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historia-jaeger · 6 months

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Avoid the obvious. - The Jeankasa discussion

I'm basing my contribution on this article here because it picks up on the theories I've already heard and has a few new ones up its sleeve. ~*~ The first big discussion sparked this picture:

Mikasa is seen visiting Eren's grave, with a man and child with her. Judging by his clothes and hairstyle, one could assume that this man is Jean. The Child is adoptet-Theory: The first thing that comes to mind when I see Mikasa with a man and children is: She is married and has children. But there are also people who actually believe that Mikasa got the baby from Historia's orphanage... I can't really refute it. So I'll leave it like that.

This scene has now been animated in a fairly small format. But you can see the color of the hair and the color of the suit. Here, too, it is easy to conclude that it is Jean.

The Man is to tall to be Jean-Theory: Based on the second scene, in which the man runs across the hills with Mikasa, he is estimated to be a little taller than Jean. You can see from the grave scene in the manga, that the man is exactly Jean's size. Especially because the man appears taller in one scene, because the landscape is sloping and he is therefore walking on a higher level like Mikasa and therefore appears a bit taller.

Source There are two different versions of the scene where Mikasa lies in the grave. In the manga, she lies in a bed as lilies. she has her hands folded in front of her chest. In the anime, Mikasa wears a ring on her ring finger and her grave is made of roses. These same roses are also on her chest. The flower-theory: The flower theory includes two versions. The one with the white lily and the one with the four roses. According to the "White Lily Theory", these symbolize Mikasas purity. Says that she hasn't slept with any other man and will remain loyal to Eren until death. Qoute: They are chosen for both weddings and funerals and symbolize the renewal of the soul. They can represent purity, commitment and rebirth, so they are often used to express compassion. - Source To make it short. Lilies are grave flowers. That´s why they´re put in Mikasa's grave and not to highlight her chastity.

Four roses means "Nothing will come between us", so Mikasa will love no one exept Eren. Okay. Is this is the right meaning, as I found out myself. Source But I see one or two Roses und two other Blooms on this Grave...

Source

Besides, you never know what colors the roses were. This is also important to know. Therefore I would rule out this theory. The ring of purity-theory: Mikasa wears a ring on her ring finger that looks like a wedding ring. But opponents of Jeankasa claim it would is a chastity ring. Unfortunately, that can't work, because Attack on Titan obviously takes place in Germany. The last date I could record was the year 850. Source

The “True Love Waits” movement, which also included the chastity ring, only became active in Germany in the 21st century. So in our current era. Source

The pioneer of the chastity ring was the chastity belt: There is no clear evidence that the chastity belt was already known in the Middle Ages. It is believed to be a myth that was invented and spread in the Baroque period to paint the picture of the “Dark Ages”. Other stories say that the chastity belt was invented by the Doges of Venice in order to effectively collect tax debts from prostitutes. Source

So it's pretty unlikely that Mikasa wears a chastity ring. In that case it would probably be a wedding ring. The Hairstyle-Theory: It is often said that you can't even know that it is Jean, because many people have that hairstyle. For example, Armin, who is often portrayed as Mikasa's grief companion. To underline this, antis often use such images:

Source In one picture Armin's hair is flying back and in the other picture Armin has actually pinned his hair back. But let's be honest, folks. When you have two people to choose from. Jean and Armin. Who will you choose then? Someone who has this hairstyle naturally or someone who doesn't usually have this hairstyle except in a picture?

Especially because Armin must have had a really big growth spurt to be Jean's size. But fine. Let's play a round of "Choose the Color":

All in all, it also depends a little on the exposure. But which hair color is closer to that of the man at the grave? Armin's or Jean's? The man's hair color is ash blonde. A color that not everyone in Attack on Titan has either. So... It can't be Armin but obiously Jean. ~*~ Other arguments: Jean whould never betray Eren with marrieng Mikasa: Did Jean make such a vow? - No. And I don't need to cite any evidence that Jean was definitely in love with Mikasa. Mikasa only rejected him, because she was in love with Eren and he accepted that too. But Eren is dead. Why shouldn't he be allowed to marry Mikasa? In the AOT-Guidebook it´s stated that Mikasa's martial status is single: When is the book from and how old was Mikasa? Prove please. Mikasa loves Eren because of what is written on Eren's grave, her scarf, because she let herself be buried next to Eren, and so further: I don't understand this concept of "just one or the other". Just because Mikasa loves Jean and has a family with him doesn't mean she has to give up her feelings for Eren. She is still allowed to mourn him, think about him and talk about him with others? I don't understand how things like this are always taken as evidence of "Mikasa only loves Ereh." And Mikasa can be happy without Jean, but she can also be happy with Jean. So why does the obvious always have to be downplayed? WHY Mikasa has to be with no one exept EREN? Her hidden Bandages: Why should the bandages be evidence that Mikasa didn't pass the symbol on them to her children? Maybe she doesn't want to present the symbol to everyone. Maybe she doesn't want to pass it on to her children? Maybe she had already passed it on to her "adopted" children and still covered her arms? How do you know that those in the picture are even bandages?

~*~ It makes sense that Mikasa is married to Jean and has children. Family has always been very important to Mikasa. Especially because she lost her family twice. It was only thanks to Eren that she threw herself into the fight against the Titans. As you could tell from her dream with Eren, she preferred a simple life to fighting. She cut her hair, because Eren wanted it that way. It was supposed to protect her from the Titans. Jean, on the other hand, found this so beautiful about her. Anyone who wasn't struck with blindness could clearly see that Jean was in love with Mikasa and knew that his feelings were not reciprocated. But this certainly changed after Eren's death. Jean also dreamed of having a family with Mikasa and the child in Mikasa's arms looks a lot like a baby.

It is quite logical to conclude from this dream that there is a real wedding. Why would Isayama bother to draw a family when it really isn't a family? Then he could have easily drawn Mikasa alone at Eren's grave. But he didn't. Mikasa is married and the first candidate for a husband would be Jean. Not Armin, not Farmer-Kun or some random guy. JEAN. ~*~ Thanks for reading.

#JeanKasa #aot last episode #aot last chapter #jean kirschstein #mikasa ackerman #jean x mikasa #attack on titan 139

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dawnrosheen · 5 months

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And in the middle of the noon, Mikasa realizes that she has also fell deeply in love with Jean...

#attack on titan #fanart #anime #artists on tumblr #jeankasa #jean kirschtien #snk mikasa #mikasa attack on titan #mikasa ackerman #attack on titan fanart #attack on titan the final season #aot the final season #snk the final season #shingeki no kyojin fanart #jean kirstein #jean x mikasa #mikasa snk #aot mikasa #mikasa aot

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thiccc110q · 6 months

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The Night We Met…. (Jean Kirstein x Reader)

SPOILERS FOR THE LAST EPISODE!!! ANGST! DEATH MENTIONED.Hey y’all, this is my first time writing in tumblr! Hopefully y’all like this!!! And please give any tips and ideas! Also, is femreader (she/her pronouns) Also this is inspired by “The NIght We Met” by Lord Huron.

The Rumbling…

Everyone was scared, terrified, hopeless, even…. broken.

Y/n has been part of the scouts going way back, since the incident of wall Maria. But even before, she knew mostly everyone in her group, Connie, Sasha, and Jean…

Reason why she knew them was because it was the first day of training and she had no partner. So, Shadis instead put her with Jean.

He was fumbling with his words but also being cocky as well. Underestimating you.

So when it was time to tackle each other, he was caught be surprise how you brought him down in the matter of seconds.

He looked up in pain but fought it over with a cockily smile, “What’s your name again?”

“None of your business you horse” You glared at him and left him there.

“HEY!!! ARENT YOU GOING TO HELP?!”

With that small introduction, it has been you, Jean, Sasha, and Connie. The four of you were the most annoying but yet strongest group.

4 years later, it has the toughest but yet, the best years of your life and Jeans.

Ever since the battle with Reiner, Bertholdt, and Zeke, you two have been getting closer than ever.

Him being more protective over you, he wanted to keep you safe, and made a promise to Marco to look out for you since the two of you were close as well.

During the first trip to Marley, it was crazy for you. You guys stayed there for about for bit while the others had to get things done before the battle. You and Jean decided to sneak out to a bar.

He was practically dragging you to the bar, the both of you laughing and almost out of breath.

He opens the door for you, “Well thank you, you good sir” You said

“No problem, my lady” He jokling replied.

You guys were there for a good while, just drinking and talking while there was slow music in background. That’s when the bartender announced there was only 10 minutes left.

Jean placed his cup down and looked at you. He couldn’t stop looking at you, how you looked so beautiful. And then he asked, “Hey, wanna dance?”, he held his hand to you.

You looked at him in a surprised but then relayed and nodded. You took his hand and he led you to the middle of room.

You guys both swayed to the slow music, while you had your head in his chest and he had his hand placed in the back of your waist. You can hear his heart race a bit, but took a deep breath and relaxed into him and closed your eyes.

In that moment, it felt like it was only you and him. And no one else.

“Hey Y/n…” Jean said suddenly,

You looked up, “Yeah?”

He looked down at you, then took another deep breath. “I’m afraid..”

“Afraid of what?” You took your head off from his chest, and looked at his eyes.

There’s a moment of silence, of only both of you looking at each other. “I’m afraid of losing you…”

A worried bit you asked, “There’s nothing to be afraid of Jean, I’m right here, with you.”

“ I know, but I’m afraid that im going to lose you , I promised Marco to look over you. To be more protective, but there was so much more into that promise. I want to keep safe, warm…. Loved” He spoke softly.

“Jean…”

“I know, it sounds crazy, but every since that day we met, I just knew that you were the one. You brought light to me when I was going through. You, you were the one to bring a smile and cared for me. And I want to do that you, I want to be there for you, I want to hold you and tell you everything is alright. I want a future with you….. I love you Y/n, ” Jean looked at you with gentle and soft expression.

You didn’t have words to say, you were speechless.

He took noticed and then sighed, “look, im sor-“ He got caught off by you kissing him on the lips. He kissed you back.

The kiss lasted for a good while until you pulled away and looked at him, “I love you to Jean… Ive been waiting for this” You smiled

He chuckled, “Same here….”

Jean couldn’t focus,

The rumbling has ended, but he was desperately trying to look for you.

You guys parted away, since it was a it easier to battle.

But he was worried, until he heard his name being called.

“JEAN!!! COME HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!” He heard Connie yell.

He hurriedly ran to him and then he saw the most terrifying thing he ever imagined.

A blade from the ODM gear struck you through. Connie was holding your head for support, he was crying.

First Marco, secondly Sasha, and then you…

Jean felt like he couldn’t move, until you opened your eyes and saw him.

“Jean…” You weakly said and tried to reach out for him. He hurriedly got down , Connie lifted your head to jeans lap.

“Hey beautiful…” He tearfully said,

“Jean… I’m sorry…”

“Hey, don’t say sorry, my love. You did your best… You know I love you right?”

You looked at him and smiled. “Yeah… I love you too Jean….. I dont want to go Jean” You were afraid to leave, to leave Jean.

“Hey, hey…. I’m going to be alright, you did your best my love”. Jean tears started to fall.

You smiled once more, “Hey Jean… please give me one more kiss..”

He gladly does, knowing it was going to be your final moment.

You felt his lips on yours, you raise your hand to touch his jaw. Suddenly, you get all the memories you had with him. When you guys first met, to grieving over Marcos death, to goofing around with Connie and Sasha, to him confessing his love to you. You smiled through the kiss. Taking your final breath.

Jean felt your body and hand go in limp.

He broke away from the kiss to look at you, how peacefully you looked. He pushed your hair behind your ear.

His body shook, and then started to cry more.

His cries can be heard from a good distance.

Connie stood in shock, his best friend has died.

And then a mist appeared. Both Jean and Connie looked up, saw you and Sasha waving at them. Smiling.

Then disappeared,

Jean can know live with that fact that you’re going to be ok.

“Please take me back to the night we met”

Hopefully y’all like it! Please let me know any tips and idea once again!

#attack on titan #jean kirschtein x reader #eren x reader #attack on titan x reader #connie x you #jean x y/n #jean x you #jean x reader #jean x mikasa #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein #jean kirschtien #jean kirschtein smut #jean kirschtein x you #jean kirschtein imagine

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captaindelighte · 2 months

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JeanxMikasa or ErenxMikasa

#mikasa #mikasa aot #eren x mikasa #eren #eren yeager #eren aot #mikasa ackerman #jean x mikasa #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot #snk

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fvstrthnu · 6 months

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they're just chillin'

#aot #attack on titan #aot fanart #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein #mikasa ackerman #jeankasa #jean x mikasa #singeki no kyojin #snk #snk fanart

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jjkeremika · 6 months

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Big Time

description: eren is fucking mikasa and she accidentally says jeans name so eren calls him while fucking her.

smut: yes

Eren was mad. She fucked up. She fucked up big time.

It wasn’t on purpose. The name slipped out of her mouth before she even realized it was inside. A split-second memory reinvigorated by Eren’s cock sliding in and out of her. Somehow that made it worse.

“What the fuck did you just say?” It was practically a hiss, the venom of his words stabbing at her like ten thousand tainted kunai.

His strong hands roughly grabbed her hips and flipped her around harshly, back now flat against the bed. Definitely leaving bruises.

His hand then roughly squished her cheeks and held her face still, forcing her to look dead into his eyes. The flex of his muscles was salivatingly distracting. He glared at her like she was an enemy he needed to eradicate.

He was seething, steaming. The sweat he’d perspired from pounding into her over and over again was now evaporating from the heat of anger. His eyebrows were tightly furrowed and the intensity of his stare was overbearing, burning holes through her body, the draft sending shivers down her spine.

Her mouth opened and closed as she struggled to find what to say. She wanted to say it didn’t matter, that she was with him now, wanted him right now. She said nothing, didn’t think it would help.

“Don’t you dare fucking lie to me.” He leaned over her, glaring. His fingernails dug into her thigh. She squealed at the sharp sudden pain. “Did you fucking say… Jean?” He spat out his name quickly like saying it would kill himself.

She didn’t respond, just swallowed loudly. Her heart was already racing from the intimacy and this was sending it into overdrive. But the extra blood didn’t pump to her limbs, just straight to the one spot between her legs. Where she could feel herself becoming wetter and wetter.

Eren stood up and pulled away from her; Mikasa lamented at the loss of physical contact. Before she could say anything to beg for him to come back, to forget what she said or even to teach her never to say it again, she heard the phone dialing.

Her whole body froze mid-sit-up when she heard another voice ring out in the stagnant air. “This is Jean.”

Eren glared at the half-fucked out girl on the bed. She closed her eyes, recoiling at the sound of the question. “Did you fuck her?”

Mikasa’s face was blushed bright red. She thought back to last night, when she snuck into Jean’s room.

“Who?” He played dumb, but everyone involved knew better.

Eren wasn’t having any of it. “You already fucking know who.“ His voice had lowered an octave, sounding eerily more hot and dangerous by the minute.

Mikasa squirmed in her spot, letting out a light gasp at the friction on her already wet and sensitive clit.

“Oh. You mean Mikasa?” She could hear Jean’s arrogant demeanor even through the static. “Yeah. I fucked her. What about it?”

Eren stalked over to the bed, towering over her. His eyes were dark, lip curled in a snarl, fist unclenched and clenched like he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do with her. To her.

“You want to hear about how wet she was?”

Mikasa watched each muscle tense throughout Eren’s arms and chest. She watched his chest rise and fall faster with aggravated breaths. He knelt onto the bed.

“How fucking loud she screamed my name?”

Eren’s jaw clenched and his grip on the phone tightened to the point where Mikasa wondered if he’d break it.

“Or maybe about how many times she begged me to do it again?”

Eren chuckled evilly, almost in denial. He tossed the phone next to her thigh on the bed. “Oh, you fucking slut.”

“Isn’t that right, Mikasa? You begged and begged until your voice was hoarse to bounce on my cock with those thick little thighs of yours. Screamed until not only your throat was sore.”

She closed her eyes and blushed deeper at the memory of Jean being inside her.

Her eyes opened in surprise as a hand roughly grabbed her hair and dragged her forward, causing her to squeal at the tug. Eren’s fist was wrapped tight in her hair, holding it above her like she was a dog on a leash.

“You just love being fucked, huh?” Eren asked lowly, rhetorically. He used his other hand to slide her legs open and almost immediately thrusted a finger inside, fingering her more roughly than before. “Treated like the slut you are.”

He slipped two more fingers inside and picked up the pace, squelching noises echoing in the room each time Eren’s fingers slide in and out of her soaking cunt. The noises were joined by the slight breaths and moans that Eren’s fingers evoked. “Doesn’t even matter who does it.” He glared at that; he really didn’t like that.

“Matters if it’s me,” was all that Jean added. She was surprised he’d stayed on the line.

Eren scoffed loudly and dramatically. “Evident as she’s fucking me,” he hissed in response to Jean, never breaking eye contact with Mikasa.

“Well, she’s coming over tonight, isn’t that right, baby? Repeat rendezvous but I’ll make it harder this time. Like you asked me to.”

Eren scoffed again. He removed his fingers from her pussy and lined his cock up with it instead. She shivered as he brushed the tip against the sensitive skin, teasing her while slicking up his cock with her fluid.

“We’ll see about that,” he grumbled before forcefully pushing himself inside her at once. She frantically fisted the sheet at the abrupt feeling and let out a slight cry of his name. “She’ll be too sore to leave.”

Eren pulled out slowly to catch her attention before slamming the whole length deep into her, satisfying a primal itch Jean wasn’t even able to scratch. Probably because Eren was longer.

“I’ll just come to her. Satisfy her the way a real man should.”

“You’re such a slut I bet you don’t even care,” he whispered in her ear, biting it as he shoved inside her again, her whole body jutting backwards with each thrust. “Isn’t that right?”

She moaned loudly. His lips traced to her jaw and stopped just shy under her chin.

“Say it.”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Mikasa.”

“Fucking dare, Mika,” Eren breathlessly countered, the energy draining from fucking her so roughly she’ll be hiding a limp.

She drowned out Jean’s voice with her own. “Such a slut, always fucking craving you.”

It was a miracle she had enough air in her lungs to make a sentence with the wind getting knocked out of her on each thrust. Eren’s grip on her thigh tightened and he moved it above his shoulder, his hips picking up speed and his thrusts gaining power.

“Craving who?” Eren teased.

“You, Eren, you. Fuck, it’s always you.” Not a whole truth, but not a whole lie either. Though in the moment it certainly felt true.

Right now, all she wanted was for what was happening to continue. For Eren to fuck her at full strength.

“How many times do I have to fucking remind you that you’re mine, eh?” Eren snarled in her ear, biting it afterwards, and grabbed another fistful of her hair. “Get it through your head. You’re mine.”

“Don’t fucking listen to that crap,” she heard Jean’s voice, muffled from the phone lost between the sheets. It sounded like he was moving, but the pleasure building made it impossible to focus on anything more than the enormous force pushing in and out of her, dragging her body with it, pulling her hair with it. He purred compliments into Mikasa’s ear that Jean couldn’t hear.

Eren groaned as he slammed inside her again, this time landing directly on the right spot. Mikasa loudly cried out Eren’s name, her fingers clawing into his bare back. Red marks and raised trails left behind.

“Fuck, I love my little slut.” Mikasa’s thighs were starting to shake as she rapidly neared her climax, her perseverance wearing thin from the repetitive force.

“Fuck you, Eren.”

“Our favorite girl is doing it for me.” He had an evil smile on his face as he replied. He knew he had won. She was his for the night.

Jean was eerily quiet as both of them approached their limits and climaxed together, Eren coming inside her and Mikasa shouting his name and biting his shoulder as he kept sliding in and out.

Eren held himself over her as they both caught their breath.

“You’re my whore, Mikasa. Don’t you ever fucking forget that.”

#inspired by some toji fushiguro smut i read that i can’t find #eremika #eren x mikasa #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #aot #snk #eremika smut #eren smut #mikasa smut #jjkeremika #i have to tag myself bc i wrote it lmao #snk jean #jean x mikasa

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motheryves · 6 months

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spoilers for aot s4

no bc why did jean pull the "im here if you need somebody to talk to" on mikasa?

eren died and that nigga got straight to business 😭

#that man fr said “im here if you need a shoulder to put your leg on- i mean a shoulder to cry on” 😭#jean aint waste no time 😭#that nigga stood on BUSINESS #mikasa ackerman #jean x mikasa #jeankasa #jean kirstein #attack on titan season 4 #attack on titan #aot #aot season four #aot season 4

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keischreiber · 24 days

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Sometimes, I like to think that Mikasa and Jean get married not solely based on whatever romantic chemistry that could have formed for themselves throughout the years, but due to the mutual love and respect that they have for Eren and his wishes.

Jean marrying Mikasa, his love for her so great that he accepts that he will never truly be the person that Mikasa wants to be with, but is willing to be her partner so that Mikasa doesn't have to live in solitude, waiting for the time when she can finally meet Eren again.

And Mikasa marrying Jean not because she forgot Eren, but because she wanted to honor his last wish for her to be happy. And in moments like this, realizing that what Jean offers isn't a replacement for Eren, but a safe space for her because Jean understands Eren in a way that she or Armin probably doesn't... is comforting.

Because in their own way, Eren and Jean wanted to protect Mikasa from a cruel world, using their own strength and their own means.

Love isn't always just about the sex or the romance, but a way of communication that allows people to grow and be fulfilled despite the losses one had incurred.

And if this was the intention, to me, it doesn't really matter if Jean ever announces himself as Mikasa's husband... or Mikasa announcing she's Jean's wife, because at the end of the day, for the both of them, the bond that they have as not only friends, but companions that understand each other transcends the titles that people are so often desperate for.

#kei's mumblings #jean kirschstein #jean #mikasa ackerman #mikasa #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #in matters of the heart #i think Jean understands Eren and Mikasa the most #because he knows what it's like to be on the place of someone who loves someone so desperately #that he'd want to protect it regardless of what he himself felt #jean x mikasa #jeankasa

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serotosin · 3 months

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mikasa doing the orange peel theory with jean but with a twist:

mikasa: i kinda want an orange but i don’t want to peel it

jean, clueless as ever: oh? then what’re you going to do?

bird eren, pissed off that jeans clueless ass isn’t getting the hint: * flies through window and starts aggressively pecking jeans head*

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bluebird722 · 2 months

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Giving a Chance

Summary: He thought that his feelings would go away after the three years. He worries that she will not give him that chance. An imagining of the final episode.

Pairing: Jeankasa, implied Aruani

Rating: K

AN: So the inspiration for this story was born right after I began scrolling through AOT posts on Instagram (since I started following Jean's, Mikasa's, and Pieck's English VAs' accounts) and saw how downright nasty people can be to each other in the fandom! Anyone who even mentions Jeankasa faces an enormous wave of protests from Eremika shippers, people attack each other for suggesting that she deserves to move on and be happy even without him, and commentors fight over the whole "virginity/flowers" symbolism. It got to a point where (aside from not wanting to look at even AOT fanart anymore) I thought if Yams intended for Jeankasa to be endgame, why not illustrate how it could have evolved? How could a character continue to love the one who saved her life and still develop a loving relationship that would give her joy? I hope you enjoy reading of it as I had dreaming of it and putting pencil to paper.

Jean eagerly combed back his hair and tried to conceal his excitement that, after three long years and the most trying years of his life, he was getting closer to the dream life about which he had been dreaming for years. Any time that something was not going as intended or he missed home, he thought about what he still needed to do: get his dream apartment, find the right woman, save up for the best liquors, have a baby or two, and contemplate that he was good enough of a person to deserve those fortunes.

For whom am I trying to look good for? he thought to himself, reflecting on Pieck’s question. Not just the ladies who will read history books one day–but good looks and good vibes go hand in hand, he thought with a smirk. All they needed to do was meet with the Queen and other diplomats, and then a visit to the grave, and then…whatever else he needed to do before his dream life–much better than if he had joined the Military Police as intended years ago–could finally begin.

Then they arrived back to Paradis, wrapped up their meeting a little before twilight, and made the trip to the grave, where Mikasa was waiting for them at the bottom of the hill, and Jean felt like the atmosphere had crashed around him.

As Mikasa embraced Armin, who practically lifted her off her feet in their hug, he noticed how much she had changed, from her hair length to the style of her clothes now that she had given up the way of the warrior. He had rarely seen her in anything both so casual, so feminine, and so civilian, so the combination of pink and blue gave her a new aura of beauty. She even grew out her hair, the long hair that he remembered adoring when he first met her.

She’s still so beautiful, Jean thought to himself. However, that was not the moment to think about that. Now was the time to mourn their late friend, who died for freedom.

Jean managed to concentrate on the burden and peace that Eren had left for his beloved friends to save the destroyed world and make it better, but somehow it was easier imagined than experienced. It’s all right, Jean, he thought. Soon Paradis will be at peace. Maybe one day we can imprison or reprogram the Yeagerists, and my family won’t have to live under the Queen’s protection anymore, and then I can focus on having the perfect house and family…

Then he looked up at Mikasa, who was comforting a weeping Armin, and felt a sudden heavy pressure in his chest. All those feelings that he remembered having since they first met and stifled every time he saw how she had feelings for Eren, and feelings that he continued to suppress until they didn’t give him a dull ache in his heart, came back.

Jean gazed at her out of the corner of his eye as they waited to lay down flowers. She had already set down four–the number meaning that nothing would separate the two of them. Even after everything that Eren had put her through, risked for their loved ones, and inflicted upon the outside world, she still felt the same about him.

For three years, he thought that he had gotten over Mikasa even at the mention of her name. Then just the sound of her voice and the change in appearance unlocked what he thought was long gone.

***

The ambassadors were to stay in an undisclosed house until the Queen was certain of their outside safety. Connie, Armin, Reiner, and Jean shared one half–two men in each room–while Pieck and Annie had their own, with a kitchen between for heating tea and a bathroom for each group. After visiting Eren’s grave and a quiet dinner with the Queen, the ambassadors went to their undisclosed house while Mikasa returned to her own that the Queen set up for her and in which she was safe after returning home from Marley. Mikasa, however, was not ready to return yet. She visited with the ambassadors, caught up with them over tea, and informed them of how much worse the Yeagerists had grown. Some Paradi natives were willingly moving out of the island in hopes of finding a better life in a foreign land. This unsettled Reiner and Pieck, who planned to move back to Marley, while Annie was uncertain about her future.

“As long as we’re together,” said Connie, “do you think…we could survive this?”

Only Armin was fully convinced, but Mikasa expressed hope that it was possible.

***

Groaning, Jean kicked away the blanket and sighed into his pillow. Sleep could not come to him for two hours. It was black outside, and his body ached with fatigue.

Careful not to wake up Reiner in the other bed, Jean carefully opened the door and walked barefoot into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror, with his preferred stubble length and the hair that remained polished and well groomed even after a long day.

Then he unbuttoned his shirt, turned on the faucet, splashed cold water over his face twice, and cried harder than he ever did in his life.

For goodness sake, Mikasa, he bitterly thought, which made hot tears run faster down his cheeks, why can’t I get over you?! It’s been three years, and I thought things would change! If you wouldn’t change, I could… It’s been three years, and I still think about you that way! I still dream about falling in love with you, imaging you as my life partner, the mother of my children—things that I never imagined until we were getting ready to stop Eren!

Jean weakly looked at himself in the mirror. I could be everything you want, everything you need, but I’m not him! I could give you everything I have and more, but you would still love him more than anything else in the world. If you could have your way, you would bring him back to life and have a life with him–a life…a married life that I would not want with anyone I didn’t feel as I did with you! He hung his head and sobbed. Why can’t I let you go if you don’t want me?

I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone, he thought. You deserve love and peace, to know that there are people out there who love you and only want the best for you! Even if you gave me a chance, I would never tell you to forget about him! I would still take you to visit his grave, I would never make you get rid of that scarf, and if you ever needed to miss him, I could spend hours awake at night with you for as long as you needed it…

Jean took deep, haggard breaths and let the tears fall with the droplets dripping from his face and hair. I could be everything you want and need, but I’m not him.

***

The conferences with the Queen and the island’s earliest cohort of allies continued on for about two more weeks, leaving the ambassadors exhausted every night. It was more tiring than if they fought the Rumbling all over again, but their temporary house and tightened security gave them some assurance that things could change for the better. Dinners in which Mikasa joined them sometimes helped, though it only bothered Jean even more.

Fortunately, despite the Yeagerists taking over the island, the inhabitants continued to live as before everything changed. With mainland influence came new fashions, new technologies, new music, and new food. Two days before Reiner and Pieck were to board a steamboat back to their birth country, the alliance decided to go to a street festival and see to what extent the cuisine and fashion were growing on the island.

Jean tried not to look at Mikasa, who stayed at Armin’s side the whole time, as they walked around the festival. Some vendors were selling different flavors and types of bread, the people at an ice-cream stand were handing sample cups to about five children to taste before choosing what to buy, and, to Connie’s absolute delight, a vendor was selling various kinds of fried chicken, which he had become obsessed with while staying in Marley.

“What do you think, Mikasa?” he eagerly asked the black-haired woman who blinked at the different options like she couldn’t comprehend how people could make so many ways to make chicken taste different. Fortunately, Annie said that they would have one of everything just to let Mikasa try one of everything, from mild to spicy to sweet.

Jean sat on the opposite side of Mikasa when she and the alliance sat down with all kinds of chicken. Some of it looked gross, and some smelled so appetizing. Watching her eat from the chicken bone was kind of amusing, in Jean’s opinion, as were the faces she made. Some were too sweet, some seasonings could go together, and even some of the spicier ones were rather good. Annie, naturally, selected the ones sweetened with brown sugar and caramel flakes; Connie wolfed down his meal–one of everything, like Mikasa’s–and went back for more.

“So tell me more about the foods you ate in Marley,” said Mikasa to everyone, “and what you got to eat that I didn’t have when I…when we first went there.”

Everyone had a story to tell. Armin recalled trying grilled and fried and sauteed duck, and attempting to make his own. Connie talked about something called a sloppy joe that was messy but downright delicious. Jean mentioned escargots and how people flavored the snails. Annie, Reiner, and Pieck said that one day, hopefully soon, Mikasa could go to Marley and not be limited to just vanilla ice cream; Marley sold, and continued to make, drinkable ice cream called milkshakes offered in many delicious flavors like chocolate, peanut butter, fudge, and caramel.

Mikasa nodded along and was full after eating all the chicken, but she was so glad to try each flavor. “I will definitely taste each one,” she said quietly. “I just can’t believe that we missed out on so much.”

Jean shrugged but grinned. “That’s why, when I meet the right woman and have children, I’m taking them to events like this so they can grow up experiencing everything that I would have really liked when I was a boy.”

Most of the alliance smiled, but then Jean felt the blood drain from his face. Why did he have to mention a family, children, at that moment? Sure, he knew that adults had an expectation on children to grow up and become parents, and Jean knew his parents felt the same about him, but to actually realize that a family life was something he would like even though he never really imagined one for himself until the Rumbling was starting, when he used an imaginary future as an escape from reality, struck him almost painfully.

Well, he thought to himself as they started talking about something else, just remember–it’s not worth having a family if you are not happily partnered with someone who wants to be your partner on the biggest project of your life. Then he looked at Mikasa and the scar that he remembered from his dream. It just wouldn’t be her, since she wouldn’t want to have had a family with anyone else.

***

After Reiner and Pieck’s steamboat faded from view, Mikasa accompanied the remaining alliance to the shared house, with the Queen’s security team, to spend the night and rest so they could wake up early the next morning to reunite Connie and his mother. Annie, who had decided to start over with her life in Paradis but hoped to visit her father soon, ordered cookies and tiny cakes to munch along with their afternoon tea and sat by Armin’s side the entire afternoon. Jean, who had cooked for everyone omelets like his mother had taught him, knew that Armin was jittery about their seating position but still could not wash away that horrible feeling of jealousy.

It was a nice, sunny afternoon that day, so Jean decided to finish his work outside and conclude the day’s sunlight with his sketchbook and charcoal. Drawing was like reuniting with a friend long separated since childhood. Jean appreciated how much bigger the city appeared now that the walls were gone. He no longer felt like cattle trapped in a pen when he thought about what he had experienced.

“Jean?”

The voice gave his heart a prickling sensation. He cocked his head at the eyes that haunted his most recent dreams. He chastised himself for thinking of how beautiful she was when he knew that she could never find him as attractive. “Yes?” he hesitantly asked.

“Are you done with your tea?” she asked with her finger pointing to the cup and saucer at his side, to which he shook his head and said that he would be in later for a warmer brew. He wanted her to leave him alone so he could forget about her and fall head over heels for someone who would love him over any other man in the world.

Then again…Eren tried to push her away. He insulted her, said nasty things to her that were devastating to someone he considered a sister…but she still held on.

I’m not him, Jean thought to himself. He looked up at Mikasa peering over the balcony at life below them. He inched closer for sketching inspiration. Two children who looked to be brother and sister were carrying armfuls of books that he suspected came from the new library. An elderly couple walking by ate a doughnut split in half. Two women, one hugely pregnant, were lounging outside a cafe and laughing.

Jean sighed to himself, wistfully hoping that he didn’t have to make too many more painful sacrifices for strangers below to live these deserved lives, and noticed that Mikasa stared under the balcony and then turned away with an almost pained expression. You don’t deserve her, he thought to himself. In a fresh state of anger, he tore in half the page on which he was sketching.

Mikasa sharply moved her head in his direction. “Jean?” she asked. “What was that?”

Jean looked down at the paper half crumbled in his fist and closed his eyes. Lie, he told himself. “Just…I just hope I’m heading in the right direction,” he said. He felt her looking at him and knew that she wasn’t going to look away. Sighing, he went on: “When I was a boy, years ago… I used to sketch what I wanted in adulthood, like how I wanted my home to look in the Military Police, what the city would look like from my window…even…” He swallowed. “...even how…how I imagined what my future wife would look like.”

Mikasa didn’t move or change her expression.

Keep making things up, he thought. Don’t let her suspect anything. He looked down at the sketchbook with a heavy sigh. “But then…things are taken away from you.” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. “Like, the Battle of Trost, and seeing what happened to people we knew and trained with…and how I didn’t want to join the MP anymore…”

Still, Mikasa didn’t move or make a face. Jean looked away from her. “And thinking…with all that’s going on here in this island… would I be able to find someone, a woman…even though…” He stumbled and swallowed. “Even though this position as ambassador is supposed to be for the greater good of this island…what woman would want to risk her life to be with me if being an ambassador meant that Connie’s and my families had to rely on the Queen for protection?”

Mikasa knelt down at a reasonable distance from him. “Don’t you think that the right woman would want to take that risk?” she asked in her usual stoic voice. “If she loves you so much…then it would be a worthwhile relationship.”

Jean twisted his mouth. “But now…it would be hard to find her, because of the Yeagerists.” When Mikasa blinked, he explained: “Like, you don’t know who believes in them and who secretly opposes them, but you’re at a point where you can’t trust anyone for fear or retaliation.” Jean stared at the charcoal under his fingernails. “And let’s say I meet and fall for someone who used to side with the Yeagerists. I…I don’t know if I would be able to look at her the same, knowing that about her.

“Like…you know how Rico is a Yeagerist? And Hitch?”

Mikasa nodded with her mouth in a straight line.

“Let’s say they stop being Yeagerists and decided to work with us.” Jean sighed. “Like…knowing what I know now, I–I could never see myself really being even friends with them at this point in my life. It’s like when a friend lies, and it can ruin your friendship for so long, if it’s not already destroyed.”

“I understand,” said Mikasa.

Jean opened, then closed his mouth, and finally gave in. “Do you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It is already difficult for me now, especially because of my affiliation with Eren. They know how close we were, so I still get Yeagerists asking me to join them, and they always say that he did it for me, for everyone on this island.” She shook her head. “No matter how much I miss him…I could never associate myself with a group that would proudly kill innocent lives and children. What he wanted was beyond my limits, and as much as I did not want to take his life…”

Jean felt guilty for bringing up painful feelings and angry with himself for reiterating that her love for Eren was strong enough to overlook where he hurt her indirectly, such as a desire to kill even children. He remembered questioning why in Liberio he couldn’t kill that boy who turned out to be Falco. Was it because he himself was unwilling to murder a child? It didn’t matter anymore. He set down his sketchbook, picked up his cup and saucer, and walked inside, where he washed the cup and saucer through grinding teeth. I’m not him, he thought. I could be everything you ever wanted or needed in a partner, but you would see only him and fantasize about him every time we–we…

Jean tried not to think subtle thoughts–of bedsheets, of panting, hands grasping bare backs, two bodies bringing the other to pleasure, morning kisses and nuzzles, and arms around waists, of two bodies trying to spend as much time together as possible. He closed his eyes and pushed his forehead against the cabinet.

For goodness sake, why can’t I get over you?! We’ve been through so much together, good and bad, that I thought these feelings would go away! You would not even want to imagine me as anything more, let alone even dream of a married life with me! You could marry as many men as you’d like and still insist that you be buried with that scarf and beside Eren at the tree, because no man’s love could ever fill that hole that he left you!

“Jean?”

He cocked his head without pulling away from the cabinet. She had come back inside and held his sketchbook and charcoal in one hand. “You left this outside. It’s supposed to rain later today.”

His sigh was not in relief. “Thank you.” He listened to her set down the sketchbook and turned back to the saucer under the soapy water. Why can’t I let go of these thoughts…

“Excuse me?”

Jean slightly jumped. It was Mikasa’s voice. “What?” he asked.

“You said something under your breath,” she pointed out. “Something about thoughts…”

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just…lost my faith that things could get better.” He resumed washing the cup and saucer, but she didn’t move away.

For someone who didn’t like to talk about her feelings, she was making it awfully hard to deny his emotional turmoil.

“That’s odd to say, coming from an ambassador who is working towards peace,” she said in her usual monotone.

Jean remembered when he said that he could not imagine being friends with Rico or Hitch should they leave the Yeagerists. He knew that confessing his feelings to Mikasa would destroy whatever relationship they had, and that she could never think of him as a friend again. Frustrated, he dropped the porcelain in his hands and hung his head. “It’s been three years,” he croaked, “and…I still can’t rid of these feelings I have. I thought that my time in Marley, and being an ambassador–they would go away. But then I came home after these three years…”

He gripped the edges of the sink. “I thought they would go away like my ambition to join the Military Police,” he spat. “But these feelings…why can’t I force them to go away?”

“Feelings,” she repeated.

Jean felt set up and swallowed nausea bubbling in his throat. He looked at her over his shoulder. She was somehow even more beautiful than in the cadets, despite the trauma and pain they endured from fighting the right and wrong enemies. “Mikasa,” he said with burning eyes, “I didn’t save your life, I didn’t wrap that scarf around you, I didn’t let you live with me after your entire life changed in one day…but…”

He clenched his teeth after his rushed speech. “I could be and give you everything you wanted and everything you needed, but I’m not him! I could love you with every fiber of my being, but it wouldn’t erase the pain that he left you.” When the tears came, he brushed them away. “I just want you to be happy–like Armin does, like Connie does, like everyone else, I want you to be happy.” He took a shaky breath. “I just don’t want you to be unhappy and mourn over what had been, or a dream of what could have been. I told you to kill your best friend, your soulmate, and that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life.”

He turned away his face and rinsed off the cup and saucer to put on the drying rack, but before he could turn around, a hand touched his arm. Her expression didn’t change. “I thought we could be allies again, friends…” He bit his upper lip and watched the water go down the drain. “I should never have brought this up.”

Mikasa took a shaky breath and moved her hand up his arm to his shoulder, and Jean had no other choice but to meet her eyes. “Do you see yourself…giving yourself that chance?” she whispered. “If I let you…would you?”

The nausea was coming up his throat again, and Jean made himself swallow, though it was like gulping down scalding water. “If you let me?” he repeated. He shook his head. “Even if you gave me that chance… I would never make you forget him. I would never tell you to throw away that scarf. I would spend hours awake with you if you missed him so much that you couldn’t sleep at night. I would take you to his grave as often as you wanted to go. I would never make you do anything that you didn’t want to do, or become someone you were not. I would vow to you above myself, in good and bad.”

Jean’s heart was thumping so fast that he worried that he would have a heart attack. He put his wet hands on her waist without thinking and hitched his breath. “I never pursued women in Marley, and I didn’t know why, not even other Eldian women.”

Mikasa’s eyes were of uncertainty, and Jean felt even more guilty and ashamed of himself for making her feel like she had to give in to his dreams that he harbored for years, and that he could promise her a lifetime of happiness even if he wasn’t him. He dropped his hands from her waist, but then her hands–slender and warm–cupped the sides of his jaw and lowered his head so she could kiss the middle of his forehead.

***

Jean struggled to swallow the mouthful of soup, and not just because it was boiling hot–it was spicy, like the peppers that Marleyans warned made people cry. He inhaled and moved his blistering tongue around his mouth. “Good heavens, that was hurtful,” he panted.

Mikasa twisted her mouth. “I know,” she said, “but you know that the doctor said that this will clear out your system, kill the virus in you.”

Jean turned his head away and sneezed into his sleeve. “Ugh…felt like I sneezed out a chili pepper,” he groaned.

“You may as well have,” said Mikasa. “Your nose is bleeding.”

Jean, groaning louder, sat up and impatiently pulled the shirt over his head despite his aching muscles. “Sorry to keep adding to the laundry load,” he heaved as he fell back onto his pillow.

“Do not apologize,” said Mikasa. “I’ll let the soup cool down and take this outside, all right?”

“That sounds good,” Jean whispered.

At that moment, the door opened, and a pair of tiny footsteps walked into the room. “Marco?” said Mikasa. “What is it?”

The five-year-old’s face was on the verge of crying. “Mama…my throat hurts…” He threw back his head and sneezed into the crease of his elbow, trailing colored snot.

Mikasa immediately stood up and lifted her son onto her hip. “I’ll take you into the bathroom, and you can have a nice warm bath. It’s good for fighting the flu.”

Marco whined and rubbed his forehead against her collarbone.

Mikasa had just stepped out of the bedroom when she heard heaving and lurching in the bedroom across from hers. Without knocking, she opened the door and saw her little girl sitting on the floor with her face in the wastebin pulled between her pale, shaking legs. Poor thing was too weak to walk to the bathroom. “Sasha? Sweetheart?”

The three-year-old weakly lifted her head and started crying. “Mama… make it stop… It’s like sloppy joes…”

Mikasa swiftly helped Sasha onto her other hip and carried her children into the bathroom. She positioned Sasha’s head over the toilet, drew warm water, helped Marco out of his pajamas, and lowered him into the tub. The boy nearly yelped but then closed his eyes. “I don’t feel better yet,” he whined.

“You will,” his mother promised. “It will take time.” She glanced over the tub and saw that Sasha was on the floor, pressing her forehead against the tiles. “Sasha!”

Sasha protested when her mother tried lifting her. “No, Mama, my head… it feels nice…”

“If you keep laying like that, Sasha, you will only get sicker.” Mikasa removed Sasha’s nightgown and placed her in the tub beside her brother. At their mother’s instruction, the children held their breaths, pinched their noses, and dunked their heads under the surface. Once they came back up, Mikasa gathered their germy pajamas and told them to relax and not try to drown each other while she went outside. She would come back very soon, once she hung the new load to dry.

After five minutes, Mikasa finished hanging the soaking clothes and bedsheets, had unclipped the dry linens, and carried the basket back inside. She set everything onto the kitchen table to fold later and hurried back up to the bathroom. She opened the door and saw that the children were not in the tub.

Before panic struck, she instantly saw tiny droplets of water trailing into her and Jean’s bedroom. Mikasa followed the trail and peeked inside.

Marco cuddled to his father, his head on Jean’s ribcage, while Sasha was curled to Jean’s chest. Both children were wearing fresh sleepwear, and they still had towels wrapped around their heads. The three of them, aside from the occasional cough, were napping quite peacefully. Mikasa smiled to herself and left the room to give her sick family peace.

She went into Sasha’s room to strip off the soaked bedding, but the sheets were already pulled off and in a pile at the foot of the bed. On Sasha’s pillow was a sheet of paper with Jean’s recognizable handwriting: I got this for you. You go take a nap. You deserve it.

***

When Mikasa woke up from her nap, it was already dark. She didn’t hear coughing, so the children were probably still sleeping. She could probably take down the hanging laundry from outside and set up the beds for when the children woke up.

Mikasa went downstairs with a candle, but before she went outside, she peeked into the kitchen and saw that not only was the laundry that she brought in earlier folded and stacked on the table, but also folded were the children’s sheets and pajamas that they wore before their bath. Her mouth twitched in affection, and she went into the kitchen to pick up everything.

Inside, however, she saw Jean, wearing only slippers and a towel with droplets of water on his bare back and arms, at the stove, tending to the spicy soup that she fed him earlier. He turned his head when he heard her approach him and smiled. “Did you have a nice nap?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “You, um…”

Jean smirked and ladled the soup into a small bowl. “Do you want one?” he asked her. “I suspect that you forgot to eat before your nap.”

He was always like that, worrying that Mikasa starved herself. She shrugged and said why not. She accepted the steaming bowl and waited for him to sit across from her before she ate. It was both spicy and hot enough to fully awaken her.

After the usual questions that Jean was all right, that he enjoyed his bath, how well were the children sleeping, and if anyone vomited or had trouble holding down food, Mikasa beckoned to the basket and folded cloths. “Why did you fold them for me? I could have done it.”

Jean shook his head. “I know, but you deserve rest. You may the only one of us who will remain in perfect health while everyone around you gets sick…but you’re my wife, my dearest love.” He set down his spoon and put his hand over hers. “Remember–we’re in this together, caring for the biggest, most important projects of our lives.”

Mikasa cocked her head and smirked. “I know–”

“But,” he cut her off before she could continue, “that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave you to everything.” With those words, his thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. “Remember what I said all those years ago? That I would put you above myself in good and bad times?”

Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Jean continued: “I wasn’t saying that so you would give me a chance. I said those words because I meant them, just as much as I do now.” He pulled her hand to himself and kissed her knuckles. “I love you too much.”

Mikasa could not count how many times she heard him say those words, but they always gave her a light feeling in her chest that lifted her spirits. He knew that he could never erase away her old love, nor did he attempt to, but the joy he gave her because of the love he gave and the love that he had for their children made Mikasa glad that she gave him that chance. It was unlike how she imagined her future for years, but sometimes she appreciated how her life in reality was even better than her dream life.

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