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s1utspeare · 2 years

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SLUTSPEARE PROUDLY PRESENTS............. THE WILLIAM WATCHLIST

brought to you by the WCU (William Cinematic Universe)

a.k.a. i'm watching william chan's filmography so you don't have to

will be updated once new william things come out! also i will not finish all of the shows on this list bc William has a........... questionable history (but i love him), so for shows i have seen at least three (3) episodes, even if I haven’t finished them fully.

THE ONLY FILM I WAS UNABLE TO FIND A COPY OF was Ex (2010), which makes me really sad. I looked for AGES and couldn't even find a DVD version (I had to get Beauty on Duty, Hi Fidelity, and Lost in Wrestling on DVD). I found a super grainy one with Indonesian subs, but that was all, so if anyone has a link to Eng subs, let me know! I also could not find Extinguished (2018), but that's a minute-long short film so I don't feel as bad.

very special thanks to @jockvillagersonly and @psychic-waffles, who not only let me liveblog these films to them, but also partook in some of them with me. i love you both and hate that we did this.

anyway! in order of creation year:

Overheard (2007)

Baby’s first movie!!!! Awwww!!! This one was a pretty good one tbh, and for William’s first acting role he actually got a fairly big part! I was very proud of him and also squealed every time he was onscreen bc he was really cute

The basic premise is that a team of cops are listening in on this rich dude’s life to see if he’s embezzling, and they overhear him say that there’s gonna be a big rise in the stock market. Three of the team really need money, so they essentially put all of their savings into this stock, and then the market crashes, so they have to figure out how to get their money back, which embroils them in some sketchy shit

William is a baby detective!! He’s also cheating with one of the detective’s girlfriends lmao. My favorite part was that he fell asleep at a table and some dudes stole his key card to break into the server room and his boss was just like “again bitch?” And William was just like 🥺

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Pretty decent action film, and while I didn’t like the ending, it was a good movie overall.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10 off to a strong start babes!! He was adorable in this and I love him to death

Trick or Cheat (2009)

There is........... quite a lot happening in this movie. Basically, a 24-year-old William is playing a thirteen year-old William who is the head of a middle school dance team, and all of his team members are dumb as fuck. so the principal is like “WILLIAM AND HIT CANTOPOP STAR GEM!!!! YOU MUST MAKE SURE YOUR TEAM GETS As ON THE HIGH SCHOOL ENTRANCE EXAMS OR YOU CAN’T DO YOUR END-OF-YEAR PERFORMANCE” and william and GEM are like “fuck that” and the team is like “are you going to help us study” and they’re like “no we’re going to help you cheat” and then they do

the cheating involves secret radios, farting in morse code and gassing the test building, and being possessed by foreigners including a recently-deceased (at the time) Heath Ledger, and I am honestly not sure if that is Rude or not. That’s not even most of the movie though, bc most of the movie is halfway-almost-not-quite gay, including a semi-accurate lesbian love confession that turns into a surprise incest plot at the end.

also they do a musical about garbage and william plays a battery that has a very dramatic two-minute break-dancing solo and then dies

OVERALL RATING: 4/10. the story is bananas, the humor is pretty middle school, and it really just has no follow through on like any of it. also the acting is........... there’s only one really convincing acting scene and its when the dude gets possessed by heath ledger

WILLIAM RATING: honestly like a 4/10. they gave him basically no lines bc he had to practice his battery dance too hard, but he was there (and taller than everybody else) for most of it. mans could not keep a straight face tho

Seven 2 One (2009)

after the disaster that was Trick or Cheat, i wasn’t expecting a whole lot from William’s other big 2009 hit, but I was delightfully surprised by Seven 2 One actually! It follows the story of seven different people’s whose lives are all fundamentally altered in one moment, and the movie flashes back on their histories so that we can see how they all ended up there.

It’s not the most original premise, but it was well-written, and the twists were just enough that it was interesting to see how the lives of each of the people were woven into one another. also there are some lesbians that scam everyone and it’s great. william is homophobic and then dies. love wins

OVERALL RATING: I’d actually give this one a 7/10! While it wasn’t the most original storyline and didn’t have super endearing characters, I was entertained enough and invested in seeing how we got to the One that I was pretty caught up in the whole thing

WILLIAM RATING: 5/10. He’s only in it at the very beginning and at the end, but he’s sort of a lynchpin for the entire plot. Also he makes some good faces, and the lesbians call him cringe, so that’s nice.

G-Force (2009)

YEAH HERE’S A FUCKING BIT OF FORBIDDEN WILLIAM LORE FOR YOU. THIS BITCH VOICED DARWIN IN THE CANTONESE DUB OF G-FORCE. HE’S A FUCKING GUINEA PIG. THAT DOES SECRET AGENT SHIT. TECHNICALLY AN ACTION HERO ROLE. BUT HE’S THE VOICE OF A GUINEA PIG. I’M LITERALLY FUCKING SCREAMING. THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER KNOWN IN MY LIFE AND NOW YOU ALL HAVE TO KNOW IT TOO. I’M NOT SORRY.

Guinea pigs are secret agents and keep a bad dude from blowing up the planet. That’s it. I watched this movie in theatres when it came out and now i’m watching it again bc william is a fucking guinea pig. what has my life come to.

OVERALL RATING: idek man. it’s guinea pig secret agents. 5/10? it’s fine, it’s silly.

WILLIAM RATING: he makes some weird fucking noises in this. i love him. 3/10 because i don’t get to see his face.

Beauty on Duty (2010)

It’s a Miss Congeniality knock-off! except the Sandra Bullock character (Sandra Ng) didn’t actually enter the pageant, but she was super cool anyway and I love her. Once again I don’t know who was writing this movie, but i’m starting to suspect that it was like. monkeys with typewriters.

you get the gist. the police need a guy to testify in court, but he’ll only do it if they provide protection for his daughter, June, who is a beauty pageant contestant. Ai Fang, the newest cop in the force, is pretty and kickass, so they put her undercover so that she can guard June. Along the way, she meets Jerry (WILLIAM) and has to take down all of the bad guys trying to get June while not blowing her cover as a fake pageant contestant.

tbh the funniest part of this movie was that for Jerry/William’s posters, they just used his “Will Power” album cover, so it had “William Chan” written on it. Like fam. You couldn’t do the minimum amount of photoshop?? i’m disappointed. the rest of the characters were very fun though, even if there was a lot of nonsense happening the entire time.

OVERALL RATING: 3/10. Miss Congeniality is definitely the better version of this, but it was fun and silly. My favorite part were the two undercover operatives. they got fucked by crocodiles when they were dressed up as crocodiles.

WILLIAM RATING: 3/10. Ok he really played the role of a superstar well bc I nearly swooned every time I saw him but like??? why was he there??? he didn’t do anything.

Split Second Murders (2010)

ok the only version of this i could find was a thai dub so I???? did not understand what was going on at all. but from the imdb it’s about this comic book artist named Luk whose editor wants his comics to be more violent and Luk is like “uhhhhh” and then he goes and sees violence in the real world cause people are mad at each other or something. again it was in thai i only know the particles and how to say i love you and also my thai nickname that my roommate gave me.

william shows up like halfway through the movie and plays a really intense game of mahjong that he wins I think??? then he pulls a bottle of coca cola out of nowhere and lights himself on fire at a wedding.

yeah.

OVERALL RATING: N/A because i could not understand what was happening, but it seemed silly!

WILLIAM RATING: 3/10. His hair looks dumb as fuck and he’s wAY too intense about mahjong. points bc his character apparently teaches babies ballet for a living so we get to see him in ballet slippers which is great

Lover’s Discourse (2010)

This movie was SO GOOD?? I’m definitely finding this pattern in Hong Kong art films where they do like, interconnecting stories and slice-of-life but of different lives?? Sometimes it’s a hit or miss but Lover’s Discourse was DEFINITELY a hit.

Basically this movie is four different love stories; one of two childhood best friends who missed their chance, one about a laundress who falls in love with the idea of one of her customers, one about a kid who’s in love with his friend’s mom and exposes her husband for cheating, and one about two other couples who are in conflict (I can’t tell you the full synopsis bc it’s a spoiler but it FUCKED ME UP). William is the kid who’s in love with his friend’s mom and it’s honestly sort of creepy bc he like, stalks her??? And ruins her marriage?? But he’s also very obviously like seventeen and doesn’t know what he’s doing so it’s like??? Idk it made me very uncomfortable overall it was like “boy you need to STOP”

The rest of the movie though was SO GOOD. like there were very few lines and not a lot of action, but everything was very quiet and simple and read through the body language and acting choices and DAMN LIKE??? In the first part the childhood friends almost-kissed-not-quite and it was so full of longing and yearning and missed chances and it was SO GOOD??? And in the second part they do a spoof of the cdrama trope where the girl transfers energy into the guy to save his life, and in that part the guy is a mannequin of the actor to show that the girl’s fantasized man isn’t his real self, but anyway when they do the qi transfer thing the mannequin spews fake blood and it was SO FUCKING FUNNY. So yeah. Honestly this is a really really good movie even tho William’s a weirdo in it

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. I loved this movie. I would recommend it to anyone who likes soft films and complicated love stories.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. He’s GOOD in this role. He’s so confused and is just trying to be……. Something idk. he's creepy as hell, but a good 2010 William

All About Love (2010)

This was the cutest fucking movie i have ever seen in my entire life. everything about it was perfect. it was so soft and gentle and QUEER???? SO FULL OF QUEER LOVE??? i want to die i love it so much it's so so good

basically, Anita and Macy were lovers in school, but they drifted apart after they graduated and Macy went traveling. They meet again in a support group after both getting pregnant, fall instantly back in love, and have to try and figure out what they're going to do with each other, their babies, and the men who fathered the children. basically, they end up in a giant polycule with another lesbian couple and the two dads, and they all live happily ever after. i want to write so much fanfiction about them.

and okay. if I didn't love william so much already I would love him so much now. he is the absolute sweetest in this movie. he's nineteen and an idiot. he meets anita on a dating app and tries to act cool but then cums fifteen seconds into having sex and is so embarrassed he cries about it. he just wants to do his best and be friends with Anita and he cares for her so much???? when he finds out he's going to be a dad he cries about it?? and then cries when the baby is born??? also he does tarot readings on himself and is clumsy as hell and the most adorable man i've ever seen on this planet. he's so so good and he truly deserves his four girlfriends and boyfriend.

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. My heart was squeezed out of my chest with joy. I cannot believe they ended up in a canon polycule and that these two babies get to live in a house so full of love

WILLIAM RATING: 10/10 he's the fucking sweetest. I want to hug and kiss him forever. he's a complete idiot but he's so loveable. he becomes a feminist and also falls asleep on stairs. i would die for him.

Hi, Fidelity (2011)

I really don’t know what i was expecting from this movie but SHIT it was not what I got. like i knew that william was going to be a prostitute, but i didn’t know that he was also going to be gay AND have an evil twin AND be stupid AND act like the joker. Like??? what was going on in this script honestly

ok so the story follows these rich women (Alice, Jojo, Sevon, and Pinky) who are unsatisfied in their sex lives, so they decide to go to this brothel to get some action. this brothel has a dude named bill who is a sex god and can eat pussy at an astounding rate. turns out! this is because he has a younger brother named ben who looks exactly like him, so they tag team it so that they can be the Best Motherfucker Who Ever Fucked. Anyway, ben falls in love with alice, bill is actually gay, and all the women’s husbands eventually find out except for Sevon who had a lesbian crush on Alice the entire time.

honestly i should really have figured out that this movie was going to be absolute insanity when william fully pulled out his dick thirty seconds in and jacked off as his audition to work in the brothel. if that hadn’t done it, him going to jail for stealing a butterball turkey should have.

TRIGGER WARNING: i haven’t actually had to do this with any william movies so far but this does feature some non-consensual sex scenes. They aren’t super graphic, but I would advise keeping that in mind if you decide to watch this movie yourself.

OVERALL RATING: 6/10, mostly because I cannot believe anyone allowed this movie to be made. also they pulled off the biggest plot twist in the WCU, and I screamed.

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10 he’s fucking weird??? evil william is evil and stupid baby william is SO STUPID. the way that he distinguishes between the characters is that he makes stupid baby william stick his neck out SO far and also have no control over his limbs. i did love seeing him play a gay male sex worker though, bc that’s not a role you often see, so props to william for doing that.

Triad (2012)

so at first glance this movie poster is william, tits out, freshly whumped, and if you know anything about me, you know that’s a surefire way to get me to go “IM IN.” and it was for this one! i was so stoked about this movie and honestly it was only sort of a letdown, and that was only bc they tried to cram too many things in too fast, and it was all kind of rushed and confusing.

basic plotline is that william is a lil smarty pants who joins a gang so that he won’t get bullied anymore, but finds out that just being in a gang isn’t enough, so he attempts to garner as much power as he can with his two best friends, who have also joined the gang with him. as he gets deeper and deeper into the mafia life, he starts to lose himself in the power and struggle. it’s honestly super fun and full of action, even though it would have benefitted from more time? like this could have easily been a bomb-ass mini-series, and I would have watched the fuck out of it.

william is also??? so fucking cute??? he’s literally the most adorable and i want to kiss his face. also this was like one of his breakout roles and I can see why; our good bitch is acting!! there were several moments where i was like “oh damn he’s getting good!” bc he was really turning it up for this one.

the biggest critique i have is that they very clearly did not hire a composer for the background music and instead just remixed this one willy song like seven separate times. every single time there was a dramatic scene they played a different remix of this same song, and by the end i actually wanted to end my life over it. pls.

OVERALL RATING: 6.5/10. There was quite a bit to be desired with the pacing, but the plot was fun and it clicked along super well! i also loved like all of the main characters, even though we didn’t get to see a lot of them.

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10! this is my baby getting into it!! he does SUCH A GOOD JOB and he looks so good. minus some points because halfway through someone decided to do some shit with his hair that makes him look like an american dad and i honestly hated it.

Hardcore Comedy (2013)

I think this was trying to be like the Hong Kong version of Jackass? it was not good. yet another interlocking stories film, but this one was just gross.

the first story was about two guys who just really wanted to fuck so they objectify women and then go on a police chase? idk there was way too much gross stuff going on so I just skipped to william's part, which was called Run on Drugs. basically he gets kicked out by his girlfriend and has no money, so he's living in his hot pink car with his tortoise (he covers his tortoise with a tissue at night so it doesn't get cold cause he's a baby). his friend is like "hey deliver some drugs for me" and william's like "ok" and everyone keeps trying to get him to do drugs but he doesn't want to until he gets tricked into eating a pizza with the drugs on it and then he gets naked and also can't drive anymore

i'm very convinced that someone saw william attempting to drive this hot pink car in this film and was like "that's it, we're never letting this bitch behind the wheel again"

OVERALL RATING: 2/10. If your movie starts out by saying, "if you don't find this funny, you're stupid or a prude!" i'm gonna go ahead and guess that it's not actually a very funny movie

WILLIAM RATING: 4.5/10. He was adorable, as always, and did some very silly things. He did try to put a used condom on his hand like a glove cause he's literally stupid, and i was like "sir. please. this is unnecessary." I mean he was trying to break into the business so he had to do shit like that ig but still.

Sword of Legends (2014)

IT’S ACTUALLY SO CUTE ok so like once again william’s staring in a series based on a video game (he’s not in the second one tho rip wills) and li yifeng is the main character, which is very fun, and takes the total number of william/li yifeng shows up to three (technically). ying haoming is also in it which i didn’t know and he’s a BITCH. honestly i think it’s a very fun time but idk how interesting it is we’ll have to wait and see

THE PLOT so there was a gay dragon and a gay sitar and they fell in love and then Gay Sitar let the Gay Dragon go when he became evil so he got banished from heaven and then the humans put him in a sword. later on a kid got possessed by the sword and then his village got blown up and so he went to another clan who could help him suppress his evil sword powers but he’s only kind of good at that. meanwhile, a girl from another other clan is trying to find her gege who disappeared when Sword Boy got possessed, and it turns out that he turned evil i think??? Idk. meanwhile there’s another gay-ass dude who’s looking for medicine who looks suspiciously like Gay Sitar player. They’re gonna have to figure out how to get the evil sword energy out of sword boy probably or else the bad guys will kill everyone.

WILLIAM’S THE SHIXIONG!!!! i love him honestly. he’s trying so hard to do a good job and protect his shidi. he tries to master all the cultivation but keeps getting distracted by shit but like PLEASE he loves his shidi and trusts him and wants him to be safe and happy!!!! i literally love him!!! he’s so good! i’m so afraid something bad will happen to him pls don’t hurt william-gege pls :(

OVERALL RATING: 7/10 this one is actually going to make me keep watching, even if ying haoming is a bitch.

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10 sit on me shixiong.

Golden Brother (2014)

This movie was like? fine? idk it was pretty alright! nothing super special but also not bad. the WILDEST THING was that the actor they chose to play william’s brother (bosco wong) looks SO MUCH LIKE WILLIAM that half the time that i was like??? who is that?? bc i thought that he was willy every so often

the premise is that a guy named sit ho ching is a loser at home and a loser at work. he gets fired, breaks up with his girlfriend, and his brother (william) gets let out of prison, but just fights with their dad all the time. Ching has no money and wants to make money so that he can give himself and his family a better life, so he goes into the gold investing business where his brother works. He becomes very successful and then discovers that money can’t buy happiness rip in peace

william is a BIIIIIITTTTCCCHHH. he gets so angry for no reason. he’s very impulsive and silly but i think he’s trying his best? he tries to be angry at his brother for sending him to prison, but he’s not very good at that.

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Very middle-of-the-line film. Very average. don’t really have any complaints, but nothing really astounding to say about it either

WILLIAM RATING: also a 5/10. He was sort of sidelined for his brother’s story, which fair, but i love him. my favorite part was this one scene where he ugly cries for literally ten seconds and then immediately locks it down and goes back to what he was doing. bitch ain’t got time for tears.

The Four (2015)

This show truly has it all, if by “it all” you mean the worst cgi and worst willy acting I have ever seen. Like. I could not even get through one episode. It was so bad. All of the buildings looked like they were modded in roblox and all the fight scenes look like someone took Snapchat stickers and made them fight.

I think the plot is essentially some bad dudes escape from jail and this squad of cool dudes has to stop them, and I’m pretty sure that’s basically it. 44 episodes of that nonsense.

And William? I hate him. Everytime he does a fight move he gives this stupid little smirk and it makes me want to kick his ass. I hope to god he gets his ass BEAT in this show bc frankly he deserves it. He does this breakdance spin and deflects one billion knives with his ass and then SMIRKS and I want to punch a wall.

OVERALL RATING: bro. Bro it’s so bad. 1.5/10 because at least it’s not Air Strike

WILLIAM RATING: 2/10 I hate him so much I want him to be put in a hole and buried alive

Legend of Zu Mountain (2015)

honestly what the fuck is this show. i have not understood a single moment of it since I began watching, and i doubt it’s going to get any better. it’s just???? so much is happening.

anyway willy is the chief of this village where he lives with his wife whomst he loves very much, but he ate a magic evil rock at some point when he was a baby and now every month he goes insane and destroys shit, but also he’s a himbo so the villagers let him stay cause they think he’s cute. anyway one day the Demonic Clan comes and burns down his village to try and get the Evil Rock out of him and then the Righteous Sect takes him so they can get the rock and they have to train him to fight his evil powers, and also his dad was the biggest slut imaginable and is evil now. william just wants to see his wife but they won’t let him see his wife!!! his wife may also be dead that was implied but not certain

uhhh this show is crazy. everyone is color-coordinated in like, gem tones?? which you don’t see often in fantasy chinese dramas so that was very fun. they all have colorful swords and can do magic but it doesn’t seem like any of them are very good at it. william’s best friend from Age of Legends showed up and was gay and stole william’s money and william just. let him. because he’s a dumbass. he really has no brain in this one and i think that’s great. man loves his wife and that’s all.

OVERALL RATING: uhhh like a 4/10. it was pretty fun! but also i did not understand a single fucking thing that happened in this plot who wrote this

WILLIAM RATING: honestly i think this is like my least favorite William and i don’t even know why?? 2/10. just doesn’t do it for me.

Legend of Fragrance (2015)

william’s getting cute and funky and fun! in this one william plays a lil forensic scientist from Japan who comes to this town that is headed by these rival perfume warlords?? and there’s a MURDER but anyway there’s also a girl who smells really really good but no one can KNOW THAT bc perfume warlord #1 will go crazy and kidnap her so his ex-wife adopted her and is keeping her safe while Smelly Girl’s dad kidnapped Willy and raised him as his own (these are not spoilers bc they are given to you in the first two episodes). also perfume warlord #2 has a fued with Willy/Smelly Girl’s dad and perfume warlord #1 had a crush on Smelly Girl’s mom bc she also smelled good and has a useless son who can’t smell so he is a disgrace to the perfume business (played by Wu Xie from TLT1). Also Huang Youming is in here for some reason and I love him

so far the plot is absolutely bonkers and there was SO MUCH BACKSTORY but it’s convoluted in a fun way? Like just enough so that i’m like “wow you guys are silly!” but not so much that I hate it, you know? Also it looks like william gets whumped a lot and i love that for me

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Not quite enough to really hook me but it’s not bad! I give them points for creative insanity as well.

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10. William looks fine as fuck at all times, and also he changes his outfit like three times in the first episode he appears in, and it isn’t even different days. also he swordfights and shoots a gun and does science, and I think that’s very sexy of him

As the Lights Go Out (2015)

This movie fucked actually???? I did not expect too much from it because I was like “yeah ok firefighter drama w/e” but it was actually really really good?? At least if you like action/disaster films, which I do.

Anyway the plot follows Sen, the head of a firefighting squad, as his team gets called out to stop the explosion of a natural gas plant (which, because of capitalism, explodes anyway). Then they have to do search and rescue and get everyone out. Y’know, as search-and-rescue films go. William is a baby firefighter!! It is his first day on the job!! He is hyperactive and adorable and adopts everyone as his dad. I love him.

So yeah it was like two hours that I did not regret (tho when have I ever regretted spending time with william ((that is a falsehood I have definitely regretted spending time with william)).

OVERALL RATING: honestly 10/10 for me. the action was great and there was some really interesting cinematography going on, which I very much enjoyed!

WILLIAM RATING: 9.5/10. He wasn’t in the movie quite enough for full points but I LOVED his character and loved how he acted him. Bb boy was doing his best and I’m very proud. Also he looked so pretty the whole time

Lost In Wrestling (2015)

This is the insanest movie I have ever seen and I am not kidding about that. During this journey I have watched some insane movies but this has got to be the wildest and I am honestly not sure how I feel about it bc I am just too stunned to even comprehend how it exists

Naren is a female wrestler from the Mongolian plains and one day she’s invited to come wrestle in Japan, where a kid from her village, Chi Na Si, ran off to ten years ago to become a sumo wrestler. When she gets there she finds him but she also finds this weird clown dude who runs a female fight club. Naren joins the female fight club to???? Win wrestling???? I genuinely don’t know. Anyway turns out that Clown Dude is actually Chi Na Si, whose sumo wrestling trauma jokerified him. Naren is like “bro snap out of it” and bro snaps out of it and then they go back to Mongolia and Chi Na Si wins wrestling

Was there a coherent plot? Absolutely not. Did it make any sense? No. Was William playing the joker the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life? Yes yes yes yes yes.

OVERALL RATING: 4/10 for the absolute most unhinged thing I think I’ve ever seen.

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10. Despite knowing that william was the clown man from the very beginning, his mannerisms were so different that I genuinely couldn’t tell sometimes. Also he went all out in his jokerification and honestly I have to respect that

The Mystic Nine (2016)

okay i’m not just saying this because i’m a fo-ye slut, but this actually might be Top-Tier William. Mystic Nine follows commander Zhang Qishan and his bffs as they go and hunt down mystical artifacts and fight the japanese and also ward off this weird american dude who wants to live forever. it’s part of the dmbj-verse, but honestly you don’t need to know anything about the rest of the series to enjoy m9

and m9 is William at his Best. He’s sexy. he’s Active. His hair is Styled. He makes heart eyes at every single damn character and seems to be amassing them for a polycule. You think that he’s a stoic but really he’s a giant gummy bear and I want to smack him for it. This is truly a Wonderful Willy and he deserved to be commemorated in wax for this role.

like most dmbj series, sometimes the pacing is a little slow, but honestly all of the characters are so good and the action is interesting enough that you don’t mind. also zhang baby rishan is in there so that’s a bonus

OVERALL RATING: 9/10. Just a very solid and good show with quality plot, characters, and premise. I want season 2 right now immediately

WILLIAM RATING: 129438573948/10. This is my favorite william bc of just how multi-faceted he is. They gave him 48 episodes and he said “yes my good bitch” and i love that for me

L.O.R.D.: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties (2016)

Ok I keep saying that William’s a thot but he really was a whore for this one. This man wore the absolute sluttiest outfit in the whole franchise, and he looks like That so like. What am I supposed to do.

the LORD series is based off a video game I think?? Anyway this has like the same plot as Critical World which was interesting to me cause I didn’t know that. Anyway this bitch named Qi Ling gets kidnapped by a gay ass dude who is like “we’re soulbonded now” and then they go on gay adventures. Qi Ling has a Lion in his ass. It’s in his butt :)

Uhhhh like it’s half animated but William really went ham on this one. Everyone else us like doing normal facial expressions and this man is stretching his lips as far as they can go. Also I wonder if he had to wear that outfit in real life cause he would’ve loved that

OVERALL RATING: 6.5/10. I would much rather watch zhang mingen be a cutie than whatever this cgi shit was. Also I kinda fell in love with silver and then learned that that was Kr*s W* instead of him being Qi Ling like I thought so that’s disappointing

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. I wish to GOD that this had been fully live action. I would pay to see William in his real life Duke Killing cosplay. He’s a slut and we love to see it

Love of Happiness (2016)

this show makes me irrationally angry because I want to live in domestic bliss with william chan as my husband. he's literally THE Perfect Man. he's so devoted to his wife and thinks she's the best and will do anything for her and he's so nice and smart and soft and!!!!!! i went insane.

The premise of this show is that Su Xiaonan and her husband, Kevin, move into a new house. Xiaonan is a screenwriter, and Kevin is a professor, and they move next door to a family who lost their son twenty-five years earlier. Kevin is an "orphan," and surprise! he's actually their long-lost kid. Who would have seen that one coming. Anyway, Xiaonan loved the fact that Kevin didn't have family to deal with, but now she has to deal with all of them and they're all crazy and they get into fights a lot, and Kevin has to come to terms with the fact that his parents didn't abandon him and also that he lost his childhood memories lmao. This show is 76 episodes.

I fell in love with william all over again tho. He was adopted and taken to America, so he gets words mixed up and speaks english and it's super cute! Also! It was one of william's first shows that used his real voice, so we get to hear his squeaky laugh!!! and at one point, he recites Hamlet, and my ovaries exploded.

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It was super cute! william's chemistry with tina tang is great, and they're such a good couple. I honestly have no idea how they're going to fill 76 episodes though, because william is the chillest man ever.

WILLIAM RATING: gosh. 11/10. Get you a man who massages your feet and looks like william and recites shakespeare. holy shit. i nearly became heterosexual for this character :/

I Love That Crazy Little Thing (2016)

Holy shit. Holy shit. Forget As The Lights Go Out, THIS is my new favorite Willy movie. Not because it’s good, because arguably it isn’t, but it’s just so fucking FUN. Like genuinely I think it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in my life, especially with the physical gags (there’s another making-fun-of-cdrama-tropes bit where a dude spits fake blood and then keeps spitting it and then pulls out a water bottle of fake blood and drinks it so he can keep spitting ITS SO FUNNY)

The premise of this show is that Willy is a movie editor who dreams of being a director. On one of his projects, they forget to buy the rights to a song for the score, so to get brownie points, Willy goes on an Epic Quest with his assistant to find the composer and get the rights. Also he learns about love. That’s really where the movie stops making sense, bc while it is very good and has a decent set-up, they pace it so weird that nothing feels like they have complete arcs.

William though. William. My gosh. They let this man go and he WENT. he does not hold back. He makes some of the funniest fucking faces I’ve ever seen in my life in this movie. He’s all over the place; he rolls on the ground and falls through floors and drags a rolling suitcase through a desert and gets pelted by mangoes and wipes out on water jet boots like one million times, and you can tell he was having a fucking BLAST doing it. He’s so joyous and carefree in this movie, and he’s so lovable. An all-around wonderful and perfect man

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It was SO fun and SO silly and I just WISH that it had been paced better

WILLIAM RATING: 10/10. Not only does he look so happy from making this movie, he’s good in it. Mans took his stunt work and said “let’s do some physical comedy” and I genuinely would die for him

Edge to Happiness (2016)

William was really going for it in 2016, like damn bitch. You were all over the place. this is a very nice and good william. he's evil and gay for part of it but then he gets punched and is sorry. also at one point he goes into a coma because he got too mentally stimulated and like. me too king. we've all been there.

anyway Edge to Happiness is about a girl named Su Xiaoxiao who gets cheated in a marriage scandal and needs a job. It's also about a rich boy named He Mu who runs away from an arranged marriage and gets kicked out by his parents and also needs a job. they get the same job surprise! then they fall in love but only after willy (who is he mu's older brother) falls in love with su xiaoxiao first. it's fourty-four episodes and it does not need to be

william is actually very soft and gentle in this!! he is also evil for part of it but he's not actually very good at being evil. he's a good big brother and even though he's rich and stupid he figures shit out. also he's super good at playing the piano for some reason and says that to play the piano you need to treat the keys like little elves, which according to my roommate who majored in piano is not how that shit works at all

OVERALL RATING: 3/10. This was boring as all hell, and really should have been like twelve episodes, max.

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. See I want this man to be going feral and any and all times. If he isn't then what's the point? Bonus marks for the sweaters tho

72 Floors of Mystery (2017)

if this isn’t william at his most chaotic i don’t know what to tell you. a game show based on the dmbj series by npss, william shows up for like one and a half episodes and then fucks off to do god knows what by himself. we never see him again. unclear if npss killed him off on purpose or not.

if you’re into dmbj, this show is just a very fun and silly time, and it features a lot of actors from the franchise, including some wu xie’s, a pangzi, li cu, and liu sang and kan jian as npss henchpeople/hostages (they were most certainly not paid enough for this)

William’s part in this show is mainly to look hot and cause problems. wu lei adopts him immediately. the fo ye theme plays whenever he does something, and most of the stuff he does is charming people into doing the work for him, and talking about when he was fo-ye, which honestly checks out

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Very fun but makes zero sense and also was badly budgeted

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. This is William as himself and he is being The Most chaotic. He has come to cause problems and look good doing it, but he is only in two episodes, which is slightly disappointing if you’re me.

The Founding of An Army (2017)

i am. still not entirely sure what happened in this movie. as far as i could tell, it was an excuse for someone to do a whole lot of explosion special effects and make it About Something. Like it was fine! but it was fine. The cast tho??? holy shit there were so many people in this one, and most of them were only around for like ten minutes, tops.

This movie is about the formation of the Communist party in China during the late 1920s, especially the revolt on August 1, 1927. That’s like, the high point of the movie, and where the most explosions happen. It’s a good twenty minutes of explosions and gunfire and fighting and more explosions. Honestly I was impressed by the amount of explosions! that definitely cost a lot of money, which was probably why they could only afford to hire actors for like. three scenes. cause there were a lot of different actors in it. Li Xian was there. Lay was there. Bai Yu-gege was there. And of course william, my main bitch.

William didn’t even get a name. He was present for under two minutes as a triad leader who sold guns to the fledgling Communist party, and did so while lounging sluttily on a box. honestly i really liked his character mostly because of his costume, which was so different in terms of styling and color palette that he stood out a lot.

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. It was a decent movie! I do not really understood what happened but i think that’s more because i was multi-tasking while trying to watch, so I wasn’t keeping up with all the subtitles. I was excited that Lay was in it, but then Lay was only in it for seven minutes before he died the most dramatic-ass death ever. Bai Yu-gege dressed up as a bush. :)

WILLIAM RATING: 5/10. He was really really good, but was not around NEARLY long enough. i want a whole movie about just him. is this because i’m william biased? maybe so

While There’s Still Time (2017)

IT’S WILLIAM IN PARIS!!! This is a Vogue short film starring William and Bai Baihe. I think the basic premise of it is that William is like an uber driver for rich people and bai baihe is a rich people and they are in paris and while william is driving her around they end up sightseeing and shit. they eat crepes and dance. she smells an apple.

it’s like six minutes and there’s no dialogue! but the music is very good and william looks hot and drinks coffee for like forty-five seconds while staring into the middle distance, i guess to like establish character or something????? there’s another part where he just stares at her like a weirdo. also there are rocket engines that get spliced in every so often and i honestly have no idea what that’s about.

OVERALL RATING: 8/10. For a short film that I’m guessing is mostly supposed to just be “look at how good these two look on camera” they do look really fucking good on camera. good work everyone

WILLIAM RATING: 8/10, like i said, he looks good on camera. his earrings are like. giant diamonds tho and that was very distracting.

Love Lost in Times (2017)

ok i did watch this whilst intoxicated and that did not help my understanding of it even at all. the biggest surprise of this show was how many people were in it that i knew! like gong jun was just there! immediately! and i was like :O and then ji chen showed up and i was like :) Also one of willy’s best songs is from that show so :D

don’t quote me on this but i THINK the basic plot of this show is that william is the fourth prince of a dynasty and he’s really fucking good at it, and outshines all of his brothers and everyone else and is gonna become emperor, so one of his brothers is like “fuck you.” meanwhile, there’s a mage who is super good at being a mage but she and william are destined to fall in love but if they do shit will get fucked up so when shit inevitably gets fucked up the girl uses magic to go back in time and create a parallel universe and won’t let william fall in love with her so that shit doesn’t get fucked up. obviously it doesn’t work bc 1) fate and 2) william is a hot piece of ass.

I might come back to this one someday? idk i feel like there’s more things that I could be watching that aren’t this, even if william is in it. i genuinely don’t remember a lot of it but that is entirely my fault and it might be a really good show, I just wouldn’t know

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Being high did not help, but i loved the mages, they were kickass

WILLIAM RATING: yeah yeah he’s hot as fuck. we get it. 7/10.

Air Strike (2018)

this movie sucked ass. if the white savior complex wasn’t enough, the fact that it makes no damn sense should be. This is supposed to be a movie about a squadron of Chinese fighter pilots who are being trained by an American commander (played by Bruce Willis) in WWII, but actually the movie doesn’t spend very much time on them at all, instead bouncing around between multiple other plots that ALSO don’t make sense.

William is a fighter pilot named Charlie whose Comrade died in the war and he wants to get revenge but actually he’s like???? a bitch?? no one likes him. he fights with this other trainee over who gets to fly the Best Plane and william wins but then decides no so he ends up taking the lamer plane so the Protagonist Man (who isn’t even really the protagonist) can fly the Best Plane and then dies dramatically for it rip wills.

uhhhhh this movie is just a lot of explosions and weird-ass stunts that wouldn’t work in real life and bruce willis does jack shit in it. also the dialogue is terrible.

OVERALL RATING: 1/10. Not even william was enough to make up for how bad the rest of it was

WILLIAM RATING: 4/10. though the rest of the movie is bad, william is a pilot and i think that’s very sexy of him. also he gets one of his CLASSIC fight-scenes-in-the-rain so y’know that’s pretty good.

Genghis Khan (2018)

For a movie about genghis khan this movie sure wasn’t about genghis khan. it’s about a man named Temujin (who i guess is technically genghis khan but that as much as we get), who is really good at riding horses and sort of good at fighting and is engaged to this one girl. on the day of their wedding, his fiancee gets captured by an Evil Man so he can resurrect his dead wife, and william has to go save her.

i would probably have liked this movie if it were more fun, but as it is, it’s very boring for the most part. william just dances back and forth between Evil Man’s lair and the girl’s village. Like their arcs are Not Complete. Also I think they just die at the end? honestly not sure, it’s unclear.

the best part about this movie is Alan, William’s magical horse, and also this fucked up lil gremlin creature that works for Evil Man that looks like something straight out of Star Trek for no reason

OVERALL RATING: 1.5/10. it was bearable

WILLIAM RATING: honestly like a 3/10. not william’s best role at ALL and definitely not worth him in 2018. That’s Queen mv time people. william could have been a lot sexier and a lot more naked in this one and the fact that he wasn’t is honestly homophobic

Only Side By Side with You (2018)

this is a cute one! i have not seen all of it bc i am very silly and lazy and also i think it’s like fifty-some episodes and i was not about to do that. Yet. Maybe i will watch it for William but honestly i don’t think he gets whumped enough in this one to be worth it.

Anyway the premise is that william is the mafia boss/owner of a nightclub, and he was also in the military and had a gay-ass rivalry with this other dude (played by li xian of tientsin mystic). he meets the ceo of a drone manufacturing company and is like “i wanna date her” and then essentially ends up stalking her in kind of a non-creepy way? like it’s for sure weird but he’s not like sexual about it if that makes sense. also Gay-Ass Military Rival is Drone Girl’s best friend, so they have some conflict about that too.

It’s fun! it’s cute! honestly i think it’s mostly worth it for William’s stunt work, cause he does some fucking incredible stunts in this one, and honestly everyone else’s physical acting is really good too. I don’t know if they’re going to be able to stretch the plot out to fifty episodes worth, but we’ll see

OVERALL RATING: 6/10. Not really my thing, mainly cause of the romance, but i like the action and the plot so far.

WILLIAM RATING: 9/10. He’s hot. He’s suave. He has a MILF boss. honestly the whole package.

Age of Legends (2018)

GOSH THIS SHOW FUCKS. i say that after having made fun of it the entire time but honestly this one’s good. if you watch any William show purely for the William, I’d make it this one. The plot is snappy, if convoluted, and it doesn’t bog itself down with long, drawn-out romance scenes, because willy’s love interest in this bad boy is a bamf and also could kick his ass. we love to see it.

really my only critique here is that william moves like he’s a mini-fridge that grew legs and forgot how to use them. he’s SO FUCKING STIFF. and like. it’s a character choice. but he does this weird thing where he doesn’t move his shoulders like AT ALL when he walks but his hips are swiveling like there’s no mañana. it’s so strange. also he has this strange little mustache for like half the show and it weirds me out just a little bit. but then again he does get whipped within the first twenty minutes, so that’s nice.

i really liked this show! there’s an evil drug gege and william eats paper and also all the bamfs are women which we love! also evil drug gege’s relationship with willy is just very funny. the action is good, and the plot is well-paced, in my opinion.

OVERALL RATING: 10/10. If you like cop dramas/drug cartel dramas, then this will fit the bill. it’s more action than romance for an action/romance cdrama, which is why i liked it. also william has some stupid friends. fun time all around

WILLIAM RATING: like a 12/10. this is a william post-Inside Me Tour, and he knows it. This man has worn laser tiddies and seen the future. he is too powerful to be stopped.

Adoring (2019)

ok i went into this movie like “haha william gets cockblocked by a dog serves him right” and then i came out of this movie sobbing and emotionally destroyed by william and this dog. i could not handle it. william acted his ass off. the dog acted its ass off. i am not okay.

Adoring is a series of stories about people and their pets! and they’re all super unique, which was nice for a pet movie! there was one about a girl and her best friend (played by my son Wu Lei) who has gone blind, so she trains her golden retriever to be a seeing eye dog for him; one about a guy who wants to propose to this girl but hasn’t told her that he has a pet pig; one about a girl who has extreme mysophobia but ends up raising a cat with her neighbor; one about a dad who is taking care of his daughter’s cat while she’s in America; a delivery guy who gets help from a stray dog; and then william, who wants to fuck his wife so bad but keeps getting stopped by her dog whenever he tries. all of their stories eventually come together, and it’s really really cute! i loved it a lot, there were so many feel-good moments and funny bits and it was just really really good.

i will give spoilers tho: the dog dies in the end (only william’s not the other ones) but it’s like??? holy fuck. it’s so sad. and william is so good. and the dog is so good??? and one thing i appreciate about william in this movie is even though he keeps getting rekt by this dog he never asks his wife to choose between the dog and him he just accepts that they can’t have sex with the dog present and you know what?? get you a man like that.

OVERALL RATING: honestly 10/10. was it high art? no. was it completely original? no. was it cute and funny and made me happy? yes.

WILLIAM RATING: 15/10 he was so good and goofy in this??? i literally loved him so much he was so nice and sweet and understanding and just! ah! he was like a golden retriever himself. i would die for him.

Gagman (2020)

Okay I’m honestly not sure why william is in this one bc it’s a comedy-talent scouting series, and as far as I know william has never been a comedian??? unless he’s there bc his smile is the most beautiful thing on this planet in which case yeah

uhhh i couldn’t understand most of what was going on bc this show does not have English subs, but it was cute and looked funny! i think the premise is basically that they get a bunch of young comedians to do their bits in front of professional comedians + william and then they choose the best one at the end. not sure but it looked good!

the best part was that one of the gags in episode one was that this guy’s bit was that he talked nonsense to the person next to him on a roller coaster that’s going like a billion miles per hour, and so they put william next to this man and william was all like “hell yeah” and then as soon as the ride started he was like “fuck no get me off” and then he spent the rest of the time trying not to die and not listening to this man’s comedy at all

OVERALL RATING: N/A because i didn’t not understand what was happening unfortunately, but it seems like a really fun and cute show, and I would have liked to see it!

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10. I love seeing william being himself but unfortunately ever since he opened his own merch line “being himself” means he’s just dressed head to toe in his own merch 24/7. Extra points bc i now know that he rides roller coasters the same way I do, i.e. eyes closed and holding breath

L.O.R.D.: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties 2 (2020)

someone please explain to me why this was a better movie than the first one??? like i went into this expecting nothing. nothing. and then i cried. what the fuck. i shouldn't be emotionally affected by this stupid-ass cgi video game movie and yet i was

so the sequel to LORD 1 follows qi ling, again, who is waiting for his bf to come back from abandoning him. said bf does come back and then is like "we gotta go rescue my husband from his Time Prison" and everyone is like ok. meanwhile duke killing and the gang are trying to stop them, as usual, and not doing a very good job. they basically just fight each other all the way to the netherrealm, where duke silver goes to free his husband and qi ling has some gay crises about it.

when i say I cried, I mean it. I did. and only partially because it was sad. the other part was because william is such a THOT. the way this man moves his hips is sinful. it's like he read a wiki-how on motion capture and the only thing he took away from it was "exaggerate your movements" because that is all that he does. I need behind the scenes footage, and also a third movie unfortunately.

OVERALL RATING: surprisingly, like an 8/10. I was invested, even though i wish I hadn't been

WILLIAM RATING: 6/10, because once again, he is a WHORE and i love him. also he had like, love for something other than himself?? i went through a whole range of feelings about duke killing in this one and honestly i don't think that should have been allowed

The YinYang Master (2021)

normally i would watch william movies for william and i admittedly did watch this one for william but it’s so much more than him!! like this is a genuinely good movie and I was not expecting that... well, okay, I was, because I had heard from other people that it was good but i was expecting william’s normal brand of nonsense but this is actually a good movie! I think. it really wasn't my thing but everyone else loves it, and it was a good and fun time!

uhhhh ok granted i don’t really remember like. a good percentage of the plot cause i watched it with other people and we were talking the whole time. ANYWAY i think like YingYang Master BoFa Deez Nuts has a whole like lil creature house? he had a bunch of creatures. and there’s some magic shit. and his house is gonna get destroyed by the other YinYang Masters so he has to fight them. william is an evil deer spirit man thing. also there’s a random ass guy but Bo Ya is hot and his ex-girlfriend is hot. it’s pretty great.

it’s a good movie! just enough action and stuff to keep you engaged, and it’s a pretty quick one, so you won’t get bored watching. i keep getting plot points of this movie mixed up with the Darren Wang Is A Writer and Manifests Shit one tho, so I’m sorry that this review isn’t better.

OVERALL RATING: for me, 7/10. It’s not my favorite movie, but a lot of people really like it, and it does look really good.

WILLIAM RATING: 7/10. He’s a bitch in this one!! but he looks good doing it. also he’s a fucking weirdo. i do like Villain Willain. never seen that before (cause at the time of writing this i have not seen LORD) so that was fun

Dance of the Storm (2021)

ahahahahahaha willy what the FUCK ok honestly the quality of this one isn’t his fault. It’s made by the same people who did Age of Legends, which is probably why it’s like exactly the same but Worse. likkkkkkkeee i liked Age of Legends but you really didn’t have to do it twice. once was enough.

anyhow william plays a disgraced fbi agent who returns to the force when his late mentor’s murderer shows up. he’s a bitch and a brat and spends all his time getting in trouble bc he won’t listen to anyone, so he goes rogue with the help of his two bffs and does action stuff to solve the mystery.

the stunts SLAP there’s this one move where william grabs a dude’s wrist, steps around his head, wrenches him to the ground using his thighs, and shoots him. it’s so fucking cool. genuinely one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen. UGH. other than that tho it was kinda weird, and the pacing was strange, and william is honestly kind of annoying bc he won’t listen to ANYONE and keeps doing shit on his own. and like it works out for him but only bc he’s the protagonist. anyone else would have died like twelve times.

OVERALL RATING: 5/10. Honestly not enough to keep me occupied or engaged.

WILLIAM RATING: 7.5/10. It’s a different character than we usually see from him, and he’s once again on top of his stunt work. very hot.

Fourtry: Season Two (2021)

once again people have got to stop letting william do reality shows. at this point i think he just surfs job postings for literally anything and is like “fuck yeah i’ll do it” when they need a celebrity host bc all of his variety show roles are so far away from what he actually does? like this is a business entrepreneurship startup show and yeah I GUESS william opened a clothing line but he’s the only one who wears his clothes so like. what does this bitch know about business.

regardless of all that william is very charming in this one. he’s hanging out! he’s in his element! also he’s very sweet and stupid (there’s one part where everyone is like “we gotta choose the best clothes for our opening!” and he’s just screaming in the background. not even words, he’s just going AH). they do a photoshoot and everyone’s like “wow it’s fo-ye!” and he’s literally just sitting there. iconic. he teaches all of his children the choreography to “Queen,” which if you know willy you know that that is the sluttiest music video on the face of the planet.

also at one point he makes the news for shaving all of his staff’s heads. Badly.

OVERALL RATING: 4/10 mostly just because business startups do not interest me.

WILLIAM RATING: ok he’s super charismatic in this one. 8.5/10. how anyone doesn’t fall in love with this man immediately is beyond me.

Novoland: Pearl Eclipse (2021)

Ah! And here we come to the latest and greatest willy drama! Novoland!! I'm still working on this one and will probably watch all of it but for now you get my three-episode required summary.

Novoland: Pearl Eclipse is about a girl named hai shi (we love water pun names) whose village gets wrecked bc a dude is after some pearls. hai shi is adopted by resident badass, fang jianming, who is the emperor's gay love affair and personal punching bag. he raises her as his disciple and they have a very fun shidi/shifu relationship :/ meanwhile fang jianming is getting his ass kicked 24/7 because he put a spell on himself to take all the damage while the emperor (who is a bitch) gets away scot free. also huang junjie is there!!!!

from the first few episodes, I love everything about this show EXCEPT the shifu/shidi thing. doesn't do it for me. Maybe I'll learn to accept it in the end but i'm pretty sure hai shi and william are just going to be dramatic af about it and won't learn anything valuable by the end. truly fang jianming should just go date the emperor and maybe a lot of problems would be solved

OVERALL RATING: 7/10. Good action, seemingly good plot, it's just the romance that really throws me off.

WILLIAM RATING: 9/10, if you've seen my ghost smile post you know that this man is dialing it up to an eleven for this one. his hair is stupid tho.

#i've finally done it #i've finally defeated him #pls enjoy the fruits of my labor this took me MONTHS #gosh he's done so many insane movies #holy shit #i know so many things now #william watchlist #observe william #william chan

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