #our grandma's used to be sold off to more wealthy farms on the countryside to work for food since they were little kids and i feel sad #because I can't buy big groceries and cook dishes for myself. i need to smash my head with a rock and maybe remember #that we used to eat grains soaked in milk and sleep on the floor with 6 people in a single room

[running-in-the-dark]

really kinda feels like I just never developed my own personality. I copy what people that I like like. I pick one person at a time to get obsessed with (actually not a choice, but), and then I become them. unconsciously and unintentionally. and it feels bad. real bad! when there's no one it feels like I'm not even real. there's nothing underneath all the pretending. I'm just not there.

#had a conversation about this with my best friend #and they said maybe it'd help if I try to figure out who I am apart from all that #but there's just. nothing? except panic and fear and anxiety #it's just thinking and thinking and thinking about all the ways in which I am wrong and not good and not interesting and not real #it's not a good experience. it's not something I want to do #and it doesn't tell me who I AM #like I've never been more than that? I've never been anything but defined by other people #I'm not a person. I'm someone's kid someone's sibling someone's wife someone's friend someone's aunt #I don't exist. if I disappeared people would say that they miss me but what would they even miss? that I'm always nice? because being hones #is always bad when it's me? that I help them? because that's all I have to offer? that I try not to contradict anyone ever? because I know #I'm wrong and my opinion is wrong and I shouldn't bother anyone by voicing it #I don't know. it just feels so damn pointless. even if I 'get better' at some point (don't know how and can't imagine it). what will be lef #I never experienced life without all-encompassing anxiety and fear and panic #everything has always scared me. I can't think outside of that because there has never BEEN anything outside of that for me #I'm just very tired #yeah ignore me I'm just being stupid again

[fantasticalleigh]

the lack of Kylo Ren merch the disney store has is a fucking crime ok this is ERASURE i always get so mad

everything is vader this or grogu that

most of the sequel trilogy merch has only Rey on it which is great but where’s the love for the rest of the cast??

if i wanted a fucking vader shirt i’d staple burnt toast to my shirt

#i just want a cool fucking t-shirt of my man ok #leigh speaks #and i haven't watched the manadalorian or any of the disney+ shows so i'm sorry #but i aggressively do not care about mando or grogu #and it's not only kylo but ben too there's absolutely nothing for him but his fucking saber WHICH THEY DISCONTINUED #how many complaints do i have to send in lmao i'm dying here #they have figurines and mostly kids tees with kylo on them yeah sure that's fine #but all the designs are so boring #i'm yelling at the sky i know but still #tell me why fucking BoxLunch has better Kylo Ren merch than the disney store itself #and even then the two items i have that have him on them (t shirt and pj pants) #also feature darth maul and vader #i need more merch with actually good designs that just features kylo or kylo AND rey thank you very much #arguably THE if not one of the best characters to come out of the new trilogy and they just pretend he doesn't fucking exist

[sevenstevearmy]

😡🤒

#my step mother might have given me covid. couldn't atay in her fucking room had to cough all over the house #i'm gonna be pissed if she did. i already have asthma and i'm having some trouble breathinh rn #plus my head hurty. i have to miss work and my body aches and i so eepy but laying down makes breathing worse #i have appointment to get tested tomorrow it better say no covid here bc i am not trying to die #i'm literally already disabled come on. and i can't eat but i need to eat. i did get some water into me. i'm so nauseous #and there's nothing i htae more than nausea bc it's one of my fucking PTSD triggers #if i start having an attack i'm going to pass out in this condition. i needed to ho grocery shopping but now i can't #i have nothing i can eat or drink really bc plain water makes me nauseous lucky me. i took some ibuprofen but it's never worked well on me #of course acetaminophen doesn't work on me at all so here we are. i'm absolutely going to cry but that's going to make my head hurt more #she better have given me one of the other three things she got from the kids at schook i don't want covid #i have all my boosters but still. i am an at risk person. and just the amount of disrespect from hanging out in common soaces while sick #this meant i had to keep myself stuck in my room but i still had to eat in the kitchen which she contaminated. i'm pissed

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

yknow the whole thing with like. undiagnosed neurodivergency. is that it is less like “wow. I have all or most of the symptoms of this” and more “well clearly SOMETHING isn’t working right here”

#areus rambles #like I'll have short periods of time where I'm feeling good #not because of anything in particular just like. I'm having a good time I like the weather and I did my laundry etc. basic functionality #and I'll be able to do stuff #but then like. next day. maybe even in the same conditions its like nothing #I really. Really get the explanation of adhd as dopamine bars. where people without adhd have a higher normal rate than people with #so the people with are always searching for more so they can. yknow. reach normal human levels. #which is why reward systems fail because I'm already lower than everyone else so I want the reward there and then so I can feel better #so I can feel like the normal level #and then like. when things are worse people without reach the normal for people with adhd #so when things are worse for people with adhd it's really bad #so just like. #I refuse to believe this is the normal human experience. basically. #at first its like. 'what do you mean everyone else doesn't think like this'. then its just. 'what is it like for everyone else' #where is that one really good post about how adhd kids are able to do stuff at the deadline really well #because they become distressed and that released hormones which stimulates the brain enough to kinda reach normal levels of stimulation #and then the kid never learns to do anything without being distressed #which leads to people thinking the kid could actually do it all along but they just didn't want to

[hua-fei-hua]

when i was a kid i really resented the fact that my mom kept forcing us to check out nonfiction books alongside our fantasy novels in order to "broaden our minds" and basically ensure we were learning Real Factsies(tm), but now that i'm older, if i don't go off and learn some Real Factsies(tm) every so often, then i'll end up finding my fictions dull and uninspired

#i guess i just also hated how kids' nonfiction tended to present itself. unless they were like those slim encyclopedias #with all the sleek pictures n glossy pages of diagrams n shit #bc i remember reading a nonfiction book abt seahorses for adults called 'poseidon's steed' in like fifth grade and loving it #adult nonfiction books (in my limited experience) tends to read more like storytelling except everything is real and has citations #also now that i'm an Adult(tm) with More Life Experience(tm)(tm) (this is a cue for my older mutuals to laugh at my precociousness or w/e) #i find it easier to connect to the text-- in this case a book abt a guy called paul otlet n his contributions to information science #which is a thing i am Very Much interested in bc the internet has spoiled me with its indexing and yet i love analog information #also it was right next to two volumes from the 60s detailing various historical book burnings #and indeed the intro talked abt how this man's life's work was handily destroyed by the nazis who thought he was cataloguing garbage #learning abt all the lil guys in the 20th century who fuckin loved organizing information n bitched abt there being information overload #they are So Real they would have looked at the modern internet n gone 'this is too much make wikipedia the main page' #花話 #anyway i doubt i'd have appreciated reading so much had i not read fiction so avidly growing up #and i rebuke the idea that the fantasy novels taught me nothing at all bc stories teach us abt being people #and demonstrate experience better than a more academic n factual analysis/write-up or w/e #yes i do love to learn abt philosophy in its like. rigorous academic state or form or w/e. #but that's diff from seeing it in practice in the real world or in people's stories n how it Affects Things

[stairset]

Old DVDs I have of cartoons I grew up watching that even though they have sentimental value to me I might end up selling on ebay or whatever to make some extra cash:

All three seasons of Avatar (bought the complete series so don’t need the individual seasons anymore)

All four seasons of Korra (bought the complete series so don’t need the individual seasons anymore)

All 8 volumes of Spectacular Spider-Man (bought the complete series so don’t need the individual volumes anymore also whose idea was it to release a show with 2 seasons on 8 dvds in the first place they take up way too much space)

First volume of Batman: The Animated Series (never bought the other volumes but did buy the complete series so you know)

The pilot and first two seasons of Ninjago (the whole show’s on Netflix anyway)

All the Ben 10 series and movies (slightly more hesitant to sell these cause only the original series is still on Max and the sequels got taken off for some reason)

Every volume of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (it’s on Disney + anyway)

First five seasons of Clone Wars (surprisingly I HAVEN’T ever bought the complete boxset for this one but hey it’s all on Disney+ too)

#i have a billion other old dvds i could sell these are just the main ones #these are all fairly popular and beloved kids shows i'm sure SOMEONE would be willing to pay like 10 bucks for a dvd #especially since they're all still in fairly good condition like none of the discs are scratched or anything like that #i also finally traded in my extra copy of the miles morales game at gamestop #cause i had a ps4 and ps5 copy of it cause i didn't have a ps5 yet when it came out #but now i've had a ps5 for a while so i don't need the extra ps4 copy so i took it to gamestop and got like 13 bucks #which is better than nothing #shut up tristan