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#it was always going to happen. the degredation was always there and it just crumbled silently away.
tokyoteddywolf · 2 months
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...I'm not as sad as I probably should be.
It hurts, its understandable, but it's resignation too.
I won't cry over it.
I'll just accept what I'm dealt and move on.
That's all I can do.
#vent in tags#it was always going to happen. the degredation was always there and it just crumbled silently away.#losing friends always sucks. it sucks more when you know its both of your faults.#lost a couple of good friends today. not dead but we just couldnt deal with each other anymore.#i cannot forgive or forget and maybe thats just part of why it had to happen. i tried to forgive but i couldnt.#it was always in the back of my mind you know? that i hated it. i hated it so much. i couldnt hate you- but i just couldnt let go either.#and maybe that suppressed spite and rage made it all worse. and maybe i was never going to let go. and maybe i still felt so so alone.#and maybe you did what was best for you but it hurt me so badly that my brain scarred deeply and we couldnt recover.#it was always going to crumble and break. we couldnt handle it. we just held on in desperation until we all broke.#and my resentment spilled to the both of you. and my spite and rage killed us all. and im sorry i dragged you all under.#maybe one day we'll be better people. older. wiser. stronger.#but ive always always always felt so alone in the aftermath and it just didnt help. so i cant forgive it. not yet. maybe not ever.#i love you but you hurt me. you hurt me so so so badly. and maybe i hurt you just as badly back in retaliation without thinking.#we tore each other apart and the sorry's we said were paper bandaids. it was inevitable. it was a doomed narrative and we the players.#i am sorry. i am so sorry. i will grieve you and miss you but i will not reach out to you anymore. ill leave you alone.#just promise me you'll look after each other the way you always have.#at least in that i know you're loved still.
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1994sunflower · 4 years
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heaven to you. (m.c)
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pairing: michael clifford x reader
genre: smut, fluff, angst (if you squint)
word count: 8.1k
involves: bad boy!michael, college!au, jealous!michael, established relationship, a lot of cursing, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex, daddy kink (really mild), choking, dirty talk, pain kink (slight), size kink, thigh riding, face slapping (consensual), hair pulling, spitting kink, throat fucking, impregnation kink, praise, degredation/name calling, innocence kink, virgin kink (kinda), smoking, mentions of drugs/drinking, maybe more but nothing too big just pretty filthy ngl
summary: your high school classmates come over to michael’s house in hopes of being friends with the famous bad boy on campus. this includes your one-sided high school crush that may not have been so one-sided after all. unfortunately for him, michael is not someone to piss off. fortunately for you, michael’s anger and jealousy isn’t always so bad, at least for you.
part two
+
“Tell me again why we’re going to this guy’s house?” Justin asked his two childhood friends. At least, they were up until high school. Now, as they went to different colleges, they felt more like strangers. But that was part of the reason he took the multi-state trip down to their university: to mend that rift.
“We’ve been telling you man, Michael is the man on campus to be friends with.” Chris punched one of his hands into his other palm for emphasis.
Charlie nodded beside Chris, both standing in front of their front door, ready to go. “He gets into the best parties, gets the hottest chicks and is the most feared guy on campus.”
“And that’s a good thing?” Justin raised his eyebrows.
Chris opened the door, shaking his head. “Yeah, dude. No one messes with him because he’ll beat the shit out of them.”
“He’s done it a few times already.” Charlie added.
“There’s rumors he used to be involved in a gang or something and that’s why he’s like that. Either way though, he gets whatever he wants.”
Justin’s lips curled up a bit in disgust. He came from a wealthy background, wealthy family and wealthy school. Though he never let that get to his head and he never looked down on someone because of it, this stark contrast to his normality was difficult to shrug off.
But he did as he followed both Charlie and Chris out.
Charlie was still raving about ‘Michael’ as they walked out of the cramped dorm room to the unfamiliar winding paths of their university. “I mean, imagine being friends with him. You’ll get all the benefits he gets.”
“I’m sorry, if you aren’t friends with him, how are we going to his house?” Justin trailed behind the two slightly.
Chris looked back, “Turns out his best friend is in my accounting class and he invited us over to play video games. How lucky is that?”
“Yeah, lucky.” Justin looked away. He wasn’t going to admit that as they crossed the street across the student union, the whole concept of meeting someone with a reputation as rough as this Michael character was daunting and just a bit scary. In fact, it didn’t take a genius to look at the three boys all wearing vineyard vines khakis and polos, and know they didn’t mesh well with what he supposed Michael was like.
They didn’t even mesh well with the college neighborhood they were entering. The small houses looked worn and crumbled down and the streets were even worse. The only thing that calmed his nerves was the knowledge that the scariest people on the block were tired college students.
“Have you even talked to him before?” Justin kept asking questions to calm himself down and stop himself from looking around at the neighborhood in disdain.
Charlie shrugged, “I talked to him at a party once, he didn’t say much though.”
Chris smirked, “I walked with him to class once.” He paused. “Well, I was walking with his friend, Ashton? And he joined. But it still felt cool. Everyone was staring and making way for us - well him”
They filled in all the holes in knowledge of Michael. How he never lost a fight (even though he was involved with them often - evidenced by his perpetual bloody knuckles), how he rarely went to class (and when he did, how he sat alone, always), how his fashion consisted of black, chains and more black and finally, how he would go home with a different girl every party (but how that didn’t happen anymore as he had a girlfriend, though her identity to them remained a mystery).
Justin nodded as he listened. But as more and more was added to the infamous Michael, he felt less and less inclined to meet him.
Time, however, to turn back had run out. Because as his friends turned into a rubble pathway leading up to an equally rubble house, he knew he was about to be face to face with the myth, the legend, Michael himself.
The things he would do for his friends. If he didn’t hold such a sentimental place in his heart for the boys he had grown up with, he definitely wouldn’t be there, standing in front of a (turning green) door, waiting for an answer. They were different, it was obvious in high school that they had become different types of men; he valued education, science, and was a romantic at heart while they valued alcohol, parties and were willing to screw anything they found ‘hot’.
But that didn’t deter him from valuing their friendship.
It occurred to him that the only thing his friends had failed to fill him in on was Michael’s appearance. So, when the door opened and a boy slightly shorter than even Chris, the shortest of them (though Justin was 6’5 and Charlie was 6’0 so really, Chris being 5’11 wasn’t that short) and messy brown curls covering his head and forehead, he was shocked to say the least.
But that didn’t last long as Chris dapped him. “Ashton! What’s up man?”
Ashton smiled big and nodded in acknowledgement to the rest of them. “Nothing much bro, took you a while.” But he moved back into the small house, a signal of welcome for them to come in but close the door behind them.
So, as Chris and Charlie followed Ashton in, talking about who knows what, Justin made sure to shut and lock the door before trailing behind.
The house was bigger than he pictured in his mind. The living room and kitchen were divided by only a pillar and the counter. But it was spacious enough to fit a flat screen (granted, it was on the floor) and a black winding couch (granted, it had cracks all over it). The only light came from the kitchen and the tv, which was set to the beginning of the game.
Ashton already sat down on the couch, grabbing a game controller casually from behind him. He was wearing a black t-shirt that had it’s sleeves cut off to the point where you could see his whole side torso through the giant holes. His gray jeans were equally ripped and Justin was sure his shoes would be too, if he were wearing any but just gray socks adorned his feet. He had spiked bracelets on his left wrist. Maybe this was the reason his slightly tanned, innocent face looked strange. His big eyes and friendly smile was a stark juxtaposition to the rest of his body.
Chris looked around as his large figure slumped beside Ashton, “Where’s Michael?”
Ashton didn’t look at him when he answered, “In his room with his girl. He’ll be out soon, I think. That is if they don’t start going at it.”
Charlie laughed as he sat on the other side of Ashton, picking up a controller from the ground. Justin was left to sit awkwardly on the edge of the couch, closest to the kitchen. He felt out of place, just like he suspected and it didn’t help the darkness that surrounded the room, even through the lit kitchen and blue tv screen.
He didn’t get to think much on it, though, because not a few minutes after he sat down, did the bedroom door behind the couch open up. Light streamed into the dimly lit room.
Justin stood. It was a force of habit, really. He was used to standing up whenever someone knew came into the room to introduce himself. But when no one else stood, with Ashton not even bothering to look behind him, he felt awkward. It was too late to sit back down, though.
Charlie and Chris looked back, though, with big grins. “Hey, Michael! What’s up, man?” They said as if they were close friends.
And thus, Justin came face to face with Michael himself. And this time, he looked exactly like what he expected.
Michael was towering, though his height was nearly equal to Justin’s. His shoulders so broad that they nearly filled up the entire doorway of his bedroom. His t-shirt was plain black and so were his jeans, which had three chains adorning them. Two sleeves of tattoos ran down both of his arms to his hands and fingers , one of his hands reading F U C K in big bold letters, with a few peeking out on his neck as well. His black messy hair matched him well and fell onto his forehead.
But through that intimidating appearance, none of those things were what caught Justin’s attention. No, it was Michael’s eyes that did it. Though they were light in color, somehow they still seemed dark. The coldness in them was frightening. There was no hint of warmth, of friendliness, in them. In fact, as Michael held direct eye contact, saying nothing at the still standing Justin, the aggression his eyes held was enough to make Justin take a step back.
It was that step that seemingly broke the trance Michael had put him in. Because just like that, Michael looked away and moved forward into the living room. He nodded in acknowledgement at Chris and Charlie, still silent, before shouldering past Justin to go to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottled beer, opening it with his bare hand on his way back.
Justin was going to sit back himself as he saw Michael head to the couch but was stopped by a second, much smaller figure exiting Michael’s room.
The girl was petite, especially compared to Michael, standing at a proud 5’1. Her straight black hair was parted down the middle and hung perfectly over her shoulders. She wore a dainty white sunflower dress that contrasted beautifully with her olive skin which made her, along with her kind smile and bright brown eyes, look like the epitome of innocence. Quite the distinction from Michael who seemed to personify danger.
She was beautiful.
And she was his good friend.
“Y/N?”
+
Your legs were stationed at each side of Michael’s torso as you straddled him. Your hands were cupping his face and while one of his hands was on your ass while the other was gripping your long hair, pulling just enough for it to be pleasurable.
Your mouths melded into each others deeply and you couldn’t tell which one of you were more desperate for the other. You’d been making out for a while and your body was on fire. You felt like his touch was both burning you and exactly what needed at the same time.
It only took one slow grind of your hips against his that did it for him. He flipped you over so that you landed directly on one of his thighs, the chains of his jeans rattling in the process. His body was flush to yours, you could feel his hardness against you.
You looked up at him with wide innocent eyes, just how you knew he liked it. And you were awarded with a deep groan and a taunting smile before his lips returned to your body, this time to your neck. You moved your head to give him more access and as he got more into it, sucking and biting, you couldn’t stop the moan that escaped. You knew he was going to leave a mark (probably many) because he liked to have something that claimed you as his.
One of his hands wandered to your lower body, traveling under your flimsy dress to flip it over. He gave your ass a swat to command you to move. He didn’t have to tell you twice. Your hips starts moving, slowly at first against his jean-clad thigh. But as the pleasure started to build up at the friction, you began moving faster, desperately, moaning loudly.
Michael watched you silently, a smirk on his face. The only touch was his hands on your hips, guiding your pace and your movements. Otherwise, he just watched you get off on him.
“Did you wear this dress for me?” You nodded desperately against him, wanting nothing more than push against his finger but knew better.
His hand pulled your hair harshly, hard enough that it hurt but that just made you moan louder. “I asked you a question.” He growled, he had begun to move his leg up and down, making everything that much pleasurable.
Fuck. “Y-Yes, all for you, daddy.”
“Good girl.” Was all he said before his lips claimed yours again. His kisses were fervent as he bit and sucked on your bottom lip. Your hips were still moving violently against his thigh and you could feel your climax start to build up. It was almost too hot for you to handle. But you could tell he was going to give you what you wanted soon.
Or he was. A loud banging came from his bedroom door across the room. “They’re here!” Ashton’s voice rang to you from behind the door.  
You sighed deeply as you pulled away from Michael and away from your release. Michael groaned and fell, face first, into the mattress. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“Maybe later.” You giggled, pushing him up to lay on his back. He looked up at you and a mischievous smile, the one you had grown to love, adorned his face.
“Or we can continue.” His hand was already reaching to your wrist to pull you up to straddle him again but you held back, shaking your head.
“Mikey, you have guests.” But still, you leaned over and pecked his lips quickly.
Michael groaned again, this time out of annoyance. “Fuck them. I don’t even know who they are, they’re Ashton’s friends.”
You smiled at his attitude. Your hand was tracing his neck, following the ink lines. It was a vulnerable position he was in, and something he only ever allowed you to do. When he was with you, it was so easy to forget how different he was with other people. How mean he could be. It was almost comical to see the difference in how he was right then to what he was just a few minutes ago.
“Be nice.” You chastised. “They’re here for you too, don’t bother trying to kid yourself.”
You heard Michael whine, “Come on, baby girl.” He took a hold of your wrist again. As he pushed himself up to a sitting position, he easily towered over you and he used that to his advantage. Pushing you against the wall next to his bed, he cupped one of your cheeks. His hand took up much of that side of your face, “Let me get you off.” His voice was deep with want.
You’d be a liar if you said that you weren’t wet. The way he was looking at you, the way you felt so small in front of him, you wanted to let him do whatever he wanted with you. But as you heard the front door close, you couldn’t. Not only would it be embarrassing because you were never quiet, Michael made sure of that, but it would be impolite.
Michael would never admit it but you both knew the guests were here for him. He was somewhat of a legend throughout the campus, especially among frat boys and wannabes. No matter your disdain for people like that, they came all this way for him.
So you pushed against his chest just slightly, knowing that would be enough for Michael to let you go. And when he sighed and moved away, you got up from his bed and moved to where there was a mirror hanging next to his closet. Your hair was a mess and so was your makeup. You looked fucked out and you were in awe for a moment at how Michael managed to make you this way with just a make out session and a dry hump.
Fixing yourself, you couldn’t help but smile at the pouting boy, still cross armed on his bed. Turning to him, you motioned for him to get up. “Come on Mikey.”
He stood and immediately, you had to crane your neck to look up at his big height. Even his shoulders engulfed your entire figure. Michael knew what he did to you so it wasn’t much a surprise when you felt one of his hands wrap themselves around your neck, the one with his bruised knuckles, but not hard. “After this, you’re mine.”
You think your smile was enough to tell him how excited you were at that prospect.
Michael gave you a weak smile. He didn’t tend to smile much, even when it was just the two of you. In fact, except the fact that he was a lot chattier and warmer with you, he was still always in his head and rarely expressed much emotion outside of bed besides anger, horniness and the rare affection. But you were okay with that. Your emotions were enough for the two of us.
He gave you peck on the lips, “I’ll see you out there.”
You nodded up at him, smiling before going back to fixing your makeup and adjusting your dress. Ashton had a couple of friends over ever now and then. Most, if not all, coming to see Michael. Though, you tried to not be there whenever they came over, Michael seemed to prefer it for you to be with him. To give him something to actually look forward to. He hated meeting new people and he hated their interest in him. He was popular without wanting to be. So you were often there to remedy that and you became the center of his world in those moments. Though, really, that was how you were most of the time you were with him.
Only a few minutes passed after he left the room that you followed him out.
But as soon as you left the room, you stopped when you saw someone standing in the living room, looking at you. In that same instance, you recognized him. Justin. A good friend from high school and an even better human being.
As your name left his mouth you grinned, coming closer to hug him. It had been so long, years, actually. The last you saw him was at your graduation when you swore you’d miss him. And you had. After all, he was the boy that plagued your heart all throughout high school - not that he’d known.
“Justin!” The hug was quick and you had to get on your tip toes to do it. You could tell he was just as surprised to see you. He was smiling wide and his eyebrows were shot high like they did whenever he was interested in something.
But just as soon as you pulled away, the weirdness of the situation seeped in, “What are you doing here?”
Justin blinked as if he, too, just became aware of the weird circumstance you were meeting in. “I, uh” He scratched the back of his head, unsure of how to answer and gestured to the couch. “I came with Chris and Charlie.”
Your brows furrowed further as you glanced at the couch where, sure enough, your high school classmates sat, looking back at you. They waved, slightly confused. You tried to ignore the fact that even Ashton had torn his eyes away from the tv to stare at you two. Which, considering how hard it was to take Ashton away from his video games, was saying something.
All you could think was that you wanted to crawl into a hole. The boys that you always said peaked in high school and made you so upset when they transferred to your university were now at your boyfriend’s house, trying to be his friends. It was truly a worst case scenario.
Excluding Justin. It’d been so long since you saw him, it felt nice to be in his presence again. You appreciated him as a person and the kindness he radiated - even to you, someone so much lower in economic status than him.
“But I thought you went to Washington?” You fiddled with one of your bracelets as you spoke.
Justin nodded, stiffly. “I do, we’re just on Spring Break a few weeks before you so I thought I’d visit.”
You smiled, “You should’ve gotten in touch!”
You think the situation had gotten a hold of him because while he otherwise would be rambling on with questions and stories, Justin had gotten quiet. “But why are you here?”
You blinked. Now you felt uncomfortable. It was as if you finally noticed everyone’s eyes on you, including Michael’s glaring ones. Yeah, this is definitely the last time you were going to be there when someone else was coming over.
Ashton turned back to the tv and scoffed, “Please, she practically lives here.”
Your nose crinkled when you smiled and made your way to Michael, who had taken a seat and motioned you into his lap. You shrugged, looking at your high school classmates. “This is my boyfriend’s house.”
Justin sat down slowly, his eyes just as wide as Chris and Charlie’s. Most people on campus knew you were Michael’s girlfriend. So the shocked reaction had been diminishing. You were almost starting to become used to not seeing it.
Almost.
You don’t really blame them. You are very different. Michael is aggressive, angry and cold while you tended to be bubbly, shy and school-oriented. But that’s what you liked about each other. You just fit so well together. Opposites attract, right?
Ashton spoke up again, knowing Michael would likely not talk the entire reunion if he could help it. “How do you know each other?”
You took one of Michael’s hands in yours, your hand looking almost minature in his large one, and traced the tattoos you loved so much, “We went to high school together.”
Ashton nodded, “Oh the private one?”
Charlie nodded, glancing at Michael before looking at you, “I didn’t know you were dating Michael Clifford.”
You smiled weakly, we’re not friends, that’s why you didn’t know is what you wanted to say.
Michael took a chug of the glass bottled beer in his hands. It was like a silent signal because after, the three boys began playing their game.
You made a grab for the beer but Michael moved it out of your reach, his free hand slapping the side of your thigh in warning.
Your eyes widened. “Michael!” You hissed under your breath. Not in front of everyone. But he just stared at you, unsmiling. The only hint of humor came from his twinkling eyes.
He didn’t like you trying anything he was into: drugs, cigarettes, weed, alcohol. It was all off limits to you and he made sure everyone knew it. It was his way to preserve your innocence, even if dating him made that seem sort of like a paradox. Sometimes, though, it was fun to mess with him even if you were never interested in actually experimenting with the things he did.
“So, Michael…” You were brought out of your own little world by Charlie. “Are you going to Epsilon’s party tonight?”
“No.” Came Michael’s curt reply, his thumb drawing lazy circles on your arm.
Ashton was the one who saved the moment (and Charlie’s feelings) by filling in Michael’s blanks. You think that’s why they were such good friends. “Michael hates parties. He’d rather be here with Y/N and do it like bunnies.”
You weren’t sure if you wanted to die or if you wanted to kill Ashton. Maybe both.
Because as soon as those words left his mouth to your high school classmates - and high school crush - you felt your face heat up. You didn’t have to look to know that Michael was smirking.
You saw Justin blush and look away and for a moment, you felt worse. There was something about feeling completely humiliated in front of someone you hold at such a high regard that does that to you.
Ashton and Chris both exclaimed at something on the tv at the same time your phone chimed. You unlocked it to read the text.
kelly (stats)
hey girl! are you on campus? i’m at the library and wanted to see if you wanted to work on the project.
The project. It was due in a few weeks and while you had finished your portion, the rest of it was definitely not done. You sighed, knowing you’d have to go and lose the rest of your day with Michael.
You felt Michael shift under you, moving up from his slouched position to be able to read your text fully. He kissed your shoulder when he did.
“I’ll be right back.” You whispered to which he nodded. You got up from his lap and moved to the kitchen, moving to call Kelly and sort out the details.
“Hello?”
+
Justin’s eyes followed your movements as you left to the kitchen, though certainly not missing the way Michael’s hollow eyes watched his every move. Michael, sitting slouched, didn’t even stop staring when he took a chug of his beer, the red of his healing bloody knuckles on full display.
Justin definitely understood what made Michael so scary on campus. What he couldn’t understand is why Y/N was with him. Sweet, innocent Y/N. Had you changed so much in three years that this is who you would fall for?
He could feel Michael radiate hostility but Michael remained quiet, simply choosing to observe Justin, which somehow seemed more terrifying.
When you came back into the room, Justin actively tried not to watch you. He kept his eyes on the tv with his only glimpse of you being your bottom half as you walked by him, your dress falling to just below your mid thigh. He couldn’t help but listen to his friend’s chiming voice as you spoke in a lower tone.
“I’m going to go to the library to finish up a project.” He couldn’t hear what Michael answered, if he even answered. But he heard you continue. “No, I might just walk. It’s still light out. I’ll call you when I’m heading back.”
Then, as if the afternoon didn’t already feel surreal enough, he saw you out of the corner of his eye, bend down and plant a kiss to Michael’s lips, one of your hands were on his abdomen, holding you up. It almost felt jarring to witness. Not only to see Michael allowing such a thing but to see the girl that had taken up much of his mind, and heart, in high school willingly put herself in that position with a man like Michael. It had taken him a while this afternoon just to put the pieces together and understand that Y/N was Michael’s girlfriend but to see it laid out in front of him was disturbing nonetheless.
When you straightened up again, you regarded the boys in front of you with the kind smile Justin knew so well. “I’m heading out, nice to see you guys again.” Though you didn’t really sound like you meant it.
Justin didn’t think his next actions through. All he was thinking was that it was an out. An out to leave this house that made him so uncomfortable and an out to not be in the same room as Michael without you to mend the tension.
So he stood up without much thought, “I’ll head out with you.” And as the words left his mouth, he wanted to take them back immediately. They came out wrong. He knew it and so did everyone else in the room, evidenced by the pausing of the video game and the multiple set of eyes on him.
You blinked up at him, processing what he said for a moment before he quickly added, “I mean, I left my phone back at Chris’ room so I was going to leave anyway. I was just thinking I’d give you some company.” That didn’t sound any better either.
But he trudged through the awkwardness of his phrasing by refusing to look at Michael. Justin had a feeling that would make everything a million times worse.
But you didn’t fail him, “Oh, sure.” You smiled warmly, looking back at Michael quickly before moving towards Justin and the door, “We can catch up on the way.”
Chris and Charlie were looking at him with wide eyes as he left, likely cursing him out in their heads for messing up any chance they had at being Michael’s friends. But as he followed his friend back out to the open world, outside of the dark and cramped house, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
+
You looked up at the tall blond boy beside you as you walked down the sidewalk that would lead back to campus. You were still in awe that he was there beside you, walking and talking to you after so long. Well, not so much talking. You think he was still up in his head about the situation.
“So did you really leave something in Chris’ dorm room?” You smiled knowingly up at him.
To which he let out a chuckle and lowered his head sheepishly, “No, I…I just had to get out of there.”
You nodded like you understood, which you did. You talked a lot when we were in high school and you knew his limits, what he was used to. “Yeah, I know that house can be a lot for some people.”
“It’s just cramped.”
You didn’t say it but that kind of bothered you. It wasn’t a mansion and while it wasn’t exactly nice, it was cozy and it felt like home. Michael made it feel like home. But you knew Justin couldn’t see it that way. He was the richest boy in high school, after all. And popular because of it. Though, looking back, you couldn’t think of a time where he had let that get to his head.
“So, you and Michael, huh?” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his khakis and looked over at you. His blue eyes clouding with worry.
Now, it was your turn to chuckle. “Yeah. It’s okay, a lot of people have the same reaction.”
“It’s just different, I guess. Have you heard his reputation at all?”
You got on the bus that would lead straight to the middle of campus at that point and found two seats right next to each other.
You nodded, “I guess. But Michael…Michael’s different from what you think. He can be sweet. You just have to get to know him.” You tried to tame the big loving smile that was threatening to explode at the thought of Michael, the version of him that you knew. You were well aware of how vicious and even cruel he could be, gaining him the rumors that constantly swirled around him and now even you. But he wasn’t like that with you.
“I heard he’s in a gang.” Justin whispered.
Your eyes shot up at him in alarm, “Of course he’s not.” Unfounded rumors like that did bother you, they whittled down all of Michael’s past struggles to be theatrical entertainment for those looking in, not to mentioned demonized him even further for no reason. Though they never really bothered Michael, you had too much respect both for him and for yourself to be okay with them.
“I just don’t think I expected him to be your type.” He explained, trying to diffuse the situation.
“Well he wasn’t, not at first.” You calmed down and instead bit your inner cheek, trying to decide whether you should let him in on your little secret. “Actually, you were my type. I had a huge crush on you in high school…”
“What?-”
“…Don’t worry, I’m over it now.” you quickly added in when you I felt him freeze behind you in surprise. It was embarrassing but it didn’t make much sense keeping it from him anymore.
“I had no idea.” His voice dripped with honesty. He pulled at the collar of his polo shirt.
You shrugged, “I made sure of that. I don’t know, you were just so nice to me even though you were so out of my league. You were rich, popular but so respectful and socially aware. Plus you weren’t a republican.” You laughed before looking down, “And I was the shy scholarship kid.”
It was obvious Justin was trying to think of what to say so you helped him out, “But you know three years of college really changes you. I’m a lot more outspoken now and I found a great boyfriend.”
Justin nodded, still seemingly shocked, “That’s great.” His voice was soft and, as you made eye contact, there was something more in his eyes that you couldn’t read.
But you didn’t have to think of it much because you got to our destination and you both made your way off the bus, onto the campus you loved so much.
“Okay, I guess I’ll see you around?” You were already moving back slowly, desperate to get to the library quickly so you could head back to Michael faster.
Justin nodded, not moving to go to the dorms, “Yeah, I’ll be here for two weeks or so.”
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You practically skipping when you reached Michael’s house again. The sun had set and part of you were upset at how long it had taken you in the library. But as you opened the door to Michael’s room and saw him laying on his bed, headphones on and wearing a black hoodie with only the tattoos on his hands peeking out, those feelings disappeared and were replaced with much more primal feelings.
Michael, slipping off his headphones gently, seemed to mirror your feelings because just a bending of his index finger in a ‘come here’ motion, was enough to have you closing the door behind you and nearly jumping onto him.
You were smiling but asked before anything else, “Ashton-?” You always felt bad he had to deal with you constantly at each other with only thin walls separating Michael’s room from his.
“He went to that frat party.” Michael muttered, uninterested. His eyes were instead trailing your body, figuring out which way was best to take off your dress.
You were on all fours as you crawled your way to him, stopping when you were in between his spread legs. “You should’ve gone.” Even if you didn’t love parties, they were still a big part of who he was, before dating you he would be at them drinking the night away every other day, and a part of you felt bad for taking them away from him, even if unintentionally.
But still, he couldn’t look like he care less when he reached over and pulled your dress up to uncover your ass, his hands trailing down the curve of you sensually before giving you a small spank that made you jump in surprise. “I have better things to do.”
Now that deserved a reward. Your hand rubbed over the noticeable bulge in his jeans. Michael’s hands undid his belt, the sight of that action almost making you want to moan right then and there. Your hands trailed up to undo the button and zipper. He eagerly pushed his hips up to help you take his jeans and boxers off.
His long and thick length stood out horizontally and you felt your mouth watering already at the thought of taking him in your mouth.
One of his hands took a hold of the gold necklace you were wearing, twisting it and pulling at it to force your face closer to his.“Are you gonna be a good girl for me?” 
When you first started having sex, you were shy and inexperienced. Words and talk like that would have had you shaking nervously. And while you would still likely react that way in public, with enough time with Michael and in the privacy of his room, you didn’t even blink when you answered.
“Always.” Your hand wrapped around him before you took his dick into your mouth. Michael groaned immediately and threw his head back, eyes closed. This only proved to spur you on. You took him as deep as you could, stopping only when his tip hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag and pull back.
But the vibrations only seemed to have him moaning louder and led to one of his hands to collect your hair and push himself back into your mouth. “Fuck that’s good, take it.”
You didn’t even notice when he had taken off his shirt and hoodie. His tattoos, which ranged from his fingers to his entire torso and neck were on full display and you felt yourself get wetter at the intricate ink that adorned his beautiful body. It was a contrast to your body that was completely bare of any tattoos.
Up until then, he was still controlled. When you looked up at him with the innocent eyes you knew drove him wild and moan against his length as you bobbed your head, his control snapped. There was something about you looking pure, especially in that angelic-looking white dress, at the same time you were doing something so dirty with him that sent him ablaze. Even more knowing that you were only like that for him.
Immediately, he tightened his grip on your hair with both hands, holding you in place. He thrust up into your mouth at a fast pace, fucking your mouth harshly. His groans increasing in volume. He thrust into your mouth deeply, your nose nearly touching his stomach, and kept himself there. Your throat closed tightly against him.
“Do you like that?” Your jaw hurt and you felt tears in your eyes as he pulled out enough for you to breath, his cock was messy with your spit. Then he continued, thrusting into your awaiting mouth and murmuring dirty nothings under his breath. You wanted to trail your hands down to your pussy to soothe the ache it had for him but you refrained. “Do you like me using your mouth like a dirty fucking slut?”
You moaned involuntarily. You needed him. You could feel yourself soaking through your panties. Michael gave a sharp tug at your hair and pulled you off of him. He tilted your head back painfully to lock his eyes with yours.
“Do you like being used like a toy?” His voice was cold and mean but it was a turn on. You nodded your head submissively and one of his hands reached down to your cheek, giving you a sharp slap. Enough for you to feel the sting and enough for it to feel good. “Open your mouth.”
You did what he said immediately. Your tongue poking out in anticipation. Michael leaned down before spitting into your mouth. You closed your eyes, moaning when you felt another slap at your cheek.
“Dirty whore.” Michael muttered under his breath before pinning you down to his bed, tearing your dress off as soon as hit the mattress and then doing the same to your bra and underwear.
Part of you wondered what had gotten into him. Being rough and kinky in bed isn’t something out of the ordinary for you two but he usually wasn’t like this out of no where. Not that you were complaining.
On all fours, you swayed your ass to him enticingly and looked behind you with a virginal smile, “Fuck me, daddy.” You said innocently.
He didn’t say anything as he flipped you over quickly and ran the head of his dick teasingly along your entrance, slapping it onto your pussy twice. A load moan of his name left your mouth when he finally entered you. He wasted no time in thrusting at a rough pace into you. Your moans were cut off and stuttered at the pleasure.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” One of Michael’s hands reached up to your throat and pressed tightly. The feeling of his inked hands around your throat amplified the pleasure. Your walls clenched around him. “No matter how many times I fuck you"
You saw his eyes be fixated on your breasts, the way they bounced up and down fully in pace with each of his thrusts. He leaned down and wrapped his warm mouth around one of tits, flicking and twirling his tongue around your nipple.
Your eyes closed involuntarily and your back arched in pleasure as he continued to slam his hips into yours. The only sounds in the room were the sound of skin slapping, your moans and his grunts.
“If only those boys could see you now, their innocent little classmate, so submissive and desperate for my cock, letting me fuck you like my bitch.” Michael’s voice was taunting and you could barely get your mind out of the haze of pleasure to question what he was talking about.
“But they’ll never see you like this. This is the only cock you’ll ever get, your first and your last. No one will ever be able to please you like I can. Do you think that blondie can make you feel this good?” You closed your eyes in pleasure, too far lost to even understand what he was saying, just shaking your head in answer. You were blushing like crazy at his words, which only served to make him thrust faster.
“Look at me.” He hissed and you did just when his thrusts’ vigor increased even more which left you whimpering and writhing underneath him. But still, you opened and kept your eyes on him, your mouth open as moans filtered out of you. “Tell me you’re mine.”  
Though your mouth was open, you couldn’t formulate words. But Michael’s hands on your throat pressed harder and his other hand slapped your cheek as a warning, “Tell me.”
“Y-Yours. I’m yours, Mikey. Only yours.” His mouth was on yours in a heated kiss while his pace never faltered as he pistoned in and out of you.
“That’s right.” Michael praised, “Mine.” Then he said something he had never said before. “I’m going to knock you up, get you nice and pregnant. Everyone would know then, that you’re fucking mine.” He almost sounded delirious with the prospect.
He didn’t mean it, he couldn’t mean it. Even if he did, you were on birth control. But you moaned loader just at the thought of his love for you reaching those lengths.
“You want that, little one? Want me to fill your tight little cunt with my cum?”
A chorus of “Yes, yes, yes” left your mouth, you couldn’t speak anymore than just repeating that. The thought of being pregnant with his child and the reminder of just how small you were compared to him was enough to put you on another planet.
“H-Harder.” You were shaking as he complied with your request, his thrusts moving faster and rougher into you. Your arms wrapped themselves around his torso and scratched at his back, desperate for a way to express the nearly overwhelming pleasure you felt. He hissed in pleasure at the pain, his body above you engulfed nearly your entire figure.
“Open” His rough voice commanded and you opened your mouth obediently. Moaning again as he spit into your awaiting tongue once again.
Your throat was starting to be raw with your screaming and begging to come. “Cum for me, princess.”
You clenched your walls as you came around his big cock and that seemed to be the only thing that took for him to release after you.
He released inside you, filling you and leaking out after he pulled out. “Such a good girl.”
He was still coming when he pulled out and ribbons of cum adorned your face, which you graciously accepted. Michael watched your face and groaned to himself when you licked some of his cum off that was at the corner of your mouth and swallowed.
His eyes were closed in pleasure for a moment before he released his grip on your throat. You didn’t doubt the image before of you, blushing and covered in his cum did wonders for his libido.  
He cleaned you up but you had a feeling it was just an excuse to be able to give you a passionate kiss. “You did great, baby girl. I love you.”
His praise made your heart swell. “I love you, too.”
Before you knew it, your kiss had gotten much more frenzied and his hand was trailing to your sore entrance. But you stopped before it could lead to a round two.
“I’m sore.” You mumbled before nuzzling into chest. His arms wrapped around your body protectively and kissed the top of your head, gently, so different from how rough he was just a few moments before.  
You looked up at him quizzically just to see that he was already looking at you. “So, are you going to tell me what that was about?”
Michael looked genuinely confused, “What do you mean?”
You rolled your eyes, moving up so you were at eye level with him. You ran your fingers through his soft black hair, noting how his eyes fluttered at the sensation. “You know what I mean. What wound you up so bad?”
“Nothing” But at your pointed look, he sighed in defeat and muttered, “Those little rich boys. The tall one, he’s into you and I couldn’t do shit about it.”
You sputtered, “Justin?! No way is he into me.” You shook your head, giggling as you leaned back to lay your head on his shoulder. “Actually, in high school, I was the one into him.”
You probably shouldn’t have said that. You knew it as soon as Michael’s eyes hardened and his body stiffened. “What?”
Shaking your head, you stuttered out, “But I got over that years ago, he’s just a friend.”
But Michael couldn’t let it go, “You liked him and he was in my fucking house? He left with you for fucks sakes Y/N.” He moved as if he was getting up and you placed a hand on his chest to stop him (only doing so because he let you, otherwise his strength would quickly overpower yours). If he were to go after Justin, there would be little you could do to stop him from beating him to a pulp.
You kissed him deeply to calm him down because you saw his eyes start to shut down. They started to look like the same eyes he had in public, the cold, angry ones. And you couldn’t let him go there, not with you.
“We were only with each other for a few minutes, we took the bus.” You reasoned with him.
Michael locked his jaw tightly but he was starting to calm down, “That bitch ass couldn’t even look at me but I was watching him. He kept looking at you like he knew you, like he knew you how I know you.”
He looked at you then, with a mocking smirk. “Like he knew how sweet and moral you are and that you shouldn’t be with your big bad boyfriend. Too bad he didn’t see you begging to have your mouth and pussy filled by your mean boyfriend’s cock. Or that he didn’t know I was the one that took your virginity,” He moaned at the memory, “What do you think he would say if he saw innocent little Y/N like that?”
You didn’t have to be looking at him to see the delight in his bright eyes and sneering smile. It was obvious he enjoyed corrupting you.
You whined at his words, embarrassed, as if you didn’t hear much worse things come out of his mouth when you were underneath him or even when he was in fights with others.
“Are you sure Ashton isn’t home?” You changed the topic.
“He’s out.” Michael repeated, “Why, did you want him to join?”
He was teasing you, you knew he was but you whined again, blushing (something you knew he loved) and shook your head no.
He chuckled, a warm and joking chuckle, “Good, because I’m not sharing you. Remember that.”
Michael settled you in between his legs comfortably, giving you his phone to busy yourself with games or take photos. He kissed the top of your head, that reached just to his chin. Meanwhile, he grabbed a cigarette and a lighter from his nightstand, placing the white stick in his mouth and lighting it. The scent overtook your senses uncomfortably. But you were used to it so you didn’t do much besides raising your hand jokingly, to ask for a puff.
But Michael, who never took those things as a joke, squeezed your thigh. “I don’t want you getting into the shit I’m into.” He said, “I want to keep you pure for me.”
Because as much as he loved corrupting you, he loved your innocence even more.
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so i think i’m going to make this into a two part series with each part having two stories involved. if that makes sense, let me know what you think!
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https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=726366980886527&id=128872377302660 My sponser Routes Hair Extension has spoken out because this deal Busienss owner who really does put her customers and client firsts. She sees ournpassions and really invests in my work. To Routes Hair Extension it is not about sales , she really fights for my rights and decided to after seeing first hand of what I really go through to ensure others with disabilities don't go through the pain that I put myself through inorder to be heard and show my skills,talent and experiences and education means something to me which I have always said "knowledge is power and I will leave a legacy of my stories on how my journey got others to do the same". I chose carefully who I work with and u couldn't very easily worked woth e vert company who offered to give me lots of free products and advertising but to me my image and my ethos means something . When I chose my Sponser and the designer rand clothes I did for a reason. My sponser is another role model, a strong female who has endured and gone through hurdles to get to where she is now a sucessfull business because she worked for it by herself and applied herself. For years I suffer with alopecia and lots my confidence because of others words 'she looks beautiful to she doesn't look beautiful because I lost my hair. Routes Hair Extensions gave me confidence back but I also learnt about my beauty is about appearances. It is about I feel and how i am going to channel that. So i learnt difference ways to look after myself and show it doesn't matter if I lost my hair n.a. d had bold patches I embrace myself gracefully, be presentable always , use my personality to internet and work on my goals THA to still had to achieve. I reminded myself at church God gave me another task to take on and was testing me on how I was going to be a better a person. Do I crumble and either away and lose myself ?and stop caring about myself? Do I give up on all my skills and knowledge that I have to get close to where I need to be? No! I go through the emotions as I do because I am human still and need to filter through the stages of emotions inorder to take the next stage of action... I then do what I always do look at myself in my mirror talk to myself, because I need guidance and for role model is the person in the mirror who I am.always xhasing after to be. The person in the mirror i tell myself , " for some who has done Pyschology, you really are don't see what are your doing, it is right in front of you" Once my emotions are out of the way, I say to myself from the mirror " only you can make the changes on what to do next, yes it's another obstacles, but you seem to be attracted to obstacles and what have you always done? I the say " I role the obstacle and never went through that every again bexause I changed and do something about it" The me in mirror says, "Well now you have a new obstacle to motivate you to not tell others go through it butnyou must go through it for that change to take effect. Your strong you always have been never forget your strengths" I then compose myself and get on with it! It is some as that it is the doing bit that takes time and who would've thought a 9 years girl has waited for her crown . I believe in myself and always keep my beliefs to myself until they come true . I am always thinking and finding ways to to do. If one wayndoesnt work I find another and another it may take months and years but I always knew I could make my goals come true and not by money or others but by myself by working. Winning a beauty pagent and being crowned Mrs British Empire for DisAbility Inclusion, if I can do it so can you. I just don't want you to go through the nightmare that I went through to get here that is why I am using these platforms to share my experiences and work with companies to educate them on how to make the changes they need and not be scared to not include people woth disabilities . We are all learning and lack of knowledge means we need to help another by giving them the knowledge you have. We often think everyone should still have basic common sense but it really is that if you don't spend time with aperosn in a wheelchair or have experience you just don't know but even the intelligent human being who is so sucessfuly and wealthy will have no knowledge of a person with disabilities in a wheelchair who also is educated and sucessful. Do I keep getting angry and fight woth them and keep crying and do I retreat back to my bedroom and never leave my accessible home where no one sees my qualities and strengths ? No! I wait to achieve my goals and go through the battle to get it and when i say battle it really is a battle a totrure wher i am degreded, dehumanizes, humilatated because i am not seen or treated as a human being , access is a night mare as soon as i leave my hime, people ignore me, i get pushed without being asked, i get hit, laughed, rejected, questioned about my " i shoyldnt be a mother becaue im in a wheelchair' 'i get people randomly come up to me and say ' I'd rather die than be like you" " that is a prison sentence you may aswell have died" " how can be a mother " " why are you happy and wear nice clothes when you r in that" " your embarrassment , your a baby for life in that pushchair " " I'll pray for you to be normal" " now that I met you I did my good deed for heaven" " why should you het special treatment with parking" " I can't walk like i used to and use sticks and struggle I should he that you got and live a life of luxury" " I'd loved to be pushed around" " "I understand what you go through I have a pushchair and suffer" " my pushchair is easy just likes yours" "I can relate I have pushchair and I struggle" can I just say a pushchair is NO comparasion to a wheelchair you choose to use a pushcahir for your child" "I should get on of these chairs and my arms will be strong and not flabby" " it must be a easy for you wheelchair so quick " " just wheel yourself on the ramp we had to make it for you you know" " we specially made the ramp for you it us all day" " we don't talk people like you" " how can you be a mum when your like that" These are just some of the comment so get on a daily basis and theme other it's is being ignored by not being able to get in shops, blocked dropped kerbs, wheelchair access toilets lack off and people using them woth no regards to people woth disabilities both disabled and disabled, absusing disabled bays. Then I communicate to the people on how I'm going to help them on how to make them better so they know what there doing to support disability inclsuion and how to talk to people with disabilities. I shouldn't have to do this as people should know but I have to as I am responsible to make sure it is done right as i have the knowledge, expeirences and skills to use. It is up to them to change or not but if they don't they are losing out not me because I see my world truly is limitless. All my possibilities are endless . For now I share another achievement I worked for so long to make a reality. A 9 year olds girls dream came true .... at 34 years of age a british born indian catholic mother becomes the first in a wheelchair wins UK pagent and breaks the barriers for DisAbility Inclusion with my daughter who is 11. I wanted to show my daughter that every achievements I made happen with my dau ghte represent she has seen what true beauty is and she has seen I have done it all in my wheelchair and when I was walking. She has seen and been part of the hardest challenges and we have survived and won. Everything I do is for my baby girl to know she is included everythibg my daughter has gine through for being different just like me I have shown and she believes she can be anything she wants and do anything and I proved to her it is possible because she will always have the power one can take it away from her now matter what you will go through and how many times you fall you will always have the power to your life. I have decided to speak out the truth and iver the weeks you read what I go through for the changes to take effect. It will upset companies and people but if I keep hiding everything in and not post my stories of discrimination society will never change. God put me on earth of for a reason and he has given me a purpose and I am now channelling every part of my life to do that. Eventually everything will be in my Book and I am happy my first book is completed by the end of year!!!!
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