#it would be fun if it wasnt like the saddest thing ever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

knightzp · 1 year

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HII miki!!! PLS tell me everything abt ur acc! i.e fave chars, which 5 stars u have (and want?) and fave teams? also, just to spice things up a bit! are there any chars u regret building/pulling for?? (or perhaps any accidental pulls? for instance, my itto was a complete accident.. i just wanted gorou lmao) also... ur fave 4 star : ) srry that was a lot of questions but i cant wait to read ur answers!! have a lovely day!

HIII TŪĪ!!! this was so fun to write thank you for asking!!

fave characters: i have a lot of characters that i love but my most favorites are kazuha, hu tao, xingqiu, chongyun, albedo, benny, ayaka, yoimiya aaand tighnari. there are a lot more that i like but if i had to select just some those would be it i think!

fave 4 star: def one of the three i mentioned before! either benny, xingqiu or chongyun, but its so hard to choose just one.... mmm i think im gonna say benny bc hes very dear to me and has been accompanying me since my very first days playing the game, he has never left my team and i dont know what i would have done without him (i do know, i would have died countless times for sure)

5 stars i have: ive been playing the game for like a year and a half so even being f2p im lucky that i finally have most of my faves! i have kazuha, ayaka, hu tao, albedo, kokomi, yoimiya, xiao, nahida and eula. and from the standard banner, can you believe i only have keqing and mona after that much time playing?? well thats bc i have keqing c1 and.... mona c4. apart from the first 50/50 that i lost, which was with keqing, ive lost ALL the rest with mona and at this rate im sure im gonna get her c6 :'))) hyv stop giving me monas and give one tighnari pls PLS

accidental pulls: i DID have one accidental pull very similar to your case with itto and it was with eula. it was right when i was starting playing genshin and she was actually my very first 5 star. i only did one (1) ten pull on her banner bc xingqiu was there too and i wanted him so bad, but instead i ended up with no xingqiu and one eula that came home at pity 15 and winning 50/50, the luckiest ive ever been and for what... (and the saddest thing is i also didnt get xingqiu until months later sighhh). okay actually it wasnt that bad back then bc i didnt have any more 5 stars at the time so i used her as my main dps until i got ayaka, but now i dont play with her anymore

5 stars i want: since i got kazuha, who i really really wanted and saved for him for more than a whole year bc i lost 50/50 on him the first time (and the second time too... but i was prepared and could get him regardless), now i dont have any other character that i very desperately want as it was with him. and its bc ive been lucky that ive been able to get the rest of my faves too! i mean sure, i do want MORE characters, the ones that id like to get are tighnari, scaramouche (hyv im begging let me win 50/50 this time), nilou, cyno and venti, but i dont have that level of obsession i had with kazuha alsjfdk but yeah when their banners come (back) ill def be pulling for them!

fave teams: and my fave teams!!! im not a meta player and i know there are probably better combinations than the ones i use but idc and im very happy with my teams. so im gonna put the names i have for each team and its members!

permafrost brrrr: kazuha, chongyun, kokomi, ayaka. i loveeee fighting and freezing all the enemies along the way, so this is one is probably my favorite from all these teams. before getting kazuha i used it with xingqiu (hence the name of the team, tho it still works) and i miss a bit playing with xingqiu and chongyun together in the same team but kazuha makes this team even more fun and i like a lot how these 4 work together!

pants on fire!: xingqiu, albedo, hu tao, benny. my team for hu tao! ive been using this one since i got albedo and hu tao last year and ive never thought of changing it ever since, im very attached to it

short kings: kazuha, albedo, xiao, benny. my team for xiao and yes i wanted a team where i could put all my bois together and this one was perfect. a friend that is very invested in meta told me that kazuha wasnt useful at all here but idc bc just playing with them together makes me very happy

papayas quemadas: xingqiu, nahida, kokomi, yoimiya. this team i created it very recently! i was struggling a bit to find the best team for yoimiya and when i got nahida i tried this one and its very fun im liking it a lot! (ajdflsk abt the name of the team it means burnt papayas in spanish, bc the flowers (?) you make with hydro and dendro i call them papayas and then with yoimiyas pyro they become burnt, so yeah :))

queens: kokomi, eula, fischl, beidou. this is a team i have meant for eula using electro and cryo to boost her phys dmg and kokomi too to create electrocharged. i tried it a bit and it was actually fun! but i still need to build the chars better and i dont like eula that much as a character, so i dont really use this one rn. but maybe one day ill finally build them properly and give it a try again!

this was a super long answer but anyway it was a lot of fun to write!!!

i really hope you have a great day/evening too!! 💜

#ask

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our-happygirl500-fan · 5 years

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Hm.. all of these are interesting, so... 3, 5, 9, 15, 17, 20, 23, 27, 28, 29 Hope it's not too much, and if it is, just pick some you really want to answer hehe

No this is great thank you!

3. If you were in Danganronpa what would your talent be?

Hmm, either the SHSL Choir Member, SHSL Singer or SHSL Baker. I’ve made a lot of cakes in my day so that fits (and yes I have seen bakeoff everyone always asks me that) but I’m also a high grade in singing and I’ve been in multiple choirs since I was 7 also if you go by the singing talent you could make a really cool execution like ‘song birds cage’ or something where you’re trapped in a cage that’s lifted really high up and then dropped.

5. Do you think you’d be a victim, killer, mastermind or survivor?

Funnily enough a survivor but you know that one survivor that lived because they stayed in their lane and didn’t cause any drama.

9. What thing about the fandom do you like?

That’s a tough one I think either the art or the analysis posts. There’s a lot of really nice people in the fandom so maybe it’s that? I like theory posts and games that make you think because reading about everyones thoughts and theories and looking for deeper meanings is fun which is probably why Kokichi’s my favourite character.

15. Who do you think is the most underrated character?

Komaru hands down, she deserves more love because she’s amazing and she’s a protagonist that people forget about and she need and deserves more attention because UDG was amazing. Where our all my fics dedicated to bad end Komaru where she becomes Junko’s successor? Where is it danganronpa fandom?

17. Junko or Mukuro?

Mukuro! God she deserved so much better! God I love her! Everyone go read IF right now!

20. Did you guess any of the twists?

I saw V3′s protag switch coming a mile away,I didn’t know Shuichi was going to replace her but I was sure something was going to happen to her, like literally the day the trailer where Kaede was first introduced and everyone was so excited to have a female protagonist in the main game I just thought ‘no way our they giving us this it’s a trap’ and I spent the whole lead up to V3′s release trying to convince myself ‘no it’s not a trick calm down’ with this weird anxiety that they were going to tear away this female protagonist we’d been promised and then V3 came out and I was proven right. I wasn’t even surprised just disappointed.

23. Is there anyone you would have liked to have died?

Is it wrong to say Shuichi? Even before the game came out I was actually rooting for him to die because I thought it would be so cool for the Detective character to die since the detective character was such a big plot point in the first game. So I was biased against him even before the game came out and then the protag switch happened and then he was mean to Kokichi and just sigh. After him I guess Hagakure but he only dies in demos

27. What was the saddest moment for you?

‘you’re alone Kokichi and you always will be’ yeah I’ve never wanted to physically fight a fictional character so much before. I physically can not watch chapter 4 specifically because of this moment.

28. What was the happiest moment for you?

Any of the moments between Komaru and Toko honestly they’re perfect together but maybe that one scene where Toko asks Komaru about her dreams and Komaru says she’s always wanted to draw manga and Toko says the only time she’d ever read a manga is if it’s written by Komaru and that makes my heart melt it’s beautiful.

29. Do you think the series should end with NDRV3

Ha ha ha ha! Fuck no! Do you have any idea how excited I am for Kill/Cure? How attached I am to fangames? To rewrites like ITMLFY? I’ll be damned if Shuichi actually ends danganronpa which is ironic because every other game I was like ‘ah yes the perfect ending to the franchise’ but with V3 I’m like ‘well now legally they have to make another one’ V3′s weird I both love it but am also completely unsatisfied with it so we need another cast for me to obsess over so I can stop crying over Kokichi.

Literally the only reason I stopped crying over John after Homestuck ended was discovering Kokichi and crying over him instead

#asks

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peroxideprinces · 2 years

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☕️ doctor who?

LOVE TALKIN AB DW OKAY

overall, i love modern who to death !! i love nine - twelve sm <333 havent gotten around to watchin classic who yet though <//3

nine: i think the first series is wonderful, but it was limited bc it was the first dw series in over a decade. they couldnt do many ambitious things bc they had to keep things tame for newer audiences at first, but as series two rolled around w ten it got a lot more wild. i think that nine was played wonderfully, although eccleston wasnt the best at actin out comedy. he was an amazin serious actor for the doctor. i prefer rose here to how she is w ten bc tenrose were constantly flirtin n it got annoyin after a while, but in series one shes still jus a close friend of the doctor up until the finale. shes such a fun character n i love the way billie piper plays her ! mickey is wonderful as always, n i felt so bad for him durin some of the episodes bc of how he was portrayed. i dont like jackie so i dont wanna tak ab her lmao,, JACK MY BELOVED <333 he was so fun to watch n m glad that carried on into the later seasons w him ! hes always a joy to watch. i think the episodes varied in quality, but ovwrall it was a solid series ! i wish we were able to explore nine more, though.

ten: theres... a lot goin on w ten. series two was ab the same level as one, but it got better durin series three, four, n the specials. the writin also got a lot better. i think david tennant is the second best actor for the doctor, n id put ten at number three out of the modern who doctors. david tennant was brilliant n the writin was amazin for him ! i wnjoyed his struggle w his arrogance n how he was possibly the most human doctor. he was funny n enjoyable but he wasnt without his faults. one of the best episodes in the entire show i would say is the waters of mars bc there can never be another wpisode of dw like it, n it shows that the doctor can get carried away w things. the separation of ten n rose was devastatin, n m upset that it was undone durin the series four finale. tenrose was a decent romance, though i think i wouldve preferred a friendship. martha is a step up from rose i think ?? she gets a bit more development, though i dont like the unrequited love between her n ten ig ?? n her gettin w mickey at the end was kinda unnecessary. she was more of an intellectual match to ten than rose was, n she was much more fun to watch ! donna is my favorite, easily. series four was as good as it was because of her n tens dynamic. i loved how she wasnt a love interest for him ! personally, i reallt dont like it when the doctor has a love interest (other than jack n river n also yaz but shhhh) n donna was a nice change of pace. watchin her grow into the person she became was so fun bc she truly did become better, n that made it all the more depressin when the doctor basically turned her back into the person she was before. i didnt like the series four finale bc it felt a little too fanservice-y ig ? though seein jack n mickey again did help lmao. the specials ranged from a bit borin to “holy shit this is fantastic” n the regeneration of ten was truly one of the saddest things i think ive ever had to watch, especially whne rememberin that man was like 906 n he like canonically lived for only like 7 years. imagine only bein yourself for 7 years. ofc he didnt wanna go.

eleven: HOLY SHIT ELEVEN !!! series five is easily my favorite series of modern who. i think series six was decent n the first half of series seven was alright, but the latter half of series seven was disappointin. matt smith ran w this role n did such a wonderful job, eleven is probably the best doctor i think (imo ofc). amy n rory are my favorite companions as well, n their relationship is so dear to me. i didnt like the whole thing they tried to do w amy n eleven like it jus rubbed me the wrong way ig. i cannot describe in words how much i adore rory also. eleven n river is the best relationship between someone n the doctor, dont argue w me. they were so cute which makes everythin else all the more sad. clara is much better w twelve than she is w eleven. i sincerely dont like companion/doctor relationships, n eleven n clara is my least favorite example of that. i think that eleven shows what the doctor should be v well. hes less arrogant than ten n nine but i cant deny that he is still arrogant. hes kinder than the two previous doctors, which makes him much more likeable to me. matt smith does an amazin job w eleven.

twelve: i havent fully finished his run yet, but ive finished series eight n m halfway through series nine. peter capaldi is easily the best actor to play tge doctor. he does such a wonderful job w emotional actin as well as showin twelves sense of humor. the writin is much better in series nine than it is in eight, but that doesnt necessarily mean that series nine was bad. i think clara is best is series nine. i dont enjoy watchin her much n shes one of my least favorite companions, but i do still adore her. shes confident n independent. she reminds me a lot of donna, though shes less rash. shes impulsive as well which is fun to see even if it ultimately leads to her death. i think the second best episode in the show is heaven sent because it shows twelve grievin after losin clara in such a realistic n painful way. watchin that after losin a close friend hit different,,, i dont have many complaints ab twelves run yet, but tgat could change once i start series ten.

thirteen: okay. look. thirteen is such a fuckin disappointment, its quite frankly insultin. jodie whittaker is such an amazin actor ! i watched her in other shows n she does such a wonderful job ! she does her best with what she has n m grateful for that bc it means that thirteens run so far is somewhat enjoyable. my problem is the writin. i dont feel like elaboratin here bc then this post would be a Lot longer than it already is, but the writin is jus so,,,, dogshit, i guess. like they could do so much w her n they dont ! her companions could be so much cooler n they arent ! s been a while since ive seen thirteens run n maybe my opinions will change upon rewatch but from what i remember,, i dont thibk i wanna rewatch honestly. hopefully the writin will get better honestly.

these are jus my opinions take them w a grain of salt GNSMFNSMFNS

#long post #dw #shawn says stuff #every time i get to infodump ab dw i get so :]]]

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missjackil · 6 years

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My Season 13 Opinion

I loved it! It’s in my top 5 seasons, along with 4,5 11 and 12. S12 is my favorite, having the least amount of episodes I skip on rewatch, the rest all share about 4 or 5 episodes not worth more of my time. The Season in Review I remember the teaser before the season started said “Season 13 is their Lucky Number” And Im thinking OK lets do this! Lets see some positives for The Winchesters!! Lets see if we got them :)

Character Arcs Sam- Sam has definite changes from season to season. This one was no different. We had Sam last season being heavy on the confident badassery, while pining for a relationship with his mother, to Sam jumping automatically into a fatherly/mentor role for Jack. Meanwhile he’s troubled. suffering great loss, worrying about Dean, the fate of their mother, and his own struggles with his time in Hell and Lucifer. I read a lot about you nay sayers, who think Jared has had enough, is ready to hang it up, but I have to say Jared nailed every facet of Sam’s life. His relationship with Jack, has been the single most precious storyline the show has come up with, IMO. The chemistry was there immediately, and Sam knew right away that Jack was worth saving. In the episode Patience, we see this relationship take root. Not long after, Dean warms up to Jack, and then Cas comes back and tries to slip into Father mode because he promised Kelly, and then Jack goes missing into the AU. and comes out with Lucifer bent on taking Jack from Sam ... but Sam kept it together. Through all this, Sam deals with Dean’s depression, fails at trying to cheer him up, nearly loses Dean for good, because nothing Sam can do for Dean, gives him what he needs... which is a win. In the 2nd half of the season, Sam falls into his own depression. He lost Jack, his mother, Lucifer is back around and causing trouble. We finally learn what keeps messing with Sam since Hell, and what causes his sleeplessness, fear and helplessness, and it’s Lucifers true face, which he discovers he shares with Rowena. (more on that in S14 I hope) we discover also, late in the season, that Sam would like to have revenge on Lucifer, but hes also seeing that revenge doesnt fix anything. Sam ends his season being brutally killed by vampires, resurrected by Lucifer who doesnt waste time with the taunts and threats, being regected again by his mother, who he should have told to go pound sand up her ass, but tookthe high road to come up with a solution. He could have spent the last 3 episodes fighting and arguing with Lucifer but he didnt. He swallowed it all and then forcefully left him behind in the AU. Here, is probably where Sam thought he got revenge. He looked happy and wonderfully content back atthe bunker. It was short lived because Luci was out in no time, with Michael in tow and now determined to take Jack. Sam didnt go on a rampage to destroy Lucifer, but he called Jack to come back, and then stepped into protector role. What this got him, was Lucifer kicking him around, ad threatening his life once more... but when Jack tried to take his own life for Sam’s and told Sam he loves him. We know Sam won, that was best revenge he could have gotten. So when Dean came around, with Michael wearing him, Lucifer could get whats coming to him... in typical winchester fashion, Sam tosses the blade up to Dean that Dean catches no problem, and finally kills the devil! Sam’s arc, as I saw it from beginning to end, was a lessen in patience. Dont rush, dont act on impulse too much, dont take everything personal. Stay focused and keep your head. As Axle Rose told us “Take it slow, it will work itself out fine, all we need is just a little patience” Dean: Our Dean started this season out in the deepest pit of dispair. This didnt start at the end of S12 but in the beginning when Mary walked out. This started Dean on a spiral downward, that gained momentum in spots. Once he killed Hitler, Dean didnt get anymore big kills, too much of the time he was the one being rescued. At the end of S12, he was nearly killed by Ketch, and Mom saved him. He got a win by curing mom of the brainwashing, but it was very short lived by her being lost in the AU. Dean suffered the biggest handful of loss he ever had. He lost mom, cas, crowley, and rowena, he fortunately still had Sam but he was preoccupied with Jack, who Dean saw as the main reason everyone was lost. Dean lost hope in everything, and though Im of the belief that he wasnt trying to kill himself forever in Advanced Thanatology, as he had full intentions of coming back when Billie said “it depends on you” he wasnt in the mindset to argue with her if she wasnt going to let him go. But Billie told him to live, because he and Sam are important. (my theory on that later) so Dean comes back, and soon after, Cas comes back. Dean is immediately upbeat because now he knows there is hope. It wasnt because he loves Cas more than Sam as some may assume, but Sam couldnt give Dean the win he needed to regain his hope. Deans good mood went south once he learned Mom was still alive and being tortured in the AU. He was now a man on a mission and he was going to save her no matter what. But then they lost Jack too, and Sam went into his own depression and Dean was there for hm too. He wanted Sam to come out of the dark place he was in, but he knew that darkness was justified. But they both pressed on and kept at it... risking life and limb on the daily, Dean felt extra need to protect Sam so he side lined him in hopes to keep him safe. Sam wasnt gonna have that, they’re gonna live, work, suffer and die together, and thats all there is to it. However when the vampire killed Sam before Deans eyes, and there was nothing he could do to save him, I have never seen Dean in a deeper pit. He was literally a walking corpse. I can only imagine Dean having less hope at that time, because they were in the AU, where the laws of their world dont apply. Maybe Winchesters dont have a reset button in a world they were never born in. Im fully convinced Dean was going back to the cave to lay down and die next to Sam, when Sam came walking in. Dean was so grateful to see his brother walking, that he didnt care Lucifer came too....” no need to be sorry Sammy... now hug me you little shit!” (paraphrased ;)) Things look up now, Sam comes up with a good plan for the survivors in the Au, and most are now safe and sound in the bunker. Jack is a good little hunter, Dean gets hope that maybe someday the world will be safe enough that they can retire. But thats short lived as well when Lucifer comes back and brings good ole Michael and all Hell breaks loose. When Sam gets blasted away with Jack and Lucifer, Dean’s self destructive co dependence comes out and theres just no other choice but to let Michael use his vessel to take out Lucifer. The fight ensues, Lucifer is too strong, and is about to kill Dean, but Sam comes through by tossing the blade to him perfectly.... and he kills the SOB. Dean’s arc this season was a lessen in Faith. Faith in God, faith in Sam, faith in love and faith in whats right. It can get better Dean.... every day can get better. Now we can go on to more fun things -

Best episodes IMO Im going to give that to Scooby for being the most fun and most original. But there were so many really good episodes, Patience, (Sams side of that) Advanced Thanatology, Breakdown, The Scorpion and the Frog, Varuius and Sundary Villians, A Most Holy Man,Funerella, Beat The Devil, Exodus and Let the Good times Roll. Worst Episodes : By far was Wayward Sisters. The only one I couldnt bring myself to watch a 2nd time. Other’s werent bad, but boring, such as Tombstone, A Devils Bargain, and Good Intentions. Best Sam Lines - “I know what its like to feel likeyou dont fit, to be afraid of who you are, and what you can do... but my family helped me through that, and now Im gonna help you, You’re not evil Jack” “We are going to go to this place together.... and if anything happens, we’ll deal with it it together.... and if we die? We’ll dothat together too” Best Dean lines : “Its a lizard Sam, it tastes like Lizard” “They took my brother, now Im gonna get him back” “Im never gonna appologize for protecting you. Do you remember the last time we had front row seats to the Lucifer Michael fight? Because I do. You died Sam, and went to Hell! Now I dont care much about what happens to me, never did... but I do care about what happens to my brother” Saddest moments: When Sam couldnt bring himself to tell Dean about why he’s hopeless. Dean’s dead mans walk to the camp and his tears when Mary asked where Sam was. Jack crying and punching himself wondering why he hurts people. Happiest Moments: The brohug and the tension melting from Sam’s face Sam and Dean getting a toast in their honor. Jack telling Sam he loves him Sams face when he realizes Lucifer is dead Worst moments: Dean popping a cork when he found outbthere was no more grace. Sam’s death... all of it Worst Storylines: Wayward Sisters, Asmodeus, Sister Jo (not Danneel hate, it just wasnt a good story) Best Storyline: Sam and Jack Interesting things we learned. Sam hates strip clubs, Dean buys Sam a lap dance, Sam has extensive hair care products, and Dean likes tentical porn Stuff I want to see more of next season: Michael!Dean but not for too long... we need real Dean. Why does Sam have to kill Rowena? What did seeing Lucifer’s face entail? The Man Cave Daddy Sam!!!!!!! Lowkey predictions fro S14 We get a frantic Sam looking for Dean, not unlike S10 but he has help this time . The Angels die and all souls come to earth as ghosts and wreak havok. This along with Lucifer being dead, open the door for the boys to work towards retirement. Get heaven reopened, and the souls back in, maybe by draining the empty of angels, wth Luci dead, no need for Hell, close it up, everyone goes to Heaven. Start eliminating all the bad monsters from the world, sending good ones to Heaven and sending the bad ones to Purgatory where they came from. This wouldnt need to be a quick thing, it could take years to do it, or clean it up in one season, but it provides an end goal. The boys find out theyre important because theyre the only ones who can accomplish this. In the end, Season 13 was their lucky one. Lucifer is dead. Now they can work towards a future. :)

#Season 13 spoilers #my opinion #season in review

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wantniallie · 6 years

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Oh you did! I didn't see it! I had like a casual meet up, a party, some festival something like that, not a intentional reunion, Niall wasnt expecting to see Harry and wasnt ready idk, and when Harry sees him he knew he made a mistake ending things

Read part 1 here (Read on AO3)

Niall takes a sip from his whiskey, letting the liquid roll over his tongue before he swallows it. The alcohol making its way down his throat, leading the nice burn of the golden fluid through his body.

He looks around, looks at the mass of people around him, most of them he doesn’t even know. Liam had invited him to a New Year's Eve party he organized with Cheryl, had invited all the boys. It’s a way bigger party than Niall would have imagined, and if he had known this before, he probably hadn’t even come. But he came anyway, for old times sake. More as a formality, just to say hi to Liam more than anything else. He had brought Deo along with him since this was just supposed to be a stop on the way to another party. Almost as soon as they arrived, though, his cousin was trying to talk up some girl who was way out of his league, and so Niall lost track of him.

So he had taken a stance at one of the cocktail tables, where he still is now. Leaning with both of his arms on the surface, and a glass of whiskey in his hand, while his gaze is on the crowd. He watches the people in front of him dance and laugh, talk to each other, hug each other, he’s watching aimlessly ahead while his mind goes through his memories of the past year, the past two years. He thinks about how much has changed for him, about how much his life has changed and how he’s been looking so differently at things than he did two years ago.

After the break - the hiatus he reminds himself, he just wanted to take a step back from it all. He wasn’t ready for the break to happen actually didn’t want one, and when it finally came he didn’t take it well. Their last performance, the last day of the four of them together, might have been one of the saddest, darkest moments he’s had to date. He just wanted to continue with the boys for as long as possible, they still had so much more to achieve together. And on top of that, Harry. But he doesn’t want to go there, definitely doesn’t want to think about that.

Because he has achieved so much the past two years, has grown beyond anything he thought was possible. He’s gotten stronger physically and emotionally, grown more confident. He doesn’t depend on anyone anymore, not the boys, not his crew, not his cousins. He’s learned to be there for himself, to take care of himself. He got rid of the bleached mess on top of his head and let his natural hair grow back, often leaves a stubble on his face. He looks a little bit more like an adult having finally shed his boyish look, he feels more like a man as well, feels like nothing much can stop him anymore. So he doesn’t want to dwell on the past, doesn’t let it hold him back

His change started when he went to Asia at the start of the hiatus. Right after things happened with Harry. He needed time for himself, away from his normal life. Couldn’t stand being alone, being alone at his house with no one to share anything with. He went from being on the road, going 24/7 to sitting home alone, and he couldn’t take it. So he gathered some of his best mates and invited them to travel around Asia with him, backpacking style. No luxuries, instead, going back to basic. He learned and experienced that he was still just a normal person. He learned how to be a normal person, again, learned that he can live in a world where life doesn’t revolve around One Direction, around being a superstar.

He already felt better after coming back from that trip, felt less saddened about the hiatus. Niall saw that he had different opportunities now that he could do things he didn’t have time for in the band. He focused on sports for a while, especially on golf, spent time on the green track, hitting balls with his mates, often with professionals. He started his own golf company as his attempt to put the sport back on the map. He put in so much effort, so much time and he loved every minute of it, still loves it so much. He had never seen himself in the business life, had definitely never expected himself to have his own company, but with the mixture of golf, he couldn’t be happier with it.

But he still had the itch, that drive to pick up his guitar, write lyrics and music. He didn’t think he was going to be good enough to go solo. And while he had been in One Direction Niall never had the desire to be a solo artist either. It didn’t feel right to him, it felt like he wasn’t going to enjoy it if he wouldn’t have his boys with him. But as he still did the writing and the playing and the singing, he had gotten more curious about his possibilities, so he went back into the studios. Just for fun, just out of curiosity. And now, a year and a half later, he has an entire solo album out. He has a song that went to number one on Billboard and singles that went to number one in so many countries. He’s won solo awards, did a small touring session around the world, seeing his fans, playing them his songs, his solo songs, and he has a world tour coming up in the new year. He had never expected this, had never thought he would achieve all this by himself.

HIs life had changed so much from what it was, from that moment after the X Factor in the backstage dressing room. It had felt like such a big ending for him like he wasn’t gonna be able to have joy anymore. He had felt so weak and was in such a dark place. But today, December 31st, 2017, he feels like he’s on top of the world again, solo, alone, happy.

“Hey, there’s my Nialler,” he hears a voice coming from afar, pulling him out of his thoughts. “What are you staring at your whiskey for?! You’re supposed to drink it, lad!” Louis says when he reaches Niall, pulling him in for a quick hug before he takes the glass out of Niall’s hand and downs it in one go. Niall huffs, laughs at his friend’s antics. “Hi Tommo, didn’t know you were coming, too,” he says.

“Well I wouldn’t want to miss Liam’s big New Year's feast, would I?” Louis answers, the smile on his face detectable in his voice. “No but really, good to see you, lad,” he speaks more seriously. “Doing alright?” he asks, a bit of concern in his voice.

Niall nods, “Was just thinking about the past two years,” he confesses.

“Aaah,” Louis speaks, clapping Niall on his shoulder before he slinging his arm around his neck. “How the two underdogs of the biggest boy band are now taking over the world?” He jokes, trying to ease Niall’s seriousness on this festive day. “You better watch your back, Neil, don’t want to have you snatching my awards away from me next year,” he says playfully, glaring but his mouth formed in his usual smile. “2018 is going to be my year, haven’t you heard?” he laughs, giving Niall’s neck a soft squeeze. And Niall can't help but laugh either, couldn’t be happier to have Louis in his life and couldn’t be happier that Louis is still there for him, with him. Out of the three boys, he still has the most contact with Louis, and even though they don’t have time to meet up often, they still catch up with each other every month.

“So much has changed,” Niall starts, ready to share his thoughts with Louis, looking into the crowd. It’s then that he sees a mob of dark, curly hair walking around in the room. He sees the hair coming closer, turning his way and the pink, plump lips come in sight. And then he makes contact with the beautiful, green eyes, eyes he hasn’t had contact with for two years. And then Niall’s heart stops.

“You alright, mate?” He vaguely hears coming from Louis while he pulls him in a little closer, squeezing his shoulder a little harder. Niall nods, unsure of what to do as nerves settle in the muscles of his body. “I didn’t know he was coming,” Niall speaks, voice laced with panic, with tenseness. He’s still in contact with those green eyes, still locked with Harry’s.

And then Harry looks away, turns to the person next to him, reaching out to shake their hand.

Niall looks away as well, looks down at his hands that are gripping the paper coaster from his not-there anymore whiskey. He could use another one, he thinks, ripping a piece of the coaster, trying to turn all his attention into it so he can ignore the big, dark cloud that is Harry in his mind. He rips off another piece, sees that his hands are shaking. He tries to focus on his breathing, taking deep breaths, in and out. He feels a hand on his neck, rubbing down his back to comfort him. And, he really appreciates it, really appreciates Louis, but he’s about to jump out of his skin. He hadn’t expect to see Harry, didn’t think he would show up. He isn’t ready to face Harry. He’s still hurt, still can’t believe Harry left the way he did, and even though he doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t want to acknowledge it, deep down, he’s still in love with the man. He wrote a whole damn album about it, even. About him.

Louis’ hand covers his, stopping him from ripping the coaster completely apart, while his soft voice whispers in his ear. “Come on, Niall. It’s been two years.”

Niall looks up, focusses his gaze on Louis before he speaks sternly. “Two fucking years indeed, Louis. And he didn’t call or write or message. He hasn’t reached out to me once.”

And Louis knows this, knows how Niall feels about it. They’ve had multiple talks about it already, how Harry didn’t reach out to Niall but did to Louis and Liam. How Niall has tried to reach out to him sometimes, five to be exact, and didn’t get a single response. How he’s hurt Niall so much, Niall doesn’t even know if he’ll ever allow himself to love again. Because yes, he got much stronger over these past two years, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still hurt, doesn’t mean the gaping black hole in his heart disappeared.

While Niall tries to get himself together, Louis calls over a waiter, ordering two more glasses of whiskey.

By the time the glasses arrive, Niall has his breathing somewhat back under control again, saying a quick thank you to the waiter as he takes the glass in his hand. He knows he shouldn’t probably be drinking right now, he’s too stressed and anxious, but he also feels like it will relieve his tense muscles a little bit. He brings the glass to his lips, lets the liquid glide through his mouth straight into his throat. He decides he needs more, so he takes Louis’ glass too and downs it, as well. “That was for taking mine,” he grunts out.

Louis laughs, getting the waiter once more before he says “Alright, Niall. Slow down, though.”

Niall huffs, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand while he searches the room for Harry, sees him talking to some woman. “What am I going to do now, Lou?” he says. “The night started so well, I felt so good.” Niall looks down at his empty glass, wishes he had a full one again.

“Well, Niall,” Louis starts, “I don’t know, stay out of his way, go talk to him. Just do what you think feels right.”

Niall lets out a dry laugh, sees the waiter comes over and grabs the whiskey before the man can even hand it to him. “I better go then,” he says before downing the glass. “If I should do what I think feels right.”

Louis chuckles softly at his overdramatic friend before he grabs his arm. “Come on, lad. Let’s have some fun.”

Louis leads him through the crowd, dragging him along by his arm until they reach Liam. He orders Liam to get them some shots. So Liam leads them to his kitchen, where it’s just the three of them and gets a bottle from under the counter, placing the shot glasses in front of them.

“What’s the occasion?” he asks, looking between the two of them.

Louis looks at Niall, for him to answer, and when he doesn’t he says “Harry’s here.”

Liam’s face lights up, “Oh good! ” he exclaims. “I invited him, didn’t think he’d come.”

Louis sighs while Niall lets out a grunt which earns a confused look from Liam, who locks eyes with Louis, unsure of what’s happening.

Louis sighs again, looking over at Niall before he says again “Harry is here.”

And then it clicks, and Liam’s face turns a little sad. He opens the bottle, pours the three shots before he speaks. “Okay, I get it now.” He looks over at Niall, moves one of the glasses in front of him. “I’m sorry, lad. Really didn’t expect him to show up.”

Niall sighs, takes the glass, spinning it in his hand before he looks over at the boys in front of him. He grabs his glass, lifting it towards Louis and Liam saying a quick “Cheers!” before he takes the shot.

Louis and Liam take theirs too, and then Liam pours them another one. “You can hide out here as long as you want, Nialler. There’s enough booze, so no worries,” he says before moving the glass in front of Niall once more.

Niall takes the glass, and then they take another one and another one. And after some, Niall starts to feel more relaxed, more at ease. Spending time together with Louis and Liam like this helps, it has been a long time. They laugh together, tell each other stories about the last two years, catch up properly. They’re all getting to the point of being slightly intoxicated now, and Niall would almost forget that he just saw Harry. Almost.

He’s about to take another shot when he hears a door open. All their heads turn to look at who’s coming in and Niall’s heart drops when he registers who it is.

Louis sighs, walking over to Harry to pull him into a hug. “Hey lad, haven’t seen you in a while,” he says while patting Harry’s back.

“Good to see you too,” Harry answers. And Niall shivers, shudders at the sound of Harry’s deep, raw voice. A voice he hasn’t heard in so long, a voice that still makes him weak in his knees.

Liam steps in to say hi to Harry too, and then Harry’s in front of Niall.

The room goes completely silent, the only sound is the buzzing of the fridge and the animated chatter from the party in the other rooms. Niall looks at Harry, looks at the face he hasn’t seen in so long. He lets his eyes wander to Harry’s hair, the short locks he hadn’t seen in real life yet. His locks that still look so soft, and probably still feel so good. His eyes travel over Harry’s facial features, his jawline, cheekbones, his nose. HIs gaze lands on Harry’s pink lips for a second, the beautiful mouth he used to know so well, the mouth that always used to carry a smile when directed at Niall, now formed in a thin line. And then Niall meets Harry’s eyes.

Louis clears his throat, says he’s going to leave the two of them alone for a second before he walks out of the kitchen, dragging Liam with him.

And now Niall’s alone with Harry. He breaks the eye contact, too nervous and uncomfortable under Harry’s gaze and sighs before he drinks the shot he was about to take anyway.

Harry raises a brow at him, probably noticing Niall is a little drunk before he speaks up. “Hi Niall,” he says.

Niall lets out a dry laugh, can’t believe that after two years of not speaking, Harry decided to just say hi like nothing happened. He looks Harry in the eyes, feeling a little more confident again answering Harry with a stern “Harry,” giving him a nod with it before he pushes himself past Harry, deciding that he doesn’t need this, doesn’t need to take anything from Harry anymore.

But he hasn’t even reached the door yet when he feels a hand on his arm, making him halt. “Please, wait,” Harry says. “I want to talk.”

Niall huffs, ripping his arm from Harry’s grip. “Took you two years to figure that out?” he grumbles out sarcastically.

“Niall, come on,” Harry says, stepping close to Niall, standing in front of him once more. “I didn’t want this to happen on the phone, Niall,” Harry explains. “If I was going to talk to you again, I wanted it to be face to face,” he speaks carefully, looking Niall in his eyes.

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” Niall huffs out, crossing his arms in front of his body. Who does Harry think he is, leaving Niall like that, not wanting to talk to him at all until he decides he is ready. Well, Niall still isn’t ready he thinks annoyedly.

“You don’t mean that,” Harry speaks confidently, putting a hand on Niall’s crossed arms.

Niall sighs, uncrossing his arms so Harry can’t touch him anymore. “Well, tell me then. What do you have to say?” He says boldly, raising his brow daringly at Harry.

And Niall can see Harry’s at a loss for words, clearly hadn’t expected Niall to put up such a fight.

“I just wanna know you again, Niall,” Harry starts hesitantly, carefully. “I wanna know how you’ve been doing these last two years, what you’ve been doing.”

Niall’s eyes widen, he can’t believe that Harry’s asking this, can’t believe Harry expects to answer him like nothing’s wrong as if they’re just catching up after a vacation. Can’t believe Harry acts so casually after leaving Niall at his darkest two years ago.

“I think you’ve lost your right to that, Harry,” Niall grunts out, speaks sternly. “When you left me while I already was struggling to keep my head up.” And with that, Niall leaves the kitchen, walking back into the crowd, into the party. He can hear Harry call his name, trying to go after him but Niall ignores it, walks faster and easily hides between people.

He tries to find Deo, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. He’s already feeling drunk, and it doesn’t mix well with the tension and anxiety of seeing Harry. But he can’t find Deo, so he heads back into the crowd, over to Louis, who he crossed a couple of minutes ago, but passed quickly so he didn’t have to say or explain anything.

When Louis comes back in Niall’s sight, he sees that Harry’s with him. They’re talking animatedly, deep in a conversation, Harry is clearly upset by how Niall left him, and Louis tries to comfort him. He sighs, knows that he should be the better than this so he mans up and steps next to Louis, surprising both Louis and Harry.

“Get us a drink, Harry,” Louis orders quickly, grabbing Niall’s hand so he can’t walk away.

As soon as Harry’s out of sight, Louis starts talking. “Come on, Niall, give him a chance at least.” He says firmly while he gives Niall a frown. “It’s been two years, try to hear him out.”

Niall grunts, he isn’t feeling up for being lectured. He’s had a little too much to drink already, he feels like it’s time to party and focus on the new year. “I don’t really want to, Lou. He’s hurt me enough already,” he speaks honestly.

Louis' eyes look into the crowd, spotting Harry already coming their way again. He gives Niall a firm shake, says “Hear him out, Niall,” before he meets Harry halfway, takes one of the glasses from his hands and walks away.

Harry continues his walk to Niall, approaching him a bit awkwardly, handing him one of the glasses carefully. When Niall hesitantly, takes it from Harry’s hand, not sure if he should drink another glass, he accidentally brushes his fingers with Harry’s. His face heats up but he gives Harry a quick “Thank you,” and tries to act like it didn’t happen like it didn’t weaken his knees and didn’t sent electric shocks through his hand.

Harry blushes a little too, taking a sip of his drink before he speaks. “I’m sorry, Niall,” he says, “I don’t think I fully understand what I did to you, how I left you when I ended things, back then,” he adds hesitantly, not meeting Niall’s eyes when he says. “I was being selfish.”

Niall huffs decides that he actually does need the drink and empties it in one go. “Sure as hell was being selfish, yeah,” he mumbles.

Niall locks eyes with Harry, sees the hurt hiding in the greenness of them, and instantly feels sorry for being a dick, feels even worse when Harry hurtfully says “I’m trying here, Niall.”

Niall sighs, the last glass of alcohol clouding his mind a little, so he reaches out to Harry without thinking properly, placing a hand on his elbow. “I know, Haz,” he says, letting the ‘Haz’ slip out of his mouth before he realizes. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready,” he explains.

Harry gives him a sad look but Niall sees a blush appears on his face from Niall’s hand on his arm and Niall isn’t really sure how to react to that. He breathes out deeply, decides that he should give Harry at least a bit of a chance, and suggests they get another drink. Just to brace himself for what’s to come, Niall clarifies to himself.

He leads Harry to the bar, gets them another round of whiskey and then walks to one of the cocktail tables again, putting some distance between them, but still close enough to hear each other. He’s looking down at his glass, playing with his drink while he waits for Harry to speak.

“How have you been, Niall,”’ Harry carefully asks, leaving the drink in front of him untouched.

Niall looks up at Harry, then. Feeling bold, he empties his glass while he maintaining eye contact with Harry before he says “I was feeling fucking great, Harry. Was thinking about how great the last year has been for me, how much I’ve grown. I was fucking happy, Harry. And then you showed up,” he exclaims, placing the glass on the table with a bang, while he daringly raises his brow at Harry. Because if Harry wants to hear the truth, he can have the truth.

Niall can feel the last drink turning something inside him, can feel how it tipped him from being slightly drunk to fully intoxicated. But he doesn’t really care, he came here to have fun, not to have a heart to heart with someone who broke his. He wants this to be done and over with, so he decided that it’s best for him to just be honest with Harry, as much as he can decide something like that while being drunk.

Harry nods, gives him a hurt but understanding look. “I’m so sorry, Niall. I’m glad you’re happy now, though.” Harry speaks, tries to reach out to Niall but then, hesitantly pulls his hand back to himself.

“Yeah, I am happy,” Niall grunts out loudly, notices he’s getting some looks from the people around him. He’s sure they’re judging him, wondering how he can be happy, grunting out loudly how happy he could be, looking like he is right now, drunk with a frown on his face.

He sighs, getting annoyed with being angry, so he leans in a little closer to Harry before he speaks softly. “Are you, too?”

He gets a curious look from Harry, a little smile appears on his face now Niall is showing some interest in him, for the first time this evening. “I try,” he speaks honestly, “I try to be happy but I do miss.” He stops for a second, looks away from Niall before he makes eye contact while he places a hand on Niall’s. “I do miss you,” he finishes.

Niall looks down at their joined hands, then looks up at Harry again, a bit in shock by Harry’s revelation. “You miss me?” he asks surprised.

Harry sighs, walks around the table so he’s standing close to Niall, almost touching him but leaving just enough space. “Like I already said, Niall. I was being selfish, I didn’t think about how I was leaving you behind. But I also didn’t think what I was leaving behind,” he confesses, gives Niall’s hand a soft squeeze. “I’ve been stupid, and I’ve only realized it,” he says.

Niall looks at Harry for any signs of dishonesty, but can’t find it. And maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s that it’s New Year’s Eve, or maybe it’s just that he wants to believe Harry.

So when he answers Harry with “Yeah you have been stupid, but I’m glad you realized it now,” there’s no heat behind his words.

Harry chuckles softly, glad that he got Niall out of his anger and negativity. “You were my light, Niall,” he says softly, moving closer so they’re touching, standing side by side. And Niall just lets it happen, lets himself enjoy the heat coming off of Harry’s body, a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“I wrote Flicker about you,” he confesses drunkenly

“I know,” Harry answers.

They lock eyes, and Harry looks at him softly, full of affection. People are starting to count down behind them, which makes them both realize that it’s soon to be the new year.

“I want to kiss you,” Harry says softly, leaning into Niall while his hand reaches out to hold his face.

Niall swallows, mouth going completely dry. “That, that’s fine,” he stammers out, before closing his eyes, resting his head against Harry’s.

They wait for the countdown, both of them with closed eyes, Harry’s hand on Niall’s heated cheek until they hear the people scream “One!”

And then everything goes black for Niall, he doesn’t hear the people cheer and scream and shout of joy. He doesn’t hear the loud music and the bangs of the fireworks. He forgets where he is, forgets the people around him.

He just feels Harry’s lips on his, the soft press of Harry’s mouth, leaving a soft, barely there peck on Niall’s mouth before he pulls away again. Niall opens his eyes, looking at a bright and smiling Harry.

“Happy New Year,” Harry whispers softly, caressing his thumb over Niall’s cheek.

“Happy New Year, Haz,” Niall answers.big thank you to lovely @emojilucas and @flickerbyniall for proofreading !!

#narry #narry fic #narry drabble #thank you for your messages #this turned out wayyy longer than i actually expected #but oh well #hope you enjoy #and hope it is what you hoped it was #thanks again :)#story*#anonymous #answered

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octaviablodreina · 4 years

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the 100 for the ask game!

Thanks for the ask!

Top 5 favourite characters: Octavia for sure, Emori, Raven, Monty still, Echo

Other characters you like: Diyoza, Hope is shaping up to be great, Indra (in earlier seasons) and Murphy! and wish Niylah had more screen time

Least favourite characters: Clarke, Abby and Kane (rip), I used to worship Bellamy but ever since s5 I just cant anymore

Otps: LINCTAVIA Memori, Monty and Harper, Octavia and Diyoza in a fam way

Notps: Bellamy and Echo?

Favourite friendships: Octavia and Niylah, Raven and Emori,

Favourite family: Hope, Diyoza and Octavia

Favourite episodes: 4x10 is my hands down fav, then 5x02, some early s1 episodes were good, like 1x12. and 7x02 was fantastic

Favourite season/book/movie: I read the first 2 books, and I really liked it, especially the first book, and its so different from the show. Maybe S4 was my favourite for some parts

Favourite quotes: Octavia: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Jasper: “You’re not God, Clarke. You don’t get to decide who lives or dies”. Nyko: “Places are not evil, brother. People are. Lexa: “Victory stands on the back of sacrifice. Octavias speech about gladiators and conclave rules, “win the ifhgt, save your life”.

Best musical moment: I still love in season 1 when theyre leaving the camp and they play that woodkid song

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: Anytime Octavia kicks some ass

When it really disappointed you: Anytime they reuse the same tired lines of “it was for my people” and for some characters thats okay but for others they are crucified for it, and for reusing the same story lines...radiation..again

Saddest moment: After Ravens surgery way back when, When Lincoln was killed, End of S4, When Diyoza stopped O in 7x02

Most well done character death: I guess the only Characters that got a good death and were able to live happy lives are Monty and Harper

Favourite guest star: Dichen Lachmen for Anya and Ilian

Favourite cast member: Marie Avgeropoulos obv, the way she brought so many layers to Octavias character throughout all the seasons. The whole cast is great though, Eliza and Bob are fantastic as well

Character you wish was still alive: Lincoln

One thing you hope really happens: Octavia gets some sort of happy ending, perhaps people apologize to her instead of her always having to seek forgiveness when all she did was the same as others have done as well

Most shocking twist: nothing is exactly that shocking, Perhaps way back in S2 when you find out they are bleeding the grounders, in S6 about the primes...although it wasnt that surprising

When did you start watching/reading?: I heard about this upcoming book that they were already talking about making a show out of way back when before the book was even published, and as soon as the book was released I read that and anticipated the show and have been a fan ever since

Favourite location: Anytime they explored the beautiful scenery of British Columbia, S3 had a lot of nice locations. Skyring also seems nice

Trope you wish they would stop using: The whole Its for my people, just wanted to save my people, like why is your people better than the others and worth killing others for

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: I like how they continuously transform Octavias character, she isnt static, but its the only character they do that with

Funniest moments: Looking back the foam bit is funny, Murphy clacking rocks together, Murphy has a lot of funny scenes

Couple you would like to see: I would like it to be canon that Niylah is into Octavia, that they have her admit that, Raven with someone who doesnt end up dying thatd be nice

Favourite outfit: Octavia 4x10 outfit, as well when she changes at Niylahs trading post, and her Blodreina outfit was bad ass, though all her looks in 7x02 were fantastic. Ravens red jacket was boss. Bellamy in disguise as a grounder and in mt weather with that cap was fun too

Favourite item: Lincolns journal, wish that was still around. Ravens necklace

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: Earlier seasons would have said Trikru, now i guess Wonkru, but hopefully friends with O

Most boring plotline: the flame..always with the flame im so sick of it, and the city of light was pretty tiresome too

Most laughably bad moment: all of sanctum and most of s6?

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: Loving the anomaly flashbacks with O and Hope and Diyoza, and I liked when there was flashbacks in the bunker, got to understand a bit more

Most layered character: Octavia definitely ..also Murphy

Most one dimensional character: Clarke, always the same excuses, always the same reasons

Scariest moment: ? I was rewatching some episodes and actually in S3 I think when Harper and Miller and Bryan and theyre telling ghost stories and then Harper gets taken that actually startled me

Grossest moment: the cannibalism was not great, Radiation stuff is also gross looking

Best looking male: I mean theyre all pretty awesome looking, Lincoln when he was around, Bellamy, Miller, Gabriel

Best looking female: Again theyre all babes

Who you’re crushing on (if any): Octavia obviously

Favourite cast moment: ? I dont look at a lot of cast stuff or interviews or whatever

Favourite transportation: The Rover

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): Theres a lot of nice scenery in the show thanks to the Canadian backdrop

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: Something I wish they had perhaps addressed even though it wasnt important in the story that much but in S1 when Kane says “they hid her under the floor for 16 years...ALMOST A RECOD” like whatttt. That could have been a fun thing to talk about. as for continuity theres a lot of stuff that doesnt quite work but its jroth so

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: From the start, straight with S1

Thanks for the ask! This was more tough than I thought ahah

#Anonymous

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bisexualfelicity · 6 years

Note

3,4,15,22,23,36,39,43,44

yaaaay! QUESTIONS!!! THANK U

edit: ALL THE QUESTIONS WERE DELETED AND THIS IS THE SADDEST DAY OF MY LIFE

i should have copied it and saved. I WILL ANSWER AGAIN

edit 2, now with answers remastered. and by that im literally just writing the same thing again because it was more honest.

3: Do you smoke? I do not, no.

4: Do you drink? Nope, my taste is too childish for alcohol, i feel like im drinking soap.

15: Favorite movie UP!! the disney movie, yes.

22: What I want to be when I get older fun fact, im already older. or so i realized when i was about to answer this with “clinical psychologist” and realized that’s what im going to be in like a couple months. so i’d like to be financially stable in the future. WOULD BE MY DREAM.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s) i only have one sister, four years older than me, and we’re... good? like we’re not super close, but we used to be not close at all when we were younger, so now we’re better. like, i wont tell her my secrets or anything but i can talk to her about my day and watch tv so yeay.

36: Where I would like to live? ideally not living here would be good because this city is worse everyday, but realistically i have changes and have trouble imagining moving neighborhoods let alone city. and i dont think i’d ever move unless all my family and friends were going to the same place, so i guess i’ll just live in Rio forever and pray it gets better.

39: My favorite ice cream flavor aaaaaaaaaaa this is the hardest question ever, ask me about my darkest secrets but do not make me choose betweem ice cream. i love ice cream. a lot. i’ve recently eaten hageen dazs’ vanilla caramel brownie ice crema that was pretty amazing but i wanted to try again to know for sure but i cant find it anywhere so im starting to idealize it. but also i really love napolitan (that’s strawberry + chocolate + vanilla, if that terminology is not international) ice cream, it’s simple, everyday ice cream but it’s underrated because it’s amazing ok and sometimes u just need it and not some fancy ice cream. i am an ice cream enthusiat. an ice cream conoisseur if u must say. someone please pay me to eat ice cream, i deserve this.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately first eprson that came to my mind was stephen amell, which is BIASED because arrow is opened in another tab. not that stephen is not hot but sexiest person is kind of a stretch. dont sue me steve. dianna agron comes to my mind always because eight years later i still have a crazy crush on her. fun fact, that’s how i figured out i wasnt straight

44: A random fact about anything. i just said a lot of stuff. IM AN OVERSHARER, that’s another fact! ask me stuff. ask me anything ever. i love talking about myself. i even typed all of this TWICE that’s how much i like doing this.

#asks #personal #brilliantfantasticgeronimo #I CANT BELIEVE IT DIDNT GO THE FIRST TIME THIS IS SO DUMB

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bigbassclarinet · 4 years

Text

nov 30, 2019

things lately have not been very fun for me

im feeling probably the saddest i have ever felt in my entire life. i feel so down and so hopeless despite the fact that things are looking up, sorta. im almost done with public school. i am so close to graduating yet so far. no matter how close the goal feels, everything just feels so far away and out of reach. what if i dont get into college? what if i do? do i really want to spend four more years learning shit that costs an absurd amount of money? i dont even know what i want to do with my life. i dont think i even want a life.

along with this comes the guilt. every single day i feel like a burden, like there are people around me that are too good for me. i really am nothing compared to others. i steal others personalities and im am so incredibly uncreative that it hurts when i see someone else that can do the bare minimum

i feel extra bad for *. he does the most and i love him, but i dont understand why he puts up with me because i really am nothing. i am nothing without him either. i think i would just kill myself if i had nobody. and i think about doing it, every second, every waking second of the day i wish i wasnt here. i cannot deal with the pressure of being awake and alive and consious and living up to everyones expectations

today i had to go shopping with my mom. i really didnt want to and i really was out of it. i was dragging myself along like a corpse, i didnt even feel real. sometimes i just want to lay in bed all day

i want to lay in bed all day and disintegrate

i dont deserve to be here

0 notes

peaceandcows · 7 years

Note

Tv show: TEEN WOLF, HAVE FUNN BOOOO

Finally had time to do this thx so much @songmeanhoe! u know me and my fandoms so well :)

Send me a show/fandom and ill answer - Teen Wolf (my fave trash show)Top 5 favourite characters: 1) Lydia Martin, 2) Stiles Stilinski, 3) Allison Argent, 4) Scott Mccall, 5) Isaac Lahey (Derek is a close 6)Other characters you like: Alot of them. Derek, Kira, Malia (but it took me until s5), Danny (WHERE DID U GO BBY?) The twins, Cora, The parent trio (Melissa, Sheriff, Chris), Mason, Erica, Boyd….i think i should stop now….Least favourite character: UM I HAVE ALOT. but lets just say Gerard, Theo, and Kate cuz i really hate them.Otps: STYDIA STYDIA STYDIA (FOREVER AND EVER MY BBIES). Also scallison (i miss them everyday). I have alot of ships but these 2 are the OTP level.Notps: LMAO MARRISH (EW FUCK THAT NASTY SHIP), Jydia (Jackson was not a good bf to Lydia and that is that), Stalia (though i do enjoy them as a brotp)Favourite friendship: OBVI SCILES. Just the pack in general gives me so much feels. OH OH allydia was beautiful and i miss them sm. Also i am enjoying lydia and malia’s friendship this season. very much appreciated.Favourite family: the mccall pack is a family tbh. But also the stilinski family. Stiles and his dad are SO IMPORTANT AND THEIR STORY KILLS ME!!!Favourite episode: Ummmm this is so hard. I love 3x06 (motel california, but that’s almost everyone’s fave ep), 5x16 (MY FAVE STYDIA EP TBH), and 6x05 (wonderful just wonderful, makes me cry). its legit a three way tie.Favourite season/book/movie: Season 3. Specifically season 3a. Everyone picks 3b but their are some things that trigger me in that season…(stiles stabbing scott when he went all void, allison’s death, stalia banging in a dingy basement…just alot of weird shit)Favourite quote: “Not all monsters do monstrous things”….”Be your own anchor”….”I look for my friends”…”We always seem to find eachother anyway” and some others that i cant remember rnMoment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: stydia’s first kiss, when scott said “because I love you” to allison and in the s1 finale she said it back to him.When it really disappointed you: Lmao seasons 4 and 5 dissapointed me alot. Specifically the way they treated kira in s5, never mentioning allison unti it was ‘necessary for the plot’. TAKING WAYYYY TOO LONG FOR STYDIA TO BE CANON (and putting unnecessary relationships in the way like stalia). believing it was totally okay for a deputy to be having sex dreams of a female high school student. ew. amongst other things….oh and this wasnt in s4 or s5 but stiles losing his virginity to a girl he barely knew in the basement of some mental institution was the most ooc thing ever with his character like what the fuck was that???Saddest moment: ALLISON’S DEATH. I STILL CRY AND GET TRIGGERED IT WAS JUST SO SAD. also boyd and aiden’s deaths were super sad aswell. UM LETS TALK ABOUT SEASON 6 WHERE EVERYONE HAS FORGOTTEN STILES INCLUDING HIS SOULMATE, BEST FRIEND AND HIS DAD. There are plenty of others….Most well done character death: Allison’ death for sure….I did not see that coming at all. And it has had long lasting affects on the pack and the show in general.Favourite guest star: Ummm idk…has teen wolf had guest stars?? oh oh Posey’s dad guest starring was cute.Favourite cast member: DYLAN O’BRIEN TRASH IS ME. Also, holland roden and tyler posey.Character you wish was still alive: ALLISON ARGENT NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. and i might be super selfish…but claudia stilinski FOR REAL (thx s6).One thing you hope really happens: UH UH KIRA TO COME BACK. THEO TO DIE FOR GOOD, GERARD TO DIE FOR GOOD. THE PACK GOES TO ALLISON’S GRAVE. STYDIA REUNION KISS AND THEM BEING FLUFFY CANON IN 6B. for everyone to graduate lmao. Most shocking twist: ummmmmmm STILES BEING VOID WAS WHAT THE FUCKK. allison dying…idk what else. OH THAT ENGLISH TEACHER BEING THAT DARACK OR WHATEVER ITS CALLED.

When did you start watching/reading: well back in the 10th grade, so over two years ago thx to @songmeanhoe lolTrope you wish they would stop using: Idk thinking all teen watchers care about is couples making out/having sex. give me intimacy thx very much (aka why i love stydia so much haha)One thing this show/book/film does better than others: Hmmm giving supernatural plot lines that are actually interesting/creative. Making me really really care about these characters (specifically stiles, lydia, scott, and allison). Oh! actually having the parents involved in their kid’s lives and help elevate the plot. they aren’t just there to be there they have a purpose in this supernatural teen drama shit.Funniest moments: LOL that time when scott and stiles went to a gay club in s2. When stiles was FREAKING OUT that he was going to get sacrificed bc he was a virgin in 3a (”someone needs to sex me today, like someone needs to sex me right now!”), anything coach says. idk teen wolf makes me laugh alot before everything got wayyy too dark like woahhCouple you would like to see: CANON STYDIA. THEY ARE IN LOVE SO GET STILES BACK AND BE CANON ALREADY. i’ve always said this…sheriff and melissa (tho that is wishful thinking at this point)Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: Ummmmm idk tbh. like any young female actress would be great thanks.Most boring plotline: lol season 4 was SO BORING LIKE WHAT WAS THAT. Just all of s4 was a mess.Best flashback/flashfoward if any: OMG OMG WHEN THEY HAD THAT BIG FLASHBACK OF ALLISON IN THE S5 FINALE FROM SCOTT’S MEMORIES IT ACTUALLY STILL FUCKS ME UP THAT WAS WONDERFUL AND UGHHHH. I dont think tw has done flashforwards…that i rememberMost layered character: I think Lydia or Stiles tbh. i wish it was scott cuz he’s the PROTAGONIST but whatever fuck u writers

Scariest moment: void stiles was scary AF. well done dylan lmao. not alot of things scare me on this show tbh. OH LETS TALK ABOUT LYDIA TAKING FOREVER TO OPEN HER EYES AND I THOUGH MY QUEEN WAS GONNA DIE WHILE STILES HELD HER FACE IN HIS HANDS THANKS TW.Grossest moment: alot of things are gross on this show. Anything having to do with that black blood or the cut open brains (u know what im talking about @songmeanhoe). Also gerard is a gross human being so whenever he is on screen hahaBest looking male: i love stiles but tbh derek has always been hot as fuckBest looking female: all THE FEMALES R BEAUTIFUL. but i think lydia or allison are tied first idkkkkWho you’re crushing on (if any): STILES STILINSKI OBVI, also isaac lahey and scott mccallMost beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): hmmmmm ok ok the scenes with that HUGE WHITE ROOM that they had in s3 was shot soooo nicely. idk teen wolf has a SERIOUS LIGHTING PROBLEM. so tbh whenever their happens to be light its good.Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: WHAT IS STILES STILISNKI’S REAL NAME GOD DAMN IT I HAVE TO KNOW. ALSO WHERE HAS EVERYONE GONE? SPECIFICALLY DEREK, ISAAC, DANNY, AND ETHAN LIKE COME BACK MY BBIES.At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I fell inlove in season 1 at some point. i cant remember exactly when. i think episode 5 was when i got hooked for life!

this was so fun! thanks for asking me @songmeanhoe.

#teen wolf #ask #about me #about my blog #stydia #tw

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charlesef3 · 6 years

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Not to be, not even a question

Damnit, i still miss her

Get over it

Nah, i love her

Man its been a year get over her

No not that stupid ass way yall mean when you say it the instant you go out with someone, i mean i honest to god love her

So what she doesnt even like you now

Maybe i can change, maybe she'll give another chance then

Shes done with you, shes onto better things

No way man i-

Look man heres the reality, regardless of how fucking 'heart-broken' you are she aint going for it, and if she did would you really wanna damn pity relationship? Honestly knowing that you love her more than she does you?

...

Look, shes special i get that. But your not, shes gonna date some fucking amazing guy or girl out there, like nobel Prize type shit, and your gonna still be the highschool fling

I know...

So why the fuck are you still agonizing over her. If you know that move the fuck on

I knew that from the get go, i shouldnt have let her convince me otherwise but i cant-

Shut the fuck up, this isnt a goddamnned story where the pauper gets the princess, fuck around, date other chicks, youll get over her

No, date one girl while wanting another? Fuck kinda bullshit is that

Well you're fucked then period

Well i could...

You could what

I honestly dont know anymore, ive tried everything, i even begged her

But i thought you didnt

But i did, for her

...dude

Wanna know the worst part?

What

The worst part is, after she broke me off like a month later she hmu wanting to get back together. And you know what my dumbass did?

Whatd you do

I said no, i said motherfucking no just because i was scared shed leave me again. Saddest part about that? I already couldnt function right without her. She was my bestfriend, my girlfriend, my everything already, yet i said no. Wait a littlw longer make sure shes sure

Damn so its your fault

Yeah, and then i had the nerve to try to aak her out a month later, and youll never guess what she said

No?

She said no, didnt tell me why just no

She waa probably already moving on talking to someone else man, itd been what? 2 months?

She was, she told me that after awhile, but honestly man? Honestly i probably couldve bounced back or maybe tried to forget her a little better had she not said that one thing

Whatd she say?

'I do still love you, not like a friend or a bestfriend, i love you'

...

Then not even 15 minutes later i fucked up

Howd you manage that this time?

I was talking to her bestfriend about everything like it was just ok to, like it wasnt on purpose, it came up in conversation while she was complaining about her first love, but my dumbass sat there talking to her going back and forth about it

... And what did the girl do when she found out?

She cut me off again, that was enough to just snip the last thread of a chance i might've had, went from maybe i could have a chance again to she wants to be strictly social media type friends, not bestfriends, not even good friends

...

And i can honestly say its all my fault you know?

...i know

It was fun though, i enjoyed every second with her, and even now stuck on her. I know id never take any of that back. She was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Probably the best thing that ever will

There's other girls out there man

None like her, shes one of a kind i promise you

...

You know, your the only one i can talk to like this

I know

Anyone else somehow itd get out, or theyd just find some reason to be mad at me and never talk to me again

I know, ive seen

Is it ok for me to just stay single for good? Everyone thinks i have hoes anyways

The way you think, until you stop loving her thats probably the best move

Ill never stop loving her

You'll never find love that'll be reciprocated then

Thats something ill have to deal with

Why, why so head over heels for her

...

What about her makes her so special from the trillions of people on this earth

Everything

Everything?

Everything, from how she liked to bury her face in my chest when she was feeling shy. To how she never would believe anything i told her not from first hand experience, hell even the way she likes to switch it up how she dresses, she goes from a couple days looking comfortable asf to a couple days belonging on a throne,

Theres plenty of girls like that out there, shes special not all that special

And then shes caring beyond belief, like god. There were times where i honestly didnt want to tell her things because shed be sad for someone elses sake you know? And jesus how she hated it when i wouldnt tell her things, i actually had to weigh out whether itd be worse to actually not tell her 😂,

...

Awe man and don't even get me started on hoe creative she is, like she honestly made me think about allot of things in a new light. Albeit she was a tad bit impatient, but even that i thought was cute asf,

...

And man she had some beautiful eyes, like honestly whoever eyes are the windows to the soul? HAD to have seen hers

...

And i hated seeing her sad dog, like that shits actually painful, like there was this one time where i was about to move right? She started crying, like honestly crying and it hurt so fucking much man, like i actually went around and had to move in with my cousin near me cause i straight couldnt deal with the thought of making her that sad

Damn dog, sounds like you had something special there

Mannnnn i haven't told even quarter of it, that would take more time than this entire conversation

LMAO chill

Lol aight aight.... But man she had the body of a goddess too 😵, like everything about her is just right, like head to toe she is gorgeous

Damn

Lol but that's enough i guess man, im depressed ats and lo and behold of course my depression hit there,

Depression? Cause of her?

Pfft, she is in no way shape or form the cause or even assistant of my depression. She was one of maybe 2 people i trusted to help me deal with it

Ah damn ok

Well shit it was a little relieving talking to myself but now its time to bury this conversation under a ton of aesthetic pictures

Why?

Because everyone i trust with this kinda info about me invariably leaves me, one reason or another after having a convo like this they just *poof* , its at the point where i dont even trust them to read it and not disappear

Damn dog

Its cool though, i still got a bit of time before the pressure kills me

Yeah but we need someone

...

We do

Like i said, burying this whole thing, you get the morale though, whatever else. We still love her, and we always will

Yeah... I guess she was kinda the best thing to happen to us

Goodbye, and goodluck

Thanks man we need it...

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dear-self-this-is-you · 7 years

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Sad altered by FUN

Bittersweet feelings in one day. I got to finally confirm that my uncle passed away. I didnt think it would affect me this much because first of, im not close with my uncle although i am with his daughter. I never thought that even if hes just a relative, it would hurt this much. Im so heartbroken by how things have turned out for his family. But I know that I shouldnt be bothered by it because I know that there are far greater things ahead of them in ways I cannot imagine. And I know for sure that my uncle is already freed from all the pain that this world has to offer. He is running wild and free already in an unimaginable paradise and he is very much happy by now. It just sucks to handle someones death. I wish cancer never existed. It fucks people up from the moment you knew of that sickness up to the point of its termination. The in between very much sucks more than the beginning and the ending. Youre moved by every minute because you know that any moment you can be taken away by this evil ill. But we dont really know the deepest mysteriousness of this life. Its only him who knows about every single thing that is going to happen. Ever since the most saddest part of my life happened by far, ive never really genuinely talked to him. Ive always been so mad at him and ive always blamed him for everything. Ive used his name a million times in vain and when youre at the edge of being a sinner, theres no way out but a very sketchy road full of bumps and cliffs that you have to pass through. I dont even know when will I ever get back to being so into him at all but i know that its him who I need the most and its only him who can free me from all this miserableness and chaos in this lifetime. Anyways, my college bffs planned to have a getaway later that day and i wasnt in the mood to hang out with them because I still have a lot of paperworks to get done and study and i was very saddened and moved by my uncles death. But then i still pushed thru because after all, I still miss those fuckers. But i was also debating to go because I didnt want to see not even the shadow of dianne. Because me, seeing her just brings back so many heartaches, so many worse memories. So many failures. So much anger and regrets. I hate how we ended up being friends. I pity her yet I dont want our lives to get intertwined anymore because I dont think we can benefit from each other. I dont like to be her but it ends up just like that everytime i try to weigh myself out. How ive gotten her negativities and how she has influenced me in a bad fucking way that was the most thing I ever regret in my entirety. Yes. Maybe there were some good memories ive shared with her and shes been a really good friend considering the traits she has but all of those good stuff of her are just being burnt down by all the bad stuff she put me in to. And i know. I know that it is my fault and its not just hers. And i hate myself. I really do hate myself for every decision ive made. I had the option not to be influenced by her. I had the will to turn the opposite way but we cannot figure out how things turned the way they are now and I cannot do anything about it anymore. Bygones are bygones and all I wanna do is to just have my life away from her. And i do hate myself because we have common bestfriends and its so odd because time will come that we will meet again because of our common friends and i dont know how to react and what would i feel but one things for sure, the only surest thing i know is that I dont want to get my life touched not even the slightest part of it by her. Another thing is that i didnt regret that I went to chill with my college bffs tonight because they are just the best and its always a good time whenever spent with them. These are the people that are for keeps for sure. So many things to talk about yet so little time because of our responsibilities as we try to adult. I hope we make it through together. Life is hard but it becomes lighter whenever youre with the right people. Thanks for today G.

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fvbelhaft · 7 years

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A story about my old love.

I could say my relationship with him started in a good way, nothing really special, we were best friends. Just like the ordinary friendship, like the other. And I admit it that he’s the kindest guy i’ve ever met at the time. I dont tell my friends much about him bc i dont have any feelings for him and there’s nothing really great to tell. As the time goes, me and him got closer. We hung out a lot. with or without our squad (we were on the same squad). I talked to him everyday i guess, i mean not only just a face to face talking but literally everyday over chat and even if we’re at the same class he still talked to me over chat sometimes asking if ive done any tasks given, or asked whether i will go to canteen or not or everything, i also still remember that time we’re in the class but he talked over chat and asked me to make a smile on my face lol i remember i always gave that ‘unhappy face’, and sometimes he asked me to go out just to have a talk and as a good friend of course i’d love to, he also did school task really great, rarely skipped the school oh not rarely but never, and you have to know that he’s really great at playing his finger on guitar’s strings. omg i always adore the way he plays his guitar. well overall he’s such a great, talented, and obviously a fun guy to be around with. and eventually i fell in love with him. i dont expect that we could be something people called ‘a relationship’ bc i used to fall in love with my best friend, same case, i talked to hime everyday and boom i fell in love then it just didnt work out. so i promise myself not to fall in love with my bestfriend. tbh, i didnt mean to break it bc i didnt expect to have a relationship with him tho. lets just called it we were only get that skinny love where to people know that they have feeling to each other but too shy to admit it. well, we were. and i love it that way. no relationship, no status, no heartbroken. but then, right at the beach surrounded by the music that the wave made, he confessed his feelings and he asked me to be his girlfriend. how could i reject that? having a boyfriend which is also your bestfriend it’s just great. i’ve always wanted to marry my bestfriend. the first 3 months went well. we talked a lot, he came to my house, play around with my little sister, sometimes did our school tasks together, watching movies, and others. he met my mom, my uncle, my aunt well almost the whole family knew him and they loved to see me with him, i was so glad that everyone likes him. he had no idea my mom loved to talk about him to the family. told ya we talked a lot, about the past, the present and even a little about the future. no matter how crappy or happy my day was, at the end of the day i had something to look forward to — talking to him. It was as if he made my day complete. he gave me the reason to wake up the next day; to talk with him, to see him. he made me happy and contented. he always managed to make me smile even at my lowest and laugh even at my saddest. he made me realize that it’s okay to be me, plain and simple, no pretensions, just me. he made me feel cherished and special because he loved and accepted me just the way i was. he cared about me a lot. he loved to buy me some foods, what a kind of my dream boyfriend bc id rather have foods than a bouquet of flowers. you have no idea that it was almost in the middle of the night he came to my house just to give me some foods btw it was my favorite and he said that he missed me. he was on the tournament that made us seperated for only a week so he came to see me. it was not only once but he did it like really often. we also had a night ride, he picked me up at 2 am and i thought it was the best of the best memories he gave to me. and the other memories i couldnt tell too much more bc it makes me sad sometimes to look back and thinking that he is not the person he used to be. we were doing so great that it made me think that we could go on forever. til that day right on friday, 30th of oct i felt the change. he rarely reply my message, but im okay with that tho seriously. what i found strange was the replies. he replied with only a word not as usual he replied with words, emojis, but that day only a word like really. i mean im his girlfriend also his best fucking friend i could be his human diary whenever he needed. i wanna know whats the matter with him, if he needed me to go then i would but he didnt even say anything. been 4 days, he was still the same just like that friday. a cold man, closed mouth, short replies. i even got sick for thinking about him that made me have to skipped school on tuesday. i told him that i couldnt make it to school bc i was sick, he replied with a get well soon text without any emojis but i still expected that in the afternoon he would come to see me, but sadly he didnt. my mom was like “hey your boyfriend is here” but i knew it was a joke. im suffering. ive asked him to talk about this but he kept hiself away from me like he didnt want me anymore. then i decided to break up. because i think whats the point of staying when he wanted to go. i thought i was enough, i thought we would be okay, but i got it all wrong. I hold on even after you’ve let go. i tried fighting, fighting for him, fighting for us. i didn’t get tired. when it comes to him, i never get tired. But it hurts to see that he didnt do any efforts to make me stay while i was fighting so hard for him. no, i didn’t give up, i just accepted the truth that what you want was, to get away from me, to be free from me. it hurts like hell but i have to accept it thinking that it will make him happy. after all, my goal was to always make him happy even if i was not being part of it anymore. im sorry that i have always been selfish and i always think of myself, but with him, i could be selfless and give without expecting anything in return. that day when he asked for his freedom, i knew what was he really meant, i just wasn’t ready to let him go and will never ready of it. til that day, i gave him what he wanted. i’ve told myself it was for the best, tho actually i knew it was for HIS best not my best. after all, if he really wanted to be with me, he wouldn’t ask for it. maybe he loved me but he just didn’t want to be with me anymore. the sad thing is i have no idea whats the matter with me, with him or am i a boring person, i dont know until now. but if he asked me do i get bored on him? never in a million because i do love him way too much. and someone said that “it’s not about you’re boring. if he really loves you, no matter how boring you are he would stay in the name of love. because love doesnt care about how boring the person you love is, but love is about to stay and stick around no matter how hard the situation is” so yeah i broke up. i spent the next nights crying and locked myself at my room. sometimes i went to school and my friend found out that i had a kind of eyebags bc of crying and they asked whats the matter, i was really about telling them how i felt but instead of im just saying “im fine”. if you thought i could heal only a week or even a month, no i couldnt. i wasnt crying for only days, it’s been months and i cant even heal the fucking pain. he has been the kindest also the cruelest. im not angry nor sad, im more than disappointed and if there’s any words that could explain more than disappointed i would use it here. but breaking up with him making me became a writer. i wrote a lot about him. tho it’s hard to write about him in the past tense because i don’t want what we had to be just in the past, i don’t want it to be just memories. i don’t want to be just a part of his past, i want to be in his present, and i want us to be part of each other’s future. but sadly there is only memories that left about him, those are what it will always be, memory. Our story may not end up with happily ever after. atleast i can tell my children someday i felt my happiest that once upon a time. i just wanted him to know that i will always care for him, no matter how much hurt he gave me — that was nothing compared to the happiness that he brought me. and also, i won’t be that cruel person, i’ll always care for everyone even they have hurted me so much. my life will go on but memories about him will forever linger in my brain. i know those things will make it harder for me to move on but i can’t help it. maybe it’s my unconscious saying that i don’t want to move on from you. maybe im still hoping that you will come back to your senses and come back to my life. Or maybe I’m just hoping and waiting and holding on because honestly, i still love you and i don’t know how not to. people say i should get over you. they say that i deserve someone better and he is just not good for me. they say that i will only get heartache after heartache if i continue on loving him. they told me to move on but they dont even know whats good for me and they dont even know how many times i’ve tried. i will get over you. someday.

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