#ive been unemployed since fucking . February

[curioscurio]

Told my dad about possibly getting a lot of money forgiven bc of Bidens student debt forgiveness thing and he responded with "well Sallie Mae called me again today." (He's my cosigner)

Me: "Oh. I'm sorry. We're working on it and-"

Dad: "Well you'd better work on it faster."

Like thanks Dad! I just wanted to share some good news for once, god forbid you be happy about it or say anything other than bring up another reason why you're unhappy with me 🙃

#vent #ive been unemployed since fucking . February #ive been taking commissions as much as i can but ive been majorly depressed and in chronic pain to the point where i couldnt fucking #get out of bed let alone work #so yeah ive been living with my parents trying to manage my bills but its been fucking hard as shit #these last 2 weeks have been amazing and i hope things keep going that way it just sucks when im finally getting back on my feet that #that i try and share good news with my dad and he just can't resist berating me #anyway

[jennilah]

jenna is talking to tumblr instead of a therapist again

I have a bad habit of not realizing im isolating myself until its arguably too late & the cabin fever is already setting in

ive always been told its the autism but i have no idea. maybe it is. maybe it isnt. I will go months completely on my own before suddenly hitting a stretch of weeks where im like "wait. wtf. im so LONELY. where is everyone????"

i talk to my friends online & i love them but we're all in the same city. i want to SEE them

i know they care about me but i need to be the one to clarify i want to hang out in real life & not discord sometimes. im not blaming them, nobody is a mind reader. in fact, im making a different point. theyre all paired off and live with their life partners and probably dont consider my situation cuz i dont bring it up often

i. am. alone. and while most of the time im totally fine in solitude, sometimes it hurts real bad dawg

i havent been working since february, and every time theres an industry blockage, or back during the major lockdown mandates, i will sit around for months on end before realizing "hey wait a minute.... I used to talk to people every day at work. i havent been doing that. i fucking MISS people"

Gonna hang w work friends tonight and my brain is already like "SOCIALIZING!!! PEOPLE!!! WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THINGS AND LAUGH AND DRINK AND BE MERRY. MY GOD, THEY HAVENT EVEN SEEN MY NEW TATTOOS YET."

i need to invite more of my unemployed homies over for stoner parties we gotta fuckin get through this industry stoppage together (haha im getting more and more stressed by the day hahahahaha)

#jennilargh

[bronzebtch]

nervous energy ft. personal issues (warning: long af) under read. but really im fine! just nervous <3333

so actually. for those who dont know, i'm 25 right? and im asian. there is some cultural context in there but im not gonna elaborate. but like, in december 2022, i was on this job — i was an assistant producer for a documentary company — and i... long story short: i really did love the people we interviewed, the places we've been, and the crew i was working with. but at the same time, the very person who was from my company (cause we outsourced most of our crew) really.... sorta really did me wrong. and ah!! im crying again writing this a little haha. but like, what i got away after quitting the job was that i was .... just this horrible fucking co-worker.

and the thing is, i know i did good. i know i did the best i could with what's given. like i was on my ass everyday arranging the people / the places we're meeting (bc we're dealing with a lot of academics and historians and museum curators etc), making sure the documents are settled and prepared, and having to be on top of the crews' general health whilst making sure we were wrapping on time so we can get to our next location. like!!! i really wanna believe i did well. but i also know i made some mistakes bc the miscommunication between me and my co-worker was so, so bad. and it just.... it left me so scarred.

and i kept thinking, you know. it's me. if i wasn't such a bitch, maybe this wouldn't have happened. but i also know logically its just honestly horrible miscommunication, and it was both our first experience on a back-to-back travelling documentary (hes like,,, 35+ male btw). and my co-worker and i did sit down and talked it through, but i still.... i left that meeting for some reason, like. not the same. like idk how to say it. i got home, and i had one of the most awful breakdown i've ever had. (like, to the point i got nervous trying to pick out a shirt to wear bc i didnt know how to dress myself.)

long story short, ever since i quit my job (ive been unemployed since jan 2023), i have not touched my computer for almost two months. i was so genuinely scared of it. making rhea in late february i think was like, the first courage i had to open up my laptop, and i'm so happy i did, and i'm so happy the friends i did gather here were welcoming as hell. you guys will have no idea how much everyday you guys encouraged me to do something else besides just.. mourning for my fate. i got motivation again to create because i'm writing with many of you. but the thing is... i've been trying to apply for jobs but i cannot do it. i can't. i can't open my email. i can't open my whatsapp. it terrifies me!!! and i don't know what to do, because i want to have a job, i want to keep moving forward, i don't want to always be afraid, but i am!!!!! i am!!! and im so sick of it!!!!

i want my parents to be proud of me again!!!! i had so much potential and i was so smart and i was so bright, i graduated with honours and 3.8 CGPA, and now what am i!!!! im none of those things!!!!! i feel like all i am are my mistakes!!!! and im so frustrated!!!!! and i want to get my shit together so i can provide for my sister and i can go out and eat with my friends!!!! but my god, even waking up sometimes is so, so hard. anyways .... i know this is long, but - if you're wondering why i'm slow atm, this is why! bc im rlly hoping i'll get a job by april :(( i'm okay though. i just. i need to let this out somewhere.

thank u for reading. rant is over :')

#GENERAL: OUT OF CHARACTER. #so ....... its me? hi? im the problem its me? #but honestly .................... i just wanna find that courage again. thats all. #being terrified all the time is so scary. would NOT recommend

[honexjams]

aint posted a selfie in a while but ive gained 20 lbs and my hairs curly now jtfo

#i fount out that the way i was drying my hair was like straightening it #so all i did was dry it by scrunching it instead of like wiping it and bam. nice #i been living with my fiances mom and gmaw for the past few months and also unemployed #so mawmaw food + nowhere to go means chonk time #i got a job now tho been there a week it slaps #also the fiance n i live in a top bunk in a bedroom w his mom n 6yo brother we struggle bussin since my grandparents kicked us out of they o #old house we were staying at #But we looking at 3br houses to rent w some friends and its looking doable #should be out by february 💪 #also im like a year and a half on t #dont look like it tho jtfo ive prolly missed a combined like 2 or 3 months of t shots cos i keep having issues at the oharmacy #its chillin tho #i have a top surgery consultation in may #it was supposed to be in november but they pushed it way the fuck back #u get what u oay for ig and this surgerys gon be free so i aint oressed lmao #but yea jus a life update for anybody that cares for funsies #talkin.555 #its the me #also my plugs r finally at a 00 i been procrastinating stretchin em forever #wanted to get to 14 or 16 mm like years ago n im only just at 00 jtfo #ALSO i got my ged finally like a few months ago #been dropped outta hs for a year #give ir take ionno like a month or 2 before shutdown

[oktobearfest]

Tag Game: Get To Know The Mun

Answer the questions below and tag 11 people you want to know better! thanks for tagging me @bokuroyaoya!! 

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise?

erin is fine i dont have any nicknames :^)

2. When is you birthday?

february 23rd

3. Where do you live? (You don’t have to give city, you can give the state if your USA or country if you are overseas)

maryland, usa

4. Three things you are doing right now?

listening to music, playing toontown rewritten and browsing tumblr as per usual

5. Four Fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

i try to avoid fandoms as much as possible due to the annoying freaks in them but i like overwatch, disney stuff in general, one piece and animal crossing

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

eh i’ve been doing okay. my dog had to have emergency surgery a few weeks ago and she’s currently recovering so that’s been stressful to deal with atm. i was also supposed to go to florida last week but my trip was cancelled due to covid-19 so i’m sad about it. :’) my family and i are safe and healthy which is most important right now

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

kumulipo / e pua ana ka makani - makaha sons of ni'ihau. so relaxing to listen to while playing video games and doing general internet browsing

8. Recommend a movie.

i said this the last time someone asked but i’m still out here harassing people into watching this 90s disney channel aladdin movie. this has to be the dumbest but also funniest movie ive seen in a long time i LOVE it

9. How old are you?

23

10. School, University, Occupation, Other?

currently unemployed and looking for a job. i’m looking into going to grad school next year

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

cold. fuck the heat

12. Name one fact about you that others may find unusual.

not my proudest moment but during my trip to japan last year i was so drunk that when i was in yokohama on the ferris wheel i tried to jump out of it

13. Are you shy?

yeah 😔

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

she/her

15. Biggest pet peeve?

a bit personal since i’ve been getting it a lot lately but i cant stand when people ask me when i’m gonna have kids and when i say i don’t want them i ALWAYS without fail get the “oh you’re young you’ll change your mind” speech. why is what i do with my body your business? lmao shut up

16. What is your fave ‘dere’ type?

what?

17. Rate your life 1-10, 1 being really crappy and 10 being best it could ever be.

uh i guess a 5-6? i don’t have many friends, i dont have a job/not in school, im depressed but at least i have somewhere to live and im not sick

18. What is your main blog?

this one baby!!!!

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for.

dont have any

20. Is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

i hyperfixate on a lot of stupid shit and i wont shut up about them. im also very annoying ❤️

anyone i tag isn’t obligated to do it, it’s just for fun but uh i tag @4gottenname @james-the-apple @buttqueef @ellensenergyadventure @solarsyrup @justpeachybabey @kuso-leon

thats not 11 i know LMAO

#it really took me 5-7 minutes for me to remember a fact about myself huh

[cocotine]

ok this sounds really stupid but im so scared of getting another job and hating it, bc i just spent a whole year at a job i hated and it fucking destroyed me. to the point where i still haven’t animated anything since my contract ended in february and im honestly scared the only place that will hire me is the one i just left. ive been applying to tons of studios but there’s so many unemployed animators that are so much better than me right now that i can’t get anything at all. i know i should probably just get like a retail job until things settle down but im scared that if i do ill end up falling into a vicious cycle and never going back to animation again. 

also last year i was uhhhhh physically incapable of working 10/10 days in a bi-weekly schedule? not to be a millenial or whatever but every 2nd week like clockwork id have to take a sick day and just lie in bed & do literally Nothing for most of the day. and that really REALLY scares me, because from my experience there ARE NO part-time jobs in animation so :) :) :) fuck

#blabber #its easy to be like well capitalism is evil and the 5 day work week is trash but like.....i can't change that so im just stuck with this

[nojobnodiet-blog]

I have no job

For the first time in my adult life, I have no job. 

That’s not entirely true. When I was 22 and first moved to New York in September of 2007, I had no job. I was unemployed until Halloween of that year, when some unassuming sap hired my dumb 22 year old ass. That experience went about as well as you think it did.

Since then, I’ve been employed. I made it through the Great Recession of 2008, 2 career changes, 3 gut wrenching break ups and I kept my cool and my job. Until last month.

I figured I might use this excess of free time to get a hold of my health, particularly because 2016 was a “new relationship” year, and I gained the requisite new relationship 15 lbs, which I’d begun the process of starving off. I was 6 pounds down when the fire was lit, which temporarily fucked me up (no cure for joblessness like pizza!!) but I got back on track.

Then my appendix burst.

You’d think 2 days in the hospital with nothing to eat but fluids from an IV would be an excellent diet, and you’d be moderately correct/incorrect depending on how you look at it. I only lost 2 pounds b/c while I wasn’t eating, because I also wasn’t *moving,* and I gained 1 of them back while I recovered from my infection...aka, when I used my 2 day starvation diet as justification for a 36 hour cheeseburger/ramen binge.

So in total, 7 pounds down now. 8 to go. But I’m not on a diet because I can’t bear it. It’s February, and I have no job, and very little motivation. I’m feeling like a big dumb go fuck myself and I refuse to take away food, one of my only true refuges.

Instead I am just “managing” myself slowly toward weight loss by counting calories and logging food everyday in my “Lose It” app, where I also log my exercise.

To be clear - I hate exercising. Yes it makes me feel good and usually puts me in a better mood, but I still hate it. The real reason I force myself to do it is because it lets me add calories to my daily budget. I will begrudgingly elliptical myself all the way to that extra ounce of pasta, because pasta is worth it. Amen.

I’m going to log what I eat here, too, because I don’t have a lot else to do, writing is kind of fun, and because I like to mentally go over what I ate and I enjoy reading other peoples’ diets, so maybe some of you will enjoy mine.

#diet #funemployment #unemployment #food diary