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restlessmaknae · 11 months

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never forever [jinyoung]

Just as much as you would have liked to delude yourself into thinking that you could have anything together with prince Jinyoung, it would be simply impossible as long as you were a servant and he was a prince. Which meant that you could never do so.

➳ Characters: prince!Jinyoung x female court lady!reader/you

➳ Genre: romance, angst, fantasy, magical realism, kingdom au

➳ Words: 11.8k

➳ Warning: mentions of minor character deaths, poison, political tension, attacks

➳ A/N: This story had the most votes in my poll, so I hope it lives up to your expectations. 🥰 It can be read on its own or with Seunghun's story that took place before this one. ❤️

➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town

When you had been younger, your favourite word had been ‘forever’. Warmth had always invaded your heart when you thought of this particular word, and how your parents had promised each other that they would love each other forever. Your mother had told you multiple times too that her love was not only infinite towards your father but you as well. Forever was like a precious friend to you, a little gem that you would try to keep safe as much as you could, holding it close to your heart, holding it dear.

Then, forever had turned to never when your mother had died. When you had realised that you would never see her again, your world had shattered, the little gem slipping through your fingers, falling to the ground and breaking into tiny pieces. Even though your father had reassured you that your mother would love you even from the spirit realm, you hadn’t been convinced because forever had seemed so far away. You had decided that it was stupid to have a word that didn’t make sense. After all, forever didn’t exist.

You had been 6 at that time. Your mother had been a lady-in-waiting to the Queen at the royal palace, so you hadn’t seen her during the week, only on the weekend. You had spent your days at home reading books and practising writing while your father had been teaching his pupils in a different room. He had been a great scholar, teaching those at your home who could not afford the institutions he had taught at most of the time. For some time, you had resented the royal family for keeping your mother away from you when you had known all too well that your mother had been deeply grateful for the royal court for providing her with a high status job and a very decent pay that allowed her to shower you in gifts.

On the other hand, when your mother had died, and the court had organised your mother a funeral, more glorious (thus more heart-wrenching) than you could have ever imagined, your feelings had completely changed. When the Queen had come up to you afterwards and lowered herself down to be at eye-level with you (disregarding the gasps from the court ladies around her, warning her of her dress potentially becoming smudged because of the muddy ground), your tears had fallen even more fervently. You had wanted nothing more than to hide during the ceremony, so to be seen and acknowledged by the Queen herself brought on a handful of different emotions.

“When I was around your age, I also lost my mother. I thought of it as a great shame on top of being a great loss. A young girl growing up without a mother? I thought people wouldn’t take me seriously, they wouldn’t look at me for who I am, they would always see the girl without a mother,” she had shared, and you had watched her with tears streaming down your face, your mouth slightly agape. You hadn’t heard of the Queen losing her mother at such a young age, but you had been young, and your parents hadn’t told you stories about the royal family back then.

“And they did?” You had asked between little sobs that reverberated through your body.

The Queen had given you a gentle smile, and you had wondered if all mothers smiled the same - so lovingly, so forgivingly, so reassuringly. Her smile hadn’t been exactly like your mother’s, but you could feel the genuine affectionate behind the delicate curve of her lips, something that mirrored your own mother’s. The kind of smile that parents gave you when you admitted that you did something wrong, but all that mattered to them was that you were safe and sound.

“No,” she had shaken her head. “I proved them wrong, and I showed them what I can do regardless of what happened. You can do, too,” she had added so confidently that your little heart had welcomed the undeniable hope that her words had brought along, newfound warmth spreading through your veins until you had realised that…

“But… I am not a royal.”

“Where you come from doesn’t matter, whether you have a positive impact on just one person or a whole nation doesn’t matter either. You are valuable as you are,” the Queen had pointed out, her words like a wise scholar’s. You had just blinked at her, wide-eyed and amazed, and you hadn’t even realised that you had stopped crying in the meantime, you had been so focused on what she had been saying.

You had been so awestruck that you couldn’t have spoken up, and you didn’t remember whether it had been what had prompted the Queen to bid her goodbye or she had been told by her court ladies to presume her duties for the day, but you remembered one thing very clearly.

That day, you had decided that you would have a positive impact on the Queen’s life, and you would try to be there for her just as much as she had been there for you at that time. So when a year later, the royal court had announced that they would hold their annual recruitment day for new servants, you had applied.

You had read every book on royal etiquette, you had learned embroidery, sewing and all sorts of activities that might be tested during the recruitment process in that year, determined on making the cut. You hadn’t even been the youngest candidate, there had been girls as young as 5 trying to secure a future for themselves (or more like pressured by their families), but you had been dedicated for a different reason: to serve the royal family and to repay them for all they had done for your family including sending your mother on her last journey so graciously.

Even though you hadn’t succeeded on the first try, you had done so a year later. Since then, you had been trying to live up to your mother’s memory, hoping that she would be proud of how you were serving the royal family, living to make their lives as comfortable as possible, living for them.

Little did you know, one day, that would be the exact same reason you would feel so torn to fall in love.

The first few years at the palace, you spent learning. Then, you applied what you learned. Then, you practised everything over and over again until you wouldn’t make a mistake. Finally, as years went by, your service to the palace became a valuable treasure, an important part of the operations. Your loyalty and diligence meant that you were keen on doing the best you could, and your perseverance didn’t waver even in hard times.

However, no matter the many lessons and learnings during those years, the greatest teacher and the dearest compliment you could get for your hard work was when you could upgrade your rank. After 15 years of service and being over the age of 20 meant that you could rightfully start serving one of the royal family members directly or one of those who stayed at the palace. For instance, a few girls who were at the congratulatory ceremony beside you would assist the royalty that were visiting the palace from time to time, and two of those now stayed beside a princess who came from a kingdom further up north, who was currently spending her time in exile at your court. Due to the trade agreements and favourable business partnerships, it wasn’t uncommon to provide a shelter or a hiding place for those who came from different kingdoms, but couldn’t stay in their own residence for whatever reason.

You, on the other hand, were assigned to the Queen herself, and even though you would never brag about your conversation with the Queen at your mother’s funeral ceremony, you knew that the smile she gave you when she handed you your new gown and your matching hairpin - engraved with a lotus symbol for prosperity and a dragon mimicking the ones that guarded the palace for safety - was telling tales about her positive feelings towards your future services.

After an elderly lady-in-waiting had passed away, two female servants took her place including you. You knew that you were still fairly young compared to the other court ladies, but you had been serving at the palace for so long already, and you excelled at every task they had given you. You knew though that the major reason that you had been assigned to the Queen was because you could read and write well, something that would be needed to discreetly handle the letters the Queen received and sent.

However, following the Queen almost everywhere meant that you had more interactions with the other royal family members and those who were close to them - soldiers in higher up ranks, master magicians and magical creature tamers. In passing by, you caught glimpses of the royal family members while serving them in the past years, but that couldn’t be compared to the experience of being in the same room with them, to see them from up-close.

When you first accompanied the Queen to the practise field where prince Jinyoung was receiving his training, you realised that he still lived in your memories as someone around your height with a cheeky smile when he was running around the court, making his nannies run after him, and you were taken aback by his height and his built now. He was tall and slender, but when he reached his sword out to attack, his muscles clearly showed through the thin fabric he wore. Drops of sweat rolled down his cheeks while he was concentrating, and his features were solemn and hard.

His practice partner was Seunghun - a soldier you saw around the court frequently. Rumour had it that he was courting one of the medics, but you didn’t know whether to believe that because all sorts of gossip were flying around. Besides, others’ love life was none of your business, but since you and Seunghun had joined the court around the same time, you knew him and his way of talking to the ladies - all smooth and flirtatious. He had that cheekiness to him even when he was younger, no wonder he was on good terms with the prince.

The Queen halted by the side of the field, and you did, too, a few steps away from her. The prince and the soldier were so engrossed in their practice battle that they didn’t even take notice of her presence until they finished with their round of sword fight, Seunghun coming out as the winner.

“What is the purpose of today’s practice?” The Queen raised her voice, confident and unwavering, while looking at the boys. Seunghun didn’t fail to bow upon seeing her, but his grin was still a bit cocky when he helped the prince to his feet.

“Just some… friendly duel, Your Majesty,” he answered joyfully, and he patted the prince’s shoulder when prince Jinyoung straightened up. “Even if he were to be seriously hurt, one of our great medics would tend to his wounds,” he added in a friendly manner, but you could hear the Queen’s voice hardening when she spoke up.

“Not so much if he can help it himself.”

“Of course,” the soldier’s smile faded immediately, and he bowed his head apologetically. Prince Jinyoung tensed a bit beside his friend, but his eyes were trained on his mother, not on his friend. You didn’t spend enough time around him to tell what his eyes could show, but you had a feeling that he wasn’t that delighted about the Queen’s words. If your assumption about his power was right, you knew why.

“Well then, keep going,” the Queen made a waving gesture with her hands, indicating that they could move on, and turned on her heels to head back to the palace. You bowed to the prince and soldier alongside the other servants, signalling your departure.

Afterwards, you waited for the older ladies to follow suit as they were the first to follow behind, you were supposed to be the last as you were the youngest one. Even though your rank was the same as theirs, age order was still important.

You took a few steps forward when you felt your hair loosen, and you instinctively reached for the back of your neck, gasping when you couldn’t feel your hairpin. You were about to turn around just at the same time as a figure slid into your vision, and put your lotus and dragon carved hairpin into your hands. It was for the briefest of a second, so was his rough touch, but you felt like you could feel the ghost of it on your skin even after he yanked it away.

Your eyes frantically went to the figure’s face, and you were about to open your mouth to thank him, but he put his index finger on his lips. Why couldn’t you thank prince Jinyoung for helping you out? Why wouldn’t you?

You were so baffled by his indication that words died on the tip of your tongue, and he was out of your reach as quickly as he ran up to you, so there was no way you could go after him. You were already behind the other servants, so you needed to catch up to them.

However, as you were hurrying after them, you looked back at the field, the prince and the soldier already in another round of a fight, no remains of the recent incident, only the ghost of his touch on your hand and the mystery in his pitch-black eyes when he handed you your hairpin.

In a magical kingdom like yours, you were grateful that you could be of help to the royal family even though you didn’t possess magic. The magic in your kingdom lied in healing, hence there were two types of medicine in your kingdom: magical and non-magical medicine. Magical medicine was mostly used on the members of the royal court including the royal family and the royal army, plus magical creatures that lived in the woods or in the mountains - such as fairies, unicorns and such - or serving the kingdom - such as dragons guarding the palace.

Non-magical medicine, on the other hand, was used on humans to treat their wounds, and that was what most medics practised outside of the palace, though it was applicable at the court as well in non-emergency cases and subtle illnesses. Magical medicine was also extremely rare since only magical practitioners could deal with it because they were the ones born with the ability to tame magic, but even they needed thorough practice and extensive training to be able to make use of their abilities to their full potential. Magical medics were also almost exclusively serving at the palace. The royal family was also said to be possessing magic in their veins, though they didn’t have to use it on themselves because the most powerful magicians were already in their court, serving them.

Neither of your ancestors had magic, so it was unlikely that you would, but having a scholar as a father and a royal servant as a mother meant that you knew that you could use other skills and strengths to your advantage, so you never felt any less than those who were born with magic. You were merely in awe at what some people could do, and when you could see for yourself how magical medics worked at the palace, you were mesmerised. Even if the Queen had a headache, not a physical injury, all the medic needed to do was place their hands above her core - the centre of her energy - and she was healed, though advised rest for the night.

For that reason, you could leave the Queen’s chamber earlier than usual after helping her to bed, and while the rest of the ladies were heading to their own rooms in the courtyard, you were staying back to stroll around the garden that separated the palace from the court. A part of the garden was reserved for the royal family only, but the other was accessible by everyone, and you liked walking around the pond dotted with a palette of colours, a different type of fish hiding behind each distinctly shaped creature, water lilies breaking the smooth surface of the water and lanterns lighting up the sideways like little stars on the sky.

When you walked these parts of the palace, you wondered if your mother had been the same. She hadn’t really talked about her time at the palace - what she was doing when she wasn’t on duty, how the place looked like and what was her favourite part of the court -, if she did, she only talked about the Queen and her admiration towards the woman. Ever since being part of the court though, you couldn’t help but imagine your mother walking down the same path, looking at the little bridge connecting the path to a pavilion as you did now, walking the same corridors and feeling the same sense of belonging as you did now.

“I hope you’re proud of me, mother,” you mumbled to the dark sky above you that seemed like a blanket covering the palace grounds, your words carried away by the gentle breeze of this fine spring night. You hoped that she was at peace in the spirit realm, and looked over you fondly. No matter how many years had passed by, there was still a part of you that missed her.

With a resigned sigh, you looked down at the pond in front of you, and decided to leave. However, as you were about to walk back, you crossed paths with prince Jinyoung who seemed to be walking around as well. You were surprised that he was alone, no soldiers guarding him, but maybe he had time to himself at these late hours just like the Queen did after you left her in her chambers.

“Your Highness,” you greeted him immediately, bowing out of respect. When you straightened your back, you looked up at the prince, and he was already looking at you, his deep, dark eyes boring into yours. It seemed that he was about to say something, but he changed his mind, and pressed his lips into a thin line. You blinked up at him, uncertain what to do or what to say for it was scarce that you were alone with a royal family member. In fact, it was the first time that it was just the two of you, and the thought sent a shiver down your spine.

“Are you done for the day?” Prince Jinyoung broke the silence after clearing his throat, and your heart was both heavy and light upon his question. You didn’t know what you had expected him to say or if you had expected anything, but his inquiry still caught you off-guard. In a positive way.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

He bobbed his head, acknowledging your words, and you had a feeling that he wanted to say something but couldn’t this time either. Or maybe it was because he seemed so out of reach usually; the mighty, ethereal prince Jinyoung who was said to be cool-headed and reasonable, a great fighter and a hard-worker in whatever he did. He was said to excel in everything, making him the perfect heir to the throne. From a young age, he had the watching eyes of the people, the weight of the kingdom’s future on his shoulders, and a responsibility that could crush anyone, let alone a boy so young. In passing, he had always seemed so composed, knowing exactly what to do and what to say, and you had heard only good things about him.

On the other hand, he seemed so humane now. A human being searching for the right words to say with secrets in his heart and mysteries in his eyes. Libraries of tales were about him, but when he was standing there in front of you in his white royal attire, he seemed nothing more than a boy around your age. The thought soothed your nerves and scared you at the same time.

You shouldn’t look at him that way, you work for the royal family after all.

“Well then…” You broke the silence that fell upon the two of you, bringing him out of whatever stupor he was under. “Good night, Your Highness!” You bowed yet again, ready to continue your walk to the court.

Nonetheless, before you were out of hearing range, the prince spoke up, though his eyes weren’t trained on you, but on the pond in front of him.

“Your mother would be proud.”

The words made you halt and turn to the prince who was examining the water as if he was pondering how to describe the sight properly. The lanterns lit up the way of the footpath, and amongst them, one was shining directly onto him, and now with you in the shadows of a nearby tree, and him in the light, you wondered how the two of you from two different worlds could be having this conversation now.

“How… How do you know about my mother?” You blinked in confusion. You didn’t believe that he could have heard you before, but maybe he could.

“You are not the only one who likes to go to the pond late at night,” he replied without any shame or any cheekiness in his voice as he turned towards you, and even though you were further away than before, you could see the end of his lips curling upwards. Before you could grasp onto this moment though, the prince turned on his heel and walked towards the pavilion, walking away from you and from the light that was shining onto him.

Afterwards, it happened a few more times that you and prince Jinyoung met in the garden, around the pond. Truthfully, when you hadn’t been serving the Queen, and you had been working in the courtyard instead of the palace, you had come to the pond, but not so late at night. However, it felt good to take a bit of a walk somewhere aside from the walls within the palace, and the garden was truly mesmerising under the moonlight. So you could believe that you hadn’t crossed paths with the prince before because you had been walking around at different times.

On the other hand, despite knowing that you might meet him in the garden these days, you didn’t back away. After all, you weren’t doing anything shameful, and no one else was around, so rumours couldn’t fly around regarding you two. At least, you tried to tell yourself such reasonable words, but you were conflicted just how far this could go. A court lady and a prince talking late at night around the pond? No matter how many times you told yourself that this wasn’t wrong, you felt oddly at unease whenever you heard something crackling or murmurs rippling the night air - even from far away.

Yet, when you were in the act of talking to the prince, you couldn’t feel more at ease. Talking to him felt natural and he didn’t seem so distant while sharing stories with you even though you two came from very different backgrounds. Beside you, he seemed like a boy turning into a young man, knowing the responsibilities of his actions yet letting the childish side in him come to the surface when his duties didn’t call for something else.

Not to mention that it was, in a way, fluttering to be able to talk to him in the first place, let alone get to know him. You realised that he was both very different and not so different from you. He didn’t care about your rank, or that you might tell others about what he was telling you because he trusted you enough, and you trusted him the same. Maybe this was why he was open to talk about the disruptions in the kingdom, and how much the royal family would try to protect peace within its borders.

And maybe this was why he wanted to let you know about the secret you had suspected some time ago.

“The truth is, I don’t have magic,” he blurted out one time after silence had taken over the two of you.

You had been looking at the ripples across the pond, watching the many colours dance under its surface, hiding fish in all shapes and sizes, but your eyes found their way to the prince’s delicate features when he spoke up. He looked ahead of himself, his lips pressed into a thin line, and it wasn’t a different image from his usual self. However, instead of his hands resting in his lap, his hands were balled into fists, clutching a part of his snow-white robe.

“Why�� why are you telling me this?”

You tried to keep your voice as gentle as possible because you had a feeling that this was a confession that must have been living in his heart for so long, trying to break out, but it was a caged creature - forced within the bars by his family more than himself. Even though not all of the members of a family had magic if one person possessed it since it wasn’t hereditary, it seemed that the royal family wanted it to be true since the King had magic in his veins, and princess Jinhee was said to possess it, too. However, you had a feeling that prince Jinyoung didn’t do so because you had never heard him use it whereas princess Jinhee was frequently praised for her skills.

What was more heartbreaking than this was the fact that the Queen tried so hard to hide his lack of magic - as you had experienced it on the training field when she had claimed that prince Jinyoung would take care of his wounds if he got hurt -, and maybe it was because she came from a different kingdom and thus didn’t have magic, but you had a feeling that she didn’t know the weight of her actions. She didn’t realise how much she was denying something that the prince didn’t wish to talk about to begin with.

You didn’t act like a fool, that’s why you didn’t ask him if it was true for you had a feeling for some time, and he seemed to notice that, too.

“Because I know you’ve figured it out yourself, and it feels good to tell someone else about it apart from my friends,” he explained as he averted his eyes from the scenery to you, and you gulped when you saw the hurt in his pitch-black orbs. Maybe it was that you mistook his pain for secrecy before, but now instead of a stern, out of reach, almighty prince, all you could see was a boy grieving something that had never been his, feeling guilty for something he had no control over and being vulnerable to someone who shouldn’t have mattered to him.

Yet, since he was willing to share his secret with you, you didn’t want to think about whether it was right or wrong. Instead, you wanted to be there for him, comforting him with words.

“You aren’t any less because you don’t have magic, Your Highness,” you whispered to him, afraid that your words might open up his wound instead of tending to it, but he didn’t seem to take it to heart.

“And you aren’t any less because you’ve grown up without a mother,” he added similarly quietly, and you felt your heart drop. You were about to say something, but then, you closed your mouth, pondering how to word this feeling. “See. It’s difficult to believe it no matter how many times others tell you.”

It was difficult, he was right, but you assumed that no one really knew how much the absence of your mother still impacted you, and the way you thought of yourself. He did, it seemed. He might have been reserved and didn’t like to pry in other’s business, but he was perceptive, even more than you would have thought so.

“How do you… Why does it feel like you know me so well, Your Highness?” You furrowed your eyebrows, not accusing, merely curious. Prince Jinyoung, as if he was waiting for you to confirm, let his lips curl a bit upwards before leaning a bit closer to you, as if he was telling a secret.

“I’ve told you. I’ve heard you talk to yourself at this pond. I just never wanted to interrupt you,” he explained matter-of-factly, but that was not enough for you. You didn’t know what took hold of you, but you were persistent, so you asked:

“So why tell me now?”

Prince Jinyoung looked back at the pond, then shrugged his shoulders. After some silence, you decided to drop the topic, and excused yourself to head to your room instead. Your heart was in mayhem already, you didn’t want to continue this dance that had started between you two because you were afraid that all it took was a few more turns to fall into his arms, to fall into him.

Thankfully, he didn’t hold you back, nor did he come with you, so you could walk to the courtyard, your heart still hammering in your chest. That's how you missed him saying to himself after you had left:

“Because you aren’t that unreachable now.”

The fact that you served the Queen directly meant that you knew more about the kingdom’s business affairs than before as the royal family including the King, the Queen, prince Jinyoung and princess Jinhee often attended business meetings with and without the royal council. It was said that it was, so that they knew exactly what was going on in the kingdom, and it was a merit for the children of the royal couple as well. Trading, business affairs and politics were fields that prince Jinyoung would be involved in as the future heir, and princess Jinhee would be considered a knowledgeable young lady if she knew of such topics, making her an even better wife candidate. When the council had a meeting, you were supposed to wait outside along with the other servants, but when it was just the royal family members, you could stay inside and possibly help the Queen to write letters and contracts for her or to read them for her.

The main issue these days was the unjustifiable attacks on a royal carriage sometime ago and a recent revolt near the borders - both lead to the assumption that rebels from the nearby kingdom were behind the attacks. It wasn’t very concerning for now, but the royal family wanted to be prepared for every scenario, and they tried to put out the fire before it could burn down their reputation. That’s how you found yourself accompanying the Queen and princess Jinhee to visit Naturalia that offered favourable trade in exchange for the princess marrying into the family.

You, a few other servants, soldiers from the royal army and two magic medics - including Byounggon whom you frequently saw around prince Jinyoung - accompanied you, so you ended up going in three different carriages, and the plan was to stay for two days and one night. You tried not to look around too much, but you hadn’t travelled outside of the kingdom before because you had started working at the palace from such a young age, and this particular kingdom boosted the magic of nature, so all kinds of surfaces were covered in colourful plants, vivid trees and rainbow-like herbs. You had read that there were people who regularly went to collect such magical plants, but the trading of their magic was limited to their kingdom only. Unless princess Jinhee would marry prince Jaehyeong.

However, your awe was cut short when upon the introductory tour around the palace, you were invited for some tea, and the servant - Hyeri - who tried the so-called immunity boosting drink to test it before the royal family would do so started gasping for air.

“What is it? What is the problem?” The Queen immediately rose to her feet, but you and another court lady were already there to hold onto the woman whose face turned purple. She looked like she was struggling to breathe, constantly hitting her chest with her balled fists and struggling to keep upright.

Bewildered, you found yourself hyperventilating for a moment, but then, you tried to remember what your father had always said. Do something about a problem first, and panic only if the consequences are not in your favour.

“I’ll call for the medics,” you suggested hastily, almost falling over your feet as you picked up the hem of your robe and ran out of the dining room to call for the two medics who were stationed outside in the hall. You quickly explained the situation, but they didn’t waste time either, they immediately came rushing with you. By that time, the woman was already on the floor, lying seemingly unconscious.

You felt your heart beating wildly against your ribcage, like a wild horse that didn’t know where to go in the unfamiliar woods. You couldn’t help but think of the worst case scenario, and you felt blood rushing to your head, making you dizzy. What if it was a trap? What if this was the plan of Naturalia’s royal family all along? What if your Queen was in danger? What if all of you were in danger?

Despite being wary and conscious of the many reasons behind this incident, prince Jaehyeong’s mother was seemingly shocked as well, trying to come up with different scenarios as to why it could happen - maybe the court lady was allergic to the ingredients in the tea -, but the Queen was suspicious, and didn’t let it slide even when the joined effort of the two medics and princess Jinhee’s magic helped Hyeri to regain consciousness.

“It was too strong of an effect for it to be accidental. If three of us needed to use magic to help my court lady, it was intended to kill one of us. Even if the incident was out of your control, it is not safe for us to stay here,” the Queen concluded rather indignantly, and at least the other royal family members didn’t protest, and reassured her that they would do everything in their power to get to the bottom of this case.

The ride back to the palace was a tense one because it meant that even if the Naturalia royal family didn’t want to kill the Queen or the princess, someone in their royal court would want to do so, someone who had the power to get inside their walls and put some kind of poison in the tea. They should have known that such royalty didn’t just drink or eat before testing it out with their servants, so maybe it was a kind of warning. First the carriage incident, then the rebels, now this… Was it all because the two kingdoms were to be united by the prospectus wedding? Did a group of citizens from the other kingdom have anything against your Queen?

You kept thinking about the what ifs, signs you should have seen, but you still couldn’t rack your head around what had just happened. Upon your arrival back at the palace, the Queen asked you to accompany the startled Hyeri to her room instead of walking her back to her chambers since she had other servants who could help her now. You obeyed her, but your voice was shaky as you responded to her, and your hand trembled when you reached out to hold onto the court lady. It could have been you as well, you could have died that day…

“It’s all okay. You’re safe now,” you mumbled to Hyeri nevertheless, trying to soothe her nerves, but you could still see how frazzled she was. Even when you left her after she had thanked you for your assistance and denied that she needed anything else, you could clearly see how terrified she was. You told her that she shouldn’t hesitate to call for you if she changed her mind and needed anything. Afterwards, you left her behind and started aimlessly walking around the court until your legs didn’t feel wobbly anymore. You needed time and some fresh air to clear your mind.

You were just about to head to the court ladies’ house when you walked into prince Jinyoung who looked just as shaken up as you deemed that you had been some time ago. His usually delicate locks sat on top of his head messily as if he had been running his hand through his hair more often than it was necessary, his jet-black eyes were painted with agony, his facial expression alarmed and his voice shaky when he spoke up.

“Are you… alright?” His words came out raspy, as if he was still trying to catch his breath. Did he come to the court ladies’ area after hearing the news? Why did he seem so uncharacteristically concerned? The usually stern and reserved prince didn’t usually meddle with the servants’ business as you had seen. He was on good terms with his soldier friend, Seunghun, and one of the magical medics, Byounggon, but he usually didn’t worry about the court ladies’ safety. Some said that it was because he didn’t want to be swept up in rumours while you deemed that it was only natural since he was royalty, and of the obedient type.

You bobbed your head, though you were at a loss for words seeing him in this state.

“Are you sure you don’t need more medical assistance?” The prince continued, taking a step closer to you as if to examine if you had visible injuries. However, the way he worded himself sent waves of warmth through your body.

“Oh, it was not me who drank the tea. It was court lady Kim,” you justified to the prince whose lips formed a surprised ‘O’ in return. Other than that, he didn’t seem taken aback, more like a bit coy, but his features softened as if he had been relieved by your answer.

“Oh… is she alright, too?”

“Yes, I helped to accompany her back to her room,” you explained, trying to keep the shaking out of your voice. You had never thought before that being in the court could mean that you were in direct danger because you weren’t a soldier or a bodyguard, but it seemed that there were multiple ways one could weaken a King on the throne.

You heard a door opening and carefree chatter coming out of a house nearby, so instinctively, you grabbed the prince’s robe and pulled him to the wall of the nearest house, into the shadows. You couldn’t really tell what took hold of you, but it felt oddly wrong to be so out in the open with just the prince. It was different in the garden when there were just the two of you. It was like your little hideout, an island of solace, a place of security, however now, you felt like you were stripped bare.

Prince Jinyoung’s eyes widened in surprise at first, but he must have guessed your reason for bringing him with you out of the public eye because he didn’t protest, nor did he ask why you had acted this way. Instead, he peeked out from behind the wall, then back at you.

“And you? Are you alright?” He asked as if he had just continued from where he had left off. “This must have shaken you up.”

The way his words were so gentle, so caring made you feel things that you shouldn’t have. If the prince was the moon that lit the way for the people of the kingdom, the light in the darkness, the hope in the unfamiliar, you would be the sun that shone only during daytime, shining bright until night came, and the moon took its place. You two weren’t supposed to encounter each other, let alone seek out time to see each other.

He shouldn’t have cared about you, and you shouldn’t have let him, but still… You couldn’t lie straight to his face.

“I am… I just…” You wanted to say so much, yet the words died on the tip of your tongue. Your heart was way heavy, the flashbacks of the scene in the dining room even heavier, and you felt a drop of tear sliding down your cheeks as you were trying to pull yourself together. You had to stay strong, you couldn’t show him vulnerability. He couldn’t care about your vulnerability. “I am sorry, Your Highness. I do not want to bother you anymore. Please, go on your way,” you said instead, keeping your eyes down as you bowed.

You wanted him to go away, to stop caring, to stop looking at you, but he didn’t budge, and it was a rule that you could straighten up only when a royalty took the first step. However, he didn’t do so, instead, he tapped your shoulder, and helped you straighten up.

“You don’t bother me at all,” he mumbled like a secret, a feeble attempt at diminishing the gap between you two that should have always mattered, but he crossed it as if he didn’t see it at all.

And you, you weren’t strong enough to push him away. Not that day, not in the comforting shadows under the faint moonlight, not out of the public eye when he looked at you as if he was ready to give you the world. The hand that had rested on your shoulder before now slid to your back as he embraced you, holding you strong, holding you steady

The walls crumbled down, the shield of your heart taken away, your rational thoughts tossed aside. Now, there was only his comforting touch that put out even the tiniest flicker of resistance within you, and for a moment, you believed that this could be your reality, your present and future, and your forever.

After the incident, the palace was in uproar. They couldn’t let it slide as promised, and so the investigation started to get to the bottom of this. The royal family of Naturalia was helpful though, and soon enough, they found a group of rebels who didn’t want your kingdom to be in alliance, let alone in union with their kingdom because of the special magical plants they possessed. They deemed that it was their gift and their gift only. It made sense why the attack on the carriage had happened when a letter had been delivered to Naturalia, then around the borders when news had gotten around that a marriage deal had been proposed to princess Jinhee, then when the Queen and the princess had actually gone to visit the other kingdom.

They didn’t find all of the rebels though, and there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t attack again no matter the fact that peace was in both parties’ favour. So for now, the marriage proposal was put on hold, and instead, your kingdom tried to strengthen its ties with other alliances. After the passing of the King in Elementalia - the land of elemental magic where people could possess the ability to control fire, earth, water and air -, his rather young heir took place, but it meant that marrying one of their princesses off to another kingdom would secure their power with a boy king on the throne.

That’s how you found yourself in the room with the Queen, prince Jinyoung and other servants, listening to their conversation about prince Jinyoung marrying the princess in question.

“They are in a tight spot, and we are in need of securing our safety. Who knows when those rebels would attack us again? It is best if we do not push your sister’s marriage with prince Jaehyeong now, but rather, we reassure them that we will not make moves towards their kingdom. The best way to do that is to shift their attention to our other affairs… such as your possible marriage with the princess from Elementalia,” the Queen concluded confidently, but you could hear the indignation in her voice. Seeing one of her court ladies almost getting poisoned took a toll on her as it did on all of you. One of her court ladies had even resigned, feeling like her safety was threatened.

Needless to say, prince Jinyoung was also aware of the tension in the kingdom, and while you had only met him once since that embrace, he had seemed rather troubled then and now as well.

“And princess Yunkyeong is said to be a very intelligent, obedient young lady. You might not be interested in her now, but at least, give her a chance. Let us arrange a meeting with her, and see how you feel about her being your wife. I will not force you to make any rash decisions, but we-”

“We need this marriage deal now to reassure our people that our kingdom isn’t threatened. I know, Mother,” the prince cut her off, his voice void of any emotions. His face was also void of any emotions, save for the slight wrinkles forming on his forehead.

You wished you could do anything to help this situation, but in cases like this, your hard work didn’t mean anything. These affairs were bigger than you, bigger than anyone in the royal court. Plus, the Queen was right. Despite not talking explicitly about what had happened in both the carriage and the tea incident, word had gotten out, especially with the rebels making a ruckus around the border. The people were confused and scared, questioning what the royal family’s next move might be. It was best to reassure them with such prosperous news rather than talk about any uncertainty.

“I will come back when you feel ready to give me your answer,” the Queen suggested as she rose from her seat, and so the servants lined up behind her. As you got in line, you made the mistake of looking at the prince, and he looked back at you, though you couldn’t exactly say you knew exactly what he was feeling. However, a shadow of sorrow passed through his features, but you didn’t know what it was for. Or rather, you didn’t want to know.

So you kept your eyes on the ground even after straightening your back from bowing at the prince, and didn’t look back.

You purposefully didn’t go to the garden afterwards. You could have said that you didn’t have time or you were too troubled by the recent events, but the truth is, you merely wanted to avoid meeting the prince. If you hadn’t had conscience before, now you would have felt like you had betrayed the Queen and all that she had worked so hard for if you had kept up your encounters with prince Jinyoung, and the people had gotten to know about it. Such news might even prompt princess Yunkyeong and her family to step back from their marriage proposal. After all, a prince and a court lady should never meet under private circumstances, let alone embrace in the shadows.

Now more than ever, you regretted letting prince Jinyoung console you in your state, you should have known that it would lead to nothing good. You should have stayed strong, you should have never shed tears in front of the prince. On the other hand, you knew, you knew very well with prince Jinyoung’s personality that he wouldn’t have felt compelled to embrace you even if you had been crying. He had done it because he had wanted to, but this thought only weighed down on you even more. What were you two doing anyway? Even if you had moments when you could have believed that your feelings would be reciprocated, the question wasn’t whether they would be reciprocated, but just how wrong it would be if they were reciprocated? You couldn’t fall in love with a prince.

Nonetheless, it was too late. You felt that bittersweet tug whenever you walked to your room straight after finishing your duties for the day without wandering around in the garden, you felt a wave of childish thrill go through your body whenever you caught sight of similarly pitch-black locks as the prince had - though you knew that it couldn’t be the prince for the royal family always wore white and the court members always wore burgundy-black -, and you felt your heart yearning for him, like a person coming up for air after being underwater for too long.

No matter how many times you tried to tell yourself that you could only make things worse if you felt everything so deeply, so grandly, your heart was at war with your brain, and it seemed that your brain was at defeat. Despite everything, you longed for what you had, for what you could have and for what you would never have with prince Jinyoung.

It didn’t make things any easier that you were there when the prince gave his answer to the Queen - that he would meet the princess in person -, you were there when they were arranging for the arrival of princess Yunkyeong and the Queen of Elementalia, and you were there when they arrived. You even needed to be the one to notify the prince that they arrived, and you felt a lump forming in your throat as you walked closer and closer to the prince’s chamber. You felt like your legs were made of steel, your limbs numb and your heartbeat as erratic as it could be.

Even though you had never been to the prince’s chamber, you knew where it was for it was the room closest to the Queen’s own chamber. Knocking on its door made you think of scenarios where you could do the same, but you quickly got rid of all of these silly fantasies. After all, they were nothing more than fantasies, irrational wishes and ultimately bullets through your already fragile heart.

When the prince answered, you opened the door to his chamber, and you made your way inside, bowing immediately before letting him know about why you were there. You could see that prince Jinyoung was both surprised and reassured by your presence, but he pursed his lips into a thin line when you explained the reason behind your visit.

“What do you think about this marriage?” The prince asked abruptly, and for a moment, you felt like icy thorns were invading your throat, making it impossible to speak, gulp or even breathe. Why did he have to make this even more difficult?

Deep inside, your rational side managed to break free from all the fantasies, and reminded you that you would only make things worse if you acted as if you were affected by the possibility of prince Jinyoung marrying a princess. As he should have after all. So you pulled yourself together, and tried to word yourself very diplomatically.

“I believe it is a very beneficial one, and princess Yunkyeong is said to be a lovely young lady as well, Your Highness,” you reasoned, keeping your voice steady. You even managed to keep eye-contact with him, and you saw confusion flash across his features. He seemed weary, someone who hadn’t been sleeping well because of his tormenting thoughts, and you wished to soothe the wrinkles on his forehead, to feel the warmth of his touch again, and to hold his hand to reassure him that everything would be alright, but you knew it was all just wishful thinking. It was all just a lie.

The prince took a few steps closer to you and you took a few back because you didn’t know what he was about to do without saying a word. Your back almost touched the door, and in a fraction of fragile seconds, he closed the said door, and turned back to you. This way, no one in the corridor could see you or listen to you two.

“Is that what you honestly think?”

His gaze was piercing, almost burning, and it felt like he could see right through you. His usually warm orbs reflected sadness, sorrow and bitterness - something that you saw reflected in your own ones recently. Seeing him in this state made you feel even worse for lying to him, but you had to. Words were your only defence now.

“Yes, Your Highness. I wish nothing but the best for you.”

“Do you believe it would be the best for me if you kept this up, and I would lose you in the meantime?” He kept going on strong, almost demanding, but you could detect the thorn in his words, you could detect his fear. Even though he wasn’t as close to you as he had been when he had embraced you in the shadows, you still felt like he was about to break down your walls. You couldn’t let that happen. Not this time.

“I do not believe that my presence should matter that much, and besides, we should hurry to-” You tried to direct the conversation back to the way it had started, but the prince cut you off, and the sincerity, the pain and the same longing you felt laced his words, and you were rendered speechless.

“It does matter that much even if you might not think so. So just once, can’t you be honest with me? Can’t you tell me what you really feel?”

Amongst many, there was one thing about prince Jinyoung that made him a likely successful heir to the throne: no matter what he said, he could make others believe it, no room for doubts. His voice was always confident, no cracks or wavers, but now, his voice shook. It shook like a man’s during prayers, during struggle and during darkness. As if he was desperate.

You physically ached to give him the answer he wanted, but you were already hurting so much, so you made a promise to yourself that no matter how and when you would meet him again, you wouldn’t let it continue the same way as it had done before. The sooner you could put an end to it, the less it would hurt.

Or so you assumed.

“I do not understand what you intend to say with it, Your Highness, but my duties lie with the Queen, and I always, always put her commands first,” you emphasised sternly, masking your tone in a coldness that you had never found within you before. “So if you could follow me now, that would make my job easier,” you added, strictly drawing the line between you two, and before waiting for his answer like you should have according to the etiquette, you walked around him, opened the door and walked out.

You expected him to follow you, and he did, but you were thankful that he didn’t walk beside you because you had to bite your cheek to keep your tears from flowing. It hurt for you to be so rigid to him, but that was the only way you could put a distance between you two.

So why did it hurt so much? Why did it pain you more to lie to him than if you had just been honest with him? If this was love, why did it hurt so bloody much?

It turned out that princess Yunkyeong was indeed a lovely young lady, and seeing her interact with the prince made you feel undeniably bitter because she was so bright, so considerate and so patient, you wished you could have turned back time to never make him feel anything because you knew why he was so distant. Even though he was trying not to appear stern, you could see the way his facial expressions changed in a fraction of a second when he turned away from her. You knew that the reason was you.

Nonetheless, you hoped that he wouldn’t cling onto the foolish hope of you two ever having your own happy ending because just as much as you would have liked to delude yourself into thinking that you could have anything together, it would be simply impossible as long as you were a servant and he was a prince. Which meant that you could never do so.

So when you heard after the princess’ visit that the prince had given in to the marriage, you should have felt relieved, yet you would be lying if you said that you were. After all, it would mean that you would see the princess around all the time because she would move into the palace after the wedding, and though the pain might numb after a while, her presence would always remind you of what you could have had if it had been for different circumstances.

You tried not to think about it, you really tried, but there was a pang in your chest whenever you and prince Jinyoung were in the same room when he met up with the Queen, and despite not catching each other’s eyes, your heart couldn’t sit still. The same went when you walked by him in the corridor, just one look at him and the fact that you could never be close again almost felt like the consequences of getting burnt. You were too close to the fire, but you were tempted, so you touched the flames, and now you were hurt, yet still yearning to do it again. Now you understood the expression that you would walk through fire for someone, you really did.

You were almost glad that the Festival of Day and Light happened a few days before the wedding because you could get time off to visit back home, to visit the festival because the Queen was preoccupied with the wedding arrangements, and hence, she would stay inside her chamber for most of the day.

It was the usual yearly festival for the fall equinox, and when you had been younger, you had been ecstatic to spend this day with your mother, to commemorate the gift of light, and to light a candle for all your loved ones, wishing them a bright year. There were all kinds of games for kids, stalls of delicacies lining up on the main market square, people lighting candles and placing them on the riverside that crossed the capital of the kingdom, and white or yellow decorations in the shape of stars, the Sun and the Moon.

Despite the usual joyous atmosphere of the celebration, ever since your mother had died, you hadn’t gone out to celebrate it as your father wasn’t the kind to believe in such things. So this year as well, you went home for the day, had a meal together with your father, helped him around the house, talked about everything that came to mind, then headed back to the palace later at night. Yet, there was no way you would be able to go around the celebrations on the main market square, so you mindlessly walked through it.

To be precise, you wanted to, but an elderly woman with an impossibly wide smile shoved a candle into your hand, and looking down at it, you didn’t have the heart to not light it up. So you walked to the edge of the river, a less crowded part of it, and crouched down to touch your candle to the wick of another one, watching as the flame moved from one candle to the other.

Then, you placed yours on the ground, closed your eyes and wished for your father’s health, your mother’s comfort in the spirit realm, the court ladies’ perseverance, the Queen’s well-being and even for prince Jinyoung’s happiness. You really wished nothing but the best for him even if you weren’t a part of it.

When you opened your eyes to the world around you and straightened up, you didn’t expect to find a familiar pair of jet-black eyes staring back at you. Your heart and mind didn’t even have time to protest, the words already rolled off your tongue.

“Your Highness,” you greeted him with your mouth slightly agape, then pulled yourself together for a proper bow. He placed his index finger on his lips - just like the time he had picked up the hairpin for you -, and the déjavu of the whole situation sent a chill down your spine.

He indeed looked like he didn’t want to be seen as he didn’t wear his trademark white robe, but a burgundy-black one with a hood that now covered most of his face, but you could never mistake his orbs for anyone else’s. You had stared into them, you had gazed at them and you had daydreamed about them enough times to be able to recognise them anywhere.

“What are you doing here?” You inquired quietly. It wasn’t unheard of that the royal family members went out for such celebrations, but then they walked into the sea of people in their usual clothes with bodyguards around them. This time, the prince seemed to be alone, and you expected him the least out of anyone since his wedding was just around the corner.

“I’ve never had the opportunity to light a candle. I’ve gotten Seunghun’s clothes, so that I could come here in peace, and then I saw you here…” He trailed off by the end as if he wasn’t sure that he should have said so much, but you could understand him. Especially after how you had lied to him last time.

“Should you be here so close to your wedding?”

Your question might have been assumed to be laced with malice, but you didn’t ask about it out of spite. You were concerned about him, that’s all. You knew how fussy the Queen was about the whole wedding, and it took a toll on prince Jinyoung (or was it that he still didn’t let go of you?). The last thing you had expected from him these days was to see him at the festival.

“Probably not,” he replied, and despite the tense question, the corner of his lips curled upwards, a bit childish and a bit bashful. Not the expression you had expected to see on him given his general state nowadays.

However, the prince didn’t seem guilty now, but there was definitely melancholy in his features. His lips couldn’t bloom into a full smile, his eyes weren’t twinkling, and his limbs were all tensed up as if he was ready to bolt anytime. Maybe he really was, seeing how he covered himself up.

Your heart ached for him, for all the possibilities that were crushed by the sole difference between your ranks, and for all those endless fantasies he had been a part of, ones that popped into your mind whenever you let your mind wander off, whenever you caught sight of him at the palace, and whenever you walked by the pond in the garden. Even though the latter had become a place of solitude, a safe haven for you, now it was just another thing that reminded you of your pain. The wound was there, and it was still open, it was still bleeding, no wonder it was difficult to wait out the time it would start to heal.

And in a way, something in your gut told you that he was the same. His following words proved it, too.

“But I’ve wanted to wish for someone’s bright future even if I won’t be a part of it,” prince Jinyoung suddenly broke the silence, his voice coming out raspy. He crouched down to light his own candle as he continued, but you were glad that he couldn’t see your face because his words struck you to your very core. “I felt like I wasn’t supposed to tell her after what we’ve been through and that she wouldn’t let me tell her how I wish the best for her, so I came here instead. I was hoping that my wish would somehow be carried forward.”

The more he talked, the more certain you were that he was talking about you, and instinctively, tears began to spill. You tried to hold them back, but they found their way to the surface, and all you could do was to sob silently, hoping that prince Jinyoung would look at his candle for a long enough time, long enough for your heart to prepare itself for a response, for your heart to prepare itself for a possible goodbye.

You reached to wipe the tears off your face, but as the prince straightened his back, that’s exactly what he caught you doing, so there was no turning back. You let your sobs reverberate through your body, your words following the rhythm of your tears like raindrops on a windowsill.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled through tears, not being able to look him in the eye. So you just stared at your shoes instead while your tears dropped to the ground one after another. Drip… drop… drip… drop… “I thought that being harsh would be the only way I could make it hurt less, but it still hurts so much.”

“I know. I don’t blame you,” came the answer almost immediately, and when you looked at prince Jinyoung through the waterfall of your tears, you saw the same kind of longing that you dressed your features in these days. If anything, that just made you feel worse. Why couldn’t you be as heartless as last time?

You sobbed quietly, hoping not to attract unnecessary attention, but this part of the riverside was pretty quiet, and the stillness of it all magnified the loudness of your beating heart. You felt like it would break through your ribcage to find the prince’s own heart because it was what it sought after. Too bad that you couldn’t listen to your heart now…

“I’m sorry, too,” prince Jinyoung added, his voice cracking by the end.

You knew what was to come even before it happened, but as opposed to last time, you didn’t feel warmth, you didn’t feel comfort. When the prince embraced you, there was pain; because when you share the same kind of pain with someone, your pain is amplified by the other’s pain. It was a gawking, raw, soul crashing kind of ache, one that you felt in your bones, in your veins and in your heart. You couldn’t even do anything about it, your arms just hung idly by the prince’s body, your tears spilling endlessly, words abandoning you and sobs scratching your throat instead.

You couldn’t tell how much time had passed by when the prince let go of you, but you had a feeling that it was for good. When he squeezed your hand gently, you could feel the hesitation only for a short moment, and then, he slowly slipped through your fingers, all of your remaining hope leaving with him.

The walls that he had broken down now laid at your feet, lifeless and in multiple, messy pieces.

You somehow pushed through the wedding, but afterwards, you kept coming down with something, and even Byounggon’s healing and the medics’ tips couldn’t help because it just kept coming back, so the Queen granted you indefinite leave to go back home and to recharge yourself.

The truth is, once you were off the palace grounds, you got better, and you had a feeling why. On top of that, your father was also feeling poorly, so you were glad that you could be at home during this time. The truth is, ever since you had left for the palace 16 years ago, you hadn’t spent more than a week straight at home, so now that you were there, you realised just how much time had passed by, just how lonely your father must have been, how worn out your old shoes had been, and how loaded all your bookshelves were.

You made yourself busy in and around the house, cleaning up, buying new pillows for yourself and new clothes for your father (it seemed that he didn’t like spending money on himself, rather on books), picking up some herbs for your father from the nearby medics - from two young men, Hyunsuk and Yonghee, who were said to be good friends -, cooking, sewing clothes that were torn, reading the books you had not yet read from the shelves, and daydreaming about how you would take prince Jinyoung to your home, how you would lead him around the house and how you would introduce him to your father… if the circumstances had been different, and he hadn’t been a prince married to a princess.

The news of the royal family reached your neighbourhood as well, so you knew that the prince was on a trip to Elementalia with his wife, and maybe that’s what prompted you to go back to the palace then to formally hand in your written resignation.

The Queen didn’t seem taken aback by your decision, in fact, she rose from her usual sitting position, put her hand on your trembling ones, and gave you an almost motherly smile.

“Thank you so much for your service in the past 16 years. Your mother would be exceptionally proud of you. I wish nothing but the best for you and your father,” she said as she sent you on your way, and when you walked out of her chamber and passed by prince Jinyoung’s own chamber, you knew that it was for the best. Maybe some would say that you ran away from him, but you knew that you couldn’t have run away from the pain even if you had tried. So you had tried to give yourself space and time to decide what would be the best for you, and both your body and your heart thanked you for this decision.

You couldn’t help a teardrop roll down your cheeks though as you stepped through the gates - probably for the very last time -, flashbacks washed into a wheel of events; so much laughter, so much learning, so much love and so much pain. Like the different colours of a rainbow, all of these were needed to make you who you were today, and even though you didn’t believe in forever anymore, you would always, truly, deeply wish for nothing but the best for prince Jinyoung. He had given you so much care and affection, and this was the only way you could repay him.

A/N: I managed to finish writing and proofreading this story in time for the comeback, but I didn't think that it would top all the pain that the comeback might cause. Sorry for that, but I hope that you enjoyed the angst of it!

How do you like the comeback, the MV and the album? Do you have a favourite song? I love suffering, and I love emotional MVs, but the MV and the whole album were on another level in the best way possible. I think the boys outdid themselves again, and I'm super proud of them!

All in all, I hope you enjoyed the story! Thank you so much for reading it! ❤️

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.

On top of that, keep your eyes out for the other boys' stories set in this universe! 😉

#cix #jinyoung #cix imagines #cix scenarios #cix x reader #cix x you #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung imagines #jinyoung x reader #jinyoung x you #bae jinyoung scenarios #bae jinyoung imagines #bae jinyoung x reader #bae jinyoung x you

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spacequokka · 1 year

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JY.one

Prompt: “Do you… well… I mean… I could give you a massage?”

Jinyoung was dying. Or it felt like it. His arms and legs were sore as fuck, too heavy to lift. So he stayed where he’d collapsed when Jaebeom said they could take a break, spread eagle on the dance room floor. While the others had gone for water or their phones, Jinyoung stared up at the ceiling, cursing everything he knew for his exhaustion.

“Are you okay, Jinyoung?” A soft voice asked before blocking the overhead lights out with a binder.

He blinked and shifted his focus to the concerned look on your face. One of the coordinators. He tried to get rid of his dry mouth and smiled. “Just tired.”

You dug held out a water bottle dripping with condensation for him to take. “Here. Hydrate yourself.” Once he had the bottle, you squatted down to help him up into a sitting position. “I’ll talk to the choreographer. See if we can call it a day. It’ll be time for dinner soon.”

“No!” He put a hand on your arm, then quickly let go. “I’m fine. We’ve had practices more intense than this.” He stretched his limbs and groaned. “I may have overdone it in the gym yesterday.”

“Oh!” You looked at his arms and legs. “I could give you a quick massage. It could help loosen up the muscles.”

He regarded you for a second. “Are you any good? Where are your references?”

“I am,” you said confidently. “Jackson and Youngjae told me so.”

Jinyoung didn’t hesitate, flipping over onto his stomach. “Then will you please help me?”

You smiled, happy that he trusted you and took massage oil out of your bag. “Of course.”

#got7 scenarios #jinyoung scenarios #got7 imagines #jinyoung imagines #got7 drabbles #jinyoung drabbles #jinyoung x reader #jinyoung x you

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iamyoursinblog · 6 months

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Angel of death(pt.1)

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x Reader

Genre: smut

Word Count: 1.5 k

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Immortal life was one of the main advantages of being an angel, even if you were the angel of death. Even though you saw death every day, people's lives still surprised you. You found it amusing to watch them, their decisions and actions that sooner or later led them to you. But for some reason this guy attracted your attention more than the others, although your meeting was not yet close. There was something in him that you had never felt in people before - purity. You sat on the balcony railing of the second floor, watching his filming go by. Every day he was busy with something new, music, dancing, filming. Such a busy life, you thought with a smile on your face.

“Park Jinyoung, this is for you. Have fun,” the man with a wide smile put a box of letters in front of him. He read each letter with a smile, but when he opened the next letter, the joy on his face gave way to fear. That's something interesting, you thought, jumping from the balcony railing to the ground.

You walked up to him and looked at the piece of paper on which was written “I love you.” Nice, so that’s what scares him, a confetion of love. You wanted to return to your “spectator’s seat,” but a familiar smell attracted your attention. The smell of blood - you knew it too well. Someone wrote a love letter with their blood. It's even symbolic, you thought smiling. Although judging by the expression on Jinyoung's face, it instilled horror in him, not romantic affection. Apparently for people to get a confession in love written in blood is not considered a romantic sign. You sat down in front of him on the ground, watching his reaction. The letter fell from his shaking hands, falling to the ground next to you. Even fear suits him, you thought, watching his handsome face. You smiled as he leaned forward to pick up the letter, and his face was an inch from yours. He stood up and went to the man who brought the box. After which they quickly left. Well, you sighed in disappointment, your show is over for today.

. . .

You turned around, finding yourself in the castle, people would call this place your home.

“Watched that alive soul again?” your mentor asked when you entered his office.

“Thanks to him, I make new discoveries for myself every day. Today’s discovery: love letter in blood does not show romantic affection,” you said as you sat down on the large chair next to his desk. He just rolled his eyes and continued reading his book.

“For thousands of years you weren’t interested in people, but now you spend every day in their world and all this because of one soul.”

“He’s quite a beautiful soul, he wouldn’t be any different from the angels here if he showed up here,” you grinned, thinking about Jinyoung’s face

“Are we still talking about the beauty of his soul or already about the beauty of the owner of this soul?” he raised an eyebrow at you, but you just smiled. "Be careful anyway"

“Are you telling the angel of death to be careful? That's funny" you laughed before leaving the office.

. . .

Thinking about Jinyoung, you moved to where his soul was. You leaned against the wall, watching him walk down the long corridor. Behind him was a girl in black clothes. "Park Jinyoung!" she screamed getting his attention. “You should belong only to me!” she took a knife out of her pocket, swinging at him. In surprise, he swayed back, losing his balance. You snap your fingers stopping time. You came closer. Turning Jinyoung's back to the girl, you stood between them. Snapping your fingers again, you returned the passage of time and Jinyoung smashed into your back. "What the heck!" He said, falling to the floor behind you. You looked at the girl who screamed and ran away. Lowering your head, you looked at the knife on your collarbone and took it out and threw it on the floor. “What just happened? Who you are?" Jinyoung stared at you, turning in your direction while still sitting on the floor. “Where is that girl with the knife? It seems like you weren’t in the corridor?” he continued asking questions while looking around. "Aren't you injured?" he asked looking at you with concern when he saw the knife on the floor.

You were amused by his behavior, and the fact that he was worried about you, although he himself almost went on a date with you. “You humanity are so funny,” you said, squatting down next to him. “You guys keep refusing and trying to take away what doesn’t even belong to you.” You picked up the knife and saw blood on it, most likely it was she who sent that bloody love letter.

“You speak like that as if you don’t belong to humanity,” he said, getting up from the floor

You laughed, putting the knife back on the floor. “Not really, although I had more humanity today than the owner of this knife,” you stood up and cursed under nose, remembered the rule that you can’t disappear in front of people. “Bye,” you said, heading towards exit.

"Wait, who are you?" he asked

You turned in his direction, meeting his gaze. “Consider me your gift from fate,” you said, going out onto the stairs. You moved to the roof. Sitting on the edge, watching as cars with flashing lights appeared after a while.

You followed Jinyoung, wondering how it would all end. You sat on the cabinet in the corner, watching Jinyoung. You rested your chin on your knee, dangling your other leg down as Jinyoung described the attack. “There was another girl there, it seems she was the one who saved me by pushing me aside. Although I can’t fully remember what exactly happened after the knife was swung at me.”

“Anyway, you're lucky. This girl has already been cited for stalking other celebrities. Her blood and prints on the knife prove that it was she who sent you those letters you were talking about,” said the man in uniform.

“Were there only one person prints on the knife?” Jinyoung asked

"Yes"

He looked at the knife that lay in front of him, “But she definitely took it in her hands,” he whispered barely audibly, looking at the knife in surprise.

“In any case, you can rest assured that this girl will soon be found and arrested. Just in case, there will be security near your house until she is caught."

“Okay, whatever you say,” Jinyoung sighed and looked towards where you were sitting. His eyes widened as he looked in your direction. You turned around and saw the clock behind you. You were wonder why he looks at clock like that. Either way, he's safe.

. . .

You traversed to the mentor's office.

“Have you to interfere in this person live, didn't you?” he slammed the table hard, glaring at you.

“He wasn’t on your list anyway, so what difference does it make whether I intervened or not. I didn’t save anyone from death, I just saved myself from a boring stay in the hospital."

“I hope you have a lot of fun filling out all of this,” he snapped his fingers and a tall stack of papers appeared in front of you. You opened your mouth, examining the stack. “Have fun,” he said as he left the office. You fell onto the table, grumbling and pounding your fists.

You lost count of which form you filled out. You traversed to the roof of the van, watching Jinyoung who was filming. He was like a breath of fresh air, you were even lucky that he looked in the direction where you were standing. You felt your mentor approaching the office, and you returned to the table again, filling out another form.

“Now I understand why people say 'boredom to death'. It's really so boring you could die" you laughed clapping your hands as your mentor appeared in front of you.

“Weirdo,” he said shaking his head, leaving the office.

You buried your face in the papers; it seemed like the stack never ended. After finishing half of it, you moved to Jinyoung. You found yourself in the middle of a road with a lot of cars on it. You slowly walked along the road past cars passing at speed, approaching the car in which Jinyoung was sitting. He leaned his head against the window and watched the passing cars as he stood waiting for the green light for his side. You returned to the office and gasped. It seems like there were fewer papers before your disappearance.

“Oh yes, I forgot to say” you heard the quiet laugh of the mentor who was returning to the office “Every time you leave, the stack will return to its original size” he smiled at you. You hit the table with force and all the papers scattered across the huge hall. The mentor just smiled and snapped his fingers and returned all the papers to the table. “You can continue,” he said, sitting down at his desk and picking up the book.

I wonder if angels can feel tired, you thought, almost finishing filling out the papers. You definitely felt something or was it just anger? So hard to figure out. “I’m done,” you smiled widely, placing the last piece of paper in that endless pile.

“Well done,” the mentor walked up to the table and took the papers and threw them into the fireplace. You stood up and stared at the fire that was consuming your efforts, or rather your suffering.

"What?" you turned to your mentor

“This is just a tool for punishment,” he pointed to the paper burning in the fireplace, “The main punishment for you is to force you to sit in one place.”

You fell back into the chair, propping your feet up on the table. “Unbelievable,” you muttered, crossing your arms over your chest.

The mentor smiled and left the office. Before you could shout anything back at him, you fell through the chair and the floor. Great, another punishment, you thought, falling down through the darkness.

You found yourself on the table in a strange place, in front of an unfamiliar man. What is this?, you muttered. You've definitely seen him somewhere before. The man sat and looked through you with concern. Where did you see him, you continued to look at him.

“Jinyoung are you sure you’re okay?” the man asked

Jinyoung? Exactly, it was the man who was always next to Jinyoung. But why are you here? You didn't move here. You turned your head in the direction where the man was looking. Jinyoung stood near the sink, throwing away a broken glass. “No big deal, just a shallow cut,” Jinyoung said looking at the man.

You saw blood on his fingers, which he tried to wash off with water. What the hell, you muttered, sitting cross-legged on the table. You looked around, wondering how and why you ended up here.

“Hyung, it’s time for you to go home!” Jinyoung’s voice changed dramatically, and you watched in amazement as he practically pushed the man out of the apartment. You stood on the table, looking around. Maybe he’s waiting for someone, you giggled. You jumped, ending up on the back of the sofa.

“This looks familiar,” you said, looking at the painting on the wall.

"You! Who are you?" you heard Jinyoung's voice but didn't pay any attention to it. “It was you who was in the corridor when I was attacked!”

You turned sharply in his direction, jumping to the floor. “How can this be,” you muttered. He was definitely looking at you. "Can you see me?" you looked at him in surprise

“Yes,” he said shaking his head.

“This can’t be” you didn’t understand. You continued to look at him, trying to find in him the answer to this riddle.

“I saw you that night in the police station, and on the roof of the van. And then you stood in the middle of the road while cars drove along it at full speed.”

“What are you?” you looked at him, you had never seen people who saw angels before.

“I am a man, but who are you? That girl said she stuck a knife in you, but they thought she was crazy. But there was not a scratch on you, and you touched the knife, but there were no prints of yours. How could you save me from death?"

“Even if I hadn’t shown up, you wouldn’t have died, you would have just ended up in the hospital for a few weeks,” you replied. “Unbelievable,” you continued to examine him.

“It’s not me who’s incredible here, it’s you,” he said, taking a step towards you, attracting your attention. “You were now sitting on the table, but hyung didn’t see you, although you were in front of his nose. Then you said that you don’t quite relate to humanity. Who are you?" his voice practically trembled. Although you didn’t see fear in his eyes, it was more like excitement.

“It’s much more interesting who you are. Remember what we talked about, I’ll be right back” you pointed your finger at him before heading back to the office in search of your mentor.

"Can people see angels?" You asked as soon as you found a mentor.

“Only if the angel showed himself. Why are you asking?"

“And if only one person can see the angel, while he is hidden to everyone else. Could this be possible?

“Usually this can happen if a person experienced strong feelings for an angel when he saw him or the angel saved him from death. Then the angel becomes his guardian and appears in front of him every time the person is in pain or when he is in danger."

“If such a connection existed, then, for example, if a person cut himself, his angel would appear in front of him.”

“Not exactly what I had in mind, but if at that moment a person felt pain, then an angel would appear”

“This shouldn’t apply to the angels of death, right?”

“Even though you are the messengers of death, you are still angels first and foremost. So it affects everyone. Why are you even asking this?” he looked at you

“It’s simply interesting. To broaden horizons” you smiled

“If you are so interested, you can start with the books in the study. Better study books than do stupid things."

“Some other time,” you said, moving towards Jinyoung again.

He practically jumped in place when you appeared in front of him. You walked up to him and took his hand, seeing a cut running through all his fingers. So it’s true, you have become his guardians. “Will you tell me who you are?” Jinyoung asked as you let go of his hand and began to walk in a circle, trying to figure out how to get rid of this problem.

“Can we limit ourselves to the fact that I do not belong to humanity?” you smiled and sat back in your chair, crossing your legs, watching him.

“You know you don’t walk on the floor, right?” he asked, pointing to the surfaces in his room that you were moving on. “You can’t stand on the floor for long? Will something happen to you?"

“How cute,” you laughed because of the worry in his voice. “It’s more of a habit developed over centuries, because I definitely won’t run into people like that.”

"But they'll just pass right through you"

“That doesn’t mean I won’t feel it. Every time someone passes through me, I feel the darkness of their soul."

“If you feel the sins of people, does that mean you are a demon from hell?” he asked

You stood up and snapped your fingers, changing your appearance. You stood dressed in a black latex suit and twirled a burning trident in your hands, “And this is quite comfortable.” You ran your hand over your body, “Does it suit me?” you smiled, looking at the shocked Jinyoung, who, with his mouth open, backed away until he hit the wall. “Apparently, not very much.” You laughed and snapped your fingers again, returning to your previous appearance. You took one flower from the vase and tore off the petals and threw them up. By snapping your fingers, you stopped time

"How do you do it?" Jinyoung asked, pointing to the petals that were hanging in the air

“That’s what I thought, mine time stop doesn’t work on you anymore,” you muttered, snapping your fingers again. The petals fell to the floor while Jinyoung was still looking at you with his mouth open.

"Are you appearing in front of me because I'm about to die?" he asked

“No, you won't die. I'm just interested in watching you"

"Why? Is there too much darkness in me?" His voice was shaking

“On the contrary, there is absolutely no darkness in you, which surprised me. And by the way, to answer your question, I’m not a demon, although I don’t deny that for some reason people are used to thinking of me as one,” you grinned

“So you are an angel,” he said

“An angel of death to be exact” you laughed as his eyes widened “That’s exactly what I was talking about” you said pointing at his reaction

"Sorry"

“You shouldn’t take the blame for something you weren’t involved in”

"I thought the angels were different"

“I thought they showed up in robes and quoted the Bible?” You asked, “If it makes you more comfortable...” you raised your hand.

“No, stop.” He waved his hands, "Your 'unconventionality' and jokes help me not to faint." He looked out the window, “It’s winter now,” he said, and this time you looked at him in surprise, “You’re just barefoot, and yours...” Jinyoung looked you from head to toe, “the dress only slightly covers the body. You don’t feel cold?"

“We’re built a little differently,” you laughed. “Physical and emotional sensations, we can feel them, but only when we want them to” You looked at him as he laughed “What?” You asked

“Nothing” he tried to hide his smile

“You don’t want me to find out for myself, do you?” You asked, waving your hand at him.

"Can you read my mind?" At first he looked at you with widened eyes, but then grinned, answering to himself, “Of course you can. I thought that people must be happy to see someone so beautiful after death. I don’t know why this thought came to my mind,” you smiled at his assumption, without specifying that an angel after death comes in the form of the one they loved most in this life.

You looked out the window as the sky became lighter. “Don’t people sleep at night?” you looked at Jinyoung again

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. I am now communicating with an angel who is sitting on my chair. How can you sleep here? he smiled

“Try” you said when you felt that your mentor was looking for you. “I have to go” you got up from the chair

“Will I see you again?” he asked

“You're the only one who can do this,” you winked at him before moving out of the mentor's office.

“Don’t say that you have become the guardian of the soul you were watching,” asked the mentor as soon as you appeared

“Oops,” you smiled and shrugged.

“I warned you,” he shook his head.

"Is it so bad? Wow, great place, comfy,” you said, plopping down in the mentor’s chair, running your fingers over the soft chair.

"Yes! If you continue to appear in front of him, you will begin to experience emotions without the ability to control them. If you experience emotions, you may get hurt." Did you really hear the fear in your mentor's voice?

“Don’t worry, I’ll disappear before that happens,” you looked at your mentor, “Can I have that chair too?” you smiled widely while jumping on a soft pillow

“Please, a moment of seriousness! You are my eternal headache!" He grabbed his head, shaking it

“Your head can’t hurt,” you whispered, getting up from his chair.

“Every time I see you, I understand that nothing is impossible,” he rolled his eyes

. . .

You walked into your room, wandering among the shelves with all sorts of things that caught your attention in the human world. Aha, I found it!, you exclaimed, taking out a painting, exactly the same as the one hanging in Jinyoung’s living room. You placed the painting near the window and sat on the floor, looking at it. After you dealt with things, you were transported to the place where Jinyoung was. You stood on a high fence, watching him. When he saw you, he smiled widely and raised his hand to wave at you. He stopped himself when several people turned their attention to him. Turning around, you were wearing the same suit he was wearing. He gave you a thumbs up, pretending to fix your hair. You put your dress back and jumped, sitting on the edge of the tent that was next to him. He raised the phone to his ear, “Hello!” He said smiling broadly at you. You laughed at his little trick of not drawing attention to him. "How are you?" “Are you seriously asking how the angel is doing?” you grinned “Several days have passed, perhaps for you they flew by like 5 minutes, but after all, you were doing something during this time.” “Reasonable. Let's just say did my job." For a moment the smile disappeared from his face. He looked at you, you would even say with sympathy. “Well done, I’m sure you did well” You laughed loudly, clapping your hands together “Are you trying to feel sorry for me now?” you practically rolled around laughing, making him roll his eyes "I do my best" “Well done, you did it well,” you said with the same intonation as him. “Are you teasing me now?” “I do my best” you shook your head, getting to your feet. “You are simply incredible,” he chuckled. “I hear that a lot,” you said, walking around the edge of the tent. “You should go,” you said, pointing at the man who was walking in his direction.

. . .

You were transported to your room, falling onto your bed. “Where has that ill-mannered angel of death gone again!” you heard your mentor’s dissatisfied voice approaching your room. “Oh, there you are!” He said when he saw you “I already thought, you again with this mortal soul” “You seemed angry with me, so I decided not to flash in front of your nose for a while,” you said, throwing your legs up on the wall. “This is all somehow too suspicious. I'm watching you” he looked at you with narrowed eyes.

. . .

You returned to the office having dealt with all your mentor’s orders. You smiled when you found yourself in the office alone. You quickly walked over to your mentor's chair and relaxed, allowing yourself to fall into its softness. You fell through it, falling through the darkness. Did Jinyoung cut himself again, you thought before finding yourself in a room with dim red lights. You stood up, looking around. All the walls and ceiling were covered with Jinyoung's photos. You turned towards the bed and saw Jinyoung lying in his boxers only. You smiled, it didn't look like he had cut himself. His arms and legs were tied to each corner of the bed. His eyes and mouth were blindfolded. You carefully stood on the bed covered with rose petals. You sat on his chest with your legs crossed. Carefully moved the blindfold from his eyes to his forehead. “Are you into roleplay game?” you asked, looking around. You met Jinyoung's gaze, which was filled with fear. “Did you forget your safe word?” you giggled, removing the bandage from his mouth.

“Please save me,” he whispered, barely audible. The fear in his voice was real. You turned towards the locked door.

“I can't free you. Although I can make sure no one comes here before the police arrive,” you said and he sighed with relief.

“Why can’t I feel you even though you’re sitting on my chest?” he whispered

“You forgot, I’m not here” you winked at him, jumping onto the floor and he smiled “A smile is a good sign” you leaned forward looking around the next room. "Shouldn't she be in jail?" You asked pointing to the door behind which was the girl who wanted to stab him.

“So it was that girl who kidnapped me?”

"In case you were wondering, she's cooking dinner."

"This is not normal" Jinyoung muttered

“You’re right, it doesn’t smell very good,” you said, turning in his direction. But he looked at the walls covered with his photographs in horror.

“Oh, about that. Apparently you didn't have a chance to admire the interior. Impressive, isn't it?" you sat on the bed next to him, laying your head on his stomach and looking at the ceiling. “By the way, in case you didn’t notice due to shock, you’re practically naked,” you said, getting back to your feet.

"What the..." his eyes widened

“Shh... unlike me, she can hear you,” you said as he raised his voice. He closed his eyes, trying to fight the anger inside. You jumped onto the bed and sat on the iron headboard that his legs were tied to. “How did you end up here?” you watched him

"Don't know. I was supposed to go to the shoot, but I can’t remember anything after I walked out into the parking lot.” He shook his head, opening his eyes.

“How are you going to save your almost naked ass from this person?” you smiled widely. “If I take this away, no one will believe that you were able to free yourself without tearing your skin to blood.” You pointed to the plastic zip ties around his wrists.

"Phone! Try to find my phone" he said looking around.

You opened the closet hoping that his clothes would be there. “How terrible!” You gasped.

“What's there? What happened?" he whispered worriedly

You pulled out a sweater from the closet, a dirty mustard color with a not-so-good image of a beaver embroidered on it, showing it to Jinyoung. “Her tastes terrible. Brrr...” you shook your head, putting the thing back in the closet.

"You're terrible!" Jinyoung muttered through clenched teeth, trying to fight his laughter. “I'm actually trying to survive here,” he said, chuckling quietly. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "Phone"

“Exactly!” you clapped your hands as you walked into the other room. “Found it,” you shouted, placing him on the floor, you pushed him with your foot so that he slipped under the door. You snapped your fingers, stopping time only for the girl as she turned towards the door behind which was Jinyoung. “You can speak calmly,” you said as you passed back to the room. You picked up the phone and turned it on.

“Have you stopped time?” he stared at you

“Only for her. It seemed like she wanted to check on you." You turned on your phone and placed it next to him. "Remember to keep your voice low." You said as he dialed the manager using voice command.

"Quiet. Shhh... hyung shut up" he hissed into the phone when the man practically shouted his name into the phone

You shook your head, rolling your eyes. You pointed to the window when Jinyoung was asked where he was. “I think I saw a yellow restaurant sign through the window before I was blindfolded.” You smiled as he said several similar names before naming the correct one.

“Tell that you think you smell burnt food,” you said and he stared at you, repeating your words. “And also tell them not to call, because you don’t know where the phone is and you’re lucky that it worked on your voice.”

You took the phone when the maneger hung up. You laid him on the floor, kicking him under the nightstands next to the bed. “It’s entirely possible that it fell out of your clothes while she was undressing you.” You smiled, shrugging.

“Would I have died today if you hadn’t shown up?” he asked, meeting your gaze

“No, you wouldn't die. Although you might have gotten a few scars to remember that day while you were trying to escape the trap" you said pointing at his hands

“Why did you say about the smell of burnt food?” he asked when you sat down next to him.

“I told you she was cooking dinner, she burned it. Or rather, this will happen in 10-15 minutes. Just the right moment for her time to start again. Because the food will burn, it will go back to the kitchen and won’t come here, and the smell will be heard even in the entrance. I forgot to tell you, the other room is also completely covered in your photos,” you said, returning to the bed. “I’m surprised by the number of them, but what surprises me even more is that not a single photo is repeated twice,” you pointed to the photos around

He laughed quietly and you looked at him in surprise. “I just remembered your reaction to that sweater with the half-dead beaver,” he whispered. You walked up to the door, tilting your head through the door, snapping your fingers when you smelled smoke. As you thought, she ran back to the kitchen.

“Right? I’m not the only one who thinks this thing is extremely strange. It seems to me that even a beaver would be horrified if they showed him this sweater." You shook your head as you approached the window. "Hurray! Finally, our valiant prince rushed to save his princess from a tower with a fire-breathing dragon." You clapped your hands joyfully when you saw a lot of cars with flashing lights below.

“Am I a princess now?” he smiled widely.

“Why not” you jumped onto the bed and squatted next to his head. “This needs to be returned” you said sliding the blindfold back over your eyes when you heard a loud noise and screams outside the door.

“Are you still around?” he whispered barely audibly

You smiled and took his hand. He squeezed your finger as his body began to shake violently. After several strong blows, the door to the room fell out, falling to the floor. "I found him." the man shouted before entering the room. “Jinyoung.” Can you hear me?" The man said as he removed Jinyoung's blindfold. “Don’t be afraid, I’m from the police. Everything will be fine."

Jinyoung kept his gaze on you as the man cut off his bonds. You winced as Jinyoung groaned in pain as he tried to sit up. “Lay down, the doctor will come now,” the man said, covering Jinyoung with a blanket.

“Oh yeah, it’s right, the blanket will help him deal with the pain,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. “Stop giggling!” you said as he turned on his side, towards you. “They’ll think you’re crazy.”

“Isn’t that so? I’m talking to the angel of death, remember?” he winked at you, smiling widely as the man walked away from him.

You jumped to the side when a lot of people appeared and kept asking practically the same questions. “Do they have trouble processing information or is it normal to ask the same questions to someone who has been kidnapped?” You asked, standing on the iron headboard, watching the people who surrounded Jinyoung. Jinyoung covered his mouth with his hand, hiding his smile at your words.

"Anyway... See you!" You said, waving your hand at Jinyoung before vanishing.

_______________________ More Park Jinyoung x Reader: Girl, what more beautiful than moonlight (fluff) Secret (smut) The window (fluff, smut) Ah, that’s what love is! (fluff) Our nights (smut)

Sofa(smut)

_______________________

LIST (BTS & GOT7)

_______________________

#got7 #got7 jinyoung #got7 x reader #got7 x y/n #got7 x you #jinyoung x reader #park jinyoung #jinyoung #jinyoung x you #jinyoung got7 #park jinyoung got7

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sweetestofchaos · 9 months

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Got7's Reaction to...Getting Caught In The Rain With You

Backstory: While out and about you get caught in a sun shower with him.

Warnings: SFW, nothing but cute fluff.

Pairings: Got7 x Reader

a/n: this new tumblr shit sucks, so there are no gifs with this. sorry 😪

Mark

He is mildly annoyed but the moment he hears your laughter he is pulling you farther into the rain and swinging you around. It turns into a wet tee shirt contest where you both win. He pulls you by his side and hurries to the car where he knows for a fact there is a jacket for himself and you to throw on. He doesn’t care that his seats are getting soaked, the smile on your face is worth it and he makes sure to drive with the heat on, so that you don’t end up sick.

“Well that was unexpected…I still think I won.”

Jaebeom

He feels dumb for not remembering that it was supposed to rain, but he’s having a good laugh as the two of you run hand in hand, trying to find somewhere to wait it out. One store offers you both some towels and he helps dry your hair and face while you do the same to him. He’s smiling like an idiot and draping the towel around your shoulders to keep warm.

“Let’s get your dry first, yeah?”

Jackson

A little rain isn’t going to hurt either of you. He would wait in the store with you and the moment the rain let up, he would peck your lips and say that he would be right back. He would run out in the rain and hurry to the car before he jumped in and drove up to the store front. Before you could even think of stepping out in the rain, Jackson would be out of the car with his jacket held high over his head. He would walk you to the car, protect your hair from getting wet and open the car door for you as well.

“Your chariot awaits!”

Jinyoung

He might be an actor but Jinyoung will never be caught in the rain, willingly. He came prepared, a simple umbrella tucked away in the pocket of his coat, so the moment it starts to pour, he is pulling you under the awning of a store. He pulls the umbrella from his pocket, shakes it out and wraps his arm around your waist with a smile on his face.

“Let’s get home before it gets worse.”

Youngjae

He wouldn’t be upset just really, really surprised. How did he miss the warning for rain? Did he not double check the weather? Like a true gentleman, he would quickly take off his jacket and hold it over both of your heads as you ran across the parking lot to get into the car. The two of you would be shouting and laughing the whole way as you end up running in puddles and still getting a little wet.

“Yah! Are you okay? Did your shoes get ruined?!”

Bambam

The pure disrespect he would feel towards Mother Nature. How dare she cry all over his Balenciaga sneakers! They are brand new! Fresh out the box! Best believe, he is grumbling the whole time the two of you run to take shelter in the closest store which just happens to be a café. You tell him to find a seat while you ask for towels and place an order for drinks and some light food. When you return to his side, Bam is pouting and you can’t help but tease him. He sucks his teeth and takes the towel you offer as you sit across from him.

“Man, this isn’t funny! We’re soaked!”

Yugyeom

It is what it is. He takes it in stride and somehow the day turns into a music video. He’s dancing in the rain, pushing his hair out of his face and moon walking in puddles. You are recording the whole thing, your laughter caught in 4k as he comes running at you, only to peck your lips and pull you in close before he starts to sway side to side.

“Put the camera down and dance with me!”

#got7 reactions #soc got7 #mark tuan #lim jaebeom #jackson wang #park jinyoung #choi youngjae #bambam #kim yugyeom #exqueuese me #got7 fluff #got7 x you #got7 x gn

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bambikisss · 2 years

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XOX, Cupid { PART 1 }

JACKSON WANG X PERFORMER!READER

-> In which you and Jackson decide to show expose your relationship during a duet performance in head in the clouds with Jackson.

A/N: This will be a two-part imagine, your stage name is Cupid btw

SMUT WARNINGS: Unprotected sexy time, slight spit play, ass slapping (heh)

PART ONE - ONE DAY BEFORE HEAD IN THE CLOUDS

"Headling our Head In the Cloud's concert is Cupid!"

Social media buzzed when the 88 Rising's Twitter news came out. You had been on a slight hiatus due to an injury but you had just gotten the green light to perform again.

What better stage than this one?

You laid back on your bed as the positive comments flooded your screen as you scrolled, a smile coming onto your face. Your fans were always so loving and sometimes when you felt sad you would go on Instagram live just to talk to them.

Before you could click on a video posted by a fan of their reaction to the announcement, Jackson called to facetime you, making you jump and almost drop the phone.

He always seemed to scare you when he called you.

You accepted his facetime call, placing your hand on your heart as you yelled at him for scaring you, your boyfriend of 4 years laughing from the other side. "I'm sorry baby. Should I text you a warning everytime before I call you?" He asked, a smirk on his face as he watched you pout, rolling your eyes before smiling back at him. "I heard about you headlining Head in the Clouds. Congratulations baby." You placed the phone down onto the nightstand as you fell back against the bed again, sighing against the cold sheets. "I'm actually a bit nervous. I just want to perform well, you know? This is the first time I'll be seen performing since my injury." Even though you had only rolled your ankle, it seemed like everyone in the world thought that you had died. To make matters worst, you had then caught covid so your return was pushed back. You often wondered if the fans would still be as loud as when you had your last concert, or if they would be as happy to see you as you were to see them. It was all you could think about when you rehearsed or even just laid in your bed. Jackson would sometimes help, though, even though he was often someone far away from you. He'd facetime call you frequently and watch your dance rehearsals, providing pointers and feedback as if he was an audience member. You trusted him to tell you when your performance looked sloppy. He was your right-hand man- your lover.

Speaking of your lover, he was silent making you sit up, laughing softly as he had his eyes trained on your legs that were in perfect view of the camera. He had always had a thing for your legs, especially your thighs as you had a small pink heart tattoo on both of them that he loved to kiss and bite while he teased you. He thought you were a goddess that came down to earth just to drive him crazy. You cleared your throat, flipping yourself so you were facing him, your head resting on your hands as you raised an eyebrow to your man, who rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks heating up from being caught checking your legs out. "I was listening I swear," he promised, holding his hands up in defense. You laughed, telling him it was alright and that you loved it when he only looked at you. He mirrored you on his hotel bed, a smile on his lips as he admired you, the two of you just staring at one another in silence before you broke the comfortable silence as you remembered something. "My stylist sent over one of my performance outfits and I have to try it on. Do you wanna see?" His eyes lit up, ushering for you to go and quickly change into it. He was excited to not only see more of your beautiful body but to see you get excited when you put it on.

You ripped open the package marked with the number one, gasping as the soft pink outfit fell from the bag. You placed it onto the bed, forgetting Jackson was still on the phone with you as you stripped down to nothing but your underwear, giggling when you heard Jackson sigh dreamily from staring at your backside. You put the dress on, turning to face Jackson as you looked up into the mirror you had on your dresser near the bed, your eyes widening as you jumped up and down, giggling happily. When you asked for Jackson's input, he smiled before looking you up and down carefully again, making your cheeks feel hot under his gaze. "I love it but I'd wear some safety shorts with it if you have choreography in your first set." You nodded, shaking your hips as you watched the skirt move, understanding what he meant. "I mean, or you can just leave the dress for when I see you during the festival and we can put it to good use later that night." You raised an eyebrow as you met Jackson's gaze, his eyes trained on your legs. You knew there was no point in redirecting his eyes, your hands teasingly pulling up the sides of the skirt, Jackson's breath hitching as he watched more skin slowly get more exposed before his manager knocked on his bedroom door, halting you from moving up anymore making him groan. "I'll let you go deal with that, baby" you smiled, leaning down to blow a kiss to your boyfriend, making him roll his eyes before blowing a kiss back, waving as he said goodbye before ending the call.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♥ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

''Again''

You sighed as you retied your shoes, sighing as the hot California sun beat down on you and your dancer. You had been through all three sets and even had gone through all of the outfit changes but your performance manager thought it didn't look good enough. Besides Jackson's opinions, you trusted his as well. You stood up, sighing as you fixed your mic pack before walking back with your dancers to the performance starting point, breathing heavily. "Wait!" You turned to see Jackson running with a water bottle in his hand to you, making you smile. Your performance manager sighed as he called a water break, letting your dancers walk off to grab their own waters as you kissed Jackson's cheek as a thank you for saving you from dancing for the tenth time. He kept his arm around you as you drank, walking with you around the stage as he critiqued your past performances in the rehearsal, nodding along. "I do have one more critic about the outfits though," you turned to face him, Jackson's hands moving to your waist as he pulled you close, his lips moving to hover over your ear as he spoke. "That first pink looks too good for a performance." You raised an eyebrow, your hands resting on his shoulders as you asked what he meant, being met with a dark chuckle. "I wanna fuck you in that dress, baby." Your eyes widened as you stepped back to hit his chest, Jackson winking as he laughed, walking back with you to the main stage to meet with your dancers, his eyes staring at your body as you walked up to meet them. You handed him the water bottle, ushering him off the stage as your introduction music started back up, showing that rehearsals were back on.

You did make sure the last run-through to apply Jackson's comments, being met with a hug and kiss from him as soon as you got off of the stage, his hand dangerously close to your ass as he kissed your cheek, leading you back to your dressing room, which was down the hall from his. As you reached for your door to change, he stopped you. He would usually push you into the as soon as you clicked the door open to watch you change and maybe eat you out, but he had to do his own rehearsal so he held back. He held up a black card, handing it to you as he smiled at you, winking before he walked off with his dancers, leaving you not only confused but slightly horny as you were looking forward to being eaten due to the looks he gave you when he watched you perform and the way his voice had deepened. You looked down at the card, noticing it was a keycard holder with a small note on it. "I've taken the pleasure of booking our hotel room for us. The minute I come in that room, we're eating dinner, then I'm eating you out baby. Have fun while I'm gone and relax~"

You smiled as you gathered your things and went to the hotel, taking a shower and then changed into a robe. You had just sat down to do your makeup when he arrived. He smiled as he leaned down to kiss your cheek, groaning at the scent of the body wash you used. His hands moved up and down your arms as his lips moved down your cheek to your neck, his gaze moving to the mirror as he watched you throw your head back as he sucked and kissed on your sweet spot, his gaze darkening as he gripped your arms, your soft groan becoming music to his ears as he kissed back to your cheek, pulling himself away as he walked to grab his suit and underwear, winking at you as he made his way into the bathroom. You giggled softly, enjoying the lingering scent that Jackson left on the robe as you finished your hair and makeup, then changed into Jackson's favorite black dress, smiling as you put your robe back on. You finished putting the finishing touches on your look when Jackson emerged from the bathroom, his black suit making you want to rip it off of him and just let him have his way with you all night, but you held back. Jackson walked over to help the room service men bring in the dinner he ordered, tipping them extra to place a "do not disturb" sign on the door before closing the door. You stood up to go through the food items he ordered, turning when Jackson cleared his throat. He had connected his phone to the room's speaker and played some romantic music as he dimmed the lights slightly, his gaze moving over your body. You mirrored his smile, your eyes filled with love as he made his way over to you, his hand moving to cup your cheek, kissing you with so much love. No matter how much lust was in the room, he always made sure to show you how much he loved you. He would have you dress up at your shared home to just eat dinner with you or take you out to restaurants, reserving a private room so it would just be you two and shower you with gifts and roses. He would do little things too, like writing songs just for you, singing them to you whenever you felt sad, or just making breakfast for you before he left for the studio. It was his main goal to show you how much he loved you and in return, you gave him all of you.

"So, are you really going to enjoy our dinner in a bathrobe?" Jackson asked, kissing the bridge of your nose as you giggled, pushing him back slightly so he could watch you slowly remove the robe to show the dress. His eyes widened as he stared at the dress he had bought you and deemed it his favorite dress for you to wear, which you both only reserved for special nights.

"For my magic man," you smiled softly, Jackson holding your hand as he pulled you close, kissing you softly as his hands moved down your body slowly, his forehead moving to rest against yours. "For my Cupid."He whispered, his lips moving to kiss yours again as his hands made contact with your ass, moving to squeeze it in his hands as the kiss turned sloppy, Jackson and you obviously forgetting about the dinner that was hot and ready for the two of you. His lips moved down to kiss and bite along your neck as he picked you up, taking you over to the large bed, your back hitting the sheets as he left marks moving along your neck. You arched up to meet his chest, your hands moving into his hair as you licked your lips, gasping as he bit down on your neck, his name escaping your lips breathlessly. "Yes baby, say my name just like that." he groaned, biting down again as you breathlessly said his name, closing your eyes as he quickly pressed his lips against yours again, your tongues moving together. You both reached for each other's clothes, craving to touch one another as you both carelessly ripped off the clothing, tossing it to land on the floor as you both continued to moan and groan into each other's mouths. He bit your bottom lip, ushering you to move up to the headboard as he followed behind you. As your upper back rested against the headboard, Jackson's lips pounced back onto yours, much slower and loving this time as one of his hands moved to carefully separate your legs apart, his finger moving up and down your wet slit making Jackson groan and you sigh into the kiss. "Love my baby so much. Let's me do whatever I want to her because I love her." it sounded like he wasn't speaking to you, kissing down your body as his finger gathered your wetness. He was so drunk off of you, only having one thing on his mind in the moment. "Gonna make my baby cum so hard for me. Gonna make her feel so loved because I love her. Because she's my cupid. My baby," he groaned against your thigh, kissing your pink heart tattoo before bitting and licking slowly as he moved down your leg, placing your legs onto his shoulders as he laid down on his stomach, his tongue immediately diving into you. He groaned at your taste as he licked and sucked, your back arching as you moaned loudly, your hands moving to grab his hair, your hips trying to move against his tongue but his hand pressed you down, your lover moving faster as the lewd sounds of him licking your pussy filled the room. He looked up at you to meet your eyes, his free hand moving to gently grip your jaw to make you look down at him as he began to fuck you with his tongue, his grip on your cheek getting tighter if you tried to look away. He loved having you watch him when he did anything to your body, rutting his hips into the sheets as he watched every eye roll, every groan, every curse word leave your beautiful body.

"Fuck baby. Hold on," Jackson moved to switch the two of you, having you get onto his face as his hands gripped your hips to have you immediately ride and move against his tongue. You gripped the headboard as you moved with his instruction, tossing your head back and then forward as you met his eyes again. "Fuck baby, don't stop, please, so fuking close" you moaned incoherently, babbling as you felt yourself approach your much-wanted organism, Jackson moving faster as he told you to cum on him, his hands moving to slap and grip your ass, ushering you to cum all over his lips and bottom half of his face. You were glad your hotel room wasn't around anyone else as you screamed his name, your hips and legs shaking around his head as you came, your hands gripping his hair to keep him against you as you rode out your organism, whining as he picked you up, carefully laying you down against the pillows as he kissed around your body, waiting for you to calm down. You felt like you could fall asleep happy and satisfied until you saw Jackson rest both of his hands on the headboard above you, watching as your chest rose and fell, your eyes training to look first at the wet lower half of his face, then trailed down to look at his hard cock, which was covered in precum. Noticing that you've calmed down, he leaned down to connect your lips with his, letting you taste yourself on his lips and tongue, one hand moving to pump himself a few times before he angled himself to push into you, using your wetness to wet his dick.

"You taste that, princess? Guess who made this mess on my fucking face with her good fucking pussy?" he asked, not waiting for an answer as he pushed the tip in, smirking as you wiggled around, begging for him to move in you, only for him to press you down, keeping you still. "Guess who's going to make another mess on my fat dick? You are." He shook his head as he moved both hands back up to the headboard, looking down at you as he motioned for you to open your mouth, Jackson gathering spit in his mouth before spitting down into your mouth and then telling you to close your mouth. "Naughty girl."

He pushed in before you could say anything else, your back arching as he fully sheathed himself in you, groaning as you tightened around him. You dug your nails into his back as he moved his hips pounding into you, groaning as you moaned loudly, opening your legs more so he could move in deeper. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your nails digging down his back as the sound of your moans and the sound of him pounding into you filled the room. Jackson watched you as he rolled his hips, grabbing your breasts as he watched you become breathless, leaning down to lick and suck on the neglected nipple, switching to the other one as you moaned, one hand moving to his hair as he pulled out, flipping you over to have you move to your hands and knees. He came closer, his hand moving to put your hair into a ponytail, Jackson rubbing his dick up and down your slit before pushing back in roughly, Jackson throwing his head back as he groaned, kissing along your back as you moved your ass backward to meet his hips, your hands moving to grip the sheets as he looked down to watch, spitting onto your ass cheek before she slapped it. "There we go, baby. Ride my dick for my cum. Throw it back, baby." His hands gripped harder on your hair, your moans becoming louder as you leaned your body down so your ass was up, your eyes meeting Jackson's as you turned your head back to make eye contact with him, your face contouring as you felt your end rushing closer, Jackson reading your face as he pulled you up with your hair so your back met his chest, his hand moving to your throat as he licked and kissed your neck. "Cum, princess, cum all over my fat fucking dick so I can fill you up with mine,"he groaned into your ear, one of his hands sneaking down to play with your clit as you came, your nails digging into his lower back as you toss your head back, his lips moving to bite and suck on your more exposed neck. He held your limp body as he moved faster, letting your body fall forward to rest against the pillows as his hips moved faster, his eyes trained on your ass as he began mumbling to himself, obviously near his own organism as he groaned. "Gonna fill up my baby so good. Let me fill you up and show you how much I love you," he licked his lips, his hips studdering as he came, his hands coming into contact to smack and grip your ass.

He rest his hands on your ass, catching his breath as he looked down at you, kissing along your shoulders and down your back, massaging you as he ran his hands up and down your body, kissing your cheek. You rolled over as he pulled out, your arms wrapping around his neck as you brought him down for a kiss, running your hands through his hair as he calmed down, laying his body down next to yours. "How you feeling, baby?" you asked him, gigging as you flipped over to kiss his cheek repeatedly, Jackson smiling as his fingers moved up and down your spine. "Amazing. I missed that baby." he whispered, kissing you softly before he got out of the bed, moving to go grab a towel to clean you up, then handed you one of his shirts to put on as he put on his underwear. He held out his hand to her, leading you to the table as he uncovered the food, which thankfully wasn't too cold. He handed you the sushi as he went to heat up the rest of the food, you eating happily. He joined you soon after, holding your hand as he ate, smiling softly. "I'm excited to see you perform tomorrow. You actually go on after me, so I'll make sure to stand on standby to watch my cupid tear up the stage." You winked at him, Jackson moving his chair closer to yours as he took one of the sushi off your plate. "I just hope everything goes well tomorrow. This is my first time performing again." you felt some worry fill you up again as he rubbed your arm, offering some kind words. "I know it's scary but think about everyone who is ready to see you. Think of all of those fans who waited so long to see you perform and now they can," He kissed your hand as he pulled you close to his body, letting you rest on his shoulder. "If anything, think about me. I'll be cheering you on," he chuckled, kissing your forehead. You nodded as you relished in his body warmth, feeling all of the anxiety fade away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♥~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We have a major problem!"

You turned around with your dancer, anxiety shooting through your body as your manager rushed over to you, Jackson following.

"Your duet partner that was supposed to sing with you during the third and final set isn't coming."

#got7 #got7 imagines #got7 jinyoung #got7 mark #im jaebum #got7 jackson #choi youngjae #got7 bambam #got7 jaebum #im jaebum imagines #got7 reactions #got7 smut #got7 jinyoung smut #got7 reactions smut #jackson wang #jackson wang smut #jackson wang x you #jackson wang imagines

595 notes · View notes

mykoreanlove · 2 months

Text

GOT7

🖤 JINYOUNG

things that made him run to you // coming back to you // .starved // I wanna know everything, all about you

🖤 JACKSON

on being real // 🥃 realizations // on Kinjaz // daddy fever // acts of intimacy // nightmares // backseat love. // conversations with love // AM hours // you're sick

🖤 JAEBEOM

can I see you tonight?

🖤 YOUNGJAE

spillthetea.fm

27 notes · View notes

write-it-good-imagines · 4 months

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Nothing More(M) - Two

~5k words - please, enjoy!

I see you as a stranger but it’s different… I have those marks of love, my soul is hurt. Can’t you stay closer when the lights turn down, so that you’ll feel you don’t have me?

“Then what? You just casually claimed you’re fine to be her fuck buddy?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll have sex, at the expense of her telling you more about herself?”

“…yes.”

“You’re stupid.”

Jinyoung grabbed at the bridge of his nose before dropping down on the leather chair of the practice studio.

“I’m not?” Mark said with some sort of reinforced conviction, like that was his brightest accomplishment. “It’s pretty fair, if you ask me.”

“Fair?” Jinyoung repeated, leaning forward on top of his knees. “You know absolutely nothing about this girl, for which you are developing an unrequited affection.”

“I know things.”

“Like?”

Mark opened his mouth to answer but the words ceased to exist. With Jinyoung cocking his eyebrow and a half-mockery half-pitiful expression plastered on his face, Mark realized he really did not know much.

“She’s, uhm, a manager at Seoul Medical Private practice.”

Jinyoung nodded, as if prompting Mark to continue talking.

“And a part-time bartender.”

“Mhm. I suppose that’s it.”

“That’s it.”

A sigh escaped through Mark’s lips. “But isn’t this the whole point of casual sex? You don’t ask questions and you don’t seek answers.”

“Except you are doing both, one-sidedly.” Jinyoung rose from his seat to place a hand on Mark’s shoulder, not trying to mask the evident worry in his eyes. “You’re not that guy.”

Mark looked at the other, and ultimately away. The silence of his reflection in the studio mirror was interrupted by the other 5 members, crowding the room with their usual infectious cheerfulness. Before breaking away from Mark, Jinyoung patted him on the shoulder and pursed his lips into a small smile. “You’re not that guy”.

“Knock-knock,” Jonathan’s voice chirped before leaning his tall body against the doorframe of Samantha’s new office. “I like this room. It’s much more spacious and you finally have big windows. Think you can grow a plant in here?”

Samantha put her pen away after having signed a document. She smiled up at Jonathan. “What can I help you with, Doctor Williams?”

Jonathan took the liberty to look around the office, searching for something specific. It still was there, Samantha’s doctor coat, dropping from the hanger. “I have an interesting case, which I’ll probably definitely operate on.”

She knew where that was going. “And?”

Jonathan stopped by the hanger, tracing his fingers over the white ironed material. “And I want Doctor Stoss to scrub in with me.”

“I am not a neurosurgeon, last time I checked.”

“But you agree that you’re still a surgeon.”

Samantha looked back at the wooden surface of the desk, trying to busy herself with anything other than that discussion Jonathan knowingly started. “Then again, I was not a neurosurgeon”.

The man came over to the desk, prompting his hands on either side of it. He leaned closer to Samantha, forcing her to look up at him. “I have a 7-month-old pregnant woman with a tumor on her brain. I want the best OB-GYN resident in this hospital to scrub in with me and deliver the baby or keep the baby in safely.”

She looked away. Jonathan peeled a hand off from the desk to bring up to her chin, on a tender touch. “I will repeat that if you think you didn’t hear it clearly enough”.

“Jonathan, I’m not ready.” Samantha breathed shakily and had to close and squeeze her eyes in an attempt to keep that past incident away from surfacing violently. “I’m not ready.”

Jonathan let his hand slide further to caress the fragile skin of her cheek. “Let us help you. Let me help you. We all know that wasn’t on you.”

“What’s it to you?” Samantha opened her eyes to pierce into the other’s emerald ones. Jonathan jerked his head back in surprise, the contact between them breaking in response. The tip of his tongue wet the bottom lip and exhaled an exasperated sigh.

“It is that you chose that bastard over me. It also is that I loved you and I am beating myself up everyday you are not picking up the damn scalpel. I should have beat him much more than I did.”

“Jonathan—”

He pushed forward. “And now that you finally threw him out of your life, and a good part of your life for that matter, you keep away from me. I am still here.”

Samantha’s eyes were pacing back and forth between his features, his eyes, and his lips, as if trying to grasp the words he was speaking and put them together in such a manner that made sense. She looked at him with a look that was stuck somewhere between past and present, a look that let him know everything was a mistake. A look that also let him know there was no way to rewrite the past. And he wished he hadn’t seen that look.

“You don’t love me, Jonathan. I can’t have you trying to love two women at the same time. Not when one of them is just a ghost in your memory.”

He scoffed. Samantha did not let him speak. “You stopped loving me the moment I made my choice. And it’s okay. Because I don’t hold any grudge against you. Because you love Leena.”

Jonathan straightened his body and Samantha could not read his expression. “Let me go.”

“He killed that woman, Sam. He did. He was desperate to show off to the Chief.”

“Jonathan, I am not having this discussion—”

“You trusted him against your better judgement. You couldn’t have saved neither of them—”

“Jonathan, get out.”

The man lifted both his hands to signal he was giving up. “I can’t let you go, Sam. I just can’t. You’re losing yourself and you’re not picking up my hand. You used to take us by the hand.”

Samantha turned her chair away from Jonathan and fixated her eyes on a void point outside the window. Her brain triggered the moments she tried shoving away like skeletons in a closet. She wanted to desperately believe skeletons do not always come back.

“I assume we’re still meeting to go out tonight. We’re supposed to celebrate the new manager.”

The last thing she heard was the sound of the door slamming violently behind. Before a tear dropped loosely, Samantha thought about Mark.

In the fervent ruckus of practicing and perfecting their next concert, which was set to start in 6 days, the guys, drenched in sweat, with their ankles hurting after more than 5 continuous hours, decided to take a water break. Mark dropped to the ground, crossing his legs, and holding his body up with his arms. Before Jackson threw him a towel, Mark thought about Samantha. It had been a couple of days since they’d heard from one another.

“Hey, Mark,” Bambam chirped, a cheeky tone blatantly carrying his words “girlfriend’s calling.”

Mark’s head perked up almost instantly.

“She’s not his girlfriend.” Jinyoung breathed, pouring what was left of the water in the bottle on his head.

“I don’t think she’s not his girlfriend” Jackson joined in, throwing the shirt over his head.

“Could you stop making assumptions?” Mark jolted from his place, eager to try and put an early end to the teasing he was just about to receive. “I swear to God, if I am picking up this phone and you’ll be hovering over my shoulders, I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

Youngjae placed his hands protectively over the threatened jewels. “Don’t hit hard?”

At that point, he gave up.

“Hey stranger.”

“Hey,” she answered on the other end of the line, with a slight delay. “I’m sorry I didn’t text you earlier.”

“Yeah, no, that’s fine. It’s quite actually none of my business.” Mark saw in the mirror the displeased expressions of Jackson and Jaebom, while Yugyeom and Bambam covered their mouths dramatically. ‘That’s bad’, Jackson mouthed to Jinyoung.

Against his expectations, Mark was met with silence on the other line. Suddenly, he felt awkward for the first time since meeting her. Mark never meant to sound accusative. If anything, he might have waited for her to text. “I mean, part of the deal, right?”

“…yeah.”

“Listen, I didn’t mean that. It’s just been a very long day.” A small pause, in tune with all the other members who seemed to have drawn in their breaths for what Mark would have said next. “I can use some good company. If you want to meet up?”

“Yeah, sure, sounds good to me.”

Mark was not convinced it sounded good to her. He cleared his throat. “So, uh, do you want to meet tonight?"

Another pause. “I cannot really meet tonight, I have surgery.” She heard his sharp gasp. “Not surgery on me, surgery on someone else. I’m, uh, a resident.”

“A resident? A surgical resident?” There was a collective gasp from all of the boys, accompanied by shocked faces staring at Mark in the mirror.

“You didn’t take me as the smart type, huh? I guess smart people don’t have fuck buddies after all.”

“No, that’s—”

“Listen, I have to go. For the record, I didn’t call to get you to bend me over the table. I… I wanted to see how you were doing. Bye.”

Mark did not have any chance to protest before the dial tone echoed in his ear. The phone slid away from his ear, intrigued initially, then a furrow between his eyebrows made him wonder what he did wrong for her to dismiss him like that.

“A surgical resident,” Jaebum repeated, gesturing with his hands like an orchestra conductor to calm down the overly excited group. “That’s cool.”

“Cool? That’s fucking insane. Do you think I could find an arrangement like yours?” Bambam blurted out and earned a smack on the head from the leader. Jinyoung followed Mark with his eyes. He sensed the uncertainty and the sliver of self-doubt oozing from the other. Just when he was about to say something, Jackson went over to start the music set, to rescue Mark from the dozens of questions he was about to receive, to which he held no answers. Jinyoung thanked him with a head dip.

Jonathan was cleaning his hands when the OR doors slid open. He couldn’t hide the evident shock on his face, not that it mattered. For all he knew, he wanted her to see the shock imprinted on his face.

“Don’t tell me.”

The shock deepened when he noticed she was dressed in surgical scrubs. Then a sly smirk on his face. “You look so hot dressed like this.”

Samantha kicked the water tank with her foot, choosing not to add any comment.

“I missed you.”

She gasped at the other’s confession. Her head tilted for her to look over her shoulder in the depth of his eyes. Coming to the OR was impulsive, an impulsive decision after Mark reiterated their arrangement. Samantha knew it sounded frivolous. Only then did she truly register the words Jonathan said to her. The memories, the hope, the dream. With all the disappointments they carried. Before she knew, she found herself in the OR.

“If you keep staring at me like that, I might push you against the wall and you’d lose the bet.”

“Doesn’t that make you the loser?” she retorted, a smirk stretching the corners of her lips. “I’m just observing, that’s it. There is already a GYN resident in there.”

Jonathan shook his hands lightly to dispose of the surplus of dripping water. He turned to her as he kicked the OR door open, and if Samantha did not know any better, she would say he was relieved of her presence. “Not if you kissed me first.”

Pacing was not Mark’s way of coping with things in general. For what sentiment he paced that evening, in the lobby hall of the hospital, he could not tell. No one likes hospitals in particular, but it wasn’t the hospital’s fervid smell of chlorine that provoked Mark’s pacing. It was Samantha’s sharp dismissal that stained his thoughts. And he didn’t care, or that’s what he kept trying to convince himself of. Jinyoung’s words popped in his mind yet again.

You’re not that guy.

When he braced himself to stop pacing, he approached the nurse’s station. “Hi, good evening. I am looking for Samantha…”

The awkward pause sneaked in. A woman whose last name he had no idea about, who was supposed to be his casual sex call.

“She’s a manager here at this hospital.”

“Oh, Doctor Stoss you meant. Yes, the surgery in OR 4 has just ended, she should be here any minute with Doctor Williams.”

Mark did not get enough time to thank the nurse when he got distracted by an electrifying sound he himself had caused before. His attention turned magnetically toward the source of the joyful laughter, only to be met by Doctor Jonathan Williams, with his hands in his jeans pockets. He was making Samantha laugh.

“Mark?” she turned to him in a blink, same way Jonathan turned to her.

“So you’re the Mark,” Jonathan said, faking one of his best smiles. Samantha was too taken aback to realize Jonathan was, in fact, a tad bothered by the other’s presence.

Mark quirked an eyebrow involuntarily at the other man. He was exactly as Samantha described him, tall, handsome, cocky. Trustful. And he knew about them two, which could have changed the situation. Complicate it.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here is all, Mark. I told you I had surgery.”

“Yeah, no, I heard, I wanted to make sure you were fine.” If it weren’t for his fingers numbing from his tightened grip around the Lindt chocolate box, he would have forgotten about them entirely. Mark extended his arm towards Samantha in a successful but unforeseen attempt to leave her speechless. It was Jonathan’s turn to cock an eyebrow.

“You shouldn’t have…” Samantha looked up at Jonathan. She was growing annoyed with his displeased antics. Not that Mark would know. “I am busy tonight, we’ll gather with Leena to celebrate, you know. Me.”

“Totally.” Mark nodded with a serene expression. “I will go. If we don’t see each other again before I go, it was nice enough seeing you like this, Doctor.”

There was something about his serene smile that tied a knot in Samantha’s stomach. In her imagination, Mark was not supposed to be that. He was not supposed to come looking for her, to bring her chocolate and call her endearingly on her title. He was not supposed to sketch a hue of pink across her face. Mark was supposed to sleep with her and forget about her.

“Go where? I wouldn’t say you are leaving,” Leena chimed in, allowing her curly hair to bounce freely against her short-sleeved shirt, “though we won’t force you to join us for drinks.”

“Ah, as much as I’d love to,” Mark replied, his eyes searching for Samantha once again, “I wasn’t invited. I’m not barging.”

“We’re inviting you now.” Jonathan cleared his throat and painted a puzzled expression on Samantha’s face. “You said so yourself, you would love to, would you not?”

Mark hesitated. He suddenly pondered over the fact that a fuck buddy would not meet the other’s friends.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to feel pressured by these two anyway.”

“No, I… I think I’d love to.”

Saturday night in a popular high-profile club in Seoul city could rival all levels of imagination. Stories that would go unknown for all eternity, on people who’d enter the club to enjoy, to fool around, to forget, on a busy dancefloor, with extravagant lights and liquor. Samantha’s cousin had one of the most sought-after clubs of the capital and on good merit. It hit Samantha that she never did face the other side of the bar counter. It had always been easier to be the one serving the poison than the one to drink it.

The reservation for Samantha’s group was made on a booth better shielded from the crowded center of the club. She waved a hand at the security guys outside and guided the four of them to their spot.

“Wow, I can’t believe I never came to this club,” said Jonathan with a newly discovered admiration for the place.

“Maybe your relationships would have been more successful.” Leena stuck his tongue out at him and the other rolled his eyes at her remark. Albeit hiding a smile behind the façade.

Mark guided Samantha to take her seat first and the latter offered a smile. She refused instead.

“I’ll go get the drinks because I am that cool and that fast. What would you like to have?”

Not long after Samantha disappeared in the nightly crowd, Mark took a seat somewhat cornered by the curious eyes of Samantha’s friends. One would say that, with all the public attention and the fame, he would get used to the squinting.

“So, you and Sam,” Jonathan begun, rolling the sleeves of his shirt as if preparing himself for some sort of a confrontation with the other man. “How’s it going?”

“Fine? I think.” He replied much less inconsistently than he would have hoped. Truth be told, he did not really know how to reply to such a question. The answer would have been straightforward for someone who sleeps with another person for fun but one does not consider verbalizing how such a relationship would ‘be’. When it is not even a relationship. “She’s amazing.”

“I bet she is.”

“Jonathan!” Leena smacked his shoulder. “Please forgive him, we have been friends since college, and he gets over-protective over her sometimes…”

Mark pondered over the girl’s words. If he would not want to be involved with Samantha, he wouldn’t mind about their arrangement. “It’s totally fine. I am a stranger who sleeps with your friend. Nothing more.”

The conversation was cut short by Samantha returning with the tray of drinks. After serving everyone, more out of habit than anything else, she seated herself beside Mark. “So, what did you two press Mark about?”

Jonathan raised both his eyebrows and his glass in a swift motion, to grab a solid gulp of his whiskey on the rocks. “Nothing in particular.”

“So, a surgeon, huh?” Mark took a hold of his dark beer to mimic Jonathan’s earlier gesture. “Can you do both? Management and save lives?”

Samantha looked down at her glass to swirl the straw around. Mark was not ill intended, and she also was not prepared to reveal too much about herself. She never planned to do so anyhow.

I want you to tell me about you in exchange.

“I took a step back from surgery for a while. It became a bit overwhelming. But I did not want to leave the hospital and the community, so I applied for a more ‘business’ like job. Now I am manager.”

“Today was just her first step coming back to surgery full time.” Jonathan smiled and shot a wink to Samantha’s direction.

Leena immediately became confused. “Surgery? You went into surgery today?”

Samantha looked over at Jonathan with a piercing look. Mark figured she had not revealed that to the other woman. “Jonathan told me he had a 7-month-old pregnant woman with a brain tumor. He came to me to ask me to scrub in. I just watched the fetal monitor, that’s all. Luckily, there was no need to step in.”

“Interesting,” concluded Leena to take a sip of her Margarita. “Samantha, can we have a word?”

Samantha looked over at Mark with an apologetic look. Guilt started building up that she purposely dragged him into her personal life. Mark raised his bottle once again, with his lips pursed into a silent surrender. It was flattering, in a way, that she honored her half of their agreement. With each word sent out into the world by the three of them, Mark’s curiosity blossomed. Perhaps more eager and too easily.

“So, how’s the sex?”

Mark choked on the beer. “I’m sorry?”

“Nah, I am just curious how a stranger in a bar got in her bed.”

Ah, thought Mark. Jonathan did not know.

“I am not entitled to tell you that.”

“Heroic.”

“You actually went into surgery? And you did not think to tell me, as well?”

Samantha looked at Leena. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen that mixture of hurt and betrayal on the other’s face. “It was impulsive. Johnny came to my office to tell me about his case, and then we sort of fought—”

“Why did you fight about?”

The moment Samantha put her hands on her hips, Leena knew. “Fought about you.”

“It’s not what you think—”

“He still hasn’t let go of you. Did you tell him that Mark is your fuck buddy?”

Silence. “I see. It’s not like you’re trying too hard to push him either.”

“Leena I don’t want him, I don’t love him. And he loves you. It’s quite visible with the naked eye.”

“It’s not when the moment you fuck another guy, he becomes all protective over a woman who is not even his to begin with!”

Leena stopped in her tracks, almost in disbelief that she let something out which she did not consider she would. Samantha grabbed her by the wrist to tug her through the crowd.

“What are you doing?” screamed Leena over the booming music.

“I am tired of being the middleman between you two fools. He is crushing so hard over you and as cocky and almighty you say he is, he is a coward. So, you’ll speak to him while I have sex in the back room. 30 minutes enough?”

By the time the girls returned to their booth, Leena had not been given the choice to ingest the newly divulged pieces of information. The two arrived in the evasive silence of the two men who could have prayed for a disaster to occur so that they’d escape the involuntary cage they’d been placed under.

“Leena has something to talk to you about Jonathan. So, while you two resolve your lover’s quarrel, I am going to steal Mark from this table.”

Mark extended his body upwards faster than he would have liked to and put his hands together in a silent apology. He threw one last look over his shoulder at the two surgeons and then had to concentrate on his feet to follow an apparently flustered Samantha. The woman guided the two into a room to the far back of the club.

A small room, still neatly decorated with a tall mirror, half a dozen lockers, and all the necessities an employee starting their shift would need. Samantha slammed the door behind them and locked it in an agile movement of the wrist. She prompted her body against the door to relieve a sigh.

“You know, against all odds, I like your friends.” Mark chuckled and took a couple of steps to seat himself on the closest chair. “A bit intense but they seem like genuine people.”

“You don’t say.”

The day had been full and heavy of unsettled emotions for Samantha. Rarely do plans turn out to be exactly how you imagine them. Samantha’s plan was to enjoy a managerial Saturday, having drinks and getting drunk in her favorite club, not reminiscent of the cold past but optimistic of the unexplored future. She could not find a plausible explanation of why she joined the surgery in the evening, of why she allowed Mark to enter a significant piece of her life in meeting her friends.

Only, she did know the explanation for all of the events. She joined in surgery because Jonathan was right. She allowed Mark to enter her life because he exceeded all her expectations of him, because, in a split of a moment, she acknowledged she wanted him to get to know her. To know the great OB-GYN resident that she was.

And this shattered the reality from under her feet.

He was supposed to be a tight hug that turned into sex. Nothing more.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Samantha did not realize when Mark stood up to enter her proximity. His hand found her cheek in a motion that was so natural he surprised himself of it.

She was supposed to be a tight hug that turned into sex. Nothing more.

“Yeah. I am tired of all these unrequited feelings and of all these unspoken memories and I just hope Jonathan lets me go already so he can be with Leena.”

Samantha smiled tiredly and leaned into Mark’s touch. He had a hunch that her confession held much more power than being about just her two friends. And he wanted to ask, the more he wanted to ask the more his heart picked up a beat in his chest.

“Huh, I think the only people who did not know they love each other are Jonathan and Leena.” He declared instead, locking his eyes with hers. Unbeknownst to him, his other hand gained a free will to intertwine with Samantha’s fingers. Mark wanted to stop. He wanted to stop his body from gravitating towards hers.

“Thanks for the chat,” Samantha laughed and ignored the burning in her chest and the buzzing in her head altogether. If she were drunk, she would have blamed it all on the alcohol, and she would have justified herself for the reason it was so scorching to look into Mark’s orbits.

Mark brought his head to rest against her shoulder and the sudden contact set her skin on fire. The devil on her shoulder wanted Mark to rip her shirt so he could touch her better.

“So, I promised Leena I’d get her 30 minutes to freely talk to Jonathan,” Samantha dismissed the dangerous thought to make space for dirty ones. Dirty ones that wouldn’t leave her longing in the morning. “Do you think we could give them that?”

“I…” Mark murmured and pushed himself away, his hand still protecting her cheek. “I want to kiss you, so, so bad.”

“What are you waiting for?”

I want to. And I can’t.

If I kiss you now, I am afraid I’ll fall in love with you.

Samantha untangled their fingers to reach up to his face. Tips of her fingers set ablaze.

Mark sighed and glued their foreheads together. Their noses were brushing against one another, and Samantha could feel each inspiration Mark took into his chest. “I cannot make love to you and leave the next day like I am the worst scum to have ever walked this Earth. I am not that guy.”

Samantha was not sure she understood the breathy words gliding out of Mark’s mouth. She was dazzled by the wording he chose.

“You aren’t making love to me Mark. We are having sex, it is just sex.”

A modest scoff carried Mark’s silhouette to wrap his arms around her frame. He felt Samantha’s body rigid in his embrace. Mark couldn’t let her see the disappointment nesting in his eyes. He couldn’t allow himself to believe in the disappointment nesting in his eyes. He went ahead and assumed a miscalculation. He had to set himself straight.

I guess it is just sex.

“Jonathan asked me how’s sex with you.”

Samantha’s chest deflated helplessly. The sudden hug and the hasty words made her afraid and nervous Mark would want to go on with his life, that he would put a stop to them. She did not want him to put a stop to them. “So? What’d you tell him?”

“Nothing.”

She furrowed her brows.

“But I am going to tell you how sex with you is.”

Mark pulled away from the hug to face her, resting his left hand against the door, the other prepared to do a demonstration on her body. Samantha could not tell how he was feeling, what he was thinking. He looked stoic.

“If I kiss you right here, behind the lobe of your ear,” Mark traced his index along her skin and Samantha felt like he could ignite it “you’ll gasp. Grab my hair and pull me into you.”

Mark’s words were even, collected. His eyes were glued to each piece of her body he was busy with. Reading her like an open book. “If I cup your breasts,” Mark ran the back of his finger over her clothed breast, a moan eluding from her lips “you’ll moan. Like you did just now.”

His hand travelled to her hip, tips of his fingers digging into the fabric of her trousers. She was unlucky it had such a thin texture. “If I grab you by your hips, this is the part where I usually slide myself inside you and you nip your fingers into my back. “

Mark brought his free hand to cusp her cheek and prompt her to look at him. By all means, Samantha was expecting to recognize anything comparable to lust, carnality. What she found instead was a stubborn tenderness that was a stranger to simply having sex.

I want to make love to you.

“Mark?” she whispered when he didn’t move.

“Will you be mad at me if we don’t have sex tonight, princess?” he stated, loosening his clasp on her hip, but caressing her cheek with his other thumb. “I am tired and I left Milo alone too much.”

Against her will, Samantha let out a whimper. Mark took her entire essence and played with it in his hands, reassembling it at his will in mere minutes. In such a short period, Mark took his time to memorize her characteristics, her reactions, and her feelings. Mark took his time to make an effort on how to please her. He never did what Mark did.

I don’t want you to go, Mark.

“Sure, absolutely. I understand.” She nodded, placing her hand above his. “When are you, uhm… when are you flying out?”

“Day after tomorrow.”

“When will you be back?”

Why would I want to know?

Mark chuckled and admired her for a moment. He was aware he was leaving her hot and bothered. He did not assume for a moment that she was inquiring for any other reason.

God are you beautiful.

“It’s going to be three long weeks, give or take. You’re going to have to find a replacement for me.”

I hope you don’t find a replacement for me.

Samantha giggled. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

The phone in Mark’s pocket buzzed up with messages. He wanted to pull away, but Samantha kept his hand in place. “Kiss me goodbye at least?”

The night highway was chasing pointlessly after the black van, transporting Mark and his group to the airport. Mark’s eyes were aimed at the blurry lights, the hues of orange and red cutting through the depth of the sky. He pulled over the hood of his sweatshirt and checked his phone. Still devoid of any messages.

Jinyoung was chatting with the others when he noticed abruptly Mark did not join the lively discussion. He stealthily excused himself from the group, with a little help from Jackson to keep the others at bay from questioning too much.

“Hey,” Jinyoung plopped himself into the seat next to Mark. The latter snapped from the whirlwind of his thoughts.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I think you should tell me what’s up, Mark.”

Mark laughed and turned his body towards the other. “That obvious?”

“A bit.” Jinyoung agreed. “Have you heard from her yet?”

The other shrugged his shoulders. “Nope. We didn’t, you know, do anything. We just went out with her friends. Intense guys, lucky me I have a bit of training from y’all.”

“But?” Jinyoung questioned, still leaving Mark to his own pace. “She must’ve been a bit disappointed you never did anything.”

Mark tilted his head to look out the window. He wished his thoughts would blurry like the reality on the highway. “Yeah, she must’ve been.”

“And you? Were you expecting anything to happen? Did you kiss her, I don’t know, goodbye?”

Mark was a bit shocked by her request. Still, against his better judgement, he drew in closer, to seal the distance between their lips. “You are irresistible, you know that?”

Jinyoung just knew something was bothering Mark. Maybe regret, or maybe repentance.

“No, I didn’t kiss her.” Previous chapter Next chapter

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doyouknowbtsswag · 3 months

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Surprise Sign |Jinyoung|

I smiled looking at myself in the mirror at the concert venue. The stadium was already loud from the group of people fan girling about their biases or plans to do after the concert. I finally walked out of the bathroom and slowly walked to my seat. I'm supposed to be surprising my boyfriend of many years Park Jinyoung. We haven't seen each other in months because of his touring. He begged me to go with him but as much as I wanted to I couldn't. Here I was now standing in my seat close to the stage. Only Jackson knew I was coming to the concert to make sure I was able to get front-seat tickets. I smiled thinking of his reaction along with the rest of the group. I looked around and saw everyone go to their seats as the concert started. I proudly held up my sign that said 'I Don't Have To Go To Heaven To Find A Angel Park Jinyoung Is In Front Of Me' which people around me complimented my sign while laughing. I watched the lights go on and shine on the members as they went on stage. I watched in amazement at the boys' performance. Each step was calculated and they were all in sync with each other. Their voices were steady even though they were dancing. I lifted the sign up as Jackson looked over at me during lullaby winking which made the girls around me scream.

During the concert Jackson looked my way trying to get his fellow members to catch the memo eventually Jaebeom looked over and spotted me. I grinned waving the sign at him which made him smile holding back from laughing which confused Youngjae who looked at him confused as Jaebeom whispered in his ear. Youngjae looked at me laughing lightly which made Mark confused. Let's just say each member one by one noticed my presence and the sign I held up. It was Bambam who laughed the loudest after they finished singing Call My Name that caught Jinyoung's attention. He looked around confused until he finally ended up seeing me. He walked closer thinking he was hallucinating. He had been more nervous once he started the tour since you usually were there to hug him and give him little kisses before he had to leave for award shows. The girls around me started jumping around and screaming his name. But his eyes were trained on me he seemed like he wanted to cry but instead, he made a comment as if I was just a normal fan.

"Who here thinks I'm an angel?" He said through the mic as everyone screamed.

"Hey! He dressed up like a killer doll how is that angelic?!" Jackson said pointing his finger at Jinyoung to interact with the crowd. "I think I'm more of an angel"

"You dressed like the devil that one time" Jaebeom pointed out.

"The only person here would be me in my opinion," Yugyeom said. "If we're talking about Halloween costumes"

"You were an invisible cloak," Youngjae said. "I think I'm the winner don't you think" Yongjae said pointing his mic at the crowd who screamed yes.

"I feel offended," Jackson said dramatically.

I laughed at the whole thing and saw Jinyoung stealing some glances my way. After the concert was over I lingered around waiting for Jackson to come get me from the stands. Once the coast was clear Jackson ran out quickly and grabbed my hand as we ran backstage. The boys all gave me a hug and told me how shocked they were to see me since it was all the way across the world.

"He's here," Youngjae said as Jinyoung ran up to hug me. He wasn't that much of a PDA guy but he didn't care all he cared about was seeing you in the flesh.

"You're supposed to tell me this stuff, not Jackson," He said hiding his face in my neck which made me laugh a little.

"I couldn't tell you since it was a surprise" I smiled.

He pulled me closer and rocked back and forth. He nuzzled his face in my neck and ran his fingers through my hair. I smiled feeling him relax with every minute ticking by.

"You don't know how much I missed you" He mumbled giving a light kiss on my neck.

"I missed you too," I said his grip on me still tight.

"How did you manage to get here?" He asked pulling away from the hug.

"I'm on break so I decided to come see you perform"

"Are you staying around for long?" He asked.

"Hopefully I'll have enough money"

"I'll pay for it you can stay backstage and everything"

"I'd feel bad though" I sighed.

"Love, you and I both know I can afford you being here, hell it might be free if I ask the managers" At this point, Jinyoung was pleading with me to stay and it started working.

"I-" I sighed. "Are you sure?"

"Positive"

"Fine" I smiled and as soon as that word left my mouth I was picked up and spun in the air. "Jinyoung put me down" I laughed.

"Thank god your staying" He smiled. "I don't think I'd last another month"

"Well I'm here now"

"And your not leaving my side ever" He wrapped one of his arms around my waist and he placed his hand on my cheek with the other.

"Wouldn't dream of it" I smiled wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I love you," He said gently kissing me on the lips. I smiled into the kiss returning the gesture.

"I love you too" I pulled away resting my head on his chest as gently rubbed my back.

There was a knock on the door and we both looked over. The door creaked open and Youngjae popped in.

"Hey love birds, sorry to interrupt but Jinyoung has to come with me" Jinyoung looked at him confused. "Team meaning"

"Alright, I'm coming" Jinyoung turned to me. "Don't leave okay?"

"Alright" I smiled and watched him leave he winked and closed the door behind him.

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sandiegokpop · 7 months

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Min, Jin & the Ground Forces getting sassy at the Ground Forces Festival lol

#like honestly if you're a korean guy & you want to become an idol you could just enlist & meet & perform w/celebs lol #monsta x #minhyuk #lee minhyuk #jinyoung #got7 #vid #how lucky is that #also it's ridic that idols still have to perform while serving i bet they love it tho like a lil piece of comfort

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yv17 · 2 years

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a/n: cix comeback was announced and i CANNOT WAIT. it's gonna be another bop (as always because they never miss) ^-^ and idk if this work makes any sense but yeah, i was falling asleep while writing this so it probably has a lot of mistakes, sorry :((

[00:59] "uh, jinyoung? i think you accidentally messed up my order."

jinyoung's head snapped in your direction, looking at you as you took the food out of the bag. you were hanging at cix's dorms as usual, you and the boys deciding that a movie night might be a nice way to spend your time. and since jinyoung lost the game of rock paper scissors - which was definitely not the only way the boys would decide on different things - this time he was the one to order food for all of you.

and he just had to accidentally take yonghee's order two times.

all of the boys turned their attention towards the two of you, knowing you'll probably be upset by jinyoung's mistake, since you were a picky eater. the boy gave you no time for any comments of disappointment, though, as he quickly ran to your side and took the box from the bottom of the bag, the one he saved for himself.

"here, you can have mine" he said, handing the box over to you, a small smile on his face. you couldn't see it, due to the lighting in the room, but the way your eyes lit up at his offer made the tips of his ears turn red. "you always steal it from me anyways, and since it's my mistake, i'll eat the wrong order."

you smiled brightly, giving your best friend a quick but warm hug and mumbling a small 'thank you' under your breath, only to grab his hand and drag him to the couch, where the other boys were currently seated.

the movie started and all six of you sat down to enjoy your food, trying to not make too much noise so you could clearly hear everything happening in the movie. jinyoung sat at the very corner, slowly munching on the food, when he heard yonghee shifting in his seat next to him.

"dude, you literally hate all the food i order" he whispered looking at the other boy with his head tilted to the side "and it's one of y/n's favorite meals. you simp for her this hard, yet you didn't knew it?"

you couldn't help but hear yonghee's comment amongst all the chaos happening on the tv screen, and the realization hit you. bae jinyoung, the boy every single girl would've killed to have, your best friend, liked you.

you tried to ignore that for the rest of the night. when it came time to wash the dishes, you were the first one to stand up, already heading to the kitchen with half of the plates in your hands. and, much to your satisfaction, jinyoung followed right after, offering to lend a helping hand.

the two of you did the chore in silence, but you could feel the occasional stares he would send in your direction.

"you know, for someone who's always trying to keep his cool guy persona, you're very obvious about staring at me" you said, not even looking up from the plate you were cleaning, and jinyoung froze in his actions.

"you don't seem to be complaining, though" he said, trying to hide the fact that he was in fact incredibly nervous; which you could see clearly, because as much as his face said nothing, the tips of his ears were still red.

and this time you caught that.

taglist: @honey-choi @moonarix @triuusi <3

>> main masterlist

>> cix masterlist

#bae jinyoung x reader #bae jinyoung #kpop x reader #cix x reader #cix fluff #cix scenarios #cix drabbles #cix jinyoung #cix x you #cix x y/n #bae jinyoung x you

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yohangaontdj · 2 years

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Lawful Family Domestic Fluff #22

Imagine Yohan at Elijah's graduation ceremony.

Being one of the youngest honours student in the university, she was on stage giving her speech, a hand clutching the walking brace she needed to keep standing on her own two feet.

As Yohan clapped furiously, tears began to well up in his eyes - partly in disbelief that he had managed to arrive at this point in his life.

Cause in the ten years as he carried out his plans to exact revenge, Yohan had never once thought of the future - an absurd idea considering the odds he was facing, and the fact that he could have died at any moment.

But here he was, under a new alias, no longer bearing the surname Kang. And the tears he was trying valiantly not to let loose, was also in regret for Isaac and Cecilia.

They should be here, not him, swelling with pride at how strong and confident their daughter was - neither her disability nor her grandfather's sins, weighing her down at all. And Yohan would have gladly traded places with them, so that they could see for themselves such a wondrous sight which he didn't deserve to be part of.

Then an elbow was nudging him and Yohan was looking at Gaon who was beaming like a proud father.

"Look! How beautiful she is," Gaon leaned in showing Yohan the photo he had taken with his camera.

"And it's all because there's you," Gaon looked at him, knowing very well what Yohan was thinking in his mind.

The tears fell then, Yohan's heart bursting at the seams with gratitude and love and affection. And as he returned his gaze to the stage, Elijah was looking at him in a similar manner too.

"Thank you."

She mouthed the words at him and Yohan broke down then, sobbing uncontrollably as Gaon wrapped an arm round him, his eyes wet too.

(Images found on Pinterest. And credits go to whoever who had created it.)

(Going to celebrate TDJ 1st anniversary by posting something online every weekend.)

#the devil judge #kang yohan x kim gaon #gahan #lawful husbands #yohan x gaon #celebrating tdj first anniversary #thank you actor jisung and jinyoung from got7 for the wonderful pics

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restlessmaknae · 11 months

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back to life

Jinyoung didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, so why... why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?

➳ Characters: high school senior!Jinyoung x female reader/you

➳ Genre: high school au, coming of age, real-life bittersweet

➳ Words: 5.2k

➳ Warning: due to the connection to the CIX story films, there will be mentions of Yonghee's suicide attempt, bullying, violence, minor character death (Seunghun's mother), blood, hospital visits, plus panic attack, insomnia and a lot of guilt, negative self-talk on Jinyoung's part, reader has a non-specified digestive disorder, so please, do not read the story if you feel triggered by such topics!

➳ A/N: This was a story that I came up with even before the Save me, kill me MV and the following story films (ep. 6-10) were released, so there are parts that do not cover the story films, yet this is my general interpretation of its lore, plus additional fictional parts. Hope you enjoy it! ❤️

➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town

Jinyoung knew that he deserved the glares, the stares, the malicious whispers behind his back. If that was what he had to bear for what he had done (or hadn’t done) to Yonghee, then so be it. He could never suffer as much as his friend had done so.

He deserved it, he knew that, he deserved it all.

So he kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding the endless sea of judgemental faces, shut his ears to block out the noise of rumours, and kept his emotions at bay to prevent further bursts of fury to unleash onto someone who didn’t deserve it. After all, if he had just been kinder to Yonghee, if he had just treated him gently instead of using violence, maybe this would have not happened… If… In this world, ifs didn’t amount to anything. They couldn’t bring back the happy memories they shared, they couldn’t turn back time prior to the tragedy, and they couldn’t magically bring Yonghee to consciousness. Despite the fact that the boy was still alive, the heart monitor beside his hospital bed indicating that his heart hadn’t given up, the doctors weren’t that positive regarding his condition.

“He fell from such a high building…”

“He lost so much blood…”

“The fall was rough, he hurt himself badly…”

As if the boy hadn’t struggled enough before, he was still in so much pain, and seeing his body attached to all those wires, oxygen mask on his scarred face, impossibly white sheets covering his injured body, Jinyoung felt even worse. Whenever he visited his friend in the hospital, whenever he looked at Yonghee’s face, he was reminded of their last encounter, and it was enough for him to want to scratch at his skin for it was too unbearable to deal with the consequences of his own actions.

Even though Hyunsuk had tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, Jinyoung didn’t believe him. After all, Yonghee had jumped the day he had pushed him to the shelves, yelling at him, asking if he had been crazy to want to hurt himself over a bad grade. He could never understand the obsession of Yonghee’s parents regarding their son’s good grades, let alone how much it impacted the boy since he himself had never been a good student, nor had he tried to be one.

If he could have just been a bit more empathetic, if he had just opened his eyes to the signs a little earlier…

Jinyoung felt the rush of guilt creeping into his veins, taking over his heart and mind, and he welcomed the feeling almost like a familiar visitor by now. He balled his hands into fists, his nails digging deep into the flesh as he tried to let it wash through him, let it drown him. He wanted nothing more than to drown in this feeling, but reality always brought him back to life - this time, it was you.

“Oh, sorry,” you apologised hastily as you noticed the boy sitting on the floor between two bookshelves, and he looked up, albeit a bit hazily. It was as if you had woken him up from a stupor, he still didn’t feel like his senses were his, his surroundings were real. It was always like this when guilt pulled him under.

He kept quiet, waiting for you to break eye-contact or outright leave this particular section of the school library that he had found to be quiet, so he could hide here while the others were having lunch at the canteen. Not that he had a good appetite these past few weeks, but bearing the watching eyes of others while eating would have been too much, all too much. So just like before, he was a coward, and cowardly chose the easier path - running away.

After transferring schools, somehow rumours followed him, and now everyone here thought that he had killed a student aggressively at his previous school, and he had only managed to avoid juvy because his parents were rich and bribed the jury. While in reality, Yonghee’s case was classified as a suicide attempt for now, and the boy had neither died, nor had Jinyoung been the bully in his case. Not that it mattered when his friend was still lying in bed, still in a coma.

“Do you mind if I join?” You inquired instead of leaving, and confusion brought Jinyoung back to the here and now. Why were you trying to join him when he was a so-called murderer? And why did you bring your lunch box to the library? Did you not eat at the canteen like the others?

He merely looked at you, unfazed, and only spoke up when you didn’t leave.

“Why? Don’t you believe what they say about me?”

“I don’t,” came the answer immediately, and the fast response took the boy aback. “If you had indeed killed someone, and your parents would have bribed the jury, they would probably not want anyone else to know about the bribery, so word wouldn’t have gotten around. Besides, you would probably not be as lifeless as you are now if you had indeed killed someone in cold blood,” you explained thoroughly, your tone almost diplomatic. Ah, now he knew who you were - not by your face but by your voice. You were the top student of the other class, and you went to English classes together. You were always the one who had to give the right answer when no one wanted to speak up.

“Why believe in my innocence when you don’t even know me?” Jinyoung protested, not letting the topic drop. He didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, but instead, looking down on him, and labelling him as a murderer.

So why, why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?

“I know prejudices are scarcely right, and besides… you are in my usual hideout place,” you remarked as you pointed around you. Jinyoung could have believed that the autobiography section of the school library wasn’t that frequently visited, but for you to have it as your usual hideout place meant that you must have frequented it.

Jinyoung found himself unable to say anything to that, and you took that as a sign of approval, so you lowered yourself down and sat on the ground, your back to the shelf opposite of the one Jinyoung leaned towards. You were at a decent distance from each other, but the boy still felt oddly bare given the visibility. It was as if he was afraid that you would get to know how torn and broken he was if you got any closer. Which you didn’t, thankfully.

Instead, you opened your lunch box, and took a bite from your seemingly homemade food. You stared at the books in front of you instead of looking at him, and he was both relieved and frustrated by this. All of this just for you to sit there to eat?

On the other hand, Jinyoung knew that he had no reason to question you. Not you out of all people. So he just let you have your lunch in peace while he was slipping back into his own self-destructive thoughts, glad that they didn’t change. Someone like you might have believed that he was innocent, but Jinyoung knew very well that he wasn’t. If anything, he might have been the worst of them all. Even Seunghun could forgive Yonghee after what had happened to Seunghun’s mother, but why couldn’t Jinyoung move on from that day and wish for his friend to wake up?

Because he knew very well that he would need to face him, and he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure that he would ever be.

Jinyoung should have known that when you meant that the autobiography section in the school library was your hideout place, you meant that you went there frequently, but he didn’t give it too much thought. In fact, he didn’t really give anything too much thought apart from how he should have been there for Yonghee, and how much he wished he could have turned back time to make everything right.

On the other hand, you did come back day after day, and the boy didn’t have the heart to send you away, nor did he find a different hideout place when students were all over the building and the schoolyards during lunch break, so there was nowhere else to hide. Here though, no one bothered you. To be precise, Jinyoung was bothered by your presence at first, but since you didn’t push him for answers, you just greeted him when he showed up or vice versa, and finished your lunch in silence, he couldn’t find a reason to be bothered by you. He merely didn’t understand why you weren’t bothered by him.

“Why don’t you eat with the others?” He found himself asking once, eyes narrowing as his eyes found yours. You blinked a few times at him as if you were surprised that he had actually asked a question from you, and gulped down your food before answering.

“I don’t have any friends, and I don’t want anyone to comment on my food. I have enough of that on school trips,” you sighed out, your voice carrying an all too familiar emotion - bitterness. Raw, deeply personal, and fragile. Bitterness wasn’t a feeling that he had been familiar with before, but now, if one emotion could embody what he was going through, it would be this one big mess of bitterness without seemingly an end in sight.

The boy assumed that you would leave it at that, but you didn’t. He found that he didn’t exactly mind.

“I have gut problems, so I need to bring my own food, but they make fun of it as if I chose to eat this way. You don’t realise how isolating it can be when you can’t eat the food that others eat, but here, no one bothers me,” you added as you looked around the huge, still shelves of books that could indeed not ask stupid questions, let alone judge her for spending her lunch break here. He could understand the sentiment well.

“That’s ridiculous,” he snorted in disbelief, but your lips trembled and sadness moved into your eyes, so he felt the need to add. “That they make fun of you for that, I mean. It’s not your fault,” he justified solemnly, and your shoulders easened as if you had been bearing a weight for so long that had just come off now.

“You’re the first person who says that at school.”

Jinyoung was about to open his mouth, but he couldn’t utter a word. It had never been him who had caught onto someone’s change in their body language or who was said to be the most empathetic. After all, if he had been, Yonghee wouldn’t have laid in a hospital bed… So for you to voice out that he was the first one who took your side, he didn’t even know if he should have protested or shared that it was only natural in his eyes.

He closed his mouth, and looked down at his own intertwined fingers - ones that pushed those away who wanted to keep him close, ones that pushed Yonghee away quite literally when he should have needed help the most. He felt himself going back into his usual spiral of destructive thoughts when your voice pulled him out.

Again.

“Where’s your lunch? Aren’t you eating?”

He was so surprised by the question that his eyebrows elevated and his eyes widened. He was sure that he seemed pretty dumbfounded because you let out a short-lived yet beautiful (thus fragile) giggle, and explained that you figured out that he was here during lunch break because he didn’t want to eat with the others. However, unlike you, he didn’t have food with him.

“I don’t feel like eating.”

“You should. You need the energy to bear all the weight of those malicious rumours,” you pointed out almost gently, giving him a small smile before turning back to your food and proceeding to eat.

You didn’t say a word afterwards, nor did he, but now he wasn’t sure whether his lack of response was because he didn’t find it in himself to tell you that he didn’t care, that he was fine, that he deserved it, that you didn’t know anything, or because he was awestruck by the fact that someone cared. That you cared whether he ate or not, whether he was affected by the malicious rumours or not.

That you cared about him in the first place.

Jinyoung wouldn’t deem it a habit, but you still came back day after day, and he did come back day after day as well, and somehow you fell into this unfamiliar rhythm of silences filled with occasional, more or less vulnerable questions, and his heart was open to answer them. Even when you inquired whether he didn’t want to fix the broken watch around his wrist and he said that it was a friend’s, so he didn’t want to, he didn’t mind telling you, and you didn’t push for more details, so he left it at that.

He didn’t admit though that the watch was Yonghee’s, and that he found it with a torn glass lens on the rooftop of the school - from where Yonghee had jumped from. He had picked it up alongside the boy’s phone, and selfishly kept the watch, so that it could remind him of the only time that mattered - of his friend’s lifespan; so that it could be a compass for him - to show where he was supposed to go; so that it could be a guide for him - to indicate what he was supposed to do, what was the right thing to do. Such as not beating up the bullies at his previous school even though he had wanted to.

You also shared how tough it was to constantly live up to the expectations of your parents, teachers and classmates, and how you were always supposed to give the right answer even if you were an outcast, even if you were ridiculed for your health problems, even if you were never enough. Hearing that, Jinyoung couldn’t help but be reminded of Yonghee (when wasn’t he reminded of his friend, honestly?), but you seemed to be floating above all the criticism well.

When he inquired how you managed, you shared that you worked with a therapist, and the boy was surprised both to hear that and to hear you admit that, yet you confessed that asking for professional help had probably been the best decision of your life. You knew either way that school would be over soon - as you were seniors -, and you hoped university would be different. Besides, you hoped that you would meet people who could understand you like you had found Jinyoung.

The boy was never one to feel touched, but when you confessed that you deemed him someone who could accept you for who you were, he felt immensely moved. He was overcome with this inward urge, this deep want to keep you safe that was just so jarring, he felt like catching his breath while only staying still. Yet, he couldn’t tell whether it was because he didn’t want history to repeat itself or because he genuinely wanted it to stay this way. He was, as always, torn, and he wasn’t sure whether he could get an answer to his turmoil of emotions.

Nevertheless, when you didn’t come to the library for a few days, Jinyoung immediately jumped to worrisome conclusions, and he even went as far as to ask from your homeroom teacher whether you were absent because of an illness or because something had happened to you. The elderly man reassured him that you caught some bug, so you would probably come back a few days later, and unbeknownst to him, he was relieved, lungs working to full capacity again, heart quitting those crazy palpitations he had while worse and worse scenarios were going through his head.

Interestingly so, the next time you met wasn’t even in the library, but at the sports day event where everyone was supposed to participate, at least as spectators, and he found you sitting alone on the bench of the grandstand, so he headed towards you.

You looked up as he approached, and there was a small smile hiding in the corner of your lips as you realised who he was. Upon the sight, he was yet again overcome by that feeling of protectiveness. He knew that just as much as he could make you smile, he could hurt you as well, and he didn’t want that, but he didn’t want to run away either. Not from you. Not from someone who didn’t push him for questions, who didn’t care that he didn’t talk a lot about his past, who didn’t care that odd rumours were spread about him.

Besides, his internal turmoil in the past few days prompted him to appreciate the time you two could spend together, and so he wanted to keep these times within an arm reach, he didn’t want them to slip through his fingers, to crush and burn, and be just a faded, bitter memory in the future of what ifs and could haves.

So he took the first step towards you, and then the next, and before he knew it, he was sitting beside you, both of you watching the currently playing students on the field.

“You didn’t come in the past few days,” he pointed out matter-of-factly while still keeping his eyes on the football match. He saw from the corner of his eyes that your shoulders tensed a bit, and you audibly took in a deep breath before answering.

“Yeah, well… I wasn’t really feeling well. The meds that I’m taking for my gut suppress not only the harmful stuff but the beneficial bacteria, so I’m more susceptible to illnesses. It’s not the first time it happened either,” you concluded a bit bitterly, and he could hear the hurt in your voice. Though you tried to mask it, though he had not always been good at picking up on the signs, he could tell that your condition bothered you - the fact that you were tending to one illness while leading the way for others.

“Are you feeling better now?” Jinyoung inquired genuinely after clearing his throat, and looked at you just in time for you to look at him. As your gazes connected, something inside of him burst, and it flew through him in waves of warm, comforting reassurance. Just the fact that you were beside him, seemingly safe and sound, lifted such a heavy weight off his shoulders, he felt like he could breathe again.

At least for the lifespan of this conversation.

“Yeah, I think so. Don’t worry.”

“I didn’t,” the boy tried to protest immediately, but you narrowed your eyes as if you were trying to decide whether to question his words or not. In the end, you did speak up.

“The homeroom teacher told me that you asked about me. He thought I was tutoring you or something like that, and that’s why you asked about me,” you replied without batting an eye, however, Jinyoung couldn’t bear to look at you anymore. Instead, he looked away, finding the currently running boys on the field much more interesting.

The truth is, the boy didn’t know why he was embarrassed about the situation. Worrying about someone after what had happened to Yonghee was still an unfamiliar feeling to him. He didn’t even know he was concerned about you until you didn’t show up at the library, but if there was one thing he had learned from the past few months behind him, it was that he couldn’t take anything for granted. Or anyone, for that matter.

“Anyways, do you want to exchange contacts? At least, I can tell you next time if something like this happens,” you suggested warily, breaking the silence that fell upon the two of you. Jinyoung slowly shifted his eyes from the field to you, but you were looking down at your intertwined fingers, your phone resting under your hands.

“Sure,” he found himself saying even though he wasn’t sure that it was him speaking. Even you were a tad bit surprised that he had given it so quickly, but either way, you exchanged contacts before you were called for a jogging race and needed to leave him behind.

Nevertheless, as you were walking down the stairs, you halted and looked back over your shoulder, directing a gentle smile in the boy’s direction. Whenever he saw you smile like that, the only thought that he had was for how long you could smile like that before he would paint it with agony and hurt, before he would ruin your blossom of affection, before he would break the heart you held out to him.

“Thank you. For worrying about me.”

Your voice broke through the overwhelming mass of his own destruction that was ready to bring him down anytime, and suddenly, in that moment, his heart whispered something else: maybe your smile was one for change, one for hope.

Jinyoung knew that they all blamed themselves for what had happened to Yonghee, and they had all changed since their friend had tried to commit suicide. Byounggon, for one, had dropped out of school altogether after he had realised that he had no power as someone who lived alone on a rooftop, abandoned by his parents, struggling to make ends meet with school and his part-time job. He had started working full-time instead. Seunghun, who had aspired to become a dancer before, had given up on dancing after he had not been able to go back to the practice room because it always reminded him of how his mother had died. He was completely lost for now. Hyunsuk, who had always tried to do well at school - to gain his parents’ love and his father’s attention who lived far away since his parents’ divorce - had started dropping in rank, even going as far as attempting to steal because he could no longer tolerate who he was, and how the supposed-to-be perfect Yoon Hyunsuk had not been able to help his friend because he had been blinded by his own suffering.

And Jinyoung, well… He had changed schools, but his guilt followed him everywhere. His parents said that they didn’t even recognise him anymore, but Jinyoung couldn’t either. Whenever he looked into the mirror, he saw his friend’s face as he had grabbed Yonghee by the collar and pushed him to the shelves, and he wished he could break the mirror, punch the glass until his knuckles bled, scream at the top of his lungs until he became speechless. The truth is, he felt like a part of him had died on the day Yonghee had jumped from the rooftop. Living was painful, but sleeping wasn’t peaceful either. He was constantly tormented by nightmares, and not even the sleeping pills could help - they helped with actually going to sleep, but not with chasing away his nightmares.

He wasn’t one to believe in miracles because he had tasted the bitterness of life, but you, you seemed to shine some light in the darkness. A kind of light that warmed him but also scared him at the same time. What if you were suffering in silence, and he wasn’t able to help? Again. What if he was to hurt you, either literally or figuratively? Again. What if he couldn’t take care of you? Again. The thought of anything happening to you made his already agonising days even more frightening. Staying away from you seemed as much of a bad idea as getting closer to you. He was truly lost in his sea of emotions, he felt like drowning.

And just when he thought that he was doing better, he realised that the hardest part was still left: letting go of the guilt when his friend’s state was still uncertain. However, if you hadn’t told him to think from Yonghee’s point of view, he would have never realised that Yonghee would want him to be happy. Yet, he had a panic attack once when you were in the library and he got a message from Seunghun saying that Yonghee’s heart had stopped for a while, but they had managed to resuscitate him. Afterwards, words just spilled out from him, and it was like an avalanche: sweeping everything up into the air, raging through slopes and destroying anything that got in its way.

Jinyoung told you that he blamed himself for everything, and that he was the reason his friend had still not woken up, and you let him speak until his mouth ran dry, until his words bled together, until his heart was finally brought out from the shadows, put in front of you to hold and decide whether to break it or tend to it.

You seemed to decide on the latter.

“It’s hard to say for sure at times like this, but usually, a decision like this is more about a handful of different things coming together at the wrong time, and consequences seeming daunting. Your friend might have also wanted things to be different,” you mentioned tentatively after you had let him tell you whatever he wanted. He figured that you had a feeling that if you interrupted him, you would hold him back from sharing the whole story, and he was sure that it could have gone down that way because he wasn’t one to talk about his emotions, especially not the ones regarding Yonghee.

“I don’t know…”

“He might have been happy while you had been together. It might have given him strength to hold out for so long. Something in him still wants to fight,” you reasoned gently, your words rolling off like drops of rain on a tranquil night just between fall and winter.

These were just words, mere syllables put together, but Jinyoung was struck, he felt his heart clench, his mind flooded with the memories they had made in the movie club, flashbacks of Yonghee smiling, the twinkling eyes of the boy, the childish giggle of his… and in that moment, Jinyoung realised that his mind was clouded by all the pain of the past few months, and he couldn’t see the joy, the care, the happiness before… It was as if everything else had been erased from his life apart from his wrongdoings and the events that followed Yonghee’s fall.

And in that moment, he found himself collapsing like pillars of a building that gave in to the massive weight on top of them, and cries broke out of him. Ugly, raw, heart-wrenching sobs that you didn’t try to muffle, you didn’t try to calm down, you merely let him like it all out.

And for that, he would always be thankful because he felt like he had been holding out for so long, he had tried to keep it all together before because he couldn’t crumble, he couldn’t cause more pain to others around him, but maybe it wasn’t about being a burden to others, it was about being human.

After so long without being in the same room together that was not the hospital ward, the four boys got together to read Yonghee’s letter, back at the music club of their old school. To be precise, Jinyoung and Byounggon’s old school. And you were right, Yonghee confessed in his letter that the only happy times he had were the ones he had with the four of them. Damn it, you were right.

No wonder tears were shed, words were exchanged, and after watching the movie they had worked on together, Jinyoung felt like something mended. It was as if with Yonghee’s fall, they had all fallen apart like broken pieces of a vase because there wasn’t a glue anymore that held them together - there wasn’t Yonghee there to keep them together. Yet, now they were together like this again. For a while after what felt like eternity, they were themselves again. It felt like maybe they forgave themselves. Not entirely but maybe forgiveness wasn’t as far as they had thought so.

And coincidentally, the next morning when Jinyoung was at school, zoning out during Maths class, he received a message in the groupchat that Yonghee had woken up. He didn’t think twice, he disregarded the exclaims of the teacher, the stares of his classmates and ran through corridors, streets, hallways, hopped on and off buses until his legs could give in and fall to the ground beside Yonghee’s bed.

Byounggon was already there, but through the waterfall of his tears, Jinyoung couldn’t see what state the boy was in, he could only see Yonghee's face breaking free from the stern lines - the ones that made him resemble a statue for so long - and his eyes - wide and bright as usually - focusing on him.

“Jinyoung…” He muttered quietly, and his voice - the one he could only listen to in videos on his phone before - seemed both familiar and brand new. He couldn’t believe his ears. His friend had not only woken up, but he also remembered him. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he added, voice raspy and words a bit uncertain, but the message was there, and if Jinyoung could fall even deeper, he would have.

“Thank you…. Thank you so… much… for coming back,” Jinyoung cried out, interrupted by his jarring sobs. Yonghee’s lips curled upwards slowly, and Jinyoung found himself smiling with him through his tears. Gosh, just how easy it was to smile again.

He didn’t know what he would have done if Yonghee’s heart had given up for good, but now, he knew that he wouldn’t take anything for granted again. Not his friend’s silent plea for help, not his parents’ support towards him, not his friends’ care, not the smiles and laughs and jokes, not the silly little nothings and the “I’ve told you so” sentences, and not you as well, not the chances he had been given to feel alive again, not the friends he had mended his relationship with again, and not the bond you two had created. He would cherish all of it as much as he could, and make sure that he would voice it out. Because he now knew that life was so precious, and despite it being hard on the living, it might have been more difficult on those who had left or chosen to leave.

Something within him gave in, and he felt like his lungs were working on full capacity, but not because he couldn’t breathe - but because he was ready to welcome more air, more life. He was coming back to life bit by bit.

A/N: If you or someone is in need, don't hesitate to reach out for help! A list of worlwide helplines can be found here.

We are never alone.

I want to clarify that I believe one could be a support to a person struggling, but it's still the person in question who has to find the will in themselves to keep going. So I purposefully didn't make it into a romance-focused story where the reader "saves" Jinyoung because Jinyoung needed to forgive himself and "save" himself, but the way the reader supported him, showed him a different way of life and put things into a different perspective helped him tremendously to deal with everything that he was going through. They both helped each other, to be precise.

In my story, I wanted Yonghee to wake up from the start, but only after the boys forgive themselves, yet in the story films, I think there might be a different ending regarding Yonghee's condition. However, we can see the boys slowly coming together and moving on in their own way, and I wanted to showcase that same kind of hopefulness by the end of the story.

I'm super proud of CIX for having such a storyline, for taking it so seriously and for showcasing all the different ways a person can deal with such things and find some salvation. Super proud of them for their acting, too!

As for my story, I know it might not be able to do the storyline justice, but I hope it could spark something in your nevertheless. Thank you so so so much for reading it!❤️

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

#cix #cix scenarios #cix imagines #cix x reader #cix x you #jinyoung #bae jinyoung #jinyoung x reader #jinyoung x you #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung imagines

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