#it's MY depression so I get to choose the coping mechanisms!
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just had the realization that im not the type of person ppl fall in love with and i-
#I've been doing Reflecting#i thought maybe I'm on the aro spectrum#but i was definitely in love with my ex#and in love with ppl before#and had crushes#so maybe still in the spec but definitely not a no romantic relationship ever side#and I'm thinking that this may just be a coping mechanism#bc i genuinely think ppl cannot fall in love with me!#and so i protect myself by shoving any romantic ideas/feelings down#and logic my way out of them#tw depressive#kinda?#i also need to touch grass tho#see human beings#me: minding my business#and is that?!#LUO BINGHE KINNIE MOMENT COMING IN WITH A FOLDING CHAIR!!!!#roll the tape!!!#I hate myself for being useless. I hate myself for not being able to get anybody to stay. Never… has anyone been willing to choose me
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"If the entire human population was in front of me, I'd still choose you” with Jack.
I can only imagine what it would be like to have fans attack you if you were publicly dating him. I feel like Jack is so conscious of this. And he’s just soft boyfriend Jack trying to block out the unnecessary noise.
Maybe they just went public and she’s getting a lot of hate and it’s making her insecure. And Jack reminds her that it’s just them against the world and the only people whose opinions matter are their family and friends who love her.
Warnings: self depreciation, insecurities, self image issues, etc. Please don't read if you're not in a good headspace!!!
This is probably my favorite thing that I’ve written. I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!
plus size! reader x Jack Hughes
••
You knew that dating somebody in the limelight would have its challenges. Hell, dating an average person was hard. But nothing could have prepared you for the magnitude of hate that hit as soon as Jack went public with your relationship.
It wasn't like the relationship was new. The two of you had been dating for almost a year before he decided to post you on his Instagram. You let Jack set the pace since he was used to the attention. He could let things go in one ear and out the other a lot easier than you could. He was almost conditioned to be able to do that. You, on the other hand, took everything very personally. Every comment about your weight, about what you wore, about how Jack looked miserable with you, they all hit you like a ton of bricks.
You didn't understand why all of these people were coming at you saying so many horrible things, but Jack tried his best to ease your mind and remind you that at the end of the day it was you and him.
He did a really good job at this normally, but he was away on a roadie for a few days and things began to get really bad. This started when you saw a fan account for Jack post something about how Jack downgraded from Sienna to you and all of the comments agreeing.
It was like a rabbit hole...once you clicked on that post it led you to many others. They all made you feel like shit, but when people started commenting on your body, saying that they "didn't know Jack dated plus size girls," it hurt. Your body was yours. It wasn't like you could just zip it off and find a new one, but if you could you would, just to shut the comments up.
You spent the 3 days Jack was gone in a really dark depression. No laundry was done, you hadn't showered, and you barely could make yourself get out of bed to brush your teeth. Dishes piled in the sink, but you couldn't make yourself do them. You knew the signs of your depression, but you welcomed them in a way, almost like a coping mechanism. Not allowing people to see you was the only way the haters couldn't get new material. Was it a healthy way to cope? Obviously not, but it was what worked in the moment.
As soon as Jack walked through the front door, returning from the games, he could tell something wasn't right. You always kept up with the chores when he was away, normally making the house spotless before he got back. So when he saw the state of the kitchen and eventually the rest of the house, he knew something was off.
When he walked into the bedroom and saw that you were pretty much in the same spot he left you in he immediately dropped his bags and climbed into the bed with you, forcing you to look at him.
He gently shifted your body to face him, cupping your cheek gently with his hand.
"Baby, what happened," He made note of the streaks that stained your face, probably from countless hours of crying. He wanted to make them disappear immediately. You were his happy-go-lucky, carefree girl. You danced around the house all the time, singing whatever song was playing. This side of you was uncharted territory that he wanted to take away so bad.
"I just need you to hold me," You began to hyperventilate, worried that if he didn't hold you that he would leave you. Even though that would never in a million years cross his mind. But he did as you asked, and whether it was for 5 minutes or 30 minutes, he didn't know. He held you until you pulled away.
"Can we talk about it?" Jack asked, pulling the hair that crusted on your cheek from the tears out of your face. He treated you like you were fragile, and you hated that he felt that way.
"It's just the comments, Jack. I'm already insecure sometimes and these people come at me in so many horrible ways," You began to explain, loose tears streaming down your face, but you were composed otherwise.
"They compare me to Sienna, and God, I know I'm not as pretty as her. They tell me I'm fat and that they didn't know you dated "fat" girls. It's just insane. Do they not realize that I actually am a real person with real emotions? Do they know that I've believed, at some point in time, the things they are saying? I've worked so hard to get to this place where I'm at, to love who I am, and within the span of 3 days they just tear it all down," You let the words just flow from your mouth, whatever thought that comes to mind is voiced to Jack.
"Baby, they don't care. They don't care because they're jealous," He tries to soothe you, but it almost made you mad. Not at Jack, but at the whole situation.
"What the fuck are they jealous of? My thighs that I cover with leggings and pants so that I won't have to go through the pain of them chafing? Are they jealous of the fucking stretch marks that go up my stomach, so I refuse to wear regular bikini bottoms? I mean what the fuck, do they want my anxiety and depression? I will gladly give them that..." The tears were beginning to pick up, but Jack continued to rub your back, waiting to get the chance to speak again.
"I know you could have any girl you wanted. It makes me sick when I see some blonde walk past that looks like she stepped out of a magazine because I know that's what you deserve. You don't deserve this. You're Jack fucking Hughes," You looked at him, your lip quivering. You were going to say something else, but Jack put his finger on your lips, gently stopping you from continuing.
"You gotta stop that. I can't let you keep putting yourself down like this, not when I love you with my whole fucking heart," He began.
"First off, I had that. I had whatever you consider a girl walking out of a magazine is. Look how that turned out. It didn't, did it? You don't look like Sienna, and I'm so fucking glad because I don't want her kind of beautiful. I want your kind. I want to see all of the things on your body that show me that you lived. I don't want some manufactured cookie-cutter girlfriend. I want somebody that nobody else has," He pulled you in for a hug, continuing to talk while placing kisses ever so gently on your cheek and neck, looking out the window at the busyness that was the outside world. All he could think about was how you didn't see what he saw. Why couldn't you see it?
"Baby, I want you to realize something. If the entire human population was in front of me, I'd still choose you. Without a second thought, with no regrets. Every. Single. Time. You have such a special relationship with my brothers and that means the absolute world to me. They love you so much. My parents tell me I should marry you anytime that you come up in the conversation. The entire team has commented on how much happier I am with you. And if I'm being completely honest, at the end of the day I don't give a damn what anybody else has to say because it's me and you until the end. Do you understand me?" He broke the hug, cupping your face with both hands and wiping at the tears with his thumbs.
"I love you," You whisper, your voice long gone by now.
Jack pulls your forehead toward his lips, kissing it for a few seconds before letting your head go.
"I love you, too. More than you, or anybody else, will ever know. Now, I think we could go for some cleaning karaoke, yeah? I'll wash the dishes if you'll dry them," He poked at your side, trying, and succeeding, in forcing a grin on your face.
"Only if we can get a shower together afterwards," You bargained, taking in the beautiful boy.
"Deal," He says and drags you off to the kitchen, connecting his phone the the speaker and blaring Dierks Bentley's new song "Beer at My Funeral," occasionally twirling you in a circle.
The water may or may not have gotten everywhere since Jack decided it was a good idea to spray you with the hose that connected to the sink, but he enjoyed every second that he got chased by you around the island.
Once the dishes were put up and the shower washed away the remaining bit of your depression, Jack couldn't help but to just admire you. He promised himself then that he would remind you so often of how beautiful you were so that would be the only words ringing through your head, taking up any space that the hate may have. Because it was true. You were the most beautiful and precious thing that had ever walked into his life, and he'd be damned if anyone made you feel otherwise.
*
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*
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#nhl imagine#nhl fic#jack hughes#nhl fanfiction#quinn hughes#trevor zegras#alex turcotte#cole caufield#jack hughes imagines#nico hischier#jack hughes imagine#jack hughes x reader#jh86
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i sat next to him, dipping chips into the bowl of salsa, thinking about how i couldn't have enjoyed this 5 years ago. something strange: recently it's been about chaos theory for me.
a butterfly makes a tornado. the infinitely small becomes the chaotic whole. the universe bends towards entropy, and yet, chaos theory seems to argue - small motions make big changes.
chip goes into salsa. i eat a little bit. later, the chip is energy. later, the energy is movement. later, the movement is a memory. later, the memory shapes who i am.
i used to pretend i had already eaten. i used to be 30 minutes late so i could say eat without me. i used to say i didn't like chips or salsa. i'd chug my water and pray nobody noticed i was still nibbling the same chip i'd first picked up. i missed a lot of hangouts because i didn't want to grab lunch. i would eat by myself, curled up in the parking lot of a supermarket. hurried, anxious, embarrassed to be overcome.
5 years ago, i started saying yes to one more chip. 4 years ago, i could munch my way casually through a couple dozen. these days i am the one saying - can we have more chips when you get a second?
it didn't start with big changes. i thought it would have to - something was massively wrong with me, so i assumed recovery would take a natural disaster. the only way to fight fire was with an explosion. i would buy organizational journals, angrily clean my house for 10 hours straight, promise myself never again and know - i'd always slip backwards. i'm always going to be this way.
it wasn't big, though. 5 years ago i made a promise to stop it with the i'm going to kill myself jokes. for the sake of additional challenge, i also stopped saying i'm stupid. just two things.
i'm genuinely funnier these days. people laugh more with me. i find more things funny. when i mess up, it doesn't crush me. suicide no longer sits at the front of my brain. it is no longer the first option i picture. i forgive myself so easily. i no longer believe every mistake is emblematic of my personality. i have actually started to believe i am clever and smart - although i still want to add the prefix barely.
i still apologize too much. i still beat myself up. i still agonize over certain choices. i know i am not perfect. recovery is not linear.
but the joy in me is bigger. every time i choose to believe in it, every time i choose to make a little change towards hope - that joy in me grows.
when entropy rises up in my heart and i backslide and everything goes dark: the joy doesn't fully evaporate anymore. i slide just a little less. i bounce back just a little more. i go further this time. learn about myself. crawl up that slope with new skills in tow. i know what i'm doing these days; am getting good at finding handholds. i have started to learn how to catch myself while falling - instead of letting myself go.
a little change. ten years ago i googled depression self-help tips. little butterfly keystrokes. in the moment, nothing really happened.
ten years in the future: my life is full of love and healthy coping mechanisms. i have minimized a great deal of my symptoms. i spend a lot of my time laughing and creating and going out with friends. every time i hit a wall, i convince myself to get up, keep going, if it's hard just be harder, choose hope, choose just a little bit further -
i want to tell that version of myself, stranded in the desert: if you keep walking, all that sand will one day be water.
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AA: what d0 y0u think y0ure d0ing!
AA: just st0p
AA: st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p
AA: maybe if i say st0p en0ugh s0mething else will happen instead 0f the thing that d0es
Aradia has had enough of the Alpha Tmeline.
No matter how stoic she may appear, there's a part of her that can't stand to see her friends suffer - and that part of her is finally gaining ground against the mental conditioning of the Voices.
She doesn't want this, and all her posturing about how it's pointless to fight the inevitable tide of fate is revealed as the coping mechanism it always was. This is wrong, she knows it's wrong, and even if it's pointless, she has to at least try to help.
AA: i kn0w its exciting
AA: breaking stuff
AA: and n0t w0rrying ab0ut it
You know, I'm starting to understand why this fatalism was so intoxicating to Aradia. The Alpha offers her freedom from consequences, allowing her to act on her impulses without worrying about the fallout.
After all, if something is supposed to break, then it's pretty much already broken.
And who can blame you for breaking something that's already broken?
They'd probably break it too, given half a chance.
TT: You sound frustrated.
TT: Like you know you can't change my mind.
TT: I presume your future footage of me has already verified this?
AA: i d0nt even need t0 watch y0ur future acti0ns t0 kn0w this
AA: the kn0wing is the same as this elusive feeling 0f sickness thats been with me f0r years
AA: pr0bably since bef0re i died c0me t0 think 0f it
AA: it was always a big setup
She's really woken up, hasn't she? Most of the damage is already done, but it's just so gratifying to hear Aradia finally catching on, in real time.
Especially since the first thing she's choosing to do, after climbing out of the hole she's in, is extend a hand down to Rose.
AA: i just wish
AA: back when i was behaving recklessly
AA: i had s0me0ne t0 tell me t0 st0p listening
Damn it, this is so frustrating.
Rose doesn't understand what it means that Aradia is saying these things. This girl is fighting back literal years of depression, apathy and mental conditioning to try and help Rose see another way, but she's getting treated like just another run-of-the-mill troll. Listen, Rose!
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In your opinion what would be snows gay or bi awakening lol
In the books, I think Coryo is too depressed (he is) and too stressed (he is) and too mentally unstable (he is) to really think about love (the sincere kind of love), friendships, and bi/gay awakenings.
He does feel things like pain, sadness, anxiety, and desire. However, his childhood war traumas (the horrific 2 year Capitol siege by the rebels that almost starved everyone to death), hunger (physical and psychological), and early losses in life (the death of his parents and other financial problems) were great factors that shaped him to be as cold as his name.
We also have to understand that he was raised in the Capitol. He was raised in a place that was ruthless and merciless to those who don’t have money, power, or status. If you don’t belong or have no relations/connections with one of the “Old Guards” like the Ravinstills, Heavensbees, or Creeds, then you’re a “loser nobody” who has no place or future in the Capitol.
Propaganda was also everywhere (and I mean everywhere). Sympathizing with the rebels who almost starved and eradicated your people to death is a great no no. This also applies to those who secretly aided and supported the rebels.
Don’t forget, the punishment was so severe as well. Either you die a horrible death or you get turned into an Avox. Die or suffer. Those are your only options if you get caught helping a rebel or even know someone who aligned themselves with rebel sympathizers.
So I understand that Snow had to be selfish AF and put great importance to his and his family’s self-preservation and ambitions no matter the cause, reason, or outcome. And because most people in the Capitol will also choose to put themselves first before others. Heck. Being ruthless and selfish are a form of mercy to one’s tragic self if you live in a country like Panem.
Is it wrong to think like that? To most readers who value goodness and love, yes. However, for those who survived a horrific war, no, not really. And for those who are constantly starving or suffering, no. Sometimes hunger will drive anyone (and I mean anyone) to madness. Even the best of us will be tempted to commit such grave sins in order to survive and live a comfortable life.
In addition, we can’t deny that Snow was living in a cruel society where one mistake will cause you and your whole family’s life and reputation. So a poor Coryo had to pretend that everything was splendid and his life was perfect (like most of his rich classmates) because the House of Snow must not fall. It must always land on top.
Moreover, I believe that pretending and performing are one of Coryo’s strongest coping mechanisms when facing the harshness of reality. In a way, you could say that Snow would rather live and accept his crazy delusions than face the consequences of his actions. If not, he might’ve ended up being sent to the gallows or being turned into an Avox.
Even in the books, when Snow was sent back to the Capitol to meet with Dr. Gaul, there was a part of him that screamed and believed that he and his family would be severely punished. He was even in the verge of accepting his “Avox fate” for the mistakes he made while serving as a Peacekeeper in D12.
So is Coriolanus Snow capable of sincerely loving someone above himself? His childhood war traumas, mental instabilities, ambitions, self-preservation, and depression say NO.
Was Snow in love with Lucy Gray? His lonely life and delusional mind say yes, but he’s too afraid of love and just wants power after experiencing one horrible breakup. So no.
Let’s just say that love is the death of power/ambitions/glory and Snow chose the latter in order to survive and thrive.
Was Sejanus Plinth in love with Snow? Yes. Definitely. I won’t question it.
Did Coryo have feelings for Sejanus? I believe that a tiny part of his cold heart will say yes, but his confused AF mind and “rebel allergies” say no.
But these are just my thoughts and opinions anyway. Lol. I specialize in writing and editing crack!AUs. Not angst.
But I do read a lot of psychological & mental health books, Greek tragedies, historical literature, and crime stories.
#tbosas#coriolanus snow#sejanus plinth#lucy gray baird#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#ballad of songbirds and snakes#president snow#hunger games#thg#the hunger games#just my opinion#random thoughts#snowjanus#snowplinth#snowbaird#suzanne collins#thg series#thg fandom#coriolanus x sejanus#coriolanus x lucy gray
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Simon Henriksson
headcanons!
I know there might be not much cry of fear enjoyers, but here it is! simon headcanons! ( sick simon )
TW: angst, suicidal tendencies,self harm
sexual topics
Simon is a smoker, obviously, but he’s also picky when it comes to cigarettes. His beloved ones are red or blue Winstons or Malboro gold. He rarely smokes anything else (except when he’s really desperate)
His sleep schedule is fucked up, and i really mean it. Dude can go 3 days without sleeping, and then sleep for 15 hours straight.
The meds. He was supposed to take meds at first, but his mother was not really a fan of that idea. She was convinced that the therapist wanted to drug Simon with pills.
Simon was home schooled through the primary school, and first years of high school. From the lack of communication and social life, between him and other kids, he couldn’t really catch up with other people at school. He was also bullied because of being the “weird kid”
He was also the smartest guy in the school, always having the best grades and all that.
Thats how he met Sophie, firstly helping her with schoolwork, and later listening to her problems. He couldn’t really do much about her personal issues, but he tried his best to be there for her.
Never had a real friend who would listen to him, help him with his problems, and just be there for him. So whenever theres a person who’s nice to him, he becomes obsessed with them (or the other way around, cuts off the contact and dissociates himself from anyone)
Simon wasn’t exactly an extrovert too, he would avoid social interactions and spending time with others, just because he felt like its “right thing to do” and "he doesn’t belong with people"
His depression problems started when he was 10 years old, at first struggling with daily basis of his life, and then ending with caging himself in his own room .
He’s dyslexic. Do not change my mind.
Simon tried to find some kind of coping mechanism for himself, so he would feel a little bit better with spending time alone. Unfortunately the coping mechanism he choose was self harm.
His bestie (who later abandoned him) obviously found out about his self harm problem, she tried to help him somehow, talking with him about this, but it didn’t work.
When Sophie rejected him, he tried to overdose with his mothers antibiotics, or anything he would find in the house. He really loved Sophie.
Whenever Simon was in class (before he locked himself in a room again) he would try to plan his suicide, how would it look like, what would he use to take his life, etc.
Every time he tried to masturbate, he would cry in the middle of doing that… or after.
After the car accident, he wasn’t fully paralysed, he could feel his legs from time to time. If he ever had the opportunity to rehabilitate, and try to recover, he would definitely try to walk again. But he just… couldn’t show himself to the other people. Embarrassment took over him.
He’s really scared of getting actual help, so going to the doctor was almost impossible for him to do. He did it for his mother, that he loved very much.
Speaking of his mother, she was a good person, its just that, she sometimes couldn’t handle her emotions in a right way. She would take out all the bundled up emotions, such as anger, fear, sadness, on her son. Simon didn’t really mind, he knew that she had really tough times throughout her life. He was convinced that he deserved every abuse he got, justifying his mother.
His dad left when he was 10, then his depression started. (what a coincidence!)
He’s an incel. sorry.
Thank yall for reading! it feels so good to be back on tumblr! :D let me know in the comments if you want more cry of fear headcanons!
#cry of fear simon#cry of fear#cryoffear#simon henriksson#sick simon cof#cof simon#cry of fear headcanons#god hes so depressed#he needs a hug asap#sophie cry of fear
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Why Gale's tale resonates so deeply
I've been pondering this for quite some time, even before I set up this blog, and I've finally mustered the words to share my thoughts. Although this blog primarily serves as a haven for fangirling over Gale, I've decided to open up about something more personal.
So, what's the crux of the matter? This is my take on why the Wizard resonates so deeply with me. Many players connect with characters, whether it's Astarion or others, and for me, Gale is especially relatable. The irony lies in the fact that the criticism surrounding this character actually enhances my experience.
Gale endured a romantic relationship with a significant power imbalance. He loved a woman idolized by many, feeling special to be her chosen partner. Although the dynamics of their relationship may have been non-monogamous, that's beside the point. What's crucial is the portrayal of a man with an immense heart yearning for love, tethered to a partner who prioritized obedience over genuine affection. The overwhelming feeling of inadequacy led him to make a risky decision for someone he believed loved him back. The result was heartbreak, and instead of love and support, his partner treated him callously, leaving him alone and devastated, with her followers aware of the betrayal.
Gale's heart shattered, and his health prevented him from healing. Consequently, he frequently mentions her at the start of our journey. She burned and destroyed him, leaving scars on his heart and psyche. When he reveals he dated a goddess, companions are amazed but fail to see the broken man beneath the surface. Only Mystra's intervention, sending Elminster as a messenger, makes them realize he was the victim.
Not everyone receives the grace of being recognized as the true victim; some remain perceived as the villain in many memories.
Following Gale's personal story, delving into his suicidal thoughts and discovering the untainted pieces of himself, was cathartic for me. Witnessing a man who couldn't recognize his worth find someone who loved him, scars and all, was beautiful.
Now, the Baldur's Gate 3 fandom seems to miss this message. They only pay attention when he mentions Mystra and find him annoying when he passionately shares his thoughts. They overlook the chronic pain, depression, and the harrowing message from his omnipotent lover. Sometimes I wonder if we're playing the same game or if they choose what to see. The community reduce to the way he handles his depression (deflecting and humour), and not for the horror he clearly hasn't processed.
While other characters accept their pasts and trauma bomb you, Gale is still in denial. Facing the truth is challenging; it's easier to blame oneself, right?
TL;DR: Gale resonates with me due to his trauma denial, coping mechanisms for depression and suicidal thoughts, and how he, despite being the clear victim in a relationship, is portrayed as the villain due to the overwhelming power and influence of the other person.
I adore this man, and learning the Leadwriter didn't get the message about Gale is disheartening.
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Imma write a hilson shortfic, I'm developing my own crack headcanons post-end, but right now i have 2 versions of wilson's cancer ark
First one is that house actually convinces wilson to start the radiation with the "i won't say it unless you fight" shting and then actually goes through with it when wilson is all better and cancer-free, proposes with wilson's own words and in general is romantic, they continue to work as before but they're now married and in 5 to 7 years they buy an apartment/house in Soho and live their chaotic and weird life
Second one is how it goes in the series, but then after they get together through of lustful and romantic honeymoon/depression stage which is obviously is a coping mechanism for both of them about wilson's doom, house convinces him to go into experimental treatment he read about, wilson survives through it with house by his side and they live happily ever after somewhere in Canada
Both of these rely on house always choosing wilson and convincing him to get the treatment because I'm a sad bitch who can't be happy with them being dead, i have the power to make them be alive and openly in love and so I'll do just that
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ker’s masterlist:
A list of my works for your convenience. Anything listed that is not underlined is unposted but is in the works! This is a working post, so it will update. As a result, more fandoms may be added.
This account is a side blog! If you get a reblog/like/follow from miloticaquarium i promise it’s me!! just like,, a less cool version of me lol
I also take requests :) Rules + Information under my works!
CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE II (2022)
headcanons:
TF 141: General HCs [sfw]
TF 141: NSFW HCs [nsfw]
TF 141: Civilian Lover [sfw]
TF 141: Realizing They Love You [sfw]
TF 141: “I Love You” [sfw]
MW2 Characters: as Lovers [sfw]
MW2 Characters: as Lovers (Angst) [sfw]
Valeria & Alejandro: 3some HCs [nsfw] (afab reader)
Ghost, Soap, & Gaz: Tattoo Artist Lover [sfw]
MW2 Characters: High School AU [sfw]
tbc…
oneshots:
ANGST:
You, With the Watercolor Eyes (Ghost x GN!Reader)
While on deployment, Ghost has nightmares in which you, his lover, fall out of love with him. The emotional turmoil from this causes him to fall into old, self-destructive habits. [sfw]
tbc…
FLUFF:
tbc…
SMUT:
Good, Good, Great (Ghost x Fem!Reader)
The two of you are roommates. You’re a bottle girl for the local strip club Myth, Ghost had been coerced into discussing information at the strip club. You’re miraculously on shift, and you’re flirting your way into a damn good tip. Just so happens that Ghost doesn’t like to share (even if you aren’t really his). [nsfw]
Say You're Mine (Ghost x Fem! Reader Good, Good, Great pt 2)
A few months later, Ghost takes his leave without telling you. He shows up to Myth unexpectedly on a busy Friday night while you have a plethora of tables to attend. Ghost doesn't seem to enjoy how you're serving a bachelor party, and he chooses to do something about it when the two of you get back to your shared flat. [nsfw]
tbc…
STAR WARS (THE MANDOLORIAN)
headcanons:
tbc…
FAIRY TAIL
headcanons:
Team Natsu: General HCs [sfw]
Sabertooth: General HCs [sfw]
tbc…
I usually stick to headcanons, but I sometimes stray to a one shot occasionally, requests are open for both! Please read the information below carefully before you request :)
I WILL WRITE: (I will gladly take requests for these)!
FEM and GN readers: As a cis girl, I am not particularly comfortable writing a male reader. Keep this in mind when requesting, please. If you don’t want a feminine reader, please let me know to write with a GN reader in mind and I’ll happily do so!
Fem and Masc characters: I will write for both! I like both so why wouldn’t I write for both?
Angst: My FAVORITE thing to write!! Please send me sad things to write about and I will literally speed right through it like a child mowing through a bag of apple slices.
Fluff: Sometimes consuming copious amounts tooth-rotting fluff to cope with the depressing content you just consumed is just what you need!
Smut: I can and will do it because I am nothing more than a simp; but you better look at the thin ice and will not write sections before you even think of asking me. Generic kinks and light BDSM are okay, see other categories for constraints.
Mental Health Struggles: Reader or character! Can include mental illnesses, coping mechanisms, and things like self harm or eating disorders. Not technically mental health related, but insecurities and family issues are also welcome.
THIN ICE: (I could write it, but it icks me).
Pregnancy and/or Breeding Kink, Somnophilia, CNC, and Cheating.
Throwing up/Vomit: I am extremely emetophobic. The only way I'll accept anything with something like this is: a) it's previous to what I am writing and/or b) it relates to an ED.
Slowburn: Not really my thing. Like, I could try, but it won’t really end up being a slow burn. Maybe like a going-the-speed-limit burn.
I WILL NOT WRITE: (If you ask me for any of these, you’re getting blocked!).
MALE reader: I’m sorry but as a person who is not and will not ever be a man I just don’t feel comfortable writing in the perspective of one.
Certain kink/fetishes (DDLG, ageplay, scat, uro, & other such bodily functions, feet), Incest, Pedophilia/Underage, Rape, Sexual assault, and Yandere/Stalker behavior.
KER is the singular form of KERES, a female spirit of death from Ancient Greek mythos. CERES is a dwarf planet named after the Roman goddess of agriculture, fertility, and motherly relationships.
#masterlist#requests open#reqs open#request rules#fanfic writer#hc masterlist#fic masterlist#ker yells
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so as someone who is only on chapter one of omori and is obsessed with it here are my thoughts as a new member of the fandom
bear in mind that i haven’t finished the game. i only just got to that one creepy forest place? like the one after the spiders? please don’t spoil!!
but spoilers for everything before that below
1) I HATE BASIL. he’s such a stupid little punk. “uwu im so smol and helpless and i always get bullied and i’m so sweet and innocent” I JUST KNOW THAT FUCKER IS HIDING SOMETHING. everytime i end back in that stupid white room it’s because HES DOING SOME SUSSY SHIT. i also just hate him and everything about him and i know for a damn fact that he’s hiding something horrible behind that sweet little smile and he thinks he’s tricking me but he’s NOT I KNOW HIS GAME.
anyway.
2) i literally cannot decide on a favorite character. i have a least favorite, that’s pretty obvious, but when it comes to a favorite im torn. i LOVE omori, aubrey, kel, and hero all the same! i love mari too but i’m a little salty against her because all her hints for the quests are severely unhelpful 😭 but i still love her tho. i just love the main four so so much and i physically cant choose who i like better. poor little aubrey seems so scared and alone when she has the pink hair and she’s so kind in the little space world thing. hero is a sweetheart and i can’t wait to meet him in the colorful world where i’m moving or whatever. and kel is literally so me 😂 it’s not even funny he just does whatever the fuck he wants and that deserves some respect on his name. and omori is a kickass main character who has a cool thing going for him. but these four characters are sooo well crafted and i love how they work together! it’s a great dynamic balance!
3) i’m either a really bad gamer or the game is super long. i finished the prologue in like seven hours. it took SO LONG. i’m not used to indie games taking that long to play considering that i got through all of undertale in like 10-12 hours my first time. it’s awesome! i love finding all the secrets and talking to all the npcs but DAMNNN.
4) this game has so. much. detail. it’s insane. like the sheer amount of mini games and tiny pockets of lore. it’s like higher than undertale level and i don’t mean to keep going back to undertale but i see a lot of similarities in the game style. i also totally got sucked into playing like 30 rounds of blackjack on omoris computer. it was cool af.
5) the fighting mechanics are super hard. maybe i just suck at strategy but i am so bad at the fights that i just run away whenever i have the opportunity 😭 it’s a problem. i also have no clue how the happy sad angry shit works, i just make omori sad so stab has an attack boost and make aubrey angry so headbutt has an attack boost but other than that i don’t really use it at all and i don’t understand it. maybe that’s why it took me literally 10 tries to get past space ex boyfriend? it’s really fun i just think it’s supposed to be easier than it is and i just missed a memo on strategy.
6) i really love the message so far. the way that mental health is portrayed as something that’s a never ending journey. omori doesn’t just breathe and then everything’s okay, the game highlights realistic coping strategies and makes things like depression, anxiety, and phobias to understandable for any audience through a very creative medium: an indie video game. it’s genius. and i just love how it’s been approached so far, it’s very inspiring!
7) i’m terrified that this fandom is gonna make me mad, i swear to god if i just walk in and see a bunch of basil stan’s i’m turning and walking back out 💀 i mean okay maybe i’ll like basil better later but chances for that seem very low right now. my sister told me that apparently he went through some trauma thing? womp womp don’t care he’s an annoying mf who keeps taking me back to that boring white room where i stab myself, he’s a party pooper and i want a tornado to blow his dumb little flower house down.
#omori#omori game#omori sunny#omori basil#omori mari#omori hero#omori kel#omori aubrey#omori first time#omori character#omori fandom#omori basil hate
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posting for the first time in so long. hello
here are some things people don't tell you about top surgery before you get it.
•constipation is a bitch, there will be a poop belly baby. it will not be fun or cute. it will be hideous.
•sleeping is horrendous for stomach and side sleepers.
•sunburn????
•skin will peel around the incision
•someone might have to help wipe while using the bathroom
•shame and embarrassment don't exist here. literally none.
•no shower after surgery for a week. baby wipes, dry shampoo, and hand sanitizer.
•ive seen many people say that after surgery you won't want to cuddle or feel anyone, this, personally, was misleading. I needed constant affection or physical touch from my partner. sad I couldn't cuddle them before we left :(
•looking in the mirror, who's that guy? that's you. you guy. flat chest guy. that's u, guy
•the information they give will be enough and yet not nearly enough. read the packet over and over again, then do it again before asking the poor nurse on the patient portal the same goddamn question she's heard a million times
•acne breakout?
•hair will start to grow, mine happened to be my chest and face. it could be the booty or feet for others. always count your blessings.
•pain meds are your friend. use wisely but listen to your body. use the big prescribed med when needed but it might make you sleepy
•cbd gummies were my savior for sleep and pain, use mindfully, like anything else, duh
•i had large tits and after they were gone my back muscles had to readjust. it felt weird and hurt a bit. stretch. always stretch.
•seriously, doing shoulder/neck stretches every day will help recovery and gain back mobility. the skin is stiff, hard, and taught after surgery. it will need some love in all forms
•use what lotion/gel the doc suggests for the scars and surrounding areas. that shit will be so dry and desperate for love
•healing time is the perfect time to do some new or old hobbies, watch a few shows, and have time to do lots of introspective personal work. choose your time wisely.
•it is okay to do nothing. it is okay to sleep. it is okay to do nothing. It is okay to do nothing. did you hear that??? it is okay to do nothing. the body is healing and needs the rest. doing nothing is the best thing anyone can do. it is ok to do nothing.
•^remember to take your meds and practice whatever coping mechanisms you have to help with depression, anxiety, guilt, etc
•all this weirdness and pain was worth it. every single part. living a life without a chest is worth all of the waiting and the pain and the worry.
I hope this helps anyone. someone thinking about maybe getting top surgery and wondering what it's like. this is not the full picture, this is my own experience, please do more digging if you're on the search for information on top surgery.
much love to all
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What if Dr. Carlisle Cullen decided to be a psychologist that treated mental illness rather than the physical, would the the Cullen family still assemble? Would they be happier and better off if the canon Twilight Saga TM still happened?
Caveat
The thing about psychology, even more than medicine (which has its own shady history and lots of it), is it really is a very recent field that dramatically turns on its head every single decade with uh lots of malpractice along the way.
We don't know exactly when Carlisle became a doctor but while it was likely when germ theory was just beginning to take off the enlightenment had started making great strides in how people think about medicine and the human body and it had started to become a real field that might actually help people.
In that same time frame, psychology was... well... not so good. (Obviously, the field has come a long way since the 1800's, and here is my obligatory reminder that seeking therapy is a good thing when necessary and we should all care about our mental health.)
I don't find it odd that Carlisle did not choose to become a psychologist.
Would Carlisle Still Turn Everybody?
No.
As you note, this is a very different man. Perhaps he doesn't trust his control enough, no longer being a surgeon and knowing he can withstand the blood.
More, he's not in the same situations he usually is in. He wouldn't be helping with the Spanish Influenza, which means Edward is never turned. Without turning Edward, he likely wouldn't turn the others having not been given the catalyst of Elizabeth Masen.
He's probably not getting the same jobs where he can get hired on relatively quickly. As in the early 1900's, it's obvious why a small town needs a doctor, it's not obvious why they need a psychologist.
If he does turn anyone, it's different people he meets in different circumstances and perhaps Alice and Jasper if Alice still sees him as the one.
But if He Had, Would the Cullen Family Be Better?
No.
The thing about therapy, and self-improvement in general, is that it's something you have to realize that you yourself need and you have to want to change. It doesn't work if someone standing next to you says, "I think you have a problem". Why should you believe them? Why does it matter what they say? What if you don't want to change?
Carlisle may be able to give Rosalie better coping mechanisms than romanticizing the human future she'd never be able to have. He may hesitate introducing his family to human society so much when they all use it as a more or less unhealthy coping mechanism for their own loneliness, depression, and isolation. He may be more aware of what's going on with the various family members when they show trademark signs of this or that condition.
He also might be able to help Jasper more than he could in canon.
However, he can't make them change unless they want to.
He tries to confront Edward canonically, Edward purposefully keeps him in the dark as much as possible because he does not wish to be confronted.
He already was concerned when Edward was using Bella alone as his means to be happy, didn't mean anything he did changed Edward's mind.
#twilight#twilight meta#twilight headcanon#twilight renaissance#carlisle cullen#edward cullen#jasper whitlock#rosalie hale#the cullens#meta#headcanon#opinion
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2am - General Response to Complaints
FIRSTLY, again, I will APOLOGIZE for not correcting the story tags when I chose to let the story evolve in the way it has. That is my fault and there is no excuse for this mistake.
Characters - Sorry to break everyone’s bubble… but characters are plot devices… it is their reactions, actions and lack there of, to external and internal situations that push a plot forward.
Portrayal of Pyrrha - Yes, I have Pyrrha as recovering Alcoholic/Addict… which why her actions as I portray them are to quite a few readers horrendous, they are also portrayed in the light that she was severely under the influence…
Alcohol/Drugs alter and lower inhibitions, often changing personalities in the process. A meek person who over indulges can turn violent.
I have seen this, and actually been a victim of this…
I also knew a couple that because of alcohol lead to a man kicking in the head of the mother of his children, killing her.
Additional point in case it was missed, though it is implicitly stated in the summary… Pyrrha’s fame finally crushed her, and she took up an unhealthy coping mechanism…
SOMETHING TO CONSIDER : It hasn’t been addressed yet… but there is a strong possibility/implication that Pyrrha has been repeatedly raped due to her addiction (you can’t give consent if you’re blacked outed/incapacitated by alcohol)
Cheating - Jaune and Pyrrha were ONLY a couple in the loosest sense of the word until just after Azalea’s third birthday. So anything that happened from that point forward isn’t cheating, it is Pyrrha, caught in a self-destructive downward spiral because of her addiction(s).
Pyrrha Not feeling like Pyrrha - Sorry to burst any bubbles here, but ANYONE who uses Pyrrha past Volume 3 (where she dies as a plot device to give Jaune justification to chase after Cinder/assist Ruby) has to make her “feel” less like cannon Pyrrha. RT/Monty made her one dimensional… she was just wholly a plot device She had no growth, she was just there to train Jaune and then die. Giving her any growth means interpreting what she would be like if she had lived through vol 3. This story happens after GRADUATION.
Azalea - again a plot device as all characters are, and as in RL children of broken relationship are often a point of conflict for the parents.
Azalea wanting her parents back together - is not a conflict between Jaune-Pyrrha…is actually a conflict between Azalea-Jaune, neither Jaune nor Pyrrha control what their daughter wants/thinks.
She’s only there to give Jaune/Pyrrha a reason to still be in each other’s lives, and that is correct to a point, but she is also there to show that originally Jaune x Pyrrha had a good relationship that fell apart.
She is also a lynch/influence for Jaune and Pyrrha to deal with the baggage between them. Could this lead to a romantic reconciliation? I do not know.
Pyrrha Character Assassination - sorry, but that’s not happening. I am at no time/place simply stating Pyrrha is a terrible person. The “She’s a Disaster” comment is another character stating their opinion… it’s not a fact.
Shitting on Arkos/Pyrrha - Sorry, I know it looks that way, but it is not happening, and regardless of your opinion if you read carefully you will see a fair bit of the “conflict” after the breakdown of the relationship is because of other people’s actions, and abuse of Pyrrha when she was under the influence.
Jaune has no flaws - He does… they're just not as obvious… Pyrrha’s flaw is right in everyone’s face (Alcoholism/Addiction)...
He’s not over Pyrrha (still holds a torch for her), he has a mental illness (Severe Depression) that leads him to self-harming behaviors
Prior to others forcing him to get help (which will be shown in a flashback) he attempts to commit suicide… this loving father who was denying to seek treatment was about to abandon the daughter he loves in the most permanent way possible. Yes, Depression is an illness, but choosing not to seek help/ignoring the need to get help is selfish.
I know this from personal experience - because I deal with this daily and now have to take mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, and anti-depressants for the rest of my life.
He’s a coward… he has been avoiding/unable to follow through with having a complete separation from Pyrrha (hence others being able to torment him through their own malicious intent, through Pyrrha’s unlocked scroll)
He’s a COWARD… he has been avoiding coming out to his own daughter about the nature of his and Reese’s relationship. Azalea only sees Reese as “Daddy’s Special Friend”... he’s been avoiding for at least a year the conflict of a young child feeling that one of their parents was trying to replace the other parent
Support Structures -
Jaune - his family, his doctor, people from his gym, and Reese
Pyrrha - Her mother, her sponsor (David Scarlet), and her friends (Yang is implicitly named, but others are implied)
End Game/Story Arc - Pyrrha if you hadn’t noticed is going through a redemption arc. While pretty much all the prose is focused on Jaune and his struggles (so far) Pyrrha is getting herself out of the pit she had fallen into. It is obvious now that I have to show this fact in more explicit/obvious detail.
Some final notes… Alcoholism is a disease that compels you to drink to feel normal, but as a consequence it often leads to over indulgence as those afflicted continue to chase that feeling. It is NOT a choice
1.4% of the word’s population (that’s 1.1 million people) have alcohol addiction/dependency issues. SO it is not unreasonable for Pyrrha to suffer from this disease.
So this could be considered a long “rant” though it is not intended as such. It is a breakdown of what I was trying to portray in this story. Can I do better? Definitely. Should I have changed the tags once the end game evolved from an ARKOS relationship, YES I should have.
This will be the last time I discuss “complaints” with this story. If you don't like the story, that is totally acceptable. If you think it is terrible, again, that is perfectly reasonable. Personal tastes differ.
However, if you wish to discuss the story… consider instead of just complaining about why you don't like it, maybe offer some feed back on HOW it could be IMPROVED, or how I can correct flaws in my technique, writing style, or characterizations for future stories.
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1, 14, & 21 (not Nemo, haha!) for the Dark Urge askmeme! also any other numbers you desperately want an excuse to share ^^
I’ll post for both my Durge’s, Nym and Casira.
And also I apologize for its length. It’s a chonker.
Nym:
1. What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their class/subclass?
Nym’s an abyssal tiefling (granddaughter to Graz’zt) and her bio-father (not Bhaal) was a divine soul sorcerer to Eilistraee, so normally she’d be a a divine soul sorcerer but I have her as a wild magic sorcerer because her abyssal blood and her spark of divinity doesn’t play nice with each other. It’s a constant war inside of her.
She’s a bhaalspawn because her abyssal cambion mother basically at one point had sex with a bhaalspawn, and I headcanon that succubi/incubi steal the essence of people they sleep with and their bodies then corrupt it with whoever they knock up/get knocked up by. I know technically cambions aren’t succubi/incubi but being the daughter of Graz’zt, I’m giving her some leeway. So she stole the sperm/essence of a bhaalspawn and for funsies, mixed it in with the child of the divine soul sorcerer man she was currently tricking/banging. So Nym has three parentages technically.
But yeah, she’s mechanically a wild magic sorcerer because her particular concoction of existence doesn’t play nice with each other.
She’s multiclass bard because she loves music and her day job when not doing stuff with the cult (which she was already trying to pull away from) is entertainment. Only time she ever feels at peace.
14. How good of a liar is your Dark Urge? How do they feel about lying?
Nym is an excellent liar and feels nothing when she does it. She’s not a habitual liar, she only does it when she feels she needs to to protect herself, but she has no qualms about doing so. I think if she has to do it around someone she cares about, is the only time she feels some guilt. Or at least, discomfort.
21. What are 2-3 songs that your Durge would relate to?
Paint It, Black by Ciara - Nym feels so much darkness and bitterness and she doesn’t want to.
Big God by Florence and the Machine - Definitely one of her main songs, not just for lyrics but the dancing in the music video. She secretly worships Eilistraee as her father did but she’s so conflicted and desperate for some form of salvation but also laments and despairs against the gods.
Death Wish by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - My girl has got bad depression and she’s definitely the girl in this song’s scenario. The lines “Who’s gonna save you, who’s left to pray to? What’s the difference in a breakdown and a breakthrough?” fits her like a glove.
Bonus question for her:
2. Did your Durge have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single?
Ok so Nym has a very complicated and messy relationship to both sex and romance. She’s had a few romantic partners, whom she usually breaks up with because she feels she’s a danger to them and/or she feels they deserve someone without her baggage.
She was in a relationship with one of my Tav’s, Cillian Baker, and he was her last serious romantic relationship before she broke up with him.
She’s rather hyper-sexual but uses it as way of self-harm tbh. She’s a CSA survivor and her relationship with sex is rather unhealthy. She likes sex in the moment but afterward deals with extreme self-loathing. She also tends to choose dangerous or questionable men for ONS because sometimes she wants an excuse to murder someone, always a toss-up.
Right before the game, going on for several months, she actually had a relationship with Raphael at the Devil’s Den. It wasn’t sexual or romantic; she originally came to his presence because a woman she was close to and had feelings for liked to party (using it as a coping method herself) and they ended up in the DD.
Nym clocked him for a devil right away and he knew she was Durge and found her a novelty/would be a yummy soul but more an idle interest. She was worried her friend would get in trouble around him (I’m picturing him catering intimate sinful little parties for him to find souls in).
They slowly danced around each other over the course of months, and came to play lanceboard as a regular occurrence. Eventually her friend basically met someone and got clean and while Nym was happy for her, she’s just so damn lonely. I’ll probably post a separate post on her and Raphael’s relationship because it’s long but basically she comes back to the DD and resumes their game nights.
He finds her amusing and they have a weirdass connection that can’t quite be described. At some point they do get into a tiff, she got too close to his little spark of humanity on accident and it made him lash out.
She doesn’t show up for a number of weeks and he doesn’t think much of it and then oh, would you look at that, she’s one of the abducted and has some memory loss. That’s when his interest spikes immensely and then the ingame stuff. She feels a connection to him but doesn’t know why and it pisses her off, lol.
Ok, now onto my second Durge:
Casira:
1. What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their class/subclass?
Casira is a cleric of Selûne (light domain). How that happened is basically, the Bhaal cultists used the corpse of an aasimar of Selûne (one of Aylin’s sisters) in a profane ritual that used Bhaal’s blood to fill the empty vessel. Created a baby bhaalspawn but that tiny spark of Selûne remained.
She grew up conflicted, raised in the cult but never feeling right. Selûne tried to reach her a few times in her life but it was too dangerous/Sceleritas Fel was always watching and it put Casira in danger.
Her cleric powers really only came forward once Casira was abducted and no memory because Selûne took that as her chance to influence her.
14. How good of a liar is your Dark Urge? How do they feel about lying?
Not that good, tbh. She’s fairly honest and upfront if you ask her questions. She finds lying difficult to understand and doesn’t like doing it. It gets her into a lot of trouble.
21. What are 2-3 songs that your Durge would relate to?
Eva by Nightwish - Definitely her in both lyrics and vibes.
The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives - “I shine only with the light you gave me” is very her.
Fake Wings by Kajiura Yuki - The solemn/melancholy tone fits her.
Bonus question for her:
25. How does your Durge feel about Sceleritas Fel?
Terrified. Even without the memory loss, she was terrified of him. He was put in her life because he/Bhaal could sense Selûne on the sidelines. If she didn’t do the murders and rituals enough times or ever showed reluctance, she was severely punished and Bhaal would overtake her body and control her (where the really nasty Durge lines happen, like necrophilia, etc). So she learned that to keep her body in her control, she had to do the serial killing.
His “naughty naughty” was usually a precursor to her punishments so when she got that dream in the third act she was so terrified of falling asleep for weeks.
#bg3#bg3 durge#ask meme#csa mention#nym is honestly like if laura palmer from twin peaks were in bg3#oc: nym the drow'ri#oc: nym the abyssal tiefling#oc: casira#bg3 raphael
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The scans have been out a few days now so I’m posting this. We just got Hiori’s backstory so let me expel more Hiorin headcanons onto you good people (seriously why are we so delusional abt this ship???) — obviously massive spoiler warning as of chapter 206 of the manga.
Also a cw for child abuse — these hcs pretty much all deal with their trauma:
Hiori and Rin have had a very long, very depressing trauma dump conversation about their families.
Rin has decided to add Hiori’s parents to the ‘I’ll fucking kill them’ list inside his head… which he totally has for no reason in particular…
Hiori likewise understands Rin’s resentment towards Sae deeply and doesn’t blame him at all for feeling so angry and upset.
The fact that the family members they hate are all telling them they aren’t good enough as they are (Sae explicitly, Hiori’s parents implicitly) ends up becoming a means of mutual understanding between them, allowing Hiori to feel a bit safer around Rin and Rin to not hate Hiori like he does the rest of Blue Lock.
Rin has tried to subtly allude to the idea that Hiori can move in with him at any time to get away from his family. Hiori has only half picked up on the signals though because a) Rin is shit at communicating anything nice, and b) Rin’s almost year younger than Hiori so it doesn’t actually make much sense to do that but it’s the thought that counts.
A lot of their conversations take place in the monitor room, in the dark, where they feel safest being vulnerable with each other (aka: see my fic on AO3).
Hiori has used dry, dark humour as a coping mechanism in front of Rin before and Rin has started doing it too occasionally.
So many “lol I hate my family, I hope they die, jk… unless?” jokes.
They end up having a mutual understanding for one another and can almost subconsciously pick up on when something reminds the other of their trauma.
For some more domestic, outside/no Blue Lock hcs (there’s a ton of food-related ones here idk why):
When they make dinner, Rin is sure to mix a healthy, balanced meal with convenience store foods coz Hiori hates eating a very strict diet. It reminds Hiori of the way his parents used to control everything about his life down to what he ate. Sometimes, Rin even makes a separate meal for himself because he wants to calorie count and know exactly what he’s eating, but Hiori’s had a bad day and really needs some instant ramen and pudding.
Hiori doesn’t have a big sweet tooth though, as a result of his parents’ conditioning. He didn’t grow up accustomed to sweet things so he finds anything too sugary difficult to eat (this comes from the egoist Bible where his least favourite food is cotton candy because of the sugar content). His love of salty food however is through the roof and Rin has to remind him to check the sodium contents on the meals he chooses at the convenience store.
Rin has stopped insulting or talking badly about Isagi around Hiori, purely because Hiori feels safe around Isagi. It’s a challenge, and mostly they try to keep Isagi out of their conversations altogether, but if he does come up Rin attempts to be neutral.
Sometimes, Hiori holes himself up in his computer room playing shooters. When that happens, Rin knows to leave him alone until he’s out of his slump, because it’s usually a sign that Hiori is remembering some bad memories. They both like their own space anyway, so it isn’t as if much changes in their routines.
While Hiori’s in a slump, Rin restocks their fridge with energy drinks and instant meals so Hiori can dip in and out to get food when he wants it. He eats alone unless Hiori texts him saying he’ll be out to get food.
Rin also doesn’t bring up anything to Hiori once Hiori re-emerges from his room, letting Hiori come to him if he wants to talk about it. Hiori knows Rin struggles with dealing with trauma, so he usually leaves it.
Once when Rin was having a particularly stressful time, Hiori bought him a whole box of his favourite ice creams (the ones he used to get on the way home from practice) and they had a competition to see who could get the most “winner” sticks. Rin won.
Hiori has also attempted to learn how to cook so he can make Rin food when Rin isn’t feeling up to cooking. Rin says he’ll just order takeout but Hiori insists on trying some of his recipes. How successful he is varies on how easy it is to throw the ingredients in a pan and let them simmer.
When sleeping together, they usually stick to their own sides of the bed but sometimes when Hiori is feeling upset he reaches out to Rin as a comfort. Rin isn’t the best at providing said comfort, but he lets Hiori into his arms in those moments.
On the flip-side, if Rin has been feeling angry or frustrated because of Sae, Hiori will slowly snake his arms around Rin’s torso and hug him close, becoming the big spoon despite being smaller. Rin places his hand over Hiori’s as a reassurance that he feels reassured doing this.
Sometimes, but not always, this nighttime cuddling leads to talking about their pasts. Rin always holds Hiori very close and says that Hiori was never in the wrong and never deserved to go through anything that happened as a result of his parents’ expectations (usually with a lot of colourful language). Hiori likewise will do the same for Rin whenever Sae gets brought up, although he’s less vulgar. His words are somehow even more scathing though.
They both find it easier to open up in the dark. It feels like a safety blanket that can hide their vulnerability, especially for Rin.
#blue lock#bllk#blue lock manga spoilers#blue lock manga#hiorin#blue lock hiori#blue lock rin#itoshi rin#hiori yo#I’m having constant brainrot for this rarepair#10 fics on AO3 guys!!!#we’re being fed so much :’)#hiorin headcanons#hiorin hcs
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If I have kids I want them to be whoever the fuck they are. Am I going to be a shit parent? Probably sometimes. But I don’t want my kids growing up in a household where they calculate the hours they’ll be able to work for the next six years till they can leave home. My mother is a good parent and she has given me all of my basic needs, but I still hate her. Couldn’t really tell you why specifically . It’s a lot of little traumatic incidents. But I don’t want my kids to hate me. I want to be the parent that lets my kids sleep with their phone in their bedroom and I want them to be able to watch tv when they feel sad. I want them to not be paranoid about the thickness of their walls or the loudness of their footsteps. I want them to not be forced to go to bed early their whole life and I want to tell them early on that there are mental health issues in our family and there’s genetic depression. I want them to have psychologists and stuff so if they don’t want to talk to me they don’t have to. I’m going to let them have social media and stuff so they don’t get it without me knowing and have to lie to me about it. I am not going to go through my children’s phones. I am going to tell them the dangers of everything they need to be cautious of in life but I am going to let them live their own lives. I am going to let them choose their extracurricular activities and I’m not going to make them feel bad about existing constantly. If they ever get mentally ill or sh I am going to help them through it and find some alternative ways to deal with life, or I’ll let their psychologist do it if they want. I’m not going to take away their only coping mechanism and send them into a state of panic where they have no coping mechanisms. I am going to support whatever they identify. And I am not going to be my mother. And if they hate me, despite all of that, then I will know that I have tried my hardest, and I l raised them how I wish i was raised. But my kids will learn how to ride bikes. Because I still can’t and it makes me feel shit.
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