#ive gotta be happy all the FUCKING time

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

ahaaa. redraw of this oldass drawing

#art #my art #digital art #digital illustration #fanart #gintama fanart #sakata ginko #sakata gintoki #gintama #this took me longer than it shouldve #what can i say im lazy as fuck #idk if ive said it here before but it always bares repeating: none of my art is finished im just finished with all my art #i dont go into any piece with like a vision of it im goin purely off vibes n i stop when i think theres nothin else i can do other than jus #startin over #so im not like suuuper happy w this but i do like it better than the original #ur allowed to like the og better but dont tell me bc itll make me sad lmao #haaated the hair & face on the og & i am satisfied w both now #also the lil thing of the pattern was sooo fun to draw i almost put way too much fuckin time into that i actually feel like i did anyways #but im srs its so fun #the strawberry was a pain i made a no strawb vers n i kinda like it more but. i gotta post the strawb version #i put too much effort into the strawberry. and yet. not enough. basically i gave up ✌ #its what i do best #um. i might make more gintama art. sorry lol #ik i said it like in the tags on my last post the lil sneak of this piece but like sorry if u followed me for any fandom in particular #i lure u in w 1 good piece for ur fav media & then i disappear for months & come back w a completely different fandom #bait wait and switch #anyways lmfao thats the post

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this

[possiblytracker]

academia win(?)! this weasel turned in their dissertation

#i feel like ive been hit over the head with a brick repeatedly so this is easier and funnier than #reassuring several different people im alive one by one while im still fucked up khgSDK. hi tho #sorry to all of my friends i will individually apologise for evaporating into a fine mist later when my braincells regenerate #shaking and sobbing and foaming at the mouth i dont want to look at this ever again but i have to make a presentation on it #and talk abt it to an audience next week #give it a 60% chance the supervisor asks me a question and something within me snaps and i just start biting/j #im happy with most of how it came out tho. most of it #my procedure and study was so so shit my only saving grace is that i could fill out an entire discussion section with how much #shit i had to criticise and pick apart down to the goddamn seams. #by the end i wasnt even sure if i studied what i claimed to be studying the entire time but thats whatever i still get marks for saying tha #anyway im running on 4 hours sleep and a fistful of cereal and have to brave public transport later #and family stuff. its my sisters birthday so i gotta go home. which might also kill me #but i will be back on social media and talking when i feel less like a corpse i prommy 👍

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet #the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful #for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body #like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this? #did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ??? #my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol #u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i #feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i #mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill #still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not #so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is #to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great #its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in #the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things. #i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live #in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear #but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly #idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D #that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see #unrelated

[katanasspirits]

Me: I wanna gatekeep my own vtuber model

Also me: Im so happy and proud of it i must share with everyone cause if more ppl see it more ppl might want me to draw their next 2d vtuber model and GOD i hope they do i actually really enjoy this process

#vtuber #vtube model #live 2d #live 2d model #XUJSJEJRKFKDKFN #THE LEGS #lOOK AT MY LEGS!! #ehehehhe #im so happy and proud of this im not even done with it yet ive still gotta figure out my tail and wings #but STILL #IM SO EXCITED #i still havent decided if i wanna commission someone to rig this for me or if i wanna take a crack at it again... #but god last time i tried with my first model attempt my brain EXPLODED #i couldnt process ANY of how things were supposed to work #i tried telling myself 'its like learning a new art programe' over and over again but it was so much new information to take in all at once #and i was on a month long time limit bc thats how long the free trial thing lasts so i was like #oh god oh fuck oh SHIT *explodes* #but. if i dont get some commissions of my own coming in soon. i wouldnt be able to commission anyone anyways... so.... #eugh

[itsnotmydreamdaditsyours]

mfs be like "have you talked to a threapist" like its not $200 an appointment & i dont already know whats wrong w me

#personal #they can tell me what to do & whatever but i Know. like I Know. but i cant eliminate stressors in my life and im just sad & lonely all the #time and im sorry but a therapist being like i need you to go do these things to feel better when i already know or talk over trauma ive #already come to terms with isnt going to do anything. #its stupid but i really just need a new job and a dog i take care of bc itll give me a schedule i cant ignore and also affection. #and like. literally nothing makes me feel better than a dog. bc like!! it makes you get out of bed and leave the house & remember to eat & #go to the store and makes you laugh and petting is something to do with your hands and they lick your face when you cry and sleep with you #at night and are so happy to see you when you come home. need a dog :/ #and like. dogs will make you wake up & go to sleep according to them which is much better for your sleep cycle since its natural #i need a little dog to pick up & carry around as emotional support. like anxious as fuck? hold little dog. sad for no reason? hold little #dog. need to get out of house? walkies. dont want to get out of bed? sorry bro gotta feed and let the dog out. might as well get myself #something to eat as well while im up & get dressed. gotta keep things clean so my dog doesnt get into anything. gotta go food shopping #instead of ordering bc i gotta grab dog food as well. cant die gotta take care of my little guy #sorry im just :( spent the week feeling bad and just saw puppies all weekend and im like. i need a fuckj g emotional support dog

[chisatowo]

I forgot to post this yesterday but uhh take some sea story protags ig

#keese draws #oc art #oc #ocs #furry #furry art #sfw furry #still need to figure out how to draw kickz (the shrimp one) better but I love them all #oh and the other two on the right are named miko and kii #very happy kii gets to be an actual character now I love their design and low key made this story just so I could use them fgndhd #should make designs from randomused color pallets moee often ig fgndjdh #but yeah kickz uses he/they/she prns miko she/he marabele she/they and kii they/them #honestly feel like I should add sea to marabeles prn list in honor of beloved mutual mar /j #might be too on the nose but also on the other hand poggers pronouns for character who lives in the ocean = fuck yeah #Ive gotta stop having ocs that share names with ppl I know or that the ppl around me know fjfndkdnt /j #fun fact seth was actually semi named after a step cousin of mine so hes probably the only one done with the person in mind fykfdjdj #anyways kickz is kii's housemate and they live in some caves near a mostly inactive underwater volcano #kii spends most of their time hunting for the bucher in a nearby town and theyre generally well liked there #kickz doesnt go out nearly as often though and spends most of her time studying magic and different languages #kii found kickz a couple years back super disoriented and unable to do basically anything and helped get them back on their feet #well in a swimming way ig fkgmfkfnd #but they didnt seem to have a home or even much of a past that theyd speak of so kii just let them stay at their place #they occationally visit town to borrow a few books or restock on spell casting stuff but is considered a mysterious figure to the town #but things get ~wacky~ as these weird corruptions start happening as wildlife start freaking out more and getting suddenly super agressive #kii seems to be able to undo these corruptions though even if no one including them rly knows how so most ppl dont pay too much mind to it #it does start getting more concerning though when it starts affecting bigger and bigger creatures along with even townfolk #theyre still managing fine but concerning none of the less #mar shows up corrupted one day and kii manages to pin them down long enough to get the corruption undone #and blah blah mar has no memories so they are like heyyyy kickz u also have fucked uo memories right #she doesnt but she still offers to study mar a bit to help learn more abt them

[scoreplings]

i am reallt in love btw i think im going to marry this guy uhm.

#help. not any time soon yknow like. idk #theres some stuff in our relationship i would not be okay with long tern so. we gotta figure it out #but we’ve talked some and its better than it was and honestly he is #amazing and the best thing that has happened to me in a long tjms #last fall i was like wanting to kill myself and all that and he was the main thing that kept me sane lol #and he loves me and hes my boy and im his puppything and we are like in love and stuff #and i miss him so much and #this morning he was asleep but every time i tried to get out of bed he’d whine and pull me back to him and thats maybe the sweetest and #cutest thing ive ever seen in my life. in his sleep #and he makes me happy & safe and nobody’s ever made me feel both of those at once i usually have to pick lol #not fair we’re only going to be able to see each other once a week for a fucking YEAR im going to tear colorado apart #but it will be okay we’ll make it

[ajdrawshq]

you love them...... 0(-(

#today you're happy . #oh boy i gotta run thru the whole house this way. time to 100% this shit i guess #unless i can loop forward . hopefully #woageoahwoahwoah woah. hey. siffrin my buddy???????? are u good. holy shit dude #WOAH. okay. thats. hm. YOUR ATTACK LOWERED? #theyre literally nerfing themself so they dont scare the shit out of everyone. well #SADNESS WILL FLEE FROM YOU. OK #things are gettin weird today #ooo his title changed.. when did that happen.. #HEY !! ANOTHER SIFFRIN AGAIN. is spacetime getting fucked over by all these loops. not that ive had too many.... this is loop 20-something #oh. oopsie. looked at too many things and Odile is onto me. uh oh #surely that wont come back to get me later right. right #that is actually a bit scary tho. tbh #oh shit bonnie WAS listening to that conversation huh #man it would suck if i lost this loop. but i dont think i could stomach doing that on purpose lmao #it would also be hilarious if i died to pineapple right now. which im assuming is a thing bc of Loops warning earlier #omg i love bonnies interactions when theyre not being mean to sif theyre so silly #why is everyone treating him like a puppy today.. except for odile . who is still suspicious. #even if she figures it out somehow i dont know how she'll like. bring it to light? or do anything abt it?? #will she react badly to it at all ???? i mean its Weird but half of the evidence shows that sif did it to help more than anything #tho she could draw different conclusions.. #isat #isat spoilers #'you feel happy???' 'even though youre not friends.' hey dont do that.

[trans-estinien]

cannon Eleutherios and unsundered azem au Eleutherios are so vastly different to each other. and its very fun to think about

one of them got sundered so his shards are the ones to experience all the things the game presents us with. Eleutherios simply exists to haunt the narrative. hes been dead for a long time and will continue to be dead. Koda'an knows absolutely nothing about Azem besides what the game gives us.

the other has lived through everything. the first final days, the sundering, the rise and fall of the allagan empire, all of it. and it has changed him so much. only in dawntrail will unsundered azem au Eleutherios really start feeling like himself again.

#i rlly gotta think about pre sundering eleutherios more. hes so fun #guy who is just so full of energy and love all of the time #present day (unsundered au) eleutherios is so. so so so. fucking tired. all of his fun energy? gone. hes still full of love though #ALSO. cannon eleutherios is so tragic to me. he died completely alone. which is the LAST thing he EVER wanted to do #but he felt betrayed by both Venat AND the Convocation. Hythlodaeus was dead. all of his friends were dead. #he had such a wonderful life and it crashed and burned at the very end and im soooo fucking insane about it #its a tradeoff really #cannon eleutherios never got to go through as many of the Horrors. but he also didnt get the happy ending. #while unsundered au eleutherios DID #eleutherios (azem) #unsundered azem au #having a time. my thoughts on this guy are being coherent enough to post on tumblr. youre getting snippets of the lore ive got in my brain #enjoy

[izzy-b-hands]

sometimes u just gotta. randomly scrub most of ur bathroom on ur hands and knees . to feel useful

also, clean bathroom nice

#text post #mum was over for a lot of the day bc her bf was with his kids #and it started so nice!!! i got braver abt chinese food (lots of Textures I've been working on getting used to) since having some in CT #and tried a bunch of different new things today and liked most of it!!! #ate more in one sitting than i have in uh. long ass time lol #but then she ended it by asking why ppl aren't getting back to me re: my applications more and i should clean x & y like this instead of th #and on and on until she left and she didn't mean to be mean i know that #but im still struggling with the more phobic tasks and while it is clean in here it could always be better so she's right #im just. still working on it all and trying to be better no matter what #anyway the bathroom is one im hella phobic abt and i had to wash my hands five times after finishing up but #maybe she'll be happy #but i cant tell her i did it or she'll ignore it #i gotta hope she notices the next day she's here #fingers crossed she will!!! #also that one of the now 300+ overall resumes ive sent out since before i even quit the clinic will get back with something concrete #that isn't a scam and doesn't give a million red flags in the interview #or that interview me but then reveal they already know they're doing an inside hire but gotta do so many outside interviews first #or my fave: ur a good fit and qualified and they loved ur interview but my supervisor said no & idk why #been getting more of those again and like. what the fuck do i do with that lmao

[snekdood]

Im not uncomfortable when people eat meat around me. I am however uncomfortable when people expect me to eat it too otherwise im weird or have "bad vibes" or whatever bc some of you assholes decided all vegans are fascist or whatever

#get over yourselves lmao #stop larping as a revolutionary attacking random ppl for not wanting to eat meat #i promise some of us just dont want to do it and dont like the idea of eating an animal. im sorry that makes you mad for no reason???? #like leave me alone lol #you're not unveiling some secret hidden belief i have i just feel uncomfortable with eating meat #im a hypersensitive fuck who cries all the time even at happy stuff so wtf do you expect from me #god i stg some of yall really want to feel special all the time and think you can just spot the Secret Bad Person when sometimes #ya gotta recognize when its just fucking paranoia. #fucking hell. #anyways that last post triggered this thought in me bc of shit ive experienced w ppl before

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏 #i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

[fabulouslygaybean]

god. im scared

#realizing that i lost all of my teen years to trauma and bullshit like that. and that it forced me to be an adult way sooner than i - #- should have needed to be. #im turning 17 in a whopping 13 days and just. im terrified. like genuinely scared. #my family is having a lot of financial issues rn and im probably gonna have to pick up another job to help my mom make ends meet #and i think she wants me out of the house by the time i turn 18 so i gotta hurry. #idk how the fuck im gonna find a job where i can make enough money to help my mom while also letting me save up for an apartment while - #- also helping me cover all of my own costs BEFORE i turn 18. so food and medical stuff and clothes and such. while also having enough - #- time and energy to balance my final two years of high school AND somehow have a social life on top of that #i dont know how the hell im gonna pull it off. i dont feel like an adult but i have to be one already so i just gotta figure it out i guess #ive already lost the rest of my teen years. i shouldn't be sad about losing the last few. i don't have time to mourn. #my mom keeps saying that i need to stop stressing out bc its my birthday but like. the problem is my birthday. #sigh. i should be happy this month. im turning 17! im going to riot fest! i like most of my teachers this year! i have a bit of freedom! #but i don't feel happy. im just violently reminded that time has passed way too quickly and that im running out of time for everything. #im also violently reminded that i very much do not feel like an adult. even though it's only a little over a year till im 18. #i still watch cartoons and buy stuffed animals and have sleepovers with friends where we gossip about school and make pony bead bracelets #i cover my notebooks with stickers and laugh at immature jokes and have glow in the dark stickers on my bedroom ceiling #just. idk. i keep trying to catch up for lost time but i just have to keep rushing foward faster than i can handle. its weird. #sorry to post disappointing shit. im just tired and my body hurts and im stressed and scared and sad. nothing's going right. #in better news. after i get a job to pay for it i can apparently get a birth control prescription without parental consent in my state #i might finally be able to escape from my debilitating monthly pain! ill be able to function!! #im also gonna be getting myself a lowkey ugly rottmnt birthday cake from a grocery store because its my birthday and i can do what i want #so im still stressed and scared but ill have a day with friends where we can play games and do stupid shit and act like teenagers i guess #it'll be nice :')

[gh-art-blog]

Update on a painting I've been working on since the beginning of May(for a class project) and have been working on pretty much when I'm not doing chores.

I didnt work on it during June cause summer school and crap, but other than that I'm still working on it.

Just finished the purple and I'm going to go and work on a second layer of orange. Later on I'll back and touch up the edges on the pink and blue.

But my inspiration was to redraw an album cover by Savannah Saturn! (TrippyDraws on TikTok)

I wanted to redraw it in a style similar to hers, referencing the artwork she does. and trying to play around with the title "Open your mind" and what I associate with it.

All the art I'm going off of for the background. I'm making it in black and white with a sharpie so I'm going to try and do something similar to the black and white portions of her art.

But uh yea, just thought I should give you guys an update/ sneak peak of this and the progress I'm doing on it.

I have a sheet of paper the size of the canvas that I'm going to sketch the background design on and transfer that sketch to the canvas and do it in sharpie.

The area that looks like I killed orange and red is some paper I taped to the back so I could paint the edges and not get paint on my black desk.

#painting #artists on tumblr #acryloncanvas #acrylpainting #wipart #TrippyDrawsArt #Savannah Saturn art #spaceship #paint on drips #someone help please #ive been working on #this for so fuckin long i just want to be done #but my brain is saying no fuck you #but im happy with how its turning out #and im having fun while doing it #who cares as long as im having fun #sometimes you just gotta #trust the process and other times #you gotta just paint over it entirely and start again cause you dont like it at all.