#get out of bed let alone work

[curioscurio]

Told my dad about possibly getting a lot of money forgiven bc of Bidens student debt forgiveness thing and he responded with "well Sallie Mae called me again today." (He's my cosigner)

Me: "Oh. I'm sorry. We're working on it and-"

Dad: "Well you'd better work on it faster."

Like thanks Dad! I just wanted to share some good news for once, god forbid you be happy about it or say anything other than bring up another reason why you're unhappy with me 🙃

#vent #ive been unemployed since fucking . February #ive been taking commissions as much as i can but ive been majorly depressed and in chronic pain to the point where i couldnt fucking #get out of bed let alone work #so yeah ive been living with my parents trying to manage my bills but its been fucking hard as shit #these last 2 weeks have been amazing and i hope things keep going that way it just sucks when im finally getting back on my feet that #that i try and share good news with my dad and he just can't resist berating me #anyway

[sneeb-canons]

Headcanon #500:

Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.

Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"

Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.

#kiiiiiiiinda just saying what is a bit talked about in the album but eh #i like this #fun fact: i made this & saved it as a draft back when it was just barley over 100 #finally being posted at 500 #wanting to post my own at each hundred mark cos why not #i say that but there's only one more submission in the queue atm soooo #send me your headcanons now to make my own ideas for special occasions get it like special hahaha [please send more i only have so many] #[idk what to do after I run out help] #haha anyway #next are my old tags from when i first made this post #cj soul #cj mind #cj heart #chonny jash #wow did KJ just attempt to make an angst headcanon? never thought that would happen #anyways idk how much this makes sense but eh it works #if theres anything to get from this or how my ideas with them work #mind can be overly paranoid. heart can be too protective of himself. and those idea make them believe the other has it out for them #soul has no idea how to really deal with that let alone what he's supposed to be #or something along those lines #idk its 5am man idk what im talking about #i need to go to bed pfft #chonnys charming chaos compendium

[toastybugguy]

sciles is the “you came” “you called” romance trope except it’s both of them all of the time, and no that doesn’t make me emotional at all it’s fine I’m totally normal about them don’t look at me

#on one hand I’m emotional but on the other. giggling a bit #they’re sort of dramatic #like it happens with them so often that their continuous affectionate surprise when the other shows up… everyone else is like ‘okay guys’ #‘let’s wrap it up shall we’ #imagine them living their domestic life and in the middle of the night Scott has to go help like Liam or Isaac or something #Stiles shows up n he’s like ‘omg bae? 🥹’ #bc sneaking out works better when you don’t share a bed. and ​Stiles is like ‘I’d never let u take this on alone babe…..’ #Isaac (GAGGING): You drove for like half a mile #Malia: You guys never turn your locations off it’s not that hard— #you get me. they’re dramatic. but also it is SO SERIOUS #IT IS NO LAUGHING MATTER. but also giggles. but also DONT LAUGH THIS IS SERIOUS. #teen wolf #scott mccall #stiles stilinski #sciles #scott x stiles #toasty talks

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?

#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages #i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible. #i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns. #and i want these people to get their stuff #yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed #i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered #i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt #but got distracted #so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email #delivered an hour ago #i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore #it is like this every single day #like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me. #if i have no future and no hope. #if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library. #if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to. #can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible? #i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living #man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l #can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it? #can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly? #this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years #my grandma is fucking 91 #my great grandma died at like 93 #i can’t even do another year of this man #i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september #i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30 #let alone anything after that #my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long

[redhead-reporter]

#THIS. all of this #i mean don't get me wrong mj LOVES sex but like #yeah if you're not fluent in physicality? it ain't gonna work out #º ✧ 。 let’s not make this all about business aesthetic #º ✧ 。it's too much when i'm in this bed alone desires

[livvyofthelake]

woman experiences transcendental joy after clocking out of work for the day

#i want you all to know that this morning i drove to work with a bloody nose. like i got ready and then my nose started bleeding and i had to #drive one handed halfway there while i waited for it to stop #and also i stayed in bed ten minutes late and didn’t get to do my full getting ready routine so i look horrible and feel worse #and then they asked if i could stay late and i said yes (????) #can’t wait to go home and have my dad be passive aggressive at me for not having a job. #(in case you missed the obvious insane thing about that. i DO have a job. he’s mad because i haven’t figured out a ‘career’) #which i haven’t done because i cannot imagine a bearable career in this society. let alone the field my degree was for. #and also. i’m literally lloyd dobler but a 23 year old girl

[spaciebabie]

WE NEVER GOT OFFICIAL MOON KISS IN 2022 😭

y'see the thing is i was planning on releasing it during my winter break but going straight from extreme burnout from school ta working on releasing a weekly comic would have made my mental health really bad and i would not have ended up resting at all.

in order for me ta make stuff i like and that im proud of, i afford myself time ta rest. like i could have blasted thru them and i had the full intent ta, but it was just Not A Good Idea and i hadta force myself ta recognize that.

#spacie splains #it was a bit ambitious of me i am always ambitious and end up over estimating myself 😭 #was supposed ta start releasing two comics again as well 🙃 #see how that turned out #it takes a long time ta work on those btw its like 2 straight days of drawing. and if it turns out i dont like how i planned something out #i usually change it right then and there so thats more time #i only have like 3 weeks of break so you'd only get 3 comics anyways #b4 it'd go on hiatus b/c of school #but again it would not have been good for me i could barely get myself out of bed that first week let alone draw a whole comic #you will get your moon kiss when it is healthy for me ta work on it #dont feel bad abt sending this ask btw i understand it is something that many people are excited about #im trying ta learn self control so i dont like. irreparably damage myself #like what i did this summer was fun but the way i went abt it was not healthy at all lol

[the-casbah-way]

when i wake up after a meltdown im like ok im going to be nice to myself today and then i end up being just as mean to myself in my head as i always am except i’ll also maybe let myself go to bed like an hour earlier as a treat

#i guess saying im going to go easy on myself doesnt mean youre going easy on yourself maybe #everyone is like be nice to yourself after an episode. and im like what does taht actually mean #how do you be nice to yourself #do you just call yourself a good boy in your head every time you manage to stop yourself from jumping out the window #but then like even typing this im like girl get a fucking grip everyone cries until 4am and screams into their pillow #you dont need to fucking give yourself a spa day just because youre depressed get a fucking grip #but then im like i would never think that about someone else let alone say it to them so . #but then im like im different to everyone else i get different treatment because im fucking horrible #but then im like is any of this really that deep maybe i should just go back to bed i cannot be arsed keeping my eyes open anymore #i'll just have some irn bru and NOT beat myself up for doing a bad job with down then left #and then i'll try and stop doing a bad job with down then left and if it doesn't work i will Not spiral over it again #and then if im feeling crazy i will let myself sleep #if youre still reading these tags hey. thanks for reading all this. can i kiss you with tongue

[dot823]

im going through hell right now

#i can hardly make myself even do things i like doing #let alone things i need to do #even eating is a struggle #because the effort of getting out of bed and getting food is too hard #and also i cant afford to just buy food because my family is poor as fuck right now #i spend hours just on tumblr or instagram or talking with friends while doing nothing constructive and then i feel exhausted and pass out #i need to do my taxes and i need to deal with work things or get a new job and i need to be an adult #but i cant even get myself to play my favorite video game im so down #the idea of even having to leave my house for four hours to work is too much #putting on pants is a lot of effort #and i cant apply for disability bc ive tried and it's so goddamn hard and they expect you to remember everything youve ever done #and every penny you've ever held #and god FORBID you have family or friends who have ever given you money to help you #its literally ridiculous #not to mention the state of my house is horrible bc my whole family is depressed #and i want to move so badly but i cant even afford the gas to get to my friends house even if i just loaded my car up and left #im struggling #my mom gets paid in 8 days and until then i have approximately 2 frozen meals and some pasta i can eat #everything else in my house i cant eat because of dietary restrictions and most of it is expired anyway

[slippery-minghus]

...

#really struggling with treating myself with any sort of respect right now. let alone the gentle care of my bedtime routine #i thought about putting myself to bed without my adaptive devices so i'd intentionally get a bad night's sleep but it isn't worth it #lmao and i've slept so badly the past two nights anyway i doubt tonight will be different #i really wanted to go dig out a razor but the marks from a month ago are still really obvious and it's gonna be hard enough hiding those #on my stupid fucking trip next week that i DONT want to go on #i'd so much rather spend those two weeks at home sleeping off burnout #but it's a stupid fucking Once In A Lifetime trip that has been something we've wanted to do for a fucking decade #and now that we're both real adults we can finally go but I DONT WANNA #i don't wanna be away from home that long!!! and miss the colors change outside my window!!! #and i don't wanna be away from maple!!! and i don't want my mom in my apartment stinking it up even though she's the best catsitting option #i don't want the disruption to my routine especially after how hellish work has been and how wrecked my routine already is #i dont wanna go spend two weeks so far away from home i can't even take my damn meds with me #and i cant fucking SIT WITH the hurt that the thing i FUCKED UP ON means *i* can't bring my fucking adderall EITHER #i don't even fucking know if A relies on taking it as much as i do #but i can only fucking feel the shame of letting them down!!! #i can't look past it and even begin to feel how MUCH I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING *MYSELF* DOWN #BECAUSE I FUCKED UP #i just wanna sleep. forever. #i'm just gonna go away #personal #self harm tw

[jedi-bird]

Today is kind of an off day, so I decided to just keep organizing craft supplies rather than try to clean up more. I have now found enough pins to last me the rest of my life and then some; they are all neatly sorted by type in a box in a drawer. More buttons and beads have been put away, as well as jewelry clasps and hardware sorted out. More beads, because those are neverending. More crochet hooks, for the same reason. I also found another tub of crochet thread to rewind and I'm not looking forward to that.

#birdy tries to be a good adult #I'm tired but i don't want to rest #i kind of don't want to be alone today but i don't have a choice #i miss when my friend lived close enough to just be like let's go walk around a mall for a bit #or go to a park and just talk #this weekend was emotionally taxing #between a friend's funeral and my cat dying I'm just feeling bad #the weather is pretty nice and i could try going outside and working in the yard #but i kind of want to wait until i can go get potting soil again so i can start getting the new raised beds ready #and i need to figure out where I'm going to put my finger lime

[deus-ex-mona]

felt nostalgic, so take this pic that encompasses my entire school life lmao

#really long rambling bc i probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something this morning. you’ve been warned— #ngl i’ve never really had any friends since the start of my pathetic life? #and like even if i did get friends，they’d ditch me the first chance they get lmaooooo #i could befriend 2 people independently of each other，only for the two of them to ✨somehow✨ become besties and ditch me… or something #tbh though i’m 10000% okay with being friendless and left alone. i’m more productive when i’m alone!!! #it just gets really annoying when teachers go ‘lol pair up with someone your size (for sports)’ or ‘form your own groups for a project’ #bc more often than not，i was the only one who was completely left out of a group lmao #like even the dude ‘leftovers’ would already start moving to group up with each other. it’s just me who’s left out #and the teacher would absolutely refuse to let me do the project by myself >:( and i’d get forced into the leftovers group anyway lol #and it’s not just teachers!! the senior student group leaders during orientation weeks refuse to let me be alone too!! >:(((( #i’d just be vibing by myself and the group leaders would sidle up to me and talk to me. like?? why?? there are other loners over there too?? #they’d allow the dude loners to remain in peaceful solitude but not me?? it’s not fair!! >:((( #ughhh that reminds me that there was also this guy classmate who refused to leave me alone for some reason #by ‘some reason’ i mean ‘i think he liked me but i can’t be sure bc he was really weird about it???’ #like i literally ignored him for over a month and he still tried to get my attention for some reason. #and after that，i’d resorted to telling him ‘dude go away’ and he’d leave for like 1 min，only to return almost immediately ಠ‿ಠ #fun fact: the silent treatment technique never ever works. tried，tested， and failed #but anyway yeah. the pic with arisa was literally me in phys ed class lol #being the only friendless 🐓-less loser in a class with 30 dudes and 11 girls (in total) was fun! #the other girls would pair up with each other and i’d just rot in the corner and write bad fanfics in my mind lol #the only times when i could get a pair were when a single girl was absent for the day lmao #the fact that there were 11 girls made forming groups of 5 for ball games really annoying too. #the other 10 like-biologically gendered people would just split up into 5/5 groups and the leftover’d be me #not that i actually wanted to play or anything. i’d just go ‘i’ll observe as a reserve player from the side!!!’ and it’d work lol #but anyways… yeah. i personally don’t find friendships that necessary to succeed in life? casual acquaintances are good enough for me ig #maybe it was a sign when my friends from my former friend group were making jokes about how i was friendless lmao #i wish i could just completely isolate myself for an entire day… wait no make that an entire week #no texting，no social interactions，✨no worries✨. just me，my cup noodles，and my ✨productivity✨!!!!!! #well! i’m sorry if you actually read all of that… i just needed to get it all off my chest before i erupted like a shaken bottle of soda lol #inedible blubbering

[d2myg]

.

#if i did want to get better and actually live my life and care about it instead of just existing it’s not like i’d know where to start anywa #anyway #idk why but i’m just terrified of going to a health center or whatever #like that way i would actually have to admit that something is wrong with me #the worst part is that i’m scared of getting help and of getting better #is that normal? #idk since this year started i’ve been telling myself that i’ll try to contact the health center and make an appointment #it’s not like it’s super difficult or expensive and people do it all the time #but it’s already april #maybe it’s just never bad enough for me to admit to myself that i can’t handle it by myself anymore and i do need help #i mean i don’t even reach out to anyone when i feel like shit i just let it wash over me #and i kind of like it? because it’s just an excuse for taking a break from everything #instead of facing my responsibilities #it’s always been manageable #i’m on my 3rd degree and living alone in a foreign country by myself and i’m managing so it can’t be that bad right #idk #then on the rare occasion that i do go to class or see my friends i’m fine. like i wasn’t in bed for multiple days before this #it’s like i can switch it off and pretend like i’m a normal person #when i know that multiple of my friends are in similar situations but they actually do the work to get better and do so many other things #for me it’s like #i just let life happen to me #i feel like i’m missing out on everything #but the truth is that i’m just so fucking tired #and i don’t want to do anything at all #and idk if i’m like in survival mode or in the middle of an extreme burnout #but i’ve been like this for years #and as i get older it keeps getting worse #and i don’t really know why? why am i so tired #why am i incapable of doing anything at all without herculean effort #eli.txt

[kozidraws]

.

#genuinely shocked I was actually out of bed for at least two hours today #granted going to buy food with so many people around made me anxious but I did it #applied for more jobs #haven't worked on comms today but will start soon #it's interesting that now that I'm unemployed I barely want to leave the house #let alone my bed #I know I need to get up and get on top of housework #the mental struggle of it all

[thekingofchungus]

sidenote. want this

#chatbox #looking at werthers originals bc i wanted one for m 20th birthday cause i thought itd be very funny ( and tasty. genuinely enjoy werthers ) #but then i see tesco has this in stock and im like HELLO???????????? #THEY HAVE ALL M FAVES!!! the chewy toffee and the chocolety one and the filled one lets GOOO #i need to convince fam to get this. somehow. ill figure it out i want her #theres one version thats also got like..the eclair which is caramel and then chocolate filled. but like that ones outta stock i think #ill never understand how stock in this country works #but like fuck also i was gonna get an advent calendar for my yearly tradition of Wait Til Christmas To Eat It All At Once #BUT GUESS WHO GOT SICK AND COULDN'T EAT SHIT!!!!! LET ALONE LEAVE MY BED #oh youre all going to have so much snack posting this december from me #snackscapades

[myfirstandlast]

im scared bc now that i’m essentially getting this public school job i know my body and mind have begun to settle into its fugue state where i have no thoughts and make no progress and waste literally all the time in the world because i just can’t imagine any other options it’s how i wasted four years with my major it’s how i ended up joining gr**k life it just feels like this is it and i trap myself

#let’s say i miraculously get a car and to move out post-september getting my license #it definitely won’t be until christmas at the earliest because i have to finish out the year #but as soon as the year is over my parents are back on my head about applying for master’s programs which i still don’t want to do #i don’t have a break to be free #and i’m certainly not gonna to be inspired to find my dream artistic lesbian job in middle of nowhere GA at an elementary school of all plac #like everyone too old or too young to understand me. no real work friends no real ACTUAL friends im just going to be going to work and going #home. oh lol i started crying typing. im really over talking into the void i need someone to hear me and help me #but even if up to that point EVERYTHING somehow falls into place. now i’m entirely alone with more bills no resources no one to call and no #idea what i want in any capacity. like i feel like a caged animal i feel insane #im falling into my coma of uselessness and i already lost the entirety of my adolescent young adult years i don’t want to lose my 20s too #not to be like 30 is ancient your life is over then obv not but i don’t care about what i do in my life at 30 and beyond #i want my life to be happy NOW i WANT the best of my life to be in my 20s where i can get away with the most stupid fun because i’m just #young and gay and i still have an excuse for not knowing what my life is yet. i cant breathe not knowing what i want to do but at least its #an excuse. i feel like dying i feel like my insides are rotting to black ash we’re social creatures and im suffering #i sound so stupid. i know i really know. but the people i see living the life i want carefree making money as it comes #have parents who lovingly text them who care but stay out of the way who are supportive but aren’t up your ass and down your neck #they’re just people that would raise kind smart independent individuals and im none of the above so i don’t have a good shot as it is #but i still want to be free. i want to die but i want to be free just a little before then #i hate my life. i hate waking up in my bed every day and seeing my bedroom and being in my house. i want it to be over