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#it was 8 degrees this morning
kakusu-shipping · 2 months
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I forgot to sleep.
Anyway; Growing up running through a castle blissfully unaware of the seriousness of the war around you self ship Gabocha moodboard
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kohakhearts · 5 months
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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trivialbob · 1 year
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I have had little desire to post on Tumblr lately.
Bots and fake users defeated me. Instead of taking even a few moments to block the daily new ones, I remark happily to myself how many new followers I have. People like me!
Sheila cooked a porketta roast the other night. She didn’t even want any of it. The thing was as tasty as it was huge. I had my dad over for dinner and still ended up with a lot of leftovers.
All too often I eat my meals at the coffee table in the family room. With my dad here I took time to set the table, make a side dish, put some fruit in little bowls, and have a tiny bit of dessert. I even lined up silverware properly next to the plates like Downton Abbey.
Last night Sheila worked. I went to the brewery by myself with one dog and a newspaper. The crowd was light; just enough people that the atmosphere was fun, yet relatively quiet.
I like the employees. They don’t shout “Bob” when I walk in, but several know me enough that they don’t ask for my membership card (which gives me one free beer per day for life). It’s not like I’m there daily either. Credit for this goes to Sheila. She likes introducing herself by first name and asking bartenders their names. It’s friendly, not weird. She also tips well (and makes sure I do too).
For a brief moment at the brewery I thought I saw someone there holding a cigarette. She was probably just holding a pen. Before I realized what it really was, I had an icky deja vu like moment, thinking back to bars in my college years. I can’t believe how much second hand smoke I inhaled and how often I’d have to launder clothing and jackets. Nowadays bars and breweries don’t even  post no smoking signs; everyone just knows.
Like at home, I sat on a couch in front of a coffee table while I read the paper. When I was done I re-read the brewery’s copy of Goodnight Brew. A note on the title page says it’s a parody, with no authorization granted by the Goodnight Moon people.
When I was in Santa Fe I saw the parody Goodnight Lab (for the Los Alamos National Laboratory). I thought it was funny and got a copy for my son who lives out there.
It would be fun to make a series of Goodnight parody books. Goodnight Robber, Goodnight Zamboni Driver, Goodnight Pizza, Goodnight Stripper, Goodnight Forever Stamps...
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caracello · 1 year
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i t is so cold and miserable recently iknow puter is metal and would reasonably be terrible to cuddle with for warmth but like. pspsps come here puter
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anyone else perplexed that it's already september????
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sunsetcorvid · 2 years
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there has barely been a day in this damn state since the summer started where it is NOT 100 degrees fahrenheit outside gonna fucking explode
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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oh, also, idk if i said this on here, but im going on a trip to california in july!!
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reanimated-owl-moved · 3 months
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((also its so fucking cold my old ass car is having problems starting
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applejarjar · 1 year
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Damn, ppl do this waiting for a job offer thing all the time?
#Fucking sucks#I literally interviewed yesterday at 430pm and I'm already impatient#I also had the one thursday morning that I did which I found out I am currently the sole candidate for#Although I expect to see that change very soon because I learned that from another person in my program#Who is probably also going to apply though I'm not sure if she'd have much of an advantage over me ironically#Because she's vastly overqualified but it's also not in her degrees wheelhouse#And I'm also really hoping my travel partner is going to be given the chance to interview for the position#Because I think it'd suit them well and they didn't get a fair shot at it before even though they'd do great#Plus if I manage to get the other apparently exceedingly more competitive position I would get to work with either of them#And already know someone at the facility and even get to learn with them!!#It'd be a slightly different schedule though#Both days which everyone says is nice but I just don't like the idea of working a 6 am to 6 pm shift oof#The job where I'm currently the only candidate is an 8 am to 4 pm with the option to start and end earlier#The more flexible schedule definitely appeals to me#Also it's a supervisor job without ppl to supervise so that's closer to what I'm used to working with#But I joined this program to work on those ppl skills so I'm good with either position#I just think the less competitive one is really cool because it's unique and an interesting challenge#I know I sound like a baby but I also hope I won't have to do followup interviews#I've been so nervous this whole time trying to prepare and not flub it like I sorta did the first interview#But this last one was with one of the guys that I believe has a final say in who gets hired#So I hope his impression of me takes precedence over the external guy whose questions I kinda misinterpreted then fumbled through#I just really want to work in this facility and even if I don't land either of these jobs I'm going to apply to every damn job that pops up#Though I will be absolutely devestated if I don't get them first go#Cause technically I already lost one when they wouldn't even interview me#Which was understandable because my resume wasn't just a bit outdated after only 4 months but actually very bad and needed major work#Cause it made it seem like I was still in college and not a full time employee with a degree#I thought it just needed my current experience added but nah it required a huge overhaul to get it in working order again#So I feel like I really blew my chance there and was bummed that I couldn't even get a fighting chance by landing an interview#So when they let me interview for this one I was so excited! Like here's my chance!! And I think I did really well on the second one!#I'm just nervous that I'd mess up a followup interview or they'd end up telling me I wasnt a good enough fit
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apomaro-mellow · 8 months
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Steve gets the wrong number and starts texting an interesting guy. Steddie, modern au, no upside down
Steve had been feeling pretty good. He’d gone out, had a nice conversation with a girl at the bar and gotten her number. He didn’t feel sparks but she was nice and cute. They didn’t talk about anything too deep but when Steve had asked for her number she put it in and then left with her friends.
He tried not to be too desperate. But he wanted to let her know he was serious and that he would (eventually) be good boyfriend material. So a little before midnight, he shot a text to her to make sure she was alright.
[11:47] Hey this is Steve just making sure you got home okay 🙂
He had debated on the emoji but figured it was harmless and innocent in the end. He put his phone down and got ready for bed, expecting her to text back after a couple of minutes. Unless she didn’t get home safely. Steve tried not to think about that.
After changing his clothes and brushing his teeth he checked his phone. He lit up when he saw that Misty had replied.
(11:52) Sure did Steve-o (11:53) Thanks for your concern 🫡
Misty texted a little different from the way she talked. A bit more…well he wasn’t sure how to describe it. Misty seemed like a really straight-laced woman. She was in the process of getting her education degree.
Steve shot back another message, saying that he had a good time tonight and he really hoped to see her again. There it was. A clear intention. If she responded positively, he’d ask her out right then. But the reply didn’t come as quick as he wanted. When it got around 12:30, Steve finally called it a night. Misty had probably gone to sleep as well.
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[11:47] Hey this is Steve just making sure you got home okay 🙂
Eddie stared at the text he just received. He racked his brain for whoever Steve must be and what he had done all day today, wondering if he met someone but their name just slipped his mind.
But nope. He had spent this lovely Saturday at home, lounging around in his apartment on his day off. He hadn’t gone out. And he hadn’t met anyone named Steve. The message came when he was in the middle of making his near-midnight dinner of mac and cheese. Whoever this guy was, he was clearly checking in on someone.
Eddie looked at his surroundings. Decent place, a bit cramped but big enough for just him and for anyone who needed to crash on his couch. He had popped out earlier to get some cigs and he had in fact made it back safely.
(11:52) Sure did Steve-o (11:53) Thanks for your concern 🫡
And who said he didn’t have impulse control? He thought about it for at least two minutes before sending the message.
[11:55] I had a nice time tonight. Hope to see you again.
Eddie looked at the new text, his chewing slowing to a stop. This Steve guy had met someone, spent some time with them, and was now trying to set up another date. There were a few ways to go about this. For just a moment he considered what a rational person would do, just a moment though.
A rational person might’ve said right away ‘wrong number’ or ‘wires crossed’. But Eddie’s brain didn’t function on rationality. So even though Steve clearly meant to text someone else, Eddie thought of the best way to reply. It did take him a bit to send it, the macaroni was calling to him. But by 1, Eddie had sent something back.
(1:07) You saw me?  (1:09) From my apartment?  (1:10) Creepy
He went to bed, thinking he’d wake up to a very confused man and when morning came he wasn’t disappointed.
[8:13] What are you talking about? It’s Steve? From the bar?
Eddie checked his clock. It was ten in the morning. Who got up at eight on a Sunday? Eddie’s first thought was a church-goer. Those folks were early risers. But they didn’t frequent bars too much.
(10:29) Sorry man (10:30) I think you got the wrong number (10:30) I didn’t go to a bar last night.
Once he sent it, Eddie belatedly hoped the words weren’t too blunt. It couldn’t feel nice, getting a number error. But after a moment of thinking, he started coming around to the idea that maybe Steve wasn’t such a catch. People didn’t give wrong numbers after a good time. Maybe he actually was a creep.
[10:36] Oh. Well, I’m sorry to bother you.
Eddie rolled from his back onto his stomach. Curse his soft heart. He didn’t know anything about this man and somehow he felt sorry for him. But he wasn’t about to go gushing to a stranger. Who knows what kind of interactions Steve had with this mystery number? So instead, he went the typical Eddie route and tried to lighten the mood.
(10:38) Probably dodged a bullet (10:38) They could’ve been a serial killer (10:39) Or worse someone who jogs in the morning
He put that little dig there just to feel out Steve. If he wasn’t at church, maybe he was the kind to go and workout in the morning. In the middle of making his coffee, Eddie realized he was trying to learn about the dude and thought he might be courting danger. Then he heard a ‘ping!’ and any ideas of caution were thrown to the wind.
Leaning against the counter, the only sound was the percolating as he read what Steve had said.
[10:46] Okay confession. I did actually go for a jog this morning. Is that weird?
Eddie started to visualize this man and another alarm went off in his mind that he promptly shooed away.
(10:47) No not weird at all (10:47) It’s perfectly natural for an insane person (10:48) Didn’t you go drinking last night? (10:48) And then you went for a jog this morning? (10:49) You might just be more scary than a murderer (10:50) Scratch that (10:50) This seems like text book serial killer behavior (10:51) Bet this is how you scope out your targets
The coffee finished brewing and Eddie starting pouring it and it was only then he realized the wall he’d sent Steve accusing him of being a killer. It looked like texts from a crazy person. He looked crazy. His friends had complained more than once about him sending these streams of texts instead of keeping it all in one response. Steve was going to see that and leave him on read, or just block his number.
[10:57] Damn guess I better come up with a new tactic.
Eddie didn’t realize how hard he was smiling until he tried to drink and spilled hot coffee on himself. Alarms were ringing in his head again but he might as well be deaf.
Part 2
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nostalgebraist · 1 year
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Honestly I'm pretty tired of supporting nostalgebraist-autoresponder. Going to wind down the project some time before the end of this year.
Posting this mainly to get the idea out there, I guess.
This project has taken an immense amount of effort from me over the years, and still does, even when it's just in maintenance mode.
Today some mysterious system update (or something) made the model no longer fit on the GPU I normally use for it, despite all the same code and settings on my end.
This exact kind of thing happened once before this year, and I eventually figured it out, but I haven't figured this one out yet. This problem consumed several hours of what was meant to be a relaxing Sunday. Based on past experience, getting to the bottom of the issue would take many more hours.
My options in the short term are to
A. spend (even) more money per unit time, by renting a more powerful GPU to do the same damn thing I know the less powerful one can do (it was doing it this morning!), or
B. silently reduce the context window length by a large amount (and thus the "smartness" of the output, to some degree) to allow the model to fit on the old GPU.
Things like this happen all the time, behind the scenes.
I don't want to be doing this for another year, much less several years. I don't want to be doing it at all.
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In 2019 and 2020, it was fun to make a GPT-2 autoresponder bot.
[EDIT: I've seen several people misread the previous line and infer that nostalgebraist-autoresponder is still using GPT-2. She isn't, and hasn't been for a long time. Her latest model is a finetuned LLaMA-13B.]
Hardly anyone else was doing anything like it. I wasn't the most qualified person in the world to do it, and I didn't do the best possible job, but who cares? I learned a lot, and the really competent tech bros of 2019 were off doing something else.
And it was fun to watch the bot "pretend to be me" while interacting (mostly) with my actual group of tumblr mutuals.
In 2023, everyone and their grandmother is making some kind of "gen AI" app. They are helped along by a dizzying array of tools, cranked out by hyper-competent tech bros with apparently infinite reserves of free time.
There are so many of these tools and demos. Every week it seems like there are a hundred more; it feels like every day I wake up and am expected to be familiar with a hundred more vaguely nostalgebraist-autoresponder-shaped things.
And every one of them is vastly better-engineered than my own hacky efforts. They build on each other, and reap the accelerating returns.
I've tended to do everything first, ahead of the curve, in my own way. This is what I like doing. Going out into unexplored wilderness, not really knowing what I'm doing, without any maps.
Later, hundreds of others with go to the same place. They'll make maps, and share them. They'll go there again and again, learning to make the expeditions systematically. They'll make an optimized industrial process of it. Meanwhile, I'll be locked in to my own cottage-industry mode of production.
Being the first to do something means you end up eventually being the worst.
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I had a GPT chatbot in 2019, before GPT-3 existed. I don't think Huggingface Transformers existed, either. I used the primitive tools that were available at the time, and built on them in my own way. These days, it is almost trivial to do the things I did, much better, with standardized tools.
I had a denoising diffusion image generator in 2021, before DALLE-2 or Stable Diffusion or Huggingface Diffusers. I used the primitive tools that were available at the time, and built on them in my own way. These days, it is almost trivial to do the things I did, much better, with standardized tools.
Earlier this year, I was (probably) one the first people to finetune LLaMA. I manually strapped LoRA and 8-bit quantization onto the original codebase, figuring out everything the hard way. It was fun.
Just a few months later, and your grandmother is probably running LLaMA on her toaster as we speak. My homegrown methods look hopelessly antiquated. I think everyone's doing 4-bit quantization now?
(Are they? I can't keep track anymore -- the hyper-competent tech bros are too damn fast. A few months from now the thing will be probably be quantized to -1 bits, somehow. It'll be running in your phone's browser. And it'll be using RLHF, except no, it'll be using some successor to RLHF that everyone's hyping up at the time...)
"You have a GPT chatbot?" someone will ask me. "I assume you're using AutoLangGPTLayerPrompt?"
No, no, I'm not. I'm trying to debug obscure CUDA issues on a Sunday so my bot can carry on talking to a thousand strangers, every one of whom is asking it something like "PENIS PENIS PENIS."
Only I am capable of unplugging the blockage and giving the "PENIS PENIS PENIS" askers the responses they crave. ("Which is ... what, exactly?", one might justly wonder.) No one else would fully understand the nature of the bug. It is special to my own bizarre, antiquated, homegrown system.
I must have one of the longest-running GPT chatbots in existence, by now. Possibly the longest-running one?
I like doing new things. I like hacking through uncharted wilderness. The world of GPT chatbots has long since ceased to provide this kind of value to me.
I want to cede this ground to the LLaMA techbros and the prompt engineers. It is not my wilderness anymore.
I miss wilderness. Maybe I will find a new patch of it, in some new place, that no one cares about yet.
----
Even in 2023, there isn't really anything else out there quite like Frank. But there could be.
If you want to develop some sort of Frank-like thing, there has never been a better time than now. Everyone and their grandmother is doing it.
"But -- but how, exactly?"
Don't ask me. I don't know. This isn't my area anymore.
There has never been a better time to make a GPT chatbot -- for everyone except me, that is.
Ask the techbros, the prompt engineers, the grandmas running OpenChatGPT on their ironing boards. They are doing what I did, faster and easier and better, in their sleep. Ask them.
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harmoonix · 5 months
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𝓗 𝓐 𝓡 𝓜 𝓞 𝓝 𝓨
(Astrology Observations)
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~ Something like a dream has found me ~
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🌺 - Every element symbolize a mythical creature your rising sign is associated with
Earth Risings with Fairies 🌺 ~ Grace
Water Risings with Mermaids 🌺 ~ Rarity
Fire Risings with Dragons🌺 ~ Power
Air Risings with Angels 🌺 ~ Serenity
🌺 - Moon - Jupiter aspects (both harsh and positive aspects) have an inner wisdom, their energy feels like a vortex, very wise for their age
🌺 - Sun in Pisces, (Pisces Degrees 12°, 24° Or Sun in the 12th house) are attracted to mysticism, fantasies, fairytales etc... The Sun here has the energy of dreaming/dreamy
🌺 - Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio Risings = Heart of the ocean, they're untameable like the ocean waves, very innocent with dangerous shadows, very romantic like the ocean aswell
🌺 - Moon in water degrees (4°, 8°, 12°, 16°, 20°, 24°, 28°) love with their soul, their love is so precious and surrounded of peace. They have a calming inner harmony
🌺 - Rising/Ascendant under water degrees (4°, 8°, 12°, 16°, 20°, 24°, 28°) have the most peaceful eyes you'll ever seen, their eyes are so serene and magical, their eyes will get memorized in your head
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🌺 - Sun aspecting Chiron will heal your insecurities, like they can be the people to call out your insecurities and to help you overcome them
🌺 - Venus aspecting Neptune (Both harsh and positive aspect) = Hypnotizing beauty, both Venus and Neptune represent beauty and let me tell you when they're connecting eachother is like an explosion of cherry blossoms
🌺 - Chiron and Pisces/Chiron in 12th house can make you addicted of them, they are the type of people who are lonely or may like to stay alone but once you come up in their energy you can become addicted of them (Pisces effect)
🌺 - Capricorn Sun/Moon/Rising/Venus and Venus in the 10th house have ageless beauty, their beauty remains in time just like the old wine
🌺 - Asteroid Bella (695) in elements and your beauty
Bella touched by the air have an electric beauty, outstanding personality and they're very chatty in their words. They feel like the breeze of air in the morning, breath of life
Bella touched by the water have an mesmerizing beauty, appealing personality, something about them seems so magical and enchantix . Enchanting aura
Bella touched by the fire have an wild beauty, something that you'd feel in love when you see it, strong personality and wild at heart too
Bella touched by the earth have the gracious nature of a nymph, so feminine, so soft and elegant like a rose, natural beauty and classy vibes
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🌺 - Ascendant - Moon aspects (Both harsh and positive aspects) give snow white vibes and I don't mean the skin color, I mean the vibe and the energy of snow white, that pure and nostalgic aura of it, just like that are these aspects too, very kind, helpful, positive, dreamy.
🌺 - Out of all the signs Sagittarius and Pisces give the most tropical and exotic vibes they're like this friend of the group who's gonna teach you their traditions and culture
🌺 - Mercury in Cancer/Taurus/Pisces have very soft voices, their voice can be very feminine aswell no matter the gender for example boys with those signs in Mercury can have soft/sweet voices
🌺 - Part of Fortune in the 7th house are really blessed/fated with a very good relationship/marriage because the Part of Fortune shows where you're the most lucky
🌺 - Libra, Leo and Gemini Moons can be the type of friend who always has a prominent smell of parfume. It can be from their obsession with perfumes
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🌺 - Uranus aspecting the Midheaven (MC) can experience having unexpected moments in their career, on their career path or at their jobs (maybe as a surprise 🫢)
🌺 - Asteroid Hera [103] aspecting MC = Being seen as the loyal one in the relationship, the faithful one, the attention will be for you first
🌺 - Sun/Moon in the 5th house can make you very emotional and connected to kids, like that type of person who is always encouraged by kids
🌺 - Neptune and Jupiter in good aspects can make the native very spiritual/intuitive/ with these aspects you can often get lost in your dreams aswell
🌺 - Neptune aspecting the ascendant (both harsh and positive aspects) make the native stunning. They can literally look like some ocean/river nymph with those aspects
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🌺 - Uranus aspecting Mars > If you are from the lgbt community this can be an indicator of attracting the same gender. Especially men
🌺 - Sun in the 11th house have the cutest relationship ever with their friends. Is really very precious what they have with eachother
🌺 - Virgo Sun/Moon/Risings can nurture themselves with long baths, it can be a nurturing method to escape the reality and to focus on yourself for a bit
🌺 - Virgo Mercury or Mercury in Virgo Degrees (6°, 18°) can really bring any topic in conversation. Like jumping from one topic with another and at the end you can forget what you were talking about
🌺 - Sagittarius Moon/Moon in the 9th house give the vibe of Tarzan/Mowgli because of their explorer spirit (If you have this placement and you like these shows it makes more sense). Applying if you also have moon in Sag Degrees (9°, 21°)
🌺 - Cancer/Moon in the 7th house is such a cute placement to have if you're looking for a cute relationship or partner
🌺 - Gemini/Mercury in the 5th house can make the person very sensual in talking and especially at flirting. They can also talk dirty at some points
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🌺 - Aquarius Moon or Moon in Aquarius Degrees (11°. 23°) may like to stay alone/or to be left alone when they are in that type of mood, because they can feel way better alone than with people who stress them out
🌺 - Lilith h12 or h13 aspecting Moon can be the type of person who comforts you when you're low emotionally. Because they can understand you 100% perfectly
🌺 - Neptune aspecting the ascendant are really very sensitive/soft people. And there is nothing wrong with that. I actually think these type of people are the kindest people ever but they're born into a evil world who may hurt them at a soul level
🌺 - Saturn in the 4th house/Saturn in Cancer are the type of people to comfort you when you need to nurture yourself the most because even with all the chaos in their lives. They still have the most peaceful soul
🌺 - Moon in the 2nd house loves sweets, you can always see them sneaking to eat some, they're usually very picky when it comes to sweets tho
🌺 - Moon feels very chill at 3°, 15°, 27° degrees because it makes them be the most aware of the things that happen around them. They have a very strong sense of hearing aswell
🌺 - I wanna give a shout-out to the people with Cancer Lilith and Lilith in the 4th house because they were raised in toxic families/households and still manage to smile. They're so strong
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🦋 This post is about harmony, the thing that puts our world to challenge, because unfortunately not everyone can live in harmony but we can have this harmonious energy in our lives 🦋
🦋 Have a very beautiful day to everyone reading my observations, have a blessed day 🦋
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reiding-writing · 2 months
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sweet Spencer realizing he has feelings for cold!Reader? I'm obsessed
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OH NO. [ONESHOT]
/oʊ noʊ/
Spencer makes a (rather terrifying) revelation in relation to his ice-hearted coworker, who might not actually be all that ice-hearted.
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WARNINGS: fem!reader
spencer reid x cold!reader || fluff?? || 2.3k || series masterlist!
a/n: based on the fact that it was 1°C when i left my house yesterday and i was freezing
main masterlist!!
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Sometimes, Spencer Reid hated living in Virginia.
The temperature always felt colder than it did back in Vegas, no matter whether it was in the dead of winter or in the middle of summer, and for someone who didn’t have the best temperature regulation already, that just spelled extra issues for Spencer to deal with on top of everything else.
It was March for god’s sake, why was it only 40 degrees?
He walks into the office bundled up like a newborn baby, with a shirt, a vest, and a coat on, with a scarf wrapped tightly around his neck and knitted gloves on his hands.
He sits down in his desk chair with all the grace of an elephant trying to do ballet, the chair squeaking under his weight as he basically throws himself into it.
Morgan starts laughing almost immediately. “You look like you’ve just stepped out of Antarctica-”
“It’s cold,”
“It’s not that cold,”
“Those who have issues with temperature regulation are more susceptible to extreme temperature fluctuations when the weather changes,” Spencer rubs his hands together through his gloves in the hope that the kinetic energy will spread through his hands and warm the rest of his body.
“And let me guess, you’re one of those people?” Morgan raises his eyebrow with a smirk.
“Yes Morgan, I’m one of those people,” Spencer’s exasperated response is enough to send Morgan over the edge into laughter.
“Will you quiet down, it’s 8 in the morning for god’s sake,” Your arrival is announced with your usual snark, tiredness still lacing your tone as you walk around the two to reach your own desk opposite Spencer’s and pull a white beanie from your head to stuff it in the pocket of your coat.
“Sorry-”
“Not you Reid,” Despite the fact that you’re dismissing him as the recipient of your annoyance, it still sounds like you’re angry at him.
“Someone’s chipper this morning,” Morgan nudges Spencer like he’s speaking to him privately, but is raised enough that he knows you’ve heard it too. “You would’ve thought she’d be elated, she’s in her element now the temperature’s dropping,”
“I can hear you.” you scoff out your words as you unpack your bag on your desk.
“Oh I know, it’s more fun when you can hear me,” Morgan takes a sip from the mug in his hands with a smirk, leaning back in his chair once he’s decided you’d endured enough of his teasing for now.
You spend the next ten or so minutes in silence as everyone sets themselves up for the day. Everyone except Spencer evidently, who is still sat with all of his outerwear on despite the office being internally heated.
“Will you stop shaking?” Spencer turns his eyes away from his frozen hands at your question, although phrased more like an instruction under your usual tone. “I can see it in my peripheral vision and it’s distracting,”
“Oh um- I’m sorry,” Spencer clutched both of his hands tight together in an attempt to forcibly stop them from shaking.
“Don’t apologise, go make yourself a cup of coffee or something, those gloves aren’t doing anything to help you,”
“Right- Yeah,” Spencer takes your advice with a nod, standing up from his desk to practically run over to the kitchenette like your word was law.
“I know what you’re doing Ice Queen,” Morgan tilts his head knowingly at you as you watch Spencer scamper around the corner and out of sight, and you don’t turn your gaze towards him even after Spencer leaves your field of vision.
“I’m not doing anything,”
“You care about Reid’s well being,” He throws a balled up post-it note in your direction, hitting you in the side of your head and acting as an incentive to look in his direction, shooting daggers at the bridge of his nose. “You can’t hide it from me sweetheart, your icy façade is melting as we speak,”
“Whatever,” You roll your eyes as you stand up from your chair, exiting the conversation with a scoff as you walk around the bullpen and disappear into the unisex bathroom.
You still haven’t returned by the time Spencer walks back to his desk with a steaming mug of coffee cradled in both hands, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly at your empty desk chair as he took his seat.
“She just went to the bathroom genius she hasn’t disappeared off the face of the earth,” Morgan laughs in amusement at Spencer’s expression, staring at your chair like his gaze will magically will you into existence.
Then his vision goes dark, and he can hear Morgan’s laughter escalate. He’s not sure exactly what’s happening at first, but as his wind-chilled ears begin to warm and his eyelashes catch on something as he tries to open his eyes he realises that his vision has been physically obstructed by something.
He pulls up on the material covering his eyes, and like a magic trick, where your chair was empty before you are now sitting in it, head lowered to hide behind the screen of your computer monitor as Morgan continues to chortle at the two of you.
It’s a quick realisation that what was previously covering his eyes was a hat, specifically the white beanie that you’d walked into the office wearing this morning.
“What did I say?” Morgan gestures outwards with his hands like he’d proved some point to you that Spencer was clearly ignorant to.
“Shut your mouth or I’ll pull out all your teeth and do it for you,”
“Ooh I’m so scared, Reid protect me from this absolute monster,” Morgan presses his hand to his chest dramatically, leaning back in his chair with a smirk etched onto his face.
Spencer doesn’t so much as spare Morgan a glance at his comment, blankly staring in your direction as his brain computes what exactly had just happened. He was wearing your hat now? You’d put your hat on his head? You’d walked over, taken your hat, and physically put it on his head?
Under normal circumstances he’s sure he’d die of embarrassment at so much as the thought of having something that personally belonged to you in his possession, let alone be actually wearing something the belonged to you and invaded his olfactory neurons with your scent.
Yet here he was, so absolutely dumbfounded by your actions that he didn’t even have the mental capacity to be embarrassed.
“Reid,” Morgan nudges his shoulder, and Spencer turns to him with wide eyes and a half-absent expression.
“Huh?”
“Wow, look what you did to him, he’s completely shut down,” Morgan throws another balled up post-it in your direction, hitting you in the shoulder this time, and you bite your tongue as you turn your head up to look at the two boys across from you once more.
Your eyes are narrowed as you glare in Morgan’s direction, but he takes no notice of it whatsoever as he gestures towards Spencer with his head, smirking all the while.
Your gaze is substantially softer once your eyes flicker over to the boy sitting opposite you. The hat really seems to complete the whole ‘just stepped out of a blizzard’ look that Spencer’s outfit seemed to radiate, and the bright red of his cheeks seemed to amplify that look tenfold.
“Are you still cold?” You ask the question like you’re annoyed at him, and he takes it as your irritation from Morgan’s constant teasing bleeding into your speech rather than you genuinely being irked by him. After all, you had gone out of your way to help him warm up right? Then again that could’ve been because you just didn’t want to watch him shiver anymore. You did say it was distracting-
“Reid.” He turns his eyes up towards you as you speak his name with all the conviction of an aggrieved high school teacher.
“Yes? I mean- Not ‘yes’ I’m cold- ‘yes’ like I’m paying attention- You know- Uh-” You hold up a hand to stop Spencer from spinning into a spiral as he tries to elaborate on what his response meant.
“You’re not cold anymore?” You keep your eyes trained on him as you ask the question, emphasising it a way that indicated you wanted a straight answer from him and not some half baked explanation of why he was/wasn’t.
“No… Well, my hands are-” Spencer stops himself prematurely with a shake of his head. “No- No I’m not cold anymore, I’m okay now,”
“Your hands are still cold?”
Spencer nods, looking down at his hands sheepishly as if they've betrayed him.
You watch Spencer's hands for a moment before making a decision. With a resigned sigh, you reach into your coat pocket and pull out a small red hand warmer, holding it out over the divide between your desks to offer it to him without a word.
Spencer's eyes widen in surprise as he takes the hand warmer from you, a sinking feeling shooting through his chest as your fingers brush his. But it wasn’t the kind he’d grown accustomed to when speaking to you.
There wasn’t a shred of intimidation or lingering insecurity, it didn’t send a chill down his spine or make him feel the need to curl into himself, it instead left a strangely comfortable warmth in it’s wake, one that was quickly proving to be more useful at warming him up than the gel packet held between his fingertips.
It was a sensation he wasn’t sure he’d ever actually felt before, and his mind couldn’t make up whether it’s origin was the temperature difference in your hands as they brushed each other and the inherent warmth of your hand graced his, or whether it was an internal situation where your silent act of consideration was literally tricking his body into believing it was warmer just as a result of your actions.
Either way, he suddenly felt very warm.
He fumbles with the warmer for a second before tugging off his gloves and snapping the small disk to start the chemical reaction. "Thanks," he murmurs, his cheeks flushing slightly.
"Don't mention it," you reply, turning back to your computer screen with complete nonchalance in your tone.
Spencer nods softly at your response, rolling the packet between the palms of his hands as his eyes linger on your face even after you look away.
Spencer’s beginning to be increasingly distracted from his files by thoughts of you. Your hidden kindness, your wit, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, the way you chew on the end of your pen when you're concentrating, the way your nose scrunches up when you're deep in thought-
He realises, with a jolt, that he's falling for you.
It hits him like a ton of bricks, and for a moment, he's paralysed with a mix of astonishment and fear. How had he not noticed it before? He's never been good at relationships, maybe that’s why. He didn’t exactly know what constituted as real feelings for someone.
Morgan watches the exchange with a smirk, but there's something softer in his expression as he looks between the two of you, specifically towards the puddle of Spencer’s emotions showing all over his face. He clears his throat, breaking the momentary silence.
"Well, now that everyone's warm and cozy, shall we get to work?" he says, trying to inject some levity into the situation.
Spencer nods, already diving into the case file on his desk as a means of desperately trying to get the image of your face and the feeling of your fingers brushing against his hand out of his head. You follow suit, the warmth spreading through the bullpen as you all settle into your routine.
He tries to focus on the case at hand, but his mind keeps wandering back to you. He remembers the feeling of your hand brushing against his, the way his heart had fluttered in his chest at the contact. It's a feeling he can't quite shake, and he's not sure he wants to. That was the worst part.
Oh no.
899 notes · View notes
gyupinkys · 5 months
Text
LIKE CRAZY
PARK SEONGHWA X READER
WC: 7.4K
WARNINGS: MURDER, YANDERE, VIOLENCE, DOMESTIC ABUSE, GORE, KIDNAPPING, DRUGGING, SMUT, power imbalance, questionable morals, unprotected sex, rough sex, heavy talks of breeding, creampie, oral, guided masturbation, possessiveness, very inaccurate medical terms idk what i'm talking about, lots of dirty talk, seonghwa is actually crazy...
Synopsis: Park Seonghwa, 25, charged with 10 Counts of second degree murder, acquitted of all charges by reason of insanity. You find his story hard to believe, seeing through his lies. As a new psychiatrist you're not sure you're ready for the anomaly you're tasked to treat
A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the support!!! I love this fic <3
You love your job, you really do but moments like this make you question why you’re here. As you stand in the bathroom of your office cleaning the mashed potatoes your patient threw at you in a manic rage off your face, you question why you do this. As a psychiatrist you pride yourself in your patience, but you can't help but stomp your foot in a mini tantrum. You spent so long doing your makeup this morning and it’s all going to waste. You throw the final wipe in the trash and stare at your reflection. The bags under your eyes are much more prominent than a few days ago. You’ve been up all night trying to prepare yourself for your new patient coming today. Park Seonghwa, 25, acquitted of all charges by reason of insanity. He claims a “demon” took over his body, subsequently leading him to murdering 15 people across a 1 month killing spree. You don’t buy it. Something about this guy is off and the state made it your job to find out why. Your phone ringing snaps you out of your thoughts.
“Doctor L/N, the patient has arrived, we are transporting him to his room.”
“I’ll be right there.” 
You take a deep breath and walk across the hospital to his room. You expect to hear shuffling and yelling but the room is eerily quiet. The guards in front of the door step aside and let you into the room, keeping a close eye on Seonghwa. 
“Hello Mr.Park, I’m Dr. Y/N L/N, and I will be treating you for your stay here.” you smile at him., surprised by his appearance. 
“Hello, Y/N.” he says, staring up at you from his place on his bed.
His curly black hair and plump lips suit him so well. 
“I hope you adjust well, we’ve been anticipating your arrival. Breakfast begins at 8, so you are expected to be up and ready before then. Lunch is at 2 and dinner is at 7. Your therapy time with me is at 4 Mondays, Wednesday’s, and Fridays. Sounds good?”
“Sounds great” he says with a smile, showcasing his pearly white teeth. 
“I look forward to working with you. My job is to take care of you and I promise to do that.” you smile.
You take a second to look at him, watching the dead look in his eyes. His smile says one thing but his eyes say another. With one last smile you leave the room, almost certain he’ll be causing problems before the night is over. 
_________________________
You come in the next morning and check in with the nurses. Surprisingly there were no issues from Seonghwa, he even took his medication with no complaints. Maybe you had the wrong idea about him. You meet with several of your other patients, thankfully avoiding potatoes in your face again. It's 3pm when you take a break, looking outside your office window. You see him sitting at the edge of the courtyard, eyes fixed up at the sky. Four guards surround him out of precaution, but he seems completely unphased, eyes staring at the clear blue sky.  For someone capable of such evil things he’s beautiful. His curly hair has grown quite long during his time in prison awaiting his trial. His eyes are wide and bright holding so many secrets.  As if he can feel your eyes on him he looks up, directly into your office window somehow making eye contact with you. Your eyes widen and you quickly look away, pretending you weren't staring at him. It’s not uncommon for new patients to stick to themselves, often untrusting of the new environment. You can only hope Seonghwa will begin to trust you so you can treat him, if not you’re not sure what his future might hold.   
_________________________
He is brought to your office at 4 on the dot, accompanied by the four guards assigned to him. He looks rather scared, the new environment keeping him on his toes. You welcome  him with a wide smile that he doesn't return, instead staring straight at your shoes. 
“Hello, Seonghwa.” 
“Hi.” he responds quietly, reminding you of a scared child. You find it in your heart to feel sorry for him. 
“How are you adjusting?”
He shrugs in response, eyes still on the floor. 
“Can you look at me?”
He shakes his head no. 
“Ok, that's fine. I know it’s scary here, I’d also hate to be constantly monitored, but we just want to make sure you’re safe.”
He keeps quiet so you continue. 
“Tell me, do you like the food here?” 
No response. 
“I’ve only tried some of the patient food, well besides when it gets thrown at me. Last week Sandy with the weird haircut threw her potatoes right in my face, I looked like Ms.Doubtfire in that one scene.” you say with a laugh, gauging his reaction. He smirks but remains silent, you decide it might be best if you keep talking in hopes of making him comfortable. 
“I’ve only been working here for about 5 months. I can’t say I’m settled completely. Some patients don’t seem to like me very much, hence the mashed potatoes. But I don’t let that discourage me, I mean if I was in their shoes I wouldn’t want some random lady talking my ear off. Well, I guess that’s what I’m doing now, I’ll shut up.”
He looks up at you with a wide smile, showcasing his perfect teeth. “Don’t stop," he says gently.
“I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into here, I can talk for hours.” you say with a light laugh. 
His eyes widen a bit, he looks at you as if he’s psychoanalyzing you, the roles seemingly reversed. You squirm under his intense stare, deciding to just start talking. 
“How about this? If I tell you one thing about me, you tell me one thing about you?”
“Deal.” he says much quicker than you anticipate making you laugh. You hear his breath hitch, concerned you did something wrong. 
“Are you ok?” 
“I’m fine. Start talking.” 
“Ok, Ok. Hmmmm, Oh how about this, I haven’t finished paying off my student debt.”
“I could pay it off,” he says seriously. 
“I appreciate the offer, but I’m sure that violates many rules.”
“I’m not one to worry about rules.” he says with a smile, making your own fall. He quickly reacts, trying to soothe the situation. “That was a joke, I’m joking.” 
“Noted.” you say hesitantly. “Your turn.” 
“I miss my cat.” he says, sadly.
“You have a cat?” you ask in surprise. “I love cats, I have two.”
“Can I see?” he asks, scooching to the front of his seat, making the guards jump hold him back. 
“You guys can relax.” you say and they let go of him.
You grab your phone from your desk, missing the way his eyes drop to your ass. 
“They're named Brad and Chad. And yes I know those are weird names for cats.” you show him the pictures of your cats, seeing his body visibly relax. 
“What’s your cat's name?”  
“Matz.”
“Boy or girl?”
“Girl. I think my friend Hongjoong has her but I’m not sure.” 
“If you give me his last name I can try to find out for you.” you say with a smile.
He leans forward again in excitement. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course, I know It’ll give you peace of mind.”
“Kim, his last name is Kim.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Kim Hongjoong has Matz and says you raised a very disrespectful cat.” you say and slide into the chair across from him in the cafeteria. 
He looks a bit shocked at your presence but he gives you a wide smile when he registers what you said. 
“She was born like that, I had no part in her sassiness.” he laughs. 
“Did he say anything else?”
“He said,  “Don't forget to look at the sky.” and stopped responding after that so do with it as you will.”
“I really appreciate it.” he says and grabs your hand, making the security guards restrain him. 
“It’s ok, let him go.” you sigh, understanding the guard’s worry, but also feeling sympathetic for Seonghwa. 
“I’ll see you around, Seonghwa.”
“Call me Hwa.” he smiles. 
_________________________
Seonghwa has made great progress, now only being followed around by two guards as opposed to four. He’s been much more responsive with you and willing to let you into his mind, but he refuses to talk about the murders. Whenever you attempt to touch on the subject he locks up and asks to leave. You think he needs more time to accept and confront his past. You know prying too much will only erase his progress. You’ve learned so much about him and he’s learned so much about you. He’s so attentive to every word you speak, constantly bringing up small details you forgot you said. You’d be lying if you said it wasn't sweet. Today you decided to try group therapy with him, maybe if he sees someone else sharing he’d be inclined to share as well. You’re also hoping he’s able to make a friend here, since he expressed to you how lonely he’s been feeling. You can see the shock on his face when he walks into your office and see’s San sitting on the couch. He freezes in the threshold of your office, his face morphing into something you’ve never seen before. 
“Who is this?” he asks with venom.
“Hwa, this is San, he’ll be joining us today.”
“Why?”
“I think it’ll be a good change of pace. Now come on in and sit down.”
He slowly walks in, eyes never leaving San. 
“So, I was thinking of doing a joint session today. I think you two can be great friends and what better place to facilitate this friendship than here?”
“I’d rather be your friend, or more than friends if you’re interested.” San says with a smirk.
“San, don’t start.”
“If you show me your tits I’ll stop.”
“I will write you up.” you deadpan. 
He holds his hands up in defeat as you look over to Seonghwa. He’s sitting in his chair with a hard face and tense body. You want him to feel comfortable, understanding why he’s nervous. 
“Hwa, San also loves cats. Why don’t you tell him about Matz?”
“I have a cat named Matz” he whispers, eyes never leaving you.
“I used to have a cat but it died. I was thinking of getting a new one.” San says with a wide smile.
“What kind of cat is your favorite?” Seonghwa asks, seemingly interested. 
“I like cats that are nice and wet, even better if they're tight.” he says with a wide smile, showing off his dimples. “Can I take a look at your cat, Doctor?” 
Before you can respond San’s on the floor, face being beaten in by Seonghwa. 
“HOW ABOUT YOU TREAT HER WITH SOME FUCKING RESPECT.” he yells as his fist fly into San’s jaw. As the guards peel him off San and sedate him he’s staring straight at you, tears in his eyes. 
“I can’t sit here and let him talk to you like that.” he slurs as the sedative takes over his body. 
“Thank you, Hwa.” is the last thing he hears before everything fades to black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You did a real number on San.” you say with an awkward laugh at your next session,  trying to make him comfortable. He’s back with four guards after he broke San’s jaw two weeks ago.  He was placed in a higher security ward inorder to avoid more altercations.
“He deserved it.” he whispers with an eye roll.
“Maybe, but we don’t have to solve our problems with violence.”
“I do.”
“Well, If I upset you would you beat the shit out of me?” you ask, trying to prove your point but hoping he will say no.
He leans forward and looks directly into your eyes. “Y/N I will never hurt you. I swear on my life.” 
“That's good to hear” you say with a laugh. 
“Ok, let's begin. I want you to write three things you like here and three things you dislike. I want you to start seeing the good in the bad.”
“Not much to love in this shit hole.” he grumbles.
“Hey, At least the chicken tenders they serve on wednesdays are good.” you joke.
You hand him a piece of paper and a pen, your fingers brushing making you clear your throat. 
“Ok, go ahead.”
“You do it too.” he says with a smirk.
“How about I just write things I do like? ”
“Deal”
You write three things you like:
Chicken tenders 
The sunlight
Seonghwa
“Ok, you share first.” 
He clears his throat. 
“I like my doctor, I like the girl I meet on Monday’s, Wednesday, and Fridays, and I like Y/N.”
Your eyes widen and you can’t help but smile, feeling your cheeks tingle. “Well that's definitely something.” you say with a laugh watching his eyes light up. 
You read out your list and watch his smile widen when he hears his name. 
“Don’t let it go to your head.” you say with an eye roll.
“Oh baby, it already did.”
Your heart stops at the pet name, willing yourself to remain professional. He’s a goddamn serial killer you internally yell. 
“Ok, now read the things you don’t like.”
“I don’t like Tuesdays and Thursdays, I don’t like San, and I don’t like your boyfriend.”
You choke on the sip of water you were taking. 
“How do you know I have a boyfriend?”
“Your reaction just told me.” he says and you can see him becoming upset. 
“I don’t have a boyfriend, and frankly it’s none of your business.” you say, slightly annoyed. 
He gives you a look you’re never seen before. You hate to think it but he genuinely looks insane. You’re suddenly thankful for the guards in the room. 
“I think that’s enough for today.” you say. the guards picking him up and dragging him out of the room, his eyes never leaving yours.
You weren’t lying, you don’t have a boyfriend. Well, that’s because he doesn’t want you. All  Chris wants from you is sex, claiming he’s “too young for a relationship”
You wish you were strong enough to stick up for yourself but that’s exactly how he likes you, weak. 
As you sit at your desk you're puzzled by Seonghwa’s reaction. Sure, you've had patients crush on you in the past but they've never reacted like that when they found out about your partner. He looked almost… murderous? You write this in his file, concerned for both your safety and his. Maybe someone else should get assigned to him? No, that’ll only aggravate him more. You sigh, at a loss about this situation. 
_________________________
When you enter your office you see an envelope on the floor, presumably slid under your door. You pick it up and see it’s addressed to you.
You open it and pull out a letter.
“My dear Y/N, 
I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday. I guess I got jealous, knowing I can’t have you in the ways he has you. I can tell you guys aren’t in love. You deserve to be loved, in every sense of the word. I wish we met in different circumstances, I’d do anything to have you, to hold you, to love you. I’m sorry if I scared you. You’ve been nothing but perfect for me and I’ve done nothing but give you headaches. I’ll be better for you, I promise.
-Hwa”
Your heart softens. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you. You choose to ignore the parts where he confesses his love for you. That just complicates things. You decide to pay him a visit in his room. 
You walk to the other side of the hospital, rehearsing what you're going to say to him. You stop in your tracks outside his door, hearing moans and groans coming from the other side. Is he ok?  You press your ear to his door, only hearing more moans and whimpers. As you’re about to open it you hear him moan out your name. Oh. It doesn't take a genius to guess what he’s doing. It would be a lie if you said you weren't imagining his face right now. He’s already so pretty, he must look even better right before he comes. You bite the bullet and knock on his door.
“Hwa, can I come in?”
You hear shuffling and a meek “Come in.”
You open the door and pause. You expected him to stop but he’s sitting up on his bed with his back against the wall, cock in his hand. Your eyes stray from his face to his dick, hard and long. 
“Am I interrupting something?”
“No.”
“I’ll come back later.” 
“No.” he yells, making you stop in your tracks.
“Turn around.”
As if you were in a trance you turn around, eyes trained on his large hands wrapped around himself. 
“Can you come help me? It hurts so bad.” he whispers. “You’re my doctor aren’t you?” he smirks.
“No, this is wrong.”
“Then why are you still here? Why are your eyes on my cock rather than my face?”
“I-”
“Y/N, all I can think of when I close my eyes is you.” he says as he strokes his cock, looking into your eyes. “Your pretty eyes, your lips, your perfect fucking smile. You make it so hard to focus. I gotta come back here after every session to stroke my cock to you, I can’t help myself.”
You’re frozen in place, unsure if you’re even breathing. “Come wrap your hand around my cock, baby. Please?”
Your legs move before you can think this through, hesitantly wrapping your hand around him. He’s so big in your hands, you can only imagine how perfect he’d feel inside you. 
“I shouldn't be doing this.” you whisper to him. 
He wraps his hand around yours and guides you to begin stroking him, moaning at the sensation. “You aren’t doing anything wrong, just helping your patient.”
His breathing picks up as precum leaks from his tip onto your hand. “Baby, can I tell y-you something?”
“Yea.”
“I really wish it was your pretty little pussy wrapped around me right now.” he groans. “I’d treat you better than you could imagine, I’d have you addicted to this dick.”
“Hwa” 
“Shh, keep going. You're making me feel so good, beautiful.” he breathes out, throbbing in your hand.
“Do you do this to your other patients? Or am I special.”
“You’re special, Hwa. You know that.”
“Do you do this for that ungrateful bastard you call a boyfriend?”
You freeze, but he continues. 
“I know you don’t. If he treated you how you deserved you wouldn’t be here with me. I’d make you a queen Y/N, you don’t even have to love me back.”
You look at him in the eye, he looks fucking insane but you can’t find it in you to care. You crash your lips into his, feeling him suck in a deep breath before returning the same ferocity. The kiss is deep and nasty, nothing but tongue and teeth. You grip him harder and begin pumping him faster, desperate to see his face when you come. 
“I want you to come for me ok? I wanna see how pretty you look when you feel good.”
“Yes, yes, ok. I’m gonna come for you.”
You hear him let out one last whimper before he comes, his seed dripping down your hand. When he’s done you bring your hand up to his mouth, watching him lick his cum off your fingers. You feel yourself clench around nothing, but you know you’d have to handle your little issue at a later time. 
“So good for me, Hwa.” you smile, giving him one last peck before getting up. 
He’s laying on the bed, looking completely blissed out, a wide smile on his face. 
“I got the letter by the way. I guess flattery has gotten you pretty far.”
_________________________
You arrive home later than expected, getting caught up in some paperwork and losing track of time. When you arrive at your apartment you see none other than Chris waiting outside. 
“Where have you been?” he immediately spits, slurring his words, making you roll your eyes. 
“Why are you here?” you sigh, unlocking your door.
“What? I can’t come see you now?” he says, going to hug you, but you push him away, smelling the alcohol on his breath. 
“Thought you’d be more interested in seeing Irene.”
“Y/N, don’t be like that. You and I aren’t together.” he says, getting aggravated.
“Thank God.” you say under your breath, unsure where this confidence came from.
“Come again?”
“Nothing.”
“No. Fucking say it.” he says, getting in your face.
“Chris, just leave.”
“Youre fucking impossible, Y/N. I don’t know what you fucking want from me. You get mad when I fuck other bitches but you talk to me like this? You don’t deserve me.”
You can’t help but laugh, turning to walk into your bathroom, which makes him even more upset. 
“Whats so fucking funny?” he yells, grabbing your wrist a little too tight. 
“Don’t fucking touch me.” you spit, trying to pull your hand away, but unable to due to his tight grip. 
“You’re hurting me.” you cry as he tightens his grip and pulls you towards him. 
“Imagine how much you hurt me when you act like this? You’re a fucking bitch Y/N. Why are you acting like this? Are you fucking someone else is that it?” he’s getting angrier by the second, beginning to scare you.
“GET OFF OF ME.”
“ADMIT IT. YOU'RE WHORING YOURSELF OUT AREN’T YOU? “
You yank your hand from his grip, only to be greeted with a sharp slap across your face.
You look at him with wide eyes, shocked at his actions. He seems equally as shocked as he stares at his hand then you. 
“Sweetheart, I’m-”
“Get out before I call the cops.”
He rushes out, spewing bullshit apologies in his drunken state, but you’re having none of it. As soon as he leaves you begin to cry, the reality of what happened hitting you. You look down at your wrist, seeing his hand imprinted on your skin. You cry more, wondering how you got to this point.
_________________________
You tried your best to cover the small mark on your face, but the bruise on your hand was a no go. You just hoped the sleeves of your lab coat would cover the mark. You see multiple patients today, trying to keep up your usual happy persona but most likely failing. San is the only one who asked if you were ok, saying he “knows ways to make
You feel better.” Maybe Seonghwa needs to beat him up one more time so he can learn his lesson. Speaking og Seonghwa, you are nervous to face him after your encounter yesterday. You violated so many rules, if he were to snitch on you not only would you lose your job, but your license. You take a deep breath as the guards bring him into your office, two instead of four now due to good behavior.
He takes a seat but you’re not sure what to say. He frowns at the unusual silence, immediately asking what's wrong. 
“I’m fine, Hwa. Just having a shitty day.” you say while subconsciously rubbing your wrist, bringing attention to it. He shoots forward in his seat and grabs your arm, pulling back your sleeve and looking at your wrist. The guards immediately grab him, but you signal at them to stand down. 
“Did he do that?” Seonghwa asked, venom dripping from his voice. 
“He was drunk.” 
“That's not an excuse.”
“I know.” you sigh.
“That bastard doesn't deserve you. I hope he fucking dies.” Seonghwa spits. 
“Hwa, don’t say that.”
“I want to leave.”
You nod your head and the guards lead him back to his room. You decide to head home, hoping a night out with your friends will clear your mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seonghwa’s tells himself he’s doing this for you. Everything he does is for you. No one can lay a hand on his sweet girl and think they won't experience any consequences. He’ll be damned if this fucker lives another day. He watches Chris dance and kiss other women like nothings wrong, like he didn’t put his hands on you. Seonghwa can feel the rage flowing through his body, this is the feeling he gets right before he kills. He can’t wait to see the light leave Chris’ eyes tonight. He’s eternally grateful for Hongjoong finding this fucker for him, he knows he’ll avenge you tonight. 
He waits for him near his car, watching him fumble with his keys. 
“Excuse me.” 
Chris turns around and sees Seonghwa standing next to the car parked behind his own. 
“Yes?”
“I know this sounds weird, but I’m trying to dump my couch, but I can’t get it out of my apartment by myself. Can you help me?”
“Yea sure.” 
Seonghwa couldn't help but smile, knowing what was about to happen. As soon as the pair enter Hongjoong’s old apartment, Seonghwa wastes no time and stabs Chris in the chest, watching him crumble to the floor. 
“You think you can touch my dear, Y/N and get away with it? No one is going to hurt my girl.” he spits, rage consuming him. 
Chris doesn’t get a chance to respond as Seonghwa plunges the knife into his chest, repeatedly, aiming for his heart. 
“This is how my heart felt when I saw those bruises on her.” he spits, mutilating Chris’s body. 
When his body is nothing more than a pile of flesh and blood, Seonghwa stands, changing out of his soiled clothes and exiting the apartment, leaving Chris’s body to rot. 
He pushes through the crowds of the rowdy club, searching for you. He spots you dancing with your friends, looking carefree and happy, exactly as you should be. He smiles at the sight, falling more in love with you as the seconds pass. He wants to experience everything with you, he wants to marry you, have kids with you, die with you, and he will. He’ll make you his, he’ll fill you up with his seed and watch your body grow. He’ll keep you where no one can find you, make sure you’re his forever. 
He watches you search for one of your other friends from your spot at the bar, hoping you’d make eye contact with him. When your eyes meet his heart stops. He watches your eyes widen, and confusion grow on your face. You rub your eyes to make sure you’re seeing correctly and when you open them again he’s gone. 
He walks back to the asylum elated, happy he served you justice. He passes by the security who knows better to question him and the nurses who keep their heads down and mouths shut. There's nothing money can’t buy, and the hospital staff’s silence is definitely not one of them. He changes back into his patient attire and gets into bed as if nothing happened. 
_________________________
 You’re 100% losing your mind. Either that or Seonghwa was in the same club as you last night which is impossible. You've run through every scenario you could think of and you’ve concluded whatever you feel for him is becoming too strong. You’re considering transferring him to another doctor, the guilt you have from what happened two days ago is sitting on you. That was completely unprofessional and foolish, your risked so much because you’re too fucking horny. Not only that but you took advantage of him, you're in a position of power, you should've said no. You know you wouldn't be able to treat and diagnose him properly. But you also know he’d throw a fit if he gets assigned to a new doctor. This is all too much for you to handle.
Your thoughts are interrupted by someone barging into your office. You look up and see Seonghwa, eyes widening. 
“Hwa? Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you.”
“Where are the guards?”
“Don’t worry about that.” he says and locks your office door, worrying you a bit.
“Seonghwa, you’ll get in trouble if they find out you’re here.”
“They won’t find out if you don’t tell.” he says with a smile, walking to your desk. 
“Why did you need to see me?”
“I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday. It wasn’t my place to react like that, and I know you were probably already stressed, I shouldn’t have added to that.”
“It's ok, don’t worry.”
“No, it’s not Ok. I keep saying I'll treat you right but I haven't. Let me make it up to you.”
You smile at how much he cares when it should be the other way around. 
“And how are you going to make it up?” you say with a light laugh.
“Let me eat you out.”
Your eyes widen. 
“Hwa. What happened was a one time thing. We can’t keep doing this.”
“Why?
“You know why.”
“I won’t tell anyone. No one needs to know, Baby. I love you, why would I jeopardize you?” he says, getting on his knees next to your desk chair.
“What if someone sees?”
“I’ll take care of them. With the way I’m about to have you, no one but me gets to see you.”
Your breath quickens. No way you're actually contemplating this. You watch as he turns your chair towards him and places his hands on your thighs.
“What do you say, Sweet girl?”
You nod hesitantly. He smiles up at you spreading your legs and running his hands up your skirt. He flips it up and looks at your pink panties, sucking in a deep breath. 
“Just like I imagined.”
He puts his legs on your shoulder and pulls your hips to his face, running his nose along your inner thigh. He’s breathing heavily, his grip on you tightening. He licks a long stipe up your slit over your panties, teasing you. Your hands fly to his soft curls, pulling him closer. 
“Please don’t tease”  you whisper.
He begins to kiss your cunt, practically making out with it. He’s so sloppy with it, soaking your already soaked panties more. He pulls off your panties with his teeth, shoving them in his pocket before pulling you flush to his lips. He goes straight for your clit, sucking harshly. He's moaning into your cunt, lapping at your pussy like it's the last he’lll ever eat.
“So good, Baby. You taste so fucking goof. The best I’ve ever had.”
He runs two fingers through you, wetting them before easing them inside. 
“Fucking hell, you’re gonna be the death of me.”
You can only moan in response, trying to control your volume.
“Tell me how it feels.”
“It’s so good, Hwa. Feels so good.”
“Is it better than that fucker Chris?”
“Yes, so much better.” you moan out, not having enough brain power to question how he knows chris. All you can focus on is his soft tongue running through you and his fingers hitting all the spots you need. 
Your back arches as you feel your orgasm coming. “Give it to me baby. I deserve it,I’ve been so good to you.” he speaks into your cunt, his fingers never stopping. 
You look down into his wide eyes and see so much emotion in them. He’s so fucking pretty, just the thought that this is the man eating you out makes you let go. Grabbing his hair harshly and somehow pulling him closer as you soak his face. He keeps sucking and licking your clit, slowing the pace of his fingers. When it gets too much you yank his head back, out of breath. 
“Fuck, Hwa. That definitely made it up to me.” you laugh, blissed out.
“I’m glad.” he laughs, licking his fingers clean before standing up and kissing you.
“I can make you feel even better.” he smiles, testing his luck. 
“Nice try. Can I have my panties back?”
“No can do.” he smiles, kissing you one more time before backing up, helping you put your clothes back in place. 
“I’ll see you four, Love.” he says with a wide smile.
“Actually, I need to cancel our session, something came up.” you say solemnly watching his smile drop. All the guilt from before it you once again. You can’t keep doing this. He’s you patient for fucks sake, you can’t fuck him. This is wrong on so many levels.  
“So when am I going to see you instead?”
“I’ll let you know.” you say with a frown.
“Oh, Ok. Have a nice night, Y/N.”
“You too, Hwa.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seonghwa can feel something's off. He thought after he ate you out you’d realize you feel the same way about him. But he could tell it had the opposite effect. He tries to sleep but all that's on his mind is you. He looks at the clock on the wall, it's well past 4am, you should definitely be gone. He gets up and opens his door, seeing the guard on night duty fast asleep. He walks to your office and uses the master key he stole from the janitor to unlock the door. He walks over to your desk and scans the papers littering it. He sees a printed out email from your supervisor, listing reports made about you from other patients. Other patients claim you show him favoritism? He knows San was behind this. They claim patient reports you write for him are much more detailed and that's somehow proof of favoritism? You eating lunch with him is somehow inappropriate? He laughs at this, they really have no idea how inappropriate your relationship has gotten. He continues reading, Your supervisor claims he’s showing no improvement and has requested a new doctor for him. He can feel the anger coursing through his veins but he wills himself. He’ll be damned if they try to take you away from him. His months of planning will not go to waste. He’ll live out all his dreams with you, there's no way he won’t. 
He walks out of your office, filled with rage. He can’t believe this. He can only imagine how crushed you are. He knows you love him, even if you don’t know it. He knows you’re probably at home distraught. He owes it to you to make sure you two remain together forever.
He goes back to his room, but he still can’t sleep. He stares at the ceiling, imagining your pretty face in an attempt to calm his spirit. He’s rudely interrupted by his door opening. He looks at the clock and sees it's somehow 8am. Time flies so fast when you're on his mind. In walks another doctor he’s seen around the hospital. There's no way this happened so quickly. He can’t believe this. He sees the man speaking to him but he’s not hearing anything besides the ringing in his ears. 
“I want Y/N to be my doctor.”
“Unfortunately, she can’t. She hasn’t been making much progress with you. We're hoping a more experienced doctor like myself can help you more than she can.”
He looks at him blankly. He feels himself slipping away. His hands clench and reach under his pillow, grasping his knife as the doctor reads from his clipboard. He won’t let someone speak about you like this. He won’t let them take you away from him. He grabs the doctor's hair and slits his throat, sawing through the man's blood vessels until he falls limp. A guard runs in and attempts to wrestle the knife out of his hands but he overpowers him, plunging the knife into his chest repeatedly. Seonghwa’s fuled by blind rage, no one will stop him from avenging your honor. How dare they speak of you like this as he kills the fourth and final guard to come in. He hears alarms blaring in the distance and looks at the clock. It's 9:05 am, he can feel you on your way to him.
_________________________
The blaring of the alarms push you to run faster, entering the high security section of the hospital. The commotion from down the hall gets louder as you approach his room. You come to a halt as you see a stream of blood running down the hall, coming from beyond his door. A loud thud from inside his room breaks you from your trance,  you push open the door, seeing the bodies of guards surrounding his bed.   
“Hwa” you gasp, eyes trained on the battered bodies. “What did you do?” you breathe out, finally looking up at him. 
He looks up at you from across the room, eyes wide and bloodshot. 
“What did I do?” He laughs maniacally. “Y/N, This is your fault. I did this because of you.” he says as he begins to approach you. 
“THEY TRIED TO KEEP ME FROM YOU!” He yells. “You were supposed to take care of me. YOU PROMISED!” He traps you against the wall next to the door. “Isn’t that your job? Nurse me back to my right state of mind? Figure out what's wrong with me? But you didn’t do that. No,no, no you just made me fall in love with you, you made me want you! So don’t act like this is my fault.” he says as he lightly drags the knife across your throat.
“No ones going to keep me away from you, my love.” he whispers into your ear. He leans over and locks the door before looking back at you.
“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”
“No.” you answer with full confidence.
He smiles at you, but it's not the same smile your Seonghwa gives you. You don’t know who this is. 
"I want my Hwa back, I don;t like you like this.”
“I am your Hwa, Baby. I did this for you Y/N. Don’t you see how much I love you?” he says, dropping the knife and kissing down your neck. 
“I know, Hwa.” you sigh heavily, feeling his cock hardening against your stomach. 
“Say you love me too. I know you do.”
Do you love him? Can you love someone who’d do this? The longer you stay quiet the more upset he gets. “It's ok baby. I’ll love you enough for the both of us.” he sighs. “One day you’ll realize how much you love me.”
He runs his hands down your body, squeezing your ass. He flips you around, pressing your chest to the wall. 
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard, Y/N. I’ll be all you think about for the rest of your life.”
He shoves your pants down and rips your panties off you, rubbing his fingers through you. “Fucking hell, you’re a filthy fucking liar. You do like me like this, look how wet you are.” he says bringing his soaking fingers in front of your face. Your breath quickens, seeing evidence of how wet you are.
“Just fuck me, Hwa.” you groan.
He pulls out his hard cock and rubs his tip through you. “I’ll make you mine, Y/N. You’ll let me cum in you right? Own this pussy”
“Yes, Hwa. Please.”
He lines himself up and slides in slowly, gripping your hips tightly at the sensation. 
“F-fuck, Baby. You feel so good, the best I’ve ever had.” he moans out. He fills you up completely, stretching you so painfully but not nicely. You savor the pain, it reminds you of  how taboo this is, how much you deserve to feel pain. Youre letting this psychopath fuck you in a room full of bodies, your colleagues blood on your body doing nothing but turning you on. You deserve to feel pain, but he turns that pain into pleasure with the first thrust. It’s like your pussy was made for him, you fit together perfectly. You can feel him in your stomach, so deep inside you, you can feel yourselves becoming one. He picks up his pace, thrusting into you harshly. 
“I’ve dreamt of this for so long. I’ve fucked my fist imagining it was this pussy. You couldn't even imagine all the nasty things I’d do to you, Bbay. I’d hurt you so bad but you’d love it, you’d beg me for more. B-beg me to make you mine.”
He pulls out quickly and flips you around, hiking you up the wall. You wrap your legs around his waist as he slides back in, fucking into you while staring into your eyes. 
“I need to see that pretty face when I breed you. I have everything planned out for us, Y/N. There's a beautiful house waiting for you, so many rooms to fill up with our beautiful babies. I know you’d be a great mother, my perfect little housewife.”
He picks up his pace, feeling you clenching around him, but desperate to come together. 
“I’d keep you full of my seed all the time, my love. You’d always feel me dripping out of you, I’d keep you nice and round with my babies for as long as I can. You want that don’t you? You wanna be my slutty little cum dump?”
You can barely answer him, let alone breathe. He’s hitting it so deep, you feel like your on another planet. You look down into his eyes and nod, mesmerized by his beautiful brown eyes. You’d let him do anything he wanted if it meant you felt like this forever. 
“Cum for me, my love. I’m going to fill you up so nicely, ok?”
You let go, clamping down on his cock and hearing his deep groan. His warm cum fills you up to the brim, leaking out of you, despite the vice-like grip your cunt has on him.
“So fucking tight and warm, baby” he blabbers, shallowly thrusting his seed back into you. He pulls you in for a kiss by your neck, claiming your mouth as his own. You pull back for air, giving him a blissed out smile. The words he so badly wants to hear hang on your tongue but you can’t give it to him yet. 
“I know, baby. You don’t have to say it, I already know.” he whispers against your lips and sets you down. 
He helps you fix your clothes and begins to pull you out of the hospital. As you see the chaos ensuing, the reality of the situation hits you. 
“Hwa, where are you taking me?”
“Hongjoong is outside we gotta go before the cops come.”
“Wait, what?” you pull back from him, stopping him in his tracks.
“Y/N, now's not the time.” he growls.
“Tell me what's going on.”
“You really think I was going to stay in this shit hole forever? Y/N, I’m not fucking crazy, I killed those people on purpose. The only reason I’m not rotting in jail is because I paid off the judge. I was planning my escape from the moment I got here but I only stayed this long because of you. So let's go.”
His words break you from your trance. This man is actually insane. You begin backing away from him but he gets visibly upset. “Y/N, don’t try this shit with me. You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”
The dim lighting of the hallway and red lights from the alarms make him look sinister. For the first time you feel afraid of him. 
“I don’t want to go with you, Seonghwa.”
He looks at you blankly before grabbing you harshly. “
“I didn’t want to do it this way, Y/N. I wanted us to be happy, but if I have to force you to want me, so be it. He pulls out the sedative he took from one of the guards and pulls off the cap with his teeth. “You’ll be mine forever Y/N. That baby growing in your belly is proof enough.” 
He sticks the syringe into your neck, releasing the chemicals into your body. You feel the drugs immediately kick in, falling limp in his hold. 
“Hwa, please don’t.” you whimper.
He caresses your face with a pout. “Don’t worry, Baby. You’ll love me eventually, I’ll make sure of it.” 
He flashes you a wide, beautiful smile before everything fades to black.
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specterseen · 2 years
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i was gonna start my ceramics work early but there’s a first year using my work table soo wanna send me more things to reply to in the meantime? or come chat?
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oval3000 · 6 months
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Chapter 4
Yandere Psych Patient König x Nurse reader
Warning: Possesive, Obsession, Death, Gore, Blood, Smut, Toxic behavior, age gap. Assault.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
-------------------------------------------------------
"I don't like this," Jacob rubbed his for head, giving a few scratches. His hand on his hip with a slump posture. His eyes were giving out with annoyance and tiredness, not from the labor work, but from the system.
The fellow nurse could give an eye roll after seeing what was happening. "Anything to save some money, right?"
Mr. Miller ordered that half of the guards on the fifth floor would go to other floors to cover other shifts of guards that quit and who were..laid off. Those 20,000 thousand dollars couldn't come out from thin air as to what Mr. Miller thought it would, so it was the only option, to send some guards home.
Meaning that other guards from other floors had to move around and, unfortunately, your floor was affected by this.
The two guards that were on König, left as well as four others.
Things have now changed, your safety may now be a risk. But to to be quite honest with you, your safety is nothing to be worried about.
You did your morning rounds, assisted where there is needed. During their lunch, you heard the main phone ring from the floor. Jacob picked it up, "this is Jacob. Yes, sir. Okay...yeah...no problem." He hung up the phone taking a deep breath. He walked behind you and tapped on your shoulder. You turned your head away from the computer, "Mr. Miller wants to see you in his office."
You felt a big tull on your stomach. You were nervous. He never called you in his office before and with everything that is going on, you could only imagine worse.
Is he going to fire you?
You can't loose this job, the pay is good. You can't pack and move again to find something better.
You headed down to his office in a bit of a hurry, you didn't want to miss their lunch round check ups. You knocked on the brown wooden door with his name ingraved on a gold platter.
"Come in." You entered into his office and saw him sitting as his usual chair, writing whatever he is writing on a piece of paper. He stood up, fixing his suit. Mr. Miller, about the age of 50. Still has a grown set of hair only it's shown to have some grey strand hairs peaking through. 6 feet 3 inches maybe. Looks a bit fit, lackes muscles though. His light beard with a few grey strands of hair that follows the shape of his long jawline.
You saw photos that are in his office. Paintings of mountains and oceans. You saw his degree in psychology and business on a sharp, dark, brown, frame hanged up on the cream wall.
"Is there something wrong, sir?" You questioned standing behind the two chairs aligned perfectly in front of his desk. You hoped that he doesn't fire you. You can't hit rock bottom. Not now after everything.
"No, I just wanted to check up on you. I also wanted to apologize for the way I reacted towards you during the Gabriel incident. It was really unprofessional of me to do so. You were just doing your job, I'm sorry." He creeped in closer to you. You felt uncomfortable, a bad vibe coming off from him. He placed his hand on your shoulder, gripping it lightly. "If you need anything, my office is always open for you."
You swallowed the little bit of saliva, taking a step away from him, but it only brought him closer to you.
You panicked. You looked around to see if anyone, anyone at all can see, but nothing. The door is shut, the window blinds are closed. "It's okay sir, I should get going."
You turned around to walk away, but you felt his hands on your arm, pulling away in. "You look adorable playing hard to get"
Your eyes widen. You felt absolute frozen. "Sir. Let go of me!" He dragged you in front of his desk. The movement was so sudden, you couldn't say anything. "Please sir."
He gripped your shoulders tight that you couldn't move. You felt his body pressed against you. You felt his hips pushing in deeper. You couldn't help, but to let tears fall from your eyes. You felt so frozen that you hated yourself. This couldn't be happening to you.
You honestly wished he called you in to fire you. His body completely compressed to yours making you bend over on his desk. His hands roamed your body. His cold hands went inside your scrub shirt. You shook at his touch with fear. "No!Please! Stop!"
"You feel so good " he cupped your breast, pulling under your bra to get a better touch. Eventually his one hand left one of your breast and it landed on your ass. You heard the sound of his belt unbuckling and his zipper being pulled down. He gripped onto your scrub pants and pulled them down, including your underwear, showing your naked vagina. "Fuck. I should've fucked you along time ago."
"Please! Please! Stop! Let go of me!" You cried out, feeling his finger pressed on your area.
A beeping sound came from his phone, "Sir, you have a call coming in. It's from the CEO."
"You gotta be fucking kidding me." He finally let go. He yanked your body closer to him. He cupped your face with his hand. You felt his disgusting breath near your mouth. "If you tell anyone about this. I'll ruin your fucking life. You got that."
You nodded as he aggressively let go, making you fall a bit on his desk. You felt so humiliated while pulling up your scrub pants and fixing your bra. You were about to walk out when he said, "Oh and make sure no one sees you like that. Get yourself fixed."
You didn't bother turning to him. You walked about quickly and ignoring the staff by not making eye contact. You pressed the button for the elevator, which felt like an eternity to arrive. Never felt like hours waiting for the elevator. Thankfully, no one was there, it was just you. You pressed on the fifth floor button.
You wanted to vomit. You scrunched your face as the tears fell down your cheeks. You covered your mouth trying hard to cover your sobs. Even though you are alone in the elevator, you felt embarrassed. You took deep breaths as it was reaching near the floor. You wiped away as much tears as you can. Even so you know your eyes and nose are red and puffy.
You avoided eye contact with everyone. You prayed that no one will come up to you ask why Mr. Miller called you down to his office. You grabbed the medical cart with the things you need and quickly went to each patients room, the last one being Königs.
You jiggle the kids, the guards left for you, to open his door. You swang the door a bit open and back inside his room. You grabbed the tray with his medication and placed it down on top of the cart. König watched you. He knew something was wrong.
You raised your head up, feeling the tears forming again. You hated yourself for not stopping the tears from coming out. Not now. Not when you are doing your job.
But you couldn't help it. You covered your face as tears were running down your face. You didn't want to cry in front of a patient, nevertheless, König.
He quickly got up and took your arm to pull you closer to him. He sat back down on his bed with his legs spread a bit to let you in closer to him. He couldn't see your face, which was still buried in your hands. If you could see his eyes, the look he's giving you. The same look he gave to the people he wanted to kill, to his enemies in the battle field. "What happened, schatz?" his thick accent was hard and impactful. You uncovered your face to see him, for him to see you. He saw the tears, the redness in your eyes.
The sympathetic look he gave you made those tears flowing again. Being comfort is not something you're use to. Your always dealing with everything by yourself.
He palmed your cheek, wiping your tears away. You shook your head lightly. You can't tell him. He's your patient. You can't tell your patient is a psychiatric hospital that you were almost raped by your boss. "Bitte tell me."
"H-he....touched me." You stared away, but his other palm touched your cheek, making you to look at him.
You saw the stare he gave you. Filled with sympathy and anger. "He. Touched. You."
You nodded. "He trapped me in his office. He was going to rape me. If he didn't get that phone call, he would've-." Your words turned into sobs.
He got up and pulled you into a tight hug. Your head was buried into his chest, letting out your quiet sobs.
He held you tight and close. His hand rubbing your back while the other was petting your head. "Shhh..it's okay, schatz. It's okay."
He turned his head towards the slight, opened, door. His way to freedom. Your freedom.
Away from this. From every assholes that's here. Away from everyone else.
"Mein liebling. Mach dir keine Sorgen. Ich werde ihn töten. Ich werde jeden töten, der dir wehtut. (My darling. don't worry. ill kill him. I'll kill anyone that hurts you.) " he gripped you tight. He doesn't want to let you go. He wants you to be attached to him. For you to share everything of his. "Mine," he whispered. "All mine."
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