#it’s still a really lonely setting

[coldvampire]

.

#idk it’s late n I’m not feeling super great abt me as a person #thinking abt being too much too fast for just about everyone I come across #and like. how much I just have to hold back all the time. #I’m never comfortable in my own skin or around anyone bc when I start to relax too much people pull back #and it’s hard to keep a good headspace when it keeps happening #there’s not really a space for me anywhere and I’m pretty sure if I just vanished no one would wonder about it #I always get anxious about this when it’s time to go back to class again #we’re going on three years now with the same people and despite my efforts #it’s still a really lonely setting #I think I torture myself too much with positive What If scenarios bc they’re just not happening #I don’t need to be the most popular one in the room I just don’t want to feel like I’m inserting myself #where I’m not wanted. again. #idk I have a one-man discord server for myself bc I can’t stop compulsively opening the app and I send more messages there than anywhere #else and I think that says something. #things that would absolutely be better suited for a real conversation but. #yknow. #I’m also struggling to maintain social energy which I’m sure is part of the reason I seem to kill the vibe so quickly #vicious cycle no doubt #idk what I’m expecting here I guess I just needed to get this out there #it’s not a new problem it just never seems to leave me #idk how much longer I can keep believing that ‘my people’ are out there #maybe I’m just always going to exist like this #I’m just Tired

[citrus-soda]

What if you found out that aliens had set foot on earth, multiple times in fact, but instead of establishing first contact or anything they just made ants steal batteries and coke cans for them. You go outside and find one commanding a small army to take down a chihuahua. That’s pikmin.

#pikmin 4 #pikmin #im on the fence about pik4’s new setting. I personally like the lonely feel of the wilderness from the previous games? #but at the same time the urban setting is pretty cute. and the idea of humans just having been alive this whole time is so funny #im thinking it’s probably going to be a ‘theyre long gone but their buildings still remain’ situation but can you IMAGINE?? #if they really were still around my god #do the humans know about olimar? the drake crew? the rescue corps?? #do the humans know about the pikmin? #do children like to play with pikmin - have them build tiny cities out of twigs and pebbles? #can I gently feed the pikmin bread crumbs. I want to. I want to hold them and love them. #citrussodatalks

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

[guardian-angle22]

911 Lone Star | Paul Strickland

↳ 4.10 Sellouts

#911 lone star #911lsedit #paul strickland #tw: flashing lights #tw: blood #I barely have time to make gifs these days but you know I'm still gonna try to deliver some paul strickland goodies for the timeline lol #it might be a week late but it'll be there #i need more paul in my life and so does everyone else #I really need to figure out an exact way of captioning these and stick to it cause I feel like every set I format that differently #does it matter? no. do I think about stupid shit like that sometimes? yep. #mateo chavez #judd ryder #marjan marwani #my gifs #episode: s04e10 sellouts

[spotsupstuff]

What was boreas first interaction with zephyr like?

"Hopefully that will work..."

swift, to say the least

#spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #philosophy sessions au #ou yeeea zephs fuckin Wrecked but o boy she can still brain blast shit to hell n back #baby Bee was like ''i really really wanna be in contact with you its lonely here'' n then they became buds/family n he was like ''aiGHT im- #-set for life nobody approach me.'' #zeph never before seen an overseer the whole ordeal was just so ?????? to her. this poor fucking woman #then boreas' deepass voice just one day starts reverbating thru her chamber n its like that caveman spongebob meme #where is it. how can i kill it. Git. all the while B is tryin to strike up a treaty

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

#receiving more plastic face cats tomorrow and I'm excited.......... #one is a lone kitten I'm thinking of turning into a keychain because it's got the little sleeping face which is my favorite #the other is a pretty ragged full set that I'm planning to disassemble to make molds and a copycat pattern #between this and still wanting to rebuild idogs I'm really dead set on finding a hobby that gets me a C&D from hasbro

[spatio-rift]

genuinely i do think its sweet that characters like nendou or aren were never swayed by saikos money and just befriended (? one sidedly or so saiko thinks) him naturally cuz for better or for worse they just like him as a person. BUT it is so much more insane and interesting to me that he DID fucking buy takahashi yokota and muratas friendship. the plan was only to suck up to him so hed buy them stuff and give them money and they got hit with unexpected feelings. to the point that saikos usual behavior (the kind of behavior they actively encouraged before!) became horribly irritating to them because they came to genuinely think of him as a friend and it sucked that it was so clear saiko didnt feel the same way about them. didnt even wanna try to understand when they told him even. now of course trying to get back at him for it by being (anonymously (but badly)) mean to him isnt the way to go but fucckkk i LOVEEEE the messiness of it i love the frustration born out of their unrequited feelings its so crazy to me its so much more fun to me

#saiko+anyone in the main cast (except kusuo) is great too but its just like idk cliché i guess #which is the point! but i just dont really care all that much about the classic lonely rich boy storyline i suppose ! #imagining that he genuinely becomes friends with the fucking losers who used to (very willingly) be his lackeys #is just so fun to meeeeee. even more so if they become so close (behave the same though) that theyre still a Set well into adulthood #$quad #saipsi #saiko metori

[poolboyvmprmansion]

not having any like super close or long term friendships at this point in my life is really fucking with me i think

#kye speaks #i have friends rn #i have a ton of friends rn! #theyre all new friends. #we're still learning base level facts about each other #and the fact that i dont have people to talk to throughtout the day #is really making me feel like im going insane #and i feel like if i try to cope by like writing an actual diary or some shit im gonna get too ok with being alone #and then itll be worse! #so i just vent in the tags to you losers (lovingly) #because at least theres a mask of being social online #and like i literally hung with people like all day saturday sunday and monday evening #but i still feel fucking lonely! #i hate it #i know this is like the foundations of that that im building rn and it will get to that point #but rn im gonna start setting buildings on fire

[undefeatednils]

Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void

...

#nils talking #feeling very tired after this week #the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in #I'm just drained #tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood #but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days #bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water #I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over #too many variables too much that still needs to happen first #but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic #connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments #or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal #at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations #anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me #I don't wish to fade away into the background #I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly #to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party #or who was just a random fellow student or coworker #I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy #sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation #also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school #it's a mostly depressing affair

[ranwithscissors]

Stranger Things time travel concept where Steve Harrington wakes up on November 1st, 1984 friendless, newly single, and with a bunch of memories that haven’t happened yet.

#basically I want Steve to start hanging out with Robin and Eddie much earlier #while retaining his character development #also obviously this would be a fix it #but things still go to shit because Steve is kinda dumb and not omniscient and learned a large chunk of the plot second hand the first time #yes this is a Steddie set up #I just really want Eddie to live and be gay and have friends #and Steve doesn’t have to be as lonely in 84 #as a treat #stranger things #stranger things fix it #stranger things au #steddie #stranger things 4 #stranger things 2 #steve harrington #time travel au #stranger things time travel #eddie munson

[widowshill]

you know what. v is almost exclusively lawful good but she violated girl code big time by going out with burke.

#she snatched that man right out from under carolyn (granted he didn’t want carolyn but like. still!!! girl code violation!!!) #moreover. violating her loyalty to Liz?? by going out with the man set out to financially ruin them??? #fuck Roger lmao he deserved to lose her to his sworn enemy but like. Liz ???? you would betray LIZ STODDARD for a MAN?? #➤ victoria winters. ┊ because she’s lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows. #the serious version of this post isss I genuinely think Vicki means it when she doesn’t really get what it implies going to #Burke’s hotel room / riding with him to Bangor / etc etc like she is just genuinely trying to be practical #(autistic coded moments to me personally) but like. still v. cmon. you know carolyn is obsessed with him

[cetoddle]

i finished the girl who fell beneath the sea it was pretty good

#i finished it a lot quicker than i thought i would! #i liked the characters a lot but honestly the plot as a whole felt kinda..messy #like there were a LOT of interesting bits of lore introduced #that either never really came up again #or were introduced out of nowhere just for one scene u know #but the writing itself was good and again i rlly liked the characters #i mean mina was. okay #she's not the best ya protag i've ever read but she's definitely not the worst either #but honestly if i were discussing this book with a friend #i would suggest just reading six crimson cranes and then the dragon's promise instead #VERYY similar plot and setting and vibes but imo six crimson cranes was wayyy better #i need to try and finish big machine before monday but honestly idk if thats gonna happen #i still have like 200 pages left and i'm. not loving it #it's kinda boring which is disappointing #cause i read the changeling last year and really liked it but this book is just not doing it for me so far #i have a copy of lone woman sitting in my car that i'm gonna read eventually i hope that one's better :') #anyways #now that i'm reading again i need an outlet to talk abt the books i've read #so #📚. #(<- book talk tag) #snow.txt

[crunchycrystals]

had the realization that there's the possibility i'll never kiss anyone in my life and i was completely ok with that. i'm actually really happy for myself about this so i wanted to talk about it a little bit :D

#crunchyposts #i just had the realization earlier that like no matter what i just want to live near people i care about #loveless style like what rooney says #i DO want to get a house next to my best friend and knock down the fence that separates it #if theyre married and im not i'm totally down for it still as long as i get along with their partner #i just value friendships so much like its something i choose every day #i am still scared of being alone because the times when i felt the loneliest were absolutely awful i felt like i was gonna explode #it felt like poison and i didnt realize how much i missed just being with other people until i started to get less lonely #but its not bc im scared of never finding a romantic partner now !!!!!!!! #if i ever do end up in a romantic relationship i think im always gonna prioritize the more platonic moments just. laughing with someone #or having conversations or being in their presence thats it #the lines are really blurred i really cant tell the difference between what i would want in a romantic relationship and in a friendship #actually. i dont think theres a difference?????? romantic relationships just need more agreements ab dating other people for me #thats realluy the only difference to me just like. set rules if you want to/ dont want to date other people #anyways. this was another i love friendships moment with abby crunchycrystals

[sweetearthandnorthernsky]

i cannot WAIT to write the scene from bbom where the pc + gandalf go to check on the arkenstone

#now usually i don't hc that silmaril = arkenstone #mostly because that means it's either maglor's silmaril [unlikely since it was yeeted into the sea] #or maedhros' [slightly more likely imo] #even though he cast it [+ himself] into a flaming chasm right after/during war of wrath when beleriand was sinking #so idk if he'd've had the chance to yeet himself anywhere remotely close to erebor #it could be possible that the lonely mountain was Like That because it was created when eru made the world round in the end of the 2nd age #anyway that's beside the point because if it is a silmaril that means maedhros' body/skeleton is probably hanging out inside the caverns #which THAT'S a horror story in & of itself #and i may be mean but i'm not THAT mean to make morinel deal with That #ANYWAY #i may do a one shot set in an au where it is tho because #it'd be [focusing on the silmaril and not potential-maedhros-skeleton] funny #esp because a couple elves in felegoth are like #'oh yeah thranduil thought the arkenstone was a silmaril at first and we weren't friends for a while w/ dwarves over it' #which definitely almost gives morinel hives #[not in an i'm going to try to take it way but in an 'excuse me he thought WHAT'] #actually... she probably lowkey hates the damn things. and feels really guilty about hating them #meanwhile sae knows more than she did in vol 1 but she's still kinda confused #sticky note tag #writing tag #due to the tag vomit on morinel's *gestures vaguely* whole deal

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #I think one of the reasons therapy is so hard is that it's not like I show up and talk about the problem I have. #I show up and have to list all thirty seven problems and explain how their separate and how they're intertwined #I had my third hour-long appointment with my therapist who I feel genuinely hopeful about and there's still issues I haven't talked about #and I get that a lot of these separate issues are really just a basket of extreme symptoms from a few core issues #but it's been so long that they've grown and rooted on their own so it's not just a matter of digging out the original roots. not anymore. #and I do feel like I've made progress. I've made immense progress. the mood stabilizer alone is giving me loads of new data to process. #without it the mood phase I'm in right now would be morose and gloomy with manic energy turned inward to self loathing. #I started that direction a day or so ago because I forgot/didn't care to take my meds and started slipping #but I took my pills and bam I leveled out. and that's nice. I feel calm and serene. #hmm. I've been like this before though. after some sort of emotional high which I did have for a bit. #idk. I'm hopeful I'm positive I'm optimistic but still #I need to talk to my therapist about the feeling like a joke. I'm weird I'm interesting I'm novel I'm strange I know it already. #I'm lonely #I'm tired of being different. of being set apart. of being holy. divine. #I want to be normal. not a spectacle to gawk at or even appreciate. I want to be unremarkable. I want to fit in. #my therapist has enjoyed talking with me. I'm very funny. very charming. tough to keep up with apparently. #those things are intended as compliments but they also just remind me of how alone I am. different. set apart.

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

......

#i just want that rush back. how it felt when i realized he wasn't gonna hurt me n he held me to his chest n stroked my back #just tryin to calm me down instead of demanding anythin #he called me pretty. maybe it's just cause he was fucking me but still. he hasn't said that in so damn long except when he hurts me #i......guess i can kinda see why i said i loved him. i was so high on all of it. #even though it was stupid as fuck n idk if it's even true but either way i shouldn't have said it. #i wanna point fingers n say he just lovebombed me so hard i wasn't thinkin straight but. i don't think he even did #i can usually spot it when he does cause he's sayin things that are so obviously fake. even if i usually just ignore that cause i like it #this was just. the kinda affection that'd be normal from someone who actually cares for you. which is why it's so treacherous. #cause now it's all i can fucking think about i need more i need him to kiss me like that i need him to look at me like that again #i set the trap myself n strolled right in #i just. i need that rush back. i was so happy for a brief moment there. happier than i've ever been i think #it didn't last long but maybe that's cause i panicked when i said what i said. maybe if i just stop pretendin stop tryin to fight it #sometimes i feel the opposite but rn it's really hard to convince myself it's not enough that he wants me back #he doesn't hurt me when i behave but. i've never been very good at that for very long #n he'll probably get tired of me soon too. he's just lonely n nostalgic about the way things were back home. #......still though. how do i stop wanting it. wanting him. how the fuck do i stop #spdrvent