Pokemon Gold/Silver Beta Pokemon: The April 2020 Leak
Look, 2020 was a rough year. So maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised that the April 2020 Gold/Silver source code leak flew almost entirely under my radar. If you Google about it, you’re find it’s very rare for news outlets to cover it. This is probably because many folks are hesitant to cover leaks. Also, the US was warming up to a truly awful pandemic around that point, not to mention other civil unrest, so it’s no surprise some people were a tad distracted.
But the fact is, another leak turned up in April of last year, following a recent trend of huge Nintendo leaks. And this one was a doozy. I’ve only truly realized its full extent in the past few days. As such, I’d like to do a post that covers some of the new information. In particular, I’m focusing on beta pokemon that were cut or heavily reworked.
Now, back in 2018, the Spaceworld ‘97 Pokemon Gold/Silver Demo was leaked online. I made a post about some of my favorites. So, from this leak, we already knew of a while slew of beta pokemon. However, as it turns out, there were still more new faces to find-- and a lot of them! I list 45 new beta pokemon here, in fact!
In the April 2020 leak, several sprite sets were found as internal files, each at different phases of game production. The sprite sets were dated May 6, 1998, June 13, 1999, June 21, 1999, and September 17, 1999. The August 17, 1999 Spaceworld ‘99 Demo build was also found, so we have information on that as well.
Essentially, if you want to see this information at The Cutting Room Floor, then head to this page for the sprites discovered as internal backups/sprite banks. Head to this page for the Spaceworld ‘99 demo information page. And, if you need a refresher for the older leak, you can go to this page for the Spaceworld ‘97 demo build.
For this post, we will focus on the May 6, ‘98 set of sprites, which contain the vast majority of new faces. So, without further ado, onward to the pokemon!
(#300) Kokopelli Pokemon/Celebi
(May 6, ‘98) (Spaceworld ‘99 Demo)
This first pair of sprites looks very much like Kokopelli, a fertility deity of some Native American cultures. This deity can be seen in ancient Native American petroglyphs, as a humpbacked flute player with feathers on the head. Surprisingly, we find that Celebi in the Spaceworld ‘99 Demo seems to be an updated version of this design, making Celebi’s design origins much different than expected. However, its fertility diety inspiration is still somewhat apparant in the modern Celebi, as a creature that causes plant life to flourish.
(#301) Eel Pokemon
While the sprite files did not reveal a name or other data, this eel’s sprites were numbered right beside the Gurotesu (Grotess) and Ikari (Anchorage) sprites, suggesting it once was the start of their evolution chain.
(#304) Fire Fox Pokemon
This little fellow is a fox that seems to have a fiery tail. It’s possible this fire fox was inspired by kitsune (just as Vulpix/Ninetails were) and that it was later redesigned as Fennekin.
(#305 - 308) Snow Bunny Evolution Line
These four pokemon seem to belong to the same evolutionary line. The second one seems to based on the Yuki Usagi, a ‘Snow Bunny.’ In Japan, these cute little critters are made in the snow (using leaves for the ears). They also sometimes make these Yuki Usagi as little marshmallow or mochi treats. So this pokemon line could be inspired by either of these. Considering the leaves and the snow, I would guess these would have been Grass/Ice.
(#309) Elephant Pokemon
You might wonder if this chonky boy-- looking tough with horns on his head and back-- was an early version of Donphan, but Donphan and Phanpy were present in the Spaceworld ‘97 demo. Indeed, this elephant and Phanpy/Donphan both exist in the same set of sprites from May ‘98, so it was simply a case of two types of elephants. This pokemon also calls to mind a glimpse of a cut beta pokemon we saw from Generation 1 (from ‘Satoshi Tajiri: The Man Who Made Pokémon’):
Same fierce eyes, at any rate! Alas, these both never saw the light of day. However, it’s possible this elephant was reworked into Piloswine, which is not in the May ‘98 collection but does appear in the June 13 ‘99 collection (although Swinub is absent). While Piloswine and Swinub are more akin to wild boars, there is also some relation to mammoths (an inspiration more heavily leaned on with Mammoswine in later games). Then again, there’s another pokemon you’ll see a little further down this list that might have inspired Piloswine instead.
(#311) Natu/Xatu Mid-Evolution
What is clearly a mid-evolution (its file number sits between the two). Has a peacock-like tail. Honestly, I think this works really good as a mid-evolution, and I don’t know why it was cut. I want to name it “Watu.”
(#313) Drunk Kiwi Pokemon
This one is just hilarious to look at. It appears to probably be a kiwi-bird? A very crazy-eyed, loopy one. I can see why this one was cut. The goofy, simple design kind of looks like a knockoff cartoon character for children.
(#314) Scorpion Pokemon
A pretty badass-looking scorpion, although a rather basic design. I dig the funky head, though. It seems like it has a single, beady eye and is rather menacing. This pokemon may have been later reworked into Gligar, a pokemon that first appears after this sprite set, in the June 13 ‘99 group:
Admittedly this is rather different from the Gligar we know, but it is an early design.
Or, who knows-- maybe this little fellah was later reworked into Skorupi. (If so, it’s a shame, as I don’t dig the weird accordian-like design of its limbs and its evolution.)
(#315) Quail Pokemon
A pudgey little quail pokemon. Doesn’t seem related to the kiwi pokemon. It’s a very cute little thing, and has lots of potential to evolve into something interesting, but it seems they scrapped it pretty quickly.
(#316) Music Note Bird Pokemon
Although these sprites are numbered right after the quail, and they are both birds, the designs are very different, so they seem unrelated. It seems the beta pokemon were simply blessed with a lot of birds. This little bird is in the shape of a clef, giving this bird a musical theme. It seems very likely it was later reworked into Chatot, a bird with a music-note shaped head and metronome tail.
(#319) Boar Pokemon
A cute, grumpy little boar with antlers. Probably what eventually led to Piloswine found in the June 13 ‘99 group. A bit of a shame, in my mind, as I kind of prefer this design.
(#325) Spikey Dog Pokemon
The curious thing is that this dog looks very similar to “Pudi,” a pokemon we saw in the Spaceworld ‘97 demo, which was intended to be a pre-evolution of Growlithe. But Pudi is also in this same collection of sprites!
Perhaps they were toying with the idea of re-designing Pudi (and had already scrapped a bunch of baby pokemon) and just hadn’t bothered to remove the old Pudi yet. It’s hard to say. Ultimately, these both were scrapped, but at least we still have Subbull/Granbull.
(#331) Yūrei Ghost Pokemon
This little ghost has two things that are common in Japanese folklore: the hitaikakushi (the white cloth headband it wears) and the two little balls of fire called hitodama. It is unknown why this ghost pokemon was scrapped, but perhaps they thought the little fellow wouldn’t translate well overseas?
(#344) Viking Ship Pokemon
Look at this beauty! A pokemon based off some sort of Viking ship. I absolutely adore this one. It’s creative and charming. I hope to see it in the future.
(#349) Wooly Dog Pokemon
This canine-like creature is fluffy as all out. Honestly I think it’s a tad odd, with how tangled and disheveled its fur looks. I can’t help but compare it to the early desings of the three Legendary Beasts, since they also are very canine-like:
These three designs are present in this same May 6, 98′ sprite collection as the representations of Raikou, Entei, and Suicune. Were they possibly playing with a different design idea for the Legendary Beasts? Perhaps Suicune. The Wooly Dog is just such an imposing sprite, that I can’t help but wonder. All pure speculation, of course.
(#350) Rabbit Pokemon
This rabbit has a rather intense look about him, and it makes me curious what the ideas were behind it. TCRF suggests it’s a possible pikachu clone.
(#351) Snake Pokemon
This cute little worm or snake seems to be wearing a feather headdress, suggesting its design may also be Native American inspired, like the Natu line. On the other hand, this could be inspired by Quetzalcoatl, a feathered serpent deity in Aztec culture. I would have loved to see this little guy’s evolutions.
(#352) Scarecrow Bird
A bird with a hat that kind of looks like a scarecrow. Honestly, it’s a super-cute idea.
(#353) Gargoyle Pokemon
This crouching beastie sort of looks like a gargoyle with a long, sharp tail. I can’t quite tell if those bits on the side are little wings or just a part of its legs. It would be interesting to see this creature standing in a different position-- I feel like that would give us a better understanding of what it looks like. Interestingly, there are striking similarities with Aerodactyl:
I wonder why they are so similar?
(#354 - 356) Manbō Evolution Family
The first of these three fishies was someone we already met in the Spaceworld ‘97 demo-- it was named ‘Manbō 1.′ In the demo, it evolved into Ikari (Anchorage) and then Gurotesu (Grotess). It seems it’s now been split off from those and given a new evolution family here. While I find that neat, and I quite like the expressions on these fish, they are admittedly a little bland.
(#360) Flying Squirrel(?) Pokemon
TCRF guesses this is a flying squirrel, and it seems to be wearing a sheathed sword. Not sure about the headgear it’s sporting. Is that a ninja star?
(#364) Early Cyndaquil
So, this May 6, ‘98 collection is really exciting. The original Gold/Silver fire starter line we saw in Spaceworld ‘97 (Honooguma’s line) is still present in this collection (as is the water-type ‘Cruz’ line and Chikorita’s line). So, what we have here seems to be an early Cyndaquil before they decided to turn it into a fire type and make it the fire starter! In fact, those spikes might even be icicles (like Alolan Sandslash), for all we know. If so, Cyndaquil’s typing pulled a 180.
(#377) Early Furret?
Possibly an early Furret. Looks pretty awkward, not gonna lie; I’m glad it was probably refined into modern Furret, with more body definition between the head and tail.
(#378) Stork Pokemon
It’s a stork, based on the myth of where babies come from. A cute idea, although its curly ‘hair’ looks a little funny to me.
(#380) Squid Pokemon
A squid with drills for its mantle and arms. Since that’s kinda Beedrill’s thing, I’m glad they scrapped the idea. The backsprite lacks drills so it’s probably from a different design stage.
(#382 - 383) Early Burmy/Pineco
Burmy/Wormadam/Mothim is based off the bagworm. Bagworms are grubs that use silk and lots of bits of leaves, bark and other objects to create a camouflaged cocoon. When they turn into adults, some species of female bagworms just look like their larval stage, while the males turn into winged moths. That is why Burmy/Wormadam/Mothim have their unique evolution situation. Clearly, these two beta pokemon are playing around with the bagworm idea. They probably went on to inspire both Pineco (another pokemon based on bagworms!) and the Burmy line in gen 4.
(#386) Koala Pokemon
It’s so cool to see they were thinking about a koala pokemon this early. We would not finally get one until gen 7′s Komala.
(#387) Tanuki Pokemon
A Tanuki that is carrying campfire kindling on his back, but the kindling has caught fire. Apparently based on the Kachi-Kachi Yama folktale, which is a surprisingly violent story, but I suppose folktales often are. Who knows why it was cut, but Sentret is the closest thing we have to a tanuki pokemon for now.
(#392) Megaphone(?) Bird Pokemon
Yet another bird pokemon! There sure were a lot of beta birds. This one appears to have a megaphone-shaped beak. Or, possibly, its head is shaped like a gas mask (the strange eyes seem to support this idea). Honestly I really dig the look of this one.
(#397) Frog Pokemon
It’s tough to tell but it has a small horn on its head. It has a long tongue and is probably shouting “ribbithhhhhh!” It’s cute, but a little plain.
(#400) Tiny Hippo Pokemon
Look at this little weirdo. I think it’s a tiny hippo? With a mohawk and a big grin and wild eyes. It doesn’t really seem to have a head, its mouth/eyes/ears are just stuck directly to a body. Looks pretty awkward, probably needed some polish. No idea what they were going for with it, but it’s interesting.
(#401) Skeleton Pokemon
A very spooky, bipedal, living skeleton beast. It has a long snout and sharp teeth, almost like a crocodile or a dinosaur-like creature. Its head and shoulders have bony spikes and the front of its snout has markings that seem to be a nasal cavity. Very detailed. It also reminds me of Missingno, as some Missingno used the fossil skeletons as their front sprites. I would have loved to have this pokemon, and it’s a real shame they didn’t use it.
(#402) Rodent Pokemon
A mouse or bunny with gigantic, spotted ears and no arms. Those are some serious ears; it almost looks like it could fly with them.
(#403) Fly Pokemon
A bug-type!! It has a huge, creepy face, curly antenna and wings strangely really close to its head. I love it?? But it’s a bug, so of course I do.
(#404) Plant Pokemon
The Snow Bunny was likely part grass-type, but other than that, this is our first grass beta! It has one eye, a spikey head, and almost foot-like roots. I love how grumpy it looks. There’s a possibility it was a pre-evolution for Sunflora, before they had created the idea of Sunkern (which is not present in this collection).
(#405) Ant Pokemon
Another bug!! This one looks a lot like a winged ant. (Those do exist-- usually a temporary thing for mating flights) It’s possibly related to the fly pokemon above, sporting very similar wings. However, it doesn’t really seem like an evolution.
(#406) Dinosaur Pokemon
A little dinosaur-like pokemon, looking up at you. It’s unclear if that’s a tough, bony skull, or if it’s maybe a hat. The clubbed tail makes me wonder if it’s related to #415 below, but it’s probably unlikely. However, it is pretty likely that this later became Cranidos.
(#407) Early Cherrim
This clearly was a design that was picked up later, in gen 4, to create Cherubi/Cherrim’s sunshine form. I am glad the design was improved, because the lips on this one scare me.
(#412) Early Dunsparce
Dunsparce looking quite different. No wings, no drill tail, with a much more typical snake-like face.
(#415) Dinosaur Pokemon
It looks like an aquatic version of an Ankylosaurus or something similar. It’s possible it’s related to the Viking Ship pokemon (as a pre-evo), but there’s no way to know. I quite like it, though.
(#416) Flying Fish Pokemon
This magnificent beast, this miracle of creation, is surely my favorite beta pokemon of all time. Revel in its glory. You may not like it, but this is the ideal pokemon body. What a perfect way to round off our collection of betas.
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When We Say Goodbye - Ch1 - Broken Marissonshipping
Here’s chapter 1 of 3 of my new “broken” Marissonshipping fanfic. Just a fair warning, this story isn’t a happy fic full of fluff. It’s called “broken” for a reason-- with Alain and Mairin not being a couple in this fic. It will still have elements of this ship though, and all of the character’s actions will be explained in time. Thank you for reading.
“Do I have to go to Daddy’s house?”
Mairin glanced at the rear-view mirror at the small child in the back seat. The five year old girl was sitting in a booster seat, staring out the window. A limp Fennekin plush was wrapped in her arms, the small girl fidgeting as she watched buildings roll by.
“Don’t you like spending time with Daddy, Faith?” Mairin asked the young girl, keeping a simple ‘unfortunately’ from slipping off her tongue instead. A pair of bright amber eyes met Mairin’s in the mirror, a deflated look on her daughter’s face.
Faith let out a loud sigh. “There’s just nothing to do at Daddy’s,” She muttered, hugging her Fennekin doll closer. “We never do anything– Dad’s just in his office all day until it’s dinnertime or something, and I get so bored, Mommy. I never get to play with him.”
Mairin’s throat tightened at this news, but she had to force her gaze away from the mirror so she could focus on her driving. The woman’s hands had noticeably tightened on the steering wheel. She stole one more glance at her dark-haired daughter, before looking out at the road.
“...Does he read you bedtime stories?” Mairin asked. “Tuck you in? Take you anywhere?”
“Nuh-uh,” Faith replied, before adding on: “Sometimes he does tuck me in and give me a kiss– but usually he’s in his office at bedtime.”
Mairin gritted her teeth– she knew that her ex-husband wasn’t the most cheerful and social person– but that did not mean he had the right to neglect their daughter. She swallowed the desire to turn the car around and take Faith home– but it was his week to have her. He had custody over her only one weekend a month, and then one week for the summer months, a schedule they had worked out for when Faith would be enrolled in school.
And here she was about to drop her daughter off for his week of June– and she was finding out that he barely gave her the time of day.
“I’ll talk to your father when we get there,” Mairin said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “And I’ll make sure he spends time with you this week.”
“How much longer until we're there?” Faith asked, plucking at the tuffs of hair coming from the Fennekin doll’s ears.
Mairin glanced around at the buildings– which were getting dingier by the block. “Only a few more minutes.”
“Oh...” Faith said, voice void of any excitement. Mairin took in a deep breath, not wanting her daughter to see her angry.
But she did have some words in mind for when they’d arrive at Alain’s.
-----------------------------------------
Mairin supposed that Alain’s apartment was a decent size for the part of Laverre City he was living in– but that didn’t change the fact that she was less than happy leaving her daughter there every month.
She was sure to double check that her car was locked as she parked it on the streets, the horn echoing in confirmation. Faith’s hand was wrapped tightly in hers, the girl’s backpack swung over Mairin’s shoulder. She glanced around at the graffitied walls and the garbage blowing about the streets, shuddering to herself. She tugged Faith closer to her, before heading off towards Alain’s building.
“Second floor, room twelve,” Faith muttered as they entered the building. “Daddy says not to go anywhere else if I somehow get outside of his apartment, don’t talk anyone else, just go up the stairs and find the twelve.”
“At least he’s done one thing right,” Mairin said, mostly to herself as she lead Faith towards the stairs– she did not trust the elevators here.
“One-two,” Faith said, her Fennekin doll in one hand as they climbed the steps. “Daddy says the twelve looks like a one-two– but one plus two is three, isn’t it?”
“Mmm-hmm,” Mairin said, more focused on scanning the dark hallways than she was listening to her daughter. There was no one else in sight as they headed up the stairs, but she wasn’t going to relax until her daughter was in Alain’s apartment.
And she probably wouldn’t even relax then.
The light on the second floor was flickering as they reached it, a Spinarak making a web across the light. Apartment number eleven stood to their right, which Mairin quickly looked over, eyes locking on twelve. Mairin stiffened up as she noticed someone walking away from the door however– someone that wasn’t Alain.
The green-haired woman looked right at Mairin, a slight smirk crossing her face like they had a shared secret. The woman’s gaze then flickered towards Faith, giving her a small, mocking wave with her fingers. Faith looked up at Mairin uncertainly at this action– who pulled her daughter in close to her, inching back up towards the wall. The smirk on the woman’s face didn’t fade, simply walking past them towards the elevator.
“Who was she, Mommy?” Faith asked, breaking the tense silence once the woman was gone. “Why was she at Daddy’s place?”
Mairin struggled against a lump at her throat– this wasn’t her business, it didn’t matter... it didn’t matter! It had been over a year since the divorce, Alain could be with whoever he pleased, it wasn’t her business...
“Probably just a neighbor,” Mairin said, voice a bit higher as she tried to keep her tone even. “C-come on, let’s go in now, ‘kay...?”
Making sure that Faith was right at her side, Mairin guided her towards the door, knocking.
No answer.
Mairin closed her eyes, counting in her mind to thirty before knocking again. Still, she heard no signs of anyone inside moving about, just silence. She gritted her teeth– they did not have time to play waiting games. Once more she pounded on the door, a bit more furiously this time.
“Daddy’s home, right?” Faith asked uncertainly.
Mairin’s voice was a growl. “He most certainly is,” She raised her voice. “And if he knows what’s good for him he’ll come open this door now!”
She heard the shuffling of footsteps, slowly walking towards the door. She relaxed slightly, foot tapping impatiently as she listened to the familiar steps approach the door. The door knob jingled– lock clicking as it was pulled open slowly. A pair of sharp blue eyes peered at her from the dim room, before pulling the door open fully.
“Hello,” Alain said softly, voice void of all emotion. His gaze lingered on Mairin for one moment, before drifting down to Faith. “Hi sweetie.”
“Hi Daddy,” Faith said, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Who was just here?”
Alain’s eyes flickered nervously. “You saw her?”
“Yeah, Mommy says she must of been your neighbor,” Faith said, attempting to step forward into the apartment, but Mairin’s grasp made that impossible. “Can I go in now, Mom?”
Mairin hesitated, before loosening her grip. “Yes dear, let me help you with your bag.”
And with that Mairin let herself in, Alain taking a startled step back as she entered. Mairin glanced around the apartment, not wanting to look at Alain. The decent-sized sitting room was connected with small kitchen, a bar between them. There was a hallway that lead off from the kitchen, most likely towards the bedrooms. Alain uncertainly shut the door behind them, lingering by the entrance, eyes glued to the floor.
Mairin swung the backpack off of her shoulder, holding it out towards Faith. The raven-haired girl took it in her arms, struggling to keep it and her Fennekin plush balance in her grasp. Finally she had no choice but to set both of them down, slipping the backpack on, before reclaiming her toy.
“Why don’t you take Kindle and your bag to your room, okay honey?” Mairin said to Faith in the softest tone she could managed.
“Are you going to stay here?” Faith asked hopefully, amber eyes gleaming. Mairin’s heart tightened, and she shook her head.
“I’m just going to talk to your father then head home,” Mairin explained, hating the way her daughter’s gaze fell.
“Oh. Okay then,” She muttered, hugging her Fennekin, ‘Kindle’, closer, heading towards the hallway. Mairin watched her go, refusing to turn around until she heard a bedroom door creaking open, then closing. She took in a deep breath– then turned to face Alain.
He hadn’t moved an inch since she had come in, still by the door with one hand on the knob. He was staring down at his feet, but raised his gaze as she faced him. A jolt ran through her heart as she looked into those intense blue eyes, which were currently dull and emotionless. His expression matched his eyes, as if void of all desire. It wasn’t his emotionless mask he often put on when he withdrew himself though, it was more as if a cloud of sorrow was fogging his face.
Mairin gritted her teeth, hating just how easily she could read him at times. How familiar every fidget and flicker of his gaze was.
“Absolutely no girls anywhere near here while Faith is here– is that clear?” Mairin growled at him.
Alain shifted guiltily. “I know what you’re thinking, but she wasn’t my–”
“Do you think I care Alain?” Mairin snapped. “It may have taken me a few months, but I’ve moved on past you a long time ago. I don’t care what you do and who you do it with– just not near my daughter.”
There was a flicker of hurt in his eyes, though it only lasted a moment. He opened his mouth, struggling for words. “Our daughter. Faith is our daughter.”
“Is that so?” Mairin asked, crossing her arms. “Then why was I informed on my way here that you don’t spend anytime with her while she’s here?”
Alain pulled back slightly. “You know I have work–”
“On the weekends?” Mairin asked, voice cracking. “You said you didn’t work on the weekends– that’s why you wanted her then in the first place. Did you lie then, or are you lying now?”
Alain closed his eyes, fists clenching with anger. “I don’t have control over my schedule–”
“You work at home for Yveltal’s sake!” Mairin cried, louder than she intended. “Is it too much to ask you to spend time with your daughter? She’s going to be spending a whole week here this time– and a week here these next two months! Do you think I want her alone in this filthy apartment? She’s here to see her father– so you better make sure that happens!”
Alain looked like he would have stepped back, but he was already up against the wall. “I try Mairin, I swear I do–”
She gritted her teeth. “Then try harder– because if she’s not going to spend time with her dad then I don’t want her in this part of town,” She raised her gaze. “I’m not afraid to try to take full custody, Alain, and you know I’d win in court. If you want Faith to stay in your life then you better earn that right and show that you care.”
Mairin hated this– playing the bad guy– but it was the only way to get Alain to do anything. He paid no heed to her begging or sorrows, only the harsh words and threats that came from her. She didn’t want to do things this way, but if it meant things would be better for her little Faith then she would.
Alain’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t do that.”
Mairin took in a deep breath. “I would if it’s best for Faith,” She said, forcing to keep her voice cold. “So if I come by to pick her up at the end of this week, and I hear that you’ve just been cowering away in your office all day things are going to change, Alain. Play with her. Spend time with her. Take her somewhere– be her father!”
His eyes flashed. “Do you think I’d take her out and about in this part of town?”
“You have a car,” Mairin snapped back. “And you’re the one that decided to live here.”
He opened his mouth to argue some more, but the sound of Faith’s bedroom door opening made both of them stop. They knew that she could probably hear their arguments from her room anyways, but there was no need to do it in front of her. Mairin looked towards the hallway, watching as her daughter peered out at them, Kindle in her arms.
“Daddy, can I play with Charizard?” Faith asked quietly, nervously glancing between her parents as if the fighting would start again.
Alain flinched. “Ch-charizard... she’s not h-here right now sweetie... I’m sorry...”
Mairin blinked– Alain never went anywhere without Charizard.
He walked away from the door, slipping past Mairin and he approached their daughter, kneeling down. He had his palms up, as if she were a scared Pokemon about to flee. “How about we go make some lunch though? You still like grilled cheese?”
“I like eggs and toast sandwiches,” Faith said. “And Kindle likes the toast extra burnt.”
She held up her Fennekin doll, holding it as if it were shooting a Flamethrower into the air.
“...You dropped her off,” Alain said as he scooped up Faith, his voice turning cold. “You can leave now.”
Mairin hesitated– wanting to hug her daughter goodbye, but not wanting to go near Alain. He turned towards her, holding Faith close as if he realized what he was doing to her by holding their daughter. His protective arms held Faith, his bright blue eyes locked on Mairin, as if daring her to come closer. She was stiff, but forced herself to go forward, and she gave Faith a hug.
Her arm brushed by Alain’s shoulder, but she ignored this.
“I love you honey,” Mairin said, planting a kiss on Faith’s forehead before pulling back. “I’ll see you in a week.”
“Bye Mommy!” Faith said as Mairin headed towards the door. “I love you!”
“I love you more!” Mairin said with a small smile, pulling the door open.
Faith puffed up, shifting in her father’s arms. “Well, I love you most!”
“And I love you more than most,” Mairin replied as she headed out the door. “I’ll see you soon.”
Neither she or Alain offered each other a farewell, and she shut the door behind her. She stood out in the hallway for a moment, realizing that her limbs her shaking.
Just a week, then she’d have her daughter back.
She tried to push Alain from her mind as she headed down the stairs– the hurt that appeared in his eyes, and the way he’d say nothing as if he were the victim. She gritted her teeth– it was just all a facade– this was what he wanted.
The time consuming job, living in the worst part of town– he had chosen this life. Mairin knew that he could have gone for better options, they were there. It was his fault that he was putting these barriers between him and his daughter. If he wanted her so badly he could have done things differently, set up different arrangements, make sure the right environment was there.
Mairin hadn’t asked for this life for her daughter– she wanted Faith to have the best situation possible.
Alain was the one that had wanted the divorce, Alain was the one drove their family apart.
But what hurt the most was the fact that Mairin knew that they were long past the point of ever fixing it.
-----------------------------------------
Ring! Ring!
Mairin glanced down at her phone in surprise as she pulled up into the driveway of her home, blinking as she saw the familiar number flickering up on screen. She quickly pulled the car into park, not bothering to pull into the garage as it open, quickly reaching for the device.
“Faith?” Mairin asked as she picked up, a familiar girl flickering into view as she answered the call. “Is everything okay?”
Mairin was pretty much against the idea of giving young children their own phones, but just knowing the fact that her daughter would be away from her had changed her mind for the most part. The ‘phone’ Faith had was very simple– only three numbers able to call in and out from the device. Hers, Alain’s, and the police. There was no need for her to have anything else, and it gave her a way to connect her daughter in case of an emergency.
“Uh-huh,” Faith said, her blue-tinted form bobbing on the screen. “Daddy’s just working and I got bored. It’s okay that I called you, right?”
“Of course honey,” Mairin said, a sigh of relief and a pang of anger rushing through her at once. “He got you lunch though, right?”
“Yep!” A grilled cheese sandwich was waved on screen. “But Daddy said he had a lot of work to do tonight,” Faith looked down at the ground. “His office door is locked too, so I can’t get in.”
It was about a twenty minute drive from her house to his place– he couldn’t even last twenty minutes with their daughter?
She knew his work schedule couldn’t be this hectic– his paycheck simply wasn’t big enough for it. She knew as well, since she received two-thirds of it every month due to alimony. More than the average separated spouse would normally give– but Alain had insisted.
He had been very giving during the separation– giving her house, car, and two-thirds of their money without second thought. He had claimed it was only fair since she was going to be the main caretaker when it came to Faith. Her lawyer had been impressed as well, especially with how insistant and willing he was with giving Mairin a decent alimony. ‘Kind’, as her lawyer had put it.
But it had done nothing but pained Mairin– she knew that he had just been trying to make things go quickly.
He had really wanted to have distance between them.
“Did he say what you could do?” Mairin asked uncertainly– half of her wanting to drive straight back and pick up Faith now.
“He says not to touch anything unless it’s in the kitchen or my room,” Faith said, almost proudly that she was remembering this. “I can only turn on the tv if I keep in on the kid’s station, and I’m not allowed to go out of the apartment without him. There’s apple juice on a lower shelf in the fridge just for me!”
So he could take time to explain rules, but not to be with her.
“Oh yeah, he says to be quiet too,” Faith added, biting into her sandwich. “And not to hover outside of his office door. I don’t know what he means by that though– I’m not a psychic type– I can’t hover!”
Telling a five year old to be quiet the rest of the day? Great parenting Alain.
“Why don’t you call me back when you’ve finished eating,” Mairin said. “And I’ll tell you a story over the phone– how does that sound?”
Faith’s eyes lit up happily. “Will you tell me one at bedtime too?”
“If your father’s busy,” Mairin replied, though she had a feeling he would be.
“Yes!” Faith said happily, hastily biting into her sandwich. “I’ll call you real soon!”
“Make sure you chew everything into tiny bites before you swallow–” Mairin added, but Faith had already hung up. She leaned back in the seat of her car, rubbing her temples.
One day– Alain had one day to work out his schedule with Faith– and then she was calling him.
-----------------------------------------
Mairin had ended up spending most of the day on the phone with Faith. The young girl had chattered away about how Daddy had been out of eggs for a sandwich, and how happy she was that she had remembered she packed her favorite blanket, just simple things like that. Mairin had just listened for the most part, and occasionally told her a story when requested.
She had been hoping that Alain would interrupt them– that he’d come in to be with his daughter– but it had just been the two of them throughout the day.
Mairin was currently in a virtual tea party with Faith and her Fennekin, and she was starting to lose her patience with Alain.
“Would you like more sugar, Mommy?” Faith asked, holding an invisible spoon of sugar out.
“Sure,” Mairin said, sighing. Her daughter was playing tea party with a phone– this wasn’t what a five year old needed!
“Mommy?” Faith’s voice snapped her out of her anger. “I’m hungry.”
Mairin hesitated. “You'll have to ask your father to get you something to eat, I'm not there honey.”
Faith gave her an uncertain look. “Daddy says not to disturb him unless it's an emergency.”
“Food is important Faith. Just pick up the phone and go ask him,” Mairin said, wishing that she were physically there to get her something. And to drag Alain out of his stupid office.
Mairin’s view of the room was turned upside down as Faith picked up the phone, heading towards the door of her room. Even with a few toys scattered about it seemed to be the most organized room in the apartment.
Faith scurried into the dark hallway, making her way to the only other room, which she assumed to be Alain's room and office. A faint light was flickering from under the door– most likely from a computer screen in a dark room. Mairin could hear the clicking of a keyboard, but nothing else.
Mairin watched the phone screen as Faith tried to open the door, but like she had said earlier it was locked. Faith sighed, and settled for knocking. But like when she had been dropped off, there was no answer.
“Daddy!” Faith called, knocking again. She paused for a moment, then knocked again. “Daddy are you in there?”
“...I’m busy Faith,” At last Alain replied, voice quiet and hesitant. “I'll be out as soon as I can.”
“But I'm hungry Daddy,” Faith whimpered.
“I can't come out right now, I'm so sorry,” Alain replied, and Mairin was boiling with anger. “There should be some Oran berries in the fridge, have those until I can get you something.”
“Okay Daddy...” Faith said, face falling. She turned away from the office, heading to the kitchen. The lights were off, only the sun from the small windows providing any light.
Mairin didn't trust herself to speak, not wanting a burst of anger to rush out from her when her daughter could hear. Why had she left Faith there? She had practically left her daughter alone! Faith didn’t say anything to Mairin, simply sliding her phone up onto the counter before opening the fridge. All Mairin’s screen showed was the ceiling as she listened to Faith rummaging through the fridge.
“Daddy doesn’t have a lot of food,” Faith commented. “And his yogurt smells kind of funny.”
Mairin frowned. “Don’t touch that, honey.”
“I won’t, I’m just going to eat the Oran berries,” Faith said, sliding a small plastic container next to the phone. Mairin caught a glimpse of the package of the blue berries as Faith climbed up onto a stool, before pulling both the phone and the berries towards her. Once more Mairin found herself looking at her daughter through the screen as she opened the berries, nibbling one halfheartedly.
“Do they taste good?” Mairin asked, not wanting to leave her daughter in silence.
“I guess,” Faith muttered. “They don’t taste as good as the ones we use to grow in our garden,” She glanced down at the screen. “Do you remember our garden Mommy? We use to grow a ton of berries in there. And carrots, and potatoes, and... other stuff. Why don’t we anymore?”
Mairin glanced down at her hands. “We didn’t have time to plant anything this year. When I’m not at work I’m spending my time taking care of you.”
Faith frowned. “Maybe instead of playing dolls we can plant a garden. I liked the garden– because that’s when Daddy lived in the house with us.”
Mairin’s throat tightened. “...A garden doesn’t mean he’ll live there again.”
Faith sighed. “I know Mommy, but I’d still like a garden again.”
Mairin managed a smile. “Perhaps Chespie and Bébé can help us take care of it when you’re at preschool and I’m at work.”
“Yeah!” Faith said excitedly. “And we can plant Pecha berries!”
“We’d have to wait until next spring to plant anything, but I promise we will,” Mairin said, which made Faith beam. A wave of relief came over Mairin, glad to see the happiness back in her eyes. Just one week, and then she’d have Faith back.
Faith paused as she heard the sound of a door opening. “Daddy?”
“Yes sweetie?” Came Alain’s voice from the hall. Mairin turned away, able to pick up on the heaviness in his tone without even looking at him. She could picture just how Alain was looking at the moment– bags under his eyes, most likely a slight shuffle to his walk. He’d probably have a fake smile on to hide the somberness in his tone, though Mairin knew she’d always be able to see right through it.
She closed her eyes– oh how much she wished Alain could become a stranger again. Oh how she wished her mind could forget the happy memories of him– which only pained her now. She didn’t want him to be familiar, she didn’t want know just how he’d react to every little thing. She didn’t want to know what would make him smile and laugh, she didn’t want to remember how he’d use to hold her and whisper in her ear.
She didn’t want to miss him.
But she did– she missed the man she had once called her husband. She missed her childhood friend that gave her his rare smiles, she missed the man that would fight any battle for her.
“I don’t have too long,” Came Alain’s voice– clearly having not noticed her on the other end of Faith’s phone. “I was only given a short break. What would you like for dinner?”
“Your yogurt smells funny!” Faith declared, and Mairin heard the fridge opening again.
“...It does indeed. Hmm... seems I didn’t stock up much before you came... I’ll have to see if I can get some time to run to the store,” Alain muttered. Mairin hesitated, wondering if it’d be best to hang up now.
“Why are you so busy Daddy?” Faith asked. “Mommy only works in the mornings when I’m at preschool, why do you have to work so much?”
Mairin’s finger paused over the ‘end call’ button.
She could hear Alain hesitating, and she could picture the way his bright blue eyes would flicker back and forth.
“...I don’t have a set schedule like Mairin does,” Alain replied, chills running down her back as he said her name. “I have to get online the moment they need me, which is quite often.”
Mairin gritted her teeth, trying to get the rouge feelings out of her.
“Why don’t you get a new job then?” Faith asked, plopping another berry in her mouth as Alain rummaged around the kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers. “I’d like to play with you Daddy– do you remember when you and Charizard would take me and Mommy on rides through the skies?”
“I do...” Alain whispered. “I do remember, sweetie...”
The sound of rummaging stopped, and she could picture Alain standing still, his whole body tense as his eyes grew distance.
“Then you should get a new job, and then we can do that again!” Faith said excitedly.
“...I’m afraid I can’t... this is a job I need to keep...” Alain whispered, opening another cupboard.
“Do you like it?” Faith asked, eager to keep her father in conversation. A pot clanged onto the stove, causing Mairin’s speakers to crackle.
“...No,” Alain said quietly. “I don’t.”
Mairin could see a frown appear on Faith’s face– who seemed to have forgotten her mother was on the line. Oran berry juice was running down her face, which she wiped right on her sleeves.
“Then why do you do it?” Faith asked.
There was a crackling of a package, and the sound of something being poured into a pan. Alain didn’t answer right off, most likely fishing for an answer that could be accepted by someone so young. Mairin’s finger once again hovered over the button to end her call, but she couldn’t bring herself to press it just yet.
“Because it’s the best for you and Mairin,” Alain said softly.
At this point Mairin couldn’t handle the call anymore, and she hung up as tears of frustration stung her eyes. She let the phone clatter to the table, running her fingers through her hair. Why did she do this to herself?! Just when she finally told herself that she could move on, these feelings were dragged back up.
“You don’t miss Alain,” Mairin told herself in a fierce whisper. “You miss the man he once was– he’s not that person anymore.”
She missed the Alain that would hold her on stormy nights, when the memories of Rayquaza were too fresh. She missed the Alain that would smile down on their baby girl and tell her how lucky she was to have her mother’s eyes.
He wasn’t that person anymore.
This was the same Alain that had stopped talking to her, that had grown distance despite her efforts. This was the same Alain that wouldn’t even look at her unless it was necessary.
This was the same Alain that had looked her in the eye and had told her that he had no longer loved her.
Tears pricked her eyes at the memory, how he had seemingly stopped caring overnight. Who had left her to cry alone, that had refused to even offer the comfort of why.
Mairin picked up the phone, slipping it into her back pocket as she headed up the stairs. She didn’t need to focus on this– Faith was the only thing that mattered in her life now. The only place Alain would have in her life from here on out was being Faith’s father– and it was her job to make sure he played that role.
Even if it meant threatening him with taking Faith away.
No, she had no intentions of taking full custody of her– Faith needed a father figure. But if it would drive Alain to actually take time to be with her, then she’d do it. She loved Faith, and she knew that Alain did as well. Even if that bond was no longer between them, she couldn’t let that fade from her daughter.
-----------------------------------------
Mairin found she had seven missed calls when she returned home from work the next day.
Mondays were always rough, and no relief was added to her when she found the missed calls from Faith. She gritted her teeth– knowing that it meant that she had probably spent another day basically alone. Mairin had promised herself to give Alain a day to try to make things work– and half of it was clearly gone.
“Mommy!” Faith cried as Mairin called her back– the phone having only rang twice before she answered. “Why didn’t you answer my calls earlier?”
Mairin hated the pain in Faith’s voice.
“I was at work honey, you know I’m gone in the mornings. You’re usually at preschool or daycare at this time though... I won’t be able to answer any calls in the mornings while you’re at your father’s, okay?” Mairin hesitated. “How was your day?”
The young girl let out a dramatic sigh. “So boring!” She declared, flopping down on her bed. She held the phone up, allowing Mairin to catch a glimpse of the ruffled blankets, and her Fennekin doll laying next to the pillow. “I woke up in the middle of the night because Daddy’s phone was ringing, and it took me forever to get back to sleep! Then he was working when I woke up, and I didn’t see him until lunch time! And now he’s out shopping, and there’s nothing to do–”
“Wait– he’s not there?!” Mairin cried, cutting her off. Him being in his office all day was one thing– leaving Faith absolutely alone though... Her fists curled.
“Nope! He said he’d back real soon, and to stay in my room until he gets back–” Faith began.
“Honey, I’ll call you right back,” Mairin said through gritted teeth. Faith frowned unhappily, but nodded as Mairin ended the call.
She quickly scrolled through her contacts, a sharp anger running through her. How dare he leave Faith alone! Especially considering where he lived! She was only five for Yveltal’s sake– was it even legal for him to do that at her age?!
She pulled up Alain’s number, knuckles turning white as she pressed ‘call’. Her phone was gripped tightly in her grasp, the phone ringing. Her anger rose as the ringing continued– he better pick up! What made him think he had the right just to–
“...Hello?”
His voice was quiet, which only made Mairn angrier. She glowered up at him, only to discover she was placed at a strange angle for a call. She blinked, taking in Alain’s surroundings. She had to guess his phone was in a cup holder by the angle she was at– and he was currently driving. His eyes were focused straight ahead on the road, hands firmly gripping the steering wheel.
“Alain,” She growled, rage dripping from her tone. “Would you care to explain why Faith is alone?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, not replying right off. He glanced over his shoulder as he changed lanes, eyes never even looking down towards her as he drove on. She couldn’t help but notice that his whole form was tense, jaw tightening like it always did when he was nervous. She fumed to herself– he should be nervous– thinking he could just leave Faith alone.
“I had next to nothing substantial in terms of food for the next few days,” He said evenly. “And I needed to go get some if I was going to feed our daughter. You were at work, and I’d trust Faith alone before I’d trust anyone else I know around here with her, so I left her at home.”
“Have you ever heard of taking her with you?” Mairin cried, her voice shrill. “Or perhaps preparing for the fact that you’re going to have a child at your house beforehand?!”
“...I wasn’t just running to the store. I didn’t want her going with me to the other places– not safe for a child,” Alain said quietly, hands tightening on the steering wheel.
“Then don’t go there!” Mairin snarled. “If Faith shouldn’t be there then neither should you!”
His eyes flashed. “I had no choice– it was for work.”
“Enough about your stupid work!” Mairin screamed. “Stop acting like they control your life! I’d rather you be jobless than not spending time with Faith! I don’t care about the stupid alimony or... or anything! Faith needs you Alain– she shouldn’t be alone!”
Alain gritted his teeth, eyes flickering about. “Then maybe I’m not cut out to be a parent.”
“Clearly not!” Mairin snarled.
“...” He was silent for a moment, pulling to a stop at a red light. He closed his eyes, and Mairin frowned as she noticed him shaking slightly. “Well, I... I... I have been th-thinking on what you said yesterday.”
“I said a lot of things to you yesterday,” Mairin replied. It had barely been one conversation– but it was more than usual.
“I decided that... that you should take full custody of Faith.”
His tone was icy cold, harsh with an unforgiving edge. But his eyes... they looked so afraid.
Mairin blinked as he spoke, surprise momentarily driving her anger away.
“Wh-wha–?”
“You said it yourself– I don’t have the time to be a proper parent for her,” Alain said, eyes locked straight ahead. “It would be better for everyone if you just took full custody of her. I wouldn’t need visitation rights or anything, you’d be able to raise her as you wish.”
“Wha– no– no!” Mairin cried, thoughts scrambling about. “I– I never said that, Alain–”
He cut her off. “I’ve been thinking on this since last night, you won’t change my mind. After this week is over she’ll be just yours, I should already have things in process–”
“I said no, Alain!” Mairin cried, causing him to fall silent. “I– I didn’t mean it, okay! I never truly meant to try to take Faith from your life!” Tears stung her eyes. “I just wanted you to be there for her, that’s all– please just don’t jump on– on these ideas! Maybe, m-maybe I’ve been too hard on you and–”
“I think it’s quite clear I’m not able to be there for her,” Alain snapped. “I’ve made my decision, Mairin.”
Mairin’s vision was blurring slightly. Those were the same words he had said to her over a year ago, when she had wanted to try to fix things between them. Marriage counseling– anything. She hadn’t known what was wrong, she had thought they had been both happy with their marriage, and she had wanted to save it. She had begged him then too not to just jump on things.
“There’s nothing to ‘figure out’!” He had snarled then, his back turned away from her. “I’ve made my decision, Mairin. We just can’t be together anymore!”
“Why?” She remembered the way her tears had also blurred her vision then. “Why Alain, I thought we were happy, why do you want to–”
He had then turned to face her, blue eyes blazing. “Why Mairin? It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. I– I don’t love you anymore!”
She was snapped from her thoughts as Alain turned off his car.
“N-no,” She said, mustering her courage. “I’m not going to let you drop custody. She’s your daughter!”
“I’d rather we’d be done with this conversation,” Alain said, turning to face the window.
“No– we’re not done!” Mairin snarled. “Maybe you can walk out on me–” She noticed his body tensing at she said this. “–But I won’t let you walk out on our daughter!”
His whole body had gone still. “I– I didn’t–”
“Faith needs you Alain, she wants her father,” Mairin insisted, and he flinched. “Not a man that locks himself up in his office– but the father she once knew. The one that’d play with her and take her on rides. The father that would sneak her treats when I wasn’t looking, the father that would hold her close and tuck her in at night, the father–”
“Just shut up, Mairin!” Alain screamed.
She recoiled, falling silent at his words.
In all the years she had known Alain... not even during their divorce, not even when his patience had run thin when they were kids... He had only said those words in friendly teasing before– but never before had he screamed at her to shut up.
It felt like a blow across the face, stinging and so startling that she couldn’t find another word to say.
“I’m back at my apartment,” He said coolly. “Unless you’d like to continue this conversation in front of your daughter, then I’m going to hang up now.”
Mairin gulped, too many emotions racing through her. “We... we’re not done with this c-conversation. We’re going to t-talk tomorrow.”
He regarded her for a moment, before reaching down and picking up his phone. “Goodbye Mairin.”
And with that, he hung up.
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