#juliet capulet my beloved <3

[seasonsofcapri]

Seasons of Capri 2023: Cycles & Circles - Masterlist!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the fest this year and made it such a success. Scroll down for the full masterlist, but here's a quick summary of what we did this year:

Fics submitted: 14

Fanart submitted: 3

Total number of words written: over 198,000, including four works in the 10,000-20,000 word range, and three that broke 30,000

We're so grateful to everyone who signed up and made all this incredible art. We couldn't do it without your love for these characters and this fandom! ❤️

And now, here are all of the wonderful creations for this year's fest:

Sexual Intercourse by antivillain

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.3k

Damen's healthy enough to engage in sexual intercourse. Laurent is (emotionally) healthy enough to tease Damen mercilessly for being so awkward and uncomfortable discussing the matter with Paschal. Paschal is not paid enough.

Tie Me Down, Set Me Free by @kiseopingu

Fic | 14.3k | Damen/Laurent

When Damen gets hired by his family's sworn rival to help track the man's younger brother, he doesn't expect the road to lead him to familiar places, and familiar faces. As for Laurent, his path to freedom is clear. It's only a matter of creating an opportunity to reach it.

As past and present slowly merge, both Damen and Laurent are forced to contend with their truths, whether they want to or not.

Jokeste’s Journey by @vmcgmidlifecrisis

Fic | Jokaste/OFC | 4.3k

Jokaste travels north, meets (original character) Drifa and gets some sexy fulfilment.

Beautiful, Beloved, Strong by bluehair

Fic | Erasmus/Kallias Erasmus/Torveld | 1.5k

My prompt for The Seasons of Capri Fest 2023 was: "Kallias schemes to save Erasmus with no hope of seeing him again--until one day, he does." Hope I did it justice! Because Kallias really would do anything for love.

Returning by flightinflame

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.4k

Damen knew the return to Arles would be hard for Laurent. He had not considered that it would be hard for himself.

The Stand-In Wedding Planner and the Obstinate Baker by penstrikesmidnight

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.8k

Auguste's wedding planner has decided to go on vacation a week before his wedding, leaving Laurent, the best man, to make sure everything is taken care of. If that's not enough, Laurent has to deal with an obstinate baker who seems intent on making his job as hard as possible.

There is absolutely no chemistry between them. At all.

Heat by @linecrosser

Art | Auguste/Laurent | Digital

While in the middle of a campaign in Delfeur with his older brother, the Crown Prince of Vere, Laurent goes into his first (late) heat at age 17 (totally triggered by the presence of Damen, the stupidly handsome Crown Prince of Akeilos). There are very few things more dangerous than having an Omega in heat while camping in enemy territory, and it's too late now for suppressants. Leaving Laurent to ride out the heat on his own would mean leaving it last for three days or more. Auguste has no option but to help Laurent through it by himself, so it will last no longer than a couple hours.

Red (like our spilled blood) by @pijulle

Fic | Kastor/Laurent Damen/Laurent Auguste/OFC | 39.6k

Akielos and Vere are at war, but maybe marrying the princess of Vere would help the two country finds a common ground - "The prince!" Auguste shouts. "Laurent is a prince!"

Star Crossed by @hephaest1on

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 35.2k

A story of Laurent Capulet and Damen Montague. A tale based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, of lovers who suffer because their families are feuding. A modern AU that leans on the themes and actions in Shakespeare's original play and plays on the issues young lovers face in a world where gossip is news.

if only to dream of you by @nv-md

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.4k

During negotiations with the Vaskians and Patrans, Laurent falls ill and Damen must leave him to lead their newly-forged kingdom.

After a week of quiet suffering, Damen returns to their bedchambers and attends his husband.

Ruin Your Salvation, Ruin Your Mind by pretend_i_dont_exist

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 10.2k

"I do not understand. I thought we had a truce, so I came here for peace." His voice had grown hard and dangerous. "Why?"

Silence for a moment. "You killed my brother. ------- Laurent has suffered a lot since his brother's death, but he survived to his wedding day, and he's looking forward to a quiet life with a man he appreciates. New life, new him, he decides to invite his brother' killer to the wedding to talk and make peace with himself (by murdering the guy).

In Another Life by @mosrael

Fic | Halvik/Jokaste | 43.8k

Jokaste is the pearl of Ios–beautiful, intelligent, revered–and the consort of the most powerful man in Akielos… Or so she thinks. When her chosen lover’s power is corrupted and usurped by a foreign faction, Jokaste must make the hardest decision of her life: remain in Akielos and meet a perilous fate–one she had a hand in crafting–or flee to seek her future elsewhere.

Or: when getting kidnapped, then kidnapped again turns out to be the best possible thing that could happen to a girl.

antidote by @banananamilks

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 2.7k

Auguste survives Marlas, but Damen still becomes our captive prince. Actually all three princes are kind of the captive prince. oops

Soldier, Poet, King by @bluebutter-art

Art | Damen/Laurent | Digital

Two years after the bells had rung, both Akielos and Vere celebrate the wedding of their two Kings, which coincidentally falls on Vere's Annual Autumn Festival.

Chasing Meridians; Or 26,00 Miles to Home by @not-a-coral-snake

Fic | Damen/Laurent | 17k

Laurent lives a life of quiet routine, until the day a few ill-chosen words, his uncle's malice, and his own inability to back down from a challenge see him wagering half his fortune on an impossible journey to the ends of the earth and back. Happily, or perhaps unhappily, his newly-hired valet is making the journey with him and has plenty of opinions about where they should go, what they should do, and de Vere himself.

An Around the World in Eighty Days au.

At the Drop of a Veil by @seekthemist

Fic | Damen /Laurent | 19.1k

The Battle of Marlas could have brought the relationship between Vere and Akielos to a breaking point, but it didn't. As the peace treaty is finally signed, King Aleron has a very clear idea of how to ensure the agreement is truly felt.

"Since the formal establishment of Vere and Akielos as independent reigns, there had been twelve peace treaties. The Peace of Marlas, signed by King Aleron and Theomedes-Exalted before the beginning of autumn, would be the thirteenth.

The thirteenth peace would not go down in the history of the Kingdom as an abject failure. Not if Laurent could help it."

By the Waterfall by @captaindamianos

Art | Damen/Laurent | Digital

Laurent is the god of winter, Damen is the god of summer. They only ever overlap in spring and fall. Is their love story doomed forever?

Don’t forget to kudos and comment to show our wonderful creators your love!

❤️ your mods!

#seasonsofcaprifest #seasonsofcapri 2023 #captive prince #capri #captive prince fest #capri fest #damen/laurent #jokaste #auguste/laurent #kastor/laurent #capri femslash #erasmus/kallias #erasmus/torveld #captive prince fanart #captive prince fanfic

[definitelynotshouting]

OUGHHH sorry to be on anon, I need to make a proper tumblr to talk to people in hermitblr but currently I only have a sideblog and am not gonna expose my ten year old main aklsdjhfdklas, but I am the author of the romeo and juliet au tysm you made my heart grow warm and fuzzy and then explode I've never seen my fic mentioned out in te wild before <33333

to fuel ur theatre au brainworms, in the romeo and juliet au: mercutio is bdubs + benvolio is cleo, and jimmy and joel are sampson and gregory (two capulets from the start of the play they're such dumbasses my absolute beloveds), so we've got the design philosophy of the montagues and the capulets mirroring the aesthetics of the family and the bad boysss. (I never came up with a design for bad boy!Ren when he steps in as Tybalt instead of Grian during show week but I feel it's not too hard to imagine hehe)

but also (separately from that au, because I saw other talk of the life series and theatre and plays on ur blog) I constantly think about the life series as a greek tragedy, specifically in relation to the purpose of the series' inevitable tragedy being catharsis for the watchers (with the watchers also being literally the viewers). we love to see them suffer!!! but there's also a bunch of politics surrounding greek tragedies that Plato and Aristotle had discourse about that you can rope into it and tldr; my understanding is catharsis was Aristotle's answer to Plato's concern that tragedies' emotive affect could encourage rebellion against the state, with Aristotle saying that instead the cycle of pity and fear and eventual catharsis felt by the audience has a "purifying" effect that's like an emotional release from those emotions instead. Then with the extra layer of lore the fandom has surrounding Grian running away from the watchers, if Grian designs the life games, to the end of sating the watchers' need to emotionally feed (thank you Martyn for that piece of lore I'm stealing it jkfhdsk), the purpose of the games could be the cleansing of the watchers' discomfort with him running away and being a player and maintaining the status quo where Grian is actually the one in control !!!! even if he makes himself suffer. also different characters "curses" as their harmatia!! And, if we interpret the watchers as a fictional force AND the viewers simultaneously, then the chorus could absolutely be watchers who are vocal in the fandom - removed from the "players" (and OH how I love the dual meaning of minecraft players and players as in actors) but providing additional commentary and insight into what's happening that further feeds the emotional experience of the audience !!

alsooooo if you don't know the show "& Juliet" scar and grian are ALSO romeo and juliet in that to me, it's their last life/early double life era </3

theatre theatre theatre theatre theatre theatre theatre theatre

YOOOOOOOOO HELLO OP YOUR FIC IS AMAZING AND IM GLAD I COULD REC IT BC IT DESERVES RECOGNIZED!!!!! Also all of this is AMAZING im so obsessed with bdubs being mercutio and cleo being benvolio. Thats incredible like HELLO????? based choices tbh thats so fun

Also super obsessed with the meta of plays feeding into the watcher canon (and im STILL not over martyn somehow accidentally canonizing a key element of my au, this is insane, i came up with the idea for watchers feeding on player emotions in SEPTEMBER OF LAST YEAR), thats so fucking neat, i love a good tragedy OUGHHHHH its so compelling.

Also no worries about being on anon!!!! I did that too before i finally cleaned up my main blog so all the posts were privated, and then changed my url to match this one so ppl would recognize me WHEEEEEZE. Smth that helped me was tagging my own sideblog in anon asks i sent, so ppl would know it was me, and i'd get the notif when it got answered. Ofc you might not be comfortable linking your sideblog, but if you ever made one you wanted to sign off with, thats the option i used for a while before using mass post editor to private my entire main blog!!!!

theatre theatre theatre!!! Your ideas are SO pog and cool my dude feel free to ramble to me any time :]

#shouting speaks #asks #scarian #hermitcraft #3rd life #WATCHERS AS GREEK CHORUS.... WHAT IF I WENT INSANE /POS #long post #txt

[k1rishiki]

i love it when women

yeah.

#juliet capulet my beloved <3 #romeo + juliet #uhhhh how do i trigger tag this #gun / #suicide mention / #(kinda. just in case) #romeo.txt #ask to tag

[milkiane]

juliet, my angel

pairings: romeo montague x juliet capulet

warnings: character death

word count: 631

note: this was written for my ap lit creative writing and i was really proud of it, so i decided to post it on here <3 "If given a chance to change the ending of the story "Romeo and Juliet", how would you want it to end?"

when romeo have heard the awful news about juliet’s death, he was crestfallen, brokenhearted. just a few days beforehand, the both of them have spoken about all their dreams in life if they weren’t to be betrothed to another lover’s hand in marriage.

romeo could still explicitly hear the dreamy and faraway voice of his beloved’s, causing tears to fog in his eyes. he took a shaky breath in and opened the door to her mausoleum.

taking in her pale but still angelic appearance, he let his guard down as sobs shook his body. he held onto juliet’s hand, giving it a weak kiss before whispering a few words that he knew would remain unheard.

standing up to leave, he spared one last glance at the woman who would hold a special place in his heart before making his departure.

our paths will cross again if it’s meant to be, my love.

“i want to become a poet someday,” she whispered, staring at the twinkling stars above the newly wedded couple.

“what else?” romeo questioned, loving how juliet’s eyes sparkled with passion and zeal.

“i wish to learn how to paint sceneries and landscapes,” she smiled softly, biting her lip in thought, “i’d also love to bake pastries for the town’s children,”

turning to look at romeo, she whispered, “but most of all, i want to run away with you, live in a small cottage amongst the fields of wildflowers together. grow old and grey by each other’s side in a home full of love and warmth,”

romeo felt his heart flutter as soon as she said those words. he pressed a kiss to juliet’s lips, and he knew, at that moment, that everything would be alright.

romeo wished that he would have known what would happen to juliet. he wouldn’t be wallowing himself in pity and guilt if he did. he would have made her dreams come true together. they would have been at their dream house, painting the walls side by side.

but they weren’t, and that made him feel even worse because he shouldn’t be doing this by himself. he should be doing this with her.

romeo sighed, slouching at the publishing house’s wretched chairs.

“mr. montague,” the lady at the desk called out, “mrs. cher is waiting for you in her office.”

he stood up, nodding thankfully at her as he made his way towards the office.

mrs. cher was an elderly woman who’s in her 50’s. as soon as she heard the door to her office open, she looked up from the newly published paperback, giving romeo a soft smile, “it truly is such an endearing thing for you to do, mr. montague. my deepest regards for your loss,”

he gave her a tight-lip smile, gingerly taking the book full of her exquisite poems, a rose in the field of wildflowers, by juliet capulet.

romeo let out a frustrated groan, grabbing the towelette after making another wrong stroke in his painting.

“how do you do this, m’love,” he whispered as if he knew that she could somehow hear him.

he let out a breath of determination, dipping his paintbrush into the palette of myriad colors once again.

for the first time in a while, romeo smiled. a wide, genuine smile.

and he felt happy. like an angel was showering him with affection and joviality, effectively raising his spirits.

perhaps there is, he thought, juliet, my angel.

romeo didn’t let the smile on his face fall. he grabbed the basket of pastries in hand and locked the door of his new home.

before disappearing betwixt the fields of wildflowers and into the bustling town, he looked back at the amiable cottage he calls their home.

our paths will cross again if it’s meant to be, my love.

general taglist: @daltonacademia @inks-and-jinx @weasleyyy @oldschoolkiddo @accioweaslcy @inglourious-imagines @buckysbeloved @iwritesiriusly @fives-cup-of-coffee @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @band--psycho @marswilson24 @miraclesoflove @chokemepansy @spideyspixies @lolooo22 @justfangirlthingies -- i'm sorry if you didn't want to be tagged, just ignore this lol

#romeo and juliet #alternative ending #romeo montague #juliet capulet #useramourtentiaa #tuserliane

[bowldeepfannish]

Fanart commision: scene from the Sailor Moon Shakespeare pastiche AU titled All The World’s Stage being developed by  @coppercrane2​​  . She’s the most Penguin Lady of them all and one mighty pillar of the SenshixShitennou corner in the Sailor Moon fandom. ---> @ssrevminibang Feasting on the juicy plot previews and picking each other’s brains was a delight and the highlight of my Summer <3. Thank you so much Charlie <3.

All handmade traditional in pencil , just scanned and sepia-ed to enhance that Renaissance period feel a-la Da Vinci sketchbook.

----

INFO AND #SYMBOLISM ahoy (inner history nerd unleashed alert!)  so buckle up XDDD

Jupiter/Makoto (aka Viola) Capulets-Prada is here disguised as a (male) page ‘Cesario’ in the Montague-Moschino-Gucci (M-M-G for short) noble household, in order to investigate the murder of her parents. The M-M-G clan is likely involved in the murder but the lady is determined. Keep your friend close and your (likely) enemies closer? Yep.

The Montagues’ first son and heir Nephrite/Orsino ‘s troubledar (and also his UST) is pinging at the new page. Dun dun dun dunnnn.

While ‘Cesario’ is at it he tries to polish his fencing and fighting skills too, to the delight of Montague cadet’s branch cousin and blades wizard  Zoisite/Benvolio. Hence the dagger&swords lesson in their inner yard depicted in the above art happens. Orsino closely watches them on the ground while his sister Rei/Beatrice Montague gazes at the trio from her chamber window on the first floor >D.

Clothes, heraldic motifs and stonemasonry for the scene above are a mix of both authentical late medieval/early Renaissance refs, plot clues hidden in  plain sight and a nod to the source characters >D.

- butterfly/moth & flame motifs, heraldry for the Montague-Moschino-Gucci are peppered all over the picture:

1) moth to flame, anyone? It ‘s a nod to desires and ambitions of more than one kind in the fic, and a sign of danger. 2) moths partake with the meaning of butterflies but also bring a note of ambivalence compared to the diurnal, pretty butterflies. (They’re both awesome :P ).  3) flame: It brings light and warmth but also destroys. Ditto on passion! Also nod to Mars/Rei. 4) moths were also a signature Gucci feature in one of their recent-ish fashion collections so it seemed a perfect fit for the Montague-Moschino-Gucci family crest :P.

- spring (?) water well:

1) a private and handy source of drinkable water is a major boon in an era without tap water and no plumbing and hit-and-miss sewers. Another sign of status & luck. Plus water symbolism!

The water bucket is there but hidden behind the central character. We just see the rope attached to it. --> Things hidden in plain sight, the dive for truth at the botton of the well/under the surface.. and thirst in more ways than one X°D.

2) nod to Ami/Portia being part of the M-M-G family (married into).

3) water inside the well, flame motifs bas-relief outside to surround it, a metal moth on top of the well... yes all these bits are there and placed just like that and there for a reason. The whole metalwork atop the well included. Start speculating my darlings >D. 4) there is more but see point 3).

- swords & dagger:

1) if you are a novice daggers are better/more effective a weapon than futzing with a rapier. 2) Zoisite/Benvolio loves shiny stabby things :P . In any universe he values the aesthetic. To thyne own Extra self be true. Also him: dagger vs rapier? Why choose one?  :P

- hair/hairdo (or lack thereof):

for all the variance of styles in history strictly speaking for many centuries no respectable woman would go around with her hair down and loose.

Hence Rei’s hair at the window is properly braided and covered ( also a little nod to Olivia Hussey in Zeffirelli’s movie adaptation of Romeo & Juliet ) . Makoto/Viola here is disguised as a boy hence she let her hair down to blend with the males in the household + that combined with the ruffled collar helps disguising her lack of an Adam’s apple 8D .

Zoisite is still tying his hair in his trademark canon ponytail also because he’s such a wild walking genderbent Rapunzel his locks would get in the way of fencing XDD.

- hats (or lack thereof):

Nephrite/Orsino hates, hates, hates that cumbersome poofy embroidered hat. But for all his discomfort he’s a Good Kid (Mama Beryl/Tamora is a stickler for heraldic paraphernalia and power dressing) and as the first son and designated heir he gotta.

Rei wears her headband/hair cuff and and ribbons interlaced in her braid like a proper refined aristocrat young lady of means.

Zoi should probably wear some sort of hat and also tie his shirt laces but he can’t be bothered plus he’s from  the cadet branch: he’s gotta play such a non playing straight card whenever it suits him amirite :P

- miscellaneous wall work: it recycles elements from previous buildings, preferrably Romans. Includings choice bits from Antiquity in your very building was as much a sign of status (Roman Empire mystique!) as sometimes a necessity due to lost techniques/expensive exotic materials.

- lozenges/trellis window glass and decorated ceramic + ornamental bricks framing the window: very period. A handful of such windows still survive 50 metres from my house :P.   XV century Italian goodness <3. I actually sneaked a tad of late XIX century feel in too :P (medieval-ish Art Nouveau architecture is quite a thing where I live).

- glimpse of Rei’s chamber: carved and painted wooden ceilings, tapestry (landscapes with castles and/or mythological themes usually) hanging on the wall for both decor and shielding from drafts belonged to the noble class taste of the period ( a rather long period and large area in the Westt... much beloved in the middle ages up to well into the Tudors’ era at least :). Sometimes if you could not hang tapestries you would commision trompe l’oeil of tapestries :D ) .

A repeat of the pics as sometimes Tumblr doesn’t display the top pic in pic posts  for me :°D. Thank you for reading if you have made it to the end!

-------

I am looking foward to the published fic. Thak you so much again for this fantastic commission chance Charlie I loved working on this :,). -------- my twitter

#bishoujo senshi sailor moon #senshi x shitennou #shakespeare au #senshi x shitennou fanart #pencil sketch #traditional art #renaissance #late medieval #all the world's a stage #fanart commission #eliartbowl #my fanart #inspired by fanfiction #makoto kino #nephrite #zoisite #rei hino #moths #group scene #rapier sword #dagger #action #romance #period clothes #costume design #my art #sepia tone #we stan Olivia Hussey hardcore #old fandom loves never die

[talknow]

GoodLIFE vs DatLIFE

StreetNOW Reporting by InDaCarSeat DaTGuY (Terry Dwayne Ashford)

By DaTGuY InDaCarSeat

This report by Terry Dwayne Ashford outlines a journalistic report of a “Clash of the Classes”.

I wake up praying to PLEASE keep those MONKEYS away from ME. Not a signal monkey is good enough to even SPEAK to me. And that is true.

Before we move forward in reading the rest of this article, the InDaCarSeat guy gives you access to the BROADCAST for today comprising of a four part segment called the “Deliverance: Hour of Power”. Click the word broadcast for the YouTube productions.

Every occasion of a Monkey’s interaction with the decent upright unbothered or unbothering InDaCarSeat DaTGuY Terry Dwayne Ashford was as combustible as fluffy freshly picked cotton being flicked by the BICK of flames 🔥 from a pink cigarette lighter.

Keep the N8GGER away from the InDaCarSeat guy. To have placed even in a joke of MONKEYS in the InDaCarSeat presence, running loose out of cages, unleashed saying “hey look at me. 👀 look please like me.

Look this is the way I am. LOOK.” To have placed N8GGER men in presence of Terry Dwayne Ashford - who does NOT now see the brother who did this should not be JAILED? (Corrected at 8:15 pm)Who does NOT see the jealousy of upright good behavior of a virgin man attacked? Who does not AGREE with the N8GGER jailed who quotes “played such a game with a grown man’s successful life?”

A successful life and career that has been stalemated every since placing a N8GGER shit monkey in the eyes of the distinguished brother. And the hazing brother cries in jail for sympathy, on more falsified statements “I CARED!”

A man, grown man mind you, who claimed to have cared so much that he “KILL his own mother?” Oh my gosh what a sickness. What a sickness. In perspective, one hazing brother looked at a picture of his successful brother living peacefully away with him even unknowing - a brother who was living more successful than any black man this man knew and he took it amongst himself to care enough and acted on that emotion to have placed N8GGERS in monkey format in house of Terry Dwayne Ashford.

A home that was beautiful and quiet. That got out and did his journalism work and went safely back into his home alone, playfully and quiet.

And here he brought in a pre-emptive rush attack - N8GGERs in men form to destroy his brother’s home, smile, livelihood, peace, career, quality of life, genuinity, beliefs, and all value that Terry Dwayne Ashford has developed, not for anyone else except for HIMSELF. He CARED so much to have, not just done all of these things, but to have psychotically CARED enough to have attempted to LIE and falsify the just goodness and his brother’s actions when all of his LYING went tumbling down.

Then this GROWN man went about FRAMING his innocent upright brother who made him jealous - “oh I love you so much” oh I want him for myself like his own grown brother is a baby doll that could be bought from a department store - this “oh I love you brother tried after caught to frame his nice unbothered successful unsuspecting brother named Terry Dwayne Ashford into a jail based on “He Lives Too White.”

And they all (the brothers) laugh at destroying the man’s DaTGuY’s life. All was done in a collaboration of poor black bumming men that placed two black boyish men who may have been mere teenagers, to stand outside of the CVS where the InDaCarSeat was shopping to get white men roaming near Terry Dwayne Ashford in a disrespectful racism store shopping scheme.

The InDaCarSeat Terry Dwayne Ashford was merely shopping unbothered and unbother’ing when two N8GGERS was sneaking and staring into the store in a racist N8GGER chase after the whiter hispanic guy standing near the InDaCarSeat guy who was with his family of three other friends at the register.

Only to hear a warning “you stalking the wrong ONE for RACISM SEX!” Locking them away shouldn’t be expected! Signed InDaCarSeat DaTGuY, Terry Dwayne Ashford.

The n8gger can’t even concentrate when he sees a WHITER man. A MAN y’all a goddamn MAN- and the mother fucking N8GGER who wants to be seen as straight, crumbles at the sight of a white or whiter MAN.

“N8GGER get the fuck out of my face as a black ass MONKEY! Get the goddamn FUCK OUT of InDaCarSeat DaTGuY (Terry Dwayne Ashford) eyes.

Don’t even TRY to associate with the InDaCarSeat man. Don’t COME NEAR This black mother fucking BITCHBOY! And let that be a cardinal rule of your N8GGERS life. Don’t COME NEAR this man. At Fucking ALL.

This man who supposedly LOVED his brother so much saw his beloved DaTGuY brother InDaCarSeat waking up 8 YEARS after his ATTACK. The attack was on Terry Dwayne Ashford, who is the journalist who also found that hazing brother’s gang activity had KILLED three more people. The same gang activity called a joke that placed his brother into a car seat after having also estranged him from his career that was his safety to care for himself.

This InDaCarSeat man woke up 8 years afterwards to find the fatal deaths and his most successful nicest brother still InDaCarSeat displaced at N8GGERS from his HBCU not being able to see even the black females racism of offering whiteness with nuts to black men as their own way of getting a man.

Black females were found offering white men to black men to have sex with the GAY black MEN. Seen at rock creek park of a black girl feigning for a black man in her own life, sided with a white gay male to get black men that came NEAR the InDaCarSeat.

Black females who were desperate worked with whites on the premise that black men are GAY trading. The black girl in rock creek park walked with the white man was also in a conspiracy! That walking around was a task planned by conspirators comprised of one White male and one Black female aiming target black men, where the black man is supposed to intimately like the white man and want the white man but pretend with the black female while signaling to get the white man. The black female was to get a cut if payments were involved.

Black men who saw them walking together was supposed by default HAVE CHOSEN the WHITE MAN over all blacks and black men in the vicinity prompted by the black GIRL conspiring with the white MAN! This dude placed N8GGERS all in this man’s life to destroy the lifestyle that made him JEALOUS.

And he is NOW GONE hopefully and locked away in a penitentiary on the prom photo of his high school brother in a blue and white tuxedo the night BEFORE his PROM. Locked away and arguably “should have” been locked away long ago. Nice had to turn to a N8GGER to win out over the N8GGERS. Get them away from me.

Clash of Classes: do not love me as if you are like a montegue loving a capulet. That’s a Romeo loving a Juliet. Get A Way From Terry Dwayne Ashford forever!

Do NOT LOVE ME EVER! And where NOW is my mom? You dirty ass N8GGER! I can’t breathe even thinking about a DIRTY black HBCU “I love N8GGERS so much” N8GGER!

Upcoming broadcast from DaTGuY delayed and the YouTube broadcast of “The Deliverance: Hour of Power was delivered. Enjoy.

As the InDaCarSeat DaTGUY, Terry Dwayne Ashford, decisively chose THIS elaborate lifestyle over “DatLIFE” as his standard of partying when he did rock it OUT, that was before the journalism profession which required him to understand “DatLIFE” of others, which sent InDaCarSeat to Washington DC the then chocolate city.

Findings, which was to be used for journalism only in reporting and protecting all the people in an unbiased sense, showed DaTGuy’s LIFESTYLE was totally different from DatLIFE which journalism required him to understand. So DatLIFE , the understanding of it, was required by DaTGuY’s profession. But DaTGuY’s LIFEstyle was elaborate strategic dancing in the night when work was done which FED InDaCarSeat DaTGuY’s soul.

DaTGuY lifestyle fueled him with power. DaTLIFE of chocolate city as professional research revealed drained of LIFE altogether. The two DatLIFE and DaTGuY’s lifestyle was and still is different. One is for profession and one is for the wholeness of DaTGuY’s self.

In the END InDaCarSeat DaTGuY says THIS: Look. InDaCarSeat DaTGuY will commit to writing a book of some sort to save crazy BITCHes lives, who tried a wrong ass fucker but failed. But InDaCarSeat DaTGuY is NOT living with no N8ggers. And He must have HIS job back to sustain himself in a quality valued setting while writing. He is NOT a N8GGER and do not live like one. And no H9NKY or N8GGER is going to steal his shit. He has to have his job back in the way that he may live his own life. Or it’s simple - as a goodbye. InDaCarSeat is not fucking no N8gger racists. He is not respecting no N8GGER dude. He just is not “that is AINT” doing it. The real problem is being masked by Halloween 🎃 of a H9NKY wantingcontrol over a person vowed to take it and couldn’t. And that work of the H9NKY was simply about to destroy the H9NKY whole goddamn world. Technically by a journalist is as simple as 1 two and 3. The H9NKY followed and watched the child grow and do what this child was doing all on his own and the H9NKY tried to take Terry Dwayne Ashford from his mother threatening her, relying on bribery. And Terry Dwayne Ashford InDaCarSeat SNIPED the H9NKY in the H9NKY’s face and ON H9NKY turf using H9NKY defenses in black MEN. Done how: knowledge of being a black man. The H9NKY discretions was labeling by race by golly black men as N8GGERS. And that was what the H9NKY relied on in offering the sex from men. The knowledge that black men were and ARE GAY. InDaCarSeat knew that becsuse he was BLACK but he was also BLESSED in a way other black men were not. The best time to reveal the infamous Powerful HOUR is NOW click DELIVERANCE by InDaCarSeat DaTGuY or click the LINK at the bottom of the article.

Upcoming Broadcast entitled: P and P presented by InDaCarSeat DaTGuY (Terry Dwayne Ashford)

Synopsis of the broadcast: Prayer in Partying” at the same time

A LaughLoud sponsored broadcast for April 7, 2020 by InDaCarSeat DaTGuY Terry Dwayne Ashford, has been delayed in an executive decision to run “The Deliverance: Hour Of Power” via DaTGuY Radio and DaTGUY Television through W A T L Broadcast Network. However, we also express the origin of HOUSE Music that sent spiritually enriched songs like “Good Life”, and mixes of music like “I Testify” into the club scenes that saw good wholesome people dancing to praise. But it didn’t feel like praise in holier than thou sense, it felt like FUN. We rocked to beats that told us that “HE Was Alright” wihout feeling arrogant or above all others. Just a few beats over a cute martini spiked with a green pimento filled olive would release all inhibitors to LOVE at all. We know what LOVE feels like which resulted in us not accepting less than LOVE. Don’t tell InDaCarSeat HATE is LOVE when DaTGuY knows what LOVE feels like. One InDaCarSeat testimony actually witnessed dancers “SHOUTING it OUT” in tears ON THE DANCEFLOOR as if music 🎶 was a drug. The then-20 year old college student and his top military academy friend was flown all over the nation to party as they called it. But for us it was praising too. They shouted like in a church while in laughter, while crying, while joyful, while twerking and bumping and giving high fives, all while DANCING on the dance floor. What amazing sights to have combined love of the person’s spiritual self with the actual love of themselves shown in dance. Although there will be only a spurt of HOUSE MUSIC as an example in this production; but what this style of music actually did to Nice People who may have been religious, or even smart definitely shunned by THUGS due to their beliefs of goodness, what this music of the heart did in an amazing scholarly sense seen - was gave distinguished upright BELIEVERS PRIASE SPACE in the nightlife. Wow, staunched believers had a place to “DANCE” in Praise without the religious overtones. It made the N8GGER so-called NERDS seemed kool and weren’t shunned anymore. The InDaCarSeat experience in this scene saw few drugs and little booze only music dance and fun then back to work. From the scholarly black journalist InDaCarSeat DaTGuY Terry Dwayne Ashford, one amazing visit to New York City saw dancing, respecting, loving and life all in one-stop shops. But that was spring break and not everyday. From those types of Spring Breaks opposing Sex filled reckless parties, the InDaCarSeat lived responsibly and traveled back to regular lives free of harm after the party. Parties that flew us to ferry rides in the Bermuda, in a foreign speaking nightclub of Puerto Rico, and elaborate travel overseas and within the U.S. just for the celebration of lovely eloquent decent partying of successful people. Today’s broadcast will allow you to party in humbling prayer all in ONE. We shake our rumps with class and style even and remain good in our wholesome wholeness and never end up in an alleyway! Today’s broadcast is P and P (prayer in the praise) by InDaCarSeat DaTGuY, Terry Dwayne Ashford. Don’t bring those N8GGER nut sacks around me. When on duty he sees DatLIFE and often can’t wait to get home to live his own lifestyle. Terry Dwayne Ashford does not live DATLIFE while at home. The life that the InDaCarSeat lives can be seen in a tweet from an April 7, 2020 morning shown at the bottom of this article.

Click the broadcast below.

Anyone who says this hazing man is not supposed to be jailed is a goddamn fool. Or think we are. Go to hell.

[swampfilmanalysis-sp19]

Discussion Group Presentation

The Piano (1993) 

 Summary: 

Ada McGrath is a mute pianist who has not spoken a word since she was six but instead uses her piano to communicate her expressions and her daughter to translate sign language for her. Ada was recently sold into marriage by her father to a New Zealand man named Alistair and is left on the beach with her belongings, including her beloved piano upon waiting for Alistair’s arrival. When Alistair arrives he would not allow for Ada to bring the piano claiming he had no space for it. The rest of the film follows Ada’s efforts to retrieve the piano and an unlikely bond that formed from it with Alistair’s acquaintance George Baines. 

Trailer:

Sergei Eisenstein: “The Dramaturgy of Film Form” 

Sergei Eisenstein demonstrates in ‘The Dramaturgy of Film Form’ philosophies and styles that influence his own work including the ‘montage’. He negates what a traditional montage is as a blend of shots to convey a point. Instead he persists that through film the abstract process of thought can be shown through aspects such as ‘shock’ and ‘aggression’ that make the spectators gain an emotional response to the film. He argues that film isn’t just for conveying stories but can drive ideas into the minds of the audience. 

Finger Cut Off 

After Alistair witnesses Ada and Baines in bed together, he bans Ada from seeing him. Ada decides that she’s in love with Alistair and sends her daughter, Flora to deliver a piano key to him engraved with the words ‘Dear George you have my heart Ada McGrath’. On the way to see Baines, Flora sees Alistair chopping wood and says maybe she shouldn’t deliver the key to Baines not knowing what the wrapped package is. Alistair takes the package from Flora and proceeds to angrily confront Ada, in turn chopping off one of her fingers with an ax.This scene is edited with clear visuals conveying how Alistair’s anger has built up since his awareness of the affair. The dark visuals and the use of Flora in the scene add a shocking intensity for what is to come. The scene demonstrates Eisenstein’s idea of showing thought processes to convey an idea. (Eisenstein, 45). 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4N8Sssc4CM 

Piano Overboard 

In one of the final scenes of the film Ada and her daughter leave their town with Baines. During their departure the piano is fasten on the canoe causing it to be harder to row through the ocean with. Ada insists that the piano be thrown overboard, which is startling considering what she went through to obtain the piano and how much it meant to her. While it is being thrown out she places her foot through the rope it’s attached to and goes down with it. She frees herself before being drowned further. While we do not have a clear visual of the entire canoe and the piano on the canoe the audience assumes what is happening. Additionally, the shots and close-ups of each character during this scene add to the idea of what is about to occur and highlights Eisenstein’s thoughts that “each sequential element is perceived not next to each other but on top the other” (Eisenstein, 49). 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLUrEgC-Dd4&t=81s  

Romeo + Juliet (1998) 

Summary: 

Romeo and Juliet (1998) is a modern adaptation of William Shakespeare’s classic romantic tragedy.  The film adjusts the setting to a fictional city named ‘Verona Beach’ while maintaining Shakespeare’s original script. The Montagues and Capulets are portrayed as rival gangs who deeply despise of one another and cause havoc in the city. A masked Romeo attends a costume ball party thrown by Juliet’s parents where the two shortly meet and begin their tragic love affair. 

Trailer: 

Star-Crossed Lovers 

Romeo crashes the Capulet party with his friends in an effort to see Rosaline, the girl he thinks he’s in love with. After going to the restroom Romeo admires an aquarium where he spots Juliet on the other side and the two instantly fall in love. The next scenes show Romeo following Juliet throughout the mansion while she is being dragged to the dance-floor by her mother. The contrast of the music, colorful scenery and William Shakespeare’s classic dialogue contribute to the intensity of the scene while the audience is aware of their doomed love. In addition to commenting on montage and the importance of scenes being dynamic to show ideas Eisenstein highlights color ,”any shade of a color imparts to our vision a given rhythm of vibration.” in the importance to further enhance the idea trying to be displayed. (Eisenstein, 52). 

Romeo Dies 

Romeo gets word that his beloved Juliet has passed away from a broken heart resulting from the death of her cousin and the banishment of Romeo from the city. However, Juliet has simply taken a substance that makes her appear dead to avoid marrying Paris and to eventually escape Verona Beach to be with Romeo. However, this message does not get to Romeo in time as he kills himself at her ‘death bed’ as she awakes. The scene produces horrible anxiety among audience members who are completely aware of all the facts.

Discussion Questions

1. In both films The Piano (1993) and Romeo + Juliet (1998) sound is used to convey deeper meaning within scenes. For example, in The Piano when Alistair is running to confront Ada, if sound was not used in this scene would it make you think differently of the film or what is trying to be conveyed? 

2. Does the use of provocative or ‘aggressive’ images affect our feelings on a scene more so than if a story was simply edited? (e.g. Romeo and Juliet love at first sight) 

3. In movies like Romeo + Juliet where editing plays a heavy role in conveying new ideas to the audience, can intensity and images distract the audience instead and take you out of the movie?

#discussionleader swampfilmanalysis

[fionatlux]

So maybe you’ve heard about this new pseudo-period drama, Still Star-Crossed, that’s a takeoff on Romeo and Juliet, and you’re wondering what it’s all about! It looks great: incredibly good-looking multiracial cast, stunning locations, just all-around gorgeousness. But the episodes are an hour long, and you’re not sure you want to invest. You wish someone would do a parody-dialogue recap? (I realize this is unlikely, since I feel like the long-form parody-dialogue recap died with LJ, but oh well.) You are in luck! I have decided to recap at least the first few episodes. The first one is a bit slow-going--it’s heavy on exposition and setup--but the show is highly entertaining, and by episode 3, it’s even funny on purpose. Check it out, and if you enjoy, watch the show! It airs on ABC on Saturday nights, and is available on Hulu the day after, I believe. Episode 4 airs this week!

I’ve also reviewed the book it’s based on here. Episode 2 recap is here.

EPISODE 1

In fair Verona where we lay our scene… Two houses, both alike in blah blah blah we know.

Some Gorgeous Cathedrally Interior

[We open with a clandestine, ill-advised wedding. Romeo and Juliet are delighted! Benvolio and Rosaline, accompanying their respective cousins, are… not.]

FRIAR LAURENCE: Look, I also have a bad feeling about this, but orders are orders.

[Wait, what?]

FRIAR LAURENCE: I mean, too many funerals, a wedding is a nice change, yay true love!

ROSALINE & BENVOLIO: *look concerned*

  A Deathbed, The Palace

[The elderly prince of Verona is dying. He has wonderful gravitas.]

THE PRINCE: Isabella, make sure that my law eliminating due process for accused murderers is instated. And keep your brother from doing anything stupid. Where is he, anyway?

ESCALUS: I’m here! I’m here! I raced the CGI zoom shot on horseback all the way from Venice!

THE PRINCE: Son, you must keep Montague and Capulet in line. Seriously, if you don’t, you’ll be next.

ESCALUS: It is painfully obvious that I am a sweet boy and in no way equipped to rule a city.

ISABELLA: It is also obvious that, in addition to having great fashion sense and magnificent eyebrows, I am politically savvy and ominously ambitious.

  Maison Montague

[CGI zoom! Here we see three BFFs returned home after, presumably, a night of bro times and possibly a secret wedding. They are met by their paterfamilias, who looks like the lovechild of Charles Boyle from Brooklyn Nine Nine and Lucius Malfoy. I immediately christen him Luciles Malfoyle.]

LUCILES MALFOYLE: Welcome back, Romeo, my beloved son! Hi, Mercutio! I made breakfast! BUT NOT FOR YOU, BENVOLIO. Delinquents who break off perfectly good engagements because “oh noes I don’t love her” DON’T DESERVE BREAKFAST.

BENVOLIO: O-okay. I’ll just be over here chewing on a large chunk of irony, then.

A MESSENGER: The Prince is dead! Escalus is in charge!

LUCILES MALFOYLE: I SMELL OPPORTUNITY!

LUCILES MALFOYLE: No, wait, that’s just the stink of bars and prostitutes. Go shower, B.

  Casa Capulet

[It’s Giles! Hi, Giles! He is having an Argument of Exposition with Lady Capulet, who looks like a Disney Evil Queen. This is about right, because Rosaline’s sister Livia looks like someone who gets ready in the morning with the help of bluebirds and a trio of singing mice.]

LIVIA: They’re totally going to let us go to the ball!

[Keep dreaming, Livia! A dream is a wish your heart makes!] 

GILES: They are our orphaned, impoverished nieces! I feel bad about making them be servants!

LADY CAPULET: They are YOUR nieces and I hate them.

LIVIA: Anyway, I need to go to the ball to meet a rich husband so that I can be happy and you can… join a nunnery? Seriously? I think you are overestimating the amount of free time a nun gets.

ROSALINE: Well, we’re about 200 years too early for Mary Wollstonecraft, so this is the best I can do.

LADY CAPULET: Although it pains me in my soul to say this… you can go to the ball.

LIVIA: YES!!!! No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true!

ROSALINE: I am not excited about going to the ball, and even less excited about meeting the prince, but I really love my baby sister.

 JULIET: Oh good, you’re all here. I have big news! I… can’t go to the ball because… uh… because…

ROSALINE: Perhaps you’re… really tired?

JULIET: Yes! That’s totally it! I am tired! Sick, even! KTHXBAI!

ROSALINE: Well, at least she has a nice view of the fireworks from her balcony.

[The fireworks are a metaphor. For orgasm. In case you missed it.]

  A Fancy Ball, The Palace

[I’m going to start interspersing this with more commentary, because parody dialogue takes a really long time to craft. The Capulets arrive at the ball! What are you two wearing? What are any of you wearing? What century even is it? Livia has puffed sleeves straight out of Anne of Green Gables’s wildest dreams, while Rosaline is rocking a cold shoulder. I know it’s trendy, but it kind of looks like she gave her sleeves to Livia. I don’t even know. Isabella's tiara is nice, though.]

[Montague is also here! The two families snipe at each other! Ooh, a zinger from Giles. Giles: 1, Luciles Malfoyle: 0.]

ISABELLA: Let me catch you up on the Capulet-Montague sitch. It’s bad. And Daddy said--

ESCALUS: Yeah, I know, no trials for murderers, summary execution, blah blah blah.

[Listen to your sister, Escalus, because if this goes anything like the book, pretty soon she's gonna be married off to Hot 1990s Denzel Washington from a different play entirely and then you won't have anybody to advise you on your incredibly stupid plans.] [Spoiler: It does not go anything like the book.]

 ISABELLA: I am so happy to see you, Rosaline!

ROSALINE: I am markedly less happy to see you.

ESCALUS: *heart eyes*

ROSALINE: You I will favor with a look of repressed longing.

[Hmmm. I smell backstory! I mean, I know the backstory, I’ve read the book, but still.]

 LIVIA: Somewhere in this crowd is my one true love. Ooh, and fire dancers!

ROSALINE: Is my sweet precious grown-up baby sister not the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen?

  Elsewhere at the Fancy Ball

BENVOLIO: OK, so I came up with an itinerary for tonight’s pub-and-brothel crawl—

[aw snotblossoms, it’s Tybalt!]

TYBALT: FIGHT ME, MONTAGUE SCUM!

[Romeo would rather not, but then Mercutio shows up and it is ON. Tybalt stabs Mercutio. Romeo stabs Tybalt. Benvolio is busy dueling some other guy, I don’t know.]

MERCUTIO: A plague on both your houses! Ask for me tomorrow; you shall find me a grave man. *dies*

[Romeo is devastated. Benvolio is extremely concerned. Me, I am just glad Mercutio was allowed to keep the pun.]

  The Courtyard, Casa Capulet

[The Capulet courtyard has much better shrubbery than the Montague courtyard. We’re talking topiary, hedge mazes, fishpond. It is GLORIOUS. Giles: 2, Luciles Malfoyle: 0.]

GILES: Yeah I kind of feel bad about how many people the feud has killed. It all started when my ancestor let one of his serfs save up money to buy his own flock, or something.

A VERY FANCY YOUNG MAN: I like money and power and I have a lot of both.

GILES: Count Paris, I have to tell you that I am unimpressed by your doublet-and-cape ensemble, magnificently upholstered though it is.

PARIS: Also my father is the prince of Mantua. Juliet will be well cared for there.

[They sound like they are discussing retirement arrangements for, like, a sick racehorse. It is not romantic, and Paris looks vaguely greasy to boot. Nevertheless—]

GILES: Sold!

  The Breakfast Room, Casa Capulet

[Juliet is not having a good morning.]

LADY CAPULET: Well, well, thou hast a careful father, child. Congratulations, you’re marrying Paris. He is handsome, rich, and exceptionally well dressed! Seriously, I am going to reupholster all our furniture in his doublet material.

ROSALINE: *drops dishes*

GILES: And Romeo has killed your cousin Tybalt, which means his life is forfeit.

JULIET & ROSALINE: Oh, crap.

  The Streets of Verona

ROMEO: *is on the lam*

  The Palace

ESCALUS: Romeo was just avenging Mercutio! That seems legit to me!

[He seems oblivious to the fact that this kind of thinking is what keeps feuds going in the first place.]

ISABELLA: Yeah, but he got blood all over our floor. The law says he dies! And the law means nothing if you don’t enforce it.

ESCALUS: I can’t afford to piss off Montague!

ISABELLA: This is the kind of thinking that leads to revolution! To heads on spikes, brother! OUR HEADS. ON SPIKES. Is that what you want? IS IT?

[Actually Isabella’s kind of thinking also leads to revolution, though she’s not wrong about the need to actually enforce laws. I’m a little concerned for the monarchy, here.]

  The Sewers of Verona

ROMEO: *is still on the lam*

  Juliet’s Room, Casa Capulet

JULIET: We can’t just let him die!

ROSALINE: …We could, though? It would solve a lot of problems, I’m just saying.

  Friar Laurence’s Workshop of Creepy Potions

FRIAR LAURENCE: Here is a fake-death potion. Don’t take more than one drop or it will be real-death potion.

JULIET: And you have fake-real-death potion lying around because…?

FRIAR LAURENCE: Don’t ask.

  Juliet’s Room, Casa Capulet

ROSALINE: Are you sure about this?

JULIET: Yep.

ROSALINE: Okay then. HELP! MY LADY JULIET IS DEAD!

[Ladies, this is a terrible plan. You don’t actually have a plan! You don’t even have a pla! The show didn’t give you one!]

  Some Tavern

BENVOLIO: *drinks*

FRIAR LAURENCE: B., where’s Romeo?

[Maybe he has a plan? Unfortunately, Benvolio doesn’t know where Romeo is.]

  The Capulet Tomb

[Sad Paris is sad. His doublet-and-cape ensemble, however, is still magnificent. Enter Romeo, fight fight fight, stabz, drinks, dies, Juliet awakens, drinks, dies. In this version, Romeo, not a churl, has left a friendly drop to help her after. They lie facing each other on the bier, their hands entwined, their heads close together on the pillows like sleeping children. It is actually really sad.]

ROSALINE [arriving juuuuust too late]: Ohhhhh, this is bad. *flees*

[Dramatic zoom on Paris! He suddenly awakens and, with the last of his strength, Googles something.]

PARIS: “How… to get… blood… out of upholstery…”

  Obligatory Period Drama Corset-Lacing Scene, Casa Capulet

[Evil Queen Lady Capulet and Rosaline are having a hostile heart-to-heart. It is abundantly clear that while Livia is living in a Disney Cinderella, Rosaline is stuck in the unhappy parts of Ever After.]

LADY CAPULET: Admire my generosity in letting you attend Juliet’s funeral! Are you not grateful? Don’t say I never did anything for you.

ROSALINE: No, really, what have you ever done for us? We wait on you hand and foot, and you hate us because you were in love with our father but you wanted a title so you married Giles instead, and our presence is a constant reminder of what you gave up!

LADY CAPULET: *backhands* Too much exposition!

 ROSALINE: I miss my parents. And Juliet.

ROSALINE: Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know! Well, now Lady Capulet knows.

  Friar Laurence’s Cell of Dropped Bombshells

LUCILES MALFOYLE: I secretly encouraged my son to fall in love with Capulet’s daughter, and I paid you to marry them—

[WHAT?!]

LUCILES MALFOYLE:—and am I gonna get to lord it over Giles at state dinners now? Well, AM I?!?!

FRIAR LAURENCE: …no?

LUCILES MALFOYLE: And whose fault is that?

FRIAR LAURENCE: …mine?

LUCILES MALFOYLE: DAMN RIGHT IT IS.

[I give Luciles Malfoyle a point for sneakiness, but take it away again because it got people killed and he clearly did not plan for this contingency. Giles: 2, Luciles Malfoyle: 0.]

  The Double Funeral

ESCALUS: And so, I realize that Capulet and Montague are basically the two mafia families that run this city, but I really need you all to give it a rest.

ROSALINE & BENVOLIO: *look concerned*

ESCALUS: Look, Montague commissioned this solid gold statue of Juliet as a peace offering!

[Giles: 2, Luciles Malfoyle: 1]

GILES [sotto voce]: And as a gauche display of wealth! Montagues, so lacking in class, amirite?

[Giles: 3, Luciles Malfoyle: 1]

[Escalus dramatically unveils the statue. It has been scrawled with the word “HARLOT” in red letters—]

ME: Wrong show!

[—and the funeral dissolves into chaos.]

ESCALUS: Rosaline! I’ll save you! Here, hide with me in this incredibly beautiful candlelit room.

ROSALINE: You do the heart eyes extremely well, but I’ve got to find my sister. Rosaline out!

  Sibling Argument, The Palace

ISABELLA: Escalus, do something about all this civil brawling! 

ESCALUS: But Mantua! Padua! The Medici! The Papal states! You don’t understand because you’re a GIRL!

ISABELLA: They can't conquer Verona if there isn't any of Verona left! YOUR DAMN CITY IS ON FIRE. LITERALLY.

 Sibling Argument, Casa Capulet

LIVIA: You let Juliet marry a Montague and didn’t think that MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT???

ROSALINE: No time to argue! We’re getting out while we still can!

LIVIA: Out? Are you out of your goddamn mind?

[The sisterly argument is interrupted by a summons from the palace!]

  The Brawling Streets of Verona

ROSALINE: Oh great, brigands. Like this day couldn’t get any worse.

[It’s about to get worse.]

A HELPFUL BYSTANDER: This way!

ROSALINE: Oh great, a dead-end alley… that is strewn with bodies…

THE HELPFUL BYSTANDER: Actually I am a villain!

ROSALINE: Time to conk a dude on the head with a billet of wood.  

BENVOLIO [heroically backlit]: I’ll save you!

ROSALINE: I had it under control! You realize this is all your fault?

[They bicker, loudly, casting blame on each other and running through the entire list of ways in which Romeo and Juliet could have somehow not turned out badly.]

BENVOLIO: I am starting to seriously question why I jumped in to save a lady’s life.

ROSALINE: Your saving me is the worst thing ever. I’m going to storm off now.

BENVOLIO [calling after her]: YOU’RE WELCOME.

[The Rock called, he wants his Moana tagline back. He’ll probably get it: Benvolio doesn’t have enough tattoos or sass to carry it off very far. At least, I’m assuming he doesn’t. It’s kind of hard to tell under all the leather. His mustache is trying, though.]

  The Castle of Capulet

[Meanwhile, Livia has been transported into a Gothic novel. She discovers a secret passage with a secret staircase leading to The Secret Sickroom, where The Nurse and Evil Queen Lady Capulet are tending to a sweaty, disheveled Paris. He is posing attractively and gasping as he continues to bleed on the upholstery. Clearly this requires someone with doctor skills and discretion.] 

LIVIA: I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

  Some Throne Room, The Palace

[Rosaline arrives, disheveled, at what is obviously an intervention. Giles and the Montagues are already there.] 

GILES: Niece, I hope you are feeling extra patriotic today! For the Greater Good!

ROSALINE: This cannot possibly bode well.

[It doesn’t.]

ESCALUS: The marriage of Benvolio Montague and Rosaline Capulet is now mandated by the state. Which is me. Congratulations.

ROSALINE & BENVOLIO: …

BENVOLIO: Will your grace command me any service to the world’s end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on; I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the great Cham’s beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies, rather than hold three words’ conference with this harpy!

ROSALINE: I take it back; this is the worst thing ever. ROSALINE OUT.

  A Fabulous Candlelit-and-Frescoed Interior, The Palace

ROSALINE: Given our adorable and romantic past that was tragically interrupted by my father being murdered in the street by Montagues, I think I have the right to ask: How could you?

ESCALUS: I’m actually doing this for totally valid political reasons, but I’m going to try to justify it by making it seem like I’m doing you a favor!

ROSALINE: Un. be. lieve. able.

ESCALUS: What do you want?

ROSALINE: Economic and political agency for women and a sovereign who isn't a complete bonehead?

ESCALUS: Try again.

ROSALINE: I will settle for tearful, clandestine makeouts.

ESCALUS: Done!

 BENVOLIO: Well, that escalated quickly.

[Someone had to say it.]

Next Episode

#still star crossed #ssc recaps